Doug Loves Movies - Kevin Pollak, Dave Foley, and Anthony Jeselnik Guest
Episode Date: March 17, 2011Coming to you from South By Southwest in Austin, TX, Doug welcomes comic-actors Kevin Pollak, Dave Foley, and Anthony Jeselnik to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy an...d California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Sādēs, sēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsēsē Thank you. My name is Zach and I love movies. I didn't even have to look at the piece of paper to say that. It's good to see everybody here at South by Southwest
and looking out at some of the name tags that have become giant name signs.
John R.M. with a heart on it.
You're like a heart surgeon.
I mean, not a surgeon because you're a registered nurse, but you know what I mean.
I'm an idiot.
Look at this one here.
This is an iPad that's got
Katie Blanchett on it.
And it says Elizabeth, because that's your name?
Is that your full name?
Elizabeth the Golden Age?
And that's the full name of the movie.
Eric Scott.
There's all these high-tech ones.
Now you know when it's your turn
to, if somebody chooses your name tag, they get it.
They're going to come get it from you and hold it on stage.
And I know these people are coming out here, and some of them don't have an iPad.
So be careful, Elizabeth.
And Alan says I'm tweeting crap out of this.
That's the worst thing in the room.
tweeting the crap out of this. That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. So let me do, let me do, I shall look at my notes now because a lot of it was improvised. And I
don't know what I left out. Did I mention that we're at South by Southwest and Austin Texas.
It is, of course, March 12 to Oceans 11,
and we're in a venue that I like to call Esther's Follies,
because that's what it's called.
Esther's Follies, accuracy is kind of my thing.
And this, that you guys are here for tonight,
we're not going to turn over the house.
I hope you have the next 90 minutes free.
You get to stay for the entire thing.
We're going to take two 45 minute episodes of the show
with new guests in both shows.
This is where it gets complicated.
It's like Inception or some shit.
Or Source Code, which I saw last night.
And I still don't know what happened.
So this is going to be part one, and it's going to plop on March 18th.
And then part two will plop on April 1st.
I'm not kidding.
April 1st is a Friday.
And there will be another episode in between those two.
So it will be very suspenseful and exciting.
But I decided since you guys are great, you got your badges for the festival.
And it's awesome that you're here and into this.
But there's lots of people who live in Austin that can't come to this because they don't have a festival badge.
So I feel bad for them.
So that's why this is going to be a free episode so at least they can listen to it.
Because I have a son to be like, you can't come to it?
And where's your $2 to listen to it?
You piece of shit.
And I remind my guests before they come to here that festival badges do not count as name tags.
What, so you've made your own festival badge?
Because that's what we're looking for is creative people like Elizabeth the Golden Age.
And I'm going to tweet the crap out of this.
Those are people who went to their iPads and did some work.
And did some hard work on their iPads.
Alright, I think I said everything I wanted to say. The three guests I have lined up for the first half of the show are hilarious humoridians.
Please welcome my friends, Anthony Jesselman, Kevin Pollock, and Dave Foley. So anyway, we can make these lights brighter. Thank you. capillaries are on fire. Is there a way to turn it down a little bit? Is there going to be a personal area?
I'm having trouble. That's awesome.
I like that.
It's getting sexy up here.
Moon light.
Are you satisfied with the lighting,
Anthony?
Could I get a spotlight just on me?
Just a bit.
Ideal.
You really can't do anything here, Mr. Spallings.
I'd like to be only that, right?
Who's that mysterious person?
Who's that mysterious person with something?
Oh, my God.
Sorry.
What's your name, David?
No, my name is Flick.
Oh, my God.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Yes. That was Yeah. Yes.
That was pick number two.
You brought too many things with me.
I need to set things down.
I brought one thing too few for me.
Yeah, right.
It's like a beer.
It's a light, Dale.
I like the Texan micro-brews.
I mean, I've seen some of them. It's like a beer. It's a beer. It's a beer. I like the Texan micro-brews. And now,
I'll put all of this away
and have some of it
be able to use
for beverages.
Okay.
There you go.
Show her.
