Doug Loves Movies - Martha Kelly, Open Mike Eagle, Owen Egerton and Matt Bearden guest

Episode Date: March 20, 2016

Live from SXSW in Austin, TX, Doug welcomes Martha Kelly, Open Mike Eagle, Owen Egerton and Matt Bearden to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy N...otice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is the Hot Movies. Pretty good, pretty good for a festival crowd. A lot of times at the festivals, there's a lot of people in the audience that are just like,
Starting point is 00:00:50 let's go see that weed guy, he's doing a show. And then when everybody yells, this is Douglas movies, they're like, what's happening? Why are they yelling that? What's the name tag situation like? I'm sure there's some in the front couple of rows. I like the people in the back that also have a name tag. We prepared in one sense, but not in another. And here we are.
Starting point is 00:01:16 But there's lots of good ones. Good job, you guys. That's perfect. I wasn't sure how many would show up. It's always a real crapshoot. We're on the second weekend of South by Southwest in what they call the music portion, and I still like to do a show during that part,
Starting point is 00:01:35 even though I'm not music. And, I mean, maybe to some ears, but, uh... Ha ha ha! Brrr! I put a lot of people to sleep, I'm sure. But, because that's what I'd do. I'd listen to podcasts to go to sleep. Have I mentioned yet how great the weed is here in Austin?
Starting point is 00:01:59 Yeah, good job, you guys. I mean, I know a lot of you are visiting from other places, but it's always very confusing about whether or not people who live in Austin can get into this show. And I know you guys, some of you came down here anyway, and you got in, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Where people are like all day on Twitter, all week on Twitter, if I show up, can I get in? I'm like, I don't know, because I play a lot of smaller venues during the festival. But this one is always big and it's opposite, lots and lots of music. So congratulations to you guys for figuring it out. And maybe if we do it every year for another 40 years,
Starting point is 00:02:40 it'll fill up one day. Okay. it'll fill up one day. I'm so jaded about full houses. Because that's the thing, is there's a lot of people in Austin that you just don't, they're just like, it's at South By, fuck it. There's no way I'm going down there
Starting point is 00:03:01 and parking and not having a badge and then being turned away. But today, you guys proved otherwise. Dreams come true. Have I mentioned that we're at the State Theater on Saturday, March 19th, 2016. We looked at some name tags. I think the name tags were good. We looked at some name tags. I think the name tags were good. Doug's plugs. Getting Doug with High goes live tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:03:30 No, I'm sorry, Monday at 3.15. Let's go ahead and have a Sunday, you guys. And then on Monday, this is going to happen at 3.15 Pacific time. Go to youtube.com slash Doug Benson to watch that live or watch the archives and then Thursday March 24th I'm doing stand up at the Improv in San Jose bring your name tags and we will play a game at the end of the show
Starting point is 00:03:56 Doug Loves Movies tapings are happening in San Jose Greenville, Portland DougLovesMovies.com for more dates, deets, and links. I'm trying to come up with more nano-impressions. If you listen to Doug Loves Movies, you may have heard me do a
Starting point is 00:04:11 nano-impression from time to time. And those are just very short impressions. Ross Marquand, he's going to be on Doug Loves Movies soon. And he's the guy that has a lot of great nano-impressions on he's the guy that has a lot of great nano impressions on, he's got them on the internet, on YouTube, and I want to have some ammo when he's on
Starting point is 00:04:32 the show. I want to have a nano off with this guy. So here's Andre 3000, in honor of Music Weekend, This is Andre 3000 taking an oath. Aye! I've already got Christopher Walken when he finds out his plane has been cancelled. Why?
Starting point is 00:04:55 And Christoph Waltz after seeing a mouse. Eee! So it's always an honor to be here at South by Southwest and do various shows and the Master Pancake guys, the Moto Panacacu guys are based here in Austin and I sit in with them and we every year for four years now we've mocked a different Leprechaun film and this year we did Leprechaun 4 in space. But they make these slides to say what other attractions are going on and they show them in front of every movie.
Starting point is 00:05:37 So every movie, especially when I'm there in the audience, it's always so embarrassing that just because of the program they used to make these slides they have to say who the director is and they put they did this last year too directed by doug benson like and john erler from master pancake like we directed leprechaun 4 in space like that would be such an amazing credit to have i wish i could just own it. Just walk around going, yeah, I directed that. And then the guy who introduced the Master Pancake was thinking that he was just introducing
Starting point is 00:06:14 a screening of Leprechaun 4 and that the director of that movie is Doug Benson and that Quentin Tarantino is a huge fan of director Doug Benson. So that was weird. But anyway, you can take that down now.
Starting point is 00:06:31 I don't know how long that's been up here. Has it been up there since I walked out here? Take that shit down. Thank you. All right. What other business do I have to take care of here? But that was, you know, maybe next year they can make a slide. Because they say, well, you have to put a director in there.
Starting point is 00:06:49 Yeah, put in the director of Leprechaun 5 in the hood. Just put his name on there next year. Problem solved. Not that it's a problem for anyone, really. The prize bag includes a sippy cup from when I saw Disaster the Musical on Broadway. Very entertaining show and a great sippy cup. Had really good vodka in it. Vodka you guys may have heard of called Tito's. Which, oh yeah, I ordered one of those for this performance today I hope that's in the neighborhood I brought is it over on Lamar local street reference I've always I always am aware of the listeners I want to keep
Starting point is 00:07:35 them involved I brought some VHS's as I often do these days? An episode of the classic animated show The PJs. The episode is called Survival in the Hood. Because they were always having a lot of fun with the impoverished nature of the characters. And then an episode of a show called Movie Stars.
Starting point is 00:08:00 He's Reese. He's here. Get used to it. So I don't know what that title is in reference to I don't know who Reese is Maybe it was the character played by Harry Hamlin Do you guys remember that show? Oh, this isn't supposed to be in there I emptied out a bag of weed
Starting point is 00:08:16 I didn't want to leave it in the hotel room Oh, there's a shirt for Smile Train This is a great charity that they fix cleft palates of children in third world countries and change their lives. And yeah, it's neat. Go ahead and applaud for them. Another great organization.
Starting point is 00:08:40 This is a Houston Normal Beach Ball. And, you know, I don't know about you guys, but when I play a giant theater like this to a capacity crowd that is pumped for the holiday, I mean, for South By, I'm going to blow this up, and then I'm going to knock it into the crowd. Or I'm just going to pop it in front of everyone and you guys will cry like children. Right? I should have like put some sort of weed juice in it or something
Starting point is 00:09:31 and make this worth my while. I gotta feel it. You can't just pop a, you can't throw a flat ball out into the crowd. The listeners love this. Very nice! Yeah, who knew that guy had any lung power whatsoever? That was pretty exciting. So I don't think I'm going to...
Starting point is 00:10:17 I think I'm going to kick it out into the crowd the first time that something, you know, like somebody wins a point or, you know, something exciting happens. That's when I'll throw it out there. Because if I just did it right now, then you guys would be batting it around while I'm just sitting here. I'd feel
Starting point is 00:10:33 so alone. Let's get my guests out here because they've got more to contribute to the prize bag. I didn't even tell you everything that I put in there. Holy shit, several episodes on DVD of The West Wing. Yeah, it's a great time of year for political, whatever that is, comedy, dramedy. time of year for political whatever that is, comedy, dramedy.
Starting point is 00:11:05 Some CDs from Dancehall Crashers, Otto Vaughn, and Our Lady Peace. Yeah. I liked all of them at one time. And a t-shirt that somebody gave me somewhere.
Starting point is 00:11:22 I'll just give them a plug anyway. I think it's a band called Another Pearl Harbor. Has anybody heard of that? Did you say too soon or typhoon? Oh, some rolling papers from a place right here downtown called the Smoking Caterpillar and yeah they provided
Starting point is 00:11:50 those and some buttons from True TV presents Those Who Can't with the Grawlix I wish I knew what any of that meant oh and a sticker for Midnight Live in Texas did you guys watch the Periscope of that meant. Oh, and a sticker for Midnight Live in Texas. Did you guys watch the
Starting point is 00:12:05 Periscope of that? That was crazy. I know, not everybody got to see it, because Periscope. Let's get my guests out here, you guys. Please give a big, warm music weekend of South by Southwest to Owen Edgerton,
Starting point is 00:12:24 Matt Bearden, Open Mike Eagle, and Martha Kelly. Oh, thanks. Oh, Matt was handing me the drink that I was requesting, and I tried to get him to keep it to put in the prize bag. But thank you very much for that. You're welcome.
Starting point is 00:12:54 I appreciate it. Somebody's heckling us. Yes. What happened? I think they were saying, yay, Matt. I think they're complimenting him on bringing you a drink. Bringing alcohol Yeah I have a lot of experience bringing alcohol
Starting point is 00:13:08 Great job Matt I'm for Matt that guy is saying You don't have to take sides I think you should love everybody And let's start with Making his first ever appearance On Douglo's movies Open mic eagle is here you guys
Starting point is 00:13:24 Hey ever appearance on Douglo's movies. Open mic eagle is here, you guys. Hey! Has performed a few times here already at the festival, yes? Yeah, man. Just got off stage right now. You just walked off stage and came right over here. Yeah, I'm very sweaty and disgusting right this minute. Well, I'm glad you sat a couple seats over. I did. I appreciate that.
