Doug Loves Movies - Mark Wahlberg, Tommy Johnagin, and Chris Cubas Guest

Episode Date: October 4, 2014

Live from Madison's Comedy Club on State, Doug welcomes "Mark Wahlberg," Tommy Johnagin, and Chris Cubas to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Not...ice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug makes Kenny reference music He sees the 50-80 profit burns in his teeth There's still not one that he won't sit up on Happy Hemp Fest, Doug. You know, it upsets me when there's somebody sitting that close to the stage that thinks that things can be just shouted out like that. And we might take this part out, but just real quickly, that's the last time we're going to hear from you, right? All right, cool.
Starting point is 00:00:56 But yeah, happy HempFest to you, too. Hey, everybody. My name's Doug, and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies! Coming to you once again from the Arctic North, otherwise known as Comedy on State, in Madison, Wisconsin! We're doing it!
Starting point is 00:01:28 Where I was just told that being caught with less than an ounce of marijuana in this town is a $10 ticket. Shit, I usually got that on me. So I'm very excited.
Starting point is 00:01:46 It's Saturday, October 4th, 2014. Wolf of Wall Street fight. Terminator 2. Judgment Day of the Dead. Dead man walking tall. The president's... The weed's really good here. Men in black.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Fisher King. Ralph at Dog Day. Afternoon. Delightfully perfect murder by Death Wish. Three Ami. Ghost World's Ed. Watchmen Don't Leaving Las Vegas Food La Jingle All the Wayne's World's Fastest Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doomsday of Thunderbolt and Lifefoot
Starting point is 00:02:17 Fistway of the Gun Crazy Heart. Yeah. Yeah. of the gun crazy heart. Yeah. You know how you set goals usually in yearly bites or sometimes in yearly sections? I said I'd do this for one year.
Starting point is 00:02:37 I would keep adding a title every week and I'm really regretting it. And it's 42020 plus $10. Show me your name tags, Madison. Oh, a light-up one right up front. That's, wow, Punch Drunk Steve. We've seen that one before. I think so.
Starting point is 00:02:57 It looks familiar. Even you added the beard. You got a beard and everything on there. Yeah, yeah, it looks like you. I like how he pointed to his face and to the to the poster there's somebody with a big hat that says magic mike on it that's uh it's a pinata in the shape of a hat that has magic mike on it all right i stand corrected wow somebody's lighting up a t-shirt back there. But lots of good name tags, as usual. Oh, there's a Caddyshack one.
Starting point is 00:03:25 What does that say? What's your name? Chaddy? Your name's Chaddy? Chad. Eshack. I get it. Chaddyshack.
Starting point is 00:03:37 All of your friends should call you that from now on. Or just Shack. Or Sack. Your new naked name is Sack. It would be terrible if his friends picked up on that. Sioux Falls, I'm doing stand-up next Sunday, October 11th
Starting point is 00:03:54 at the Orpheum Theater. At the end of the show, we'll play some games, so bring your name tags. And I've also got sets coming up in Nashville, Tempe, Tampa, Tupelo, that third one's a lie, and all of my dates and
Starting point is 00:04:09 deets and links are at douglosmovies.com. We've got a super fat prize bag today because the guests were very generous with their contributions. I brought something I'm very excited about. I saw a motion picture at Fantastic Fest
Starting point is 00:04:26 that's coming out very soon called John Wick. Yeah, and I think the tagline is, I think it's called John Wick, he will light your ass up. Actually, I think the one they have isn't as good as that. I should really write to somebody. Oh, don't set him off the one they have isn't as good as that. I should really write to somebody.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Oh, don't set him off is what they're saying. So anyway, he will light your ass up is the new catchphrase for John Wick, and that guy's nickname is Sack. We're really making a lot of... This city council meeting's going great. We're making a lot of great decisions. I'm very proud of everything that's happening. Of course, there's a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt in here.
Starting point is 00:05:09 There's a t-shirt that's from At Midnight, because you know I appear on there from time to time. How many At Midnight t-shirts do I need? We've got a copy of Gateway to Two in there. And then tons of other stuff that my awesome guests have brought. So let's just get them out here, you guys. Please give a big, warm state
Starting point is 00:05:30 capital of Wisconsin welcome to Tommy, Johnny, and Chris Cubis and Mark Wahlberg. All right. Nobody wins the Pete Holmes game. That's exciting. That means we're going to have
Starting point is 00:06:16 a polite cooperative panel. So I get to decide who we speak to first. And mainly because I'm just curious why he's even here. Let's start off with Mark Wahlberg, everybody. How are you guys doing? You doing good? What's up, Doc?
Starting point is 00:06:41 People might have thought that was just a recording, because that's what you say when you... No, that's 4D. Pre-record. I just want to thank you for all that. You've taken so much time out of your... You must have a crazy schedule. I do.
Starting point is 00:06:56 Yet you find time... How did you wind up here in Madison on Saturday? First off, I bought stock in this show. It's paying off great. We sold stock? Yeah. I'm not even aware of that. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm a majority shareholder
Starting point is 00:07:11 of your show. No, I'm actually here. I'm filming a movie. Really? Yeah. Can you tell us anything about it? Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:07:20 Yeah, it's called One Ride at a Time, The Tommy Bartlett story. That's a film that people will only get it here. It's about this entrepreneur who's got a house on a rock and he like... Guys, fucking check it out If people listening to this don't know who it is
Starting point is 00:07:52 Change your fucking life And look up who Tommy Bartlett is He's got a fucking robot world and a ski show That'll blow your fucking mind Fuck Thor County Mark, the guy that I yelled at earlier For yelling out Could not stop himself from saying
Starting point is 00:08:14 You're fucking killing it And then when I looked at him He shrugged And I have to agree with him You were killing it Is it not heckling when everybody agrees? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:08:29 That's just called appreciation. Well, that movie sounds incredible. I'd like to know more about what the hell you were saying. Wish I understood a word of it. I think the word rock was in there. People enjoyed that a great deal. Dude, he's got this like house
Starting point is 00:08:47 on a rock that nobody can fucking get to. Okay, alright. But I guarantee the rock will not be in it. So it'll be, which means it'll be good. Why don't you hang out for like 10 minutes after the show and talk to everybody here about that and me and the other guests can go do something else. For sure.
Starting point is 00:09:03 But you brought a you brought a... You brought what I would call a gift of the season. Yeah. A tiny pumpkin. I did. Because first of all,
Starting point is 00:09:16 fucking get in the mood, guys. It's going to be fucking Halloween. A.K.A. Donnie's favorite holiday because he can pretend to be anyone but himself. I went over and got that at the farmer's market. It was like a collection
Starting point is 00:09:31 of cold people in tents. Yeah, it's crazy cold right now. I don't get it. No, it's good. It's good for a run. If anybody wants, I'm doing a 10K right after this show.
Starting point is 00:09:55 Isn't that like, you need to forget it. Tommy Jonaghan is here, ladies and gentlemen. Woo! gentlemen headlining this very club the comedy on state the best comedy club under a bank and all of this intersection he he is this is a great club and he's and they they have, always have great acts so that's why I come in on a Saturday afternoon and I just pilfer somebody from,
Starting point is 00:10:30 from that evening. It's working out pretty good for me. Tommy, have you, are you enjoying your time here in Madison?
Starting point is 00:10:42 I'm so used to the comics like just talking over me while I'm trying to ask a question that this is hard. I always love it here. I've been coming here for 10 years or more. It's one of my favorite cities. I don't just say that here to pander.
Starting point is 00:10:58 Come see a show in Cleveland. You'll really see me shit on a place. Hello, assholes. And I've never met a movie star before, so it's a big deal. You're welcome. Exciting. I'm so used to Mark being on the show,
Starting point is 00:11:17 I almost said, what movie star? I've really grown accustomed to it. You want to talk? I'm going to give you that one. I always get at least one. It's very generous like that. Chris Cubis is also here, you guys. Hey, little guy.
Starting point is 00:11:37 Yeah. Oh, shit, I'm sorry. Let's back up a second. Tommy brought for the prize bag a mug that says Madison Concourse Hotel. So that might be from inside one of the rooms. That's some coffee.
Starting point is 00:11:55 The orange things are the important things. The orange things are hot hands. Hot hands. They are, first of all, non-edible. But they warm your hands. Why don't you want to keep them for yourself? Aren't your hands getting cold during this visit? Well, to be honest, I bought them for myself
Starting point is 00:12:13 and then remembered I was supposed to bring something. Oh, okay. I thought this hotel was so fancy. They had hand warmers. Oh, no, those were purchased. Hand warmers in a mug, you know. Those were purchased. Sitting there when you walk in.
