Doug Loves Movies - Kevin Pollak, Seth Herzog, Josh Pais, and Megan Neuringer Guest
Episode Date: September 9, 2013Live from the Gramercy Theatre in New York City, Doug welcomes Kevin Pollak, Seth Herzog, Josh Pais, and Megan Neuringer to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Califo...rnia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey everybody Hey, everybody.
You guys don't, for the most part, you don't need to yell stuff out.
Every once in a while, it's important to yell out.
Like on yesterday's show, it was really important when a guy yelled out, Scrooged. Every once in a while it's important to yell out.
Like on yesterday's show, it was really important when a guy yelled out,
Scrooged.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is God Love Movies.
Coming to you once again from the Gramercy Theater in New York City. Yay!
Ed from the Gramercy Theater in New York City.
It's September 9th to Ocean 13.
Let me see them name
tags, New York.
There's a Mr. T.
And he pities the fool
who doesn't pick Ed.
There's
somebody shooting ping pong balls into the air.
It's a dude so it's not coming out of his vagina oh there's an animal puppet and uh life of brian is your name brian or life
garth vader beach towel i like that there's paul with the spuds mcken, always. Always, always. That's awesome.
What's that little weirdo?
Who's that?
Oh, that's Wally.
Okay.
But it's like a plush toy of Wally.
So it's freaking me out.
Wally's metal robot, right?
Oh, and there's even some in the balcony.
So good luck with that.
And thanks for bringing those name tags.
Oh, there's Gary over there with a bunch of different famous Garys.
One of those squares should be just a picture of Gary, Indiana on a map.
Who's going to come to Yonkers tomorrow night?
Nice. Nice.
That's about as many as I expected.
I don't blame you, but I wrote down here,
you'd be bonkers if you aren't in Yonkers
tomorrow night for the Benson movie interruption
at the Alamo Drafthouse in beautiful,
I haven't seen it yet, Yonkers.
house in beautiful, I haven't seen it yet, Yonkers. Yeah, come, you know, come sit,
come pack the house for a viewing of Cabin Fever on the 10th anniversary of its release.
And I hope Eli Roth doesn't show up with a bat. After three fun-filled days of fun here in New York City, I'll be going to St. Louis,
where you can see me in two different shows on Saturday, and then at the Firebird, and then
Sunday I'll be doing a stand-up at the Turner Hall Ballroom. Which one is it, a hall or a ballroom?
Which one is it, a hall or a ballroom?
Make up your minds, Turner Hall Ballroom in Milwaukee.
Douglovesmovies.com for deets and dates and links.
And speaking of fun things to do in New York City,
I am going to do a podcast here while I'm in town that I'm very excited to do.
And I want you to meet the two gentlemen behind it for a little brief chat here at the start of the show.
Please welcome to tell us about the podcast, Alex Robinson and Pete Bonavita.
Alex Robinson and Pete Bonavita.
Come on out, fellas.
Take any seats you want. There you go, Alex. Hello. You're Alex? That's me. I can't believe I got it right. I should have just stuck the landing on that. Just pretended I knew what
I was doing. Alex Robinson. Pete, did I pronounce it right? Bonavita? That's exactly right. Okay,
beautiful. And tell us what your podcast is called.
Well,
it's called the Star Wars Minute.
And why
is it called that? Because every day
we take one minute of the
movie Star Wars, the original Star
Wars, and we spend about
15 minutes discussing each individual
minute.
Yeah. 15 minutes discussing each individual minute. Not necessarily something that I would listen to every day,
but the idea of participating in it makes me very excited
because I think we might even go into like 16 minutes.
Oh, what?
You know, if you pick the right minute.
Do you know, can you guesstimate about what part,
what section of the film the minute will be in when I do one?
I think you've got Death Star minutes.
Yeah, I think you get the, does he get the Darth Vader Obi-Wan Kenobi lightsaber fight?
Spoiler, they have a lightsaber fight.
Oh, that's a good, yeah, that's
a fun fight. I mean, it's
ultimately tragic.
It's actually good because every
week when we tell someone, they're like, what minutes
do we get? And every minute has cool stuff in it.
That's the beauty of Star Wars.
Nobody's ever come back and said, I hated those minutes.
Those were terrible.
But is there ever a stretch of the movie where it's maybe two, three minutes
where it's sort of in one setting and not much happens?
Or do they really get to a new thing every minute?
I think the slowest were probably the first week that we did.
We did the opening crawl.
Which is what?
Three and a half minutes?
So the whole first week was pretty slow like that.
Yeah.
So, Star Wars, huh?
But you could really go to town on the
opening crawl in like, you know, Phantom Menace.
Yeah, we don't know if we're going to do the prequels or not.
The galaxy was being charged too much for stamps.
So a toad-faced man with a weird tongue
who really loves stamps and licking them.
Sounds better than the actual one.
He went to a local canteen
where he joined a band.
So this thing sounds amazing to me.
Do you have a favorite minute that you've done so far?
Like just the one minute in the movie
that really stands out as an amazing minute of cinema?
I'm looking forward to later on, the trench attack, particularly Y-Wings for some reason.
The ones that don't destroy the Death Star, the guys who screw it up first,
so then Luke Skywalker can come in and clean up their mess.
It'd be pretty funny if it just times out so that right before the Death Star explodes,
that minute is over. It'd be like
an amazing cliffhanger.
Oh man, I can't wait
until tomorrow.
Because this is also your first time seeing it, correct?
Oh yeah, we have no idea what's going to happen.
I think that
should maybe be your next project, watch a movie
for the first time, one
minute at a time.
Just speculate every day.
Here's where I think this is going to go.
And do you guys, your movie buffs in general, like you see lots of movies?
Or are you more like just Star Wars guys?
Mostly Star Wars, but, you know, we do see a lot of other movies.
You've seen a few other movies.
Yeah, yeah.
Like this summer, can the Star Wars Minute guys recommend a summer movie?
Oh, boy.
I just saw The World's End.
That was pretty good.
The World's End is great, yeah.
I love it.
What about you? Oh, boy, I don't know if I've seen any. I love it. What about you?
Oh, boy, I don't know if I've seen any.
I think Star Trek was the last movie I saw.
I only see movies of Star in the time.
I was like, wait, it was the wrong one.
Star used to have Star 80 to jerk off to.
Yeah, that's correct, yeah.
Write that down.
I mean, for, like, parts of it.
Probably none of it.
It's all too tragic to jerk off to, really.
The box cover.
The box cover is what it's good for.
What?
I'm saying the box cover.
The DVD cover.
Anyway, it's a fun podcast.
15 minutes a day of that, you guys.
Gold.
Gold.
That's why we don't talk about Star 80.
It's something we know much better.
Yeah, yeah, just go deep into Star Wars.
Do you know, like, all the actors' names and that kind of stuff? Or are you just more fans of just watching the movie over and over again in a daze?
Oh, we know.
I'd say we know a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff,
but there's still a lot of stuff we don't.
I was shocked the other day when Pete dropped the bombshell
that Harry Shearer does some voiceover work in Star Wars.
What?
It's true, it blew my mind.
That's what Alex said.
That's exactly what I said.
What does he do?
He does a couple of voices.
He was like an Imperial officer at one point,
and then later he's a Y-Wing pilot.
When the Millennium Falcon is in the Death Star
and the guy tells Darth Vader,
oh, there's no one on board, we don't know who that is,
that's Harry Shearer doing that voice.
And then once you hear it, you're like,
oh, yeah, that is Harry Shearer.
Sure.
That's true.
That's what I'm going to say.
And so when A New Hope is finished,
then do you do them all,
and do you dare go six deep?
We haven't gotten that far.
We've talked about doing Empire.
Obviously, we have no problem doing Empire.
And then Jedi, we'll probably do. It might be a little slog
but we'll probably end up doing Jedi.
That one minute
where an Ewok dies is going to be sweet.
Oh yeah.
We'll have you back on for that one. I would love to be on
that one. Just 15 minutes
of laughing.
We can just record that now and we'll dub it in later.
Well thank you very much, guys.
The Star Wars Minute, guys.
Check out that podcast.
I'll be on it soon.
A couple of professionals right there.
Put their mics back right where they got them.
I got lots of stuff in lots of bags here.
It's pretty intense. Let me just give you a quick idea of what's going on. There's some barbecue sauce from a place that we'll name drop later, there is a dildo.
