Doug Loves Movies - Ken Jennings, Brian Posehn, Kumail Nanjiani, Jen Kirkman, and Kurt Braunohler Guest
Episode Date: September 2, 2012Live from Day One of Bumbershoot in Seattle, WA, Doug welcomes Jeopardy phenom Ken Jennings and comedians Brian Posehn, Kumail Nanjiani, Jen Kirkman, and Kurt Braunohler to the show.See Priva...cy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody
What's up balcony
My name is Doug And I love movies Everybody. What's up, balcony?
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from Bumbershoot Arts and Music Festival
in downtown Seattle, Washington,
on Saturday, September 1st, 2, Oceans 12,
at 420, almost!
It's almost 420.
Let me see your name tags, Seattle. Do you got name tags oh my goodness that guy's got a jeff loves boobies there's a gentleman with a magic eight ball
and by that i mean of course i mean drugs and uh we got a max to the future, somebody with a hat.
I love it.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you for bringing those,
and we'll get to those a little later in the program.
If someone is attending Bumbershoot
and just decided to come see a comedy show
and are wondering why everybody has name tags,
it's because it's a thing that happens on the podcast.
We play a game,
and people in the audience will have a chance to win prizes. Since last I spoke and you listened, I saw Jesse and
Celeste forever. Or was it Celeste and Jesse forever? Whatever it is, it's enjoyable but
perfect for the small screen, if you know what I'm saying. Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies. Future guest Daniel Kino, at Daniel Kino on Twitter, wrote,
get off my, this is in quotes, get off my lawn.
And then it says, Clint Eastwood talking to a lawn chair.
This has been Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.
And I have to say, before bringing the guests out,
thank you for coming indoors
on this beautiful day, Seattle.
41st day in a row
with no rain.
Yeah.
The rain is the only thing
that I don't like about this town, so
if you guys keep this shit up, you may have
a new resident
in me. Yeah, you may have a new resident in me.
Yeah, you may have, people may live inside of me here in Seattle.
Only 11 days to break the record.
Let's do this.
My guests today are not the five living presidents of this country.
Wouldn't it be funny if I just talked to five empty chairs? Five living presidents of this country?
Wouldn't it be funny if I just talked to five empty chairs?
So what do you think of Clint Eastwood's new movie?
Does it look good to you?
President Carter?
There's five living presidents, right?
I got the math right on that.
Let's take a look in the prize bag.
We've got CDs from some of your favorites.
Lots of great comics performing here at Bumbershoot all weekend long.
One of the guests brought something.
I don't think he has anything to do with it,
but he brought something called Fatale,
book one, Death Chases Me.
And it's, yeah,
it's like a graphic novel situation going on.
And then you got my two of my CDs,
Smug Life and Professional Humoridian.
Got a Freak Dance sticker.
We got Normzy,
who's a regular guest at shows
whenever I perform in the great Pacific Northwest
he contributed some Bumbershoot drink tickets so that's nice of him to do that
and then of course we also have a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt signed by one of
the guests who didn't know that he was supposed to bring something because
that's what happens when you get great guests at the last minute and I but I
think this is gonna be a lot of. All of these people are participating in Bumbershoot,
mostly in comedy, but you'll see what I mean
when I say mostly.
And please, welcome to the stage, old friends and new,
Brian Posain, Jen Kirkman, Kumail Nanjiani,
Kurt Braunholer, and Ken Jennings!
Thank you, guys! John Haller and Ken Jennings. What a terrific group.
Holy crap.
What a terrific crowd.
Yeah, turn it back on them.
Jen Kirkman's a professional, ladies and gentlemen.
What's your favorite Clint Eastwood movie, Jen?
The one where he shoots the dog in the backyard?
Old Yeller?
Was he in that?
I like that one.
I don't think he was in that.
Do you know who Clint Eastwood is?
You know who Clint Eastwood is?
Do you think Clint Eastwood's a dog?
I like the one where he coached the girl
that went to the boxing.
Okay.
Million Dollar Baby.
Actual movie.
I didn't see it,
but Herney was great.
I like when he shoots her in the head.
Oh, no way.
It's so sad.
That's such a sad moment.
Sometimes you gotta put them down, I guess.
Okay, so let's go down the line here.
Brian Posehn is there on the end,
ladies and gentlemen.
AKA. Okay, so let's go down the line here. Brian Posehn is there on the end, ladies and gentlemen. AKA, also known as My Giant.
I like to call him My Giant.
You're Billy Crystal?
Ugh.
I think we should do My Giant.
We should do My Giant, too.
We should.
Yeah, I think that'd be great.
Are there any bands, Brian? You love music. Are there any bands you're excited to see here
at Bumbershoot this weekend? Yeah, I'm missing Prong for you
fuckers, so... What?!
Hope you enjoy.
Prong is on right
now? Yeah, Black Breath was just on, which
I dig them, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And then somebody else metal after Prong. Oh, I, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then somebody else
meddle after Prong.
Oh, I think you're thinking
of Tony Bennett.
Oh, I hate God.
I hate God,
but it's spelled E-Y-E.
Hate God.
Oh, okay.
That fixes it, I guess.
Yeah, yeah.
If you're Christian,
it takes you a minute
to get mad at them.
Wait a second.
I see God in there.
Damn it.
Christians don't say damn it when they're mad, do they?
Kurt Braunohler is here, everybody.
Happy to be here.
Host of the IFC game show, Bunk.
That is correct.
Yeah, and now, were you excited to find out today that you'll be going head-to-head
against one of the greatest game show competitors of all time,
Kumail Nanjiani, who is sitting next to you.
I feel like you're mocking me,
but I don't really get it.
You were a good contestant
on Bonk, though, right?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I've just been shit
on this show.
I've always ruined the game.
Well, that'll be
especially easy
for you to do tonight
considering the level
of competition
we have on the stage.
Because Ken Jennings is here, everybody.
The greatest...
What's the official title?
The greatest champion of Jeopardy of all time?
Of anything, actually.
The best one?
Not just Jeopardy.
Like, literally the greatest of all kinds of champions.
Yeah.
I feel like I could take you on Street Fighter right now.
I get Ken Alright, already I know you're gonna lose
Wow
And Brian could probably take you in
Like a pie eating contest
Aww
I think my giant too is like off the rails
I could take you in being paler.
