Doug Loves Movies - Ken Jennings, Sean Cullen, and DC Pierson Guest
Episode Date: December 15, 2013Live from the Neptune Theatre in Seattle, Doug welcomes Jeopardy champ Ken Jennings and comics Sean Cullen and DC Pierson to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Calif...ornia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming maybe sticky seeds
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Oh, Doug loves movies Hey, everybody!
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Rob Long and the Kings.
Oh, man.
That was a good one.
Remember those old stereo commercials
where the guy was in the chair
and his hair was flying back
and all that wind was in his face?
That's what that was like.
Sort of.
We're coming to you from the Neptune Theater in Seattle, Washington!
One of the two best states in this country.
Because you know why.
There's no reason to get into it on a family podcast.
Just keep the drug references somewhere else.
Not in the Neptune Theater in front of all the beautiful glass windows that have depictions of gods.
It's Friday night, December 13, 2 Oceans 13.
Let me see your name tags, Seattle.
Oh, Lord.
That's crazy.
First of all, let me apologize to everyone in the balcony
that made
name tags.
But it is kind of your fault
because you didn't get here early enough.
But there's
some amazing ones down here
on the floor. We got Slumdog
Millionaire kissing
Jessica Stein. Is your name
kissing?
Is your name Jessica Stein?
Just Jessica?
Okay.
That's cool.
Normsy's got a sign up front.
It's good to see him.
Normsy, did you guys listen to Podcastathon last week or so?
A week or two ago?
When was it?
Normsy bid.
We did these auctions for charity and he spent $420
to spend 10 minutes
next to a dumpster with me.
Yeah, and I'm happy to say
that we took care of that tonight
before the show.
It was the easiest $420
I ever made
for a charity
I'm not keeping any of it
but thank you Sam
for doing that
and thank you everyone for bringing your name tags
I liked how when I just started going off
about that everyone just put their name tags down
he's done
with that
what does that one say I couldn't figure out what it says on it the invention of Eli that. Everyone just put their name tags down. He's done with that.
What does that one say? I couldn't figure out what it says on it.
The invention of Eli?
And your name is Eli?
Okay. Wait, what's happening?
This is...
Oh, so
Is this for me or should I put it in the prize bag?
I'll put it in the prize bag, are you kidding me?
Because this is nice
This is a $5 gift certificate
For dicks
Yeah
So, you know
If you win the prize bag tonight
and you're down on your luck
and you need five dollars worth of dicks
just go on down to dicks
and say give me a five dollar dick
they've got locations
in Wallingford
Capitol Hill
that's the nearby
joint right Holman Road Capitol Hill. That's the nearby joint, right?
Holman Road.
Wow, that's weird that they're calling a road like it's a city.
Lake City. That's just a lake.
This place is crazy.
They got dicks in the weirdest places.
They'll put a dick anywhere, won't they?
I mean, a dicks.
And there's one in
Queen Anne and Edmonds.
Five bucks.
I'm putting it in the bag, dude.
I appreciate it.
But I'm putting it in the bag.
Because that's
I'm kind of a giver
of things people
gave to me.
Since last I spoke, you listened.
I taped an episode of Getting Doug with High.
Yeah.
With the powerful Joey Coco Diaz.
And you can watch that at youtube.com slash Doug Benson,
but please don't slash Doug Benson.
Orlando, Florida, January 4, 5. I'll be at the improv. Come on, Seattle, don't slash Doug Benson. Orlando, Florida. January 4-5.
I'll be at the Improv. Come on,
Seattle. Let's go to Orlando.
I'll be at the Improv.
Both shows are at 4-20.
And Las Vegas. I'll be there on January 17th
at something called the 25th
Hour Theater.
Yeah, sounds sketchy to me, too.
There's no
theaters in Vegas.
Let's look in the prize bag, you guys.
As always, it's a heavy bag
full of a lot of interesting things.
Things that I'll more or less have to explain
once the guests get out here,
but I want to share with you a book that I'll more or less have to explain once the guests get out here, but I want to share with you a book that I...
I got a copy of this at the Buttnumathon in Austin, Texas,
and this is an autographed copy
of a book called Walking Your Octopus.
And it's like a picture book,
and it says it's a guidebook
to the domesticated cephalopod.
And it's pretty cool,
and it's an autographed copy
by the author, Brian Kessinger.
So I'm throwing that in the bag,
and then a bunch of other cool stuff
that I think we'll talk about
when there's dicks,
and then...
Yeah, we'll talk about it
with the guests when they get out here.
As mentioned on Doug Loves
Minis, tonight's
episode of Doug Loves
Movies at the Neptune Theater in Seattle
is a tournament of championships.
Which means
three of your favorite past champions
are here to compete.
Please give a big warm welcome to DC Pearson,
Sean Cullen, and Ken Jennings!
Hello.
My favorite spaghetti western is
$5 worth of dicks.
This is equal to a few dollars more.
That's DC Pearson, everybody!
You've heard about it on this podcast.
Donald Glover calls it hilarious.
It's a young adult novel called Crap Kingdom.
And someone is going to win it tonight.
Yeah.
DC.
Yeah.
You flew up from Los Angeles.
I did.
How was that for you?
Fine.
Nice.
Nice.
for you. Fine. Nice.
I sat behind a guy with a suede iPad cover and a steampunk
backpack.
He was the worst.
I betcha he's here.
I love...
No, only awesome people are here.
I love your commercial that's playing
right now that I have no idea what it's for.
Why, Doug, it's for products.
What product?
It's for Verizon.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, you seem disappointed.
No, it's just one of those funny commercials
where your jokes have really nothing to do
with what you're selling.
Well, because, Doug, great wireless service is no joke.
with what you're selling.
Well, because Doug, great wireless service is no joke.
You play like an IT mailroom slash mailroom guy.
Yeah, I'm basically in like nerd face.
You're playing the Brian Posehn role on Just Shoot Me.
It's Posehn-sploitation, I would say would say but i love did you riff that or was it in the script when you as the it guy you say to the
dude to move his beverage away from the keyboard because it's making you anxious i i riffed it and
at the same time they were shooting a spanish version of the commercial with different actors
but the same commercial.
So I riffed it, and then I got to see a dude also do that riff in Spanish.
Did you remember what it sounds like in Spanish?
I can answer in Spanish, and the answer is no.
I'd like to know how to say anxious in Spanish.
Anxioso!
That is incorrect.
Sean Cullen is here, everybody.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know Spanish.
From Canada.
Spanish isn't allowed there.
They have the worst Mexican food in Canada. Well, it's because it's made by French people
But they have amazing Chinese food there
Yeah made by Italian men
You brought a hat that says
Joker's Hockey Club
That's right that's my hockey team
We're all comedians we play in a league
And the laughs are
rich.
Laughs are rich. The ice is hot.
The cheese is cold.
You also brought
an onion.
A beautiful onion. I thought someone would
really enjoy it. I got it for $700
at Whole Foods.
You could have had like one
hundred and fiftieth of a dick for that.
I know.
If I had five bucks for all
the dicks I could have had,
this would be a
happier day for me.
Dicks are like the new bitcoins.
Oh wait, here's another five dollar
dick coupon.
Thanks, Humblebund.
You asked for it, and a $5 dick coupon is yours.
Is it really for human penises?
Is this what this is for?
It's a restaurant chain called Dicks.
Oh, he's not wise.
That man, that's not a great shoe.
Lucky his name isn't Asshole.
Because he would have called his shop Asholes. Come into Assholes, eat all you want.
Assholes hot dogs, it's what's in here.
Give me a second, I'll push out a meal.
Give me a second.
I'll push out a meal.
Let me buzz in for you, Ken.
What is ew?
Try the hot pot.
Sean.
Should you put that in there too?
Because I'm not going to have to. He wants you to have it.
He wants you to have some dicks.
But I'll tell you what the thing is.
He took one look at you and said, this guy could use some dicks.
I'm going to the airport at 4.30 in the morning
tomorrow. Dude, dicks and run.
Dicks? Get some dicks on the way
to the airport. There's nothing like dicks in the
morning. Early morning
dicks.
Dicks had to know this would happen
when they named the place.
I know.
I know.
Are you sure you don't want to name it Richards, honey?
I know what I want.
People want dicks.
They don't want Richards.
This Richards are delicious.
Doesn't sound good.
Sean also brought a candy cane.
A delicious candy cane because it is that time.
It fits in with the holidays, yeah.
Sure, they say the onion and the candy cane.
Like that terrible pub.
Oh yeah, the onion and candy cane.
It's right next to the robot and fist.
This particular candy cane
is corn syrup free.
Oh, thank fuck. I am so glad.
I'm so tired.
I'm guessing you got this at Whole Foods also.
Yes, I did.
There was a man there
forming them. Artisanal candy canes.
Made in the traditional way
in Finland.
Using a fish knife and a Nazi flag.
That's where you get the red and white from, yes?
Yeah. Well,
nothing against Finland, but it was
the only country in Scandinavia
that fought with the Nazis
during the war. We've looked at the pros
and cons. They made a chart. I was being Finland. People were like, whoa.
DC loves Nazis. They do. Almost as much as they love dicks. I think people
were confused by your authentic Finnish accent. It was incredible.
Yeah, I actually started to try to do one for a syllable,
and then I realized I have no idea what it is, so I backed off.
It's more of a, I wish he would finish accent.
Whoa!
What's that smell?
Somebody got burned.
Is this Mortal Kombat?
Because Doug just said, finish him.
Doesn't make sense.
Don't think about it too hard.
Ken Jennings is here.
Yay!
He lives here.
Hometown hero.
He lives at the Neptune. there's a room above the stage
it's like seriously you guys were there
three stories up
I wear a mask and play scary organ music
all the time
I ran into a mermaid
backstage
sexy stained glass mermaid
yeah
nice
hey next time you bring something up
have like some sort of joke behind it
mermaids are not a joke man
they're half fish half human
that's not funny
this is a comedy bang bang
where you just come on and say nonsense
I'm sorry
oh shit Doug's starting podcast beef
finish him
it's gonna be a west coast west coast podcast war
Ken brought a book called
because I said so exclamation point
and it's at the bottom it says,
Ken Jennings reveals the truth behind all those things you tell your children.
