Doug Loves Movies - Mark Ellis, Leonard Maltin and Dan Perrault guest
Episode Date: July 25, 2022Live from the American Comedy Co. in Sweet Home San Diego, Doug welcomes Mark Ellis, Leonard Maltin and Dan Perrault to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitch...er Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is my last movie.
Hang on a second.
We've just been getting back out doing shows with audiences again,
and sometimes that part goes better than others.
But also there's some people that just, you know,
we appreciate you coming out to the show,
but they probably don't understand what's happening right there.
So it's, I say, my name is Doug and I love movies.
And then,
instead of just yelling randomly,
which you can save that for some other time,
just, you know,
or don't participate.
That's fine too.
I totally get that.
Not everybody wants
to sing in public.
But then it's just,
this is Doug Loves Movies
and then we'll proceed
as normal
from that. My name is Doug Loves Movies. And then we'll proceed as normal from that.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Who is this lady over here that just went woo again?
Hold your woos until any other time.
Except for when everybody's singing
This Is Doug Loves Movies.
Can you do that for me, miss?
I don't think she can.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This Is Doug Loves Movies.
Yay, she did it!
Awesome.
We're back.
We're doing live shows,
and we're here with Eddie the Eagle at the American...
That's right, Caw Caw
at the American Comedy Cacompany.
That's what they should change their name to,
American C Car Comedy.
American Car Comedy Show.
They won't do that.
All right.
I'm not on the right, I'm on the wrong end here.
I grabbed a microphone over here and just went off.
You gotta be on the correct end.
Ooh, can I get a little more heat on this one?
Poop, poop, poop, poop.
Poop, poop, poop.
That doesn't mean yell out, ca-caw, lady.
How drunk is this lady?
Like, what are the odds that she's gonna make it through this whole show?
Not good, right?
Yeah, I don't think it looks good for you.
But here comes some coffee.
Maybe you could sober up a little.
Wait, that's not...
Where's that going?
Oh, that's for one of my guests.
Ooh, I like that.
That's clever.
One of my guests has to have a drink placed.
That is beautiful.
That is the first time that's ever happened.
I've been doing this podcast for 53 years.
That's the first time somebody approved that slick move.
I really like it.
I'm into it.
Now I want to tell them to shut up backstage.
I'm trying to do an intro for you guys out here.
Keep it down, everybody.
Especially that lady over there.
Let's see, what have I said so far oh it's Wednesday July 20th
2022
and it's great to be back here at Sweet Home San Diego
and I know why you're all here
it's for Doug Plugs
it's everybody's favorite part of the show.
Let's do it.
I'm going to be back here this Saturday,
July 23rd at 420,
doing this again with a different lineup
and maybe no drunk lady in the audience.
And we're back at Dynasty Typewriter in L.A.
on Sunday, August 14th at 420.
For all of my dates and deets...
Oh, this is going to be a mess.
For all of my dates and deets,
go to douglovesmovies.com.
That's douglovesmovies.com.
Yeah!
Ah!
Wallets!
Shh!
Ed Jansen! Yeah! Come on! Come on! Shh! Are they dancing?
What?
She's just over there like,
what is happening?
I don't know how to participate
in all those weird things
people were just yelling.
I wanted her to say something
right before this shh part happened.
And then she would think it was for her but the timing wasn't exactly right
let's have a look in the prize bag shall we
I brought a bag of crap and somebody's going to win it tonight
the bag itself
is a beautiful tote
from the motion picture Uncle Frank.
It was on, I think it's on Prime, and it has a quote from Uncle Frank on it.
You're going to be the person you decide to be, or you're going to be the person everyone
else tells you you are, because you get to choose.
Uncle Frank.
Yeah, I don't, most people? Uncle Frank.
Yeah, I don't... Most people's Uncle Frank is a complete creep,
I bet.
Not helping you to decide your life path.
Also in the bag,
this is the thing I'm excited about in this one
because it's a copy of
the original comic
that started Snowpiercer.
Yeah.
No one else is excited about it.
Who's here for Comic-Con this week?
Who's going to Comic-Con?
Let's get some Comic-Con excitement going.
Hashtag SDCC.
I'm having such a hard time with this mic stand.
It's really fucking with me.
Okay, also in the bag is a Doug Benson pin and some
various CBD products
and a pair
of pants that have the underwear
built in.
Yeah, I didn't
want to wear them, but I got a few
pairs of those, so I thought I'm going to
pass those along to some
lucky audience member. So somebody's's gonna get all that stuff tonight and yeah don't feel too
bad if you don't get all that stuff tonight because it's just it's just
stuff I wanted to get rid of that's basically what it is
does everybody got their drink orders and whatnot?
Because it's awful chatty in here.
Keep the chatter down a little bit, everybody.
I'm trying to conduct a serious trivia program.
Are you ready to meet our guests tonight?
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
I'm always excited about the people I can get to participate in this because they're also at comic-con please give it up everybody
for Mark Ellis Dan Peralta and Leonard Maltin That'd be fun for you.
All right, let's meet them.
They're all so nice and polite and quiet,
which is exciting in and of itself.
Nobody's just jumping on the mic and yapping right away.
Thanks for having me, Doug.
That's probably, I was going to say,
maybe Mark's microphone wasn't on.
Maybe that's why he wasn't talking already.
And I love that you got a beer delivered to your seat, Mark.
That's Leonard's beer.
Leonard Maltin's going to chug a 394 ale tonight.
I don't think that's going to happen.
All right, I'll drink it then.
I mean, if somebody needs to drink it,
that's why I'm not here to win.
I'm not here to provide laughs.
I'm here to drink beer while Leonard Maltin and Dan Peralt
maybe play the finest round of Doug Loves movies
that we've ever seen in history.
Wow, you're like a commentator from inside the show.
Like if one of the guests just went Howard Cosell all of a sudden.
Old reference.
All right, so, oh shit.
Things are falling over already.
Oh my goodness.
I thought we were going to get through the day without a Howard Cosell reference.
I know, you want to get through most days without a Howard Cosell reference.
But here we are, Leonard.
Here we are in sweet home San Diego, where I'm going to individually introduce my guests now.
I said all their names at the top, but it's nice to talk to you one at a time.
Especially for the listeners, they like to figure out who's who.
Especially when you have all white men night.
It's nice to try to differentiate a little bit.
Yeah! Finally white men, finally.
And one of the finest white men out there, he's doing the good work that needs to be done by white men.
It's Mark Ellis, everybody!
It's good to be back in San Diego.
And Doug, I have a feeling you have a question for me,
but I have a comment for you and your gift bag.
I wasn't made aware
that the guests were no longer bringing gifts.
And so I brought a little addition to the gift bag
if that's okay. It's totally okay.
I brought crap. Good.
Because I didn't just spend $30 at a San
Diego gift shop for nothing.
So, I got people what you need the most at any comic book convention.
I got a San Diego fanny pack.
Whoa.
City of San Diego.
We can put that in there.
Beautifully.
Oh, it's not embroidered.
Oh, sorry.
Leonard is going to shit on every gift that I brought.
Your father would have embroidered it.
And then I also brought...
Now, look, I know that Doug is against recreational drugs,
but I also happen to have a cannabis refrigerator magnet.
That's right.
There you go.
Same gift shop, or was that a separate purchase?
It was right next to the fanny pack,
and that's why it was purchased.
You can put your little
cannabis magnet in your fanny pack
but you can't put your fanny pack
in your cannabis magnet.
Well next door I walked into Ben and Jerry's first
and I was like hey do y'all do gift cards?
And they're like not physical ones and I'm like maybe an e-gift card?
They're like you need the email address and I'm like
this is too much work already.
I'm gonna get high, then I'm gonna buy a cannabis magnet then I'm, you need the email address. And I'm like, this is too much work already. I'm going to get high.
Then we're going to buy
a cannabis magnet.
Then we're going to buy
a fanny pack.
And now I'm here.
The movie's coming out this fall.
You did it, Mark Ellis.