Yes, I will.
I can just
rakishly sit like this.
That's me.
No good.
Get it.
I'm going to tell you people
the motherfucking truth.
I'm going to tell you people
the motherfucking truth.
Yeah, we'll try that.
You guys can say that.
That's a thing.
That's a thing that happens.
Thank you, Doug.
By the way, if you ever see a stand-up comic doing this, walk out of the room.
I don't even listen to those first judges.
Mark Maron might do that.
Jesus.
He might.
Yeah, he might.
So you get to stay for him.
He gets pretty, you know, he'll sit across the table.
You know what? If I see Mark doing that, I'm going to have to tell him not to stay for him. He gets pretty, you know, he'll sit across the table. You know what?
If I see Mark doing that, I'm going to have to tell him not to do it anymore.
I don't think he does it.
It's not going to work out on Mark.
And I will.
All right, Kevin.
Sir.
It's great to see you.
Must be.
I mean, thank you.
That sentence wasn't done yet. It's great to see that. Must be. I mean, thank you. But that sentence wasn't done yet.
It's great to see that you and Dave are getting along,
considering you stole your gig at somebody broke their showdown.
The most coveted gig in show business.
You know, Doug is having fun on a little inside joke backstage.
I did six episodes as a favor to the creators
of the show. And I said, they said, we're doing more. I said, well, congratulations.
And then Dave, they were smart enough to bring Dave in, but they're buying a dime for every
time somebody came up to me and said, hey, why'd you get fired from that poker show?
It only happens near here.
It only happens near here.
Yeah, Tom never told me to have $1.70.
$0.72.
I can tell you that the message boards on Summer Poker Showdown were filled with people going,
he doesn't know fuck about poker.
I'm doing it with his fuck all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bring back Paula.
So we both suffered tremendously from that particular job.
I did about two years of that as a favorite to my first wife.
Welcome to our character. I'm going to keep going.
I'm going to keep going.
So,
thankfully, of all the films you've been in,
yes,
including Lucky Road,
which one is your favorite?
Mike, what do you think?
Is it possible?
All in all, it's not my favorite film.
I'm most proud of The Long I did called The Wrong Guy.
That's my number one.
Yes!
Thank you.
Always love when that comes up because people need to check it out if you haven't seen The Wrong Guy.
Yeah, and you've got to laugh as hard as you can.
That's what I'm saying.
You have to level of laughter you haven't experienced yet, people.
Especially if you watch it alone. If you just sit alone, naked, and watch a Dave Bollock comedy.
We don't see you naked in that one, do we?
No, that's one of the rare films I miss.
Not naked.
Not naked or in a dress.
No, neither of those.
So check it out. It's called The Wrong Guy.
Kevin Pollak, same question.
What's your favorite Dave Harvey movie?
Which one are you most proud of?
I'm a good wrong guy as well.
What about your stuff, Kevin?
Can I guess your favorite of your movies?
I played... Man, Usual Suspects?
Correct. Continue.
All right, here we go.
Least favorite.
Are you ready?
Least favorite.
I'm going to go.
Do you want men?
Oh, I'm going to go.
That's probably it since you said it.
My guess was going to be house arrest.
No.
No.
I got to make that with Jamie Lee Fitness, dude.
That was a good game.
Another time with that job.
Although I also learned my Wally Shawn impression working with him because he was stuck in the basement with us as well.
In fact, I entertained the crew until they had that moment that you see in movies.
They go, I'm doing Wally Shawn.
And the crew's laughing.
And then they stop halfway through it.
I'm wondering why.
And they're like, he's standing and then they stop halfway through it. I'm wondering why. He's standing behind me!
Inconceivable!
I'm sure that he was.
But then Red State, which I'm excited
about, as it tours across the country.
I mean, I have a picture
that is not a comedy.
It's not a comedy at all.
It's a dark, creepy drama.
Very mature
example of his work, actually.
It'll be another review.
His most mature effort.
Was it a comedy before the cast?
What's happening here, though? I need to know.
You're okay, first of all.
This is scaring me, this thing right here.