Or your parents told you, in the case of sad child men who come to podcasts.
The crowd turns so quickly, wow.
There are way too many lovely ladies here tonight
to call this a sad man-child crowd.
Absolutely.
Yeah, Chicks Dig Podcast.
If you ladies are going to reproduce with these men,
you got bigger problems, but I think the book will.
I think the book may help.
Now, Ken,
as a Jeopardy! champion,
you're used to not interacting with human beings.
There's that Canadian guy.
No, you're probably going to massacre these guys tonight at this game.
Do you feel confident?
No, I've only been on this show once before, as you know.
And I feel like I got lucky.
Like, you know, I won the game when I had to, but, you know.
Wow.
I'm a little worried.
Captain Humble in the house.
I'm impressed by your humility because you, you know,
you murdered everyone on Jeopardy! for...
How long did you win on there? 300 years?
Yeah, you were the reigning champ for so long that I just think any kind of trivia...
The sad part is that you know everything.
Tonight, you're just going to clean the floor with these guys just with movies.
I love movies, but I listen to the podcast. I know these guys are great.
You know, I got a shot. I got a shot.
What is bullshit?
Trying to lower expectations here, you guys.
Yeah, this feels like a rope-a-dope. I feel like this is a hustle.
He's like, I've never said any fact before.
I just wrote a book of facts
that I'm giving away as a prize
here tonight, but I don't know
anything.
Also in the bag is a
copy of my album from
it'll soon be last year, but
it's still this year's album,
Gateway Duck.
I want to get, we have to play,
since it's a tournament episode,
we have to play to five points.
Yeah.
So that might take a while,
and we've got a certain amount of time allotted
because the Neptune Theater has another show tomorrow at eight. So we're going to get into it fairly quickly, but I still want to ask,
just because, you know, it's such a busy time of year for movies and people need to be guided in
the right direction. DC, what's a movie out right now that you've seen and would recommend
or not recommend
I just want to say real quick when you said we were playing to five points
a dude in like the fourth row raised his hands
like it was church
and he was feeling it
he was like five points amen Doug
amen
Doug is going to bring us to the promised land of
lots of
long podcasts
I have seen
it has, I
got to see
Doug
what have I
I saw Inside Llewyn Davis
and it is
totally remarkable
and very, if you
expect it to be anything other than kind of
I don't know, it's like a lot of the Coen Brothers movies in the past couple years and very, if you expect it to be anything other than kind of,
I don't know, it's like a lot of the Coen Brothers movies in the past couple years where you're like,
all right, now there's a part where it's going to be happy,
and it isn't, so don't expect that.
But as long as you don't expect that,
it's pretty remarkable and funny and great.
And then yesterday I got to see Wolf of Wall Street,
and I thought it was tremendous.
It was so, so good.
I saw it, too. It's really
funny. It's super funny.
It's the longest, funniest comedy
I've ever seen, I think. Yeah, it's
really funny, and it's crazy that Martin Scorsese,
who's like 72 years old,
Martin Scorsese? He Martin Scorsese,
Doug. Like this hat,
this airbrushed hat I'm wearing says
Martin Scorsese. I'm wearing says Martin score crazy.
I'm not really.
People in the room are laughing,
A, because it wasn't funny, but B, because they're like,
he's not wearing the hat.
Why is he saying he's wearing the hat?
I can see the hat. Is that weird?
It's Casino and Goodfellas,
but without the violence.
Yeah, there's more just like...
Why would I go to that?
For the sex and the money.
Oh, okay, okay.
The sex and the money and the corruption.
But it's like you're watching a guy do stuff
that's like 2,000 times as evil
than what people are doing in Goodfellas,
where you're merely murdering people,
and you're watching a guy just destroy
thousands and millions of people's lives by being
an evil Wall Street dude and just having
a ball.
So, go see it, I guess.
It's really, really
good. I liked it a lot. Leo DiCaprio,
I've already gone into this on
other episodes and I will
on more to come.
But I'll keep it brief.
Who knew he was a physical comedian?
Yeah. He's really
physically funny in it.
Totally.
Sean Cullen. Yes, I am.
Present.
Have you been to the movies?
I have been to the movies before.
Did you see Thor Dark World?
I did. Because I know you like that sort of thing.
I love Thor.
I love Thor.
I'm a huge fan of Thor,
although that kind of puts me into a whole neo-Nazi realm,
which, if you don't know this,
lots of Nazis have Thor's hammer tattooed on his chest
and stuff like that.
But I love Thor.
I think he's amazing.
I like that you didn't say,
but there are other interpretations of Thor. You just said, but I love Thor I think he's amazing I like that you didn't say but there are other interpretations of Thor
you just said but I love Thor
listen I love Thor
because anybody
you have a hammer
and you just hang on to it and fly
that's not even in a thing
hammers don't do that
I think that's incredibly imaginative
in that you can just say,
okay, this hammer's gonna pull me over there.
And you just go with it, and it does.
That is how MC Hammer's entourage felt.
That's right.
This hammer's gonna pull me somewhere.
Not a good place.
Yeah, the entourage went to a good place,
and then MC Hammer was left with the bills. Oh. Yeah, his entourage went to a good place and then MC Hammer was left with the bills.
Oh.
Yeah.
His entourage was his downfall.
It was, that's right.
Those pants were full of sadness.
But I also was very excited by the new...
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm not done with Thor.
Okay, Thor.
Yes.
I have a Thor joke I'm trying to
push in there
I hope that they make a third one
because then maybe they'll make a fourth one
and then that one can be called
Thor part Thor
more Thor
Thor 4
yeah
what else did you see?
There's some incredible
advertising stuff.
They do product placement.
They have Pollo Loki
as well, which is all
Loki-themed chicken
treats by Polo Loco.
You could have moved on.
I could have moved on,
but I just wanted to say Puyoloki.
Four Thor was bad enough.
Four Thor was ready.
But they also, for me,
nothing sums up Katniss' struggle.
Katniss?
Yeah, Katniss.
I say Katniss.
Because you know her better.
That's the way it's spelled, basically.
But I say Katniss,
and I think her struggle is summed up
by the spicy, creamy sriracha sandwich at Subway.
Like, in such a powerful way.
Do they have a Hunger Games tie-in at Subway?
Yeah, they really do.
The sriracha, creamy sriracha beef steak sandwich,
which really is like being in an arena
fighting for your life.
And it has a strand of Lenny Kravitz's hair in it.
Yep.
Everyone.
Can you get anything on a pita there?
What's weird? It's so weird.
That is probably the stupidest name in the world
for a man.
PETA.
PETA, yeah.
Well, this is the whole thing about those.
Like, they're only a couple hundred years in the future,
and names have totally gone fucking crazy.
Names have gone off the rails.
It's like, PETA.
You can name your kid or whatever you want.
I am Fardle Slagnaber, former hero, whatever.
I feel like they're right on, actually.
In the future, we'll have names like today,
but they'll be spelled in some effed up way.
And you know what?
You can say fucked up.
I have a first grade kid,
and this is actually what has happened to America.
The kids have all the same names,
but let's just add a Y and a double E for no reason.
That's right.
So the Hunger Games movie is very accurate, I think.
I don't know.
I thought that Philip Seymour Hoffman was great as Chimp Farm Ball Smacker. double E for no reason. That's right. So the Hunger Games movie is very accurate, I think. I don't know.
I thought that Philip Seymour Hoffman
was great as
Chimp Farm Ball Smacker.
Well, it was a weighty character
with a name like that.
Just like,
he brings it home to me.
It's amazing.
Have you been to the movies
lately, Ken?
Yeah.
Last weekend,
I saw Nebraska,
which I liked a lot.
Like, even more than I thought.
Yeah, Will Forte, like, dramatic actor.
No idea.
Yeah, Will Forte was just on
Douglas Movies a couple days ago,
along with Bob Odenkirk.
Wow.
And I'm on with these guys.
Wow. And I'm on with these guys. We brought the entire production to you, Ken.
What is...
Fuck you, Ken?
For 150?
I don't even think that's a denomination.
I don't think they have that.
150?
That's how much disdain
I have for you, Ken.
I don't even follow
the money categories anymore.
Ken, how long would Alex
put up with that shit
if you just said,
for 225, Alex?
Get him out of here.
He'd turn into Will Ferrell
on SNL.
I'll take potent potables
for $5 worth of dicks When are they going to do a regular potables category?
Why do they always have to be potent?
Why must I always be reminded of my shame?
Impotent potables
The category is water.
Well, speaking of games, we're here to play one.
What?
Oh!
Good segue.
That's right.
Gentlemen, select your name tags.
And while they do that,
we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
And we're back.
Let me set up my vine here.
Let me...
Can we get the house lights up again real quick
and everyone hold your signs up?
I just want to show the world
how awesome you guys are.
And put you
at the top of
this vine.
Alright, thank you.
And Ken Jennings, who are you playing for?
Slumdog
Milonair? Am I saying that right?
Mila? Milonair.
I like the game show theme here.
Sean, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for a gentleman called
The Other Darren.
From Bewitched?
Yeah, from Bewitched.
The one that died.
He's here?
Dick Sargent. I mistimed this vine
so it's mostly just the audience
and Ken and then very briefly
Sean.
So let me adjust for that.
So you gotta have like a vine director's cut.
Today's the 13th, right?
Clippings.
Doug's vine, unrated.
It's Friday the 13th, right? Clippings. Doug's Vine, unrated. It's Friday the 13th, you guys.
NC-17.
Did anybody come dressed as Jason?
Somebody had a Friday the 13th related one.
Really?
You didn't pick it, you jerk?
Nope, I just remembered it right now.
I had already picked when I saw it.
And I also didn't remember it was Friday the 13th,
and that's my story.
All right, well, let me ask you, DC.