I don't know if you're going to say what brand name because I'm not fishing for a sponsor.
We got a gift card for iTunes, Doug Benson's
latest opus
on the CD,
the Gateway Doug.
And then,
speaking of Worlds End earlier,
this is one of those
cool things I got
the night of the premiere
is a little thing
you put in your mouth
and you can make
that blue light
that comes out
of the alien's mouth
in the movie.
You can do it yourself.
And then, I don't know
suck a dick or something it's very alluring and then oh and a guy gave me a cool t-shirt I want
to get the name of the company right it's a fuzzyballsapparel.com, but it's a cool dinosaur, but he has a funny hat on.
Yeah, it doesn't play very well on a podcast. But also, another bag of stuff. Let's get
into the prizes more when I get my guests out here. Please give a big warm welcome to
Josh Peiss, Megan
Neuriger, Seth Herzog, and Kevin
Pollack.
Thank you. For those of you at home, Kevin is taking a very deep stage bow
as if he just finished, like, a Hamlet.
Ed, uh, yeah, um...
LAUGHTER James Earl Jones took the most ridiculous bow on Broadway I've ever seen in my life
Arguably after the greatest performance I've ever seen in Fences
But he literally did this
That's because he has a bad back
He can't bow Again, it was the greatest performance I've ever seen That's because he has a bad back.
He can't bow.
Again, it was the greatest performance I've ever seen.
And the most ridiculous.
Hi, Doug.
Hey, how's it going?
Pretty good.
That's Kevin Pollack, everybody.
Hey.
Please be seated.
What was your offering for the prize bag?
Mine?
Yes, sir.
Oh, I just came from Bobby Flay's Bar American in Midtown.
And you know, he's got the best steak sauce on the planet.
He makes it himself in the back room and sells it a $400 bottle of some sweet-ass fucking steak sauce.
I'm steak sauce.
Okay, we'll start with Megan.
How much do you think that this sells for without going over?
It's sugar is the first ingredient.
It's really not worth more than three bucks.
Come on.
Inflammation.
Yeah, I only found out about this incredible show today
and as my better half was quick to point out,
surprisingly, I don't travel
with several copies of my book, so
I had to improvise.
It is shocking. Well, tell us about your
book. All right.
It's called How I Slept My Way to the Middle.
There you go. Josh Pice, everybody.
A precedent has been set. I'd be happy to sign it since Bobby wasn't there and I couldn't get him
to sign it. Fuckhead. But tell us about your book, really. No, no.
We meant it.
It really is called How I Sled My Way to the Middle,
and it's about starting out in stand-up comedy and getting into movies.
I ended up doing a number of them.
I don't know the exact number.
Seventy-three.
Six of them good.
Are there sex stories in the book?
There are.
Yeah, if you were cool to me, I'd champion you in the book.
And then if you were a dick, you're also in the book.
You name names.
Yeah, I do.
Rip Torn.
Like Bobby Flay?
Rip Torn, out of his fucking mind.
And fantastic stories about him.
And when I first met Stephen Baldwin on the set of Usual Suspects, he was wearing leather pants.
He hadn't arrived on a motorcycle or a horse.
Are these guys you had sex with? He was just wearing leather pants.
Is it one of those books?
Why else would they be in the book?
Yes.
Yeah, I took those leather pants off.
With these hands.
You're probably why Stephen Baldwin found Jesus.
Yes.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Yes, indeed.
And now his teeth are so white.
Can I quote Gabriel Byrne and do an impression of him when Stephen Baldwin's book about him and Jesus came out?
Please.
It's too convoluted for me to follow, but maybe people will get it.
to follow, but maybe people will get it.
Well, Stephen Baldwin's book
came out called
The Unusual Suspect.
And Gabriel Byrne called me
and said,
can you fucking believe this?
Have you heard about this book?
You know,
do you think Jesus
is somewhere saying,
do I not have a say
in any of this?
The Irish can get away with that, not the Jewish.
As we just found out.
Did you take that call at like 4 a.m.?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, just finished a paper out, and there's Gabriel Berger.
And you're directing a movie as well?
correct, continue, Small Jews for 400
sorry
you asked a genuine question that I rehearsed with you backstage
and then I shit on you
yeah, I'm unbelievably excited and proud. It's a feature
film documentary about funny and the making of funny and comedians and writers and performers.
And it's called Misery Loves Comedy. And the first question I will ask everyone is,
do you have to be miserable to be funny? And we'll explore that as well as every aspect of what it takes to choose a life
of entertaining and
being funny to strangers.
98%
of all children suffer from
hey look at me disease and then
very few of us choose to make a career out of it.
And so I'm fascinated
by that and the film will discover what the fuck that means.
There we go.
Yeah.
Give it up for neediness.
Give it up.
Yeah, Misery Loves Comedy
and interviewing a whole bunch of
Who do you think, just if you had
to guess, who's like the happiest comedian?
Doug Stanhope?
I'm sorry, did I say
drunkest?
Actually, Stanup was really cool
because I want to go on the road with a couple of guys
and actually experience that moment of
right before they go on stage, all the self-loathing
and then they're on stage and then when they get off stage
you continue the tour of self-loathing
and Doug was actually one of the few that had said
yeah, sure, come on the road
but yeah, so who's the most fucked up?
Well, you just observed me backstage before a show.
Yes.
Don't I seem pretty like I've got it together all right?
Completely, yeah.
I'd like to withdraw my request for you to be in the film.
Yeah.
Can I weigh in on who is the happiest? Yes, that's Megan Nerenger, by the way, everybody.
I've got to introduce everybody still.
This is like a really long, cold open, like Raising Arizona.
I would just say that the happiest comedian is probably not a woman comedian.
Why is that?
It's just even, it's just rough.
You know, it's rough.
Yeah.
Just the weight, Just the weight of carrying
tits when you walk around.
And then the... And it's rough.
Bloat enough.
I hadn't contemplated the carrying of
the tits prior.
That's not a big element in the film? No, it wasn't.
It'd be a different movie.
It may be a new title.
The lifestyle is so bad from what I know of it.
The lifestyle of a comedian is so ugly.
And like, it's not, you know, it's not cute.
No, no.
It's lonely.
It's definitely not cute.
It's not cute and it's lonely.
And not for the faint of heart or even women, let's just say it.
Really, it's...
No, you're right.
So for a woman to be a comedian, you have to be especially like, I got something to say.
Heartened.
Heartened.
You're going to have to take a lot of shit.
Has your soul heartened since you started?
You know, as a woman,
my other prime directive is to generalize.
So I'm like, I think.
I think that.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Everyone just agrees, you know,
because, oh, do I really want to have a debate about this?
It's weird, this weird factoid.
What I want is to only film people who say,
no, no, I'm the most fucked up.
That's really what I'm after, yeah.
Yeah, no, you'll get a lot of good stuff,
but I'm just going to be like, everything's good, Kevin.
I know, and you know, it's funny,
Jim Gaffigan popping out kids every four minutes.
We'll talk about his wonderful...
The truth is, you've got to have the whole spectrum,
the contrast, too, of the people who have somehow come through unscathed.
That's wildly fascinating to me as well.
Like, how the fuck is that possible?
Because if you do desperately need the attention,
technically there's something wrong.
So who's not fucked up?
You were saying?
Yeah. Seth Herzog, ladies
and gentlemen, is also here.
Thank you. Earned it.
No relation to Werner Herzog.
As far as I know.
My dad stopped talking to the Herzogs a long time ago,
so he might be a cousin.
I just say that he is.
Do you feel the same way about texting and driving
that Werner feels?
You know, it's funny.
I saw that film and I was like, nah.
I was texting while I was watching the movie,
to be really honest with you.
I did not see it yet, but I hear it's really gruesome.
Since last time...
What? It's gruesome?
I hear it's a really gruesome movie.
Oh, I bet you it is.
Yeah.
Now that you mention it, uh, I haven't watched it.
Doug does not like short films apparently.
Well, I did watch the one where he's the voice of a plastic bag that's floating around.
Oh, that's a, that's a really good one.
It's heavy.
It's real heavy.
That's a lonely life.
Yeah.
Being a bag.
Being a plastic bag. A German bag is a very lonely, lonely life. Yeah. It's real heavy. That's a lonely life. Yeah, being a bag. Being a plastic bag.
