Doug Loves Movies - Kassem G, Kate Micucci, Jen Kirkman and Jacob Sirof guest
Episode Date: May 19, 2016Back home at the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes comedians Kassem G, Kate Micucci, Jen Kirkman and Jacob Sirof to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy... Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seats
With 50 eyes and not more kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
But Doug Loves Movies
Hey everybody, my name is Doug, and I love movies.
We love movies!
That was like, we're in Los Angeles.
You guys should be tighter.
Should have it more together.
You should know your cue.
But it's cool.
I'm just happy that you're here.
We're back at the UCB Theater,
Franklin location,
Los Angeles, Tuesday, May 17th,
let's call it, 2016.
Let me see those Tam name tags.
You guys, yeah, that's right.
See what happens?
Los Angeles created bringing name tags,
and you guys don't fucking
bring them anymore i don't know what i have to do to encourage you because also the lamest look at
this shit the lamest things could get chosen and you guys still don't even make that effort you're
like i'll go wait in line i'll buy a ticket ahead of time on the internet, but I'm not going to make a goddamn name tag.
But I should say there are some good ones.
There's one that's blinking over there,
and there's one that's very big over there.
There's going to be, like, I'm waiting for the L.A. show
where there's less name tags and there are guests on the stage.
And so people just have to pick somebody just like
oh, play for that guy.
His arms are folded and he's wearing a hat.
That's all I
need. But thank you for those
of you who did bring name tags.
Doug Plugs, LA Friends,
Doug Loves Movies is back over at Meltdown Comics
next Monday, May
23rd at 9 o'clock.
St. Louis, May 25th and 26th.
Boston, May 28th.
New York City, May 30th.
Bloomington, Indiana.
My mom calls it Bloomy's on June 3rd and 4th.
And on Saturday, June 4th specifically, we're doing a Benson movie interruption as part of the Limestone Comedy Festival.
And the movie is
Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.
Yeah, because it takes place
in Indiana.
Douglas
DouglasMovies.com
I got a tweet
today from the drunk girl who was yelling
during the Boise show
and she wrote
I'd like to formally apologize for being the loud drunky at the Boise show and she wrote I like to formally apologize for being the
loud drunkie at the Boise show excitement to see you plus too many
drinks equals bad hashtag forever ashamed and I wrote back don't worry
about it hashtag shit-faced happens yeah The prize bag tonight
includes
well, no, this isn't in the
prize bag. That's something
we'll get into a little later.
Two VHS
movies, not movies,
episodes of television programs
from the WB Network
from my personal collection.
We've got High School Reunion,
episode 103.
Yeah, I think some shit
went down in that. I think someone was like,
you've got my number two pencil. No, I don't.
And
an episode of Buffy the Vampire
Slayer.
I believe it was from episode four.
I mean, season four.
And...
Jesus.
That was like the worst mic drop ever.
It's a mic drop from a guy
who can't get the stand
set up right.
Goodbye, Iowa, it's called.
I don't...
I don't remember why there would be an episode of Buffy called Goodbye, Iowa.
A homemade mug somebody made for me and got to me somehow.
It says, mornings without coffee is a shithead on it.
Yeah, it's adorable.
So somebody gets to have it, because I don't drink coffee,
so my coffee mugs are worthless.
A couple of pipes from Peacemaker,
the all-rubber pipes that are fun for travel.
Oh, this is interesting.
I found this button.
It says, play safely.
And it's from the Cares team.
So I think it's some sort of wear a condom thing.
But on the button
is that little lady from
Poltergeist, Zelda Rubinstein,
and she's like wagging a finger.
Like, play
safely!
So it's just a scary button.
Alright, that's
all that I brought, but all
of my guests brought something.
And as you can see from the setup tonight, we have four guest chairs.
And that always means there's going to be a lot of fun.
Because I got four great guests.
Please give a big, warm welcome to Kate Micucci, Jacob Seroff,
Kasim G., and Jen Kirkman. Hey, you guys.
Hey.
Let's just say hi to him first because we've got some veterans on the show,
but we also have a first-timer who got very high with me this afternoon
on Getting Doug with High.
And during that live broadcast,
I asked him to please come over here and do this show.
Yeah, no pressure.
Yeah.
It's Kassem G, everybody!
Thank you.
Probably a record number of appearances on Getting Doug with High.
Well, besides Todd Glass, but I got him in my sights.
Yeah, and first time over here.
Yeah, I have no idea how this works either.
You told me to bring something,
so I took some off my shelf,
and now I'm here.
Really? You just grabbed a random thing?
Well, I had some thought in there.
All right, let's see it. What'd you bring?
Oh, we're doing it now.
Well, I got a Bigfoot statue
that I got on my Bigfoot trip.
It's actually not a great statue, but I got it from a Bigfoot museum when we went Bigfoot hunting.
I think you're going to regret giving this away.
Oh, I got plenty of Bigfoot stuff.
He looks really sad, like he's already said goodbye to the Hendersons.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, how long have you had this?
I got it.
It's probably been a year.
Oh, okay. So it's not like something from like 7th grade or anything?
No, I know it looks really old
and shitty like that.
It's kind of heavy. Was it
a murder object?
Was it used to murder someone and now you're getting
rid of the evidence? No, Doug.
It's straight from the heart.
And it does say $20 plus
tax on the bottom. No, they don't need to know how much it does.
That is what it's worth, you guys.
Yeah.
All right, well, now they know the monetary value.
It's like you put a $20 bill in the bag.
I love it.
There's sentimental and $20 worth of it there.
Well, good job, dude.
That's the perfect gift.
Yeah, hopefully somebody enjoys it.
That's when somebody just randomly tells you, bring a gift.
Yeah.
You didn't know what I was talking about.
No, I didn't.
He wrote back, does it have to be movie related?
I'm like, I don't care.
Like, whatever, just bring a thing.
And this is what he brought.
Yeah.
I did have a Blu-ray DVD of Judge Dredd that was signed by Olivia Thrillby,
but it was personalized to me.
Oh, you got to hang on to that.
I had to hang on to it.
You got the Thrillby personalized autograph. Yeah, yeah. But now that I know, I got to hang on to that. I had to hang on to it. You got the Thrill Be personalized autograph.
Yeah, yeah.
But now that I know,
I'll just reach out to other people I know
for autographs.
So it'll be fun for us.
You know her?
No, my girlfriend does.
And I really pressured her into signing my Blu-ray
while she was over one day.
Because I'd like to have her on the podcast.
I think she's a good host.
I'll set it up.
I'll juice you up.
Okay, juice it.
It's who you know in this business, right?
Absolutely.
It is.
Kate Micucci is back, everybody.
Hi.
22nd time on the show.
No way.
No, I don't know.
Seemed like a reasonable number.
Tell us about Unleashed.
That looks really cute.
Oh, yeah, it is cute.
I don't know when it's coming out, though.
I wish I had a date.
It looks super cute.
It's a sweet little movie.
I play a girl who is unlucky in love,
and then I look at my dog and my cat,
and I'm like, I wish I could find love
like I have with you guys.
And then on a magical night,
they turn into men and they fight over me.
That sounds amazing.
Yeah, I don't know when it's coming out,
though I wish I had a date for you.
Well, IMDB says 2016, so maybe this year.
I hope so.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was really fun to make.
My parents got to be extras in it,
and it was the cutest thing ever.
That's awesome.
They sold tacos in a taco truck.
Yeah.