Thank you.
Yes.
And you've also got,
might as well start
plugging it now.
You're going to record
a new special this year?
At the end of the year, yeah.
Recording a special
in Los Angeles.
It's just a stone's throw north.
I'm also going to be here tomorrow night.
So if you all get bored, I'm right here on this very stage
with hopefully this many people.
I don't know.
It sounds like they're going, Doug.
Oh yeah, every one of these people
is at this point thinking they're coming back tomorrow night.
How many actually will follow through on that?
We will have to wait and see.
You got some good support acts
on the show with you? I do.
I got a lot of great support. I have my
friend Kyle Lewis, a great comic in New York City.
Ken Knapsack from right here in Los Angeles.
Coy Jondrew is
hosting. Danny Fernandez is going to pop in
to a Q&A. It's going to be a good time.
Maybe Leonard Maltin and Dan Peralt show up.
I bought tickets.
I did. Did you really? Yeah, I did.
Yeah.
Could that have been free or do you think that...
Totally free, yeah.
Yeah, you didn't have to buy those tickets, I don't think.
You know what, Doug? Give me the fanny pack.
I owe you one fanny pack, sir.
I'll take it.
No, I'm not giving back the fanny pack.
It's a good fanny pack.
It's staying with me, Mark Ellis,
and thank you for being here.
It's what I'm here for.
Also joining us,
this worked out beautifully,
the alphabetical order thing,
because we save our new guest for last.
Also joining us,
a regular on this program,
everybody loves him.
It's Leonard Maltin, everybody.
Thank you very, very much.
Thank you.
Three years?
Is it really three years since we last sat here?
I think so, yes.
It blows my mind yeah
it's because we did it for several years running and uh and it was it's always been fun
always a great audience a a fun show to do and and i get great feedback from people
you know your fans are legion as I hope you know. Yeah.
And then came this thing, this pandemic thing.
Yes.
That happened.
Threw us all off course.
Way, way off course. Yeah, it was fucked.
But we're crawling back.
Has it not been two weeks?
Has it been longer than two weeks?
Just me?
Yeah.
That would have been cool if you could have, like, you know,
taken a, like, got into a coma, like, right at the beginning of the pandemic.
Still probably shouldn't come out quite yet.
No.
But, you know, maybe in a little while it'll be safe to come out of your coma.
Don't wake him yet.
Don't wake him yet. Things are still shit. He's in a little while it'll be safe to come out of your coma. Don't wake him yet. Don't wake him yet.
Things are still shit.
He's in a coma.
So I'm still in the habit of bringing something for the gift bag.
Yes, I guess I've got to remember to tell people don't bring something.
But then again, this is going to be a tremendous inclusion.
This is my latest book.
So I get to plug my latest book called Starstruck.
So I get to plug my latest book called Starstruck.
And it's an actual hardcover book.
Yeah, that is really something.
I haven't held one of these in a while.
I'm going to put it down before it burns my hand.
But that is available in stores as we speak Leonard? Yes
excellent and you have big
comic con plans
I'm doing a panel Friday
at 4 o'clock which we've done
before my daughter and I
it's called if you hate Leonard Maltin
no
please come to this panel
no no no
please scream it Leonard that's not the premise.
It's called You're Wrong, Leonard Maltin.
Oh, You're Wrong, Leonard Maltin.
And it's an invitation for people to come
and in good spirits, not mean spirits.
Yeah, don't be like, you asshole.
Just be like, I disagree.
I think Face Off is a masterpiece.
Yeah.
I'm just guessing that Leonard probably gave it
about two and a half stars
and we debate that
yeah I love it
that's such a fun premise and you've done that a bunch of times
yeah and we've had fun doing it
so that's Friday afternoon?
Friday afternoon at 4pm
and I'm also speaking tomorrow morning
as William Shatner you're going tomorrow morning as William Shatner is putting his hands in his hand.
You're going to do a William Shatner impression?
Yes, I am.
Leonard, don't. You'll get killed.
I was in Gremlins 2, the new batch.
Wait, was that William Shatner
or William Shatner pretending to be Leonard Maltin?
That was a gremlin doing a William Shatner impression.
Oh, I see.
Because that is still, to this day,
Leonard Maltin has appeared in very few films.
Usually famous film critics are big sellouts,
and they'll show up in anything,
but you are only in Gremlins 2, the new batch.
And I'm in one faux documentary.
Yeah. What's that called?
That's called...
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
You've already lost a point.
The games are starting early.
It's called Forgotten
Silver, and it was made by a fellow named Peter Jackson.
Oh, okay.
Wow.
And it's a really cool film.
But it's like a serious doc about...
Well, I don't want to tell you too much about it.
Oh, okay.
Except that it's worth checking out.
Forgotten Silver.
I just heard documentary Peter Jackson,
and I just wondered if Leonard Maltin just stumbles into the room
where the Beatles are recording for a second,
and then just piecesaces right back out?
Well, if you want it to be that way, it can be.
If I show up to the Leonard Maltin is wrong,
will you settle the debate Gizmo versus Baby Yoda?
Oh, no, I'm not stepping in that.
I'm not stupid.
No, very smart man
yeah that's an interesting one
because you know of course
the great
filmmaker of the gremlins
motion picture
Joe Dante
he saw Baby Yoda
in an interview said that it's
a rip off of Gizmo
and I mean that's like Gizmo
is claiming, sticking a flag in cute
and saying, nothing else can be cute
or it will be a rip off.
Because, you know,
they're just both adorable.
And Baby Yoda does look like, if Baby
Yoda looked more like Gizmo, I'd argue
that he looks like Yoda
as a baby.
So that's where I'm at,
Joe Dante.
But I don't want to argue because
Gizmo and Baby Yoda
are two of the best things that ever happened to
the moving image.
What if you feed Baby Yoda after
midnight? What happens?
I don't know, but there was that one episode
where Baby Yoda was using the force
to try to get snacks.
It was so fucked up.
It was like, I could just see
Obi-Wan Kenobi just shaking his head, like,
what the kind of fuck uses that
for the Force?
He's trying to make Oreos slide across the table.
Also, Baby Yoda's priorities are pretty
fucked up.
All he cares about his snacking.
Our next guest.
Seemed like a natural time to move on.
Also, they play the music so loud during the announcement at the beginning,
you probably didn't hear the no photography part person who's sitting there
clicking away
that's his girlfriend
oh
which one of us is his girlfriend
I have a girlfriend
no but she
yeah Dan's girlfriend can take pictures
alright and let's
meet him shall we
it's Dan Peralta, everybody.
Thank you, everybody.
Creator of American Vandal,
you may have seen on the Netflix streaming service,
but enough about them,
because now he has a show on Paramount Plus
called Players.
Because now he has a show on Paramount Plus called Players.
How's it going, Dan?
Thanks for doing this show.
It's good, Doug.
Thank you very much.
I didn't bring you a gift, but I really wish I did. And could I get you the Ben & Jerry's digital gift card?
Would you permit me to send that to you?
To send me one?
Yeah.
I guess so.
I don't, you know,
I like Ben and Jerry's okay,
but I don't really.
Is there a better ice cream place
for you specifically?
Are you a Salt and Straw?
No.
Cold Stone?
No, because I mean,
you know,
there isn't any of those things
near my house.
And when I'm out in the world,
I just have like regular meals.
I don't just have ice cream everywhere. Yeah. I guess I'm out in the world, I just have regular meals. I don't just have ice cream everywhere.
Yeah.
I guess I'm more likely to have a Ben & Jerry's out of a tub,
one of those little pints that you get at the store
with the fun names and a thousand ingredients.
Sometimes you're paying into some sort of charity, I guess.
Yeah.
You would be excellent at coming up with the names.
When I listen to this podcast, your pun skills are uncanny.
Oh, yeah.
I should call Ben and David.
That's Ben David Grabinski, the director you're thinking of.
Oh, right.
But also there's that Ben and David's is that thing where they send you fruit every month.
Really?
