Doug Loves Movies - Justin Roiland, Steve Agee, Chloe Dykstra and Tony Hinchcliffe guest
Episode Date: April 25, 2018Live from the UCB Franklin in LA, Doug welcomes Justin Roiland, Steve Agee, Chloe Dykstra and Tony Hinchcliffe to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Priva...cy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, green and baby sticky seeds
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
But Doug loves movies
Sit down!
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies!
That's some professional L.A. shit right there.
Because we're coming to you once again from the UCB Theater, Franklin location.
It's Tuesday, April 24th, 2018.
I can't believe it, you guys.
I'm still writing 2016 on my checks
Are you guys still making name tags?
Holy crap
The front row is name tag crazy
I haven't seen this in a while
Five name tags in the front row
Chelsea looking at your phone
Instead of having a name tag
Sitting next to a
Dan Harmon looking motherfucker.
Oh my god, there's so many
name tags tonight. This is exciting.
Because as you can see, we have
four guests and they're going to have a
tough choice ahead of them
because normally in LA we don't have that
many name tags.
Sit down.
Just yelling at every latecomer.
Could get you anything.
Like a watch.
Doug Pluggs.
Yeah.
Classic.
You know, when you're in stand-up comedy
for as long as I am,
you have some classic riffs.
Doug Pluggs.
This Saturday, April 28th,
Doug Loves Movies comes to Indianapolis
for the first time ever.
We've been out in Bloomington, but never in Indianapolis.
4.20 start time.
You know, 4.30.
The historic Basile
Theater at the Anthenium, whatever
that means. And then Sunday, April
29th, this Sunday, I return to the
waiting room lounge in Omaha
for a stand-up show with a special
guest you know and love from Doug Loves Movies.
Be sure to bring your name tags, Omaha.
And May 4th, 5th, and 6th...
Yeah, I'll talk to Omaha like that.
Don't forget your name tags, Omaha.
In L.A., they did not tonight.
They brought a shit ton of name tags.
May 4th, 5th, and 6th, I'm doing shows
at both the Zanies in Rosemont, Illinois
and Chicago,
Illinois. Both kinds
of Zanies. For all of my dates
I'm like looking at this like
what did I write here? Both kinds?
Oh, both kinds of shows.
I'm doing Doug Loves Movies and
you get it. For all
of my dates, deets, and ticketing links
Go to DougLovesMovies.com
That's DougLovesMovies.com
Yeah
Nice
So professional this week you guys
I can't believe this prize bag
This prize bag is so good
That there's a prize bag inside of it
Which is stuff I want to keep
Yeah I'm going to hang on to some stuff tonight ice bag inside of it, which is stuff I want to keep.
Yeah, I'm going to hang on to some stuff tonight. But you guys
are going to win from the
K-Rock April Foolishness show a
t-shirt that I would never wear because I was
in that show.
And that's weird.
A copy of my
CD...
What's it called? Smug Life? I want to call it Doug Life because that works it called? Smug Life.
I want to call it Doug Life because that works too
but Smug Life. This was
something, I stayed in a hotel
recently where they
knew it was me and they hooked me up.
They gave me a
250 milligram THC
brownie.
Yeah, they just left it in the hotel room and I was
like, I'm not going to eat that.
And then...
And congratulations
to our friends in Broken Lizard
and the success of
Super Troopers 2 had a great opening
weekend and one of you is going home
with a Super Troopers 2 mustache.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's official.
It's branded.
I've got a Twix koozie as i have had in the last uh several shows and will continue to have for a bunch of shows uh bombus is a new uh sponsor of
my stuff so i brought a pair of their socks and i tried on a pair and they're very, very comfortable.
Holy shit,
I can't believe
I gave you so many.
It's a bunch of
Douglas movie stickers
and the winner tonight,
your mission
is to put these stickers
in weird places
and then,
and then take pictures,
post pictures of it
on the internet.
I don't know if you will or not, but go for it.
And I saw the Harry Potter play on Broadway,
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child,
and they gave out buttons that say,
hashtag, keep the secrets.
And I love the show,
and I remember that it had a lot of twists and turns,
but I couldn't tell you a lot of twists and turns,
but I couldn't tell you what any of the secrets are.
I couldn't tell you if I wanted to.
Wow, that shirt did not go in that bag.
That was really bad aim on my part.
So all of that is going to be won by somebody in addition to the gifts brought by my guests,
and they've gone, I've seen some of them and they've gone way
too far beyond what
I was hoping they would bring.
So somebody's going to win some good shit
tonight. Please give it up
for Chloe Dykstra,
Tony Hinchcliffe, Steve Agee,
and Justin Roiland!
Here they come.
Right through that curtain.
Sit wherever you want.
Thanks for being here.
You're really making the audience clap a lot
with your slow entrance.
I get what you're doing.
I figure it out.
Sit next to me, Justin.
My new friend for about a year now.
Best friends for a year.
Yeah, but it took a year to get you to show up here.
Yeah.
We'll talk to you in a second.
We'll get back to you soon because we're going to show up here. Yeah. We'll talk to you in a second. We'll get back
to you soon because we're going to meet
everybody individually.
Starting with Chloe Dykstra is here
everybody. Hi guys.
How's it going?
Second time on the show I think.
Not on this show.
You've been on this show before.
I've seen you sitting here at this table before.
No, this is my first time
on the UCB stage.
Okay.
I'm honestly like a little
If you say so.
a little scared right now.
You've been on the weed show
a couple of times.
I have been on the weed show.
Yeah, so this is not
nowhere near as scary as that.
No, it's not.
Only like a huge audience.
It's fine.
We're gonna
Oh, well,
maybe the listeners,
but here in LA,
you know,
we couldn't even fill a 99-seat theater.
There's like 200 people here.
Because people are jaded as fuck in L.A.
They're like, $7 to maybe see something good?
I don't think so.
It's Tuesday.
But thank you for being here.
Well, thank you for having me.
And I'm sorry that I imagine that you've been here before.
Yeah.
I'll try to change that in my imagination.
That's Steve Agee, everybody.
Thanks, Doug.
Good to be back.
You're what I call, especially if you follow Steve Agee on Twitter,
you're going to follow the exploits of a life enthusiast.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, all of his tweets are about, I don't want to leave the house.
I don't like anything.
Fuck everybody.
You know what happened in my neighborhood yesterday?
No, I don't. They found an old man who know what happened in my neighborhood yesterday? No, I don't.
They found an old man who'd been dead in his house for two months.
Two months before anyone smelled anything or checked on him.
That's the truth.
Well, that means that's a big property lot size then,
if nobody's smelling anything, right?
No.
That's not good.
No?
Two months?
He's got a stink.
I think you found out that you can get away with not paying your rent for exactly two months. Two months? No. That's not good. No. Two months? He's got a stink. I think you found out that you can
get away with not paying your rent for exactly
two months. Two months?
Oh, it was a house though.
I think Steve figured out he could murder
somebody for two months.
Then they had to send the bomb squad because when they
broke into his house to find the body, it was
full of guns and ammunition.
The body was filled with guns and ammunition?
This is a rough neighborhood you live in, dude.
Obviously, these gangs are trying to send a message.
Fill him with guns and ammunition?
I made him a Mexican.
I'm sorry.
Message in a bottle filled with guns.
The gangster in LA, Mexican gangster.
I did it.
I'm a white guy, and that's bad gangster. I did it. I'm a white guy
and that's bad nowadays.
I love it
and we might as well
say hello to you
since you've been
yapping so much.
It's Tony Hitchcliffe,
everybody.
Hello.
Thank you.