I don't know why that gets an awe.
You know, it was really cute.
Fucking parents in a taco truck.
Is there anything cuter?
My mom didn't know that you're not supposed to talk as an extra.
And so they tried to tell her, but she really got into it.
She was like, here's your change, sir.
Enjoy your taco, sir.
It was the cutest thing.
Anyway.
Speaking of things that are cute, they have a bulletin board backstage.
Oh, I thought you were introducing me.
Jacob is here.
No, it's, they have this bulletin board backstage where fan mail that arrives for any particular people that perform here at UCB just gets tacked up on the board.
And I saw two Kate Micucci fan mails tacked up there.
And I just took them.
It was just an impulsive move.
Like, I'll make sure she gets them.
Did you read them? Because she's on my
show tonight. Because I always look to see if
any for me are up there.
So there you go. There's two... This one looks like
it's from
a faraway land. Switzerland.
There you go, yeah. Oh, wow.
And the other one is from Joshua, Texas.
They just know that you have a gig
coming up, or they just hope?
They just know that Kate's done stuff at UCB.
You should look at it when you come in here because you might have something.
I don't want it.
I bet you have.
What's the stuff that they put in envelopes that is poison?
And from Rison.
Rison, Rison, yeah.
That sugar from Breaking Bad.
But anyway, sometimes that's what happens.
She opened it up and there's a picture of herself staring back at her.
Because sometimes they send you a picture and just say,
please sign this and send it back.
It scared me.
You got very terrified when you saw yourself.
What did you bring for the prize, Kate?
I brought two things.
One, a t-shirt I made, and it says, what does it say? It says,
Howard liked little boobs.
Little boobs like top hats.
And it's a girl with little boobs and a guy
with a top hat.
What a lovely connection. And then I made
this, it doesn't really have a joke.
It's not a joke, but it's framed,
and it says, do you love movies? And it's two
people that look like they're gonna
eat popcorn like their lives depend on it.
And it says, yes, as much as Doug does.
It's very cute.
Show everybody, though.
Point it in the direction of the audience.
I made it right before I got here,
but I feel it lacks a joke.
It doesn't need a joke.
It's just about a love of movies.
Look at this thing.
This is such a nice frame.
You just leave a nice frame sitting around,
and you're like, when I draw something,
I want to put it in a nice frame.
I have so many frames in my apartment.
Oh, it's really great.
I love it.
Yeah, no, people will love it,
and they'll make their own jokes about it.
Yeah, you can punch it up.
They'll say, oh, look at that.
When I got that, that night,
she said this wasn't funny, but boy, is it funny. And then their guests, look at that. When I got that, that night, she said this wasn't funny,
but boy, is it funny.
And then their guests will look at them.
If you say so.
But thank you very much.
Thank you for having me.
And speaking of cute, Jen Kirkman is here, everybody.
You should have known.
Thank you.
My gift sucks.
Why does it suck? You didn't frame it no i i know i was thinking of bringing
i bought these candles years ago in um alaska thank you with um i was on a little tour with
rory scoville and nick thun and we went to this candle shop and this guy that worked there was
like i used to live in Los Feliz and
write scripts and now I make candles.
And they're beautiful candles. There's one of a buffalo.
I almost brought that.
And I didn't because I wanted to keep it.
Did you run down all the
things you didn't bring before getting to
what actually arrived here? I just brought a copy
of my new book, but how narcissistic.
No, that's the point
of the exercise. And I signed it.
You're supposed to bring a promotional item
for your thing because then I can go,
oh look, everybody, in the prize bag
is a copy of I Know What I'm Doing
and Other Lies I Tell Myself
by Jen Kirkman,
New York Times bestselling author of
I Can Barely Take Care of Myself.
And then we put it in the back
and you also signed a picture of yourself.
I thought that'd be funny.
What about a shout wipe
that always comes in handy?
Why do you think you need to give more?
I'll take it. I'll take a shout wipe.
No, put it in there as a bookmark
and someday when someone's reading and eating and driving
they'll spill and then they'll need the shout wipe.
That's perfect. That's a perfect solution.
Yeah, thank you for that, Jan. That's the perfect thing to put need the shower. That's perfect. That's a perfect solution. Yeah, thank you for that, Jen.
That's the perfect thing to put in the bag.
I mean, it's not quite as perfect
as something you drew and framed yourself.
I know.
But it's so close.
And Jacob Siroff is here, everybody.
Hey, everybody.
Man, I'm glad I don't have to follow Kate's gift.
Right?
It was nice to have a little pickled ginger
in between the actual painting and the T-shirt and stuff.
I'm sure your book's amazing.
What'd you bring?
It's fine.
She says off mic.
I also brought a copy of Jen's book, unfortunately.
Oh.
No, I brought some movie-ish stuff.
This is a Subway kid's meal bag.
I think it's not the first time I've given a kid's meal bag away.
That's a classy.
I've never seen that thing before.
That's an incredible bag.
Subway?
Yeah, it's a Force Awakens.
It's kind of this girly Captain Bass moment.
It's a kid's meal bag?
I didn't even know they had such a thing.
Yeah, they do.
It's very involved.
It's kind of lame, though, because the bag is the prize.
They don't give you a prize.
You just get the bag.
I don't know.
Oh, you think it should have
a little toy inside?
A little Tauntaun or something?
Yeah, well, a Tauntaun would be,
that'd be a lot to ask for,
but that'd be ideally a Tauntaun,
but like at least a little plastic
lightsaber or something.
So I've got a couple DVDs in here.
This is the Little Mermaid,
but not the,
it's like some other Little Mermaid
that's not the Disney one.
I don't,
I think it's from Korea or something.
I don't know who's in it
or why it was made.
I think anybody can make something called Little Mermaid. It's who's in it or why it was made. I think anybody
can make something
called Little Mermaid.
It's only 49 minutes,
so if you're in a hurry
and you don't have time
for the Disney one,
that'll come in handy.
And then also,
I did bring
a personalized signed copy
of a DVD.
I actually pulled
the trigger on that.
This is the movie
Finding Nemo,
which is signed
by very Pixar's
notorious Terry Lee Mosley.
Do you guys all know
who that is?
He's just this guy
who's my friend
he's been working there
a long time
he's in systems
like his name comes up
in like the four columns
it's signed by
Terry Lee Mosley
my friend Terry Lee Mosley
he's like yeah
you know when the movies
get to the end
and there's like
four columns of names
he's like in one of those
he's in one of those columns
yeah
systems
but he's really
I think Pixar has
some of the best systems
in motion pictures right now
so Terry good job on that
and when you have guests over, you can pause it
and be like, you guys, look.
There are 16 of us doing that job.
I got a couple posters.
You told me to bring one thing.
I did.
I try to stress that with people.
I didn't love or hate the movie.
I got a Batman Superman thing that I got.
Just spit on that and throw that on the ground.
Right, I mean, if somebody wants to burn an effigy or something, that's cool.
Then this is another one that I actually think is pretty cool.
They're cool posters.
Cool posters.
I wish that much thought went into the movies.
The only awkward thing is Jen Garner's in the audience tonight.
Great move, Jacob.
Oh, my God.
You're totally not going to get to fuck her.
No, isn't that Ben Affleck?
You took the rubber bands off the posters to show them,
and now I got to put them back?
You want me to do it?
Yeah, please.
Please, fix your mess.
Kate, do you have a frame for those real quick?
Actually, I do.
Hang on.
