Doug Loves Movies - Ken Jennings, Sean Jordan, Wilfred Padua and Geoff Tate guest
Episode Date: December 17, 2019Live from the Neptune Theatre in Seattle, Doug welcomes Ken Jennings, Sean Jordan, Wilfred Padua and Geoff Tate to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Pr...emium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Doug hates
Candy wrappers, screaming, sticky, sticky seats
With 50-addin' popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey.
I wasn't expecting that lighting effect.
Hey, hey, hey, or ho, ho, ho, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies My name is Doug and I love movies. Coming to you
once again. I love this place, the Neptune Theater in Seattle, Washington.
It's Monday, December 16th, 2019,
and I never have to worry about name tags when I come to this part of the world.
See what I mean?
Look at all these name tags.
And a guy with a DVD.
Oh, I love the way the lights came up to give me a look
and they're like, nope.
You talk to one guy
up front. That's enough of that.
That's enough of that part of the
show. We want to get home.
I saw shamed and confused on
the internet and I stole it and posted
it on my
Instagram.
What does this say, this
napkin up front?
See, I knew it was going to not make any
sense.
But thank you for trying
and good luck to you.
Is it me or do the lights just
keep changing?
They make me feel like my eyes are really fucked up.
Hey, what's that one with the Sour Patch kids on it?
Yeah, you with the Sour Patch.
Do you know what candies you've attached to your thing?
Right? What does that say?
Lonnie Darko?
Because your name is Lonnie?
Oh, okay. Could you tear those
Sour Patch Kids off of there and toss them up here? I'll give you a full credit for it.
No, just the Sour Patch Kids. It's a very specific thing I'm looking for.
And that was more on me than you, that throw. There's a guy shaking his candy over here at me like I just want Annie candy.
What are those?
All right.
Get them right in my hand.
Throw them right in my hand.
What do you mean it's open?
Keep your fucking open Reese's.
It's open.
I mean, I guess thank you for warning me.
No, it's cool.
Oh, well, okay.
Throw it up here anyway.
All right.
Now we can, let's bring the lights down.
Oh, I saw Ernest saves Christmas.
That's good.
Thank you to everyone for bringing so many name tags
and so many snacks.
One of my guests always puts the Sour Patch thing
in the prize bag,
and he forgot to bring some tonight.
So Lonnie, you helped us out in our hour of need. So I hope your name tag gets picked,
but we'll see. Doug plugs, this Saturday, December 21st, Doug Loves Movies is back at the American
Comedy Company in Sweet Home, San Diego. Monday night, December 23rd, I'm doing stand-up in that
same spot. Thursday, December 26th, this is my annual holiday taint show at the Improv in Irvine, California.
December 29th and 31st,
I'll be at Cap City in Austin, Texas.
And the first Douglas Movies taping of 2020
will be on Saturday, January 4th
at the Irvine,
the Improv in Brea.
So Irvine on the 26th, Brea on January 4th.
And that show's going to start at an odd time for me, 3.30.
Yeah, 3.30 p.m.
So at 4.20, I'm going to have to leave the stage for a few minutes.
We'll take a little break right there.
Maybe I can time it so that's when the name tag selection part happens
and I can go get high.
Also look for me
in January at SF
Sketch Fest in San Francisco.
For all my dates and deets, go to
DougLovesMovies.com
That's DougLovesMovies.com
Yeah!
Yeah!
Call it!
I mean, it's bringing tears to my eyes how beautifully performed that was.
This is a very talented area.
I brought some stuff for the prize bag, including a copy of my friend Doogie
Horner wrote a book called This Might Hurt
a Bit, and so I'm
giving away a copy of that, also trying
to help get the word out
there about it. A Doug Loves Movies
sticker and a Doug Loves Movies
t-shirt, and a
Doug Benson pin from Rockin'
Pins.
My mic just kept going down and down
like it was interested in what my penis has to say.
Get back up here.
Where the fuck am I?
Oh, the Neptune.
So they turn off all the beautiful stained windows, stained glass,
with all the Neptunes getting in and out of jacuzzis full of diarrhea.
I got to go to the K-Rock shows,
K-Rock Acoustic Christmas
at the Honda Center
down in Anaheim last weekend.
And they gave out these things
to everybody in the audience
that blink.
Wow, have you guys ever seen fireworks?
You should check them out sometime.
Where's the Reese's guy?
There he is.
Okay, I can see you.
Okay, I'm going to throw this to you,
and then I want you to throw it back to me,
just because I think it'll look cool.
We'll see if it works.
It's not heavy enough to... Oh, nice.
Nice lateral.
Don't throw it right back.
Give it a little drama, you weirdo.
Was it hot to the touch?
Just hurled it right back like it was a speed round.
You threw it better than I did.
That's for damn sure.
So somebody's going to win that thing.
They can annoy their friends and family with that.
Oh, and it's all in a bag that I got.
A nice little tote from the LA Film
Independent. They're the ones that do the Spirit Awards for independent films every year. All that
stuff is in the prize bag, plus stuff. Oh, this is interesting. I've never done a show where
they lit me up specifically and left all the area where my guests are going to sit in the dark.
I mean, I'm sure there's going to be a lighting change when I bring them out here,
but I've never seen that before.
This theater, they go above and beyond.
They make everything the podcast listeners want.
They're sitting at home listening going, why aren't there lighting changes?
Or are
there lighting changes? I can't even
be sure. I wish the host would talk about
it a lot.
We got four
great players coming onto the stage tonight.
Please give it up for
Ken Jennings, Wilford Padua,
Sean Jordan, and Jeff Tate!
Thank you!
That was a good one.
I don't know what all that bullshit was.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
You're saying Jennings, right?
Let's meet them individually, shall we?
Starting with the gentleman not next to me, but next to him.
In alphabetical order, it's Ken Jennings!
Hey, Doug.
Hi, Ken.
How's it going?
It's going great.
I just want to say an apology to you off the bat
because since the last time you did this show
with Jeff Tate over there,
there's this thing that's happened now
where people chant his name.
And it's not to try to make you feel bad
or to try to bring you down
or any of the gentlemen on the stage.
It's just they just love Jeff Tate so much.
I just wanted to do it too.
I didn't know about the local custom
and I feel bad because I would have been...
Well, you could join in and chant Tate as well.
Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate.
That's enough.
They're always happy to do it.
They'll just, they'll do it.
It takes the littlest provocation.
I came, I sat in the theater for an hour.
I said Tate like 2,000 times.
And then I went home.
Yeah.
Five stars.
Yup.
But thank you for being here, Ken
I know you're very busy schedule
How many books now?
I've written 12 books
I'm very late with the 13th book
Get that 13th book out already
What are readers supposed to do?
They check back every day
They go to the bookstore every day
And they're like, is Ken's book here?
And they're like, we told you yesterday, we don't know
There's not even a title yet, right?
A Thousand Places to Die Before You See
It's a book about the afterlife
Travel guide to the afterlife
To heart
It's a little twist
Holy shit
I'm scared It's a little twist. Holy shit.
I'm scared.
I'm not going to kill every reader of the book or anything.
Yeah, it sounds like one of those ring deals.
You get to enjoy the book for seven days.
After that, no guarantees.
So we're talking next year, maybe?
Yeah, that's when I'll finish it.
I don't know when it's going to... They were like, if you don't finish it before summer 2019,
it won't come out before 2021.
Because we think there's a year of no-go zone due to the election.
Like, publishing is just scared shitless of the election.
They think nothing will be able to compete with that for like a year in the media.
And that's probably true. They're not going to publish any books.
How about some books about the election,
you dummies?
If they don't publish any books, he'll definitely get
re-elected.
I got rid of all
the books.
You don't need to be annoyed by books
anymore.
They don't want to distract all the Trump fans
who are going to the bookstore
to use the restroom.
I know you got one.
Where is it?
This library got a shitter.
Fine, I'll take a copy of Zeitgeist.
Let's keep it moving.
Y'all got the new Wired?
Hey, let's say hello to a first-time guest on the show.
It's Wilford Padua, everybody.
Hey, what's up, you guys?
How's it going, Doug?
How you doing?
I'm fine.
I'm fine, too.
I feel like you're all a family, and I'm like the first visit girlfriend, you know?
Yeah.
I feel like so far everybody likes you.
I feel like it's going good.
Yeah, but at any moment I could say something racist.
I don't know if that's how you lose this crowd, but we'll see.
But you, of course, you're very familiar with performing here.
We just did a weekend at the Underground.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But now you're East Coast.
Yeah, I started doing stand-up in Seattle,
and now I live in New York.
Crowd doesn't know how to react.
We're happy for you, but...
No, they feel below me, for sure.
I think they're mostly happy about it,
because, you know, anytime somebody leaves is good news.
It's good for traffic.
Is that true?
That's just the vibe I get around here. I think I've
always got fit in in Seattle because
I'm very clear that I'm leaving.
I constantly refer to how I'm going to
go back to stupid Los Angeles
and how shitty it is down there
and everybody's like, yeah, it is shitty down there. Have fun.