It's pretty close.
It's amazingly close.
It's amazing.
Oh, my God.
Two Ks, two gingers, two game shows.
Hello.
I could just take you because I got guns.
Wow, those are nice.
Physically very strong.
Good stuff.
Yeah, could hurt people.
What flavor pie would you pick, Brian?
What the fuck?
When did I become the go-to fatty?
Go-to fatty?
No, you're bigger than everybody this way.
Taller.
Oh, okay.
So you can eat a lot of pies.
Tall people can eat a lot of pies.
You know the stereotype.
You know tall people love pies.
Vertically, I can fit a lot of pies into me.
Now we measure it. Just stack them up.
Physics-wise. Just stack them up.
Look at how many pies he has.
Crank my mouth open and then shove them in.
Like a python.
He's not making fun of you, buddy.
You got a dog in there?
Clint Eastwood!
That's where old Yeller went.
There's probably some pie in there right now.
Yeah.
Does stuff stay in from two days ago?
I forget how the body works.
Yeah.
Elvis had 50 pounds of shit in his system.
No, that's John Wayne.
Oh.
I think you can have stuff in there for a while.
Why do we have to go to shit?
Pies was pretty.
Well, it's in your intestines.
What kind of pie was it, Brian? we have to go to shit. We're talking, we're pies was pretty. Well, it's in your intestines. It makes you.
What kind of pie was it,
Brian?
Marie Calvert's
chocolate pie.
Chocolate,
chocolate cream pie.
You don't have
to sound fat.
Yeah.
Is the pie
trying to get out?
The pie's
doing the talking?
Jen Kirkman is here And she brought
Yeah
Oh thanks
She brought
Two of her CDs
Self Help
And Hail to the Freaks
And yeah
And Brian Posse
Brought his CD
Fart and Wiener Jokes
And I got Ken Jennings To sign the Doug Loves Movies T-shirt.
I was not told this was like a swap meet.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I know.
You also don't.
It's mostly so people can plug their own stuff.
It's a nice way to say.
I like to plug my stuff.
What kind of stuff?
What the hell?
What kind of stuff do you give away when you do a personal appearance somewhere?
I don't.
Nobody wants a game show champion
at their mall opening or whatever.
But if they did, man, I got cool stuff.
I got bobbleheads.
I'm an author now. I could assign you a book.
Oh yeah, a book. That would have worked.
I would have loved to give.
A book would have worked.
What's your book called?
All the Answers?
No, All the Questions.
Oh!
Whoa!
Still funny.
You're dismissed, Kamil.
What?
I am phoning in the rest of the show.
Okay.
If you think you can pull it off.
What is the book called?
It's called Maphead. It's about geography nerds.
Thank you for the chance to plug my book.
Yeah.
Got any geography nerds in the house?
Let's hear it for geography.
Woo!
I didn't even know that was a type of nerd.
I think everything's a nerd now.
I like breathing.
Breathing nerds.
I'm a real football nerd.
I'm a real nerd for beating up nerd now. I like breathing. Breathing nerds. I'm a real football nerd. I'm a real nerd
for beating up nerds.
I am such a hunting nerd.
I'm a nerd about hunting.
I'm a real dunking nerd.
I'm into having contests
with my friends
who can fuck
the ugliest chick nerd.
I'm that kind of nerd.
Who can...
A specific nerd.
You win if you fuck
the ugliest woman
Yeah, yeah, I think it's called Dogfight
It was also a movie
Hey, don't get mad at me, I didn't make it up
They turned it into a musical too
I'm serious
She is ugly, what do I do?
Lily what's her fuck?
Lily Taylor was in the movie
And River Phoenix
God bless Did River Phoenix. God bless.
Did River Phoenix play the ugliest girl?
Clint Eastwood took him out back and shot him at the end
for his disrespect to women.
What do you think, Brian, about anything,
just anything to get me out of whatever that was?
Sorry about that.
That's okay.
But do you have a favorite Clint Eastwood movie?
Because I'm sure you like more than a couple.
Yeah, I mean, I like all the
Dirty Harry ones and fucking
The Gauntlet I can watch once a year.
Because that movie is
ridiculous, but also awesome.
I feel like that is not
that often where you're
like, it's so awesome I could watch it once
a year. But it's been out 30 awesome, I could watch it once a year.
It's been out 30 years,
so that means 30 times or whatever.
So it's called Fucking the Gauntlet?
I'm not familiar with it.
No, I'm bad at fucking talking,
so I say fuck a lot.
It's just called The Gauntlet.
Yeah, and he just has to get through a gauntlet, right?
Yeah, and Sondra Locke's all annoying.
Is it like a sci-fi kind of thing?
She gets raped by comical bikers.
That does not seem like a big deal.
It's not funny when they rape her.
When does it get funny?
Most of the time.
They're funny until that?
When the orangutan punches them.
That's something different.
What the hell movie is this?
I've got to see this movie.
No, but you know know do you have any love
for the gauntlet
like the way they blow up
they shoot buildings
till they fall over
really
just with bullets
is it like a post apocalyptic
kind of thing
they'll just shoot a building
till it just falls apart
yeah they've gotta get
a bus through a gauntlet
but first
he's in a house
with Sandra Bullock,
or Sandra Locke, different Sandra,
and they have to go...
No, with Sandra Bullock, Clint Eastwood is living
in the lake house, and they're...
They live about a year apart from each other.
Right.
It's a romance.
The house gets riddled with bullets,
and then they go underneath and crawl out,
and then the house actually collapses
from bullets, which I don't think has ever happened in real life you wish that like the bridge and
bridges of Madison County would have collapsed and then those two would have
never met what about what about in the line of fires a good Clint Eastwood
oh yeah right John Malkovich pretty scary in that he's got the plastic gun
right yeah made out of wood or whatever He's got the plastic gun, right?
Yeah. Made out of wood or whatever.
Yeah, it's the plastic gun that's made out of wood.
Yeah.
He's got a sneaky wooden plastic gun.
It's the rarest kind of plastic gun.
Sneaks in there.
One that's made entirely of wood.
The Unforgiven is amazing.
That's a fantastic movie.
That's a great movie. That's a great movie.
And the aforementioned Million Dollar Baby is pretty good.