Who are you playing for?
Oh, the micster.
I'm playing for the micster.
Oh, okay.
Oh, really?
I get my...
My own vine?
Wow, seven seconds of magic.
It's eight, but you know.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I always let one of the seconds go
just to show my disdain for the medium.
You can't get it done in seven seconds.
Fuck off.
I just made
a part two of the vine
for tonight.
And I'm sending it right now, because if you don't send a vine
right away, sometimes they disappear.
They wilt. Yeah.
Okay.
Vine part two, desolation of Smaug.
Smaug. Smaug. Smaug.
Smaug.
Smaug.
Smaug.
You can tell the guy in the trailer really wants to be saying it like that, you know?
The desolation of Smaug.
He's like a newscast, a white newscaster
overly committing to a Hispanic name.
Costa Rica.
The desolacion of smog.
Smog.
I'm reporting live from Mordor.
The traffic is Mordor.
Blah.
Boom.
Oh, speaking of which, fun game you guys can play,
The Wolf of Wall Street is a very fun movie title
to say in a Dracula voice.
The Wolf of Wall Street!
Exactly, right? It's so fun.
And you can just do that.
Yeah, it'll be fun if they make a bunch of sequels.
One, two, three!
Four, four, fours!
Sore, sores. Thor, Thor, Thor Thor, Thor Alright you guys
Let's do this
I didn't really think ahead of time
How to determine who would go first.
Oh.
I love the audience.
Ken!
Well, he's the
tallest.
He's physically most imposing
of the three of us.
As is often true of the
Jeopardy! champions. That's true.
He towers above mortals.
What is towers above mortals?
I know how I'm going to do this.
Sean qualified the longest to go.
Oh.
So we'll have him go first.
Jesus.
And then Ken was after that, and then DC was more recently.
Oh.
Yeah, so that's good.
I guess that's the way it works.
That's going to be the order for the first round.
I just decided.
Good decision, Doug.
That's how I am as a host.
I'll make a decision probably much later
than it should have been made.
You'll just make shit up.
But I will fucking make it.
And I will commit to it.
Nice.
And thank you to everyone.
Neptune is looking upon you proudly.
I'm thanking...
This theater was originally built
to screen Back to the Future
for, like, the Enchantment Under the Sea dance,
and then they were like, eh, leave it up.
It'll be an immersive experience
for the people of Seattle.
Yeah, I was worried that wasn't gonna work out, but then you fixed it. I mean, through the magic of exposition,
it made sense. Oh yeah. Yeah. Jokes are great when it comes out and you say it and then
you explain it. Like jokes need footnotes, get it. Wait till you hear the second sentence of this joke.
See appendices.
They used to have a...
Forget it.
I, um...
I was going to try to make an Ariel joke,
but I gave up.
Because isn't...
Is Ariel's father Neptune?
Yes.
No, he's Triton.
I thought he was Triton.
He's Triton.
He's some off-brand... Like, he's some off-brand Neptune. Oh, No, he's Triton. I thought he was Triton. He's Triton. He's some off-brand, like, he's some off-brand Neptune.
Oh, yeah, he's Triton.
He's like store brand.
Part of his world.
Part of his world.
I want to dance.
Sean, you'll have plenty of opportunities to sing tonight.
All right.
Wait till I ask for it.
Oh.
Jeez.
What'd that guy yell?
Cobain?
Seattle will represent, I guess.
It's been a while, though, dude.
You should probably...
You've got some nirvana
Thank you I'm here all week
Alright Sean you get to pick the first category
We're playing to five points tonight
This is a big one
Balls to the wall
No messing around
Just fishing in the diaper
Sean would you like As suggested by ML Clanny.
Clanny.
My voice went up.
Bobby Brady.
Peter Brady.
Time to change.
ML Clanny suggests white Christmas.
Oh.
And of course, that's movies that have Nazis in them.
I'll take that category.
Well, unfortunately, you get two other choices.
Oh.
What if the other two are about Nazis?
You've got to wait.
Movies with extra Nazis.
And ex-Nazis.
Like American history, ex-Nazis. Like American history?
Ex-Nazi.
Like the former Pope.
What?
Dude, Seattle is super Catholic.
You didn't know that?
Do not fuck with Popes in Seattle.
Seattle has been called the more Catholic Rome.
I know.
It's true. It's true.
I go and I smell incense in the air
everywhere I go.
I hear the cries of little boys.
Crying
about how much they love incense.
Flannel shirts are nothing but a succession of crosses, bro.
That's true.
Think about it.
The density of Christianity in this town is insane.
Or...
Oh, Grandpa.
Radio Flyer.
And that's films where Cuba Gooding flies.
Okay.
That's fun.
Or,
at Scott Darcher suggested
read it and weep.
And that's
foreign films that are tear jerkers.
Wow.
That's good.
It is good.
I'm sticking with White Christmas, though.
Okay.
I appreciate your commitment.
Thank you.
To nationalism.
To Nazism.
To Nazism and National Socialism, both.
The long form and the short form.
Hitler.
The best-selling author.
Germany.
I don't know if that's true.
It's true.
Mein Kampf was everyone had to buy it
during the Nazi...
Yeah, everyone had to have their own.
I remember.
You had to be like,
Mein Kampf.
Not your Kampf.
Mein Kampf.
This is Mein Kampf.
Do you understand?
It was like a trapper keeper.
You had to put your own glitter and stuff on the cover.
I thought the movie was better.
It was amazing.
More incoherent, but incredible.
Let's get off Nazis and popes.
Let's move into another area.
Rapists.
Unfortunately, this category is about Nazis. Oh, darn it. Who might be rapists. Unfortunately, this category is about Nazis.
Oh, darn it.
Who might be rapists.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie that has Nazis in it from 1980.
Oh.
80.
It has Nazis in it, but Leonard Mulden calls this movie engagingly nutty.
in it, but Leonard Maldon calls this movie engagingly nutty.
He says that the special edition runs
147 minutes, so that's 17 minutes longer
than the 130 minute theatrical version.
And he also says that this movie
was followed by a sequel.
And he lists 13 names.
Jeez.
How many names do you think you can get it in, Sean Cullen?
Engagingly nutty.
Engagingly nutty.
And yet it has Nazis in it.
And there's a sequel.
It doesn't seem like a reasonable description.
And it's 130 minutes long.
Can you imagine if the first two words of his review of Schindler's List were engagingly nutty?
Oh.
Or if anywhere in it contained the word romp.
It's a gas.
Oh, I just got it.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
What is It's a Gas, Alex?
Oh no, no, I'm sorry, no.
Sorry.
No Holocaust joke.
Sorry. Sorry.
Out of 13 names, how many names do you think he...
Sean?
Well, let's go 10.
That's a strong opening bid.
I like it.
Thank you.
Especially when dealing with Ken Jennings.
Champion of all that is smart.
So I gotta go next?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's your turn to bid less names
or to say, Sean Cullen, name that movie.
But he'll get 10 out of 13 names.
Doug, I can name this movie
in zero names.
Oh!
It's happening already.
What an intense matchup.
So DC, if you think you know it,
you might want to...
Nutty.
I'm burping with excitement.
You might want to...
And I'm sitting here thinking,
was Mr. Peanut a Nazi?
And did they make an animated feature about him?
He looks like one.
He's got the monocle.
Yeah.
We have vase of salting.
Doug, fuck it.
I'll say negative one names.
Doug, fuck it.
I'll say negative one names.
T-O-C.
Sean, what are you going to do with that?
I'm going to say name it.
All right.
Name of the movie and the top billed performer in the movie.
The thing that I think may make me wrong is that he said sequel, not sequels.
But I'm going to go ahead and say say Harrison Ford Raiders of the Lost Ark 81
this was the motion picture called the Blues Brothers and of course John
Belushi was the top-billed person. Third build, the Blues Brothers Band.
All of them.
Wow, that's kind of rough to all of those guys.
I like that some people in the crowd were like,
no, as though I could A, take it back,
or B, you weren't about to say what it was.
I knew it.
Make me be the one.
You know,
you never know.
Really? I could get swapped out?
I might kick you out of here.
Let somebody else come up and play on your behalf.
But that was a good guess.
No, it wasn't. He said sequel, not sequels.
It's just the nuttiness.
Engagingly nutty isn't really
a way to describe Raiders of the Lost Ark.
And then when their faces melt.
So Sean, you challenged him, right?
I'm so sorry, DC.
So Sean's on the board.
Yay for me.
Through another's failure,
success.
Alright, real quick, Sean.
You know, I love
to do this when you're on the show.
Just really quickly, could you sing
us the theme song from the Blues Brothers?
Coming to you
on a dusty road.
Good lovin',
I've got a truckload.
Anyway, that's all I need to do, really.
But it's really
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
This is the Blues Brothers
movie.
This is the Blues Brothers
movie.
Moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo
And they're banned.
A lot of people don't know that song was written and they're banned.
A lot of people don't know
that song was written by
Goebbels. Oh yeah.
Joseph.
Old clubfoot himself.
Ken Jennings
is up first. He gets to pick
a category. Would you
like, as suggested by
at N. James Anderson
on Twitter,
save Ferris,
and that's movies where a Ferris wheel
is destroyed.
Or, and we're going to
Sean a second on this round,
would you like,
this is the Pete Holmes category,
suggested by at sweet
Pete on Twitter.
Wash my damn towels.
And that's movies that take place in a hotel.
Or have scenes in a hotel.
And then at Andy
Bufferin, like Bufferin, but
with an E and an L and an E and an N.
So Bufferin like Bufferin, but with an E and an L and an E and an N. So Buffalin.
Buffalin.
Yeah.
Suggested the Burt Kreischer category.
I don't know if you guys have heard Burt Kreischer on the show.
But this is movies where a man screams like a girl.
Which one of those extremely narrow categories
appeals to you, KJ?
Let's go with the hotel one,
Wash My Damn Towels.
All right.
This movie takes place entirely or in part in a hotel.
Leonard Maltin gives it two stars.
The year is 1992.