Then I get down there and I'm all
warm. So anyway.
Thanks for being here, Wilfred. Thanks for having me.
I appreciate it. Yeah.
And for being here, Wilfred. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. Yeah, and the man
who has always brought Sour Patch
to every
appearance on the show was
beside himself because he forgot
to bring some tonight. I'm still mad
because they're there doesn't mean I didn't forget to bring
them. So, yeah, I'm still a little upset about it.
But Lonnie Darko stepped up.
So you're not obligated to pick your name tag when the time comes?
I sure am.
I feel like that's what's going to happen.
I sure am.
You made it a whole lot easier because normally I feel like such a prick doing that.
But now, thank you for the Sour Patch Kids.
LD?
LD?
How weird would it be if that was her genuine last name?
It's pretty weird.
It's not.
I'm pretty sure.
Sean, how's it going?
You're hanging out up here in Seattle?
Yeah.
I am.
I'm actually here.
You just rolled through just to hang out, though?
You don't have like a gig or anything?
No.
Well, this, I asked if I could do this
because my buddy Spliff Nugs, who
fitting perfect for the show. Yeah, he has a friend named Spliff
Nugs.
His name's Sean Smith. He's right out there.
It's his 38th birthday today.
So...
I've known him since
I've known him since I'm five years
old. So 33 years we've known each other
and he's like my brother and then I just started crying
I'm just happy that
So when did he get the nickname?
When he started smoking all that weed
He started
Smith and Spliff, you get it, they kind of sound alike
and then he started smoking weed so it was pretty much a no brainer
and then the nugs just sounded fun
Spliff Nugs, so there it is
Not the best story in the world
I get it.
But, you know, as a crow flies, that's how he got the fucking nickname.
You say it's Spliff Nuts?
Spliff Nugs.
Spliff Nuts.
Yeah.
Nugs.
Like Nugs.
Like weed Nugs.
Nugs.
Like how a middle schooler says they're going to get some weed.
I'm going to get some Spliff Nugs.
Is that what middle schoolers...
I don't know.
How do you know what middle schoolers say when they're asking you for weed?
I'm definitely not a drug dealer, so don't start there.
I don't deal weed to middle schoolers.
That's neither here nor there.
I'd stop talking about it right now.
I wouldn't even worry about it.
Definitely not an issue.
Yeah, we got a South Dakota crew up here,
and a bunch of people flew in from different places,
and we went to the skate park today.
I didn't skate, but I was there holding
a skateboard.
I look like a cop. Like I had this shirt on
but it was buttoned up and I'm holding the
skateboard like, cool wheelie, bud. Yeah.
I'd do that
if I wasn't looking out for spliff nugs
being dealt.
Yeah.
This is a good time to move on.
Yeah.
Movies.
We'll hear more from you later, I'm sure.
No.
I'm done, man.
All right.
Here we go.
It's time to chat.
Jeff Tate is here.
Jeff Tate.
I mean, that's pretty good, you guys.
It's been falling off at some places, but Seattle fucking brought it.
So is worth the massive delay you suffered today because of a misconnection on your flights?
Oh, yeah.
I had quite a day, thanks to Delta.
Oh yeah, I had quite a day Thanks to Delta
But then you text
Somebody's like, dig in dude, get him
Right, but I texted
Doug goes
Why don't you just leave the airport and go to a dispensary
And I was like, oh that's a fucking good idea
And so I did that
This afternoon
Yeah, because you were stuck at LAX
Yeah, I got stuck at LAX.
Yeah, that's the part I left out.
I made it to LAX, and then there was, like, we were there,
and I could see my gate.
Like, oh, there's 23, and then I saw the plane.
Then that plane started backing up, and I was like, oh, I'm still here.
I'm supposed to be on that plane.
Will you guys stop that plane and just let me?
It's just right there.
They won't let you do that.
They won't even entertain the notion.
It's illegal to suggest it.
So anyway, I got a bagel.
You made it.
That's the important thing.
I did make it. See? I'm a bagel. You made it. That's the important thing. I did make it.
See?
I'm here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you've gone up against Ken Jennings in the games on the show before.
I have.
Once, right?
Once.
I lost.
It's been eating at me ever since.
Look at me.
I'm all ate up inside.
You got like a dart board at home with my picture on it.
That's why he was late.
He was throwing darts at the dart board all day.
Right?
I tried to bring that dart board on the plane.
They can't get that through security.
They're like, you can take the board, but not the darts.
And I was like, what good is the board without the darts?
I'd rather just take the darts. And they was like, what good is the board without the darts? I'd rather just take the darts.
And they're like, well, then you can't take any thing.
You really can't take darts on a plane?
Not the ones I had.
They were extra sharp.
Sir, are those regular darts or are those extra sharp?
Right?
I didn't know that they weren't going to check.
And I tell, I was like extra sharp.
And they were like, you can't have them.
And I was like, I mean, regular.
And they were like, too late.
And I was like, oh man.
What is this?
The Simpsons?
Dart Simpson.
No?
No?
No?
There you go. Okay. okay well that was a split decision just trying to make you laugh it's fun for me i apologize i'll be a dick the rest of the time
you guys yeah come on cheese and rice have some fun. All right, let's talk prize bag as we do.
Sean, you got the Sour Patch Kids.
Play boy.
Yeah, I forgot them.
I feel really bad about it, but I did forget Sour Patch Kids,
so thank you so much.
So Sour Patch Kids, and I released an album on a special thing,
records, and I have flasks because I have a disease,
so I sell flasks.
They say, Sean Jordan, the buck starts here,
and it's a flask, and I'll be selling them after
the show. I got like ten of them, but give it a
couple away, and it's got an album
download code in there, and then a
special thing records sticker. So
two of those are going in the prize basket, and I'll have
a couple for sale after the show, and there it is.
You're supposed to put it in your mouth.
You don't pour liquor on your eyes. No, I was demonstrating the item like they would on a game show.
They don't really put their fucking mouth on it.
I guess swearing at me helps, doesn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, how much for this fucking flask on The Price is Right?
You fucking assholes.
Is this some game show trope I'm not aware of
where they pretend to drink from the prize? You know, that famous game show trope I'm not aware of where they pretend to drink from the prize?
Like, you know, that famous game show thing
where they got the jet ski and then they're like...
Yeah, they always...
Well, now everyone's mad I'm not giving away a jet ski.
They show the working parts.
I'm showing the flask opens up.
And then you...
Are you thinking of, like, when the flight attendant pretends to inflate the...
Inflate the vest?
Well, to be fair, if I look at that thing and I go, well, does it open?
That affects how much I'm going to bid.
Like if it doesn't open, if it's just a flask prop, no thank you.
You're right. Yeah. No, they
open. I apologize. I didn't bring that up. They open.
For sure. All of them.
I checked.
You're giving away two of these? I'm giving away two of them.
Okay. Yeah. Very good.
Dart Simpson. It was a D instead of a B, you see.
That's why you guys didn't laugh. You thought I just said
Bart. You thought I just said Bart Simpson for no reason
It was the dark thing
Now we're having retroactive fun
They're orally dyslexic
They couldn't tell if it was a D or a B
You know I don't know what dyslexic means
That hurts
I've only written 11 books
So I'm behind
12 books, that's fucking gnarly.
It's cheating.
Seven of them are kids' books.
That's not cheating.
It pads your stats.
If I said four books, you'd be like, eh.
If you said you thought about writing a book,
I'd still be like, dog.
Damn.
I thought about reading a book one time.
And then Motley Crue wrote The Dirt,
and I read it, and it was fine.
I'll be quiet.
Okay.
I didn't say anything.
Ken, what did you bring for the prize bag?
I actually don't remember.
Eleven books.
Oh, hey, you guys are going to like this.
Welcome to Ken's book club.
I brought some weird The Simpsons superhero-themed Happy Meal toys.
Including everybody's favorite dart.
Don't have a cow, booed.
Eat my boards.
It's from the show, you guys.
Don't have a cow, dude.
There's a copy of Barbie Swan Lake on DVD.
My daughter did not want me to get rid of that,
and I wanted to get rid of it,
so hopefully she does not listen to the show.
Sriracha-flavored microwave popcorn.
That might not make it.
Are you intrigued by that, Sean?
I am.
Okay.
Sounds gross.
We could have worked something out.
What else?
A little pancreatic cancer water bottle.
Sorry, pancreatic cancer research water bottle.
Does it open?
I have not tried.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, a lot of these you can't put your lips on. Show me how. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a lot of these,
you can't put your lips on it.
Can you mime?
Show me how it works, man.
Now, does that...
Oh, nice.
All right.
Now, that clip,
is that just for show?
I think the clip
actually clips on things.
Oh, fuck.
It's a keychain, too.
In honor of Mr. Alex Trebek.
Woo! Damn. National Mr. Alex Trebek. Woo!
Damn.
National treasure.
He sure is.