Well, all of that stuff is going in the prize bag.
Thank you guys for bringing all that stuff.
And since it's Cassie's first time on the show,
I will skip him and go right to Kate to ask the question I always ask everybody,
and then you have time to think about it.
Kate, what was the last motion picture that you saw?
That's an easy one.
In any format.
I know it's an easy question,
but, you know, it still throws
people sometimes.
Actually, it is a tricky one for me, because I
watched 20 minutes today of Empire Records.
I have never seen it.
Don't tell me what happened. The first 20 minutes?
Yeah. And you're like enthralled?
You're into it? Yeah, and I love how
90s it is, and just like the colors
and the styles, and
I just don't, I have to watch the rest
of it. But I was like
watching, I was listening to it. I wasn't watching
it, I was listening to it.
Okay, so I really don't know what's going on.
You dedicated 20 whole minutes of listening
to Empire Records.
But I saw a little bit here and there, I'd glance over.
Okay. Yeah.
Alright, well check out the whole thing sometime. It's good, right?
Is it worth it? I don't know. I'm not a big Well, check out the whole thing sometime. It's good, right? Is it worth it?
I'm not a big fan, but people love it.
I worked at Tower.
I was a Tower employee guy in the 90s, and it's accurate in that regard.
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, Liv Tyler worked at all the Towers.
Yeah, sure.
Super sexy employees at the Tower Records.
But was there something else you saw in its entirety?
Oh.
Recently? No. Recently?
No.
Okay.
We'll move on.
No pressure.
Jen, what about you?
What was the last movie you saw?
I watched a documentary this week.
Oh, you're so smart.
I know.
Well, when you hear what it is,
Tab Hunter Confidential.
All about that 50s heartthrob Tab Hunter.
And I didn't realize how many things he'd done,
like records, and he was in Damn Yankees,
but he was in a lot of cheesy stuff.
But he was gay, obviously.
And he was, like, I just thought it was so interesting
because back then, guys that you would look at now
and be like, they're not only gay,
they're like, gay, were like, thought of as thought of as so masculine what do you mean just like you know like uh like super
masculine people didn't recognize it as super gay they just thought oh that guy's extra masculine
it was cool not like way too masculine obviously into dudes and he was like he was but so he got
um when the studio system
broke down,
like,
he just kind of lost work
and then John Waters
kind of saved his career
and then now he's just
with horses
and his husband.
With horses.
Well,
he's got,
he was always loved
horseback riding
and his husband's younger
and a studio executive
and they're fine.
But my favorite part
was before he got famous,
he got arrested
with a bunch of people at a party
just for being gay. Just a party in LA.
Just a gay roundup.
Yeah, it was a gay roundup. And they wrote
he was seen at a limp-wristed
pajama party.
And I love that name.
I want to have a limp-wristed
pajama party. That's a good band name.
As opposed to Donald Trump's
small-handed dumbass festival.
I want to
say one quick thing, too, because maybe you'll have
the answer. Please, it's anti-homophobia day,
by the way, so this is a great time to talk
about this. Well, no, I was going to change the subject.
Okay. It's a good day to change
the subject.
On a plane, I watched that movie Suffragette,
which I didn't even know was a movie. Right.
And I thought, oh, Meryl Streep's going to
star in it. She had literally one scene.
She shows up once, yeah. Literally
for four seconds and is like, go out there
and throw a rock. And then she goes back in.
And I had to rewind it because I thought I must have
fallen asleep and forgot. Why
do you think she did a movie for four
minutes? Well, I believe
she's in two scenes in that movie.
And she's also Meryl Streep.
So it's like you get the gravity of why she would inspire a bunch of women
because they got Meryl Streep to play this woman that inspired a bunch of women.
I guess so.
It's a little weak.
There's a story behind that.
Meryl Streep can't do a performance without getting nominated for Academy Award.
And they didn't nominate her for that one because this is like,
you can't just show up and be like
throw a rock
or whatever she said.
No, Kate McCoochie's
parents had more lines
in her movie
than uh
she was so weird
anyway but
I thought you might
have been inside
But yeah,
there was a little
less of her
than there should
have been
but What's Her Name
is always good.
I didn't know
names of anyone
but I enjoyed
the girl.
Carrie Mulligan
is very good
and uh
I was calling her Emma Stone in my is very good. I was calling her
Emma Stone in my head.
Whoa.
I get all women confused.
It's about time.
Thank you.
It's about time
a woman admitted that.
Jacob, what about you?
What was the last movie you saw?
Well, first of all,
I'm really excited
because as you guys know,
tomorrow is actual,
it's homophobia day.
So that's when we can discuss this stuff in a real comedic manner.
Yeah, I don't have a show that day, fortunately.
I mean, he's with horses.
It was just so hard not to say anything.
He's with horses now.
There's so many...
No?
You guys don't see the potential there?
Not at all?
No?
That's why I'm a professional.
Semi-professional.
I saw a real movie.
No offense, guys.
Captain America Civil War.
Yes.
Or as my five-year-old son calls it,
Captain America Silver War.
Aw.
Yeah.
I asked for a ticket for a swivel door.
Is it in the theaters?
It's in the theaters, yeah.
So where does it stand for you in the Marvel price? Second still to Guardians? It's right the theaters. It's in the theaters, yeah. So where does it stand for you in the Marvel price?
Second still to Guardians?
It's right up there.
My Marvels are Guardians, Winter Soldier, and Ant-Man, I think are the three best Marvels.
Right, yeah, and that Winter Soldier is one of the best ones.
These are the same guys that made that one.
I think it's right up there with that, at least.
It's pretty entertaining.
There's so much going on.
Yeah, it is a couple slow parts because they really have to kind of throw on the heaviness of the situation but they don't
dwell on it in the sad pathetic way that uh batman and superman did you know what it did it's still a
fun movie i had i thought about that after the movie it basically succeeded at everything batman
versus superman tried to do and didn't succeed at. It's the same debate. It's all about collateral damage
of innocent lives.
Yeah, the superhero, how would that affect
people IRL?
Which they also handled perfectly well in The Incredibles
a long time ago.
But that's just me.
Less death in The Incredibles.
Yeah, exactly.
They wanted Terry Lee Mosley.
My friend, they were going to do a lot of death,
and Terry said, nope, guys, this is a Pixar movie.
Did you Uber pool to get here tonight?
No, I didn't, not tonight.
You didn't tonight?
Was that an anti-Semitic comment?
I thought that was an anti-Semitic comment.
No, no, well, you bring up your Jewishness
every time I ask about Uber pool.
I'm like, you Uber pool to the airport
when you have to get there by a certain time,
and they might pick up other people, and he hey i'm a jew that's his answer that's
true that's well being a thing that's not very practical well it's my answer for every like thing
that's wrong and right with me if someone asks me can you help me with this math problem i'm like
of course i'm a jew or can you help me fix my car of course not i'm a jew like it's it's my reason
for everything wow that's interesting let's each ask uh jason jacob j. Let's each ask Jason, Jacob.
Let's each ask Jacob a question,
and then he'll tell us his answer based on whether or not he's a Jew.
Hey, Jacob, do you want to order a pepperoni pizza?
Of course, I'm a self-hating Jew.
I love pork.
He got me.
He got you?
He got me.
We can stop right there.
Yeah, this game isn't any good.
We don't all have to do it.
It's not that great of a movie.
Let's go on to more important games.
No, my movie was the same, Captain America, so we just recovered it.
