Doug Loves Movies - "Mark Wahlberg," Dale Cheesman and Tim Taylor guest
Episode Date: October 2, 2016Live from the Houston Improv, Doug welcomes Dale Cheesman, Tim Taylor and "Mark Wahlberg" to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https:...//art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby sticky seeds
With 50 azithop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
But Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
Hi, Doug.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Okay.
We had a couple pre-yellers
that sounded like they might not know
that a cue was coming up.
That was my first signal to those girls
I threw out at the Florida show.
We're gonna be a
problem.
Orlando, Florida. Remember that?
Alright, let's not do
that, Houston.
That's right, we're coming to you
from the Houston Improv in
Houston, Texas!
It's Friday afternoon.
Yeah!
I'm for the other team.
It's Friday afternoon,
September 30th, 2016.
We've got an enthusiastic crowd of unemployed or soon-to-be-unemployed
Texans
who quit work for this today?
You quit your jobs?
You liars! But you quit for the day.
And I appreciate that very much.
So I also assume, since you don't have jobs,
that you made some pretty sweet name tags.
Dude's just got a copy of A Good Day to Die Hard.
And what'd you change it to?
A good...
A good LJ.
LJ?
I got an LJ behind a dumpster once.
A land job.
The Return of the Jetty?
Your name's Jetty?
Eddie.
Good job, Jetty.
Saw Shane party
with real meat on it?
Yep.
You tweeted me a picture of that.
There's like some sausages and hot dogs
taped to a big yellow thing.
And your name's Shane?
Yes.
Good job, Shane.
The Gus father, that's a good one.
There's lots of big ones.
Almost like you knew you'd be sitting in the back,
some of these big ones.
I'm going to get there late.
I better make a big sign.
And of course, I see some donuts.
Congratulations on smuggling those in.
Do they take anybody's donuts at this venue?
No?
Good for them.
Good for you, Houston Improv,
and good for all of you for bringing those.
Good luck to everybody,
especially 10 Heatherfield Lane.
It's another gigantic one I just noticed.
She's folding it up six ways.
Doug plugs, I'm off to Dallas, Texas tomorrow for
a sold out Doug Loves Movies at Hyena's
It's a Gas Saturday
October 8th. Doug Loves Movies returns
to the Wilbur Theater in Boston
and Doug Loves Movies is back in Los
Angeles on Monday, October 10th
at Meltdown Comics.
Oh, and we're doing for the first time ever
Doug Loves Movies at the Comedy
Zone in Charlotte, North Carolina on doing, for the first time ever, Doug Loves Movies at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte, North Carolina
on Saturday, October 15th
at 420.
It's way before curfew.
Douglovesmovies.com
That's Douglovesmovies.com
From the not really a corrections department,
Rob Lowe and John Cusack
were both in the movie
Class.
Lots of people decided to
point that out to me on Twitter.
You want to check out the prize bag?
Hopefully the winner of this
prize bag can sell some
of this stuff, because you guys
lost your jobs today.
We got
such a weird coincidence
that Shane brought a whole sausage thing
because I've got a
sausage party doll
for the prize bag. I believe this is
Oh look, he can clap too.
It's, uh, and suck his own
non-existent dick.
This is the, uh, did you see the movie, Shane?
Sausage Party? This is Michael
Serra's character, right? Sure.
We got a Christmas tree
ornament that's a DLM
little Douglas Movies logo
on a Christmas tree ornament.
Been giving these out for a while now.
Phil Bill Volume 1.
Someone here gets one.
This is a weird thing.
Is Will here?
Did you give me this?
You tweeted at me earlier,
can I give you something for the prize bag?
I didn't write back because the answer is no.
No, I just saw it.
Just at the same time they were handing me this,
you gave it to a staff member here at the club.
And there's a local theater, I'm guessing, here in Houston called the Alley Theater?
People love it.
Maybe we shouldn't have given away so many free tickets then.
Okay.
And what do you have to do with it, Will?
No, I know how that works. I'm saying, what do you have to do with it, Will? No, I know how that works.
I'm saying...
What do you have to do with the alley theater?
Why are you pushing it?
You build scenery for this theater?
So yeah, it's five sets of two tickets.
So ten tickets total,
to see the Santa Land Diaries by David Sedaris.
And people are like,
he's not going to be there.
It's just something he wrote.
But that was very cool of you to bring those.
Thank you so much, Will.
And did you bring your usual sheet with all the signatures and stuff on it?
Yes, sir.
Yeah, you did.
How many...
Can you hold it up for everybody?
I just heard him have to open up something.
Look at this thing.
He just...
The first time he saw me here at the Houston Improv,
he had me sign some crazy sheet.
I probably made some
jokes about Jews fucking through it.
And then
now he's just
every comedy show you go to, you have people
sign it? Yeah. So you have tons of
signatures on a sheet.
Doesn't seem odd at all.
Is there an end
game? You're going to hang this sheet somewhere?
When you rent out a room?
Or when you run out of room
when it's fully signed?
When it just looks like a fucking Jackson Pollock?
You're going to just hang it up somewhere?
Maybe frame it?
Maybe build some scenery around it?
Do you like cookies, Will?
Sure.
Because I've got a deluscious cookie
that's been in my suitcase for a week or so.
That's got to be good.
It's not a hot cookie.
Well, it's warm.
A Douglas Movies T-shirt.
A pipe from Peacemaker. It's only been
used once.
This is crazy.
I was at Fantastic Fest. That's where I got
a lot of sausage party
swag they'll be giving out over the next
few episodes. But I also got
this
from a company called Cool Head Tech.
It's a koozie with a little
robot on it. But it's taking koozie with a little robot on it,
but it's taking koozies to the next level
because it's got a fucking...
Not rope, but, you know, it's like a necklace.
It's kind of lanyardy,
but it's thicker than typical lanyard material.
But anyway, you could put it around your neck
and have your fucking beer.
Like, do fat drunks need to... do we really need to make it easier?
But anyway, so I got a, the answer is yes.
I got a bunch of those to give out.
So somebody here in Houston will be probably the only proud owner of that thing.
And then finally, and I have to thank Fantastic Fest again, because they do at the Highball Lounge in Austin, Texas, they do Geeks Who Drink every Wednesday.
And that's, I assume it's national or maybe even international.
Probably not international.
But it's like a weekly trivia pub quiz thing.
And I played in it in Austin.
And then afterwards, after it was over,
they said, let's play a round of...
It was sort of a game that's similar to Last Man Stanton.
So I won, of course.
I got on stage and murdered everybody.
We had to name either M. Night Shyamalan
or Jack Nicholson movies.
Yeah, so everybody used up all the Shyamalans real quick.
And then I just went deep on Jack Nicholson.
I'm like the Raven.
They're like, what?
And so as part of my prize,
which I'm passing along to you,
because I don't think I'd ever use it,
a hot dog toaster.
One, place two hot dogs and two buns in the hot dog toaster.
Two, choose your desired cooking setting
and press the lever down.
Weird.
My desired level setting is,
why not cook the bun and the hot dog
in separate ways?
But no, you can put them in there
together. And then three,
enjoy perfect and delicious hot dogs
every time.
Does anybody have a hot dog?
Do you have a hot dog on there?
It's all sausage.
Oh, well.
Because that is the funny part about Sausage Party,
is there's no sausages, and there's no party.
But that's the name of the movie.
It's like if Citizen Kane was about a guy who's not named Kane,
and he isn't a citizen.
All of that is in the prize bag, plus the stuff brought by my guests today.
Please give a big, warm Houston welcome to Tim Taylor, Dale Cheeseman, and Mark Wahlberg!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For me? Thanks.
I love how this is a comedy club
where they play music whenever a comedian gets introduced.
So for my podcast, they're like,
yeah, let's do that here too.
I hope you're recording this show, Houston Improv.
And I hope you don't play any more of your own music during it.
Let's say hi to my guests individually, starting with, directly to my left, it's Tim Taylor, everybody.
Thank you. Hello, Doug. Hello, Houston.
I'm stoked to be here. I am a major fan of the show.
And of all the games, there's like six or seven that I really kick ass at.
There's one that I am not good at.
Oh, okay.
Let's play that one. No, I figure the odds are really stacked that you won't pick it.
And if you do, I'll probably say something like, oh, fuck.
Something, you know.
Which one is it?
Now we need to know.
I'll whisper it to you later.
No, tell us all loudly into your microphone.
You can do it.
It's the mashup one.
Purple Rain Man?
Yes.
First game we're going to play today.
Oh, fuck.
You're an actor based in the Dallas region of Texas.
And you reached out to me and said, hey, if you need a guest in Dallas.
And I said, nope. How about Houston? And you're like, hey, if you need a guest in Dallas. I said, nope.
How about Houston?
You're like, yeah, it's only a 20-minute drive.
I could do that.
Five hours in traffic later, here you are.
Most of the five hours was actually when I got into Houston.
You fuckers have some traffic here.
Welcome to Houston. Fuck you.
Start walking, dummy.
I learned the hard way. Houston, fuck you. Exactly. Yep. Start walking, dummy. Yep.
I learned the hard way, yeah.
And you have an IMDB page and a bunch of credits,
but the one that really jumped out at me is you're in the original Hunger Games movie.
Yep, absolutely.
And what's your character in that?
I'm one of the game keepers.
I'm the one that actually fires the fireballs at Katniss, burnt her leg, did all the navigation.
You did that to Katniss?
I had to.
I had to, yeah.
Wow.
What do they call it in your IMDB page?
It's like, oh, Game Center Tech number three.
Number three.
Yeah, but apparently the most vicious of the three.
That's the idea, yeah.
I knocked off the other two completely.
So how much time did you spend with J-Law? Did you interact
with her? I was on set for 16 days and I ran
into her once. That's it.
Yeah, you ran into her, right? Literally.
Got your hands on her? Literally ran into her.
Seriously, like boom. Really?
Yeah. Her trailer was next door to where they
had me situated, my trailer. And she
had just gotten done with a scene where she's getting
waxed. I don't know if you guys saw the original movie
where they, no, seriously. Oh yeah, they totally
waxed her pussy, you guys. Yep, they did.
So as they were running
out to get rid of her and put the next
scene together, she runs around the corner,
runs into me, and that was the first, like, hey, how
you doing? And we never spoke after that. She's like,
out of my way, game tech number three.
Exactly. Exactly.
Game center tech number three?
What are those?
Sorry, I got distracted by food.
Looks good.
What are those things?
Fried okra. I can't wait to not try that.
Well, thank you for being here, Tim.
Glad to be here. And good luck in Purple Rain Man.
Thank you.
Dale Cheeseman is here, everybody. Yay. Thanks to be here. And good luck in Purple Rain Man. Thank you. Dale Cheeseman is here, everybody.
Yay.
Thanks for having me.
This is awesome.
Houston
Comedy Phenom.
Yeah. Oh, there are
people that actually know me. That's weird.
Why do y'all come to my shows?
Thanks for y'all for being here.
Yeah, this is great.
Yeah.
I live here,
and it only took me four hours
to get to the club today
because I came from Louisiana,
so I'm not going to miss this
for some show for eight people
in fucking Louisiana.
Made a good career move.
Glad to be here. You make those eight people so happy though
No
You can read the Yelp review
Nope
It'd be a shitty show
We'd all feel bad about it
Double tree in Lafayette
They're the one stars
You can hear about the show
I uh
Yeah I'm not
I don't have any movie experience
But I have an IMDB page
Like yours But it has no pictures or information
just because I did a short film.
And all it says is,
Dale Cheeseman is known for coming out.
So draw from that what you will.
It's a short film called Coming Out.
Yeah.
About the time you came out.
I don't know what it was about.
I only filmed it for like 30 minutes one day and then I never got a final copy of it.
Could be great. Could be good. Check it out. It'll be fun. Good luck finding it. I don't know where
to find it. I think there's a Vimeo link that I could find in my emails. That'll be fun.
That I could find in my emails.
That'll be fun.
Oh, jeez, man.
So, you listen to this show?
You familiar with what's going to happen?
Yeah, I've listened for like five or six years.
Are you good at the game that Tim's no good at? I'm good, like, when I play at home and I can cheat, I'm pretty good.
Oh, you just answered into the computer
when you were listening? Yeah, for sure.
Oh, if we could cheat, I'm all on board with that.
If you can't see me playing, I can do whatever I want.
So it's fine. But no, I can
whoever's name tag I pick, I'm sorry.
Just
at least your name got mentioned.
Yeah, and they'll get to say a shithead
at the end if you don't win.
Yeah, for sure.
You'll definitely get your shithead read
if I pick you.
Aiming high.
That's my goal.
What?
I don't know.
I fucked that up.
Nobody's going to want me to pick their name now.
They're just going to hide it as I walk by.
I get that.
We've proven time and time again anybody has a chance to win on this show so whoever you name tag you
pick I I think there's a chance I you're definitely gonna finish in the top three
you know with that speech my confidence has risen so high Doug believes in me
now I truly think I'm gonna win.
It's gonna be great.
Unfortunately, we've got one of the winningest players
sitting next to you.
It's Mark Wahlberg, everybody.
How you guys doing?
You doing good?
What's up, Doug?
I'm always grateful
that you show up
at these random spots
where I do the show,
but shouldn't you be
promoting Deepwater Horizon?
Yeah, go fucking see
Deepwater Horizon.
You're an American.
No, dude, I'm here for a bigger fucking reason.
I was in town.
I saw you were doing the show.
You begged me to do it.
I said yes.
I'm in town because as far as I can tell,
the Houston Texans need a new football player.
JJ Watts out.
Wahlberg's in.
Let's do this fucking shit.
Do you reread Rolling Stone magazine, Mark?
The band?
There's a magazine, yes, based on the band. Yes, the magazine that used to be about music?
Yeah.
Yeah, now it's just about anything?
Well, yeah, it's about you, apparently.
Because they recently ranked the 32 films you've starred in
from the best to the worst.
Why?
Well, I know you think it's almost a dead tie for first
between all 32 movies.
I imagine that's how they rank them.
But if you had to guess which one they think is 32,
which one would you guess is your worst movie?
Hmm.
The ones I didn't do?
No, I assume that's 33 through infinity.
I don't know.
What's a movie that people don't understand is great?
Well, here, let me help you out.
The Happening?
Let me help you out a little bit.
Let me tell you the other end of the spectrum.
Coming in at number five, your fifth greatest movie, The Fighter.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Yeah.
I love that movie. Coming in at four, this really surprised me, The Fighter. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. I love that movie.
Coming in at four, this really surprised me, The Other Guys.
Other Guys is fucking great.
You mean the movie that made Will Ferrell funny?
You're welcome.
Number three, oddly enough, is Three Kings.
It's a good fucking movie. Yeah.
I don't know why Four Brothers wasn't number four.
And then number two is Boogie Nights.
Fucking A.
So fucking good.
Yeah, so which one's number one, Mark?
Obviously The Perfect Storm.
Which one got Academy Award nominations?
It's The Departed. What? It's The Departed.
What?
It's The Departed.
I didn't hear it either.
I can't tell what you're saying.
It's The Departed.
Is it a pilot?
That's the fucking movie, dude.
The Departed.
I can't tell what you're saying.
I'm fucking saying The Departed dude
The Departed is number one
Fucking A
Where do you go?
You know what?
And what's number 32?
Do you have a guess now?
Max Payne
No The Corruptor Why? And what's number 32? Do you have a guess now? Max Payne. No.
The Corrupter.
Why?
That movie's fucking great, too.
Well, they just ranked them in, you know,
it's the least great of all 32.
Are you sure that this isn't a list
of the greatest movies of all time
and this was just one through 32?
I'm pretty sure.
Okay.
Was that with Chow Yun-fat?
Yeah.
It's not good.
I mean, I don't blame you for it not being good.
I might have been CGI'd into that fucking movie.
That's interesting.
You've never done a voice in a movie, in a cartoon?
No.
People need to see me.
This podcast proves it every time.
Now, Tim also played a role. It's kind of interesting on your IMDb, Tim also played a role.
It's kind of interesting on your IMDb, Tim. You played Customer in the movie Rockstar.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you not remember me from that?
Yeah, do you remember Tim from that?
Not just any customer.
I was the customer.
And I dealt with you?
Oh, yes, yes.
Very much so.
Did we get in a fight?
You wanted to.
It's always on the edge.
No, I don't remember it at all.
How did it go?
It went very well.
Cool.
You're welcome.
We almost worked together in contraband, too.
It would have been the customs agent that chased after you.
I didn't get it.
That's okay. You know what?
Next time, Contraband 2,
you're in it. You got it.
You heard it.
You heard it.
Contraband
was number 31 on the list.
God damn it.
I withdraw my offer to do the list. God damn it. I withdraw my offer
to do the sequel.
I'm just saying that.
So Tim,
what was the last movie
you saw?
It was almost
Bridget Jones Baby,
but then I realized
I was going to be here
and I said,
there's no fucking way
I'm going to tell everybody
the last thing I saw
was Bridget Jones Baby.
So I went to advanced screening
of Deepwater Horizon.
Whoa.
Tell us about it.
Amazingly good stuff.
Good special effects.
Good performance from our friend Mr. Wahlberg here.
Normal performance from Mr. Walker Wahlberg.
I highly recommend it.
Good stuff.
Good stuff.
Really?
Yeah, really suspenseful.
But you know how it's going to end, right?
Nope.
You don't know how Deepwater Horizon ended?
Nope.
I'll tell you how it ended.
It's probably still leaking.
Spoiler alert.
Jesus Christ.
I only get...
Doug, I only get my news from like at midnight.
Is that a burn?
No, it was a good thing.
Oh, okay.
What was the last movie
that you saw, Dale?
The last movie I saw
was Swiss Army Man.
Oh, okay.
I watched that the other night.
Felt a little familiar.
Daniel Radcliffe
was a magical boy
who becomes best friends
with kind of an awkward redhead
who has a secret crush
on kind of this nerdy, quiet brunette.
Dude, are you IMDb?
I'm just trying to promote this movie.
It's actually really fucking good.
He's Dale Cheeseman.
Yeah, so nothing. I'm nothing.
IMDb.
That's basically what that metaphor boils down to.
I'm nothing, but I definitely recommend Swiss Army Man.
It's another great...
If you believe it's like Harry Potter in his college years
when he just gets into smoking weed
and, like, fucking around for a summer,
then that's a fun watch.
Yeah, I think they've thought about calling the movie
Summer at Bernie's.
They could have.
He's just kind of been typecast
for that magical role.
Like, that's all he does.
Since Harry Potter, but that wasn't even the first one.
He was typecast for Harry Potter.
Because his first movie, he played a magician
as a kid.
He was David Copperfield
in some, like, biopic.
So that's all he's done,
is be a magician.
At first, he was like a human magician,
and fine,
and then he went even more fantastic with it,
and now in this new one,
he beats death and does magic.
So,
huh.
He's also a magician,
and now you see me too.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, right?
I didn't realize how right
I was.
Mark, have you seen any
movies lately while you're busy promoting
Deepwater Horizon?
Yeah, I usually just call them
mirrors, but
I saw The Shallows.
Oh, with Blake Lively
and a shark? I think it's about
a shark. Like, there's some chick
that's annoying the fuck out of a shark for an hour and a half.
Yeah, Blake Lively.
I don't know. She's married to Ryan Reynolds?
She was the ugly girl in the town, right?
I don't... Yeah, I think she was supposed to be pretty. She's married to Ryan Reynolds? She was the ugly girl in the town, right? Yeah, I think she was supposed to be pretty.
She's usually a pretty person.
You got your rating system, I got mine.
It was good, I liked it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, let's go fuck with a shark.
Okay.
Do you like it better than Deepwater Horizon?
Fuck no dude Are you kidding me?
Are there sharks in Deepwater Horizon?
Probably somewhere but I don't know if we caught them in the background or not
They were extras too
You shared a trailer with them?
Yeah
Just waiting around with the sharks
So y'all do this often?
Just the shallows and this Alright Bert Kreischer turn off the show with them, just waiting around with the sharks. So you all do this often? Ten sharks, me, and a trailer.
That was it.
All right, Bert Kreischer, turn off the show because I'm about to say,
let the games begin.
Gentlemen. Oh, shit.
You have many wonderful name tags.
What a lovely, lovely tag.
Oh, place is going crazy.
We got to go to a commercial break. While they pick their name tags from this crazy crowd,
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Alright, we're back.
You guys did it. You selected
name tags. Tough choices out
there. Not easy.
What'd you come up with there, Tim?
I got Cheech and Chong's
Up and Schmoker
and I'm assuming their name's Schmo?
She's a Schmo, evidently.
What's your name?
Your last name is Schmoker?
Wow.
Up and Schmoker.
Even better.
All right.
It works.
That's very cute.
Let me see that.
It's got Chris Cubis and Dale Cheeseman's on here?
How'd you figure that out?
Oh, you put it on your calendar, you son of a bitch.
You're that user that keeps losing.
Oh, dude.
How did you not pick this one?
Because I don't know how to read yet.
It's got to be the only Cheeseman name tag in the crowd,
and you didn't even see it.
No, it can't be.
Right, guy?
Okay.
No, it is.
But you picked a very brightly lit
name tag. Tell us about yours, Dale.
This one is awesome.
It's the Saturday Night Dance
Enchantment Under the CJ.
A little Back to the Future.
Have I seen
that one before?
I think I saw it online.
So it's not even original? I'm picking again.
Very good.
And Mark?
What's up, dude?
I picked a name tag
for two reasons.
One,
you're on it
and I thought you looked cute.
Oh, thanks.
Two, I made this dude promise
on his dead fucking mom's grave
that he drew this himself, and he did draw it himself.
In fact, he's so goddamn proud of his work,
he signed it and dated it.
It's a work of art.
I guess so.
And it says, Jake and Silent Bob, strike back.
So I guess his name is Silent.
Way to go, Silent.
Fuck yeah, dude.
And then he gave me a whole bunch of, I don't know,
I imagine it's just what fat people put in boxes.
That looks like some donuts.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't mind throwing a few donuts around.
We got like really gourmet bucks.
Are they super messy ones?
Are they sugary or what are they?
No, they're just like little fat biscuits.
And they're frosted.
Shipley donuts.
Oh, yeah.
They're all squished up against each other,
so the frosting comes off of the top of one
onto the back of another one.
Good job, Shipley.
Oh, shit, Shipley.
Pugs and donuts.
Sausage party.
Sausage party's too close for throwing donuts.
All right.
Oh!
Sausages flew off of his side.
Somebody's holding up a big picture Of that dude from the Burbs
Tom Hanks
Hit that Tom Hanks face
Hit it
Okay I'm gonna try alright
Yeah
Nice
Fuck you Tom Hanks
This is a gourmet box.
This donut has bacon on it.
Give me a target, Doug.
Give me a target.
There's a target.
There's somebody actually holding up a red target.
Yeah!
Goddamn.
Wow.
Dale Cheeseman, we're three for three.
Yeah, it's two for two.
Pick your target.
Four.
Nice!
Four out of four.
This is the greatest
targets nailed. For the listener at home,
this is the greatest American Gladiators game
you've never seen.
This one has fruity pebbles on it. I'm not
throwing that one. All right, yeah. All of
these ones are pretty
colorful, so let's hold off on
those for now. You can throw that
one if you want. It's already out. Alright, let's take a
shot at
there. No! The one
behind him. For sure keeping this.
No! Oh! That sounded
like it hit a face.
That's exactly who I was aiming at.
Exactly.
The meringue threw me off on it.
That dude was like, let me just finish up this text real quick.
So it hit you in the face?
Hey, person I threw the bacon one at, did you try it?
Be honest.
I'm not going to.
I was hoping some dedicated fan was like, I have to try this bacon donut.
I'm sure they're good.
It's got bacon on a donut.
Nothing wrong there.
Mark, what did you bring for the prize bag?
You know what?
When I heard about JJ and I left town, I just walked into Donnie's room, grabbed two
video games, and brought them here.
So I've got
PlayStation 3's Batman
Arkham Asylum.
And because Donnie doesn't appreciate his
gifts, an unopened PlayStation 2
SSX 3.
You're welcome.
Yeah, those are good.
Dale?
I got a, if you're a comedy fan
of this podcast, I got two
weekend passes. Why would you be a comedy fan if you're listening to this?
I got two categories.
I got two weekend passes to the
Come and Take It comedy takeover.
It's happening in November.
It's going to be a huge show, so you got that.
And if you're a movie fan, I got this Pokeball weed grinder.
So covering all my bases.
I think it's pretty cool.
If you're a movie fan.
I don't know how you all watch movies, but I've got a pretty set routine.
Pokemon weed grinder.
Oh, I see.
To grind your weed before you watch a movie.
Yeah, the Pokeball was just kind of there.
I just needed a grinder.
That's my personal one, so I've already started your collection on the bottom.
You're welcome.
What do you got for us, Tim?
I scoured my closet and came up with a couple things I think are kind of cool. First, a
gilf hat from the recently
canceled Fox
TV show Grandfathered.
Grandfather? I'd like to fuck.
I can only think of like three.
And we're surprised it got canceled.
Also, I got a t-shirt
From the recently cancelled
Fox TV show
The Grinder
People love that show
Not anymore
Is that Fred Savage on that t-shirt?
Yeah it is
That dude's a fucking national treasure
And I wanted to be really unique,
and I came up with something
I don't think anyone's ever done.
I actually brought a couple script pages
from the Hunger Games
that I actually had in my back pocket
the entire shoot.
It was actually on a screen.
Oh, and a Scream Queens bag
from the not-yet-canceled Fox Show screen.
Wow.
I'm in none of these,
but I think Fox just likes to taunt me
by sending me shit.
Yeah, there you go.
This is a really nice bag, by the way.
Sarcasm.
All right, so all of that stuff.
We got two prize bags.
Lots of stuff for the winner today.
And we are going to start
with the dreaded Purple Rain Man.
Oh, fuck.
You weren't kidding.
Oh, that's interesting timing.
I didn't consult with you first.
I'm going to start naming the third build co-stars of this mashup movie title.
Then the second build and first. Hopefully we won't need to go all the way to the first.
But you never know. Just guess as often as you like. On stage guests only.
No audience guesses.
Here we go.
Third build in this movie title mashup.
Walter Levine and William Sylvester.
What?
What?
Walter Levine and William Sylvester.
Oh, I heard you. I'm still saying what?
Second build, John Goodman and Gary Lockwood.
Right?
First build, Dan Aykroyd and Keir Dullea.
Keir Dullea.
Never was sure how to say that dude's name.
But it is a dude.
Named Keir Dullea.
Mark, nothing?
Blues Brothers 2001, A Space Oddity?
Dale?
No, nothing.
I'm assuming this is how this game goes.
What the hell do you think?
No!
Do you want to try again, Mark?
No.
What was that last word you said?
No.
Before no.
Odyssey.
What?
Odyssey.
Oh, I thought you said oddity.
No.
I'm really trying to figure out what this is, Doug. You said, I think you said it all correctly,
except I thought you said oddity.
No.
So say it.
Blues Brothers 2001, a space oddity.
Let me take this one.
I swear you're saying oddity,
and then I gave these guys a chance to just fucking steal.
They both sat there like, what?
Thousand Law and a Space Odyssey.
See, we won a steal,
but he said it correctly twice.
Alright, yeah, that's the answer.
Really? Fuck yeah.
After a couple times, it was just getting
sad.
Okay.
Yeah, I thought you said oddity.
I was like, holy shit.
I think I might have once.
I think the first time, that's what you said.
And I never said David Bowie.
All right.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
Yeah!
Mark's going to get to go first
because he killed that last game.
And there's a person in the audience
who reached out to me named Papa underscore Duck 17.
It took you a while to recognize that name.
Papa Duck.
Any reason you call yourself that?
It's my call sign.
I'm in the core.
You're in the core and it's your call sign?
Yeah.
Papa Duck?
Yeah.
Okay.
And why the 17?
That's my graduation year.
Graduation year.
Oh, wait.
What?
That's when you're going to graduate.
Yes.
Yeah, I was thinking there, I was thinking 1917.
That'd be fucking badass, dude.
Yeah.
That is one old Papa Duck.
Well, good for you, dude.
I noticed you on Twitter saying you have a great name for Last Man Stanton,
so let me have it.
In honor of Sausage Party.
In honor of Sausage Party.
Michael Ciro.
Michael Ciro?
Oh.
Michael Ciro? Did. Michael Cera?
Did you just come up with that?
Maybe.
Maybe?
When I held up the little doll of him from the movie,
you were like, that's a good one to do.
Yeah.
Sarah.
Michael Cera.
Yeah.
Okay.
The Departed.
What? The Departed. What?
The Departed.
You made me fucking self-conscious about how I say it,
so I'm trying to work it out.
The Departed.
I can't tell what you're saying sometimes.
The Departed.
Two? Departed 2. Yeah. saying sometimes the depart Ted to the part Ted to yeah I'll do that as a purple rain man on an episode you're not on god damn it
okay so we're doing Michael Cera
and you guys get a lifeline.
Your lifeline is the name tag you chose.
So you got to...
Let's do this silent.
Mark can go to Jake
and Dale can go to...
CJ.
CJ and...
I'm going to the schmo.
The schmo right there.
Oh, yeah.
Schmoker.
Schmoker. All right. Get ready. It's going to the schmo. The schmo right there. Oh, yeah. Schmoker. Schmoker.
All right.
Get ready.
It's going to be really fucking fast.
We'll start with Mark.
Sound like you're going to make love to Schmoker.
Get ready.
It's going to be fast.
Okay, here we go.
Are you ready?
Sausage party.
Too late.
You're going sausage party? fast. Okay, here we go. Are you ready? Sausage party. Too late. Oh, you're going sausage party?
Yeah.
Okay.
Super bad.
I don't care about your opinion of his work.
I just want the name of a film.
Waste of time, super bad.
500 Days of Summer.
Wow, you really want to aggressively get out of this game.
Well, I'm hoping what you do...
It seems like you're just picking a title that you know he's not even in.
I'm hoping what you do is you eliminate me and then you come back around and say,
okay, now you get to pick the next one for Last Man Stanton.
I have a freaking strategy.
You're playing two games ahead?
Yeah.
Chess! It's like chess!
I am fucked.
Yeah, in some cases, first out gets to pick first in the next round, but that's not the
case today.
Oh.
I tried.
Blind luck is good.
Who are you going to pick?
Who is I going to pick?
Yeah.
If you get to pick.
I'd go old school, because I think I got this.
Yeah?
Charles Bronson.
Whoa.
Yeah, we don't normally get to go that deep.
So from now on for this round, Michael Cera or Charles Bronson movies.
Oh!
Yes!
If Chris Hardwick can eliminate me on Ad Midnight when I have the top score...
Absolutely! Absolutely!
There are no rules anymore.
You were robbed. Robbed, I tell you.
I'll be back on Monday.
As long as I get an immediate rebooking, I'm happy.
All right, so what do you got for Charles Bronson, then, smart guy?
Let's go with assassination.
Nope.
No, I'm just kidding.
He's in a movie called Assassination?
Yeah.
Okay.
Right?
Absolutely.
I promise you.
I promise you.
Okay.
It's in the 80s, before he died.
Because Antonio Banderas was in a movie called Assassins. Yeah, it's a completely different movie. This one had Charles Bronson in it. Okay. It's in the 80s, before he died. Because Antonio Banderas was in a movie called Assassins.
Yeah, it's a completely different movie.
This one had Charles Bronson in it.
Okay.
All right.
I got to say my favorite Michael Cera movie, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
Mark? Mark There goes the other one I knew
They didn't make an Arrested Development movie yet
Wait, you're really thinking hard
When you get to choose between the great Charles Bronson
And Michael Cera
Yeah When you get to choose between the great Charles Bronson and Michael Cera?
Yeah.
Let's see here.
Okay.
Do you want to use your lifeline?
You know what?
Yeah, fuck it.
Let's do it.
Let's use your lifeline.
Jake, where you at, dude? What do you got, Jake?
Year one.
Year one, of course.
Yes.
Fuckin' A, dude.
With the guy from Gulliver's Travels
Jack Black, that's right
Maybe, he's also an Airborne, but whatever
Dale?
I'll go The Great Escape
Oh, you're going Bronson
Yeah
I don't know many of those, and he's gonna take all of them
So I gotta hold on to my Sarahs
Oh, good plan
Hold all your Sarahs. Oh, good plan.
Hold all your Sarahs close to your vest.
I like it.
Tim?
I'm going to go with my favorite Bronson movie of all time,
Breakheart Pass.
Oh.
Breakheart Pass.
I know me some Bronson. People, yeah, you know two Bronson movies.
One I've never heard of.
Okay, I'll go with Bronson with you, and I'll say Death Wish.
I'm not familiar with that one.
It's Biggie.
Mark, you don't have your lifeline anymore.
No.
Isn't Michael Cera, I'm pretty sure he's in This Is The End?
Yeah, he is.
All right, I'm out of Bronson, so...
Really?
I'll go Juno.
Really? I'll go Juno.
How about Messenger of Death?
Okay.
I'm going to go with Death Wish 2.
Heads up, you guys.
There's five or six of them.
You know what, Doug?
I'm going to trust you.
Death Wish 3.
Death Wish 4.
Full title.
God damn it.
Don't take mine, dude.
Someone's saying full title on Death Wish 4.
Is that when they finally got around to the colon
And then more words
Pretty sure it was 5
What was the answer
I thought you were going to tell me what it was called
Oh god no
I believe it was called
Death Wish 4 Youth and Revolt
Starring Michael Cera
Ah he pulled a fast one on us
Very nice.
That was for you.
All right, I'm going to go with From Noon to Three.
Wow, that gets in just in time to catch the 310 to Yuma.
It's not a Charles Bronson movie,
but it was still fun to say.
Let's see.
I'll go with...
It's funny how hard it is to remember Chuck Bronson movies,
and I saw them all when I was a kid.
There was that one time my car broke down,
so instead of seeing a Charles Bronson movie
I had to see The Mechanic
Mark
I keep getting him mixed up
with that punchable kid from the
Facebook movie
you know that little fucking kid where you're like movie.
You know that little fucking kid where you're like, you wouldn't even hit him, you would smack him?
And not even hard,
just lightly, like, don't look at me like that.
You hit him with your non-bracelet
hand, so it's probably... The bracelet hand
is an extra 47 pounds coming at you.
Oh, Michael Cera,
you little fuck.
Do you want to use
Death Wish 5?
There's no way it was called that.
It was, but there was
something at the end.
Oh, really? Fuck.
Alright, you're out. Yeah, let's go out.
I'll jump back in if I think of a Michael Cera.
No, no, you're out for good.
Never out
for good.
You can play in the next game.
Lawrence of Arabia?
I have
no idea if he's in these. I'm just naming old
movies.
And then when you look at me like that,
I jump back into Nick and Nor's Infinite Playlist and just stay in the game.
Just staying in the game.
You can't test the waters.
I'm just dipping a toe in Bronson.
I thought we had him.
I thought we had him.
That's like buzzing in on Jeopardy.
Who is Charles Bronson or Michael Cera?
Let me finish, Alex.
Or...
All right.
Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.
I saw that movie and it seemed to be finite.
I'll go with
10 to Midnight.
Just in time to catch the 1210 to Yuma.
Alright, I'm going to go with St. Ives.
I had that one in my back pocket.
Damn.
Dale?
Do you want to use your lifeline?
Yes.
Who's your lifeline?
CJ?
CJ.
What do you got, CJ?
What?
I'm sorry, that's my bed.
That's my bed.
Do you want to trade out your name tag for someone else?
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
So many volunteers.
Look at all these cutbacks.
Yes, take mine instead.
Do you want to call Michael Sarah?
All right, so CJ got nothing.
You got nothing.
Stop yelling out answers.
Yeah, what are you saying over there?
I mean, don't say it again.
Don't say it again, but why are you saying it?
Citizen Kane?
Just dipping a toe again in Bronson.
No, I'm out.
I'm out.
He's out this time.
Tim?
Love and Bullets Charlie. I Tim? Love and Bullets Charlie.
Love and Bullets Charlie?
Absolutely.
Look it up.
That can't possibly be the name of a movie.
Yep.
It's either called Love and Bullets, period, the end of the title.
Original was Love and Bullets Charlie.
They released it overseas as that, then Bullets Charlie. They recently released it overseas
as that, then took the Charlie off when they released it here.
For the listener at home,
the guy who suggested an actor
seems pretty confident about all the movies
he was in. Absolutely.
You really want to argue about this?
So you're saying that if I look it up
on IMDb right now, they're going to list
the crazy European title,
Love and Bullets Charlie.
I'll look it up on IMDC right now.
Yeah.
It's right next to us.
It's not going to say that.
What I'm guessing it's going to say is Charlie Varick.
Nope.
That's not it either?
Nope.
It is really Love and Bullets Charlie,
and they eliminated the Charlie when they released it over here.
Absolutely.
I got a girl with a very strong no head shake.
Yeah, no, she's saying her head no,
but also just go ahead and put your phone down.
They're not allowed to use phones during the show.
The Departure.
Everybody.
I'll pick another one if you want me to,
if it'll make it easier.
Another actor?
No, yes.
Let's go back to Michael, Sarah.
You guys sort this out.
I'm going to do one-arm push-ups.
I just want to rewind.
The listener at home, I proved something.
You're the winner anyway, Tim.
You won that game.
Let's hear it for Tim, everybody.
I kind of stacked the deck on that one, but hey.
Yeah, but I don't, you know, as a general rule,
I don't like a whole bunch of fact checkers in the audience telling me things during the show.
We either figure out if it's right or wrong
based on my own knowledge, and then we move on.
But I'm going to fucking look this one up.
Oh God, he really is.
No, I'm not fucking around on this one.
Yeah, it's under trivia.
Well, yeah, but I'm saying you just
need to name the name of the movie
as it would be known by people who go
to see movies in the, you know.
Like Animal House.
In the country?
Yeah.
Love and Bullets.
Yeah.
And if you scroll down, it says trivia formally named Love and Bullets.
Right, but I don't give a shit what it says right here,
that it's just called Love and Bullets.
Yeah, if we're going by that accord,
every movie I've been in has originally been called Mark Wahlberg Project.
He's got a point.
He just...
Oh, it was Walter Matthau
That was in Charlie Varick
That's what I was thinking about
They were both very old
Yeah of course
They've been around for a minute
But yeah I'd never heard of
I mean I always thought it was Love and Bullets
Because like I was a kid
And a movie called Love and Bullets came out
And I went and saw it
And that's what it's been called ever since
We're going to get a lot of tweets Hence my confusion came out and I went and saw it and that's what it's been called ever since.
We're going to get a lot of tweets.
Hence my confusion.
I don't think so. I don't think we're going to get a lot of tweets.
I think people are going to go, Doug, you're right and Tim is right that it used to be called that other thing.
Yeah, so we're all good.
I'm great.
Let's play How High Can You Get?
I'm great.
Let's play How High Can You Get?
There's a gentleman in the audience who has a suggestion for us on this one.
And I assume he's a gentleman.
Letter R underscore Philip.
There you are.
Hey, dude.
Oh, you've got a list?
There was a lot of confusion today on Twitter
because somebody wrote to me and said
they had a good Last Man Stanton suggestion,
and I already had picked somebody for that.
So I said, do you have a good suggestion
for how high can you get?
And then they wrote back in the tweet
their suggestion for what they want
for how high can you get.
And I had to write back and go,
no, I can't know ahead of time.
That's why we're doing this whole dance
So that it will be revealed at the show
so then I think our Phillips squeaked in there with with with a
Said he had an idea and I said, okay, but we I don't know why you have to have a list. We just want to hear
one genre
For the how high Can You Get game.
Serial killer movies.
So that would be movies.
I guess we have to, because there was a whole thing last,
with a recent show where it was prison movies,
and somebody wanted Dark Knight Rises to be counted as a prison movie,
and I held my ground on it.
And then I got a bunch of tweets from people going,
there's a prison in the movie.
I'm like, yeah, they drive by prisons in plenty of movies.
But Kramer vs. Kramer isn't a prison movie.
Yeah, neither is Blues Brothers.
Not a fucking prison movie.
No, but there's a prison in it.
No, I agree with you, Doug.
There you go.
I got your fucking back every day.
So Tim won the last game. so he gets to go first.
We'll go the opposite direction.
We'll go to Dale and then Mark.
Diddy.
Let's go with Manson.
Okay.
Scream.
Yeah, I'll take it.
I'll take scream.
There's no debate on that.
He was a serial killer.
Serial killer.
So this is a movie...
These are movies where people eat breakfast?
I let Donnie do one joke.
Hey, Mark.
All right.
Call me serial killer.
You know why?
Why?
Because I like to fuck up a bowl.
Fuck yeah, dude.
All right.
Screen two.
We need a one word Title for a serial killer film
Okay
Copycat
Very good
I'll go with Zodiac
Now the next round
Don't get hasty you guys
Starts with Dale
A two word
Serial killer
Title Scream 2 Starts with Dale. A two-word serial killer title.
Scream 2.
Don't fucking clap for a thief.
Scream 3.
Son of a bitch.
I'll go Halloween 2.
Oh!
Let's go with American Psycho. Yeah!
People love that one.
All right, Mark, can we start us off
with three words, serial title,
serial killer title.
I wish I could pretend this is hard.
Kiss the girls.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Hmm.
.
Shit, this is harder than I thought it was gonna be.
Of course, I'm referring to my dick.
Um...
Old title!
And it finally happened, Doug I've done this show 27 times
And someone yelled out at an appropriate moment
You know what?
Don't get cocky, there won't be another one
Yeah, when somebody yells out something
And it gets a laugh, then they're like
ready to yell out another thing.
I'll just warn you right now, dude.
It will not be the same experience.
Just walk away.
I'm going to tap.
I'm going to tap just to keep this moving
because I don't want to sit here thinking too long.
What do you got, Tim?
Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
All right. thinking too long. What do you got, Tim? Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Alright.
I think there's probably a the at the beginning of that. The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre. Yeah.
So can I use it again on the four?
You might be able to, but I bet you somebody else will take
it first. Do you have something
for the three round?
first do you have something for the three round the Omega code okay the devil's rejects all right we need four word title from Tim right the Texas Chainsaw Massacre
they worked out pretty good the Freddy vs. Jason Pretty sure versus is two words dude
The left
Everybody's counting titles on their fingers Love and Bullets Charlie
Love and Bullets
No I'm not giving you that
Because that validates the last round
Where I think you were wrong
But Halloween 420
Wasn't there that one if you split the numbers up?
No, I'm out.
Halloween H20?
Halloween H20?
All right, I'll give it to you, Mark.
Oh, okay, I'll take it.
Thank you.
Nightmare on Elm Street?
A.
Is it A? Nightmare.
All right, give me a second.
On.
Okay, give me a second here.
You can do this.
Have you ever been in a serial killer movie?
I don't think so. Boogie Nights, maybe. You can do this. Have you ever been in a serial killer movie?
I don't think so. Boogie Nights, maybe.
That's fucking five, you fucking extra words.
Fuck you, extra words.
All right, I'm going to have to call it.
I got another one, but I don't know if there's a the in front of it,
and that fucks it up, too.
There probably is a the, but you can try it.
The Amityville Horror 2?
That's definitely got a subtitle after the 2.
It does? I would imagine. Alright, fuck it. Move along. Let a normal person
win.
We still have one more game after this, so you're
not out.
Five words,
starting with Dale.
Alright, if you think about it... For For four I came up with Along Came a Spider
Oh nice
If you think about it
Because you helped me with the other Alex Cross movie
It's for five right?
Yeah five
Okay if you consider that the cars keep killing people
Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift
Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift.
Cars keep killing every single movie. Car kill somebody.
If not that, Last House on the Left.
Yeah, let's go with the one that's an actual serial killer movie.
Yeah, I can't do five again. I don't know why I have
savers for this.
Tim?
Amityville Horror,
The New Nightmare.
It's five.
Okay, I don't know
if that's what it was called.
Here, sir.
That guy's got your back.
Burp.
Okay, so you get to go six now.
I got one.
I'm not in it, but I got one.
Okay.
Nightmare on Elm Street.
Two.
Two. Yeah, there's more to it than that. Three. On Elm Street, two.
Two.
Yeah, there's more to it than that.
Three?
You know, it's Freddy's Revenge, I think, is the second one, and on and on.
No?
But you know what I mean?
There's something on there.
It's not just a two.
There's more to it than that.
I may have to tap.
We got another game coming up, though, right? Yeah, we do. Tap. Dale's more to it than that. I may have to tap. We got another game coming up though, right?
Yeah, we do. Tap.
Dale, you did it.
Nice.
That was for y'all.
Do you have a sixer?
I know what you did last summer.
Oh. Do you have a seven? I still
know what you did last summer.
Fucking A, dude.
Hey.
For the Littlest Heart Home,
Dale looks like a Make-A-Wish kid.
He's so happy.
So happy.
Like John Cena just walked in here.
Like John Cena just walked in here Thank you all so much
Actually yeah we wanted to tell you
You have cancer
You wanted the middle seat
Honestly this is probably the best way to find out
You know what no matter what I tell you
It's always the best way to find out
That's true to find out. You know what? No matter what I tell you, it's always the best way to find out.
That's true.
When I just said a nightmare on Elm Street 2,
Freddy's Revenge,
someone loudly and proudly
in the audience went,
no.
Do you get to say fuck you?
Yes.
Wherever that came from.
Hit yourself.
Just keep your wrong answers
to yourself
and your right answers
to yourself.
Don't say anything.
This show will find its way
regardless of what the audience says.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3
would have been a good one for a longer answer
because that one's got two words.
Dream Warriors.
And then, yeah, these Nightmare on Elm Street titles
are so fucking long.
What happened? Seven Deadly Sins? and then yeah these these Nightmare on Elm Street titles are so fucking long what happened seven deadly sins I didn't say shit that's the suggestion from the audience right after me expressly saying I don't like it when the audience says stuff all right so we'll With Dale this time getting one point lead in the round of Jason and Deb's IMDB game.
Let's do it, CJ.
To the top.
You can do this, dude.
So he's got one point already.
Each correct answer is worth one point, plus you can get bonus points
for the extra titles
that you can name
in the top four.
And negative one for
a wrong answer.
And then once you get the right answer, then we go
to the boner points.
You heard me.
Bonus points are great and all, but boner points,
those really, really stand out on a college application.
I'm going to dominate some fucking boner points.
All right.
What actor or actress has in their top five,
buzz in with your own name, by the way.
You remember how to do that, Mark?
Fucking A. I just say Mark.
I only cough when I laugh.
Here we go.
That's not the first title.
The first title
of this person's top four on their IMDb page,
A Beautiful Mind.
Mark.
Oh, shit, he's going for it.
Russell Crowe.
Incorrect!
Negative one point
for Mr. Wahlberg. Sit the rest of this one out, Mr. Wahlberg.
Sit the rest of this one out, Mark.
Gladly.
Dale and Tim.
The second movie,
after A Beautiful Mind,
Gravity.
Now, I'm not a mathematician.
Yeah, Dale, Sandra Bullock.
But gravity has three people in it.
And Sandra Bullock is not in a beautiful mind.
Yeah, that's what I was lost on.
I didn't even know the other two people in gravity.
I know one of them.
Tim.
Yeah?
The third movie.
This is just you.
The Ab movie. This is just you. The Abyss.
And the fourth movie.
Can I just tell you one?
Good for one point.
No, you're out.
It's good for one point.
The Rock You sure this isn't the game you're no good at?
Name the four movies one more time for me please
A Beautiful Mind
Gravity
The Abyss
And The Rock
Tell me when I can say it Doug
Let's go with Sean Connery No Gravity, The Abyss, and The Rock. Tell me when I can say it, Doug.
Let's go with Sean Connery.
No.
What's the correct answer, Mark?
Well, first of all, I'm surprised Pollock isn't in there,
because it's Ed fucking Harris.
Yep, Ed Harris is the voice in gravity from Apollo
from Houston.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, great job, you guys.
Thank you.
So now I'm in the lead with zero.
They both have negative one.
You're, yeah, you, well,
yeah, you have zero.
Thanks for reminding me.
You lost that one point lead you'd built up.
But now they're both at negative one, so I still have that lead.
Yeah, you have zero.
It's important to me. I want to hold on to it.
You also have stage four lymphoma, so.
Yeah.
And, like, yeah, just for future reference,
like if you're kind of unsure,
like you're pretty sure Sean Connery is an ingravity.
Yeah.
So you got a negative point for saying that.
Okay.
So try to, you know, try to restrain yourself.
Those aren't the right words.
Put yourself in a straitjacket, Tim.
Straightjacket for your mouth. Here's the right words. Put yourself in a straight jacket, Tim. Straight jacket for your mouth.
Here's the next round.
Who stars in these four things?
Starting with Apollo 13.
I like it.
You guys don't want negative points.
Holding back.
But this person was also in.
Footloose.
Mark.
Tim.
Mark got in there.
Who is it, Mark?
Kevin Bacon.
That's correct.
Mark, you're at zero now.
You have a chance for two points,
two boner points,
if you can name two more Kevin Bacon vehicles.
This guy says yes to more things than De Niro.
They both work a lot.
Wow.
What is your top four K-bakes?
That's what you call them?
K-bakes?
Yeah, call them K-bakes.
Or Easy Bakes Oven.
Whatever.
I don't get penalized for guessing these other ones?
No, you just have to guess, yeah.
Okay.
Animal House. National L. Okay. Animal House.
National Lampoon's Animal House.
And?
How much do people like The Invisible Man?
X-Men Origins.
All right, well, nice try.
They went with Mystic River
and X-Men First Class.
Oh, fuck yeah, that's what it was.
Yeah, that First Class messed you up.
But now you have zero,
and Dale has zero,
and Tim is bringing up the rear with negative one.
I'm the comeback kid.
We'll see about that.
Get that sheet ready, Will.
The comeback kid is here.
Whose IMDB page starts with Titanic?
Dale.
Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dale.
I wanted the chance for three.
Yeah, you go for it sometimes.
Sorry.
And sometimes you get kicked in the balls.
That's incorrect.
You want to jump in, Mark or Tim?
Oh, I swear to God.
Let's do it.
Tim, Kate Winslet.
No.
God damn it.
Wahlberg's sitting pretty.
Always.
Always.
The second title,
Apollo 13.
Guys, I don't have to.
Yeah, you don't want to risk getting a negative point.
You're in the lead now with zero.
And then the next title
is
Aliens.
Titanic,
Apollo 13, and Aliens.
I swear to God, Doug,
this is my answer, but for a second I was like,
was Tom Skerritt
in fucking Titanic?
Was he in any of these three movies?
I was like
that sneaky ass Billy Zane
was he in fucking Titanic?
A little sneaky fucker, Billy Zane
Alright, I'm going to give you the fourth title.
Okay, let's see if I can do it.
Edge of Tomorrow.
Oh.
Who is movies I've turned down?
Edge of Tomorrow.
Those are four big ones, dude.
I think they all turned out pretty good, too.
I don't need it.
I don't know.
I mean, none of these are the Corrupter, that's for sure.
It ain't fucking Kathy Bates.
Correct.
Although she did play the unsinkable Molly Brown in Titanic.
And I think that's shitty of a survivor of something like that, the Titanic, to nickname themselves unsinkable Molly Brown in Titanic. And I think that's shitty of a survivor
or something like that, the Titanic,
to nickname themselves unsinkable.
Fuck you.
A lot of people died.
You weren't the only unsinkable one,
but you were one of the fattest.
Doug is so bad at Molly Brown.
Nothing?
No.
Okay.
Nothing.
All right.
It's a gentleman who goes by the name Bill Paxton.
Now, if you had said Twister.
Oh, so that's how this works?
If I say a fifth title, that's the one you know?
No, you could have switched one of them out.
That's true.
All right, so to recap these exciting scores,
Mark is winning with zero.
Dale is in second place with negative one.
And Tim's got negative three.
So Tim...
What?
How'd that happen?
Okay, negative two.
I was projecting
what I think was going to happen next.
But you've heard the show
in the past, right?
Okay.
Just checking.
Sometimes it's not a movie, you guys.
Sometimes it's something else.
TV show.
Whose IMDb page starts
with CSI
New York? Mark.
Who is it, Mark? Gary Sinise.
That's correct.
That's correct.
Let's do this.
