Doug Loves Movies - Jon Hamm, Rich Sommer, Josh Malina, and 10 More Compete
Episode Date: December 17, 2013The 12 Guests Of Xmas is here! The fourth annual event features previous champ Graham Elwood, but first year's winner Scott Aukerman is in the hunt as well, along with more of your favorite p...layers!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50 ads and popcorn kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves Christmas and Hanukkah movies and marijuana.
People who give them marijuana!
Silent night, silent night, silent holy night.
Hee hee hee hee!
Hee hee hee hee!
Hee hee hee hee! Holy shit, the elves are scurrying around.
Hey, everybody!
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
We love movies!
That was a more half-assed one.
I thought there'd be more enthusiasm and timing on that one,
but you just never know with these things.
It's probably a slightly different crowd,
because we're here tonight one whole hour later,
and you also had to buy your tickets quite rapidly.
It was like a radio giveaway,
where the first number of callers...
It's Tuesday, December 17th.
2 O's is 13.
And this is the third
annual 12 Guests of Christmas
coming to you
as always
from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles.
I had a great idea yesterday.
It doesn't necessarily pertain to you guys,
but next December,
I'm going to do a 12 Guests of Christmas
in New York City
because there's lots of great guests there
that I could pile onto one show
and slap that name on it.
It's called building a franchise, you guys.
Thank you to Hearted Firm and Oats for the
live rendition
of the theme song.
You know, with Christmas
Eve and New Year's Eve falling on Tuesdays
this year, this is the last
weekly UCB episode
of Two Oceans and Thirteen.
But be sure to
come to and or listen to the shows coming up
on December 23rd at Cinefamily
in LA, where we will not only
do an episode of Doug Lowe's movies,
that will be followed
for the same admission price
by a Benson movie interruption
of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Which is what I call it.
And then
also there's going to be
a Doug Loves Movies at the Punchline in Sacramento
on Monday, December 30th.
And if you're in San Francisco on New Year's Eve,
come see me and Doug Loves Movies' favorites,
Pete Holmes, Bert Kreischer, Hannibal Buress,
Moshe Kasher, and Rory Scovel,
all doing stand-up together in one show
at the Knob Hill Masonic Temple.
Yeah, we should be playing in a temple.
And if you haven't written your shithead on the back of your name tag tonight,
please do it now, because there's going to be a shit ton of shitheads at the end of this thing.
And I don't want to have to go...
If it's not written on the back of yours, you just don't get to name one.
I have to be strict.
Because we're going to be running against the clock.
This show, it's 8.13 Pacific Standard Time.
This show needs to be over by 11.
Good luck, everybody!
Oh, and from the corrections department,
Cuba Gooding Jr. does not
fly in Red Tails.
That's what someone told me.
So I don't know if that's true or not.
But that's what the corrections department
is saying.
I put in the prize bag only one item
for me this week.
And it is the copy of Gateway
Doug.
And the rest of the items we're going to pile in here
as we meet the players.
While we play the game, let's get to this.
Please welcome the 13 guests of Christmas.
Scott Aukerman, Graham Elwood, Allison Hayslip,
John Hamm, Chris Hardwick, Sam Levine,
Josh Molina,
Kate Micucci, Greg Proops, Mike Furman,
Kevin Pollack, Sean Sacame, and Rich Sommer! I just realized this is like
hard cast-a-thon, but we just get it over with quicker.
Just fucking
get it done.
Woo!
Extra bows from the film actor.
National treasure.
Here's what we're going to do, you guys.
This is going to be... Most of you have played in the previous years.
That's how I start the booking for these,
is asking people to come back.
And then we have a few extra spots
and then apparently Rich Summer
was just hanging out and didn't have anything to do.
He was wandering the streets of Hollywood.
Yeah, so we got
super lucky. I told
him, I don't think he believes me, but I really thought
this very afternoon, I should ask that guy
to come on tonight. And I thought
how could he possibly not have
plans?
It's a safe bet.
So yeah, try to,
as the show goes on, we've only got three mics for all
the guests, so try to use your microphone voice.
Don't waste any good jokes on
these people sitting in front of us.
And we've got a podcast to make,
you guys.
And this is going to be single elimination.
We're going to just go through the line playing the Leonard Maltin game.
And when you miss or when someone challenges you and you miss
or you challenge someone and they get it right,
and you're out for the rest of the show,
you're welcome to hang out and have some beers
or whatever else it is you do, whatever Chris Hardwick does.
He can do that.
Make plans.
He's just going to be back there making plans.
I actually have to eat dinner.
He's got his dinner.
He's got his Chipotle with him.
My prize will be whatever I don't finish.
Oh, whatever he doesn't finish,
he's going to put in the prize bag.
Chris, are you going to do Talking Doug after this?
Yes.
And it will get inexplicably
high ratings.
Keyword
inexplicably... No, okay.
So to kick us off here,
to go first, and we're just going to go down the line.
We're going to go, you know, clockwise
I guess you'd call it.
And we're going to start clockwise from the audience's point of view
or clockwise from the artist's point of view.
Wouldn't it be the same thing?
Whichever one I am, my point of view.
Just go around this way.
Fine.
It'll go like this.
So Charlie Callis. just go around this way fine it'll go like this but we're gonna start okay so so far we have a winner for the oldest reference it's gonna be the oldest person
it's gonna be hard to top hard to top film actor's Charlie Callis riff. Good luck, everybody.
Scott Aukerman won recently.
Just like Fibber McGee and Molly did
back in the 20s.
All right, I'm going to have to give it to you.
Yeah!
Scott is now the leader in that game,
and now that you've started it,
I'm sure Greg Proops is going to finish it at some point.
That reminds me of a Stephen Foster song I heard
when I was young.
How'd that go?
I dream of Ackerman with
the light brown wiener.
What happened to my wiener?
Roasted
in an accident.
Roasted like
Jeffrey Ross?
Yes.
Yeah, your wiener got burned.
It was cheated brutally
by a series of bone mows.
Bone mows.
That might be
the oldest reference
of the night.
All right, so, and Sam the Mam, Levine, a.k.a. Little Wolverine,
is also a recent champion.
So I had the idea of having a coin toss,
but I have not brought a coin with me
because I am so generous to the homeless.
And there's so many of them on this block. I mean, those people
eating at La Pubelle, they're homeless, right?
I just throw my change on their table as I walk
by. But if someone, does anyone from the audience
or, oh, Greg has one. Greg has a coin.
There you go. So it's going to be between
Sam and Scott to determine.
Scott, you can call it. Oh, what a gentleman.
Thank you. What a little gentleman!
Yeah, okay.
Both of you are playing some passive-aggressive
bullshit. Mine was not
passive nor aggressive. It was very sweet.
Yeah.
Especially when you describe it as such.
It's not sweet now.
It totally was. Here we go.
Scott, call it. Yep.
In the air. Oh, okay.
Oh, I call it out?
Okay, heads.
Tails.
Oh, man.
Tails.
Yeah, that's karma, motherfucker.
It's practically like you won the whole game already.
So Sam is going to go first,
and then we're going to mosey on over to Mike Furman and Chris Hardwick.
So counterclockwise.
That way. I made the gesture.
That way.
I don't know how to...
Yeah, that's definitely counterclockwise.
My clock goes this way.
One way to go around a circle.
Oh, you're right. That is counter.
Now that I'm seeing the clocks.
Some beautiful mind shit going on
with Doug right now.
I wish the clock we had in here
wasn't digital, man.
I would have figured that shit out a lot faster.
Alright, so we're going to go clockwise.
Alright.
No, I'm kidding. I want to keep it counter because that makes sense to me. figure that shit out a lot faster. Alright, so we're going to go clockwise. Alright, so...
No, I'm kidding. I want to keep it counter
because that makes sense to me.
That's all that matters.
Which are we doing?
We're going counterclockwise.
I still don't know the difference.
It's as it's been told to me.
We're going to go counterclockwise.
It's not as long as it gets the 420, right, Doug?
Twice a day!
I don't get it.
Wait a minute, I don't get the 420 thing.
What is that?
I should have said that into the mic.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, a lot of jokes get lost on this episode.
It just happens. Blah, blah, Yeah, a lot of jokes get lost on this episode. It just happens.
Blah, blah, blah, 420!
But I figured more mics would be more of a problem.
I'd rather lose jokes than have everyone all talking at once.
But Chris is enjoying his Chipotle.
And Sam, what did you bring for us for the prize bag today?
I brought some film posters, features I have nothing to do with.
Yes, I can tell you what they are.
Can you tell us which ones?
One is a slightly
water-damaged Independence Day.
But it's the good one.
It's the one with the ship over the Empire State Building,
real ominous.
God, do you remember how great you thought
that movie was when you were 14?
That's just me.
It's still great. Okay, okay.
And then the other one I think is a
Disney feature called
The Road to El Dorado.
It's not a poster.
It's like a limited edition.
It's got a certificate of authenticity and everything.
Like a limited edition print
from the movie. That's so valuable you couldn't wait to get rid of it.
I think I've had that in my possession
since the movie opened.
Whenever that was.
Oh, and before we go
even further, I should have done this already.
Let's get the
name tag selection.
Oh, boy.
Audience, please
reveal your name tags.
And every single panelist go pick a name tag that you want to play for
I hope there's more name tags
Than there are guests
Uh oh some of Chris's food is on the floor
Kevin Pollack
Josh Molina wants a Jew
Scott Aukerman went for some cupcakes.
And while they finish up getting their name tags,
we'll do some commercial messages.
One commercial message.
We'll be right back.
This is Jon Hamm.
There are no commercials in this podcast,
comma, Merry Christmas.
Sam Levine?
Yes, sir?
Have you seen any movies lately?
Yeah, I saw two classic horror movies from the 80s.
I saw Dead and Buried and Maniac.
Yep, that's about right.
Sounds like three movies.
That's about right.
Dead, Buried, Maniac.
Maniac, yep.
And do you like those movies? Maniac's cool. Yeah. I was never a fan of Dead and Buried. Yeah, Buried, Maniac. Maniac. Yep. And do you like those movies?
Maniac's cool.
Yeah.
I was never a fan of Dead and Buried.
Yeah, I know.
It seemed like it might be good and it wasn't.
No, it is not.
All right.
And do you have anything to plug?
We're going to get the plugs over with because when you lose, you're out of here and we don't
want to hear your sob story.
It just posted today, but the chat show that I do with Mr. Kevin Pollack in the front row,
also known as Kevin Pollack's Chat Show.
Round of applause, please.
There you go.
We just
had two-time
Academy Award winner Tom Hanks on the show
this past Sunday. It posted
online today.
Did someone boo Tom Hanks?
When are you guys
going to get the real catch, Stephen Baldwin?
When are you going to
talk to him on there? That's a Kevin question.
Kevin, you had a ball with that guy on the set of
Usual Suspects? As soon as Jesus is
done with him. Oh, okay.
Fair enough.
Alright, Sam, we got all that out of the way.
Yep. And now...
Where did I put my phone?
Uh-oh.
I'm sitting on it.
Somebody steal Doug's phone?
No, I got it.
Okay.
I used the Find a Phone app and realized I was sitting on it.
Nobody gets to pick a category.
I just throw them at you.
Great.
Yeah, move this thing along.
I figured out how to streamline it.
Okay.
I'll take it came from within.
Celebrating a birthday today, the great Eugene Levy.
It's his birthday today.
Love him.
So this is the films of Eugene Levy.
I'll take it came from within.
This particular one is from 2011.
And two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin.
He says the main character in this movie is childlike.
And he also says that the movie is occasionally funny and warm.
And he
lists
a whopping seven names.
Wow. Yeah.
And one of those may or may not be
Eugene Levy. Noted.
How many names do you think you can get it in, Sam?
I'm going to say seven.
Alright, he starts off with a strong bid of seven names.
Now we go to Mike Furman.
Who are you playing for, Mike?
I am playing for...
I say the name on the card.
Is that the idea?
Venkman?
Pete Venkman.
Can I point out how this is the worst thing for me to have chosen
because I will not be focusing on anything except this.
This is the most awesome thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
It is fantastic.
It's like one of those...
It's a proton pack.
It's one of those ghost fighters.
For the people listening at home,
it's a playing card.
What are you doing with this?
It looks unique.
Mike Furman, simpleton.
Wow.
And there's room to put more little pictures on it.
So the name of the person you're playing for is Pete.
And have you brought a prize for the prize bag?
I have brought a prize for the prize bag.
Can I put this on your dinner table for a second, please?
It's just an unlicensed nuclear
accelerator.
Well, switch me on.
I brought
a download of my
Ablum, and
that is a figurine from the World of Warcraft
from the Blizzard Studios.
That is a Deathling.
Pretty awesome little Deathling for Christmas. Somebody's going That is a deathling. Pretty awesome little deathling for Christmas.
Somebody's going home with a deathling.
Thank you.
It's going to be a good bag.
What have you been up to, buddy?
You got any plugs?
I have been working on some,
I want to say,
it's not kids' music.
It's kind of in the vein of kids' music,
but it is more for parents
to listen to music with their kids without going crazy.
It is a project I'm calling Songs to Sing at Children.
So that will be coming out sometime soon.
Start Googling that, you guys.
Make it a reality.
Kickstart it.
Get it to happen.
And have you seen any movies lately?
Yes. get it to happen and have you seen any movies lately yes and the one that is
leaping to mind
is I saw Pacific Rim
which I don't know
if everybody else liked
but
when I walked in tonight
you were like
Pacific Rim
yeah
like you were very excited
about it
we can make every
question about Pacific Rim
I love that movie
for some reason
yeah it's fun
yeah
I'm alone
alright
good
okay Mike Sam says seven names what do you think about that you want to ask him to name it or are you going to Yeah. I'm alone. All right. Good. Okay, Mike.
Sam says seven names.