Is there one where he's just racist
and yelling that just came out?
Gran Torino.
Yeah, it was called the RNC.
Yeah, that's what I thought he was going to...
I was so afraid he was going to say a line
from that movie.
My mother-in-law is racist and we call her Gran Torino.
to say a line from that movie.
My mother-in-law is racist and we call her Graham Torino.
Thank you, Brian. You can go.
How is she racist?
Who is she racist against?
You don't want to know.
Alright, I think I have a pretty good idea now.
Does anyone hunger for games?
We're on a super tight schedule here
at the Bagley Wright
because this show's only an hour.
Yeah, and then they take a little break
and then there'll be another show.
You guys going to see lots of comedy shows this weekend?
Yeah.
In this theater, I think Paul F. Tompkins' show
is the next thing.
Yeah, with Jen.
And Jen and Kumail will both be in it,
so since you've seen this,
you don't have to bother with that.
It'll be different material.
Different material.
Yeah, different movies, we're going to guess.
Oh, okay.
That'll be great.
And I'm doing Benson Interruption on Monday night at 8 o'clock
over in the Intimon
and I'll try to get as many of these
characters to participate
as I possibly can
but now we gotta play some games
cause that's what we do here
on Doug Loves Movies
and I'm gonna start with How Much Did This Shit Make
it's a fun new game
where each of you
is going to go down the line,
Price is Right style,
and guess...
Jen's already into it.
She was talking about
Price is Right earlier.
There is no showcase showdown, though.
You don't proceed to that
if you win this.
I want a dinette set.
It's okay.
Forget it.
You need a dinette set?
I need a dinette set, yeah.
And the object is to guess how much a movie made
without going over at the United States box office
according to Box Office Mojo.
And we'll start with...
Total or opening weekend?
Total.
Total during its theatrical run.
Oh, this is fucking hilarious.
I never bothered to find out
the amount that this movie made.
I, like, wrote down a movie,
and then...
One dollar, Bob.
And then I never wrote down the...
Look it up, Stoney.
This is bound to happen.
Yeah, it's pie Payback, bitch!
I hope I get...
I hope I can get good internet in here.
I don't... It looks like it's all closed
off and weird.
Do-ya-ya-ya!
That is how you sound. That's what you sound like.
Exactly how you sound.
It's not your fault. The acoustics are weird.
And also just the way
your voice sounds.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure
your cell phone was in there.
What?
Yeah, she said something about...
We should just guess
what she was trying to say.
I think she was jealous
that I can use my cell phone
when the whole audience
was told that they can't.
Well, you are on stage.
Well, clearly, they should all have the same privileges as the that they can't. Well, you are on stage. Well, clearly,
they should all have
the same privileges
as the host of the podcast.
I know, right?
Wouldn't that make more sense?
Like on Jeopardy,
they should be able
to ask questions
as the show goes along.
No, no, no.
Who is Grover Cleveland?
I mean, give answers.
Who really was he?
Yeah, exactly.
Box office mojo,
I'm trying to type
into this thing
while I'm talking
to you guys.
What other Clint Eastwood movies can we talk about?
I don't think I've ever, I don't think I've seen a single
Clint Eastwood movie. I haven't either.
What are you guys talking about?
Look at us.
How is that possible?
He's a girl. We don't like that kind of stuff.
What about Space Cowboys? Did you see Space Cowboys?
I like that that's the one you went to.
Like, come on.
Everyone loves Space Cowboys. No like that that's the one you went to. Like, come on. Holy shit. Everyone loves Space Cowboys.
No, they don't.
Look, all the young people
love James Garner, Tommy Lee Jones.
Yeah, they love Donald Sutherland.
The work title of that movie was Old Assholes
Go Into Space.
Yeah. A Space Adventure.
Ghost Protocol.
You haven't
seen a single... I don't think so.
You've never seen...
Okay, you haven't seen Unforgetted.
I've seen clips of Dirty Harry.
Not even the spaghetti westerns?
I don't like shooting in depth and shit like that.
He has ones that don't have shooting.
Like what?
Million Dollar Baby.
Yeah, it was over the boxing trend at that point.
Oh.
But before that, she was super into the boxing trend.
Yeah, you should have seen me.
I guess I missed the boxing trend. What boxing? What into the boxing trend. Yeah, yeah, you should have seen me. I guess I missed the boxing trend.
What was the boxing trend?
Rocky IV came out and everyone was like...
Oh, we had boxing fever.
I just feel like sometimes it's just in my face too much,
the ads, so I don't want to go.
You know what?
It's okay to miss that one, but...
I know, I also heard she died at the end,
so I was like, okay, cool.
Spoilers!
Oh, come on.
She does, though.
First, she breaks her neck on a bucket.
That's true.
She breaks her neck on a bucket.
Oh.
And then she asks to...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Whoa, no, that does make a little more sense.
It's two different things.
Well, but they have buckets in boxing rings.
Sure, little plastic buckets.
In the 40s. It was the stool, though. It buckets in boxing rings. Sure, little plastic buckets. In the 40s.
It was the stool, though.
It was definitely the stool.
I liked that movie about the depression,
and there's boxing in that,
and Renee Zellweger was in it.
Chicago?
No.
Cinderella Man.
Cinderella Man.
I enjoyed that.
All right.
Not a Clint Eastwood film, Jen.
Did you know that?
What?
Not a Clint Eastwood film.
No, but she's talking about boxing movies.
Now I'm just going on boxing.
All the boxing fever.
Boxing trend.
Boxing Helena she didn't like.
It's a very different kind of boxing movie.
Like Rocky.
Everyone's talking about that my whole life.
Yeah.
You've never seen a Rocky movie?
I saw half of one.
And also your whole life?
Yeah.
You should hang out with different people.
These people are behind the time.
You saw half of one?
Oh, I saw The Fighter.
I liked that because of the Boston accents.
That's way better than Million Dollar Baby,
and I'll tell you that right now.
And it's a true story.
I'll go with that.
Okay, so watch The Fighter, not Million Dollar Baby.
This has been Watch This, Not That, Jen Kirkman edition.
Thank you.
And thank you for stalling, you guys. That Jen Kirkman edition. Thank you. And thank you
for stalling, you guys. That was a fun
stall. I've got the number. I've got the figure.
