Doug Loves Movies - Mark Normand, Dale Cheesman and Jacob Sirof guest
Episode Date: May 29, 2017Live from the LOL Comedy Club in San Antonio, Doug welcomes Mark Normand, Dale Cheesman and Jacob Sirof to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy No...tice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats
With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth
They're still not warm, then he won't sleep
But Doug loves movies Hey everybody
My name is Doug and I love movies
This is Doug Loves Movies.
You know what else I love?
I love queso and chips all over my shirt.
That's what I love.
That's what you do here.
You know what else you do here
when you come to the LOL Comedy Club in San Antonio?
You touch the beads.
It's just the most interesting backdrop
that I know of
just a bunch of beads
I think you can get them to all swing
let's try it
I gotta get back on book
I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore
I'll tell you this San Antonio don't let anybody tell you you don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'll tell you this, San Antonio.
Don't let anybody tell you you don't have good weed.
Because that's right, everybody.
I'm at the LOL Comedy Club in San Antonio, Texas.
Got a really fun bench to put my stuff on.
And I would also, since it's Memorial Day weekend,
I'd like to see some memorial-able name tags.
Memorable.
I will never forget this one that says Mad Max Fury Ray
because it's got little tiny bottles on it.
What is that?
Jim Beam and what's the other one?
Bacardi.
Alright. Do those
drinks, can you put both of those in?
Or what happens if you put both of those
if you just pour them both in your mouth
and then just jump up and down?
It'd be good?
Alright. Thanks, dude.
Holy shit, there's some
big name tags. We got Ghost Justers
because your name is
Juster.
The Prince
Jess Bride. That's very nice.
You got lots of people up on there
you think might be coming by.
Here's the interesting thing about doing the show here this weekend.
Is that Comic-Con, San Antonio Comic-Con is going on.
Lots of great people there.
I didn't ask any of them to come here.
When I found out Comic-Con was the same weekend, I was like, oh shit.
I hope people show up.
Because I think there's a lot of crossover in my crowd and the Comic-Con crowd.
Like, are some of you going or have been
to Comic-Con this weekend?
Yeah, all right.
So it doesn't grip the city like...
You can't do a show on Saturday afternoon
in San Diego during that Comic-Con.
Although maybe I could. I don't
know. There's a really cool Star Wars poster over there, so I have a good feeling about your chances.
I saw O'Brien, Where Art Thou? on the internet, right? You posted it. Yeah, you did a good job
of guessing who one of the guests is going to be today. I also saw this Reservoir Robs poster, which is a series of Robs.
Robert De Niro, Robert Downey Jr.
Who else is on there?
You, of course.
Your name's Rob.
Who are the other Robs on there?
Rob Lilley.
Rob Zombie.
Rob Lilley.
Margot Robbie.
You did a great job with that.
Everybody did a great job. Thank you did a great job thank you for bringing those
lots of light up ones
mostly clustered in the front
I like when the people in the back
not only donate
make a name tag
they get here later
and
or I guess they buy their tickets later
are the seats assigned?
no?
okay that's good
so it's first come first serve today
so Mad Max Fury Ray,
was you were first in line
to come in here?
Did you pop in and get some
driving education in the lobby while you were here?
That was interesting.
There's even a person taking the class
who's like, Doug Benson, what's going on?
I'm like, I think you've taken a class, dude.
What am I,
the pizza guy in Fast Times?
Doug plugs, Doug Loves Movies is back
at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles
on Monday, May 29th at
9 o'clock. That's going to be a goodie.
I'll be back on
the Jason Ellis Show on SiriusXM.
You listen to that? Nice
Tuesday morning
from 8 to 11 Pacific time
and Doug Loves Movies is back
at the Comedy Zone
in Charlotte, North Carolina
on Saturday, June 3rd, 420
all of my dates and deets
and links, oh my
are at DougLovesmovies.com.
That's douglasmovies.com.
All right, that could have been better.
And I'm very happy to announce, based on the turnout today,
on a beautifully hot day, while Comic-Con is going on,
isn't there also some River Rock Festival thing happening?
Like, it's a big weekend,
and you guys showed up,
so I really appreciate it.
And, yeah.
Clap it up.
But I am happy to announce
that Doug Lowe's movies
will be right back here
at LOL Comedy Club
on Sunday, December 17th
at 8 o'clock.
So, yeah, I'm on the
six-month plan with you guys now.
That's how much I like it here.
I brought some, you know, I traveled
with some odd items and maybe a little
bit of weed, so TSA's
doing a great job.
They're looking for the right things.
I got a Peacemaker pipe
that's only been used once.
Some gum that I got recently that's got a funny label on it, funny packaging.
It says ice cream, you scream, the police come, it's awkward.
On the front of this gum.
I don't get it.
Oh, I also got some candy cigarettes.
Yeah, victory candy cigarettes.
Those are both from, I was at the Hangout Festival in Gulf Shores, Alabama,
and I got lots of stuff from there, including here's a beach ball
that advertises something that I don't need to mention on the show
because I don't care about them.
And then Hangout 2017 beer koozie and a copy of my CD promotional tool
and a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt
and all the stuff brought by my three.
It's nobody's first time at the rodeo today.
These are established guests on the show
that pretty much know how the games work
and are all here to
win please give a big warm welcome to Mark Norman Dale Cheeseman and Jacob
Searoff
It's a big room.
It takes a minute to get up onto the stage.
But here they are.
Hey, hey.
Hey.
Let's say hi to him first.
Headlighting all weekend here at this club.
It's Mark Norman.
Thank you, thank you.
I've had three shows and none of them had this many people combined.
So it's good to see what a room full looks like.
Also, we look like a Weezer cover band, don't we?
Holy shit.
We're geyser.
I've seen Weezer cover bands called
geyser. Oh, is that right? More than one, actually.
Oh, shit. I didn't steal that.
Sorry. Are you having a nice
time in San Antonio, Mark?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good times.
I got shithoused, banged real fatty.
So, uh... You know, everything's bigger in Tejas, baby.
She had huge labia.
So, yeah.
I like a large lady, so that's not derogatory.
Oh, here she comes now.
This is her.
I'm just kidding.
We go way back. Takes a lot to make me uncomfortable.
Thank you. That's a lot of cocaine on there. Well, this seems like a good time to say the words. Dale Cheeseman is back. Hey, good to be back. He's been on the show here. He's
been on the show in Houston, but more importantly, he's the most recent champion on the show.
And like how I think they should do it on At Midnight,
I like to invite the champion to come back right away.
Usually doesn't work out logistically.
Like, you won't be able to join us on Monday in Los Angeles
if you win again tonight, right?
I don't know.
Check out my Patreon to go fund my ticket to LA
in case I win today.
Because I barely made it here.
It was a three
hour drive.
I need your money.
Well, I'm glad you made it and I'm glad
you're here to compete against
let's just say
it, it's Jacob Siroff, everybody.
Let's say it.
Who with Phelps, I don't know if you all heard
the Houston show, I'm sorry if this is a spoiler.
I apologize to people who listen to episodes
out of order for God knows what reason.
But Jacob Phelps kind of slighted by the rule changes
that I made in the final game
in Houston the other night.
When you say champion, in my mind I see an asterisk
on the end of reigning champion.
Oh, so I'm not here legitimately.
No, you're here legitimately. I'm just playing
on a protest. You talked him into bringing me back
so then you could show everyone the truth
and then I get sent back to Houston.
I just want to lose fair and square. I came to lose fair and square.
Easy nerds. Cheeseman's become my Newman. I told him that before the truth. I just want to lose fair and square. I came to lose fair and square. Easy nerds.
Cheeseman's become
my Newman.
I told him that
before the show.
Cheeseman.
Syroff.
Yeah, I like building
up rivalries on this show.
Yeah.
It's fun for people.
You know?
Yeah.
Cheeseman's like that
Indian kid on American Idol
that just kept getting far
and nobody knew how.
Sanjaya?
Sanjaya, yeah.
You're the Sanjaya of Douglas movies.
That kid was a delight.
So was Cheeseman. Who are you?
You had a good sense of humor, that Sanjaya.
I made fun of him and he didn't mind it.
Well, I feel really genuinely
appreciative of this insult.
It's a weird way to go.
You might have to change your Twitter
bio from I'm on Douglas movies
to I get roasted by Jacob Serif on Douglas Movies.
I'm a punching bag on a podcast.
Yeah.
No.
I'm a fan.
I'm a Cheeseman fan.
That's why I built this body specifically for punching bag purposes.
All right.
Let's talk prize bag, you guys.
What did Mark Norman bring for the prize bag today oh
boy well I am staying in a hotel so I oh nice hotel items yeah so I stole a hell
of a Lunchables from the hotel lobby little market but this is good stuff
fresh it was in the fridge today you got your cheese you got your deli disc and
and your cracker there.
I'm everywhere.
Can't go wrong with this, and it's very nostalgic, and I'm sorry it's not good.
That's it?
Oh, well, I also have a nice cold Dos Equis lager.
We could get him a fresh one, I guess.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
I'll buy you a couple beers and, you know,
maybe I'll get you a gift card to my show tonight.
Hey, yeah.
Who's planning to come see Mark tonight anyway?
Ah, fuck.
I am.
I was going to come.
Now I don't want to anymore.
No, there's some people over there, just somebody trying to make it sound not too terrible.
I'll put you on the list. Free show, baby.
Yeah.
All right, we might have some people.
Or we could just stay, just sit in.
Everyone could just refuse to leave after this show.
And then your 8 o'clock will be packed
because those other
10 or 15 people
that are coming
could fill in
some of the
some of the spots.
I'd be impressed
like damn
we bought these tickets
weeks ago.
I thought I was
the biggest
Mark Norman fan
at San Antonio.
I always
you know
my
I have a couple of people
that work with me on stuff, and
one of them
reaches out to the clubs and
asks where ticket sales are at, so I know
which ones to promote more,
and which ones are sold out,
and I put sold out on the website, and that sort of thing.
And for whatever
reason, some clubs are harder to get a hold of than
others, but this club said three weeks ago
that 70 tickets had been sold
and then I never got an update
since then
so I was walking around San Antonio
yesterday and today kind of thinking
there might be just 75 people there
and it's going to be fun anyway
because those people are
awesome
but it turns out there's even more
awesome people here. Yeah.
I was right about this place.
What do you got for the bag,
Jacob? Okay, um, I
usually, god, I feel better about it
after seeing Mark's prize.