What do you think about that?
Do you want to ask him to name it,
or are you going to knock some names off of there?
I will say six names for a Eugene Levy movie in 2011.
Fair enough.
Chris Hardwick is here, everybody.
Hello.
I'm sorry, Hadid.
I have not eaten all day.
I was starving, so I apologize.
No, it wasn't like you were chewing into the microphone or anything. I wasn't.
I did not chew into the microphone.
I know the podcast audiences do not tolerate such insolence.
Yeah, I found out during a food podcast.
So who are you playing for, Chris?
I'm guessing the guy's name is Mark.
He's got this WTF thing.
This poster that's just like,
I'm going to attack you,
but it's because I'm insecure on the inside.
That's all it is.
Fuck it, man.
Fuck it.
I'm someone they should just let smoke.
Meow.
I asked Mark to be here this evening,
but he's too busy making the next season
of his TV program.
Yeah, so good for that asshole. Yeah, so I guess, is your name Mark? Is that why? Yeah, so I'm playing, Mark to be here this evening, but he's too busy making the next season of his TV program.
Good for that asshole.
Is your name Mark?
I'm playing for Mark, who has created a Mark Maron WTF poster.
What did you bring us for the prize bag?
The leftover Chipotle, or did you eat it all?
No, I didn't leave it in Chipotle.
I left it in my...
There's leftover Chipotle. Yeah, there's some chips left over.
We had that discussion.
You valeted your car, and it's stuck in the car.
I valeted my car.
Well, you kind of have to.
Thanks, after show.
You have to in this neighborhood.
I did a show here for seven years.
I did not valet my car once.
I've never done it either, and I've been here for 18 years.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
I don't... the Jews are applauding then.
I parked in the ghetto near a dude named Kanang.
It was hectic, for reals.
I didn't know either of you guys had cars.
You know what, good for you.
It's one of the perks of the business.
What do you have? A Mercedes?
I sell an automobile.
Tell us about it.
Did you valet it?
I actually lucked out
and found a parking spot
that a guy,
you know,
a guy got in his car
and I waited for it
and then he like sat there
for two or three minutes
and I was like,
well,
is he going anywhere?
Yeah.
No, he sat there long enough that I got out of my car
and went and knocked on his window
and was like, are you leaving?
He's like, yeah, hold on a second, I'm tweeting.
I am not joking.
I'm tweeting.
That's an interesting word for masturbating.
And then you just see his tweet.
It's like, this fucking bitch is knocking on my window.
Whatever, I got a spot.
So the prize that I brought, which is in the
car, and I will get it before the end of the show,
is a really cool Watchmen messenger
bag. So it's like a...
I just described what it is. I'm about to re-describe it
and reverse the order of the words. It's a messenger
bag that has Watchmen print on it.
Why don't you just have one of your lackeys
go get it for you out of your
valet car? I already sent one to
Chipotle.
Only one air at night for his lackeys.
Cadbury the butler, go get it, Richie Rich.
Cadbury.
Oh, Casper the ghost is dead, Richie Rich.
Think about it.
For the record, we're all very, very fond of each other.
What are your plugs, Chris, besides
At Midnight returning on Comedy Central
at midnight
on Monday, January
6th.
I'm going to be on on the 7th.
Yeah, you are going to be on this. You've been an excellent
referring guest.
Yeah, At Midnight
and the Nerds podcast and I guess Talking
Dead comes back February 9th, I think.
So, those things.
Being on Talking Dead
was my favorite thing
I've ever done.
I so wanted to tweet
the day after
the Breaking Bad finale
like, good news!
Talking Bad got picked up
for a second season!
But I know that the internet
is generally humorless
and I would have been like,
I was kidding, I was kidding,
stop being mad.
So I didn't.
Do you have a chance for talking Saul?
Talking Better Call Saul is a weird ring to it.
It'd be Saul Good Talk, Talk to Who,
Game of Thrones Versations,
Mad Mentions.
Like, there's a whole, we could just do them all day.
Could do them all day.
Last movie that you saw, sir?
My girlfriend Chloe and I watched
the Linda Lovelace movie last night
on Netflix. Oh, and then you probably made love
all night after watching
what she went through.
It's pretty sexy stuff.
Yeah, I got the
best sadness boner. It turns out my clit
is located in my sadness.
Thank you.
No, we watched it.
We watched Lovelace.
And it was a fun movie,
but it definitely felt like a movie
that when they were making it,
it just sort of felt like everyone was kind of going like,
this is going to get so nominated.
And then, so it felt like it had,
it felt very, you know,
it just wasn't,
it didn't pay off as well
as I'd want it to,
but it was still a fun movie.
It was still a fun movie.
All right.
Yeah.
I believe that woman
was very unhappy
about being in that world,
but,
you know,
her misery
is someone else's fun.
Yeah,
yeah,
really not a lot of laughs.
How many names
do you think you can get this in
if you can even remember
what we're talking about? I know, we're talking
about the 2011 Eugene Levy movie, and
Eugene Levy!
I think I could probably do
Who was that?
Fucking way Eugene. That was Eugene Levy, Scott!
I'm Eugene Levy! I'm right behind you right now!
All I hear is Chris Hardwick.
Hey, it's my buddy Chris. What's up?
I'm going to do my Chris Hardwick impression.
Hey, Scott, what's going on?
It's me, Eugene Levy.
Yeah, Chris, both times.
Don't turn around.
Don't need to.
Chris Hardwick.
No, he's getting closer.
He's getting closer.
Eugene.
That sounds like it.
I think it's a good impression.
Hold your cupcakes, Scott.
That's not bad.
Hey, guys.
It's me, Chris, again.
How many names do you think you can get it in, Chris?
I will say five.
I will say five.
I'll just go down the line and play the game properly.
I will say five.
Strong, smart bid.
Kate McHughie's here, you guys.
A.K.A. Oates.
What's up?
Oates.
What's going on, Kate?
Oh, not much.
I have this poster.
Do you want me to say who it is?
Yeah, who's that you're paying for?
Is your name Bud?
Tim.
Tim.
Oh, okay.
So I just thought because I said, hey, Bud.
Fast Tim's at Ridgemont High.
I didn't read it.
Hey, that's pretty good, Tim.
It does also say, hey, Bud, let's party on it.
So you did read some of it.
I don't know about that.
Is your name Party?
For me, I'm Eugene Levy.
Hey, Scott.
I think if Scott really met Eugene Levy,
he would think it was an imposter.
You're my friend Chris Hardwick, aren't you?
Nope.
What'd you bring for the bag, Kate?
Oh, I brought two Garfunkel Notes CDs,
and I made a little drawing,
and I brought a red and green Garfunkel Notes later for Christmas, and buttons.
It says on it the little, what'd you call it?
I don't know, it's just drawing on a little...
Yeah, but it's, you know, it's hangable.
It's ready to hang.
And it says on the back
of those movies,
Christmas 2013
and Kate Micucci.
And you wrote,
I hung up the mistletoe
and now I'm just waiting.
And it's a girl
just waiting.
Just waiting.
It's really...
It's the saddest thing
I've seen.
It's just waiting.
Just waiting.
I drew it when I was
on the phone
right before I got here. So, yeah. Just waiting. I drew it when I was on the phone right before I got here.
So, yeah.
Merry Christmas.
Have you been to the movies?
No, but I did go
to a marionette theater this morning.
Close enough.
Right?
It's like a movie, but marionettes.
In real life.
It's a movie, but strings.
Yeah.
Strings attached.
Did you enjoy it?
It was awesome.
Have you been to the Bob Baker Marionette Theater?
Oh, no, they do some cool stuff over there.
So cool.
You know, for children.
But yeah, I'll check it out sometime.
Literally, the puppets will sit in your lap and sing to you.
It's crazy.
Those aren't puppets.
How much they charge for those dances. It's so. Those aren't puppets. How much do they charge for those dances?
It's so worth it.
The puppet would like to meet you in the champagne room.
Honestique.
So, how many names do you think you can get this in?
Where are we at?
Five names.
You know, I'll just say four.
Why not?
Sure, why not?
It's called winning the game.
Pass the buck.
Josh Molina is here, everybody.
Hi, Doug.
Two years running.
You were here last year?
I was.
Yeah, yeah.
Sick last year.
No, that was the year before, I believe. And you just didn't come at all? This is the third one. You've been here last year? I was. Yeah, yeah. Sick last year. No, that was the year before, I believe.
And you just didn't
come at all?
This is the third one.
You've been here every year?
I'm glowing in health.
Yes.
Okay.
From the very popular
program Scandal.
Woo-hoo!
You're probably
everybody's favorite
character on that thing,
right?
I think so.
Yeah.
Of all the characters,
you have the sexiest lips,
I'd say.
Right?
That black lady, she's alright.
She's cute too.
Yeah, she's okay.
And
who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Sarah, the lovely Jewess in the first row.
I forgot
to ask Kate if she had any plugs real quick.
You got anything you want to...
Merry Christmas. Oh yeah, okay. You got that in want to... Merry Christmas. Oh, yeah, okay.
You got that in the first time.
That's hers.
Christmas is hers.
She does have something.
I should say that Ricky and I are working on making the Garfunkel Notes TV show,
which will be out next year.
Yay!
Yeah.
Do I get that time back?
No, but you could put your poster in the bag and
tell us what it is.
This is Sarah's poster that she gave me.
What did you put in the bag? Nothing.
I brought what I'm calling the ABC Variety
Pack. I have the complete fourth season
of Castle.
I signed it as Nathan Fillion.
Paul F. Tompkins
signed it as himself.
I also brought
no please don't even
I brought two little
the art department
at Scandal
takes old script pages
and makes little notebooks
out of them
I brought two of those
Olivia Pope and Associates
look at that
it's in the bag
I brought notepads
and the show is probably in reruns currently
and coming back in January?
Coming back February 27th.
But they don't show reruns of that show, right?
Because it's too serialized?
They show it on BET.
Thanks for laughing.
Thank you for laughing at Black Entertainment Television.
I think it makes sense.
Yeah, it's's early syndication.
For which I've received nothing thus far.
Alright, well,
keep us posted on that.
Because it's not J-E-T.
Have you...
Oh, Graham.
Have you, um... You're welcome.
Have you been to the cinema?
I saw Saving Mr. Banks.
You like?
You know, after about 15 minutes,
I was pretty sure they were going to make Mary Poppins.
Spoiler alert!
It was not as suspenseful as I hoped.
But my dear friend Bradley Whitford
was in it.
I wish his neck had been in the movie as well.
He's a beleaguered writer of Mary Poppins,
the movie.
And B.J. Novak.
Jason Schwartzman.
They play the songwriting brothers.
Sounds like a lot of Jews.
A lot of Jews.
Oh, I'm sorry.
But, yeah.
It's in syndication on JET.
From the trailers,
I just feel like,
oh, this woman
is very hard to deal with,
but ultimately
they will prevail over her.
Well, again,
I don't want to spoil
the movie for you,
but ultimately
they will prevail.
Yeah, it just seems like
that movie with
Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand
in a car all over again.
Yes. I was going to see that, but I was afraid it would be like being in a movie with Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand in a car all over again. Yes.
I was going to see that, but I was afraid it would be like being in a car with Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand.
Yeah.
He's got a dainty laugh.
So how many names do you think you can get this year?
I don't know.
I feel like I'm right on the cusp.
The only times I ever go deep in this game is by passing and saying numbers. But I feel like I'm right on the cusp. The only times I ever go deep in this game is by passing
and saying numbers,
but I feel like I'm going to get challenged.
I'm going to just go for it,
and I'm going to challenge Kate.
Oh.
I also, I did valet park,
and I feel like I should get to my car.
Not a crowd-pleasing decision.
I didn't realize it was such a bad neighborhood,
and I kind of wanted to get to my car.
Wait, this is a bad neighborhood?
Seems alright.
Code word, not enough Jews.
Not a word, not a word.
What do you give, four names?
I think so, yeah, four names.
I mean seven.
No, yeah.
Well, thank you for being here.
Yeah, it was really great, everyone.
I like to guess what's going to happen.
Yeah, I think you're right on this one.
Two and a half stars.
Okay.
Yeah, right.
And the lead character is childlike, I believe I said.
This movie is occasionally funny and warm.
And your four names are Kim Coates, Mark Andre Grondin.
That's not three names.
That's just one.
Eugene Levy, the aforementioned.
That's me!
What's up, Chris?
And Lev Schreiber, Liev Schreiber.
Liev Schreiber.
Oh, man.
Is your fourth name.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Any idea?
The Christmas miracle.
Yeah, I don't know.
It would truly be one if you got the answer right.
I'm so sorry to have to say goodbye to you first.
But hang out and, you know, enjoy.
I'll be in the green room.
Let's hang out, everyone.
Yeah, there's going to be a party in the green room.
I'm just going to get the party started.
Someone will be joining you very soon.
But this motion picture, I just saw it recently,
and I think it's great.
Two and a half stars is not accurate.
It's called Goon.
And, yeah, Eugene Levy plays Sean William Scott's
dad. And if you haven't seen it, it's
one of my... Are we just going to do movies
no one's heard of?
Yeah, this is all about me
just telling people about movies
that they haven't seen that
are amazing. It is a hockey movie,
Sam. Wait your
turn.
Speak when spoken to.
Let's say goodbye to Kate McCucci, everybody.
I hate to see her go.
Yeah, that was tragic.
We need that kind of sunshine out here.
I know, right?
Because Christmas can get dark with all these brohames.
Indeed.
Greg Proops is here, everybody.
Hello, America.
Hello, everyone. Who are America. Hello, everyone.
Who are you playing for, Greg?
Steph Brothers.
Steph Brothers.
Instead of Step Brothers, he changed the DVD.
Yeah, there's a lot of elaborate offerings tonight.
