Doug Loves Movies - Kevin Weisman, Clare Kramer, and Moshe Kasher Guest
Episode Date: October 29, 2013Doug welcomes actors Kevin Weisman and Clare Kramer, and returning Leonard Maltin Game winner Moshe Kasher to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy N...otice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug Hakes, candy wrapper, screaming baby,
60 C's with 50 azotop or kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see,
because Doug loves movies.
Hey, everybody. My name is Doug Doug and I love movies
And this is Douglas Movies
I love that there was a guy that said
And this is Douglas Movies
He added to it
Still got in on time
We're coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles
On Tuesday, October 29th
To Oceans 13
Happy Halloween week, everybody!
Or, uh...
Or I guess I should say,
happy hollow-weed.
Weed.
Uh...
Um, on the plane coming back from Detroit,
I saw Monsters University.
Uh, pretty fun. One guy over there clapping. I really like the character played back from Detroit, I saw Monsters University. Pretty fun.
One guy over there clapping.
I really like the character played by past and future guest Bobby Moynihan.
I thought that was a funny little weirdo.
Houston, Texas, Friday, November 15th, I'm doing stand-up at Warehouse Live,
and we will play the Leonard Maltin game at the end of the show,
so bring those name tags.
The next day, I'm interrupting Love Actually at the end of the show, so bring those name tags. The next day I'm interrupting
Love Actually at the Houston
Alamo Drafthouse at 420.
Don't bring name tags to that.
Cincinnati, Ohio.
Doug Loves Movies is coming to Go Bananas
Comedy Club on Sunday,
November 17th, so be
like Herbie the Love Bug and go
bananas.
I don't know if that's the club's slogan, but it should be. Be like Herbie the Lovebug and go bananas. I don't know if that's the club's slogan,
but it should be.
Be like Herbie the Lovebug.
Remember that one? Herbie goes bananas?
A friend of mine thought it'd be funny if there was a movie
called Jesus Goes Bananas.
And I agree.
I stole it because he's
not a comedian.
We've got a fun hat in the prize bag.
We've got a shirt as well and a DVD kind of thing that looks like it's some sort of series.
I brought from Fantastic Fest a nice pint-sized glass that says Tales from the Crypt on one side
and Fantastic Fest and Fear Net on the other.
Then also I got some M&Ms because it's, you know,
a Halloween kind of candy sort of thing.
And I auditioned to be that guy that opens the door on Halloween
and the two talking M&Ms are out there and he's like,
he treats them like they're wearing costumes and not like they're talking M&Ms are out there and he's like he treats them
like they're wearing costumes and they're not like they're talking M&Ms
if you're if you're a mythical thing if you don't really exist you can get away
with a lot of shit on Halloween just go out there was like great costume yeah so
that was from the the care package that I got
when I did the Talking Dead
TV program. Also,
they included a foil Mylar
rescue blanket
and
some first aid
to go from
Johnson & Johnson
and then to listen to during the zombie
apocalypse, you can have Gateway Doug
and another CD
that we will mention
as soon as that gentleman gets out here.
And also two weeks in a row now
because I was on At Midnight again last night
on Comedy Central
hosted by Chris Hardwick.
The Jones on 3rd gift
box collection
that they give you for appearing on the show.
I was like, you gave me another one?
Don't you know what I did with the first one?
I mean, I just can't imagine.
It's like Chinese nesting dolls of boxed food.
They're all different sizes, and they're probably full of absoluteed food. They're all different sizes
and they're probably full
of absolute deliciousness.
Where's the people that won last week? Is that you guys?
Did you eat that stuff?
Was it good?
Now this guy, I run into him over
at Bird's. By run into him I mean I'm
accosted in the corner of the restaurant.
First he calls me, sir.
And I'm like, oh, you're the manager?
Did I
not pay the last time I was here?
And then you're like, I was at the
show last week. The Pax
vaporizer is amazing.
We love it. It's such a great thing.
I can't believe you gave away such
a great thing. I was like, well, I had it.
An opportunity to give away, so I did. Thanks, man. I'm going to go back to my great thing. I was like, well, I had an opportunity to give away,
so I did.
Thanks, man.
I'm going to go back to my...
And then you're like,
and the cock rings are great, too.
All right, dude,
I got to go back to my pulled pork.
Thinking about your pulled dork
but I'm glad
you loved all the
that was the most eclectic
random
prize bag we ever had this one's pretty good too
let's give a big warm welcome
to my guest Claire Kramer
Kevin Wiseman and returning game winner
Moshe Kasher.
Come on out, you guys.
Welcome.
Jordan, does this look appetizing to you?
No.
No?
All right.
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome, yeah.
You're always my go-to.
What about you, Drew?
Does this look good to you?
No?
Joe?
It didn't even land on me, though.
I threw it down, and it landed upright.
I never have that kind of luck with pizza.
You're going to eat it?
Yeah, he's going to eat it.
Not the plastic thing.
Not the plastic bug on top.
Wait, is that the small dick guy from last week?
He'll do anything.
What does that mean?
Dude, he loves the cock rings.
This guy won cock rings last week.
And then he comes up to me. I'm trying to have my dinner
and he's telling me about how great the cock rings are.
Oh, wow. Doug, before you finish that,
I just gotta tell you, my dick looked
slightly bigger than small last week.
That's him. That's my...
Alright, you know what? Edit it out.
Fuck you guys.