All right. We'll start
with Ken, and we need everybody to bid
on what they think was the final
box office tally for
in honor of my good friend Brian Posehn
who appears in the film
Dumb and Dumberer.
Wow.
It's a little unfair if one of us is...
My best work.
If one of us was actually in the film.
And Dumberer.
Can you tell us what year it came out?
No, I can't.
Okay.
Because I don't know.
I can't either.
How would that help you to decide
how much it made at the box office?
Just think about the economy and stuff.
She's got to figure inflation.
How much America needed to laugh.
America really needed to laugh in 1996.
Right. But even more
during 9-11, so I would factor that in.
Yeah.
It is one of the best post-9-11.
Yeah.
That was the best thing that came out of 9-11.
Dumb and dumber. It was all worth it. Sort of of 9-11. Dumb and Dumber.
It was all worth it.
Sort of a 9-12 movie for me.
Brought America's smile back.
We were like, we'll never laugh again.
Then we saw Dumb and Dumber and we're like, oh, we're laughing.
About it.
We're not going to see it, but we're laughing about it.
So, as Brian're laughing about it.
So, as Brian probably implied, it wasn't like a big hit or anything, but what do you think, Ken?
I'm still getting checks.
I feel like it was a medium-sized hit.
85 million.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
Jen, what do you think?
12.4 million.
All right.
Kumail?
I'm going to go 15.
15 million?
Million, yeah.
Kind of flicks over Jen a little bit.
Well, she'd seen a Clint Eastwood movie.
I'm going to go 9.11 million.
Oh.
What are you guys cheering for exactly?
Yeah!
Ask yourself that. What do you think you're cheering for?
Never forget how much money that movie made.
Oh, my God.
Did you see they're giving free Slurpees out out there?
Because that's what I don't forget, 7-Eleven.
Brian, what do you think?
23.
Oh.
23 million, he says.
Thousand. Oh. 23 million, he says. 1,000.
Oh.
Who was in that one?
Who was in Dumber and Dumber?
Brian Posehn.
Yeah.
I was going to guess 23.
And there were two dudes playing young versions of Jeff Daniels.
They're actually good.
They were really good.
They did good impressions.
They did great impressions.
Eric Christian Olsen or something like that?
Who showed up in Cellular and some other stuff.
Yeah, he's in Celestine, Jesse Forever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
On a TV show and some other shit.
And Shia LaBeouf.
LaBuff?
Really?
Really Beef?
He was in it.
Well, maybe this was unfair, because Brian knows more about this movie than probably
anyone on the planet.
And his guess was really close.
Brian, you win.
The total was $26.2 million.
I almost guessed $24.4, and I hate myself right now.
Oh, I wish you'd done that.
Me too.
That would have made you the winner instead of Brian.
You could have my dinette set.
Oh, thank you.
So Brian gets to go first in the Leonard Maltin game,
and let's go ahead and pick some name tags, ladies and gentlemen.
Whoa.
Yeah, whoa is right.
There's lots of them in the crowd,
and they had to walk them in through Bumbershoot Security.
Can I have the Max in the future one?
There's a lot of things you can't bring into Bumbershoot.
Thank you.
Kumail's already chosen one.
The house lights came up. Hi, balcony!
Probably not gonna get
picked.
But thank you for coming.
Who's yelling at me? Oh, that is awesome!
Jeff loves boobies. There's some big ones back
there.
Uh, shit.
Am I the only one who hasn't picked one?
Yeah, pick one.
There's gotta be one with a picture of a pie
on it.
We don't have time
for you to walk all the way over to him.
We have to be done in an hour.
Oh, no.
You were hitting your chest like you wanted to fight,
but it looked like an injured bird.
Yeah.
I can't help the way I look.
It looked like a magpie.
Okay, Brian, who are you playing for?
Normsy.
Yeah, our buddy Normsy. He comes to the shows all the time.
Yeah, he's got a bunch of different fonts
from famous movies.
He's got the Monsters, Inc. font to the shows all the time. Yeah, he's got a bunch of different fonts from famous movies. Oh, that's cool.
He's got the Monsters, Inc. font and the Ghostbusters font.
Foncy.
Some other shit.
Kurt, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for MJ, and he has Moonrise Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,
and then something scratched off, and he gave me a pocket shot of whiskey.
Oh, there you go go let's pass that around
getting into it right now let's get the whiskey going what do you want but a shot that was in
somebody's pocket yeah that's not bad whiskey i didn't even know that existed yeah i didn't know
either great job it's for the ladies for astronauts it's like space oh. I didn't even know that existed. I didn't know either. Great job. It's for the ladies.
It's for astronauts.
It's like space cowboys.
Oh, no, I don't put my mouth on that.
Want some whiskey?
I'm not going to suck on that.
More for us.
Shot pocket.
Nice.
Have you seen Jim Gaffigan's bit on shot pockets?
He loves to drink Shot Pockets.
Shot Pockets.
I can't believe I had a Shot Pocket for dinner.
He does 20 minutes on Shot Pockets.
I am playing for Max.
Max to the future.
Well done, Max.
To the future.
And it says Pete Holmes on the back for some reason.
Happens every time.
What is happening?
People write on the back as a consolation prize.
I will name a shithead for the people that don't win today.
So if it does say something on the back of yours, don't read it out loud.
Sorry.
Brian likes his.
Oh, you read it wrong.
So I hope Brian loses today, because as if it's that funny.
And John, who you have...
John is funny as the one at Comic-Con.
Well, I want to say before you...
You said Fonzie to him,
which I think would be great
if that was Fonzie's nerdy graphic designer cousin
that never could really get a girl, Fonzie.
It's like a capital A.
I'm playing for Jessica. I'm playing for Jessica.
I'm playing for Jessica
and I won't read the back.
Okay.
This is for Sean, I guess.
It's a Sean of the Dead thing.
Is it Sean?
Oh, I retweeted that one today.
Very nice.
It's a good one.
And Jessica,
did you say it's a
Star Wars lunchbox?
Oh, I wasn't sure.
It looked like Darth Vader. Yeah, Star Wars lunchbox. You weren't sure that Star Wars lunchbox? Oh, I wasn't sure. It looked like Darth Vader.
Yeah, Star Wars lunchbox.