Is this what all the kids are doing in the alternative comedy?
That's enough for the man.
No, no.
It would be funny though when they ask you if it was an accommodate before they cast you in it.
So I had to repeat it.
He didn't get the laugh that I deserved. Do you need a drink, Dave Foley?
I do.
I know there's no service per se, but is there some way you can get a number?
I can't remember.
Why are you flying?
Anyone who wants to grab a beer for Dave?
Yeah, what kind of beer?
The damn thing.
I think it's a Texas Michael Brew.
Yeah, what's the best one?
Give him a nice Texas Michael Brew.
What do you want?
I want Texas.
I can't remember the name of it.
Shatterbox.
Shatterbox.
That's it.
Yeah.
Now I'm going to get a case of it.
That is awesome.
Great.
I get a can of beer and I get the canter to the local crowd.
Nice.
Yeah.
I didn't typically have the PA, but here we go.
Penguins Unite.
Okay, so I'm going to make a point.
Just real quickly, when you were making out with Jamie Lee Curtis,
did you take a second to, you know, find out if she has any man bits?
That's the most hilarious reaction to what I said. Are you listening?
Are you listening to the podcast.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I'm ready. So for the listeners, that's what is in the list.
Everyone, I want to get those two such objectives.
For the listeners, we should say, Dave, not only got a drink from the audience, but there was a nice hug.
You got a hug.
I got a hug.
Oh, what's for?
Now, I need a new Tito's and Tonic. Part of the fun of doing these live shows in nightclubs, and Anthony, just so you know,
could attest to this, it's fun to get a little drunk while we do it.
I attest it's fun for us.
Can I get a Heineken 2 for a second?
Yeah.
But I'm not exactly to draw on it.
I got some drink tickets here somewhere.
Save those.
Save those.
From the audience's environment.
And I'll take another bottle of water if I can, please.
How long can it go take to get every member of the audience to buy us a drink?
You guys can just stand up here for the next song.
You can stand in the background.
We'll play a match game.
Then I'll go through Ackerman shows.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've got comedy death ray shows coming up here later tonight.
And lots of shows next weekend.
Hopefully this episode we're doing now will plop on Friday.
So people of Austin, this is an important announcement to everybody except all the people in this room.
Next weekend, my fancy interruption shows, you won't necessarily need a badge to get in.
There will be a standby line. But then some standby people
got in tonight, right? That's right. Oh, you got a sweet seat. How did you pull that off?
Nicely done, young lady. All right. Lately, movies lately. Have you guys been to the movies
lately? Start with Anthony down there. Yeah, I just saw yesterday Battle of Los Angeles. Yeah? Let's tell.
The trailer pulled me in so hard.
I was like, I've got to see this opening day at like 10.45 in the morning.
Aggressively awful.
It was so bad, I could not believe it.
The only guy I liked about the movie is Michelle Rodriguez, who is a radio expert or electronics expert.
So we have to keep going to her for information throughout the movie.
And Doug, ask me a yes or no question, and I'll give you Michelle Rodriguez's answer to all of them.
Go ahead.
Looks like we've got quite a battle on our hands, don't you think?
Yes!
Sometimes it takes way too long to answer yes or no question.
Thank you very much.
You missed out on two of them.
I mean,
you did
a horrible job, but you got it all right after.
Got better timing.
All right, well, thank you
for that very much.
I think I have a drink ticket on me somewhere that I can give you in exchange so that you
didn't really have to pay for it.
Here you go.
Did you actually?
There you go.
It's only good for beer or wine.
All right.
So, I know it's not a fair trade, but you can rebate on this thing.
I don't want to sign it.
You got to use it.
I'll sign something else later.
No, I'll sign it.
You've got to use it.
I'll sign something else later.
Did I discuss why you're so promoting Elizabeth?
It's her name.
It's Elizabeth. Oh, genius.
Yeah.
Is that the two?
Why would you want to confuse people?
She has a one sheet of the film Elizabeth on her iPad as a way to let people know that her name is Elizabeth.
That's what happened to you for the ability to confuse the fuck out of people when they look at that.