And he says about this movie that it...
He really liked it.
You just kind of moaned.
Engagingly.
It takes place at Christmas time.
Oh.
So that's exciting for this time of year.
And he also says
that
oh,
that this movie
has a walk-on by Donald Trump.
Ooh, very exciting.
That should help you a great deal, or not at all.
He says, you're fired to the audience.
And Leonard lists 14 names.
Wow.
92, you said?
Uh-huh.
I can... I'm trying to make the my drink is empty
sound.
So some lovely person
at the Neptune Theater can bring me another
vodka soda.
Kettle One
or Tito's?
But I'll settle for
Cheetos. Cheetos vodka.
Distilled from
corn snacks.
What's your bid, Ken?
How about four names?
Four?
Came to play.
I'm pretty serious about this kind of thing Yeah, he's not fucking around
He's not effing around as he would say
What the eff
What are you going to do with that, Sean?
I'm going to say name it
Whoa
Just handing the point over to
Ken Jennings
do you have Jeopardy
in Canada?
Alex Trebek is from Canada
so that's why he says
sorry
I was joking
they clearly probably have the show there
we just don't have question words
in Canada so the show really goes over
our heads
we ask questions don't have question words in Canada, so the show really goes over our heads.
We ask questions with inflection
more than question words.
You should dye your hair,
put on about 75
to 100 pounds, and do
Rob Ford the musical.
Yeah, I would love
that.
He's an amazing person.
Very good person that's just having
a little trouble right now.
It was so funny.
For years, every time I would come up
and do Douglass movies in Canada,
he would get named Rob Ford as a shithead.
And I would go, oh, people don't like this Rob Ford.
But then lately, it's like, oh,
now I finally get it.
It's unbelievable.
And more things just happen.
But isn't it still
that hipsters hate him and
regular people are not that,
still don't mind him that much?
It's like, you know, the way down here
if you're on the right, you're
right no matter what. If you're
in that camp and left is left.
You know, it's like that.
So he's conservative?
No, he's super conservative.
Yeah, because all the conservatives do crack.
Well, he's like, when he was in high school,
he was a drug dealer, he and his brother.
And his brother is on the council, too.
And they, you know, it's crazy.
And they're hanging around smoking crack,
and it's fun.
Those guys are awesome. I really
think that's the kind of person
who should be in charge
of everything.
He got in saying, you know,
everybody, let's tighten our belts.
Alright, we gotta tighten our belts here.
You weigh 350 pounds.
Choose other
words.
Alright, everybody, we gotta tie off using our belts.
Choose. That's right.
Tourniquets.
Please.
It's unbelievable. It's embarrassing
and sad. Is that the Canadian way to say
tourniquet? You said it like parakeet?
Tourniquet?
I just said that for fun.
He has fun with words.
I have fun with words. I'm writing a book.
That's how tight security here is at the Neptune Theater.
Two audience members just brought me a drink.
They got all the way onto the stage.
Crazy.
It's got roofies in it?
I would be honored to fall asleep and get fucked by somebody.
You never asked.
Just don't take me somewhere weird.
Don't drive me to Puyallup.
Ken Jennings, your four names.
Do you need the clues again?
I don't think you do. Wait till you hear the four names then tell me if you need the clues again? I don't think you do.
Wait till you hear the four names
then tell me if you need the clues again.
Your four names are
Jerry Banman
Who cares?
Don't worry about Jerry.
Don't drag Jerry into this.
But the names that are
going to matter are Kieran Culkin
Rob Schneider, and Dana
Ivy. And from
1992, the movie is called
Kieran Culkin, Rob
Schneider. Kieran Culkin
is low build
on this movie. And low
bald. And low bald
by his agent.
This movie that takes place
either partially
or entirely in a hotel.
I thought you were going to say
in Kieran Culkin.
It takes place in Kieran Culkin.
Partially or completely.
Being Kieran Culkin.
It's a passageway into Kieran Culkin's head.
Who challenged you to name it?
Sean. Sean did. Wow.
Sean's going to go racing ahead here.
I can't believe that didn't
give it away for you.
People in the audience have it.
They have their phones.
Any idea? It is
Home Alone 2
Lost in New York.
That's good.
What else could it be?
Christmas time, a colkin.
When it sounded like he wasn't going to get it,
people's hearts were broken.
They were like, stop the fight.
It was a sad time.
And then he rallied.
He's like, Seattle's a Seabiscuit.
Did you ever do that?
Did you ever do that on Jeopardy?
Shrug and really ask like it's a question?
Home Alone 2,
lost in New York?
What is Home Alone 2,
lost in New York? Yeah, what Alone 2, lost in New York?
Yeah, what is it?
I know, it's a movie.
A masterpiece, Alex.
Get out of my face, Alex.
How much off-camera time have you spent with Alex Trebek?
You hardly get any time at all with Alex,
and it's still too much.
No, I'm just kidding.
He's actually...
He's nothing at all like you see on TV.
Like, on TV, he seems very strict and, like, you know...
Yeah, sure.
Disciplinarian.
He runs a tight ship.
He does.
But as soon as the camera was off and you were winning a lot,
did he just sit there and go,
You fucking asshole!
Stop it!
No, once the camera's off, he's like very goofy.
Sean, it's not like he's the house in Blackjack or something.
You're taking my money!
Ken's winning his money.
Do I have to shave my mustache off?
I just know this kid's counting cards.
He's like, I'd like to ask questions
to the world's most dangerous game.
Man.
He's put the whole show together just for this.
He's a very nice, normal guy.
Tells jokes. I've met him before.
You all know each other.
Well, we're very close.
His family lives next door to mine.
We shared a father.
He would go and impregnate women
on either side of the fence
and he himself lived in a small capsule
on top of the fence.
Real quick, Sean,
how does the theme song for Home Alone 2
lost in New York go?
Where are we? I don't know.
I think we're in New York
or someplace like that.
I hope I get found by someone who's responsible for me.
Gary Culkin.
I knew you guys would like it
if I dragged him down from Canada.
He dragged me.
Literally.
DC gets to go first.
Cool.
It's because you're in last place.
I know.
You're in trouble.
Like that Taylor Swift song.
Would you like Rushmore?
That's films that have Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, or Roosevelt in them.
I couldn't tell you which Roosevelt.
The one that's on Rushmore.
I Know What You Did Last.
It's kind of a sad category.
Melancholy category.
Because it's movies that were the last movie someone did.
Before we lost them.
Before they went away to the farm.
And your third choice is Quill Bill.
And that, of course, is Shakespeare movies.
I like to keep it esoteric.
People are wooing for Shakespeare.
Like he needs the help.
You gotta check him out, you guys.
He's pretty obscure.
Underrated author.
He doesn't get enough credit for writing every story.
So Rushmore,
Quill Bill, and what was the middle one?
I'm sorry.
I know what you did last.
Last film of someone.
Let's go with Rushmore.
Please, Doug.
Okay, guys.
This is gonna be...
And Sean, it's not the Canadian Mount Rushmore
that has all the kids in the hall on it.
Yes, I'm sorry.
Teddy Roosevelt was very funny, though.
Canadian Rushmore has five faces?
Yeah, it's the exchange rate.
Yeah.
Yes. Yeah, it's the exchange rate. Two stars from Leonard
for this movie from 1995
that has
one of those four people
in it.
He says that
it's ambitious
and that it's well-appointed.
Oh, sounds terrible.
But he also calls it long and sluggish.
Yeah.
I mean, I can't imagine any movie
with any of those four people in it being anything but.
And he names...
Oh, that's a tricky one.
There's a name with a hyphen.
That's a clue.
Eleven names.
I gotta go nine names, Doug.
Who challenged the last time?
You challenged
Ken. I did.
And then he got it right?
He did.
Okay, you get to go next.
I think if you just say zero names,
you can just name it.
What?
Can I just say zero names?
If you think you just know the name and you don't want to get into...
How about negative one?
Oh, okay.
Negative one.
Why not?
I'm just going to go take a flyer on it.
What are you going to do with that, Ken?
I know what this is, too, and I think you do, too.
Second build.
I've got an eye problem.
He's doing the crazy eye.
Yeah.
The crazy eye.
What's going on?
Well, my eye is cybernetic.
Sometimes it gets dry.
When I think about the founding fathers.
Yeah, I get crazy.
Well, Teddy Roosevelt wasn't a founding father, though, was he?
He was a little later.
A hundred years later.
That's right.
How did he get it?
Did they chisel that two seconds after he was done?
He built it.
It was the first Instagram.
He was president when they built it.
They defaced the Black Hills.
What's happening?
What's going on right now?
Did you ask him to name it, Ken?
I think he knows it, so I'm not going to challenge.
But negative twos, that's tough.
Yeah, right?
Negative two.
Negative two, that's tough, so I'll do that.
I still have no idea what it is, so I'm going to say, Ken, please name that movie.
Yeah, Ken, this is going to be a blow-away moment if you can do this.
I'll be very impressed.
I had to do it. I guess Sean could be bluffing, but I think Sean knows what it is.
All right, what do you think it is?
I think the movie is Jefferson in Paris.
Maybe. And what are the top two build people?
Top build is Nick Nolte.
Maybe.
Second build person is...
Who's next?
Fandy Newton.
Who?
Oh, Fandy Newton.
You know, the white lady got in ahead of her.
That always happens.
Greta Scotchie is ahead of her.
DC Pearson's on the board.
Wow.
I am Seattle's reckoning.
See, I knew we had to get right into the game
because this is going to be competitive.
I hope you guys don't have plans.
What will break first?
Your body or your spirit?
I got to know. Did you know it?
I gots to know.
You knew. And you knew Nick Nolte.
You knew it was Jefferson in Paris?
Wow, that's impressive.
It was impressive.
I was going to guess Beethoven.
Two.
Like maybe he had a friend at the dog park that was named Thomas Jefferson.
It's not just famous dogs.
That was a Merchant Ivory film, wasn't it?
Like one of the only ones they've done about American...
Beethoven?