But I feel like in the past I brought some really
cool shit. I did not bring the heat
in Houston, but I figured I'd keep that tradition going here.
So I got this baseball hat that our friends,
what are they called?
Dirty heads.
Our friends Dirty Heads.
We performed with them on New Year's Eve.
On New Year's Eve.
It's a hat that says Chalice on it.
I don't know what it means,
but there's like bongs and microphones and stuff on the back.
Looks like a hat of a guy who hits his girlfriend.
It does look like that.
And it's funny you say that, because I have a wife beater that comes with me.
Oh, hey, look at that.
And a fedora.
Wait, I want to do an impression of the person that wears this hat.
Oh, please.
Is it a micro impression?
Yeah, well, yeah, it's going to be quick.
What do you mean this club has a dress code?
Yeah, sorry, sir.
No stupid hats.
No, it's pretty cool.
They gave me one that has a more subtle logo on it.
I think it's Cutlass brand, I think might be what this is.
I don't know.
It seems weed affiliated because there's like a smoking bong on it.
Yeah, yeah.
No, it's very weedy. We all like weed. And then I brought, of course is? I don't know. It seems weed affiliated because there's like a smoking bong on it. Yeah, yeah. No, it's very weedy.
Yeah.
We all like weed.
And then I brought,
of course,
DVD being the new vinyl.
I brought Fargo
and Big Lebowski
because I'm sure
nobody's seen these movies.
Good choices.
Fargo and Big Lebowski.
Wow.
And I will,
I'll sign those for you.
I'm not a Coen brother,
but I'm probably
the only Jew here,
so I feel like
that's close enough.
You're Jewish?
You couldn't, yeah.
Here, Dale, could you pass that
back to Jacob so he can sign those?
Oh, fun.
Yeah, really like to get your signature on there.
I always think it's fun to sign things
that have nothing to do with...
They show it to people later, they're like,
what? Why did... what?
He crossed out Joel and Ethan Coen there.
It's now a film by Jacob Ziroff.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
Easy as that.
Wow.
I get it, Carlos Mencia.
I would have been doing this years ago.
Now I understand.
Shots fired, Carlos.
Take that, half Latinos.
The current king of comedy, Carlos Mencia.
Carlos. Take that,
half Latinos. The current king of comedy,
Carlos Mencia.
Now, Fargo was a TV show first, right?
Nuh-uh.
Just joking.
You could be that naive about some things, right?
Not like that.
Not that. You knew what you were doing there.
Wait, you crossed out John Goodman?
Yeah.
He wants to be Jewish in the movie so bad.
Oh, right. He doesn't bowl on
Somer Shabbos.
Alright, Dale, what do you got?
Glad the bar was set so low
today. Once again, I'm
staying perpetually at my girlfriend's
place, so I just took some of her
stuff.
I've got earrings by a company
called Fashion Jewelry.
Top class.
More Korean
skincare products.
And then
a tambourine, because you never know.
Hey!
Never know when a Fleetwood Mac concert
is going to break out. Oh, and googly eyes
for fingering.
It's like a... You clip it around your hands, so then it's like your hands...
doing more work.
What are you really supposed to do with it?
I have no idea. I just found them.
They've been in my place for too long,
and neither of us knew what they were for.
All right, it's not a Lunchable, I mean...
You're goddamn right it's not.
You can feed, you can put it on your hand and feed the Lunchable to it.
And then just bird feed yourself.
Yeah, pass that Lunchable down here.
I wanna put it in this hot bag for an hour.
Like, As a parent
I don't know if there's parents here
It's like a thing you don't send your kid to school with Lunchables
Because the other parents will judge you
Is that right?
Yeah totally
My kids beg for them
That's going to make me look bad
You can eat them in private
Is anybody hungry for Lunchables right now?
You are?
You see? The crowd wants it
You said that? You were kidding? You were? Where are you? You said that?
You were kidding?
You were kidding about Lunchables?
How dare you?
I don't think the winner wants it
an hour from now.
I think now is the time to pounce on this Lunchable.
Will you eat it right now?
I want someone to enjoy it. Will you have it right now? And I want someone to enjoy it.
So will you have it right now?
You'll eat it right now?
There you go.
Oh, come on, Doug.
That's the great thing about Lunchables.
You can throw them.
Jesus, that was $2.99.
But you stole it.
Ah, shh.
The crackers, they didn't even break.
Look at that.
Someone's going to come over and say,
you can't bring in your own food, ma'am.
Look at that.
You're like a little chef.
Oh, I want one if you're doing that.
You see?
You better have brought enough for the whole class.
It's not so bad.
They need to hire her here.
I think it's a hit.
Pull out a Ziploc bag of carrots
and offer to trade.
She's serving the crowd now.
She's serving other members
of the crowd.
It's like a soup kitchen.
You know what?
I'm going to need some more
Tito's and soda
to wash this down.
Please.
You haven't eaten any yet.
You haven't eaten any yet.
Yeah, you should have some.
That was the idea.
Wait a minute, Chewface.
There's a pork product in there.
Oh.
I'll regurgitate that while I'm getting my tattoos removed later.
Oh, right.
Yes, and snip that foreskin while you're at it.
I love my foreskin. Also're at it.
I love my foreskin. Also, what are you doing here on a Saturday?
Just as his backstage flicking the lights
on and off and stuff, playing with electricity.
Those damn
loopholes.
Alright, let's start with
Dale. What was the
last movie you saw?
We watched Unbreakable.
And you heard about that they're making Unbreakable 2, right?
I thought Split already kind of...
No, they're tied together.
Oh, yeah, they're doing universes for every movie.
Yes, everything's got a universe now.
There's going to be some weird, like, heartfelt movie,
and right at the end of it,
Morgan Freeman and the old lady from Driving Miss Daisy
are going to be in it.
You're like, what?
These two movies are in the same universe?
This is Green Lantern.
The lady from Driving Miss Daisy is dead.
So is the guy in Star Wars
and half the other movies that come out.
They're CGI.
Right, they're CGI.
Kurt Russell died years ago.
But that's a good movie, that Unbreakable, isn't it?
Yeah, it's awesome.
That's my favorite Shyamalan.
Yeah, I showed it to my girlfriend.
I showed it to her because she hadn't seen it before
And she kept
And she kept like calling
Every twist super early
When I was building up, I was like, you'll never guess
What happens in this movie
It was pissing me off, and she loved it
And she's like, oh, let's watch another M. Night
And I was like, see, now you're going to learn your lesson
You got too cocky.
I'll start you off with The Village.
Really bring you down.
Lady in the Water was on HBO the other day
and I tried to watch it, but I'm like, what is it?
This is a movie?
Yeah.
What is even going on?
It's surreal bad.
It's very strange.
I love Paul Giamatti, you know, and he commits to the role, but weird.
Jacob, what was the last movie you saw?
It's actually funny.
I saw a little bit of The Village yesterday in the hotel room.
But the last movie I saw in its entirety would be Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
For the second time.
And I'm sure it's been talked about a lot on Doug Loves Movies.
Have you ever showed a Doug Loves Douglas movies audience your Groot tattoo?
I don't think so.
It's a rocket and Groot tattoo.
Rocket and Groot.
Yeah.
I think it's about time.
Oh, really?
I think they'd like to see it.
It's like, it's pretty, it's pretty, okay.
Yeah, it's kind of intense.
You're getting in Burt Kreischer territory.
You're going to have to take your shirt off.
I don't care.
I'm sexy.
Check this shit out, you guys.
I'll hold up a microphone to it.
It's fucking crazy.
Oh, wow.
Man.
Right?
Yeah.
It's intense, this guy up front says.
The Lunchable Lady's girlfriend, uh, boyfriend.
So, since you have it tattooed on your body,
it was pretty important to you that the series go on
and continue to be good.
Yeah, I didn't, um... By the way, that was a really
weak applause for taking my shirt off and shit.
Whatever.
I think people thought you were sick.
You guys have never seen anybody that thin in Texas, I guess.
That's just not how you guys
kick it. That's not how you guys kick it.
It's a good joke. But you're less fat than
Houston, so you always have that.
You have that. That's true.
The escalator's out out that could have hurt us
You can't even they won't even let you just walk up it it's like blockade it
Insult injury
You like these better than stairs when they're broken
Guardians is it's amazing. It's like I think it's like an A plus but the first one's an A plus plus plus
and I think it's funnier
than the first one
that's the one way
I think that's reasonable
and I thought
Drac stole it
it's like
a friend of mine
Justin Foster
a comedian friend of mine
said it's like
in between movies
they decided to make him
the best character
and I kind of
well you know
I thought every character
was brought up a notch
and when I think about
which one's my favorite
I just start bouncing around
to different ones
I thought Gamora had the least amount
of interesting stuff to do of all
the returning characters, but then there's a bunch of great
new characters too.
I just really like that world and what he's doing with it.
The sister thing, that was my one complaint,
that seemed a little quick, the way the sisters
got, you know, rebonded.
Well, it's not, you know,
that's probably a little bit too much to say.
Oh, okay. I assume we've all.
I don't know.
I don't know what's a spoiler anymore at this point.
How long has that movie been out?
Like four weeks, three weeks?
Two weeks?
Okay, it's been out since yesterday.
We should shut the fuck up about it.
No, I agree with you about her,
but I think she did have some of my favorite moments,
like in the opening when she just stops and says hi to baby Groot.
Like that's one of my favorite moments in the film.
Yeah, that's the opening
title sequence is amazing.
I just watched that
in a loop.
And, but I was going
to say though,
Drax, the thing about him
is that he finds,
when he laughs at something,
it's, he laughs really hard
and it's always something
that his laughter
as a result
is a very mean thing to do
in that moment.
He so boisterously laughs so
hard at things that are like when something
terrible happens to somebody. I hadn't thought about it
but you're making me realize that's why I like him
because I relate to him as an insult comic.
He's like the Don Rickles
of the Guardians.
He's very funny and they didn't
run into the ground the idea that
if you say something he takes everything literally.
It's almost like he's easing into understanding how the other characters speak.
I don't know how big of a spoiler, and I'll wrap it up.
Oh, shit.
But no, there's a moment where the empath girl, what's her name again?
Mantis, thank you.
Where she puts her hand on him.
Why do they call her Mantis?
That's a weird name.
Praying Mantis, I guess.
Oh, Mantis.