I invited Tony here tonight
because he's a
Rick and Morty enthusiast.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm also an enthusiast
of drinking hooch out of a coffee cup. What kind Yes. Yeah. I'm also an enthusiast of drinking hooch
out of a coffee cup.
What kind of hooch?
I'm just kidding.
It's coffee.
Because I've had experiences
where I put some vodka
in one of those
and it leaks through
the bottom of the cup
and that makes me think,
why am I putting vodka
in my body
if it can just fight
its way through a paper cup?
Every liquid leaks out of your body eventually.
Papers weak.
Right, but they don't leak out of those cups, right?
That's true.
You know what it would really leak out of
is if it was filled with guns and ammunition.
And had been dead for two months.
Uplifting.
Beginning. Beginning.
Delicious.
And finally, Justin Roiland is here.
Prepare to be disappointed by me tonight.
Dude, I was so excited to find out
that you're a Kill Tony enthusiast,
which is Tony's podcast.
I'm obsessed.
Thank you.
And yeah, you've jumped. You brought us together, man.
Thank you.
But the next step is
you and I are going to be,
if Tony's alright with it, we're going to be
guest judges on the show sometime together.
Judges, yeah. Let's do it.
I know you're not comfortable with judging people.
Well, I'm not a stand-up.
That's no reason not to judge people that are shitty at it.
It's not really a judge.
It's a guest on the show.
We're not just judging them.
There's no winners and losers.
I like the way you phrase that.
It's not a judge.
It's just a guest.
It's just a person.
It's not like...
You're just hanging out giving input.
And I even said to Justin, all your comments can be positive.
Yeah.
You can just say positive things.
That was cool, dude.
That was rad, dude.
Hell yeah.
Wait, can I ask Steve a question about the dead corpse guy?
Yeah, go for it.
Two months it took his smell to reach the nose of all the surrounding houses.
How much property was that?
That's what I'm saying.
She said that same thing.
Oh, yeah.
Like what normal acre? It That's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah. Like, what, a normal acre?
It's about what your house is.
Oh, really?
There's no reason to make this personal.
Okay, okay, sorry.
Anyways.
Okay, I just wanted to know.
It's just like your house on 1542.
Yeah.
I didn't say.
I didn't give an address.
Guys, come on.
That's too close.
That's the actual address. I didn't give an address. Guys, come on. That's too close. That's the actual address.
I just guessed.
It felt like a real Rick and Morty number to me.
When I die in a couple weeks, which I'm planning to do, as my close friends know,
I'll have two months before anybody...
No.
My smell will travel quicker.
Was he an old man?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you know, let give him a moment of silence.
Your dogs will eat you, Justin.
My tiny dogs will live for...
They'll feast
for months.
For two months.
See, you're doing great.
You were worried.
You were worried about, I don't want to go
on that show
I don't know what's the matter
with you people
being able to get in front
of a crowd
you can see their faces
the lights are on
you said we're so relaxed
and it's like
no we're not relaxed
we're pumped
yeah
we're excited
to say
random shit
in front of a live audience
yeah alright
I'll get used to it
yeah you will
when do we get to talk
about our presents?
Right now. Chloe, what'd you bring
for the prize? No one's beating Chloe.
I wasn't sure what to bring exactly.
So I started with Good Burger because I
feel like... Here's the thing.
I'm really bad with movies.
So I'm kind of like the millennial meets
Generation Z-er. I'm kind of right
in the center here. So I just thought I'd
bring a little taste of my generation.
And then I brought Geeky Dreamboats,
a book that I got when, I think it's 2009.
It's got Michael Cera on the front,
Adam Brody, Daniel Radcliffe, I think.
Who else was in here?
All the Geeky Dreamboats.
Jimmy Fallon.
His book is insane.
Barack Obama.
Most deaf somehow.
Gosling.
That book alone.
It's Yassine Bey, young lady.
That book alone is worth it.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
And then I brought X-Men Apocalypse because I don't want it.
I don't think you want any of those things.
There you go.
I think you undersold the dream boat book. That's my contribution. Oh, do of those things. There you go. I think you undersold the Dreamboat book.
That's my contribution.
Oh, do I have to?
Here you go.
Whoever wins the prize package, let's talk after this,
because I want that Dreamboat book.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, it's yours.
It's yours.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, it's yours.
No, no, I can't steal from the audience.
No, anybody that's a guest on the panel can have anything from the prize bag.
I do want it, though.
Yeah, hang on to it.
That's fucking hilarious.
Look at that shit.
Look at all the little kiss marks over his head.
Justin's a huge Degrassi fan.
That's true.
Come on, everyone's in here.
Tony?
He smokes a lot of Degrassi.
You're all in here.
Steve, what'd you bring?
I brought a You're the Worst lunchbox.
That was a wrap gift. That was a wrap gift.
It was a wrap gift.
Of course, you play Dutch on You're the Worst,
one of my employees at DB International.
That's right.
And who knows what's going to happen to us
in the fifth and final season.
I'd like to be killed off since it's the last season.
Oh, that would be fun, yeah.
Yeah, we should both die together somehow
And they don't find us for two months
There's that scene where we're like
Uh oh
Just sniffing
Seems like there might be a dead person or two around here
Or two
It's a smell you never forget
And is there anything in the lunchbox?
Air
You just brought an empty lunchbox?
You're the worst rap guest.
Are you sure there's nothing in it?
Oh, shit.
It's filled with guns and ammunition.
A ghost just escaped.
No, there's nothing in it.
That's beautiful. That's perfect.
Stephen Falk, who created this show
you're the worst
he listens to this podcast
so he's gonna be thrilled
to hear you re-gifted
well no
it's
it's a delightful
wrap gift
but I
it's
you said yours is
sitting on top
of your refrigerator
mine's on top
of my refrigerator
it's gonna find its way
into a landfill
after tonight
let's be honest
no I'm just kidding
I don't know
people are excited
to have it.
What'd you bring, Tony?
I'm pretty excited about what I brought.
I brought the book I'm Dying Up
Here, which now has a Showtime
show made after it.
It's a great book, and it's about comedy,
and it's great, great stuff.
Teachers do everything.
And the fountain.
And I also brought a can of canna dips.
Now, if you're wondering what that is,
it's what you probably think it is.
It's little chewing tobacco pouches,
but it's not chewing tobacco.
It's just medical cannabis.
So you can just shove that between your cheek and gum.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
It gets you high?
Yeah, 150 milligrams of THC in that can.
Oh, they're not fucking around.
The challenge that I offer is for you to do the whole can of dips
and try to read through geeky dream boats.
Yeah, that's why I can't keep this, man.
Come on.
All right.
I want you to have it, but if you don't want it, that's cool.
Are you going to contaminate the candidates?
Yeah, I'm going to fucking have some of it.
Oh, my God, dude.
Wait, it's little pouches?
Yeah, put it in your mouth.
If you swallow your...
Don't swallow it.
Jeez, he puts it in like he's about to pitch a baseball game.
That's how dips work, man.
Oh, that's not good.
I don't think that's going to work out for me.
Did the high just hit you?
Does anybody else want to try one?
No way. I mean, if you swallow the spit,
you get super sick.
You guys have all gotten high
on my show except for Justin, and you won't
even try one of these?
It looks kind of dangerous to me.
Come on, weaklings.
I might pitch a no-hitter.
I mean, I don't want to do one. There's a reason
why I'm giving it away.
One went on the floor. I mixed it in good.
The winner will never know.
That's the surprise one.
All right, Justin, what did you bring?
I just brought a backpack of Rick and Morty stuff that I...
Now listen, you guys didn't cheer like that for me.
I'm dying up here.
What the fuck?
By William Nottlesberger.