I think that's what it's called.
That's why I've never heard of it.
It's like, you know, it's like one of those Christmas dodges where you, like, instead of buying something meaningful for somebody, you just get them.
They get a box of prunes every month.
Yeah, but for like a year.
I'm not getting fruit from dudes named Ben and David.
You know, some of these old school companies that stick with the names of the people that, you know, started it.
No, Adam and Eve, those were fruit eaters.
Eve took it a little too far, but they still liked fruit.
I would not eat Adam and Eve candy.
Unless I was in a garden.
Then that would be the perfect setting.
I'm telling you, don't.
There's one tree, Do not do it.
It's not good.
The apples were good.
They were definitely good.
The candied apple tree.
Dan, how many episodes of the Players program did you do?
And are they all there now on Paramount Plus?
We've got eight episodes out now.
Nine comes out tonight at midnight.
We will be playing it here.
That's not true.
But finale's next week, so we've got a week left.
Also, you can download, or there's a code PLAYERS, all caps,
that if you type in, you get a month free of Paramount+.
So, yeah, go watch it, and watch it for free, I suppose.
Yeah, get that free month.
Watch all of Players.
Maybe, you know, a couple other things.
Beavis and Butthead.
Yep.
There's a new
Beavis and Butthead movie.
The Offer.
The Offer.
The Offer.
It's a...
I don't think
it's a great show,
but I just love
what it's about.
Right?
The Offer.
Have any of you guys
seen it?
Yes.
Some have, sure.
It's a 10-hour long miniseries or limited series.
Who came up with that expression?
Limited to what?
It's limited until people love it, then we'll make it unlimited.
That's right.
But it's the story of the making of The Godfather.
Yeah.
50 years ago, it was told through the point of view of Albert Ruddy, who produced the film,
who'd really done nothing of that scale before.
He had done one television show, and he got the opportunity to get in on the ground floor
of something that became very, very big.
And he's played by Miles Teller.
And it's very well cast, too.
And this British actor,
Matthew Goode, plays Robert Evans
and does him to a T.
He is good. He is fantastic.
Yeah, he's very entertaining.
It's a very watchable performance.
Very, very funny. Is it real, though?
I mean, it feels like the winning time.
I'm a basketball fan, so I watch winning time, and I'm like...
They get everything wrong on that show, right?
I love the subject matter, but I'm like, ah, it didn't happen.
But this is fun.
We're all having a good time.
Apparently, everything in the offer is true.
Really?
Yes, I just read a book called Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli.
Yeah!
About the making of the Godfather. And it verifies
almost everything
in that miniseries.
Huh.
All right.
We got to watch it tonight, Dan.
Guys, Paramount Plus
marathon every single
piece of content they have.
Yeah, I think you can
get in everything they have.
They say it's a mountain
of entertainment,
Paramount Plus.
But I think you can
get it all in,
especially if you don't sleep
in the 30-day free trial.
I think you can watch all of in, especially if you don't sleep, in the 30-day free trial. I think you can watch all of Paramount Plus
and then fucking dump it like bad stock.
Sell, sell, sell.
Until they do something else I like
and then I'll give the same pitch again.
I mean, that's the game we're playing now
with the streamers is, you know,
when they have something you want to see,
sign up for that free trial.
I'm telling you, man, Players is worth it.
I've seen it. It's fantastic.
I watch Players, and then I put on an episode of Yellowstone
to walk me to sleep.
I fell asleep every time.
I started doing drugs during the pandemic, though, Doug.
What?
I started doing edibles. Yeah, it's great.
Takes the edge right off the blow.
It's great.
Love it.
You just mean that you've found
very low dosage edible products
that you enjoy having
and feeling a little crazy.
Yeah, I pop a couple of them
and then I turn into Baby Yoda
because if I want the third one,
I just try to, nope.
Then I just pass out.
It's great.
10 milligrams, I'm out.
What's it take you?
Hundreds?
Yes.
Ten milligrams.
I have a gummy bear before bed.
I can't argue it.
That's the senior.
You know, I'm just a freshman.
Happy to be on the team.
Wait, you're going to be a freshman?
Hey, look, I'll do four tonight.
So 40 milligrams?
No, I'm splitting them in half, and I'm calling two four.
That still seems like a bump up from your regular regimen.
It's gonna be fun.
So I'm proud of you.
You're gonna have a good time at Dan and I's hotel room
by SeaWorld.
I got an Airbnb actually, but yeah, sure.
I got you a hotel key.
Oh shit, man.
Cause I got tickets to your show
and then that's how you reward me.
The tickets to the show are going in the gift bag.
Let's be honest.
All right.
Well, that was the part of the show where we meet all the guests.
And we make up our minds about them.
We have our ideas.
But everybody's doing great so far.
But here's where the first curveball comes.
Oh, boy.
It's not really that big a deal.
It's time to visit Recommendation Nation.
That's where I ask each one of my guests to recommend one movie and one movie only that
you think people would enjoy or for whatever reason you want to recommend it to them.
We're going to go alphabetically against.
We'll start with Mark Ellis.
Look, I want to recommend Thor, Love and Thunder
or Doctor Strange and the multiverse of the thing,
but I haven't gotten to talk publicly
about Top Gun Maverick yet.
And I feel like I need to do it right here.
Top Gun Maverick is not only the greatest movie of all time.
Whoa. It might only the greatest movie of all time. Whoa.
It might be the greatest invention from humanity.
It's like the wheel is three, fire is two, Top Gun Maverick number one.
It's so goddamn good, Doug.
It is.
Right?
It is.
That's Leonard Maltin saying it's good.
Yeah, now you start clapping.
Yeah.
Did you see it, Doug?
They should put those quotes
in the ads.
It's goddamn good, Mark Ellis.
Yes, it is good,
Leonard Malta.
You guys have
America. America hasn't even
heard this podcast yet, and they're fired up
to see Top Gun.
I haven't seen it yet.
I've been...
I know, right? I know.
It's one of those things where...
That sounds great.
I, um...
The hype has just gotten so far out of control...
Look at how excited the eagle is.
That I'm not anxious to have conversations with people
about how it's not as great as they think it is.
That's fair. I can't stand.
But this movie seems to have gotten less of that
than a lot of other movies that come out opening weekend.
Everybody's raving about it.
No, people, when I push back, people are like,
yeah, I just loved it. What can I say? I loved it.
But I think that's because you love watching men
fly planes around.
And I don't, that's not like a thing I'm that's because you love watching men fly planes around and I don't, that's not like a thing
I'm that into
it's not a genre
I care about, I mean is there ever
other than Top Gun, has there ever been any other
notable, I mean there's some
black and white ones
didn't mean to just gesture to you when I said that
there's some real old shit
Leonard
you know what I mean?
There used to be Squadron. Flying Squadron
used to be the name of every other movie for
a while. I own all that stuff.
Yeah. There was a lot of
flying aces, I think.
Correct me if I'm wrong, Leonard, but I
believe all the Iron Eagle movies are
in Technicolor.
Yeah, see, Iron Eagle's a
terrible example. Yeah, it's not great.
But, Doug, there's so much
that this movie does that, I mean, the aviation
is like next level. You're just actually
watching the story and you're caring about the characters,
the mentor, the mentee,
the sort of like, the fallen
father, the son trying to look up
to the guy who killed him, let's be honest.
And it's just, there's
so much in there. I saw the movie, I immediately applied to the Navy, killed him, let's be honest. And it's just, there's so much in there. I saw
the movie. I immediately applied to the
Navy. Haven't heard back.
I went to the Scientology Center. They were
more receptive.
Then I had to duck out of there
because I had to go to the hospital because it had been erect for
five hours. So it was a good day.
Can I just say that
I met Mark in person the first time two
months ago after the Doctor Strange thing.
And you seemed distracted when I met you.
And it's because you were thinking about Top Gun Maverick.
You literally said, man, I just wish Doctor Strange or Top Gun Maverick.
I just need to see that movie again and again.
I know where I am right now.
