Doug Loves Movies - Live in Sacramento
Episode Date: January 15, 2012Recorded live at The Punch Line in Sacramento, California on January 16th, 2012. Graham Elwood, David Huntsberger, and Ngaio Bealum guest.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and ...California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid popper kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies
Hey everybody Hey, everybody.
I'm always scared when we do the live shows on the road.
We've got a very competent sound man today,
but I'm always scared when we do the live shows
that the first microphone I speak into,
is it going to be on?
And then there's going to be awkwardness
that happens right after that.
Let me get my notes out.
Do this proper.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
Yeah, this is Doug Loves Movies,
coming to you from the Punchline Comedy Club
in the How About Arden Mall
in Sacramento, California,
on Monday, January 16th,
to Oceans 12!
Did you guys bring name tags?
Do we have any name tags?
Oh, shit.
Oh, man.
I gotta check this out.
This is Daniel Weaver Contra El Mundo.
And I can recognize that's Scott Pilgrim there.
And what does contra el mundo mean?
Versus the world or against the world?
Nicely done, Daniel Weaver.
And then what does um cambio juegos mean?
Game changer.
Oh, wow. that's pretty fancy i hope you get picked
because you also look like you might start some trouble if you don't and then we have uh justin
took a poster for twister right and uh and then it says jody's foster child at the bottom
i don't get that.
What is that in reference to?
Wasn't Helen Hunt the star of Twister?
Yeah, but you remember... And my dead mom's name is Jody.
Your dead mom's name is Jody.
All right.
Well, you guys are really creeping me out
with the amount of effort you put into your scary posters.
And then this one's really involved. This is... It says Benson Interruption. of effort you put into your scary posters.
And then this one's really involved. This is
Benson Interruption. Joe
loves Benson Interruption and
Doug loves movies.
And for some reason, I'm interrupting
the original Benson, Robert
Guillaume,
in the artwork. So that's very...
Thank you for making that, Joe. That's very
complicated.
Then we have Johnny Saves Christmas. Have I seen this one before?
Yeah, I thought so,
you son of a bitch.
It's like a memory test
he's pulling on me.
Switching from New York to Sacramento.
How did that happen?
Good things or bad things?
Okay. I don't know.
I like both New York and Sacramento,
so when you swap them out,
I don't know which one means you fucked up.
Which one means you're on the run.
And then Heidi has a book of the same name, correct?
Yes, a classic golden book.
A classic golden book, of course,
about a girl and her goat fetish.
And then how do you pronounce that dana okay i just got a pink box with a bunch of stuff written on it it's my face is one of the
things written on it didn't mean to be so crass about my own face i can't even see half what's
going on back here but there's some sort of balloon being waved around or or a dildo it's a weapon stop
hurting the person next to you and also you're making her hair cling to it with the static
that's not nice i see is that a raisins packet back there what is that that red thing you're
holding up oh popcorn okay and then uh we got a bucket that says Devin loves movies
What's in the bucket?
Popcorn
You're supposed to say Gwyneth Paltrow's head
Motherfucker
And then oh I see
You're trying to appeal to the stoner up here
The guy's got a giant Rice Krispies treats
Package
And then he just wrote Dave on it
So that's pretty good.
I don't pick the name tags, but there might be another
stoner up here that might appreciate
what you've done with that.
Well, thank you guys for bringing such creative
and amazing name tags.
As you can see, we have
four guest chairs up here, so that means
four people will be chosen
to be played for to win
the contents of this bag.
It's day three of shows here at the
Sack Punch. We did
stand-up comedy.
Yeah, I call it the Sack Punch. We did
stand-up comedy on Saturday
and
then we played Leonard Malden game
at the end of the show to pick somebody to be
a guest on today's show. Yesterday
we taped a Benson interruption, which is episode number 11.
It's available on iTunes.
And today is anything can happen day, you know.
It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day, so things could just get crazy.
Yeah, that's right.
One lady in the audience is going crazy.
Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.
Former and future DLM guest Shane Moss,
he's Shane Comedy on Twitter, he wrote,
I assumed He's Just Not That Into You
was about a guy trying to squish his whiskey dick
into a dry vagina.
This has been
Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.
Or
books in this case.
There's also a book
written by another former and future guest,
Greg Barrett. I saw
a poster today for Safe House with
Denzel Washington and
Ryan Reynolds, and
the poster for that movie drives me crazy
because the tagline on the poster is
for the movie Safe House, it says
no one is safe.
Whenever I see it, I cannot
say out loud to whoever
hears this nearby me, no one
is house.
I know, it doesn't make any sense.
It cracks me up for some reason.
Safe house.
No one is safe.
No one is house.
All right, so on Saturday, you guys will come around.
If I say it a bunch of times, then it's going to get hilarious.
On Saturday, like I said, we had audience members play against Graham Bellwood,
and one person beat him, and they will be joining us up here on stage.
But apparently that person came in like a regular audience member and just took a seat,
so I didn't give a pre-show pep talk to that person.
But we'll bring that person up here in a second. But first, let me tell you what's in the prize bag And then bring up my guests
And then we'll bring up the extra special guests
In the prize bag we've got
A shirt for a company
I've just been notified about
And they have a cool shirt
And they gave me one so here it is
Anarchy Sports
Contributed that shirt and one person over there
Just went whoo
So the excitement is is building
uh there's a bar that i like to go to here in town and they like to come to my shows so it's a
nice uh trade-off uh it's called on the y and they contributed a uh t-shirt so if you're in
sacramento and you need a nice bar to go to go to on Y. Of course, there's a Weezer t-shirt in here.
And of course, the album Hurley, signed by all four members of Weezer.
Yeah, yeah, it's almost over.
We're almost on theweezercruise.com.
Thank you very much for yelling that out.
Not italianrammedintotheshoreboat.com.
Yeah, unfortunate timing.
Usually when I go on a cruise, there is a cruise disaster that happens just a few days before.
But I think we'll make it through.
I think we'll be all right.
Copy of my CD, Doug Bedsen, Professional Humoridian.
Of course, Woot Monkeys.
Somebody's going to win a Woot Monkey.
Someone in the audience is going to get one right now in the face.
Because I'm going to shoot one.
There it is.
You know my reputation.
I can't get them very far.
But once you get it, it's going to be yours for life.
Here we go.
Oh, shit. That wasn't a bad one at all. Tall guy to stand up and fight
somebody. Oh, my God. That was quite an athletic effort there. His chair went down and oh,
my God. Are you all right?
Did you hurt yourself at all?
You'll live.
All right.
Yeah, well, it was totally worth it.
There is nothing like killing yourself
for a $3 carnival toy.
Oh, and look, we have some CDs.
We have a CD that's called... I'll tell you the names of the
CDs and that'll give you an idea who the
guests are, maybe.
This one's called
Live at the Marsh. Well, that doesn't help
much at all. That doesn't say much.
The next one's called Humanitis.
Yeah.
And then another one's
called Comedians Gotta Boo Boo.
Please welcome to the stage
Graham Elwood, David Huntsberger,
and N'Gayo Bilem.
Graham Elwood.
Hello.
David Huntsberger.
David Huntsberger.
Say hello or something.
Talk into your microphone.
You mess around with the table for a while first.
I'd love to get that table straightened away.
Are you drinking a cider?
That looks very nice.
Or did you just bring your urine sample on stage?
I am always prepared.
That's my own urine.
You know that.
Yes.
You know that thing that turns water into soda that they have the infomercials
about and they show people
drinking it at the mall?
No.
It's called magic soda
or something like that.
But I've been watching and wondering if it would work
with your own urine
instead of water. It's extra.
Because what if you don't have any water i have how are
you going to have delicious soda and okay so that was david hutzberger and and guy who be a little
miss here also say hello to everybody and guy that's right carbonated urine everyone
i'm just having coffee so your cd is called live at the marsh live at the marsh which is
what what's that you just went out into a field of some kind?
Yes, yes.
You went into some
swamp land
and stood there in a bog?
That's right.
I performed in the Finns.
Yes.
I'll go do some music.
You sound fantastic.
Where is the Marsh?
The Marsh is in Berkeley.
There's one in Berkeley
and there's one in San Francisco.
It's like a performance venue.
It was a Marga Gomez gig.
So you get to hear Marga Gomez
for five seconds
as she introduces me.
Oh, that's worth the price of
admission alone. It's only worth...
I sell these CDs for five bucks.
It's cheaper than crack. You should fucking just buy one.
I'm on the too short model.
They come handsomely wrapped in paper.
Yeah, will you have some of those available
to this audience after the show? I have some of those in my pocket
right now, so you can just see me in the parking lot
like I'm the weed man.
And buy a CD.d no i'm not
throwing one to you they're five dollars i have children it was hard enough to me to give one to
doug i was like dude that's five dollars i'm broke you ever been so broke you just go through your
shit looking for shit to sell and then you're like man i should take better care of my shit because this is fucked up.
Absolutely.
Some of you know what I'm talking about.
At Graham CD, of course,
it's called Comedians
Got a Boo Boo
and David's is Humanitis.
And I'm finally
pronouncing it right.
Yeah, man, you've
come a long way.
How were you
pronouncing it before?
I wanted to call it
Humanitas.