Bugish, yeah. I thought she was saying Mantis. her Mantis? That's a weird name. Praying Mantis, I guess. Oh, Mantis. Bug-ish, yeah.
I thought she was saying Mantis.
Like Mantis.
This is a Fight Club reference.
But there's a moment where she puts her hand on him,
and she's crying, and he's just stoic.
And it's like, that was a cool moment
that revealed what he's going through all the time
would make a normal person break down in tears.
That was a great moment in the film.
I didn't even see that again, actually.
That's a good movie.
It's playing right next door
at the Alamo Draft House.
Yeah, I like that place.
Mark.
Yay!
Last movie you saw.
I saw it on a plane.
I'm a big flyer.
It was a movie.
It's not good.
It's called Bleed for This with the kid from Whiplash.
Miles Teller?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
It's a very famous.
It's a boxing movie.
It's a boxing movie.
And it's really bad and cheesy.
And they got to stop making boxing movies.
It's done.
Yeah.
We're done.
We did it.
We nailed it.
Southpaw got so much.
Southpaw was horrible.
Yeah.
Yeah. It was terrible. Everyone loved it. It was a great so much. Southpaw was horrible. Yeah, it was terrible.
Everyone loved it.
It was a great boxing movie, and I was like, there wasn't even boxing.
Yeah.
It was just kid issues.
Right, right.
It's Whitey.
Whitey wants to box, but we're just, you know, it's not going to happen.
Rocky was the last guy.
We did it.
The one you just saw is based on a true story. Based on a true story, and it's a cool story, but it's so cheesy.
Anytime a movie has five guys walking up to the camera
in slow motion, you know it's going to be bad.
Starting with Reservoir Dogs.
But they were good.
What a stinker.
That one was the last one.
Yeah, right.
Sometimes there's sort of a parody of that.
Like in Deadpool, they parody it
where they're walking to the music. Well, that's fine. It's fun, but yeah, you're right. Sometimes there's sort of a parody of that. Like in Deadpool, they parody it where they're walking to the music.
Well, that's fine.
It's fun, but yeah, you're right.
They did it in Garden.
There weren't five of them, but the moment where they left Rocket on the ship and they're walking in slumber.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, fuck you, Mark.
They parody it in Swingers as well.
If you do it, you got to do it with a wink.
It's a wink.
Yeah.
In Swingers, they do it in a guy's trips, which was a nice little touch.
Yeah.
Yeah, in swingers they do it in a guy's trips, which was a nice little touch. Yeah
But what I want to see that movie Chuck that where Liev Shriver plays a boxer cuz that guy's always great He's good Jew. So I'd like to see that
Big fat scary, too. I met the real guy
I met the real guy, Chuck Wepner.
Oh, yeah? The bleeder?
Yeah.
Has he done this show?
No, I'm a big boxing nerd.
I go to the Boxing Hall of Fame.
Oh, cool.
For induction weekend stuff.
You look like a poor boxer from the 30s.
That's pretty accurate.
There was a lot of Jewish boxers in the 30s.
Thin, wiry.
Before we figured out that we didn't need to do that anymore.
Thanks to media, et cetera.
Isn't that crazy?
We're Jewish boxers.
That's how bad you guys had?
It was like a thing.
We were poor at one point. It's hard to imagine now.
Crazy.
Am I your first Jew, guys? Have you guys
met Jews before?
Let me ask you this. Since you know so much about
boxing and movies, was Jake LaMazza
a Jewish man?
LaMazza. He's Polish.
LaMazza. I thought it was LaMazza.
I totally missed that joke. I missed it too. He's Polish. La Mata. La Matza. I thought it was La Matza. I totally missed that joke.
I missed it too.
That was good.
That was good.
Maybe if you would have went with Jake LaGafiltafish, it would have been more.
Yeah.
I was going for a drink I don't have.
Sorry.
Do you want another one?
Yeah, I think I totally do.
Oh, you do.
I'd like a Dos Equis with extra cocaine, please.
That's my order.
Did I ask everybody that?
Oh, yeah.
Now I got a new question, Mark.
Yeah, but you get to think about it.
Raise your hand when you have an answer.
All right.
Because for everybody, this is a tough one.
But these guys, I just asked them a couple nights ago.
Seven inches.
You told me six last night.
Why would that be?
Why would you have to think about that and raise your hand when you have the answer?
What is the best movie that I've never seen?
You have to think of a movie that's great, but it's so obscure to you that you think there's a chance I haven't seen it.
Interesting.
Are we talking documents?
It can be any kind of movie.
It just has to be a movie.
Boy, oh boy.
How long do I have to think about it?
Well, these other guys might answer before you.
You could think about it during that time.
What's the one I showed you earlier?
The Molly Ringwald Forbidden Zone?
Do you remember?
I already forgot the title.
Okay, so that's the great movie I haven't seen?
Yes.
The Adventures in the Forbidden Zone. You really think it's already forgot the title. Okay, so that's the great movie I haven't seen. Yes, the Adventures in the Forbidden Zone.
You really think it's great?
Space Hunter.
Space Hunter.
Adventures in the Forbidden Zone.
Yeah, yeah, I'm going with that.
Starring a guy from television.
Yeah, Strauss.
Peter Strauss.
Yeah, and Molly Ringwald.
He starred in the miniseries Rich Man, Poor Man back in the day.
And then Molly Ringwald.
Yeah, you got to see it.
And it's a knockoff of one of the many movies that came out post-Star Wars.
Yes.
I got one.
All right.
Say it?
Yeah, because so far we got nothing.
Bicycle Thief?
What?
Why wouldn't I have seen Bicycle Thief?
Ah, damn it.
I tried to go old and foreign.
No, but the new Michael Bay one.
Have you seen the new Michael Bay Bicycle Thief?
Yeah, it's a crotch rocket.
Have you seen the new Michael Bay bicycle, Dave?
Yeah, it's a crotch rocket.
You better give me back that bicycle.
Well, good for you, Dave.
Have you thought of one, Dale?
Yeah, I want to take you back in time when I suggested predestination.
The time travel time loop movie.
We're going to go back to that again?
It's great.
You shrugged it off because one guy, has anyone seen Predestination?
One person again.
A couple.
That's how good this movie is.
One person in every city.
Did you love it?
Yeah? Yeah? Why doesn't everybody? It's so great. one person in every city did you love it? yeah
why doesn't everybody
if it's so great why isn't everybody watching it and loving it
it's from Australia
oh it's from Australia
it's like one of the worst ways to speak English
here's the thing you can hardly tell
but like is there a function where you can put on
English subtitles and turn the sound off?
You know, the Australians are really good at doing the American accent now.
They're all great at it.
I think they should just do that all the time in Australia.
If they're so good at it, just speak like that.
It's better.
It's a good point.
I don't know if it's better.
I enjoy it, you know, in the right places.
I didn't enjoy it so much in
Crocodile Dundee 2.
But the first go-round was pretty
fun. Have you slept with
Australian girls? I don't like being called mate in bed.
Being called mate? Mate.
Mate. Yeah.
There you go, mate. Put it on
in, mate.
And when they say no, it's really long.
No.
No.
But no
means yes. It takes longer to get shot down
so you don't want to try.
No.
You want to get a drink sometime?
No. It's like a
fucking didgeridoo. Speaking of drinks though, look at that.
Jesus Christ, look at that. Extra cocaine.
Did you ask them to put salt on it?
Yes.
And they put a lot on there.
Put a lot.
I asked the extra.
Yeah.
You're going to have a heart attack before you finish that beer.
And also, are you just going to sit there licking the bottle in front of all of us?
Have you licked the bottle yet?
I just brushed mine off.
Oh, really?
I'm going to, yeah, I'll lick the bottle. It's like way down on the bottle.
Like, you'd really have to do an aggressively, it's going to look like a porno film.
I haven't.
Ladies are already yelling lick it.
They're more into that than your naked body.
Take your shirt off and lick it.
Yeah, take my...
Take your pants off.
All right, okay.
No.
Oh, I got a movie you probably haven't seen.
What happened?
Half-baked.
It's a classic.
You know I'm mad at that movie, right?
No.
Because Dave Chappelle quits weed at the end.
That's like the ending is he quits weed.
He winks at the camera like,
I'll probably still keep smoking.
Right.
But just the fact that he says to his girlfriend that he's quitting weed,
I think that's a bad message for a movie to have.
There's kids watching.
Yeah, there's kids watching.
They need to know that you shouldn't be sad that you want to smoke weed
because we live in a country where drinking alcohol and killing other people is celebrated.
And you can't just get high and sit in the corner and...
I don't want you to say what I know sit in the corner and so you're pro weed I'm not
bothering anybody I'm just masturbating what's the problem it was a different time that was back when
we was still scary a little bit which one the 90, that's like when Cypress... Yeah, doesn't somebody have like a
hallucinated half-baked? Yes.
That doesn't happen. They always do.
They did that in Tenacious D movie too,
I think, when people get high.
Deconstructing Harry, he's like talking to the
characters in his book off weed.
They always overdo it. Yeah, Woody Allen
doesn't know from weed. Yeah, what does he know
from weed? He doesn't know what's going
on there. But I thought they were setting up a sequel at the end that never happened. Oh, what does he know? What does he know from weed? He doesn't know what's going on there.
But I thought they were setting up a sequel
at the end
that never happened.
Oh, really?
Fully baked.
Because she's like,
you'll be back
or something in the joint
when he's throwing it
off the bridge.
I think it did okay initially,
but I don't think
it was a huge hit.
I think it was like
people just watched it
over the years
and it became like a...
DVD hit.
If they made another one,
I bet it would do well.
I think it would.
Yeah.
But Dave Chappelle
seems kind of hard to pin down.
He's not a predictable fellow.
Yeah, I'd like to see him act in anything.
Isn't he going to be in something soon?
Yeah, Blue Streak 2.
What?
No, I just made that up.
I'd watch that.
If only we lived in a world where studios were giving money to sequels for movies a long, long time ago.
We could possibly make that happen.
I don't see it happening today.
One of my favorite things about this club is
when you're on stage, no matter what time
of year you're here, it's always Christmas.
I always
look out at those lights and think, is it fucking
December already?
And then Jacob just...
You guys, you sexualized the beer
and there was like an energy in the room.
Dude, you got all the salt off in one
move?
Jesus.
I'm pretty good.
What?
Slut.
Slut, I like it.
Yeah, he swallows.
I don't like people in the audience saying stuff, but
that one was good.
Yeah, well.
Sled champ.