I know the town.
I know the weekend.
It's Comic-Con.
I saw Top Gun Maverick like 36 hours before I saw Doctor Strange.
And the whole time I'm watching the things jump through the verses.
You know, oh, my God, that's Mr. Who.
I'm just thinking about Maverick.
You got to see it.
I see it in theaters.
You're just in love with Maverick.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
Make no bones about it.
Why did you like it Leonard
I liked it a lot
I said why
why
why did I like it
it's just a
tightly constructed
it's a well made film
unlike most other movies
that have come out in the past year or so it's a well-made film, unlike most other movies that have come out
in the past year or so.
It's not ridiculously overlong.
Oh, okay.
That checks a huge box for Leonard
when something's a reasonable length.
It's in black and white, too, Doug.
No way.
The Chrome edition.
I would love to see at least one
black and white movie in IMAX
just for the fuck of it
Just huge black and white movie
on the screen
That's Nolan's next play
You don't want to come to the theater to see my movie?
Now it's in black and white
Oh I thought you said next he was going to do a play
That's his next play
Christopher Nolan doing a play. You have to see
this in the theater. It's like, dude, we know.
Yeah, we can't watch it at home. It's a play.
We get it.
Yeah.
Alright, so
you're sticking your neck out. Mark Ellis
is sticking his neck out and recommending
in case anybody here has
not heard of it or is wondering if it's
any good, Top Gun
Maverick.
Yes.
Moving on.
Leonard Maltin.
Recommend any movie
except for Top Gun Maverick.
That'd be really disappointing if you
wanted the same one. No.
Marcel the Shell with Shoes On.
Oh!
Jenny Slate.
A really, really good movie that is deceptively simple.
Yes, it's just a little fucking shell that talks.
Its lips don't even move.
But it's so charming, and it's a very disarming film
that ends up being about more than you expect it to be.
And Jenny Slate is terrific, you know,
inhabiting that character. And her grandmother, her nana, is voiced
by Isabella Rossellini, who is just
the most endearing character.
She has a very sweet voice now that you mention it.
Yeah. I love the film. Yeah, she has a very sweet voice now that you mention it. Yeah, yeah. I love the film.
Marcel, the shell with shoes on.
Yep.
Expanding every weekend.
It's an A24 picture.
Yep.
In theaters.
In theaters.
And I do recommend people go to see it in a theater
because somehow I think if you see it on television, you sort of receive it as the same way you do, you know, kid TV.
Right.
It feels like it's for children if it's on TV.
Exactly.
It won't stand out as much.
stand out as much and seeing it in the theater, bigger than life
in a darkened theater
with a simpatico audience
preferably
it's magical
I hear the way it's shot is beautiful too
just the way the shots are framed
and the shell actually flies
F-18s
don't give away spoilers
it's the end of the movie it's really good
I'm still mad at
Marcel the Shell
for getting goose killed
I mean it was
Iceman's jet wash
anyway
we're getting off track
well these are two
terrific recommendations
so far
Dan
what would you like
to add
your first
recommendation
on Doug Lo's movies
first rec is going to be Ambulance
by Michael Bay
it is everything you expect
and a little bit more
maybe a lot more
Gyllenhaal is on a 10
the entire time
it doesn't go off that
there is a car chase
in which the chase gets called off
by the police chief
because his dog is
accidentally in the cop car.
And he's like, call it off.
My dog's in there.
And then you get
the 360 hero shots,
but it's the whole movie, so there are
some fairly casual conversations
that are just spinning around like what's for dinner.
I don't know. I'll meet you at 6.
Yeah, Mikey Bay likes to keep that camera moving.
He does.
There's no reason why every shot can't can't be exciting and and moving you know like
why i have a scene of just people talking exactly it's every shot it's every shot literally yeah
yeah that's another one i haven't seen yet i haven't seen any of these films yet and i want
to see all three of them have you been to a movie theater at all i have i have seen a few things in
a theater but you know i'm more selective it. And also it's a timing issue.
I'll try to find a theater where
nobody else has purchased
a ticket.
So I can slip in and just watch
a private screening, which is
easier to do these days, sadly.
But the big movies are just
I'm more
resolved to like, I can wait a few weeks.
I haven't seen Thor yet either.
Yeah, it was weird seeing Top Gun.
I saw Top Gun three times
before it came out.
And then it came out
and I went like the first show
opening day Thursday
and it was worth getting COVID
because after the movie
you had like grown adult strangers
just hugging each other
because there's a lot of spoilers you could give away
that I won't now, but it's like you wanted to find
somebody else that just witnessed it.
So you just have, hey, dude, did you see that?
What the, dude, right?
And then they would just hug and salute.
It was awesome.
I gotta talk to some more women about this movie
and see if any of them,
are women bro-ing out over this thing
that hard?
I guess there is a lot of handsome
dudes in that movie.
Yeah, they play
volleyball. It's good to see Wilson
back on the big screen.
Alright, so
Ambulance is Dan's recommendation.
And, yeah, I want to see that for its just nonstop, nonstopness.
And Top Gun map.
Oh, I should have wrote this shit down.
But those are all three terrific recommendations.
And are we ready to play some games?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, good, because we're going to do that right after the break.
We'll be right back.
We're back.
We're back.
Lots of impressive name tags in the audience,
and we picked three of them during the break.
Mark is playing for Joe Mama from the train,
and Leonard is playing for Pretty Womanthony,
and Dan is playing for Men in Black, Jasmine in Black.
Yeah.
And he'll win Leonard Maltin's book
and all that junk I brought and...
And?
Mark Ellis' sweet, sweet fanny pack.
It doesn't belong to me.
It belongs to the city of San Diego.
Yeah. I mean, it is really
nice. During the time it was in my hands,
it almost became mine.
I almost kept it.
More zippers than first meet the eye.
Take that as you will.
How many meet the eye at first?
I mean, it's a top-of-the-line
fanny pack.
And exactly why I don't let my guests bring stuff anymore,
because we're talking about fanny packs.
And this is not Doug Love's things you wear around your waist
that have the word fanny in them.
This is Doug Love's Movies. Let's play some games!
Okay.
Oh, this first game.
Oh, man.
It's called Characters Welcome.
You can applaud for it if you want.
You don't have to.
There was just one person clapping,
and I felt like that person really needs to get some credit
for getting an applause break going.
And you did it.
Sir or ma'am.
Whoever it was.
It was a very shy clap. That might have been
Marcel.
Leonard, do we ever get to see
Marcel without the shoes?
That's not up to me to decide.
Oh.
That's a good answer.
I thought you saw the movie.
I didn't mean someday.
I meant in the film.
But again, I know you're not into spoilers,
so there's no reason to tell us what happens to the shoes,
if anything.
Bunch of barefoot dudes in that football scene
in Top Gun Maverick.
Football?
They play football now, yeah.
Volleyball's so 80s, dude.
What do they play, like flag football?
No, man, I don't know.
Do they really tackle each other?
It's kind of shove.
It gets physical.
Shove football?
Yeah. It's like point break. You only can tackle each other? It's kind of shove. It gets physical. Shove football?
Yeah.
It's like point break.
You only can tackle if you're tackling into the actual ocean.
That's the rules.
Well, here's the rules of this game.
Characters Welcome is a game where I'm going to list off characters,
the different roles that were in a film that you'd see in the end credits of the movie, going from the bottom towards the more notable characters. And each of you
can guess, everyone on stage can guess as often as they'd like, but the first person
to jump in with the actual title of this film that I'm thinking of will be
the winner of this game. There's still much more to come after that.
Holy shit that would be so lame if that was the only... we just did that and went
thanks for coming everybody.
Name one.
John Q.
All right.
Like I said, you can guess as often as you want.
One of the credits at the end of this movie is restaurant patron.
Matt Damon.
Top Gun Maverick.
That would be amazing.
Another character in this movie is called Office Worker.