Yeah, we don't have to talk about it anymore.
Yeah.
You liked it, though?
No, I thought it was fun.
I had a lollipop from The Incredibles.
Those little lollipops. Incredibles?
Yeah, Incredibles. And it made that movie
much better. The Giant Man was
great. Spiderman was...
Peter Spiderman was my absolute favorite
part of that whole thing. Spoilers.
Spoilers.
A lot of you haven't seen it yet.
I'm sorry. But also the way they
applauded implies that they may never.
It was very soft golf claps.
So let's do the part of the show where I say, shall we play a game?
Ladies and gentlemen, there are some name tags in the audience.
Your job is to go grab one and bring it back to your seat
and not read out loud the shithead on the back
because that's the consolation prize if you lose.
I hope that makes sense.
Yeah, Kasim, just go grab one.
Go get it.
Whatever one you like. Jacob is looking for a Star grab one. Go get it. Whatever one you like.
Jacob is looking for a Star Wars one.
That's his MO.
I'm going to make a vine or something.
I'm going to vine this shit.
Jen doesn't know anything.
She just said it.
All right, Jacob.
We'll start with you.
Who are you playing for?
I'm playing for the Empire Strikes...
Let me see it.
Show it to me.
It's the Empire Strikes Eric.
And, you know, it's the only...
It's really slim pickings for the Star Wars stuff.
Right, but at least there was one Star Wars thing out there.
It was just like a black and white photo.
He didn't do any actual work on the characters.
He just subbed out the word Eric.
I've had this strategy of just going for
cheap Star Wars over people to put in effort.
It's making me rethink that.
I'm telling you, it really
does not...
It doesn't make L.A. look good.
I also disagree.
I think he should have said that Eric strikes back.
I guess he was going for irreverence there or something.
There was already a K.
He was so lazy, he left the K.
The least amount of work is what he was going for.
It's the E-R-I.
That's the amount of work he did.
Least amount of effort.
But still enough effort to be in the mix and have a chance.
Let's see yours, Jen.
Hold that up for me so I can get a good
look at it.
I was posing for a picture.
No, that's good. I like it.
Yeah, it's perfect.
I was attracted to
of course the shiny object.
It's Megan's of the Universe.
It's not like a lightsaber.
What's the real movie called?
I thought maybe there was like... Yes, it was Megan's of the Universe. And I had to ask, what's the real movie called? Because I didn't know.
I thought maybe there was like... It's Guardians of the...
Oh, it's Masters of the Universe.
I thought maybe there was a legitimate lady version.
And I was like, oh, cool.
Back in the day, Dolph Lundgren and Frank Langella.
That's Courtney Cox.
Yeah.
No.
That's Dolph Lundgren.
I saw that opening day in the theaters.
They don't put her name.
They put Frank Langella's name.
She wasn't anybody yet.
She just did the Bruce Springsteen video in that.
You're going to lose, but that's okay.
It's a beautiful poster.
And this is fun to have.
Can I keep it on?
Sure.
Okay.
Keep that weird.
I don't know what even it's supposed to be.
It's like kind of a lightsaber.
It's supposed to be this badass gun sword.
The same thing that the guys got on the poster?
It's pretty much the same thing if you look closely.
All right.
I'm no weapons expert.
Kate, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for...
Show it to me.
It's a Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick world.
And they put a brownie on there? Is it medicated? It's a Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick world. And they put a brownie on there?
Is it medicated?
It's a special brownie.
Oh, no.
Because it has Oreos in it.
No.
And other stuff.
It's got weed in it?
Yep.
What are you going to do with it?
Me?
Yeah.
Oh, nothing, probably.
All right.
Well, you should peel it off of there and chuck it into the crowd.
Right now?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you should peel it off of there and chuck it into the crowd.
Right now?
Yeah.
Just take it right off and then throw it as hard as you can.
I was really bad in softball.
Here goes nothing.
Here it comes.
Oh, there's a lucky winner.
Hope you get real high.
And who do you got there, Kasim?
Mine's confusing because it has it's a
VHS tape. It says Josh
and then I don't know if I'm supposed to say
Oscar's greatest moments
or not. But on the
back it says shithead Ed
Asner.
Oh, you made it
the whole thing up.
I think I said it first time.
It's my loud, whatever you do, don't read the...
Can I pick another one?
I like how I was covering it up as if that was gonna...
No, it's all right.
No, I know.
You might win tonight, and we'll all laugh when I say Ed Asner again.
So my name was just Josh?
Everyone had these?
I want to know why Ed Asner.
Where's Josh at?
This guy did less effort than Eric.
Josh, why are you so upset with Ed Asner?
He's not the nicest guy.
He's not the nicest guy?
He's kind of a cranky old man.
Oh, he's not.
Yeah.
Well, I feel bad for screwing that up.
You went for ironic, and that's who you picked for a nice guy, like Ed Asner?
You were going for a universal.
Oh, you picked a nice guy.
Oh, okay.
But Ed Asner's the guy you went to on that?
Like the torsion grumpy old dude?
He was my uncle on an episode of Kirby Enthusiasm.
It's like Mother Teresa.
There's so many people you could have gone for
if that was the point you were trying to make.
But nothing for now he's with horses.
But I get it, though, because he was kind of standoffish,
but he's also, you know, he's very old.
So, yeah, I don't know what's going on with that choice.
But if you win tonight, Kasim, we won't hear that again.
I'll put an asterisk on it or something.
I mean, I really screwed the pooch.
I apologize.
No, no, it's all right.
It's, you know, it's fun to hear the audience go, oh!
I know, it's so embarrassing.
It's like fucking high school.
It happens.
There's only so much I can tell you ahead of time about what's going to happen.
Yeah, I brought one thing.
No, that's what I asked you to do.
Other people cheat and bring more things.
So how much do you guys...
What does it say on your IMDB page,
Kasim? Do you have...
Like, for your top four,
what does it say? I'm going to look
it up, if you don't mind.
I mean
it's all, I mean it's all, there's
Transformers 4, I had two lines in that.
Three lines.
What do you play in that?
I play a scientist
who makes Transformers
evil.
Is that, do you show up after
T.J. Miller dies?
Yeah, I think he dies pretty early on.
Yeah, so I didn't see your part.
Yeah.
I walked out in protest when T.J. Miller died.
Yeah, yeah.
I wasn't in, I mean, you could blink and miss it,
but I was in there.
I got to see Mark Wahlberg in real life,
which is such a treat.
That is pretty good.
However hot you think he is on TV or movies,
it's way better in person. Oh my god, tell me.
It's way better? He's a little shorter,
but he's got the eyes. I don't mind shorter.
The eyes are there. They're in person.
He looks at you and he said,
hey man. And I was like, wow.
Hey. And that was it.
That sounds pretty intense. I'm not even joking.
He had to go do a scene
where he just had to like... He's always busy.
Yeah, he's a busy guy. But his whole scene was he had to just turn his head like this.
That was the whole scene.
They called him out of a trailer so he could turn his head like this.
It's a crew of 100 people.
Look good, feel good, turn my head.
No, it's got to be that.
They're right.
Yeah.
So on Twitter, I mean...
I was in a movie that didn't come out.
On IMDb, they insist on calling you by your...
They have your full last name on there.
I think I may start going by my full name because I went back home to Jordan and my family made me feel very weird about it.
How do you pronounce it?
Gariba.
Gariba.
Okay.