What is the advantage of the cock ring
ask that guy
yeah
I want to know
and the disadvantages
please
there's a lovely pressure
that keeps you
see this is the kind
of thing
there's a lovely pressure
that you don't say
in front of a woman
who's eight and a half
months pregnant
or maybe
Claire Kramer
is here everybody
the most pregnant
guest we've ever had
thanks guys
we've had pregnant guests before
but I'm the most
I hope I'm the most pregnant
you're the most pregnant
yeah
like you know
laughter is supposed to
induce labor right
that's why I'm here baby
also
also probably
this being your fourth
probably also induces labor
it's probably gonna just
anything
hey I'm out
yeah
what's up water also induces labor but It's probably going to just, hey, I'm out.
What's up?
Water also induces labor. But I am interested in the cock ring thing.
So I'd like to know more.
Yeah.
I think we all would.
I am too.
Wait.
A lovely pressure that keeps you hard.
Doesn't the arousal of being with a woman keep you hard?
Isn't that?
There are periods where we take a break for tantric reasons.
Oh, fuck off.
No, no.
He's saying it keeps you hard longer.
That's right.
Yes, not...
Yeah.
So as opposed to the six...
Yeah.
How long...
Why don't you just cut them off completely?
The balls.
You know what I mean?
If you need to tamp them down so badly just to keep it going,
maybe you don't need them at all.
I want to hear from the lady friend here.
This lady friend.
Enlighten us.
Maybe not.
Moshe, what a great reporter you'd make.
Where you're putting the microphone
isn't going to catch your voice or hers.
I just want the people at home to know
about this fucking freaky ass couple
you've got here.
In the same seats as last week,
I'm going to be forever
uncomfortable.
Are you wearing the cock ring now?
No, he doesn't have to stay hard
right now. It's just going to
come naturally. No, this is part of their
tantric process, is Doug loves movies.
You have sex once a week
on Tuesdays. Is that real?
You have sex once a week on Tuesdays?
Sometimes twice. Oh, now you're doing
better. Now, see, Moshe, you're
really encouraging them in a way that
I don't appreciate.
But thanks, you guys, for
enjoying the prize bag so much
and being so open about it.
Claire, first of all, let me introduce the rest of the guests.
Moshe Kasher won last week.
He's here.
Hello, everybody.
Hello, hello.
And then Kevin Wiseman, who, for the listeners especially,
I should say, you were Q on Alias.
You were the gadget dude.
Marshall, the American Q.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, I like to say.
Thank you.
And then, of course,
you are currently a wheelchair-stricken sexual master
on Kivas, is how you pronounce it?
Yeah, Kivas.
I keep seeing it written, and I want to say Kives.
Yeah, it's a common misconception.
Kivas is such a normal name compared to Kives. Of course. There's no last name. It's written and I want to say Kives. Yeah, it's a common misconception.
Keevis is such a normal name compared to Kives.
Of course.
There's no last name.
It's like Prince.
It's just Keevis.
Okay.
Yeah, hello ladies. Keevis in a wheelchair in Hello Ladies.
Yeah.
With Stephen Merchant.
Anyone seen that?
Big hit.
And then, but the reason that you're here tonight, because I always like to build themes
and reunite people, like Entertainment Weekly.
Oh, yeah.
You were one of Glory's minions on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Yeah, I played a character named Dreg.
Yeah.
What season was it?
Five.
Five, season five.
So the winner tonight gets season six.
I'm not on that.
Winner tonight gets season six.
I'm not on that.
Listen, I'm going to bring my... I have something that I forgot that I'm going to bring next week.
Oh, that coffee you're going to win tonight?
You'll be back next week?
No, I'm just going to sit in the audience.
Oh, okay.
I'll be here.
I'm going to bring some special...
No, but Claire just brought a season of Buffy
and didn't factor in that you were in season five.
I was. I mean, you were just merely a minion of hers and I
was happy as she recognized you today
because you were covered in makeup.
Yeah, it took about four and a half hours and I had like a
Benedictine robe in the hottest
part of the summer in
Culver City, was it? Yeah. And his name
was Dreg? Dreg, yeah. I was like a
sexy troll. A minion.
You were funny though, i think i think i remember you being funny like because i obviously you know i because of the makeup and
stuff i didn't know that was you yeah i might not you might not even been on my radar at that point
yet because alias hadn't happened yet yeah it was like that was what i was 90 it was like 2000
2000 2000 i think you guys are gonna be be good at the Leonard Maltin game.
Yeah.
You think so?
Yeah.
You're throwing around these dates like you know shit.
What's the secret to win?
For me?
Yeah.
Ineptitude, for sure.
Is that what it is?
Yeah, man.
Alienating Doug's listening base is my secret.
Well, I just want to know from some of the experts how I can crush this game.
No, he plays...
Actually, I haven't gotten a single complaint about how you play I just want to know from some of the experts how I can crush this game. No, he plays.
Actually, I haven't gotten a single complaint about how you play because there are rules and you follow them.
You adhere to the rules.
Yeah, people keep calling for a tournament of lesser champions
that I would be, I guess, a member of.
But you started that.
It's not like you never mentioned this and people started hating on you.
They're agreeing with what you already said.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that you win by making other people name it.
Because it's oftentimes...
Right, he wins on an error.
Even if you have five or six names, it's a hard game.
Well, I'm not good at naming movies,
but I am good at finding out
when people's egos have overtaken them.
And they're like, oh, I can do that in three names.
I'm like, impossible that you can do that in three names. I'm like, impossible that you
can do that. Name it. And that's how I win.
So he wins by default, is what you're saying, generally.
No, but it's still winning.
You still win in tennis when the
other person, when they're serving,
goes over the line. Double fault.