So we've got a restaurant patron
and an office worker
can you think of any movies
that have offices and restaurants in them
when Harry Met Sally comes to mind
because that's the all time best restaurant patron
but I don't remember an office scene specifically
right yeah and she wouldn't be this
she'd get a better credit than restaurant patron.
Her credit's probably like, I'll have what she's having, lady.
Lady in deli, I think, is probably what her credit is.
And that, of course, is Rob Reiner's mother.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh.
That's one of the funnest trivia facts.
That's a great fun fact.
Stealing that to her?
We all had so much fun with it.
I'm kind of like letting the moment last, you know,
because it was so fun.
I bet you no millennials even know what Harry Met Sally is.
It's my girlfriend's favorite movie.
It's her favorite? Okay.
Well, she went out of her way to find a good one.
Most people's favorite movie is, you know,
Princess Diaries 2.
Princess Diaries Maverick.
All right, here's one that might help.
There's a character in this movie
that they refer to as the blonde.
Was that Reese Witherspoon's credit
in Legally Blonde?
Oh, that'd be fun.
If they didn't call her Elle Woods in the credits,
they were just like,
that blonde,
that blonde woman.
I'm going to make an attempt with
Matthew McConaughey.
What is it you're guessing?
We're looking for...
Oh, I see, because that makes sense.
It's not the roles he's played.
It's the roles that are all in one movie.
Wait, we're guessing the performer, right?
No, we're guessing the name of the movie.
The name of the movie.
That has all of these characters.
Thanks for having me, everybody.
See you.
I thought it was like...
Two beers and two gummy bears,
and you can't follow shit.
At the rate Doug is going,
we'll be here at four in the morning
and still not yet to a real character name.
Oh, there's going to be some real ones.
Yeah, you just wait.
This is how it happens for the smaller parts.
There's a lady in it that they just call Sylvia.
Okay.
No last name.
I'm going to go with office space.
That's a terrific guess.
It's not correct.
It was better than Matthew McConaughey, though, wasn't it?
So much better.
So much more in the ballpark.
You were actually in Petco Park rather than standing outside looking at it.
Dr. Dreyfus.
There's a Dr. Dreyfus in this film.
I don't know if anyone in the audience knows it yet.
I don't see anybody whispering to each other,
but by all means, keep it quiet if you do know.
There's also a character named Joe Dobish.
Great last name.
They are great character names.
Dr. Dreyfuss and Joe Dobish.
Yeah.
Dreyfuss and Dobish.
I think you're really going to like this next one, Dan.
Jeff Sheldrake.
Hmm.
Jeff Sheldrake. Hmm. Jeff Sheldrake.
I definitely appreciate it, the specificity of the name.
Fletch.
Another terrific guess from Mark Ellis.
An actual film title.
There's a restaurant in an office.
C.C. Baxter.
Oh, The Apartment.
The Apartment is correct.
Leonard Maltin is king.
King of movies.
Very good.
I should have gotten it from Sheldrake.
Sheldrake is such a, yeah, I always thought that that name was really,
Fred McMurray plays, I didn't even know his first name was Jeff.
That's such a funny, kind of mild first name for like the villain of the piece.
Sheldrake is a scary, like if you had a boss named Sheldrake,
you probably would let him harass you too much.
named Sheldrake.
You probably would let him harass you too much. And then
Fran Kubelik
was the name of the character
played by Shirley McClain
who has the
great classic closing line in the film
Shut Up and Deal.
Shirley McClain who's just turned up in
Only Murders in the Building.
Yes! Very exciting to
see her there.
And that show is so fun.
All right.
Well, we did it.
We got ourselves a winner.
It's Mr. Leonard Maltin.
What does he win?
I'll tell you.
He gets to go first in the next game.
Take that.
Take that, everybody. And with this game we're going to go back to a classic. I was inspired by Comic-Con. This game back in the day used to be called Lincoln or Bane. But now it's called Pain and Bane. because I've changed it a little bit I'm going to say a quote
you'll go first Leonard I'll say it to you and then you'll tell me if it was common-sense author author Thomas Paine.
The villain Bane from Dark Knight Rises.
Or neither.
Neither.
So this thing I say is going to be Thomas Paine,
Bane, or neither. Paine or Bane or neither.
And if Leonard misses it,
then Mark's gonna get to guess
with the two remaining options.
If he misses, then Dan's gonna get
the dreaded Sam Levine hates it,
the gimme point,
where you just get a point for just sitting there
and remembering the third choice that didn't get mentioned.
And whenever someone gets one right,
the next round, the person next to them will get to go first.
But I'll walk you through all of it.
And are you ready for this first one, Leonard?
I hope so.
I hope so, too.
I really do. I hope so, too.
Here we go.
He who does not...
Oh yeah, I should have mentioned I'm gonna do it using Bane's voice.
For all of them, right?
We don't know what pain sounded like.
He who does not offend cannot be honest.
Leonard Maltin.
Payne, Bain, or neither.
Payne.
You're saying Thomas Payne?
Yeah.
Author of Common Sense?
Yeah.
That's just the only credit I have for him.
You're going Thomas Payne on that one?
Yeah.
You'd be correct.
That is Thomas Payne.
Congratulations, Leonard.
Circa 1775.
Yeah, around that time, roughly.
So Leonard's on the board.
He's got one point.
So you really need to step up here, Mark.
And tell me.
It's my first chance.
Yeah, that's why you really need to step up here.
All right.
I'm just saying, this game's not that long for you to fuck around.
You need to step up right now.
Dan's over there just waiting.
Salivating.
To pounce.
All right, here we go.
We have it in our power.
We have it in our power to begin the world over again.
I got to say, it feels like Matthew McConaughey to me.
I don't, you know?
I'm gonna go with Bane.
You're saying that Bane said that.
I'm saying Bane, the masked villain from The Dark Knight,
heals his back in three days.
You'll never let that go.
Never.
You will never forgive that discretion in that film.
Guy put one thermic hair on his broken back and he's fine.
He had to limp for a little bit.
He seemed extra sad.
But unfortunately, Bane is incorrect.
Oh, wow.
So, Dan, is it neither?
Or is it Thomas Paine who said,
We have it in our power to begin the world over again.
It sounds like such a Bain line, and you are a good writer.
I think you wrote a Bain line, and it just wasn't Bain.
So I'm going to go neither.
That is very smart of you, Dan.
Very clever thinking.
And that's why the point goes to Leonard!
Oh!
If he can remember which one
to say.
Which one didn't we say, Leonard?
We didn't say Thomas Paine.
That's right, because it's Thomas Paine who said it.
Well, unlike Sam Levine,
Leonard seemed all too happy to take that free point.
Leonard is running away with this thing.
Mark,
pain, bane,
or neither.
That was unnecessary.
I hate
to repeat the question. Did you say
laughter is unnecessary?
I said...
That was unnecessary.
Unnecessary.
Okay, I clearly know what's happening right now.
Is that you do such a good Bane impression
that everything sounds good Bane impression
that everything sounds like Bane would have said it. And so I am riding this horse until I fall off it.
It is Bane.
Show me the board!
No, that's incorrect.
Dan?
Dan?
You're in charge now, but do you feel in charge?
No, that's an actual... Okay.
I've never heard Bane riff with the crowd before.
Oh, he'll go off.
He'll go off.
That was unnecessary.
I'm pretty sure I've seen this on a BuzzFeed list
of, like, top 35 pain quotes,
so I'm going, uh...
I'm going, pain, that was unnecessary.
Wait, what?
Where?
In what context?
Do you think Thomas Paine
would be quoted
as having had said that was unnecessary?
It's a legendary quote.
If you knew the, if you read the book, which you would know.
This was a trick.
I that's a letter gets another point.
That was a, that was. That one was neither.
It's something that I say as Bane in Lego Batman movie.
So kind of a cheat there.
I knew it sounded like Bane's voice.
Okay, Mark.
Back to the idiot.
This is your last chance to just get yourself just a tiny piece of dignity here.
You already know what my answer's going to be.
I don't know, but I think I do.
Have no fear of perfection.