You weren't sure that that's Star Wars?
No, I knew it was.
Oh, shit.
What's happening, Jen?
I knew it was.
I knew it was.
Have you not seen Star Wars, too, like an asshole?
No, I saw it once when I was a little kid.
I saw it once when I was a little kid,
when it's appropriate to enjoy such things,
and then...
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Playing to the crowd.
Then I started getting laid, age eight.
Age eight?
Yeah.
You started getting laid?
Yeah, my neighbor would come over and fuck me.
Jesus Christ.
I'm kidding.
So he's your Darth Vader.
I'm just joking.
I'm just toshing.
All right, come on.
I can't say anything.
It's also a movie.
All right, we'll start with Brian.
And then we'll...
You feeling confident, Ken?
You've heard the Leonard Maltin game before.
I have.
Okay, so then we'll move to Ken and Jen
and Kumail and Kurt.
And they're polishing off that shot pocket.
It looks like a packet of blood.
But instead of blood...
Yeah, you guys are like vampires.
Yeah.
Down at the blood bank.
It's nice right at the end when you have to squeeze it into your mouth.
Yeah, tough to feel like a winner.
Yeah.
Is it like body temperature?
Oh, yeah.
Totally body temperature.
It's that guy's body temperature. It's not just... It's a specific body temperature? It's totally body temperature. It's that guy's body temperature.
It's a specific body temperature.
It's a person.
Take a sniff, pull it out.
The taste is going to move you when you squeeze it in your mouth.
Shot pocket.
It's going to move you.
Shot pockets.
Gets right to you.
All right, Brian, you get to pick a category.
Would you like to choose between the following?
We've got at spellcheck, spellchack.
So spellcheck spelled wrong.
That's fun.
Spellchack suggested First Blood,
and that's films in which a young girl becomes a woman.
Oh, Jen, that's what you were talking about.
John Rambo's not in it?
Or at I Am Paul Bauer suggested The Devil Wears Nada,
which is movies where Anne Hathaway appears nude.
Yeah. Which is movies where Anne Hathaway appears nude. Yeah, or I'm sure you'll pick this one, Brian.
The Bjorn Legacy.
That's movies that have ABBA songs in them.
So what's it going to be, Brian?
First Blood or The Devil Wears Nada?
First Blood or The Devil Wears Nada? First Blood.
Okay.
What was the first one?
Spellcheck?
They drew First Blood.
Someone named Spellcheck suggested this category,
and I picked a movie from that category.
The year, Brian, is 1976.
Leonard Maltin gave it two and a half stars.
He calls it evocative,
and he also says that later it was a stage musical.
And as always, audience, if you know it, don't yell out.
Brian gets to bid.
There are nine names listed by Mr. Maltin
and his minions.
Out of nine names, how many names do you think you can get it in?
Brian?
76?
76 names
is your guess?
Eight.
Eight names?
Yeah.
You seem very proud of your bid.
Not really.
Can I bid zero?
Yes, you can. I'm going to do it.. Can I bid zero? Yes, you can.
I'm going to do it.
You can, but let me help him out here.
You can also go into negative names
if you really want to make it tough on the next player.
Do you remove names?
If you say negative one names,
you have to name the movie and the top build person.
If you say negative two,
you have to name the top two build people.
That's tough.
So you want to stick with zero?
I'll go negative one.
Negative one.
Jen, what do you do with that?
Oh, I have to name the movie?
Oh, you can tell him
to name it.
Oh yeah, you name it then.
So you have to name the movie.
I hope it's Carrie.
That's correct.
And who's the top billed person in it?
I hope it's Sissy Spacek.
And then who's the second billed person?
I have to say the second? I said negative one.
Oh, you said one?
Yeah.
Okay, but who do you think the second one is?
Piper Laurie?
That's correct.
And I love how
to this day he still phrases it
as a question. Piper Laurie?
What if I had just gotten Carrie
but not the negative one? What would have happened?
What? If I had just said Carrie but I didn't
know the name, I still would have lost, right?
You would have lost, yeah. Alright, so I feel good.
But you thought that's what it was?
Yeah, but I was confused by the musical. I didn't know that
they had done that. Yeah, they made a musical out of Carrie.
That's what threw me, too.
It didn't work out very well, that musical.
There was a sequel to it, too.
That turned into just a GWAR show.
Thank you.
All right, we'll start with Kurt this time,
and then we'll head back in the other direction
towards Kumail,
so that everybody gets a chance to play.
Kurt, you get to pick a category.
Would you like In Theaters Ciao,
and that's films that take place in Italy,
or In Theaters Now,
I don't know why I pronounced it that way,
that's movies that are in theaters now. I don't know why I pronounced it that way. That's movies that are in theaters now.
Or our good friend photographer Liesl suggested,
Honey, I got the skids.
Which is movies where somebody poops.
Movies with a pooping scene.
Oh.
Because I was like, every movie somebody poops, it's just implied.
Yeah, you just never see it. Not Sixth Sense. He doesn't poop. Oh, he doesn't poop? He. Oh. Because that was like every movie, somebody poops, it's just implied. Yeah, you just never see it.
Not Sixth Sense.
He doesn't poop.
Oh, he doesn't poop?
He's dead.
That's how he should have known.
That's how you know.
He would have found out
he was a ghost
when he tried to get
a paper towel
out of the
automatic dispenser.
The auto-flushing
just keeps flushing
while he's sitting there.
It's terrible.
Why do I never
go to the bathroom?
Is it because I'm a ghost?
That's the only way he knows.
Which one of those would you like to play, Kurt?
Let's do In Theaters Now.
Okay.
That's a popular one amongst people that don't think they're very good at this game.
No shit.
Wow.
Never seen a Clint Eastwood movie, guys.
That's unbelievable still.
I'm sure you have.
It's so recent that he didn't give any stars yet.
Leonard likes to keep those stars close to the chest.
Doesn't like to help you out too much.
But he writes kind of a long review,
and he says, at the beginning of the review,
he says, I don't know how a film this entertaining
and expertly made can show up late in the summer.
And then he also says,
I think you'll have a great time watching this picture as I did.
I don't know if that's grammatically correct.
It should be as me did.
As me did.
And then he lists four names.
Just four names.
So how many names do you think you can get it in, Kurt?