Starting point is 00:12:25 That's what I like to call $4 down the drain. And some Wolfgang Puck coffee. Yeah, it's Puck and good coffee. Yeah. I swear, writing slogans should be my thing. Chris
Starting point is 00:12:41 Cubis, everybody. How's it going, everybody? Back to Chris. Yeah. It's good to be here. Chris Cubis everybody How's it going everybody Back to Chris Because Yeah It's good to be here He brought I just noticed Mark I'm sorry That is a gorgeous piece of jewelry
Starting point is 00:12:54 You've got Is that copper I can't It's got a weird color to it It's gold platinum It's a bracelet I love this bracelet I stole it when I was 13 years old Did you blind a guy with it It's gold platinum. It's a bracelet. I love this bracelet.
Starting point is 00:13:06 I stole it when I was 13 years old. Did you blind a guy with it? I did not, no. Don't bring up that shit, dude. It weighs 37 pounds and it's worth it. Yeah, you're getting some nice reps in there. Yep. Anytime I want, I just fucking curl. Carl You brought a ton of
Starting point is 00:13:30 I brought A whole stack of Of DVDs Of motion I brought that Motion pictures Oh wait So Mark brought
Starting point is 00:13:37 Transformers Age of Extinction Yup That's right That's fucking right How many people here Saw it three times Yeah You're better people For that That's right. That's fucking right. How many people here saw it three times? Yeah! You're better people for that.
Starting point is 00:13:49 You, that you weren't in that group? What's that? You didn't see it three times? Transformers 4? Yeah. I watch it every fucking morning when he's talking about it.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Can I ask a question about that movie? Why does that one guy, the boy, well, I'm going to do it anyway. The boyfriend, you got an alpha mark.
Starting point is 00:14:05 The boyfriend of his daughter, of Mark Wahlberg's daughter, why does he have a pedophile get out of jail free card laminated in his wallet in that movie? Huh? Yeah, no, because they started dating when she was underage, right? Right. It's called the Romeo and Juliet law. Okay, so why didn't Michael Bay just make her 18
Starting point is 00:14:21 and then your hero's not a rapist? I wish the Romeo and Juliet law meant that everybody in that movie killed themselves. We would, but if you've seen Long Survivor, I can't fucking die. That is one of the worst spoiler titles in the history of...
Starting point is 00:14:47 Because I knew who they were talking about. They were talking about you, man. Of course they fucking were. Why is Tucci on the fucking back cover but no T.J. Miller?
Starting point is 00:14:56 How does Tucci make the cut? That was an executive decision right there. Okay. T.J. kept saying at the end when we were like,
Starting point is 00:15:03 T.J., here's the... We decided that we don't want you in the last half of the movie. And he was like, then I want nothing to do with the marketing of this fucking film.
Starting point is 00:15:12 And I said, all right, we'll give that to you. So he's not on the cover. All right, there's your story, BuzzFeed. And Chris brought,
Starting point is 00:15:21 this is kind of fun for you, Mark. What's this? What do you think these movies have in common? I'll just name a few movies. You tell me, Mark, what they have in common. Righteous Kill, Dead Silence, Dreamcatcher, Saw II. I didn't see Saw II.
Starting point is 00:15:38 And, of course, Transformers, which you brought. I shouldn't have that in the... That just confuses things. All those other ones, what are they in common? They sound like movies I turned down. Oh, shit. They all feature your brother Donnie! What?
Starting point is 00:15:55 I feel like... I feel like... Are you fucking kidding me right now? Donnie is an underrated talent. That man is a underrated talent. That man is a warbler. Oh my God. Band of Brothers, killing it.
Starting point is 00:16:11 Blue Bloods. It's on CBS. I don't watch it, but... Sixth Sense. He was great in Sixth Sense. He almost died doing that movie. He was good in one movie. You know what, though? I'm glad you did that.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Because you buying those movies is like one more check being sent to Donnie so he can buy his own lunch. That's fine with me. Don't the new kids have big tours and sell out and stuff? Isn't he making a ton of money? No, he's just... They kicked him out of the band like six years ago.
Starting point is 00:16:39 And he's like, well, can I just bring the scarves? And they were like, sure, Donnie, bring the fucking scarves. So I think he just helps out. Who's that on stage? Like a lookalike? It's a holog well, can I just bring the scarves? And I'm like, sure, Donnie, bring the fucking scarves. So I think he just helps out. Who's that on stage? Like a lookalike? It's a hologram, dude. Speaking of grams, I also brought some banana grams. Because they give me these every time I go on At Midnight. I don't want this thing.
Starting point is 00:17:03 It just feels like Scrabble tiles in a banana. Never heard of it. Whoever wins this pumpkin better fucking eat it. It's nutritious. It's got a lot of protein. I ate three pumpkins this morning. Like an apple?
Starting point is 00:17:20 You just bite into it? Yep, you just eat them like a fucking apple. And you get to the seeds, and you're just like... You sound like a typewriter. Old-timey. Old-timey typewriter. What movies have you guys seen lately?
Starting point is 00:17:38 Let's talk about that for a second. Oh, I saw The Guest. Oh, I've heard very good things about that. Oh my god, it's so fucking good. I didn't get a chance to see it at Fantastic Fest, but I hear The Guest. Oh, I've heard very good things about that. Oh my god, it's so fucking good. I didn't get a chance to see it at Fantastic Fest, but I hear it is good. I'm going to say this, I don't want to give anything away, because people should just go fucking see it.
Starting point is 00:17:53 But it's like if Drive met Halloween. In the best fucking way you can imagine. There's not even a joke here, it's just a good fucking movie. Only it's got that dude from Downton Abbey and I was like, you talk funny, motherfucker. So it's like Jamie Lee Curtis as a stunt driver?
Starting point is 00:18:14 No. She just does that slutty dance from True Lies for ten minutes in the middle for no reason. That slutty dance. Does all dance slutty to you then? Yeah. Did you see Footloose?
Starting point is 00:18:35 I can't believe Donnie was in all those fucking movies. Yeah, man. That man works. That's like a third of his IMDB. That includes television.
Starting point is 00:18:46 I bet he just did it for the free food. What have you seen lately, Tommy? Have you been in the movies? I've seen some good movies, but I would like to say that I saw Lucy because I thought,
Starting point is 00:19:01 well, Scarlett Johansson is beautiful. And what if we only used 10% of our brain? Sure. I thought, well, Scarlett Johansson is beautiful. And what if we only used 10% of our brain? Sure. And first of all, that's not a thing. Secondly,
Starting point is 00:19:15 secondly, Americans will no one told me how bad that movie was. That's how hot she is. People just they're like, hey, look at her
Starting point is 00:19:32 for $12. There's a point where she can stop people from moving with her mind. I don't know what percentage that happens at. It's up there. But it is just a scene of Asian people that happens at. It's up there. But it is just
Starting point is 00:19:45 a scene of Asian people not moving, but really wanting to. And it looks like a comedy sketch. It was beautifully terrible. That movie just goes from one weird scene to another, but it's only 90 minutes long. Have you seen it?
Starting point is 00:20:04 Yeah. No, I haven't seen it. And you... I didn't know anybody else watched it. But she's in every frame of that movie doing all sorts of different... She's in every frame. Weird things.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Like, whatever your fetish is... Except that... Plus Scarlett Johansson happens during that movie. And weird cuts of animals fucking out of nowhere for like seven times. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:20:22 If your fetish is Scarlett Johansson plus animals fucking, then you're really gonna get off. Let's fucking do it. Screen it. They cut to the animals having sex out of nowhere and these two teenage girls behind me lost their shit laughing and I just wanted to turn around and be like, I agree with you.
Starting point is 00:20:39 That's hilarious but I can't laugh. I have a daughter. She wasn't there but I think it represents what I laugh about. That movie was the worst thing I've't laugh. I have a daughter. She wasn't there but I think it represents what I laugh about. That movie was the worst thing I've ever seen. And I saw somebody die one time. I loved it.
Starting point is 00:20:54 It's worse than that. I loved it. I mean, it's absolutely batshit crazy but I enjoyed it. I like how at the end she becomes a USB drive. For real? I hope I ruined it. I like how at the end she becomes a USB drive. For real?
Starting point is 00:21:06 I hope I ruined it for you. I saved everyone $12.50. I forget who said it but somebody said Lucy's a prequel to her. So credit to someone. I didn't steal it. Another anonymous quote. Really bad movie. Yeah, yeah. So don't steal it. Another anonymous quote.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Really bad movie. Yeah, yeah. So don't go see that, you guys. I haven't seen Under the Skin, but apparently it's another odd movie that's two hours of Scarlett Johansson and apparently actually naked. Like in Lucy,
Starting point is 00:21:42 she always had like a wife beater on, which was funny. She's naked? Under the skin. 32 seconds in, she's dropping it. Mark, you went in with a stopwatch? No.
Starting point is 00:21:57 They had a timer up on the fucking screen. They knew why we were there. That's a good movie, though. I actually really like it. 32 seconds in, she's naked. A minute and a half in, people are just smoking cigarettes for no reason.
Starting point is 00:22:09 What's going on here? It's actually really good. It's fucking weird, but it's good. I gotta see it. Her skin come off or something? I don't get the title. Do you want me to tell you the truth?