And a copy of my 12th and most recent, but not final, book,
Planet Funny, How Comedy Ruined Everything.
I commend it to Doug Benson fans,
because there's a Doug Loves Movies chapter.
Does the bag, do we get the bag too?
And the free bag.
The bag.
From Ikea, I think.
Comes with the bag.
Ikea bag.
Wilfred?
My prizes aren't
that exciting.
I just took them
from my aunt's house.
I'm staying with her
and she's
probably going to be dead soon.
So I was like, she's probably going to be dead soon.
So I was like, she's not going to miss this stuff.
With that attitude.
She's not going to miss it.
So what do you got, like the remote to her TV?
It's her pet turtle.
Yeah.
Her chihuahua's in this bag.
Actually, it's all holiday stuff.
The Home Alone soundtrack.
Oh!
Right?
No, it's Home Alone.
It's the first one.
Yeah, you hold that. Why is there a huge building from New York
on the cover of the first one?
Maybe it's the second one.
I don't know.
I just grabbed.
Wilfred will not be winning the game tonight.
A VHS of Babes in Toyland.
I don't get what makes you guys excited.
This is a single or whatever.
It's a single?
No, it's a CD, but I didn't know how to call it a CD.
I guess I could say CD single.
This appears to have Pat Morita in it and Keanu Reeves.
And it's a song from Home Alone 2 Lost in New York.
It's just one song?
So that's why the cover looks like Home Alone 2,
but says Home Alone on it.
What, Sean?
I didn't know Ken said it, but this has Keanu
Reeves and fucking Pat Morita in it.
That's pretty buck. I've never even heard of that movie.
I think we're talking about two things at once now.
Let's try to focus on what
the host is talking about.
What else you got?
And my last one is a VHS of the Santa Claus.
It's just trash.
You just brought some stuff for these fine people to throw away.
I respect it, though.
I mean, I don't understand the prize.
It just felt like a white elephant situation.
No, I mean, I get it. I mean, I wish I understand the prizes. It just felt like a white elephant situation. No, I mean, I get it.
I mean, I wish I had brought what you brought.
Why? What'd you bring?
I mean, nothing with Pat Morita.
I didn't know we were showing off.
I brought a burnout mug.
Ooh.
It's got rocket science technology.
Says it on the box.
Keeps your coffee fucking.
My brother uses it.
They sent me six of them.
And they work.
And if you go to their website, burnoutmugs.com,
and use promo code Tate, you get a certain percentage off.
I don't remember what. It might be
a lot.
It does open. I have no idea.
It could be like anywhere from 1% to
90% off.
I don't know if you can pick.
It's established.
No, I mean your business partners
in this. I just don't
remember. I think it might be 20 or 25% off.
How much?
20 or 25% off, which is a pretty big percent.
Well, it's five less if it's 20.
It's no 90.
A shirt that I just, like, for real, I just don't want this.
But it's for a thing that happened in 2008,
and it says it, so it's vintage.
This is my phone charger.
And a bag for Cincinnati.
There's a soup kitchen and social center in Cincinnati
called Our Daily Bread.
And you get that bag. If you donate a little bit of money
to that place
you could have just put everything back in their bag that you had
but that's cool
nah what am I
I feel like I got pressured into giving away my bag
I didn't mean to give away my bag
I just wanted for the record
you want your bag back?
kind of
I'll consolidate
check out this one check out this joke Doug You want your bag back? Kind of. Yeah, okay. Wait, here. I'll consolidate.
Check out this one.
Check out this joke, Doug.
Who am I, Bag Simpson?
All right, I'm waiting for the joke, Bag Simpson.
Boy, are my arms tired.
Baggy Simpson.
Shit.
Oh, Baggy Simpson.
Four comedians and a game show guy.
Oh, fuck.
And who said Baggy Simpson?
That's the earliest I've ever used my lifeline.
That was really something.
I'm into that.
Oh, thanks, bud.
Nice.
Anybody pissed if I do this?
Tight.
Nobody wants sriracha microwave popcorn.
One in five people on the stage wanted sriracha microwave.
I was going to say.
Which is 20%, a pretty big number.
That's a good discount.
Tate.
Whoa.
That's not mine.
The chant almost broke out there.
It didn't quite get there.
So all that stuff's in the bag.
Somebody's going to win all of that tonight.
And congratulations in advance.
Whoever Ken decides to play for, congratulations.
I think I'm 0 for 2 in my last two Douglas movies.
Well, that's good. I mean, that's what she...
I just said exactly that same thing.
I said it slightly before you did
and made a broader claim, but thank you.
Yeah, he said he didn't lose the last two times,
but he said it in sports words that we don't listen to.
0 and 2.
Whatever that means.'t listen to. Oh and two. Whatever that means.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, is there a child in the audience?
Do you want Barbie Swan Lake, sweetie?
Are you really a child?
Oh, man.
You have multiple personality disorder.
Are you a child?
And this is your cute little girl personality.
There is someone, a man, I believe,
who warned me that he was bringing his kids to the show.
Did that happen?
Because somebody asked me about it. I said, if there was an age limit to the show. Did that happen? Because somebody asked me about
if there was an age limit at the Neptune.
And I said, no, bring them.
No babies, no babies.
But I guess it didn't happen.
There's just some dude like,
well, I was going to bring them,
but their mom said that I couldn't have them this weekend.
I was trying to forget about it,
and now I'm all bummed out.
I forgot that it's Monday,
and I had to bring the kids back.
I really never should have cheated on her, but I did, and that's my fault.
Whoa, whoa.
I would think this guy's a pretty good father if he wants to bring him to this show.
Right? Let's not bag on him. He makes good choices.
He's like, oh, we don't have time
for the museums, too.
I don't know.
I don't have kids.
Sean, you know I've got a question.
Nine inches.
Ken, you know I have another question.
Usually I give the questions, but... Sean, what's the last movie you saw?
Last movie I went to and saw was Knives Out
And it was really good
Wait, now what was that?
Is that a bird?
Well, he's going to get mad in a second, I'll tell you
Who is?
No, I don't know.
The dude that I've seen get kind of mad up here before.
No, I liked it.
I thought it was dope.
But I like everything.
I like to like stuff.
I like everything.
I don't have hard opinions about everything.
I don't like The Animal.
That was like the one movie I didn't like.
So other than that, I like that stuff.
Wait, how long ago was The Animal?
Long time ago.
And was it called The Animal or just Animal?
The Animal, the one with Rob Schneider.
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't love it.
Didn't love it.
Okay.
I thought Knives Out was fun.
I thought it was great.
It's fun to see Chris Evans pop out
and do something other than Captain America.
I think he's very charming.
I thought Daniel Craig did an amazing job. That was just a really good fun. The movie and you are other than Captain America. I think he's very charming. I thought Daniel Craig did an amazing job.
That was just a really good, fun...
The movie and you are not on trial here.
It was good,
goddammit. It was a good movie.
Yeah, there's like one lady
in the audience who's clearly
angry she can't go on
adult rides. I think she's asking for
help to her car.
Yeah, I liked it. I thought it was fun.
Alright, cool. Yeah.
Ken Jennings, good luck telling
us what the last movie you saw was.
A Muppet may
be angry at me.
I...
I realized
in the car on the way over here, like, my answer
is kind of a comedy killer.
Isn't that exciting?
Okay.
I saw Dark Waters, the movie about how we all have Teflon in our cells
because DuPont poisoned us all.
Yeah, film in Cincinnati.
What's up, Cincinnati Film Commission?
Getting it done.
It's got Mark Ruffalo, but he's kind of like,
I don't know if he's gained weight
or if he's just kind of
putting his head down
into his neck a little bit
he's either one of those
yeah
he takes on DuPont
he's all rumply
yeah he's a rumpel
he's the little guy
trying to fight the system
and he does
multi-million dollar DuPont
he goes to bat
right but
it's
I heard that
those little they're slippery characters.
The things that come up at the end aren't
happy. Yeah, well, at the end
it's like
99% of the human race
now has Teflon in its cells.
You're all effed. And then it's like
unit production manager
Bob whatever.
Man, I really
wanted that lady to heckle you
while you were giving that.
Because I did not need to know that fact.
Well anyway, Dark Waters is a film.
It's going to be a Christmas classic.
Be sure to check it out.
It's got Anne Hathaway.
I'm sure she's naked a lot in it.
Oh, this water's disgusting. Oh my God. This water's getting my Hathaway. I'm sure she's naked a lot in it. Oh, this water's disgusting.
Oh, my God.
This water's getting my clothes all wet.
I jumped out of the shower because the water was terrible.
She's in a series of unflattering wigs.
I can't recommend it to Anne Hathaway fans.
Okay.
Stay away, Anne Hathaway fans.
Fan Hathaways, we call them.
fans.
Fan Hathaway, as we call him.
He'll keep at it until you like it.
Wilfred,
what do you got?
What was the last movie you saw?
I just finished The Irishman.
So you watched it like in installments?
Yeah.
It took me a week.
A week?
Yeah.
Worth it, though?