Scott's got a tray of cupcakes, and Mark has a nuclear accelerator and I have a simple DVD
case that has a couple
of words transposed.
And I think that's really taking it home.
Nice choice. Is this
your way of saying you don't plan on winning this evening?
No, I'm just
keeping it real.
Okay. As I say,
I parked in a very dastardly neighborhood
and I've never valet parked in LA ever
Because I'm down with the peeps
Dastardly
Just like oil can hats and long mustaches
What did you bring for the prize bag, Greg?
I live in a collective
And each day we forge CDs out of lead,
and one of them happened to be my CD, Proop Sticks End.
Perfect.
A lot of honest people died to make that.
I'm very excited.
I'm going to do one of your plugs for you right now.
Go on.
Because on Sunday night, as part of the Greg Proop's Film Club,
you are going to show the classic Peter Bogdanovich motion picture,
What's Up, Doc, at CineFamily here in Los Angeles.
It's on like Grey Poupon, everybody.
On Sunday night, I'm going to be there for sure to watch that
and hang out and nerd out about that movie,
because that's one of my favorites.
It's wicked funny, and I invite everyone,
within the sound of my voice, It's wicked funny and I invite everyone within the sound
of my voice
to beat cheeks
to LA
as swiftly as possible
to attend this
fine cinematic offering.
What else you got
coming up?
You got a big
New Year's Eve show?
I'm in San Francisco
at the Punchline
and we're shooting
His Line again
next year.
It's in its
455th season.
We started in
Kinescope
on the Dumont Network.
We've been rolling right along.
It's been fantastic.
Dave Garroway was the first special guest on the show.
It's Aisha Tyler yelling at everybody?
Joan Rivers now.
Oh, what?
We changed.
No, I'm joking.
It's Aisha.
Of course it is.
We've been on a long time.
We're on steam-powered
LaserDisc if you want to buy
one of the older.
I'm joking, of course, but thank you for being so
fucking quiet, assholes.
Jesus fucking Christ, I'm as vital as a
tangerine. They're pacing themselves, Greg.
It's a long show. I promise you that
the nerds in the audience were like, steam-powered
laser? And everyone just got a fucking boner just hearing that phrase.
Yeah, they kind of did.
How do you think Eugene Levy reacted to the news?
I wouldn't know.
I'm Chris Hardwick.
Points!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Greg, you get to tell us a movie you've seen recently?
I saw, what's the one with Matt Damon and Jodie Foster doing this really weird accent?
Elysium?
Yeah.
But why is Jodie Foster talking that way?
I don't know what she was doing.
If anyone saw Elysium, it's about the park that's near Dodger Stadium here in Los Angeles.
And all the rich people in the world live there.
And you have to be Mexican and angry.
And it's really cool.
And Matt Damon's bald and gay.
I don't know what was happening.
But anyway, Jodie Foster plays the Secretary of Defense.
What I said was, Jodie Foster plays the Secretary of Defense.
And she's from the country of England.
Britain, the city of Europe is where she's from.
She talks like this through the whole movie.
Wait, wait,
was that Eugene Levy?
Was that Eugene Levy's voice
for a second?
Yes, it was.
And Veruca Salt.
I want a Noopaloopa now.
You get to pick a category,
Greg.
Okay, I'll take
The Crime Within.
Oh, it came from within.
With Eugene Levy.
No, he doesn't get a pick.
Sam was all over that.
I'll take Sunshine, Lollipops, and other things.
We're just going to take the next one
that's randomly loaded up,
and it's from someone on Twitter
that calls themselves El Futlosofo.
El Futlosofo.
Those are delicious.
They come in a tiny box.
And the category is also difficult to pronounce.
The category is Snow Day.
What?
Snow Day.
And that's because it's movies that take place at night,
and there's little or snow day.
It's movies with snow day in them.
Wow. That premise has been beaten so thin I can see through it. It's movies with Snow day in there Wow
That premise has been
Beaten so thin
I can see through it
Snow day?
For real?
Snow day yeah
So this movie takes place
Mostly or entirely
At night
Two and a half stars
From Mr. Malton
He says
That this movie
What's happening?
What year is it?
Oh 1985 And he says that this movie, what's happening? What year is it? Oh, 1985.
And he says that,
he says how much you enjoy this will depend on how much you identify with the lead character,
which seems like a criticism one could slop on anything.
criticism one could slop on anything.
And he also says that this movie has some bizarre experiences.
Yeah, two and a half stars. And he lists
11 names. How many names did he get it in?
Mr. Proops. Who's the star of this movie, Doug?
Who's the director?
Are you trying to trick me?
Biding my time until fortune favors me.
How many names were there?
You could just take them all.
You could just say 11 names.
I'll start with 11.
You should be safe.
No, no, I'll start with 11.
I don't think Scott would challenge that.
I can name this picture in 11 names.
Okay.
Scott Aukerman is here, you guys.
Hello, America!
And who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Carrie, who gave us 12 cupcakes,
because there's 12 contestants,
and they all have movie posters sticking in them.
And I wanted to ask, are these your favorite movies, or just movies? Some of and I wanted to ask are these your favorite movies or just
movies? Some of my favorite. Some of your
favorite movies. So we have
Moon, There Will Be Blood, Murder Ball,
Doctor Strangelove, Sunshine,
Hannah, Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.
Awesome.
This is
really impressive and so I want
to invite the panel to partake
of cupcakes now.
Right now?
Yeah, if anyone wants one.
If anyone wants one.
Let's see how many takers there are.
I think you should hold that tray of cupcakes for the entire three-hour show.
Because you chose to pick those cupcakes.
So I really think you should hold them the whole time.
The signs aren't edible?
Signs? interesting enough,
was not a slacker.
No! Which movie went with which cupcake?
God damn it!
Mine tastes like moon.
They'll be right here for anyone who wants
to partake.
People are going crazy.
People are going crazy over those.
They look like they're
kind of warmed up a little bit.
From the hot lights. Yeah, yeah.
What'd you bring for the prize bag?
I have a t-shirt. We only have
a few left of these, but it's a
Gary Marshall Please Call Me Gary
t-shirt.
Excellent.
With the likeness of Paul F. Tompkins, who could
not be here tonight.
Yeah, Paul was a little under the weather, but last night, because of Paul's connections
to Gary Marshall, we were able to get him for the movie interruption of New Year's Eve.
Oh, wow.
So that was really fun, because I thought that movie was terrible, but when Gary Marshall
explained why it's so funny, it was quite enjoyable.
Very good.
Yeah, you just got to let go and just let it flow over you, basically.
What have you seen lately, Scott?
I did see the porn version of Inside Llewyn Davis.
It was Inside Llewyn Davis.
But other than that, nothing.
Was the music just as good?
It's kind of echoey.
Oh! is good. It's kind of echoey. We all know
Llewyn Davis
has a cavernous asshole.
Scott,
do you have any plugs?
Yeah,
Comedy Bang Bang
season finale
this Friday.
Our special
Christmas episode.
Thank you.
And then
we're back in the spring.
Yeah.
Strangely, they're only
applauding that they just wanted
that one more.
They were so good.
Oh, you're making more out.
We were really hoping to be done with it.
But Scott will regenerate into
Peter Capaldi,
so it's a very big deal.
All right.
I'm not even nerdy enough for that.
Wasn't he the drummer for Jefferson Airplane?
No, he is the 12th Doctor.
Sorry, that was Jim.
I thought he was the 13th Doctor.
Chris, is he the 13th or the 12th? He's the 12th. I thought he was the 13th doctor. Chris, is he the 13th or the 12th?
He's the 12th.
I thought he was the 12th.
But, exactly!
The war doctor steps outside the doctor line.
The 10th doctor, still the 10th doctor,
11th doctor, still the 11th doctor,
Peter, Paul, the 12th doctor,
fucking guys in the face.
He was, he was,
that was a question I learned
that I knew would set off nerds.
I don't care either way.
Nerds and those of us who beat us up in school.
Get that microphone away from Graham.
Graham.
How many, Scott?
Well, I could probably do it in negative one names.
Oh, look at you.
I think. I don't know.
Are you trying to get out of here with your cupcakes?
Yeah, I want all these for myself.
By the way, it has to go to the next person. The cupcakes, by the way. But you for myself. Do it. Yeah, so.
By the way,
it has to go to the next person.
The cupcakes, by the way.
But you're saying negative one?
Negative one, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, here we go.
Lock it up.
Wait, just so I'm clear,
that means if he gets challenged,
he has to give a name and the title, right?
That's what that means?
The top-billed name, yeah.
And Mike Furman has something to say
about the cupcakes.
They're really good.
You guys are crazy. They're really, like,
homemade, excellent, good cupcakes.
Are they gluten-free?
This is Los Angeles.
I'm out.
Negative one glutens.
So, yeah, Kevin,
what do you think about that?
Let's talk to you first though
Let's get all your info
Who are you playing for?
Let's do that
Let's delay my exit as long as possible
Because someone has figured out what movie it is
It might come to you while we chat
Yeah, let's chat for a while
Who are you playing for? I am
playing for the biggest slacker
in the room.
Not counting all the people who brought
nothing. So this would be
nothing plus one.
He brought
a copy of Pulp Fiction
and taped a piece
of paper with his name
over Pulp Fiction. His name is Paul. fiction and taped a piece of paper with his name over pulp fiction.
His name is Paul.
Paul Fiction.
And I looked, and by the way, those of you who noticed, I did look at every single,
I was so late grabbing, I was the last one, because I wanted to take all the efforts in
and I thought, no, no.
Let's go with the least amount of effort.
Yeah, he got here late too because he's in the back.
But still better than everyone else who didn't bring it.
It's true.
I wanted to give this person credit for that.
I'm shocked anybody would not bring a name tag with this.
Paul Fiction.
Amazing bag of crap someone's going to go home with.
Paul Fiction.
Paul Fiction.
Well, maybe the guy's...
That's who I'm losing for.
If his last name was really Fiction, would you have more respect for that name tag?
No.
What's your last name, sir?
Swan. Swan? Swan. No. What's your last name, sir? Swan.
Swan?
Swan.
Jesus.
Such pride.
He didn't get his ass beat for that name ever.
Why didn't you get a copy of Black Swan?
My favorite year.
Or my favorite year if Sam is yelling because he knows everything.
Knowing that Peter O'Toole just died.
It all could have worked out so much better for you, Paul.
What did you bring for the bag, Kevin?
I brought an autographed copy
of my one and only book
called How I Slept My Way to the Middle.
Great book.
Is there any way to get an unsigned copy?
Yes, $2 on eBay.
$2.
Okay, so pass that down.
We'll put it in the bag.
There you go.
There we go.
And then have you been to the movies lately?
I just saw American Hustle.
Yeah.
You like that?
At a motion picture theater.
I think it's the one to beat.
It's extraordinary.
Why aren't you in that one?
I said no.
I don't make all the right decisions.
But I do like to say no.
You haven't seen Wolf of Wall Street, have you?
I did miss that.
When you do, because you did Actually take part In the motion picture
Casino
Technically
Yeah you were there
It just to me
It's Casino and Goodfellas
All over again
And I couldn't be
Happier about it
Oh that's
That's actually
A great review
Because I like
Both of those films
Yeah I do too
And it's the same
Like at one point
By the way I could say
That also about
American Hustle
That it's
It really is
David O. Russell's Scorsese movie.
Wildly inspired. Not a rip-off.
I really did love it.
Love it, love it, love it. Cool. And what do you got to
plug this evening?
I directed a documentary about
famous funny fuckers called
Misery Loves Comedy.
A few of the people on this very
stage are in the damn thing. The rest said no. The few of the people on this very stage are in the damn thing.
The rest said no.
The rest of the people on the stage...
Wait, did the two actors just raise their hands?
The rest of the people on the stage did not reply.
No.
So yeah, we're editing now.
Also, I technically might have just joined
the cast of Mom, the Allison Janney,
Anna Farrow show.
It's a surprise that I just gave away.
Is it possible, instead of losing right now, I could point out that Scott said there were a dozen, 12 cupcakes, and there were, in fact, 17.
Could that save me from losing right now?
Could that save me from losing right now?
No, it bought you a few seconds that I'm going to regrettably cut out of the show
because it's a waste of everybody's time.
But what do you think about Scott's negative one bit?
I think he figured out what the movie was
and that's the perfect way to let me know that I was fucked.
All right.
Well, do you want to do a little quick walk-in
before you leave?
Yeah.
do like a little quick walk-in before you leave?
Anyone who says I can name it in negative one.
Eugene Levy!
Yes.
This is Christopher Walken
doing Eugene Levy.
Hi!
She's a mermaid. I went deep. I went deep. hi she's
a mermaid
I went deep
I went deep
I went deep
I went deep
I went deep
yeah so if you can name it
a negative one name
I you know
I've got to know the film
and I
I have three in my mind
so I guess I could just
take a stab at one
because I know he knows
I'll be sad to see
either of you go
yeah well I've got a little Makuchi backstreet take a stab at one because I know he knows. I'll be sad to see either of you go. Yeah, well,
I've got a little
Makuchi backstreet.
So,
I can't wait
for Scott to know.
Kate, run!
Get out of here!
I was talking to somebody else.
It's not,
it was not,
Kate Makuchi, run!
Kate Blanchett. Kate Blanchett. Kate Maguchi, run! Kate Blanchett.
Kate Blanchett, yeah.
So I have no choice
but to challenge
Scott to go ahead
and win
and I'll enjoy
seeing you all
on Happy Holidays.
Name that movie, Scott.
I may not know this.
All right, well,
you need a name
and the top bill.
Sam Levine's
doing a dance
because people get mad
when he plays this little routine where he pretends to I know. Sam Levine's doing a dance because people get mad when he plays this little,
this little routine
where he pretends to not know
and then.
I honestly may not know this.
I think I have the ear.
That's going to sound
so weird on the podcast.