Oh, of course that's what that is.
That's just letting me know that your name is Elizabeth.
Why would I think you're promoting the film?
But this is like a stand-up comedy club where the headliner didn't see the opener's act.
So you missed that part, but this was covered in detail.
A lot of detail.
That's what I'm saying.
We were...
I said everything to her that you just said.
Before you said it.
You leave that, fucker.
Yeah, could you get the man with the Hitler in the back, please?
Very offended.
So, Kevin.
Yes, sir.
Have you been to the cinema lately?
Yes, I saw the Ringo.
Loved every goddamn instrument.
What do you think about... So did I.
Yeah?
Yeah. What do you think about this whole thing, though, about the people that are against, you know,
showing children how to smoke, are mad that characters in Rango smoke cigarettes,
and that they're sick.
I like smoking cigarettes.
I don't even know.
I saw it.
I saw it.
I love smoking.
I saw it.
I don't even remember anybody smoking a cigarette, because it's a Western.
Cigars.
They do.
Unless cigars.
They're all dangling off their lips, and they're mostly bad guys or bad moles or whatever the hell they are.
I should point out that they are also talking rodents.
Yeah.
And frogs.
So they always go to the argument, well, Joe Camel, how about that, because that's a cartoon figure. And a prick.
And a pedophile. And a pedophile.
And a pedophile.
His face was a penis.
His face was a penis.
He had a penis face.
I dream of that.
Because he had the only nose, only a whole face.
Has anyone noticed the only nose, only a whole face? No. It actually old Wilson penis nose right on the lung? No. It actually
has a helmet at the end of it. I believe that's his sexual specialty. The nose job.
I'm busy. I bet that's true.
Do you do... Do you do...
One more, one more.
Do you do Owen Wilson's voice?
No, but I just realized I'm in a film with him coming out.
And I'll probably see him sooner than that.
Oh, I said, hi.
Can I wait for you?
See you in London.
Maybe we'll talk later.
Did you hear that voice?
When I first moved to L.A., I used to get Owen Wilson's mail for like the first six months I was sitting in L.A.
Of course you did.
I rented the house that he and his brother and the guy that did the bottle market were renting right before I moved in there.
Awesome.
And they never put in a change of address.
So for about maybe a year, I kept getting his mail.
Did you ever try to cash the residual checks from that place?
Not in a cold.
No.
Are you into the bar in the valley called Residuals?
I'm into the fact that they stopped doing what you're going to say.
Really?
Yeah.
Because everyone keeps telling me to go there.
Yeah, there's this bar.
The bar is called Residuals, and the idea was if you had a residual check for less than
a dollar, which you get a lot if you've done any kind of work on TV episodes.
Well, they eventually all become 18 cents after time.
Yeah, eventually.
And so they have a bar where if you bring one of those checks in, they'll give you a
free drink, and then they'll put the check on the wall.
But Los Angeles is full of renters getting 18-cent checks.
They're out of business.
So they just stopped doing that.
The ice is still there, but they won't take it anymore.
I wish you would have gone in the dry ground.
I would have been funny.
Damn it.
I've got to say one thing about Rango.
I went to see Rango with my seven-year-old daughter.
Who was smoking.
Yes.
But one of those Virginia Slims.
One of those was feminine.
So, but we're driving there.
On the way to the theater, my daughter just goes,
I hope it's better than Gnomeo and Juliet.
Nice.
She was so let down
by that movie.
It was terrible.
That movie
made me want to go
back in time
and kill Shakespeare.
It could never be
parodied that badly.
I mentioned
I saw Source Code
last night here at South by Southwest, and people are rooting for it.
It was...
Tendence.
Yeah, but I love the fact that they were there as well.
But did you guys like it?
No, no, no.
The crowd was raving!
I was...
It kept my interest the whole time, but I'm not exactly sure what happened.
That's a lot in this day and age.
It kept my interest the whole time.
What did I say?
Yeah, I do.
I just can't sit through most of them anymore.
Like, wasn't Rango like about 10 or 12 minutes too long last?