They turned it into a good show.
Justin, how many of those backpacks do you actually have?
There's like 12 of them in the office.
I just grabbed a bunch of stuff from the office.
It's a beautiful backpack.
It's good.
It's like in space with Rick and Morty. It's like really... I love it. And then it's filled with a bunch of stuff from the office It's a beautiful backpack It's like in space with Rick and Morty
It's like really
And then it's filled with a bunch of Rick and Morty things
Let's see some examples
We don't want to spend too much time
I'm going to spend the next half hour
You guys ready? We're going to take our fucking time with this shit
We got a fucking
Wallet
We got a wallet right here
We got a Wait what's this? We got a wallet right here. We got a, wait, what's this?
Oh, we got some, we got a pin.
Socks.
I think you might have a whole head-to-toe wardrobe when you leave here.
Because there's shirts and a belt.
A fucking Rick and Morty belt.
Look at that shit.
You can cut it.
Who would wear that ever? I love it. It at that shit. You can cut it. Who would wear that ever?
I love it. It's so good.
It's great for going
through TSA.
Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, a whole backpack full of stuff.
Thank you so much for doing
that.
What?
Riggle Rick!
Riggle Rick!
Riggle Rick! Wriggle Rick!
Uh, yeah.
There you go.
I didn't know I had to bring a prize.
You did a great job.
Oh, shit, I forgot to put this stuff back in.
Just keep it, man.
Cheat!
I already kept something, I gotta say.
Oh.
Yeah.
I was very excited about one of the items, and I kept it.
But lots of stuff for the winner tonight.
But before we get to that, I have to ask everybody a question
before we get to the games, starting with Chloe.
What was the last movie you saw?
This is really disappointing.
Is it?
Why?
I saw The Greatest Showman.
I saw The Greatest Showman. I saw The Greatest Showman.
I saw The Greatest Showman.
Why is that disappointing? And why did you do it?
What compelled you to watch it?
I was on a plane. I saw it on Christmas
motherfucking day. You went?
With my mother and we had a
lovely time. Did you?
We were both like, Zendaya!
The one good thing to come out of that movie is Zendaya with a pink with a pink wig it's pretty good she
looked good right she looked great yeah she was flying around on a rope why don't
we run yeah yeah but you didn't like the movie I mean did you guys see it did
anybody see it
some people did
probably not this audience
you don't really
you don't really
but it was a pretty big hit
I'm not a good flyer
so I thought
I'd just throw something on
that wasn't gonna freak me out
and it still kind of
freaked me out
a little bit
you know
it troubled me
that there's a whole
song and dance number
built around
doing shots
in a bar
yeah
and about how great
it is to do that and like that's a
movie that families went to see but
like if somebody smoked a joint
in a family movie everyone would lose their shit
like it's the worst thing ever.
So that bothered me but other than that
I liked it. I liked all the freaks.
Bearded Lady was a good singer.
This movie sounds cool.
They kind of, there was a little
bit too much of a comparison between
the freak show
and then the minorities at the same
time. It just felt a little weird
to me. Oh, you don't think minorities are freaks?
I... You know...
And then the whole...
Not very 2018.
Hey, look, check out all these cool freaks.
And they were all so grateful that he put them on
stage and then took advantage of them.
But in real life, that's the thing,
is Barnum was a total asshole.
Piece of shit.
Yeah, yeah.
One of those women, one of his freaks in his show
was a person he found and imprisoned
and forced to be in the show.
Yeah, I mean.
Yeah, yeah.
His backstory is bad.
It's bad.
He's not Hugh Jackman.
He's not the awesome.
See, like Hugh Jackman was great. Yeah. No, he really sells the idea that P.T's not Hugh Jackman. He's not the awesome... See, Hugh Jackman was great, but...
No, he really sells the idea that P.T. Barnum was awesome.
And P.T. Barnum in his grave should be going,
thank you, Hugh Jackman.
It was an interesting choice that they decided
to put that much money into that film.
That's all I'm saying.
Isle of Dogs is great, though.
Oh, now you bring up another movie
when we have to move on to Steve.
What was the last movie you saw
last night i rented another american or more american graffiti what i can't believe you
finally got around to that i watched american graffiti and while i was watching it earlier in
the day i imdb'd it and in trivia, oh no, so I was like,
you know what, I never saw the second one.
And so I was looking at the trivia of the second one
and in the trivia it says
comedian Doug Benson's favorite movie.
I swear to God.
There's no way.
I swear to God.
And that's why I rented it.
I swear to God.
There's no way.
There's a movie called More American Graffiti.
And is it like so bad it's good
or is it legitimately good?
No, I mean, it's not a terrible movie,
but like it's got...
Why do you love it?
Why is it your favorite movie, Doug?
It's like they have like four different stories
and they tell each of them in a different visual way.
A la.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, this is not my favorite movie.
How rent it.
But I do.
I don't dislike it.
Well, you're on RMTV.
At one point, Harrison Ford has a pretty big part
in the first American Graffiti.
And then in the more American Graffiti. And then in the more American
Graffiti, he shows up at one point
as a motorcycle cop.
And he pulls somebody over.
And he acts all hard ass or whatever.
But yeah, I don't know why
anyone would name that as my favorite movie.
I'm not on the record.
Can you go on the record right now?
Well, I don't want people to know that Prince's Diaries
is my favorite movie. So I'm never going to say it on. Well, I don't want people to know that Princess Diaries is my favorite movie,
so I'm never going to say it on the record.
So don't put that on IMDb.
And Princess Diaries 2 can fuck off.
I can confirm it says it right there.
Oh my God, it does.
Doug Benson's favorite movie.
What a weird piece of trivia.
Anarchy online.
Anarchy.
I think anyone can go on IMDb and just add a piece
of trivia. Apparently.
But I don't know where they got that idea.
The problems we're facing as a system.
So that was it. My favorite thing is underneath that.
It says Doug Benson's favorite movie
and it says one person interested in this.
Oh yeah.
Well this was very helpful.
Yeah that one person was Steve Agee.
It might have been. It might have been.
It might have been.
Other than that, I saw that Christian Bale
movie, Hostiles. Oh, yeah.
Do you like that? It's pretty good.
It's intense, right? Yeah, it's fucked up.
Yeah, check it out.
It's his revenant. Yeah.
Okay. It's good.
I tried to watch it, but I was like, no,
I'm going to take a nap.
You could say I was hostile toward hostiles.
Tony?
Yeah, on Sunday afternoon, I saw
Super Troopers 2, and I loved it.
Yes!
It's better than the first one.
I agree.
I know. I don't know It's better than the first one. I agree. Yeah. I know.
That's a real namesake.
I don't know if they've seen the movie.
People sounded bummed that it would be better.
Like, oh, I wanted this one to be shitty.
Oh, come on.
Yeah.
We really wanted this one to step down, but they pulled it off.
It was great.
But also earlier that day, so it was almost a tie.
Just a few hours before that, I watched
Churchill for the first time, too,
and that blew my mind.
I just love those kinds of characters,
and Gary Oldman just turns into them,
and it's freaky. Oh, you mean Darkest Hour?
Yeah.
It's not called Churchill.
I thought it was called Churchill.
That's so funny. I was totally nodding like I knew exactly
what you were talking about. I thought it was called Churchill the whole time. I was like, oh, yeah. I watched it was called Churchill. That's so funny. I was totally nodding. Like, I knew exactly what you were talking about. I thought it was called Churchill the whole time.
I was like, oh, yeah, that's incredible.
Yeah, yeah, Churchill, yeah.
I watched it on the plane.
Yeah, this show's all about exact titles,
and so you're negative one.
Oh.
Yeah, you're losing.