Humanitas. Humanitus.
Half human, half manatus.
Half mantis.
However you pronounce it, it's a terrible name for an album.
It's the best.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
A guy introduced it a while ago and said it was The Humanist.
And it made me sound like a very benevolent soul.
It's like, ah, yes, on the CD.
A very secular community. The Humanist, the CD covers, benevolent soul. It's like, ah, yes, and the CD. A very secular community.
The humanist, the CD cover is then you pointing at your brain like,
think about it, right?
That's the CD cover anyway.
That's so weird.
No, it's actually, it's David's head if it were the earth.
Is that what it is, kind of?
Yeah, maybe.
All right, Enough talk about...
This isn't Doug Love's
comedian CDs.
Let's get to the movie talk,
but also let's get to...
Let's get our fourth guest
up here on stage,
who I don't even know
her last name,
so I'll just say her first name
and we'll find out more about her
once she comes up here.
Josie, yes.
Josie Wales. Please welcome Josie, yes. Josie Wales.
Please welcome Josie, everybody.
Hello.
Josie Wales.
Josie Wales.
Okay, that's your last name is in Wales.
Although maybe we should ask her, what would the odds be?
What's your last name?
What's your last name, actually?
Moody.
Moody.
Josie Moody?
Moody?
Yes.
Doug loves Moody's.
All right, Josie Moody.
So you came to the show Saturday, and you beat Graham Elwood in one round of the Leonard
Malton game.
Oh, shit.
You had taken out Gabby.
Gabby lost, and then the next round you lost.
Is Gabby here?
Oh, Gabby's here.
She just shook her fist at me.
Damn you.
Damn you.
Like the Nazi when he fell off the dirigible
in the third Indiana Jones movie.
Yeah.
And he's like, eh.
Guess there's not much more you can do when you're a Nazi
and the good guy's flying away.
You just go...
Gotta get that shake fist in there.
So what do you do, Josie?
What's your story?
My story?
Yeah.
I'm a waitress and a roller derby girl.
Oh, shit.
What's a roller derby girl?
You buried the lead on that one.
I like to think they're clapping at both parts of your career choices. Oh, shit. What's your roller derby? You buried the lead on that one.
I like to think they're clapping at both parts of your career choices.
Waitress, you!
If you don't like the eggs, she'll hip check you over the bar.
Where do you do roller derby?
I'm a Sacred City derby girl.
Oh, shit.
My name is Colt 45.
Colt 45. Damn!
Don't let the smooth taste fool you.
Oh, that's right. Or don't let the smooth taste fool you. Oh, that's right.
Or don't let the smooth fool taste you, I suppose.
Oh.
And Guy O'Balem live at the Marsh, ladies and gentlemen.
Five dollars on the parking lot.
Just got back from the swamps and border by shark's tire.
I hate that bog gig.
So, Josie, Colt 45.
Are you a jammer?
Moody.
Yes, I am.
Boom.
I know my positions, baby.
Strike me as more of a gunner.
Are you a gunner?
You do any gunning?
Do you ever do any gunning?
Isn't that one of the roles as well?
What are the roles?
Gunner, jammer?
Yeah, all of the above.
Tinker, tailor, soldier, spy?
See how I got it back to movie?
See how I got it back? Nice? See how I got it back?
Nice.
Thank you.
Nice.
Thank you.
That's professionalism.
Josie, are we recreating for you every night in a singles bar here in Sacramento?
Just guys going, so what are you, the jammer or the gunner?
I know a thing or two about athletics.
You guys go bank track or you go flat?
You go bank track or flat?
Wow, that's pretty impressive.
Flat.
Flat track.
He knows what he's talking about.
Oh, she's flat track.
For once.
Wow, she just talks shit.
She did.
Whatever.
She's fitting right in.
Did you,
what did you think
of the movie Whip It
directed by Drew Barrymore
about your profession
or your avocation?
Again, see,
you're bringing it back to movies.
It's great if you're 12.
There you go.
Wow.
All right.
Shit's been thrown down.
Wow.
You hear that, you 12-year-olds?
I find it compelling because it's about roller derby
and there's not enough things about roller derby.
Oh, no, yes, of course.
So that makes it watchable.
But, yeah, it's not as good as it could have been I got really into
it when it when that
A&E show was on
several years ago
that's when I learned
all about what the
the jammer and
everything was when
they went to the
comedy club because
one girl tried to do
stand-up I was the
host of that show
really yeah
little known fact
little known fact
you've seen me on
A&E's roller girls
nice
the humoritisist Josie what's it like You've seen me on A&E's Roller Girls Nice The Humoritacist
Josie, what's it like to perform
When there's actually a crowd there?
Sweet burn, sweet roller derby burn
Sweet roller derby burn
Nice
Thank you
Are you okay?
I felt like I need to get that jab in
After my singles bar escapade
Sorry about that, guys.
Wow, way to bring it down, freak.
What else you got in your bag there?
Anybody been molested?
Who's got cancer?
Who's got cancer, huh?
Who wants to see a puppy die?
Want to see a puppy die?
The Humoride Assist is going to set one on fire and then fuck it.
All right.
Who likes movies?
Pass the duct tape
The Humoride Assist?
Is that what you call them?
Isn't that like a scalp condition?
It is
Do you use that word from Humoride Assist?
So alright let me
Let me just get that out of the way right now
Are you a single lady?
No I'm not.
Yeah, perfect.
Shut it down now, guys.
Guys, cool your jets.
I wasn't.
I'm just asking what her profession is, guys.
I'm just saying.
None of you have a chance here today.
I'm not being weird at all.
Take your pants off.
I'm just asking.
That was to David.
There already are.
Theater of the mind.
Alright, let's go down the line.
We'll start with Graham down here on this end
and we'll ask him
have you been to the movies?
I just saw
Contraband. What did you think of that?
Say hello to your mother for me.
Yes. Yeah. I liked it.
It's fun little fast-paced, shoot them up.
I like it.
Well, you're the only one that got guns?
That's my Mark Wahlberg impression.
He the only one that got guns?
Yeah, it's all right, man.
He's got kind of a high-pitched voice for an action hero.
What's happening?
I think it's the trees.
What's going on?
You think I'm not going to strap a bunch of money around my waist.
I think that's not what I'm going to do.
It's not in every movie I've been in.
I have a huge cock.
Deceptively tough for how I look.
I saw a contraband today
and the entire time I couldn't stop thinking about
my no one is safe, no one is house joke.
I was so excited about that
that I couldn't concentrate on mark walberg running
around shooting i i just they lost me it's you know it's an okay action movie you know it's it's
it's good enough especially for january for january release it was fine for january release
it's above and beyond expectations but um it's just weird with there's one point where like
you know police officers are just running in trying to stop something or getting fucking shot in the neck by Mark Wahlberg and his crew.
And yet you're still rooting for them to succeed in their mission while innocent people are dying.
It's kind of a weird hero.
Is he really a hero or is he like an anti-hero or is it just a slice of this guy's life?
Well, that's the thing is It kind of wants it both ways.
It's kind of a tough movie.
It's sort of got that
toughness to it, but then it's also
kind of a popcorn movie.
So I always get frustrated in a popcorn movie
when they start fucking taking out guys
that also have wives and children
and the protagonist
through the whole movie is like, but my wife and children!
Like he's doing all this shit for his wife and children and the protagonist through the whole movie is like, but my wife and children! Like,
he's doing all this shit
for his wife and children
and doesn't stop
and think for a second
that anybody else
could have wives and children.
They don't show the,
like,
you as an audience,
they relieve you
while the cop
crawls away
holding his neck
like,
ah,
pull through.
Like the old
G.I. Joe cartoons
where everybody
parachutes out
of the exploding plane?
Right.
Yeah,
there's not enough
of that,
like,
where everybody's like, ah, like where they just get hit in
an arm or something.
Oh, that guy will be all right.
No, it's just like, I just got shot in the fucking neck and I'm dying and we don't know
any, you don't know anything about my character.
Stop shooting me.
Any, uh, fish shakes?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Contraband.
No one is Contra.
That's what they call him.
That's his name in the movie.
John Contraband.
Such a generic title, too.
They could have called it a million things.
Oh, they could have called it...
Smugly.
Smugly.
Smugly, smugly.
Teach me how to smugly.
Teach me how to smuggle.
Teach me how to smuggle?
They just could have been like,
Gun money.
Titty gun.
Gun fuck.
Bloody gun. New pool in my big ass house.
Boat gun.
Boat gun.
Smuggle ship.
Smuggle boat.
Water money boat ship.
A smuggle boat?
Smuggle boat.
Is that when someone's wearing a baggy sweater?
John Contraband is on a smuggle boat.
Oh, now I see why it's called Contraband. That was his character's name, John Contraband. John Contraband is on a smuggle boat Oh now I see why it's called Contraband
That was his character's name
John Contraband
It had nothing to do with smuggling
Of money or drugs
It was just about a guy named John Contraband
Who got involved with smuggling
Look out for Contraband 2
Even smugglier
Twice the ply
Two ply of smuggly
John Contraband
Is back in action in Contraband 2
Why would you call it smuggling?
Why couldn't you just leave it alone?