Hey, slide into my DMs.
I'm going to give you one.
I'm going to give you one.
All right, so everybody answered that.
I still don't think.
Maybe I'll check out Predestination.
I didn't watch it between when you told me about it
on Wednesday and now.
Do you know where it can be viewed?
Is it available anywhere?
No, I don't know.
Do you think it's on Netflix, maybe?
It's on the internet somewhere.
You've got to wait for a streaming.
I use one of those things that says I'm in every country.
So my Netflix is just...
Oh, this is a good idea.
I'm going to tell the listeners right now,
by speaking into this microphone,
this show's being recorded, you guys,
that...
You don't release this for seven years, though, right?
I like to sit on the episodes.
So seven years from now,
I'm sure a lot of what we've said is going to be fascinating,
historically. But no, write to me on Twitter seven years from now I'm sure a lot of what we've said is going to be fascinating historically but
no
write to me on Twitter if you've seen
Predestination and
you're hearing this episode
encourage me to check it out
then I'll see it on Twitter and I'll remember to look for it
because you said it Wednesday night
and when you said it again today
I had completely forgotten about it
you've already forgotten about it again but I also feel like I'm not going to like it as and when you said it again today, I had completely forgotten about it. You've already forgotten about it again.
But I also, I feel like I'm not going to
like it as much as you like it. Good, that's a good way
to go into a movie, as someone suggested.
Yeah, because I'll be pleasantly surprised.
The best part of showing a friend a movie is when they sit down
and they're like, I know this is going to suck.
And now you have two hours
to kill. Yeah, and they just
say it sucks just because they already decided
that it sucks. I decided that it sucks i
decided that it's going to be okay well you're giving me the benefit so yeah so it should blow
your mind or not i don't know no one has faith in here turn the show off now bird because i'm saying Games begin! You guys have to pick a name tag.
I don't envy you.
It's not going to be easy.
There's a really good Star Wars one in the corner, Jacob.
There's probably a few Star Wars ones.
Any Roger Moore name tags?
Roger Moore.
All right, so while these guys pick their name tags, we're going to go to a brief
commercial break. We'll be right back.
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We're back! Thank you to everybody for
bringing your lovely name tags.
But we got these three.
Mark, tell us about the one you picked.
Oh, God.
Hey, hang tight.
All right.
Whoa, look at me in your beard.
You were enjoying some stage donuts.
Yes, I love a good glazed.
This is O'Brien, Where Art Thou?
It's a nice little parody on another Coen brother.
Oops, sorry there.
And yeah, it's got my face on it, which is why I felt like I had to take it.
And two bottles of booze for some reason.
Oh, do you want those bottles of booze?
Sure, if you don't.
No, I mean, you get first dibs because you're the one that picked the name tag.
He bribed you with that booze,
so you should have it.
I'll take the booze then.
Yeah, I just like Tito's a lot,
so if you're not into the vodka,
I'll take it.
Ah, so you do want it.
No, only if you don't want it.
All right, we'll talk later.
Okay.
But yeah, that's the guy.
And what's his name, the guy, Brian?
Brian.
Brian. Good job, Brian. Yeah, you just put that his name, the guy, Brian? Brian. Brian.
Good job, Brian.
Yeah, you just put that down on the ground there, Mark.
You don't have to hang on to it the whole time.
Okay.
Good job.
Thank you.
Jacob?
I always feel bad going to the front row,
but then again, they worked hard to get in the front row.
But I did it again for the booze.
I also have booze on mine,
and it's Mad Max Fury Ray,
who I think you talked about in the intro to the show.
And it's you and
Tom Hardy, the two people that started
the movie. And it says
what a lovely ray.
It's also equipped to light up but you
didn't use the lights because you're right here in the front row.
I like that. I like that.
The lights that don't light up? You're a reasonable
man.
They light up? No, he's just so close. Why does he need the
fucking lights? Why wouldn't he turn it on?
Because he's right in the front row.
Whoa!
Why would you have it off if you bothered to put the lights on?
You still picked it, you moron.
But I mean, I picked it
for the alcohol.
How are you allowed to bring these signs
in here with booze
and battery packs?
The club knows what's going on.
It's sealed.
You know, like, Val Kimmel's going to be here in a couple weeks.
They're going to let a lot of wet pussies come in here.
Oh, boy.
Oh, this metal detector is just for show.
Didn't do anything.
What do you got there, Dale?
I got Reservoir Robs.
Yeah, we talked to Rob beforehand.
He's got a lot of Robs on there.
He thought Robert Redford was going to be here.
No, they're all Robs.
They're all Robs.
He didn't think any of them were going to be here.
They're all named Rob.
No, I get it.
Now do you get it?
It's just weird to put it like all their...
It's a good pun and everything,
but it'd be a lot better if one of them was here.
I still picked it because it was up close.
Yeah, he's here.
He's Rob.
Oh, okay.
You picked yourself.
So maybe even just vaping before the show
is a bad idea for you.
I just didn't want to go too far.
Today he was like, I'm just going to vape today because the other night
I blanked out a lot.
It happens.
Rob's wearing a NoFX shirt, so you know he's
cool. Yeah.
No, he seems like a good guy. That's why
I picked him. I'm not shitting on him.
Alright, great job. I feel all defensive.
I should re-pick. I'm just
hyping the fight. I'm just hyping the science back.
It's a good name tag. You did great.
He's going to be a great lifeline for you later too.
If we play a game where you get lifelines.
Shit. My guy's gone.
Let's see what happens.
No, he's probably memorizing IMDB right now.
He's probably in last minute
training to be a good
lifeline. Good thinking, Brian.
Yeah, he's smart. He's in the shitter
learning some stuff.
Taking the shit,
reading and learning.
Yeah.
All right, so
I'd like to start
with a game called
Purple Rain Man.
He's back.
Oh, thank God.
That was a close one.
I'm going to need you probably immediately.
So, glad you're here.
No, that game's not for a little while.
This game, you can't go to him.
Okay.
And it's going to be rough.
Because Purple Rain Man, as the title suggests,
is a mash-up movie title.
Purple Rain Man, of course, would star Prince and Dustin Hoffman.
Purple Rain Man.
I'm going to tell you the third billed people of my mashup movie title.
Then the second bill, then the first bill.
And I'm guessing none of you will get it.
But guess as often as you'd like.
It's that hard?
I think it's a hard one.
Wait, so we're guessing what Prince is in?
Yes.
Yeah, just guess Prince movies.
Let me save you the trouble.
It's Purple Rain.
Under the Cherry Moon.
Under the Cherry Moon and Graffiti Bridge.
Wow, alright.
You sure he wasn't in Little Women?
He was in a lot of Little Women, actually.
And a lot of Little Men.
And some big ones.
He was all of the Oompa Loompas in Tim Burton's Walkout.
Alright, so
no, it's
the answer's going gonna be two movie titles
mashed together where they have a common word
in the middle.
Got it.
And I'm gonna tell you the actors from both,
but I think this is a really tough one.
We'll see what happens.
Good luck.
Only people on stage get a guess.
And also, don't run up on stage and then guess.
There's always loopholes, people find.
No one in Texas runs.
I think I will be after the show, though.
That's why they get guns.
You don't have to run if you have a gun.
Third billing goes to the very well-known actors
that go by the names Samantha Isler and Alison Sudol.
Let's go to the second billed.
What?
Might get easier for you, but probably not.
George McKay and Katherine Waterston.
She's currently starring
in Alien Covenant.
Yeah.
And you know what a covenant is, right?
It's a witch insect.
I just wrote that, Dixie Riddle Cup,
right now.
And first billing goes to Viggo Mortensen and Eddie Redmayne.
What is it, fellas?
No guesses?
Wait, wait.
I'm not even thinking about it, no.
I think I got it.
I think I got it.
Okay, what is it?
Captain Fantastic 4.
No.
Captain Fantastic's not a movie.
It's not?
It sure is.
With Eddie Redmayne?
Captain Fantastic stars Viggo Mortensen.
Oh, okay.
I thought you were thinking of Fantastic Beasts.
Anybody else got a guess now that it's right there for the taking?
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them?
That's correct.
Wait, what?
What was it?
You gave it to me and I didn't take it.
Captain Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
Beasts and Where to Find Them.
Yeah, that's fantastic beasts.
I thought that's what he was saying.
I thought he was just really fucking up the Fantastic Beasts title.
I'm calling it Captain Fantastic.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Jeez, man.
The guy who even, you know, people suggest these to me sometimes on Twitter
and the guy or girl
who suggested it to me
even gave me the option
of Captain Fantastic
be somewhere to find them
or Captain Fantastic 4
so like you
you know
I'm in the zone
still pretty good
pretty good job
thank you
Captain Fantastic
was a you know
art film
that he was nominated
for best actor
but it didn't get
much attention but it's really get much attention, but it's
really good. Really good. Loved it.
It's directed by the guy who plays the
bad guy on Silicon Valley, that
actor. He directed the movie.
Interesting. Yeah, really good.
I can't think of his character name
on Silicon Valley. T.J. Miller? No.
He's the
de facto bad guy on that show.
He's the straight-up villain. He's like the competition.
His character's name, Gavin Belsom?
That's it, yeah.
Gavin, yes.
No points for that.
All right, so.
You pulled that one out, Dale Cheeseman.
So you got to go first in this next game.
And it's a game that someone recently requested I bring back.
And I thought this is the perfect day to do it it's called how high can you get we're gonna
bring some of the finest sativas and indica's to the stage right now and we're
gonna go to town and see who wins we go to town and see the Alamo.
Because for the listeners, this particular location,
this beautiful comedy club, is at the airport in San Antonio,
which is part of what I love about it.
You can get off your plane and walk over to the club and do a show.
Yeah, it's that close.
All right, so this is how this game works, you guys.
I'm going to give you a type of movie, like a genre,
or something descriptive of a bunch of different movies.
And then you have to take turns.
In each round, we'll add one more word.
So the first round, you have to say a movie that fits that category that's only one word in the title.
Then the next round, you each have to come up with one, two, three, four, et cetera, and see who can get the highest.
And, yeah, it's not an easy one.
And just like ABCD's nuts, I've added the element where I've written down one that I thought of for each of these.
And if you match the one that I wrote, then you win the whole thing automatically.
And then we move on to the next game quicker.
Uh-huh.
So be good at this.
I'm trying to give you incentive to be good at it.
I'm not sure.
Dale's really taking this seriously.