G-H-A-R-I-B-E-H.
Yeah, Casam G really simplified it for idiots like me.
Yeah.
And Transformers is your first
of your known four credits.
Then California On.
Yeah, that's my internet show.
I swear I didn't put that on there.
Then Agents of Secret
something stuff.
Agents of Secret stuff.
This is my nightmare.
And then from 2010 something called
Filmmaker.
Please don't do this. What's like a that's like a short film they're all they're all shorts like they're yeah they're like student films
that's cool you know everybody's got a different path some people star in films some people make
internet shorts that's me i'm that guy. It works for everybody. Everybody has a chance.
Let's go to
Jen Kirkman.
What do you think your top four
most known for credits on your
IMDb page are? I let mine expire
and I don't update it, so
I don't know. It's not up to you to
update it. You just have your career and
then they go, here's the four best things. I thought you could do like an IMDb pro. You could put pictures up. I you to update it. You just have your career and then they go here's the four best things.
I thought you could do an IMDb pro.
I used to do that.
It's probably like
five drunk histories and
700 episodes of Chelsea Lately.
Chelsea Lately is number one.
And then number two is Jen Kirkman
I'm Gonna Die Alone.
Oh, my Netflix special. I forgot.
Yeah, yeah.
And then number three is after.
Number three is after lately.
Yeah.
Because that was a show for a while.
And then your fourth credit, I don't know what this is.
It's something called Max 1000 Words.
Okay, why that would be on there.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, it's an internet thing.
The metric for their decisions is strange.
It's an internet thing that Michael Blyden did nine years ago where he had
people read a short story in someone's living room like a salon and I think it
aired as a internet pilot so like it's like that's one of the top so many other
things yeah now I'm sorry you'reated. I know exactly how you feel.
I'm calling Mr.
No one gets angry when you do this?
I'm calling.
It's a new thing I'm finding out about.
Well, at least he's not reading the comments.
As I've said several times,
one of my top four is a movie I didn't know I was in.
So it's a weird metric that they use. Can you imagine if
next week you just have people on and you read their YouTube
comments under their stand-up?
I wouldn't do that. This is
Doug Love's movie, so I'm only going to ridicule
you about your movies or lack of them.
I've never been in a movie.
But you will? Are you kidding me?
I am not kidding. I don't know.
Time's ticking. It's going to happen.
Kate.
Yeah.
What do you think your top four are?
I don't know.
I'm going to guess that maybe When in Rome.
That's number one.
Is it?
When in Rome.
That always pops up.
With Kristen Bell.
Yeah.
Number one.
I don't know.
What do you think the rest of them?
No idea.
Maybe Garfunkel and Oates?
Woo! Woo! Yeah, I think it should be Garfunkel and Oates, but they didn't get in there.
But no, we didn't make the cut.
I have no idea.
You were a voice in Rio 2?
Oh, I was a voice in Rio 2 for like a little second.
Yeah.
I played a little bird.
And then the SpongeBob movie, Sponge Out of Water?
Oh, yeah.
Ricky and I played twin popsicles.
I knew asking you about these things would be cute.
But we also wrote a song.
Ricky and I wrote a song that's in that movie.
So that was very exciting.
How does it go?
It goes, teamwork.
We can do anything when we have teamwork. That's awesome
and then
Raising Hope
oh okay
that makes sense
sometimes they
cross over into TV
but the reason
I bring this up at all
is not to embarrass anyone
or make anyone feel sad
you know you should ask
people about like
their least favorite name
as far as like
what they've played
because I could tell you that
a character name?
Yeah, mine is Less Attractive Girl.
Oh.
It's on there.
It's on IMDb.
It's kind of amazing, isn't it?
What movie or TV show was that in?
That was in a TV show called Campus Ladies.
Campus Ladies.
That sounds like a porno.
Yeah.
Least Attractive Lady on Campus. least attractive lady on campus uh yeah that's uh i i i'll get into that sometimes when i see a funny uh credit for somebody on imdb i'll i'll ask him about it but i i'm trying i'm not trying
to embarrass anybody but we're gonna play a game called called Jason and Deb's IMDB game.
And it's all based on the top four for people's IMDB page.
So the idea is I'll read the first title on somebody's IMDB page
that they're most known for,
and then you can buzz in right then by saying your own name
and then guessing.
But if you guess wrong,
it's negative one point.
And if you guess right,
you get a chance to pick up
three extra bonus points
for naming three other things
that are listed in the top four
of that person's IMDB.
So you have to get it all, basically.
You don't have to.
You can get it incrementally.
This is very high risk.
And by buzz in, you mean just yell, right?
Negative one isn't too bad.
You just say your own name when you want to buzz in.
Oh, okay.
I'm just pointing out that it's dangerous.
It's dangerous to jump in on the first title
because there's lots of people in that movie
and it could be any of them.
But once you hear a second movie
and you hear that there's somebody in common in both movies
then it's more obvious.
So some people hang back, some jump in, take a chance.
We're playing to ten points tonight.
And I got like eight rounds lined up.
So if we don't get to ten it's whoever has the most
after seven rounds
and if it's a tie we'll do one more round
it's like everybody's laughing
because I described it
accurately for once
you got all that Casim? got it, I'm going to go by cast described it accurately for once.
You got all that, Kassem?
Got it.
Okay.
I'm going to go by Kass to save myself some time
on the buzzin'.
Because I said earlier
don't say the shithead on the back
and then you did that.
Yep.
So that's why I like to check in with you.
It's a weird game.
Alright, here's the first one.
Say your own name when you think you know
the actor or actress who is in these four projects.
The Hangover.
I like that.
Everyone's holding back, playing smart.
The second movie,
Birdman or The Unexpected
Virtue of Ignorance.
Zach Galifianakis.
Kate is in first.
She gets to name someone
who is in both of those films.
Zach Galifianakis.
Sorry.
Hang on, let me look.
That's correct.
I'm sure you knew it.
It's happened before,
Jacob, but buzz in with your own name.
I haven't played this before. I know.
I'm uncomfortable with my own name.
I know. Never liked it. I get it.
And a good example
of someone with a hard-to-pronounce
G name. Who kept it?
Just saying.
You know what?
Yeah, but...
I broke it!
Gal...
Oh, no.
You made a really salient point
and then snapped your wand.
That's my superpower.
That's what great witch porn is called.
Snap my wand.
It's good comedic timing.
I could see Zach G pulling something like that off.
All right, so Kate gets one point and gets the opportunity to name two more Zach Galifianakis projects for two more points, potentially.
So this would be the top projects that would be on his IMDb?
Yeah, it says he's best known for and lists four things,
like I gave you all the examples of you guys.
But here's the thing, is that the metric that they use
is based on a lot of different things,
like most searched on IMDb, most box office, awards, etc.
So it's very confusing.
Sometimes even changes. The other day
we did Matthew Broderick, and
election was not in the top four,
and we all bemoaned that election
was not in the top four, because that's one of the best
things he's ever done, and now it's in the top
four. So I take
personal credit for that.
Because I bet you
a bunch of people
searched election when they heard this podcast
so if I
or it's a coincidence
if I guess incorrectly I lose a point
is that what happens
no you just get free
these are bonus points
you're free to roam
it's no risk
but you do have to try to get two more movies or TV shows.
It's just weird where they pull things from.
Oh, man.
Which two do you think it is?
So it doesn't hurt me to ask right now.
No, no, no.
Okay, Bored to Death?