How many names do I think I can get it in?
I'm going to say seven.
Four would be the most you could do.
Yep, four then. I'm going to go with four then. He's going the most you could do. Yep, four then.
I'm going to go with four then.
He's going with four, Kumail.
I'll go with three.
Okay.
I'll go with zero.
I can name it.
Whoa.
Zero names, you say?
Mm-hmm.
Now Ken Jennings needs to make a decision.
No, I can't beat that.
I want to see her do it.
So he wants to see you do it.
Well, here's my logic.
You kind of stopped reading.
You said it was a long review,
but a lot of stuff would have given it away.
I know a very funny movie just came out
that people are talking about.
Is it The Bachelorette?
Jeez, what a guess.
It's not even out yet, is it?
That's such a very specific...
It's not even out yet, is it?
No, it's not out yet.
Everyone's talking about this movie. I don't know. I keep hearing people scream. Did you write it, Jen? No. I feel like you're really pushing this. No, trust me, I'm not. So it was Ken that challenged you to name it and you failed to name it. So now is it me? Do I guess? No, this is it. We got shut down pretty fast. Can I guess then? Please, please.
For fun, sure.
I will say
Premium Rush.
That's correct.
Holy shit.
I've never heard of that.
It's Weird Rush.
I don't win anything?
What do I win?
Why are there only
four cast members?
Yeah, I don't know
why he just lists four.
He only lists...
Three of them are just
bikes.
He's getting old.
I was so excited.
He lists Jamie Chung, Dania Ramirez, Michael Shannon, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Well, we know where they spent their money.
Yeah.
I never heard of them.
Yeah, they didn't...
I guess people that he's driving by quickly on his bike don't have lines.
Hey, I'm not in a cab!
Hey, get a cab!
Back!
Door!
Hey, I'm not in a cab.
Hey, get a cab.
Bye.
Door.
Do you notice in the trailer, it's the same guy that tells Peter Parker that he's got to fucking hurry up? Is that right?
It's the same guy.
Yeah, it's...
He tells, you've got this thing and you've got to hurry.
You fucking asshole, now get on your bike.
Yeah, it's the same guy.
I see him at auditions all the time.
I'm not joking.
He's from The Daily Show.
He's a very funny guy.
But it's the same guy in Spider-Man 2.
Hey, Parker.
You got a half hour, you son of a bitch.
Is he in The Bachelorette?
That's all he does.
I don't know.
I don't even know I said that.
Tell people to hurry up.
Were you watching those movies lately?
What do you mean?
Like Spider-Man 2?
Was that in your hotel room today?
No, why?
Because you were telling me about your hotel room being a little behind the times.
Oh, goddammit.
This is...
I...
You're here with your kid.
Yeah.
And you're hoping to see...
So we immediately get into the hotel room.
We're hoping that there's something recent, like Arrietty or, you know, something that he can watch on there.
All the fucking movies are from four years ago.
It's fucking insane.
But he doesn't know, right?
Well, yeah, but he doesn't want to watch Coraline and Nine
and some other fucking bullshit.
Oh, Nanny McPhee, the sequel.
Nanny McPhee, I. Nanny McPhee,
I think the subtitle of that one,
the second one was,
it was Nanny McPhee 2,
the mole.
She had a big dumb mole
on her face,
but anyway.
He just went from
excited to be in a hotel room
to instantly sad.
Aw.
I bring my Xbox.
So now he's watching
Coraline and beating off.
I don't have a family or anyone in my life,
so when I go to a hotel room, I'm instantly sad
too.
You say
your son is beating off?
Just stop motion animation.
I bet it takes him
seven years.
So yeah, Ken is. So, yeah.
Ken is our winner, everybody.
I'm sorry. I screwed that up.
I should have just said it.
For some reason, Premium Rush,
I should have just said it.
I was on Premium Rush in 1999 at Comedy Central.
It's a bad premium blend joke.
That's such a deep joke.
It's pretty deep joke It's pretty deep
That's a deep cut
I don't really understand how I won
But I'm honored
Because you challenged her to name it
And she failed to name it
Because I didn't know
Wouldn't that be great if that's how Jeopardy works
You buzz in
I don't know it Alex
You win
These guys give it a shot
Give me the points if they fail
That's how all good game shows work You know it, Alex. You win. Look, these guys give it a shot. Give me the points if they fail.
That's how all good game shows work.
But also, with five contestants, I thought, you know, oh, this is going to take a while. So I had to get into the game early.
And then, you know, Ken Jennings had to live up to his reputation and just shut this shit down fast.
I just ruined your podcast.
Yeah.
You absolutely ruined it.
You're the first guest to ever absolutely ruin the podcast.
Come on, everybody.
Wait.
I feel bad.
The game's over?
Yeah.
Let's do a bonus round.
Just two?
You just played at two points.
I have a paper.
What if we do the jumbo or something?
We did already.
I've got other games.
We could play other games.
Yeah, let's do other games.
I'm not worried about that. What if we do the jumbo? We do already. I've got other games. We could play other games. Yeah, let's do other games. I'm not worried about that.
But let's
give the
prize to the person that's due.
What was the guy's name?
Sean Callahan? Sean Callahan of
the Dead. Come get your
prize bag. And he probably wants his
Sword of the Dead bag.
That's cool.
Well done, dude.
Congratulations.
Yeah.
My man.
That was nice.
Let me gather up the shitheads for later.
Brian really liked his earlier.
I'm really sorry, Justin.
I'm going to make you laugh.
Wow, look at all these signatures that are on this.
Normsy's gotten a lot of comics to sign this thing.
That is a good one.
That did make me laugh.
Okay.
Fair enough.
What an audience. You guys all put
your names on the back of the
name tags.
I'm very impressed.
You want to play some ABCD's
Nuts?
Let's give that a try with our
remaining minutes here in the podcast.
This is a game, Ken Jennings,
where each person... I'm not like
Charlie Brown. You don't have to say the full name every
time. I like... For some
reason, I made a conscious decision today.
I'm going to always call him Ken Jennings.
Because I'm just
so excited that it's Ken Jennings.
Ken Jennings is here.
On what night are you doing your thing here at Bumbershoot? Monday night, we're going to do a little trivia Because I'm just so excited. It's Ken Jennings. Ken Jennings is here. All one word.