No, uh...
Jefferson in Paris.
So we're gonna start with Sean for this next, uh...
Wait, what happened?
I challenged Ken.
I don't know what happens.
Yeah, yeah, so we start with Sean.
Oh, this is great.
And then we go to, uh, DC.
Sean gets to pick a category.
Oh.
Would you like... Inconceivable
Wallace Shawn
movies? No. Nope.
Movies that have infertile woman in
them. No.
You know, because it's the holidays.
Infertile
woman. Away
in a manger.
Could be women.
Could be infertile
women. I forgot
to ask you, Sean. How did the
theme song for Jefferson in Paris go?
Moving
on up. Thank heaven
for little
girls.
And the presidents who live across the sea. Anyway, that's enough. girls. And presidents
who live across the
sea. Anyway, that's enough.
That's a good
Maurice Chevalier.
That's a weird theme song.
I gotta check out that movie
out. I didn't know how anachronistic
it was. It's really crazy.
So we decided
Sean's starting this category, right?
I think so, and we're still waiting to hear what the other
categories are. Use your microphone, pal.
Use your microphone! Sorry.
I apologize.
Sean. Yes?
These are your category options.
I'm on Tenderhooks.
Ken, real quick. Is it Tenderhooks. Ken, real quick.
Is it Tenderhooks or Tinderhooks?
It's Tenterhooks.
T-E-N-T.
Tenter.
I don't have to be Jeopardy champ Ken Jennings to know that.
It's Tenterhooks.
I thought Ken would be the only person in the room who knows.
He knows it.
Tenderhooks is Dustin Hoffman's lingerie store.
Some people apparently are going to be too good for that alright
Rufio
Rufio
Doug people already
answered your call of Rufio by bringing you that drink
maybe that's why they roofied me They want this to end
I work at the Neptune
And I want to go home
If the host falls asleep
We're out of here
That's a nice voice for that man
It's in the theater rules
It's a beautiful voice
Alright Sean
Pick a category
I'm trying
Would you like
Golden Shower's
Pee Book
That's movies that begin
with pee Or Talk to the Hand P-Book. Okay. That's movies that begin with P.
Oh.
Or Talk to the Hand.
That's movies that have sign language in them.
Okay.
Or The Spectacular Now,
which is movies that are in theaters now
that also got better than 80% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gee, that would seem to be a tantalizingly...
Hmm.
If I gave you the impression that I wanted you to take your time,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I've just been following your lead on this one.
Is the infertile women one still in play, or did that become void?
It'll be back.
All right.
Because I have a feeling we're going to play a lot of rounds.
Movies start with B.
We've got a three-way tie at one point and we're playing to five.
Spectacular now.
And we have,
according to my
schedule, we have 20 minutes left.
Okay, let's
go spectacular now.
Okay.
But don't hurry on
my account. Hurry up.
This is in theaters now,
so Leonard writes a lengthy review
and does not give it stars one way or the other.
He doesn't commit.
So I'll give you some clues from this review
that hopefully won't give too much away.
He says it has all the elements of a crowd pleaser
about this movie that's in
theaters now. And he also
says, usually the last line's a good
one to jump to.
He says that this movie proves
that there's
still a lot of mileage
in this brand
of storytelling.
Yeah, that's a
worthless clue.
That could be
any movie.
Yeah, that kind of storytelling
is still working.
He lists
seven names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
Sean, Colin?
Sean?
Okay, I, I mean...
Those clues are so good...
They couldn't... They're so specific.
That I'm going to say four.
Start with four. I know, but...
It's a movie.
In theaters now. And it's a movie in theaters now.
And it's pretty good.
Those are your clues.
Where's it going from there?
You challenged last time, DC?
Who was the last challenger?
Yeah, you said it was going to be before.
And I am going to say
I'm going to say zero names.
Whoa!
He thinks he knows what that is
based on the clues, Ken.
There haven't been any clues.
I'm going to challenge the hell out of that.
I don't think he knows it.
All right.
Yeah, let's see what he comes up with.
He might name another...
The hell has been challenged out of me.
He might name another Indiana Jones movie
or something.
So, things are
going well in the kingdom of the crystal skull.
I am gonna say...
What do you think it is, DC? I'm gonna say Frozen.
That's correct!
Holy shit!
Nice.
Nice one.
That was brilliant.
From way downtown.
It could have literally been anything.
He chose a name, and he was right.
Not anything.
In theaters now, critically acclaimed.
Those are good clues.
It was that or Medea's Family Christmas.
Yeah.
Because you know what pleases a crowd?
Larry the Cable Guy. Medea's Family Christmas. Because you know what pleases a crowd? Larry the Cable Guy.
Medea.
They're screaming in the audience.
I don't know what they're talking about out there.
But I'm just excited that
they're excited. I'm a crowd and I was not
pleased by Frozen.
Alright, DC has two.
He's taking the lead.
Ken has one. Ken has one.
Sean has one.
Only seven more hours.
It's a musical, Frozen,
but I'm sure that you have kids and whatnot.
I'm sure you know how the theme song for Frozen goes.
Hey, everybody, if it's hard and wet,
it's Frozen.
That's exactly how it goes.
Shortlisted for Best Song, Academy Award.
It's Bruce Springsteen.
It's a little bit of a departure for him.
Yeah, it is. If it's hard and wet and it's frozen again tonight
I've got a frozen thing in my hand again and white and it's frozen again tonight.
I've got a frozen thing in my hand again
and it's gonna be alright.
We're gonna build a snowman
on the highway tonight.
We're gonna run it over
in the middle of a fight.
You know who's pretty funny is
Josh Gad.
That was so weird.
Courtney Thorne-Smith just ran up on stage and danced.
Courtney Thorne-Smith.
What the fuck?
Courtney Cox.
Arquette.
No Arquette.
No Arquette.
Was she the hyphenated name in Jefferson and Paris?
Courtney Cox Arquette?
No.
Will you marry me? Just dial down the center of my heart.
Who challenged DC that last time?
Ken did.
All right, so we'll start with you, Sean, and then we'll go to Ken.
Brother.
The Maddie Three suggested ass backwards.
And that's movies where the story is told out of order.
Or Forest Chump,
that's movies where someone is killed in the woods.
Or Rock Bottom,
and that's movies starring Dwayne Johnson
that Leonard Maltin gave less than two stars.
I'll take that category, please.
You like that one?
I do.
You like Rock Bottom?
Yeah.
Okay, 2005 is the year Leonard calls this
a bomb.
He also says
that it's a British-Czech-
German-U.S.
co-production.
That's a terrible clue.
He also says there's an alternate
113 minutes
unrated director's cut.
The theatrical version was 100 minutes,
so the 13 minutes got back in there.
And he also says about this movie
that it is unimaginative.
And he lists
11 names.
How many names can you get it in?
I'm going to go negative one.
Whoa!
Whoa.
Whoa.
Where's it going from there?
I don't know
Who challenged last?
Ken challenged me last
Yeah, so it goes to Ken
I'm gonna have to challenge again
I challenge you, I have no idea
He has no idea what it is, Sean
Is it?
You're gonna name the movie and the top billed performer
Well, I think the top billedilled performer is The Rock, Dwayne Johnson.
What's the movie called?
The Scorpion King.
Ooh.
No, the movie's called Doom.
Ooh.
And billed above The Rock, Carl Urban.
Whoa. All Urban. Whoa.
Oh, right.
Okay.
Yeah, so Ken gets the point.
Jeez.
I'm in last place now.
I'm sad for myself
and for all of you.
I like how confident you were.
Well, I thought it was a shitty movie.
He's a king who's part scorpion.
That sounds awesome.
That sounds like an awesome movie.
Yeah, that wasn't unimaginative.
And then when they're going across the river,
he stings the frog king to death, right?
Yep. The frog prince.
And the monkey. It's a Disney movie.
Oh, there's a lot of life in that kind of storytelling.
There's still a huge appetite for it.
Appetite for scorpions killing frogs.
The audience are clamoring for it.
Just like this audience.
When's the next scorpion killing a frog movie coming out?
You knew what I was when you bought a ticket for me.
Sing us the theme from Doom, Sean.
There's nothing left for us.
We're trapped in a maze and we're shooting demons.
It's such a sweet movie.
Why did we ever come into this room?
I guess we'll meet our doom.
It's a tender love theme from Duke.
Love theme from Duke.
All right, Ken has two points.
DC has two points.
And Shaw, he got the one point.
I have nothing to show for myself.
It's just my sadness.
Who challenged you on that one?
He did.
Ken challenged you?
Yeah.
And you failed?
I failed miserably.
All right, we'll start with DC and then go to Ken.
DC.
Yep.
Would you like, as suggested by at I did this for Doug LM,
suggested Bay of Pigs,
and that's movies that have cops in San Francisco.
Wonderful.
Or, we shot a zoo.
Not we bought a zoo.
We shot a zoo, and that's movies that have hunting in them.
Or, racing Arizona, and that's movies that have a race in the desert.
Eh.
Eh.
Yeah, that's Seattle's reaction to the idea of a desert.
Eh.
You mean it's not drizzling always?
Can't happen around here.
But where do they put their Patagonia?
I don't get it.
I am...
I'm going to have to go...
What was the second one? Sorry, Doug. I always forget the middle one.
I don't know.
We shot a zoo.
Oh, okay.
I'm going to go with... I'm from Arizona, so okay I'm gonna go with
I'm from Arizona
So I'm gonna go with
Racing Arizona
Oh fun
Clever
2004 is the year
Of a movie that has
Some sort of race
In the desert
Three and a half stars
From Leonard Maltin
He says the lead actor in this movie is perfect as a disen...
What?
Oh, disenchanted.
I thought it said disenfranchised.
Disenchanted real-life cowboy.
The lead actor plays a disenchanted real-life cowboy.
And Malcolm McDowell
appears in this movie Unbuild
yeah that's a
terrible clue
and Leonard lists
12 names
I gotta go
wow
we're racing in the desert there's a disenfranchised real life cowboy I gotta go, uh, wow. Um, we're racing in the desert,
there's a disenfranchised real-life cowboy.