Yeah, that last scene was pretty good.
I mean, if you wait a whole three and a half hours,
that last scene, really worth it.
You don't think that scene will be effective
if you just jump straight to it?
Maybe, yeah.
What is it? Try it out.
Just tell it. No.
That's when he finds out
he's Irish, man.
Right? He leaves without saying
goodbye and you're like, oh, fuck.
You mean I've been... I had no
idea. I thought he was Italian or something.
I've been Irish this whole time.
I could have clicked my heels three times and been Irish.
All right, so that's a hearty recommendation from Wilfred.
Yeah.
That he got through it and was worth the trouble.
Yeah.
You know,
did you see it?
I have not, yeah.
It's really
the technology
where they make him
look younger
is pretty good,
but man,
you can't make
Robert De Niro
like move younger.
I'm sure they tried.
They gave it their best.
They must have strung him up or something.
Oh, yeah, they weekended Bernie's.
It's just obviously being lifted by some kind of rope.
Anyway, I haven't seen it.
It's like pointy ghosts, you know?
It's just too much of a fine point when it's being pulled up.
You just see him being lifted up
by his... Anyway, Jeff?
Well, the last movie I saw
was a Korean movie called The Gangster,
The Cop, and The Devil. And it was fucking amazing called The Gangster, the Cop and the Devil.
And it was fucking amazing.
You should be clapping.
You should be embarrassed.
It was fucking dope.
How'd you see it?
On iTunes.
I rented it on iTunes.
Apple TV is what it's called now.
Anyway, they're the same thing.
But I rented it on there.'s a gangster the cop and the devil
it's about like a gangster cop and a devil yeah walk into a bar yeah i mean it's cool
it's dope it's got that guy in a don lee he was in uh trying to busan and something else
i saw good the, and the Weird.
But he wasn't either one of those three.
He was like a fourth guy with cool hair.
What was that guy back there cheering for?
Good, Bad, or Weird?
Okay, the whole movie.
Yeah, one guy knows it, Jeff.
Cool.
That's neat.
We're educating people.
Maybe we'll be friends.
I wonder what his name tag looks like.
Did you bring a name tag, dude?
No.
No.
You sounded bummed.
Yeah.
You're not wearing a shirt or having a wallet
or something you just
scribble your name on.
Too busy watching
Korean cinema
to make a poster.
I know how it is.
I was thinking
that I might take
that name tag
that gave the Sour Patch Kids
so that it will have
technically broken
Sean's streak.
The Sour Patch Kids
will then be from me.
If you feel like you need to do that, bud.
If that's the world you're living in,
I can accept it because we're friends and I love you.
I swear, I can't tell if you guys are watching
Doug Loves Movies or a fireworks show.
Just now,
I felt like behind us
was like fireworks
making the shape of a heart.
But.
Heart Simpson.
It's getting deeper.
The laugh is going,
it's going back farther.
I'm in. I'll get back farther. I'm in.
I'll get you guys.
I'm very charming.
He's only got 15 flasks left, you guys.
We're going to do like a merch table in the back.
Photographs and autographs are free, of course,
but he's going to have $15 flasks.
Yeah.
All functional.
But all
currently empty.
Just put a little something in there for him.
A little mystery
booze.
Like they don't know what it's going to be.
They just have to drink it just to...
I guess they could pour it out.
I take it back.
Dumb idea.
If they had to drink it, it would be cool.
But they don't have to drink it.
But we have to play some games.
Let the games begin!
Let the games begin!
Gentlemen, pick your name tags while you do that we're gonna go to a commercial message we'll be
right back today's show is brought to you in part by watchmen can't get enough of hbo's watchmen
now that it's over now you can go deeper inside the show critics have called your new TV obsession with the official Watchmen podcast.
Hosted by Watchmen executive producer and writer Damon Lindelof and Craig Mazin, the creator of Chernobyl,
the new podcast explores narrative choices, uncovers Easter eggs, and examines the show's connection to the groundbreaking graphic novel and to modern events. A reimagining of the world originally seen in the groundbreaking 1980s graphic novel
The Same Name, Watchmen is set in an alternate history of present-day America, where the
lines between vigilantes and mass crime fighters are blurred, and the only true superhero is
nowhere to be found on Earth.
Stylized, darkly funny, and profoundly human, the series stars Regina King, Gene
Smart, Don Johnson, and Jeremy Irons
and features music from Trent Reznor
and Atticus Ross. All
episodes of Watchmen are now streaming and
available on demand only from
HBO. Then listen to the
official Watchmen podcast available
on all major podcast platforms.
Today's show is also brought to you in part by Blue Chew.
Guys, remember the days when you were always ready to go?
Now you can increase your performance
and get that extra confidence in bed with BlueChew.com.
Blue Chew brings the first chewable
with the same FDA-approved active ingredients
as Viagra and Cialis.
You can take them any anytime, day or night,
and since they're chewable,
they work up to twice as fast as a pill.
Blue Chew is prescribed online by licensed physicians,
so you don't have to go to the doctor's office
or wait in line at the pharmacy.
And it ships right to your door,
and it's a discreet package.
They're made in the USA,
and since Blue Chew prepares and ships direct,
they're cheaper than a pharmacy,
and best of all, no more awkwardness.
Right now, we've got a special deal just for listening.
Visit BlueChew.com and get your first shipment free when you use our promo code DLM.
Just pay $5 for shipping.
That's B-L-U-E-Chew.com, promo code DLM to try it free.
Blue Chew is the better, cheaper, faster choice.
Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
We did it.
Thank you to everybody.
Once again, amazing name tags.
We can't all be chosen.
Sean, you did it.
You went with Lonnie.
Yeah, thank you you Lonnie Darko
Lonnie Darko
Are you a Swedish Fish fan?
Unfortunately, I can't stand them
Oh, great
Perfect
Yeah, I just
Made it so easy
Great job, Lonnie
Yeah, it's you
I think it's you, Ken, Lonnie. Yeah, it's you.
I think it's you, Ken, Jeff, Trey, and Amy, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All the greats.
Oh, what's up, lights?
How are you living?
Anyway.
There you go.
Awesome.
All right.
Ken, who are you playing on behalf of?
I thought it would be fun to get one that was impossible to say.
It's Milk, the Sean Penn movie, but it's Mikkel? Michael?
Michael?
Your name is spelled M-I-K-K-L.
Mikkel is his middle name.
He can prove it.
He's a fan of my podcast,
Omnibus, and he asked, will you pick my
poster? And I was like, I don't know, will you sit
super close to the stage?
And everything worked out for us.
It's a modern day miracle.
I'm glad that worked out.
It's a touching story.
Yeah.
It's going to be a holiday classic.
Who do you have there, Wilfred?
I think it's Dave, Ernest Dave's Christmas.
Yeah.
I just, I chose it because it looked like he put the most effort into a poster.
But then he has candy canes.
I was like, man, you didn't put effort into giving me candy.
That's the garbage of candy.
Anyways.
Yeah.
I'm going to try to go the whole holiday season this time
without eating one of those things.
I don't think I've eaten one in years.
Yeah, because they're not good.
You just eat them because it's Christmassy.
Candy canes?
Yeah.
Do you like the flavored ones,
like the Sour Patch ones or the Starburst ones?
Those exist?
Mm-hmm.
Jolly Rancher.
What?
They have a shitload of them.
Yeah.
Okay, then fuck regular candy canes.
Sprees. They have spree ones. Spree? them. Yeah. Okay, then fuck regular candy canes. Sprees.
They have spree ones.
You can chew on them?
Well, either candy canes.
You don't chew on them.
They're just spree flavored?
Yeah.
Okay.
And they taste like mint?
No, they taste like sprees.
Like if they just made a bunch of sprees and made a candy cane out of it.
That's kind of what's going on.
Yeah, I think Sean's talking about a lot of flavors that aren't candy cane flavors.
Yeah, Jolly Ranchers.
Yeah. Sour Patch Kids, All Day All Night.
All right.
Well, I'm back in on candy canes if I can have those.
Did my job.
Oh, this guy got some fresh popping corn.
I didn't know they had popcorn here at the Neptune.
That's neat.
Jeff, what do you got?
I'm playing for a fellow named Jeff.
Last House on the Jeff.
He made his poster. For Last House on the Jeff. He made his poster.
For Last House on the Jeff.
His name's Jeff. There's a... It's framed.
It's got one of those zebra cakes on it.
And some weed. And then
you got... There's Tito's for you.
And I'm gonna eat those canes. I'm gonna eat that food.
I love it.
I haven't had a candy cane
in 40 years
do you remember the day you quit
yeah yeah it was Pearl Harbor day
it was unrelated
I was gonna quit anyway
I went to bed the night before thinking that's it
me and candy canes that's it
and then it like you know some other stuff happened I was like well I'm for sure gonna remember the day I quit I went to bed the night before thinking, that's it. Me and candy canes, that's it.
And then some other stuff happened.
I was like, well, I'm for sure going to remember the day I quit candy canes.