When they double fault, you still get
the fucking points. Right. If I was playing
tennis, I would just be standing with my arms crossed
hoping.
Just standing there.
Well, thank you
for revealing your strategy.
I will...
Well, that's the other thing
is Moshe's taking advantage
of the fact
that a lot of people,
this is how they play.
I have no idea.
I guess,
I don't know,
six names?
And then Moshe's like,
name it.
Yeah.
You're saying you've got to go in with confidence if you know it or not. I'm just saying
don't say whether you know it or not.
It's poker.
Where we spent some time recently,
we played at HollywoodPoker.com
for the Michael J. Fox Foundation.
Yeah, and a couple other charities.
That was a crazy day.
You almost made it to the final table. I was
impressed with your skill. Almost made it, yeah. That's the thing about day. You almost made it to the final table. I was impressed with your skill.
Almost made it, yeah.
That's the thing about poker.
You play for five, six hours and then don't even finish.
And then almost make it.
Yeah.
You're just on the bubble.
But there was good food there.
What else happened at that party?
It was no party, first of all.
Because what's his name was there?
Who's the OJ guy?
Cato.
Cato.
Cato.
Cato.
Cato.
He was working the room, too.
He was excited.
Oh, God.
He was excited.
Yeah.
But do you guys think OJ did it?
Serious question.
Wow.
Yeah, he did it.
No, I'm just kidding, guys.
But you said serious.
Now you say kidding.
I was just, you know what? How are we ever going to laugh at your jokes? This is how I win the game. But you said serious. Now you say kidding.
How are we ever going to laugh at your jokes?
This is how I win the game.
You never trusted you.
Your CD is called Everybody You Know Is Going To Die
and then you are
and that's in the prize bag
and Claire brought stuff from a motion picture.
Where can people see Big Ass Spider?
Big Ass Spider came out in the theaters last week and it's also
on VOD. It is
myself, Greg Grunberg, and
Ray Weiss. It's very funny. It's like Ghostbusters.
So definitely.
With Big Ass Spider. With a spider.
Yeah. But not just any spider, right?
It's a big ass spider.
Is there a theme song
for the spider?
There's a montage with the spider. He's like training for the spider you have to you know I mean there's a montage
with the spider
so there's
you know
he's like
he's like
training for the
big battle
he's got little
barbells on every arm
dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun
yeah
no it's great
I was gonna say
why isn't it
isn't it a
spider-nado
or one of those
things
well
this is really
a throwback
that it's a monster that's only one thing.
Everyone's saying, is it like
Sharknado? And I'm like, well,
it's, no. Acting's better.
It's a real movie.
So, yeah, it's good. Do I have the
option of seeing it in 3D? Yes.
Oh. Yeah.
Now he's into it. I like 3D.
Do you take your wheelchair from the set
to Disneyland and stuff?
No.
That's what you should have done.
The second you got that part,
you should have just started living in the wheelchair.
They won't let me take it from the...
It was custom made, though.
There's some nice flames on the back.
But you guys know you can both just buy wheelchairs.
You don't need to get it from Hollywood.
They'll give you one.
Well, this was a very expensive wheelchair.
No, I'm just saying his alibi is set up that he's
a handicapped actor that they cast.
They're not going to recognize him from Buffy
at four and a half hours of makeup on him.
You also realize you don't need an alibi, too.
When you go to Disneyland, they're like,
look at this fucking imposter.
Get up!
I had a card for a while that was a because of medical reasons,
you get to go to the front of every line.
Were you smoking a blunt as you walked out?
Yeah.
What was the reason?
I don't know.
It was also the person's name who I got the card from
and it said Rodrigo on it.
I really looked like a Rodrigo.
Yeah.
But sometimes they do a double take, but at every ride, they really look it over, and
then sometimes they ask you questions.
Sure.
As they should.
So, yeah.
Isn't that illegal?
I'm serious.
To ask questions about a disability, I feel like it's illegal.
Oh, no.
They didn't ask you what your disability was.
They kept that cool, because I'm glad they did,
because I didn't really have one.
I didn't have one at the ready,
but I think it could even just be like Asperger's,
and they just don't want you bothering people in line.
Wait, so they wouldn't ask you questions about the disability?
It'd just be random questions?
It would be like, it's a 1992 film, two stars.
No, it was just, you know, gotcha questions.
Like, what kind of magazines do you read? Did you succeed?
Did they ever, was your handicap revealed as false?
Never.
True or false, you are handicapped.
Well, that's the thing.
And how did you feel?
Did you feel good?
I mean, you felt okay doing that?
I felt great.
That concerns me.
Any way you can get to the front of the line.
You can hire a guide.
It would cost you. I do fast pass. I'm saying there's better than the fast pass. You can get to the front of the line. You can hire a guide.
I do fast pass.
I'm saying there's better than the fast pass if you hire
the special guy.
Another option is not going to Disneyland.
You've got to go with the kids.
Yeah, and you've got to go if you're an old kid.
Wait, you don't have kids.
No, but I love it.
I want to live in Disneyland or a pool.
You can do both there.
That better be in the goddamn quotes
at the top of the AV Club reviews.
I just want to point out,
we're going really long on...
We've got to get to the game,
but I just want to say that
Kevin and Moshe do not
know each other, and they
just met this evening.
An accomplished actor
and an accomplished comedian coming together.
We just came together.
Backstage. Well, that was the other
thing I wanted to bring up. Well, we felt a lovely pressure
and then...
I was wearing a cock ring.
Yeah.
Thank you for that, by the way.
Those two words,
lovely pressure.
Delightful force.
So...
Oh, that's a good album title.
All right.