I'm sorry
Ah, some urine
Contraband 3D
So David
Smuggle all up in your face
Smuggle in your face
Yes, Doug.
The legend of Smuggly's gold.
If you just ride it long enough,
it'll come back.
It'll come back around.
That riff will come back
like a good jammer.
You just fucking skate around,
wait for your spot,
and boom,
take that bitch out.
Man, you're the egg in the batter.
Tie it all together, Danny.
I weave a nice... Contraband
2, Electric Smuggaloo.
Oh!
The Gloves movies
and the...
I don't know the words.
Who does?
So, David,
what have you seen lately?
I saw War Horse in the theater recently.
Yeah, I had.
We talked about that.
I like horses, so I liked it.
Oh, you're not one of the naysayers?
Yes.
That's our show, folks.
Thank you.
Wow.
Does the horse talk?
Punch sack. The horse does not talk. The horse doesn't talk? No, folks. Thank you. Wow. Does the horse talk? Punch sack.
The horse does not talk.
The horse doesn't talk?
No, he doesn't speak.
So there was apparently no peanut butter during that war.
No.
It's weird the tone.
Because in the beginning, it feels very Disney afternoon, Steven Spielberg.
There's a goose that's a real character that's chasing people around.
Like, oh, there's a goose.
Goosey.
Fuck that goose.
I don't mean,
at least the goose talks, right?
Like,
why do you have to fight
with mustard gas?
Gah!
That goose just signed
to do Contraband 4.
Yeah.
Golden egg.
Duck, duck, goose.
John Contraband is back
I'm really looking forward to lots of
John Contraband movies
They're so good
It's the best franchise ever
He's the Steven Seagal of the 21st century
You've just been contrabanded
What? That makes no sense
Apparently this joke is hard to kill
Say it to my goose Contrabanded. What? That makes no sense. That's when he ties him around. Apparently this joke is hard to kill.
All right.
Say it to my goose.
It's brilliant.
Since they're on a boat so much, it did remind me of Under Siege a little bit, the contraband.
But obviously with better acting than Under Siege. Yeah, you're not a fan of Katherine Heigl, but did you see Under Siege 2, Dark Territory?
Yes, I did. Pretty nice work. Is she in it? Is she tough with someone? Yeah, she's great. Oh, wowigl, but did you see Under Siege 2 Dark Territory? Yes, I did.
Pretty nice work.
Is she in it?
Is she tough?
Yeah, she's great.
Oh, wow.
No, but she's cute.
Yeah.
What is she doing at?
Get off of my boat.
She just acts.
She doesn't act her tits off.
She's bumping into something.
She's Steven Seagal's daughter in it, I think.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then she grabs a dude with a sweet pressure point
by his cheek and eye
and he doesn't flinch.
And you're like,
this dude's tough.
Because he can take
that pressure point.
Oh, wow.
And then she sprays him
with some mace
and he just tastes it.
Like, ah, it's good.
Pressure point two.
Taste the mace.
I did like that
Under Siege 2, though. It's a good...
It's a fun movie. It's good stuff. Very underrated.
Let's go to Ngaio. Hello.
Have you been to the movies lately? Like, taking the kids to see some
garbage? You know, my kids
are old enough that they don't go to garbage anymore,
which is kind of a drag, because now I have to smoke weed
all by myself, and it's just kind of creepy.
You're like, I'm here to see the chipmunks
by myself.
But I'm high as hell.
No, actually, the last movie I saw in the theater, besides The Immortals, was Ghost Protocol.
Nice.
Which wasn't bad.
It was actually pretty good.
I like the Brad Bird things in it.
Yeah, it's got some neat...
Good action.
Stop talking.
I'm sold, you guys.
I'm a fan.
One of my friends believes that they should take movies
like that and why is that movie fucking two and a half hours chop that shit up in about 90 minutes
you don't need any emotions you don't need any bullshit fall off the building fight a bunch of
dudes have a car chase fucking go home you can do 245 contraband can be 45 fucking minutes long
and then show another one yeah right have a weed break and then you come back and watch some other hour-long
asteroid heading towards the Earth type shit.
I want a goddamn double bill and I want it in 90 minutes.
It's called television.
A lot of the weekly series on TV
are better movies than TV. I just finished
watching Homeland
every episode and it's so much more
compelling than most movies that are out there
right now. Because it's in your living room.
I don't think so.
I can watch War Horse in my living room
and I haven't done it yet.
You say more whores in your living room?
I want more whores in my living room.
It's like every time there's some dumb cop drama
it's just like go rent
The Shield. It'll be a thousand times better
than like, what was that?
Copland? Yeah. Well, Copland's a good movie.
Copland was good.
Cops that are buddies.
Then one of them's kind of bad.
Private Dicks, or what was the Kevin Smith one?
Cop Out.
Cop Out.
That one is a fucking raving piece of shit.
Hey, come on now.
Has Kevin done the show yet?
That's the movie you decided to defend?
All the movies you shit on in this show,
you just, whoa.
Easy. Drawing the line.
I've never seen it, actually.
It makes you go, oh.
So maybe Tracy Morgan is
the beneficiary of good writing on 30 Rock.
Ooh.
You're right.
Yeah, he's,
every sentence out of his mouth on 30 Rock's
hilarious, and then left to his own devices or with somebody else's script, not so much.
Yeah.
In all fairness, it might just have been a horrible script.
But, God, that movie's dumb.
Yeah, Kevin Smith was just a director for hire on that.
Yes, sir?
No, I didn't have a question.
Okay.
You can ask Jody a question.
Josie.
Josie.
Josie.
Is it Mooney or Moody? Moody. It. Josie. Josie. Is it Mooney or Moody?
It's Josie.
Josie Moody.
Colt.45.
Not Josie, Josie?
Yeah, exactly.
J-O-S-I-E?
Yes.
Okay.
No way, that's how it's spelled?
How else would you spell it?
J-O-E hyphen big C.
Accent of goo.
Joe C.
It looks like it's her rap name.
Yeah.
Gucci, Gucci, Fendi, Fendi, Louis, Louis Prada.
No?
All right.
Come on, really?
Not any hip hop?
No Oakland hip hop at all?
Real?
Okay, come on.
She's white.
I even did a white girl line.
Wow.
Right?
You guys too.
Man, that's creation, man.
White girl mob.
Don't y'all listen to hip-hop at all?
Dude.
You're like, yes.
Dude.
Dude.
Dude.
Dude, I listen to all the hip-hop.
Dude.
There is a station here in Sacramento.
I've seen the ad like a few times in the couple days, that they're just like, they could not
stress it enough. In a 30 second ad,
they say it three times, all the hits,
but no rapping.
Without the rap. All the hits without the rap.
No rapping.
We've got Black Eyed Peas,
no rapping.
We've got Jay-Z, no
rapping. Kanye, no
rapping.
That is quite an assignment to take all the rapping out of a Black Eyed Peas song.
Who in that band is singing?
It's all rapping except for Fergie, right?
My humps, my lumps.
That's actually not even rap music.
That's crap music.
It's not.
Black Eyed Peas are not my favorite.
It's so funny.
Someone finally got to the heart of it.
They'll play that shitty ass kid rock song.
Isn't he a rapper?
Am I?
Yeah, he raps.
He's like,
I went up to the place
and got a thing.
Damn.
You're better than Beck.
Getting freaky with the cheese whiz.
I went up to the place
and got a thing
Can you imagine
It's descriptions like that
What?
Go ahead
I just think it's funny that that's a selling point
Anywhere in America
That you're not in danger of stumbling into some rapping
If you listen to our station
All the country music but no western
All the rock but no. All the rock but no
roll. All the
stern but no drang.
Keep going.
Keep going. Come on now.
That's three. That's the rule right there.
Three is the rule. You don't have to go past
three. Yeah, because you almost stepped in it
because I would like some rhythm and no blues.
Ah, shit.
There you go, see?
John Contraband.
He hips, but he doesn't hop.
All the safe, but no house.
All dub, no step.
Alright, so let's go to Hosey.
Josie. Big Josie. Hosea. No step. All right, so let's go to Jose. Jose.
Big Jose.
Jose.
Josea.
Josea.
What have you seen lately?
It doesn't have to be in a movie theater.
It could be at home or in a dream.
There's a snake.
Where'd it vest?
The last thing I saw in a theater that I can remember is My Week with Marilyn.
Oh, that's not a bad movie.
Was it good?
Did you like it? Yeah, it was decent. that's not a bad movie. Was it good?
Yeah, it was decent.
Is that like a My Favorite Year type of thing?
No.
I mean, it is kind of, but no.
It's based on a true story.
This guy, this PA spent like a week with her when they were shooting this movie in England.
It was good.
I thought she did a great job.
Did you like Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe?
Yeah, I did.
Did he get to do her?
Are there titties?
Spoiler alert.
Yes.
Titties.
Titties.
My week with Marilyn. I forget.
Did he do her in that?
I forget, too.
I have a terrible memory.
Yeah, they did.
Nice.
They slept together.
That makes movies a joy every time you watch it.
Yeah.
Arthur Miller goes back to New York, and he's like, boom, welcome to the UK.
He's all like, London's burning.