Starting point is 00:22:17 Yeah. I'm not gonna see it. We'll be talking about it. Oh, I don't wanna. I'll stop watching when her skin comes off. That's one of my favorite features of hers.
Starting point is 00:22:26 Fucking totally love her skin. I go either way on skin. You go down to the bodies exhibit and jerk off? We've all got our things, dog. We've all got our things. And every one of those things happens during the 90 minutes of Lucy. It's less about the skin and more about being able to see muscle.
Starting point is 00:22:50 That's what I really... Chris, what have you seen lately? I saw November Man, which was a pile of garbage. There's a point in them, it's the worst, they just fuck up every spy thing. There's a point where it's the worst. They just fuck up every spy thing.
Starting point is 00:23:07 There's a moment where she's like, they go buy train tickets. Use cash, obviously. You don't use credit cards. She immediately hops on the internet with a credit card and books two train tickets. Is that the dude from Donny's Peak? Yeah, as a matter of fact. Donny is going to remake that movie. It's Donny's Peak.
Starting point is 00:23:23 Which was about 15 years ago. Yeah, according to Mark here. So she gets on, she gets caught immediately, runs away, ends up getting the best of the assassin, knocks her out,
Starting point is 00:23:35 goes back to the same computer to do the exact same thing again, like in a loop. She leaves, hits the assassin, goes right back to where she got caught by an assassin. In her defense, you get such great deals online.
Starting point is 00:23:51 She probably was a kayak in that shit. And then I saw an old movie called The Philadelphia Story in the 50s with Cary Grant. Cary Grant. James Stewart. It's crazy how whimsically
Starting point is 00:24:06 they treat domestic violence in those movies. That movie opens with like him grabbing Catherine Hepburn by the face and just throwing her to the ground.
Starting point is 00:24:15 And then they get a divorce and then the rest of the movie her family's like, you really should get back with old face mushing guy. He knows how to treat a lady. I don't remember it, but there is a Clint Eastwood movie
Starting point is 00:24:24 where he's the hero and he rapes a woman. That's a real, I don't remember it, but there is a Clint Eastwood movie where he's the hero and he rapes a woman. That's a real, I didn't just make it up, it sounded uncomfortable with the crowd reaction. I wasn't going for the joke, like he really saves a town
Starting point is 00:24:35 and he raped a woman in a barn. And they're like, ah, you know, but he's a good guy. Maybe somebody should bring up a comedy at this point I took it hard left there, I guess Times have changed It was that joke in Blazing Saddles
Starting point is 00:25:00 Where the guy's saying about the bad guys That they raped our cattle So that's pretty funny where they're the guys saying about the bad guys that they raped our cattle. So that's pretty funny. So now as a part of the show, now that we've talked about November Man more than any people in the world have ever talked about it. I don't know,
Starting point is 00:25:18 who's in November Man before we move on? Oh, the guy from... The guy from... The guy from Thomas Crown Affair. Pierce Brosnan? Yeah. You're hanging out with your family and they won't just
Starting point is 00:25:31 fucking say James Bond or Remington Steele. They say every other goddamn movie. The guy from Mrs. Thomas Crown Affair was in that. You know, the guy from Matador. Come on. That was in that five-year period
Starting point is 00:25:45 where we were pretending that that woman was hot. Renee Russo? She's fucking hot, dude. Renee Russo? The guy from Mamma Mia. The one, the most horrible singer in Mamma Mia. Is he growing a beard for No Shake It Remember the whole time? He's trying to go like Liam Neeson.
Starting point is 00:26:05 He's trying to be a tough guy, but he's just now still like a pansy Brit. He doesn't have like the tough I'm going to headbutt you Brit. He has like the
Starting point is 00:26:13 fucking weak chinned Brit. It's just not frightening. I couldn't see him punching a wolf. I saw Liam Neeson punch a wolf and I was like, I buy it.
Starting point is 00:26:21 I buy it. The spoilers are flying tonight. Mark, why didn't they have... Because the poster for The Grey made it sound about a guy fighting wolves, and there's a lot of shit before they get to the wolves. Great fucking movie, though.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Did you see A Walk in the Tombstones? No. What's that? That's the new Liam Neeson. Is that just like another Is that just like another It's built to be driven It's a walk among the tombstones Right?
Starting point is 00:26:52 Yeah yeah yeah Yeah it's just another thing Of him tracking people down And punching them in the throat No it's just two hours Of him trying to find His aunt's tombstone It's just two hours
Starting point is 00:27:00 Of him eating A tombstone pizza It's a remake Of the Seinfeld episode Where they couldn't Find the car. I'm in. I heard that was really bad.
Starting point is 00:27:10 He gets really angry. Critics gave it, I think it's certified fresh or whatever, but it hasn't done well at the box office. I think people are just now, they're just all waiting for Taken 3. My friend, spoiler alert, because he spoiled it for me
Starting point is 00:27:27 oh I really thought you were saying you have a friend named spoiler alert I would want to hang out with that guy he's so terrible he's a drug dealer
Starting point is 00:27:34 he ruined Lost he said don't see it because at one point Liam Neeson is crawling on all fours and tases the guy in the balls he said don't see it because of that.
Starting point is 00:27:46 I'd say see it because of that. Yeah, that sounds like a good reason to go, but maybe because he's saying that it's sad that Liam Neeson has resorted to that. He said it's not the ideal finishing move for a strong character to
Starting point is 00:28:01 be crawling like a baby and then tasing the guy in the balls. It seems like a comedy thing. Can I tell you for a strong character to be crawling like a baby and then tasing the guy at the balls. It seems like a comedy thing. Can I tell you for a second about the new Keanu Reeves film? This is not an ad. It's called John Wick, and it's got the most hand-to-hand gun punching I've ever seen in a movie. He's either punching someone with a gun
Starting point is 00:28:20 or shooting them in the face with a gun, and they flip all over each other, and the amazing choreography, the movie is directed by two of the stunt doubles for Keanu in the Matrix films. I really dig it. I highly recommend it. It's called John Wick and I think it comes out...
Starting point is 00:28:37 What's the release date, Mark? It's November 17th. That's it. I don't know. I have no fucking clue. Wrong month and that's probably not even a Friday. So this is the part of the show where I say, let the games begin! Let's do it.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Take control, Madison, of your $10 weed citations. Probably raising a lot of money for the city that way. So, yeah, guys, go ahead and pick a name tag of who you'd like to play for. While you do that, we're going to do this.
Starting point is 00:29:12 We'll be right back. And we're back. Look at these name tags. What an amazing set of options you guys had. Nobody picked the huge ones, though. Usually there's a few big ones out there. I didn't feel like holding it. You guys went more subtle. Oh, that's good.
Starting point is 00:29:27 Mine has my face on it. I'm just an egomaniac. Prop in front of you. Okay, so Chris, we'll start with you. What's your name tag? It's Harry Charles Loomer Young in Blood Out. It is a very, very weak pun on Blood in Blood Out. It's a fucking stretch
Starting point is 00:29:43 dude. But it's got my face on it and Doug's face and I guess his face weak pun on Blood In Blood Out. It's a fucking stretch, dude. But... But it's got my face on it and Doug's face and I guess his face? I'm not sure why he... Is that you? Me? Yeah, and then him. I thought it was from a distance. I thought it was Kumail. But no, it's that guy.
Starting point is 00:29:58 No, he's very white. Oh, okay. I mean, the lighting. You know what I mean? Tommy, what do you got? I have Jason Barr Presents Barr to the Future. That's a very nice job of photoshoppery. He did a great job, and he was holding it at the point I got tired of looking. And I grabbed it because it was in front of me.
Starting point is 00:30:24 You were sitting right in the front row. I love it. That's in front of me. Oh. So. Sitting right in the front row. I love it. That's the amount of effort you put in. But that is a nice one. And you're also a fan of that movie, obviously. Obviously.
Starting point is 00:30:33 Yes. It was my favorite movie Who doesn't like, if you don't like Back to the Future, just shout out. Yeah. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Even the guy that's dying for an opportunity to shout out had to sit there quietly. He was like, nope. Nope. We're not going to fucking fuck with Back to the Future, man. Not crossing that line. My mother used to say that a movie is racist
Starting point is 00:30:55 because it steals credit for inventing rock and roll from Chuck Berry and gives it to white Michael J. Fox. She's kind of a crazy person. But also accurate. Yeah. But to be fair, white people invented rock and roll. What do you have? Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:31:20 The way they invented America and they invented just things they steal. Emails. Just so lucky to be white. Miracle whip. Yeah, dude, no offense, but you wouldn't make it.
Starting point is 00:31:33 No. You would not make it. I'm barely making it as a white guy from the Midwest. Do you realize how that's the easiest thing ever? And I can barely do that. I love being white.
Starting point is 00:31:44 People wave at you. You think that's why people are waving at you? You can go to a Starbucks and not even be in line and some girl named Amber will be like, did you need anything? These black people are in line, but did you need anything? I'm like, no, wait on them, but thank you.