I gotta go ten names.
That's a smart bid, Ken.
Uh, I'll go down to...
Eight?
I'm going negative one.
What?
Come on.
Sean, please name that movie.
It is Hidalgo starring Viggo Mortensen.
That is correct.
We got a three-way tie,
and we're going to be here for a while.
Neptune Theater employees,
take off. It's cool.
We'll turn off the lights when we leave,
if we remember.
Omar Sharif is in that movie.
That was an amazing poll.
Yeah, he's second build
He was also in the Olympics
Playing bridge for Egypt in 1952
Something weird like that
Twelfth build in this movie
See Thomas Howell
Really? Remember him?
Oh yeah
He's the third worst
It's actually a really good movie
It's about he's a cowboy who works at a circus.
Yeah, Leonard gives it three and a half stars.
And he goes over to Africa to do this kind of death race
against Arabian horses,
and he's just got a Palomino kind of pony.
I think I saw it, and I didn't dig it.
It seems a little high.
Yeah, it seems a little much.
I thought it was good.
How did the theme song go?
Watch out, here comes a tiny pony
running through the sand.
What's that in his hand?
It doesn't have hands, it's a horse.
It's one of the crazier theme songs,
but super catchy.
It's one of the crazier theme songs, but super catchy.
Who challenged Sean to name that?
You did?
I did.
Ken?
What?
No?
Ken did.
No, he did.
I did.
Who challenged him?
You went down to eight.
Oh, I said eight.
He said eight, and then I challenged her. Okay, okay.
So we'll start with you then, Ken.
And we'll go to DC.
Would you like Gladiate Her?
Oh my God.
Which is, of course, films that have a cannibal in them.
Or We Are Farmers.
That's movies that have sheep sheep sheep sheep in them my microphone fell right on the punchline
of that bit but how amazing is that that they always jump in with the rest of that
it's pretty great when i say we are farmers
yeah always Yeah, always.
Or the thin red line,
and that's movies where the title is misspelled.
Movies where the title is misspelled?
Yeah, it happens a lot.
I like that very much.
I'm going to do the thin red line. All right.
Would you like a movie where the title is misspelled from 1989 or 1991?
I got no preference, Doug.
Well, you still get to pick in spite of the fact you have no preference.
89.
Did you ever say to Alex, these categories, I have no preference?
These all seem really good.
They seem like excellent categories.
You pick one, Alex.
What's good tonight?
Which one?
89.
Okay.
He went with 89.
Leonard calls this movie a bomb.
He says in this movie movie a couple is shocked.
He also says about this movie
that it is a box office hit.
But it also has...
This movie's contempt for its audience
was sensed even by undiscriminating moviegoers.
Yeah, Leonard has a real bone to pick with this one.
Wow.
And he named seven names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
Wow.
Ken Jennings.
Box office hit.
Yeah, from 89. That gives me hope. Box office hit yeah from 89
that gives me hope
how about
misspelled
how about
five names
out of seven
smart bid
DC
yep it's me
DC yep I'm here what me. DC? Yep, I'm here.
What's up, DC?
Chilling.
Take it easy, DC.
I am going to... No, I'm not.
Yeah, I am.
I'm going to say, Ken, name it.
Name that movie.
Whoa.
He gets five out of seven names?
Yep.
Bold bid, DC.
We'll see what he does with it.
Miko Hughes.
Blaze Berberdahl.
All your favorites.
Michael Lombard.
Brad Greenquist,
and Denise Crosby.
Which is what
my name stands for. I don't know if the last two names
would help
that much, but
what do you think it is, Ken?
Denise Crosby.
Yeah.
Denise Crosby.
Yeah. It's yeah Denise Crosby yeah it's
is that Bing's daughter
pa rum pa pum pum
is that him hitting her
boo
it's fact
was he abusive to the kids or just to the wife?
I honestly realized after I said it that I don't know.
It just seems like all those dudes from that era,
you're like, oh, did you know they would hit their kids and wife?
So it seemed like a safe joke to make.
Just totally disparaging.
I hit everybody.
I hit everybody I knew.
Golf clubs are long.
They could, you know, it could be some collateral damage.
She was on Star Trek.
She was related to, you know,
Derping Goal, right?
I guess.
I don't know.
Misspelled movie.
It's probably some horror thing.
I have no idea.
Critters.
Oh.
Horror thing was a great guess
because it's Pet Sematary.
Oh, that's a good movie.
That makes sense.
Who challenged him?
DC!
DC has three!
You know, I'm rooting for DC
because he lives in LA and it'll be easier
to get him into the next level of the tournament.
This is fixed.
I can quit anytime.
It's not fixed in any way.
I'd be happy for anybody to win
because you guys are great guests
and great at this game.
Who challenged who there?
That was just like the idea of Ken being on Jeopardy and losing
one being like, this is fixed.
Did you just shout quiz show
and back away from the podium?
Quiz show! It's like you're Attica.
Sean goes first.
Oh.
And then we go to
DC because he was the last challenger.
Nice work, DC.
Thanks, Sean.
At bottom of queue,
suggest France says ha.
Not Francis ha.
France says ha.
And that would be the films of Jerry Lewis.
That is wonderful.
France loves Jerry Lewis. It is wonderful. France loves Jerry Lewis.
It says ha to him.
Your next option is
Life Takes Visa.
And that's movies where someone
gets deported.
And your third option is
Walter Whitey's.
And that's movies where you see a
drug dealer in their underwear.
All of these aren't
great for me.
The first one was what?
First one again?
Frances Ha.
And then the second one was
Frances Ho.
Let's go Jerry Lewis.
Who cares?
For reals?
Yeah, why not?
I'm so excited this category is being chosen.
Pretty lady!
What was the answer of the last movie?
Pet Sematary.
We forgot to get the theme song from that.
Uh-oh, the dog is dead.
Let's stick it in a hole
and hope it comes back.
It's a merry old Christmas day.
That is my favorite Ramones song.
Yeah.
You couldn't have launched it
Do I Want to Be Buried in a Pet Cemetery?
I want to be buried It's too late. Too late. in a pet cemetery. I want to be buried.
It's too late.
Too late.
In a pet cemetery.
Three stars for this Jerry Lewis movie
from 1964.
Yeah.
Leonard says this movie has
first-rate slapstick,
which is interesting that he still gives it
a mere three stars.
So he doesn't have total respect
for the slapstick.
And he also says that the title tune
is sung by Sammy Davis Jr.
That's pretty
hip for a Jerry Lewis movie.
And they,
Leonard lists
nine names.
How many names do you think
you can get it in?
Let's go
six. Six names.
And it goes to me.
Will you do the last to challenge?
Yeah.
I'm going to say five names.
Doug?
I think I know what Ken's going to do.
I'm going to challenge.
Great.
Just say, name that movie, D.C. Pearson.
Name that movie, D.C. Pearson. Name that movie, D.C. Pearson.
Okay.
I will.
How many names do you get?
Five?
Yeah.
Why did you...
Why?
Why didn't you just make Sean name it?
Because he loves Jerry Lewis.
Yeah.
You think you might have a shot at this, DC?
Well, does it matter?
I have to do it no matter what, right?
All right, here's your five names.
Milton Frome.
Oh, my favorite.
Barbara Nichols.
Kathleen Freeman, who of course played the nun in the aforementioned Blues Brothers.
Morgan Freeman's wife.
Alice. No, no.
That's not true.
Alice Pierce
and Jack E. Leonard
from this Jerry Lewis movie
from 1964
called
First Rate Slapstick. I really don't know.
So I'm going to guess...
Yeah, guess one.
What's in that?
I hardly know any Jerry Lewis movies.
I'm going to guess The Bellboy?
It's not that.
That is a Jerry Lewis movie.
Yeah, I know.
That's the only one I can think of.
That would have been exciting if that was the correct answer.
I know, wouldn't it have?
You did some interesting bidding for a person
who knows no Jerry Lewis movies.
Like, Sean, do you think you know what it is?
Probably not.
Didn't he just say six?
What would you guess?
What else was I going to bid?
You were going to make him name it.
Oh, yeah, that's a good point.
Except that what the audience doesn't know
is he literally talked about Jerry Lewis
the entire cab ride over here.
So it was a pretty...
He did set you up as a Jerry Lewis aficionado.
He gaslighted me.
He knows nothing about Jerry Lewis.
He's like the Kaiser Soze
of not knowing shit about Jerry Lewis.
Fuck me.
I'm a Jerry Lewis enigma
wrapped in a Jerry Lewis mystery.
There were a lot of Jerry Lewis titles
written on the walls of the inside of the cab.
The name of this particular...
So your guess was a bellboy,
and the actual answer is
the Disorderly Orderly.
So he still works in some kind of a building. guess was a bellboy, and the actual answer is the disorderly orderly.
So, he still works in some kind of a building.
You're just
trying to grab on to any kind of credit
you can get. It's a building
with beds. Yeah. Ken, you can
do that on Jeopardy, right? You can be like, but in fairness,
I said words.
My answer also had
a vowel in it. I never
expected this.
Sean and DC are in a two-way tie for the lead against Ken Jennings.
No.
I called.
I called.
He got the point.
I take it back.
So it's 4-2, isn't it?
What is it?
No, it's Ken has three, DC has three and sean has two oh this sucks
three three more hours here we go here we go but i'm sure i i i can't even imagine since you talked
about him in the car on the way over so much that you must know the theme song from The Disorderly Orderly. Have you got a problem with some blood on your face?
I can wipe it off with a towel.
Have you got a perforated bowel?
I'm a disorderly orderly,
and I'll meet you behind that screen.
Thank you.
That's the theme song.
I don't know how you know the theme songs from everything.
It's amazing.
I don't know the movies themselves.
But the theme songs.
You're only one point behind, dude.
I know.
You could bring it together.
I could put it in a bag and carry it home.
All right. So Ken got the point. And who challenged who? You could bring it together. I could put it in a bag and carry it home.