A German bag is a very lonely life.
Yeah.
Put five liters of milk in me.
And finally, first time guest, Josh Peiss is here, everybody.
Josh Peiss.
What's up?
Come on.
What's up?
Come on.
What's up?
And he brought posters for his new motion picture, Touchy Feely.
That's right.
But we left them in the back of the room.
No, they're actually over there.
Oh, they are?
Okay, good.
I was wondering, maybe I should sign, like, Ellen Page's, do her autograph, too, as part of the giveaway. Yeah, just do it really low on there and just say it was high up on a shelf when she did it.
Right.
That's what I was thinking.
She's the tiniest person I ever met
and she's always standing next to Steve Agee when I see her.
And it just looks the silliest, cutest thing you've ever seen.
You know, I guess it's good,
because if she might be attacked or something,
he could pick her up and throw her quite far.
Yes.
Why would he throw her?
As a weapon.
From the danger?
Not, he wouldn't throw her at them.
I meant just like away from danger.
As a way to protect her.
Oh, I thought.
You know, like off a cliff into an ocean.
We all thought human javelin.
Yeah, right?
You're in trouble.
I get it.
The, uh,
I think, Josh, I think you have a very distinctive
voice, so I assume
people might put together in their heads
who you are. They're listening to the podcast
based on your voice. I haven't
really talked that much
in the podcast
until this point.
Now I'm really starting to talk a lot more
while you're talking
at the same time.
Because I'm starting to get warmed up.
They're putting an image in their head now
of what you look like
based on what you sound like.
I don't think they will, but they might.
I think they might.
I would if I heard it. Yeah, you would? sound like right i don't think they will but they might i think they might you think they might i
would if i heard it yeah you would yeah i knew who you were when i uh when you heard my voice
when i heard that you had that you're in touchy feely and right i can't wait to see it everyone
at home could just imagine i'm going i'd like to sell that now the commercial where he buys
bring that up because it's my favorite thing that you do.
You've been in a lot of great films. What about Touchy Feely? Touchy Feely is the best movie
I've not seen yet.
Yeah, so that's what I was going to ask you, Josh, though.
Of all the films you've been in,
what's your
personal favorite that you're happy that you're in?
I'm honestly
thrilled to be part of Touchy Feely. It really is. That's the best movie you've ever participated in? It's the best movie I've ever been in. I'm honestly thrilled to be part of Touchy Field.
It really is.
That's the best movie you've ever participated in?
It's the best movie I've ever been in.
What's second best?
Well, I know what you're...
You're next, mister.
I know what you're getting to.
Megan, what's your favorite Kevin Pollak movie?
It's so funny.
You had to name one.
Because we were going through his films backstage. He's so funny. You had to name one. Because we were going
through his films backstage.
He was telling us.
Because he demanded
that we do that.
He was like,
how many of my films
do you know, stranger?
Right.
And he gave us
a little cheat sheet.
He made me look him
in the eye.
And I was sweating
and I was like,
now I'm blanking.
And then he named them for me.
So I would say the usual suspects.
I'll be under the bus over here if you need me.
What would you go for your least favorite?
Yes.
Much more interesting.
Oof.
Oof.
Well, he has been in 73.
Oh, Jesus.
I wanted to Google your net worth in front of you, but I left my phone downstairs.
I've got it right here.
But you did remember to bring a prize for tonight, and you brought a bop-it that's suitable for ages 8 and up.
If you're 8 or older, you can bop it to your heart's content.
It's adult bop-it. You can also twist it, and you can turn it.
Do-noo-noo-noo-noo.
Oh, and the Star Wars Minute fellas contributed to the prize bag, too.
Alex Robinson has a comic called Too Cool to Be Forgotten.
This book is included.
And then another one.
This is exciting to listen to.
Oh, you know what else is in here?
The Star Wars Minute guys brought two Jar Jar figures.
Nice.
And they're bound together in a way where it looks like
they are making love to one another.
And just having a
great time.
Yeah, it's really...
Is one female or are they both male?
There's female
Gungans, right?
If only 11 million of the 11 million made weren't still available
oh my god
this is taking forever
it's a book called
Tricked also by Alex Robinson
so that's all going into the prize bag.
What did Seth bring?
That's a great question, Josh.
I'm so glad you asked.
Yeah, I forgot,
because this is going to be such a goldmine for comedy.
He brought a dildo.
He texted me today.
He goes, will a dildo be a good of a prize?
And I go, well, it depends on the occasion.
Proper response.
Yeah.
It's still in the package.
It's not been used.
What color?
An unused dildo.
It's not used.
It's wrapped up.
Is it fleshed out?
No, it's purple.
It's like Prince's dildo.
You sure it's purple?
It's purple.
It's deep purple.
It looked darker than purple to me.
I don't know how I ended up on stage at the Gramercy Theater.
Okay, I think we're ready to move on to the next part of the show.
Yeah, I think we're ready to move on to the next part of the show. Yeah, I think we covered it all.
You know, I always like to ask people
what movies they've seen lately,
but I think we're...
Like Touchy Feely or something?
Yeah.
What?
Playing here in New York at Cinema Village right now
and opening Friday somewhere in Los Angeles.
Where's it gonna be in Los Angeles?
The landmark?
In Los Angeles. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't know. Find it in Los Angeles. Where's it going to be in Los Angeles? The landmark? In Los Angeles.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I don't know.
Find it, Los Angeles.
And then it'll just roll out all over the place.
Yeah.
Based on how it's doing.
iTunes, VOD.
Yeah, yeah.
Lots of ways to see these things now.
And I really liked her last movie.
Your sister's sister.
Hey, you know, there's no reason to talk to me like that.
Yeah, it was really good.
So I'm looking forward to Touchy Feely.
Have you done any movies, Seth, since I last saw you?
Since we last talked, I have not been in any movies.
No.
But I had to make sure.
We did a movie together.
We did.
Are there any film geeks out there to know what movie Josh and I were in together in 99?
Five, six, seven.
What?
Baxter?
No, before that.
That was like 2008.
Hmm.
Safemen.
Oh.
Safemen we were in.
If anyone remembers that cult comedy
that Ford you saw.
Safemen, just so you can hear it over the applause.
The crazy applause.
Yeah, yeah.
Safe Men.
Is that a Sam Rockwell?
Sam Rockwell movie.
Comedy.
You know, you can never figure these people out.
Listen to what happens when you mention Steven Spielberg's hook.
Hook?
Hook.
Hook.
Every time.
Guaranteed.
Then they start chanting Ruf Hook. Every time. Guaranteed. Then they start chanting Rufio.
Every time.
Rufio?
Their love for it is undying.
He went straight from like...
They are never going to grow up.
No, they won't.
Rufio would be such the best, the greatest Halloween costume.
You could be from like Gleaming the Cube or Hook.
Yeah, but if you're in L.A., I would just worry I'd run into the real Rufio
because you know that's what he wears.
He wears that outfit every time.
That's the only way people know who he is.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you look just like Rufio.
I am Rufio.
Yeah.
Oh, you look just like Rufio.
I am Rufio.
I thought when that water hit the ground,
I thought somebody did a humorous microphone drop.
But the podcast listeners won't hear it.
Yeah, let me see here.
Yeah, we're way behind schedule,
so I don't care what movies you've seen lately.
And I don't want to hear, Megan, I don't want to hear your Tide story.
It's over.
It was released.
It was a commercial.
They don't play that anymore?
No.
She's like, what's your Tide story at the end of it?
And I always go, Megan, I've got too many Tide stories to tell. Too many
bloodstains I had to get out.
That would be
a great Tide story. Yeah, right?
They're always the cutest stories about
baby vomit.
Oh, I just got a text
from Kevin Pollack. He is here and ready
to do the show.
And that is
good news.
So real time with Doug Benson
wasn't a possible title.
Well, thanks for having me on the show.
You're doing a great job.
You're really killing it.
This went great, didn't it?
This is going amazing.
I'm so glad we did this.
Yeah.
Remember the opening part and the bow?
That was so good.
That was great.
That was really good.
Actually, you guys want to know a little bit?
I just texted Tevin backstage to give him my number,
and he just responded, who is this?
That's not a joke.
That is real.
You really did that.
I didn't think it would get this response when I wrote it.