Fuck.
So it's Pearl Harbor Day, 1979.
40 years ago.
I'm 100, Ken.
I'm 100 years old.
How does that change, Ken? I've been dead for 10 years
okay well that's who these guys are playing for
ooh are those Reese's like Christmas trees?
yes honey
Christmas treeces
Reese Simpson Christmas treeces. Risa Simpson.
A lot of angry heads.
A lot of angry, shaking heads.
It was perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
Okay, so the first game we're going to play is something called Purple Rain Man.
Purple Rain Man.
Now, Wilford, you might not be familiar with this one, but Jeff is great at it.
Good luck.
Thank you, thank you.
I'm sorry, i wasn't listening um this movie looks scary so purple rain man is a game where i name the actors that are in the two movies that the titles
mash up similar to purple rain man but the answer will be different i'll tell you the third build
actors and i'll even tell you the third build actors,
and I'll even tell you in the right order.
So the first person I name is in the first part of the title.
The second part is in the back half.
And like I said, Jeff's really good at it, so let's just get this over with.
You played this one before, Sean?
Yeah.
Ken?
I don't think so.
Do you get it?
I get it.
He's smart, you guys.
Say smart Simpson.
Say it.
You say it.
Dart Simpson.
Okay, third bill of this movie.
That was a home run.
Oh, shit.
Don't forget, no audience guesses, please.
Third build in this movie mashup title
is Anthony Mackie and Robert Duvall.
is Anthony Mackie and Robert Duvall.
We're the third-billed actors in the two titles that have mashed together to form one.
I can't believe Hollywood still hasn't made
one of these titles into an actual movie.
I think it'd be fun.
Second-billed are
Seth Rogen and Reese Witherspoon.
So we got one movie with Mackie and Rogen
and another one with Duvall and Witherspoon.
Oh.
Oh, Sean is feeling something.
I still don't know the rules to this game, honestly.
I figured I'd,
I think I'd figure it out by like the third,
like, guess.
I don't know.
Yeah, maybe the first build
will just give it,
give it away completely.
I feel like that's when
Jeff or Ken
is going to jump in.
Sorry, Sean.
I'm the only one who's made a sound.
Oh, so that indicates that you're smarter than them?
It was supposed to.
You're making noises?
Hmm.
Some people contemplate quietly.
First build would be this is a tough
one you guys. I'm excited about this
because it is going to end now.
Joseph
Gordon-Levitt and Vince
Vaughn.
The Night Before Christmases.
I knew he'd know it.
The Night Before Christmases.
How does that work?
All right, now let's give Wilfred a guess.
What do you think it is?
I was going to say that doesn't work.
Wilfred?
Can you make everyone else do it first?
No, I'm just joking around.
Jeff got it right.
What part don't you like, Sean?
It's the night before Christmas.
Oh, before.
I was thinking the night of.
Sorry.
I was thinking the night of.
Sorry.
That was me being a dipshit.
I apologize.
The night of that TV series?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
That's what I was thinking the title was for some reason.
That holiday-themed TV series?
That's why I look so perplexed.
Sean, that's a different thing.
Similarly named, but it's different.
Shit!
But Wilfred, there's no need to sweat it,
because this next game is even more difficult.
And the first two games don't really matter.
They're just for fun.
Jeff gets to go first in our next game.
That's all he won for doing that.
Then I never cared, honestly.
That sounds like a horrible prize.
Yeah, so we'll go, and the next game we'll go Jeff,
and then Sean, and then Ken, and then Wilfred.
By the time it gets to you, you're going to be like,
I know how this works.
Because we go one at a time when we add titles in Build-A-Title.
This is one we rarely play because the guests get too confused.
I love this one.
So I figured tonight we could pull it off.
Tonight it could happen.
And Jeff gets to start.
You remember this game, right, Jeff?
Yeah.
I'll say a title, and then Jeff will add a title to it.
We take out the thes and the a's in this game,
because that helps a little bit.
But it's mostly sound-a-likes rather
than spell-a-likes. We can do either
side, right? Yeah.
Take it from either side, Sean. Sure.
Sure.
I get it.
I get it.
It was filmed here.
Not really.
Some aerial shots.
You guys know the drill.
It was filmed in Vancouver.
But it's supposed to be Seattle. And the movie is called Fifty Shades of Grey.
So Jeff needs to start us off by building a title that has,
you need a movie that ends in 50 or begins with gray. It's rough.
What do you think, Jeff?
I thought
we were friends.
That's fucking harder
than I thought it was going to be. That's what I'm thinking.
There's no movies ending 50.
Yes, there are.
Hang on.
And there's movies that begin with gray,
especially if you aren't...
Gray...
Oh, what can I go?
See? See what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill.
Don't you dare.
Come on.
Grey, A Time to Kill.
No.
No, he's saying...
No, I know.
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill. No. No, he's saying... No, I know. Fifty Shades of Grey,
Time to Kill.
And I am accepting it.
I thought it would go
a different way,
but the other way
would have probably upset you
almost as much.
I mean, if that's how
we're playing it,
Fifty Shades of Grey,
Time to Footloose. I mean if that's how we're playing it Fifty Shades of Grey time to footloose.
I'm kidding.
Kill Bill.
I was just being a dick.
Kill Bill.
Okay.
Full title.
Really?
Kill Bill Volume 1?
Yeah.
Yeah are we gonna
Yeah sorry
I forgot for a second.
Yeah.
Kill Bill Volume 1.
Yeah.
So it has to end it has to begin with one 1. Yeah. So it has to begin with one.
Yeah.
Instead of Bill.
End with 50 or begin with one.
It's got to just be a number.
It's got to be one of two numbers, but yeah.
There's movies that begin with one.
Sure are.
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill Bill, Volume One, Fine Day.
That's very good.
George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer.
Okay, so Wilford, you need to add a title that begins with day or ends with 50.
Or a fifth.
50 Shades of Grey, Time to Kill, Bill, Volume 1, Fine Day of the Dead.
Okay.
I'm in it, baby.
Thanks, man.
Man, I don't think you'd ever support me in real life.
This is real life.
We're alive.
This is real.
This is happening.
Jeff, what do you think?
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time Kill Bill Volume 1 Find Day of the Dead
Don't Die
This title is really turning in on itself
Fifty Shades of Grey
Time to Kill Bill
Volume 1
Find Day of the Dead
Don't die hard.
Oh, shit.
Quiet, Spliff Nugs.
That guy.
Was that really Spliff Nugs yelling at you? I think it was.
Jesus.
Shut the fuck up.
You can't heckle your own friends.
It's your day.
I can't talk to you like that, but be quiet.
It's his birthday.
It's your day, but shut up.
Maybe it wasn't him.
Came from Spliff Nug's direction.
I only have a general sense
of what that direction is
because you motioned
kind of vaguely.
I'm sure he'll talk again.
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill, direction is because you motioned kind of vaguely i'm sure he'll talk again 50 shades of gray time to kill volume one fine day of the dead don't die hard day is night yes Yes.
It's so many words.
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill, Bill, Volume 1.
Fine Day.
Fine Day of the Dead. Don't Die Hard.
Day's Night.
Day's Nightmare on Elm Street.
They're cheering for me like I'm part of the Special Olympics.
You're the most special part.
You're extra most special part. You're extra special.
Boo.
Streets of Fire.
Yeah.
Just right there at the end.
I brought home Streets of Fire.
You got to say the whole thing, Jeff.
Yeah.
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill Bill, Volume 1, Fine Day of the Dead Don't Die Hard Days,
Nightmare on Elm's Streets of Fire.
The trick is not to think.
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill, Bill, Volume 1,
Fine Day of the Dead Don't Die Hard Days Night.
Mayor on Elm Stre's of Fire Down Below.
Oh.
Oh, just because we all don't know
that's a movie, I'm kind of wrong.
Come on.
That's what we do.
Fire Down Below is that documentary
about that time you had venereal disease?
Well, you don't had the one that I have,
but yeah, it's...
Sticks around. What? I didn't had the one that I have, but yeah. Sticks around.
What?
I didn't had it.
I possess it.
Oh, I see.
It's yours to keep.
I own it.
I was done leasing.
I decided to buy it.
Ken?
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill, Bill Volume 1, Fine, Day of the Dead, Don't Die Hard, Day's Nightmare on Elm Street,
Subfire, Down Below, Gun, Logan.
Fuck yeah!
Logan.
Logan.
That was sick.
Logan.
Logan?
That was sick.
That was.
I didn't know it was going to happen until I saw it.
You just started ripping it off and then it came to you, huh?
God damn it.
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill, Bill, Volume 1,
Fine Day.
You keep forgetting that one.
Of the Dead.
It's a classic.
I didn't care.
getting that one. Day of the Dead.
It's a classic.
I didn't care.
Day of the Dead.
Don't Die.
Hard.
Day's Nightmare
on Elm Street.
Of Fire.
Down Below.
What's the rest of it, Sean?
Down Below.
Fire Down Below.