But this is the thing.
I told both of you that there was some fucking thing going on over at Hollywood and Vine
that traffic was bad and to avoid that if you could.
You know, that's the best move.
Yeah.
And within two minutes of each other, you both wrote 10-4.
Whoa.
Well, look, we didn't want to talk about it, but we actually have met before.
Wow.
It was in the killing fields of Vietnam.
Vietnam, yeah.
In the killing fields.
This is my brother right there.
Good to see you again.
It's good to see you, man.
10-4.
Semper Fi.
Semper Fi.
Oh, now I know why they call you the 10-4 brothers.
I go either 10-4 or Roger.
I like Roger as well.
Yeah, but that was the thing.
You both chose 10-4 tonight.
Claire went with a K.
I just did K.
That suits you.
What if we had all done K, though? That would have been really bad.
It's a good thing.
Good thing I was solo on that.
Avoid Hollywood and Vine. KKK.
I used to go to the Jimmy Kimmel Live a lot
when I was friends with his girlfriend.
Wait, that sounds like I broke up with Sarah.
I used to go hang out there a lot.
But on the iPhone,
when you try to type in,
because we just called it J-K-L,
when you try to type in J-K-L,
it would suggest KKK.
Oh, wow.
Oh, man.
Like, why?
Why is that even in there?
There isn't even a program in there
that some people might be trying to write KKK.
Most people that would want to write it
probably couldn't even spell KKK,
so we're going to help them out.
It was just some anti-Semitic programmer
who thought Jimmy Kimmel
shouldn't be dating Sarah Silverman.
Like, if they
ever try and go
there, KKK.
But that would
be, that's a fun
thing to write the
next time somebody
says, I'll meet
you at seven
right back, KKK.
As long as it's
lowercase though,
I think it's
alright, right?
If it's lowercase? Oh yeah. I think you're good. That's pretty different. As long as it's lowercase, I think it's alright right if it's lowercase
oh yeah
I think you're
I think you're good
that's pretty different
as long as it's lowercase
yeah I think you're alright
go to Compton
and tell them that
yeah
I don't know about it
remember when there was
a diet candy called AIDS
yes
yeah
and then AIDS came along
and
in San Diego
where I lived at the time
there was a giant building that had the words
aids like in big letters on the top it took them a long time to get it together and change that
that's how i feel about weird that's how i feel about the buddhist swastika you know what i mean
like it's an old symbol and all these hippies are like trying to reclaim it and stuff i'm just like
you know what buddhists fucking just they won the germ Germans get the swastika. I'm sorry, it's not fair.
Don't put it on your buildings anymore.
Fucking Buddhists, fuck you.
Just kidding.
I knew nothing of this problem until you brought it up, and I agree.
Thank you very much, Doug.
K, K, K.
K.
K.
You're on a bunch of different things that you never mentioned.
You've won the game a couple weeks in a row now,
and you haven't mentioned that you are on
Tubbin' with Tosh.
I am on Tubbin' with Tosh.
I play Natasha Leggero's
questionable sexuality sex slave, Pig Bottom.
Yeah, that guy's a weirdo.
Yeah, but he's me.
I embody that character well he
actually feels as well a light pressure from time to time and also i'll be on uh at midnight on
halloween i will be yeah i'll be exciting also with natasha and uh steve agey i think um and
we're also doing a show together you and i and natasha are all going to be at the knob hill
masonic temple in san francisco on new year's eve right we're not going to be performing we're also doing a show together. You and I and Natasha are all going to be at the Knob Hill Masonic Temple in San Francisco on New Year's Eve.
Right.
We're not going to be performing.
We're going to be worshiping the Masons.
Goes on sale November 8th.
Come out.
Bring your knee pads.
Let's all worship together.
Really quickly, before we start the Leonard Mullen game, I always like to ask what movies you guys have seen lately.
You're busy making entertainment, but have you been to the movies, Kevin?
I saw a screening of Nebraska the other day.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, the Alexander Payne movie.
Head of the Curve.
Thank you.
I saw our friend Edgar tweeted about how great Bruce Dern is in it.
He's amazing.
Yeah, he's fantastic.
And Will Forte, really good.
June Squibb, she's fantastic. And Will Forte, really good. June Squibb.
She's a...
Okay.
I'm telling you, Academy Award nomination for this woman.
She's an 82-year-old actor.
She was in that About Schmidt as well, the other Alexander Payne movie.
Sure, sure.
Really good.
Really good.
Bob Odenkirk.
Great.
Do you know Bob?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's great.
And he's a variation of Saul, but more contained.
Yeah, it's great.
They play brothers, Will and Saul.
I highly recommend it.
Bob is like an indie darling all of a sudden.
He's in a ton of movies.
He's killing it.
He's spectacular now.
Oh, I didn't see that.
Oh, he's good.
He's got like two scenes, but they're good.
Yeah, no, he's great.
No, I highly recommend it.
I like that, and I also saw that enough said that...
Oh, poor James D. Yeah, he was really good. I like that, and I also saw that enough said that... Oh, poor James D.
Gandolfini.
Yeah, he was really good.
Yeah.
It was bittersweet.
Yeah, but I want to see it.
It looks great.
Those are my two.
That's all I got.
Thank you, Kevin.
You're welcome.
Those are my two recommendations.
This is so serene tonight.
People aren't yelling over each other.
Claire, do you go to movies while you're trying to have a baby?
I do, I do.
Of course, I have seen Gravity a few times.
Love it.
A few times?
I did.
I went with a couple different people who wanted to see it in 3D.
Did you do it in the IMAX?
Should I see it?
I haven't seen it yet.
Yes, why?
Why have you not seen it?
I had to see those other two movies.
I personally really liked it.
I loved it, actually.
Is it a boy or a girl?
The baby, do you know?
This one is a boy.
Yeah, so like George Clooney's floating around in there.
Yeah, I haven't seen it.
Oh, that doesn't happen in the...
They just float around.
There's floating in it.
I don't want to hear anything about it.
That's not too big a spoiler.
Okay.
I've avoided all the writings,
although there was some controversy, right?
Some scientists were very upset.
Well, Neil deGrasse Tyson or whatever his name is,
he pointed out all the things that are wrong about it.
Right.
I mean, it's also called a movie.
It's called Gravity,
and there is none through the entire film.
Yeah.
That's true.
To the very, very, very end.
As I said in a recent show,
that movie should have been called Hope Floats.
Yeah.
And it's not a documentary.
It's a fictional entertainment.
Yes.
Yeah, that's the thing.
But I think it's fun that he debunked all of that.
And like lawyers do when a law movie comes out
that's really popular.
They come out and say,
well, this doesn't happen, that doesn't happen.
Poker, every card playing movie.
Rounders.
Yeah, rounders yeah the bullshit
yeah impossible to make a compelling movie about poker though let's be honest but also these guys
are like i'm a great poker player because i get dealt royal fleshes like that's always what
happens is they get dealt the most unlikely hand that you can be dealt at the moment when they need
it and then the movie can end and be like yay
the prime circumstances
yeah exactly
well it's suspension
of disbelief
that's the
that's the cinema folks
that's what you should do
or just be stupid
if you don't know
anything about anything
the movies are all
absolutely correct
yeah that's another
I like that
smoke and mirrors
I do
I mean that's why
when I see a movie
that's like about
something really
intellectual
I'm usually pretty
won over by it just because I think
everything they're saying is accurate.
Yeah.
It can happen.
I saw 12 Years a Slave.
Oh, wow.
Got really quiet in here.
It was amazing. Unbelievable.
Everybody was super tenacious. On a scale of one to four,
how many K's do you give it?
And is it a little K or a big K?
There was something funny that happened.
I saw it at the Arclight.
And the Arclight, for those of you that are listening that don't know,
is like a super movie snob theater.
Like when I saw Gravity there, there was a baby crying during a pivotal moment.
And somebody goes, shut your fucking baby up!
Like they yelled at a baby.
Why did they bring a baby in there?
I don't know, but they did that.
And Arclight also has over 18 only screenings.
You can choose.
Someone screamed and swore at this baby.
However, during 12 Years a Slave,
there was a black couple that was talking
the whole time and nobody said shit
to them.
They're like, you know what? You can have this one.
Wow.
I think it's a good time
to start the game. I get it.
It's true. It really happened.
No, I believe it.
It's accurate reporting.
How was...
Just get in the vicinity.
How was Brad Pitt's cameo in that?
Brad Pitt was great.
He's saintly.
What does he do?
He's lovely.
He's just like a nice man.
Okay.
I think the movie probably needs a little break here and there.
Yeah.
He's like, I mean, if I told you too much, it'd be a spoiler.
And you know I hate spoilers, Doug.
But Brad Pitt was a very nice man.
Sounds more like you met him.
Everybody's great.
Fassbender is the best actor, I think.
I think he's the best.
If Daniel Day-Lewis dies, hopefully soon,
Fassbender is the best actor.
He's going to take over.
Besides you guys.
He's going to slide in.
No, that's all right.
He's going to take over the end.
Yeah, that guy is good.
Shane.
I like that Christoph Waltz, though, also. He's great, yeah. He's not in that. No, no's all right. He's going to take over the... Yeah, that guy is good. Shane. I like that Christoph Waltz, though, also.
He's great, yeah.
He's not in that.
No, no, no.
Now we're just naming great actors.
Oh, okay.
People you like.
Yeah, Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Oh.
I was just naming him.
So good.
Yeah, he was good.
He was so good.
James Cagney.
Yeah, I love James Cagney.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
I'll have your name posted and plastered up and down Broadway.
Yeah. All right. I love James Cagney. I'll have your name posted and plastered up and down Broadway.
I love James Cagney.
We talked about that before we came out.
In Vietnam, we used to have so many conversations about Cagney.
In the killings fields.
Did you guys ever say, let the games begin.
We're going to touch down in Los Angeles in about
30 minutes, so put your tray tables up.
Gentlemen in glory,
select your name
tags. Who would you like to play for
from this dazzling array of
homemade items?
Some things are on their devices.
I'm going with the bong guy.
All right.
Just go over there and grab it from him.
While you guys do that, we'll do this.
Oh, I have to grab it?
We'll be right back.
And we're back.
Who are you guys playing for?
What do you got down there, Moshe?
That's the name, right?
It's Run, Lila, Run?
Yeah. Lila.
Well, yeah. Lola was...
And she gave me... Is this for me?
That's so sweet. She gave me cookies.
Aww. What? I've never gotten
a gift before from somebody I'm playing for.
This is so nice. It's so cool. It's a lot of cookies.
Yeah, it's so many different cookies,
and I just want to say thank you.
Aww. All I got was to say thank you. Aw.
All I got was this shitty piece of notebook paper.
What the fuck is this?
You picked it, Kevin.
I didn't know there were people with cookies. We didn't force you to.
Nobody told me there was.
Aw.
Aw.
I got cookies.
That didn't happen.
I got cookies.
Thank you.
That did not happen.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Wow. So many cookies. You don. I got cookies. Thank you. That did not happen. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Wow.
So many cookies.
You don't have any cookies.
I know.
That's all right.
You want some of my cookies?
Well, you know.
No, really.
Do you want some?
Stupid vine roller.
You can have a Frankenstein.
Oh, thank you, guys.
Special Frankenstein cookie.
And I like that you guys didn't show them when people were selecting to try to sway our vote.
They hid them.
They were revealed after.
First right away. They were revealed after. Yeah.
First right away.
It was a reward.
There's something
really special happening
in the UCB theater tonight.
Who are you playing for, Claire?
Grizzly Stan.
And it's a little bear
with a stick up its butt?
Well, not really.
I mean, he's decapitated
as well. Ooh, and he's just a head. Yeah, he's a little... Yeah. I up its butt? Well, not really. I mean, he's decapitated as well.
Ooh, and he's just a head.
Yeah, he's a little, yeah.
I love that dude.
There he is.
I love him.
Nice sign, Grizzly Stan.
I love him.
And don't read the shithead on the back,
but tell us who you're playing for, Kevin.
Well, I picked this guy because it said Kevin, Kevin, Bang Bang,
because I was like, oh, we're a fan.
I got a fan.
Because you tweeted about it today.
You were going to be on.
The guests are always a secret.
Oh, I wasn't supposed to do that.
Thanks for ruining stuff.
But it turns out this guy's name is Kevin.
Kevin.
So he's not a fan.
Kevin, Kevin Bang Bang.
Yeah.
But anyway, we have a special bond now. Yeah. Kevin, Kevin. So he's not a fan. Kevin, Kevin, bang, bang. Yeah. All right. But anyway, we have a special bond now.
Yeah.
Kevin, Kevin.
I'm sorry about the tweet.
I didn't know about that.
No, that's cool.
Yeah.
Next time.
Well, why do you think it's packed here?
I'm just saying.
So you should be thanking me, actually.
Anyway, thank you for coming, all my followers.
At Kevin Wiseman.
Good to see you guys.
W-E-I-S-M-A-N.
That's right.
Let's play the Leonard Maltin game.
What the fuck?
Practically out of time already.
Flew by.
Loving it.
already. It flew by.
Loving it.
Trying to do some kind of Halloween kind of themed
categories.
Nightmare
before Christmas.
Is that it? No, we're not playing yet.
Oh, I got excited.
Random movies.
I love that Moshe is the old
expert now.
Well, come on up on the porch
and I'll explain how to say
name that movie.
There's a bit of a theme
with Moshe tonight.
All right, so we'll make it.
Since Moshe's the defending champion,
we'll make him go last.
Jumping in, they let the champion go first, right?
I still can't decide what to do. I don't know which is better. But let's have champion go first right i still can't decide what to do
um i don't know which is better but let's have claire go first okay yeah and um did you change
your name on twitter to a scary name for halloween that seems like kind of thing you'd do no but i
now i want to is that a thing that people yeah is it yeah, is it? Yeah, they do like, you know how Simpsons,
they always do the horror episode
and all the credits,
they all have their names are changed to scary names.
And that's what they do there.
Let's do it.
On Twitter.
I'm going to do that.
You know, your real name,
you don't have to change your Twitter name.
Not your handle.
Yeah, you just change the name next to it.
What would yours be, Doug?
You know, Doug Ben's son of Sam, I guess.
But there's not really any good ones for mine.
That's the best one I heard.
I do share a birthday with the Boston Strangler.
So maybe I can work that in.
You should change her whole name to that.
Yeah, the Boston Strangler.
I share a birthday with the Boston Strangler.
Please follow me.
Do it.
Or I'll strangle you.
So you get to pick a category, Claire,
and then we'll go to Kevin,
and then to...
Moshe Slasher.
Who will say...
Who will say, name that movie.
So get ready for that, Kevin.
Slashing you with that.
D underscore miles 169 on Twitter wrote,
too old for this shit.
And that's movies where somebody dies in
or very close to a toilet.
Or on or close to a toilet.
I can take a one off the top of my head.
Yeah, there you go.
I'm already liking that category.
That's how this game works.
You start
bragging like that.
And you get yourself
into trouble. Thicker Treat.
Thicker Treat. That's movies
with Alan Thicke
or
Treat Williams.
Both
classics, obviously.
And I hope I gave credit to the person that submitted that
because I lost their Twitter handle.
And at JW coming at you suggested Motel Six Feet Under.
And Motel Six Feet Under is movies where someone is killed in a motel.
Oh.
Yeah.
Very creative.
I thought that would be a fun Halloween category.
But which one of those would you like to pick, Kevin?
I'm sorry, Claire.
Which one would you like, Kevin?
And then we'll let Claire decide.
I'll go with...
Which one did you like?
Which one did you like?
I think we should go with Motel 6 Feet Under.
Okay.
It's a coincidence.
Name that movie.
Is that how it works?
The year is 2005.
Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin
for this movie that he says is gripping.
Two and a half stars and he calls it gripping.
Oh, relentlessly violent.
So there you go.
That's where they lost him.
And he says it's also available in an unrated version.
That doesn't help.
Which isn't everything.
Yeah.
Terrible clue.
Yeah.
And he lists nine names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
CK?
Nine.
Smart opening bid.
I'm going to go with
five.
Five.
Five?
I was going to say four, but I think I need the fifth one.
I'm five years old.
I'll go with five.
He says five.
This is going to be a surprise, isn't it?
Four.
Oh, no, you didn't.
Can I?
I just feel like I'm.
He feels bad.
I feel bad.
About doing well.
Can I over, can you then remit?
You can't do anything from what you're saying.
No.
Well, I didn't know.
Can I say three or no?
No, because now it goes to Claire.
Oh, it goes to Claire.
I'm sorry.
And I'm going to say do it.
Yeah, she's going to say name it.
Do it is not how you say it. Maybe I want to to Claire. Oh, it goes to Claire. I'm sorry. And I'm going to say do it. Yeah, she's going to say do it. Name it.
Maybe I want to say it.
Okay, man.
Tonight's a unique night.
Yeah, name it.
All right, here's your four names, buddy.
I want to say it's been a great run, everybody.
I love you all.
It's really about that deep running.
I got to get my pen out and just give Claire the point right now.
And then we'll do this wow one to nothing Claire
yeah your four names
are Priscilla Barnes
Leslie Easterbrook
Danny Trejo
and Jeffrey Lewis
from 2005.
Saw 2.
Fun guess,
but incorrect.
He's not listed
in the names,
but one of the people
that gets killed
in a motel room
is our friend
Brian Posehn
because the movie is...
Oh, the comedians of comedy.
...is Rob Zombie's The Devil's Rejects.
Oh, of course it was.
Of course.
Yes.
So obvious once you hear it.
A classic.
Gripping.
So that means you get to pick the next category, Kevin.
Uh-oh.
Kevin gets to pick.
Oh, all right.
Yeah, yeah.
And then it's going to go to...
Our former champion.
No, it's going to go to Claire,
because we've switched the order around.
But I was impressed with your fortitude there.
Thank you very much.
Good job.
Yeah.
Fucking Vietnam, bro.
Fist bump.
It's one of the best ways to lose is with fortitude.
A little big for the britches.
All right, I'm ready.
Kevin, would you like, at Wise Men Films,
Wise Men spelled, not spelled like you're a wise man,
suggested there's something about Mary,
and that's a movie that has a dude dressed as a woman in it.
There's something about Mary.
Of course.
And then celebrating a birthday
today on the 29th of October
is the great Richard Dreyfuss.
So the films of Richard Dreyfuss.
And then your final choice option
at Chris F. Gambino
suggested Anti-Gravity.
And that's movies
that starred either
Sandra Bullock or George Clooney
that got two stars or less
from Len Maltin.
Wow. Those are all
great categories.
I think I'm going to go with the
latter.
Clooney and Bullock.
Okay, so one of them is in it.
Right. And it has two stars or less.
Two stars or less for Leonard, so it's not a good film
according to Leonard. Right. Some of the weaker efforts.
And your year options are 1988, 2001, and 2005.
Let's go 2005.
Most recent.
Okay.
2005.
One and a half stars from Leonard for this movie from 2005.
He says about this movie that it's forced.
And he says...
Hence the two stars.
He says several celebrities have bit parts.
Oh.
And he says that the lead actor of the movie
also co-produced it.
And the number of names
is in the area of
11 names. 11 names.
11 names.
I will go with, I'm going to go with six.
That's a strong opening for you, Claire.
What are you going to do, Claire?
I'm going to say name it.
Wow.
Claire says name it.
Good Lord.
The pressure's on.
I feel like that.
Okay.
You really taught her well there, Moshe.
Hey, you learned it from the best.
Hey, honey.
Are you going to call the baby Moshe?
He becomes the teacher.
So now, does he, is that it?
Then I have to name it?
No, I'm going to tell you the six names.
Yeah, I know.
You get a little more.
Of course, the names, please.
Give me the nine names. Oh, I know. You get a little more. Of course, the names, please. Give me the nine names.
Oh, here's a funny coincidence.
Stephen Tobolowsky.
Yeah.
Abraham Ben-Ruby.
I love Abe.
Played another monster
in the same season, I think,
as you on Buffy.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Eileen Brennan,
recently passed. Yeah. Diedrich Bader. Diedrich. Might as well be right. Yeah. Eileen Brennan recently passed.
Diedrich Bader might as well be dead.
Wow.
That's a tough crowd.
I'm kidding.
It's great.
But here's the weird coincidence.
Treat Williams is in this.
Oh, that's a treat.
You didn't even pick Thicker Treat, and you still had to deal with that guy.
And then the sixth name is Heather Burns.
So is it Clooney or is it Bullock?
That's the thing we've got to focus on.
One and a half stars for Leonard
for this movie that's Clooney or Bullock.
Which one do you think it is?
Clooney or Bullock.
I think it's Clooney because you said actor.
I feel like he's old school goes actor or actress
when he's describing the performer. So I think it's Clooney because you said actor. I feel like he's old school goes actor, actress when he's describing
the performer. So I think it's
Clooney. Is it...
What was that? No?
What was that Coen Brothers movie around that
time when they were in the Coen Brothers movie?
In the courtroom? Courtroom Coen Brothers movie.
Somebody yell it out.
No.
You're not allowed to do that? Kevin, Kevin.
Why are you asking people to do that?
Moshe did that the first time he was on
how do you remember that
I feel so much shame
about that
what was that called
it's not called this
intolerable
because when you did it
they just blurted it out
and you said it
and I was like
what just happened
you can't
like hey
yeah we had to play
the whole point over again
it's not intolerable cruelty
is that it
is that your final guess sir
I guess
Claire is our winner with two points.
That was the movie I was thinking of, but that's not the movie that it is.
Because this movie is called Miss Congeniality 2.
That's a classic.
That's a classic.
I knew no one would win on this one, because who can even name the whole title of that movie?
Oh, it's number two.
Yeah, yeah.
The guy with the fucking cock rings,
he knows it's called Armed and Dangerous.
No, Armed and Fabulous.
Player one, that's it.
Armed and Fabulous.
Yeah, that's it.
I had this crazy fantasy all day, though,
that somehow I was going to pull out the win, nevertheless.
Like, I was just going to guess.
When I said Saw 2, I thought, I just imagined screams of yes.
Like, yes!
No.
Instead, you got crickets, actually. Yeah. No, I haven't gotten crickets during, I don't know if you've been listening, but. Yes! No. Instead, you got crickets, actually.
Yeah.
No, I haven't gotten crickets during,
I don't know if you've been listening,
but I've been killing.
Obviously, I remember Vietnam.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, you remember the killing.
Yeah, Jesus Christ.
He was out of control.
I was more like in the cooking area.
I think he would have been nicer to you
if you came here in your wheelchair.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
That you stole from the set instead of buying one.
That's what I was going to bring for the bag,
actually.
So who won the bag?
The Grizzly
Stan? Come on
and get it, Grizzly Stan.
Congratulations.
Oh, and you're wearing a Douglas Brees t-shirt.
Well, I couldn't have gone to a better
more worthy person. Tower of snacks.
Tower of snacks, yes. Well, I couldn't have gone to a better more worthy person. Tower of Snacks.
Congratulations, young man.
Tell us how those are or what they are. We want to know what's in that tower.
I felt like opening it would be
disrespectful, so I left it.
You don't have to do it right now, but I just mean that
Are they edibles? Eventually.
Tweet at me.
Pass me a note next week at the show.
Are you from out of town
or do you live here?
San Diego.
San Diego, okay.
You drove up to see me?
Yeah.
Or me.
Me.
Or me.
Yeah.
I mean, who won it?
Hey, who won it for you?
Okay.
Claire, can you come back
next week?
Yes, I can, baby.
Ha ha.
All right.
Woo hoo.
And I will be,
then I will definitely
be your most pregnant guest ever.
Next week.
Or not.
You're topping your own record.
If I keep winning.
I know.
I'm just beating myself.
I love it.
I mean, you will have the baby eventually, though.
That's the goal.
That's my goal, for sure.
Yeah, you got to have that baby and take it to the arc light.
Just make sure emotion's in there. Yeah, you gotta have that baby and take it to the arc light Just make sure motion's in there
Yeah, yeah
I'm happy that person spoke up
About the baby crying
Yeah, no, that's ridiculous
I really swear I thought that the arc light didn't allow babies
Where's Lila at?
Hey Lila, could you come right down
A shithead for me to say here at the end of the program?
I'm just going a couple minutes long
Apologies to put your hands together.
Come on. Chop, chop. Run, Lila, run.
Here, here, here. Write on this piece of paper. It's fine.
Yeah, yeah. It's got lines on it and everything.
Okay.
She's confident. She put it on top.
She put it on top of the other one,
so she wants me to read them in that order.
Let me see if she was right.
Nope. You were wrong.
Yours is better.
Moshe, plug something.
Oh, yeah, I'll be in New York City
as a part of the New York Comedy Festival
on Sunday, the 8th, or the 10th of November,
and then I'll be at Caroline's the weekend after that.
So come on down and see me.
Also, I'll be on Pete Holmes' new show on November
the 5th, so check that out.
I think I'm on November
8th. Oh, can I do one more?
I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus. I'm sorry. Nashville,
Tennessee on the 2nd. I will be there
on the 2nd at the High
Watt in Nashville. So come see me. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You're so popular. It was an amazing winning streak
you had there. You're everywhere.
I'm sorry to dethrone you.
No, it couldn't have happened.
I couldn't be more thrilled.
For your baby's future,
I want you to be here next week.
She's playing trivia for two.
That's right, baby.
There's an extra brain in her right now.
Good one. there's an extra brain in her right now. Alright, so
Claire is in
Big Ass Spider
on VOD currently and in some
theaters and anything else you want
people to know about?
Yeah, they can go to
geeknation.com, my website.
They can listen to
my podcast there, 5x5, which Doug, you have to come on eventually.com, my website. They can listen to my podcast there, 5x5,
which, Doug, you have to come on eventually.
Oh, all right. Oh, just Doug.
Cool. Yeah.
Sweet!
Awesome. You too.
Kevin, how many more
episodes of Hello Ladies before the
first season's over? Three more episodes, but of course you can watch it on HBO Go and On Demand. How many more episodes of Hello Ladies before the first season's over? Three more
episodes, but of course you can watch it on
HBO Go and On Demand. How many times has your character
gotten laid so far?
The first five episodes, I think three.
Nice. Yeah, that's a good percentage.
Hero for all the handicapped
folks. And just decided
today, KG, Kyle
Gass and I are starting our own little
podcast.
We've done zero so far.
That's good.
There's one coming down the pipe.
That sounds awesome.
I was blown away to find out tonight that you're the drummer in Kyle's side project.
Yeah, Trainwreck.
And you guys have a perfect record right now.
Yes, we do.
We are.
What do you mean?
With zero.
Oh, you've never done a shitty episode.
Right. Yeah. They've all been classics. Yeah, this hasn't happened to you yet. so yeah what do you mean with zero oh you've never done a shitty episode right yeah they're all
they've all been classics
this hasn't happened to you yet
oh it will I'm sure it will
I'm prepared for it one more round
of applause for all my guests
I'm gonna get a picture
of you while the theme song plays
and as always
watching the movie adaptation
of Norwegian Wood with your whole
family is a shithead.
And lovely
pressure is a shithead.
Because Doug loves
movies!