That is the weirdest statement
to applaud.
Kevin was just bowing again.
Listeners.
And he's out the door.
He's very confident in you.
You left, wow, so I don't even have to name it.
You don't.
All right, see you then.
Let's just move on.
All right.
What is it?
Is it after hours?
Yeah, we need a top-billed person also.
Yes, but Griffin Dunn.
We don't say yes as we go.
Okay, Griffin Dunn.
That's correct.
Thank you.
Alright, thank you
Gabe for grabbing that chair so quickly.
I was impressed.
By the way, I just spoke into my beer can as if it was a mic.
I was like,
why isn't this thing working?
There's a lot of liquid
on the stage if someone...
So hand me the mic
so I get electrocuted.
Thanks.
Sorry, Allison.
Did Kevin leave his name tag
around somewhere
for the shithead
that's on the back?
Or did he just run out?
I think he took it with him.
He just stole the DVD.
He was so impressed with Pulp Fiction.
He just wanted a copy of Pulp Fiction.
It's kind of easily gettable.
Because, you know, he needs to watch that
to work on his walking impression.
In my ass.
So, who was it that he was playing for?
Pulp.
Pulp Fiction. Where is he, playing for? Paul. All fiction.
Where is he?
I mean, where is Paul?
In France.
Paul didn't leave, did he?
Yeah, could you,
did you write a shit in on the back of that thing?
Yeah.
Yeah, you did,
that he just left with.
So what you need to do is find him backstage
and get it back and bring it to me.
Go.
Hardwick's on it.
Knock on the door first.
Hardwick's on the mission.
Forget it.
Hardwick's going to do it. I can't have any
fun.
I don't make people do things.
Allison Hayslip is here,
everybody. Yay!
Praying I don't
get electrocuted.
What are you doing these days? What's going
on? I walked in tonight. I wasn't
used to this hair color. I know. I've been a
chameleon this year. Most people don't recognize me anymore until they hear me talk. I wasn't used to this hair color. I know. I've been a chameleon this year.
Most people don't recognize me anymore until they hear me talk.
I think it's pronounced comedian.
That too.
I'm a funny lizard.
Who thought?
Love your stuff on Geico.
All right, Hat Club.
We are the Hat Club.
What are you doing?
What's going on?
The Morning After, still.
People watch that on Hulu.
Apparently no one here does.
Yeah, there you go.
What is that?
Like it's a web series where you take a bunch of pills?
Yep, exactly.
And I try to get pregnant every night.
And then the next morning, I'm fine.
It's cool.
Who are you playing for today?
Casey. Which I think this is supposed to be Snickers,
like a Snickers Casey bar instead of a Snickers candy bar.
That is my guess.
That's what they were going for?
Also, I believe that this is the biggest Snickers bar.
I think this is one Snickers bar.
That's ridiculous.
It's one.
Yeah.
It's the biggest Snickers bar I've ever seen.
That Snickers bar is so big,
it could turn 10 Robin Williams into 10 black coaches.
It's a
slice and share.
Wait, you said you put your shit in on the back, Paul Fiction.
It fell off, I guess.
It fell off?
Oh, Lord. That's what you get for taping shit on.
Come down here and just write it on the
back of Kate McEuchie's big poster.
And take back your movie.
While he's doing that, can I just point out that Allison
like 48 hours ago just got back from Afghanistan.
I did.
Yeah.
That's true.
That's actually part of my stuff that I'm giving away tonight.
How's the Taliban stuff going, by the way?
It's good?
Let me tell you.
They were like, you guys are going to be perfectly fine.
The base hasn't been attacked in three days.
Three days ago, they got attacked.
I just got back from Echo Park, all y'all.
Yeah, there you are. Three days ago they got attacked I just got back from Echo Park I hear Afghanistan is dastardly
This time of year
And the people
Darling
I'm just gonna hang on to this
Sorry guys
Where were we? Have you seen any movies lately Allison? Oh yeah I'm just going to hang on to this. Sorry, guys.
Where were we?
Have you seen any movies lately, Allison?
Oh, yeah.
While I was on... I just did a USO tour.
That's why I was in Afghanistan.
And I was on...
You weren't looking for timeshares?
No, no.
Oh, okay.
It's actually a very pretty country.
You'd be surprised.
No, no, I was in Kabul.
It's fucking beautiful.
If you weren't scared of death.
It's great.
Love it.
But I logged literally 48 hours of flight time in one week.
So I watched a lot of screeners.
And I watched 12 Years a Slave, Dallas Buyers Club, and Lone Survivor.
Those are so fun on a plane.
Try watching Lone Survivor on your way to Afghanistan.
Try that one.
I watched those movies on planes.
I just laughed.
And I pointed at the screen and look at everybody.
Look at how AIDS-y he is.
Graham!
He was really AIDS-y.
And what?
He's still a little AIDS-y in Wolf of Wall Street.
He didn't get back out to full McConaughey?
Yeah, yeah, he's half AIDS-y.
Yeah.
I guess they justify it because his character does a lot of coke,
so I guess it sort of makes sense.
Oh, Paul, I mean...
Thank God.
Scott Arkman's back with some paper towels.
Scott towels.
Chris Hardwick, ladies and gentlemen.
Chris Hardwick.
Did I ask you all the important questions, Allison?
You haven't taken my stuff yet.
Yeah, what'd you bring for the bag?
Okay, so because I haven't written a book or have an album
or remembered to get something from my house before I left today,
this is what I had in my car.
Like I said, I just came back from a USO tour,
so this is my USO badge that was on my luggage, and it says Hayslip.
And I signed it, so it's worth nothing, but you can have that.
And then I also stole a sheet of Plants vs. Zombies 2 stickers from the Nerdist office.
Don't tell Chris Hardwick.
And one's already been taken out, so that's what you get.
What if Eugene Levy tells Chris Hardwick?
That could happen, because I don't think Chris would believe him.
He'd be like, I'm looking in a mirror.
All we want to do is eat your brains.
That was Eugene Levy singing the Plants vs. Zombies song.
It's a stretch.
I hope those stickers weren't important.
Allison, you get the next category.
Okay.
And this one is called...
The Rapists.
It was sent in by...
It was sent in by it was sent in by
at movie script life
and the category is
Baby It's Cold Outside
and that of course
is movies where an infant
is left on a doorstep
Baby
It's Cold Outside
and
you get to pick from
a dazzling array of years.
Would you like a movie where a baby gets
left on his doorstep from 1980,
1988, or 2006?
88.
Interesting choice.
Three stars from Leonard
Maltin. He calls this movie from
1988, Rollicking.
And he also says
about this movie that it's a bit intense at times
for the youngsters at whom it's targeted.
Yeah, it's targeted at youngsters, according to Leonard.
Again, it's three stars, and a baby gets left on a doorstep.
And Leonard lists eight names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
I'm going to take eight.
Going big.
Smart play.
Who's next to you?
Hello.
Oh, that guy. I wonder if the whole audience
has been sitting here going, who the fuck does
that guy think he is
sitting there in his hoodie not being famous
and shit.
One of these things is not like the other in his hoodie, not being famous and shit. Well, in my head, it's one of these things.
It's not like the other is playing over and over and over.
But Sean Sacame is here, you guys.
And he is here.
One other time, he bid in an auction.
I think it was back when Scott Ackerman was running some holiday auctions.
He bid to have a seat on Douglas Movies.
And he came on on and we've been
friendly ever since.
And then he bid again during the podcast-a-thon
which some of us participated in
over Thanksgiving weekend.
And he won another
seat on Douglas Movies. Accidentally
this time. Accidentally. He was trying to drive
up the bidding and then
it stopped at his $1,800 bid.
$1,800?. $1,800?
Yeah, I know Chris only charged you $1,000
but...
Sean Valais' car.
Okay.
I took the bus here.
So that's a very generous donation
and so I thought, why not have you
on the episode
where
if somebody cancels, I might not have 12 guests.
I want to make sure I have 12 guests.
Are you kidding me?
It's worth it just sitting next to Jon Hamm.
Well, let's not spoil it for the listeners.
They don't know who you're sitting next to.
I said Scott Aukerman, right?
Well, they know you're not sitting next to him.
Okay.
So, Sean,
what do you like to plug? Do you want to plug something?
No.
What did you bring for the bag? I saw you have a bunch of DVDs. Yeah, I got a bunch of DVDs.
He likes to participate.
He likes to be like a real guest.
I kind of was just clearing out my DVDs, stuff I
have Blu-rays of or Christmas movies or
just something I don't want.
So, there's a bunch of DVDs for the winner. Alright. Wait, I'm sorry. You don't want the Matrix? I got that on Blu-ray, or Christmas movies or just something I don't want. So there's a bunch of DVDs for the winner.
Wait, I'm sorry. You don't want The Matrix?
I got that on Blu-ray, so you know.
Upgrade!
Everybody, pick one that you want to keep.
I also want to point out
that he's a copy of Saved that he kept
from Blockbuster.
If you're going to steal a movie,
it might as well be religious in nature.
It's a thing that used to happen
called Blockbuster, Greg.
Oh, there's even a receipt inside.
You're really doing this on the straight and narrow.
And I'll take Four Christmases because I like the part with Jon Favreau. You're really doing this on the straight and narrow.
I'll take four Christmases because I like the part with Jon Favreau.
That scene's really funny.
We're putting them all in the bag?
All in the bag.
That's what we're doing? Okay.
What else do we have to ask you, Sean?
A movie you've seen lately.
The last movie I saw was Catching Fire.
I thought it was really good.
I did not like the first one, but I thought this one was really good.
Can I ask you a question, Sean, before we go any further?
Please.
Are you 11?
Only from the waist down.
That's a Hunger Games movie, right?
Yeah, but he tried to make it sound cool
by just saying Catching Fire.
Well, isn't that like a Harry Potter movie or whatever?
You know, Greg, there's plenty of adults that enjoy
both of those series.
There's plenty of adults who need to grow the fuck up.
What's wrong with Harry Potter movies?
Whatever.
What's wrong with them,
Mr. Proops?
Ivarna Gadevra!
Ivarna Gadevra! Ivarna Gadevra!
Proops is like a name that would be in a young adult
novel.
New defense against the dark arts
professor is Gregory
Proops.
I am in Blutarch
Proops, the new game master.
Game keeper, whatever the fuck
they call it.
Sean. Yes.
What are you going to bid?
Seven names, Doug.
Nice. He came to play.
I hope he takes down this whole thing.
Then I'm definitely
keeping four Christmases.
John Hamm is here,
you guys.
Hi, Doug. John Hamm is here you guys yeah hi Doug what you doing man?
waiting
who you playing for?
I'm playing for
let's call him
Joe and Katie
oh
a double act
nice couple's gonna win this
they photocopied
a thing off the internet
of arguably one of my favorite movies,
Joe vs. the Volcano.
It's a great movie.
Brain Cloud.
Orange Soda.
So, yeah, and they did the right thing,
and they wrote things on the back,
and it's all good.
Good job, guys.
You followed the instructions.
And you picked
my favorite movie.
So, two good things.
I would love to see you
in a remake of that.
Called?
Don Draper
versus the volcano.
You're welcome.
That doesn't work
without me helping you.
He would smooth talk
that volcano.
Sorry to interrupt. I'm playing for Leslie, by the way. Just wanted to get that volcano. Sorry to interrupt.
I'm playing for Leslie, by the way.
Just wanted to get that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
You're a professional.
Good job, Sean.
Sean knows how this works.
Well played.
He's having a cocktail.
He's got it all worked out.
Smoked a little weed backstage.
It was nice.
He's fully trending.
Have you been to the movies lately, John?
I saw Inside Llewellyn Davis.
And what I saw was not pretty.
No, I very much enjoyed it.
I thought it was a great movie.
I didn't recognize that guy, the lead actor, Isaac.
You probably did because you're probably familiar with my work, Sucker Punch.
That's right.
That's what I mean.
That I started him with.
I finally realized he's the guy from Sucker Punch. Yes. right. That's what I mean. I finally realized
he's the guy from Sucker Punch.
Yes. I'm kind of the guy
from Sucker Punch, too.
Weren't there only girls in Sucker Punch?
Mostly girls. And me and Oscar.
He's like the bad guy that's giving these girls a hard time
when he should be just enjoying that they're there.
I'm kind of the bad guy, too.
I like that you called
murdering giving him a hard time
hey you quit murdering those gals
it was PG-13
a guy rides a tight ship
and
you got stuff coming out that we could look for
season
7.1
of Mad Men
will come out in April
at some point we're currently shooting and yeah 7.1 of Mad Men will come out in April.
At some point,
we're currently shooting.
And yeah, no,
that's about it.
Do you have a special episode planned for Easter Sunday,
4-20, April 20th?
I think you know we do
because we've contacted you
to be in it.
Spoiler alert.
I didn't get that call.
Well, you might have just forgotten. Yeah. be in it. Spoiler alert. I didn't get that call.
You might have just forgotten.
How many names do you think you can get this thing in? What are we on? Six?
Twelve? Which one? Seven. You said seven?
Well, I'll say six. But I also have a bunch of
shit to give away. Oh, that's right.
I have a bag of stuff. You brought a ton of stuff.
Stuff.
You know, from the TV show I'm on, Sesame Street.
Oh, is the Vincent Cartizer puppet in there?
An Elmo iPad cover.
And clear history.
And the thing I narrated for the
St. Louis Cardinals
World Series Championship
of 2011.
Oh, I'll take that.
And the hat
that goes along with it
and whoever fucking booed
I hope you win this.
And Oscar the Grouch.
You think the guy
you're playing for
just booed?
Sesame Street spoofs.
Anyway, it's a bunch of Sesame Street shit.
That has literally been sitting
in my office
since before Elmo got incarcerated.
Oh, what? Accused.
I don't know.
It was weird. We did a scene together.
He was cool with me.