I've won this one before.
I'm fine.
Okay, he's good.
This is what I'm here for.
And so Dale will go first, and then Jacob, and then Mark,
but then we'll rotate it so that a different person goes first each time.
Movies with the name of a person in the title.
First one has to be.
You know, when they say the titular character, what movie, Dale, is just one word that's just somebody's name?
That's easy.
Sure is.
No, it really is, and I'm trying to think of that.
It's too bad there isn't a movie called Dale right now.
Oh, Dale.
Sure.
Close. Yeah, there's Tucker Dale right now. Oh, Dale. Sure. Close.
Yeah, there's Tucker and Dale versus...
Oh, sorry.
It was one word, but what was it?
Yeah, we need a one word one.
Hannah.
What?
Hannah.
Okay.
A little spy kid.
Yeah.
But not the fun spy kids.
The serious spy kid.
Yeah.
It was played by Saoirse Rosen.
Yes.
Or whatever her name is.
Classic... Saoirse Classic method child actor.
She pretends to be a kid all the time, and it really shows on screen.
She's good.
Jacob?
Oh, you don't reveal the one you wrote down?
No, you all get to say one.
Oh, with one. That's right.
I was talking, I had to build on that.
No.
Rusty, sorry. Oh, okay.
Ed.
It would be over too soon if we built as we went along.
Ed.
The Matt LeBlanc classic.
With a monkey.
Yeah.
Okay.
Ape.
Tactically.
It was an ape?
Yeah, it was a chimp.
It was a chimp or an ape?
A chimp is an ape.
Okay.
I'm not going to argue with a scholar.
Unless you're from Texas and you don't believe in evolution.
Oh, shit!
How dare you?
Why do you have to do this?
This isn't wrestling.
You don't have to be a heel.
Damn.
Don't listen to his anti-vaxxer propaganda.
We know things.
All right, so do you have one Mark?
Yes
Jack
Right
With Robin Williams
When he's like an adult man boy
He's an Andy Milonakis
Yeah
That was the Andy Milonakis story?
Yeah
I did not know that
Oh yeah
Also it was a non-hated Bill Cosby
was in that. And also, Coppola
directed it, strangely. Is that right?
Whoa. J-Lo?
That's a serious film. Fran Drescher?
If you say so.
Francis Ford Coppola.
It seems more like a Sophia.
All right. Well, that's good. You each got
through that round. That's probably the easiest.
But it's still going to be easy for a little while, I think.
But for now, I went with the classic.
Came up on the show recently because somebody called it the wrong thing, and I still allowed it mistakenly.
Willard.
Ah, yes.
Willard.
The rat movie.
Yeah, the guy with the rats.
They've made it twice so far. And there was another, Ben is another one word rat movie. Yeah, the guy with the rats. They've made it twice so far.
And there was another, Ben is another one word rat movie.
Ben?
Yeah.
Yeah, Ben was the sequel to Willard.
Oh, Willard it was?
Yeah.
I'm thinking of the remake with Crispin Glover.
Is that a remake?
The remake with Crispin Glover was a remake of Willard and it was also called Willard.
I didn't know there was a first Willard.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
I see you. I think. I mean,
IMDB. So,
we
start with the next person down. So,
I mean, what order do we go in?
Jacob gets to go first this time.
Two words? Yeah. Michael Clayton.
Ray can't even bear to watch.
Wait, what?
His name tag's up here. He's just going to go outside.
It's like the nervous dad at...
I think the case of...
Not nervous dad at T-Ball.
I'll just be over by the...
Smoking a cigarette.
I think the beer and Lunchable just hit him.
I can't watch this fucking kid strike out again.
All right, two words, Jacob.
Michael Clayton. Michael Clayton's a good one.
Sorry, our friend George Clooney.
He's been on the show many times.
Mark?
TV movies don't count.
No, but there's so many movies where the title of the movie is a person's name.
But it can only be two words.
First and last.
It can only be two words?
That's exactly what this round is, yes.
Got it, got it.
All right, all right.
This is the two-word round.
And obviously documentaries don't count because there's a million.
What?
It can count.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
But it's just a person's name.
If that's the name of the documentary without extra words after the colon or some shit.
Uh-huh.
All right.
I didn't think you'd be out of this so quickly.
No, no, no, no.
I just want to pick a cool one.
I don't want to throw out, you know.
A cool one?
So you can't say Mary Poppins.
That's not cool.
That would have really helped me.
Is Young Frankenstein, is that cool?
Wait.
What?
That's not two names, though.
What?
It's two words.
It just has to have a name in the title.
Okay, okay.
Well, that's easy.
Sure it is.
All right, you ready?
Don't help him over there. You can't be a lifeline
yet. And cross your legs, sir.
Those baggy shorts are distracting.
Oh, God.
Jesus Christ, that's a corn tortilla.
Isn't it the San Antonio Nut Festival
in the fall?
Holy hell.
God almighty.
Uh-oh, Jacob's starting to drink his name tag.
Yeah.
All right.
Schindler's List.
Yes.
Why you got to go there so early?
Oh, sorry.
We just started playing.
Your face made Maybe think of it
I was just confused about the rules I get it now. Yeah, you're getting it You're getting it and then the one oh you get a go down Harry Brown
Harry Brown
What?
It's a great porno.
All right, Iron Man.
I'll change it.
Sorry.
Iron Man is one word.
What happened?
Spider-Man hyphenated?
Spider-Man is one word.
That's also not his name.
That's not a person.
Wait, but there's not a Michael. I guess it's sort of his name.
Michael Caine's Harry Brown?
Oh, okay, yeah.
Yeah, I was right the first time.
Yeah, yeah.
Harry Brown is a Michael Caine movie?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Wow. Sure. It's amazing. And that'll also Michael Caine movie? Yeah. Oh, okay. Wow.
Sure.
It's amazing, and that'll also be my answer for you should see that if you haven't.
Greatest movie I haven't seen is Harry Brown.
A great movie you haven't seen.
Is Jackie Brown his niece?
Pretty much.
It's all in the same universe.
You see him at the end.
It's in the Brown universe?
Samuel L. Jackson opens up a trunk and Michael Caine gets out.
Okay.
Mark, you're going to go first
on this next one.
Three words.
It's got to have a name in it somewhere.
It could be a first name,
a last name, or both names.
All right.
We're going to do a fun romp.
Run, Ronnie, run.
I like it.
Whoa.
Wait, do you need to say one?
Did you say one? Me?
Well, oh, for the last one?
Mary Riley.
Mary Riley.
And what was the first one you said?
What? What was the first one you said?
When?
Oh, Willard? Willard, got it.
Mark's looking for a theme.
He's smart. Okay, we need a three-word title with a name in it.
Big Mama's House?
It's Mama?
Wow.
Your name is Big Mama.
I thought it was Mark's turn to go first.
I did.
What'd you say?
Run, Ronnie, run, pothead.
Oh, shit.
Forgot about it already.
Okay, Big Mama's house.
He does pretend to be someone named Big Mama.
We're accepting Mama as a name.
We're accepting Mama?
Really?
Yeah, well, he's like, hey, call me Big Mama,
and that's what I just learned.
Oh, come on.
All right, did we go with that?
This game's falling off.
If Spider-Man works, Big Mama's got to work. Does it? this game's falling off.
If Spider-Man works,
Big Mama's got to work.
Does it? It didn't work.
When did we say
Spider-Man was working?
That was my third
fallback answer.
Do you have one, Jacob?
Yeah, I do.
I'm just trying to
I feel like
Trying to think of other ones?
No, I feel like
I'm sensing a theme
and I'm trying to think
of one that fits.
Oh, no.
Don't worry about a theme.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to go
with Bridget Jones.
Ray's getting a call he might have to go into no. Don't worry about a theme. Okay. Well, I'm going to go with Bridget Jones. Ray's getting a call.
He might have to go into surgery.
Bridget Jones' diary.
Bridget Jones' diary.
Good one.
Very good.
Very good.
For the listeners at home, Mark just touched my cock with his beer.
I went with one.
We actually met this guy the other night.
I went with Meet Joe Black.
Oh!
Oh!
We actually met this guy the other night.
I went with Meet Joe Black.
Oh!
There was a Meet Joe Black name tag in the Houston show.
If you haven't heard it, it's fun.
I failed Joe Black.
All right.
Four words.
Back to starting with Dale.
Captain America, Winter Soldier.
Wow! Wait a minute. What's the name? I think that's five words. It's the Winter Soldier. Wow.
Wait a minute.
What's the name?
I think that's five words.
It's the Winter Soldier.
Yeah, it's five words.
And no name.
All right.
Captain?
Captain America.
That's how they identify.
He's a person.
I knew a guy named Captain once.
You're fixating on superheroes in this game.
I think you need to relax. I'm just trying to stay alive in this game.
Yeah, it's tough, right?
Yeah.
All right.
Should I give him another chance or is he out?
Alright, one more chance.
Mad Max Fury Road.
Yes, it's right there in the fucking...
It's at your feet.
There it is.
Oh, thank God.
I can't believe no one said it on two words, Reservoir Robs.
Alright.
Need four words out of you there
Jacob
How about Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
Oh you son of a bitch
Come on
Does of count as a word
Because it does say USA
What?
U-S-A-V-A
What are you talking about
That's not a similar conversation
That's an acronym
Throw it out there.
Sometimes off doesn't count, but
just throwing it out. You got a four-worder?
Yeah.
Like in TV, there was Parker Lewis,
can't lose. Oh.
Interesting.
Yeah. What do you got?
Oh, I got it.
What is that one with the...
Saves the world.
Mom and Dad.
What?
Mom and Dad save the world.
No, no, as a kid.
Shush out of out there.
That's...
I can't use that.
I'll keep going anyway.
I just thought of another good one that I didn't write down. Oh, keep going anyway. I just thought of another good one
that I didn't write down.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Damn, this of is killing me.
Yeah.
All right, hang on.
We've got this.
People are talking over there.
I don't know what they're talking about,
but don't say, don't help.
Robin Hood.
Ooh, Prince of Thieves, five words.
Hold on!
I was going to say Men in Tights.
We're burning a lot before we get to them.
Yeah, yeah, it's all fives.
A lot of fives out there.
Yeah, those would be great for these folks
that make it to that round.
Ah. Boy, oh boy,
oh boy. Alright.
Here we are. You got something?
Uh.
Uh.
I'm shitting.
Um.
I guess I got
a pull out. You're out.