Is that likely?
It's great.
It's mostly the action at the end.
I think the cartoons have to have a big action sequence.
We're not that impressed by action sequences in a cartoon.
You can do anything.
I thought the animation was very cool.
The lighting was fantastic.
It looks good.
The lighting, did you say? Yeah, the cinematography of this animation was very cool. The lighting was fantastic. It looks good. The lighting, did you say?
The lighting, yeah.
The cinematography of this animation was like the cinematography of a film.
Would you guys want to do it how they did it if you did another animated movie?
Would you want to act it all out like a play with the other actors?
You know, I think that animators love that.
It's like, oh, okay, you want it like that?
All right.
Yeah, yeah. Because they're part of the fun of getting to decide what the characters move like. oh okay you want it like that alright yeah yeah
because they're part of the fun
getting to decide what the characters move like
yeah that's true
but for the actors it would be preferable
if you're trying to watch you know Johnny Depp
walk around like that
I'm sure you'd really hand it up
because doing voices in animation you generally feel like an idiot
when you're doing it
because you're standing in a room alone shouting yeah it's like a piece of paper on a music stand yeah and also
being an unsure director can be a living hell now do one really happy now do one like 11 different
versions of every sentence yeah and my experience was really you don't want you don't know what you
want at all you have no idea i need to do 11 versions of every fucking sentence.
Yeah.
Can you put the emphasis on the latter half of that song?
Not the latter half.
Syllable.
Yeah.
And then today I saw a movie called Turkey Bowl.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. Don't let the title throw a movie called Turkey Bowl. I'm sorry? Yeah.
Don't let the title throw you off.
Turkey Bowl?
Turkey Bowl.
Yeah.
And it's about a group of friends who get together once a year and play football in the park.
And the entire movie is one football game that they play.
This is a live action film?
Not since Breakfast Club.
Because there's been a movie set in one boring spot for the entire time.
And yet it was enjoyable.
I liked it.
It was a cute movie.
It's only like 62 minutes long, actually.
Sure.
Even the director was kind of like, you know, we could have made it feature length, but come on.
It's one football game.
62 minutes?
What is that?
What is that fall under?
Because it's too long for a short.
It's too short for a feature. What the hell is 62 minutes? It's that fall under? Because it's too long for a short. It's too short for a feature.
What the hell is 62 minutes?
It's something that they played today in Southwest.
It's a feature film.
It's not a series, but it's a series.
It's a feature film.
They showed a short beforehand, though, to make up for the...
I'll say.
Give you more for your money or whatever.
The short was about two old men that have a swimming race every year.
So it was a very...
It was!
And the short film is actually 90 minutes long.
It could have been.
It was very exciting.
Because one of the old men,
every year he would fuck with the other guy
and do something to win the competition.
Like he'd have a kid jump off a pier on top of him
while he's trying to swim.
It was a different thing every year.
It was pretty funny.
Why are you having an off-mic conversation right now, Kevin Pollard?
I just gave Dave a joke.
It's going to be really great.
All right, ready?
Do I talk naturally or do you want to just say it?
I don't have a lot of faith in it, but I'll talk about it.
No, no, no.
I think it'll work no matter what it is at this point.
Why do you have the poster for Elizabeth on your poster?
That's hilarious.
You're the worst joke giver ever.
That's not enough to my terrible version.
I wasn't even a joke there.
It's just a question.
Reviews are in.
Reviews are in.
Somebody hooked up their iPad with animated poo.
Or poop with stink lines.
I don't think it's animated. It's a still.
I needed to point out that it was animated.
Look at that shit move.
So, just the stink lines are animated.
How are we doing on time? We're way off.
We're done. We're way behind.
Way behind.
Way behind.
We're having fun.
Way behind having fun.
I'm just going to make sure we got everything I wanted to do here before we do this next
amazing part of the show, which is the letterball game.
Now, gentlemen, you may go out to the audience members and pick a name tag. Thank you. There we go. Where? You didn't even make a sign.
Sometimes it does that.
All right.
Who did you pick?
Anthony picked Kyle.