Starting point is 00:32:04 You're also a movie star. Such a sweet guy. Not debatable. Can I see yours? What do you got for name tag, buddy? Look at this, dude. Mark Wahlberg picked one with my face on it next to our good friend Kristen Bell, who's been on
Starting point is 00:32:22 the program. I love the face is wonderfully photoshopped, but he didn't change the name, which seems easier. Oh, you mean put Doug Benson instead of Josh Duhamel? Yeah. Which is, you know, everybody's thinking that. But her name is Gwen, and it's Gwen in Rome. I like that. And it's on a stick.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Yeah, it's a back scratcher. Back scratcher, back scratcher. Can I, may I? Yeah. Can I scratch my back with it? Get into it. God damn. It works, right?
Starting point is 00:32:54 That's nice. Mark pays people to scratch his back. I do. Or Donnie. Yeah, well, yeah. I put it on his tab. All right, so let's play some games, starting with a little something
Starting point is 00:33:07 that I like to call Build a Title. We haven't played that in a while. All right, let's do it. There's obvious semi-enthusiasm for it. It's, of course, what I did at the beginning of the show when I was rambling on and on, listing off all those movies. I don't know if you guys heard it, but it
Starting point is 00:33:25 goes like this. But you know what I mean. We'll start with a title and it's Wolf of Wall Street, Fight, Terminator 2, Judgment Day of the Dead, etc. And I want to do it with a Mark Wahlberg title of course, since he's here.
Starting point is 00:33:41 So we'll since it's been the longest since Tommy's played this and maybe has never played it before we'll let him go third so we'll start with Chris Cubis and then go to Mark
Starting point is 00:33:52 and then to Tommy and the movie we're building on is we need to build on I Heart Huckabees and I had to think on this one for a second
Starting point is 00:34:01 but I came up with some titles on either end, so I said let's go for it. Strangely enough, a lot of Mark Wahlberg titles, you can't really, aren't good for build a title. Which is, that means they're singular sensations. Oh, you mean like Invincible?
Starting point is 00:34:18 Yeah, that'd be a hard one, because what movies start with a bull? That's a good point. If there's a movie called A Bull in the China Shop, bam. All right, Chris. Unstoppable. I know. See how that doesn't work? I would have lost on that.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Yeah, you're going to lose on this, I bet. Chris, what do you got? Whiffnail and I, Hart Huckabee. Yes! It's a movie that four people saw. What did you say? With Nail and I, remember that?
Starting point is 00:34:50 With Nail and I, great movie. Rupert, not Rupert, Grant. What's his first name? You. Richard. No, Richard. You. He wasn't in Withnail and I.
Starting point is 00:35:06 Yeah, it was Richard E. Grant, I believe he goes by. The one I thought of was you could go Red Eye Hard Huckabees, but you went with Withnail and I Hard Huckabees. So now, Mark, you need something that begins with Huckabees or ends with With. Does any title end with With? That might be a dead end. With Nail and I
Starting point is 00:35:32 Heart Huckabee Season. Bee Season. Yes. Yes. That's correct. Thank you. See what happens when you blow people's minds? They don't even know what to do. What I thought of was I Heart Huckabee's Master. Oh, that's a good one.
Starting point is 00:35:49 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But all right, so we've got I Heart Huckabee's Season. Bee Season. So, Tommy, can you think of anything that begins with season? Or like Winter's Bone? Or... That would be a movie yes it begins with the season i just saw a film called spring at fantastic fest it was good uh no uh or sun you could do the movie that begins with sun there's lots of movies begin with oh you know it's how it sounds Not how it's spelled
Starting point is 00:36:25 So anything that begins with sun Son-in-law There you go Bam Now we're We're back to Chris And he's got a movie That begins with law
Starting point is 00:36:38 Or ends with whiff nail So whiff nail And I heart huckabee Season Season son-in-law Less Lawless Whiffnail. So Whiffnail and I heart Huckabee season season in law less. Lawless. Yeah. Shia baby. Yeah. How do you feel
Starting point is 00:36:54 about Shia LaBeouf? I mean he tries hard. Did you hear what he fucking did? To be annoying. No shit. No. He's not even trying. Did you hear about what he did to the movie? To be annoying. Yeah, no shit, no. He's not even trying. Did you hear about what he did for Fury? He fucking took all these teeth out for that movie that's coming out. What?
Starting point is 00:37:10 Yeah, but he got them put back in after. I don't know, dude. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, he just ripped them off. He's just super committed to... There's a lot of people doing meth to get ready for roles in Fury. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:37:26 Okay, movie that begins with less. Or ends with with? Yeah. Oh. Oof. Oof. Less. Less.
Starting point is 00:37:37 Less. What was the quote? Is law less? Law less, yes. Law less, yes. Lawless. Less. Okay, you ready? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:53 With nail and eye. With nail and eye, Huckabee season of, in law. Son-in-law. Less than zero. Yes. Don't fuck around with me. Less than zero yes don't fuck around with me less than zero don't fuck around
Starting point is 00:38:08 with me alright so this next one is going to begin with zero okay or ero or ro
Starting point is 00:38:18 or oh zero dark 30 do I have to say the whole title yeah yeah no you don't have to say the whole title again we got other things Zero Dark Thirty. Do I have to say the whole title? Yeah, yeah. No, you don't have to say the whole title again. We've got other things to do today. All right, so now we're back to you, Chris, with Thirty.
Starting point is 00:38:34 This is a great one. Thirteen America World Police. Wow. Yeah. How about that? I stuck that one in. Have you heard this before? Yeah, once or twice.
Starting point is 00:38:53 So police, Mark. With nail and eye heart, Huckabee sees son-in-law less than zero, dark, 30... 13. less than zero dark 30 13 America World Police Academy 5
Starting point is 00:39:10 full title oh for real oh oh snap Oh, for real? Oh, mother... Oh, snap. I will amend my answer. You could just drop the five, I guess. Yeah, I'll drop the five. All right.
Starting point is 00:39:35 Is it like back at it again? Or is it Police Academy five, oops? Do you know him? No, I don't know what it is. Miami Beach is number five? Do you really feel proud yelling that out? No, look, he's leaving. No, dude, it's not that bad.
Starting point is 00:39:59 All right, so now we got Academy is the last word in this, Chris. Or wait, Tom. Sorry, Tommy. Police academy, myself, and Irene. Yes! Let me just check the time really quick, because if you guys can do this until 6pm,
Starting point is 00:40:20 then it'll be a draw, and the three winners will have to all run up here and scavenge through the bag. Fuck yeah, dude. Fight it out. We just break a pool cue in half. Aw, what? Alright, me, myself, and
Starting point is 00:40:37 Irene. Irene. Irene. Yeah. Or you have with. There is no with. With is still hanging out yeah I think it's going to be there by itself for a while yeah me myself and I re-ne-my-ne-mo I'm guessing
Starting point is 00:40:54 this is a movie for like kids or something it's got like a stuffed dog in it Graham elbowing my way through this answer I'm sorry Chris you're out Graham outputting my way through this answer. I'm sorry, Chris, you're out. Mark, what do you got?
Starting point is 00:41:13 All right. Right when I thought this was going to go on forever, it was a pretty good stopper. I can't think of one. Reen. Een. Reen. Een. Reen. Are you ready? Reen Animator.
Starting point is 00:41:28 Go. The best of Christian Chenoweth, Nell and I. Okay, you're out. The best of Christian Chenoweth. That's a real fucking thing. It's not with. I mean, it's with, not with. All right, fair enough.
Starting point is 00:41:47 And that's, I don't even know if that's a thing, and it would certainly not be a major motion picture. Tommy, you got anything to add to this? You're the last one to correctly add something, so you are the winner, regardless. But if you came up with something, I bet you most of these people would be on their feet. Followed by this gentleman
Starting point is 00:42:08 about ten seconds later. I'm gonna give it a think. Give it a good think. I don't think so. I'm done. I don't have one. He's sleeping now. Okay, so. I'm done. I don't have one. He's sleeping now. Okay, so you're our winner.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Tommy Johnigan, everybody. With Dale and I, Hardhuckabee, sees son-in-law, less than zero, dark 30, 30, what was that next one? Team America. Throws everybody off. Team America, World Police.
Starting point is 00:42:46 I'm going to get some people quibbling with that one. Academy, myself and Irene. Reno 911. The movie. Reno 911. Oh, damn it. The movie.
Starting point is 00:42:57 Son of a bitch. What's the full title? Escort that man from the premises. He sewed us up. All hecklings should just be agreeing. No, but we all agree that would have been the perfect title. Yeah, yeah, to say right there. And then after that, I'd add movie to movie.
Starting point is 00:43:20 I would add movie, movie. Because there was a movie called Movie Movie. Then you could just keep doing that over and over again until you're dead. Let's play Last Man Stanton. Let's do it. Can I get a vodka tonic on stage?
Starting point is 00:43:35 And a Miller Lite. Just put them all in one glass and bring them on up. Two straws, please. We're going to do this lady in the tramp style A pickle with a spear on it The dude that yelled out Reno 9-11 Which you shouldn't yell out in a crowded room
Starting point is 00:43:56 What's your name? Ted Ted, alright Ted, could you pick for us Somebody to play with, as it were, for Last Man's Ten? Let me quickly describe the game to everybody in case somebody doesn't know how to play. Tommy. We basically get the name of an actor, actress, or a film director who has a large body of work, and then we take turns naming movies.
Starting point is 00:44:25 I'll play two. Naming movies from that person or that person was involved with until, if you can't think of one, you're out. Okay. And it's harder than it looks. All right, so that narrows down who you can pick a little bit.
Starting point is 00:44:44 And we will, who won that? So Tommy won that last thing. Yeah. And then who came closest to him, Mark? All right.
Starting point is 00:44:51 So we'll go Tommy, Mark, Doug, Chris on this. And who would you like us to use in Last Man Standing? Ted? Martin Scorsese.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Martin Scorsese. You son of a bitch. Not only has that been done before it is extremely difficult it's very difficult do you guys remember hearing it on the show before yes
Starting point is 00:45:14 alright she's been surrounded listen I'm talking this is Ted Talks right now ever since his name was Ted, I was dying to figure out
Starting point is 00:45:26 a way to say that. You fucking nailed it, Todd. I'm a professional killing it, yeah. I thought it was the bear from that movie with you. What's that? That fucking bear.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Fuck that bear. You guys don't talk anymore? No, I don't know if I've said this before, but the whole fucking movie. Fuck that bear. You guys don't talk anymore? No, I don't know if I've said this before, but the whole fucking movie, that goddamn bear doesn't say a fucking word to me. And then in post, all of a sudden he won't shut the fuck up. Fucking fuck that bear.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Hoity ass prick. All right, you've had some time to think, Ted. What's your what's your second strike I love how he says uh every time I love that this like you could just
Starting point is 00:46:12 you've had time maybe other people at your table have made suggestions Helena Bottom Carter Helena Bottom Carter get the fuck out of here does anybody here think they can name more than two Helena Bottom Helena Bonham Carter. Get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Does anybody here think they can name more than two Helena Bonham Carter movies? Okay, maybe three, but shut the fuck up. Chris, what do you got? Helena Bonham Carter. Fight Club, and then maybe one other
Starting point is 00:46:37 in a mouth. Yeah, yeah. Fight Club. Or a bunch of... Oh, wait, wait, wait. Planet of the Apes, you idiot. I didn't say...
Starting point is 00:46:44 I said two. I said two, and it was fucking Sweeney Todd. Planet of the Apes, you idiot. I didn't say... I said two. I said two, and it was fucking Sweeney Todd and Planet of the Apes. We're going to need the full title of Sweeney Todd. Oh, my God. The Demon of Barber Street or whatever the fuck it is. I wish it was called or whatever the fuck it is. All right, he's got two strikes.
Starting point is 00:47:01 Then we're going to open it up to the floor. Susan Sarandon and Edward Norton will get their day, sir. Ted gets one more try. I want Ted to succeed at this so bad. Just think of one of the biggest movie stars or directors you could possibly think of, not the one that's married to the director.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Let Ted have the floor. Stop fucking Donnie-ing it over there with you guys. Do you mean providing reliable, dramatic performances in several films? Like that one? You know what? I'm going to give you one. All right, so Ted's had a little time to think.
Starting point is 00:48:03 And I think it's adorable that I keep seeing little vapor pens lighting up in the room. Yeah, vape, vape, vape, vape, vape, vape. Everybody's fucking vaping. Meanwhile, I can see Ted googling big movie stars. Don't give him any ideas, Mark. What do you got, Ted? Antonio Banderas. Alright, I'll take it. Antonio fucking Banderas?
Starting point is 00:48:22 We can do that. Here we go. We got this, we got it. Antonio fucking Banderas? We can do that. Here we go. We got this. We got this. Antonio Banderas. It's like the only movies he watches are on Encore. That's good, right? Fucking Helen Bonham Carter?
Starting point is 00:48:40 That's good. Love that Helen Bonham Carter. Okay, so Tommy gets first blood. What's a movie featuring Antonio Banderas? Shrek.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Yes. Mark? Shrek 2. I mean, if we're gonna do it it let's get it out of the fucking way is that the full title? yes that's the full title right? yes
Starting point is 00:49:10 alright cause one of the other ones has a subtitle I'm not even gonna go into those weeds I'm gonna avoid that entirely and just say Boots and Boots The Expendables 3.
Starting point is 00:49:27 That movie was terrible, but he was pretty good. Desperado. Yes. Desperado. Antonio Banderas. This guy I just thought of one. I keep thinking of movies
Starting point is 00:49:44 that Ted was in What's happening right now? I'm trying to think of the fifth Antonio Banderas movie, or fourth, or whatever it is. He's made a lot of movies, dude. I know. I keep thinking of them. But then I forget them right away.
Starting point is 00:50:21 It's tough. Do you give up? Do you want to just make smoochy sounds? Fuck, man. Antonio Banderas. I think I thought of another one. I keep thinking of parts of titles. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:42 He's got a lot of very vague titles. Oh, god damn it. Really? Yeah. He's got a lot of very vague titles. Oh, god damn it. I know it wasn't in this, but I can't think of what it's called, so fuck it. I'll just sit back and make fun of people for the rest of the game. Fuck it. Oh, that's interesting. He was in a movie called Screw It.
Starting point is 00:51:08 Was he really? We were so close. No, um... Was it called Damascus Zorro? Yes! Okay, Damascus Zorro. It's not a kiss! What are you doing? Hey!
Starting point is 00:51:19 Fuck out. Ted, show her out. And then stay with her. Make sure she gets home safe. That woman maxed out on the amount of time it could not be about her. It just had to yell. It's hard because, you know,
Starting point is 00:51:40 people are drinking and stuff. Fair enough. So can we say Spy Kids now? No. It's off the table. You can say Play It to the Bone. Woody Harrelson, Antonio Banderas, Boxing, Terrible Garbage.
Starting point is 00:51:55 Oh, shit! Yeah, Ron Shelton. I watch Encore too, motherfucker. Wow. Yeah, Ron Shelton. Ron Shelton directed that. After the show, I'm going to give you 72 cents so you can get Cinemax.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Although the nick is on that and it's a good fucking show. Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Yes. Ah, Antonio. That's interesting. Ah, Antonio. That's interesting. Ah, Antonio. Can you imagine how crazy he's going to go
Starting point is 00:52:33 when he listens to this? Come on, guys. He might know a few more. The game is called Last Man Stanton because when we played with Harry Dean Stanton, he won. But he could only think of four or five out of the 200 that he was in.
Starting point is 00:52:53 But it was enough to win. For Antonio, I'm going to go with... Yeah, good call. Leaving right now. I'm going to be honest honest shit's getting too tense no I'm contemplating getting a workout in while we do this I'm just gonna guess the title of it because I'm not sure exactly but
Starting point is 00:53:16 we haven't spoken of the third in the Shrek series which I'm guessing is called I think it's called Shrek Forever After? Is that right? Everybody's sad that they know it. I was going to say.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Isn't it Shrek the Third? I think it's Shrek the Third. Let's Shrek with Leonard and see what he calls it. That's why I was hesitant. I think Forever After is the fourth one. Maybe, yeah. Forever Ever After makes sense. I fucked up.
Starting point is 00:53:52 But I still want to see it for my own eyeballs. Just for that edification. I hope this works down here. But since you're out, can I go ahead and say The 13th Warrior? Yeah, Shrek. Yeah, you can. Shrek the third and then Shrek Forever After, so I completely
Starting point is 00:54:07 fucked that up, but that knocks both of those out. So, uh, what was that one you just said? 13th Warrior. You didn't name the movie, right? You said Shrek 3. No, you said Shrek Forever After, right? That's a movie. No, he said Shrek 3. He said, well, go ahead and say the third. Forever After. I said it. I thought it was the
Starting point is 00:54:23 third one. You guys are acting like there's money on this. But then I said... I hate losing anything. You know what? Other than these games, I don't ever fucking lose. I did say Shrek Forever After. I'm still in. You were right?
Starting point is 00:54:46 Yeah, I was right. It wasn't the third one, but it was an absolutely correct title. I didn't throw in any extra business. We call that the fun... Oh, that's an interesting question. Is he even in it?
Starting point is 00:55:02 Where would Puss in Boots be? Yeah, he's in it? Where would Puss in Boots be? But either way... Yeah, he's in it. I really had to look, though, because I'm no Shrexpert. That was great. You, like, said it, and then you changed it.
Starting point is 00:55:20 I mean, maybe there was a National Lampoons before it. Who fucking knows? We call that the Funches exemption. Is this... It's Tommy's turn, right? Yes, sir. Anything? I think I'm running out. He was just in something I saw recently
Starting point is 00:55:41 where he was like a hippie... He was in a hippie commune. He was all friendly to everybody and had a bunch of actors in the scene. Keep going. I can't think of what it was. Everybody's murmuring.
Starting point is 00:55:59 Oh, I think I have one. Is there a Spy Kids 2? I don't know. I'm not sure. Yeah, for sure. Is there a Spy Kids 2? I don't know. I'm not sure. Yeah, for sure. Is it just Spy Kids 2? Whoa. Whoa. Do you know we're playing a game up here?
Starting point is 00:56:13 I think people just think we're all just sitting around chatting and four of us are assholes with microphones. I feel like they lean over to the front. It was the weirdest party. Those guys in the corner had microphones the whole time. I know. And they like lean over to the front and were like, hey, I want to yell something corner had microphones the whole time. And they like leaned over to their friend and were like,
Starting point is 00:56:25 hey, I want to yell something out, but I can't remember. After the other nine people yelled out, did they say anything after they did that? I'm not coming back
Starting point is 00:56:32 to Hemp Festival next year. This is the worst Hemp Festival I've ever been to. Four guys loudly playing trivia. I'm thinking Wait, so what did you say?
Starting point is 00:56:47 I think you did it, right? I didn't get I said Spike and Stu and then Oh, there's a subtitle So stay back Stay back from that one Good idea to step away from that one
Starting point is 00:56:57 You know he did a romantic comedy, right? He had to Oh, sure he did Yeah I'm having trouble thinking of the one where he taught kids how to dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty sure it had the word lean in it.
Starting point is 00:57:11 Oh, wait. No. Oh. No. See, this is why I got out early. Shit. Anything, Tommy? We got to move on.
Starting point is 00:57:22 Yeah, I'm done. I'm out. You're out. Mark was already out, right? Yes, sir. I bailed on this game way early. I wanna say... Lean on me? No, no.
Starting point is 00:57:37 Okay, don't say what it's really called, so I'm out. No, it's called No, No, No. It's fucking yelling shit out. Antonio Banderas. No, no, no. No, no, no. It's a fucking yelling shit out. Antonio Banderas. No, no, no. No, no, no. You can't spell Antonio without no. Chris, you want to take this home with one more?
Starting point is 00:57:58 I'm going to say Spy Kids 3D. I bet you that had a dumb subtitle on it too But I'm going to give you the win anyway Four rooms that guy's yelling out That is an obvious one I don't know if that guy was yelling at us Or just trying to get somebody's attention outside Maybe it's just a guy who just came into town
Starting point is 00:58:24 And he's trying to look for lodging for his family. He doesn't have good services on the phone with a realtor. Or we're making fun of him and that was the beginning of him having Bell's palsy. I don't think it makes you suddenly yell out like that. Oh, then never mind. I don't think. Could be wrong. Oh boy, Leonard is just...
Starting point is 00:58:44 You put in Spy Kids and it just says no results I love that he is he is just oh it's I'm sorry
Starting point is 00:58:51 I wrote Soy Kids it's a great movie it's just it's just little kids with breast cancer I would love to stumble on something called Soy Kids
Starting point is 00:59:03 yeah well in the 70s they made a cartoon out of Soylent Green, and it was on Saturday afternoons on Soy Kids. Yeah, there's more. Do you want to guess what it is? Spy Kids 3D? There's more to it. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:59:17 Do you know another one? It's called Spy Kids 3D Four Rooms. It's a... No. No. That's why he had to yell out. No, it's called
Starting point is 00:59:28 Game Over. Game Over. But then it was not over. Was it? That's crazy. It was not over because then they made another one called
Starting point is 00:59:35 Spy Kids, but they dropped the number. I love when they drop the number like people are going to lose count. Fast and Furious. Was he in Shark Boy
Starting point is 00:59:43 and Lava Girls? No, but Spy Kids All the Time in the World was the next one, yeah. I don't know. Just the Quantum of Solitude? Oh, Antonio Banderas probably wasn't in that one. Fuck no. No, he wasn't.
Starting point is 00:59:56 They had the voice of Ricky Gervais, though. Was he in Desperado 2? That's not a thing. Who are we talking about now? Nothing. All right, so who won Who are we talking about now? Nothing. All right, so who won that game? Chris? I guess nobody?
Starting point is 01:00:09 I don't know. You were the last one to get one right, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you win. What was the one with the sin in the title? Original Sin. Original Sin. That's totally a Showtime movie.
Starting point is 01:00:20 Was there a romantic comedy? Huh? Yeah, what's a romantic comedy? Take the lead. Assassin's. Take the lead what's a romantic comedy? Take the lead. Assassin. Take the lead. Assassins. Yeah, take the lead.
Starting point is 01:00:29 That's pretty romantic. That was a little good. Who's the vampire? Evita. Evita. Interview with a vampire was where we first noticed him, I guess. Evita, Machete Kills.
Starting point is 01:00:39 Was he in Philadelphia? I feel like he had AIDS. Yes. Philadelphia. Yeah. Is that the one with the dude from the Burbs? Yeah. That's where AIDS comes to the Burbs.
Starting point is 01:00:53 All the neighbors are fucking clopex. He wasn't in Shrek 1. What? He wasn't in Shrek. That's right. Oh my God. All right, start it over. Ted, let's go. Oh no. Ted, you's go. Oh no. Ted.
Starting point is 01:01:07 You want to give us another one, Ted? Ted's like, who started with Shrek? You? No, me. Oh, Tommy didn't win anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Starting point is 01:01:19 Oh wait, no, I think Ted just yelled out Joan Allen. All right. I think Ted just yelled out Joan Allen. All right. Sadly, I know nine Joan Allen names. The Crucible.
Starting point is 01:01:34 The Contender. Death Race. Do Lily Taylor. Oh, fuck yeah. Jesus Christ. Do Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. All right, we got to move on. We got to play the Leonard Maltin game.
Starting point is 01:01:54 Gwen? Gwen, I'm about to change your fucking life, and if we win, we get to have sex twice. Same thing with you, Charlie, or whoever your name is. You got to get back. Yeah, Mark will fuck whoever the winning badge holder is. Oh my God. Twice. Twice.
Starting point is 01:02:11 Because he gets the job done. Yep. We're gonna get done and I'll be like, you ready for the sequel? That'd be a fun thing when you're feeding your kids to have a spoonful of something and say, here, you ready? Here comes the sequel. Oh, that is a good fucking... If I ever spend time with my kids,
Starting point is 01:02:27 I'm gonna do that. I've read you were a great father in the rags. I am actually a really, really good fucking dad. You're very Catholic, right? Yeah. We did the ice bucket challenge.
Starting point is 01:02:39 I just fucking filled their buckets with vinegar. Oh, my God. Hilarious. They cried and cried and I laughed and laughed. I told them, I'm like, alright, if you don't want to donate $100, you're getting fucking ice vinegared. So we'll start with Chris. Which order were we going last time?
Starting point is 01:03:05 Were you after Chris or before Chris? I think I was second. Alright. We'll go to Mark and then to Tommy. We change the order every time, Tommy, so try not to be too confused. Name it.
Starting point is 01:03:22 But Chris gets to pick a category between Werner Herzog's top five films of all time. name it but Chris gets to pick a category between Werner Herzog's top 5 films of all time not the top 5 Werner Herzog films of all time his favorite he did an interview on the internet and I saw it and someone pointed it out to me and he listed top 5
Starting point is 01:03:40 Smurfs 2 the game isn't to just start listing them off. That's just one of the options for category. It's the one you're not going to pick. Right. Or at Jake Internet suggested Da Gloves Movies. DA Gloves Movies.
Starting point is 01:03:59 Da Gloves Movies. Da Gloves Movies. Da Gloves Movies. Wow. And these are movies with boxing in them. Doug loves. Doug loves. And at Rory Scovel suggested, Rory Usel, she had a really weird, I think it's her name backwards or something She or he suggested Infinite Rest And that of course is Films where someone is in a coma
Starting point is 01:04:32 I think we're going to go The Gloves movies Boxing movies Chris Cubis, would you like a boxing movie from 79 or 80? Well 80 1980 is the year Chris Cubis, would you like a boxing movie from 79 or 80? Well, 80. All right. 1980 is the year.
Starting point is 01:04:48 Leonard Maltin gives this movie four stars. He says it is not a false note in characterization in this movie. And he says it won some Academy Awards. And he lists. I feel like I'm being tricked. He lists seven names. How many names do you think you can get in Chris Cubis? Fuck. I feel like it's really obvious, but I'm wrong.
Starting point is 01:05:20 But I'm just going to go for it and say fucking zero names. He says zero names, Mark Wahlberg. Negative one. Mark says negative one. Tommy, have you had to deal with this before in this game? Yeah, I know exactly. I'm going to go, I need all seven. Now how do we...
Starting point is 01:05:38 You do know what to do. No, I think, I'm pretty sure you're in a position where you just have to hope that Mark is going to be wrong and tell him that he's got to name it. Yeah, you name it. How many negative did you go? He goes negative one.
Starting point is 01:05:56 Yeah, so if you go negative two, Tommy, you'd have to name the movie and the top two billboards. No, I'm just going to say for him to name it and give a name. Okay, so let's hear them both and I'll tell you if you're right or wrong. Ready? Yes. Take your shirt off, Gwen.