I mean, his head was just at your waist level, right?
He was working the puppet at the time, wasn't he?
I just might be too old.
You've lost it.
Still going for the newsies look, though.
Here you go, Doug.
Oh, yeah, pass it down.
Thank you very much.
So, yeah.
So what are we on?
Seven names?
I'm going to say six names, Doug.
Okay.
What was the clue?
Where were we with that?
Oh, man, that's a good question.
Just so we can refresh.
1988, Baby Left on a Doorstep.
Baby on a Doorstep.
Harrowing or riveting?
It was a bit intense at times for the youngsters at whom it's targeted.
There was a word, though.
And he also called it rollicking.
Rollicking.
Yeah, I'm going to stick with six.
That's a fun Leonard Maltin word.
Can I pass this along now to Graham?
Yes, Graham Elwood is here, you guys.
Hello!
Take control, UCB
theater. Take control
of your improv.
What did you bring for the
prize bag?
John just goes, was that a Hunger Games
thing? Oh, that's
Bane.
Excuse me.
If you remember the latest
Dark Knight movie.
That doesn't look like
Philip Seymour Hoffman.
I'm going to adjust your games,
Katniss.
I'll Bane mash up
the fuck out of something.
Name a movie
and I'll do a Bane from it.
May good fortune
fall in your favor
is that what she says in that movie something like that yeah i'm not 11.
the odds are ever in your favor i'm 11.
be the ball danny you have to be the ball
Be the ball, Danny.
You have to be the ball.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, Billy.
Billy Baru.
Billy Baru.
E.T. phone.
Oh.
These aren't the drawings you're looking for.
You built a time machine out of a DeLorean?
DeLorean?
You built a time machine out of a DeLorean?
Where we're going, we don't need roads.
Luke, are you far?
It's like a new game.
By the way, I do have verifiable evidence that Eddie Vedder is Bane.
What?
Never in the same place at the same time.
Weird how when Gotham was having all that shit,
Pearl Jam was having a tour right on the same part of the country.
Fucking weird, man.
Look it up.
Where is that fictional city?
Over by the...
Near Springfield, where the Simpsons...
Jersey.
Didn't they finally say Gotham was in New Jersey
Sure
Yep
Am I the only one
Who reads this
Okay never mind
What's up New Jersey
Thank you
Sam
Jeremy spoke
I feel like we're
Drifting a little bit here
It's four in the morning
I'm starving
Does anyone want
To get breakfast
You can have
Chris's chips.
There's 48 cupcakes right in front of you.
14.
Graham, what'd you bring for the prize, baby?
Well, first I brought a shirt
courtesy of the good people of the Stoy merchandise
that says,
Graham Elwood, two-time 12-guess-a-Christmas champion.
Oh, no.
And then it says,
3-Petent-13. And then it says 3P13.
We'll see how that shakes out.
Yeah, good luck with that.
I know, I got fucked.
And then I brought a
Comedy Film Nerds Guide to Movies.
One of you have.
Doug wrote the foreword.
And then I brought
the hottest band in show business right now,
a Whistling Banes concert shirt.
They've got some great tours coming up.
Aren't they out there on the Nobody Wants Us tour?
No, they're playing the Rose Bowl, Wembley Stadium.
They just got booked at the Super Bowl halftime.
They're doing the International Space Station,
and then they're doing Friar Tuck's Bar on Broadway
just south of Belmont, Chicago.
So that's going to be a sweet gig.
That'll be an acoustic set.
Have you been to the cinema lately, Mr. Comedy Film Nerd?
Yes, I saw Inside Llewyn Davis,
I saw American Hustle,
and I had to go see The Hobbit.
Oh, you didn't?
You didn't take that?
Well, I would never see that movie
but we were doing
on comedy filmers
we were doing
a spoiler episode
and Chris Mancini
and Jackie Cation
they were like
oh we can't wait
to watch the Glebe Norbs
chase the Ming Bo
and I had to fucking
I had to watch
that god damn bullshit
did you say the Glebe Norbs
what the fuck ever
orcs
they're not aliens.
Yeah, I know.
I love getting Tolkien nerds.
It's actually a court grab.
The thing I said, though,
I go, when they were nerding out,
I go, oh, this is,
I understand now
when people have to listen to me
talk about Batman in any capacity,
this is how they feel.
And I'm like, actually, no,
he would never bring
Vicky Vale into the Batcave.
They would never have it.
That's fucking stupid.
Which is true. He never would.
Let's cut the bullshit.
What are your plugs? You have ten seconds.
You plug more than me.
I will be headlining the Irvine
Improv December 27th and 28th.
Come on out, Irvine.
Orange curtain.
We're doing a live comedy film, nerds,
in Honolulu, Hawaii, January 9th.
And I've got a bunch of other tour dates,
some with Doug and some of myself.
Just go to GrahamElla.com,
my Twitter, Facebook, all that,
and then the Film Nerds Podcast.
Well, it's been great having you here, Graham.
I know.
What are you going to do with the current bidding?
Jonathan Hamm bid six, if I'm correct.
Behind me,
oh, I'm in a Mad Men sandwich.
Delicious, drunky,
cigarette-y sandwich
philandering.
Look who.
There's nothing like
a philandering sandwich.
Whoa.
Oh, I'm the first guy
to point that out about?
Okay.
Tell us that you tuned in. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I'm the first guy to point that out about... Okay. Tell us that you tuned in.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, they are moving into the civil rights era.
Tuned in.
Moving into the civil rights era.
I was going to name my band, if not the Whistling Bands,
it would have been Don Draper's Liver.
Or their Roger Sterling samplers but is this like
a goodbye speech you're making um I remember the first actually this is the farewell address this
is the fourth time we've done this not the third Scott won the first one then I won two and three
and this is the fourth one fourth annual yeah it says right here third annual I wrote it down
I still feel like we're drifting a little bit here.
Even though he's being very specific about what's happened on the show the last 18 years.
This is a stall.
I do want to say that Boy Interrupted is an actual movie.
Right, but Leaf Garrett had nothing to do with it.
Leaf Garrett is an amazing one.
He's an American treasure.
All right, I'm going to go,
I will go five names.
All right.
Rich Summer is here, you guys.
Hello.
Thank you, Brian.
Patiently waiting,
rarely yelling out nonsense.
Oh, just watching it all unfold.
Yeah.
Crazy.
Thanks for being here for the...
Graham's got a name tag.
Oh, Graham's got a, man, my name tag!
The name tag is Ryan!
It's two big Reese's pieces.
They're huge, and he wrote a nice shithead on the back.
What is with the large format candy bars, by the way?
Don't question it.
What is the opposite of fun size?
Just choke on that.
Oh, my gosh!
It's a moon pie!
Fucking just shove that in your mouth and die.
That is a bagel-sized
Reese's peanut butter cup
that no one should ever eat.
Yeah, just put peanut butter
inside a bagel.
My grandma's now going to tweet.
And by that, I mean rub on his cock
until he ejaculates
right next to me.
That's when you twerk with a chocolate candy.
That's what tweeting is.
I feel like we've gained focus.
Fuck off. Someone at home is laughing, you cocksuckers.
I felt like we were drifting for a minute until John said ejaculate on Reese's peanut butter cup.
Then I felt like everything had coalesced a little bit.
Now we're at a diamond-like point.
Greg, I knew you were here, so I knew it would...
Hi.
Welcome to the fifth annual
Doug Loves Movies.
Came around the bend.
Holy shit.
Rich?
Yep.
Hey, Doug. I'm sorry they took your microphone away from Yep. Hey, Doug.
I'm sorry they took your microphone away from you.
Oh, I got it.
Greg's going to...
A few of the guests are going to take off.
Yeah, we're going to have a quick onstage break.
All right.
What...
Who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Alfonso,
who printed out this coloring page of Alf,
and then wrote Alfonso afterwards.
Nothing on the back, so no shithead for...
Hey, Willie! I kill me!
I didn't know Eugene Levy did the voice of Alf.
American Pie!
What do you got going on, Rich? What's coming up for you?
Just the Mad Men show.
More Mad Men?
More of that.
And then that's it.
That's really it.
And after that, nothing, as it stands.
Do you always feel there's a chance you're going to read a script
and your character killed himself or something?
Yep.
Every time I open
one of them. It's not Walking Dead, dude.
No, but it's season
seven.
And what, have you
been to the cinema lately?
I saw yesterday with my
children our second
viewing of Frozen.
Was it, it was fun for you
the first time,
probably?
Yeah,
oh,
totally enjoyable.
Yeah,
and then the second time
was probably just alright?
Yesterday was
my daughter
shaking my arm
and saying,
Dad,
Dad,
wake up,
it's the part coming
where,
whatever,
like six times
in the movie.
Dad,
wake up.
And I was remembering
on the ride home
when I used to wake
my dad up at movies
and how surly he would be
and I now fully understand why.
Because I...
I was having a good sleep during this movie. I already saw.
It's the moment I have to sleep in the day.
What do you
bring for the prize bag?
I know you didn't know you were going to be on the show.
I was trying to let you know I had no idea I was going to be
on the show. And in fact, I had to take a friend
to the downtown
to catch a trip home.
I have to leave certainly within an hour.
But we'll make it happen.
I'll be gone long before then.
I have one of Jon Hamm's surplus gifts,
which is
a pair of size 12 UGG.
I haven't looked at them.
And I don't know if Jon's... He may have worn them at some point.
Did he get them from
Tom Brady?
I hope he at least put his dick in one of them. Classy man boots. He may have worn them at some point. Did he get them from Tom Brady? Oh, they're nice.
I hope he at least put his dick in one of them.
Classy man boots.
So you can have those.
They're for men?
Ugh.
I had no idea they made men's ones.
So there are those.
Well, thank you so much for bringing those.
I'm glad to help.
Via Jon Hamm.
As soon as I knew it was coming coming I knew I had to bring something special
So the numbers are getting pretty low
on this one
Have you figured out how the game works?
Oh yeah no no I mean I've heard the show
I know how the game works
I'm in a pretty precarious spot I have to say
Graham you said four is that right?
You said five so I would have to say four
for this movie
Unless you know what it is then you could just go even lower is that right? You said five. So I would have to say four. For this movie.
Unless you know what it is then you could just go even lower.
I could just go even lower.
Yeah I know what it is.
It's not like you have Sam Levine sitting next to you right now.
Should be safe with whatever
you decide to do.
I guess I'll go three.
Oh!
Oh!
Wow!
Oh, shit.
There was a number in between.
I'll stay committed to three.
I think Sam just got a little something to think about.
Yeah, he did.
This is an interesting position for you,
but let's do the talk while you think about it.
I will say this. I did not expect it to get to me.
And also,
the good news is, gang, there's no
more introductions
for the rest of the show. Everyone on stage
has now said hello. And I did not
say last time that I am playing
for Greg. That same
guy you played for before. Have I
played for you before? I think so. I recognize
that sign. It's all your things here you've done.
Well, I'm gonna
play for him every time, because this thing's gorgeous. Yeah, that's right. It's a sign. It's all your things you've done. Well, I'm going to play for him every time
because this thing's gorgeous.
Yeah, that's right. It's a little collage.
It really is beautiful.
It really encapsulates your career nicely on cardboard.
Thank you very much.
With a shithead on the back.
Anything to plug? Anything coming up?
No, we already did this.
Huh?
Chat show, Kevin Pollack, Tom Hanks.
I'm going to be on Person of Interest, the CBS program sometime in January.
Is that minus interest person?
What?
By the way, these cupcakes are being slept on, so if anyone in the crowd wants them, come on up.
Well, nobody's on them, but yeah, they're being passed. Could I ask you to read the clues again?
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Three stars, 1988, rollicking.
It's a bit intense at times for the youngsters
at whom it's targeted.
And Rich says
three names.
I say negative one.
But he's also got to take somebody to the airport.
What? Computer boy!
Negative one.
Sam Levine.
I did not think it was going to get this far.
I'm sorry, Mike.
No, he's not.
But you know what? Here's the great part. I'm going to ask he's not but you know what here's the great part
is that
I'm going to ask you
all the questions again
what are your plugs
I have a new
Garfunkel and Oats show
coming out
so yeah
so you're in a
kind of a tough spot
because Sam seems
pretty confident
if you think you know
what it is
you could go
more
what is the
more negative names what's the limit of negative names I could say well how many names did we think you know what it is, you could go more negative names.
What's the limit of negative names I could say?
Well, how many names did we say?
You could go
eight negative names.
Negative 50.
I have no choice
but to pretty much call it a day and say
yeah, alright.
Sam Levine, what's the name of the movie and what's the name
of the top bill performer in the movie?
It's Willow starring Val Kilmer. That is correct. All right. Sam Levine, what's the name of the movie and what's the name of the top bill performer in the movie?
It's Willow starring Val Kilmer.
That is correct.
Are you motherfucking kidding me?
I totally thought it was Curly Sims.
And you know who's eighth bill?
It's Mr. Kevin. Take a bow, Kevin Pollack.
Elliot Pollack, ladies and gentlemen.
Willow.
Willow, all good.
You're in Willow. Willow off good. You're in
Willow.
We must say goodbye
to Mike Furman. Thank you, Mike,
for coming. That was some bullshit.
Willow.
I must say, Sam,
you are great.
Thanks, buddy.
I love how pained you feel by this.
I really didn't want to knock Mike out.
I was enjoying sitting next to him.
You want to win everything.
That's not true.
I've never won this.
I don't expect to win it tonight.
Graham Elwood and John Hammer are sitting over there.
Don't.
Your false modesty is so transparent.
Graham's won this two in a row.
Sam said to me before the show,
if I don't fucking win this tonight,
I'm going to fucking kill myself.
That's actually true.
That was a bit we were doing, Graham,
but sure.
The bit was, I was like,
hey, Sam, you're fucking going down.
Yeah.