Logan's Run.
Logan's run. Logan's run.
Who are you going to run, Jeff?
Who are you going to run, Jeff?
Fifty Shades of Grey, Time to Kill Bill, Volume 1,
Find Day of the Dead, Don't Die Hard,
Day's Nightmare on Elm Street,
Streets of Fire down Belogan's Run All Night.
Now we can just keep going in a circle.
Good job, Jeff.
I don't like when Swedish Fish does all red ones.
You could tell I was hurting.
I appreciate that.
You know, like, I love the red ones.
Like, I'd even maybe pick them out special
out of a bag with multicolored fish.
But just red ones, I'm just already bored.
Fifty Shades of Grey,
Time to Kill, Bill, Volume 1,
Fine Day of the Dead, Don't Die Hard, Bill, Volume 1, Fine Day of the Dead Don't Die Hard, Day's Night,
Mare on Elm Streets of Fire Down Below.
Good.
Logan's Run.
Run All Night.
Run All Night and Day.
Night and day. Night and day?
Listen, it's fancy film school over here with this Fellini shit.
Wait, that wasn't Fellini, was it?
No, it was Cameron Diaz and Tom Criswell, right?
But directed by Fellini, right?
I just know Tom Criswell was in it.
That's all I know.
You're saying
night and day
with a K.
Yes.
Because I'm stupid.
I'm not saying
the smart one
if there is one.
I still don't get
the joke if we're
actually serious.
Oh, I'm thinking
of day for night
and that wasn't
Fellini and fuck me.
All right.
It's a long way
to say you're
smarter than me.
You got this.
A lot of people farting out there, it sounded like.
I'm just trying to cap off this end,
but I don't know if I can do it.
Yeah, it's good to throw in a stopper.
We'll end this thing.
It's been going a little long, right?
I feel like we're doing well.
Yeah, I've never done this well in this game.
Well, not me. I mean, all of us. Yeah, everybody.
This is fun.
How does this game end?
We're all
going to fight in a second. If you use every movie
once... Oh, okay. We've never
gotten this far.
Really? Yeah.
And I thought I won the ends in 50.
So, here we go.
Nope.
50 Shades of Grey, Time to Kill Bill, Volume 1,
Fine Day of the Dead, Don't Die, Hard Days, Nightmare on Elm Street,
One fine day of the dead, don't die hard days.
Nightmare on Elm Street, a fire down Belogans.
Run all night and day.
And day after tomorrow.
I just lipped that.
That was fun.
This is so fun.
Oh, Jesus.
Fifty Shades of Grey,
Time to Kill,
Bill, Volume 1,
Fine Day.
I'm never going to give a shit about that movie.
He's a divorced dad. He's gotten it like seven times.
One Fine Day of the Dead.
What is after that?
Man, er, no Dead after tomorrow
Yeah, er
Doug's working on a Swedish fish
So he's
Dead don't die hard days night
On Elm Street's a fire
Down below, Gans run
All night All night.
All night.
I mean, you got to do something, man.
Didn't you hear about all my flights?
My arms are already tired.
I can't carry you.
I know it was tomorrow night and day after tomorrow.
After tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Oh, fuck.
What's that movie?
Yeah, tomorrow. Oh, fuck. What's that movie? Yeah, Tomorrow.
That disaster movie.
It's called The Day After Tomorrow.
Oh, that's what that is?
Yeah, yeah.
I thought it started with tomorrow.
Yeah, it's too bad you can't use that title.
I thought it started with tomorrow.
You need one that starts with tomorrow.
Yeah.
It's the sequel.
Tomorrow is today, dumb fuck.
Oh, Tomorrow Never Dies. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, it's the sequel tomorrow is today dumb. Oh tomorrow tomorrow never does yeah
Well the one I thought of the ends in 50 isn't actually gonna help
That was all I had.
50-50, another classic.
They say they're in Seattle, but it's all Vancouver.
Is that the cancer one?
Yeah, right?
There's another Jogalo-Seth Rogen joint.
50-50 John's trying to do this Jeff
50-50 shades of
grey time to kill
Bill volume 1
I'm going to forget the fucking movie by the time I get to the
50-50 shades of grey
time to kill Bill
Jeff go ahead and talk.
I just like hanging out with my friends up here.
This is really fun. I'm having a real good time.
I think this is pretty cool.
50-50 Shades of Grey, Time to Kill Bill, Volume 1, Fine Day.
Will you go all the way back to the beginning every time I interrupt?
50-50.
Shades of Grey, Time to Kill, Bill, Volume 1, Fine Day.
Of the dead.
Don't die hard.
Oh, yeah.
Die hard. Day's night.
Something below.
Wide shut.
I couldn't fucking...
I'm sorry. I couldn't do it. I'm trying.
It goes like this.
50-50 Shades of Grey.
Time to Kill Bill. Volume Volume 1 Find Day of the Dead
Don't Die Hard
Days Night of the
Nightmare on Elm Streets
of Fire
Down below
Guns Run
All Night
and Day
Before Tomorrow
Never Dies
Wide
Shutter Island
God you're dope
There it is!
Jenning.
That was fucking sick, dude.
And he was staring at me.
I don't know if you guys got that.
He really was.
He didn't break eye contact with him the whole time. I did a bunch, and my voice cracked, even though I didn't talk, and he was like at me. I don't know if you guys got that. He really was. He didn't break eye contact with him the whole time.
I did a bunch, and my voice cracked,
even though I didn't talk, and he was like...
It was almost erotic, in a way.
I don't know why you threw the almost in there,
but yeah, it was fun.
That was fucking awesome.
You don't get to see him turn
and look at the player next to him in the eye on Jeopardy.
This is aggressive, no holds barred Jeopardy.
Hey, dickweed, look at me.
Get like three inches away from them.
All right, Wilfred, do you think you can continue?
I mean, I've got a movie, but I don't want to do it anymore.
Just pick up at the very end.
Shudder Island.
Land Before Time.
Too bad Jeff already used a title that barely worked
because it would work great right here.
Yeah, dude, I'm pissed.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
50-50.
Shades of Grey.
Time to Kill Bill.
Volume 1.
Find Day of the Dead.
Don't die.
Hard Day's Night of the Dead.
Yeah, it's confusing.
Dead and Day are in here so much.
Night of the Day.
Dead Day.
Dead Day.
Dead Day.
Tomorrow. Hard Day's Nightmare on Elm Street. It's a fire down, dead, dead day. Tomorrow.
Part day's nightmare on Elm Street's a fire down,
but Logan's run all night and day.
After.
After tomorrow never dies, wide shutter,
I land before time.
Trying to get to my contact?
I was trying to,
I was figuring that the momentum
would carry me through.
And then I almost said
time before time.
And that's a movie.
For sure that's a movie.
But I'm just going to say
Time Bandits.
You got this.
You got this.
I do. You want me to do the whole thing? I do. I do want you to. You got this. I do.
You want me to do
the whole thing?
I do.
I do want you to do
the whole thing.
I have never wanted
anything more.
And I want you to look
at Ken while you do it.
I've never done this
with a boner.
It's going to be weird.
It's not a nice thing
to call Ken.
You knew I was going
to say boner somehow. I saw you cooking was going to say Boner somehow.
I saw you cooking that joke up.
Boner Simpson!
What was the last one, just so I make sure I have an answer?
Time Bandits.
All right.
I appreciate the heavy.
Nice.
50-50 Shades of Grey.
Time to Kill.
Bill Volume 1.
Fine Day.
Of the Dead.
Don't die hard.
I just got stuck on hard for some reason.
Hard.
Day's night and day.
No.
Hard.
Hard.
Day and night.
Shit.
Yeah, this is tricky
I wish I was writing this down
fire down below
down below
Logan
Logan's run away
run all night
run all night
dog this is hard
and day
and day
after tomorrow never dies Dog, this is hard. And day. And day. And day.
After tomorrow.
Never dies.
Fuck, there's a lot of dies in here.
Dies wide shutter island before time bandits.
Damn bandits, a wonderful life.
Yeah.
That shit is hard.
Now you're just going to nail me again?
It's going to be bugged.
I thought it was going to be It's Pat.
Well, god damn it, it wasn't.
God, I need a cigarette just listening to you do that.
Are we still going?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I didn't lose.
50-50 shades of gray, time to kill, Bill.
Volume one, fine day of the dead, don't die, hard days.
Nightmare on Elm Street, so fire down the Logan's run
all night and day after tomorrow never dies.
White shutter, island before time banned.
It's a wonderful life stinks.
Jesus. Melbrook Wonderful Life Stinks. Jesus.
Mel Brooks, Life Stinks.
Stinks.
I heard it the first time, Ken.
Is this the longest one that's ever gone down?
It's the one that just ended.
Yeah, because, you know, like if it was stink,
then you could do ink or something,
but stinks with an S on the end,
I think is a proper stopper.
So we're going to call Ken Jennings the winner of that one.
That's okay.
That was rad. That was super It's okay. That was rad.
That was super, super cool.
