Doug Loves Movies - Jonah Ray, Tony Hinchcliffe and Wayne Federman guest
Episode Date: April 17, 2017Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in LA, Doug welcomes Jonah Ray, Tony Hinchcliffe and Wayne Federman to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice... at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny baby sticky seats
With 50 as in pop or hurdles in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves booties
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Movies.
God, dude.
Were you just late, or did you say a different word?
I said it like you said it.
Oh, okay.
I'm fine because I thought you might have said boobies.
Everyone's like, this is, boobies!
Coming to you once again from the Nerd Melt showroom in the back of Meltdown Comics, which smells delicious today.
Doesn't smell like normal comic book smell.
In Los Angeles, it's Saturday, April 15th, 2017. I call it tax day. Some say it's not
until the 18th because that's when you have to get your stuff in this year. Let's not argue about it. This is our 23rd show this year and 204 days till Ragnarok.
I know all of you went to the tax march today so I understand if you didn't have time to make
name tags. Oh shit look at all those name tags. All, so none of you went to the tax march today?
Applaud if you tax marched.
Oh my God.
I expected kind of a light turnout today
because the tax marchers would be taxed from marching.
But you guys just stayed home
and had brunch and made a name tag.
Maybe stop by Kinko's
on your way here.
Dial in for Matthew really stands out.
That's a really good one.
What's this Guardians of the Gregory?
Is that right?
There's a fucking minion over there that's creeping me out
it's really rattles somebody's rattling a minion uh what's the name tag on that minion
despicable lees okay because your last name is lee and you're the Lees. Because your last name is Lee? Yes. And you're the Lees?
Yes.
That's the remake of We're the Millers in Japan.
What's this Fast Times one over here?
Ridgemont High.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High?
Matt High.
Oh, Ridgemat High. Okay. Just sounded like you just said back the name of the movie lock scott and two smoking barrels jossica good work everybody thank you for
bringing those nick and nick's infinite playlist is Is that two of yous together named Nick?
My name's Nick, yeah.
Your name's Nick.
I like that.
Reimagine that movie if it were like twins named Nick going out on a date and just discussing
their playlist.
Doug plugs,
we just recorded upstairs
an episode of Dining with Doug and Karen.
It's been a long time.
So it should be available
on iTunes tomorrow or now.
If you're listening to this, now.
It's available.
Now.
Coming up this
Thursday, five days
from now, on 420,
Getting Doug with High is live at the
Coach House in San Juan Capistrano.
And you can
watch it live on YouTube if you can't
make it down there starting at 8 o'clock Pacific time.
And next weekend,
I'll be at the Wild West Comedy Festival
in Nashville, Tennessee.
Go to douglasmovies.com.
That's douglasmovies.com.
Boobies.
Apologies from the apologies department
to everyone whose tender ears couldn't handle
one of my guests chewing gum on the last episode.
In her defense, she was trying to cover up
the sound of the crickets.
Did the gum chewing bother anyone here?
No.
Okay.
Some people are very sensitive to chewing,
which is why I gave all my guests today gum.
That's not a terrible idea.
But I won't tell the guests that's why.
Just see who goes out there
and makes that massive faux pas
of chewing into a microphone.
Which we try not to do on Dining with Doug and Karen, so give that a listen even if you're
afraid.
We got a, for the prize bag today, we got a copy of my CD promotional tool and a card
that reminds you about where you can watch Getting Doug with High.
And, oh, this is another thing that'll remind you
about Getting High.
A rubber bong from our friends at Peacemaker.
But I realize sometimes my packages,
I don't give people my home address,
so where the packages are delivered to,
sometimes I get them months later.
So if you're sending me something important,
like if you're sending me a new liver,
don't send it to my...
or let me know.
Because I got a box full of Christmas-themed bongs
from this company.
But, you know, it's never too early
to start getting in the Christmas spirit.
So I'll be giving those out throughout the year.
And people can re-gift them on Christmas, you know.
You can just relax for all this time.
And then a regular Peacemaker pipe.
It goes nicely with it, though, because it's red.
And, ooh, I got this button I went and saw the premiere of the movie
called Free Fire
featuring our friend Brie Larson
and it's a cool
button that they gave out
at the after party thingy
couple of stickers that I've
picked up along the way
and
is that it?
what? oh and a t-shirt.
Boom.
Doug Loves Movies t-shirt in a size that might fit you.
No tradesies.
So, you know, might become a night shirt or a tight shirt.
Whatever you're looking for.
Let's get my guests out here.
It is a big day here in Los Angeles whatever you're looking for. Let's get my guests out here.
It is a big day here in Los Angeles because traffic is difficult to get around.
People are tax marching.
So I appreciate everyone in the audience for being here.
And I really appreciate these three guests.
Please give a big, warm welcome to Wayne Fetterman,
Tony Hinchcliffe, and Jonah Ray.
Thank you.
I thought you were doing like a show-busy
walk around the room and
waved to everybody. It wasn't.
You just didn't put the brakes on.
I was excited. I didn't know there was
this big a crowd.
The last time I was here, this is fantastic.
Yeah, I really expected
a really dreary turnout today.
Kind of wanted it because
I always thought it would be interesting to do an episode
where we're all up here, we got the the mics, and we're really doing the competition,
but there's like seven people sitting there.
I'm not asking for that to happen.
I don't want you guys to get together and plan it as a surprise for me.
But if it ever does happen, I would embrace it just as a unique experience.
We used to do episodes where we'd just sit in a room and do the show.
That's fun, but the live audience really makes this for everybody, I think.
I feel bad for people who I'm going to take their card because I usually don't win on this show.
So I apologize already.
All right, does anybody else?
Let's handicap it.
How's everybody feeling today?
Do we have any winners on the panel?
I feel great.
I'm ready to get Doug with high.
See, that's what happens.
Sometimes I've had a few people...
Order in the court.
Order in the court.
I've had a few people show up at the weed show saying,
I thought we were just going to do movie trivia.
Right.
Oh, I'm totally here.
I know.
We're ready to interrupt some movies.
Oh.
Jonah, how are you feeling?
I'm feeling tired and brain dead Let's play some games
Yes
It's the perfect time for it
But let's meet our guests individually
Starting with the gentleman to my left
Who's been on the program 23 times now
Correct
One win
One win One win.
And that was only because somebody messed up.
Wikipedia won't even put him in the stats.
It's Wayne Fetterman!
Thank you.
One win. One win.
I remember it was War Games
was the winning.
1983.
Oh, so you're telling us ahead of time
that you're a deep cuts guy.
I didn't remember that movie.
It goes through Falcon's maze.
Right, but aside from Ally Sheedy or Matthew Broderick,
can you name anyone else that was in that movie?
Eddie Deason.
I just did an impression of him.
You did?
Eddie Deason, right? Eugene from impression of him. You did? Eddie Deason, right?
Eugene from Grease?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's the one that goes,
I know you go through Falcon's maze.
Wayne, I just thought it was you
saying something about Falcon's maze.
That is true.
I have auditioned against him a couple times.
That is true.
That's the great thing about commercials,
is, like, whatever you think you look like,
you know what you look like
when you go on a commercial audition.
You're like, oh, all right, I see what group I am in.
There's no...
You should, maybe you could be old Eisenberg in something.
Jesse Eisenberg?
Like, you could be, like, his dad or something?
This feels good. Tell me something else.
Tell me another old thing I can play, Doug.
This feels good.
I'm just saying it's nice to plan ahead.
Like now my voiceover career is taking off,
which is good timing for that.
I can look a lot older and still probably pull it off.
Right, right.
Let's say hi to my other guests, Wayne.
Okay.
Let's not make it all about us. Let's say hi to my other guests, Wayne. Let's not make it all about us.
Let's say hello to Tony Hinchcliffe,
everybody.
Thank you, Doug.
I am ready to get super high, Mead.
I do apologize.
I did run into the room
today without offering to smoke you out
before the show.
I self-smoked.
Okay, good.
I like people
that take care of themselves.
I was coming on and I needed to get warmed up
before I got super dug.
We're about to get high as fuck.
Any second now.
I've been on this show.
Okay, never mind.
Go ahead.
No, are you seriously high right now?
What are you, a cop?
Exactly.
I am a...
You have to admit if you are a cop.
I am.
I am a police officer.
I'm a police officer,
but don't you wonder.
Yes. It's legal. It's legal in this part of the world. Oh, okay. I thought you police officer, but don't you wonder. Yes.
It's legal.
It's legal in this part.
Oh, okay.
I thought you were going to tackle me and beat me.
Yeah, that's...
You know what else is legal?
Tell me.
Doing a comedy special for Netflix.
It's all in one shot.
And it's Tony's special called One Shot.
Legal.
Legal.
But it's illegal to give it less than five stars.
Oh, thumbs up now? You're like, what are you, my Uber driver?
Thank you for being here, dude.
Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm always excited to talk about pot with you.
Yeah. I mean, it might come up at some point, but we're going to mostly
talk about movies today. Okay. And just so you know, in case you haven't heard the show
lately or you were high every time you've been on it, I'll be asking you shortly about
the last movie you saw. So don't panic. Very good. Sometimes it's hard to think of. It's
like that, what did you have for breakfast question where you just feel like you're lying
just because you paused for a second.