No.
Is that on there?
Dang it.
From HBO.
Yeah.
You were on that too, right?
I was just for a second.
I did get to kiss Zach though.
On the mouth?
Yeah.
I was an elf.
I thought you'd reprise your popsicle stick role for that one.
I had always wanted
to be an elf. One more guess. Name another
movie that Zach is in.
Oh, geez.
Because it's not Baskets, I'll give you that much.
Yeah. Wow, that's like
a big thing to just give away.
I know, right?
Due Date.
What? Due Date. Is that?
Due Date is correct!
Due date.
What?
Due date.
Is that?
Due date is correct.
And the other one is hangover part two.
I should have thought about that one.
So Kate's got two points.
On the road to ten.
I would have guessed that, I think.
Here's the next.
I would have guessed.
Hangover two?
Shh.
Don't put your mic down.
You've got to have it right near your mouth.
Jen, get it up.
Mine's in my crotch.
Say Jacob when you want to guess this time.
Wreck-It Ralph.
Who knows? Skewel of rock.
Jen.
Wait, was Jen right before you?
Okay, Jen.
Jack Black?
No.
Jew.
Kate.
Wait, you have to say Jacob, not Jew. Jen told me I could say Jew. Okay. Wait. You can't say, you have to say Jacob, not Jew.
Jen told me I could say Jew.
Okay.
Hang on a second.
I got to give Jen minus one.
All right.
So who came in first there?
Was it Kate or Jew?
There I did.
Huh?
I think you came in after that.
Okay.
So Jacob.
Sarah Silverman.
That's correct.
Also a Jew.
So,
name two more
Sarah Silverman things.
Are you sure she's a Jew?
For two more potential points.
I'm going to say
Jesus is magic?
Yes!
Nice pull.
That's a great guess.
And the Sarah Silverman program.
No, that didn't make her top four.
They went with something about Mary.
So she has like two scenes in that.
She appears at the dinner, at the brunch,
the sewing circle.
Yeah, she's in there.
Okay, so that means you got two points for that.
Good job.
A really polite crowd.
But Jack Black was in School of Rock, though.
He was.
So just so...
Yeah.
Not in Wreck-It Ralph.
So that's what makes you wrong.
Here's the next round.
Interstellar.
Jen, I'm going big on this.
Oh, you are going really big.
Matthew McConaughey. I am 100% confident you'll be wrong.
No.
Cass. Cass. Hang on, I gotta write down negative two for wrong. Matthew McConaughey. No. Cass.
Cass.
Hang on.
I got to write down negative two for Jen.
Yeah, yeah.
Right.
All right, Cass.
I got to get into this.
Jessica Chastain.
No.
I love your enthusiasm for getting involved, but there's plenty of time.
All right.
It's all right.
Just relax.
The next credit
for this person is Third Rock
from the Sun.
A Jew.
Oh! Jacob.
Was Joseph Gordon-Levitt?
No. Cass. Cass for the steal.
John Lithgow.
Brigitte. That's correct.
Yes.
I don't know any other.
Well, we gotta go Harry and the Hendersons
Hang on a second
Come on
Slow down
Try to get some points
Slow down
I gotta get you
Out of the negative one
Cellar
Give you a fat zero
And then
Yeah you get
Two more guesses
Okay so Harry
And the Hendersons
No
No
I know it's shocking
What about Dexter?
No.
I have a wild guess.
Please.
She can take it.
The Day After.
No.
Lazy Kate.
No, stop guessing.
I'm done.
They listed Shrek and Cliffhanger.
The Stallone movie?
Yep.
Yeah, he was the bad guy in that movie.
Don't you think this game should be to five points?
Yeah.
Why?
It might end up being to five points.
It's going to take a long time to get there.
But we're doing good on time.
And it's a fun game.
You're having fun, Jacob.
I don't have fun.
I'm Jewish.
I know, right?
Why would you ever trust a clown?
That was a solid joke, you guys.
It was.
They use clowns to...
You know what they did.
Jerry Lewis taught us that.
All right. Here's the next round
The first credit that this person is known for
Top four
Mad Men
The next one
The Town
Jen
What is it?
Jon Hamm.
Of course it's Jon Hamm.
And those are the only two things I know him from.
Well, go ahead.
Two more guesses.
You're to negative one points at this point.
So you're coming along great.
Let me just try to think if I've seen him in anything.
And it might not be to ten points, Jacob.
It might be whoever has the most when I run out of rounds.
Well.
This is round 24 out of 72.
Does backstage at a comedy bang bang Christmas show count?
Let me take a look.
Jimmy Pardo.
No, it doesn't.
What about Jimmy Pardo's podcast?
No, they don't.
It's never not funny.
These are bad guesses.
No, let me just. I actually don't know anything else. Those are two guesses. You're done. Oh, I doesn't. What about Jimmy Pardo's podcast? No, they don't. Fuck, these are bad guesses. No, let me just...
I actually don't know anything else.
Those are two guesses.
You're done.
Oh, I'm done.
I actually don't know anything else.
There's no way you're going to come up with these.
Can I get one guess on it?
As a proudly childless woman.
Yes, Jacob?
Is Clear History one of them?
No.
Fuck.
No, the proudly childless was the clue
because it's both animated films.
It's Minions and Shrek Forever After. Oh, no idea
he did that. Good for him.
Getting voice work.
Why would you know that?
Alright, so
Jacob and Kate are tied for the lead
with two points apiece. Kasim is
at zero, and Jen
is at negative one.
Seems impossible.
You could get a lot of points in one round if you apply yourself.
If you get your shit together.
Frozen.
Jen is so not a competitor, her microphone's in her lap.
She's more interested in holding her coffee.
Frozen.
Two. She's more interested in holding her coffee. Frozen. Jew. Really wish you would just call yourself Jacob.
What do you got?
Josh Gad.
Incorrect.
Incorrect, you said?
Yeah.
Jacob's down to one point.
The next title.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Kate.
Kate, what is it?
Kristen Bell.
That's correct.
Now name two more Kristen Bell projects for two more potential points.
Wondering if When in Rome is on hers.
When in Rome did not make hers.
Probably because she said a lot more things.
Yeah, and what's another one?
House of Lies? Most Known For.
Nope. It's
Veronica Mars the movie and Veronica Mars the
TV show.
Yeah.
Alright, so Kate has three, Jacob has
one, Kazim zero, Jen
let's not even...
Let's not even go there.
Why do we have to...
There's no reason to discuss it.
Whose IMDB says their most known for credit is true lies?
Jen.
I don't know what somebody in the audience just said,
but Jen, go ahead.
Tom Arnold.
That's correct.
I'm giving everyone the finger.
Very nice work.
That was a risky move, and it paid off.
So now you are at zero.
You're tied at zero with Kasim.
And now you can pick up three whole points
and be tied for the lead
if you can name
three more projects
that Tom Arnold
is known for
Roseanne
no
I know that should really be
is there True Lies 2
that should be the first one
no
not yet
he's in so many things
isn't he
yeah well I'm out give it up already Not yet. He's in so many things, isn't he? Yeah.
Well, I'm out.
Giving up already.
Soul Plane.
Oh, I didn't know he was in that.
He was in Soul Plane.
He's the white guy in there.
And Nine Months.
Don't know what that is.
That's Hugh Grant gets Julianne Moore pregnant
and Tom Arnold's like,
Hugh Grant gets Julianne Moore pregnant,
and Tom Arnold's like,
and something called cradle to grave.