And 50-50 was the only 50 I could think of
that could go at the beginning.
But then I thought 50 Shades of Grey Gardens,
Great Escape, Grey Stoke, Tarzan, Lord of the Apes,
Greatest Showman.
You could have gone,
Grey could have been turned into Great instead of A.
Instead of something that didn't work.
I think it did, though.
I liked it.
I'm a big fan of it.
But Ken took it down.
That means Ken gets to go first in Last Woman Stanton.
In this game, Wilford, I have predetermined, preselected some audience members via Twitter who I'm going to ask to suggest the name of an actress.
We're going actresses only until I feel like going back to including men.
No rush.
Yeah.
Because people hardly ever suggest actress names
And there's lots of good ones out there
That should be, you know
We should be able to play with
Instead of doing Schwarzenegger again
For the 50th time
So, I mean, he'll be back
Of course
But, I mean, you know
We just know he's going to be back
He told us
I don't even get it.
Every part he played since he said it the first time.
All right, so...
I understand.
There's a new wrinkle tonight, though, Wilfred.
Normally we get a name and we take turns saying movies
that a person was in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
But you can go to your lifeline once.
You can go to the person whose name tag you chose.
You can go to them for help one time.
But here's another thing we're going to do.
I've got three different people I've chosen.
And let's figure this out.
Where's Cranold's 90?
Hi.
So polite.
Wait, that was two different people.
Which one really is Cranolds90 Say something that only Cranalds90 would know
Okay this is weird
Cause you know how Twitter works
Just can't be more than one Craynolds.
Let's ask this lady over here.
How do you spell it?
Okay, so it's this woman.
Because this other woman knows how to spell it.
How do you spell it?
K-R-A-Y. See? That's the
tricky part. You and the Cottonmouth Kings, huh?
Yeah.
So we got her, and then we've got someone else
in the audience that goes by Bunny.
Hey!
We got one loud, clear
bunny over there. And then
where is Brandotron?
Where?
Oh, there you are. Hey.
Brando underscore Tron.
Okay.
Sup, Tom. So all three of them, I'm going to go to them one at a time.
They're each going to suggest an actress.
And then the four of you, I'm going to name each of the actresses again.
You each get one vote.
And whichever actress gets, you know, two or three votes, we'll probably be the one.
But if two actresses get two votes each, we'll do
two names.
I know, right? At once or consecutively?
At once.
You can pick from either name.
Okay. So as a team, we should land
on that option, I think. Cranolds, what do you
got? Emma Thompson.
This is a great start. The great Emma think. Cranolds, what do you got? Emma Thompson. Emma Thompson. This is a great start.
The great Emma Thompson.
And then Bunny?
Anna Faris.
Anna Faris.
She's got a podcast.
Kind of the Emma Thompson of America.
Yeah, absolutely.
And where did Tron go?
Meryl Streep.
Okay.
Well, she's certainly been in a lot of movies
and probably is one of the actresses
we have done a million times already,
but still qualifies.
So now I'm going to repeat the names.
This is an open vote between the four of you.
Your competitors will see who you're voting for.
Just pick one that you want to play
of those three.
Is it going to be Emma Thompson?
Any votes for Emma?
Are we just raising our hands?
Yeah.
No.
Hold on.
It's just four men
who dislike one woman. Relax.
It's just four dudes teaming up against some lady
who did nothing to them.
Oh, man.
That was funny.
No, it'll be okay.
Those other two actresses are pretty great, too.
I mean, you know,
they've got different levels of award winning.
If somebody else wants Emma Thompson.
So nobody wants to vote for Emma?
I don't want Emma.
There's an audience.
Lady in the audience wants to vote for her.
I want to vote for her, but I'll be throwing my vote away if I vote for Emma Thompson.
He's not stupid.
So do it.
Vote for her.
He knows game strategy.
We're both in Emma Thompson.
They're both.
Team Emma.
Two for Emma Thompson.
That's one thing I didn't anticipate,
is everybody just chatting with each other about what they were going to pick.
I thought it would be more like I'd say the names,
you'd quickly raise your hands, and then we'd be done.
All right, so those two want Emma Thompson.
Wilfred and Jeff and Aferis?
We want Meryl Streep.
Okay.
Okay, so both of you are voting for Meryl Streep?
Yes.
Okay.
It's like we're in court.
Will's just like,
we would like Meryl Streep.
All right.
Stage left has formed an alliance.
Well, apologies to Bunny.
I'm sorry if you
are really sad
about us not playing Anna Faris.
But we're going to do, thanks to you guys,
and vote. See how voting
is important, everybody?
No books for a year, goddammit.
Oh, it was only
temporary, the books? Just for a year, goddammit. Oh, it was only temporary, the books?
Just for a year?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's weird.
Does he keep them somewhere?
Because I imagined a big book burning,
like you just get rid of all of them at once,
but you're saying he just saves them somewhere
and we get them back in a year.
Sure.
Okay.
Emma Thompson and Meryl Streep,
you can pick, every time it comes to youl Streep, you can pick,
every time it comes to you, Wilfred,
you can pick a film that has either of them in it.
I'm probably only going to say Meryl Streep films.
Well, you know what?
You don't have to...
Well, la-ti-da.
I'm not trying to brag.
Because she's the greatest living actress to you,
and you refuse to mention anybody else.
Because I can't look at my phone
and figure out who Emma Thompson is right now.
I don't have to look at my phone and figure out
who E.T. is. I just know, Playboy.
Alright, phone home.
The thing is,
you will get clues as to
who she is if other people say...
Oh yeah, yeah, movies and stuff.
But if I were them now, I would just say
Meryl Streep movies.
Alright, so Ken gets to go first.
We'll switch the order around.
I like to play along because I didn't know who these people were going to suggest,
who these nice ladies and this dude would suggest.
So I'll participate as well.
So it'll go Wilford.
Which way were we going before? It'll go Wilford, which way were we going before?
It'll go Wilford, Ken, Sean, me, and then Jeff.
Oh, and I'm first?
No, and then you.
Ken's first, right?
You'll be last.
I'm last?
Yeah.
It'll be fine.
This is a very classy Last Woman Stanton.
Like Emma Thompson and Meryl Streep, you can't do better than that.
It's very regal.
It really is.
I agree.
Out of Africa. What? Out I agree. Out of Africa.
What?
Out of Africa.
Out of Africa.
With Meryl Streep.
That's a movie.
Yeah, that's a movie.
I thought you were really set up.
Best picture winner.
I thought you were setting us up for a joke at the end of that.
Just out of Africa.
Okay.
Simpson.
Out of Africa Simpson. Out of Africa Simpson.
Out of Africa Simpson.
Huh?
Get it?
That's how it works.
I'm getting this comedy thing.
All right.
So, I mean, yes.
You know my name's Sean?
Yeah.
What do you got?
Love Actually.
Okay. Emma Thompson's Hugh Grant? Love Actually. Okay.
Emma Thompson's Hugh Grant in Love Actually.
Oh, okay.
So now you know who she is.
I've got a good movie.
Okay, I'll go with...
Iron Weed. Iron weed
We're not asking what you smoked before the show
Somebody was going to take it
God damn it, it was me
Streep and Nicholson
Iron weed
Jeff
The deer hunter Yeah, I've heard of that Jeff?
The Deer Hunter.
Yeah, I've heard of that.
Wilfred?
Doubt.
I know what you're feeling, but what is your... What's your answer?
Ken?
Sophie's Choice.
It really is.
Just pick one, though.
It works for any movie. It does.. Just pick one, though. It works for any movie.
It does.
Kramer vs. Kramer.
Well, who are two people on Seinfeld?
I've never seen it.
There's always something else to do,
and it's a real motherfucker.
If only I had, like,
pop culture shorthand
to explain how difficult that decision is
Sean's here, right?
Yeah, I'm right here
I mean, you're next?
Yep
Okay
Nebraska?
What about it?
Meryl Streep's in that, is she not?
Why is she in Nebraska?
Am I a prick? She's not?
What do you mean?
Why would that make you a prick?
What's happening?
Am I out already?
Do you want to go to your lifeline?
Damn, no, death becomes her Death becomes her,? Do you want to go to your lifeline? Damn, no.
Death Becomes Her.
Death Becomes Her, okay.
Thank you for that.
She's not in Nebraska?
No, I don't know
why you think she was.
I don't even know
what part she would play.
Thanks for not getting mad.
You think she's Bruce Dern?
June Squibb.
Yeah.
I know what movie
he's thinking of.
If I'd have thought
of that quicker.
What?
I know what movie
he's thinking of.
I bet you do
and you say it
when it gets to you.
Yeah.
Or just come over here and tell me, and then you say something else.
Nope.
I'm going to take another title that was already alluded to,
and so therefore it's sort of out there.
Kramer versus Kramer.
All right, Jeff.
Zero points.
The first marriage story.
The Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah.
I've been to all those bridges, too.
Right?
That was probably Nebraska.
It was fucking boring
like Nebraska.