No, it was a good bit.
So we just get one laugh.
This is great.
I'm going to write more to you.
Yeah, that's some solid comedy.
Wow.
I was serious.
Did that sound sarcastic?
A little bit. Well, you're like a filter.
Yeah, I just...
For sincerity.
I don't know how to modulate.
That's why I don't act very often,
because I can't say the lines right.
Speaking of which,
every time I go to the attraction at Disneyland...
Captain EO?
Captain EO. Captain EO,
which you are
allegedly a part of.
I look so
focusly hard,
if that's a thing,
at trying to find you.
Where the fuck are you in that thing?
You're one of the dancers,
technically.
Yes.
Right? Yes. Yes. Right?
Yes.
Okay.
But they're all wearing
such makeup and costumes
that you can't really...
What dance do you do?
Everybody's jumping around.
It's just a celebration,
you know,
the part where...
You know where Angelica Houston
turns from an ugly witch
into a...
Yes!
She gets sucked up
into the...
Not as ugly, princess.
And then... The one peg-legged robot
and the little elephant and the flying puffy ball,
they all celebrate with Michael Jackson.
And all of us that were enslaved by the ugly Angelica Houston
now turn all colorful and happy.
And we dance about.
And the only way I can pick myself out
when I'm watching it is just how I'm moving
because I dance like a complete idiot.
Look for the horrible dancer.
Yeah, and I'm assuming they cut around my dancing.
It was so bad.
Like, they had to really not show the...
What was the audition like for that?
Hey, are you available
tomorrow?
Because I was friends
with, at the time, the guy who was playing the one-legged
robot.
What happened to that
friendship?
And that actor today is
dead.
That hurts.
Captain EO is a dark look into the madness that is humanity.
My Werner has a little bane slipped into it.
I always put a little bane in there.
What were we talking about?
Oh, yeah.
So, yeah, I'm hard hard to spot but it's also
closing it's like leaving Disneyland
any day now I believe
tomorrow is the last day in fact
no way let's all go tonight
wow
I don't know what the deal is
it's still at Disney World like it was in Epcot
Center which is weird
because it's supposed to be the educational part
I don't know what you learned from Captain EO Epcot Center, which is weird because it's supposed to be the educational part.
I don't know what you learned from Captain EO.
It's a big things to not
do message. Don't do
meth, maybe. You think
Michael Jackson did meth? Yeah, yeah.
With the
chimp.
Bubbles was his dealer.
If that wasn't the international sign
for chimp.
People know it means sailboat. Bubbles was his dealer Boy if that wasn't The international sign For chimp I don't know What do you do
People know it means
Sailboat
He walked around like
Just scratch your tit
When you want to say chimp
Yeah
Yeah
He walked around
Like it was like a purse
Like an accessory
I believe that was
The elephant man
If I may
Couldn't you just
Shit in your hand
And throw it
As a symbol A symbol for chimp No don't eat it What are you Elephant Man, if I may. Couldn't you just shit in your hand and throw it?
As a symbol for shit?
No, don't eat it.
My chimp eats it.
Don't call her that.
What's your Tide story?
So this is the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin yeah
so the first thing we have to do
to play the games
is pick who you guys are going to play for
in the audience and people brought lots of
creative name tags
I hear that damn woot monkey again
people love to there's an actual Lots of creative name tags. I hear that damn woot monkey again.
People love to... There's an actual...
There's an actual...
I'm very impressed with all your...
What's the name of that movie?
Curious George.
Curious George is here.
Can we pick that Lucky Lisa cereal?
I like the people in the back
just making a sort of half effort.
Wait, oh, I definitely want the head.
All right, will you guys do that?
Oh, I wanted the head.
We'll do this.
We'll be right back.
Can we battle off the head?
And we're back.
Hey, Megan.
Hey.
Hey.
Megan, who are you playing for?
Show me that thing.
I'm playing for...
It's Animal.
Ollie Mall.
Ollie Mall.
Okay.
Makes some sense.
Josh, what do you got there?
I got Nicole.
Nicole head.
Nicole head.
I like it.
This is a poster made by Deezah?
Dej.
Dej.
Dej.
Yeah, Dej, you asshole.
Sorry, I don't normally.
D-E-Z-H.
D-E-Z-H.
I'm not normal.
Look at that.
That's a lot of Garys.
Yeah, you got the Gary thing.
Can you name all those Garys, Kevin?
No.
You can't?
Really?
I didn't know that you wanted to take that time from your show.
Gary Marshall, Gary Sinise, Gary Cole, Gary Oldman, Gary Busey, and Gary Shandling.
You could have done that.
Yes, I could have.
I thought there was a better way to save some of the show, but all right.
No, I got a nice vine I just made of all of that action that I have to finish.
Otherwise, I'll lose it.
Yeah, no, definitely do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, are you on feed?
Super important.
I'm on what? Are you on feed? I don't know what that is. It's the new vine. Oh, I thought it was a new drug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, are you on feed? Super important. I'm on what?
Are you on feed?
I don't know what that is.
It's the new vine.
Oh, I thought it was a new drug.
Oh, no.
There's a new vine?
I can't even do vines right.
What's feed?
That's the good news.
You don't have to learn vine anymore.
I don't know.
I don't do it.
Yeah.
Boom, sent, Kevin.
You guys on cool table?
It's like the coolest little internet
social media thing. Just pick
your coolest friends. You make fun of everyone else,
but they don't even know it, but then you like the shit that
they hate. I'm definitely on that.
Yeah.
I like to start off,
I like to warm up with a little game
that I like to call
the new game, a.k.a. Seth Rogen game, a.k.a. IMDB, a.k.a. Last Man Stanton.
And let me read the instructions to you.
I've picked an actor, and you, gentleman and lady, will start with, since it's his first time on the show,
Mr. Pice will begin the action, and then we'll go to Megan and then Kevin and then Seth.
And in order, you have to name movies that this particular man has been in.
And you're out if you can't think of one within a few seconds when it's your turn,
or if we get to the, we can't, no one can think of any more,
and you're the last person to have named one.
And does that make sense?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And in honor of our guest tonight, one of our guests tonight,
Mr. Kevin Pollack,
we are going to play the movies of Christopher Walken.
I'm going to try to write them down as you guys say them.
Are you really?
Good luck.
Starting with Josh. Name any movie that Christopher Walken was in.
It's not Apocalypse Now.
No.
The Deer Hunter.
Nicely done, fuckhole.
Pull that one out of your ass.
Deer Hunter.
Jesus, come on, man.
Go deep.
That train came in right on schedule.
Can really count on that one.
Did I do it right when you guys told me to stay backstage?
Yeah, that was perfect.
Thank you.
Megan, name a movie with Chris Walken.
Pulp Fiction.
You don't have to clap.
Speaking of pulling things out of one's ass.
Ow.
How long did he say that watch was in his ass?
Seven long years.
Seven long years. Seven long years.
A hunk of metal.
What do you got, Kevin?
Well, the one most people use to impersonate him would be, wow.
And the first time he did that was at close range.
Oh, okay.
Good one.
Bravo.
Bravo.
The subtle bow
The James Earl bow
The King of New York
Oh
Come on
He gets that all day
You got anything to say
On King of New York
No no
Okay
Back to Josh
And the magical decapitated
Everyone knows you were stalling with that question.
Seven psychopaths.
Have either of you guys ever been in a movie with Christopher Walken?
No.
I have.
Yeah?
Yeah, Scotland, PA.
You could have saved that one.
Oh, no.
Oh, you got so pwned on that one.
Oh, man.
Trick the first, yeah, the new guy.
Yeah.
All right.
It didn't happen on purpose.
I just got to relax for a minute.
Okay.
Megan?
Night in L.A.?
What is that?
What happens in that?
Like, murder.
Alright, so Megan's out.
Really nice try, though.
Because that's not right
Right Kevin
Why am I the expert now
Night in LA
We got 97 phones
Somebody look it up
But all we need is a knife
Seriously
Does anybody think that's a movie?
Yeah, it's not a movie.
Wow.
All right, Kevin.
Catch me if you can.
Great.
Two mice...
fall into a bowl of cream.
Pulp Fiction is what you said?
Yeah.
True romance.
Nice.
Of course.
That great scene.
I'm going to go with
Scotland PA.
I was actually in that movie. Scotland PA.