Who did you pick, Anthony?
We got a drawing named Julie and not Julia.
And then there's a drawing of a cookie.
And then a sign that says cookie and an arrow to what looks
like a cookie.
Kyle, did you want to?
There's Kyle.
Is there a reason we're holding this up now?
Yeah, so I know who you're playing for.
Really?
Yeah.
Kyle.
Okay.
I can remember if you want to give it back to her.
I'll put yours right there.
Apparently it's not the iPad.
Two of them weighs four pounds.
But here.
Somebody waited
seven hours. Tim Street waited seven hours
in the pop-up Apple
store here in town to get the iPad 2.
I said, really? So just no life?
Nothing?
It's about the friendships you form in the
mind.
So
what are you going to do tomorrow?
Dave picked
Kyle, the boy's name,
and Big Leather's on a yellow legal pad.
Yeah.
So that's pretty creative.
He's so cool.
He represents all the films.
You ever see The Bird?
Let me just see Julia.
Julia, not Julia.
There's a lot going on in there.
Where is she?
That's here. Julia, not Julia. Well, there's a lot going on in there. Where is she? That's here.
All right.
Well, good luck to you.
And I'm with Elizabeth, of course.
Yeah.
All right.
And another empty bottle of water.
Yeah.
You didn't think that.
That's sad.
Oh, your beer's almost done?
All right.
Well, if you want us to drink, we'll drink it.
I'm going to hydrate.
That's our promise today.
It's the solemn pledge.
Okay, so let's start with Anthony down there on the end.
I'll let him pick the first category.
We'll come around to Dave, then to Kevin, et cetera.
No, we've done that.
First category, Ernest goes to movies.
Yeah.
It's going to be a category until somebody picks it.
It's been weeks, you know.
And no one ever picks it.
And the next category, the motion pictures of Charlie Sheen.
Yeah.
Winning.
Because, hey, on last week's episode, the movie was Lucas, and the first two words of the review were thoroughly winning.
True. It's true.
Winning.
Okay, and then another really fun category called Pullman Paxton.
And that's movies that feature either Bill Pullman or Bill Paxton.
That is so bizarre.
Jamie has a game.
Pullman, Paxton, Bridges, Daniels.
Literally.
She's going to freak.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I'm saying.
So you should be good at that.
But Anthony gets to pick the category.
Brilliant.
What do you think, Julie?
Oh.
Well, I'm going to go Shane. I'm going to go Shane for you. I'm going to go with Shane.
All right, Charlie Shane.
All right.
Would you like a Charlie Shane movie from 1984, 1986, or 1999?
I'm going to go with 1999.
All right.
Leonard gives us maybe three and a half stars.
That seems pretty accurate.
He calls it audaciously original.
Yeah, and he also says that it is the debut, it's the feature debut for a director who did other things before he did this.
He directed other things.
And there are seven names.
How many names do you think you can get it in, Anthony Justin?
People in the audience are muttering.
I bet you somebody already knows it.
I'm going to say I can get it in, I'm going to say two names.
That means you know it now.
If you can't remember the name fully, you can say either one name or say name that movie, Anthony.
I'm going to say name that movie, Anthony.
All right.
Do you already know, Anthony, or do you want to do two names?
I want my two names.
Do you want to show off?
No, I want my two names.
Here's your two names.
The first one is Charlie Sheen.
That's a huge clue.
He said he's the seventh name.
And the other one is Mary Kay Place.
And that's like, well, in 1899.
And it's audaciously original.
And it's the directorial debut of a director.
That's a... and it's the directorial debut of a director. Anthony,
you're getting a little worried.
Who's that impression of?
I have no idea.
I got a little in my step.
I'm excited as you look scared.
I'm a sweat fly.
I'm there up and limp.
You're the one who's been
fucking mopping it up all night. What are you doing at the clinic? I'm a sweat frog. And they're up and left. You're the one that's been fucking mopping it up all night.
What did you do with that Kleenex?
I picked my juice when we were swimming.
I didn't know you were Jewish.
Really?
Of course I knew you were Jewish.