First time my dorm was ever pulled out of anything.
Nice try.
You're right.
So the other two guys got them, right?
You both had one?
Yeah.
Okay.
Mine was, and I gave you sort of a clue because the TV show I was talking about was a knockoff of this movie,
Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Okay.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Oh, I just got one.
Oh, shit.
What is it?
Fiddler on the Roof.
I was gonna...
That's your problem.
You're just trying too hard
to think of Jewish titles.
He's a fiddler.
That's what they call him.
Fiddler.
That's better than Spider-Man.
It's probably his last name, Fiddler.
Sounds Jewish. Fiddler. That's like saying the fighterMan. It's probably his last name, Fiddler. Sounds Jewish.
Fiddler.
That's like saying the fighter is the person's name.
All right.
Five words.
I got ten of these.
Starting with Jacob goes first.
Okay, five words.
Give me a sec.
Mark's out.
I got a lot of these.
Have a donut, Mark.
Okay.
Donut break.
Yeah, sure.
Give me a sec. Who's got five?
And you know you guys can think ahead on these a little bit
I mean didn't we just say a bunch of fives?
I can say, I can use those?
Yes, that's the idea
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves
You're welcome
I actually was thinking of it right before you said it.
I don't know if I'll ever believe you, but that's true.
Dale?
I was thinking super hard about a five-name title that I didn't hear y'all give any away.
It's going to feel like an idiot, but Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion?
Wow.
And the white crowd goes wild.
She's mad.
We did it.
No one's even sure if that's a movie.
You went from superheroes to angry black women.
Well, in a lot of ways, they're my superheroes.
You want to split hairs here?
Or, you know, weaves?
I went with I love you, Philip Morris.
I got one if you need it.
A fiver?
Yeah.
What's your fiver?
Dracula, dead and loving it.
Oh, that is a good one.
Good one.
Why did you rise up like that?
I was queefing.
Is that like a Dracula?
It's like a Dracula move.
That's what Dracula would do.
All right.
Six words starting with you, Dale.
How Stella got her groove back.
Wow.
Back to black.
How Stella got her groove black.
Is that a white lady named Stella?
Jacob. Stella got her groove black. It's not a white lady named Stella. Jacob?
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
That is what I wrote down.
Yeah!
That's what I'm talking about.
You matched it, you son of a bitch.
And then for seven words,
I had Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
And then eight words, Harry Potter
and the Deathly Hallows, part one.
I couldn't think of one
that has nine words or ten words, but I came
up with a good eleven.
Come back to the five and dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy
Dean. And then I came
up with a fourteen,
which is, who is Harry Kellerman
and why is he saying these terrible things
about me?
Which also did star Dustin Hoffman.
So Jacob's the winner of that game.
Since we got three great players
and two of them are in a rematch situation.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
These guys went head-to-head the other night,
and Jacob was not happy about the outcome.
Uh-huh.
But now I want to beat Mark
because he's turned out to be such an anti-Semite.
No, no.
I'm a fan.
I was just wondering.
That's what would happen, Jacob, if you won,
is you would beat your rematch,
and you'd also beat the anti-Semite at the same time.
Wouldn't it be terrible if we won, though?
If that's how it
was billed, you defending
like... All right. And then we won?
Who? Who? I'm just saying we're
setting up a possibility for something horrible
to happen. Yes.
Just how I like it.
Big fan of the Jews.
I just want to get that out there.
We're a big fan of YouTube.
We are going to play with the three of you guys right now
a Last Man Stanton tournament style
where each round you win, you get a point.
First person to two points wins.
First person eliminated in each round
gets to pick which actor or actress we play
in the next round.
So it can get very strategic
or you can just do something dumb.
Aha.
Which is what a lot of people,
that's the route a lot of people take.
And each round you get one lifeline
and you can go to your lifeline once.
And so Ray for Jacob and Rob for Dale.
And who was your person there, Mark?
I got Big Bri.
Brian.
Yes, that's right, Brian.
Oh, yeah, that's a puffy taco.
Yeah, yeah.
You teamed up with one of my favorite X-Men, Testiculus.
Yeah.
He's all CGI and all balls.
Yes.
That'd be a good character for Deadpool 2.
All right.
I think I've explained everything, but the one thing we need is the name of an actor or actress,
and I choose somebody from the internet.
Someone wrote to me on Twitter who goes by the name,
where is AhSatanRitter?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And of course, I'm saying it how it's spelled,
but AhSatan is Natasha backwards?
Yes.
So Natasha Ritter's here.
How far did you come in for the show today?
Austin. Okay. I go to Austin a lot. You could Ritter's here. How far did you come in for the show today? Austin.
Okay.
I go to Austin a lot.
You could have just waited there.
I appreciate you.
Oh, I appreciate you making the effort.
What is it, about a 90-minute drive from Austin?
Yeah.
Okay.
Very nice.
I think it's a great getaway.
Sitting around in Austin.
This place is too cool. I'm going to go hang out
with the people. I'm going to go get together with some real Texans. Oh, I don't know who
you're sad for. I'm calling you guys the real Texans. That's a compliment, I think.
There's, um, and this is a little out of context, sorry. But there's this morning...
Did you see the morning show that they have here
called Great Day S.A.?
But it's like...
Great Day S.A.?
It sounds fucking like Great Day S.A.
Yeah.
Like, you guys, that's gotta be on purpose, right?
And it's like the host...
Did you watch Great Day S.A.?
I watched Great Day S.A.
Oh, it was a good Great Day S.A.
It was tight, S.A.
But I was, like, watching the...
During the hotel breakfast
and it was like,
there's like a brown dude
who talks like a white guy
and this white girl
who talks like a Latina chick.
And it's really,
it's really like progressive
and fucking.
It's actually way better
than the Florida State one
where they go,
what's shaking?
F you.
You watched that today?
What day did you watch that?
Friday?
Yesterday morning.
So it'll be on tomorrow morning, Monday.
I'm going to watch the shit out of that.
Oh, tomorrow's Sunday.
It's probably on YouTube.
I got to fly home tomorrow.
It's probably on YouTube.
Great day, I say.
I love looking up local news shows on YouTube.
Do people make,
is that like a running joke here?
It's got to be.
No.
I invented that, you idiots.
How long has that show been on the air?
You needed one Jewish comedian to come here
and figure that out that that was funny? Really?
Great day, Essay. It's right there.
It's low-hanging fruit, guys. Pick it.
Do you guys not throw donuts anymore?
You can throw a donut.
All right!
Oh, great throw, Essay.
Yeah.
Why don't you try to hit something specific?
Like there's an Alamo poster over there.
That's a good target.
Bam.
You want to throw them all?
Can I have one?
All right, you don't have to throw them all right this second.
Oh, sorry.
Oh.
He threw one at Fury Ray while he's trying to look at his check.
He's trying to figure out the bill.
You're going to make him really mad, Max.
I'm trying to wake him up.
I'm like, come on, dude.
We've got a game to play here.
Our name.
They haven't said our name.
You mean Doug hasn't said my name yet.
Oh, that's true. We haven't picked our name yet. You mean Doug hasn't said my name yet. Oh, that's true.
We haven't picked a name yet.
So he's trying to take care of some business here.
Just get ready.
Just get your game face on.
Please be a real man.
Make sure you leave a good tip.
That's what he's doing.
He's leaving a good tip.
Don't distract him, Jacob.
And whoever wins this game after you,
every winner of each round gets to throw a donut.
That way we break it up
a little bit. Okay, sorry.
Finish your donut.
Here we go.
Natasha,
who are we going to play
with this first round today?
I don't care. Well, let me say quickly,
I don't care who it is. We're playing.
It's going to happen.
We're not going to reject
your shitty name.
Please be a reasonable name.
If it's a shitty name.
It could be.
I hope it's not shitty.
Okay, I hope it's not shitty.
Tim Curry.
Tim Curry.
That's pretty shitty.
I like it.
That's shitty as fuck.
I like it.
Well, if you think it's shitty,
if you're out first,
you get to pick the next name.
Jim Curry, what is that, Bollywood?
What's that?
Easy Indian joke.
That was good.
Oh, thanks.
You're good at racism.
I admire that in a comedian.
Indians eat curry.
How is it racist?
And Jews get killed in the Holocaust. That's what they do. I mean, that in a comedian. Indians eat curry. How is it racist? And Jews get killed in the Holocaust.
That's what they do.
I mean, that's what happened.
Allegedly.
That's true.
Texas ain't buying it.
Who won the last game?
Dale?
Okay, Dale. Didn't I?
You did?
Indiana Jones' last crusade.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Jacob.
I'm not trying to make you lose, Jacob.
Don't worry about it.
Dale is, though.
Yeah, Jacob gets to go.
Yeah, that's the idea.
Jacob goes first, then Mark, then me, then Dale,
and whoever lasts longest.
Like, you know the rules.
Yeah.
Yeah, Tim Curry.
No, Jacob.
Legend.
I'm going to open with Legend.
Yeah.
What do you got, Mark?
Clue
Yes
Underrated comedy
I'm going to say
Charlie's Angels
Wait a minute
These are all Tim Curry films
Didn't we have to pick one and then you'd switch the actor Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. These are all Tim Curry films, right?
I didn't know, didn't we have to pick one
and then you'd switch the actor?
What?
Wait a minute.
We're just going Tim Curry until you run out.
Okay, just checking.
But you can go to your lifeline once,
and if you're first out,
you get to pick the name that we do next,
so you can really use that to your advantage.
All right.
What are you talking about, Jacob?
Oh, I was whispering to Ray to ask if he had some Tim Currys. You don't that to your advantage. All right. What are you talking about, Jacob? Oh, I was whispering to Ray
to ask if he had some Tim Currys.
You don't need to do that.
No whispering.
It's like a real advantage
to pick somebody.
I don't think I've ever picked somebody
in the front row before.
Like, he's like sitting three feet.
He's right there.
Yeah, you guys can really just lock eyes
and just run away
with this thing.
He's got him
taking notes on his knee.
Yeah.
Like, crossing them off.
Yeah.
You don't need to ask him.
He looks like he's ready.
All right.
Whose turn is it?
It's mine.
Okay, Cheeseman.
Muppets, Treasure Island.
Oh, very good.
I can't believe no one said it,
but I'll just say it's the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Might as well take it, right?
I'm going to go...
Is it me?
I'm going to go with Home Alone Deuce,
Lost in New York.
Nice.
Home Alone Deuce.