Man, this is my darkest hour.
Come on, give me my point back, man.
I think they call it darkest hour
so they can have, have like very dark lighting to
cover up uh his uh four hour makeup session that he went through every day but he is amazing and
deserve the oscar i think yeah did you win an oscar yeah you won sometimes when are the oscars
um sorry you know they're usually at christmas on christmas. They announced the Oscars. Justin, what was the last movie you saw?
It's an older movie.
I watched The Mist.
Oh, wow.
Frank Darabont.
Is that your first time?
No, I had seen it once before.
You'd seen it before and you're like,
I want to revisit this fucking nightmarish, aggravating...
Well, I was watching the TV show
and I was like, you know,
fuck this. Let's just watch the movie
because there's crazy monsters.
There's a TV show version of it?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I don't know if it originated on Netflix, but it's on Netflix.
Okay.
But yeah, I was like, no, fuck this.
There's no weird
skeleton spiders or fucking wasp skeletons and stuff. Fuck this. Like, there's no like weird skeleton spiders or, you know,
fucking wasp skeletons and stuff like,
fuck this.
Let's watch the movie.
So we watched the movie and,
uh,
yeah,
I don't know.
It's,
it was all right.
Can I say something about spoiling anything?
Oh,
did I just spoil something?
No,
no,
no,
no,
no.
I don't think anybody's worried about spoilers.
No,
but I still try to be considerate, but that ending is of that movie. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. movie came out in 2007. Yeah, but I still try to be considerate,
but that ending of that movie
is literally, I think,
the most fucked up ending
of any film.
God bless him for that.
But fucked up in a good way?
Yeah, well, fucked up in a...
You know, it's one of those things
where somebody in the writer's room
would pitch it,
and you're like,
oh, it's fucking awesome,
but seriously, no, no, no,
we can't do that.
Come on, seriously, real pitches, real pitches. And no no no we can't do that come on seriously real pitches
real pitches
and then this guy
was like
this guy was like
you know what
fuck real pitches
we're gonna fucking
do that
cause nobody
would do it
in Hollywood
and then they did it
and it fuck
and it's like
it's exactly what
you could probably
say what it is
that's an 11 year old movie
can we?
is that okay, Doug?
Should we give a spoiler alert to anybody who hasn't seen it yet?
Hang on a second.
Raise your hand out there if you're listening right now.
Turn off the podcast if you are worried about what happens at the end of The Mist.
Skip ahead two minutes.
The Mist, 2007.
Frank Darabont.
No, they fucking killed themselves.
The hero, the protagonist
of the movie, who's Mr. Good Guy the whole time.
Who was that? Thomas Jane?
I can't remember the actor's name.
I don't know who he's in.
Encyclopedia brain who smokes weed all the time.
This is a movie I've never
sat through.
Maybe we shouldn't spoil it for him.
People say Marsha Gay Harden is either the worst
or best character you've ever
seen in a movie. Wait, is she the
religious? She's the annoying one.
Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot about that. And you've not seen the
movie? No, no. I know a lot about movies I haven't
seen. Are you the one person in this
room who hasn't seen The Mist?
You might want to see it because I swore
to God. I will check it out someday. The ending I thought
I saw. It's in my queue. The only thing that they could have done to see it because I swore to God. I will check it out someday. The ending I thought I saw. It's in my queue.
The only thing that they could have done to make it more devastating is kill a dog.
Like, that's the only thing that they could have done. Well, that was actually the alternate ending.
They all just get out and kill a dog.
Yeah, it's not a Wes Anderson movie, so I wasn't worried about dog deaths.
Yeah, let's not spoil it.
You know what, Dumb Dumbs out there?
Hold on to it.
You're going to listen.
You're going to fucking watch it and enjoy it.
I think you spoiled it enough already.
Did we really?
We just said it was a bummer.
Well, he didn't kill a dog.
That's all we spoiled.
Oh, you did.
Yeah, I sort of spoiled it.
Ah, fuck it.
Whatever.
Unceremoniously spoils.
Those of you listeners who just skipped ahead to this point,
you missed absolutely nothing.
You can skip back and start over.
No, you missed some good stuff.
Go back and listen. It's stuff. Go back and listen.
It's great.
Go back and listen, I swear.
Just skip around.
You know, that's the best way to listen to this.
There's no rhyme or reason to anything.
But there is a point in the show.
Oh, did I ask you what you saw yet, Justin?
There is a point in the show where I...
Did I miss you?
There's a point in the show where I say
turn it off, Bort.
Shut it down, Bort.
Let the games begin!
Yeah.
We got name tags.
Lots of name tags. A lot for the LA
crowd, so I'm very proud of everybody for their hard work.
And each of you has to go select a name tag that you would like to play for.
One guy there just has a normal name tag.
Yeah.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back after these messages.
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Don't wait
until it's too late.
We're back! Who are you playing
for, Chloe? I'm playing for
the Ryan King, the winner
of two Oscars what two Oscars
is the lion, right?
Oh, so alive.
Jesus.
Genius in the dark.
Yeah, you assholes.
Yeah.
Hakuna Matata, go fuck off with that song.
Steve, who are you playing for?
Dirty Haley.
Detective Haley Callahan.
You don't assign her to murder cases.
You just turn her loose.
Wow, you're gonna have quite a career when Nick Nolte dies.
Hey, I thought that was pretty cool.
Yeah, you could totally take over all the
Nick Nolte parts. This is my impression of
Nick Nolte responding to
Barbra Streisand directing him
in Prince of Tides. Jesus
Christ, Barbra!
Alright, who are you playing for, Tony?
I'm playing for Pete Cemetery.
Oh, you got a whole book out of the deal.
Yeah, you got a book.
Shit, he really fucking scoured
the crowd looking for the
good stuff. I did, I went up to
the other, there was one man that tried to hand me his cell phone
at one point.
Take my phone, please.
Somebody tried to give me a Bitcoin.
I was like, I can't.
So who's Pet Sematary?
What's the name of the person?
Pete. Yeah, Pete.
And I looked on the inside of this to see
if anybody signed it or anything.
It wasn't made out to anybody,
but it does say Doug Benson's favorite movie.
I knew it.
I do like that one, too.
That's the problem with my favorite movie.
It's most movies.
And underneath that, it said there's one person interested in this.
In an actual book.
And it was me.
And Justin is playing for
Alex Machina.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why'd you pick that?
Because it was, I like that movie, Alex Machina.
Have you guys seen it?
Yeah.
And then also because it was really close to me.
Is that a bad reason?
No.
Is that going to get me chastised?
No, expedience is pretty coolience....is pretty cool.
It says below that,
what happens to me if I fail your test?
Is that a quote from the movie?
I think that's what...
Yeah, I think that's...
Is that a quote from the film?
I don't think he changed that.
Oh, okay, okay.
I don't know.
It's been a while since I've seen it.
I don't remember her saying that, but...
Look at this disgusting thing I've had in my mouth.
Oh!
Like, now...
Oh, my God.
Now it just looks like a ball of wind.
But are you super high, though?
I don't know what I am.
Are you so high right now from that?
No, I don't know, man.
I don't know what happened to me.
Somebody's winning that enough to last you a month.
Just put that in the prize bag.
Oh, no, it's in the prize bag.
No, she means the one that I was just...
It's an extra surprise.
I'll throw it
into the crowd.
Hey, who wants it?
Open your mouth, guys.
Oh, did you just
put it in your pocket?
Oh, my God.
You just keep putting it
in weirder and weirder places.
He'll deal with it later.
I feel like if we yell
at you anymore,
he's just gonna shove it
up his asshole.
What's up with that?