I said, I don't care
if I don't win the thing,
but you can't.
That's what I said.
Sam's going to get eliminated,
and the next person's going to go into the green room
and just see these feet dangling in the door
and Sam's tie around his neck.
Yep.
All right, Chris, you're up.
Hooray!
What is it?
Was that Gene Levy?
Gene Levy? Gene Levy.
I'm on a one-syllable basis with him.
Gene Levy.
Gene Levy.
Fight with those guys for the other microphones, Greg.
Don't use mine.
Chris, as suggested by Mike, M-I-C,
as in the Mike that I'm speaking into,
Lanny, L-A-N-N-Y,
suggested White Christmas.
And of course, that is movies that have Nazis in them.
Are they Christmas Nazi movies or just Nazi movies?
Movies that have Nazis in them.
Okay.
I believe is what I said. Okay. Pretty wide first. All right, all movies with Nazis in them. Okay. I believe is what I said.
Okay.
Pretty wide first.
All right,
all movies with Nazis
in them,
Christmas movies.
Amen, brother.
It's just got Nazis.
It doesn't have to be Christmas.
All the fairs are outside
this fight for.
No way,
oh no way.
He was a chosen one.
The year is 1965.
Look it up.
1965.
Please don't look it up.
Three and a half stars from Mr. Malton for this movie
that he says is...
Yeah, it's not rocking.
He says it has
He says that this movie
Won some Oscars
And he
And he says
He says some of this movie is
What did I tell you?
I'm sharing
I'm stealing
Like the Nazis did with Poland
Greg Proops everybody Greg Proops Like the Nazis did with Poland.
Greg Proops, everybody.
Greg Proops.
And this movie has coy aspects.
The Nazis were so coy.
Remember how coy they were?
Chris Hardwick.
I'll take off my towel if you turn around.
Chris, there's 15 names listed
in Leonard Walton's app
for this movie that's got Nazis in it.
Don't make me cross your Darden.
1965.
How many names do you think you can get in?
Well, I guess I could...
Did you say 15 names?
Mm-hmm.
Fuck, 15.
I don't know.
15.
Okay.
15.
This could come all the way around and bite him in the ass.
Wait, wait, wait.
How about 15?
All right.
Josh Molina.
I'm still here.
Get used to it. I'm sorry, I just realized.
Yes.
Oh, it's on me. Yeah.
Movies with the Nazis. Could be Braveheart, could be
any of the lethal weapon movies.
Just remember he was not in Apocalypto That was like
stubbing your toe
and there's that split second, that full second
for the pain to get to your brain
and then back to your toe
That's how long that laugh took
Everyone in the room was like, what is it?
We all got there, that's all
It's going to be a while before you need to speak, Sam,
so if you could pass the microphone.
Yes, sure, buddy.
Pass the microphone to Greg Proops,
because he's got a lot of gold that he's just sitting on.
Jewish gold!
Come on, ladies and gentlemen!
Back to the Nazis!
I'm going to say 14.
All right, Greg.
Here it comes, the other side.
Let's face it every movie made by a white man is a nazi movie and all men have the potential to be rapists so let's just clear that up with
cinema right before we get going on this i'm gonna say negative one scott's tweeting right now No he's IMDBing this shit Oh
Are you IMDBing this movie?
He's got work to do
He's super busy
He's a cable star
So he's got shit to do
I think he's gonna get a chance
To go do it right now
Come on Scott
Can I come up with a second person?
Of course you can
I'll go negative two.
Fuck you.
Yeah, that's a tough spot for Allison, I'm afraid.
Do you think you know what it is?
No.
But you know what?
I've already made it longer than I made last year,
so I'm proud of myself for that. Right?
Take the wins when you can.
We're all winners.
It's just someone's going to be the best winner.
Out of all the winners.
That's true.
What?
I truly do not know if I know this.
I am taking a shot at what I think it could be
just because I don't want to lose to Greg
who undoubtedly knows what it is.
Sure. But I don't know if I know this.
Okay. Prove it.
Alright. Allison says name it.
So name the movie and
top billed performer.
Top two billed performers. In the right order.
Sound of Music.
Julie Andrews. Christopher Plummer.
That is correct.
The sad thing is that I had an idea that it was
the Sound of Music, but there was no one else I could name
besides Julie Andrews. Yeah, yeah, Christopher Plummer.
Sorry, guys. Carrie Underwood was
in the sound of the music. I don't know what you're
talking about. Bye, Allison.
Say goodbye, Allison, everybody.
You guys just lost a whole lot of estrogen.
Uh-oh.
Coats on the chair.
I think Hardwick wins the award for most
recent reference. Yeah,
yeah, that just happened. Yeah, that was a whole thing.
Good for you.
Does that have a shit hit on the back?
There's a newer one with Willow Smith.
It's coming out 2016.
It's going to be awesome.
She whips mine how back and forth.
Pies!
Jon Hamm, ladies and gentlemen. Graham Elwood, ladies and gentlemen.
Graham Elwood, ladies and gentlemen.
Graham Elwood.
Nothing but net.
Nothing but fucking net.
Scott is feverishly tweeting.
He's tweeting this.
This is happening.
He's spreadsheeting.
God, I wish the winners on Jeopardy
were this blasé about their performance.
Fuck you, Ken Jennings.
Oh, man.
No, Scott was badass on that last round.
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Moving on.
65.
Was there something Greg said that was a clue or something for you?
No, the minute you said 65, I thought it was Sound of Music,
but the fact that he thought he could do it in negative one
made me think it was a little more obvious than it might have been.
Whoa, Sherlock.
Interesting.
No shit.
Benedict Ackerman snatch.
Sean Sacame
gets to pick the next category.
Dodged a bullet on that one.
I mean, he's going to take the category I give him.
I'll get used to this by the end of the show.
Somebody's going to the chest for more beer.
That's a good call.
Celebrating a birthday today, Sean,
is the great Bill Pullman.
So, of course, this category is the great Bill Pullman so of course this
category is the films of Bill Paxton
they're both great I do like both of them but for some reason people confuse
them I know the difference but Bill Pullman talks like this
that was like somebody's mother
just contributed to the conversation.
What was that?
It was like a purring sound you made.
Some Bill Pullman.
Here's Bill Pullman in the movie
Spaceballs.
I have to go back and check that out.
I don't remember him sounding like that.
Three and a half stars from Mr. I don't remember him sounding like that.
Three and a half stars from Mr. Maltin for this movie from 1997.
That's got Bill Paxton in it, of course.
Yeah, and he says about this movie that
it won some Oscars.
And he also says that...
Oh, boy.
Edelweiss, Edel...
He calls it sweeping.
Hope that doesn't give away too much.
He says this movie is sweeping.
And he lists a handful of names.
14 names,
Sean, from
1997.
And it's got Bill Paxton
in it somewhere.
Well, I mean, the smart play is to say
14. No guts,
no glory. I'm going to say negative one.
Okay, go ahead and name it.
Does Jon Hamm
want to get out of here?
It's entirely possible.
You got a 10 o'clock screening or something
to get to? Alright, Sean,
you're going to take down the great Jon Hamm.
He's narrating the new World Series video
where the Cardinals don't win.
Sports!
Sports.
Sports.
All right.
Sports.
What did you say, Sean?
Negative what? Negative one?
Now Jon Hamm thinks he knows it
Alright so
There's no take backs
He wouldn't want to take back
No he doesn't want to take back
So what's the title
And the top built person
I've got one in the chamber
Titanic Leo DiCaprio
That's correct.
So,
we have to say
goodbye to Jon Hamm.
Jon Hamm.
Oh, wait. Oh wait, did you mean Leonardo DiCaprio?
No, I meant Leon DiCaprio.
Where was John's name tag?
Did he leave it over there?
Yeah, okay, there it is.
Does it have a shithead on the back?
Good for you.
Good for you, whoever just lost.
At least I'll be saying this.
Oh, I agree.
Just collecting shitheads over here.
Wow, Sean, that was, uh, wow.
You made John Hamm go away, you cock.
I don't care how much you paid.
$1,800 to shit on everyone's night.
What?
Oh, thanks, Jonathan.
You guys...
John's just waving and being handsome to people in the corner.
You mean you guys see him too?
Wait, have you thought that Jon Hamm is your imaginary friend this whole time?
All this time! I thought I made it up!
So, Sean, your name gets entered into the hopper of players in the Tournament of Championships.
Wow! Nice.
Nice!
That's quite a bargain. That makes it like
$900 a show.
What's that?
Yeah, yeah, you're just waiting around for the next
level.
Take it down, Tracy Flick.
No, whoever
wins today
is automatically entered.
So you would be entered if you win.
Oh, that's it. Sean, you still have to win.
You have to go negative names and win.
I misspoke.
But I don't know.
I might just, you know...
What's happening?
You're having a brain fart.
And we're all waiting on you.
No, I'm good.
Every time I go to speak,
there's something starts to happen.
I'm on it.
Graham gets to go first.
Let's do it.
And your category is
Bad Santa,
as suggested by Derek Seibel.
Bad Santa is Christmas movies that Leonard gave two stars or less.
Ooh.
Yeah, so this is some shitty Christmas movies.
Do they have Nazis in them?
I can't think of any Christmas movies that do offhand, but maybe they do.
Sound of Music.
That's a Christmas movie.
If you watch it at Christmas, it fucking is.
So is the Evil Dead.
Any movie's a Christmas movie
if you watch it on Christmas Eve.
And make a wish, right?
And get high.
Says the man who's
not gonna have children.
That's the plan, right this is where we're getting
into these questions like wow i don't expect this mr proofs you really are here
uh graham illwood the year is 2000 This movie got one and a half stars from Leonard Maltin.
He says about this movie that the lead actor is good,
but he doesn't...
He says he lists a full title at the end of the review
as if that needs to be cleared up,
like there's more words in the actual title
than the title he put at the
top of the page and he lists
eight names
how many names do you think you can
get it in Graham Elwood
I'll go eight
Graham can ask you a question
Chris is doing something funny with his weird
where are you playing The Irvine Improv
December 27th and 28th
Greg Proops
Thank you so much
GrahamElwood.com
What'd you do
Take the full eight
He did take eight
Yeah he did
Like a man
Took the full eight
Penises
Like a champ
this could be
eight of anything
Scott
I'm gonna go
that's your brain
I'm gonna go
negative one
okay
you were very
kind to me
oh my god
do you know
what this means
this means
that Sam Levine
might not make it
past
oh Sammy
I didn't know
that was a mean is Is that a mean thing
to do to you? No, I gotta sit and figure out
if I know what this movie is. Oh.
I think I know it, but
maybe I don't.
Wait, what do I do?
I'm not sure I know the
movie, but I think...
Mega Rich vs. Giant Sam-topus.
I've got to think here.
Okay, let's give Sam some thinking
time. What would help you?
If you would re-read the clues, please.
Okay.
Rollerking.
They have Nazi We have to wrap this up in an hour and nine minutes
I can finish before then.
Please.
Whoa.
Bit of physical comedy.
Blow each other quicker, please.
He says that the lead actor is good
and that it has a full title that's longer
than the title he lists at the top.
Oh, also, I'm allergic to this movie.
One and a half stars from Leonard.
Eight names.
And Rich Summer says he can do a negative one.
Well, Rich is putting on quite the show
of histrionics over here.
Which is great.
It's great poker face to let me know that I should
probably say name it because he's like, oh, I don't know what it is
now, but I really don't know. So you really
go ahead. I have I have a couple
of guesses, but I mean, if
I go deep, right
that, you know, yeah, so
what are you going to do?
There's no way Hardwick's not going to make me name it.
So I got to I got to take my chance. How does Hardwick
get a microphone attached to his name tag?
Yeah.
It's not even his name tag.
He gets that microphone all to himself.
Man, I'm a scientist.
This is Mike Furman's.
Okay, so what's happening?
You're not a scientist.
You're more like a game show host.
What was the original line? Come on, nerds. What was the original line?
Come on, nerds.
What was the original line
that they changed on the day?
That they changed?
Yeah.
I don't know.
You're not a scientist.
You're more like
a used car salesman
was the original line.
Oh, okay.
And they changed it.
Not as funny.
I agree.
I agree.
They really punched that up.
Could not agree with you more.
They made that movie
pretty funny.
I feel like we're
drifting a little bit.
Kevin Pollak from the movie Willow, ladies and gentlemen.
Val Kilmer and Joanne Wally Kilmer.
Originally, he was going to say, get away, man.
I'm a scientist.
Then he said, back off.
In the end, that was a different take.
Not as funny.
All right, Rich, go ahead.
Name the movie.
And the lead star.
I may have to be leaving soon.
I think it's How the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey.
Correct.
Oh, my God!
These fuckers were singing it.
These people were singing it while I was looking at it.
You're a mean one.
Yeah, two is tough because it's just all
a bunch of random people.
The second billed person
is Jeffrey Tambor.
Oh, that sucks.
Damn it.
It's a bunch of who's.
The rest of the actors
are all who's.
Damn it.
And it's narrated
by Anthony Hopkins.
Is it really?
Yeah.
God damn. Yeah. And I'm interrupting How the Anthony Hopkins. Is it really? Yeah.
And I'm interrupting
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
on Monday night at CineFamily,
so come to that.
Oh, man.
It's going to be awesome.
Sam, so sorry to see you go, but...
Ham and Sam, they're out.
What's this one?
Let's keep that up front, I guess.
It's always anybody's game with this thing,
unless, of course, Graham Elwood wins.
Yeah, that's rough.
There's no one on either side of me right here.
Okay.
I don't care if I lose now.
Thank you, Los Angeles.
So now we're going to start with Chris Hardwick,
and unfortunately the microphone's attached to him.
I modified this microphone to...
Sexy Biscuits.
What?
Yeah.