It's tall tactics.
You're the world champion.
You've been talking to me.
Oh, God, I do not know.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
You get that.
What's happening?
Where are they going?
I can't take two things at once.
Thank you.
I'm out of here.
I'm sorry to take your time, though.
You gave up.
I'm going to have to.
Please fall against the point.
Are you going to guess something?
Yeah, you got to guess.
I'm going to guess.
Got it.
Ah, fuck. I'm going to guess... Ah, fuck.
I'm going to guess
Hot Shots Park View.
No, that's not it.
Who else is it?
Bing John Malkovich?
Bing John Malkovich?
Yeah, but he has
as Charlie Sheen.
He plays himself as Malkovich's buddy
and he saves our animals whenever there are scenes
with the real Malkovich.
That's what went wrong. I had no idea.
I didn't know Larry K. Place was in that.
Larry K. Place is the future secretary of the state's office building.
Right.
All right.
So we've got to keep going, and we've got to go faster because we're running out of time.
I get the point for that?
You get the point.
Wow, that's a point.
That's a point.
You made no shit to me in this game.
I got a point for just being cowardly.
Yeah.
Let's start with sweaty over there, Kevin Pollack.
Would you like In Theaters Now?
That's motion pictures that are in theaters now.
The great Bryan Cranston.
Movies that feature Bryan Cranston.
There's not a lot of them, but he's an amazing actor.
I love him.
And then the third category, movies I saw last year at South by Southwest.
How many go in theaters now?
Okay.
Would you like a movie from now, now, or now?
I'm in on now.
Okay. No, now, now, or now? I'm in or now? Okay.
No, no, now.
Leonard says about this movie, he says that it's...
Jesus.
You're right.
He says it makes all the right moves.
And then he says, I can't help but feel that it should have been better.
Yes, Leonard is very contradictory in this one.
It sounds like a generic review he just keeps on hand for movies he hasn't seen.
The password is waffle.
And there are nine names.
How do you know?
I should name the movie in nine names.
Anthony?
Goddamn.
I'm going to say...
I'm going to say something angry.
I'm going to say I can name it in four names. All right, Dave. You're going to probably do the same thing again, I'm going to say I'm angry. I'm going to say I can name it in four names.
All right, Dave.
You're going to probably do the same thing again, I'm guessing.
You can bid less.
You can say name it, Anthony.
Name it, Anthony.
You gave more points.
You're a genius.
Maybe Anthony will get the point.
Maybe.
You get four names, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Here they are. Do you want the clues again You get four names, right? Yeah. Okay. Here they are.
Do you want the clues again that didn't make any sense?
Yeah.
No, I'm good.
The Waffling clues.
All right, and I'm not going to pronounce some of these names.
I'm going to try, though.
Stipe and Diggie.
That name sounds a little strokey.
Well, I'm going to say it again, but you've verified it.
I didn't just have a stroke.
Olivier Schneider.
Sebastian Koch.
Or Koch.
Like the Koch brothers, K-O-C-H.
And Frank Langella. I know how-H, and Frank Langella.
I know how to say that.
Frank Langella is your fourth name.
It's in theaters now.
There's a few other names.
I know it's not Los Angeles.
I say just guess a movie that you know is in theaters now.
I'm going to guess this is a trick question,
and I'm gonna say Rango.
I'm not above doing that, but that's not the answer.
Two points for Dave Lilley!
That's the answer.
What is it, you guys?
I know, I'm not right, I know.
I know, I know.
I didn't realize that was actually a movie.
I thought it was just,
I thought it was somebody that remixed
the trailer for Taken.
Yeah, it does look quite similar. And then the rest of the names would have been Bruno
Gans, Aidan Quinn, January Jones. You know how it goes. Dave Foley's our winner, everybody!
So Kyle wins. Where's Kyle at?
Right here.
Okay.
Somewhere back there.
Well, let me tell you what he's wearing.
I should have said what we're going for.
That would have been too exciting, I think, if they knew what we're going for.
Dave brought a pair of pants.
They're my favorite traveling pants.
They're stretchy denim.