Pancakes?
Gluten-free pancakes?
Jonah Ray is here, everybody.
He had a big night last night.
He had a big night last night.
Good to be back.
A lot of memories of these old walls.
Been a long time.
Come back. Yeah, this, of these old walls. Been a long time.
Come back.
Yeah, this, of course, is where the Meltdown TV show was filmed.
And that's why there's a really cool looking lighting fixtures.
Yep.
Edison light bulbs.
Very now.
Very now.
You go to any bar right now and they'll have craft beer and Edison light bulbs.
And old fashions and then drinks and jars.
It's the now sound.
I like a nice Moscow mule.
I like any drink that has a special cup
waiting,
just waiting for its chance.
What do you want?
What kind of cups do you have?
Let's start there.
Pixar's
Moscow mule.
Just a series of cups
waiting their turn.
And then sometimes
they get smuggled home.
You ever take your
Moscow Mule cup?
I've taken lots of
Moscow Mule cups.
You look like the type.
Yeah, yeah.
But then I give them
to a homeless person.
I said,
you find booze for this.
And they're great
for clanking change. Good. It's a louder sound. They got a good person. I said, you find booze for this. And they're great for clanking change.
Good.
It's a louder sound.
They got a good sound.
And then everyone will be like, look at that old-timey hobo.
Yeah, you sit there with a paper cup, you upgrade the fucker.
Exactly.
And everyone will be delighted.
Like, look at that old-timey hobo.
I got to help him get some change so he can get back on the rails.
Why do you need change if you're just going to jump on the train?
Just in case you run into a train toll master,
which is a head hobo,
and they take tolls to get onto the nice one
with the good haystack.
They're so roomy so often in old-timey movies
when they get in and they top the train.
There's plenty of room to just hang out.
Yeah, where are those trains going?
Did they just get done dropping
something off? I guess. Cows?
Moscow mules?
Wow, that was
very uncalled for.
This audience is way
too judgy.
Everyone said Moscow mules.
Everyone just agrees. Two minutes on Moscow mule riffing is too much. Everyone said Moscow. Everyone just agrees.
It's like two minutes on Moscow mule riffing
is too much.
I got in trouble for stealing one of those
cups out of a bar. Really? Yeah, I got
arrested by a copper.
Hey, you know what?
Wait.
I like that. You know what?
Okay, that's it.
That's all I got. You know what? Okay, not. That's it. That's all I got. You know what?
Because it's made out of copper.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess, Tony, I got to give it to you now.
You win the Pete Holmes Award for the...
Wait, what does that mean?
I don't think a joke could be said that he doesn't explain what the joke was.
Oh, I get it after one time?
Jeez, wow.
Pete Holmes really...
Normally it goes to the first person
who just starts speaking without me introducing them,
but you guys were very polite today.
Plus, I just started talking to you
by name,
so that changes everything.
Last movie you saw,
Wade Fetterman?
Well, I did a double feature
of Beauty and the Beast
and the Belko Experiment.
Whoa!
By myself.
By myself.
Yeah, well,
probably looked creepier at one of those than the other.
But, and how'd you fare?
I mean, how'd they do?
Did those movies succeed on their own terms?
Because clearly you were willing to go into areas.
Right, right.
You went to a children's thing and a violent thing.
Yeah, I had seen the cartoon of Beauty and the Beast earlier
when it came out. When? The 90s, I assume?
It's been a minute.
Yeah. And they claim it's a
tale as old as time, although
it was written only 300 years ago.
Right. And it's a fucking...
It's a singing teacup, so I'm not...
That's not where I go for my news.
But there is a very controversial gay
moments in,
not in Belko, but in.
LeFou.
More than that.
There's another guy.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
LeFou is Josh.
Is that right?
Josh Gad.
Yeah.
Well, there's like three dudes from the village,
and when they go to attack the castle,
the wardrobe turns them
three
these three guys
puts them in
women's clothes
two of the guys
are like oh my god
but one guy's like
hey
this feels pretty good
am I right?
but that could have been
like
that could have been
like Bugs Bunny
hey like hey
I can trick people
no no this was like
hey this feels good
this feels right
well one out of three
that's statistically correct Bugs enjoyed dressing as a woman.
He just used it as a ploy.
Right, of course, of course.
And then later, he's the one that hooks up with Gad.
Oh, okay.
This is Beauty and the Beast?
Yeah.
That's all I got out of that movie.
That's all I got out of that movie.
No, it was a little bit.
Congress is trying to change the title, Beauty and the Beasts,
because of all the horrible
behavior, animal-like behavior.
Oh, of course.
Was that what they mean by a tale as old as time?
Bestiality?
People have been fucking animals for a long time.
I was quoting a
Huckabee tweet.
From the movie The Huckabees? He tries to make, yes, the I Heart Huckabee tweet. From the movie The Huckabees?
He tries to make, yes, the iHeartHuckabees account.
They tweet?
He's always tweeting these terrible, terrible jokes.
Right.
And people are like, you know.
As the characters?
You know how they say to comedians when you talk politics, stick to comedy.
People are saying to Mike Huckabee, stick to, find something.
Oh, I see.
I don't know about because his tweets
he makes jokes
and they're terrible
but his bass playing
they never land
he's a good bass player
he needs 140 characters
for every joke
they all just
meander
and you're like what
okay but
so it was
so which one
and Belko
did you enjoy that
well it was not I mean it was you know like which one? Ambelko, did you enjoy that? Well, it was not really...
I mean, it was, you know, like...
You know what the plot of it is, right?
I sort of heard, but, you know,
I really bury my head in the sand
when it comes to details about movies
because I really enjoy seeing things
with little to no knowledge of what's happening.
Just enough of a kernel that makes me want to see it.
Which is how I treat theater, you know? If there's just a little bit about it that makes me want to see it. Which is how I treat theater. If there's just a little bit
about it that makes me want to see it, then why
do you need to... You don't need to know more.
You don't need to research it and
know too much about it before you see it.
And I don't want to tell you too much about it because
it would actually be a good movie for your other show.
All of them.
Yeah.
That would work for
all of them. For your work for all of them.
For your other show.
It's silly, but... We're interrupting
La La Land. I'm not going to tell you how it ends, but...
Wait, what did you say?
I just said we're going to interrupt La La Land
on May 2nd over at Sin Family.
I'm still furious that didn't win the best
picture. Oh, really?
You racist. I know.
It's true it's true but he did win i didn't like it until i found out it was racist
but they split it up they did the give him the director give them another movie the best picture
and and moonlight i believe is probably the lowest grossing best picture of all time it
used to be like hurt locker was pretty low but this is really low. It was very gross to me.
I, uh...
Tony, what was the last movie you saw?
I saw a double feature as well.
It's funny you mention that.
It works divisively well for this.
I saw Django Unchained and Get Out.
It was a very racist evening.
Why were they both at the same...
No, I was making a joke.
I thought it was going to land, but it didn't at all.
I just saw Get Out, actually and uh it's been a while so i saw a
couple movies on the airplane but uh but uh get out was the last one a sweet tale about uh about
a loving relationship just wait have you guys talked about that movie at all has everyone seen
get out it's been a it's been a slightly rough one because the people that haven't seen it get start to get really weird when we talk about it and because they know that everybody says it's
great and they and they know that it's a twisty movie yeah and that's all they want to know and
they're just holding all of us back from uh from communicating as long as you don't mention the
alien part nobody really do what you just tony! God damn it, I did it again!
Oh, God!
I thought I was here to cook some food with Doug!
I just remembered that one.
Why did you turn into a prospector?
God damn it, I did it again!
Gosh darn it!
I thought there was gold in here!
Hang on to your hats and glasses!
I'll be at the Wild West Comedy Festival this weekend.
The wildest ride in the wilderness.
Jonah, did you, oh wait, so did we ever get an answer out of you?
You saw Get Out and you liked it.
Oh, I absolutely loved it.
Yes, it was amazing.
And is that something you saw too, Jonah?
Yeah, I saw it.
I thought it was great.
Yeah, so what do you want to say about it that doesn't spoil it?
I don't want it because it will spoil it.
Right?
Yeah.
You got to trust me, it was a real good joke, though.
Everyone that saw the movie
come up to me afterwards,
I'll tell you the joke.
It'd be like,
it's a good joke.
Good thing you didn't say it
for those idiots
that haven't seen Get Out yet.
Horror movie directed by Jordan Peele.
People are loving it.
That's all I need to know about it.
I endorse it as well.
Yeah, that's all I need to know, though.
Yeah.
You know?
And I knew a lot more than that
and it made it a little less fun.
Oh, it did?
Yeah.
Wait, would you know that made it less fun?
The aliens.
I had to kind of piece out what was going to happen in my head based on just what I
heard about it.
Right.
You saw the trailer?
But avoiding the trailer.
I didn't watch the trailer.
Okay, let me ask you this.
At what point does the curtain come down and we're like, we're allowed to talk about it?
Like, when does that?
I don't know, because it'll come out on demand
and then on a DVD and then on some streaming service
and then...
Make some noise if you haven't seen Get Out.
See what I'm saying?
Yeah, I don't want to ruin it.
It's just, I think it's like...
Yeah, and then they all at the same time go,
but,
but I saw Moonlight.
But you can imagine like Psycho,
people probably shut their mouths about Psycho for a long time after it came out.
You know,
there's,
there's just,
that was the first year you did Doug loves movies.
And like,
at what point did they say,
you know,
did people start saying out loud that Bruce Willis is dead in Sixth Sense?
I think that went for maybe half a year.
What the fuck?
I think of that movie every time
I can't get the automatic paper towel dispenser
to give me a paper towel
because that's what would happen to Bruce Willis now.
He would just be in the bathroom doing that all day
and other people would come up and do it
and it would work and he'd just be so frustrated.
He'd also be wondering why the water
went through his hand.
Yeah, why does he need to dry his hands
in the first place? What an idiot.
Yeah, I mean like
maybe they were just out of paper towels.
You get so...
I said
another person comes up and it works.
Alright, so I'd tell you the up and it works. All right, so
I'd tell you the last movie I saw.
You don't want to know the last movie I saw?
If I could remember it.
I thought we said it was Get Out.
No, you just asked if I liked it,
and I said, yeah, I did.
I don't even think that happened.
I think I asked you to get out.
Oh, that was it, yeah, yeah.
Very politely.
I saw a marquee. I Instagrammed it.
There's a marquee of a multiplex
in Portland. It said,
Get out, Logan.
I was like, yeah, that's something
somebody should say to him.
What was the last movie you saw, Jonah?
Just right before I came here, I watched
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.
What a day you're having.
Robert Aldrich.
Yeah, I'm in a real weird mood.
It's a weird movie.
What inspired you?
Is it because you're watching that feud thing on FX?
Yeah, my wife and I watched the first episode of Feud.
My wife!
Anyway, my wife and I watched the first episode of it.
Please stop interrupting me. My wife and I watched the first episode of... Please stop interrupting me.
My wife and I...
Doug, for once...
Anyway, my wife and I always saw...
Someone's going to one day run up to you and say,
you have to help me, my wife is in trouble.
I will say it as I run to their aid.
My wife! Oh, oh yes we should uh
let's get a tourniquet on this right away put pressure on that wound my wife
uh george clooney's name in er was doug and my name is doug let's let me help
so what did you think of that i'm very curious because we've all seen that right as soon yeah
there's that slip through the making noise if you haven't seen that's the craziest thing
no i liked it does it does put you in a weird mood it's like stressful the whole time it does
have a lot if uh like a lot i i noticed that how much stuff isn't baby jane isn't she present
throughout yeah yeah so isn't the question whatever happened to just answered immediately
she's right there where we can see her it could have also been called what's up with baby jane Yeah, yeah. So isn't the question, whatever happened to, just answered immediately?
No, it's more just like... She's right there where we can see her.
It could have also been called,
what's up with Baby Jane nowadays?
I never liked what's eating Gilbert Grape
because of the whole eating and grape thing.
It's just like...
Why not call it what's bothering Gilbert Grape?
Yeah, yeah.
And when they're playing Where's Arnie,
he knows where Arnie the fuck is.
See, he was a really good older brother is the thing.
All right.
I love the ending of that movie.
It's a little surprising.
Yeah.
It's a little surprising. Yeah, so again, we can't talk about it.
It's the same ending as Get Out, but that's all I'll say.
That's all I'll say.
But the races are flipped.
No, they're the exact same races.
Did you bring anything for the prize bag, Mr. Federman?
Unfortunately, yes.
Oh, no.
It's a bad thing?
Somebody's not going to want this?
Well, I brought four things. One is I always bring
screener things, which we're not allowed to talk about
on the air, but this is from 2014.
This is from some screeners.
It's a big one.
This is a movie called
Maggie's Plan.
Ooh, did you burn that yourself?
This is Maggie's plan who'd you burn that yourself this is from this year's Grammy Awards where I went to the rehearsal and stole this for somebody is that the
program the programs they fit from this Bruno Mars on the back thing I brought, more important than all of that,
is how would you describe this?
Open.
Open.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's a high-end sparkler.
We're coming up on America's 241st birthday in July.
She wants them to hang on this until July 4th
and then blow off some fingers.
Yeah.
You get all of that.
You're welcome.
Fantastic.
Give me the whole thing there.
I'll find somewhere to dispose of it.
That's illegal fireworks in there.
And I'm a copper. Keep going.
What's up?
Let's do it.
Yeah.
Now, Flay, you're really...
Oh, hello.
Guess what I brought, everybody?
Since I knew we were getting high today,
I brought a bag of edibles and joints
from our friends at L.A. Speedweed.
Oh!
That's probably not allowed to be talked about,
but I'm a fucking rebel, so who gives a fuck?
We should have had you go last.
That's a pretty good thing.
I took my annual trip to Joshua Tree on Tuesday,
and I went to the very cool gift shop at Joshua Tree afterwards the next day,
and one of the cool things that I saw was luxury soap, it says,
and it says, here's your gift, motherfucker.
And it's like super fucking cool.
And I'm like, man, I want to buy that,
even though I don't ever give people gifts
because I'm not that nice of a human.
But then I bought it, and then Doug invited me to do this,
and I'm like, here's your gift, motherfucker.
And then I am obsessed with Quentin Tarantino,
and this is one of the original programs
from the special roadshow engagement
of The Hateful Eight that I got the day that it came out.
This was on Christmas Day
of last year.
How can you part with it?
Is it because you're not a hoarder?
Because I have a second one that's framed.
I get my Tarantino shit framed because I'm obsessed with him.
Okay.
Have you seen...
I'll take the bag.
I'll go ahead.
Now I know the answer
to the question
in the last movie I saw.
Last night I watched
the 25th anniversary
new print of Reservoir Dogs.
Yeah.
My favorite of his movies.
At the new Beverly.
It's very, very...
It's my favorite of his movies.
It's very entertaining.
You saw it at midnight?
It's very well done.
No, it was just...
It's just playing nightly.
Like tonight it's at 6.30, I think.
But there wasn't a double feature with it?
Then it was Pulp Fiction, but I was like,
enough of this shit.
Wow.
No, I love Pulp Fiction, but I really just went
just for the significance of the anniversary
of Reservoir Dogs.
Was he there?
And it is my favorite to watch because it is so,
you know, let's face it, as great as Pulp Fiction is,
it's got some really long
talky stretches.
Yeah, yeah.
And that's not really true
of Reservoir Dogs.
There's always shit going on.
Yeah, it's incredible.
It's very fast-paced,
only an hour and 40 minutes.
What's your favorite line in it?
What's your favorite?
Makes me laugh
every fucking time
when Stephen Wright
tries to say, when he goes,
behemoth. When he fucks up the
word behemoth is so fucking funny
every time.
And just in general.
But some unnecessary
end bombs for a movie with not even
one black character there saying them.
But you know. That's the only time
he's ever used that in a movie of his.
Well no, but that's where I qualified it.
It's usually about a specific person.
It's not just white guys standing around saying it for no reason.
You can technically say the word if your name is Mr. Black.
A little bit.
Yeah, so he gets a pass.
But a couple other characters just say it really casually and
it's just sort of like really i mean i i know these guys are terrible people but do they all
have to be racist you know because they do have a code in the end when they're all arguing with
each other they all are defending another person that they believe is is right even though they're
all a bunch of fucks i love it so much. I couldn't, it blew my mind when that movie came out.
I was just like,
I felt like it was almost made for me.
Like the sensibility.
I stumbled into it.
I just went,
this looks interesting.
And then was like,
what?
This is great.
It's incredible.
It's really fun.
Reservoir Dugs.
That's right.
You know,
I hashtagged that when I saw it.
No one knew what you were doing at the time why is that pound sign in front of the name
pound sign
they show trailers before
the movie they always like
you know cause the new Beverly is
Quentin Tarantino's theater basically
and he shows lots of crazy stuff
and then they show trailers and cartoons
that go with the movie you're about to see.
So we saw a Sylvester the Cat cartoon
before Reservoir Dogs.
And I think the reason we saw it is because...
Let me hear the connection.
I think the title of the cartoon was something about dogs.
Because it was about... Sylvester kept falling into a pit full was something about dogs. Because it was about
Sylvester kept falling into a pit
full of giant mean dogs
and he'd get torn to shit
and then they cut to him trying to
catch Tweety again and he kept
getting torn to shit and I was like, they should say
you know, 19 months
later.
They should put in a joke of how much
time it takes him to recover before he goes
back out to try to eat Tweety Bird again.
It still gets fucking destroyed
by all these fucking dogs
every time.
Anyway, it was Something Dogs
was the name of the
cartoons.
That was the connection. I like how you're punching up
Looney Tunes.
You know what those iconic tunes should have done.
Not punching it up as much as just saying it in my head every time it happened.
Because there'd just be a quick transition and he'd be fine again.
There wouldn't even be one where he's limping or something.
He was always back to square one.
Maybe I didn't count him.
Maybe he has nine lives in the cartoon.
That's why he just keeps springing back.
What do you have for the bag, Jonah?
I could talk about all this shit forever.
From the company
Good Good Pins. I got a bunch of their pins.
They do those pop culture kind of enamel things.
This is one from Die Hard.
It's McClane
going through the
air duct.
The air duct?
Just come out to the coast. We'll have some
laughs.
I sound like Pee Wee.
This is a record
that says, What Came First, The Music or The Misery?
High Fidelity.
This is an Atari's B.I.G. one.
There's a couple Seinfeld ones.
And then for you people with shitty
cars, here's my album,
Hello Mr. Magic Playing Person Hello on cassette tape.
Wow.
So you can either play it
or take out the tape and make some art.
Did the three of you stop at the same bag store
on your way here and bag this shit up?
Yeah.
Yeah, we all went to bag that shit up.
We got out there for a little bit.
I like the way
you bag it.
No diggity.
Bag that shit up.
All right.
We did run into
each other at the
bag store.
We did.
I could barely
handle it.
What is that noise
you keep making?
Trying to make jokes in the moment for you,
but you reward me with puking?
Oh, bad joke.
I don't know what's happening, but I like it.
It's that part of the show.
Oh, one more thing about... Reservoir Dogs?
Well, the trailers.
They showed the trailers for...
Is this another one that's tangentially connected
to Reservoir Dogs, and then you're gonna...
Well, before Reservoir Dogs,
they showed trailers from Django Unchained,
and another one that's not worth getting into but because the reason i bring this up yeah they showed the trailer for true romance yeah yeah and that trailer sucked
it was like they're on the run and you don't know what they're gonna
It's like the corniest voiceover
and the music is by
Aerosmith throughout
the entire trailer.
And they show scenes from when they're
the shootout at the end of the movie.
It's fucking
terrible, but it's fun to see now.
Do they show any of the scene, the famous
scene in the
you know, where he
says basically he's a black guy
and then, do you remember this at all?
What are you talking about?
Are they taking over the same movie? Dennis Hopper
and Christopher Walken? Yeah, yeah.
Are they in that movie? Yeah.
Yeah, there's a famous scene in like a trailer
where he's like, oh, I'm gonna get killed.
They show the end of that scene. They don't show who going to get killed. They show the end of that scene.
They don't show who's being shot,
but they show the end of that scene. I haven't killed a guy since 1980.
They show that part in the trailer, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway.
By the way, I'm a huge Aerosmith fan,
so do you remember what songs they were playing?
Aerosmith!
No, I want to say it's crazy.
Was it ragdoll?
No, I want to say it's crazy. Was it ragdoll?
I think it's crying.
I think it's crying.
And the song from Revolution X.
I cried when I met you.
That one.
Yeah.
Okay.
I can see that.
Are you so big a fan of Aerosmith that you play their arcade game a lot, Revolution X?
Do you remember that one?
I don't know.
Where you shoot CDs because these guys are trying to take away rock and roll or some shit?
I don't even know.
I guess I'm not...
Music is a weapon.
That's what it says on the thing.
Wait, it was a game in arcade?
Yes, it was an arcade game.
Okay.
Hey, Jonah.
Did you get a version of it at your house?
I don't think it ever made it to the home.
Not like Moonwalker.
It did?
It did.
Oh, it did.
Okay.
But by the time it came out, it was mini discs being shot out of a...
I love those guys.
Jonah, have you done...
Maybe Wayne has too.
Julian Loves Music.
Have you guys done that?
I did it once.
Yeah, you did?
Yeah.
All right, cool.
I almost was on it once.
It's a spinoff.
You should be on it.
I know.
You know a lot about music.
A little bit.
Yeah.
A little bit.
I think you'd do better there than you do here. I know that
Steven Tyler's the lead singer.
You did know that. You came right out with that.
Everyone was like, that's fun. He knows things.
I know Steven Tyler.
Yeah, you guys
were naming their songs. I know the drummer in that band.
It was really fun. Tribute to Aerosmith.
I don't know if you're impressing anybody.
But this is the part of the show where I say Bert turn it off because I'm
gonna go and before we you go ahead and lift up your name tags but before we go
to break I just want to say that available now on Netflix the entire
first season of the reboot of Mystery Science
Theater 3000
starring our friend
Jonah Ray.
So how did that
come about? It was like a make-a-wish situation?
How many
seasons are you going to be alive for?
How long are you going to be around to give us these great shows?
Well, they didn't think I'd make it through the first episode.
Oh, no.
Now they're stuck with you.
Yeah, they're like, oh, man, Seth Rogen was ready to go.
But no, we're going to hopefully keep on making them.
I hope people like them.
I think they do.
I've heard only positive things so far, and I'm going to check them out.
How long does it take to watch the whole first season?
Because you watch a whole movie each time?
Yeah, each episode is an entire movie, so it's 90 minutes.
And do you cut much out of the movie?
About 20 minutes out of the movie.
And you don't miss a thing.
Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it.
That's right.
I appreciate it.
All right, so we've got lots of great name tags,
so go ahead and pick who you want to play for,
and we're going to go to a brief commercial message.
We'll be right back.
Hey, everybody.
There isn't a sponsor for this episode,
but I would like to take a moment while name tags are being chosen
to remind you about 420, not because it's Hitler's birthday,
to remind you about 420. Not because it's Hitler's birthday,
but because I've got a very special
Getting Doug With High
four or five guests on stage,
live streaming,
smoking for about 90 minutes.
You can come check it out in person
at the Coach House in San Juan Capistrano, California for, I think it's about 20 bucks
to get in and a two drink minimum, but you're going to want a drink, right?
Or you can watch the live stream at youtube.com slash Doug Benson starting at approximately 8 p.m. Pacific
time on
April 20th.
Have a great week
and I hope to see you then.
Also, listen to the rest of this episode.
I think it's a good one.
Pretty sure
it is.
We're back and Tony is is just uh still work in the room
he really went around and looked everywhere emotionless what was your thought process
i wanted to give everybody a good chance i believe in a good democratic system thank you very much
sometimes i like to go to the back and see what kind of signs the poor people made
to go to the back and see what kind of signs the poor people made.
It's not the poor people.
It's the fucking late people.
That's who's back there.
It's the people who had something else
happening in their lives.
Well, the late people are usually the poor people.
Am I right?
I don't know.
That's not how it works.
They probably have more money
because they were coming from a job or something.
Maybe, but if they work coming from a job or something. Maybe.
But if they work off of a time clock system and they're late, then they're losing that money.
That's what I say when it's not funny at the end.
Fwa, fa, fa.
Grr, grr.
Just go out with the thing.
Boom.
It makes you more likeable.
I wish I had taken that Jaws one, by the way. It makes you more likeable. I wish I had taken that Jaws one
by the way. That was my favorite one.
You don't like the front row though.
That's the one I would have taken.
What? You should have sat in the back.
That was my favorite one. You did pick a good one.
It's one I mentioned earlier. It's Dial M
for Matthew. That's a really good one.
Classic.
So nice job on that Matthew. What do you got there Tony? I. Classic. So nice job on that, Matthew.
What do you got there, Tony? I got the Italian
Jobry. This is really cool. It has
one of my favorite characters on your show,
Mark Wahlberg, on
it. Also your head and
some other people
too. I mean, like I'd have to listen
every episode to know how like inside of
your show this is. Oh, that's Ken Jennings.
I don't know who that little tiny guy
is. The Jeopardy winner,
Ken Jennings? Yeah.
He's been on a bunch of times.
Jeff Tate? Yeah. We had a Jeff Tate mention
on this guy, too. Oh, okay.
Amy is also mentioned. I don't know why people were sensing
that Jeff would be here, but he's not.
Kamale.
You know this guy, right?
I'm not.'m not getting involved.
Get a grip.
Who are you playing for, Jonah?
I'm playing for Riedel Juice.
Is your name Riedel?
Just read?
That's a stretch.
Earlier today on the radio,
I heard the Harry Belafonte song,
Jumping the Line.
And that's when I saw this.
It made me think of that nice moment with my wife
before we got weird with whatever happened to Baby Jane,
which might just make us not talk for a little while.
Is Dick Cavett in that scene?
What?
Dick Cavett in that scene?
Yes.
Yeah, okay.
That's all.
It's just a quick question. Dick Cavett sounds that scene? Yeah. Yeah, okay. That's all. It's just a quick question.
Dick Cavett sounds like a bad STD.
Staying in tonight, I got Dick Cavett.
Dial M for my wife.
All right, you can put your name tags down
because we're going to get serious here
and really play some games.
Hopefully those name tags won't get trod upon
because the first game today,
it's like we summoned him with our...
Oh, jeez.
Don't worry.
You're just stepping out.
You're pre-trodding on them?
I just wanted to make sure. I just wanted to take the pressure off. All right, let's do some lines with Mark, jeez. Don't wait. You're just stepping out. You're pre-trotting on them? I just wanted to make sure.
I just wanted to take the pressure off.
All right, let's do some lines with Mark, you guys.
You guys want to do some fucking lines?
Holy shit.
Hey, Mark Wahlberg,
tell us about your little friend.
For the listener at home,
I have a fucking canine in my arms.
It's a tiny little dog in a cute Hawaiian shirt.
Yeah, you think I would do that
to the fucking dog?
Do you want to know how I ended up with this dog?
Because somebody told me he was responsible.
Somebody told me he could take care of a dog all by himself.
But now I'm walking a dog named New Kid around the fucking block.
I told him, I'm like, why don't you name the dog Money?
That way you can get some of that every once in a while.
Now, please tell me you're not going to do a line from John Wick.
Heck no, dude.
John Wick 2, maybe.
What's up, new kid?
Callista at home, he said nothing.
Not even no comment, just silence.
You want to do a line, dude?
Yeah, that's why you're here, right?
Fucking A, bro.
Jonah, what's up, man?
What are you going to do with that dog?
Jonah gets to hold the dog?
I mean, he settled in nicely.
Oh, shit!
Jonah, I love you to death, but if you drop that fucking dog
and I got to deal with Donnie, okay, dude.
I swear to God.
I wouldn't do that to Donnie.
You know that.
You know I'm better than that.
Little Dog Love Movies trivia.
March 2012.
First time I was in this room on this fucking stage.
It was with Jonah right fucking here, dude.
I crashed the meltdown and I made that show what it is today.
Mark, Mark.
It's not a show anymore.
Stop doing the show.
Stop doing it.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is it beloved?
Yeah.
It's not for me to say.
It is, Jonah, because you fucking did that shit,
but I made it great.
You ready to do a line, Doc?
I would have named him Bark Wahlberg.
That might confuse him, though.
Or Barky Bark.
Congratulations.
You made a horrible joke and proved you're smarter than Tommy.
Alright, so here's what's gonna happen.
Mark is gonna say a line from a movie.
That he's in?
Is it a movie he's in?
No, we did all the ones he's in.
Okay, because I saw Patriot's. Because I saw Patriot's Day.
I saw Patriot's Day.
Fucking A, you did.
What did you think of that shit?
Riveting.
Do you want to know a secret?
Tell me.
You know the little fucking Asian kid?
The fucking Asian kid who's like getting the Mercedes
that he shouldn't fucking own by any right?
Yeah, I remember.
I played that kid too.
All right, so he's going to say a line from a movie,
and you guys can guess as often as you like
until somebody gets it,
and if the first line that he chooses doesn't work,
then I hope he has more learned from the movie.
I know all the lines.
Do we just stop him at any buzz?
You just yell it out.
Just yell out.
You want to pre-guess one?
Yeah, I do want to pre-guess it.
I want to do a pre-guess.
Go for it.
I'm going to go Weekends at Bernie.
Wrong.
Okay.
Weekends at Bernie?
Full title.
That's what he said, Jonas.
Weekends at Bernie.
I spend my weekends in Bernie.
Back off, Mr. Reyes.
All right, ready?
Here we go.
I'm ready.
Look good, feel good.
You look good.
You feel good.
This is just a warm-up.
It's not the line.
Here it comes.
When I buy a book,
I read the last page first.
That way,
in case I die before I finish it, I know
how it ends. I'm on Harry Met Sally.
It is on Harry Met Sally.
Wow.
I had
a guess. I was going to guess. Something I don't like.
You don't like that movie?
I just guessed that I probably wouldn't.
Really? That's fucking good, dude. It's alright.
Alright, let's go, new kid. Okay, bye.
Later, dude.
Oh.
Really?
That's fucking good, dude. It's all right.
All right, let's go, new kid.
Okay, bye.
Bye, grandma.
I feel like I'm playing for you.
That is a tiny, adorable dog.
It's kind of hard for me to concentrate
knowing he's right there in that other room.
That movie has Carrie Fisher in it.
Good job.
It does.
And Bruno Kirby both passed.
What?
Bruno Kirby's dead.
Oh.
Jesus Christ.
No, I'd heard about Bruno.
I didn't know about Carrie.
Did she die?
All right.
So... Did she die? All right, so...
I was on the radio when I found out Don Rickles died.
I'll always remember that,
that I just had to talk about it immediately,
but it felt good to talk about it immediately,
but it was a sad one.
Is that a he was old and sick joke?
Yeah.
He's an old guy.
Yeah, yeah.
He'd laugh at that, right?
He would.
Of course, of course.
Do you think he was in the hospital
and maybe he was just being Rickles to some doctor
that maybe didn't know who he was
and the doctor's like, fuck this asshole.
Just pulls the plug.
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
I wanted the laugh factory
to not do that typical marquee
where they say, make God laugh.
I wanted to say,
tell God, can't you see I'm busy talking to Jesus?
Don't bother me.
Don't bother me, God.
Don't bother me.
Anywhoos, Wayne won that game.
Congratulations, Wayne.
All right, so I guess you get the prizes.
Bring the bag over to them.
Nope, now's when it gets really
intense. All you won was the opportunity
to go first in this next game.
Alright. That's it? You're living on the
edge, man. That's all you won
for your troubles. Alright.
It's a little thing called Ron
Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation
Bureau Game.
I'll give you the short
easy description. I don't think any of you
gentlemen have played this before okay I'm gonna name an actor or actress we'll
start with Wayne you each get one turn in order or actress no I'll just name
someone right and then you have to tell me what you think is in their top three movies of all time,
domestic, box office.
Box office.
I'm going to crush this.
Adjusted for inflation.
I'm not good at that.
I can't do that.
I can't do that part.
Okay.
So what do we do?
Basically, a movie that was a massive hit a long time ago
would be probably an even bigger hit today.
Right.
Now it ends up working out sometimes.
Do you have Gone with the Wind as the biggest on that list i think that's how it works out yeah
that that would have been 1939 money than anything but also people wouldn't pay 17 to see it
it was worth it when it was a nickel yeah not a nickel it was not a nickel so you're gonna name
an actor or actress
and we have to name
three movies of theirs
that made a lot of money
you have to guess one
that you think will be
in their top three
and you have to go
in order
but the first
the next person over
gets to go first
each round
so each person
will get a chance
to go first
okay quick
just quick clarification
let's say I get
the number two box office
you go yes
that's number two
and they have to guess
one and three or do you keep it in the dark no no no I get three guesses then box office. You go, yes, that's number two, and they have to guess one and three?
No, no, no, I get three guesses.
Then I tell you what the top three are.
Got it.
And I dispense the points based on...
Number one is three points, two, two points,
and one is...
Thank you for the clarification.
Three is one point.
Yeah.
All right.
I got my hotel pen ready.
Yeah. Please be. I got my hotel pen ready. Yeah.
Please be an actress I know.
We'll go Wayne, Tony, Jonah.
I love that you still divide between actor and actresses.
Very.
Well, I like to just say actors, but then some smart-aleck comedian will go, what about actresses?
Yeah, yeah.
And then I'll say, what about Salma Hayek?
That's my actress?
We're into it, yeah.
I slid right into it.
Okay.
Okay.
Sometimes it's just a game of name anything you can think of that they were in.
I know.
I'm trying to.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I know. I'm trying to think. Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I know the movie.
Sometimes it takes a second for it to process.
I hear coppers are on their way.
Is that a clue?
Coppers?
From dusk till dawn.
Okay.
Finally.
Thank you.
Oh, Jesus.
Tony.
Wow.
All that time. The great Sal Tony. Wow. All that time.
The great Selma Hayek.
All that time that you took,
I just kept thinking about that one answer that I knew.
My God.
That answer's incredible.
You can pass also.
I'm a fucking man, Doug.
I'm not passing.
I'll do a lot of things, but I won't just pass.
Fuck.
All right.
Selma Hayek.
I loved her
in the...
Now, if I pass,
if I get it wrong,
am I done?
But if I pass,
I'm still in it?
That type of thing?
Yeah, you're fine
if you pass.
It's no big deal.
I'm gonna pass.
You'll still be tied
with Wayne.
Okay, Jonah.
Fuck.
Well, from Dust Till Dawn was going to be my answer.
What else you got?
What's another Salma Hayek vehicle?
The only other one I can think of is that Joe Lynch movie.
What was that called?
What was that called?
Joe Lynch's Everly.
Yeah, that's right, Everly.
Everly. Everly. Yeah, it's right. Everly. Everly.
Everly.
Yeah, it's about
Selma Hayek's like
trapped in a house
and she's got to
shoot her way out
and she's real badass
and she's like
in her underwear
for a lot of it.
Oh, shit.
It's a great movie.
Yeah, it's good stuff.
All right.
Coming in at number three,
speaking of sexy characters,
Puss in Boots.
Oh, right.
Right?
The cartoon.
Number two,
massive comedy hit
called Grown Ups.
She was one of the wives
in the Grown Ups movies.
And then,
number one...
Can I take a guess
for a point?
Grown Ups.
You could take a guess
for fun,
but you'd get nothing.
Well, can I turn
that into fun for a point?
Grown Ups 2. Nope, that I turn that into fun for a point?
Grown Ups 2.
Nope, that didn't do it.
It wasn't fun.
It wasn't worth it.
That movie did great too but I don't think it did as well.
I don't think it did as well.
But number one for Selma Hayek,
Wild Wild West.
Ah!
Wild Wild West.
Ah!
Yes.
Yes.
We're going straight.
Don't let your lip react. You don't want to see my hand
where my hip be at.
Me and some other comedians
will be interrupting that movie
in Nashville as part of
the Wild West Comedy Festival
next weekend.
Now, do you have a layover or are you going straight
to the Wild Wild West? What? are you going straight to the Wild Wild West?
What?
And are you going to the Wild Wild West, or are you going to the Wild Wild West?
We'll be working.
All right, the next name.
Oh, by the way, the score is insignificant.
That was terrible.
Let's pretend that we're starting now.
Give us somebody bigger than that.
Okay.
Salma Hayek.
All right, you sexist son of a gun.
Racist.
Doesn't get any...
We'll start with Tony and then Jonah and then you, Wayne.
Perfect.
Kenneth Branagh.
Fuck.
Doesn't get any bigger than Kenny B.
Kenneth Branagh.
I have no idea who that is.
He directed Thor.
Did he?
Yeah.
So he's a director?
He's an actor of pretty big stature.
But you know what?
I think you telling me that he directed Thor
is actually going to be enough of a piece of evidence
for me to put it in my brain
and figure out what type of movie
that a guy that directed Thor would act in
early on in his career.
And I'm going to go with A Princess Bride.
Wow. All right. A Princess Bride. Wow.
All right.
A wow to you.
Jonah.
Wild Wild West.
I'm just going to pass.
I can't think of one
Kenneth Brown movie.
For reals?
Yeah, I can't.
Well, I can name a movie.
I know it didn't make any money.
Oh, well, no.
Name one that made some money.
He's been in some
that made money.
And, you know,
as film scholars,
that's all I do is invite film scholars on the show.
You guys should know at least one.
I'm trying to think, like, what...
God, was he in that?
Like, he was in that one where he was all like,
Oh, Son of Mask.
All right, I'm gonna name a movie
just because I want you to know I can name a movie.
Did you think that sounded like Jamie Kennedy? I I want you to know I can name a movie.
Did you think that sounded like Jamie Kennedy?
I don't know. I've never seen the movie.
Or did you think a mask with Eric Stoltz had a sequel?
Called Son of Mask.
Oh, here we go again was the tagline.
Cher's a grandma now, but wearing the same clothes.
All right, I think I got it.
Okay.
Hamlet.
Hamlet.
Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet.
Hamlet.
It's got to be in there.
All right, coming in at number three, Valkyrie.
Valkyrie with Tom Cruise spoke English.
All the other Germans spoke in a British accent.
Including Rana.
It was terrific. Really good stuff.
Coming in at number two.
Hamlet.
Tried to hand you guys this one.
Wild Wild West.
Isn't it?
Which I'll be interrupting in Nashville
next weekend.
Regal Cinemas. The next guy, I know what I'm going to guess. First next weekend. Regal Cinemas.
The next guy, I know what I'm going to guess.
First time in a Regal Cinema.
And then coming in at number one for
Kenneth Branagh, this is a pretty big movie.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
Right, of course, of course.
Yeah, he played Professor Fartingbush.
That's not right.
Seriously, it's a fun game
when you're talking
about professors
on Harry Potter
just take two
random words
and just say them
after saying professor
oh professor
orange shovel
is here
professor
copper melt
just happened I love fart And Professor Coppermelt. Ah, what?
Just happened.
I love fart noises.
This game is good.
Isn't it fun?
Yeah, no one is good at it.
Everyone's got zero.
You should name this game
You're All a Bunch of Fucking Idiots.
That's what you should call it.
I think things are really
going to turn around. He did do a version of Hamlet hamlet am i wrong about that i think you guys are really
gonna you guys are gonna really what was his first one didn't he do like richard what is happening
what are you doing are you here to interview the crowd about movies yeah i just wanted to talk
about kenneth for a little bit in his career you could talk about it with us. You don't have to open it up to the floor.
They don't...
We haven't talked in five minutes, Wayne.
Wayne, for your symposium on Kenneth Branagh to be done.
Okay, just for fun, everybody here,
yell one Kenneth Branagh movie that hasn't been brought up so far.
Show off to these guys that he's a known person
wasn't he in get out but isn't he famous for being in like Woody Allen movie? He was in Celebrity,
kind of having to do the Woody Allen role,
which has come up on the show a couple of times now,
and I feel like nobody cares.
But I care, because I always found that interesting,
that Woody Allen kind of had surrogate characters.
John Cusack was really good in Boats Over Broadway.
Ed Norton did a pretty good one.
Yeah, and then there was that Will Ferrell one
that was fucking unbelievable.
It was great.
Yeah, that's another word for great
and unbelievable.
I was like, what?
What?
Alright, this one's
going to get some action.
I think you're all going to get some action. Yes, finally.
Yes, I think you're all going to get points,
but only one person can win this game.
Will Smith.
Can I do a pre-guess?
No, you can't.
It's my turn.
Oh, okay.
You don't even know what name the person is. I know.
I think I'm going to know the name and the movie
before you say it.
All right.
Well, but Jonah gets to go first,
and then Wayne, and then Tony.
And it is
Will Smith. Wild Wild West.
Okay, I'm gonna go second.
Yes. Independence Day.
Shit! Okay, I'm gonna
go third, and I'm excited about this. I'm gonna say
Men in Black.
I think I won this.
This, hang on you guys,
because this is gonna knock your dicks in the dirt.
What?
It's wild.
Coming in at number three
of all Will Smith movies,
after adjusting for inflation,
Box Office Mojo has determined
that the number three
is
Suicide Squad.
Love that movie.
Love it.
Made a lot of money.
Tons of money.
Tons of money and a great version of...
I think he's...
I like him in the role.
I just wish he had better lines than,
so is this some sort of Suicide Squad?
You don't own me.
Coming in at number two,
Men in Black.
Yeah, it's on, Joe.
It's on.
It's on.
So that means
Tony has two points.
Galaxy Defenders.
Number one.
Oh, God, I need the soup ad.
I can't fuck this up.
I can't fuck this up again.
Jonah, I'm sorry, but I don't want to live in a world where anyone's number one movie is Wild Wild West.
You set a precedent!
I sure did.
I don't know how much money,
money doesn't mean anything to me, man.
And it tricked you,
but it didn't trick Mr. Wayne Fetterman
because number one is Independence Day.
Is it coincidence that he picked Independence Day
and brought a sparkler?
No.
Pat!
Cam Trouse.
Cam Trouse. Chemtrails.
Chemtrails.
What the hell made that noise?
I've been working on my impression of a bottle rocket gone bad.
Pat!
I practice it sometimes.
It's coming along nicely.
I practice it at my apartment with all the windows and doors open.
My neighbors love me.
Pat!
You have to cross your eyes to do it properly.
If you ever see an opera singer,
for that noise, you specifically have to cross your eyes.
Pat!
You can all try it if you want at any point
during the show
when Doug starts talking.
I'm just thinking, like, the next time you're on,
I should have a game where you normally buzz in
with your own name or with a buzzer,
but you get to make that noise.
I know, I know.
You shouldn't waste time with all that I know, I know shit
before you make your buzzer noise.
Jonah, what would your noise be if you could be the buzzer?
It would be, oh God.
All right, Wayne, so now we need to know what your noise would be.
Well, it's very quiet, so I don't think it would be good,
but it's the sound of a Windex bottle spraying onto the window.
No, it's more like...
You said you didn't know what it would sound like,
and then you made an exact impression.
It's my one impression. I just did my impression because I really thought you didn't know what it would sound like, and then you made an exact impression. It's my one impression.
I just did my impression because I really thought you didn't have one.
I was like, well, this is what I imagine it would sound like.
No, because it holds it back up.
There's many elements to it.
All right, we only got 20 minutes.
Right.
Because the next show here starts at 6.02.
And you're hosting that?
No.
It's the 6.02 show with Doug Benson.
I am tapping out at 6 o'clock.
Right, right.
Be on the back alley for a little bit,
because I like to watch the fire station.
Does that sound like you're trying to get somebody
to smoke pot with you?
No, no, it's just really nice.
I just stand out there and look at the fire station.
And sometimes they have a call, the sirens go off, and they go out.
It's exciting.
And if that doesn't happen for a bit, you just make a fake call, right?
Just tell them that there's a fire somewhere nearby,
and then you get to watch it and enjoy?
Yes, we need a fire department right away.
Over here, it's all like, Pan!
See what I did there?
A bottle rocket just exploded.
And we're trying to put it out with Windex,
but it's not working.
Not working.
It's not working.
We're all like, oh, God.
And that's our show, guys.
Thank you so much, everybody.
It's been a lot of fun.
Great job.
Great job tonight.
Fun times.
It was a lot of fun.
I didn't think the script was going to work,
but it was pretty.
All those purposely bad jokes all of us told.
I can't believe I was going to say,
can we play this last game in 20 minutes?
Because now I have to say, can we play this last game in 20 minutes? Because now I have to say,
can we play this last game in 18 minutes?
And I think the answer is yes.
Because
pulling it, these are
experienced players. They may not remember
this game, but they're experienced enough
that I think they'll get it.
Because I've pulled out of mothballs
for maybe one last time. the Leonard Maltin game.
Wow.
Wow.
I thought you weren't doing that anymore.
It's like the Nick rib.
Wait, the price of pork is down so you bring back
the Leonard Maltin game
you got it Shotzi
I don't know what compelled
me no honestly because the three of you
I just have a lot of guests on the show
lately that are you know here to chew gum and take names,
and they don't necessarily...
It just feels like it would be too hard to explain this game...
We're at 16 minutes now.
...to them.
Don't gaslight me on the time,
because it's 17 minutes, Wayne.
Okay.
The clock is even out where you can see it now like the last show we did I could only see the hour part and I was
like I pretty much knew what hour we were in all right so start with you
Wayne and then we'll go to Jonah and then to Tony. You're going to bid on how many
names, reading from the bottom
up of the Leonard Maltin's
capsulized
review with some clues from the
review. You're going to
bid how many names it would take you to name it.
You can go all the way into negative
names if you want.
Is there a hint or something?
I'll give you clues and everything.
Okay.
But you get to pick the first category.
I'm going to tell you category names.
I'm not going to tell you what they mean.
And then you have to pick one.
This is the greatest.
I love this.
Go ahead.
Give me the categories.
Would you like the category called Days of Future Past?
Or the one called...
Days of Future Past.
Yeah, yeah. Wait a second.
Take your time.
15 minutes.
We're all picturing a fire station.
It's interesting.
I just have a second category
called Days of Future Past.
So would you like Days of Future Past 1
or Days of Future Past 2?
It's a paradox!
Or...
Did he have a stroke?
Hey, Doug,
what do you smell right now?
This is not right.
We should stop.
He just started repeating Days of Future Past.
That was it.
Some say he's still in the back of that comic book store saying all right, we should stop. He just started repeating Days of Future Past. That was it. That was it.
Some say he's still in the back
of that comic book store
saying Days of Future Past.
He's up to Days of Future Past 30
and he's just,
I think he needs to be reset.
I just can't fucking read my own.
I wrote it so small,
not thinking ahead that I'd have to read it later. I wrote it so small, not thinking ahead,
that I'd have to read it later.
Quick, does anybody have a joint in a movie projector?
We need to get him back.
But I'll get this, I'll get this.
So the categories are Days of Future Past 1,
Days of Future Past 2,
or Halloween.
Okay, I'm going to go with Days of Future Past 2. Oh one category I hate. Or Halloweed. Okay, I'm going to go Days of Future Past 2.
Oh, damn it.
All right, good choice.
None of these categories I want.
Really? Yeah.
The weed one.
Okay,
this is movies with the word
days in the title.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
I'm going to go five.
Is that all right?
Can I bet right now?
I'm going to give you some clues.
Oh, before I even bid.
Oh, yeah.
Let's do it.
And the other bidders
get to hear the clues as well.
Oh, I got it.
Of course, of course.
I remember the game now.
There's no cone of silence.
I'm going to plug my ears
during this part.
For you listeners.
Okay.
So I got it.
So I may even figure it out
while you're giving me these clues.
Okay.
You sure might.
God, I hope it's this movie.
God, I hope it's...
Because I'm thinking of movies
with the word days.
The film is from 2014. No, it's this movie. God, I hope it's... Because I'm thinking of movies with the word days. The film is from 2014.
No, it's not.
214. Go, go.
All right.
He says about this movie...
2014.
That it has low-level humor and he also says that is like a Rickles doctor right now I should pull the mic out of the stand
so I can do a mic drop
I don't fucking know
everything in this review
gives away
what the movie is I think
so let's go. So let's...
Go for it.
Let's go for it.
Go for it.
All right, so you got the year,
and you got that one thing that I said.
It's got low-level humor.
Low-level humor.
Then give me the real clue
that's going to give me the answer.
You know what?
I'm going to say this.
It tries to merge family drama,
another thing,
and low-level humor. you think that was a director's
choice I'm gonna try and merge family drama with low-level humor and another
thing it hasn't been done before and Leonard lists ten names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Wayne Fetterman?
Five.
We should have just went right to it, I guess.
I don't know the movie.
When we're playing to two points, if somebody says name it, you have to name it.
If you fail, they get the point.
Jonah?
Jonah?
I can name it zero names name of the gods of love it Tony I don't want to tell you what to do but but I
should tell him to name it probably negative names right I think I think
well but wait do I lose points if he names it and i call him on it you don't lose name it just just look bad in front of
your family and friends do it is it valentine's day movies with the word dazed in
the
Seems like someone's a little dazed
and confused.
Did you say dazed?
Dazed.
D-A-Z-E?
Dazed.
Dazed.
Fuck you, man.
Do I get points for saying name it
and him getting it wrong?
That is correct.
Tony Hitchcliff has one point.
What year did Valentine's Day come out?
2014, right?
Oh, maybe.
2010?
Close enough.
We have days, you fucking plural ass motherfucker.
Yeah, the film, it was called Three Days to Kill,
and it starred Kevin Costner.
What?
And Kenneth Branagh.
That was...
I had three days of the condor.
That was indeed a rough one.
Oh, that was tough.
That was a real tough one.
That could be the other days. I'm Glad to get that one off the books.
I'm so sorry, Reed.
Sorry, guys. I guess I should have taken the weed
category. Don't say his name three times.
Reedlejuice, Reedlejuice.
Candy man.
Alright, so...
Who got that point?
Tony?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, so Wayne, you're going to go first this round.
Yeah, I love it.
And then we go to Tony to switch the order around.
Five.
But he went first last time.
Is that how it works?
It just worked out that way.
Is that crazy?
I'm just making sure.
I don't know how.
Wait, hold on.
When someone said that Valentine's Day came out in 2010 i don't know how wait hold on when someone said
that valentine's day came out 2010 did you know that off the top of your head i just thought about
that i was like when did that movie come out 2010. a banner year for me we all let it slide the guy
that knew what year it came out you're never gonna still dealing with the plurality of the word
you're never gonna still dealing with the plurality of the word you're never gonna get that person to admit that by the last time I got laid was when I sat
through that film
50 shades of grey is not a good Valentine's movie
holy shit
Kevin Costner
comes from the back
it was me
it was Valentine's Day
2010
the humor was low level
the drama
was family
yeah
that movie did have
some low level humor
I love that you thought
we would get that
from any clue you gave us
you were like this is to give it away.
Somebody did think he got it.
Who?
You may have noticed.
No, but from your clue, you're like,
this is going to give it away, this obscure concert.
No, the things I didn't say would have given it away.
You should have said you should have just moved on from it
and then said Days of future past again.
Pick from these categories, Wayne.
Colors, colors, colors.
Yeah.
I like it.
I like it.
Keep going.
All right.
This is Wayne's eight mile moment.
Why are you standing up and blocking my light?
What is going on?
Okay.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
If Wayne had one shot.
Sausage party?
No.
Put your hood on, man.
Not good at the M&M.
Go ahead.
Or legend, wait for it, dairy.
I'll go legendary.
No, the category is called...
Legendary's...
Wait for it.
Dairy.
I don't know what you're saying.
Legend...
Wait for it.
Dairy.
Is wait for it part of what you're saying?
Do you know what he...
Yes.
I'll take it.
It doesn't mean anything.
This episode is legend wait for it dairy man.
All right, Wayne, here we go.
Here's your clues.
Good luck reading your own handwriting.
I'm past that now.
I just have to read this very tiny print.
From 2013.
As we all know, three years after Valentine's Day came out.
Leonard Maltin calls this movie Scattershot.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
But he does call it likable.
Just so you know, those listening at home,
there's no Leonard Maltin book or app or anything
involved with Leonard Maltin.
This was fan-made, sent to me.
Oh, okay.
And I came up
with the category names,
but he gave me
a few suggestions.
It's good.
I remember
when you had the book.
Oh, shit.
16 names.
Wow.
Scattershot?
Is that what he said?
Yes.
That is one of the things
I said, yes.
There's only been
a few Scattershot movies,
so... And likable? Oh, you, yes. There's only been a few scattershot movies, so.
And likable?
Oh, you're right.
Legend, wait, and it's,
and these are legend, wait for it, dairy movies.
Yeah, I'm sorry, I should have said,
it's movies that have the word legend in the title.
All right.
All right. All right.
I got it.
All right.
All right.
All right.
16 names.
Okay.
I was so caught up in that legendary.
Wait for it.
Derry.
Okay.
So it has nothing to do with dairy?
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah.
See, that's part of the fun of the categories. You think it might be about
dairy movies, but
no, it's just movies with the word legend.
Alright, I'm going to go five. Legend.
Wait for it.
Dairy. Tony?
I'm going to have Wayne, I'm going to
cruise to an easy victory here by having
Wayne name it in five characters.
Oh, look at this.
I'm all about the W.
That's Wayne.
That's my name.
That's my name.
Okay, guys.
It's this sort of thing.
Sam Levine, we're here.
Does not stand.
Tony has used strategy.
It's my moment. It's my moment.
It's my moment.
All right, Wayne.
I'm feeling the moment.
Mom's spaghetti.
And the music.
This opportunity comes one at a time.
You're not going to believe this.
The first name is Makai.
No.
Go ahead.
Just go.
Knees weak.
Five names.
Yeah. Here we go go hands are sweaty five names
bill curtis the bill curtis yeah because there's a joan Lawson? Yeah, know her, know her.
Are you two...
Judah?
Are these the top names?
Judah, huh?
Are these the top five names?
No, you get the bottom five.
No, they get the bottom.
I didn't understand the game.
Keep going.
Keep going.
I didn't know...
You gotta never let it go.
You got one shot, five names.
I didn't understand the game.
Okay.
Okay.
You got to lose yourself.
These are the top five stars of this movie?
I'm like, okay.
By the way, that was a good move if you knew that.
Okay.
All right.
So kudos to...
Kudos.
All right.
Two names I haven't heard.
Bill Curtis is a news guy.
That might be a hint.
See, I didn't...
Even people who've played this game
never understand this game.
And I throw...
When the guy first sent this to me,
I threw it in the river,
and then a few days later,
it was on my doorstep.
So I was like, holy shit,
I have to play this again.
Is that a hint?
Is this game the Babadook book?
Basically.
All right, where are we at?
I think I know the movie, by the way.
Oh, really?
I think I have a hint.
You get two more names.
I know, three more.
Well, I kept trying to say Judah Nelson, but you were talking about something else.
Oh, okay, okay.
Something else.
Bill Curtis.
Bill Curtis.
Keep going.
Josh Lawson.
Judah Nelson.
Harrison Ford.
And Chris Parnell.
The only thing standing between you and a win is you saying the exact title of this motion picture while Tony watches in anticipation of taking this thing down.
Jonah Ray has
no shot.
Feels good. I feel free.
I wanted this.
I wish we could bathe you
in a red light right now.
What?
Anchorman 2, the legend, the further legend
of the way...
I haven't done it yet.
I'm thinking out loud anchorman 2
the legend of bagger vance no no that's not it that's not it i'm just thinking
the legend of ron burgundy
Burgundy.
Yeez.
Burgundies.
Burgundies.
Start from the beginning again.
Anchorman 2.
Bill Curtis was the hint, by the way.
It's not the... The continuing legend of Ron Burgund...
Simplified, you fuck!
That's too much of a clue. We had fun with it, you fuck! That's too much of a clue.
We had fun with it, but you did not
come up with the correct answer.
So Tony Hinchcliffe is our winner.
Not since Moshe Kasher
has there been a player that has recognized
the, dare I say,
weakness in the game.
You've blown up the Death Star.
Yes. Really good job. The, dare I say, weakness in the game. You've blown up the Death Star.
Yes.
Really good job.
And all the prizes go to our friend Aubrey.
Yep.
Yeah, come get all this stuff.
We've got a plastic one and four paper ones.
If you need any help, let me know.
I'm sure we can find somebody.
Oh, you got it.
Okay. Congratulations. Congratulations. Good job. Oh, you got it. Okay. Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Oh, you want your name tag back too?
Yeah, you can take it back. Didn't you want the shithead or whatever? No, because you won.
She doesn't get it. Oh, I gotcha.
It doesn't matter who she's mad at. That's right.
Enjoy your soap. She won a bag
of stuff.
Matthew or whatever.
Definitely let us know what your favorite item is
tony's banking on that so well yeah you guys could pass me yours you please yeah of course
i tried yeah good job what was the name in the movie by the way i'm going to tell you oh okay
sorry i thought you would just blurt it out the legend of backer vance makes me laugh no everybody
knows and that's why it sounded like
we were on a roller coaster in here.
Everyone knows this?
That's why they were making so much noise
when you were saying it wrong.
I thought they were just cheering me on.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were mocking me like that.
No, they were telling you that you were off.
You could have just done it by syllable
and probably their noises would have given
away.
Because the correct answer, of course.
I've never seen someone have so
much trouble reading their own handwriting.
It's not handwriting. It's this tiny fucking
print. Oh, the guy sent you this.
I got it. Doug, what do you write in?
Hieroglyphics?
Is that a bottle rocket?
Is that a bottle rocket?
You know, he takes the jokes when he can.
You don't get too many cop-portunities.
Very good.
I like that.
Alright, so...
The fucking movie is called...
Let them do it.
Anchorman 2, Valentine's Day.
Let the crowd do it.
Anchorman 2, the legend continues.
They all know it.
Wow.
They don't say Ron Burgundy at all?
No.
No, it's he, the guy's in it, right?
Burgundy's in that, right?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, it's a Burgundy film.
Yeah, okay.
It's from his Burgundy period. I got it. right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a Burgundy film. Yeah, okay. It's from his Burgundy period.
I got it.
Okay.
Yeah.
But I don't know
about you guys,
but I thought
that was super fun.
So I'll do that again.
I'll get some reading glasses
and do it again.
Let's do some plugs,
you guys.
Promote yourself.
Well, as the victor
of this show,
I'll go first.
Okay.
I have a Netflix special
called One Shot,
but what you should really check out is
one of my many podcasts. I have
a bunch of podcasts because TV executives
don't like me.
One's called Kill Tony. Another
called The Pony Hour. At Kill Tony, we
talk to new comedians after they do 60
seconds of stage time. The Pony Hour,
I just interview people.
Then I have a pro wrestling. If you've ever enjoyed pro
wrestling before, we have a pro wrestling podcast
called The Store Horseman.
So check that out. And a bunch
of other fun stuff. Touring everywhere. Absolutely
everywhere. That's all available at TonyHinchcliffe.com.
Doing the new Monster Energy
Drink Presents
Tony Hinchcliffe Summer Tour.
Yeah. You're sponsored?
I got a sponsor all right cliff with
an e on the end that's right h plus inch cliff plus c never forget oh now there's two
things i gotta never forget oh what a terrible world.
Who wants to go next?
Right now on Netflix.
Netflix!
There's 14 new episodes of season 11 of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
We worked really hard on them.
I hope you guys like them.
And then on May the 4th, Star Wars Day,
the second season of my show Hidden America
with Jonah Ray comes out.
It's on CISO.
So see it.
If you see so, say so.
Can I guess when this is released?
Can you guess?
Yeah.
Take a guess.
This is Saturday, right?
Sunday's Easter. Can you guess? Yeah, I can guess. Take a guess. This is a Saturday, right? Yep.
This is tax day. Sunday's Easter.
Tomorrow's Easter.
This is tax day, right?
Monday's a day off from the exhaustion of going through Easter.
I'm going to say Tuesday, the 18th.
I'm going to say tomorrow.
Oh, on Easter?
Yeah.
I only hire heathens.
That means Jews. I get it. Oh, on Easter? Yeah, this, we've got, I only hire heathens to, you know.
That means Jews, I get it.
Probably.
That's code for who's available on Easter.
Jewish guys.
I don't know. I mean, I was raised Methodist, but I don't do anything for Easter.
Back in the day,
I'd fuck up Reese's peanut butter egg.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
All right.
Why are those better than just the cup?
Because there's more of it.
That's what it is.
Because it was
dropped by a chocolate
chicken of some kind.
Where's the peanut butter come from?
I'm sorry I brought it up.
The show's running long, and I'm asking you guys really deep philosophical questions.
All right, let me do my two quick plugs.
Do your two quick plugs.
Number one.
Number one, to complete the Netflix trifecta,
I have a Federman and Out, which means one scene
in Sandy Wexler.
I'm in one scene of that.
Sandy Wexler's now on Netflix.
And then I'm going to be
in the new movie
with Will Ferrell,
who also plays
Ron Gertz.
Oh, shit.
Don't let him listen to this.
Called The House,
another Fetterman and Out.
That's Amy Poehler and him, right?
Yep, yep, yep.
Oh, I'm excited.
Yeah, and then I'm going to be
at that festival with Judd
next Friday.
The one in Nashville.
Wild Wild West Festival.
You guys are playing
like the Ryman Auditorium
or some historic shit going down.
Yeah.
I did that festival last year.
It's the most fun I've ever had,
so have fun, guys.
I'm excited for you.
Yeah, I hope you guys
have a really good time. It doesn't seem like it. It doesn't seem like it. It's the most fun I've ever had. So have fun, guys. I'm excited for you. Yeah, I hope you guys have a really good time.
It doesn't seem like it.
It wasn't even a joke.
But you laugh at that, I make a joke, you go,
aww, like that. I don't get it.
No, it did seem like...
Aw, the henchbot is on the fritz
again.
Jesus.
Reason.
Hey, it says here that douglas movies is going to be at zany's in rosemont illinois o'hara jason uh may 4th and 6th and on may 5th i'm i perform every year in rosemont on cinco de mayo
because uh i don't know why it just seems just feels right. And so there's tickets available for that as well.
And I'd like to thank all of my guests,
Jonah Ray, Tony Hitchcliffe, Wayne Fetterman.
And as always,
more Transformer movies are a shithead.
And Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice,
hey, I'm not going to fall for that.
Beetlejuice is a shithead.
Yeah! The Hulk is viewing groundless makes it foggy. There's no room in his heart for you.
Just love, love movies.