I think that's about it for him.
Right?
Feels like it.
Tragically cut short.
He died?
No, but actually he was playing Emperor Palpatine on the Clone Wars series.
I don't think he acts professionally much anymore, but he's not dead yet.
He did Emperor Palpatine on the Clone Wars series not that long ago.
There you go.
Oh, I got one.
Well, the other guy, Ian, somebody died.
He took over the role.
Nobody cares.
All right, let's keep it moving.
I just picture him running around being all Tim Curry-like,
but we really hit some of the big ones.
I'm sure I'm missing a good one, but I'm going to go ahead and tap.
Dale? Three Musketeers. There to go ahead and tap. Dale?
Three Musketeers.
There you go.
Good one.
Very good.
Jacob?
You have a horrible tell.
Yeah, yeah.
Can I say it?
Can you say what?
It.
Ah, come on!
No, that's TV.
Will we take it?
That's made for television.
But it's a movie.
Made for television.
That's made for television, you fucking loser.
You've taken made for Television before.
We've done that before.
You want to take it, Doug?
No, I don't.
We gave him fucking Captain America.
Spider-Man.
What?
Mama's House.
Mama?
We gave Mama was the name, but I can't do it?
Okay.
Okay.
I don't see the relation between those events.
They're both rule-bendy situations.
Rule-bendy?
It's the name of a character in the movie, Big Mama.
Whose fucking house is it?
Big Mama.
It's not the name of a pig.
I've never heard Doug be that black ever.
That's the blackest I've ever heard you.
I'm telling you, they called him the fiddler at some point in that movie.
They do.
Yeah, because they go, life is like a fiddler On the roof
Yes
So I guess his name
Is fiddler
Uh huh
I didn't even know
He was Jewish by the way
Yeah
But your guy is writing
Down a bunch of things
So you can just go
To your life
Oh right
If I use it now though
I can't use it
In subsequent rounds right
No you can
Once each round
Once each round
What you got
Mary Kate and Ashley
How the West was fun
Mary Kate and Ashley
How the West was fun Damn Wasn'tKate and Ashley, How the West Was Fun.
Damn.
Wasn't that just like a videotape?
No, but it does prove that Ray is a pedophile.
He could probably go last week
and stand on just Mary-Kate and Ashley.
There's no reason for a grown-ass man to know that.
Double trouble.
Dale, stop.
Dale, this is my guess.
Stop.
It's a good one to throw out.
No one can argue that.
I don't. No one's going to say that he wasn't. So I'm right.
All right. We got to check.
Why do you know that though? For real?
Wait, how many people you got working for you?
Rob, start recruiting a team.
Yes, Brian.
Put together a team.
By the way, the people at Comedy Traffic School must be so confused.
As to what's going on in here.
This has to last six hours.
Yeah, right.
I just show, if I were teaching comedy, Comedy Traffic School,
I'd just show both movies called Crash.
Just back to back.
They're both really fun, fun movies.
Jacob just threw a shot to my lifeline.
I'm trying to get him drunk so he can't help you.
Whose turn is it?
All right, what do you got, Bri Bri?
Oscar.
Oscar!
He was in that?
Yeah, he was in Oscar with Sylvester Stallone.
Nice!
What was it?
I don't know if it was Carson or Vanna at the time,
but he kept saying, it's a farce.
It sure is.
It was a farce.
So y'all both use your lifeline.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you got, Mom?
I still don't need it.
Scary Movie 2.
Ooh!
Interesting.
Wasn't there a tagline on that film? 2. Ooh. Oh. Interesting.
Wasn't there a tagline on that film? No, that's what I love about
the scary movies is they just add a number
and move on with their lives.
They'll sit around trying to come up with
some cute subtitle.
I didn't think that was in keeping
with the Scream tradition. Scream, yeah.
Because we addressed it last time. Scream did the same thing.
Yeah, and you made a joke about it last time also.
I did.
I was blackout drunk, Jacob.
Whose turn is it?
Is it me after?
Mm-hmm.
Scary Movie 3.
No.
No idea if that's right.
No, he's not in that.
Are you sure?
He did not.
He just, in and out, he's just in the one.
Okay.
I'm not even sure, but I'm saying it, and no one seems to disagree.
It doesn't seem like he'd be in more than one of them.
He wasn't in Charlie's Angels 2.
Dale?
And that's full throttle, yes, but it's not even an answer, so settle down.
Dale? I think it's Mark. Oh, Mark. Settle down. Dale.
I think it's Mark.
Oh, Mark.
Transylvania, 6,900.
No.
Oh, you almost had it.
That's great.
So close.
6,000, 6,200.
No.
Is it Jacob's turn?
No.
Is it your turn now?
You're out?
Yeah, but can I say the one I can't?
Okay, Dale.
It's Dale's turn. No, go ahead. No, it's Dale's turn. I won. He served it up. It's Dale's turn? No. Is it your turn now? You're out? Yeah, but can I say the one I can't? Okay, Dale.
It's Dale's turn.
No, go ahead.
No, it's Dale's turn.
He served it up.
It's Dale's turn.
Mark is wrong.
Fuck.
Dale?
I have no idea what they were going for.
Maybe your lifeline knows what he's going for.
I don't know what they were going for.
I got one.
Wait, he's got one.
Didn't he win?
Four rooms?
Four rooms.
He's in that?
He is.
Is he the parking character running around you were talking about?
No.
That's Tim Roth. You're thinking of Tim Roth.
Tim Roth, yeah.
Good British.
It's because of that shot he gave you, isn't it?
I think Dale won the round, right?
Yeah, okay.
Dale won the round, everybody.
But wait, can I...
What was mine?
Chatsplaining 6,000.
Chatsplaining 6,000.
Ah!
It's on the theaters with my mom.
Was he in it?
I don't remember him right now, but it was Jeff Goldblum.
Oh yeah, I don't even think he was in it.
I took a Hail Mary.
I was just excited that you got the number wrong.
I can just imagine you calling that number all these years,
and who knows who's on the other end.
But I think it was a Goldblum-Gina Davis collab,
and they were still doing it.
You got any out there?
Goldblum and Gina Davis, yeah.
And Ed Bigley Jr., yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, there's got to be more.
He's in Jumanji?
Any.
Any.
Jumanji?
Hunt for Red October is a great one.
He is?
Huh.
I'd like the person who yelled Ferngully to leave.
Is there more words in that title?
The Last Rainforest.
Wow.
This really is the pedophilia table here.
Holy shit.
Yeah, well, I was a child too when I was...
All right, so I was a parent.
All right, so Dale gets a point.
Mark was the first one out.
So Mark gets to pick anybody he wants for us to play.
Jacob was first out?
Yeah, I was. Oh, okay.
You know what I'm going to do, Doug?
What?
I bet you can guess.
I don't know if I can guess.
Yeah, you can.
We talked about it very recently.
Who am I going to guess?
Oh, Roger Moore.
No, Mickey Rourke. No. Mickey Rourke.
Oh, Mickey Rourke. Is this the same
game? Yep. Same game.
But we, you know, switch
the order around and start with Jacob
and so then it'll go to Dale and then me
and then Mark.
Okay. I'll take an easy one off the table
and do Iron Man 2.
Good one.
The wrestler. Ah, fuck. Does Doug go? Iron Man 2. Ah. Good one. Huh? The wrestler.
Ah, fuck.
Does Doug go?
Iron Man 2,
the wrestler.
Multiple ladies
questioning the order
of the...
No, was that right?
What are we going to do
after the show tonight?
Do you guys want to go
to a diner?
Whoa!
Sounds nice, actually.
I was back when he was hot.
I'm going to throw one out there.
A little older.
Rumblefish.
I like it.
I like it.
Jacob.
Has Dale gone yet?
Huh?
Has Dale gone yet? Oh? Has Dale gone yet?
Oh, okay.
I can't go to the diner
because I have plans
with Harley Davidson
and the Marlboro Man.
Wow.
What are you going to do with him?
All right.
Harley D
and the Marlboro M.
What are you going to do, Dale?
He's not in any black movies.
So we're supposed to be...
He's not in any Jewish movies, too, so you're in trouble.
Oh, shit.
My database knowledge.
Wait, whose turn is it?
It's mine.
Okay, Dale.
Do we have to do cute intros for all of them?
No.
Okay.
But it helps.
It does.
Crowds love it.
Because I haven't done a cute intro since I escaped New York.
That's not the right title.
Escaped New York?
Yeah, it didn't fit for the sentence structure. He's not in it anyway. The movie's Escape. From New York, That's not the right title. Escaped New York? Yeah, it didn't fit for the sentence structure.
The movie is Escaped.
From New York, the movie is not in.
All right, fine.
I failed twice.
That's why.
Lesson learned.
Not doing that again.
All right.
Who's me now?
Yeah, yeah.
Don't take mine.
Please.
I don't think I'm going to take yours.
I don't think I'm going to go that too mainstream with it.
The Pope of Greenwich Village.
Oh, I was going to do that for our friend Alexis Guerrero.
Mark's feature act this weekend.
That's his favorite movie.
He's in the back.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Interesting.
All right.
You ready, Spaghetti?
They don't like you, Alexis.
I tried to give you a shout out.
Nobody said shit.
That was very funny.
I'm going to say nine and a half weeks.
Nice.
Yes.
Food porn.
What's in your fridge?
Me or you, Doug?
It's you.
It's me.
Well, I'm going to pick the movie that got me into movies.
Angel Heart.
Oh, okay.
Thanks, cool lady. That explains a lot.
It's a creepy movie.
That really explains a lot.
It's a great movie.
Have I told the story?
It's a great, creepy movie.
There's a short story.
Yeah, we don't have time for even a...
I'll tell you later, lady.
We don't have time for an allegedly short story.
It's just a good movie.
I was very into it.
Dale?
I think Dale's out.
Damn it.
Rob, what do you got?
Oh, yeah.
He's out!
Why are you asking your lifeline if you're out?
Because I thought you just brought me back in.
But it's fine.
You were out already?
I lost my escape New York
because I had hubris.
That's right.
All right, so Dale is out.
All right.
I'm going to say Sin City.
Come on!
Sin City 2, electric buckle.
No.
All right, I'm going to go to my life fee.
Wild Orchids. Wow. Nicely to my life fee. Wild orchids.
Wow.
Nicely done, Bri.
Wild orchids.
What do you call it, Mark?
Huh?
You got to give us the correct title.