Starting point is 00:13:44 I apologize to you guys to the immediate left and the right. I'm having some problems breathing as it is because I just filled a beach ball. And so I don't need any crazy smells going into my situation. And how many times have you been to South By? Oh, this is my seventh time down here. I love that they gave you a microphone that looks like you're reporting on South by. Here with
Starting point is 00:14:10 a live report from the Stateside Theater. It's open Mike Eagle. Mike, what's going on down there at the Stateside? I don't know, but they offered me $20 to hold this microphone and I said yes. You look like you'd be a South by reporter. That's right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:30 You got it down. And you brought us something for the prize bag. I did. I brought my second album on vinyl, Rappers Die Natural Causes and a cassette I made with my buddy Serengeti called Cavanaugh Time and Materials. And this is straight off my merch table, so I'm basically putting $30 in the prize packet.
Starting point is 00:14:48 There you go. Wow. Very generous. After getting paid $20 to hold the microphone, you're still down $10. It's really not working out for him. Got some work to do today. A true musician's salary right there.
Starting point is 00:15:03 And of course, Owen is always watching after the money because he's a greedy leprechaun. Owen Edgerton is here, everybody. And as a member of Motu Panakeku, he always plays, not always, but whenever we're lucky enough to have him, he plays a leprechaun in a sketch while we show the leprechaun, whichever year we're on.
Starting point is 00:15:30 I think you've done it three times? Yeah. Actually, even when we're not watching a leprechaun movie, I play a leprechaun. I do like that you just show up looking leprechaun-like always. It's part of my blood. Today you're looking pretty like a civilian. Yeah, I've got my civilian.
Starting point is 00:15:44 I'm actually wearing my Marty McFly blue jeans from Back to the Future because they were clean. Cleaner than my leprechaun outfit, which got soiled. Did you have fun at that leprechaun for mockery? I did. For a long time I was getting in that costume and you had to do a bunch of the jokes on your own but that was
Starting point is 00:16:06 I was alright with that that was a brilliant scary sci-fi fantasy extravaganza that movie yeah I don't I mean that's one of those movies
Starting point is 00:16:14 that with each minute that goes by I remember less of it yeah it's going really fast and I thought about what you were saying about you being listed
Starting point is 00:16:23 as the director right and I was like if they listed the real director by South by were saying about you being listed as the director, right? And I was like, if they listed the real director, by South by Rules they'd have to fly in the director.
Starting point is 00:16:29 Oh, for reals? Yeah, I think so. I think they'd have to fly. So, like, number five was made by a guy named Rob Spira, who I'm not familiar with his work,
Starting point is 00:16:38 except he made, like, Bloody Camp 2 was one of his movies. And I think it'd be great. I'd be happy to fly that guy in. He got a phone call. And they'd just watch us
Starting point is 00:16:47 talk shit about his movie. Yeah. You wouldn't tell him that. You'd tell him like, we're doing a retrospective. No, don't do that to the guy. It's a tribute. Leprechaun 5.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Yeah, but that'd be fine with me. Just figure out some way to not have it say that I'm directing the Leprechaun movies. I'll talk to some people. See what I can do. Thank you very much. Visiting us. Oh, what did you bring for the prize bag?
Starting point is 00:17:15 Oh, yeah, for the prize bag. So I bought a book that I wrote called The Book of Harold, The Illegitimate Son of God. And then I thought, well, that's a little bit self-conceited, and people don't read. So I'm also a little bit, I got kind of an unhealthy obsession with Christian rock music, especially, like, the really sexy Christian rock. So I made a mix, a playlist,
Starting point is 00:17:40 a mix called Owen's Lovin' on Jesus Playlist. And it really is, I mean, if you just turn off your theology and open your heart, because there's some, there's a lot of like, Jesus, be inside of me, come inside of me, Jesus. I mean, a lot of that. And it's pretty great My wife and I get off to it pretty good My wife So that's
Starting point is 00:18:13 Shall I bring it down to you? Alright yeah We'll pass that on down Thank you very much We'll throw that in the bag And now please welcome Visiting us for the second time As she was a smash the first time around,
Starting point is 00:18:26 it's Martha Kelly, everybody. Hooray! Hooray! She loves being put on the spot with difficult movie trivia. Yes. It really makes her happy, as you can see right now. She's raring to go. Can't wait.
Starting point is 00:18:46 So excited. And what did you bring us for the prize bag? I brought nothing great, but a little bit better than last time when I just had a child's bracelet. This is... These were purchased at Walgreens last night. I got a Star Wars Day at a Time calendar for 2016.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Oh, great. There's still a few months left. And then... Still got nine months to go. Some GR Deli almond milk chocolate Easter eggs. Ooh. Oh, all right. Everyone likes candy.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Yeah, those are probably pretty amazing, actually. I think we should just maybe break those open and have them. No, those are probably pretty amazing, actually. I think we should just maybe break those open and have them. No? Alright. I'll put them in the bag. And Baskets Season 2? Yes. It's happening? Yeah, yes. Did they call you?
Starting point is 00:19:38 Um, I found out... This would be so cruel if you're not in Season 2. I found out about it on the internet, but then later talked to people. But I found out... Some people talked to you? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:51 And it's good to go? Yeah, it's not till we shoot in September. I'm having a little bit of an anxiety attack about wearing a skirt on a stool and being short. So it's not obscene, right? How's everybody doing? Is it all right? Is it okay?
Starting point is 00:20:07 Okay. The front row, the guy with the helmet in the front row is a big thumbs up, which worries me that your exact fears are being realized. I'm just... He's a little too happy about it.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Okay. But yeah, sorry about that. No, it's just I'm short and I didn't think about the stools. But yeah, sorry about that. No, it's just I'm short and I didn't think about the stools. Would you like to stand? No, it'd be worse
Starting point is 00:20:31 at this point. I'm just gonna let it... I'm such a gentleman. Would you like to stand? How about leaving? That's an option. I might... I might leave.
Starting point is 00:20:48 You're doing great, though. You're sitting exactly like a lady should in this situation. Thanks, Doug. And we're very excited for you for another season of that show. Thank you. September, that's going to be a fun summer for you. You've got a great gig in September. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Is that a good way to look at it? Yeah, that is a much better way to look at it. Why? How are you looking at it? I'm dreading. Like I'm running out of money. Why aren't we shooting until September? That's how I look at everything. Where is the money? You gotta go into the
Starting point is 00:21:20 bank and just go, Baskets Season 2. Just give me a loan. It's a done deal. It's happening. And did we introduce everybody? No, we did not. Matt Bearden is here. Hello! Doug loves movies. Hello
Starting point is 00:21:36 to you wonderful hometown crowd. From the Dudley and Bob experience. We have changed the name to the experience. Yes. Just the experience. Yes. Just the experience. Just, yes, that's it. Mornings, the experience.
Starting point is 00:21:51 K-L-B-J. But thank you for being here. I know this is late. I know. Any opportunity to look up Martha's skirt, I am down for 100%. Yeah, you got those desks and stuff when she comes in and does the radio show. So he's finally got a great opportunity.
Starting point is 00:22:15 What's going on with you, Matt? Have you gone to any South by Southwest things? I have not, but not out of any kind of, just because I have small children who are on spring break and they want to go do I will tell you this. I got holy shit, it was amazing. I don't want to brag, but
Starting point is 00:22:36 and I know this is an audience that loves movies and this is not a movie, but when you hear this, you won't ever want to watch movies ever again, but I, this week, saw two capuchin monkeys dressed as cowboys riding on dogs herding sheep. So fucking, I can't experience joy from anything else ever again. It is over. Plus, the guy who trained the monkeys was like what you would expect at a rodeo.
Starting point is 00:23:00 And he, in front of the crowd, held up a monkey and said, this isn't a monkey, this is a dream. This is a little boy's dream. And I'm not trying to make fun of him, but he did start crying on the microphone about how much he loved his monkey. And I was like, this can't get any better. And then he goes, I'm not a Democrat
Starting point is 00:23:14 and I'm not a Republican, I'm an American. And I was like, oh fuck yes, it's getting better. And then he goes, what this world needs is not to have Democrats and not to have Republicans. We just need to be Americans. And I was like, fuck, I like this guy's message. And he goes, and we need Jesus in our schools. And I was like, oh, those kind of Americans.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Just those kinds of Americans. Oh, you just asked how I was. Sorry. Got very excited. I think that guy's on my playlist. Yeah. He did the slow jam. It was amazing.
Starting point is 00:23:46 So that was my South Park. You lost me at it's not a monkey because you set it up that it was a monkey. No, he was just saying that... So when that guy said it's not a monkey, I was like, this guy's not saying anything interesting. It was an actual monkey, but somehow he was saying he always wanted a monkey
Starting point is 00:24:01 since he was a child. Right. It's not a monkey. It's a dream of a child. But then I got to shake the monkey's hand and all was forgiven. So pretty awesome. For your prize bucket. You didn't have to give him anything to shake his hand?
Starting point is 00:24:16 Or did the guy give him a treat after he shook his hand? He said, I don't want anyone to have to go as long as I went to have their dream. So if anybody wants to stick around afterwards, you can, and I swear to God, he said this, I want to come by and everybody can touch my monkey. And I was like, fuck yes! Yes! Yes!
Starting point is 00:24:36 And so you just reach out and the monkey just sort of touches your finger or what's the touch like? I know, we did a full on handshake. Full on handshake with a tiny little monkey? With a monkey! Oh, dude, it was so good. I am living on cloud whatever that cloud is that you live on after you shake the hand of a monkey. You're talking like Ross's monkey on Friends, right?
Starting point is 00:24:53 It didn't bite. It didn't bite. I was afraid of it, and he goes, don't be afraid. He's never bitten anyone. He loves everyone. He loves children. Little Christian children. He'll bite the shit out of a non-believer, but... What'd you bring for the prize bag? Self-serving.
Starting point is 00:25:10 I brought... I printed up 2,500 of these notebooks for a punch comedy show I used to do and sold three of them. So I'll be giving these away for the rest of my life. And... My three grand is your gain. And then the very last, I had five of these
Starting point is 00:25:29 and I think I've given a couple to some of your guests, but this is my very last sealed copy of Geely. Unless you were at last week's taping of Doug Love's movies and then you know it was The Jiggly. So that's inside for people who... All right. There you go. Thanks, dude.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Thank you, dude. All that is in the prize bag. We got everybody's stuff, right? All right. Somebody's going to win all this stuff, and it's too much stuff for this one bag, even. So have fun carrying this around for the rest of the day. Oh.
Starting point is 00:26:08 That's a good move. Way to unpack that bag. It's kind of sad. Have fun carrying that bag around after you have to come up here and pack it the back up. They don't do that enough on Price is Right. Here's your prizes.
Starting point is 00:26:26 It's a pile of stuff. Good luck getting it wherever you're going with it. Have a nice flight back to the Midwest. So, Martha, what was the last motion picture that you witnessed with your eyes on any format?
Starting point is 00:26:44 On Netflix, I watched Fatal Attraction. I'm sorry, I haven't seen anything more recent. Was that a repeat viewing of that one? Yes. Were you, like, was it research for something?
Starting point is 00:26:58 Like, were you about to cook rabbit? I just honestly wanted to see if it was as bad as I remembered it. And not that it's a bad movie, but it's a terrible story. I mean, it's a sad story. Sure. There's a pregnant lady who gets shot.
Starting point is 00:27:17 Oh. Glenn Close at the end. Sorry, spoiler. It's a bummer. It's a bummer. Yeah, it is a bummer it's a bummer yeah it is a bummer I meant to watch a movie last night
Starting point is 00:27:28 they didn't do the originally the movie didn't end with her coming to life and getting shot it ended with him just going to jail I think
Starting point is 00:27:34 really? yeah I think so Owen's nodding yes yeah that's true and he's the magical leprechaun of movie trivia I am mate but wait
Starting point is 00:27:44 who he Michael Douglas is? Yeah, Michael Douglas goes to jail. But for what? For cheating on a woman. For getting throat cancer. That's weird. Oh.
Starting point is 00:27:59 Oh, really? It's a little battle. It seems early to ooh at me. Yeah, he got over it, didn't he? Yeah. Didn't he go on Oprah and say, I got this for meeting pussy? That's exactly what happened.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Yeah. All right. Really? Yeah. Thanks, Martha, for opening up that conversation. It was a good convo starter. Sorry. Mike, have you been to the movies lately?
Starting point is 00:28:23 Last movie I saw was the big short oh that's a good one right it was great I loved it a lot very educational some humor in there yeah good story too and like great performances it was really good yeah Christian Bale like went out of his way
Starting point is 00:28:39 to be exactly like the guy he was portraying and it's a guy none of us have ever seen or heard but apparently it's a guy none of us have ever seen or heard, but apparently it's spot on. Like he's really exactly doing that guy. It's like, okay, that's impressive, I guess.
Starting point is 00:28:56 If you invented a character that acted that way, it'd be like, okay, that seems right. Seems legit. Stock genius. Likes to play the drums in his office. He actually played those drums too, right? He had to learn how to play the drums.
Starting point is 00:29:11 That's what I mean. The guy has to learn all this shit for every part. Like in Batman, he had to learn to speak two different ways. Let me go ahead and give this a try. How's this? Perfect. End of voice rehearsals. I guess we should be mad at whoever greenlit that voice, right? We should be mad at whoever heard him do that and say, yes, keep doing that.
Starting point is 00:29:48 They definitely made a... He didn't have as many lines. He didn't talk much, you know, as it went on, because I think that everyone probably thought... On his third go-round, Christian Bale must have just been like, oh, I need a lozenge, you know? It must have just been
Starting point is 00:30:02 brutal. He just preferred the days where he's just Bruce Wayne sitting around crying. He's so rich and lonely and parentless. Yeah, he's less emotionally taxing than having to talk like this all day. I heard that sometimes they just have Henry Rollins
Starting point is 00:30:23 standing off camera and he'd just say the lines in his regular speaking voice. Who's next? Where are we going? This morning I watched Pee-Wee's Big Holiday. And it is delightfully stupid and if you haven't seen it, do. I would recommend seeing it. It was, well, I liked it. That's as far as I go.
Starting point is 00:30:51 My takeaway from that is it's stupid. What's that? Nothing. No, no, no, no. It's not. I mean, it's stupid, but that's a purpose. Right. Delightfully stupid to me is like a little red flag that I'm going to just find it straight up stupid.
Starting point is 00:31:09 Minus the delight. How does it stack up to all previous Pee Wee stuff? You know, I probably, it seems like it was made faster. Does that make sense as a criticism? I don't like to criticize. I can't make a fucking movie, so I don't like to criticize. I can't make a fucking movie, so I don't want to criticize somebody's movie. Well, of course, the first one,
Starting point is 00:31:28 Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, was a major feature film. It was incredible. And it probably spent two days on every scene. But this one was probably made a little quicker. It was fun. I watched it with my three-year-old son who laughed at the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:31:43 He couldn't follow the... I don't think he could follow the plot, because he's fucking stupid. But he... See what I'm saying there? You seem to yield... You use the word stupid. Yeah, it's very...
Starting point is 00:31:55 I don't have a big vocabulary. Make America great. It was stupid. Stupid movie. Stupid. Lame. That's my really good Trump impression. Do you like it?
Starting point is 00:32:04 Fucking nailed it. I can't wait for your son to find this podcast at age 11. He's gonna have to go through like so much stand-up comedy about me calling him terrible names before he gets to this and really he's not gonna be anything new.
Starting point is 00:32:20 He knows he ruined my life. And he's well aware. He's well aware. I'm not gonna let him forget it. And he's well aware. He's well aware. I'm not going to let him forget it. But he loves... Because there's lots of noises. I'm not going to call them stupid noises. I'll just say there are lots of noises.
Starting point is 00:32:32 And I actually liked it. I let myself... You mean like boring, that kind of thing? Yeah. There's this scene... I don't want to... Spoiler alert. There's a thing he does with a balloon.
Starting point is 00:32:44 You know that little thing where you go... Yeah. So there's an important fart in this movie. That's what you're trying to say. It's not even a fart. He just makes that high-pitched noise for like 15 minutes of the movie. And it's awesome.
Starting point is 00:32:58 It was the part where I just was like, I'm going to allow my... You know, it's hard for me to just have fun because I have to be like... My brain's broken because my parents didn't hug me, and I'm passing that on to the next generation. Keep that going.
Starting point is 00:33:09 And it's good. I liked it. Do you have any dogs? I do have a dog, I think. I haven't seen him in a while. What did your dog think of the balloon scene? I don't think they care for that noise. Yeah, it wasn't around.
Starting point is 00:33:21 It wasn't around. Check it out next time. All right. All right. Owen, what about you? Last movie, it wasn't around. It wasn't around. Check it out next time. All right. All right. Owen, what about you? Last movie I saw, I saw Slash. Today at the Topfer.
Starting point is 00:33:31 At the Topfer with the writer-director Clay Leifert who's in the front row here today for Doug Lee. There he is. Slouches down.
Starting point is 00:33:41 I think it was my favorite movie Thanks for the heads up on that. Yeah. Yeah, that he's right there. Before we start talking. I was ready to talk some serious shit about that movie. Delightfully
Starting point is 00:33:54 stupid. I was gonna say... My three-year-old liked it. It is kind of pitched at a three-year-old because three-year-olds are into it. They're already starting to write erotic fan fiction. And they're unclear about the sexuality, as am I. So it works. Well, right in front of Clay, let's hear it.
Starting point is 00:34:14 What's your review? I liked it. Actually, I loved it. I loved it, because it is a lot about, you know, not knowing if you want a girl teenager or a boy teenager, which is every day for me. I thought it was... And dressing in comic book costume characters.
Starting point is 00:34:37 It was great. I thought it was fantastic. It really was. It was my favorite movie of South by Southwest. So I thought it was fantastic. And I would say that even if Clay weren't here and giving me evil eyes as I talk.