Someone on Twitter named Sexy Biscuits What? Yeah Someone on Twitter
Named Sexy Biscuits
But spelled
B-U-S-K-I-T-S
Suggested
Jingle Bell Rock
And that's movies
That take place
Around Christmas
That have drugs in them
Jingle Bell Rock
What?
Yeah
And your choices
Chris
Are 1987
Or 1999
1987
Thank you, Chris.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie that is 1987 around Christmas and has drugs in it.
He calls this movie loud.
He also says it's trashy.
And it's entertaining as long as you don't think about it too much.
And he lists seven names.
Oh, man.
I think I know what it is.
Oh. I really think I know what it is.
Well, what are you going to do with that?
Do it.
I feel like
I kind of want to earn this one.
It's fine if I go home
because I'm going to take a shot.
I like this. I like the way you're talking.
Should we cue the Eminem song right now?
If it's the one where he strangles Rihanna, yes.
You got to use it the moment.
Don't get the power.
I think
I can name this movie
in negative two people.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Hardwick.
I love it. I fucking love it.
That's a commitment to excellence.
I don't know. I might be wrong.
And if I'm wrong, I'm going home.
Has anyone ever thought they were going to be wrong
and then been wrong in this game?
I might be.
Sometimes.
I can't even name most of the illusions between questions.
I'm out of my league here.
I'm going to have to...
People have been doing illusions?
Illusions.
Yeah, I'm going to...
Chris knows how to do the prestige.
Name it a negative two.
I think it's Lethal Weapon with Mel Gibson and Danny Glover.
Correct.
You didn't say Nazi movies.
Oh, the irony.
Josh Molina, ladies and gentlemen.
Nice work.
Watch him on Scandal.
Where's your name tag thingy?
Does it have a shithead on it?
Did you write a shithead on the poster?
It's in the corner.
Oh yeah, just pull that poster off and hand it to me.
And give her back her poster.
And thank you for doing business with Doug Loves Movies.
Sorry I didn't win for you, but you're going to get your shithead named.
Oh, that's a good one.
Wait, what? I don't even know what that's you're going to get your shithead named. Oh, that's a good one. Wait, what?
I don't even know what that's in reference to.
I hope it's not something mean or something.
Congratulations, Chris.
Thank you.
That was awesome.
Thank you for taking that chair away, Gabe.
I think Scott and Sean and Chris have really fucking rocked it tonight.
There's no reason to name names.
I'll take the category it came from within.
With Nazis at Christmas.
At the Lionel King.
And not fucking anyway, Doug, no.
Suggested Batman smells.
Well, this is Graham's category.
Huh?
Batman and whatnot.
Yeah, yeah.
We should probably keep it away from him.
If it's a Batman category.
This is films that star Christian Bale
that Leonard Maltin gave two stars or less.
For reals?
Yeah.
And you get to pick the year.
Would you like a Christian Bale movie
From 1993 or 2008?
93, please
You got it
2008, of course, would have been The Dark Knight
Leonard only gave it two stars
Did he really?
What a fucking asshole
He didn't know there was going to be a band later
Yeah, that would have given it at least another star.
Two stars for Leonard for this movie that Christian Bale is in.
Does he play Batman?
Two stars or less.
You know how this works, Craig.
I know.
1993 is the year that you picked, right?
Yeah.
Okay, and he says this movie has an eye-massaging production design.
Oh, Jesus, that's shitty writing.
Eye-massaging?
For reals?
That's like, oh, golly.
And Kenneth Branagh,
is that how you pronounce it?
I think.
Or do you go Branagh?
Well, you could say Branagh Guha.
Guha.
He appears unbilled in key role
as a Nazi
and Leonard lists
hang on
nine names
cock
I was so gonna go deep on this one
but I don't remember a 93 movie
with oh wait
with Christian Bale so going to go deep on this one, but I don't remember a 93 movie with a wait.
With Christian Bale?
Mm-hmm.
Three.
Three names, he says, Scott Aukerman.
I'll go negative one.
Sean,
Sacame,
tough position, buddy.
No, it's not. It's been fun.
When you said no, it's not, I thought you were going to just go to negative four.
I think I know the movie. I don't know any of the cast aside from the one whose category it is.
So, Scott Ackerman, name that movie.
All right, you need the name of the movie and the top billed performer in that movie.
Is it Newsies with Christian Bale?
No, I'm afraid that it is called Swing Kids and the
top-billed actor is Robert Sean Leonard.
Christian Bale
is second bill.
Swing Bale!
Came out one year after Newsies.
Swing Bale!
I don't remember any Nazis in Newsies,
but they are close.
They are sound-alikes.
Guys, it's been fun!
Good luck, everybody!
Where's the cupcake lady?
Or man.
Nice work, Scott.
I don't want to be sexist about it.
Oh, there we go.
There's her shithead.
That was beautiful.
Yeah.
Nice try there, Scott.
That was pretty exciting.
Good job, gentlemen.
Don't step on the cupcakes.
Weird beard steel trailer, chair stealer.
Yeah, I don't know that guy.
I asked Gabe to get the chairs.
This guy, I don't know where he came from.
He's just a chair collector, I guess.
Some homeless dude.
He just wants celebrity farts.
Oh,
god damn it.
That would have been
pretty fun if it ended up
being Dark Knight
and it had gotten to Graham
because then he would have
said negative
all the names.
He would tell you
the grips names.
Yeah, I would have been like
drawn by Bob Kane
in 1938.
So Graham, your category is suggested by Andy Znit.
A-N-D-I-Z-N-I-T.
And the category is gold, frankincense, and murder.
Tonight's episode.
Which is, yeah, the title of a...
Barnaby Jones.
Old Barnaby Jones episode. Which is, yeah, the title of a... Barnaby Jones. Old Barnaby Jones episode.
And that's movies where people are killed around the holidays.
And three stars from Leonard for this one from 1988.
He calls this movie Dynamite.
this movie Dynamite and he says that
it's got
a perfect part
for the lead performer in this movie.
And as Leonard often says,
it's marred by
over length.
And he lists
16 names.
A lot of people, a lot of people
a lot of length
1988
someone is murdered
during Christmas
yeah it might be
a lot of people
could just be
somebody's holiday spirit
not really
people are actually killed
cryptic
fucking clues
16 names let's get into let's go 13 People are actually killed. Oh, cryptic fucking clues.
16 names?
Mm-hmm.
Let's get into it.
Let's go 13.
I'm going to try negative two.
Oh, my God!
You, sir, are amazing, sir.
If you win this, it will be an honor to hand my two-time crown to you, Rich Summers.
Summer, singular.
There's only one of you up here.
Someone dies at,
someone dies at Christmas.
Negative to Rich Summer.
This is Eugene Levy doing his Bane impression?
Take control!
Why do I feel like Chris is going to blow the whole building up in a minute?
Did I forget to mention this is an incendiary device attached to my chest?
88.
Yeah, even if I...
Yeah.
I don't know.
Rich Summer.
Name that movie.
Thanks for backing me up, guys.
Others were supposed to say it as well?
I don't know. I just thought it'd be fun for everyone
for a minute. Because it's the holidays.
I wouldn't want to encourage that.
I wouldn't want that to happen
every time the audience chants that.
I'm going to go with...
Noonan!
I'm going to go with Die Hard with Bruce Willis
and Alan Rickman.
That is correct.
Wow!
Oh, and by the way, the full title
is Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Told
Christmas. Oh, yes, I know. I thought I was really nervous about that.
That's like, and he's playing this all like, golly gee.
No, he loves games.
Oh, fantastic.
That's one thing I know about Rich Summer.
He loves games.
You do like games.
He goes to game conventions.
Do you get this back?
Is this yours?
Oh, is there a shithead on that thing?
Did you make this, by the way?
That's fucking amazing.
Did you make it for a tiny person?
Oh, you made it for her.
Oh, nice.
All right.
Thank you, Doug Benson.
Thank you, Rich Summer.
Thank you, Chris Hardwick.
Chris Hardwick, everybody.
Merry holidays.
At midnight, back January 6th.
Chris, could you get one of your minions
to drive my friend downtown in 24 minutes?
You're a victim of your own
genius, Rich Summer. Your friend
will remain unpicked up
because you're too smart about movies.
Chris is called Uber Platinum.
Chris Hargudig, everybody. Chris Hargudig, everybody.
Chris Hargudig.
Thank you, Chris.
Oh, shit.
Wow.
There's been some mad players tonight, man.
Mad players.
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
This has been super fun.
Rich is off the deep end good.
I've been very fortunate with my placement in this game.
You know, you can say that about Hold'em,
but I don't think you can say that about this game.
This is yours to lose, Rich.
I will say that right now.
By the way, all the Jews are gone.
That's what Christmas is all about.
On a winter's day, I went for a walk in town.
Am I wrong, Graham?
You're right, brother.
Preaching the truth.
Everyone's afraid to see it.
Thank you, man.
Keep the White House white.
Jesus is the reason for the season.
Santa Claus is a white man.
They said it on Fox News.
Fucking jackasses.
Sorry.
Fucking Kenyan socialists and shit.
All right, we're starting with you, Greg.
And the next round we're going to go.
Am I still here?
Sweet Maria.
Next round we're going to go in the opposite direction, you guys.
We're going to start changing directions each round.
No, don't fucking do anything.
So the same two people don't have to go.
Ah!
At Rebecca A. Diamond.
I don't know how she got so many letters into her Twitter name,
but that's Rebecca A. Diamond.
Becky Diamond.
She suggested, do they know it's Christmas?
And that, of course, is...
Movies with Paul Young and Bono in them.
As Greg Proops throws the beer can to punctuate the bit.
I fucking goal.
Throws a Bud Light on the floor and says, fuck you.
I'm smarter.
Do they know it's Christmas is movies
where someone is unconscious?
So they're probably not aware of what time of year it is.
They're not unconscious at Christmas time.
They're just unconscious at any time of year,
unaware of what holidays are happening.
The can was lovingly returned.
To clarify, Doug, these are not Christmas movies
where people are unconscious,
but rather,
they're just movies
where people are unconscious.
Yeah, I don't believe
either of them takes place
at Christmas.
We've got one from 1978
and one from 1995.
78, bitch.
Okay.
Greg likes to go deep.
Three stars from Leonard Maltin
for this movie
that he says
has two people who are well-matched adversaries.
And he says that this movie has a very...
Doug, you've completely disintegrated into nothingness.
Go on.
Tom Selleck appears as Murphy.
Yeah.
And Leonard Liss, seven names.
I'm going to sacrifice myself.
What?
Yeah.
I want this game to carry on,
but I really feel that Sean, Graham, and Rich
have been superb candidates
tonight, and that I have been
effluvium on the unbelievable
comprehensive ocean that is
this fucking show.
So I'm going to say negative two, and I'm
going to fucking sacrifice myself.
Greg, that negative one
sound of music play was fucking brilliant.
Yeah, yeah, I don't understand. That's good game yeah. I don't understand what you're talking about here.
That was smart filmery.
I didn't actually know it was sound of music.
I was going to say now the generals with Peter O'Toole.
That makes you even more of a genius, sir.
So do you think you have any idea what this movie is?
1978.
It's a movie about people who pass out, is it?
Indeed, someone is
unconscious as a plot
point in this film.
And what were the other topographical
moments? Tom Selleck plays Murphy.
It's called My...
Leonard says, look for Tom Selleck as Murphy. It's called Maya. Leonard says, look for Tom Selleck as Murphy.
Keep your eyes out for that.
And he also says that the leads are well-matched adversaries.
Paulina Porzikova.
I don't know what you're doing right now.
I'm guessing.
Just bid seven names if you don't think you know it.
I don't know it
I really feel like these guys
I'm going to bid four
just trying to lose
interesting approach
Sean Sacame
you really have to think about this
yeah name that movie.
Here are the stars.
Kippy McDermott,
Slaz Injwell,
Cram Snortful,
and Biff McTavish.
The movie's called My Alibi.
So Doug actually reads you the names, Mr. Proops, sir.
Lois Childs.
Lois.
Oh, cock.
I know this.
Lance Legault, Richard Widmark,
and Rip Torn are your four names from this movie
where unconsciousness plays a part of it.
And it's from 1978,
Adversaries Well-Matched.
Meteor.
Oh.
With Sean Connery and Natalie Wood.
You didn't have to name any names, really.
I don't care anymore.
This is Christmas, and I've given myself over
to the spirit.
This motion picture is called Coma.
I knew it!
Jean-Pierre Bujold!
Yeah, Jean-Pierre Bujold, you know.
You just whipped that right out.
Greg Proops, ladies and gentlemen.
Nice.
Greg Proops, man. Out. Nice. Greg Proops, man.
Outstanding.
Outstanding, sir.
So who are the two leads in coma again, Doug?
Did you read that?
Greg knew it right away.
Jean-Pierre Bourgeau, but Michael Douglas.
The two of them were trying
to fight this crazy hospital that was putting
people in comas and harvesting their
organs. It had that great,
the movie poster was all those people sort of hanging on
those string beds. Based on a Michael Bright novel?
Yeah. And Richard Redmark
was the adversary of
Jean-Pierre Bujold.
Great story.
Alright, what happened that last round? We were going counterclockwise. Jean-Pierre Bouchard. Great story. All right.
What happened that last round?
We were going counterclockwise,
so now we're going to go clockwise,
and we're going to start with Rich.
All right.
Oh.
And Rich, your category is called
Bipolar Express,
suggested by M. Mondelio. It says Bipolar Express suggested by M. Mondelio
says Bipolar Express
which is motion pictures that have
mentally ill people in them.
Movies with mentally ill people.
And you have a choice between
1975 or 2010.
I'll go
2010.
This thing says open for shithead
and you can't possibly take this off
open the case
oh
stoner science
there's a piece of paper that said open for
and I thought it meant open the piece of paper,
but it meant open the whole thing.