That's just life.
I don't even know what that is.
That's just everyone's life.
More like cradle to gravy, right?
Am I right, Tom Arnold?
He's in good shape these days.
He's doing great.
I know, because when we were in hotel rooms next to each other during Trailer Park Boys, he was on
the elliptical
like 24 hours a day like a
fucking hamster.
Alright.
Kate has three points.
Jacob has one.
Kasim and Jen tied for zero.
There we go. Yes.
Couple more rounds.
The first movie is called Trainwreck.
That's something I may have smoked
a little of earlier today.
Nobody going in on
Trainwreck?
Yeah, I'll cast Bill Hader.
No.
Jen.
I'm not going to win. Yeah, Jen. Colin Quinn. No. Jen. I'm not going to win.
I just have to take a shot.
Yeah, Jen.
Colin Quinn.
No.
You guys are doing some ballsy moves here.
The next title, Inside Amy Schumer.
Jacob.
Come on.
Colin Quinn.
Jacob.
Jacob.
I said my real name, Doug. Yeah, I heard it. I'm going to go with Amy Schumer on this one. That's correct. Jacob. Jacob. I said my real name, Doug.
Yeah, I heard it.
I'm going to go with Amy Schumer on this one.
That's correct.
Wow.
Wow.
Slippery.
I thought there's no way you'd do that,
so I was trying to play like a trap.
Yeah, why would I do that?
That's so weird.
So, Jacob, you can name two more Amy Schumer things.
That's tough.
She's done so much of her...
About her...
Do I need to know the title of her HBO special?
Maybe.
The Amy Schumer HBO special.
Spectacular.
No, incorrect.
One more guess.
How about Girls?
No.
She was all girls.
Amy Schumer, mostly sex stuff was the name of her special.
And then also they listed her for hosting the 2015 Movie Awards.
MTV Movie Awards.
Yeah.
So Kate has three.
Jacob has two.
Casper and you.
Yeah, yeah.
Get ready, everybody.
Ant-Man.
The 40-year-old virgin.
Kate Jen.
What'd you say? Kate Jen?
I forgot.
I think it was Kate Jen, right?
I went, Jen. It sounded like Kate Jen. That wasn't Kate saying Kate. So I think it was Kate Jen, right?
It sounded like Kate Jen.
So Kate was in first.
Is it Paul Rudd?
Yes.
Paul Rudd is correct.
You're running away with this thing, Kate.
Because you get three more Paul Rudd movies.
This is 40?
This is no.
Dang it.
Two more.
Knocked Up?
No.
That's crazy.
Wait till you hear
the ones they went with.
Is it some animated thing
or something maybe?
I don't know.
I don't know. Now i'm just blanking on
just guess another one that he was in uh he's in everything why can't i think another one be like
i'm gonna say this one uh clueless no that would be a good one they went with 40 year old virgin
role models and i love you man oh those were all pretty big ones. Yeah. But
I am here to say that
since Kate is in the lead we've run out of
categories. She is our
winner tonight.
You did it.
Thank you.
Sorry.
It's a Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick world.
Where you at? Come on over dude. Come on. Get all your stuff. It's a Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick world. Where are you at? Come on over, dude.
Come on, get all your stuff.
It's a bag and then a few other items.
Oh, shit, you already have a headphone situation.
You got a lot to deal with.
I didn't know we were only playing the one game.
Good luck, everybody.
I guess 10 was a good number.
I guess your wish came true.
Wait, what are you guys talking about?
Oh, I just didn't know that that was going to be the only game tonight.
I thought we were going to get this in the last minute.
You know, we got
by the clock, we have about nine more minutes
left, so
we might, yeah, exactly.
We might play a quick little game,
but I wanted to make it all official
that somebody won.
And everybody else, pass your
name tags down. I think Jens doesn't have a shithead on the back.
Yeah, I noticed that.
We already know about Ed Asner.
We got that taken care of.
Yeah, sorry again.
Then we got this.
Just knocking that thing around like a hockey puck.
But Jen, what about the person Jen was playing for?
Do you have a shithead you want me to say?
Where you at?
Oh, me?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Do you want to come write it down?
You can come write it down.
No.
No?
You stayed shy?
It's too far.
Do you want to whisper it to me and then I'll say it?
I'll come over to you.
Oh, she's going to go over there to you.
Jen is a full-service comedian. Do you want to whisper it to me and then I'll say it? I'll come over to you. Oh, she's going to go over there to you.
Jen is a full-service comedian.
She will come right over to you and get a nice whisper.
I don't know why she's so shocked by all of this. I've got a big responsibility.
All right, whisper it to Kate.
She said to just make one up.
Oh, what?
There's got to be something that you hate or don't like. And I forgot what the shithead thing is, so I can't make one up. Oh, what? There's got to be something that you hate or don't like.
And I forgot what the shithead thing is, so I can't make it up.
It's just someone that's a shithead.
It could be personal.
It could be political.
It could be sports related.
She said she's too nice for that shit.
She's too nice.
Well, you're wearing a Star Wars shirt, so obviously Darth Vader's a shithead.
That'd be an easy pull. The Darth Vader's a shithead. That'd be an easy pull.
The Death Star is a shithead.
Yeah, okay. I'm gonna sign on one.
People that live on Tatooine don't know
what's coming are a shithead.
I like that who I'm
playing for is as dysfunctional about
these games as me. I think it was a
nice match.
Alright, I'm going to just
pick something for you. I'll say
something at the end that's chosen
especially for you.
Jacob, do you have anything
you want to plug? Yeah, on May 28th,
which is, I guess, a week from this Saturday, I'm going to be up
in San Francisco at Doc's Lab doing this show
with my friend Kasim Bentley. It's called
Searoff Bentley 2016. He's
black, and we get on stage together
and just do a bunch of racist crowd work.
Racist crowd work.
Well, you know that's what I do anyway.
Yeah, yeah.
But then I get a black guy to validate my racist crowd work.
Right, right.
You can be as racist as you want in front of a black guy.
It's great, right.
It's just instant street cred.
All right.
That sounds awesome.
Yeah, it's going to be fun.
Check it out if you're there.
It's Memorial Day weekend, Saturday night,
the perfect night to get into race relations.
And Jen, what do you got coming up?
You have Canadian listeners.
Of course.
Well, I'm doing just a little three-night little stint
in Toronto, Winnipeg, and Vancouver
in the middle of June.
That sounds cool.
Yeah, just go to jenkirkman.com and click on tour dates.
Yeah, they'll totally show up and offer to get you high.
Oh, they're going to be disappointed with me.
Okay, don't do that, you guys.
Yeah, just come say hi.
Don't go to her show at all.
No, no.
Go to the show, but I...
I'm like the only clean living person
that isn't secretly lying and is going to show up dead.
I actually am a vegan who doesn't do drugs or drink, so...
But they can come to the show.
Wait, where does...
How do you fit fun into your life?
I don't. I just found out I've got
some health issue and I had to stop everything.
What? I'm not joking.
This brought it down. Don't worry, I'll
be around, I'm sure. You can still have coffee?
This is hot water. I can't have coffee either.
Oh my god, it's hot water.
It fucking sucks. My life. You look like a
trendy coffee drinker
and you're just sitting there having hot water.
It only took 15 minutes to get a bourgeois pig.
Thanks, BP.
What's the health issue?
Oh, I can't get into it.
What do you mean?