All right, so Ken got the point.
And who challenged who?
Ken challenged DC.
All right, so we'll start with Sean and go to Ken.
Oh.
Sean?
Yeah?
Too old for this shit?
Oh. That's movies where someone dies in or near a bathroom?
Oh, Elvis.
I don't think they made a movie about that.
Not yet.
And then we're coming back
into the top of the order here.
Radio Flyer,
movies where Cuba Gooding flies,
or Read It and Weep, foreign tearjerkers.
So would you like Too Old for This Shit,
Dies In or Near a Bathroom,
Cuba Gooding flies,
or foreign tearjerkers? Cuba Gooding flies.
Yeah.
I mean, no, literally?
Of his own power.
This is fun because recently somebody on Twitter wrote to me
and they said they got an opportunity to interview Cuba Gooding Jr.
on a red carpet.
And they said that they said,
Hey, Doug Lo's movie says this category
Cuba Gooding flies
what do you think it is?
And he got the name of the movie
correct.
Of course it was Cuba Gooding Jr.
So why wouldn't
he know
the name of the movie where he flies?
Two stars
from Leonard.
The year is 2012. He calls
this movie a tribute.
And he also says
that young viewers
may be able to take this
yarn at face value
and enjoy it.
So he's saying
older people that are not stupid
will probably... I mean, he gave it two stars, so he's saying older people that are not stupid will probably, I mean he gave it two stars
so he's not that into it
and he lists
16 names
okay I'll go
one name
all he wants is one name.
I got to get back in the game.
Who's next?
Who was the last challenger?
I believe he said it went to Ken.
Who was the last challenger?
Ken challenged me.
Ken, yeah, yeah.
So he says one, Ken.
I'm up.
He only needs one name.
I'll go zero.
Doug, I gotta go negative one.
Woo!
What are you gonna do with that, Sean?
I'm gonna say, name it.
I believe the movie is called Red Tails.
And I have to, because I can't think of anybody who would be more top billed,
but this probably is wrong, Cuba Gooding Jr.
It is wrong.
That's what I was counting on!
The top billed performer in Red Tails is named Nate Parker.
Yeah, Cuba Gooding Jr. is fifth billed, or sixth billed. performer in Red Tails is named Nate Parker.
Yeah, Cuba Gooding Jr.
is fifth build or sixth build in that cast.
He's an elder statesman in that cast.
It's like and Cuba Gooding Jr.
I don't know how that works, but
I do know that Sean has made it
a three-way tie.
How could I not think
of Nate Parker, the most famous dude?
Everyone has three points.
Come on!
I love movies about history that never happened.
That's what movies I like the best.
Well, how did the theme song for Red Tails go?
Red Tails, look out below
We're gonna drop some bombs
On you people you know
It's time to fly
We're all African American pilots
Let's go!
Thank you.
I'm here all week.
Can I get another vodka and soda
from whoever wants to wander up on stage with one?
That would be great. What happened? vodka and soda from whoever wants to wander up on stage with one.
Ken got the point.
That would be great.
What happened?
Ken got the point.
What do you mean Ken got the point?
I got the point. I challenged him.
Hey, man.
I like that they A, yelled out, and then B,
were willing to be wrong.
You were like, no, I got the point. He was like, you got the point?
Alright.
My bad. In that case, I'll the point. He was like, you got the point. All right. My bad.
In that case, I'll stop screaming.
If you say so.
I worked hard for that point.
You really did.
Because I knew Quick Cuban Gooding wouldn't be the top billed guy.
Yeah. And I couldn't imagine who else would have been in the movie.
Who could it be?
Yeah, who could it be but Nate Parker?
Nate. Nate the Rock Parker. Who else could you been in the movie? Who could it be? Who could it be but Nate Parker? Nate the Rock Parker.
Who else could you see in that part?
He's done so much since.
He did Red Tails 2.
Went straight to video.
The Legend of Cuba's Gold.
Lookout, Cuba's flying.
It's Nate Parker, Old Fashioned Planes.
What do you need, a road map?
It's for four people. Twoed Planes. What do you need, a road map? It's for
four people. Two of them are the
Coen brothers.
Who challenged you on that one?
Sean got the challenge from Ken.
DC challenge
by Sean. From DC? Yeah, I challenged.
Alright, Ken goes first. Or wait.
Whatever.
Ken goes first, then we go to
DC. And like I said
it's recycled titles
categories
would you like Save Ferris where a Ferris wheel is destroyed
the Burt Kreischer category
where a man screams like a little girl
or
you know these are the exact same categories I had last time
or I know what you did last I'll do that that's good the dead guy alright Or... You know, these are the exact same categories I had last time I had...
Or I know what you did last.
I'll do that. That's good. The dead guy.
All right.
Dead guy or gal.
And would you like...
I know what you did last.
What the fuck?
I gotta double check this here
because I'm... Every answer doesn't seem like
somebody died
oh that guy died yeah
let me double check this one
oh yeah he's dead
let me just check this one really quick
oh yeah the crow
oh yeah he's gone
okay
would you like a movie featuring someone
who died after filming
from 1995,
1991,
or 1991?
Got two in there from 91.
How'd that drink get there?
That was magical.
Stealthy mermaid. It's Christmas. What do you like, 95 or 91?
91. Okay. This movie from 1991 has an actor who, that Oh, it turns from a gripping, realistic story
into an overblown,
unbelievable horror film.
That's a
very specific clue.
And he also says about
this movie that it has exceptionally
good performances.
And he lists says about this movie that it has exceptionally good performances. And he lists ten names.
How many names can you get it in, Ken Jennings?
Ten.
Smart.
I'm a pretty smart guy, Doug.
That's good branding right there.
Ken Jennings, pretty smart guy.
That's what my airbrushed baseball cap says.
I am going to say zero names, Doug.
Come on.
Also pretty smart.
Sean?
I'll say name it, old pal.
I'm gonna guess that the movie is Cape Fear.
That's correct!
Nice one!
Great.
Wow.
How the fuck did you come up with Cape Fear from that?
91.
Because it turns into a...
I don't agree that it turns into an overblown horror movie,
but I just...
I don't know whose last movie it was.
Can you say it?
Mitchum.
Mitchum.
Yeah, I could say it.
Mitchum.
Robert Mitchum?
Or Gregory Peck?
It was Robert Mitchum's last movie.
Yeah.
Or Nick Nolte's.
No, it was actually Gregory Peck's last film, I think.
He's an old gringo.
Oh, yeah, maybe he was an old gringo.
So, Robert Mitchum.
Everyone in that movie is dead except for De Niro.
He's been killing them off one by one.
And with every killing, he cares about acting a little bit less.
Jessica Lange and Julia Lewis are alive.
Julia Lewis' career?
Right now they're alive.
But they weren't
during the filming.
Earlier today
they were alive.
Yeah, as far as you know.
They were in stasis.
Check Twitter.
They were in a stasis chamber.
Stasis chamber?
Suspended animation
for that film.
I imagine this is what
it's like hanging out
with George R.R. Martin.
It's just very whimsical.
There's a lot of singing.
Yes.
The other movies,
I'm going to just reveal what the other movies were
in that category because I want
to kill the category anyway.
It's been around forever and nobody ever picks it.
The 1995 movie was
White Man's Burden.
With Joss
It was
Harry Belafonte?
It was Harry Belafonte.
Joss Whedon? Isn't Harry Belafonte still alive?
Oh, he is? He is, yes.
Is he really?
Yeah.
Can somebody open their Is Harry Belafonte Alive app?
They just had their IPO
that Is Belafonte Alive app.
It's called Did He Die-O.
Doe!
Doe!
How many day-os does he have left?
And then 1991 was,
the year 1991 was
American Tale Fievel Goes West
that featured the voice of James Stewart.
Oh.
That's the one I wanted.
Sure, I'll take that job.
I feel like I got lots of movies left in me.
People love that guy.
I won't be the last one in the filmography.
Merry Christmas, Grim Reaper.
I'm playing a
mouse in it.
I'm playing a
bear. Is he telling that to a hooker?
I play a
mouse. Yeah, I'm paying you on my per diem.
I'm playing a mouse.
It's a good
role. I don't have your money. It's on the dresser.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I left my pants at home.
I don't have any money.
Who challenged DC on that one?
I did. Sean did?
So we'll start with Ken and then go to Sean.
Okay.
Ken, would you like Quill Bill, the
Shakespeare movies?
Golden Shower's P-Book, which is movies that begin with the letter P?
Or Talk to the Hand, movies that have sign language in them?
Oh, wow.
Actually, I like some of those.
Let's do Shakespeare.
High Brow Crowd, look at that. Seattle. Let's do Shakespeare. Highbrow crowd. Look at that. Seattle.
Let's do Shakespeare.
Hold your bodkins up.
Bodkin joke.
Bodkin is a great word.
That's strictly for my Jeopardy champions.
Is this a bear bodkin
I see before me?
Three and a half stars from Leonard. Is this a bear bodkin I see before me? See?
Three and a half stars from Leonard.
Oh.
1960s. Shakespeare gets three and a half stars.
What an asshole Leonard Baldwin is.
The writing was a little weak.
It's kind of dated.
I don't know.
He's no Milton.
Heard it before.
It's a series of famous quotes
strung together.
1968 is the year.
It's like, to be or not to be, just ask Siri, you know?
19 what?
1968.
Oh. He says about this movie
that it had Oscar winning
costumes
and that it had a hauntingly beautiful musical score.
And he lists...
What?
Oh, okay.
There's some weirdness, but I'll share it with you later.
He lists eight names.
Eight names.
How many names can you get it in?
I'm going to go...
negative two.
Two.
Does it go to me?
Who challenged last?
Sean challenged me.
Yeah, so it goes to Sean.
Sweet.
Okay, name it.
Name it.
You said negative two?
Negative two.
Jesus.
What are you, some sort of...
So that means you tell me two names, right?
Jeopardy Genius?
So it's...
You said negative two.
I did.
I just...