What year did you pick, Rich?
The 2010 one.
Okay.
And this is where, what's this category?
Someone is, it's got mentally ill people in it.
Okay.
This movie, the one that we passed up on
is a little gem from 1975 called
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Nice.
But this one from 2010 gets only two stars from Leonard.
He says that this movie is about,
that it's adapted from a semi-autobiographical novel,
and this movie is not serious enough to have real weight.
And he lists 12 names.
How many names do you think you can figure this one out?
How many names was it, 12?
12, yeah.
I'm going to start with 12.
Smart opening bid against these strong players.
So those are the main numbers?
Yeah.
I will go ten
nine
eight
did you hear that Graham
I whispered it
into a microphone
thank you
so it's eight to me
and what were the total number of names
we started with? Twelve.
You cagey little fox,
you.
I'll go seven.
Six.
That was Sean.
I'll go five.
I will say name it.
Oh, fuck me.
We're going to make it, Patrick.
Somebody get Rich's car out of the valet.
You get to get out of here.
Here's your five names.
Morgan Murphy.
She's been on this program.
Novella Nelson.
Don't know who that is.
McIntyre Dixon.
Asif Manvi.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
People in the audience say.
And Jeremy Davies.
Are your five names from this movie from 2010.
What would you call it?
If you knew the title.
I wish I had said 1975.
I'm a...
What the hell?
Oh, the Watchmen.
There's the Watchmen.
Oh, Chris got the thing.
And a Fangoria shirt.
And a Fangoria shirt.
Nice!
Nice!
Chris Hardwick.
I hope he enjoyed his burrito.
From 2010.
I know I'm probably
just not going to be able to pull this,
but I'm going to go with
I'm going to go with
Please say the name of this movie.
It's all I want to do.
Truly, I've got nothing
I'm going to have to go with
I'm with cancer
I don't know
it was a
kind of smaller movie
what were you saying Graham?
Zach Galifianakis
Zach Galifianakis is in it
and it's called
It's Kind of a Funny Story
sure is
yeah
dude
you should have
you were fucking amazing. Yeah, that was
great. You were amazing at that.
Thank you.
Where's your, you got a
shithead name tag?
There wasn't one on yours.
So, who was
he playing for? Alfonso.
He blew it. He blew it.
He doesn't get to, I'll just say Alf is a shithead. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there youso. He blew it. He blew it. He doesn't get to...
I'll just say Alf is a shithead. Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, there you go. God damn it,
Rich! Where...
Don Draper's very
angry.
God damn it!
Jesus.
I love this printout of Alfonso Jesus. Go fire!
I love this printout of Alfonso in the corner.
It says page one of four.
I wonder what the
other three pages of stuff he
had to print out was.
Can you come write your shit in on the back of this, Alfonso?
Is he here?
Where is he? There he is.
Do you have a pen?
Do you need one?
Yeah, take the weirdest fucking way
to the front of the goddamn...
This is gonna get ugly.
There you go, dude.
He's walking right towards Jon Hamm.
He's challenging you to a fucking fight.
Two guys with sweaters.
I want to see this thing end.
Two sweaters enter, one leaves.
That's right, Alfonso.
You don't fucking
back down from no one,
you son of a bitch.
You're walking a weird way
to ride your fucking
shithead on the back
of your goddamn cartoon.
Atta boy.
Do you speak English,
you fucking asshole?
Look at me
when I'm talking to you.
This is bullshit.
I'm sorry.
I'm playing the skit
where we're all angry.
Wait, we were all angry?
I did not think I was going to get this far.
You didn't think you were going to get this far.
Is this a person that you know, Alfonso?
Oh, okay, it's like a friend of yours?
Oh, your brother.
Oh, blood feud.
I didn't want to come off insensitive.
How insensitive?
Wait, there was another one that I was worried about too
Hey Graham, how many movies have you named tonight?
It doesn't matter, you're off
GrahamElwood.com folks
Headlining some shows
Maybe we'll let Sam Levine drive me down to Irvine folks
December 27, 28
Let him valet the car at the Irvine Spectre
Come on down folks, you watch me tell some jokes
And Sam will be in the back, man.
Tell you what, Sam,
I'll give you a free palm strike shirt.
How about it, kids?
That's Graham with one M,
like it fucking should be spelled.
You don't add weird M's to the fucking first name
like an asshole.
Like a fucking asshole,
you do it to your last name
like Jon Hamm does, like a man.
But his first name is
J-O-N-N.
We're going to start with Sean.
S-E-A-N-N.
Then we'll go to Graham. G-R-A-H-A-M-M.
Outstanding, sir.
Whatever happens. God bless you.
And of course, yeah, we're going to go
clockwise this time. Wait, no, wait. Let's get that ironed out first, which direction we're going to go clockwise this time.
Wait, no, wait. Let's get that ironed out first.
Which direction we're going, Doug?
We're going clockwise now.
Oh, let's go counterclockwise.
Sean, then you.
And I'm going to actually let
Sean pick a category.
Because this is a tough
position for him to be in. I want him to have all
the opportunity.
Sean Sacamay, by the way way is one of the biggest podcast fans
out there like when we did the podcast
festival he was one of the first kickstarter
people he helped get that thing off the ground
he's a fucking awesome fan
thanks man
it'll be an honor to stick this fucking game right
in your fucking throat you you goddamn amateur fuckbag.
May the best man win.
Okay, some of us have sitters.
Wait a minute, Doug, you have a baby?
I'm really offended.
I was joking about the sitter thing.
I just, a dog watches it.
I was joking about the sitter thing.
I just... The dog watches it.
That's so good.
I think Zach said that once on the show.
Okay.
At Old Timey...
Old Timey Josh is the name of this person.
Suggested direct the halls.
And that's Christmas movies that Leonard gave two stars or less.
And then I just wanted to get it in one of the classic categories.
Golden Showers P-Book.
And that is motion
pictures that begin with the letter P.
So we're playing the P one?
Sean gets to pick.
Oh. We're playing the P one.
Yeah.
This movie begins with p
it's from 1995 uh leonard malton gave it three stars uh he says um can i ask a quick quick
clarification now is it can it be the p word does that count or is it no no no you know you know me
i wouldn't mess around with that.
Oh, yeah.
The answer isn't, for instance, The Poon Hound.
Okay.
If Poon Hound
were a movie, that could be the answer.
I'm going negative two. Poon Hound.
Starring Leif Garrett and
Lee Majors.
1995 is the year.
He says about this movie,
entertaining if not particularly memorable.
So three stars seems a little generous, Len.
And he says that
looks like it won two Oscars.
And it had a direct-to-video sequel.
Direct-to-video sequel. Direct-to-video sequel.
And Leonard lists
12 names.
How many, Sean?
For all
the marbles.
There's no marbles, but...
It's cupcakes.
For all the acclaim.
Oh, the winner gets
the cupcakes.
Yeah, and giant candy bars.
You know, I actually, I brought some red velvet
whoopie pies, but those cupcakes, I mean,
they're going to upstage them, so... Red velvet
whoopie pies? Yeah!
It's like a cupcake cookie sandwich.
Where are they?
Well, I didn't want to bring them out and upstage
the cupcakes. Oh, that's alright.
But they're right here. Holy shit!
Those are fucking amazing! And they're holiday colors here. Oh, shit. Those are fucking amazing.
And they're holiday colors. Those look really good.
They are.
Yeah, they're red and green.
Ho, ho, ho.
Kevin Pollack. Kevin Pollack.
Soon to be seen in the direct-to-video
How the Cringe Stole Cupcakes.
Okay, 95 starts with a P.
Mm-hmm.
12 names?
Mm-hmm.
Nine.
No, you must play.
Nine?
Nine names.
Seven.
Seven, Sean.
I'll go six.
Sean Sacame, it's been an honor to play with you, sir.
Please name that movie.
I swear to God.
Sam, here you go.
Here's a grand mail with two-time champion.
If you win this game
three fucking years in a row,
having named a grand total
of two movies
over the course of three years,
I call shenanigans.
I guess some people just aren't good at strategy.
They're too busy getting all hot in the bother
about who should be having to call what name.
I sit back and relax and I enjoy victory.
Yeah, I wish you'd asked him to name it, Sean,
because he would not have been able to.
But I'm sorry, Graham, because he would not have been able to. But, uh,
I'm sorry, Graham, for giving him that extra clue.
Uh, your six names
for this movie
that begins with the letter P
are
James
Apumut
Fall. His last name is Fall. Apumut Fall.
His last name is Fall.
Apumut Fall.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Michelle St. John.
Frank Welker.
Billy Connolly.
Linda Hunt.
And the name of the night, Christian Bale.
From 1995.
Won a couple Oscars, sequel straight to video.
I said something else.
Entertaining, if not particularly memorable.
Begins with the letter P.
What do you got, Sean?
I hope you get this, dude.
I have zero idea right now
what I think it is
won a couple of Oscars
try to think of movies
that begin with P
start there
very exciting if you
say it
what's my time limit here give him some time It would be very exciting if you say it.
What's my time limit here?
I'm sorry.
Give him some time.
Give him plenty of time.
Okay.
Don Draper says it's over.
I think I have it.
What? No, wait, wait.
Wait, what?
No, sorry, no, no.
Give him some time.
Is there any plugs or anything we can do to stall while he gets some time?
No, I'm sure you have plenty of plugs.
Oh, you don't have any fucking tour dates, you cocksucker?
Like, we're going to Orlando January 4th and 5th.
Are those the whistling veins I hear back there?
Plugs begins with the letter P.
Yeah, I didn't intend to plug anything because this is a long episode.
Got to name all these shitheads.
Two and a half hours that we're looking at
people will listen to all of this there was an audience that watched it all
live in person you guys are awesome by the way especially you guys i got here at like 6 30 and
there were people standing in line at 6 30 you guys are so great that you make this. This is such a fun thing to do every year.
So 4.30, somebody said?
Holy shit.
Jesus.
Stalker.
Take a stab in it, Sam.
Sorry.
I'm going to say Pocahontas.
That's correct.
Pocahontas.
Hey, suck a bag of dick, Scram, that one!
Oh, this is the greatest day of my life!
Oh, nice. Oh, nice.
Outstanding.
Right here.
On your feet.
Take photos of this guy.
On your feet.
And he donated money to help Smile Train
to get here, ladies and gentlemen.
That is an amazing human being.
Hey, Graham, let me host this thing.
I, uh...
That is an amazing human being.
Hey, Graham, let me host this thing. I, uh...
So, yeah, so you really are...
You really are automatically in the next tournament of championships.
And I think you should open up your cupcakes thing
and throw them into the audience.
At people. Okay, pass them around. He can't do any... He has to do everything nicely. Open up your cupcakes thing and throw them into the audience.
At people.
I'll just pass them around. Okay, pass them around.
He can't do any, he has to do everything nicely.
Oh, they are really, really, look really messy.
Looks, uh, looks nasty.
But I do want to, I do want to stress, fellas.
Guys.
I want to stress, fellas. Guys.
I want to stress to everyone here tonight,
don't tweet for like, you know, give it three or four days before revealing, like saying anything about who the winner is
so that people that can't listen to two and a half hours of podcasting immediately
won't have their results of tonight ruined.
But thank you guys so much for coming. Thank you to all
of my guests.
Too many to name.
13 guests at Christmas.
And where's
the winner? Where's this?
Come on down here.
I don't know.
Do you have any Sherpas with you?
Because you have
a lot of stuff to account for.
Not to mention your name tag.
She was at the very front of the line tonight with Baseball Jordan and the crew,
so it pays off to get here early.
Bring your cool name tag.
Kevin Pollock has a statement.
It's important to acknowledge there's no one happier
than Sam Levine right now.
That could not be more correct.
I think I'm happier, to be honest with you.
This is like Christmas, Hanukkah.
You don't ever have to go on the road with Graham
and hear about all the time, I'm a two-peat.
I'm two-peated.
I've never said two-peat.
I want to say it was an honor
to play with you folks.
This is a great competition.
You guys are awesome.
Where was the angry guy mocking my name from a minute ago?
You mean when you heckled me, you little...
Yeah, that's right.
Wow.
The great thing, though, Sam Levine still never won this.
That's true. I've never won it.
You know what? I don't need you guys for this part.
Yeah, you're right.
Thank you all for coming.
Oh, perfect.
Oh, these are a lot of shitheads, you guys.
You know, if you need to get out of here,
you've got to get up early,
you've got to do some shopping. Oh, wow, you guys. You know, if you need to get out of here, you gotta get up early, you gotta do some
shopping. Oh, wow.
You turned the empty...
Sean, your empty
Tupperware. Wow, people tore...
It's because you haven't eaten for hours.
Everyone tore
into that shit.
Alright.
Sean Sackaway.
Sam is very happy, but I'm showing it.
I'm happy on the inside.
I'm too tired at large to jump up and down about it.
But I really did not need for Graham to win.
Yeah, one person did, right?
One person here needed him to win.
All right, so in no particular order,
and we'll see you guys
next year
here at the UCB
on Tuesday nights
at 7 o'clock.
And we've got
a couple more shows
coming up on the road
to keep you busy
over the holidays.
Matthew Broderick
Christmas movies
are a shithead.
Omar is a shithead. Omar is a shithead.
The Whistling Banes are a shithead.
Kevin Morris is a shithead.
Kanye West is a shithead.
Kelly Robertson is a shithead.
That girl's dad's driving is a shithead?
That sounds like, that's something awful. that girl's dad's driving is a shithead?
That sounds like that's something awful.
I guess I didn't see the news today,
so I'm glad I said that.
The NRA is a shithead.
The cost of airplane tickets is a shithead.
The jealous cop on The Returned is a shithead.
And Sam the Ma'am Levine, a.k.a. Little Wolverine, is a shithead.
Happy holidays, everybody!
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Cause Doug loves movies.