All bangersers no mash
you said the UK right
yeah
yes
but yeah
Michelle Williams
it's kind of
Branagh's good too
as Olivier
but it's more like
she's just so good
That it makes it
Pretty watchable
It's like
It's kind of a fluffy movie
But she's
Yeah
She's really good
And I
If you were to
You know like
A year prior
Had you said
Oh she got cast
To play Marilyn Monroe
I'd go
Oh that's a horrible choice
I don't think she could
Pull it off
But she did
She was great
You know
It's good stuff
Yeah
Does JFK come in there
And give it to her
Yeah
Yeah Let me just say He's got an English accent
I don't know why
I'm still a senator
Yeah
Alright real quick
We're running out of time
Let's go down the line All right, real quick. We're running out of time.
Let's go down the line.
Favorite movie of last year?
Two Oceans 11.
I would probably say... I'd say either...
Maybe either Moneyball or 50-50.
Excellent choices.
I'm going to say Midnight in
Paris. Good choice.
David, fans in the back.
Looks like we got
a reader on our hands.
Bridesmaids?
Yeah.
Nice titties.
Come.
I'm just going to default and say the help.
Josie made a joke, you guys.
She's white and pretended to like the help.
Well, she's the target demographic for the help.
Don't get it twisted.
We're still friends.
It was a cute white girl that set the slaves free in Gaia.
It's Martin Luther King Day.
I have to pick the help.
Deriving Miss Daisy.
All these cultural touchstones.
I'd like to thank white people for being so generous.
I think Viola Davis was robbed last night at the Golden Globes.
You know the fucked up thing is they made her stick around to clean up.
Oh, shit.
Meryl Streep is probably amazing in the Iron Lady movie.
She's fucking Meryl Streep, though.
Don't you have enough? Yeah, exactly. Settle down, Meryl. Settle probably amazing in the Iron Lady movie. She's fucking Meryl Streep, though. Don't you have enough?
Yeah, exactly.
Settle down, Meryl.
Settle down.
Calm it down.
Why doesn't she just give some bad performances on purpose?
You know, just start throwing it a little bit.
Give somebody else a chance.
She's become Al Pacino.
But also, I don't want to sit through a movie about Margaret Thatcher,
and now I have to because it's Meryl Streep, you know?
I did.
Half the movie is her as a
senior citizen fighting
early onset Alzheimer's
remembering her dead husband.
And then like, okay, that's
how the movie starts. So that's
how they're going to use her looking at a photo and then
we're going to go back. But then they would do like montages.
I just
kept expecting, oh, how are they going to
show her relationship with Reagan? Here's what they did.
She looked at a photo and went, oh.
And then they just
showed her and Reagan
dancing at some formal event. That was it.
Oh. That's it.
That was her and Reagan dancing. I'm like,
the two people that were like
really instrumental in ending the Cold War,
they're just dancing and her going, oh.
And then Jim Broadbent's ghost can begin going, oh, mom, you know you like eggs or whatever.
What the fuck?
It'd be like if the Ali movie was just him with Parkinson's today bouncing around.
And they just show some quick snaps of him fighting Foreman and Frazier.
And, oh, I bet you those fights were fun.
And that's fucking it.
An hour of him buttering toast.
Yeah.
The plastic knife.
All the toast, none of the crust.
I guess you saw the trailers for Ali 2.
Yeah, Ali 2.
No one is toast.
Toast gets buttered.
But I am toasted.
All right, so I'm not letting you off the hook.
What was your real favorite movie of last year?
I don't know.
You put me on the spot.
I know.
I gave you a little extra time to think about it
because you're not a professional like these guys.
Professional.
Drive.
Drive was good.
Drive.
Drive.
Nice.
Because Ryan Gosling is hot
He's dreaming
He is hot
I would fuck him
Right now
In front of all of you
I'm not even gay
He'd be good
As in the next
John Contraband movie
I think we could get Ryan
Goose in the Gosling
Come on
Oh shit
David Hutzberger
The humanitist
Man you pick your spots David Hutzberger, the human itisist.
Man, you pick your spots, but you go
hard. I like that.
He just hangs back.
He just waits.
The dagger. Boom.
Look, they present themselves.
It sucks trying to do
a cool microphone drop, but then
just actually dropping it on accident
Like take that mother
Fuckers
Alright so
One last question for you Graham
Yes
If you were stranded on a desert island
And had to pick one movie
To have stuck up your butt
While on that island
Which movie would you choose
To have stuck up your butt
It's stuck up your butt
It's irretrievable
And you're on an island
You can't watch it
Well then Godfather. So I can't watch it? And you're on an island. No, you can't watch it. Oh.
Well, then Godfather 3.
So it would ruin my box set.
I was drunk when I wrote that question.
Shall we play a game or two?
Yes.
Shall we play a game?
No, no. In Gaio, it's not thermonuclear war.
Oh, okay.
It's just build a title.
It's a speed build a title.
The person who wins, based on my decisions,
will get to go first in the Leonard Mullen game.
All right.
Yeah.
Submitted by, we'll start with Graham.
We'll let Josie go last so she can get into the swing of it.
Binkley WTF on Twitter suggested In the Bedroom.
So, Graham, give me a movie that ends with the word in or begins with bedroom or room.
You have five seconds. What the fuck. You have five seconds.
What the fuck?
You have three seconds.
That doesn't seem like enough time.
You have one remaining second.
Why would I not get enough time for roommates?
Who's in that?
That was a John Contraband. That doesn't count. It was John Contraband
That doesn't count
That was Johnny Contraband
John Contraband has a roommate
Remember when he tried to do comedy
It was him and Jason Bateman
All the rent, none of the utilities
Yeah, he'd be like, why do you keep taping the rent check
To your belly?
Why can't you just hand it to the landlord?
I'm John Contraband
Alright, Graham, you're out.
David Huntsberger,
Edson Inn
begins in room.
Don't Let Them In the Bedroom.
Don't Let Them In
is a movie? Don't Let Them In.
Yeah, that was a horror movie.
Or Let the Right One In.
I could have done that.
Jesus.
Wait, what did you mean?
I said don't let them in.
Okay, don't let them in.
Not let the right one in.
How's this work again?
Okay, so now we've got don't let them in the bedroom.
So now you have to come up with a movie in gyro that ends in the word don't.
Probably isn't one of those.
Or begins with the word room.
Or begins with the word room. Or begins with the word room.
Yeah.
Room something.
Room with a view.
Yeah.
Came to play.
Now we go to Josie.
And you got to start with view or end with don't.
I know room makes it a movie.
View. Is there anything? I know View View
Is there anything?
People say there are
Josie
I know the pressure's on Josie
Come on Josie
You fucking beat me to get up here
God damn it
Earn your spot
I don't know if I'm making this up but
View
View from the top
I don't know
Okay
Oh son of a bitch View from the top Starring don't know. Oh, son of a bitch!
View from the Top starring Gwyneth Paltrow.
Yeah, that sounds like some bullshit I would make up.
No, that's a real movie about flight attendants.
All right, so we have Don't Let Them in the Bedroom
with a view from the top.
We go back to David.
Gun.
Top Gun, Okay. Nice.
Alright, so Ngaio. That's right, Goose.
Ngaio, you need a movie.
It's a running theme. Ngaio needs
a movie that begins with gun or ends in
don't.
Gunshy?
Oh, that's probably something.
With
Drew, right? I think Gunshy's
a movie.
William Neeson was in it? There you movie. William Neeson was in it?
Liam Neeson was in something called Gun Shy?
I want you and the gun to get under the bed.
Now they're going to take you.
You're going to be taken.
You and the gun.
Okay, so we're back to Josie.
Ends with don't or begins with shy?
Shy.
I know, right?
That's not easy.
I think we're going to
run out the clock on that one.
We'll go around to David.
Can I say the shining?
Top gun shining.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Alright, so now we're back to NGAYO.
Ends in don't or begins in shining.
Shine-ing.
Ends in don't.
Ing.
Or begins with shine.
Yeah.
Shining.
Can you repeat the question?
Ends in don't, begins in shining.
Shining.
Big trouble and little shining?
All right, David gets the point for this round.
The Hansberger.
The German.
It was good to win a few of these games.
All right, we'll start this next one with Josie.
Alzheimer Raptor is the name of the person.
Yeah, Alzheimer Raptor
suggested
Bellflower.
So you need a movie that begins with bell,
I mean, ends with bell, or begins
with flower.
Do you have anything, Josie?
Flowers in the Attic?
Yeah!
Bellflowers in the Attic, Yeah. Nice. Bell Flowers in the Attic, Graham.
The Tick.
Movie.
I'll let you try one more time to say something that makes sense.
So what's the title again?
Let's start.
Bell Flowers in the Attic.
So you need something that ends. Oh, Liberty Bell Flowers in the Attics. You need something.
Oh, Liberty Bell.
That fucking dumb comedy with Alan Alda.
Yeah, called Liberty Bell?
I don't think so.
It was called Sweet Liberty.
Bell.
But that was close.
Of justice.
I tried to back you up, dude.
I had your back.
All right, you're out, Graham.
Memphis Bell.
Boom.
Put it in there.
Oh, you motherfucker. Wait, wait, wait. That's B-E-L-L-E, though're out, Graham. Memphis Bell. Boom. Put it in there. Oh, you motherfucker.
Wait, wait, wait.
That's B-E-L-L-E, though, from the French.
Yeah, that's fine.
That's okay.
All right.
It just has to be...
It just has to sound right.
Memphis Bell flowers in the attic?
Yeah, yeah.
We'll go to David.
Memphis, Memphis.
Letter to Memphis?
When you say it with a question mark like that...
Letter to Memphis. It tells me that we a question mark like that, it tells me
that we've got you in a
corner and you won't be able to defend that answer.
I think that's Pixie
Song.
Does that count? Pixie Song?
Is that a movie? Did they go ahead and turn that into a movie?
There were some talks. I know they were in
talks. I went into
a coma briefly.
Ryan Gosling was going to play the lead.
Memphis.
Anything?
No.
All right,
you're out.
So I win by default.
No,
Josie is still in it.
So am I.
What?
Memphis Bell.
Yeah,
he got Memphis,
so he's still in it.
Really?
Yeah.
So,
David's the only one that's out.
Nice.
You just holding me down at this point I'm fucking with you
Help yourself
Where are we at? Memphis, Bells, Flowers in the Attic?
Yeah
Fuck
I know
Isn't there a movie just called Memphis?
I'm walking in Memphis Yeah there's a movie just called Memphis I'm walking in Memphis
yeah there's a song
walking in Memphis
when they make that into a movie let's reconvene
and play this
all over again
Memphis Bellflowers in the attic
attic of my life
isn't that the George Harrison
you're out
Josie is there accept my fate.
Anything? Is there a film just called
Attica?
That's a TV movie.
Was it?
It was a theatrical movie about
Attica? About the prison.
No, Gattaca.
Gattaca? Really?
Attica's the prison.
Gattaca's the Winnet Faltrow and the other cute guy. I think there was a TV miniseries called Attica's the prison Attica's the Winnet Faltrow and the other cute guy
I think there was a TV miniseries called Attica
Who with Thurman's in that too?
Ethan Hawke
Very underrated movie
It is, it actually is
Alright, so you're out then, I'm sorry
Who's up?
Josie's out
So that means I win?
Yeah, because you're the last one to put that Memphis on there
Yeah, I put the Memphis on you
Point to Graham Elwood, everybody
Boom, boom, pow
Really? Black Eyed Peas?
No rap
We'll start with you now, David
Okay, good
You're so 2000 and late
I'm 2000 and late.
Someone on Twitter named Ninja.
Ninja?
Is it like the Madea version?
Ninja.
Ninja.
Ninja.
Hello.
Ninja Turtle.
Ninja Turtle?
Ninja.
Ninja Turtle, yes.
Is that some sort of Jamaican dish?
I guess.
It's a Japanese Jamaican fusion, Ninjerk Turtle.
It's really good.
Ninjerk Turtle suggested mom and dad save the world.
So, David, you need a movie that ends in mom or begins with world.
Oh, okay.
World... World World is not enough
Can I go with that?
Yeah
World is not enough
James Bond
Alright
Serial mom
Oh nicely done
John Waters bitches And Kathleen Turner Serial Mom. Oh, nicely done. John Waters, bitches.
And Kathleen Turner.
Growl, growl.
Serial Mom and Dad Save the World is not enough.
Josie.
Well, can I do that thing that he just did with Memphis?
Isn't there just a J-Lo one called Enough?
Yeah.
There is.
Settle down.
Is that cheating?
He didn't really do that.
The world is not enough enough?
He's just Memphis Belle.
It's got to be more than one word.
You can't just say a word that's in there already.
That was a movie where that guy... Yeah, Enough.
She fights back.
She had Enough.
Fight back.
That's what I say at virtually all J-Lo movies
about 20 minutes into it.
Yeah, I felt like that movie had...
Enough, sweet Jesus.
Enough angel eyes.
Enough made Manhattan.
Enough mom-in-law.
Except for Out of Sight.
By the end of that movie,
I felt like J-Lo did at the beginning of that movie.
It had just beaten me pretty abruptly.
I'm going to sneak into your house
and rearrange your towels.
That is actually...
That's the...
What's her name?
Julia Roberts, Sleeping with the Enemy.
Oh, my bad.
They all look alike.
They all look alike?
All women?
All white women.
One's all movie stars.
All movie stars look alike to me.
One has giant teeth.
Isn't that right, Tom Cruise?
Yes.
Oh, yes.
So do you have anything that ends in serial or begins with enough?
Is there a movie called Enough is Enough?
There should be.
There's a Donna Summer song with Barbra Streisand.
Yeah, yeah.
Disco duet.
Enough is enough.
I cannot take no more of this.
I'll kill you.
I think you're paraphrasing.
I really thought I said I'll kill you.
I think you're paraphrasing.
It's a duet about two women who want to murder each other.
All right, so Josie's out on this one.
We go to Graham.
So give me the title.
Serial Mom and Dad Save the World is Not Enough.
I think serial's kind of a stopper.
Serial is definitely kind of a stopper.
There's no, like, Frankenberry Serial, the movie.
Enough said.
Enough said There is a movie that's just called Serial
S-E-R-I-A-L
With Martin Mullin
It took place in
Marin County
But that's no use to you right now, Graham
The C
Enough
Enough
Enough
Uff
Uff and awayff. Uffingers.
Uff and away.
Uff and away.
All right, you're out.
Fuck.
David, anything?
Can I do... Probably not.
Out to cereal...
Out to cereal?
Out to cereal?
Out to see...
And then carry that into aerial.
Cereal?
Yeah.
You don't really pronounce cereal like...
Cereal.
Okay.
Cool.
Unless you're...
Unless you're a cool guy like me.
Are you serious right now, Doug?
Are you serious?
You know, I was talking to me before.
Remember that cereal that had the song,
We are the freakies, we are the freakies,
the freakies have lots of fun
chopping down the freaky tree
we love our cereal
they'd say it like that
that's of course
what I'm referring to
you know that
that's exactly
what I'm referring to
alright you're out
and the guy who gets the point
I had another guess
that was gonna be great
damn it
I had a dream
would you have allowed this
would you have allowed
something like a title that's like Mr. So-and-so is here, is here,
is cereal, is cereal.
Give me an example.
The movie, the classic, everyone knows, Good News is here, real, mom.
And dad, save the world is not enough.
I feel like that wins.
Nice try.
It was totally worth the effort. But no,
that's not going to work.
Serial.
Alright, we're going to start now with...
Mr. Cruz is going out to serial.
We're going to start
with Josie on this one.
Jill hyphen C.
This is your last chance to get into the game, Josie.
You can do it. You go, girl.
If you can win this round, then we'll have
a four-way tie and we'll play a tiebreaker.
If you cannot win this round, whichever one
of these gentlemen gets the point will be the winner.
Oh my god!
Serious pressure.
My friend Pat Bear,
P-A-T-B-A-E-R,
suggested on Twitter
Black Dynamite.
Dynamite. Dynamite.
So you need, Josie, a movie that ends in black.
I told you never to disturb me when I'm doing my cartoon.
Shut up, Engayo.
Sorry, I love that movie.
This guy's riding high on victory over here.
I fucking love that movie. I'm sorry.
Our Dynamite.
So you could use the last syllable of Dynamite.
Dynamitey Wind. Yes. Dynamite-y wind?
Yes!
Dynamite-y wind!
I was thinking Aphrodite, but I'll go wind.
I'm with you on wind. We come around to Graham Elwood.
Do you need ends in black or begins with wind?
Wind talkers.
Or singular. Wind talkers? Respect the code? I or begins with wind. Wind talkers. Or singular.
Wind talkers.
Respect the code.
I think it's plural, wind talkers.
David?
I'm going to say men in black.
Okay.
Racist.
What?
How?
And, Gaio, you need a movie that ends in men or begins in talkers.
Sure.
A few good men in black. A few good men in black. or begins in talkers. Sure, A Few Good Men in Black.
A Few Good Men in Black.
Not to be confused with the porn film A Few Good Black Men,
which I wrote and directed.
This puts you in a tough spot, Josie,
because you have to have a movie that ends in few
or begins with talkers.
I know, I can't think of any.
That's tough.
Room with a few.
Okay, I tried to help.
That's when you check into a hostel.
We've got a room with a few.
You've got to share a bathroom with a few guys.
Yeah, there's no windows and there's some other dudes in there.
And they're going to slice up your Achilles.
Hostile joke.
Just a little hostile joke.
Good stuff.
Very hostile.
Thank you.
It's really kind of passive aggressive.
Yeah.
Not overtly hostile.
Anything, Josie?
Curfew.
Ooh. Not overtly hostile Anything Josie? Curfew Curfew
Curfew
Who was in Curfew?
You know that guy
Are you trying to
Graham Elwood
I already had my life prepared for Curfew
It was that Christy Swanson already had my life prepared for Curfew.
It was that Christy Swanson vehicle.
I was already prepared for that.
I don't know why.
It's not my turn, but you've got to make up a name here. Do you guys really think Curfew's a movie?
Yes, it is.
All right, I'm going to give it to her.
Curfew.
Back around to Graham.
What is it now?
Curfew.
Good men in black dynamite-y wind talkers.
Dynamite-y wind talkers.
I have all their albums.
It's like you're in a trance
It's a terrible time for a nap
Open your eyes and answer me
Lie down, I'm sleeping
Fuck
Fuck
Alright, you're out
No
No, I'm not out
I'm still in
I'm not out
I've got a boo-boo
God damn it Alright, he's out No, I'm not out. I'm still in. I'm not out. I've got a boo-boo.
God damn it.
All right, he's out.
David?
Meet the Falkers.
Few.
Wait, what's happening?
Can I say?
Oh, meet the Falkerfuse. Yeah, Falkers, few.
Sliding it through there.
Yeah, it was a nice try, but no one agrees with that one.
No one is going to let that stand.
Damn it.
Yeah.
What do you got, Engayo?
Love in my heart for my fellow man.
I have good intentions.
I have some nice weed.
Yeah.
Sounds like, did Josie just win?
Well, hold on a minute now. It's still it's still still has a chance talkers is the last one and cur is the first one yeah curfew curfew
curfew men in black dynamite talk wind dynamitey wind talkers
is he getting more time
because he's black
Josie gets the point
we have a four way tie
I did that on purpose
so we would all feel good about ourselves
we're giving him some MLK
day black slack
I am Day black slack.
Wow. I am against black slack.
That's better than a two-for-one at the mattress store. That's crazy.
Ask not what black slack can do for you.
Let me just say...
Alright, we'll start with Josie and we'll go to Graham.
Manny Interests. That's his name on Twitter.
Manny Interests. Manny Interests.
Manny Interests.
Manny Interests.
He's a renaissance.
He suggested Man with the Golden Arm.
Ooh.
Yeah.
It's an auto-primitive film, right?
Frankie Sinatra is Frankie Machine.
It's about a fucking heroin addict. It's a auto-primitive film, right? Frankie Sinatra is Frankie Machine. It's about a heroin addict.
It's a great soundtrack.
You're just buying your competitors time
with all of that.
So it's Man with the Golden Arm?
Yeah.
And we're starting with Graham, though.
Oh, god damn.
Damn it.
Oh.
Yeah.
I said that, right?
I thought you said start with Josie.
You said start with Josie.
I did?
Yeah.
Okay, we'll start with her.
Oh, and then we'll go to Graham.
That's right.
You're right.
You're right.
Anchorman with a golden arm.
Yeah, good call.
All right, so anchorman with a golden arm.
Anchor.
You're not next.
Oh, I know.
I'm just kidding.
Okay, sorry.
You were so excited. Yeah, oh, no, I'm not next. I'm not next Oh I know I'm just kidding Okay sorry You were so excited Yeah oh no I'm not next
I'm not next at all
I'll talk my way out of this
Fucking no way am I next
Anchorman with the golden arm
Oh the anchor
I don't know why I talked to you
The anchor Was a movie.
We all remember it.
You can't just add the.
You can't just add the.
You have to give a little bit more to work with.
Because the these get eliminated.
Anchor.
Boat anchor.
Arm.
Arm.
Arm.
Arm. Man with a golden arm mr. oh i love armistice day
arm arm again green straight arm again arm again arm again that's the one arm again is the one
i don't know how it took you three minutes Arm There's a guy named John Wing
I was a joke about my name's John Wing
It's a Chinese name
It means the arm of a bird
Okay
Anchorman with a golden gun Armageddon
David
Can I say Major Pain-ker-man?
What?
No, not even a trine.
Major Pain-ker-man?
Pain and anchor.
I want to kick you off for the rest of the show for that.
It's so good.
Armageddon.
You're like Mr. Pronunciation Guide.
I am not allowed to guess 40 times
like Graham and then stumble onto one
finally and everyone cheers. Oh, he finally
got there. Good for him.
Yeah. Probably think about 30 movies.
Most of them not even movies.
He's calling you out.
What do you got?
Did you think of anything while you were doing that filibuster?
No, I accepted my defeat
After not getting major pain allowed
Okay
I'll take one
So this is Anchorman with the golden arm again?
Mm-hmm
No, it's coming.
Need more prunes?
Anchor...
Say it again.
Anchor Man with the Golden Armageddon.
Done.
Okay, I'm getting close.
Done.
Anchor Man with the Golden Armageddon.
Isn't there a...
One more time.
Hold on.
Anchorman with the Golden Armageddon.
Well, okay.
This may be a little obscure,
but I'm pretty sure that Samuel L. Bronkowitz
produced a film called The Armageddon Crazy.
No? No, no. That The Armageddon Crazy. No?
No, no.
That's Armageddon.
That's what...
Fuck it.
It won't work.
It's from Kentucky Fried Movie.
Nobody?
All right.
It goes out.
I'm a million years older than all of you, huh?
Rent Kentucky Fried Movie.
It's got fistful of yen in it.
Fistful of yen, baby.
That's the shit.
Nice try.
You're out.
All right.
Your mama.
Your mama. We'll just go straight to that. We'll just go straight to're out. All right, your mama. Your mama.
We'll just go straight to that.
We'll just go straight to your mom.
Josie, got anything?
Maybe.
Okay.
Okay, so.
Anchor or Eden.
Get in.
Okay.
What about Armageddon Golden Pond?
Armageddon Golden Pond.
I like it.
Oh, shit. Very nice. Holy shit. She's got the hang of it. Armageddon Golden Pond I like it Oh shit
Very nice
Holy shit
She's got the hang of it
She's got the hang of it
So it's down to me and Josie
That's what we're at
That's right
Yeah
And you gotta do something
With Anchorman
With a golden
Armageddon
Golden Pond
Den
Armageddon
Golden Pond
You know over there
In Golden Pond
Not Major Pinkerman That doesn't make any sense But in Golden Pond. You know, over there, Un-Golden Pond? Not Major Pinkerman.
That doesn't make any sense.
But Un-Golden Pond, that's great.
Hey, you guys remember when I found Armageddon?
You guys remember when I found Armageddon?
So much.
Graham Elwood.
Hi, I'm Graham Elwood.
Thank you so much.
Sacramento is my favorite city.
David.
Hey, I had to get my shit covered today.
Armageddon Golden Pond.
It's how you pronounce it? Sure. It's if you say, like, oh, no, Armageddon. Armageddon Golden Pot It's how you pronounce it
Sure
Armageddon
Armageddon
Armageddon
It's a stretch
But just the fact she came up with something
Sure that was different than
My accent better than
Major Pinkerman
Pain and Anchorman.
Sounds like he's a Japanese fry cook.
Pain as in anchor.
Pain as in pain.
All right, well.
Pain-ker-man.
I was just happy she came up with something
and now Graham is...
Stalling for time.
I'm not stalling.
Just start spitting them out.
That works well for you.
Pond, pondering.
The pondering soul. Man ponders. Pond. Pondering. The pondering soul.
A man ponders.
Pond's cold cream.
Pond's cold cream.
For all your needs.
Starring you know who.
Starring John Contraband.
Pond's cold cream.
Starring John Contraband.
Time's up.
Josie's our winner.
Josie!
Oh my God.
She's on fire
Coming from behind
I know
Late rally
And I
Not to show off or anything
Because I get lots of time
To sit here and think about it
But there was a movie called
Tank
Tanker Man
Oh fuck
That's right
Tanker Man
Would you have also gotten
In Golden Pond
I never would have thought of that Like one Golden Pond In Golden Pond? I never would have thought of that.
I was just trying to think of any movie
that began with Don.
Don the Impaler or something.
Don Quixote.
Don of the Dead.
Armageddon of the Dead.
Don of the Dead.
Those are all fun.
What a fun, ambiguous game.
That is fun.
Anything can happen.
And Josie's our winner!
And of course, this is the part of the show
where you guys get to pick
who you're going to play for in the Leonard Mullen game.
Let's see your name tags, everybody.
Who's got the...
Did I see a boombox in the back?
Oh, are you attracted to that in Gaia? Represent. Everybody Who's got the Did I see a boom box In the back That's good Oh
Are you attracted to that
In Gaio
Represent
What's your name
Gaio
Gaio
Make sure you don't
Miss this one
Justin
I saw Rice Krispies
They give me gas
What's the
Oh dude
Hide those Rice Krispies
If they give him gas
What
Josh
Mike and Ikes
I'm gonna
I'm gonna do the guy
With the boom box
I'm not gonna do him I don't wannabox. I'm not going to do him.
I don't want to buy anything sold or bought.
I don't want to sell anything bought or sold.
Just go pick the name tag you want.
Go get it from them.
I'm not going to process anything bought.
Nice.
I got to do it.
I got to go.
I got to go.
That guy's got a candy bar.
It says Snickers and cheese.
Who are you picking?
I'm going to pick Dana.
Grab her name tag.
Bring it up here.
Yeah, go get it from her.
Is she a fellow roller girl? Is that what's up?
Nice pink box. Is that Dana from
Doughbot Donuts? Doughbot Donuts!
Doughbot Donuts! Doughbot Donuts!
So fucking rad. We love those guys.
You guys did such an amazing job. I have a boom box
because it's Martin Luther King Day.
I'll go the Rice Krispie Treats. Oh, Rice Krispie Treats
Oh, Rice Krispie Treats
Yeah
That is a huge thing of Rice Krispie Treats
I can eat that whole box
I'm going to eat the shit out of these
That's gnarly
Alright, let's go down the line
Graham, show me yours here
Rice Krispie Treats that say Dave on them
Yes
And they feel kind of gross to me.
It's like this has been in the trunk of your car for a year, right?
Two hours.
All right. And then David picked Justin with the Jodie Foster child twister poster.
I still don't understand the joke of it.
I just like that he painted it.
I thought that took some effort.
Yeah, it's nice.
It's a very nicely crafted name tag.
And then
Ngaio has a boombox
that's currently playing Peter Gabriel.
Electric Smuggaloo, y'all. Electric Smuggaloo.
And who's
what's named it? Josh.
Keep hip-hop alive.
Let me get a beatbox. Does Ngaio get to
keep that, Josh?
Or does he have to give it back?
I don't think it's a souvenir.
It looks like it's gutted in the back.
It's like a kajillion D batteries.
Dude, you've got a boombox and I've essentially got cardboard.
Let's get down on it.
Apparently we're going to do some break dancing.
Who wants some?
I can't.
No, thank you.
I have donuts from Doughbots here.
All right.
Oh, my God.
There's a whole huge box of donuts?
What the shit?
Do these have bacon on them?
Should we wait until the show is over?
Yes.
Oh, no way.
I got to have a bacon donut right now.
What's in the middle of it?
Bacon.
More bacon? Oh, my God. What's in the middle of it? More bacon?
Oh, my God.
It's my perfect dream donut.
10th and W, Doughbot Donuts.
They're open from 5 to noon.
They're the only reason I ever get up early.
God, that's ridiculous.
Now our hands are all sticky.
Fried cake.
Now my hands are sticky. Not the first time, Doug.
That was really good.
Let me give him a proper credit.
What's the donut place called?
Dobot.
Dobot?
Like a donut and a robot got together?
Yeah.
D-O-U-G-H.
You can find them on Twitter.
D-O-U-G-H underscore B-O-T.
None.
Right?
No?
Did I get it wrong?
What is it?
D-O-U-G-H underscore donut.
Oh, shit.
All right.
D-O-U-G-H underscore donut.
That's a long Twitter name.
I know.
That's okay.
You're worth the extra credit.
It's all right.
Your donut tastes fucking great.
I'm going to have one.
I just had some Risky Krispy Treat.
Risky Krispies? Risky Krispy Treat. They got ground glass in them. They're one. I just had some Risky Krispy Treat. Risky Krispies?
Risky Krispy Treat.
They got ground glass in them.
They're kind of dodgy, the Risky Krispy Treats.
Roll the dice.
It's a risk.
I'll eat anything that has bacon in it.
I'll remember that next time I make haggis.
Except for like a man's asshole.
You hear that, ladies?
Cram a little bacon in there.
Secret.
Put some bacon in there, Doug.
Go fucking eat your asshole.
Contraband 5.
John Contraband is back With a chick with bacon in her ass
I can't smuggle it
He won't lick my butt while I smuggle it
He's baking it happen
Contraband 5
Awesome
Just hang back and fucking lock him in, dude.
Awesome.
He's like Steve Kerr, man.
You need a clutch three-pointer.
It's amazing how he does that shit.
I just don't think that's...
Everyone's double teaming him.
Michael Jordan just hangs back and is like...
Kicks it right out.
Boom.
Set spike.
Oh, that bacon is good.
Baking it.
If I got the chance, it's baking it.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
We'll start with Josie.
Then we'll go to Ngaio.
And we know who you're playing for, right?
Is that Chili Chocolate?
Dana is who Josie's playing for.
Here we go.
God damn, those donuts are great.
I'm so winded from my donut.
Winded from my donut.
Holy shit.
That donut was some workout.
That donut is like a flight of stairs.
No railing.
Man, Doug, you're sweating like you're in the shower.
Flight of stairs with no railing.
That's absolutely what it is.
You know what goes good with donuts?
Vodka.
Vodka.
Yeah, drink it.
Don't you guys make a dude donut too?
It's got the white Russian style donut
The coffee bean on it
What? It's a big Lebowski donut?
Yeah
Oh, motherfucker
I'm going to tell you, we're driving back tonight
I'm going to fucking have that one
What? No, I talked him into bringing them
How do you guys?
Because we're white
Wow I'm faster and bigger than you What? No, I talked them into bringing them. How do you guys? Because we're white.
Wow.
Because we're white?
Is that what you said?
I'm faster and bigger than you.
White power.
You never see me fight for donuts, motherfucker. I'll kill you.
Be like the Hunger Games all over again.
All right, Josie gets to pick first category in the Leonard Martin game.
And she gets to pick First category In the Leonard Martin game And She gets to choose
Between these
Categories
Tarantino's worst
Of two
Two Oceans 11
That's
Quentin Tarantino
Wrote down a list
On the internet
Of the worst movies
Of last year
So this
Bacon belch
Tastes like a girl's ass
Doesn't it? Oh.
Imagine my disappointment if it was like some spam in there.
You said it was bacon.
Your asshole lied to me.
It's turkey bacon. You feel d to me. It's turkey bacon.
You feel duped.
Faking.
Too perky.
At Lisa Kick,
Lisa K-I-A-C-K suggested
I'm Inside You.
And
that category
is movies where characters switch bodies.
I'm inside you.
And then also, it's John Carpenter's birthday today.
Great director, John Carpenter.
So the films of John Carpenter.
Which one of those would you like, Josie?
The worst of 11, according to Tarantino.
I'm inside you.
Or John Carpenter. John Carpenter. Nice! Worst of Eleven, According to Tarantino, I'm Inside You, or
John Carpenter.
John Carpenter. Nice choice.
This John Carpenter
movie is from
1986. Let's call it
1986. One and a half
stars from Leonard. Didn't care for
this one. He says
the main character is a blowhard,
and then he also says
that the movie has a good electronic
music score.
Which you could pretty much say about any John Carpenter
movie. Which makes it
a fun clue.
The lead character is a blowhard.
Good electronic music score.
One and a half stars.
Directed by John Carpenter. And there are
seven names listed.
How many names do you think you can get it in, Josie?
Josie Moody?
Let's go with five.
Five.
Five.
Okay.
Smart opening bit.
And we go to Ngaio.
You, of course, can go Les or say name that movie
I will go
Use your microphone sir
Four
Four says Ngaio
We go to David
David says name it
Would you like the clues again
One and a half stars from Leonard
So he didn't care for it.
I disagree.
I think it's better than that.
86, lead characters of Blowhard, good electronic music score.
And your four names.
This might help you.
Don't yell it out if you don't yell it out.
The four names are Suzy Pai, Kate Burton,
Victor Wong,
and James Hong.
Your four names in a 1986
John Carpenter movie.
Big Trouble in Little China.
That is correct.
Boom!
Well done, sir.
Victor Hong was the giveaway.
That was the giveaway right there.
One of my favorite scenes is when they're standing there and the drugs are coming on
and they're just looking around at each other.
Just Asian names in general, like
what other John Carpenter movies
full of Asians? The Chining.
Oh no, that was Kubrick.
Finally, I have to
edit something out of the show.
Oh, what, the white power comment? Of all the days
for racist commentary
in Gaio, You of all people.
Okay, so Gaio got the point
and David is the one
who challenged him.
So we will start
with Graham
and then move back towards David.
You get to pick a category, Graham.
Would you like
the number one movie
four years ago to this very day
number one movie in the country four years ago or speaking of four a movie that has four letters in
the title like spun or salt or mash or ifc the tv network uh independent film channel they picked
the most underrated comedies of all time.
So one of those. An underrated
comedy, a movie with four letters in the
title, or the number one movie
four years ago. I'll go with the IFC underrated
comedies. Underrated comedies.
Here we go. This underrated
comedy is from 2009.
Leonard Maltin gives it two stars. He calls it
good-natured. And
he also says,
you can get most of this film's amusement value
out of the trailer.
Ouch.
Two stars.
So I would think IFC thinks that Leonard Maltin
is underrated, this movie, and I would agree.
And there are 17 names listed.
This movie from 2009 that's an underrated comedy.
How many names, Graham?
I will go 14.
David?
Seven.
Ngayo?
Five.
Five.
Josie?
Name it.
Oh, shit.
We're in a position where Ngayo could take the whole thing down right now
if in five names he can figure out what this movie is.
And I give him...
2009?
I give him about a 50-50 chance.
I have a feeling.
Not of getting this right, of having cancer.
Oh, that's... Dang it. I feel like that's a clue. Not of getting this right, of having cancer. Oh, that's a...
Dang it.
I feel like that's a clue.
I couldn't be the flu.
I couldn't be pneumonia.
Totally a clue.
No, that's not a clue.
Couldn't be strep throat.
It's not a clue at all.
I just made a little joke.
You lost the names?
Good Natured.
All the amusement values in the trailer.
I disagree.
So does IFC.
2009. Underrated comedy.
2009.
And your five names are
Roger Yuan,
Miguel Nunez,
Brian McKnight,
John Sally,
and Arsenio Hall.
Not the movie I thought it was.
Hot tub time machine. Not the movie I thought it was Hot Tub Time Machine
You think Arsenio Hall
Was in Hot Tub Time Machine
I don't fucking know
Doug's Ass
That's the name of the movie
Doug's Bickety Ass
What movie was it
It's a little movie called
Black Dynamite.
Oh!
How did you do that?
Wow!
Martin, I'm sorry.
Martin, I'm so sorry.
Martin, I'm sorry.
Josie gets a point.
I do love that movie, but I don't remember Arsenio Hall in it. After all that man fought for to get this day and you fucked it up with that?
Was Arsenio Hall in it?
I can't help you here.
Arsenio Hall was in Black Panther?
Well, fuck me. I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to give other people a chance.
Bokeem Woodbine, Nicole Sullivan,
Oba Babatunde.
Well, if you had said Oba Babatunde.
Of course. That would have given it away.
Oba Babatunde. Tommy course. That would have given it away. Oba Babatunde.
Tommy Davidson.
Anyway.
Roscoe.
Two stars from Leonard.
I thought it was a really good movie from start to finish.
Three and a half, four stars at least.
Yeah, I enjoyed it.
It's a perfect period piece.
Well, it is one of the most underrated comedies.
It is.
All right, so Josie made him do it.
He got it wrong, so she got a point.
So Indayo and Josie each have points. That's correct. And you're dead fucking last. He got it wrong. So she got a point. So a guy and Josie each have points.
That's correct.
And you're dead fucking last.
Oh, ouch.
Anything can happen.
So we'll start with Graham and then go to Josie from Graham.
So get ready, Josie.
Graham, would you like Voxen, V-O-X-Y-N-N, suggested movies?
Doug's mom loves movies.
These are movies that I have seen with my mother.
Because we go to the movies every Christmas together.
And some other times.
As well. I know, we're not Jewish,
but we still ditch church and go to the movies.
Do you get the Chinese food, too? Do you do the full-on?
Oh, yeah, sure.
At Twin Cinema
suggested Weyand's World.
That's movies that have
some Weyand's in it from the wayans acting
dynasty the wayans and means committee yeah and weezer on the soundtrack this will probably be
one of the last times i think this is the last time we could potentially play a weezer category
so it's uh movies where weezer has a song on the soundtrack. Which one of those would you like, Graham?
Watch it with my mom, Wayans Brothers, or Weezer?
I'll go watch it with your mom.
Okay.
That sounds like an incel.
I'll go watch it with your mom, bitch.
1997, Christmas Day, is when I went and saw this movie with my mom
three and a half stars from Leonard
he calls the movie sweeping
and he says
that the movie has some banal
banal
total banal
total banal dialogue
yeah it has some banal dialogue
Banal that's bacon and anal
Yeah
That's how I like it
Doug likes it banal
I want to fuck your bacon hole
Alright
There's some lucky ladies in the audience tonight
Sweeping
I said already And that other thing That other thing I said already
And that other thing
That other thing I said
Banal
It's banal
Banal
Three and a half stars
And there are
Thirteen names listed
Let me double check
Fourteen
Fourteen names
Crab Elwood
Zero
Oh
Son of a bitch
I'm trailing
I gotta go fucking aggressive
Go hard dog
Go hard or go home
Yeah
So then we go over there
To Josie
And
I was like 13 at the time
I'm trying to think back
Can you beat Zero?
Isn't it just an automatic?
She can go
No
She can go negative names if she wants.
If she thinks she can name the lead performer in this movie,
she can go negative one.
If she thinks she can name them in order of the top two performers,
she can go negative two.
Man, you guys are meta.
Yeah.
This shit gets deep.
And banal.
Yeah.
Will you read the clue one more time?
How did Noah make the joke of banal not being something to you read the clue one more time? How did Noah make the joke
of banal not being
something to do with bacon
in Doug's hobby?
We did.
We did.
We did cover that.
Were you here?
What drugs are you on?
Hi.
Where were you?
I don't drink or smoke
at four in the afternoon
and yet I'm spacing out.
Sorry, I was really
getting into these clues.
You're on slightly better drugs
than me.
It's sweeping, this movie.
And it also has some banal dialogue.
In 1997.
Graham says zero, so you might just have to let him do his thing.
If you don't think you can go negative.
Because you have to kind of know what it is
to go negative names, I think.
Yeah.
Name it?
She says name it, Graham.
Ah, fuck.
I go Saving Private Ryan.
If I were to guess that, that's what I would say.
No, come on.
I didn't set up the drama properly
because Josie already has one point
and so if Graham should happen to screw this up,
then she will have two points.
I'm going to go ahead and write that second point down right now.
Because the movie's called Titanic!
Tie fucking Titanic, dude.
It's totally sweeping.
And banal dialogue.
I didn't think the dialogue in Saving Private Ryan was banal.
Neither did I.
You did it, Josie.
You came up here against these titans.
Twice in a row.
Against these monsters.
And you took them down.
That's very exciting.
And let's give the prizes to your roller derby friends.
The donut people get the prizes.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
As it should be.
The donut people.
Where's Josh?
Where's Josh at?
Sorry, Dave.
Where'd you go, Josh?
Where'd you get Josh from here?
Over there.
Josh is over there in the corner.
Come up here, Josh.
We're going to have you pick out somebody you'd like
me to call a shithead here at the end of the show.
Let me give you a writing implement
of some kind here.
That's the gray one. That's no good.
I carry a gray because sometimes people want me to sign
something that's black.
I beg your pardon.
I'll sign you. Just write on one of those lines
there who you'd like me to call a shithead.
Who's playing for you? Dave?
Graham was playing for you. Dave, do you
want your Rice Krispie Treats back?
We can keep those? Alright.
Disgusting. Oh, that's awesome.
I'm going to eat that whole thing and then have a vomit.
Go ahead and write a shithead down there.
And then where's Justin at?
There's Justin. Oh, and he wrote it on the back. Thank you very much.
That's how it's done sometimes.
Way to be prepared, Justin. Some people, yeah, they write it right on the back. Thank you very much. That's how it's done sometimes. Way to be prepared.
Some people, yeah, they write it right on the back
and it works out pretty good.
Right on, dude. Thank you very much.
Congratulations one more time to Josie,
everybody. Josie Mooney.
Call 45.
She went all the way from audience
member on Saturday.
Did you come to the show yesterday, too?
No. No, you skipped that and came to this one.
She had to get her shift covered.
Yeah, she had to make some moves
to make this happen today, and I'm glad that you
made it, and you won
the whole thing. Congratulations.
Josie Moody, everybody.
Real quick,
plugs. You got anything you want to plug in, Gaio?
What's coming up?
You can see me February 17th
for my birthday party at the Comedy Spot
on Jan 20th downtown.
And look for some crazy-ass shit on 420, of course.
And follow me on Twitter, N-G-A-I-O 420.
N-G-A-I-O 420.
There are 419 other Oongaios.
Every time you're on my podcast,
I always have to answer a lot of people go,
what was that guy's Twitter name?
How do you spell the bingo?
How do you spell the boom boom?
Mandingo.
The blum, blum, bing, bing, bong, bong.
I write back, he's not Asian.
Banal.
Bing bong, bing bong.
David, what do you got?
Professor Blastoff.
Oh, that's his podcast, yes.
With Tig Notaro and Kyle Dunnigan.
Yep.
Yeah.
And davidhuntsberger.com.
We've got some comics and what have you on there
if you like visual type things.
And that's, oh, and at Huntsberger Junk on Twitter
if you're into that sort of thing.
Huntsberger Junk. not tweets from my genitals just uh just junk you know internet stuff he meant
stuff but he said junk and now it seems like it's a twitter feed about his voice trying to touch my
junk exactly don't sing any more of that i'll have to pay money for it okay
graham elwood uh well you can listen to my podcast,
Comedy Film Nerds.
Put your kitten hands together.
Hello.
Also, if you go to
grahamelwood.com and get my tour dates, I will be
headlining in Appleton, Wisconsin
January 26th through 28th
at the Skyline Comedy Cafe.
My Twitter handle at Graham Elwood.
It's all at grahamElwood.com, folks.
Everything you could ever want
in your life.
Or JohnContraband.org.
JohnContraband.org,
a non-for-profit
heist organization
that will smuggle
bacon in your butthole.
For the children.
For the children.
Contraband 2,
Contraband on the Run.
Let's hear it for everybody You guys
Thank you so much
Graham will be hanging out
In the lobby
If you want to get
Palm Strike t-shirts
From him
And you can get
Five dollar CDs
From Mangayo
And David Huntsberger's CD
Is going for $47.50
And you guys
Working it out with the donuts?
Clear the stage for my big closer.
I don't have a big closer.
I just have three shithead names.
And I do want to mention that
Doug Loves Movies is going to be taped
coming soon in San Francisco,
Vancouver, and more.
I'm going to try to bring it everywhere,
but I'm glad I brought it to Sacramento
because you guys are great
go to douglovesmovies.com
for the list of where I'm going to be
and as always
Jess Flower
is a shithead
whoever that is
the New York Giants is a shithead. Whoever that is. The New York Giants is a shithead.
And possibly one of my favorites ever,
white power is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch a thugger talk.
He hides above the view and prowls his big tip-toe
There's no room in his heart for you
Because Doug loves movies