You will never reach it
how I guess I'm, I have to...
You will never reach it!
It could be Bane describing, like, building a city.
Thomas Paine's my answer.
That is incorrect!
I'm so sorry, Joe Mama from the train.
Dan!
It's a very motivating speech for him to say.
Would he have said it to Batman?
Probably not, maybe, I kind of forget who he was speaking to
for a line like that, but I'm gonna go
Bane.
Oh, the listeners won't hear it,
but there was a delightful gasp
in the back of the room
that was just so sweet.
The suspense is killing us.
Yeah. No, that's
incorrect. Wow.
Wow. I love that's incorrect. Wow. Wow.
I love that me retaining my dignity
is that he didn't get it right either.
Yeah, that's another neither.
Leonard.
Just say neither, yeah.
Say neither.
Leonard's just walking away with this
because of his use of the English language.
He's a real pro.
That was said by Salvador Dali.
Felt very Bane or Payne to me.
Okay, Mark, this is your chance
to show everybody
that you didn't just come here to blather about Maverick.
You didn't just come here to get rid of the fanny pack you bought
and had second thoughts about.
Came here to win, Doug.
I came here to win and to sell tickets for tomorrow night, 8 p.m., same place.
All right, here we go.
Payne, Bane, or neither.
You have put me in a difficult position.
What was that reaction?
I don't know.
I don't want to.
Don't investigate.
There's no reason.
For our listeners, somebody in the crowd went,
Are we serious?
But I would have felt the same way
if that had been said to me by Bane.
That's your answer?
Final answer!
Incorrect.
I mean, the salty twist at the end of this one
you guys are going to love.
Guys and gals.
Dan?
Bane wouldn't have written that.
Could it be overheard by Pain?
Like, oh, you ordered that.
I'm allergic. You put me in a difficult
situation.
Or is it
strictly from a Pain book?
He can't answer that.
I bet it's from another Tom Hardy movie.
Neither.
That is correct.
That line is from Top Gun Maverick.
See it four more times
and maybe you'll learn something.
To be fair,
that's in the middle of the movie.
When you get up to pee every time.
Yes.
Do you know who says it?
Tom Cruise.
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You put me in a difficult position.
Jon Hamm says it.
Yeah, that's right.
Cyclone.
Point for Mark.
Well, congratulations, Leonard Maltin.
You won that game.
The effort really shows.
It really does.
The way you just set your microphone aside
and didn't do anything really
is the mark of a true champion.
How relaxed you were
and how ready you were to just take the win.
Passivity, yes.
That's the best way to achieve your goals.
Be sure to listen to the commercials
we're about to play
and buy that stuff.
We'll be right back.
We're back!
We're back!
And we've got one more game to play
to determine if Anthony or...
What were the other names of the people you were playing for?
Joe, Joe Mama, Anthony.
And who's the third one?
Jasmine!
You're a fine girl.
What a good wife you would be.
I believe that's Brandy.
Oh.
That is brandy.
I also prefer the drink brandy
over the drink jasmine.
Huh.
Interesting.
Hot take.
Because I don't think jasmine's
a flavor you should drink.
Or is it?
I can't conjure jasmine.
I think it's a potpourri,
right? Right, it's like flowers or some shit?
Jasmine on my mind, that's the song.
Yeah.
Welcome back to
Doug Loves Movies.
The show where
I just randomly quote songs
for no good reason.
I was quoting Brandy to Jasmine.
Makes no sense.
But Leonard Maltin won our last game.
He has been tearing it up today.
And, you know,
it's great to have a Comic-Con tradition
back in full force
because Leonard always wins and Mark always loses.
So it feels great.
I do my job, Doug.
I show up, I clock in, I know what I'm supposed to do.
You just flubbed your line after bragging about how you know the assignment.
I'm thinking about Jasmine.
No surprise here.
Leonard gets to go first again in our next game,
our final game of the evening.
This will be the one that determines who wins all the stuff.
And in this particular game, we'll start with Leonard,
and then we'll go to Dan, and then to you, Mark.
Fair.
Yeah, just switch the order around
so Dan doesn't always have to go last.
Well, last is a good thing most of the time.
Sometimes, yeah.
When I'm sitting to your right, it's a great thing.
Yeah, it really can go in any direction.
Where's a good place to sit and where's, you know, whatever.
All right.
I got distracted by dropping my pen lid.
I know, it's something everybody...
Someone else just dropped one.
I swear I just heard another pen
lid drop
those pen lids
man I don't know
why they
I don't know
what their deal
is
the game we
are going to
play
eventually
is called
filmily
feud
dun dun dun
comic-con
edition
oh shit that's right it's comic-con San Diego Dun, dun, dun. Comic-Con edition.
Oh, shit, that's right.
It's Comic-Con San Diego.
We're doing it.
And so all the questions that I asked, family feud style, are Comic-Con related.
So we'll start with you, Leonard.
I'll tell you the question that I asked on Twitter,
and then I'll give you the four choices I gave people to respond
on the Twitter poll format.
And you pick the one you think got the highest percentage.
You get that number of points,
the percentage points you get on your score.
Then we go to Mark.
He picks from the remaining three options.
Then we go... I'm sorry. I thought I was second. Dan, you're right. Then we go to Mark. He picks from the remaining three options. Then we go... I'm sorry.
Dan, you're right. Then we go to
Dan. Mark
waved at me like, thank you for making me second.
You didn't say anything.
You knew he was wrong.
The fact that I'm still on this stage after 30
minutes is impressive to me.
So it'll go to Dan.
Is it Bane? Is it Matthew McConaughey?
You should have kicked me out 15 minutes ago. It'll go to Dan and then it'll go to Dan. Is it Bane? Is it Matthew McConaughey? You should have kicked me out 15 minutes ago.
It'll go to Dan, and then you'll get the third pick,
leaving one thing out there as nobody picked it.
And then we'll do three rounds of this,
and each round the next person in line gets to go first.
But if we go to a tiebreaker,
the great Leonard Moulton gets to go first because he
came to this game with the control
Leonard I went on Twitter
and I asked them
what do you like the most
about Comic Con
and then the options I gave them
were lines, crowds,
smells or parking
what do you think crowds, smells, or parking?
What do you think people on Twitter responded to Leonard the most there
of those four options?
Do you think they enjoyed the lines,
the crowds, the smells, or the parking?
Obviously, tough to choose
because there are four great things that you get to contend
with here.
Real people responded to this, huh?
Well, I don't know how many bots are following me on Twitter.
I mean, this response is even better if robots are the ones that gave these answers.
Well, it would take artificial intelligence to take this test.
So...
Which one do you think?
What's what?
Lines.
Lines?
You're going lines?
Okay.
Okay.
He's going lines, everybody.
What do you think, Dan?
My answer would be crowd.
I think that crowd is...
If you ever go to Hall H, part of the fun is the crowd.
That crowd is so hyped,
I literally shed a tear for the Batman-Superman trailer.
Yeah.
With his eyes turned red at the end?
Yes, and that was all part of the crowd.
That was why it elicited that reaction.
Yeah, that Hall H, it's pretty exciting when you get in there with everybody
and they're all into whatever it is that's being presented.
It's pretty crazy.
So you're going crowds?
Yes.
Okay.
Dan says crowds.
What do you think, Mark, that leaves you with smells and parking?
Yeah.
Look, I was in Hall H when Tom Hiddleston, nay, Loki, came on stage.
It ceased to be Hiddleston, and it was just Loki.
And it was really cool being in the crowd.
I waited in line a long time.
But I got to tell you, Doug, a lot of smells watching through Hall H.
After a long day of hot dogs and no deodorant,
I think smells was the top answer.
You think the thing people like the most
about being at Comic-Con is the smells?
It's not just B.O.
You could smell nachos.
I'm sure there's probably a few pleasant smells
that you come across.
I put some Gucci Guilty on before I came here.
Yeah, so you might get a whiff of that and think,
oh, that smelled pretty good.
That guy's not your typical nerd.