I think it's Iowa.
Our bridges got roofs.
Oh, I figured it out.
I'll say it when it gets back to me.
So, Wilfred?
Hannah and her sisters?
Is what?
Isn't Meryl Streep
in that
uh uh
you wanna go to your
lifeline
yeah Dave
what's up
uh
Mamma Mia
Mamma Mia
exclamation point
very good
shit
Ken
Silkwood
yeah
shout out for
Karen Silkwood
thank you
Silkwood Thank you Silkwood
Ironweed
LD what do we got
Oh he's going to LD
Excuse me
Fuck
Adaptation
With Meryl Streep
Yes
Okay
Maybe
Because Nebraska's
In black and white
You were
And Hannah and her sisters
Is Woody Allen
Maybe you were both thinking of Manhattan?
Do you get Nebraska and Manhattan confused?
Although they were made 30 years apart.
Manhattan, you'd be thinking of Kansas.
I'm pretty stupid.
Kansas is a good one, Jeff.
Simpson.
Uh-oh.
The Devil Wears Prada It's back to Wilfred
You can tap or you can give us a brilliant
answer
I just
want to quit
I know we really put you through the ringer on that last game to quit.
I know, we really put you through the wringer on that last game.
I don't smoke as much weed as any of you guys, but I have the least brain cells right now, I think.
What was that?
Don't tell him the answers, lady.
My shoes are cool? Yeah, that doesn't
help me through this at all.
It doesn't hurt.
Yeah, all right.
A thank you, I guess.
That's the problem.
You just shouted out, your shoes are cool?
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
It's a little-known Emma Thompson movie.
If I tap.
All right.
Well, thanks for playing cool shoes.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, man.
We'll be back to talk to you again in a minute
Ken
defending your life
Albert Brooks
Sean is this the end of the road for you
we could take as much time as we want
or as little time
might as well just get it over with
I apologize I don't have any more movies
don't apologize any more movies for them. Don't apologize.
Oh, I feel bad.
Oh.
I feel like I let at least one person down.
Split Nugs probably has a kind.
He doesn't know shit about Meryl Streep.
You let him down even more than the person you're playing on behalf of.
Because that person's a stranger, but he's your friend.
He's your longtime friend.
You let him down.
33.
Ex-friend, maybe, at this point.
All right.
So it's my turn, and I'm going to say She-Devil.
Nice.
Sure.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Jeff?
Man. Somehow She-Devil made me forget everything.
I had 50 names.
I had a whole list.
Lions for lambs.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Wow.
Yeah, that's a fucked up one.
I learned it.
Did you see it?
No, of course not.
Nobody saw that. Music of the Heart
Wes Craven's Music of the Heart
The Seduction of Joe Tynan
Nice
Yeah exactly
I haven't heard of one of these movies
They're old.
She's been around for a minute.
Jeff.
Wake up, Jeff.
He's smiling.
He only smiles when he's awake.
Don't you have a Santa shift tomorrow morning?
Right.
I mean, you guys laugh, but it's my peak season.
I didn't know Santa would wail in a blunt that hard.
That's crazy.
Nanny McPhee.
Whoa.
Holy shit. seems like a little
Meryl Streep surrender there
is that right
is that the end of the road
for Meryl
what
no no
no no no
I still have 50 more
good luck
Mary Poppins Returns what's that Mary Poppins Returns
what's that?
Mary Poppins Returns
she's in it for a second
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
I should have known those
or that
JF
Late Night
yeah J.F. Late Night.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Why'd everyone bail on Emma Thompson so hard?
Yeah, Remains of the Day.
All of these have been Emma Thompson's last few.
Are you serious?
Yeah, what'd you say, Jeff?
Late Night stars Emma Thompson, and then Ken said... Remains of the Day. Remains of the Day's got Emma Thompson and then Ken said Remains of the Day
Remains of the Day's got Emma Thompson
I know that
She's also in a movie called Stranger Than Fiction
Jeff
Damn it
It's quiet in here
I had a good one
Oh I still have a lifeline
Oh you still got a lifeline
Saving Mr. Banks
Yeah
Emma Thompson's in it
What are the odds Yeah okay Saving Mr. Banks. Yeah. Emma Thompson's in it.
What are the odds?
Yeah.
Okay.
She does the saving.
She's not Mr. Banks?
Ken?
Sense and Sensibility.
Dog.
Nice.
This is gnarly again. Huh? This is gnarly again.
Huh?
This is gnarly.
I like this.
Okay.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Jeff. Jeff.
Isn't there an Emma Thompson movie called Emma?
No.
There's a movie called Emma that stars Gwyneth Paltrow.
You're thinking of a different one.
Anyway, I'm going to get out of here soon,
so I should probably give an answer.
That's what I said.
What'd you say?
I'm guessing a Meryl Streep movie now called...
I don't know, man.
All right.
I think I might be out.
Oh.
You did great, though,
Jeff.
Ken,
Ken.
Ken,
you want to just throw another one on there just for fun?
Last Christmas, Emma Thompson.
Yeah, she's in that, isn't she?
I think she wrote it
isn't that brand
that's brand new
yeah
that's a brand new
romantic comedy
that I fucking
did not get
it's George Michael music
and I think it's got
a subplot about
Ukraine or something
it's got the cast
of Crazy Rich Asians
for some reason
are you reading my tattoos
or listening up
what this movie's about
it's wild
yeah
and what's her name
Meryl's in Little Women but it's not quite out yet it's about to It's wild. Yeah, and what's her name?
Meryl's in Little Women,
but it's not quite out yet.
I was going to ask,
do movies have to be out? I think they need to be out.
It opens on Christmas, I guess.
But anyway, let's hear it
for Ken Jennings, everybody.
Thank you.
Okay, now it's my turn. The River Wild. Thank you. Okay.
Now it's my turn.
The River Wild.
Fuck!
Meryl Streep action movie.
The only Meryl Streep action thriller.
She's good at it, I think.
She did a good job.
I saw that in the theater with my mom.
Into the Woods.
Yeah.
All right.
I could go all night.
But let's give the prizes
to who are we playing for again, Ken?
Michael or possibly Mikkel.
Mikkel.
Oh, he's right there.
That's perfect.
Congratulations, Mikkel.
Sean, start us off.
What do you got to plug?
I'll be headlining Snow Jam Comedy Festival
in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, January 27th.
I have an album on a special thing, records.
I'll be selling a few flasks upstairs.
And I love my friend Sean, who it's his birthday.
And I'm thrilled that we're still friends
and all my friends are here
so thank you so much
to everybody
for being friends with me
and fucking being here
and all that.
I love you.
Hey Reese's guy,
do you like Swedish fish?
Ken Jennings.
I do a fun podcast called Omnibus
with my friend and Seattle legend John Roderick.
You should check it out
if you like things that are funny and cool.
Kind of nerdy, but kind of cool.
And I'll be back on Jeopardy in the new year.
Yeah.
And I'll be back on Jeopardy in the new year.
Exciting.
Wilfred?
For all of you in Seattle, come to Laughs Comedy Club this Thursday, December 19th. I'm headlining over there.
And... headlining over there. And I don't know.
Just follow me on Instagram at Wilfred Padua.
Yes.
First timer,
Wilfred Padua.
I think you did a great job, dude.
Thank you.
Jeff Tate, this is his 1,000th appearance on the show.
What do you got to plug, buddy?
Wednesday, this Wednesday, tomorrow, probably,
if you're listening to it right when this comes out,
I'm at Chameleon in Northside in Cincinnati.
Then Thursday, I'm with Trey Gallion in Atlanta
at the Highland Ballroom.
And then Saturday, we're in Asheville, North Carolina at a place called the LeZoom Room.
And on Sunday, we're at the Central Collective in Knoxville, Tennessee.
It's me and Trey for the weekend.
And how many episodes of Jeopardy are you on?
I'm on Price is Right.
Me and Trey.
We didn't get picked, but you can totally see us.
Yeah, that's on January 10, 11, or 12.
Yeah, January.
Something like that.
They gave me a window.
They go, it'll be on between the 10th, 11th, or 12th,
or whatever, and only one of those is a weekday.
So it's like, not a great job ballparking, guys.
Doug Loves Movies is back at the LOL Comedy Club
in San Antonio, Texas on Saturday, January 31st,
I think it is, at 420.
And thank you to everyone who came out tonight, to the beautiful Neptune Theater, and one
more time for all of my guests, Sean Jordan, Ken Jennings, Wilford Padua, and Jeff Tate.
As always, positive energy.
One more time, this episode is sponsored by Blue Chew,
the first chewable with the same FDA-approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis.
Blue Chew is prescribed online by licensed physicians,
and it ships right to your door in a discreet package. Visit BlueChew.com and get your first shipment free when you use our promo code DLM.
Just pay $5 for shipping.
That's B-L-U-E-Chew.com, promo code DLM. Just pay $5 for shipping. That's B-L-U-E-T-U dot com.
Promo code DLM to try it free.
Bye-bye.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.