Oh, pocket's not a good place?
Oh, man. Oh, man. I got so fucked up last asshole. Pocket's not a good place. Oh man.
Oh man, I got
so fucked up last night. Somebody roofied
my beer with a
little weird...
I don't even know how to describe that thing.
I would say sachet.
A sachet?
A sachet full of weed?
Jesus Christ.
A potpourri, if you will.
The old pot roofie.
All right, I've got a series of games planned for you guys.
Probably too many for how much time we have, but we'll muscle through.
Let's start with live, die, repeat.
No applause.
That's cool.
no applause that's cool in this game I will
slowly say the title
of a motion picture
and the first person who repeats
it back completely
incorrectly
wins
you don't have to repeat back
everything I say.
All right, sorry.
Just the full title of the movie.
We just repeat it back to you?
Really, commit.
Just repeat it back.
You just have to be the fastest.
He's done.
And the most correct.
So you're going to say something,
and we just repeat it back to you.
That's probably a longer movie title, right?
You got to get the whole movie title.
It could be fucking Shrek 2.
2.
So he's like, Shrek.
Ah, okay.
I hope it is Shrek 2.
That'd be really cool.
It'd be the quickest little round.
Yeah, it would add pretty fast.
But this might drag out a
little bit based on how well
you guys know this title. Here we go.
Here we go. Don't.
Tell mom the babysitter's
dead. Ooh. Great
job, Steve. For real?
Incorrect. Really?
Don't.
Why'd you put your mic down down I'm not eliminated for guessing
oh okay
we get to get
quit making rules
we get to guess as much as we want
yeah
don't breathe
no
oh no god
don't speak
no
I know just what you're thinking
no
don't you forget about me
don't know what you're thinking
don't go chasing waterfalls
don't be
don't don't don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don't be a don waterfalls. Don't be... Don't...
Don't...
Don't be a...
Don't be a...
Don't be a dummy...
Drinking juice in the hood.
What is that?
Don't be a dummy
while you...
Menace to society.
While you're drinking
juice in the hood.
Don't be a menace.
Don't be a...
Oh, no.
Is it really that?
Don't be a menace to...
Oh, yeah.
Society.
Society while drinking
juice in the...
Society? What? Wait, really? Don't be a menace to... to society while drinking juice in the society?
Wait, really? Don't be
a menace to
South
Don't be
Don't be a menace
to South Central while drinking juice in the hood.
Don't be a menace
to South
Central while
drinking
Don't be a menace to South Central
Is this a real
Is this real?
Don't be a menace to South Central
while drinking juice
in the hood
Don't be a menace to South Central
while drinking your juice in the hood
Don't be a menace to South Central
That was right
Pete it's for you buddy Pete I'm gonna do it hood. Don't be a menace. That was right. That was right. Yay.
Pete, it's for you, buddy.
Pete, I'm gonna do it.
While drinking your juice in the hood.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
I've never heard of that movie. Am I awful for not
having heard of that movie?
Yes, you are. You're racist.
Yeah, exactly.
Horrible human being.
You gotta turn in your human being card. Alright. Thanks for human being. Yeah. Who will burn in hell.
You gotta turn in your human being card.
All right.
Thanks for coming by.
I'm sorry.
Great job.
Tony Hinchcliffe won that one.
Thank you.
I'm all the way up to zero now.
Yeah.
It only means you get to go first to the next game,
but I'm so excited about this next game
because it's
it's a fairly new one it's called how long is it i'll name a thing and you guys tell me how long it
is six and a half closest without going over price is right style is the winner okay and uh we'll
start with tony and then we'll go to steve then
to chloe and then to justin you each get one guess and one guess only how long is the opening
single take at the beginning of the tom hanks movie bonfire of the vanities
holy shit it's a long ass take following uh bruce willis through a series of uh dude. It's a long ass take following Bruce
Willis through a series of
Bruce Willis events.
First of all, let me just
make a point that my reward
for winning the last round is going
first in this one, but this would actually be an event that
you would want to go last. Yep, yep, yep.
True. And second
of all... Yeah, but if you say
the right number, everyone else is fucked. Alright. Fine... Yeah, but if you say the right number,
everyone else is fucked.
All right.
Fine.
Yeah, if your movie... If you nail it...
Your knowledge is really...
But yeah, you're right.
Going last would probably be the best.
Thank you.
Completely makes sense.
It's like I'm being punished for...
No, you win, you lose on this show.
But, you know, you get to weigh in first,
so you could really nail it.
You know, one of the interesting things is that
when I was a kid,
Bonfire of the Vanities was one of the only movies
that my mom would let me watch.
Weird.
No, I've actually never seen it.
Oh, really?
Yeah, not at all.
Well, okay, let me give you a clue.
It's long for one take.
It's not as long as your Netflix special called One Shot.
Do you know how long a normal take would be?
Can we get an average number?
Without a cut, right?
It's a pretty quick turn.
Yeah, without cutting.
No coverage. An average take would be
how long?
It's very similar to the Goodfellas scene
where they go through the kitchen
on the way into the club.
Oh, so like a choreographed...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like Birdman is all that shit.
Alright, I'm ready to make a guess.
Nine minutes.
Oh, fuck. Let me... man is all that shit. Alright, I'm ready to make a guess. Nine minutes. Okay.
I don't know why you're so upset about that.
But what do you think, Steve?
Eleven.
Eleven minutes.
I'm going to say nine minutes and thirty-six seconds.
I'm going to say
eight minutes
and fifty-nine I'm going to say 8 minutes I'm going to say 8 minutes and 59
seconds. Isn't that how they do it?
Now we're going to have to do back.
Justin, that's horrible.
Is that the opposite of what you're supposed to do?
I've already forgotten what my number was.
Okay, okay, hold on.
Hold on, I'll take it back.
You should be on the other side.
I take back my thing.
You should be one second. side. I take back my thing. Wait, so...
You should be one second.
Yeah, you should have said one second.
All right, wait, wait, wait.
Or just add one second to the top, the longest one.
So, yeah, what's the longest one?
You said 11?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you could go 1101.
I don't believe it's that long.
I don't believe it's that long, though.
That's the problem.
Okay, so now you got to back up to my previous advice.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Can I change my answer now? So we have two eight's the problem. Okay, so now you've got to back up to my previous advice. Oh, yi-yi.
Can I change my answer now?
So we have two eight minutes over here.
No, you've got to go first.
You're nine minutes and 36.
It's really disappointing to hear after you.
And you're 11.
You guys have nice round numbers.
Who said nine and who said 11?
Wait, wait, wait.
I said 936.
We would definitely set up the PSA.
All right, hold on, hold on.
I got it, I got it.
I know what my answer is.
I know what my answer is.
Okay.
Without going over. Yeah right. Hold on. Hold on. I got it. I got it. I know. I know what my answer is. I know my answer is good without going over.
Yeah.
So,
but hold on.
Justin,
just say a number.
Oh,
I see.
I see.
Okay.
I got it.
Sorry.
My brain's a little, little tired.
I got a lot of,
I got a little mosquito juice in my body right now.
It's slowing me down.
Uh,
that's not slang for anything,
by the way.
I literally have a lot of mosquito
bites on my legs.
What would it be slang for?
I have no idea. I just wanted to make sure.
I made love to a Mexican, so I have
a lot of mosquito juice
running through my...
Why would that have anything to do with being Mexican?
I don't know. I just picked a
thing.
Am I backed in the corner?
So I have a mosquito.
Do I have to guess over 11?
No.
I'm going to go 10.
I'm going to go 10 minutes and 12 seconds.
Okay.
Very specific.
All right, let's recap. Chloe?
9.36.
Steve?
11.
Tony?
I guessed two and a half minutes.
You did not!
You did not! Remember everybody?
Ha?
I can't hear you, Pete, you son of a bitch.
What did you really say?
What was your real guess? I said nine minutes.
It's not a bad guess.
Oh, did you say?
Justin, how many?
I said 10 minutes, 12 seconds.
All right.
You said 11.
Every single one of you went over.
So nobody wins.
Can we start over?
I should have said one minute.
I'm going to say four minutes.
I should have said one second.
Tony was on the right track, because it's four minutes and 43 seconds.
I was going to say four minutes and 36 seconds. Well, you know what? Shame on them, then. Oh, my God. I should have said one second. Tony was on the right track because it's four minutes and 43 seconds. I was going to say four minutes and 36
seconds. Well, you know what? Shame on them then.
Oh my God, I'm so mad. Later, Brian De Palma
did a movie called Snake Eyes and he has
like an almost 12 minute take
in that because he was like, oh, Bonfire
of the Vanities was a huge flop.
Let's double that number.
Really get people into
it. So that means
Tony is still
getting to go first in this next game.
Tony killing it.
I think Death Proof has a one take in it
that's like 13 minutes long,
a real one at a diner scene.
It's a really good one too.
13 minutes?
Kurt Russell's hiding in the corner.
You can see him at one part while it's going around.
It's a circle.
Cool little Easter egg.
Yeah.
Classic Tarantino diner table conversation.
There's a lot of
you know those long takes
in a bunch of
different movies.
I feel like. No way.
Yeah I'm kind of an expert on film.
And a lot of times people do
those. I feel like this game
is one long take.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, we haven't cut.
I think the one in Death Proof is somewhere like between 13 and 15 or something.
I don't believe that.
Oh, yeah, you'll see it.
But it sounds legit.
That's rough.
That's a rough day.
Sounds like a long-ass movie.
Yeah.
If they could afford to do that.
Hitchcock's Rope, of course, they tried to give the impression that it was all one take
and then they did it again with Birdman.
Does anybody know the subtitle of Birdman?
Birdman and the...
Birdman and the...
No, it's Birdman or parentheses...
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bum?
Yes, that's it.
I think so. I think you got it. That's it. I think so.
I think you got it. Chloe's our winner.
Alright. No, Tony gets to go first in our final game.
And it's a little something called
Last Man Stanton.
Wait, wait. Our final game? I mean,
he's gonna win then, for sure.
Why? What's the
point structure? This is the last game?
He gets to go first.
Whichever one of you wins
wins everything.
Oh, I didn't know that.
This is for all...
I mean, there's no marbles in the prize bag,
but this is for all of the things in the prize bag.
Alright.
This is where I'm really going to come in strong.
This is the last game. I think you might.
Anything could happen. You'll see. where I'm really going to come in strong. This is the last game. I think you might. Man.
Anything could happen. You'll see.
Yeah.
Because an audience member
that I've preselected
is going to tell us
the name of an actor
or actress
and you guys
have to take turns
naming movies
that person was in.
If you can't think of one,
you're out.
Wow.
But each of you
get one lifeline
to the person
whose name tag you chose
I feel pretty confident about Ryan
over here yeah you do
he knew that
Lion King won two Oscars
that's a pretty informed individual
we only get one lifeline though
yeah you can only go to him once
but I recommend you go to him early
I recommend you go to Alex McInerney
early even if I know it because if you go to Alex McInerney.
Early?
Early on.
Even if I know it?
Because if you wait till late, then they're not going to know anything either.
Oh, I see.
The person who's suggesting a name tonight, hopefully, because this might be a joke.
I might have been catfished on this one.
Oh, no.
Is there someone in the audience who goes by the Twitter name Too Many Turds?
Were you at Too Many Turds?
No way.
Too Many Turds?
Yeah, turds with a Z.
Wow, hold on.
For the podcast listeners, I just want to let you know he's really owning it.
He is proud that he's Too Many Turds with a Z.
Big smile.
I want to see the driver's license.
Can I ask you, was there too many turds with an S
and then you had to go with the Z?
You just went straight for the Z?
He went Z just because he's a stylish person
who has too many turds.
And I'll tell you what, this guy definitely,
I'm looking at him, definitely has too many turds.
His sign, his name tag is made out of candy.
It's Reese's peanut butter cups. So do the math.
You say Reese's? What do those turn into later?
Reese's. Yeah, like Reese's
monkey. It's Reese's.
It's Reese's.
Reese's? It's Reese's, but
you know,
for too many turds.
Too many turds. Tony's favorite
time when he was in school was recessed.
Recess?
Like, yo, my name's Reese, and I made some chocolate.
It would have been Reese.
Oh, these are Reese's.
Reese's.
Reese made them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
These are Reese's.
Of course.
Was Reese's feces taken when you picked your name?
Oh, no.
So why too many turds? Because it's Twitter.
You can only call yourself anything.
No, it was random.
I was like 16.
You were 16, yeah, of course.
You committed.
Wait, you picked your name back when you were 16?
Wait, what's going on?
This is his Twitter name when he was 16.
Now he looks like he's about 50.
You thought he changed
his real name
to Too Many Turds?
Please tell me.
Justin was like,
show me your license.
Justin.
Justin.
No, I thought
he made it up tonight
and then he was saying
it was 16 years ago.
I was like, wait, what?
Please tell me
you kept your email address too,
like too many turds at AOL.com.
It was never that.
No, no, it's just for Twitter.
Too many turds at Twitter.
Did I just dox you?
I'm sorry.
He was a 16-year-old.
There are a lot of turds to deal with.
Listen.
Too many.
We're looking at the one guy who has access to the password
to too many turds with a Z on Twitter.
You know what that could be worth?
What?
I don't know.
There's a lot of people in the world.
Let's start the bidding now online for charity.
Who wants it?
How much are you going to pay for it?
For charity, we're going to auction off TooManyTurds.
Let's raise some money.
Have you ever been typing a tweet
and you realize that you used too many words?
And you're like, well, this would be blaspheme
for too many turds to use too many words.
We must dial back, edit.
Flush now, drop more turds later.
Where are you from, turdman?
Boston.
Boston?
Turdman.
And you're visiting LA now?
I live here now.
Oh, you live here now.
Good place, but too many birds.
This block has one restaurant called Birds,
and I'd say that's too many birds.
They're mean to us.
We share...
Like, they won't let us walk through their hallway
or use their restrooms.
I didn't say that.
Someday that'll change.
Someday.
Did you just yell preview on this podcast?
One star.
Try to be...
Like, when you go to the bathrooms at Bird's next door,
try to just go through that door that comes into ucb
try to go through that door someone at birds will yell at you every time and to me it's like
someone at ucb should yell at you for coming through that door not somebody's leaving birds
i don't know what their issue is why are you leaving doesn't make any sense anyway
uh you each get one lifeline and and we... Oh, this guy.
He's got to go to too many birds.
He went the right way.
He's going to too many birds right now.
That's what it's called?
Somebody looks like he has to release too many turds.
All this turd talk, it really gets people excited
to pass their own turds.
So, what's your real name?
Did I ask you that already?
No, it's Nick.
It's Nick.
Okay, Nick.
Nick Too Many Turds Johnson.
It's his mafia nickname.
Hey, where's Too Many Turds?
Hey, we're trying to do this hit.
Too Many Turds took off.
Well, what are you going to do?
He's got too many turds.
What name are we going to do tonight, dude?
Woody Harrelson. Woody Harrelson. Woody Harrelson. What name are we going to do tonight, dude?
Woody Harrelson. Woody Harrelson. Great name.
Really appreciate it.