But nerds in general smell better these days, I think.
Uh...
I think that's you wearing a mask for the last three years.
That's a good point.
Yeah, we should have been wearing masks at Comic-Con every year.
Well, it's funny how famous people that when they go to the floor of Comic-Con,
they'll wear like a mask of some kind so they can just walk around or whatever.
And now they can just, you know, wear a K95
and have everybody look at them like they're an asshole.
Boom.
What's your problem, dude?
Do you think...
I would like to see the picture
of the best cosplayer
who still just
is wearing a mask that either completely ruins
their outfit or somehow
makes it even better.
Because it would be kind of fun to see
Batman wearing
a mask across his mouth.
I need the extra protection.
It'd be funny to see.
People are recognizing my mouth.
Because he does have a very distinct mouth.
Well, the chin especially.
The chin.
Yeah, the chin and the mouth.
I'm going to go with Robocop.
Very distinct lips.
Yeah.
Yes. Robocop's got great lips. Roboc with RoboCop. Very distinct lips. Yeah. Yes.
RoboCop's got great lips.
RoboCop is a good one.
You're right.
Yeah.
Go back and watch Peter Weller.
Good lips.
He's not...
I don't know why everybody's laughing,
because he is...
Go back and read Leonard Maltin's review.
He is dead right about that.
90% about the lips.
All right.
Here's how...
Here's how this poll shook out.
Nobody fell for the parking.
Only 5% of the respondees
thought parking was the best part.
Next, with 8% of the vote,
is the lines.
Yeah.
So Leonard gets eight points.
Not a great start, Leonard.
Not so easy when Dan and I aren't giving them to you.
Touche.
Touche.
Crowds was next and only managed to get
10%
of
Mark just hit his funny bone
I can't even have a win
Did you hit the bone? Is it stinging now?
It's really the in between
the bone is when it really hurts
I'm in immense pain right now,
but I feel the thrill of victory.
Yeah, you'd think that would help.
Like, you know, winning at the same time
that you smashed your elbow.
I think it's broken.
You broke your elbow.
Smells came in at 77% of the vote.
Oh, who's back in the game now, Batman?
You are way back in the game.
You're way in the lead, but it's still anybody's game.
Dan gets to go first on this next one.
Here's the next question I posed on Twitter.
James Cameron was recently quoted
by one of the, like, Variety or somewhere.
He says,
Avatar 2 will make you shit your pants
with your mouth wide open.
That's what an adult man said about his movie.
His movie about the blue people on the blue planet
that he made up in his imagination
is going to make you shit your pants
with your mouth wide open.
Like a human centipede sort of thing?
I guess.
So here's what I asked on Twitter.
I reminded everybody of that terrific quote.
I hope the dialogue's that good in Avatar 2.
I reminded everybody of that quote
and then I said, what else will Avatar 2. I reminded everybody of that quote and then I said,
what else will Avatar 2
make you do?
And so the first option
is jizz in your own eyes.
The second option is
kill your mail carrier.
That seems extreme. Oh, here's another weird
one. Vote independent.
Or finally, purchase a yacht.
Yeah, so I gave him some odd choices,
some real conceptual stuff there.
And Dan gets to go first.
What do you think?
Jizz in your eyes?
Kill your mail carrier?
Vote independent?
Purchase a yacht?
I'm going to go with kill your mail carrier
because if that's what you say, it really
must have stuck with you that you went home,
waited for that person to deliver the mail,
then proceeded to kill them
likely 12 hours after seeing the movie.
Right. It's strange that the movie
is so exciting. I mean, I assume that's what he means by you'll shit yourself that it's an exciting movie. Right. It's strange that the movie is so exciting.
I mean, I assume that's what he means by you'll see yourself,
that it's an exciting movie.
I hope it doesn't mean that it's just going to cause you physical anguish.
Right, right.
And you probably shouldn't watch it. I mean, that could be just the popcorn and Diet Coke mixture.
I mean, maybe he's got a big diaper in his back pocket,
and he's trying to get people to wear diapers
before going to go see the Avatar movies.
They're also going to be super long, too,
so you're probably going to want to shit yourself
regardless of how you feel about the movie.
You might still be like,
I could go for a shit right now.
All right, so, Leonard, what do you think?
What are the remaining choices?
Would you vote independent?
Do you purchase a yacht?
Buy a yacht.
You make a big purchase?
Yeah.
Okay.
Seems like an interesting move after an Avatar movie.
Do you remember what you did after you saw the first Avatar?
Gave it a so-so review?
It's so long ago.
Right? It has been a while.
It's been a long time.
It takes ten years.
That's why James Cameron hasn't made another one
because it takes ten years
to make shit-yourself-worthy entertainment.
If you say so.
I remember really,
really being impressed with that movie
and then having absolute amnesia
about it afterwards.
Yeah, exactly.
It had no staying power for me.
Visually amazing.
Yeah, they were blue
and they plugged their tails into a thing.
That's all I got out of it.
Oh, so they were like,
it's like a new fuel source?
Well, it's like when you go to an adoption day at a dog place,
and you just see a dog,
and you're like,
I'm going to plug my tail into you.
That kind of thing.
Because they fly around on their...
They have sex with their dogs on Pandora.
Did you not know this?
Yeah, see, I'm with Leonard.
I really don't remember those kind of details.
It was a mid-credits scene.
Oh, okay.
But then the police captain...
I just remember them talking a lot about hard to get-ium.
I mean, unobtainium.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's really called unobtainium.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Running out of names.
So you're going to do what, Mark?
I so wanted to hear Leonard Maltin say another option.
I know.
I really was kind of excited about that, too.
But he didn't decide to say vote independent.
So you can say that or jizz in your own eyes.
Yeah, I mean, look, sometimes
I just go back to basics. I go back to
Americana. I go back to the first time I sat
on my grandpa's knee and he told me about baseball
and apple pie and the first time he jizzed
in his own eyes. So let's do that.
I'm just
thinking about if I'm looking at a Twitter poll
and I see jizz in your own eyes,
I'm not even looking at the second option.
Yeah, I led with a real hot one.
This was interesting.
Weird more than interesting, I guess.
Purchase a yacht, got the least amount of traction at
11% of the people
said that they think
that Avatar 2 will make them purchase a
yacht.
I want to meet those 11%.
They seem authentic.
I mean, that's the thing about these polls.
I mean, there's some assholes
voted for parking on that last one.
You just never know what they're going to.
Those were definitely bots.
You never know what the bots are going to vote for.
Oh, bots love parking.
Bots are super into parking because they're like, they're looking forward to running the whole car.
The robot cars are coming our way.
The robot cars are coming our way.
Kill Your Mail Carrier came in next and only garnered 22% of the action.
And then number three was Chiz in Your Own Eyes,
catching 32% of the vote.
But somehow Vote Independent got the most votes.
It's a political commentary movie at its heart.
With 33% of the people decided that Avatar 2 would make them vote independent.
All right.
Mark is still way out in the lead here.
But as I said earlier, anything can happen
with
these categories
and these points.
I think
Mark gets to go first on this one.
Avatar 2. Leonard Bolton
says it'll make you jizz in your own eyes.
Don't put words
in his eyes.
Leonard Bolton says you'll want to buy a yacht
Redacted
This movie will make you want to buy a yacht
What a strange way to market a film
That's something Christopher Nolan would say
The only way to see Dunkirk is on a yacht
That is true
Okay Mark
Is he here? Yeah You get to lead us off That is true. Okay, Mark.
Is he here?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You get to lead us off.
Let's do it.
Here's the question.
Which Avengers character would you not want to use your toilet?
I don't know why everybody's laughing if the Avengers came over
and wanted to use your toilet
it would be a serious question
to ask yourself
do I really want
Iron Man
Thanos
the Hulk
or Thor
destroying my commode
do I really want that?
Which one, Mark?
Well, clearly none of these Avengers saw
Avatar 2 because if so, they would have already
shit their pants.