Starting point is 01:06:08 Here we go. I don't know. I don't like that. Please don't talk to a lady like that. All right. Keep it on. I'm sorry. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 01:06:22 Keep your shirt on, Gwen. Keep your shirt on, Gwen. Stop with your faces. Okay, here we go. Raging Bull, Robert De Niro. Correct. Boom! I thought it was... Yeah, Rocky II was the...
Starting point is 01:06:43 Yeah, it was 70... It was 79. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes... Yeah, it was 79. It was 79. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. So good job there, Mark. Thank you, sir. That's probably the best boxing movie of all time, wouldn't you say?
Starting point is 01:06:55 Oh, are you fucking kidding me right now? Yeah, have you seen The Great White Hype? It's fantastic. I'm a fan of Diggstown. That's one of my favorite boxing movies. I actually genuinely really of Diggstown That's one of my favorite I actually genuinely really like Diggstown Yeah Diggstown Snake Eyes has some boxing in it
Starting point is 01:07:13 Are you sure dude seriously Greatest fucking boxing movie of all time That Christian Bale shouldn't have won an academy award for Is The Fighter motherfucker Head body head body head body What about you when's it my fucking time Not you not you not you's it my fucking time? Not you, not you, not you, but me My fucking time
Starting point is 01:07:26 The fighter Are we doing lines? Unofficially we were, and that also someday Will be my Academy Awards speech Fuck you, fuck you, it's my fucking time It's my fucking time Gwen? Alright, well you've got
Starting point is 01:07:45 You've got one point Unless you're offended In which case I apologize Take your shirt off Oh, Gwenny Oh, Gwynethie. Oh, Gwyneth. All right, so since Tommy challenged Mark, we're going to start with Chris and then go to Tommy.
Starting point is 01:08:13 And Chris gets to pick again. Between celebrating a birthday today, the great Christoph Waltz. Guy knocks it out of the park every time. Oh, and also he passed away earlier today. I forgot to mention that. Really? Good fucking riddance.
Starting point is 01:08:29 It was just such a... It was such an applause as if he was here or dead. But anyway, the films are great. Christoph Waltz. And then the Ben Affleck, Affleck, like the insurance thing, suggested The Skeleton Twins. And that, of course, is the films of Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen. And someone who calls themselves on Twitter The Eye Collector.
Starting point is 01:09:01 So they should probably be put on some sort of list. Spelled like I? Spelled like I or the letter I? E-Y-E collector suggested R, Go Fuck Yourself and that's R rated movies that Leonard gave
Starting point is 01:09:17 two stars or less I apologize movies that begin with the letter R that Leonard gave two stars or less because when I saw the category I was like oh that could be either of those and I decided to say the wrong one out loud so it begins with the letter R
Starting point is 01:09:33 but got two stars or less which one of those do you like? R go fuck yourself which category would you like though? one and a half stars from Leonard for this movie. It begins with the letter R and got less than two stars. The year is 2008.
Starting point is 01:09:55 And this movie was 2008. Let's see. He says that the lead performer in this movie co-scripted it. And he also says that it is unintentionally laughable. Did you do a movie in 08, Mark? Hmm.
Starting point is 01:10:17 Not to begin with the letter R. And he lists eight names. How many can you get in, Chris? You're taking all eight. Tommy, How many can you get in, Chris? You're taking all eight. Tommy, how many do you want? Six.
Starting point is 01:10:34 Nice jump. Wahlberg. Name it. Wahlberg. Did you ever have a teacher that would yell at you like that? Wahlberg. No, I never went to school. Oh, that explains a lot. I remember being 11 years old
Starting point is 01:10:51 and being like, God, I'm fucking ripped. I think I'm going to go be a fucking rap star and then a movie star and then a producer with the old ugly dude from Con Air
Starting point is 01:11:02 and Boardwalk Empire. And it all fucking happened. The old ugly dude from Con Air in Boardwalk Empire. And it all fucking happened. The old ugly dude from Con Air? Yeah, he's in Boardwalk Empire. Yeah, he is. He plays Noogles. Noogles. What is his fucking name?
Starting point is 01:11:18 I've never seen the show. Nucky Nucks. Steve Buscemi. Okay, go ahead. What's your bid? He said name it. Who did? I did.
Starting point is 01:11:29 He gets six names? Yeah. All right. See, the jump paid off. Okay, begins with the letter R. 2008, one and a half stars from Leonard. The lead actor co-scripted. And what was the other thing that I said?
Starting point is 01:11:52 Oh, unintentionally laughable. And your six names are Ken Howard, Paul Schultz, Jake Labatz. You know, the great Jake Labatz. I'm feeling pretty good so far. He's brothers of Vinny Boom. Ray Gallegos. Graham McTavish.
Starting point is 01:12:18 What? Yeah, this is rough. And Matthew Marsden. Yeah, a lot of what's going through the room. You know what this makes me think of when you say those names? What's that? Go ahead and take your pants off. Unless you're offended, in which case leave all your clothes on.
Starting point is 01:12:37 You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You could just take a stab at it. It begins with the letter R and is unintentionally laughable. 08? I got six names and I think they're unintentionally not famous. Enough for me to know.
Starting point is 01:13:09 Sometimes the two names would really give it away. Those top two. Yeah, I should have went seven. I should have went seven and then let you watch have me watch it and then try to name it. It's true. Once you've seen the whole thing, might not remember that's why some movies are really uh generously put their name of the movie again at the very end of the time yeah uh
Starting point is 01:13:32 because i often forget by the time all the titles have ruled i'll get you like 15 minutes later oh yeah that was that was Twilight Saga Breaking Dog Part 2. I can't even think of an R name movie. It's the name. Just think of a movie that begins with the letter R that's pretty known. I don't try to pick obscure movies. Just name a movie that begins with the letter R
Starting point is 01:13:57 and we might be home free. Or say what millions of other people have said. Mark, you win. Life has pretty much told you that. Rough Riders. What? Are you just, like, naming DMX songs? I love you.
Starting point is 01:14:18 I love you guys. I think there was a motorcycle movie that had that name. I love that you're so disgusted by his guess. Don't, audience, don't yell out yet, but Mark, do you have an idea what it might be? This is a tough one.
Starting point is 01:14:30 Or Chris. Any idea? Yeah, I got it. If you had to guess an R movie, what would you guess? That's unintentionally laughable. Righteous Kill
Starting point is 01:14:41 starring Donnie Wahlberg and a couple other guys who were the De Niro Pacino and De Niro I think anything Mark no I can't think of alright now what if I told you again audience don't jump in
Starting point is 01:14:57 what if I told you the seventh name was Julie Benz of Mercedes Benz I don't know her whole heritage. I just know that she was murdered by John Lithgow. On Dexter. Spoiler! I was on season two, you fuck!
Starting point is 01:15:21 Dude, that's pretty good, bro. Huh? That was really fucking good. Who was I trying to do? Lithgow. Oh, really? Yeah. Why would he be on season two and be mad that it got spoiled that he was the killer? I don't know. I just thought it was a really good Lithgow.
Starting point is 01:15:39 Yeah, Julie Benz was the female lead because none of these names matter. Will the next one give it away? This was a one-man show, and that man is named Sylvester Stallone. And the film, of course, was when he went back to Rambo movies and just called it Rambo.
Starting point is 01:15:53 Yeah, just straight up Rambo. Yeah. But that means that Mark Wahlberg is indeed our winner. Take your panties off. As our friend Craig Robinson would sing. Take your panties off, Mark. Oh, I will.
Starting point is 01:16:15 In fact, any girl here that wants to have sex after this show. Let's make a memory. There's an awesome back alley area where some homeless people hang out and there's some dumpsters. So, yeah, ladies, go get fucked by Mark back there. All we need is a neck pillow
Starting point is 01:16:35 and a hand towel. Oh, like you guys have never been on an airplane. playing. Who was the person you were playing for, Mark? I mean, where is she? Can she come up here and get her prizes? Let's get them all. Just some of her prizes. Okay.
Starting point is 01:16:57 Not the ultimate prize. Look at her. There you go, Gwenny. Congratulations. Wait, did she take it? Yeah, she didn't have her name tag back. Let's hug it out, Gwen. Her back scratcher.
Starting point is 01:17:12 There you go. Oh, yeah. She would not let go of you, man. Story of my life. That was... Every day, I'm like, Donnie, I gotta go to work. That was fucking intense. Let's play a fun bonus round.
Starting point is 01:17:36 Let's do the Christoph Waltz category. Let's do it. Thank you. We got some shitheads here. Let me just check this. You guys want to do some lines? Do you have one ready to go? Let's fucking do a line, bro.