He didn't come in with some bullshit.
That's a genuine...
That guy's been in a lot of movies. You've got to say
the movie titles correctly.
Exact movie title. I know.
You're already like, oh, I would
have done alright if you didn't say that.
But Tony gets to go first
and then we'll go to Justin
and then Chloe
and then Steve
and then Tony.
Okay.
I'm going to,
I'm pretty excited about this one.
I'm a fan of Woody Harrelson.
Him and I are both
from the great state of Ohio.
And
I just watched this movie recently and
it always blows my fucking mind
how much it holds up and how great it is.
The People vs. Larry Flint.
Whoa, yes. That's a good one.
God damn.
Good call.
That's a good
one. The great director
That Milos Forman
Just passed away
Just last week
Bummer
Amazing movie
So good
You know what he passed away from?
Too much success?
Ammunition and guns?
Too many turds
Oh was it?
Too many turds
Too many turds
Anal blockage
That's
Too many turds though
At the hospitals
What the doctors call it.
A lot of people suffer from the medical term.
That's the medical term.
That's the name of it.
He passed from too many turds.
Yeah.
Ah, I understand.
Well, he had ABs.
AB is the technical anal blockage.
He had AB.
Case of the old ABs.
Justin, name any Woody Harrelson movie where he had anal blockage.
Easy.
Well, was he in White Men Can't Jump?
Yeah, and don't phrase it as a question.
Oh, sorry.
I've got to be more confident.
More confident.
Sorry.
I'll up my confident meter.
Where's my weird little tablet from Westworld that I can just...
Anybody?
No?
All right.
Did you watch the premiere last night?
No, no, no.
No, don't spoil it, please.
Is it good?
Did everyone die?
Is there a reason for it to keep going?
Yes.
Okay.
Well, that didn't sound as enthusiastic as I was expecting people to...
Yeah, because only two people saw it.
They're like, yeah.
I think people feel forced to continue
watching it. I want to watch it.
It's good. It was a good first season.
Y'all don't like AI? It was?
I liked it. Yeah, I liked it.
Okay. Anyways,
when it was over, I was like, there's no reason for more
of this. And then they were like, season two
coming soon. White man can't. White man
can't cump.
Slam dunk. Slam dunk.
Slam dunked it.
Jant cump. Chloe, any
Woody Harrelson movie?
Zombieland. Yes.
That's a good one.
That's a great one for when we play Bill Murray.
Steve?
No Country for Old Men.
Or are you just
complaining about your life
always
Tony
another one of my favorites
Kingpin
mmhmm
fuck me
that's a good one
uh cheers
you guys remember him
does that count
does that
that counts right
come on
give me a break
come on everybody no he's asking for cheers everyone
encourage him to guess i was saying cheers off of the audience's energy like hulk hogan
yeah i was like let me let me on while i say this next let me cut you off justin before you say true
detective tv doesn't count oh okay well in that case the
hold on I know the name of this
you got this
into the world
world dies Armageddon
no no no
world
everything explodes
Woody Harrelson is in a movie about everything yeah yeah he's like a kooky guy World. Everything explodes.
Woody Harrelson is in a movie about everything. Yeah, he's like a kooky guy.
He's like, I'm kooky, I'm crazy.
It's the guy that did Independence Day, the director.
Who's the director of Independence Day?
The guy?
Yeah, that guy.
You know what I'm talking about?
He did a movie called like...
Justin is now doing fake commercials from Rick and Morty.
I think he's stalling.
Do you want to go to your lifeline?
Let's go to your lifeline.
He's in The Hunger Games.
The Hunger Games.
I'll go with Hunger Games in that case.
Meanwhile, I'm going to remember that.
You can't even repeat it back properly.
It's The Hunger Games.
Alright, Steve.
I mean, sorry,
Chloe.
Uh,
I'm going to go with my lifeline.
Just,
I'm going to get this out of the way.
Right?
It's smart.
Semi pro. Semi pro.
Will Ferrell.
Can I,
can I bust out my phone and just do a little?
No.
Steve.
Uh,
I'll do my lifeline.
Wait,
wait.
If she doesn't know,
then do I lose? Or can I make up? If she doesn't know, then do I lose?
Or can I make up?
If she doesn't know anything, she'll say, I don't know anything.
And I can still say what?
She'll say, I'm a completely stupid person.
I'm tapping out way early on a guy that's in 50 movies.
But then I can still.
Yes.
Okay, let's go.
Haley, let's see what you got.
Jesus Christ, Barbara.
Say what?
Oh, three billboards outside
of Missouri.
That's what I was going to say.
Now I think it's my lifeline.
Alright, Tony's lifeline.
Fuck. Hey, Pete, you got anything?
What do you got, Pete?
Mockingjay Part 1?
No.
Yes, that is correct.
You can't do that.
Why can't you?
Yeah, if you know the name of them.
Good job, Pete.
You have to know the whole Hunger Games title, though.
He said Hunger Games
Mockingjay Part 1.
That's different than my Hunger Games
one? Yeah.
It's true.
There's multiple Hunger Games movies. Yeah. It's true. Yeah, there's multiple
Hunger Games movies.
It's my turn now?
I feel like they're
really catching fire.
I'm going to go...
Why are you doing this?
I'm going to go with
Hunger Games
Catching Fire.
Yes!
Because that's, you know,
I was doing a bit earlier,
but I really totally watched all of those.
You love those movies.
I love, yeah, you love Woody Harrelson
and all that stuff.
Can I do Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 2?
Yes.
Wait, Mockingjay?
Mockingjay.
Is it called Mockingjay? Mockingjay. Is it called Mockingjay?
Mockingjay.
It really is?
Yes.
What does that mean?
It's there's...
It's the pig.
Oh, never mind.
Don't get into the pig.
Throughout the series,
they set up that there's these...
We don't have to worry about it.
Steve,
did everybody use their lifeline?
Is that what just happened?
Oh, my God.
Woody Harrelson.
Falling apart.
Remember him in that movie?
Yeah.
Yeah, what's it called?
The Thin Red Line.
Yes.
And I hope it doesn't make it back here again.
Tony?
You know, I love Woody Harrelson.
And there's so many options that I could go to right now,
but I want to be very strategic about this
so that I can perhaps have a chance
at winning my friend Pete here a goodie bag.
And the answer that I will say,
now that I must speak an answer,
would be that of the answer of, and when it will sound, it will sound like this.
What I'm about to say.
And that answer is, that will assuredly win me the game, now that everyone is out of lifelines.
There's only one answer to really
give.
It would be
the great and
powerful answer
of
Hunger Games
part.
We already got all of those.
Oh, shit.
Alright, Tony's out. What do you got there justin a little movie called 2012 that's right look it up look it up what's that about dog look it up bro
2012 what are you harrelson's in that hell yeah you serious? Yeah, it's the guy that directed...
Remember, I was trying to get to it earlier. It just finally came to me.
I don't believe it. Can I look it up?
No.
Only Doug can look it up on his little iPhone.
No, I don't look it up either.
I go completely by my own
intuition and what I know
and he is not in 2012.
Yes, he is. He's the kooky
airplane driver. No. Nobody agrees with 2012. Yes, he is. He's the kooky airplane driver.
No.
Really?
Nobody agrees with you.
Okay, wait, hold on.
Who's the kooky?
Is he?
He's definitely in it.
He's the crazy conspiracy theorist.
Okay, your friend that you brought to the show, Justin, is confirming.
I don't want to make it sound like we got a plant.
I believe you now.
No, I believe you now.
I believe it.
Are you the only one in the crowd that...
No.
Oh, somebody's got it on their phone.
2012.
He was kooky in that movie.