I have some small orchids.
Oh, God.
What is it?
The wild orchids.
Oh, you want to add a the to it? No. Wild orchids. That crazy flower. What else do you want to do to it? The wild orchids. Oh, you want to add a the to it?
No.
Wild orchids, that crazy flower.
What else do you want to do to it?
What else do you want to do besides taking away the the?
This is bordering on Cheeseman-esque.
What else would I want to add to it?
You're really worried about him winning?
Yeah, he's got to win.
He's a stickler.
The Wild Orchids.
All right, you're out.
What is it?
The title is Wild Orchids.
Yeah.
What?
That's what I said in the beginning.
Check the tape.
No, you never said Wild Orchid.
Ah, shit.
So that was your answer?
Good try, fellas.
Jacob? Oh, I got one. That was your answer? No, that was his answer. No. No, shit. So that was your answer? Good try, fellas. Jacob?
Oh, I got one.
That was your answer?
No, that was his answer.
No, he got it wrong.
And then you can steal by saying it correctly.
No, but I already won.
Should we keep going?
Oh.
Should I keep going?
Yeah, I'm still in it.
Let's me and you do it.
Yeah.
All right, all right.
You didn't already win shit.
Yes, I did.
Because you can't win.
I already beat these guys.
Also, you win the point, but you're still not going to beat me.
Oh, no.
Okay, let's do that.
Oh, shit.
Shit got real.
Did you guys catch that?
Okay.
I'll take Wild Orchid then.
Yes.
Okay.
Let's finish this, Doug.
I mean, you'll probably win because it was your idea.
Yes, your idea.
I've beat you at Mickey Rourke twice, so this is your idea.
That's awesome. You'll probably win again, so let's just get this over with.
Body heat.
Yeah, baby.
I'm going to go with Johnny Handsome.
Okay, I'm out.
So Jacob has a point.
Dale has a point.
And I get to pick the next round?
I could have gone a lot further, but you did that for time.
Yeah, we've got to finish this thing up. Yeah, but you That could have gone a lot further, but you did that for time. Because we could have gone a lot further.
Yeah, we've got to finish this thing up.
Yeah, but you know.
There's weed waiting on me.
Yeah.
And I get to pick and start the next round?
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Pick and start.
You're going to call this Cheeseman tomfoolery.
Bob Barker.
Oh, I like it.
Come on.
Happy Gilmore.
One point for Dale.
He's our winner.
Yeah, pretty much.
Is that really how you want to win this thing?
All right, David Arquette.
That's what I thought he was going to do.
That's what I thought he was going to do.
David Arquette, scream.
Wait, but that's kind of brilliant, the Bob Barker play.
It is, isn't it? Yeah, he wins. But I just got shit for my brilliance. As a DL Wait, but that's kind of brilliant, the Bob Barker play. It is, isn't it?
Yeah, he wins.
I just got shit for my brilliance.
As a DLM fan, that's a...
You talked him out of the win, because that's a win if you do that.
Oh, is this the last round?
Well, he did have two points.
I would have won.
He's already got a point.
He says Bob Barker, happy Gilmore.
You guys sit there like a couple of thumbs,
and then he's the winner of the whole thing.
And he's not doing it.
Thumbs are very useful.
David Arquette, Scream.
I hate this.
I hate this.
Scream 2.
Scream 2.
Scream 3.
You say Scream 3?
I'll go Scream 4.
Eight-legged freaks.
What a cunt.
He knows it's David Arquette.
We know he does.
He's not fucking around with David Arquette.
God damn it.
Fuck.
I know it deep.
That's it? You don't have any more, Jacob?
I don't know. I'm going to go to my lifeline. Ready know it deep. That's it? You don't have any more, James? I don't know.
I'm going to go to my lifeline.
Ready to rumble.
Ready to rumble.
Oh, ready to rumble.
Yes.
That's right.
Excellent.
Awesome movie.
Mark, you going to your lifeline?
Well, I think they're clueless as well.
I'm going to go out on a limb here.
JFK.
All right, shut up.
Do you have one there?
I got a few.
You got a few?
Yeah, this was his idea.
He's not lying.
He's playing strategically.
I didn't know if he was.
Like, I hate to lose, but that was brilliant, actually.
Hey,
big Arquette.
Now you want to get all Jewish.
It's too late.
I'm a fan.
I don't see religion.
Let's see.
David R
is in
Chips.
Something called Chimps?
Never been kissed.
Yes.
That's good.
But that was your lifeline, right?
Yes.
Okay.
Just to be clear.
C-spot run.
Just to be clear, he used his lifeline.
Now it's my turn.
I tap.
Dale, C-spot run.
Back to you,
Jacob.
Good job, guys. This is really what it comes down
to.
It really does.
Just cleaning up a little bit.
I made a mess. I made a big mess today.
Salt and beer.
Keep that Tito's, Doug.
Alright.
You can take Tito's.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
And you probably have like seven. Fucking Cheeseman.
And you probably have like seven.
I just really want to go to L.A.
You probably have like seven.
Come on.
You can stay with me.
Stay on my couch if you come to L.A.
You don't win a trip to L.A.
But if you fly yourself out, you have to be going there anyway.
I'm setting up a GoFundMe after this show.
If you really get there,
you can stay on my couch.
There's enough people here.
Fucking David Arquette.
What the fuck?
I know, it's tough.
It's tough.
Oh, yeah.
Can I have another donut?
Donut. Doug dropped his bong for the people at home.
How many do you have?
Three, but I might come up with a few more.
If people haven't listened to the Houston show,
this was like...
I don't know how you're going to pull out another one.
There's no way.
Yeah, so you're out?
Yeah, I'm out.
Okay, he's out.
Dale?
He doesn't need it.
We're out.
Yeah, but let's hear it anyway.
The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3D.
Never Die Alone.
And I had a third one.
Rob?
What? What?
What?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Yeah.
Is that a movie?
Nice.
He was in the film?
He's in the movie, Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah, he's the friend of Pike.
Oh, yeah.
Hell yeah.
Oh, we were gold.
You picked a good guy there.
He knows his shit.
Well, we had a lovely time together today.
Wait, it's over?
I didn't get to pick a guy.
Dale, what?
I never got to do a guy.
I know, because you have to be first out of a round.
You played too well.
Well, it's my flaw.
Yeah.
Dale Cheeseman is our winner.
Thanks, everybody.
Sorry.
No, that's a legitimate win.
That's a legitimate win.
Good job.
You should have just done Bob Barker.
I mean, that was brilliant, I thought.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, it would have been quicker, too.
You guys want to plug anything?
Mark Norman, what do you got to plug?
Hey, check out my website, marknormancomedy.com.
I'm coming all over the country.
That sounded weird.
And my podcast called
Tuesdays with Stories.
It's a fun pod.
And yeah, come see me live
for the folks at home.
And I'm here all weekend,
God damn it, so show up, please.
Yeah, come back tonight.
Oh, and tomorrow night as well?
Yeah, two shows tonight.
Oh, tomorrow night is,
you know, it's Memorial Day Monday,
so tomorrow night's going to be like
a Saturday. Yeah, get hammered!
It'll be a fun night to come out
and see you. Hopefully we'll get this
posted so some people will come out.
And Jacob Seroff, what do you got going on?
Check out marknorman.com. Mark's offered
me to co-headline all his dates for the rest of the year,
so that's pretty cool. We'll be doing that.
And watch Comedy Knockout
on TruTV and look at old episodes of Problematic
on Comedy Central,
wherever you can find that.
Because I wrote on those shows.
Old episodes of a current show.
Yeah, and I got some Doug stuff coming up
that I can't promote.
So go to a Doug thing.
You've got Doug stuff coming up?
Yeah, but I can't promote it
because you're very secretive.
So I'll be at some of those things.
He's going to be at some of my shows, you guys.
Check it out, SA. You're going to check it out SA if you don't like him you're just going to have to guess which ones
work that out
by the way I don't want to be a sore loser
because I was really bummed about Dale's win last time
and that was a really good win today
well played
I will be a sore winner
get that hand away from me
no no no
come on don't be that guy so good job good job I will be a sore winner. Get that hand away from me. No, no, no. Come on.
Don't be that guy.
So good job.
Good job, Cheeseman.
Yeah, excellent job.
Rob, come get your prize bag, dude.
Come on up here.
Yeah, Robbie!
Do you want your name tag back?
Yeah, there you go.
Go ahead and grab that, too.
Would you like a water out of the bucket
or a donut out of the box?
You're good?
All right.
Thanks, dude.
You want him to sign it?
Congratulations.
Yeah, well, I'll sign it for you.
Go ahead.
Get it going, guys.
Yeah, but you can sit down.
You don't have to stand there.
I bet that I was trying to be there. I meant that.
I was trying to be nice.
Sit the fuck down, Rob.
That's what I meant to say.
Oh, come on with that now.
What's happening?
You guys are writing terrible.
I hated the guy that would draw a penis in your yearbook
and then your fucking mother would
see it and get all horny.
There you go, cheesy.
You gotta put like a big block of cheese as your
uh...
Come on, cheese man.
Yeah, we're superheroes.
Get it together.
I've been running from that part of my life.
I'm not going to break it here for y'all.
When you say running, we're being metaphoricalized.
Right.
Dad bod without kids.
Thank you. He's not sore at all about the loss. Ooh. Thank you.
Yeah, he's not sore at all about the loss.
I'm really not.
That's just my comedic brand.
I'm actually very happy for it.
I told you I came here to lose fair and square, and I did that.
Did you get your plugs in, Dale?
No.
I'm going to be headlining a show in Houston, Texas next Friday called Drafts and Laughs.
It's at 8th Wonder Brewery.
And then the week after that, June
10th, I'll be in Austin headlining
Sure Thing.
All right. So that one
girl that's here, maybe
make a shorter drive and come see me.
It'll be fine.
One more round of applause for all of my guests.
Mark Norman,
Jacob Searoff, and Dale Cheeseman. Look at
me, guys. Boom! That's
a photo. That's a
sexy photo.
Thank you to
LOL Comedy and to all you guys
for coming out this Saturday afternoon,
and I'll see you guys
in December, and
as always,
Apollo Romo cats are a shithead does that make sense to anyone what what Apollo Romo and cats are shitheads. You have issues with cats and a person named Apollo Romo?
Okay.
Some real negativity on these shitheads.
Cause the other one says,
Kellyanne Conway
and Jacob Seroff are shitheads.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.