And you, on what night are you doing your thing here at Bumbershoot?
Monday night we're going to do a little trivia contest in the Leo K,
on the other side of this very building.
So Monday night at 7.
You're doing a trivia, that would be like if Michael Jordan was like,
hey, let's play one-on-one.
They don't play against me.
It's not like Royal Rumble or something. You know, one at a time,
who's next?
Royal Rumble?
I read the questions.
Oh, okay, okay.
I'm sorry.
Do you make,
like when people
guess stupid things
and you're like,
this is stupid.
No.
Yeah, geez.
I know that one.
Not Jeopardy material.
I'll see you on
Wheel of Fortune, maybe.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, maybe. This game, Ken Jennings, goes like this.
Normally we go through the alphabet,
but I like to spell things
whenever there's an appropriate thing to spell.
So today we're going to spell Bumbershoot
and we'll let Brian go
first. He's looking at
me like, what the fuck
is this game about?
No, how does it? What?
All you gotta do, buddy. I'll talk you through it. All you gotta
do is we're gonna spell the word Bumbershoot
and all you
gotta do is name any movie
that begins with the letter B
and
we will be on our way
if you can do that. And if you match the movie
I wrote down ahead of time, you win
automatically. But please don't
do that because then
we'll still have extra time
that we'll need to fill with something.
No, I got other games.
All right.
So it's just any movie that starts with a B.
I know.
It sounds like it might be hard to do,
but it's not.
Blood Simple.
Very good.
And then now we go to...
Not you, audience.
It's just between the players on stage.
Then we go to Ken.
It's me now? Unforgiven.
See?
Mr. Clint Eastwood.
I thought I had to start with a B.
Hang on, Jen. Let's go back a bit.
So Brian said
Blood Simple. My guess
was Barfly.
I thought it was called Barfly.
Okay, so now I do it with an m and then ken said you walked home bar mine is mine is up okay so i do yeah um m an m movie
i'm sure we're gonna match i feel really good about this i'm concentrating i think the name
of the movie i want to say but i don't know it. I think that's the only part.
Madonna, Truth or Dare.
Was that what it was called?
I think it might be.
I think it was just Truth or Dare, maybe.
Okay, well, let me do another one then.
Just come on.
Come on, let me play.
Put me in the game, Michael Jordan.
There are a hundred movies, at least.
I'm blanking on a...
What's the letter?
M.
It could have been any letter.
Mother by Alfred Brooks.
That's correct.
Alfred Brooks?
That is a movie that begins with M.
The master of Jewish suspense, Alfred Brooks. I just got is a movie. Albert Brooks. Albert Brooks. That is a movie that begins with M. The Master of Jewish Suspense.
Sorry.
Alfred Brooks.
I just got off a plane.
Albert Brooks, of course.
Mother.
No, that's not it.
All right.
Mine was Mad Max.
Okay.
Outworld.
We go to B.
B for Kumail.
Beauty and the Beast.
Very good.
Mine was Being There.
Kurt.
Elektra.
Oh, my god.
I wish I thought of that.
You don't know Clint Eastwood movies
and you know that piece of shit?
Definitely seen that.
You saw it?
Oh yeah, I've seen Elektra.
Come on.
No, it's not good.
But there's high heels and she kicks ass.
She's very attractive.
Eating Raul.
Oh, sure.
That's what you thought he was going to say.
So porn movies are okay.
No, that was a regular movie.
R to Brian.
Run, Ronnie, run.
Oh.
Can I guess what you wrote?
We should have matched that.
Can I guess what you wrote?
You can.
Roadhouse.
No. Oh. I wrote? We should have matched that. Can I guess what you wrote? You can. Roadhouse. No.
Oh.
I wrote Reservoir Dogs.
Okay, we're back to Ken with S.
Ken Jennings.
Saving Private Ryan.
Good one.
I put Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.
Also Best Picture nominee.
And then back to Jen for H.
Anything that begins with H.
This is such torture for her.
My brain doesn't work this way.
I don't even know if this is a movie.
Which way does your brain work?
I'm not sure yet.
I bet Brian's kid could name a movie.
Havana Nights.
Is that a movie?
Yeah.
Nice.
Is it a sequel to Dirty Dancing? Wasn't it called Dirty Dancing 2, Havana Nights. Is that a movie? Is it a sequel to Dirty Dancing?
Wasn't it called
Dirty Dancing 2, Havana Nights?
Things pop into my head like
Reverend Jim from Taxi. I don't even know how they
come up with it.
Okie doke.
Alright, we go to...
We're still on H because I'm not going to accept that.
We go to Kumail.
Really?
Yeah.
Hellboy 2.
Was that the full title?
Oh.
Oh, Hellboy 1.
That was too much title.
I don't think they put a 1 on there,
but they sure should from now on.
That's very cocky.
So optimistic.
Hellboy 1.
Electra 1.
That's like that movie, do you remember?
Remo Williams, The Adventure Begins.
Yeah, yeah.
Such a cocky title.
Too cocky.
Hoop Dreams.
Hoop Dreams is what I thought of.
The Golden Army. Hellboy 2, The Golden Army. Hockey. Hoop dreams. Hoop dreams is what I thought of. Back to...
The Golden Army.
Hellboy to the Golden Army.
Well done.
I wasn't even concerned about it.
I was happily moving on.
Kurt?
Oh, right.
Orange County.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Colin Hanks.
Jack Black.
Colin Hanks.
Other humans.
Sissy Spacek's daughter, I forgot her name.
Jimmy Spacek. There was a pool.
I bet Doug Puddo brother were on.
Amanda Peet? There was a doggy in it.
That was, I'm thinking of Saving
Silverman now.
It's O to
Brian. Outland.
Outland.
That's a pretty cool movie.
Sean Connery.
I put over the top.
Another O for Ken Jennings.
Another O?
No, there's only...
Bumbershoot.
Bumbershoot.
Bumbershoot.
Somebody's saying it sarcastically.
Bumbershoot. Is there it sarcastically Bumbershoot Is there really three O's?
Is there really three O's?
There's two O's, Orange County and
whatever you said over the top
Outland
Time Bandits
Another Sean Connery
I would have gone with Time Cop
but that's cool
Oh, yeah.