So you're kind of, it's like you're starting a brotherhood
yeah
a brotherhood
of traveling pants
and they
I'll be honest
I fell asleep
in them
a couple days ago
and then had to get
to the plane in time
so they hadn't been
washed in a while
so
alright
so there you go
if we had a sharpie
we could all sign them
I'm always going to
have to have everybody sign because Kevin probably bought a book that none of us wrote.
It's called Delivering Happiness, A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose.
Tony, can you pronounce his name?
Shay.
Shay?
Oh.
How many people know who this is?
This is a great book.
It's great.
It's at post.com.
I don't know who's at post.com.
I don't know who he signed it at. This is a prize. It's great. Zappos.com. I've never heard of Zappos. I've never heard of it. I've never seen it.
I'll get a Sharpie.
I can get Tony to sign it also, by the way.
Oh, could you?
Yeah.
Well, I think we should give him his prize.
He's also going to get a courtesy of a nice guy from AMC Theaters, some guest passes and some free popcorn.
And then courtesy of a nice guy named Doug Benson,
a copy of my CD.
Doug Benson, Professor of Radio.
And of course we got some Woof Monkeys.
And I always like to give one Woof Monkey
to a lucky audience member. Do you know what I'm screaming?
They scream when they fly.
Like all flying monkeys.
And so you got one of those, a flying monkey, and then what else is in here?
Oh, some trail books and a set of earplugs. in case you're staying at a hotel in Austin this weekend.
Get kind of loud.
And that's all the stuff for Kyle.
So hang out for your book there, Kyle.
And there's that.
Before we go, Dave, do you have anything that you would like to plug?
Anything coming up people should be looking for?
Oh, Christ, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Anything coming up people should be looking for? Oh, Christ, no.
I'm really bummed out now.
No, I think so.
Who are you playing for?
Are we still playing?
I was playing for Julie, not Julia.
Oh, okay. Don't ever confuse those two. So Kevin was playing for Julie, not Julia. Oh, okay.
Don't ever confuse those two.
So Kevin was playing for Elizabeth.
Yes.
I was playing for Elizabeth.
Kevin was playing for Elizabeth.
There you go, dude.
Did you get everything?
I actually never played.
Oh, and the pants.
He wants the pants.
He's like, give me the pants.
Yeah, he wants...
I don't want them.
Give them to me.
I don't want them.
I just don't want them.
You want them signed?
Oh, he wants a know about that, too.
This guy, Kyle,
just promades all this stuff for eBay.
There you go, Kevin.
Alright.
Did you plug it anything, Kevin?
Not yet, sir.
All right, please do.
You have a film coming out with Owen Wilson, I believe.
Jack Black, Steve Martin, Owen Wilson, Rashida Jones, Angelica Houston,
Joe McHale.
Couldn't get anyone.
Oh, has anybody?
Jesus.
Debra Worspada as well.
David Franklin.
Red State.
At a local touring show with Kevin Pollack.
That's going to go around to just random theaters.
And then, of course, the award-winning podcast, Kevin Pollack's Chat Show.
Every Sunday afternoon on iTunes.
I don't know.
Did it win the sweatiest award?
It won the sweaty.
It's called the sweaty award.
Anthony, what do you got going on?
You can see me in the Comedy Central roast of Donald Trump.
I made my roast debut.
We already did it.
Give us one good joke that you did on there.
I'm not even joking.
I said, but I will say, Donald Trump had a really funny line off the cuff where he goes, they wrote for him to say after a joke, he goes, winning.
And the crowd laughs and he goes, Donald Trump looks at him and goes, this will be a lot less, that line will be a lot less funny in a week, no?
That was fucking hilarious.
He was right.
Yeah, dead on.
Like, that will not be good.
Maybe he should be president.
Yeah.
Maybe.
All right. Well, thank you very much to my guests.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
. Thank you. I'm sorry. That's what she told me to say.
And Elizabeth's sister, Sarah, is a shithead.
Happy birthday, Elizabeth's sister, Sarah.
Happy birthday, Elizabeth's sister, Sarah.