I got this.
So my theory is that it's Romeo and Juliet
the Zeffirelli one
maybe
you gotta say it all before I'll tell you whether you're right or not
Whiting Hussie
ooh I like that
like on Jeopardy you could just say the last names
but this isn't fucking Jeopardy
no I will totally take Whiting and Hussie cause that's amazing This is in fucking jeopardy.
No, I will totally take Whiting and Hussey because that's amazing.
Leonard and Olivia.
You are correct.
Golden Boy.
I think it's Leonard and Olivia.
Yeah, Leonard, Whiting, and Olivia. Yeah, Leonard Whiting and Olivia.
Let's see.
Damn, that is some good shit right there.
That's very exciting.
All right, Seattle, calm down.
We all know what happened the last time
you all got really excited about a blonde dude.
Macklemore?
That's a good joke.
Oh, Macklemore, yeah, you're right.
That was the last time.
Never mind.
You're right, it was Macklemore. Yeah, we know what happened. Macklemore? That's a good joke. Oh, Macklemore. Yeah, you're right. That was the last time. Never mind. You're right.
It was Macklemore.
Yeah, we know what happened.
Macklemore.
He wrote a lot of shitty hip-hop songs.
And because he's not black, he got very popular.
What was your joke about...
I'm just kidding.
What was your joke about the last time...
Thanks for taking the heat for me, Ken.
Taking the heat off my awful Cobain joke that A, no one got, and when they did,
they were just pissed about it.
They were so mad. As well they should be.
It wasn't worth it.
It wasn't worth it, by which I mean suicide.
Never worth it.
Suicide's
huge here, dude.
I like suicide. It's good weather for it. Don't knock here, dude. I like suicide.
It's good weather for it.
Don't knock it, yeah.
All right, well, DC has four, Ken has four,
and Sean has three.
I would be so excited for...
Sean, please make this a three-way tie.
Who challenged who on that one? I challenged who on that one?
I challenged him on that one.
I knew the movie. I just would never have guessed
who the movie was. Yeah, Leonard Whiting.
The immortal Mr. Whiting.
Olivia Hussey. I know Olivia.
Alright, so we'll start with
DC and then go to Sean.
DC, would you like
the spectacular Oh, we did that. Yeah. DC, would you like... The Spectacular...
Oh, we did that.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Ask Backwards, movies told out of order.
Forrest Chump, a movie where someone is killed out in the woods.
That's too funny.
Or Bay of Pigs, a movie with cops in San Francisco.
I am going to go with Ass Backwards.
Okay.
This movie was told out of order, and it was from 1994 or 2001?
I would go 1994.
Ooh.
Leonard calls this movie audacious.
Leonard calls this movie audacious he also says
that
he also says
that this movie is
voluble
so there's a lot of it
and he also says that it's...
Leonard likes to pretend that a movie is a bosom.
It's a voluble bosom of a movie.
And he also calls it pumped up.
Doug, I'm going to go negative one name.
DC, Leonard lists 12 names.
Well, in that case, negative one.
He says negative one.
Who challenged last round?
It was me.
Huh?
I did.
Okay, Sean.
So he says negative one?
Is that what you said?
Yep.
I'm going to say negative two.
I have to.
What do you do with that, Ken?
I feel pretty good about my Pulp Fiction knowledge.
Negative three.
I hope you fucking blow it Ken
I hope you blow it big time
Thanks for your support, Sean
You arrogant piece of shit
What?
What?
We found ourselves
in quite the potent potable, gentlemen.
That's right.
Try that for $50.
Ken, please name that movie.
I actually don't know.
Like, Malton Orton's going to be tough.
You don't know?
Well, I mean, I'm going to give it a shot.
All right.
You said I think...
Well, either way, the game is over.
Either he gets a point, or you do.
And I'm fucking out!
Who gives a shit?
You're going to sing a song from Pulp Fiction.
No, I'm not!
I'm fucking out.
He refuses to sing the Pulp Fiction song.
Out of protest.
If, in fact, Pulp Fiction is the name of the movie.
So, Ken, what is the name of the movie. So, Ken, what is the name of the movie
and the top three billed people in the correct order?
Don't try to help him, audience.
He should be out on his own on this.
I think I'm screwed.
People are excited.
It's, you know, it's crap shooty.
Here we go, Pulp Fiction.
Tarelta.
John.
John Travolta.
Chip Travolta.
Correct. You have control of the board.
Whatever.
I'm gonna go...
Oh, man.
I'm gonna go Travolta Jackson Thurman.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
I'm going to go Travolta Jackson Thurman.
That is correct! Seattle hasn't loved a man this much since Frazier Crane
the last blonde man they loved this much here was Frasier Crane.
Wow, you did it.
Amazing.
You did it, Ken Jennings.
That was an exciting, very exciting matchup.
Did I tell you, though?
These guys are smart.
Like, that was...
No, I was, for a second, for two or three minutes ago,
I was like, Ken Jennings might not win this.
And then just now I was like, oh, Ken Jennings won this.
Anybody could have won this game.
He fucking won it.
These guys were great.
And somebody put cupcakes on the front of the stage.
No, they're right here.
No, there's some there, and you've got some.
That's not a cupcake.
You don't want to look at this.
That's disgusting.
You remember what that is, yeah.
It's horrifying.
I want the vagina cake.
Doug is rebooting American Pie in his hotel room tonight.
I want to have the vagina cake.
Yeah, if it was shaped like a vagina,
that movie would have made more sense.
Oh my God, that's disgusting.
Like, look what's in... That doesn't taste right.
That was somebody's name tag and their name is Carrie.
That is the weirdest thing.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, no, it's actually just... It's just an elf ear.
That's from Don.
It's Mr. Spock with, like, an earache.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you, Don, for that.
It's part of Spock's head.
And do you guys have shitheads on the back of your thingies?
I told the Neptune Theater
that 10 o'clock was the latest we'd go
and that we're right on top of it
so this worked out okay.
Did the Sean Cullen's
person that he's playing for
write a shithead on the back?
Did you?
Where are you? Where are you?
Where are you, person?
Please come forward. We need a shithead
from you. Is that guy over there?
Is that him?
What a beautiful man.
He can walk and say.
You can write your shithead on the back of this.
Write your shithead.
Do you have anything to plug, DC?
Yes, I do, Doug.
I am on twitter.com slash DC Pearson.
I've written two books.
They're called Crab Kingdom and The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To.
Buy them for your loved ones for the holidays.
And I'm doing a show at UCB, a one-person show, in
early January, so come check it out if you live
in Los Angeles. Jeez.
That's pretty nice. There you go.
What do you got going on, Sean
Cullen? SeanPod?
I have the SeanPod. You can
go and listen to that on the iTunes.
And the SeanPod.
And you can
get my five novels
that I've written
any time you want.
They're available 24-7?
24-7.
Anywhere you like them.
Five of them. I'm not doing a one-person show
at the UCB
or any other fucking place.
I don't give a shit.
I think everybody on this stage has written a book.
Yeah? Yeah, that's exciting.
It's pretty good to have such a literate
group with a giant
vagina cake.
Yeah, this is like a New Yorker event
or something. That's right.
Authors, giant vagina cake.
Except for all the menstrual
blood. It's like the menstrual blood.
It's like the Algonquin room or something like that.
I've never seen a cake that makes the whole audience recoil in horror when you eat some of it.
Hey, look, at least the cake is not pregnant.
It's miscarried.
We can assume that the...
Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. Someone is
going home on Top Chef for that cake.
I'm sorry.
The cake boss. I mean, pack up
your knives and go.
And Ken,
what do you got going on?
Nothing.
Nothing.
This is it for him. Just kicking these guys'
asses.
I'm at Ken Jennings at Twitter.com.
My latest book's Because I Said So.
Oh, shit.
Here is Matt Myra,
who Ken Jennings will have to compete against
in the next level of the Tournament of Championships.
What do you have to say, Matt?
I just have to say, Ken,
it's all going to come down to Final Jeopardy with you and I.
I'm not very good at Jeopardy,
but I'm really much better at this game than you.
Watch out, motherfucker.
Shit's going down.
You're done, Myra.
I flew all the way from Los Angeles
to taunt you.
I was not performing at the showbox.
I flew
specifically here to taunt
whoever won, and I'm very happy
it's you, Ken. I will see you
at the Tournament of Champions. I'll see you there,
Myra. You're going down.
Do you need, like...
Matt, are you all right?
Do you need, like, cab fare or anything?
I'll just get it off Hardwick.
Oh, shit!
I want to thank anyone who's here tonight
who did not go to see Chris Hardwick,
who chose
this show over his
because he's a good friend of mine
and I want to take him down.
No, but thank you for Matt Myra
for showing up and
taunting Ken Jennings.
Thank you to DC Pearson,
Sean Cullin, Ken Jennings. Thank you to D.C. Pearsons, Sean Cullin, Ken
Jennings.
Real quick.
I gotta ask for it
even though you say you don't want to do it.
But please, Sean,
sing the theme song for Pulp Fiction.
Well,
at first there was some friction.
But then we had Pulp Fiction and everyone was
pulpy all day long.
There were people getting murdered and a girl overdosed, but they saved her with an adrenaline
needle through her chest.
Oh, Pulp Fiction, Pulp Fiction.
A lot of fun when everybody gets shot in the face
And the guy in the backseat who got shot right in the face
He used to be on bad TV
But now he's dead
Oh, that's so sad
Now he's dead
What are you gonna do?
I don't care
It's Pulp Fiction everywhere
Happy Christmas
A lot of people don't know that everywhere. Happy Christmas!
A lot of people don't know that, but the theme song for Pulp Fiction
ended with Happy Christmas.
It's a Christmas movie.
Thank you everybody for coming!
There isn't a traditional meet and greet tonight,
but I will be in the alley.
And as always,
sports is a shithead.
Yeah, I love that people that love movies
are against sports.
And whistle-free episodes
of Doug Loves Movies
are a shithead.
Play the end theme!
Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess
makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies!