Doug Loves Movies - "Mark Wahlberg," Graham Elwood and Geoff Tate
Episode Date: July 9, 2015Live from The American Comedy Company in San Diego, Doug welcomes fan favorites "Mark Wahlberg," Graham Elwood and Geoff Tate to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy an...d California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies!
There's a little bit of anger in that version of that one.
Probably because you had to deal with all the traffic and shit.
Coming to you once again from the American Comedy Company,
the favorite comedy club of bald eagles,
in sweet home San Diego.
San Diego!
Have you guys seen Chronicon,
most of which takes place in this club?
A few of you have? Good, good.
You can still check it out from now on.
No rush, I guess.
It's Wednesday, July 8th, 2015.
Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow.
Let's see your name tag, Sandy D.
Impress me.
Stoner Wars.
The Anthony Strikes Back. Part Deux.
I like it.
It's good front row action.
Ready, Player Juan?
There's that umbrella full of candy that I saw outside on the street.
And KellyCon, Episode 420 in New Dope,
where my bong from the Chronicon poster is lighting up,
and she's Princess Leia,
and there's some donuts flying through the sky.
It's pretty amazing.
The Skeleton Tims.
Finally somebody had fun with that movie's title.
Jeff, who lives at home in San Diego,
and he's got an arrow.
My wife!
She's got a lot of candy
on her. The great
Casey? Yeah, the great
Casey instead of the great race.
There's a nice picture of Natalie Wood and her
titas.
Anyway, there's lots of name tags.
Thanks, you guys, so much for bringing those.
We've got three discerning guests
who will really work hard to
pick out the best possible
name tags. Pittsburgh,
this weekend, that's right, I'm leaving
Comic-Con early to come to
Pennsylvania, so you better
show up, Pittsburghers.
LA, Monday night,
I'm doing my second annual
goon screening at CineFamily.
Come out to that.
It's going to be completely uninterrupted by me.
It's just a great movie
that I like to watch with an audience.
DougLowesMovies.com
for all your Doug Benson tour info.
From the corrections department,
Meg Ryan was not in the mean season.
Now it's time for tweet relief.
Tweets about movies. Tired meme cat
tweeted to me. Doug Benson,
before renting Chronicon, I accidentally
rented Morgan Spurlock's Comic-Con.
Bet I'm not alone.
I bet you're not,
meme cat. This has been tweet
relief. Tweets about my new movie.
Next free
Doug Loves Movies at UCB is
Los Angeles. In Los Angeles
is this Tuesday, July 14th at
7 o'clock sharp. And I'm doing
stand-up Wednesday, July 15th
at the Punchline in San Francisco.
Let's look in the prize bag, you guys.
It's a good one.
The guests all brought
stuff, too. This is just the stuff that I brought. I was
walking over here and I got one of these foam finger things for Sharknado 3. Oh, hell no.
And I guess it's like sort of like a, what's it supposed to be? Like a buzzsaw or something?
All right. And you stick your hand up in there and you go like that. Gee, what's it supposed to be? Like a buzzsaw or something? Alright, and you stick your hand up in there
and you go like that.
Gee, that's a lot of fun.
Somebody's
really going to be in luck. Like you can't just go get
those out there.
From my new friends at Mindful
in Denver, this packet
that's, this is how you're
supposed to carry your weed in Colorado
to make it all legal and such.
And then from the Tempe, Arizona show,
I saved one mandle.
I flew with a mandle.
They're very, very heavy.
My glass was jumping up and down like we were in Jurassic Park.
Remember that first one a long time ago?
I was just on At Midnight for the 18th time,
so I brought you some Bananagrams.
And...
Oh, this is fun.
A friend of mine in Houston, Texas,
makes these little things that you can put a roach in
and then put it up to your mouth, and they're cute,
but then you don't burn your mouth.
And this one is a little minion.
And I don't think there are any one-legged minions.
One of his legs just fell off in transit.
Or I think when she handed it to me,
I think it busted off in my hand because I'm a klutz.
All of that, plus what my guests brought,
you know, it's Comic Con
so the guests are always great, but
this year I think you guys are going to be pleased
because it's three favorites on the show.
Please give a big warm welcome
to Graham Elwood, Jeff Tate, and
Mark Wahlberg! Thank you. Keep it going!
Sorry, Mark.
I have kind of a cough,
so I might cough on you a little bit
during the show tonight.
It's all right, dude.
How you doing?
It's been a while.
Mark Wahlberg, everybody.
How you guys doing?
You doing good?
Fucking hurt you are.
I'm here.
What's going on, dog?
Not much.
I haven't seen Ted 2 yet.
I apologize for that.
What the fuck's wrong with you, dude?
It's just you and the bear again, right?
Fucking killing it is what we're fucking doing.
Okay.
And I walked out on Entourage. You want to know why?
You just couldn't handle how good it was?
No. Once I got to your scene, I was like, the movie's peaked.
You're in it too little. You're not in it enough.
Yeah, but I fucking steal that shit, don't I?
I think you should have played Vince from the start.
I think it should have always been you as yourself, because that guy is not a movie star like you.
Yeah, I know, that's a good point,
but it just took up way too much fucking time,
and then they were like, what about Donnie?
And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
Dwayne The Rock Johnson's on a TV show on HBO now,
Ballers, which is just Entourage, but with sports.
Yeah, but The Rock fucking needs that.
I don't need shit.
San Andreas
and The Last Fast and Furious are some of the biggest
movies that have been out. He's doing great.
Okay, one, the fucking environments,
the fucking star of the movie.
And the other one...
Kind of like The Happening?
Yeah.
Except for in that...
Except for in that,
I won.
And then the other movie, he spends a whole fucking movie in a cast.
That's not acting.
Go fucking see Fear.
That's fucking acting.
You're lucky I was in town.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
What's going on?
I think it's pretty fucking obvious.
Shark Week.
Oh, you're busy during shark week
because you're out punching sharks?
Fuck yeah, dude.
We just go down the coast, I get in the cage,
I wait, and I fucking punch them.
And you know what?
They're like, thank you.
I'm like, you're welcome, you fucking shark.
It's great.
Well, it's good to have you back on the show, Mark.
Thanks, dude.
I'm glad to be here.
Let's meet the other fellas.
Jeff Tate is here, you guys.
Hello.
Hi, Doug.
Jeff gets so excited
when he gets to sit next to Mark Wahlberg.
Yeah, I'm very excited, yeah.
I'm hoping for some of that magic
to rub off on me.
The fuck's that mean, dude?
I don't know.
I don't think it was sarcastic. I think he just really
thinks you're great and wants to
be like you. I'm a fan. Have you seen Two Guns?
Have I fucking seen it? Yes.
It's called A Mirror. Yeah.
Yeah, it's
pretty rad, man. It is really
fucking good. It was me and the dude from Glory just
fucking killing shit. Do you...
Morgan Freeman? Do you...
Yeah, yeah. He's great in that.
Yeah, do you watch your own movies?
I mean, sometimes.
Like, Transformers I'll fucking watch
because it's...
Those robots are fucking crazy, dude.
Other than that...
Boogie Nights, have you given Boogie Nights
an extra view ever?
Sometimes I'll watch
fucking Renaissance Man.
Did they have to give you
a smaller dick in Boogie Nights?
Is that what I heard?
That you just,
like your regular dick
is so big that that,
that one that was like a foot
was shorter than usual?
True story.
Why am I bombing tonight?
I think everybody bombs
when Mark Wahlberg's in the house
True story
That mirror is 72 feet away
Alright, okay
That's how they did it
See, if you didn't say the bombing thing
He would have come in with a nice laugh
And you set him up
He's still got the laugh
We both got laughs then
Yeah, right, Donnie's a movie star.
And Graham Elwood is here.
Take control, gas lamp.
Take control of your bowels.
Of your quarter.
Graham, let's talk about it.
It's coming up rapidly.
L.A. Podfest.
Yeah!
Fourth annual.
Fourth annual, September 18th through 20th
at the Sofitel Hotel.
There was a couple,
Winnie and Mike,
who I think got engaged there last year,
and they had a baby,
and they named the baby Podfest.
Oh, that's going to be a miserable life
for that child.
Yeah, they named it
Honshot First Podfest and then whatever the fuck
the kid's last name is, I don't care.
But
it was great.
So yeah, come to Podfest. Doug, you're in it?
You're doing Podfest? I know Sklarbro Country
is there, so I believe Mr. Wahlberg will be there.
He might come by.
Yeah, we'll try to get Jeff to come by.
But all the great podcasters are going to be there for all under one roof,
and it's a really fun weekend.
I'm going to do my food podcast, Dining with Doug and Karen.
So at that one, everyone will get to try all the food.
And that was fun when we did it there a couple years ago.
Yeah.
And, yeah, it's a great event.
And also, where are we at with the earbuds, the podcast movie? was fun when we did it there a couple years ago yeah and uh yeah it's a it's a great event and
also where are we at with uh the the earbuds the podcast earbuds were in the final stages of that
i'm actually driving back early friday after uh comic-con we're finishing that up and we will be
uh you know previewing it at uh the pot fest that'll be the first ever screening of it so
come up for that. And other things.
I've been stuck in a fucking editing room.
I don't get to see the sun anymore.
Wait, you're going to show the movie for the first time at PodFest?
Yep. That's awesome.
It's going to be amazing.
I'm excited, but also terrified because everyone watching it will be either
in it, gave money to Kickstarter,
or both.
So if they hate it,
I'm going to fucking,
you'll never see me again.
I'm going to run free and murder.
Hey, Graham.
Why murder?
Graham.
Why is murder one of the options?
Jeff, it is always one of the options.
Hey, Graham Elwood.
Yes, Mark.
I'm just going to say,
if your movie fucking sucks,
I will do a one-and-a-half-minute scene and save that shit.
Done deal.
We're going to put you in it.
Fucking make it happen.
Yeah.
You know what?
Get Adrian Grenadewater to be in it,
and we'll just do a scene where I make fun of him in a hallway again.
People fucking love that shit.
Yeah, we're gonna
ink a deal with Adrian Grenadewater
and it's gonna be rad.
Is that how you pronounce it?
Hot dogs and grenade water.
Hot dogs and grenade water.
Who gives a shit?
Jeff, Meg Ryan isn't
in the mean season.
You tricked me on that one
episode. It wasn't intentional.
I know, but found that out. Yeah, you tricked me on that one episode. It wasn't intentional. I know, but you did it.
That's all I'm going to say about that.
Have you been in the movies lately, Jeff?
No, the last movie I saw was Escape Plan on HBO.
Did you like it?
Yeah.
Who the fuck wooed that?
Who wooed that?
Yeah, Escape Plan.
I'm sure it was great. I'm sure it was great.
I'm sure it was great.
Has there ever been a movie
where two convicted murderers
escape and go on the lam
and the whole time
you're hoping they get caught?
Every movie where somebody
escapes from prison
is like Shawshank
where it's like they were
imprisoned wrongly
and then they have
the escape saga.
What happens in Escape Plan? What's the premise?
This one has both.
Sylvester Stallone is wrongly imprisoned
but Arnold Schwarzenegger
helps him and he is
rightfully imprisoned.
Why? What did he do?
I was rightfully imprisoned.
It's unclear
what he did but but I believe it.
They're rounding up the Austrians.
Is that fucking true?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, look it up.
I don't have somebody looking up.
Anyway, they get out.
It's fucking cool.
Oh, don't spoil it.
Yeah.
I don't know if they're going to get out of the movie entitled Escape Plan.
What about you, Graham?
Have you been... What's the last thing you saw?
You were always catching up with the latest movies.
I just saw Me and Earl and a Dying Girl, and that's a really excellent movie.
You like that?
Yeah, I loved it a lot.
I recommend that a lot. And I saw that
to do a palate cleanse from that bag
of dicks Terminator Genisys.
I turned that down.
Oh, really?
Which part? Sarah. Sarah Connor.
Oh, okay.
They were gonna do
gender blind casting on that?
I was like, you fucking come with me if you want to fucking live.
Like, you can't say it that way.
I'm like, then I'm not in your fucking movie.
I am out.
I thought that the kid, the main kid in Me and Earl and the Dying Girl,
I thought that he looked like Pete Holmes and Fred Armisen had a baby.
main kid in Me and Earl and the Dying Girl,
I thought that he looked like Pete Holmes and Fred Armisen had a baby.
Yeah, the only people laughing are the ones
that know that that's exactly what he looks like.
What about you, Mark?
Have you been to the cinema?
I did. I just fucking saw a movie, and I have
two issues with it.
I saw Inside Out.
First of all, you're not in it.
Turn it down.
I saw Inside Out
Okay
Okay
First off
You have problems with Inside Out?
I do
First off
Fuck those people for making me cry over Bing Bong
They should disclaimer that shit
Secondly
I found the movie unbelievable
Like I couldn't fucking believe
Cause
Well let me You guys are normal people.
Do you guys live with fear?
Is that a thing?
I think a lot of people do have fear and panic.
You don't have either of those.
I couldn't fucking identify you.
You don't have sadness?
Nope.
All you have is joy and anger.
That's fucking it.
And you know what? It's fucking it And you know what?
It's fucking working
For the listener at home
I stood up because I fucking meant it
Definitely update the folks at home
Whenever you stand up
Stand up
Next to you
What? And defend you still today Oh shit Stand up. Yeah. Stand up. Next to you.
What?
And defend you still today.
Oh, shit.
Oh.
Feel it.
Feel it.
You fucking do feel it.
What'd you bring for the prize bag, Mark?
Oh, fuck.
I brought some good shit.
I watched a movie today on HBO called Lucky You.
It's about poker, and I actually really liked it.
Eric Bana and Robert Duvall.
I liked it.
If you have HBO or HBO Go or whatever and you like poker, there's a lot of poker in it.
I brought something for fun.
This is the Comic Con time.
It's called Spin the Fucking Shot.
You put a fucking shot in there
and you spin an arrow.
Do you win? Do you get drunk?
Who knows? Play the fucking game.
It's like spin the bottle
but without kissing, just getting fucked up.
Just doing fucking shots.
Getting drunk, doing shots.
What a fun thing.
Then I bought something else.
That's not it?
That is not it.
I was in a movie that
widely was regarded as deserving
multiple Academy Awards.
Can I guess which one you're talking about?
Yes.
You're going to be right no matter which one you say.
All right.
Lone Survivor?
It is fucking Lone Survivor.
Here's what it is.
I saw that right down the street here at the
Gaslamp Reading. This is a fucking
survival tool. Now, I don't know what your
life is like. Maybe you're in a gang.
Maybe you're trying to fight your way out. I don't fucking care.
But this will help you.
And you will be the lone survivor,
which means you're better than everyone else you
fucking know, because they died.
You're welcome.
Survival tool.
Oh, it's like you put it in your wallet.
I don't know. It's something weak people need.
And you can open a bottle.
You can...
You can shave with it.
You can shiv somebody in the gut with it.
Yeah, it's a survival tool.
Eight bucks retail.
Oh, I don't...
They just...
They didn't charge.
Apologies, six bucks.
You just put it in your pocket
and walked out the door, didn't you?
No, I said,
taking this,
and they said,
whatever you want, Mark.
Oh, Urban Outfitters.
I don't know.
Is that why the glass is broken at that store?
Is it because you threw somebody against the window?
Look, that fucking person said,
have a good day,
and I'm like, you don't fucking know me.
You don't know my joy and my anger.
Nope.
All right, what'd you bring, Jeff?
It's just like regular stuff.
Well, there goes your hope
in that magic rubbing off, Jeff.
It's not a spin the shot or a mandle.
You just got regular stuff.
Yeah, like if you're lost in the woods or whatever
and you need to open a bottle, none of this will help.
But I have a copy of my album,
I Got Potential.
Yeah!
A copy of an album I really like
called Coward's Path by Mishka Shubali.
He's a singer.
He sings about drinking and losing stuff.
So it's like a musical version of my albums.
Like, mine is just, like, talking about drinking
and fucking everything up,
and his is rhymes.
Yeah, there's three tracks on here
called Taxes and Jail, Alcoholism, and Eating Alone.
Yeah, I think those are about...
Those all happened to me in April.
Yeah.
And a Denim on Denim shirt, pal, right there.
Chip chain?
Which you can get, too, off my website, justanotherclown.com.
You can buy that shirt, the Hot Dogs and Gatorade shirt, or the Decency or Death shirt.
And 20% of the money I make goes to a domestic violence shelter.
Yeah, man.
Nice.
For what?
What?
I was going to try to move on,
because I don't want to make domestic violence jokes,
but, uh...
Graham...
Oh, thanks to hand that over to me.
Speaking of domestic violence
wow
you've been married
a few times
Jesus Christ
yeah to a Brazilian
who fucking beat
the shit out of me
who whistled
aren't you into
all that jujitsu shit
yeah man
I learned it
from my ex-wife
you just learned
it all backwards
yeah
like as it was
coming at you
does this technique work who'd you learn it from my ex-wife. You just learned it all backwards? Yeah. Like as it was coming at you?
Does this technique work?
Who'd you learn it from?
My wife!
My wife!
I got a cue from a woman wearing some kind of weird furry hat back there.
And what'd you bring for the prize bag?
Well, Jeff, I have a have a Jeff who are you again
that's right Don
I have a courtesy of Astori
merchandise I have a one of a kind
these are not for sale
palm strike hoodie
that is a nice item
there you go look at that
it says on the back
in the pocket is a little card. You've got to come
see me after the show so I can get your info, but it's
a free weekend pass to the Los Angeles
Podcast Festival.
Oh, that's nice. Oh, shit.
All my
stuff just seems like
it's not for sale.
Since no one really buys it.
No, but you're going to have like eight CDs for sale to the audience after the show, right?
I have four of each.
Four of each.
So you can double up and get both if you want if you're first in line.
But yeah, come see Jeff after the show.
He'll be out front smoking a cigarette.
Yep.
I'm going to take a picture with this guy with the Caddyshack shirt
because he's got a Bushwood Country Club.
Gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir, and I never slice.
Caddyshack, are we playing that game, Mark?
No, we're technically not playing that game right now.
We should be.
Well, the world needs ditch jiggers, too.
Nice quote! Nice. Nice quote!
Nice!
Nice quote!
By height.
That was from that movie, too.
How do you measure yourself against other golfers?
By height.
He's very tall.
Thank you very little.
Nice hat.
What, do you get a free bowl of soup with it?
But it looks good on you, though.
That wasn't me slamming Jeff.
That was a quote from the movie.
You guys are like, you're being mean to Jeff.
I'm quoting a movie.
Be the ball, Danny.
All right.
Right back in the lumberyard.
Look at this fucking Batman jersey-wearing idiot.
That's also from the movie.
What?
We're just quoting Caddyshack. I'm just quoting... jersey wearing idiot. That's also from the movie. What? What? What?
We're just quoting Caddyshack. I'm just quoting...
I love that scene.
It's easy to grin when your ship comes in. Who's the fucking mope
with the Dark Knight jersey?
Remember when Ted Knight became
from New York?
Oh, fucking Ted Knight!
This fucking guy!
That sounds like Dice.
Andrew Dice Ted Knight.
Since we're at Comic-Con,
it's preview night of Comic-Con.
It starts in earnest tomorrow.
Let's start with Graham and just go down the line.
What is your favorite comic book movie adaptation?
I think I have a guess for which one would be Graham's favorite.
The new Wonder Woman thing?
Which is your favorite of the three most recent Batman films?
If you had to pick one. Or the original.
If you want to go back to Adam West when he throws a bomb at a shark.
Sir, I'm going to need you to leave.
Staircase.
Is Jaws a Batman movie?
Yeah, it is.
Is Batman a comic book?
I'd say, man, it's a tough one.
Either The Dark Knight or The Dark Knight Rises.
I mean, it's hard to say no to Heath Ledger,
but then you've got Bane, so everything's right in the world.
All three movies are the favorite.
Okay.
Jeff?
Okay.
I can't argue with you.
I like those movies.
What if I said Red 2?
Mine is Batman with Michael Keaton
The original
Oh is that what you meant by the original
Alright I'm glad you guys liked that movie
All of you who clap
Should be ashamed of yourselves
I mean
There needs to be some fucking nerd on nerd crime
After this
I want to see some beat downss on these fucking Mike Keaton
or we could just go bat
dance
because that's a highlight of that film.
That's one of my favorite parts of the movie is that
it's Gotham City. It's super wacky.
Everything's crazy and
Prince exists.
And the
Joker's a huge fan and one
guy in his gang just walks around
playing Prince songs.
That's all his job is in the gang,
is to take a fucking boombox
around playing Prince songs
that only exist in Gotham City,
but it's still Prince, the one we know, too.
So he's kind of like that guy in the new Mad Max
that just plays the guitar in the front of the fucking...
Yeah.
All right, now I'm down with it.
They should have got Prince for Mad Max.
That would have been hilarious.
If he played that guitar.
It might have been Prince.
His face was all painted.
We don't know...
And Fire came out.
Prince does that, probably.
I've never seen Fire come out of Prince.
Mark Wahlberg, do you have a favorite comic book movie?
Have you been in
a comic book movie?
Max Payne, I guess?
Yeah.
That movie was
fucking great.
You know,
I'd probably have to say
my favorite,
oh man.
I could just be an asshole and say
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Chasing Amy.
Yeah, I'd probably have to go
Spider-Man 2.
Okay, yeah, that's a good one. Doc Ock and everything?
Yeah, I thought that was fun. Yeah, I like Alfred Molina.
Yeah. Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty
fucking great. Yeah, that movie's great. That movie's great. Written down ahead Alfred Molina. Yeah. Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty fucking great. Yeah, that movie's great.
That movie's great.
Written down ahead of time,
my answer,
Guardians of the Galaxy.
That's my favorite one.
G-O-G.
They recently announced
the sequel's gonna be called
Volume 2,
which is great
because it's a reference
to the...
Music.
Music, exactly.
I know fucking music.
Wait, they're naming
the second one
after the soundtrack?
That's pretty wild. Yeah, right? Yeah. And it's not silly, you know? It's just Volume 2. Wait, they're naming the second one after the soundtrack? That's pretty wild.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
And it's not silly, you know?
It's just volume two.
Yeah, it's cool.
Just fucking, let's do this.
I forgot.
G-O-T-G-V-T.
I forgot Guardians was a comic book movie, but I'm still going to stick with Batman.
Yeah, yeah.
No, they'll probably, you know, jam in some sort of character from the rest of the Marvel
universe in the next one.
Because they're really trying to do that. I hear a few show up
in Entman.
Entman.
Now it's the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin.
Fucking do this.
Who wants to win?
I was born in it.
Gentlemen,
they always do a great job here in San Diego with the name tags, especially Comic-Con week.
So go ahead and pick who you want to play for.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
Hey, everybody.
Comic-Con 2015 has begun, so whether you're at Comic-Con or wish you were,
rent or own my movie, Chronicon, from iTunes or on VOD and lots of other places where you get motion picture entertainment.
And thanks to all of you who have watched and enjoyed the silliness.
Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
Who are you playing for, Graham?
I'm playing for Jen and her bag of donuts.
Oh, donuts.
Pass them down.
We got to throw them back into the crowd.
That's how it works.
I'm going to save one.
Yeah, sure, because I know how you love sugar.
Sugary, floury things.
I'm going to fucking get whacked out.
Are they gluten-free donuts?
No. They're also hard to get out of the bag, apparently. Oh, floury things. Makes me fucking get whacked out. Are they gluten-free donuts? No.
They're also hard to get out of the bag, apparently.
Oh, look at him just eating one.
When you got divorced, did you start eating gluten?
Because I started drinking again a lot when I got divorced.
Yeah, I was like, I can't handle this anymore.
Fucking gluten and dairy.
Fuck it, life. I'm going to eat cheese and crackers until I'm not sad anymore was like, I can't handle this anymore. Fucking gluten and dairy. Fucking life.
I'm going to eat cheese and crackers until I'm not sad anymore.
Oh, this is going to be messy.
It's going to be messy.
Can I do this, Doug?
Yeah, do it.
Just be careful.
Okay.
Don't hit anybody in their expensive clothes.
Only put your hand up if you worked out today.
Oh, shit.
Oh, that guy.
Yeah!
You fucking earned it.
You fucking earned it. You fucking earned it.
All right, who wants the other half
of the donut Graham took a bite out of?
I ripped it with my hand.
I did not put my mouth on that.
But if you put your mouth on one end,
we'll go side to side like the...
Dogs in Lady and the Tramp. Dogs and Lady and the Tramp.
Yeah, Lady and the Tramp.
I can feel the calories on my hands.
That was a protein donut, right?
Who are you playing for, Jeff?
Anthony.
From the front row.
Yeah, the Anthony strikes back.
And a full title is too long.
Stoner Wars, yeah.
Stoner Wars, the saga. We talked about it earlier because I liked that one. Stoner Wars, yeah. Stoner Wars, the
saga. We talked about it earlier because I
liked that one. Oh, yeah, yeah, I picked it.
Okay, cool. Anthony.
And Mark, who are you playing for?
I'm playing because they had a movie
based off of, like, everyone was inspired
by me.
It's called Magic Megan.
Wait, you think the
Magic Mike films were inspired by you?
It's fucking hot sexy dudes dancing.
All right, I take it back.
Dude, look at you in the front.
Yeah, I know.
They put my face on Magic Mike's body.
I feel pretty good about it.
Fun, hot, and sexy.
I'm going to begin a new life as an exotic dancer.
I don't think that's what they call them, though,
the male ones. Exotic?
They just call them strippers.
Fucking strippers.
All right.
Let's play some games.
We're going to start off with...
Somebody's going to win all those fabulous prizes,
one of these three people.
Thanks again to everybody else who made name tags.
And let's start with how much did this shit make?
In honor of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck getting a divorce,
how much did that shitty comic book movie they made called Daredevil,
how much did Daredevil make?
We'll start with Graham.
It's in millions without going over.
Daredevil, where Ben Affleck was blind.
Favreau was in there, I think.
God, the new Netflix series I love.
Yeah, I haven't seen that yet.
It's good?
It's really good.
I love it.
I love it a lot.
Yeah, right?
It's awesome.
It's great.
Boy, that movie was pretty
shitty.
And I think
I'm going to have to say
$53 million.
Which it had a big budget, so that
made it, it tanked it.
Alright, fair enough.
Jeff, what do you think?
$80 million.
Okay.
Very decisive.
Just spit it out.
Nail it.
And Mark Wahlberg, if someone's recommending a dollar,
as they do, or someone says you should bid Amy Adams,
I think you would lose if you said that As they do. Or someone says you should bid Amy Adams.
I think you would lose if you said that,
because she's not worth as much as this movie made.
Is that that mousy girl? She's dead to me.
What?
Is that the mousy girl from Poison Ivy 2?
No, she's the girl that was your co-star in The Fighter,
you idiot.
Is it because she got nominated for an Oscar and you didn't?
Is that why you blocked it out?
No.
Let's not think about her or Christian Bale.
Or that other lady.
Sorry, Doug, I was thinking about my workout for tomorrow.
What were you saying?
All right, I will go with... How much do you think Daredevil made?
$88 million.
Oh, you motherfucker.
I just doesn't really agree with you.
A lot of people thought you should have gone with $1,
but that would have been...
I guarantee it made more than a dollar, you fucking morons.
A ticket costs, like, what, two, three bucks?
But the idea is...
But they're saying if it made less than 53
and you bid a dollar, then you would win.
That's why they were suggesting it.
Well, I know it made more than a dollar.
Okay.
No, I'm saying...
This is a great conversation.
Unfortunately, Mark is the closest
because it made $102.5 million.
Yeah, so take your $1 and fuck it.
Because remember, Graham,
they had to have a reason to make Elektra
with just Jennifer Garner.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it did pretty good.
Ugh.
We'll do, next summer we'll do Elektra.
Because I'm sure Jennifer and Ben will be up to some more new interesting things.
Let's play the brand new game that everybody loves.
It's a sensation all the world over.
Whose tagline is it anyway?
We'll start with Mark and then we'll go to Jeff and then we'll go to Graham.
This is an individual game where I'll just say a tagline specifically to you.
If you can't get it right, then it moves to the next guy.
And audience, please, please no helping.
What movie, Mark Wahlberg, had the tagline,
When you can live forever, what do you live for?
When you can live forever,
what do you live for?
Did somebody say little fuckers?
I don't think that's it.
What do you live for, you little fuckers? You got do you live for, you little fuckers?
You got nothing to live for, you little fuckers.
Hey, you guys get that joke, right?
Like, it sounds like fucker.
Wait a second.
Wait, wait, what?
Yeah, it's like they're almost cursing, but they're not.
So when they're like, you fuckers, right?
Like, my parents can laugh at it.
You didn't get that?
I never got that.
You should go watch it again, but know that they're just, like, they're pretending.
They're swearing.
When you can live forever, what do you live for?
Good heads up, Jeff.
All right.
Thank you.
My first thought is Fern Gully.
That could be one of those exotic dancers' names.
I'm going to have to go with Twilight
New Moon
That is correct
What?
What?
Whoa
It's just a good vibration
Wait a second Did you say Twilight New Moon? Good vibration.
Wait a second.
Wait a second, though.
Did you say Twilight, New Moon?
Yeah, is that not correct?
No, it's the first Twilight, so it's wrong.
It's all right.
Hey.
This is a good vibration.
But you did say Twilight and paused for a second,
so that's why I said correct.
Fair enough.
I'm only going to fuck a dozen girls after this show.
That's your punishment?
It's their punishment.
You're going to cap it at mine?
Wait, who's getting punished?
How do you fuck?
Competitively.
No, no, that's not how you're supposed to do it.
You just get in there with some anger and joy and do your thing.
That's it. It's all you need.
All right.
Sorry about that, Mark.
That's all right. That was really impressive, though.
It felt good.
I almost got it.
The only title I could think the full one of was Twilight, New Moon.
Is the first one just called fucking Twilight?
I think so.
It should be called Twilight, Why Are You Watching Us?
Dusk.
Because it's what you live for.
That's why.
Alright, Jeff gets the next one.
What movie is this from, Jeff?
Man has made its match.
Now it's his problem.
Man has made its match.
Now it's his problem.
Whose problem?
Yeah, whose problem is it?
That might lead you to the title,
figuring out whose problem it is.
RoboCop.
Oh, no, sorry.
Stop it.
Get one guess.
RoboCop New Moon?
That's what I was going to say.
RoboCop Eclipse?
RoboCop Spring Break. The saga continues. A Weekend at RoboCop. Part two. moon that's what i was gonna say that's what i was gonna say robocop eclipse robocop spring break
the saga continues a weekend at robocop part two uh graham do you have i was stressing the audience
not you okay wow graham was looking at me like why i should be able to speak i'm in this uh
man has made his match now it it's his problem. What's that from?
Oh, Ernest Saves Christmas.
Oh, there you go.
Santa's in the slammer.
All right.
No, that's Ernest goes to jail.
Since all three of you missed,
I'm going to put all three of you back in the game.
And in this particular case, the movie is called...
Do you have an idea, Mark?
A guess?
It's just that fucking movie.
It seems like one of your
movies. Is it that movie
with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?
He's made
a few. No, the fucking robots?
If I had to guess, are you thinking of
iRobot? Yeah.
What? iRobot? No, that's not
a bad one, though.
The answer is Blade Runner.
Blade Runner. Blade Runner.
Classic science fiction.
They made the robots, and now it's
the Blade Runner. Good call.
It's his problem. Deckard is a replicant.
That movie's about robots?
Oh, yeah.
I thought it was about speed skaters.
Blade Runner.
Go kick the goals. I thought it was about Bonnie Blair. Is that too old a reference? Yes. Blade Runner go get the gold
I thought it was about
Bonnie Blair
is that too old a reference
yes
fair enough
I just like to know
why it doesn't work
let's start with Mark again
we're back in this
yeah you're back in
because all three of you
just missed
so I might as well
put you all back in
and we're back up
to three dozen
what
nothing let's go
what movie is this from up to three dozen. What? Nothing. Let's go.
What movie is this from?
The tagline.
Slam-em.
What?
Sorry.
I have sloppy writing.
That's not it.
Yeah. The actual answer is not much better.
Slam evil. Exclamation point. S much better. Slam evil!
Exclamation point.
Slam evil?
Slam evil!
Holy shit.
Yeah.
Slam fucking evil.
I'm gonna give whoever gets...
If any of you get this one right,
I'm gonna give you 20 bucks.
Why is someone yelling something out?
That's what I thought.
You'll have to deal with Mark
if you yell out an answer. Slam evil. That sounds like I thought. You'll have to deal with Mark if you yell out an answer.
Slam.
Evil.
Basketball reference.
You know what?
Let's go.
Air Bud 2, Above the Rims.
Above the Rims?
There's two on a court.
Is it...
All right, Jeff has a guess.
The Phantom.
That's correct.
Yeah.
How the fuck...
How did you know that?
$20 cash.
How did you know that?
Is it just the $20 that made you figure it out?
Yeah.
No, I worked at King's Island in Cincinnati
when that movie came out,
and they showed, like, the premiere of it
was in the theater there.
And I watched it, and it's great.
It's got this guy, Billy Zane,
who's way better than fucking...
I don't know, right?
Good bother, Sean. Billy Zane, who's way better than fucking... Good bother, Sean. Billy Zane.
No, that movie was...
I used to think it was hilarious.
There was this scene where...
You're in Zane.
Christie's Watson says,
your dog's a wolf.
And he goes, I know.
That's a good movie.
That's good writing, right?
Like, I think Robert Towne wrote it.
Isn't Alec Baldwin in it?
Yeah.
I think so. Yeah. Sure. Why't Alec Baldwin in it? Yeah. I think so.
Yeah.
Sure.
Why not?
I've seen it a lot.
All right.
We move on to Graham.
Mark remains out.
If Graham, regardless of what Graham does, Mark's just out.
But if Graham misses this, then this is Jeff's win.
What movie is the tagline,
The Legend Begins?
The Legend Begins.
The Legend Begins. Mm-hmm.
With?
Normally, if it was this quiet in this room
with this many people,
someone would be fucking bombing
I feel like it's me
Stop it Jeff
You're doing great
Everybody loves you Jeff
Which one are you going to go with Graham?
The legend continues?
No it begins
Wow
So that's probably part of your problem in thinking is that you changed it.
The legend begins.
Begins.
Yeah.
That's The Lone Ranger.
No, I'm sorry.
It's a movie.
I'm not sure if you're familiar with this one.
It's called Batman Begins. begins.
You think he's going to stay back there? Alright, so Graham had to take off.
Alright, so Graham had to take off.
That's an awkward door for a quick exit.
It doesn't move.
It's like you gotta squeeze through it.
I was hoping you'd come back with a phantom jersey on.
That'd be a pretty sweet way to rectify this.
Well, that was a really fun round of whose tagline is it anyway,
and Jeff is our winner.
I'm going to go on record.
I don't like that game.
Don't like it.
All right.
Fair enough.
What do you think about Last Man Standing? Yeah!
Now this is a game I am on board with.
Alright, I just want to remind
everybody that listens to this show
everyone that's attending the show tonight
that when you tweet at me
all day long that you have the perfect name
for Last Man Stanton, first of all you don't
and second of all
why bother to tweet to me that?
Because I'm just going to pick somebody in the audience who I like.
And there is a young lady over here that made my favorite name tag.
Because it's a version of my poster for Chronicon.
She changed it to Kellycon.
And so she gets to pick who we're going to play Last Man Standing with. We'll start
with Jeff and then
go to Mark.
And what would you like us to play,
Kelly?
Jamie Foxx!
Interesting!
I like it!
Wow!
I like it!
Alright! I guess we're doing
a speed round
Yeah
It might not last very long but I like it
I don't even think he's still in SAG
Alright so
Jeff we'll start with you
I'm going to play too of course
Jeff name a
Is this a bit?
No
That's what Kelly wants
So Jeff
Name a movie that's got Jamie Foxx in it
Django Unchained
Yeah that's a good one to start off with.
Mark.
Marky Marky Mark.
Mark, Mark, Mark.
Mark, Mark.
Ray.
That's a dog with a speech impediment.
What?
Ray.
Ray, of course.
Oscar winning performance, yes.
Yeah, he won the Oscar. Did you turn that down too? He did a good job on that. Yeah, of course. Oscar-winning performance, yes.
Yeah, he won the Oscar.
Did you turn that down, too? You did a good job on that.
Yeah, I did.
Oh, I fucking did.
I was supposed to be the piano.
We're really doing Jamie Foxx?
Yeah, we really are.
It's really happening.
Why don't we follow it up with Gilbert Gottfried
while we're at it?
I know two Gilbert Gottfried movies.
All right.
I got a Jamie Foxx.
I got a Jamie Foxx.
How about Collateral?
Oh, good movie.
That's why I picked it.
I knew you liked it, Graham.
Yeah, it's good stuff.
I took it from you.
I will go with Ali.
Ooh.
Hello.
It's not some stupid fucking movie poster phrase movie.
Game.
I thought that was
Will Smith.
It sure was.
But there were other people.
In the title role, but they had other actors
that participated.
And one of them was named Jamie Foxx.
It wasn't just a solo training video of him just
like a butterfly
for 90 minutes.
I've only seen the poster.
Alright, Jeff.
What do you got?
Horrible bosses.
Alright.
Mark.
Stealth.
Oh.
Wow. Snuck that one in there. Oh. Wow.
Snuck that one in there.
I like it.
That's a good one.
I'm going to go ahead and say
Horrible Bosses 2.
Wow.
I will do
one of the worst movies
about a really great game.
Any Given Sunday.
Graham, any chance he gets to complain about Any Given Sunday.
On Any Given Sunday, he will tell you what a dumbass movie that is.
Call me up on Any Given Sunday, and I'll go,
No one who's ever watched a game of football was even fucking involved in that goddamn movie.
It's like, oh, this is the pro league.
And then they mention later in the movie,
oh, it's playing against the NFL.
What the fuck would I give a shit
about some fucking second-tier league?
I just assumed it was a bunch of things
because you couldn't get the rights to the NFL.
Oliver Stone, just stick with fucking Vietnam.
Do you like it?
Great movie. Really good.
Al Pacino,
the most convincing professional football
coach ever. Yeah, he's like,
I'm going to take a
flame show to that referee.
That Game of Inches speech he gives is pretty
cool. That's not a bad speech.
It's a Game of Inches.
Is it your turn, Jeff? Are you stalling?
I'm just waiting for him to calm down.
I've been sitting over here thinking about
the kingdom for a while. Oh, the kingdom.
Oh, nice
Jim again. The Kingdom for a while. Oh, The Kingdom. Oh, nice. Yeah, big yeah.
Mark, it's turned out to be he's made a lot of movies.
Yeah, good choice.
Yeah.
Good job, Kelly.
We've listed seven.
Nine, but who's counting?
Not me.
Yeah, you're busy trying to think of another one.
Pootie Tang?
Whoa.
Yep, directed by Louis C.K.
Yeah, but he's not in it.
I think he is in it. Chris Rock's in it.
Yeah, Chris Rock is in it, but Jamie Foxx isn't in it.
Thank you for playing, Mark.
No problem.
When we get to a real career, let me know.
What?
I'll take...
I'll take Booty Call.
Graham?
Booty Call.
Okay, I will go with...
Did somebody yell sheepskin?
Is that what happened?
Because I know there's a lot of condom talk in that movie.
I will go with a film by the name of...
Oh, I love it when you do this.
He's got to do the long ramp up to come up with something.
Jeff and I are going to go head to head.
Sorry. What? Excuse me? Huh? I thought you had to say something. Jeff and I are going to go head to head.
Sorry.
Sorry.
What?
Excuse me?
Huh?
I thought you had to say something.
No, no, you go ahead.
No, no, what is it?
I thought you had to say something.
What's the name of the movie? No, I don't want to be rude.
If you need to talk,
go say what you got to say
and then I'll come up with my thing.
No, no, you go ahead.
Okay.
That's fun.
Let's do that.
Yeah.
Can I get a Jack and Coke with extra muscle milk?
Ooh, if that's happening, I'll take a Budweiser, please.
Okay.
Nothing, Graham?
No, I wanted these guys to get their orders.
Oh, okay.
Do you need anything?
Yeah. Could I have just like a club soda with a lime, a long straw? No, I just wanted these guys to get their orders. Oh, okay. Do you need anything?
Yeah.
Could I have just like a club soda with a lime, a long straw?
And Jamie Foxx's IMDB page wrapped around it?
It wouldn't go all the way around the fucking glass. You made a great sign, though.
All right, Graham's out.
Any Given Sunday 2.
Yeah, they haven't gotten around to that yet
because they heard someone hates that movie.
Fucking the dumbest movie ever.
What do you got, Jeff?
It's between you and me, Jeff.
Jarhead. God damn it.
God damn it.
I know, it feels real dumb, right?
Oh.
I'm going to go with The Amazing
Spider-Man 2.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm going to go with bait.
Right?
It's set up like
shoot the ice bullet.
Okay.
I believe you.
Spoiler.
Well, I just,
I had that mean season situation
and like this one's for real.
I'm going to get tweets tomorrow.
He wasn't in bait. I'm going to get tweets tomorrow. He wasn't in bait.
I'm going to go
with a motion picture called
Dreamgirls.
What?
Really?
Miami Vice.
Oh!
Now,
does that really count?
Because I think he was just background in that.
Do documentaries count, Doug?
Huh?
Do documentaries count?
Well, if he was in a feature film that was a documentary,
I guess it could count.
Why? What one did you think of?
I think they made one that's just 45 minutes
of him licking his lips.
I can't believe Mark Wahlberg is so critical
of Jamie Foxx.
I was supposed to be Ray.
I wasn't going to be the fucking piano.
I was supposed to be fucking Ray.
Oh, they're going to do some colorblind casting on that?
He couldn't tell.
Because he was dead?
Yeah, that too.
Annie, a.k.a. Blanny.
Way to go, Doug.
Woo!
Racing stripes. What? He was the voice of one of the horses? Yeah. Woo! Racing Stripes.
What?
He was the voice of one of the horses?
Yeah.
You sure?
Not at all.
But I really think he was.
It's either that or Over the Hedge.
All right.
I'm going to look up Racing Stripes because that's your guess.
Jeff, if somebody asks you if you're sure, you say yes.
No, I've done that like four of these in a row.
How did it work out?
Did you win?
I did win.
There you fucking go, dude.
Oh, you got your beverages, guys.
Oh, is that how you serve Budweiser
or did you just run out and get the one that was most like me?
You do this.
You were just like, this guy probably wants a giant. Thank you, sir.
Fucking, like I'm on the lawn.
Hey, give your waitstaff a big round of applause, everybody.
Tip them well.
Tip them well.
I got a giant can of beer like I'm on the lawn
at a Luke Bryant concert.
You look like a dude
yelling at girls with pasties in Lake Havasu.
Whoopi Goldberg, Snoop Dogg, Steve Harvey, Michael Clarke Duncan.
There was a lot of people did the voices of the horses, but Jamie Foxx is not one of them.
Yeah, but Jeff wins anyway because I can't win.
So congratulations, Jeff.
Way to go, buddy.
Jeffy Jeff.
And what did we miss?
What was the one with Robert Downey Jr. where he was homeless?
The soloist.
Oh, I thought Robert Downey Jr. played both parts in that movie.
No, no.
What else?
Eight Million Maze to die in the West.
He had like a cameo in that.
A million ways to die in the West.
Django was the first one.
Where the fuck are you?
Where you taking a shit?
In your seat.
What else?
Rio. He's a voice in Rio.
That's a guy with kids.
That's what I meant.
That's a guy who has kids, right?
Great White Hype.
Great White Hype.
Toys.
Toys?
Boys?
Boys?
Floys? Joys? Floys?
Joys?
Joys?
Cloys?
Noys?
I hope listing all these movies
has made people feel like you can do it too.
Stealth was pretty bad.
The dude works a lot.
Two guys from the front row left
Oh it's probably to go
Catch the
Women's US soccer
It's over
Oh that was a couple days ago
Cause that's what people did
The show I did a couple days ago
So people got up and left
Because they changed their minds
And decided they wanted to watch the soccer match
Really?
Yeah when we did a show on Sunday afternoon.
Was that when it was, Sunday afternoon?
Were they back in their seats 14 minutes later?
Because they scored four goals immediately.
It was the most exciting 15 minutes.
No, it was four and 15.
Yeah, four and 16.
17 and 22.
I don't know.
And then it immediately went back to being soccer.
It was still great. I don't know. And then it immediately went back to being soccer. It was still great.
I loved it.
All right, you guys.
I am very excited about what's going to happen next because it's time.
What?
I'm giving out, yes, free money.
That reminds me.
I owe you 20.
Do you take Canadian? Oh wait, you still owe me $20. That reminds me how you're 20. I used to have fancy rings.
Do you take Canadian?
You can be blasé about some things, Ross.
Is that for real?
Do not fucking...
Dude, you shut your mouth.
Hey, Mark Wahlberg, try to tear this $20 bill from Canada.
They're impossible to tear.
Yeah, you can't do it.
It's made out of my skin.
You can be blasé about some things, Rose.
You can be blasé about some things, Rose.
The rose. Gypsy rose. You can be blasé about some things, Rose. The rose.
You can be blasé about some things, Rose.
Purple Rose of the Cairo.
It is fucking Titanic.
And that no hack Billy Zane fucking says it.
You just called him
no hack. He's all hack.
Does he rap back around? Why did you say no hack?
I always win, Jack
Oh, Titanic
Billy Zane again
Boogie Nights
That's I'm ready to go, Jack
I'm ready to fucking go, Jack
The Mummy
That was also Billy Zane, though, right?
We have derailed
Alright, guys, settle down
I don't know what's happening here
I'm trying to announce an exciting new element in the show.
Yes, we're going to bring a ghost onto the stage.
Well, thank God we can hide behind that bookcase.
Yeah, the scary bookcase.
Guys are back.
Did you just watch the first four goals?
Oh, he's giving me the don't tell anybody I was outside sucking on my fingers.
What? I was outside sucking on my fingers. What?
I was twisting my mustache. I forgot about my
microphone. Sorry.
Alright.
A dude on Twitter named
Neil Blumpkin
came to me with a suggestion that I
love because as much as I love the Leonard Maltin game,
it's, you know, his app is dead,
and, yeah, and so,
and we're working our way towards
the super-duper tournament of championships,
and so this is a brand-new way to look at the Maltin game.
It's called Reverse Maltin.
Yeah.
First player gets to pick from three movie titles
that I have pre-chosen.
Then I will tell you how many cast members
are in that movie, you know, listed by Leonard Malton.
Then the first player starts the bidding.
How many people can you name from the film in any order?
But it has to be names
listed by Leonard.
So like if the movie was Racing Stripes
and you said Jamie Foxx,
Leonard did not list
him.
And if someone bids all the names,
then the next person just has to say,
name them, and
if the person fails, then you get the point.
Yes.
But at any point, you can ask the person next to you to name them.
And Jeff won the last game, so we'll start with Jeff.
And then we'll go to Graham.
Oh, shit.
Okay, okay, okay.
I got it, you guys.
I got it.
Almost lost the script.
That was a close one.
Tight. No, I have to write down your scores on this thing,
so that's why I need it.
Yeah, write it down.
I'll write it down.
Yeah.
All right.
Why are you doing that?
I want somebody listening at home
to just hear like a mild creep voice
in one of their ears.
Wait, you didn't?
Yeah. That's right.
Stop doing that.
Oh, yeah.
That's right, Jeff.
No, I hear it in both my ears.
All right.
Graham?
Yes, sir.
Oh, I mean Jeff.
Go back to what you were doing, Graham. Jeff?
Oh, yeah. Oh, I mean, Jeff. Go back to what you were doing, Graham. Jeff. Oh, yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
For the listener at home, I'm fucking Graham.
11 more to go.
Yeah.
That's right, contraband.
All right.
Oh, what?
You thought you were the only one with a gun?
It's a line from the movie.
You're welcome.
Oh, okay.
Jeff, you get to pick between...
And, of course, Jeff is spelled with a G.
This is just a coincidence,
but I've got three G movies for you.
Would you like The Godfather from 1972,
Ghostbusters from 1984,
or the recent Great Gatsby?
The Great Gatsby.
Ghostbusters.
Of course he picks Ghostbusters.
I've never seen the other two.
I haven't seen the other two.
Okay, so yeah, it's a good thing you got to pick
Because Graham would have been all over Great Gatsby
Just as a defensive move
Sure
Leonard lists, Jeff
He lists four, seven, nine names
Yeah, nine names
How many of the names listed by Leonard Maltin
Can you name?
Jeff Tate
Ghostbusters
Screaming Mad at Ghosts
He's working it out in his head
Eight
What?
What?
I thought this would be an exciting game,
but I had no idea that he would come out of the gate.
You think you can name everybody but one person listed?
Yeah.
By Leonard Maltin.
Well, it depends on how we build the Stay Puff Man.
If we build him as Stay Puff Man, I could do all nine.
Graham, that may or may not be helpful to you.
What do you think?
Can you name nine people from Ghostbusters,
or do you want to watch Jeff attempt to do it?
I could do so many.
Yeah, that's it.
I just got to go.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, name it.
I mean, that's a big bid.
Does he have to spell them?
Yes.
He has to spell them, Yes. He has to spell them
and he also has to say the birth date
of each actor.
All he's got to do is name eight people that were
in Ghostbusters. Go.
Bill Murray,
Dan Aykroyd,
Harold Ramis,
Ernie Hudson
Rick Moranis
Annie Potts
Sigourney Weaver
and William Atherton
that is correct
nice
nice
nice
very nice
yes it's true that man has no dick.
Nice.
Now do the same thing for the new one.
Who was ninth?
That's why I don't imagine anybody would be able to pull that ninth name
because I don't even remember this dude being in the movie.
And I've seen Ghostbusters a lot.
Reginald Vell Johnson.
In Ghostbusters?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
According to Leonard.
He was the Marshmallow Man.
No.
I don't know.
Slimer?
I don't think he's in that movie.
Yeah.
I mean, obviously he's from
Family Matters and Die Hard
Die Hard, yeah, and William Atherton
But Leonard Liston in it
He's just got like a couple lines or something
Cop
He's a cop!
Why do you guys keep saying lines from Reservoir Dogs?
Alright, congratulations to Jeff Tate
He won the first point reverse malting.
First reverse malting point.
Somebody on the internet, keep track of that.
That was so exciting.
That was exciting. I like this.
Yeah, this game is working out nicely.
Good job, Neil Blumpkin.
Blumpkin!
There's no way that's his real name.
No one's name is Neil.
Yeah, Blumpkins are usually...
Blumpkins are usually how you really know they like you.
Yeah.
What?
It's a sex thing and it's gross.
It's gross!
It's like a hot Carl.
Gross is subjective.
Sometimes it isn't
Sometimes it's just gross
And you're like I like it anyway
Just like the Leonard Moulton game
We're playing to two points
And we have a fun tiebreaker
If it comes down to that
Mark Wahlberg gets to go first in the next round
Followed by Graham and then Jeff
Jeff
Mark Wahlberg Yes sir followed by Graham, and then Jeff. Jeff.
Mark Wahlberg.
Yes, sir.
Which one of these would you like to play?
Oceans 11, Oceans 12, or Oceans 13?
Man, when we play this game,
any guests of mine that get high before this show are going to be fucked.
It's a real brain teaser.
Which one of those do you want to do?
Let's go Ocean's Eleven, 1964.
I'm sorry, I forgot to say the year.
Well, sometimes I do. 2001 is the one that I'm talking about.
Okay.
Do you still want it?
Yeah, let's do it.
All right.
Two stars from Leonard.
He says this movie.
Oh, what?
He lists.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
Names. Okay. So that's interesting. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 names.
So that's interesting.
How many names can you name Mark Wahlberg?
Out of 12?
Is that your bid, 12?
Out of 12. Uh-huh bid, 12? No, sir. Out of 12.
Let's see.
There's that dude that's not as good as me.
There's that dude that's not as good as me.
There's a lot of dudes that aren't as good as me.
One, two, three.
I'll go six.
He says six names, Graham.
Six out of 12.
Ocean's 11.
Seven.
Seven.
Jeff.
Nine. Nine.
Mark, you made a little jump there Also, I should mention
We've got to do a reasonable time limit on this
You can't sit and think about it for forever
When you're guessing
Go ahead and name it, brother
Alright
If he gets it
We might have a winner
Then he's going to be our winner
The first ever reverse malting
Nine out of twelve...
Oh, you don't get to count.
Names.
Do you think it's cheating using your fingers?
I got your name tag.
You hold your hands up and you count them off for me.
You put your hands down under like I did to Reese.
You fucking...
What?
Remember and fear on the roller coaster.
You just hide those fingers.
Son of a bitch beat me to the joke.
I was going to do it different.
I always win, Jack.
George Clooney.
Of course.
Brad Pitt.
Julia Roberts.
Andy Garcia.
Casey Affleck Scott Kahn
Elliot Gould
Bernie Mac
Yeah
Don't fuck
You keep your fucking mouth shut
I can hear names
Why are you saying names
Why would you say any names
Shut the fuck up Carl Reiner Who said I didn't are you saying names? Carl Reiner. Why would you say any names? Carl Reiner. Shut the fuck up.
Carl Reiner.
Who said?
I didn't hear anything.
I was yelling Carl Reiner.
To be fair, nobody said that name.
Carl Reiner.
That's nine?
Yeah.
You did it.
Yeah.
You left out Eddie Jemison and Shabu Quinn.
And Matt Damon.
The acrobat guy.
And who else did he leave out?
Don fucking Cheadle.
Matt Damon. Don Cheadle.
Cheadle.
Wait a second.
Cheeds isn't in this list.
No, no, no, no.
John Cheetle is not listed in the credits.
He's unbilled?
Yeah, yeah.
It's something weird.
Yeah, yeah.
So the one you missed was the villain, Andy Garcia.
I said Andy Garcia.
Well, so who did he miss then?
Matt Damon?
Matt Damon.
I missed Matt Damon. Matt Damon? Matt Damon. I miss Matt Damon.
Matt Damon.
Matt Damon.
Matt Damon.
Matt Damon.
Team America.
It is fucking Team America.
Jeff, I don't know how shitty your life is,
but this might be the greatest one of all time.
No, my life is pretty great.
I got to watch Ocean's Eleven a few times.
Yeah, you really nailed that.
Let's play one more round just for fun.
But Jeff is our winner.
Nice job.
And Magic Megan.
Oh, wait, who are you playing for, Jeff?
Oh, the guy right up front.
Give him the prizes.
There you go, Bushwood.
See your future may, may,
make, make
your future. What's your name, sir?
Anthony. Yeah, let me tell you something,
Anthony. If you go out onto the street tonight
here in downtown San Diego, and you know how it gets
a little rowdy sometimes, there's a little drunken activity on the street, just take downtown San Diego, and you know how it gets a little rowdy sometimes,
there's a little drunken activity on the street,
just take that bag I just gave you that's got that man candle in there
and just fucking swing it around, and you'll take on all comers.
Yeah, dude.
Look out some tourists.
Yeah.
And the other guys, pass me your name tags,
because I'm sure they have shitheads on the back,
because this is a very professional crowd.
I think you have my donut bag.
Professional crowd.
Oh, I threw the donut bag into the...
Does it have a shithead on it?
Yeah.
Pass it up.
Could you bring it back?
Please walk the donut bag to the front of the room, please.
The donut bag.
I thought this said Jew for a second.
I was like, wow, what a weird thing to write on a...
Yeah, I went for that one.
All right.
Where are all the juice at?
That's fucked up.
Not cool.
All right, so...
We'll start with Graham and go to Mark
with just one more fun round of the game,
and I think this one will be particularly fun
because we're at Comic-Con,
and Graham is wearing that shirt.
Which one would you like to do, Graham?
Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, or The Dark
Knight Rises?
Which one
can you name more names?
Let's do
The Dark Knight
Rises.
Okay.
Leonard Lists.
Eight names.
How many of them can you name
Graham Elwood
for fun?
He's thinking about it.
I could name them all, but I'm looking right at it.
I'm just trying to think who's listed and who isn't. Right. That's the tricky part about this game. I will go six. He says he can do six of them, Mark.
Now, why was it again that you're not Batman in these new Batman movies?
Well, I don't like wearing that fucking suit, dude.
So you turned it down before they took it to bail?
Yeah, me and Josh Hartnett.
Hartnett was in the mix?
He fucking turned that shit down. Lucky Number Slevin could have gotten that?
He fucking turned that shit down.
Penny Dreadful could have been Batman?
He turned it down, too.
Oh, interesting.
He moved to Minnesota just to get away.
Why are you giving Graham clues?
What?
What?
You just said Bale.
Now he knows Krishna Bale was in that movie.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
That's a good point.
That's a good fucking point.
I know this round is just for funsies, but...
And he also knows that Josh Hartnett is not in it.
I know.
Or Mark Wahlberg.
Or Mark Wahlberg.
That's a lot of help, you're right.
That really narrows it down.
No, he just knows I'm not Batman in it.
Six out of eight.
Do you think you could do more, Mark Wahlberg?
Maybe I was in it.
Mark Wahlberg as Bane, everybody.
You don't know if I was in it.
You know nothing.
You're also great as Mad Max in the scenes
where he has a mask on.
Yes.
How many,
Mark? Okay. Donnie D
on the backup. Drug free,
so put the crack up.
Come on.
Feel it. Feel it. Feel it.
Yo.
It's about
that time to bring
forth the rhythm and the rhyme.
That sounds like real robot Bane.
You get yours, I'll get mine.
Is this what Blade Runner's about?
It doesn't sound like Bane at all.
Feel it.
Feel it.
Yeah.
All right.
What is it, Mark?
You're going to bid more or you're going to ask him?
Fuck that shit.
I got to let the dude who plays for Team Batman do it.
Okay.
Name it, Mark.
Graham, name six of the eight people that are in Dark Knight Rises.
Bushwood, give me a count.
Here we go, Bushwood.
Gary Oldman.
Good with the count.
Michael Caine.
Morgan Freeman.
Christian Bale.
Tom Hardy.
Show me the five.
Don't fucking hide the fucking...
You got to earn it, bro.
Now, this is where I know I'm just trying to figure out who...
Right.
My right.
I don't know how to pronounce her name, but...
Well...
Well...
I don't know what's wrong with people.
Why would you say anything out loud?
You don't get to have sex with me.
I don't know how to pronounce her last...
Yeah, sex with Mark Wahlberg is off the table. Off the table for you.
And that goes for the men, too.
You could, I mean...
Well, I mean, I know Liam Neeson is in it
because he has a flashback in it, but...
Wait, what?
Yeah, when he's in the prison.
So that counts.
Are you thinking about Empire Strikes Back?
He's not in Empire Strikes Back.
You're thinking of the other three, the shitty ones.
Oh, I got it.
Okay, all right.
Slam Evil, right?
That's from that movie, right?
Graham, you got five.
Give us one more.
Well, what's it? Mary Courtier? I don't know how to pronounce her last name, but got five. Give us one more. Well, what's Mary Courtier?
I don't know how to pronounce her last name, but that chick.
The chick who plays Ra's al Ghul's daughter that stabs him.
Okay.
And Liam Neeson.
I mean, I'll put Liam Neeson in there.
I don't know if he's listening.
You can't put more in there.
You've got to get exactly six.
And I'm not going to hold it against you because we're not even playing for anything
that you can't pronounce Marion Cotillard.
But yeah, she's in it
and you are correct.
Liam Neeson
has a considerably smaller part
than Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
And who was the other one you didn't get?
Morgan Freeman?
Oh my God.
Please, no.
Do not.
She's like fucking Beetlejuice.
Do not say her name three fucking times.
My God.
Are you for real?
She's like, say it.
Do it.
Do it.
Do not.
I said Morgan Freeman.
Yeah, I didn't say Anne Hathaway.
Anne Hathaway, yeah.
Anne Hathaway, Gary Oldman.
I did say Gary Oldman.
Yeah, yeah.
So the ones you missed were Anne Hathaway and Joseph Gordon-Levitt
And good job, Graham
Hey, Doug
Yeah
You done did it
Doug
And Graham, you get to plug your shit first
That's a weird way of putting it
You get to
Bring out your butt plugs
Yeah, the L.A. Podfest, September 18th through 20th,
lapodfest.com.
You can get a weekend pass for $100.
Sir, come see me after the show.
I'll give you your stuff.
And, of course, all my tour dates,
my podcast, Comedy Film Nerds, Twitter, all that stuff,
grahamelwood.com.
Thank you so much, San Diego.
I love coming to here.
GrahamElwood.com.
Thank you so much, San Diego.
I love coming here.
Mark, what's coming up for you? Can I ask you a question?
What?
Do you want to do a line?
Do you have time?
I guess so.
The show's over.
I don't know what you're doing.
I just wanted to do one with you.
This is the part where I'm wrapping it up.
Okay, we'll wrap it up.
But give us one more line.
You got your nickname from the dog?
You got your nickname from the dog?
Fievel.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
It is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
Yeah, somebody in the audience got it.
There used to be fucking rules to this game.
Okay.
What do you mean?
What's happening now?
You're going to do another one?
No, I'm going to plug my shit, bro.
Oh, okay.
Check out Ballers. I'm EPing that shit on HBO Is that for real?
Yeah, dude
No wonder it's so much like Entourage
You know why I did it? Because I just fucking love Corddry
I was like, I'll make a fucking show
I fucking love Rob Corddry
That motherfucker, I told him
I'm like, dude, you tell me what you want to wear your suit and be rich, I'll fucking
build a show around it. Okay, the other
thing I got fucking going on, Wahlburgers 2.
Why have you not eaten there? That's what we're calling the fucking
season. Go fucking
check that out. And then tomorrow, dropping
on iTunes, another fucking episode
of the fucking Wahlburg solution.
You guys fucking check that shit out.
Anne Hathaway's back, because I fucking hate myself.
And Michael Caine and John Roy and Reba fucking McIntyre, so check that shit out. Anne Hathaway's back because I fucking hate myself. And Michael Caine and John Roy and Reba fucking McIntyre.
So check that shit out.
All of them are going to be on there?
They're all on it.
Drops tomorrow on iTunes.
They were all in the Dark Knight Rises.
No, they weren't.
I've never seen the movie.
Reba was in fucking...
Reba was in Trummers, dude.
Yeah.
Jeff Tate, our winner today.
Congratulations.
We'll see you back on the show soon.
All you guys will be back soon,
but what else have you got going on, Jeff?
I'm at Go Bananas in Cincinnati
July 9th through 12th.
That's right, tomorrow, today,
if you're not here.
Like, if you're here and you're leaving
for some reason, going there,
come see me.
Next week, St. Louis, Westport, Funny Bone, 15 through 19.
I got a big tour this fall.
Hit me up on my website, justanotherclown.com.
I'm going fucking everywhere.
Chicago, Nashville, everywhere.
Philadelphia, New York, Boston.
That's everywhere.
Portland.
Yeah.
Albuquerque.
Yeah, you're going to be at the Guild Theater in Albuquerque.
Guild Cinema.
Yeah, okay, cinema.
I think that guy's going to let me pick what movie we watch after.
And you're leaning towards?
It's like, I told you Big Trouble in Little China, but then I remembered I really want to see Midnight Run also on a big screen.
Oh, yeah, Midnight Run's great.
That might be fun, too.
Maybe The Truth About Charlie?
No.
Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe.
I mean, if we can't get those other two
or any of the other things I choose,
Truth About Charlie. Be right up there, man.
All right.
Oh, I forgot to...
I'm headlining the Hollywood Improv August 29th.
August 29th, if you're in Hollywood,
go see Graham Elwood,
Jeff Tate,
Mark Wahlberg.
Thank you guys.
Have a great Comic Con.
And as always,
a certain dude who has an affinity for Jell-O, Pudding Pops, and Quaaludes
is a shithead.
I put your name tag on the floor
if you want to come back and get it.
I don't think the person who brought this bag, Jen,
is going to want that back.
And she was... It's so nice. She don't think the person who brought this bag, Jen, is going to want that back. And she was, it's so nice.
She even wrote on the back of the donut bag,
shithead, don't read until the end.
The Hall H line is a shithead.
Yeah! Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.