Starting point is 01:17:53 Alright, so it's just between Chris and Tommy and I, but Mark's going to say a line from a movie and just yell it out when you know it, guys. I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me are you fucking kidding me right now
Starting point is 01:18:14 is that the same lady who yelled spy kiss is this your movie she cannot stop herself the only thing that would have made that better is if I would have heard her go I'm gonna do it
Starting point is 01:18:22 I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it oh my god pain and gain what's that pain and gain I would have made that better as if I would have heard her go, I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. Oh my God. Pain and gain. What's that? Pain and gain? It's not necessarily a Mark Wahlberg film.
Starting point is 01:18:31 No. I know. I just was on the top of my head. I was thinking about it. It's good. Two guns? I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
Starting point is 01:18:39 So it's not Wizard of Oz? It is fucking Wizard of Oz. But they still didn't know, so I'm like, let's fucking do it. What? Black bag? Have I been that stoned every time I saw Wizard of Oz?
Starting point is 01:18:51 I have no idea what you're talking about. It's at the very end, bro, when he gives the fucking heart, and he had the courage with him all the time, and the brain, and then she goes, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me. She didn't say it as well as you. Why is it a black bag?
Starting point is 01:19:08 I thought it was just like a magic pouch or something. That's what that weird-ass, creepy old dude had. He had a fucking big-ass black bag. Is that really the quote? There's nothing in that black bag? Am I wrong? Am I wrong? I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
Starting point is 01:19:23 Okay. Which is also what Brad Pitt says at the end of Seven. Right there! Right there! At least this show's pretty much over. Yeah, it is pretty much over. He really came out of his shell all of a sudden. Trying to get a few in before it's over.
Starting point is 01:19:42 I can do one more if you want to do one more. I was going to play a round of before it's over. I can do one more if you want to do one more. I was going to play around. This guy has graduated from drunk audience member to stage manager. We're a go. We're a go on doing lines. We're a go on doing lines. This guy is in a documentary I'm making
Starting point is 01:20:00 called Rethinking Democracy. See, now he's yelling. He's yelling right now. He's still talking. You were so sleepy for a while. I know, I loved it. It was gorgeous when you were in sleep. I looked over, you looked like a cute little care bear.
Starting point is 01:20:20 It's alright, dude. I promise we'll hang out after the show. But Doug, I will see you. Wow, it's like, alright, he's out. It's alright dude. I promise we'll hang out after the show Wow it's like he's out That's okay, he could have made it to the end he was so close my daughter is like that She wakes up and immediately yells out stuff and gets kicked out of a bar Totally ruins it for the whole family. That guy took his beer. He's the best.
Starting point is 01:20:47 Yeah! That guy wins. I love it. The true opportunist. I love this dude. He's dressed like hipster mush mouth. He's fucking... No, no.
Starting point is 01:21:03 I wish the audience at home could see it. No, he's dressed up as Steve Zissou and the life... Aquatic. Aquatic. Kleptomaniac. He's the first guy on a car accident that takes the guy's wallet.
Starting point is 01:21:18 Yeah. Dude, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? That was for the listeners. Mark pretended to take a guy's wallet while
Starting point is 01:21:26 asking him if he was okay repeatedly. Is it good? Same beer? Perfect. All right, Tommy, you're going to start this one off. I love it. Looks like a new Glarus. Let's do it. I just like the adventure of it because there's no way that guy
Starting point is 01:21:43 didn't spit up in it a little bit first. That's dangerous. Yeah, yeah. Leave your name and information with the club. We'll check in with you from time to time. This is how that guy from Dallas got Ebola. Christ, yeah. God damn it.
Starting point is 01:22:01 I drank Patient Zero's beer. Patient Bureau. I'm going to make that movie. I'm going to make that fucking movie. In a world where you find a beer. It's like a modern Les Mis. A guy steals one beer and it ruins his entire life. He's on the run.
Starting point is 01:22:24 You can play Javert. He's the pro-lone survivor. Fuck yeah, dude. I love him. I love him. Come on, feel it, feel it. I don't know how I did this, but I managed to make us in a situation
Starting point is 01:22:37 where we're rushed to play this one. Let's do it. One round of Christoph Waltz. Tommy is the category. So it's a film of Christoph Waltz. He's the category. So it's the films of Christoph Waltz. He's been in about six movies that I know of. He picks his battles. One and a half stars from Leonard on this one, though.
Starting point is 01:22:55 He says it's from 2011. He calls it a U.S., German, French, and British production. So there's a lot of influences there. Holy shit. Yeah, he calls this movie, he says it's got a charisma challenge cast and ridiculously flashy direction.
Starting point is 01:23:12 Yeah, and he lists a lot of people. He lists looks like about 13 people. How many names do you think it'll take you? I think I can go negative two. Is it foreign?
Starting point is 01:23:26 It's a U.S., German, French, and British co-production. I'm going to go negative two. He says negative two. Coming out, dick is swinging. Let's go to Chris. Mark, you already won. Yeah, for sure. Well, I'm definitely going to have to say name that movie.
Starting point is 01:23:44 All right. So you think you can name the name of this movie and the top two people? one. Yeah, for sure. Well, I'm definitely going to have to say name that movie. Alright, so you think you can name this movie in the top two people? Not when you say it in that tone. I'll be blown away if you succeed, but here we go. Now I definitely can't. Say what you're going to say anyway.
Starting point is 01:24:02 Just tell us the wrong answer. The wrong answer just because you said U.S. and German was Inglourious Bastards. Right. I mean, that is wrong. So, yeah. Not when that movie came out. And then you would have said Brad Pitt and...
Starting point is 01:24:14 Yeah, Mike Myers. Mike Myers, of course. I was going to say Sam Levine. You know what? I hope someday we fucking get Mike Myers and Lassie Stanton and I remember to say Ingllorious Bastards. Unfortunately, this film, one and a half stars
Starting point is 01:24:28 would have been a good clue that it wasn't. I don't know the show well enough. I didn't know if this guy is a real reviewer or not. I didn't know if it was someone that just entered Maltin. He's gag reviews. He's legit, man. Too much so to quit. He's not going to retire.
Starting point is 01:24:44 This movie was called The Three Musketeers. And so that's why I didn't think you were going to blurt out Logan Lerman and Mila Jojovich as your negative two. That's my, my biggest thing was I've never heard of a Mila Jojovich movie getting one and a half stars. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:59 That's not going to happen. One more time for all of my guests, you guys. Chris Cubis, Tommy Jonaghan, the Mark Wahlberg. Thank you to Comedy on State and to all you guys for coming out. And apologies to the guy who got thrown out. Just another example of how alcohol ruins everything.
Starting point is 01:25:24 But I'm sure he might remember having a fairly good time up until that point. just another example of how alcohol ruins everything. And, uh, but I'm sure he might remember having a fairly good time up until that point. And he can, he can listen to this part. He can listen to the whole thing. In fact, I beg him to listen to the whole thing. Can I plug something real quick?
Starting point is 01:25:37 Oh yeah. We should have done plugs. Fuck. I just was, it was such a nice tight wrap up right there. What do you want to plug buddy? Oh, you know what?
Starting point is 01:25:45 Okay, here's the deal. Next Thursday, 10-10 at 11 o'clock, we're doing another Wahlberg solution, guys. It's going to be at UCB, and it's going to be podcasted, too, so you can check it out. If anybody here wants to go, Donnie will give you a ride.
Starting point is 01:25:58 Just hit him up on Twitter, at the other Wahlberg. He'll come fucking pick you up. He's got a deal with U-Haul. He's got one van. I can't believe you have your own show at UCB now. You just fucking love it there. 10, 10, 11 o'clock, UCB Wahlberg solution.
Starting point is 01:26:14 We're just going to be figuring shit out. And James Adomian is going to be on that show with me. So it'll be a good fucking time. He's a great impressionist. Do you do any impressions? No, it's a guy pretending to be James Adomian. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Wow, next level. Fucking phenomenal. Next level. That's crazy. Chris, what do you do any impressions? No, it's a guy pretending to be James Adomian. Oh! Next level.
Starting point is 01:26:27 That's crazy. Chris, what do you got coming up? I'm in Austin for Fun Fun Fun Fest. I'm in New Orleans for Hell Yes Fest. If it's a fest, Chris Cubis is there. If there's alcohol. At Chris Cubis on Twitter and chriscubis.com. Check out my shit.
Starting point is 01:26:43 Yeah, Chris Cubis, everybody. And Tommy Johnigan's got some real dates and stuff. In two hours, I'll be at Comedy Club on State. Like that, dude. Yeah, very close by. It's very close. Come back, you guys. Separate admission required.
Starting point is 01:26:58 And then my tour dates are on TommyJComedy.com. You can follow me on Twitter at Tommy Johnigan or Instagram to see my baby Every six pictures Well great job today Tommy And have fun with the rest of your weekend You and Chris And thank you again Mark
Starting point is 01:27:14 And everybody for coming Thanks a lot you guys Thanks And as always, Alan Smithy is a shithead. Yeah, he's made a lot of shitty movies. Wow, I thought that guy was back for a second. And then,
Starting point is 01:27:36 reaching the age when you are called sir is a shithead. Let's do it, Gwen. Let's do it. Thank you.

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