There's a lot of great
options, but I mean,
the Hulk's incredible.
He bursts through purple pants.
The answer's got to be Incredible Hulk.
You do not want using your toilet.
Okay. Right.
That's your answer. Final answer.
Okay. What do you think,
Leonard? Thanos.
Thanos is, yeah.
He's so enormous.
He's a giant
just you know
he'd crush
yeah
it just goes
to make sense
that he was
yeah
you'd have
boulders
he'd leave your bathroom
in shambles
the man shits boulders
yes
it would be in shambles
I would I would let Thanos do whatever he wanted to.
He might snap and...
Well, he wouldn't have to flush
because he could just snap it away.
It's done.
Yeah.
I'll snap my fingers
and half of my bowel movements will be gone.
Not a great impression, but I committed to it.
All right, so
that's what Mark went with,
the Hulk, and Leonard went with
Thanos. That leaves you
Thor or Iron Man.
I don't know if he takes the suit off
first or not.
I would love for both of them to use
my bathroom, really. But in Iron
Man 2, it's revealed that
Tony Stark can pee in
his suit. Therefore, by the
time he gets to your bathroom, he doesn't have
a lot to get out.
And so, therefore,
he's great to use the bathroom.
I'm just going to go with Thor. I think that
logic made some sense.
Yeah, I was going to say that logic is what you need to apply here.
And if this is like Endgame Thor, probably got some stuff to get out of it.
Makes a big difference.
Yeah, don't even talk about Endgame Thor.
Okay, so you're going Thor, Dan?
Yeah.
All right.
Okay, so you're going Thor, Dan?
Yeah Alright
Well, as my guests often do
They dodged the Iron Man option
The lowest amount of votes went to Iron Man
Aw, he's got a trap door
Yeah, he just got 5%
But then the next person only got 6% of the vote.
And that person is Thor.
Right?
Maybe he has to leave the hammer outside.
Like he doesn't take the hammer in there with him.
He's got a lot of... I would let Thor use my crapper right now. Maybe he has to leave the hammer outside. Like he doesn't take the hammer in there with him.
He's got a lot of... I would let Thor use my crapper right now.
I like Thor.
I root for him.
Take a crap.
You need to.
Do you think he takes the cape off to shit?
Or does he just fling it over one shoulder like one does with their tie?
I mean, he could wipe with it, to be honest.
Oh.
Yeah.
You're telling me when he was in his dark days.
Shove it in the face of his enemies?
Yeah.
Just thinking about how he should have gone for the head.
He's just not doing this.
Thanos.
Dear, dear Thanos.
16% of the vote.
That's right, Mark. That's right, Mark.
That's right, Mark.
That leaves our boy Hulk.
73% of the robots on Twitter decided.
I've never seen one movie, but I've been on social media.
He's the one you don't want using your...
And especially, like, you know, there's that new
kind of Professor Hulk that's been
showing up in things lately.
He seems like he would
have good bathroom etiquette.
Yeah, but even him, like, everybody
when you go to a number two,
you're looking at your phone, and you're looking at social
media, and something's angering you.
Oh.
Oh, right. Right. So it's like
he can walk into the bathroom, mild mannered.
Hey, Dan, thanks so much for letting me use your restroom. I'll be out
in two seconds. Then he sits down and he sees something
trending, you know,
you see some sort of
MAGA thing and he's just like,
God, this fucking guy's still here.
And he just, it just gets,
you know, then the pants start to go and
the heart rates up
and we know what happens next.
I'd like you to tell.
Dan's better at cutting to the chase than I am.
Dan's a real storyteller.
Mark is more of an orator.
But go ahead and give us your plugs, Mark.
What would you like to plug?
Really?
Yeah, you won!
Oh, hey! Wow!
Yeah, I should have said so,
but that's the thing,
is you managed to get, with smells and with the Hulk,
you got the two biggest responses that anything
on any of the poll questions got.
So you really
ran away with that game.
And the person who you chose was
Joe Mama from the Train!
Come get your stuff, Joe!
Congratulations.
Yeah, you can come through there or there, whichever.
Enjoy that fanny pack, honey.
Wait, wait, wait.
There's more, there's more.
Hang on, hang on.
Gotta get you everything.
Gotta get you your little weed magnet.
All right.
Fanny pack.
You can put all the other stuff in the fanny pack.
Snow piercer.
That's too big for the fanny pack,
but enjoy it.
Congratulations, Joe.
Let's hear it for Joe.
All right.
Now do your plugs, Mark.
It's always a treat being down here at Comic-Con,
but the fact that we actually have Comic-Con again
after, what, three years?
Thank you all for coming out to the show tonight,
first of all.
You can follow me on social media
where I conduct Twitter polls occasionally
at Mark Ellis Live, and
you can enjoy my weekly podcast
called Rotten Tomatoes is Wrong, where
I get to co-host with the
great Jacqueline Coley from Rotten Tomatoes.
So, it's a fun show.
We should have Doug Benson, and Leonard
Malton, and Dan Peralt,
and Bain on.
I will
not accept.
He could do Bane
the whole time.
Oh my god, that'd be crazy.
Thanks, Mark. Thank you, Doug.
Dan Peralt.
Thanks, guys. Players.
Yeah. Get Paramount
Plus. Watch Players. Players Get Paramount+. Watch Players.
Players on Paramount+.
We've got two more episodes.
Finale is next Thursday, so check that out.
And yeah, just to echo what you're saying,
it's awesome to be back here.
First time I saw the show was live in person,
and to be here three years later is awesome.
So thank you for having me.
Awesome.
Thank you.
Let's hear it for Dan, everybody.
Thank you. so thank you for having me awesome thank you let's hear it for Dan everybody and Leonard Moulton
everybody
such a delight
that you're willing to do this with us
from time to time
it's always fun
I'm glad you have a good time. I'm glad you
didn't get anything in your eyes tonight.
And
so
Friday afternoon, if you're at Comic-Con,
go see... 4pm.
You're wrong, Leonard.
What's it called? You're wrong, Leonard Maltin.
That's it. You're wrong, Leonard Maltin.
Go down there and
argue with him about
his reviews
and I'm on all the
socials Leonard Malton
and our weekly podcast
that my daughter Jessie and I host
is called Malton on Movies
new episode drops every Friday
we have an hour long conversation with
all sorts of interesting people
yeah I even got to be on there once.
We shot it sitting in Petco Park.
They created this weird podcast section one year at Comic-Con.
Was that the three years ago one?
No, that was four or five years ago.
All right.
Well, it's good to see you back here.
And keep coming back. Let's do it again next year. Yeah, let's do to see you back here. And keep coming back.
Let's do it again next year.
Yeah, let's do this again next year.
And of course, I'll be back here on Saturday afternoon at 4.20 if you'd like to.
It never gets a laugh, the 4.20 thing.
I've been saying that for years.
But yes.
And the show will actually start at 430.
You know, 420 is just a wink, you know, like,
heh heh, 420, because I'm busy at 420.
You get it?
So am I. I'm popping one edible.
Yeah, he's back there.
And yeah, and so that's my deal,
is that it won't necessarily be,
I'm not going to say who the guests are going to be,
but it's not going to be like a 420 kind of smoke-out kind of show.
It's just going to be a normal show that starts 10 minutes
after I got really high at 420.
Today I didn't know what to do.
I got high at 420, and then...
And then I had three hours of just, like...
Sitting around feeding ducks.
Were you here doing, like, a tech rehearsal or anything?
Did you give the eagle some breadcrumbs?
No, that was just my way of saying I drove down from L.A. today.
It was a long drive, I guess.
So I spent a lot of time feeding ducks.
All right.
Thank you to American Comedy Company and to all of you for coming out.
Thank you, folks.
Thank you to Eddie the Eagle.
Caw, caw, caw, caw, caw.
And one more time for all
of my guests, Dan Perrault,
Mark Ellis,
Leonard Maltin,
and Doug Benson.
Yeah, and me.
And as always,
since we're in San Diego,
nobody's perfect.