I was actually in that movie.
You're out, Megan.
Kevin.
I know she looked at me like she might be able to sneak back in.
Kevin.
Damn it.
Got back to me too quickly.
I know, right?
I was trying to think of the movie he just did with Alan Orkin and Al Pacino.
The three guys, they're old.
And they're... This is very entertaining, but it's also cheating.
Oh, fuck me.
I can't remember the name of it.
Yeah, the guy's done 107 movies, and I can't remember one. of it yeah the guy's done 107 movies
and I can't remember one of them that's really pathetic
and I have a podcast
as you well know called Talkin' Walkin'
um
fuck
really I went crazy
blank so I think
it's hard this game is hard
well it's yeah
it's not hard for them. They know right now.
They all have like seven that they're dying to yell.
There's 700 that they're dying to yell.
When that part of the show comes where I open it up to them for people to tell us ones we missed, it's crazy.
There's going to be a lot of yelling in here.
Well, I just thought of a good one.
Okay, so you're out then?
And the Fatboy Slim video doesn't count?
Because I'm a...
I'm a hoofer at heart.
I kick at old school.
I'm a dancer.
I can't get with this, and I can't get with that.
Annie Hall.
Yeah.
His first.
His first.
I see the headlights Yeah yeah yeah
Excuse me
Excuse me Dwayne
I'm due back
At the planet Earth
Yeah
Sure I can remember
Every fucking scene
He's ever done
But I can't remember
The name of the movie
I think the movie
You were trying to think
It was something like
Old guys
Old yeah
Wasn't it
The old gang
Hey you know
We're still playing the game
Right
You know the game is still going on.
Josh is about to name
the movie.
Probably going to say
Old Guys.
The Waking Dead.
The Waking Dead.
It was not a really
well-known...
It was about a wake, right?
It was a play in New York
that he was in.
I can't believe he felt...
He's writing that down.
I saw...
I will say this.
I didn't know if it was a movie.
I did see the play version that he did.
But I don't know if it was ever a film.
Did you just make that up?
Did you know if there was a movie?
Or did you just make that up?
It's your turn.
Did you make that up?
It's your turn.
I feel like you made that up.
What do you mean?
There was never a movie version.
Everybody could look it up.
It was just theater.
Everybody could look it up.
There was just a play, but not a movie.
Don't, look, it's your turn.
And just, come not a movie. Don't, look, it's your turn, and just...
Come on, Seth.
I believe he was in Pennies from Heaven doing a dance number.
Yes, yes.
Take that, Pice.
What other plays has Christopher Walken been in?
A Behanding in Spokane.
Yes, exactly right.
With your pal Sam Rockwell.
Yeah, brilliant.
The Thrill Seekers.
By the way, I just thought of seven
films he's in. What's that?
Give it to Seth Herzog. He's the winner.
Okay, Seth wins.
Communion.
I kept trying to remember.
Oh, Communion. Was it one of the boys?
That's the movie where he's probed.
I was trying to remember that one. Speaking of up. Oh, Communion. Was it one of the boys? That's the movie where he's probed. Yes.
I was trying to remember that one.
Yeah.
Speaking of up my ass, Communion.
What was it?
The Dead Zone.
I mean, there's just so many.
Oh, Dead Zone.
That was the one.
One of the boys?
What was the name of the one with the old?
Stand Up Guys.
Stand Up Guys.
Yeah, why would I remember Stand Up Guys? Stand up, guys. Stand up, guys.
Yeah, why would I remember stand up, guys?
Because I'm sitting down.
I love it.
That's why you play this game, right? I can't tell what anybody is saying.
Do you play this game, Doug, so that you can torture the audience
while they sit there stewing and all the correct answers?
It's so much fun knowing an answer.
Most of the time, when we did the Coen brothers,
we named every single one of their movies.
Because they've done 16.
Also memorable.
That's a good point.
They're all crazy memorable.
He's done 116 and you can't remember any of them.
Unless you're seated out there.
Well, now that I know... It's really easy.
Maybe next time you're on, we'll do Woody Allen.
That would probably be easier, right, for you, maybe?
Yes.
Yeah, sure.
This should have technically been the easiest thing I've ever done.
If you did Kevin Pollak, he would get six of them.
Because only six are good.
Because only six are good.
Dude, were there any, like,
straight-to-video follow-ups on Willow?
Just had his 25th anniversary Blu-ray,
you son of a bitch. Yeah, but you know what I mean?
Why didn't you guys make a, you know,
a brownie movie or something?
Let me just make 17 people happy.
This way! No, this way!
That's a lot of people.
Yeah, these people
all they watch
is Hook and Willow
often I get recognized
from that role
with the rat hat
and the yeah
what if
what would it sound like
if Christopher Walken
was in Willow
this way
no this way
same exact performance.
That's pretty similar.
Now you mention it. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game.
Yeah!
Yeah!
The worst.
That's why you're in the trivia team and I'm not.
What are you talking to people in the audience now?
Yeah.
I better have.
Her trivia team?
The one with the memory.
Wayne's World 2.
Wayne's World 2.
We're in the movie together.
Fuck, I'm in a movie with...
Wow.
That is the single most pathetic thing that's ever happened
on this show.
That's beautiful.
One degree.
Suck it.
Kevin Bacon's a pussy.
Why do you need six degrees,
you loser?
You gonna be all right?
Yeah.
I'm only angry at him in the voice of Christopher Walken.
I'm fine with him as myself.
That's a good way to vent.
Yeah, right?
You're just walking angry. Just lose it.
I like it. Yeah, right? You're just walking angry. Just lose it. I like it.
Yeah.
So Seth won that last game, so we'll let Seth go first.
We did it.
We did it, guys.
Oh, man.
Thanks for that cheer that was forced.
Could you pass this over to Josh?
He hasn't been on the show.
I got a little water on it.
Thanks for wiping.
Can you hold my head?
I'll hold your head.
That's
how to play this game
that we're about to play.
You're going to go fourth.
Do you have this in any smaller print?
No, it's all in one.
Okay, do you want me to read this from now?
No, you can read it to yourself
or you can consult it during the game.
The game is played in the sound.
Kind of a loud reader.
Those actors.
You know who could read that is my character from Willow.
It's very, very small. It's very, very tiny.
How does Christopher Walken read?
One letter at a time, you prick.
Look at that.
It's ridiculous.
It's not even a...
Those aren't even words.
But it wasn't like...
Okay, got it.
When George Lucas was like,
let's take two comedians
and make them tiny
and call them brownies.
Yes.
Wasn't that probably the moment
that maybe, oh,
this guy's not going to do
good work anymore?
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
This guy's off his rocker.
This movie needs a C-3PO and R2-D2, and that's what that was.
Yeah.
I think.
I love it.
What do I know?
Don't tap on that.
The novel was fantastic.
Don't tap on it.
Was it really?
Nope.
You're so good at bluffing.
We should mention Hollywood Poker, right?
Okay, yeah, sure, please.
We've got a big event coming up in Los Angeles.
Yeah, September 28th, but it's online.
It's a freemium site.
You've had it with Farmville and Cityville.
Try Hollywood Poker.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
You play with celebrities.
I was playing with Michael.
Doug and I play in tournaments every Tuesday and Saturday. I was playing with Michael Vartan the other day. For fuck's poker. Yeah, it's fantastic. Yeah, it's fun. You play with celebrities? I was playing with Michael. Doug and I play in tournaments every Tuesday and Saturday.
I was playing with Michael Vartan the other day.
For fuck's sake.
Yeah.
That brought him to their knees when you said that.
Yeah, they went crazy.
Yeah, it's fun.
I was trying to make a good alias jokes to make, you know.
Instead, I just kept my app shut.
So you play with them online?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, it was like my face.
It says my name on it, and you play with me, and the whole time I. Yeah, it's like my face. It says my name on it
and you play with me
and the whole time
I've got that same look
on my face.
So you can't figure me out.
There's also a live...
You don't know what stupid move
There's also a live chat room
at every table
so you can yell at the celebrity.
You're a horrible player.
Right.
Doug, why won't you
move your face?
That kind of thing.
I can't believe
that's what you're
recommending about the site.
Come on there
and yell shit at us. Yeah. Yell at a celebrity. Yeah, that's what you're recommending about the site. Come on there and yell shit at us.
Yell at a celebrity.