Starting point is 00:34:48 How many movies did you see this year? Oh, just that one. Yeah. And the bumpers. I saw that one and the bumpers before the movies.
Starting point is 00:34:56 Oh, okay. Well, that's a terrible competition because he put the camera in the right place in his film. So... The bumpers on the South By, if you didn't see any this year,
Starting point is 00:35:09 are just a facial eclipse. You're going to find out half the people here worked on those bumpers. Oh, I'm sure they did, yeah. No, I mean, you know, effort was made, clearly. Yeah. I like the music.
Starting point is 00:35:26 So... But Slash is great, though. I like the music. So... But Slash is great, though. I like the titles. Like, whenever somebody says, I like the titles, like, wow, you're really working hard to compliment that thing.
Starting point is 00:35:33 Let's just say someone was talking over the bumpers and you let them stay for that and keep talking over the bumpers. What? Oh. I was gonna say, like, if someone was talking
Starting point is 00:35:44 over the bumpers, you wouldn't kick them out. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, it was a joke. Can you edit that out of the actual podcast? People won't talk during the bumpers because you're watching two people in a theater talk, and they're talking like this. And you're like, what's going on? I think it's going to be, do you want a taco?
Starting point is 00:36:01 And it's like, what the fuck is happening? And they keep talking about how they're at South by Southwest and they're always in an empty fucking theater. Who did they pay off to get in before everyone else? Alright, so this is so inside.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Not baseball, but South by. I have seen so many films including Slash I I think I like knocked it out of the park in terms of I liked everything I saw and people like people like what was you know what was the standout what was your favorite like I just start having to like list off movies because I've really enjoyed everything I saw this year I saw a few less movies this year I was like a little bit more like I'm gonna try to see movies that a few less movies this year. I was like a little bit more like I'm going to try to see movies
Starting point is 00:36:45 that have somebody involved with it that I'm interested in their work. But I still try to stay away from plot descriptions. Erotic fan fiction convention was all I needed to hear for your film. And I was like, I'm there. And then once I was there, I was like, oh, but the leads are children?
Starting point is 00:37:03 I don't know how I feel. But it's very sensitively handled. Yeah. And I think every teenagers that are like the ones depicted in the film will be very, very thrilled to see it because if they feel the way the characters in the movie do, ashamed that they're young and into dreaming of Harry Potter and pornographic situations. You can't say Harry Potter in the movie, can you?
Starting point is 00:37:34 You could say it, but you didn't. You respect Harry too much for your own private work, right? Yeah, you respect Warner Brothers. The legal team of Warner Brothers. Yeah, but In a Valley of Violence was the movie I was watching where there was a guy, came in late, and the only reason I even noticed him, he was sitting, like, right where this gentleman's sitting.
Starting point is 00:38:01 Like, wave your name tag around a little bit. Okay, so there's a guy doing that. No, keep doing it. So there's a guy doing that in the theater. No, keep going. I'm telling you, he didn't put his phone down. Yeah, that's the equivalent of the guy on his... He had his brightly lit big phone out, and a guy sitting next to me, way up there, came all the way down to him and said, hey man, put away your phone and the guy put it in his pocket and he went back to his seat and then a couple minutes later the guy started up again and he was like he wasn't it wasn't even like he was texting like an emergency or and not
Starting point is 00:38:37 could have just walked out if he had to text an emergency but he was also just looking at videos like he was watching other shit. But nobody was saying anything to him. Nobody from the theater, none of the ushers were saying anything. So I finally couldn't take it anymore. And the movie probably had like five minutes left. But I couldn't stand it anymore. So I got up and walked over.
Starting point is 00:39:01 I kneeled down next to him. I was like, hey man, what's with the fucking phone? And he's like, what? And he was drunk, but, you know, I was high, so, you know. So I go, you know, just get the, you know, just take it outside. Just get the fuck out of here. And so then he's up on his feet, and he's like, don't you, what are you fucking, it's almost over anyway, was his first excuse.
Starting point is 00:39:30 And I was like, just go outside. And then he said, don't disrespect me, bro. To which I responded, get the fuck out. And then he left the theater and I went back to my seat. And a lot of people were very puzzled that why are people yelling at each other while we're watching the conclusion of this exciting movie. But that's the story. And then the next day on Twitter, I saw a tweet.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Hold your applause. Because the very next day on Twitter, I saw a tweet from a guy saying, fucking jackass comedian Doug Benson was texting during a movie and got thrown out at South by Southwest. I'm like, oh my God, the story's already flipped against me. Maybe Trump is right about the media. But I fixed it right away. And I didn't intend to tell the story.
Starting point is 00:40:25 I didn't mean to bore everybody with it, but it was very exciting. That beach ball has a... It has the shape of Texas made up of little tiny weed leaves. Yeah, it does. I like how usually when a beach ball goes in a crowd, there's a lot of up with it, but this crowd has been spiking the shit out of this ball into each other's faces quite a bit.
Starting point is 00:40:54 They're taking this very seriously. They're aggro. Very upset. I think these guys are pretty good at this. Yeah, because there's plenty of spots where it could fall in between, but people are... I think we have some junior varsity volleyball players in the house. Somebody's going to get an elbow in their eye.
Starting point is 00:41:11 Oh, everybody hates you. You had a chance. Just keep hitting it back to the same person over and over again. This is the finest thing to podcast. It is. It's actually great, though. Doug loves ball batting. That's right.
Starting point is 00:41:32 You know what we should do is catch the ball. Just knock it around. We should catch the ball and make the same noises and fool everybody listening to the podcast. Huh? The theater of the mind. No, keep it going. That Paul, poor Paul. How long, like seriously, how long before people would start to leave No, keep it going. That poor piece of...
Starting point is 00:41:46 How long, like seriously, how long before people would start to leave if it was just this? Hey, you guys, ASAP Rocky. Oh! No! Broken nose foul. This is when you take it away from them.
Starting point is 00:42:06 When it gets on stage. Are you okay? I got you right in the face. You all right? What a gentleman. Karen, look at you. I care about people. I treat it more like when a two-year-old falls down.
Starting point is 00:42:22 You just pretend it didn't happen. If nobody's looking, there's no reason to cry if nobody's watching. I think I've got another album title. So this is the part of the show where I say, let the games begin. Yeah! One of you guys has to win on behalf of an audience member
Starting point is 00:42:49 so that somebody gets to take home the prize pile. And all you got to do is get up and go and select. There's a person just waving his cane in the air. Wow. So wait, wait, wait. Just grab anyone that you like for whatever reason, any personal reason you like it. Okay. And bring it back to your seat.
Starting point is 00:43:09 I like helmet guy hair. Well, you guys do that. We'll do this. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. We all know good things come in sets of three. What does that have to do with anything? Well, get this.
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Starting point is 00:45:06 That's harrys.com. Use the code Doug at checkout. Back to the show. We're back. Who are you playing for, Owen? It looks like you got the helmet. I do. I've got the helmet of Brian Green.
Starting point is 00:45:21 I'm reading Brian. I'm playing for Brian Green. And he just held up his helmet. His motorcycle helmet. It kind of looks a little Star Wars-y and it's kind of cool. It's Star Wars-y isn't it? Yeah, it's very Star Wars-y. He says it's Star Wars-y. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:35 Just keep saying that. He was the guy looking at Martha's skirt earlier and... Well, we solved that problem with a nice big name tag. She is covering herself up. Nice. Pretty nicely, yeah. Who are you playing for there, Matt?
Starting point is 00:45:50 I'm playing for Carla. Carla. Oh, I love it. She has like the Cars logo. The classic Cars logo. Not the band, but the movie, which would make more sense. And it's big and shiny, and those are the things that need to get my attention. I can't believe it, man.
Starting point is 00:46:08 Keep it up, because I'm going to get a picture of everybody okay okay once we get all the uh everybody describe it what do you what are you doing yours what's yours uh there mike uh this is a full metal jacket poster and it says full maddie jacket i didn't get this gentleman's name but i'm going to assume it's maddie, that's a great guess. And what's scribbled on there? Did I already autograph it? I believe you did. You have. Alright, cool. Welcome back to the show. Congratulations on getting picked this time.
Starting point is 00:46:36 I'm sure he would appreciate that if you sign it and give it back to him at the end. And Martha, the gentleman that I asked to be an example when I was telling my cell phone story, his sign made it up on stage. What does it say on it? It says, I have a boner.
Starting point is 00:46:54 And his name is Bo. But I picked it because he clearly put as much effort into it as I would if I was making a sign. Which is very little and it's endearing. I was looking at that sign a moment ago before it was chosen, when it was put up earlier and I thought this U was a V
Starting point is 00:47:15 and I thought it was, I have a beavener. Which, you know, makes perfect sense when you've never been on the show before and suddenly everybody's holding up a bunch of signs. Which, you know, makes perfect sense. Yeah. When you've never been on the show before and suddenly everybody's holding up a bunch of signs. Right. Yeah. Hopefully we won't throw you off again.
Starting point is 00:47:32 We're going to play some games, and they're not too complicated, and don't feel bad if you lose, because like I've already said, who wants this pile of stuff? Anyway. Someone would be happier just to have that one beach ball than this entire pile of stuff.
Starting point is 00:47:52 Does the beach ball... This lady will trade her own leg. What is that? She's trying to trade her cane for that beach ball. She's going to walk home on that beach ball like a seal.
Starting point is 00:48:10 All right, let's play some games. I wrote some stuff down on this piece of paper. It's going to come in handy. How much of a stoner are you that you want to trade the normal beach ball
Starting point is 00:48:21 for your cane? How will you get home? She's on the move. Oh, she can stand. And talk. She's also taking an oath. Aye. She's balancing on one foot.
Starting point is 00:48:35 She's letting you know. Sorry. Okay, hop along. I'm Jess, of course. Eileen, thank you very much. Audience jokes. This is all my fault. Alright.
Starting point is 00:48:55 We got our name tags. Let's play... Oh, this is exciting. I can't believe this is happening. What time is it, you guys? How are we doing on time? Oh, shit. We're way behind schedule. That makes me even more excited about this. We're going to play a game we've never played before on the show. Yeah. First time ever. Could be a huge failure, but I like it. I think you guys are going to do great.
Starting point is 00:49:24 Very encouraging. It's delightfully stupid, this game. Matt works across the hall from a nice couple of people named Jason and Deb. I do. The 101X here in Austin. And they have a game that they play on that show that whenever I play it, I clean up. I embarrass everyone. And it's because it up. I embarrass everyone. And
Starting point is 00:49:45 it's because it's an IMDB game. And IMDB. And I just flat out told them I'm stealing it for my podcast. And I said, I'm going to put your name on it. You'll get credit
Starting point is 00:50:03 for it. And they said, take it with our blessing. So this is the first time we're going to play Jason and Deb's IMDb game. Yes. You know how when you look up an actor on IMDb, they will list four things that that actor is quote unquote known for. And sometimes there's a TV show in there, so you can signify that if the situation seems to warrant it. But it's mostly films that, you know, like four films they're known for. And I have no
Starting point is 00:50:42 idea the metric of how they choose. I mean we may figure it out as we play this game a bunch of times but I like to think it's just their most four famous movies but it doesn't seem to pan out that way usually. It's interesting choices that they make. So I'm going to name a movie and you can jump in right then if you want. You could say your own name is how you jump in. The first person that says their own name after one movie, you're going to name the actor whose page this is. So that's a daring move because if you're wrong,
Starting point is 00:51:14 that's negative one point. Yeah, you can't ever be wrong in this game. I'm finally penalizing people for being wrong. Finally. So basically most of the time you're going to want to wait Finally penalizing people for being wrong. Finally. So you basically, most of the time, you're going to want to wait to hear that second movie. And then, when you think of an actor that was in both those movies, or actress, or whatever,
Starting point is 00:51:36 then you can jump in then. If you guess correctly, the remaining number of movies that IMDb lists, you and you alone get to guess what they are, and for each one, you get a bonus point. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:56 First person to five points is our winner. Oh. That's a lot of math in this. Oh, you don't worry. I brought a pen. Oh, good. I lot of math in this. Oh, you don't worry. I brought a pen. Oh, good. I'm a prepared stoner. This one's out of ink.
Starting point is 00:52:14 I'll be back in 20. Any questions? No, I think we're ready. I think we're ready to go. Let's do this. Interstellar. Matt. No, never mind.
Starting point is 00:52:35 I'll take the negative one point. You're not going to even guess? Yeah, rather than take the negative one, just guess somebody. I was going to say Jodie Foster than realize I'm thinking of Contact. Different movie altogether. Different movie altogether.
Starting point is 00:52:50 I got so excited to play something new and I wish I wasn't in front of people right now. I'd rather be at home. All right, so that's negative one for you. Okay, the next title is The Wolf of Wall Street. Just somebody say Joey Foster, do it. I haven't seen The Wolf of Wall Street, but Matthew McConaughey?
Starting point is 00:53:17 You have to buzz in with your name. Owen! What's that? Owen! My name, right? Present, present. And you're saying Matthew McConaughey? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Isn't that hilarious? Because he was in contact. Yeah. And I should have just done it. The answer is Matthew McConaughey. Oh, I hope you die on the way home. I hope you die. Now there's two more, so you can get up to three points.
Starting point is 00:53:42 If you can guess the other two films, you get two guesses. Owen Edgerton, Owen only. Don't try to help him out from the crowd. Clearly, Ghost of Girlfriends passed. All right, that's one. And I'm going to go for local favorite, Dazed and Confused. Because he should be known for that.
Starting point is 00:54:03 Yeah, yeah. They decided to go with the one he won the Oscar for at the Dallas Buyers Club. Fuck Dallas. But bringing it around to Austin, Jeff Nichols' Mud was the fourth one that they listed. That's nice. I should have guessed that.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Yeah, there you go. All right, so you didn't get any bonus points, but you did get that one point. Are you sure Ghost of Girlfriend's Past was not? Girlfriend's Past is not one of those two that I said. Oh. And you know, I wrote this, I got really high and wrote all this down.
Starting point is 00:54:36 Alright, so here's the next round, you guys. Just jump in when you think you know who it might be. I feel early adopters on this one. Gravity? Owen?
Starting point is 00:54:52 Matt? Oh, shit. No, Owen got in first. Sandra Bullock? That's correct. Yeah, I just figured out the theme. Yeah. I figured out the theme.
Starting point is 00:55:05 I hope Castaway is the theme. Yeah. I figured out the theme. All right. I hope Castaway is the next first movie. So now you're up to two points. If you can get three more of the exact same Sandra Bullock movies, you will be our winner in this game. Okay, let's go. If you can do it. The Net.
Starting point is 00:55:18 That's a good call. That's a good call. Sandra Bullock movie? 1997. The audience doesn't have a lot of confidence in that one. Miscongeniality? Yeah, I think that's going to be there. And one more.
Starting point is 00:55:29 While you're sleeping. Oh, shut up! I personally would have thought... Oh, I know one. Too late now, isn't it? Yeah, I would have thought Speed would have made the cut. Yeah. But you got Miscongeniality is correct.
Starting point is 00:55:42 I know the other one. But they went with The Proposal and Crash. Oh. And Crash, of course, was... Oh, wait. Why didn't they go with the one she won the Oscar for? Blindside. IMDB is weird.
Starting point is 00:55:57 It's the IMDB is weird game, you guys. But that puts Owen with three points. And Matt's got negative one. At least I'm on the board. Yep. That is a way to look at it. You get a participant's award. For sure.
Starting point is 00:56:17 All right. Here comes the next one. Billy Bob Thornton. Is that the answer? Did you just give us the answer. Is that the answer? Did you just give us the answer? Is that what happened? Is this Jeopardy now? Oh, Matt.
Starting point is 00:56:31 Matt. Matt. What is Fargo? What is Fargo? Mike, what is Fargo? I'm going to go with Sling Blade. What is... Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:56:40 Yeah, I was going to say that one, too. That's hilarious. I'll tell you what Sling one too. That's hilarious. I'll tell you what Sling Blade is. It's terrific. Motion picture. Would you say that to Tom Petty? That's so funny.
Starting point is 00:56:54 I was so excited to do this one. Maybe I'll do this on the next episode. Because one of his four that they list is Princess Mononoke. Wow. If somebody guessed that, they would win for good. He plays the monk. That would be the winner for forever.
Starting point is 00:57:11 Oh, shit. Get it together, Doug. Don't say a name. Don't say a name. Don't say a name. All right, here's the next one. Forrest Gump. Shit! No next one. Forrest Gump. Shit!
Starting point is 00:57:26 No, yes, Forrest Gump. Owen? Should I not go? Should we let someone else go? Go ahead. I'm going to say Tom Hanks. Incorrect! Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Suck it. That knocks you down to two. Martha, can I guess? Martha Sinks. I love the way you buzz in. Martha, can I guess? Martha's saying, I love the way you buzz in. Martha, may I? Yes, you may. Is it Sally Field?
Starting point is 00:57:52 No. Oh, my God. Negative one. I'm starting to realize I might have picked a game that could go on forever. All right, I'm going to give you more names. Start naming some Jodie Foster movies and I'm in. Two people are still in this one.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Shrek. Yeah, Forrest Gump and Shrek. Everyone should be confused. Wag the Dog. Mike, I'm going to make Shrek. Everyone should be confused. Wag the Dog. Mike, I'm going to make a guess. All right, dude. Gary Sinise. That is a terrific guess.
Starting point is 00:58:32 But obviously not correct. Correct. You're on the board. Oh! Good one. Why are you clapping? It's good. He's on the board, negative one.
Starting point is 00:58:43 You're clapping for that? Oh, shit. I thought you said it's on the board, negative one. You're clapping for that? Oh, shit. I thought you said it was correct. No, I said incorrect. See, everyone was confused. Not just me. They didn't have any reason to be overexcited. I thought.
Starting point is 00:58:56 It was just me. This is yours to win, Matt. No, no, it really isn't. Yeah. No, I don't know if you've noticed, but I still haven't guessed, so. Yeah, no, and you don't have to because you don't know if you've noticed, but I still haven't guessed. No, and you don't have to because you don't want to get that negative point. So I'm just going to give you the fourth name and we're going to move on.
Starting point is 00:59:10 Because this one, I'd be very impressed if you put this together. Brokeback Mountain. Yeah, still not getting it. That's what IMDB just puts as the four top things on the page of Mr. Willie Nelson wow yeah that makes sense so he's got
Starting point is 00:59:30 fucking songs in those movies yeah like what come on the guy acts in shit all the time yeah
Starting point is 00:59:35 why put Red Headed Stranger or Honey Supple Rose or yeah or The Journeyman or any of the rest of his great films very strange
Starting point is 00:59:43 half-baked yeah of course half-baked. Yeah. Of course half-baked. All right, next one. Don't say the name, don't say the name. Look good, feel good, look good, feel good. The Wolf of Wall Street.
Starting point is 01:00:03 Zero Dark Thirty TV show called Friday Night Lights Another TV show called Early Edition Oh wow this game is going to go on a long time Mike
Starting point is 01:00:25 What do you got Mike Doug Benson This feels so bad Giving you negative two It's cool it's fine For saying me Incorrect If we get first to negative five
Starting point is 01:00:41 Do we win that way too No you know what's going to happen when I run out of names and patience? I'm going to declare a winner. I'll get this. I'll get this right here. All right. Oh, you got it? No, no, no, not this.
Starting point is 01:00:56 The next one. Okay. Because I didn't say who it was. No, you haven't. Yeah, you haven't. All right, I'll throw in one more. This young lady up front is suggesting King Kong. I don't know Yeah, you haven't. All right, I'll throw in one more for this young lady up front suggesting. King Kong.
Starting point is 01:01:09 I don't know why that would help them. But is it right? I can't remember the first movie you named. Friday Night Lights. Doesn't... You guys live in Austin? Yeah. Yeah, I missed that. We're really unsupportive of our own town.
Starting point is 01:01:22 You probably saw this guy in a bar every once in a while. I'm busy on Friday nights. Really good actor. He's also in Carol. Anyway, we'll throw this one out. It was Kyle Chandler. Kyle Chandler. Kyle Chandler.
Starting point is 01:01:35 He's the coach, right? Yeah. Sorry. That's probably when you did see him walking around town. You're probably like, it's the coach! Clear heads, open hearts. Pot of gold. Alright.
Starting point is 01:02:01 I might have to write this down on the piece of paper wrong because I want to just read the name first every time. The first movie for this person is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The next movie is called
Starting point is 01:02:18 Green Street Hooligans. Green Street Hooligans. Green Street Hooligans. Green Street Hooligans. Yeah, that one threw me for a loop. The third film, The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring.
Starting point is 01:02:39 What was the first movie? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And then finally, the fourth one. I feel like I... Oh! The fourth one is Deep Impact. Deep Impact. Owen?
Starting point is 01:02:58 Owen? You can get a point. You can just say it. Yell it out. Don't yell it out, lady. Tobey Maguire? What? See what happens when you try?
Starting point is 01:03:10 The audience turns on you. Join us and keep your mouth shut. Wait, that... Let's play a different game. No, no, it's sort of the same game. It was Elijah Wood? Oh, I'm so embarrassed. What's happening?
Starting point is 01:03:27 Why did you tell him? I was going to play a game. I was going to list everybody that I've said so far. Matthew McConaughey, Sondra Bullock, Billy Bob Thornton, Willie Nelson. They're all Austin. What do they all have in common? And then that would have put you right into Elijah Wood territory. Because he's one of those as well.
Starting point is 01:03:44 He's here all the time. Yeah, those are all, they either live here or spend so much time here that people think they have property here. We really sucked up that game for you, didn't we, Doug? Well, you know, like, there's a lot to catch on to, and I think that with a new set of panelists... It would be really good.
Starting point is 01:04:03 I'm disappointed in us. We have them waiting outside right now, and they're ready to go. Never in the history of the show have I needed a whole new backup panel. But, you know, just thought... I feel like if you want to give my spot away to somebody in the audience,
Starting point is 01:04:16 I couldn't really fight it. You know what I mean? They're clearly... Well, you know... They're doing better at this than we are. I jot all this shit down, and, like, I think it's so clever, but, you know know looking at it now
Starting point is 01:04:25 it's a lot of white questions. Doug loves movies so white. Hashtag Doug loves movies so white. You know what I'm saying? It's just Martha just doesn't see those movies or know those people. Were you close to guessing Elijah Wood
Starting point is 01:04:52 when I cut you off? I was picturing his face, but I couldn't remember his name, so I wasn't close. Okay. Well, I'm still going to give you a point for that. And that means in our first ever Jason and Deb's IMDb game,
Starting point is 01:05:09 where I'm calling it and declaring Owen Edgerton the winner with two points. Congratulations. Congratulations. I just wanted to be clear. I didn't think Tobey Maguire played Frodo. Let's just be clear. I just thought maybe he was like a, you know,
Starting point is 01:05:25 like a hobbit in the background or something. I'm not buying it. I felt like a background hobbit at times. Tobey was in Eternal Sunshine? I guess he wasn't. I thought he was. I don't know if he was in Green Street Hooligans. I know nothing.
Starting point is 01:05:41 I don't even know what that is. I know nothing of that, yeah. I haven't heard of it. I was like, what? Elijah Wood's been in a ton of shit. When he was a little kid he was in a bunch of stuff. And he's always showing up with his crazy
Starting point is 01:05:54 big eyes. I just saw him in this very theater just the other day in a movie called The Trust with Nicolas Cage. And it's the Nicolas Cage we know and love. It's nutty Nicolas Cage. He does's the Nicolas Cage we know and love. It's nutty Nicolas Cage. Yeah, it's good? He does some funny shit in it.
Starting point is 01:06:09 Good. Yeah. Vampire's Kiss Nicolas Cage. Oh. Yeah. But also kind of mellow. It's a good, it's a layered performance. Who's texting me during the show?
Starting point is 01:06:21 Stop it. All right. We're going to play for the, to determine who wins the bag. That was just basically just a warm-up game. No pressure, you guys. To determine who wins the bag tonight, though, we're going to play a round of Last Man Stanton.
Starting point is 01:06:34 And Owen will get to go first since he won the first game. And then we'll go to, I'll go second, and then Martha, and then Mike and Matt and we're going to take turns, I like to play along in this one, we're going to take turns naming movies from one particular actor or actress, if you can't think of one you're out, but
Starting point is 01:06:56 you get one lifeline each of you gets to use the person whose name tag you're playing for as a lifeline so at one point they may come to you with an answer. It'll probably be deep into the game where it'll be very hard and it will not, I would not blame you if you don't have an answer.
Starting point is 01:07:13 They just watched us on that last one. I think everyone's prepping their answer right away. They're just like, we're gonna, that lifeline's gonna come early. I better be ready on the first round. As soon as you hear it, think about something. Yeah, no, definitely think about something. Yeah. No, definitely think about it.
Starting point is 01:07:26 You definitely want to be there for them when they need you. And I always get, I let somebody from the audience determine what name we're going to use. And I get requests on Twitter. And the one I saw earliest today that caught my eye is someone named Agkbart. A-G-K Bart? Are you here? That's you? Wow, right up front. That happens a lot. Sometimes it's even one of the
Starting point is 01:07:52 name tags we chose. We didn't pick your name tag, did we? Okay, good. Alright. For a minute I thought that was the name of the actor. I don't know any of A.K. Bart's work. I'm gonna be any of A.K. Bart's work. I'm going to be out first round. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 01:08:09 Owen, start us off. The films of A.K. Bart. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Just guess. If you don't know who he is, just go ahead and guess something. I've had that feeling the entire game. All right, what's your name for us to use today? Paul Walker?
Starting point is 01:08:32 Hope you guys know how to count to seven. Here we go. Oh, my. It's the eighth one that's going to kill us. Oh, my. It's the eighth one. It's going to kill us. Oh, shit. Let's do it, but it doesn't count. I just want to do it really quick just to see what happens.
Starting point is 01:08:59 Okay. All right. All right. I'll start. Okay, start us off. I'm just going to start in the end. Furious 7. Okay.
Starting point is 01:09:09 I got to say it because it's one of the funniest titles to me because it sounds like a description of something you'd get in a back alley from a prostitute. Fast Five. Martha, any movie starring the great, late Paul Walker? The original Fast and Furious. Very good. Full title?
Starting point is 01:09:33 Fast and Furious. Right? I'm sorry, Bo. We're not going to win. There's no way. No, listen. Beef can help you out. What do you think the full title of the first one is?
Starting point is 01:09:52 Yeah, I think it has the beginning. Do you want to go with us or do you want to stick with your original answer? But does that mean I can't use a lifeline later? No, you can use them all you want. Okay. Then I'll go with Beau with his answer. I think that's a good call, right?
Starting point is 01:10:08 Okay. Mike, can you name another one? I'm gonna go Too Fast, Too Furious. Yes! Nicely done. We're running out of time. I'll go with Fast and Furious 3, Reloaded. Seems likely. I don't know. I thought you'd be so good at this. All right. Fast and Furious 3 Reloaded. Seems likely.
Starting point is 01:10:25 I don't know. I thought you'd be so good at this. Fast and Furious 3. No, sorry, dude. You're out. Oh. All right, Owen. I know Tokyo Twist.
Starting point is 01:10:40 Drink, drink. Tokyo. Oh, the old Tokyo Twist. They go all the way to Japan to see if their nipples tweak. Faster and more furious. So you're out. Faster and really angry. It's called, I think, and you guys tell me if I'm wrong,
Starting point is 01:11:01 because I probably might be, Fast and Furious 3 Tokyo Drift. That's basically what I said. And he's not in it, so I'm out. Yeah, he fucking ditched out for one. I thought it was in a dream sequence. A flashback. Yeah, so it doesn't matter that I got the correct
Starting point is 01:11:20 title. He ditched out for what movie? He did another big movie during that time. Maybe he did something else. Martha's going to tell us what it is. Let's hold off for a second. Don't say anything yet, you guys. We're still crawling our way.
Starting point is 01:11:33 I'm out, you're out. So the three in the middle here. Oh, Matt's out. It's just Martha and Mike. And Martha can use her lifeline if she'd like. Or if you think you know another one. Wait,
Starting point is 01:11:50 if I use the lifeline now, are we going to play another game after this? Yes. Time permitting. I don't. I feel like we should save the lifeline for the other game. No, you can use it both times. Oh, then again, thanks.
Starting point is 01:12:11 Bo, do you have a suggestion? Yeah, what do you think, Bo? Brick Mansions. Brick Mansions. It's true. Hey, great. Yep, those came out posthumously, but it was definitely a thing.
Starting point is 01:12:26 He was alive in the film. That's a weird name for a racing movie. It's not like a real estate version of Weekend at Bernie's. He was alive when they made it. Mike, do you have one? I've never seen
Starting point is 01:12:46 any of those Fast and Furious. I've never seen a movie with Paul Walker in it. I wouldn't imagine. I'm going to refer to Matty here. There you go. Sounds good. He goes Fast and Furious 4? And that can't be right, right?
Starting point is 01:13:04 Well, we tried. So mike's out do you have one more martha no you should do your lifeline again can she do another lifeline well i don't think he's got another one do you have another one the lazarus project i trust that dude he seems like he got on the edge of his seat. When Paul Walker's name came out, he got a huge erection. He got all excited. He's like, I fucking got this.
Starting point is 01:13:31 It was a really huge erection. I saw it. He's in it. I believe he calls it a boner. Remember? Oh, I'm sorry. That's right. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:13:38 My bad. Full circle. My bad. Well done. I got a couple more just to show off. She's All That. Go ahead. And Varsity Blues.
Starting point is 01:13:47 Oh. Deep Blue Sea, somebody says. Meet the Deedles. Meet the Deedles. He was in Meet the Deedles? No, she just pulled her pants down. What did they do? Was Meet the Deedles, they like re-recorded everything with American voices?
Starting point is 01:14:11 Because isn't that a New Zealand movie? No, it was a... I screen tested. I remember it. It was a Disney movie. Meet the Deedles? Yeah. Really?
Starting point is 01:14:17 Yeah, they were a family. They lived out in a National Forest Park thing. Yellowstone. Was that Yellowstone? I'm thinking of The Feebles. That's a very different... Meet the Feebles is... It's a very different movie.
Starting point is 01:14:30 That would be our brains. It's not a good idea to mix those two up. Yeah. They're a lot different. Hey, kids. It's like the difference between Fraggle Rock
Starting point is 01:14:38 and Fraggle Cock. So... Let's play a game for reals. All right. Good. Good. Because that was just for fun. Now I'm warmed up.
Starting point is 01:14:52 I had other people on Twitter saying that they had a good suggestion, but I don't know how quickly I could pull their names up. So let's, well, let me see real quick here. What? Somebody's giving me a corrections department. I might as well just cover it right now. Forrest Whitaker was in Repo Men, not Repo Man.
Starting point is 01:15:15 Oh. Yeah. That's important. This guy says he can finally sleep. It would be so funny if we look over and you're just in your chair sleeping. This guy says he can finally sleep. It would be so funny if we look over and you're just in your chair sleeping. I'll go down to the show. Maybe something will happen
Starting point is 01:15:32 and I'll be able to finally sleep. Something that's been bothering me. Okay, here we go. This person wrote to me, Dude, period. I have a name for best man Stanton that will blow your mind. I'm a psychology professor, so I know such things.
Starting point is 01:15:52 Is he here today? That's you? Oh, good, good. Literally, you can see this panel is very well versed, so let's blow some minds. And I'm a little afraid to pronounce your name on Twitter, but I'm going to try. Is it Jalupia?
Starting point is 01:16:08 Jalupi? Okay. His name's Jalupi. And he's got four followers. I mean, he just started with this tweet about this show, so all aboard the Jalupi Express. And blow our minds, dude.
Starting point is 01:16:30 Who should we play for Last Man Stanton? Mark Wahlberg. Mind is blown. All right, go ahead and start us off there, Owen. I have to start again? Yeah, but you still have your lifeline. Okay, because I get him confused with other people sometimes.
Starting point is 01:16:50 And I know he's the funky one, right? Oh, well, let me describe who he is. He was in... Yeah? The TV show Entourage is based on his life. Okay, I'm going to start... It's. Okay, I'm going to start out with... It's a guy that would act like that.
Starting point is 01:17:10 I'm going to start out with Ted 2. Yeah, that's great. Excellent way to get it going. I'm a little worried and a little shy now. Ted 2. All right. I'll say Boogie Nights. Because I just got yelled at in a plastic box by Michael Rapaport.
Starting point is 01:17:33 I was on his radio show, and it was one of those ones where you're in a fishbowl and the audience is all outside. And he was yelling at me because I didn't... He said, what five movies would you take on a desert island? And I named five movies, and he yelled at me for not including Boogie Nights. And I had to admit, he was right. I don't know why I fucking left off
Starting point is 01:17:52 Boogie Nights. It's a really good desert island movie. Also, it's long. It's got sex, it's got comedy, it's got a guy lighting off firecrackers. Alright. Martha. Everything you'd want. I'm going to... Everything you want. I'm just going to take the easy route and go with Ted.
Starting point is 01:18:10 Oh. Yeah. That's why I said Boogie Nights, because I wanted somebody else to have the satisfaction of just saying Ted. I feel kind of robbed. Mike, any Mark Wahlberg movie? I'm going to go I Heart Huckabees. Yes.
Starting point is 01:18:23 I'm even drawing the heart as the official part of the title. Matt Bearden. I'm torn because I kind of think I should do the lifeline, but I think I have this one, and I'm sorry if I fuck it up and everyone gets mad, but was he in The Departed? The Departed.
Starting point is 01:18:40 What I meant was firmly I know he was in The Departed. Nailed it. All right. that's good. Unless they say no. You could have used your lifeline, but you... He didn't. He didn't. No, I'm going to trust my person out there to be reading their phone now.
Starting point is 01:18:56 No reading your phones. Nobody's paying attention also. I'm going to go with Planet of the Apes. Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes. Okay. Not a very good movie. Yeah, there's really no reason to bring that up in polite company. That's the one I would accidentally choose to take on an island.
Starting point is 01:19:18 I miss packed. I've got Planet of the Apes. I'm going to just go recent, most recent, and say Daddy's Home. Yeah. Good for him. Back to you, Martha. The Other Guys.
Starting point is 01:19:37 Mm-hmm. See, that was a... Did that trigger that when I said that one? You're like, oh, The Other One with Will Ferrell? No. It did not. Mike? The Fighter.
Starting point is 01:19:51 Mm-hmm. Might be my favorite Mark Wahlberg. That or Boogie Nights, I think. Matthew? Carla, I'm going to need your help. Lifeline. Oh. The Italian Job, I'd like to say.
Starting point is 01:20:04 Nice. Yes. Carla, I'm going to need your help. Lifeline. The Italian job, I'd like to say. Yes. The Italian job to me sounds like something that's a little longer than a fast five. They taking their time in Italian. In Italy. The olive oil makes it nicer. They give you a basket of bread first. Bottom of salad.
Starting point is 01:20:31 Hey, when you're here, you're family. I'm going to go with Date Night. I'm choosing movies I don't think are very good every time. I see where you're going there with that. I'm going to say something that I put out on the table pretty early on, but I'll go ahead and take it right now. He's in Entourage, the movie. He has an appearance as himself.
Starting point is 01:21:06 Super charming. Hilarious. Can't wait to have him back on the show. Martha? Is he in Four Kings? Sorry, Bo. There's a guy in the audience. Yes. No, that's incorrect, but we've got
Starting point is 01:21:24 to go to Mike right away with the correction. I'm going to steal that and say Three Kings. Three Kings is the name of the movie. I have no ethics whatsoever. No, that's how you play the game. You kick everybody when they're down as hard as you can. No, you did a good job there. Get to hold off on using your lifeline.
Starting point is 01:21:43 Matt used his lifeline. I did, so I'll have to go with two kings. The predecessor to the king's fortune. He just churns out the sequels. A king's ransom. Yeah, I'm out of my... I feel terrible. I've let you down, Carl. I apologize.
Starting point is 01:21:59 She says it's okay. My mind is being blown with this name. I feel bad. I know there's so many,, I'm gonna kill myself. My mind is being blown with this name. I'm, uh, I feel bad. I know there's so many, but, uh, I'm gonna have to go to my lifeline.
Starting point is 01:22:08 Brian, I need some help here. Two guns. Two guns. Two guns. Three kings, two guns. Ted and a baby. It's a numbers game. Oh, speaking of two guns.
Starting point is 01:22:24 Shooter. Is there a the on it? No. All right, good. Who's up? Matty, you're needed. Huh? Oh.
Starting point is 01:22:43 Wow. Oh, he's blanking out. We did say a lot of them. Does anyone sitting around, you want to whisper one in your ear? Please, whisper quickly. Yes. Four Brothers, a number. Yeah, you think he would have known that one.
Starting point is 01:22:57 There you go. Andre 3000's in it. That's right. Yeah, Four Brothers. Good job, Lifeline. There you go. That's my Lifeline community over there. I appreciate them.
Starting point is 01:23:08 Oh, I just thought of a good one. Oh, no. Is it me again? Yeah. It's not quite feature length, but... Behind the music for Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch on VH1. He plays himself and Marky Mark.
Starting point is 01:23:33 I think that was called Rockstar. Damn it. Or maybe it was called Contraband. Or maybe it was called... Oh, shit. I can't think of any more. Or maybe it was called Oh shit I can't think of any more But that means that Mike won the game Mike pulled it out
Starting point is 01:23:50 Good job Mike Good job Mike Fear of course What else? The happening damn it Lone survivor Transformers Age of Distinction
Starting point is 01:24:06 why is everyone yelling at me I don't understand fear fear is good fear is good invincible yeah
Starting point is 01:24:14 invincible damn it the gambler he would have been great in all these movies He really turns them out He works hard
Starting point is 01:24:28 What basketball diaries Go back to the beginning Rivalry between him and Leo started right there Mark Wahlberg does not have his Oscar yet Was he in the town? It's back in It's back in Really, you guys are great at this I apologize to the occasional person Oh. Was he in the town? It's back in. It's back in.
Starting point is 01:24:47 Really, you guys are great at this. I apologize to the occasional person that's like, I've never, this has never happened to me. I've never been to a Jimmy Buffett concert. Oh, gosh. This is like the music portion of Doug Loves Movies. It's like a concert. Might as well be, yeah. You guys are doing great.
Starting point is 01:25:17 He kept the hand up like Steph Curry. This is the most exercise this audience has ever had. Mike Eagle with the kick back into the crowd. Oh, look at that. They got some height on that one. Oh, it's on the ground. Burn yourself. Whoa. Weird parts of my cult. Oh, gosh. They are hitting around a ball filled with carbon
Starting point is 01:25:37 dioxide that used to be in your body. Let us not forget that. If your pops were all high. Think about that. They are literally just passing around a giant pot of THC. Pass around the blood of Doug. Sorry. All who touch Doug's breath will be enriched.
Starting point is 01:25:58 Just a green and white lung. All right. Where's Matty at? Where you at, Matty? Come get your prize pile. I apologize. I apologize for the piliness of it. Oh, look at him go.
Starting point is 01:26:10 He's good. He's a collector. There you go. Don't forget your sippy cup. Maybe you could repack it and get it all in there. I don't know. It's tough. Ball's still going.
Starting point is 01:26:21 The ball is still going. Oh, there's an occasional victim Of uh It keeps going to that couple Those two And they never hit it Those two people They're very into each other They're not paying attention
Starting point is 01:26:31 To any of the rest of us A lot of people Make out at my shows It's a pretty sexy program To make out to While people This is so much cleaner Than throwing donuts
Starting point is 01:26:42 At everybody I don't know what It's going to be like to listen to, but go ahead and pass your name tags down, or at least the part where they wrote a shithead on there. Matty can just have his back. Or Martha can hold it for the rest of the show.
Starting point is 01:26:58 But yeah, pass me down the shitheads, you guys. And Owen, what do you got to plug? What's coming up with you and Master Pancake? Yeah, we're doing a bunch of different shows where we make fun of movies at the Alamo.
Starting point is 01:27:12 Alamo here in Austin. So yeah, we'll be doing that. We'll be doing that every Friday and Saturday until we die. It's so much fun. And you're at Owen Edgerton, E-G-E-R-T-O-N. It's so much fun. And you're at Owen Edgerton,
Starting point is 01:27:26 E-G-E-R-T-O-N. That's right. On Twitter. Don't those guys, those Edgerton actors, don't they drive you crazy? They do. Because one of them spells it one way
Starting point is 01:27:35 and one of them spells it the other way. I know. We meet up every so often. And there's brothers. I can't keep them straight. I know. It's horrible. But they do great work.
Starting point is 01:27:43 Yeah, they do. All the Edgertons are great. Oh, you know what? I'm actually Owen underscore Edgerton. I just remembered what I was saying. Oh, thank God we cleared that up. Thank you. That would have been some other Owen Edgerton was really going to collect some hits.
Starting point is 01:27:56 Matt Bearden, tell us your Twitter thingy. Twitter's Matt Bearden and all that stuff. Coming up on the 29th of March, I do a comedy show that's stolen from Shark Tank. It's called Piranha, where I get comics together to buy jokes off of other people and roast each other, and it's fun. And this week's, or next week's panel will be Chris Cubis,
Starting point is 01:28:19 who's a regular guest on Doug Loves Movies. And then I'm also very excited about this, but Johnny Hardwick, who you might know as Dale Gribble from King of the Hill, will also be on our panel and it should be fun. And then also, every morning from 6 to 10 a.m. in the week, listen to Jason
Starting point is 01:28:36 and Deb, who stumped our asses this morning. So they get that for sure. Ah! You're here! Jason, well, half of Jason and Deb's here. So, give them a hug. More than half. Ah, you're here. Jason, well, half of Jason and Deb's here. More than half. Wow, that was a little rude. Deb is a little lady.
Starting point is 01:28:57 She's small. You've never run into her in a hallway on a bad day. Wait, your bad day or her bad day? She gets mean. Really? She's yelled at me before. What's the meanest thing she's ever said to you? She told me to go fuck myself one day. Whoa.
Starting point is 01:29:12 No, but that's British talk for a good morning. She said, keep your fucking mouth shut, is what she said to me. We got over it. Was your mouth moving at the time? I was trying to ease a fight between her and somebody else and she did not want me in it. There you go. She did not want me in it. The way you told the story
Starting point is 01:29:27 initially sounded like she said that out of nowhere. But you were the guy stepping in while she's trying to fight somebody. So of course she's going to lash out at you. You made that sound like
Starting point is 01:29:39 it's perfectly reasonable. I was trying to keep the peace. Well, great job, but thank you for being here today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back and hang out with my three-year-old who fucking hates me.
Starting point is 01:29:54 Your three-year-old likes me? Yeah, the one you called stupid earlier. That sounded sexual, and I didn't mean for it to sound that way. It's okay. I'm not...
Starting point is 01:30:05 Your three-year-old is so into me. Yeah. Your three-year-old was like, what fragrance is that? It was weird. I'm sorry for that weird moment. No, it's okay. What's weird is how much you've touched me since you've said that. When I feel bad.
Starting point is 01:30:20 Like four or five times. I know. It's hairless. It's nice. The show is changing rapidly. Yeah. Near the's hairless. It's nice. The show is changing rapidly at near the end. This is podcast erotica. Open mic eagle,
Starting point is 01:30:32 what's going on with you? Can you plug some stuff? Yeah, I'm dropping an album next week. It's this coming Friday and it's called Hella Personal Film Festival. You can buy that
Starting point is 01:30:41 anywhere where they sell music still. All right. I know one of those places. festival. You can buy that anywhere where they sell music still. Alright. I know one of those places. Martha Kelly's season two of Baskets starts filming in September, but
Starting point is 01:30:55 in the meanwhiles, where can these people see you do your stand-up comedies? Is it okay if I say two things? Yes. Next week, the 24th through the 26th, if there's anyone in New York, I'll be opening for Louis Anderson at Caroline's on Broadway.
Starting point is 01:31:15 And then that's... Who plays Zach's mother on Baskets? Yes. Nice. Super funny. And then April 1st, I'm doing a show at the Paper Tiger in San Antonio and
Starting point is 01:31:26 sorry it's in San Antonio but they were excited about San Antonio from San Antonio I mean there's nice people there we got some essays in the house that's it alright yeah I had a blast the last time I was
Starting point is 01:31:46 in San Antonio. One more time for all of my guests, Martha Kelly, Open Mike Eagle, Owen Edgerton, and Matt Bearden. And as always,
Starting point is 01:32:01 my boss who is trying to get me fired is a shithead. Do you want me to say his name? No. Okay. Good call, good call. Cameron Ortega is a shithead?
Starting point is 01:32:19 That's some personal stuff, right? And superdelegates are a shit head. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes it cocky. There's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves
Starting point is 01:32:39 movies. Thanks you guys so much. Enjoy the rest of your night.

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