I was thinking Armageddon, but I got it.
2012.
Because we all know that was going to be the year
that it was all going to go south for us humans.
You're still in.
You don't have to sell it anymore.
Sorry.
All right.
That was a rough...
Good job.
That was a rough one. I had to fight for that one. All right. Got it. No, you had... Lock still in. You don't have to sell it anymore. Sorry. All right. Good job. That was a rough one. I had to fight for that one.
Got it.
Locked in.
Tony's out.
Chloe's really thinking about it.
I think I might win this motherfucker.
I'm not in a great place right now.
Going with...
I mean, if he was in No Country for Old Men.
Right.
Right?
Just name any other Coen Brothers movie and you'll be wrong.
That's so funny.
Oh, shit.
Justin is throwing some shade your way.
Are you trying to help me?
I don't think he's helping me.
Is this help?
He's humming cheers.
It's all right.
Hey, I'm not a singer, y'all.
Oh, God. Something he's cameoed
in. Fucking come on, anything.
Oh, shh.
He's not a cameo guy,
really. He's a front and center
kick the door down.
He gets in there down take it and
walk away type.
He's got a really
great career. Knock on wood.
Will Ferrell movie.
Even if it all goes down.
I'm not trying
to cheat. I can't see anything.
I'm going to go with
it's going to be
1408. Oh, that's a great number
one of my favorite numbers maybe i love thank you chloe that was probably
steve did you come up with another one in the interim i think larry flint 2 is still crippled still
I can't think of one
sorry
Tony
I can't think of one
are you out already
no no I'm totally still in it
everybody knows I'm still in it
I think you're out
Justin's our winner
wow he was in Doc Hollywood I think you're out. Justin's our winner.
Wow.
He was in Doc Hollywood.
He was in Money Train.
He was in Wilson.
What else?
Scent of a Woman.
Natural Born Killers. Oh my God.
Natural Born Killers.
Seven Psychopaths.
You guys are all fucking dying out there.
Indecent proposal.
And he's also
Robert Wentford fucked his wife.
And you won with 2012.
Yeah.
I don't know how it came to me, man.
That's not right at all, but it happened.
Alex, come get your prizes.
Where's Alex at?
Right there.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Alex, by the way,
if you would be so kind to give me that weird...
Oh, see?
I had to make sure that the winner was cool with it.
Well, that's nice of you.
Even though I said, if you would be so kind to hand me that booklet, please.
You're a sweet man.
Just so you know, Justin, I'm sorry if there's any pages that are...
Stuck together.
Stuck together.
Oh, my God.
You guys have no idea.
I do. My night is
going to be wild.
With my copy of Geeky
Dreamboats by Sarah
O'Brien and Lacey
Soslow. Look for it on
Amazon. $12.95.
Two people wrote that.
Did I pay $12.95 for that? It took two human
beings to write this book. Give us a quick sample passage.
What kind of stuff can people read in there?
Ryan Gosling, Zach Braff, Zach Efron.
All the Zacks are in here.
Nick Swartzen's in there?
Is that the best picture?
Yeah, is that the picture?
Fuck.
Here we go.
Let's read Nick Swartzen.
Tobey Maguire.
We love him.
We can't actually remember the first time we realized Nick was a bona fide dreamboat.
It could have been when we heard about the prank he played on Jamie Kennedy.
We laughed so hard, we actually peed our pants a little.
So you can imagine our delight when he started showing up in movies. His role as John Heater's creepy stalker in Blades of Glory
might have been overlooked for an Oscar,
but it was not overlooked by our adoring eyes.
And then it's got his birthday, his sign,
all kinds of creepy shit about him.
He's a Libra.
Ooh.
I don't think he's a Libra. I did not know that about him. Libra haters out there.
But also on the geek boat meter
he's skewing way far
towards geek and not
I'm assuming that's like a
hunk?
We'd have to flip through the book a little more to
understand the
physics of the dreamboat meter.
We don't have a key to understand the fucking...
Well, we've heard enough for now, but you'll be reading that
at Book Soup on Tuesday.
I will read the entire book.
I'll be at Book Soup on Tuesday. Come see me.
Hopefully it's the right
Tuesday. There's a lot of them.
What do you got to plug, Chloe Dykstra?
I have a new movie
that hopefully will be coming out
at some point in the near future called Diminuendo.
The trailer's out now.
We're going to festivals,
and hopefully it'll be on Netflix or Amazon
or one of those places.
Yeah, so get all those things.
Get all those services,
and then wait for her movie to show up.
Yep.
I love it.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for having me.
Steve? I got nothing. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Steve.
I got nothing.
Just follow me on Instagram, I guess.
Steve Agee.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Hopefully Steve and I will both be on season five
of You're the Worst.
Oh, I'm sure of it.
You're confident?
Yeah, no, I'm very sure.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
I'm glad you feel good
because it just takes one scene where they just
have a character go, hey, it's the Dutch
and Doug aren't around anymore.
And then we're not around, you know.
Tony Hinchcliffe.
Hey.
This isn't the beginning of the show.
Oh, I thought we were getting started.
My name's Tony.
Nice to meet you guys.
No, I have a bunch of stand-up gigs coming up
all over the country.
This is a podcast, right?
Yeah.
No, it's just for these 70 people.
I have a new book coming out.
I went a little high on that number.
I have a new book coming out called
Geeky Dreamboats 2.
There's no way that you have that book coming out. Yeah. I have a new book coming out called Geeky Dreamboats 2. There's no way that you have that book coming out.
Yeah.
I have a whole spread.
Seems a little too soon after Geeky Dreamboats 1.
It has more geek boat nuggets than the first one.
It's sort of different than Dreamboats.
In fact, it's more like a dream yacht, if you will.
It's more luxurious.
Okay.
Soft cover, soft cover.
Soft on the outside.
Kill Tony.
Kill Tony podcast.
Kill Tony.
Listen to it where you listen to podcasts
and watch it live at the Comedy Store every Monday.
And it's touring to Vegas, San Fran,
Dallas, Houston, Austin, Lansing,
Grand Rapids, Detroit, and a bunch of other fun places.
I might show up in one of those places
Yeah you shocked the world and showed up to Phoenix
Yeah I don't know why I went to Phoenix
But it was super fun
We had a great time
Thank you Tony
Justin Roiland what's going on man
Are people already
Bothering you about the next season of Rick and Morty
Yeah you know I have nothing to announce, but I will say...
Just announce it anyway.
Just buy gold, you guys.
No, you're still on that?
No, I'm just fucking around.
But no, seriously, buy gold and silver.
But more gold, and then if you can, build a bunker, if you can group together.
There's enough people in here.
Create a couple of groups.
Build a bunker somewhere before the nukes hit.
That's my plug, man.
Thank you.
Douglas Movies is back here at UCB if the nukes don't hit on Tuesday, May 8th.
It's two weeks from now, so I feel good.
I feel pretty confident
that we'll be alright.
And thank you to all
of my guests, Chloe Dykstra, Steve Agee,
Tony Hinchcliffe, and Justin Roiland.
As always,
Brian Gutierrez
and Andrew Harmon
are shitheads.
What?
Who are those people?
What the fuck?
That's from my good friend Pete.
That's what he said.
Yeah, that's what Pete has to say.
Al Gore is a shithead.
You know, okay.
And this,
I don't even agree with this one.
I think they're misunderstood.
Pitbulls are a shithead. No they're misunderstood pit bulls are a shithead
no no
pit bulls are not
shitheads
now it's time
for Doug to watch
another talkie
eyes of gold
his viewing prowess
makes him cocky
there's no room
in his heart
for you
cause Doug
loves
movies