I was just moving on with thanks, BP.
You have to be what's the health issue.
I got a lot of health issues I'd like to talk about.
She doesn't want to talk about it.
You guys can discuss it afterwards.
And now people can tweet at Jen about it.
Kate, Micucci, what's coming up for you?
Well, I should mention the Garfunkel and Oates special came out last week.
Yeah, it did.
Yeah, I know.
You had a very nice, I saw a GIF on the internet promoting it where you're dancing around with a bunch of people.
Oh, yeah.
I retweeted that GIF.
Thank you for doing that.
And what else is going on?
I have an art show coming up next Friday, the 27th at Gallery 1988 East.
So come on by 7 to 9.
We'll have the opening.
Is that on Melrose?
What's that on Melrose?
I love that place.
Yeah, right?
Jensen's Gallery.
I always love your artwork
and that's what our winner got tonight
was some of your artwork.
So go check that out, you guys.
KassemG on Twitter.
What else is going on, man?
That's it. You can watch me on GettingDougWithHigh.
How'd that work out for you today?
Oh, I couldn't get a nap in.
I didn't have enough time.
I live on the west side.
It's been a nightmare today.
You still managed to come out.
I'm glad I could come here and give away my personal Bigfoot stuff.
And nobody cares
because there's a
wonderful painting,
piece of art you made.
No, that guy loves
all this stuff.
It's a $20 Sasquatch statue
in there.
I think it's more
the subway bag
that's upstaging.
He's happy.
That's pretty dope.
He's happy about
all of it, dude.
You can follow me
on Twitter and YouTube.
That's it.
Yeah.
Do that, you guys.
One more time
for all of my guests.
Jacob Siroff,
Jen Kirkman,
Kate Micucci,
and Passim G.
If we could do it really,
you want to do it really fast,
last man standing?
Fuck yeah, I want to do it last man standing.
Just for laughs, like crazy speed rounds,
see how we do.
There's a gentleman in the audience
who goes by the name Henson Furman.
Herson Furman.
What?
Herson Furman?
Herson Furmy?
Cate Blanchett.
It's Cate Blanchett.
Oh, he wants Cate Blanchett.
It's her birthday.
So, it's her birthday when?
Three days ago.
Three days ago, wow.
Creep.
What a timely, no one has had a birthday since.
You are such a creep.
I'm so into Cate Blanchett that
I celebrate her birthday three days late.
That's a good one.
Start with you, Jacob. I'll play along too.
Just name any Cate Blanchett movie.
I think what she's best known for is
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
People are booing.
You had to pick the most
boo-able title.
Jen, what about a
Cate Blanchett movie?
The one that Woody Allen directed
and she played the lady that was losing her mind
in San Francisco.
Just say the name of it
and you're golden.
Judy.
Eleonora.
Makes me a little sad.
I have such
fucking memory problems.
It's really bad.
Like what?
Yellow daisy.
What would a... What about...
What would a sad chef put in...
What ingredient would a sad chef use?
Sad chef.
What color is your lightsaber?
Blue ivy.
What is it?
I know it
Blue Jasmine
that's it
I should have told you
you can use your lifeline once
you can use
the person whose name tag you picked as a lifeline
once so next time around
if you can't think of one use your lifeline
Kate? Carol.
Yes, of course.
Kasim?
Bab- Babble?
Babelle?
Boo-boo!
HBO's Babelle.
I love Boo-Belle.
I'll go with...
Or is that Tilda Swinton?
I'm actually struggling with that
on a lot of movies myself.
Susan Babel.
Jessica Chastain, Tilda Swinton.
Yeah.
Even if she's not in Babel,
I'm going to take it.
But don't forget,
you have a lifeline for the next round.
I'm going to go Cinderella.
Jacob?
Elizabeth.
Mm-hmm.
We're back to you, Jen.
I'm out.
I have no idea.
Use your lifeline.
Megan, what's the movie she's in?
I told you.
She's worse than me.
Trying to take a shit.
Megan.
She's just made like a Kathy.
Comic strip Kathy face.
Anytime I don't know, I just want to say sense and sensibility.
Yeah, she should be in that.
You got anything for her?
It's okay if you don't.
It's all right, I'm out.
I don't know names and stuff.
Kate?
I'm going to need my lifeline.
Let's go to Kate's lifeline.
Okay, maybe help me out with the title, because it was that Howard Hughes movie.
Oh, The Aviator.
The Aviator. There you go.
Josh.
I'm not there.
I'm not there.
Nice one, buddy.
She plays like Bob Dylan in that or some shit, right?
I'm not there.
All right, I'll go with
The Monuments Men.
I can't believe nobody did
Elizabeth II,
the Golden Age.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
It wasn't called Elizabeth II.
It was called Elizabeth,
the Golden Age.
Okay.
Elizabeth II would be
a different queen
because they used
the number system
for the monarchs over there.
Jen's out. Kate?
Hi, I'm blanking. I think I'm...
Right? It's tough.
Yeah, I think I'm out.
Okay, Kate's out. Kasim?
Yeah, I don't know.
He's out. I'll say bandits.
Jacob?
She's a tough one.
But it was her birthday
She's a chameleon
She had a birthday
Lazy-ass Eric, what you got?
Super special
Snowpiercer
Snowpiercer?
You're confusing her with Tilda Swinton
Wait
Usually I get to decide if I want to use it.
Yeah, you can say no.
Well, thanks, guys, because no.
Fuck you, man.
Give us the real cake pie, Chad.
All right.
Give us the real deal.
No, I'm doing the Tilda thing.
You can't think of one.
I win.
Tilda's like, come on.
Wreck it, Ralph.
Wreck it, Ralph.
Who knows?
I'm going to go with,
I don't think she was in it.
God damn it.
Was she in Burn After Reading?
No.
That was Tilda Swinton.
For sure.
It was totally Tilda Swinton.
I sabotage.
Yeah.
I was already struggling with it.
I know. I know already struggling with it I know She was in The Gift I think
Alright so what did we miss you guys?
Lord of the Rings
Lord of the Rings
Fuck
Veronica Guerin
Veronica Guerin
I have to give my glasses back
for not knowing Lord of the Rings
yeah
what else
coffee and cigarettes
that's a good poll
okay
something Coen Brothers though right
has she never done Coen Brothers
I think she has
is there a Wes Anderson one
she was in
or is that Tilda Swinton
Life Aquatic
with Steve Zizou
I love that movie
I knew it was one of those
yeah
what else
Moonrise Kingdom that was so good Tilda Swinton I knew it was one of those. What else?
Moonrise Kingdom?
Tilda Swinton.
That's a new game, Doug.
Oh, fuck.
That's a new game. That's the hashtag for this episode, Tilda Swinton.
Actually Tilda Swinton.
That's your game.
You just tell a movie.
I don't find this is a certain.
Tilda Swinton confusion.
They don't necessarily look the same, but there is a similarity there.
Just say a movie and then people have to
tell you if it's Tilda Swinton or...
That's a new fucking DLM game, right?
Yeah, maybe. But we might have blown it
right now.
Saying so many... I would still lose if we
played again.
Alright, well, thanks a lot, you guys.
As always...
We know Ed Asner
is a shithead
that sort of goes
without saying
and Cher Khan
is a shithead
oh that's kind of
an adorable one
yeah that's a cute one
Eric was scared
by shithead
and I get to pick one
for this last one
so I'm going to say
Ted Baxter
is a shithead.