Yeah, it's pretty awesome.
So we'll let Seth pick the first category.
All right.
And he gets to choose between the lovely and talented Michelle Williams is celebrating a birthday today.
Yeah.
So the film's of that lady.
Hubba hubba.
Yeah, she's all right.
She's okay.
Will Smith loves pussy.
Question mark.
That, of course,
is movies where
Will Smith saves a cat.
Yep, it's happened
more than once.
And...
I love it. It's like Tom Hanks than once. And... I love it.
It's like Tom Hanks peeing.
And then your third choice is...
Inconceivable!
Oh, Wally Shawn!
Wally Shawn stuff?
Which is movies that have infertile women in them.
That's ridiculous!
Who doesn't like a good old switcheroo Those are always comedies
I'm gonna go with Will Smith loves pussy
Question mark
A lot of other people seem to like it too
It's just fun to say for some reason
It is Whether it's true or not What am I saying? A lot of other people seem to like it too. It's just fun to say for some reason.
Whether it's true or not.
What am I saying?
Am I saying something that I know?
Thank you, Seth.
Seth, this movie gets three stars from Mr. Malton.
The year is 1998.
He calls it,
sometimes he does this,
he found a reason to use the word crackerjack to describe something.
It means it's kind of nutty,
I guess.
And then he says that the movie never
takes a breath.
And Jason Robards appears in this movie unbilled
yeah
so as usual Josh the clues are
not helpful at all
and then I'm going to tell you how many
actors Leonard lists at the bottom of the
review and it's quite a few for
this one it's
19 names and like I said it's quite a few for this one. It's 19
names.
Like I said, it's from 1998.
How many names reading from the bottom up do you think
it will take you to discern
the title of this movie?
Seth Herzog.
I'm going to say from that 19
the Zog. Very good. You're taking the whole 19?
No, no. I could probably do it
in... I would have thought the guy who brought the dildo
Would have taken the whole 19
I'm not saying I can't take the whole 19
I don't need it
But I can take it
And I know what you guys are really saying
Is you enjoyed the whole nine yards
Another movie.
Was Christopher Walken in that?
Don't!
I'm going to go with ten names.
I like that movie a lot, though.
From the bottom up.
Okay, ten.
He says, Kevin.
Nine.
Oh, me?
Mm-hmm.
Challenge.
To Kevin?
Wow.
Yeah.
So he's going to get nine names.
All right, so you don't have to do nothing now, Josh.
Perfect.
You'll be up first in the next round, though.
now, Josh.
Perfect.
You'll be up first in the next round, though.
Your nine names, Kevin,
are Jack Black,
Bodhi Pine Elfman.
Pine?
Why is that in there?
And it's Bodhi, right?
Bodhi?
Jamie Kennedy,
Dan Butler,
James LeGros,
the aforementioned
Gabriel Byrne,
Jason Lee. So everyone. grow the aforementioned gabriel burn jason lee uh so everyone how many you get nine scott khan
and jake bucey
this was a good challenge
wow wow what do you think of that?
Are all those people really in one movie?
Yeah.
And those are the people who have smaller parts.
Yeah.
That's the bottom of the 19.
The list goes crazy.
Right?
That's not the top of the 19.
Wait till I tell you more names after you don't think of it.
Yeah.
So that starts at 19 and works its way up.
That's the bottom eight.
Bottom nine, I think you got.
Nine.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shit.
Well, I had them all to you. That's the bottom nine.
You said Gabriel Byrne and then, geez, I'm in trouble.
Oh, man.
Can I phone a friend?
Can't.
Your girlfriend cannot help you It was a nice try
Yeah, yeah, yeah
1990 what?
Smart bid
1998
1998?
Oh, just name a Will Smith movie
From around that time
Yeah, exactly
You might get lucky
I might
Yeah
Bad Boys
Just any movie Bad. Bad Boys.
Just any movie that Will Smith is in.
Bad Boys?
I'll be over here if you need me.
The actual title of the film is Enemy of the State.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And it also stars Ian Hart, Barry Pepper, Lauren Dean, Tom Sizemore, Stuart Wilson,
Regina King, Lisa Bonet, John Voight, Gene Hackman, and Will Smith.
That's a crazy great cast.
Now I know why I never saw that film.
So I would have this moment of utter embarrassment.
It's all making sense.
Should I go see it and someday be a hero?
No, I don't think so.
It's a great movie.
You've really never seen it?
Who said it's a great movie?
I think it's a great movie. A've really never seen it? Who said it's a great movie? I think it's a great movie.
I like it.
A great movie.
I like it.
Great?
Three stars from Leonard.
Really good or great?
I think it's great.
Wow.
Megan Nuringer says Enemy of the State is a great movie.
Leonard Maltin said three stars.
And a Cracker Jack.
I think it was kind of, for me, it was when Tony Scott started to get cutting too fast disease.
Like, it was just too flashy. to get cutting too fast disease. It was just too flashy.
And long lens, long 100mm lens.
Michael Bay sucked at the teat of Enemy of the State.
Yes.
And then went on to do what he's doing.
But anyway, that means Megan's got a point.
You're on the board.
Yeah, Megan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, Megan.
Yeah.
It's always fun to have a little post-round discussion about the film.
And I'm also delighted to say that
that was from Hip Check 11, that category,
and it is now going to be retired
because people have not chosen it for months.
How could you not choose Will Smith Likes Pussy?
Well, because, you know, you can't think of the specific movie that that would be.
Oh, yeah.
So then you don't want to pick it because then, like, why put yourself in that position?
Is that, in fact, what people remember about Enemy of the State?
That great film where Will saved the cat.
It's the movie where Will saves the cat.
That's how I think of it.
I'm just guessing he saves a cat in it, by the way.
You don't know for a fact he saves a cat in it.
No, people told me that he saves a cat in it.
And by people, I mean somebody that wrote on a Wikipedia page.
I mean, the whole movie is about saving a cat.
Yeah.
Yeah, the cat is the enemy of the state.
Right.
Of the title.
The cat is named the state of the movie. The cat has government secrets in its belly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the cat is the enemy of the state. Right. Of the title. The cat is named the state of the movie.
The cat has government secrets in its belly.
Yeah, yeah.
And everyone wants it.
Yeah, and so he has to save it.
You were an enema of the state, right?
Yes.
I saw that.
Do I need a Sherpa to get to the end of this bit?
Oh, yes, we need to find it.
We need help finding it.
Okay, so that means that Josh gets to go first this time,
and then I'll come right back at you, Megan, so be ready.
And Josh gets to pick a category.
Would you like Not Without My Daughter?
That's Woody Allen movies from 1992 or later.
Allen movies from 1992 or later.
Sausage Fest,
that's movies where no women are listed by Leonard Maltin in the cast.
Or Womb Raider,
and that's films where John Voight
has sex.
I'm going to have to go with number one.
Which was?
Films without my daughter.
Woody Allen films, okay.
Yeah, Woody Allen films.
Yeah, from 92 or later.
This particular one was 94.
If you're a real big Woody Allen fan,
you may be able to narrow it down right away
and then bid like zero names
because you might just know what you think it is.
Three stars.
94?
Because he's only done 37 movies since then.
Yeah, but 94 was the exact year.
He makes one a year.
Delightful, Leonard calls it.
There's some Oscar winning went along with this movie.
I'm sorry, there was some Oscar winning?
And he also says
somebody involved won an Oscar
and uh and he also says
that it all seems stunningly
real
according to Leonard
a Woody Allen movie that seems stunningly real
um
so that that
takes out all the ones that took place in space
and just a quick question So that takes out all the ones that took place in space.
And just a quick question, because I haven't played this before.
Am I allowed to make up names for this as well?
No, that's not part of it.
And he lists 13 names.
So, Josh, the wisest opening bid would be 13 names,
because then you get to hear all of them if Megan were to challenge you.
Right.
But she's crazy that way.
I'm going to say nine.
Bill, here we go.
Don't challenge me.
I'm going to say two.
Oh.
Kevin, what are you going to do with that?
Oh, I think we all know what I'm going to do.
We do?
Challenge.
All right, now stop this.
You have to say.
Of course she knows it.
Of course she knows it, but I don't, so I have no choice. It's a movie, not challenge.
This isn't French.
Top two.
Bottom two.
Bottom two.
I mean, bottom two.