Nice tie-in.
I picked... I would have gone with Time Cop, but that's cool.
I went with Top Gun.
Yeah.
Speaking of Tony Scott, let's play a quick round of Build-A-Title, you guys.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We only got an hour for the show.
I can't believe we're playing all these games.
This is awesome.
And we're doing the Tony Scott edition.
Who won that last round?
Or who were we left on?
We were left on...
Ken Jennings.
Ken Jennings.
Did the letter T, right?
Okay, so we'll start with Jen on this
build a title, Tony Scott edition.
Okay.
And you know how to play this game, right, Jen?
I actually am not familiar with this one.
It's a new one for me. Perfect actually I'm not familiar with this one Okay perfect
It's a new one for me
Perfect
I think you've played this before
You just have to add a title to
We're going to start with
Man on fire
And then I add
So fire something
Or something man
But it doesn't have to make sense
It doesn't have to have the word man in it too
Or fire
It
It has to have
Start with fire
It certainly has to have the word fire.
Start with fire, end with man.
Or, starts with fire.
But what if there isn't a movie?
There is, yeah.
Sometimes there's stoppers, but I wouldn't start you off
with a stopper.
So think of a movie that starts with the word fire,
and then say that movie's title.
All I can think of is Firestarter, man.
Say it out loud.
There you go.
Wait, but I thought it had to end,
the movie had to start with fire
and then end in the word man.
No, it's or.
Oh, or.
Either or.
Oh, okay, I thought you said both.
You see why I thought that was hard.
But Firestarter, man.
So we have man on Firestarter,
then we go to Kumail.
What do I have to do?
Starting with starter?
Ending in man or beginning with starter?
Ending in man or beginning with starter.
Or ter.
Superman.
Yeah.
On fire starter.
Superman on fire starter.
Yeah.
Okay.
Kurt?
Superman on fire starter Terminator. Okay. Kurt? Superman on Firestarter Terminator.
Yeah, Star Terminator is correct.
What is Star Terminator?
Why'd you slap me like that?
That was so weird.
It was...
I hit a weird spot on your...
It was weird.
It kind of, like, rubbed off, too.
I'm not proud of it.
I think the sweat kind of...
It's the weirdest bro slap I've ever had.
He has a little stain on my leg now. Listen, I'm not proud of it. I think the sweat kind of... It's the weirdest bro slap I've ever had. He has a little stain on my leg now.
Listen, I'm not proud of it.
Can we move on?
It was weird.
I can still feel your knee on my fingers.
I can still feel your legs.
I can still feel your fingers on my leg.
It's like tingly.
I don't know if we had a moment
or the opposite of a moment. I don't know.
Either way,
something. I think we have negative chemistry.
It's adding up to a lot
of moments, actually.
You're giving Brian plenty of time to think.
Say it again. It's
Superman on
Firestarter Terminator.
The
Super?
Starring Joe Pesci?
That's a nice try, but you know we eliminate
the word the in this game.
Oh, you motherfucker.
Because the next person,
what's Ken Jennings going to say that ends in the?
I don't give a fuck.
It isn't bands.
I'm out for me.
And Joe Pesci.
He's in that piece of shit, right?
Yeah, he's the super.
Yes.
Yeah, can you think of something that ends with super?
What if this movie just called...
That first word.
Then, like, the movie Super you mean
that doesn't count
because you're not
you're not building anything
you're just sitting there
looking at it
it's called
build a title
not look at a title
you got anything Brian
fuck
because you can kind of
you can kind of say the same thing that he did with Firestarter Terminator you can kind of do the same thing
that he did with Firestarter Terminator.
You can kind of do something there.
Superman on Firestarter Terminator 2.
There's more.
There's more to it.
Oh, yeah, there's more.
The rest of the name of the movie.
Yeah, what's the rest of it?
Full title.
Don't say it in the audience.
You don't...
Terminator 2.
Terminator 2.
Judgment Day.
Yeah.
That was scaring me that you'd forgotten
that. I thought it was Electric Boogaloo.
Bubbaloo?
Did you search? Electric Boogaloo.
Terminator 2, search for Curly's gold.
That's Beat Street 2.
Yeah, that's a great movie.
Break it to it.
Okay, Ken Jennings.
How about Curly Sue per man on Firestar Terminator 2 Judgment Day?
Nice work.
Curly fucking Superman on Firestar Terminator 2 Judgment Day.
Jen.
Oh, okay.
I think, is she out, though?
Did she succeed last time around?
No.
Yeah. Firestarter.? No. Yeah.
Fire starter.
Yeah, fire starter.
Oh, yeah, you did.
She's making a face like,
I'm so good at all of these games.
Where could you have gotten that idea?
I got to the tournament of champions at one point.
You did, yeah.
Now, if the movie is the word the,
can we just eliminate it?
Day after. Day after what? Day after. Now if the movie is the word the Can we just eliminate it?
Day after Day after what?
Day after
I don't know if they're made for TV movies
Yeah we don't do made for TV movies
And I think that was also
Wasn't that called something else?
That was about the nuclear fallout
There was a movie called Day After
And then there's another word
And it's a very common phrase that people say it all the time.
Day after today.
Nice!
That is it!
We have our winner, ladies and gentlemen.
We have no word for the day after today, so we have to say that.
Day after today, that's correct.
Thank you so much for playing.
You know what, people,
one more round of applause for...
What you said is the definition of the word
we were looking for.
One more round of applause for all of my guests.
Brian Posey, Kurt Braunheiler,
Kumail Nanjiani,
Jen Kirkman,
Ken Jennings,
the Ken Jennings.
Come back and see me
Bumbershoot tomorrow
and Monday.
We'll have new guests
every day.
And as always,
Dirty Harry is a shithead.
JT is a shithead.
Pete Holmes is a shithead.
Denver, yeah!
And Barbara Stanwyck
is a shithead.
That's the one.
Oh, I forgot to plug my thing. Can I plug something?
Yeah, quickly. The Indoor Kids
video game podcast on Nerdist Network.
Also, I have a show at 6.15 at the
other theater over there. I have a show here
day after today as well.
And the day
after day after today. And the Day After Day After Today.
And the Day After Day After Today at 6 p.m.
All right, play that end theme.
Do you have it?
There it is.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.