Well, I mean, you pretty much won just by doing that,
but if you want to name three more, you can.
Okay.
Just for the record books.
Apollo 13.
Forrest Gump. And God, I hope he didn't do like a guest star
on another CSI and they think that's
fucking important
they might have done a crossover with Vegas
or Miami
and then they like think that fucking matters
CSI Paducah
let's go with
The Lieutenant Dan Band documentary
Does he really have a band called the Lieutenant Dan Band?
Fucking A, he does
And all the money goes to the Wounded Warrior Project
Good for him?
Yeah
The band sucks, though
The Wounded Warriors, they don't listen, but they appreciate the support.
Yeah, that's true.
No reason to wound them further.
Kay Bakes and his brother, they can fucking play some music.
What do they call themselves?
The Bacon Brothers.
Don't anybody fucking yell no
and then make Doug check it,
because it's true.
Yeah, I've heard of that.
What's Russell Crowe's band called?
American Gladiator?
It's like, I forget how many feet.
Is it 40-odd feet of grunts?
Yeah, 30-odd feet of grunts.
Yeah, see, when you have an odd measurement,
it's odd feet, it's hard to keep track of how much.
What does he play in the band, the tambourine?
He's the lead singer.
Well, I guess if other people won't cast you, cast yourself.
Did you see Les Miserables?
Because Russell Crowe does the same thing.
Whenever he sings badly in public,
he goes up on the roof and jumps off.
That guy's a survivor then.
So what was your fourth
Gary Sinise?
I couldn't think of another good Gary Sinise movie.
Okay.
I mean, I want to say like Grapes of Brass.
There's absolutely no reason to drag this out.
Yeah, no, I just couldn't. So that's why I went with some
fake-ass documentary. Oh, that's right.
Yeah. Forrest Gump
did not make the top four. Whoa.
Wow. Isn't that crazy?
Life's like that sometimes.
This game is like a box of chocolates.
Bite into it and go,
ugh.
That reminds me, we've got more donuts to throw.
Whoa, yeah.
Apollo 13
was the second one.
Did you say that? You said that.
Yes.
You got that.
No Forrest Gump and no Odd Feet of Grunts.
What was your other guess?
Because I was wrong.
Lieutenant Bam Bam documentary time.
Yeah.
They went with The Green Mile and Mission to Mars.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And why did you get Gary Sinise so fast?
CSI New York.
And because I felt like Apollo 13 kept showing up in the game. Yeah, you noticed that,ise so fast? CSI New York. And because I felt like Apollo 13
kept showing up in the game.
Yeah, you noticed that, didn't you? Fucking A, dude.
Yeah, all of the answers were people
from Apollo 13.
Because we're
in Houston.
Congratulations for winning
today, Mark. Would you like to throw the first donut?
Fucking A, right I would. You can open your mouth or your legs, but this winning today, Mark. Would you like to throw the first donut? Fucking A-rat I would.
You can open your mouth or your legs,
but this donut's fucking coming.
You know what?
Oh, I like how it says on the cover,
glazed and confused.
That's cute.
Okay, I will throw it at you,
but you gotta put your hands down.
Behind your back
I'm just joking
This donut looks like it has pesto on it
The trouble is when you hit somebody's name tag
It just falls down on the ground in front of them
There's a picture of Char-Char for the listener at home
And he deserves what he's about to get
Just want one? Jar Jar for the listener at home, and he deserves what he's about to get.
Just want one?
Ah!
Ooh!
I really was aiming for the other person.
Who's close and wants one?
Who's close?
I'm not throwing this jelly filled... There you go.
You want to do the last one?
No.
Did you hit the person behind you?
One left.
There's one left.
One left. Who wants it?
Oh, hell. Let's do it.
Do it.
Do it.
We're going. Where are we going?
Over there? Nerdist.
Yeah.
I like that you guys think this turned into an all-request show.
Hey, Schmokeroker come get your prizes
oh wait did you win Oh Jake I'm sorry silent sorry smoker she walked up to take them like yeah right I'm she's gonna if i'm gonna give him to her she's gonna take him uh there you go dude congratulations
doug do you want to do a line
what do you got to plug tim what's coming up in your uh acting career a couple films coming out
i just finished a thing for the reels channel, Ronald Reagan docudrama. Ronald Reagan.
It's called From Movie
Star to President, playing his
campaign manager in the 70s.
So that's coming up. And I'm trying to hit on my
Twitter, so please, Tim Taylor actor.
Facebook, Twitter, Tim Taylor actor.
All one word. Thank you.
Thank you, Tim Taylor, everybody.
Thank you, everybody.
Dale Cheeseman has got his phone out,
probably looking to see if Love and Bullets Charlie is the title.
Trying to figure out what that date I have is.
What?
Cheeseman's a man.
Cheeseman's a man?
Thank you.
I'm trying to get the word out that I'm a man.
Cheeseman's.
There's a lady who just keeps yelling, Cheeseman's the man.
We'll talk after the show until she's annoyed.
Then I'll have one less thing.
Do you have a man?
Then what do you need a Cheeseman for?
I'm sorry, man. You look tough.
I'm going to be
in New Orleans for Hell Yes Fest
on October 14th
Hell Yes
Yeah I'll be on
Good Heroin in LA
October 28th
Wait you're just gonna
find some good heroin
when you get to LA?
That's the plan
this guy
He's on his phone
just looking at dick pics
that's all he's doing
That's where I edit over
and they're flyers that's what comedy flyers have become just a picture of a dick with some names tattooed He's on his phone just looking at dick pics. That's all he's doing right now. That's where I edit over them.
They're flyers.
That's what comedy flyers have become.
Just a picture of a dick with some names tattooed on it.
So come to that good heroin show.
It'll be a good time, good dick.
And good heroin.
Thank you, Dale Cheeseman.
Thanks for being here.
Cheeseman's the man.
Cheeseman. Thanks for being here.
Cheeseman's the man.
And Mark Wahlberg, star of Deepwater Horizon. Fucking A.
Go see that movie right now, because just like
voting, it's your fucking responsibility.
And I've got some other great news. As of this morning,
no fucking joke, we just wrapped
footage, final day, Transformers 5.
So that shit's to be coming out.
Do you know what
the clunky subtitle
is on Transformers 5?
Yeah, Transformers 5 Mark Wahlberg
Project.
Charlie.
Charlie.
Got to throw that in there
at the end.
That's going to be the hashtag for this episode, Love and Bullets Charlie. Charlie. Got to throw that in there at the end. That's going to be the hashtag for this episode,
Love and Bullets Charlie.
Because we all learned something new today.
And I'm going to be at, I already mentioned this once,
but it's worth mentioning again.
I'm going to be in Charlotte, North Carolina,
at the Comedy Zone on Saturday, October 14th at 420.
There's a couple tickets left. How do you spell Charlie?
C-H-R-L-I-E? Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah, Tim knows it.
That is the truth about Charlie.
That was ranked
number 31 on the list of your shittiest
movies. Motherfucker.
One more time for Mark Wahlberg,
Dale Cheeseman, and Tim Taylor.
I never tell the guests whether to stay or go during this part,
so sometimes they sit around and all talk during it,
sometimes they leave, and this time they all just left.
They all just took a powder.
So I get to just relax by myself for a second.
As always, because I feel bad for calling Chris Hardwick a shithead last week,
I, CJ, am a shithead.
But you called him a shithead because he kicked me off of At Midnight for winning, right?
Top of the patriarchy.
Yeah, top of the patriarchy.
So I didn't mind that so much.
I mean, I was shocked to see him as a shithead because he's a friend of mine.
I mean, he was.
And the Astrodome is a shithead.
Play that closing theme!
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.