That's the fun part.
So he says name it, Megan,
and so your two names are Stacy Nelken and Harvey Fierstein,
and the movie is called?
Celebrity. Celebrity?
Bullets Over Broadway.
Yeah.
A stunning failure.
That's the one where John Cusack
held a boombox over his head.
No, no.
No, no.
And Diane Weiss,
she was dating a vampire.
Stunningly real.
It wouldn't be a fake
documentary.
Mara Sorvino was your Oscar winner
by the way, for that film.
Except for the fact that she was in Mighty Aphrodite
and not Bullets Over Broadway.
It was Diane Weiss. No, she won for both.
Diane Weiss was amazing in Bullets Over Broadway. Yeah, she was. She wasn't as. No, she won for both. Diane Wiest was amazing in Bullets Over Broadway.
Yeah, she was.
She wasn't as amazing
as Mary Sarvino.
Rest in peace, Diane Wiest.
She's not dead.
She's not dead.
That's terrible.
She lives on the upper Wiest side.
Which is true.
It's real.
Did I hear a solitary boo?
Boo.
Accepted.
Accepted. Accepted.
I thought that was solid.
All right, so who got the point for that little skirmish?
Kevin.
Kevin.
Kevin with his challenge.
Also won an Oscar.
Nope.
Been nominated? I don't know anyone who won an Oscar. Nope. Been nominated?
I don't know anyone who won an Oscar, as it turns out.
What do you mean you don't know anyone?
You must.
It's a joke.
Yeah, you've worked with them.
You lift them up to Oscar nomination status.
They're not doing...
Actually, in my...
You can't handle the truth wasn't said in an empty room.
Yeah, that's true.
It was said you were in earshot.
He was talking to you as well as part of the team of defense,
the defense team.
Have you ever been thanked in a speech?
I asked, I yell at the, who was 26 years old, Chris McCrory.
Yeah.
Another Josh Charles friend.
Dated my sister, whatever.
When he won for usuals.
Wow.
What?
Yeah, it's real.
Chris went out with my sister right when you were making the film.
What happened?
Enough that they ended it very quickly.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he put it in the wrong place.
Tried to fuck her elbow and it was over.
No, but lines that are quoted back to me
by fans of that movie are ones that
I improvised, but he has the Oscar and I
told him to drop it at my house one out of
52 weeks a year, but he won't do it.
That's as close as I ever got.
Was it your idea for even in a courtroom drama for Tom Cruise
to have a reason to run in the rain?
Yes, yes.
I said, come on, it's DC.
The guy's like, I need a running scene in everything.
All right, So since Megan
challenged Kevin, that
means that we're going
to start.
I challenged her.
She was incorrect.
Oh, you challenged her.
I got the point.
So we're going to start
with Seth and go to you
again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Seth gets to choose
between Quill Bill.
That's Shakespeare
movies.
Nice.
Very good.
Yeah. That I like. As. Very good. Yeah.
That I like.
As a title, I mean.
Lucky number seven is a movie where one actor played the same role at least seven times.
And at Fantastic Mr. Joe.
That was Adam underscore Moe, that last one.
And Fantastic Mr. Joe suggested, I know what you did last.
underscore Moe, that last one, and Fantastic Mr. Joe suggested, I know what you did
last.
And that's
movies
that was the person's last performance
in a film.
Before they die?
Before they die.
Or maybe they just quit like Gene Hack.
You can't say that
in a theater. He just stopped making movies.
But he's still alive
Or did he
Challenge
I wish he didn't
I wish he didn't stop
And I wish his last movie
Wasn't Welcome to Mooseport
I argue his performance
In The Royal Tenenbaums
Is one of the greatest
Community performances
It's amazing
In the last 25 years
Absolutely
It's one of my favorite
Performances by anybody ever in anything.
I can just watch him as that character.
What's up, Coltrane?
God damn it.
So good.
So we got Shakespeare.
What was the second one again?
Oh, you're interested in playing this game?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry.
I wanted to talk about that for an hour.
I know you did last, Lucky Seven and Quill Bill.
I'm going to try the Shakespeare thing, Quill Bill.
All right.
Yeah, thank you.
Give it up for being brave.
I'm in the room.
Give it up for theater camp.
Sarah Bareilles is really proud of all you guys for being so brave.
Would you like a Shakespeare movie from 1968 or 1996?
96.
Yeah, keep it recent.
Er, recent er.
Three stars from Leonard.
He calls this an unexpurgated bard workout.
He calls this an unexpurgated barred workout.
Because he wanted no one to understand him? Put on your gym clothes and watch this movie.
What else did he say?
He says that some of the performances in the movie are extremely variable.
Suddenly he's talking about the weather.
These aren't things.
Concentrate on the movie, old man.
I'd say that to his face.
Worse has been said to his face.
And he says it's a movie of moments
and mixed blessings.
But three stars,
so you must like some of it.
And he names...
19 names?
That's the magic number
right there.
18.
Let's go with 18.
That gives it away.
It really does.
There's 18 names, yeah. It's 18. Let's go with 18. That gives it away. It really does. 18 names, yeah.
It's 18.
I'll name it in...
six cast members.
Okay.
Yeah, that was sexy.
Kevin Pollak.
What?
Aren't you next?
You're next, right?
Well, once again,
I believe he knows what it is.
So if I say five, we all know what Megan's going to say.
And then I'm screwed.
So even though you know what it is, I'll let you be smart.
Oh.
I'll have to challenge because I have no... You don't want to even give it a shot?
I mean...
You really don't want, you know...
I don't want Seth to have a point because I have a point?
You don't want Megan to get the point,
so this is good strategy.
Trying to...
Shutting it down.
Well, just Megan's happiness in general,
not just the game.
Challenge.
Challenge.
Challenge me. Challenge. Challenge. You're challenging me. I'm challenging you. You. Challenge me.
You're challenging me.
I'm challenging you.
You're challenging me.
I am.
Even though I think
I know what it is.
You think you know what it is.
Well, you should guess.
I do.
I can't guess.
Who gets points if I guess?
You get a point if you guess.
If I'm wrong.
Say name that movie.
No one does.
Name that movie.
Name that movie.
You name that movie.
He's saying it to you.
I want to name it.
If I'm wrong and I guess, does Megan get the point?
Only if I challenge, what if I want to name it?
What if I keep it going and then he challenges me?
What if we all want to name it?
Let's all name it right now.
What are you talking about?
One, two, three.
Seth said...
He said nine names.
Six.
I said nine, then he said six.
Seth said six. Seth said nine names. I said nine, then he said six.
Seth said six.
Seth said three names.
Seth said six names, and Kevin said name it.
So he's just going to hear the names and name it.
I don't know why you guys are trying to make it more complicated.
Because it's a very simple game.
Yeah.
So do the six, and I'll guess.
See, that was sarcasm.
All right, here's your six names.
Okay.
Rowena King, John Mills, John Gielgud,
Nicholas Farrell, Richard Attenborough,
Hacks.
Welcome to Jurassic Park.
Robin Williams.
What is it, the ice cream? What is the thing he refers to five times? Robin Williams. Robin Williams. What is it, the ice cream?
What is the thing he refers to five times? Robin Williams.
Robin Williams.
That's your six names.
Robin Williams.
We spared no expense.
How many times does he say that in the movie?
Richard Attenborough in Jurassic Park.
We spared no expense.
Four times.
I think five is the correct answer.
No, it was four.
All right, challenge. He definitely says it when that one guy correct answer. No, it was four. Alright. Challenge.
He definitely says it when that one guy
gets eaten by a dinosaur off of the shitter.
We spared no expense.
Off the shitter,
did you say? You'd think they'd have
dinosaur-proof roofs on the
outhouses.
The first thing you do,
by the way, is protect the outhouse
from a dinosaur bite.
Seth has gone into a coma.
Hey, you know what?
I bet you if you named
something written by Shakespeare
it might be the right answer.
Well, I'm trying to think
of which is the right one.
I know it's a comedy.
I'm going to say
As You Like It.
I'm going to say
it's not a comedy.
I was going to say
Romeo and Juliet.
That's why it was, what did he say?
Erratic or something?
Variables?
Extremely
variable because, yeah, Robin Williams
was in there trying to be humorous.
Jack Lemmon appears
in it. And
Charlton Heston, he's like,
he's like, guns!
And
Gerard Depardieu.
And Kenneth Branagh plays Hamlet in Hamlet.
Shakespeare wrote that?
Who got a point?
Shakespeare, yes.
Who got the point, Doug?
Wrote Hamlet.
That would be you.
Kevin Pollak has a point.
Wow.
Wow.
That was another one of those deadly categories
that nobody ever wants to pick.
We still have that movie.
But they're so entertaining.
We still have that movie from 1968,
so that's exciting.
We need to put on record that Kevin...
Shut up up there!
Shut up on the balcony
about Romeo and Juliet.
Did it also come out in 96? Is that why you're yelling?
It did, right? That's why I thought it was
Romeo and Juliet. Wouldn't it be fun to just
go out to a
show like this and stop talking to the wife?
I gave her an upgrade. why don't you propose to her
right here on the show already did sir sorry oh what'd she say how'd that work she said whatever
no i think she said you're doing it wrong something like that well because it was probably on a podcast with a smaller audience.
Zing!
Okay, so who was the challenger on that one?
You challenged, so that means...
And I took the point, so...
You challenged Seth, right? Yeah.
So we'll start with Megan and go to...
Who got two points? Kevin.
Kevin Pollock is our winner.
Yeah.
The bow.
Hey, you at home, guess what he's doing now.
You'll never guess.
Nope.
Nope.
Tell, you got it.
Tell us what he's won.
I can't believe I missed that.
You know, the other title I was thinking about giving this show
was Tight Ship.
Because I fucking run one.
I don't know about you guys
because I think Megan might be the only one
who's done this show here before, maybe.
Yeah.
But you guys are always so great
and so much fun to do this for.
And I really appreciate you coming out.
And we slashed away at the Ticketmaster fees
to keep the price down.
And as long as you guys
keep coming,
I'm going to keep doing them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, you know,
if you can't make it out
to Yonkers tomorrow
and I don't, like,
feel guilty or anything,
like, don't be like,
oh, he gives me hours of free entertainment and I don't feel guilty or anything. Don't be like, oh, he gives me hours of free entertainment
and I won't
take a hellish ride to another
borough. What?
Oh, don't cry inside or outside.
Just drink a lot of water.
Let's figure out if you guys
have shitheads written on the backs of your
name tags
and we gotta give the prizes to who Kevin
was playing for which is Gary
so Gary come get your stuff
yay Gary you're welcome
congratulations
spend less time with men named Gary now.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, he gets the dildo.
I do have an option for you.
I have a wonderful option, if I may, other than the barbecue sauce.
You could have a trading card from Gremlins.
Right?
Look how much excitement went with that. Indianalins. Right? Look how much excitement
went with that.
Indiana Jones.
Right?
Or E.T.
Hey, give me back
the fucking barbecue sauce.
You can only pick one, Kevin?
You only want what?
Indiana Jones?
Gremlins.
There's like six of them in there.
There you go.
Congratulations.
I was not in that film.
And, oh, wait, dude.
Don't go back to your seat yet.
We've got one more thing for you
that you have to just lug around
for the rest of...
Were you taking a subway?
Stop.
Subway and a bus.
Subway and a bus.
Oh, it's going to be perfect.
Where do you live?
Yonkers?
The Bronx
Well the people
With the most stuff
On the bus win
You know
If you have a lot of stuff
It aggravates everyone
They're like
Wow that guy's got stuff
Here brother
I don't really want this
And don't roll this up
That's a signed poster
Of a movie
That you will see
Yeah
No offense That's a signed poster of a movie that you will see. Yeah!
No offense.
I mean, look at Josh right there on the poster with some hot ladies.
It's a movie about a woman who doesn't want to touch anyone.
I think.
That's why it's called Touchy Feely.
And somebody yelling in the balcony. Is that
Rosemary DeWitt in the balcony? Or is it Ellen Page? Ellen Page is a balcony yeller for sure.
She'll just yell shit out from a balcony. Yeah, that's so clever. She's out of control.
Who else wants a poster? We got some extra ones.
You're gonna hang that up.
You guys should talk.
So, what happened
was Doug
went into the audience with posters
and people hurt
themselves
in order to get a poster.
There's a fight breaking out in the audience.
It's very awkward.
And
Josh was kind enough to sign them
Dear eBay.
Thank you.
Yeah, there we go.
Thank you for your $9.
That's a lesson in life.
If you want something, just run up and grab it.
Yeah.
I have a question.
If I would bring food as gifts, like a McDonald's meal,
would you like that more than like inanimate swag?
Would that be good, like a burger?
Yeah.
Would you eat like pizza for me?
If we had like a turkey club, would that be a good gift?
Would you guys eat that?
Yeah.
I always want to bring food, and then I'm like, they'll think it's gross.
Make chicken?
Make chicken?
Yeah.
I do.
Okay.
So you need the food.
What do you got coming up, Megan, that people can look for?
I just did a movie, a comedy called How to Be a Man,
and it should be,
it was made for iTunes and Netflix,
but it's seeking theatrical distribution.
You know how hard it is, guys.
Oh, yeah.
73 movies.
Oh, yeah.
But yeah, How to Be a Man,
very funny.
Very funny.
So that's coming out eventually.
And thank you, Maggie Nuremberg, for being here.
And Josh Pice, star of Touchy Feely in one theater here in New York now and one in L.A. next Friday.
And then hopefully lots of places.
NVOD and On Demand.
And also Ray Donovan. Tremend On Demand and also Ray Donovan tremendous
so good on Ray Donovan
very
now you tell us
so good
that's awesome
hey guy on the balcony
Ray Donovan
yes if you
if you hear something
repeat it
very good
very good
do you have
do you have scenes
with John Voight
no I don't
oh okay
but I hung out with John Voight? No, I don't. Oh, okay. But I hung out with Jon Voight.
He's crazy, right?
He is crazy.
Yeah.
He's amazing on the show.
I said that standing here holding a severed head.
That guy is crazy.
What are you guys doing later?
Whose head is it?
Here, let me give it back
to you now, because if I leave it here on the stage,
the security probably won't let you come up and get it.
Thanks for the head.
What a creep.
It's a solid bit.
Subtle? Subtle, very subtle.
Did I do it too many times? No, no, no.
Three is good. Okay.
Seth, what do you got to plug?
Continuing to do sketches on The Fallon Show.
And Jimmy and I are doing some shows October 14th, 15th, and 16th in Atlanta, St. Louis, and Tampa.
Live comedy shows.
And the Sweet Show.
And the Sweet.
But we're doing the nine-year anniversary show at Webster Hall on Wednesday night if you guys want to come
sweet is awesome
and then every Tuesday
at the Slipper Room
in New York City
yeah
thank you
yeah
the Zog
everybody
the Zog
yeah
two people clapping
and
what's that
somebody will take
Johnny Carson
Johnny Carson
yeah that's a guy.
Very good.
Not around anymore.
Aww, hugs.
He mostly loves me, let's get this clear,
but thank you very much.
He loves alcohol.
He's been drinking, right?
You drinking a lot tonight?
Not enough to know!
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
That's a great response.
You been drinking tonight?
Not enough to know!
Gotta drink some more to figure that one out.
Oh, Lord.
Good job, man.
Good job holding it together
until there's only three minutes left.
We wouldn't be able to take that shit
through the whole show.
He'd be up there yelling answers.
True grit!
So there he goes.
Kevin Pollack,
before he yells some more
yeah
well
gathering steam
for misery loves comedy
I have a movie
coming out called
Grace Unplugged
and then a Christmas movie
coming out
they just changed the title
up again
and I can't remember it
but I have one thing to say
to the last gentleman
who spoke
may
may a diseased camel
drop caca
on your couscous.
Nixon.
Thank you.
Okay, drunk man.
You're welcome.
You're welcome for the entertainment.
You're not going to remember it?
Well, you can listen to it.
He's going to be like,
I can't wait to hear that show
I was blackout drunk during.
Thank you to all of my guests.
Let's hear it for all of them.
Megan Uringer.
Josh Pice,
The Zog,
Kevin Pollack,
and as always,
Miley Cyrus
is a shithead,
Kevin Bacon
is a shithead,
and the New York Rangers
are a shithead. Now the New York Rangers are a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold,
his viewing prowess
makes him cocky.
There's no room
in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.