Doug Loves Movies - Martha Kelly, Open Mike Eagle, Owen Egerton and Matt Bearden guest
Episode Date: March 20, 2016Live from SXSW in Austin, TX, Doug welcomes Martha Kelly, Open Mike Eagle, Owen Egerton and Matt Bearden to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy N...otice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is the Hot Movies.
Pretty good, pretty good for a festival crowd.
A lot of times at the festivals, there's a lot of people in the audience that are just like,
let's go see that weed guy, he's doing a show.
And then when everybody yells, this is Douglas movies, they're like, what's happening?
Why are they yelling that?
What's the name tag situation like?
I'm sure there's some in the front couple of rows.
I like the people in the back that also have a name tag.
We prepared in one sense, but not in another.
And here we are.
But there's lots of good ones.
Good job, you guys.
That's perfect.
I wasn't sure how many would show up.
It's always a real crapshoot.
We're on the second weekend of South by Southwest
in what they call the music portion,
and I still like to do a show during that part,
even though I'm not music.
And, I mean, maybe to some ears,
but, uh...
Ha ha ha!
Brrr! I put a lot of people to sleep, I'm sure.
But, because that's what I'd do.
I'd listen to podcasts to go to sleep.
Have I mentioned yet how great the weed is here in Austin?
Yeah, good
job, you guys. I mean, I know a lot
of you are visiting from other places,
but it's always very confusing about whether or not
people who live in Austin can get into this show.
And I know you guys, some of you came down here anyway,
and you got in, right?
Yeah.
Where people are like all day on Twitter, all week on Twitter,
if I show up, can I get in?
I'm like, I don't know,
because I play a lot of smaller venues during the festival.
But this one is always big and it's opposite,
lots and lots of music.
So congratulations to you guys for figuring it out.
And maybe if we do it every year for another 40 years,
it'll fill up one day.
Okay.
it'll fill up one day.
I'm so jaded about full houses.
Because that's the thing,
is there's a lot of people in Austin that you just don't, they're just like,
it's at South By, fuck it.
There's no way I'm going down there
and parking and not having a badge
and then being turned away.
But today, you guys proved otherwise. Dreams come true. Have I mentioned that we're at the State
Theater on Saturday, March 19th, 2016. We looked at some name tags. I think the name tags were good.
We looked at some name tags.
I think the name tags were good.
Doug's plugs.
Getting Doug with High goes live tomorrow.
No, I'm sorry, Monday at 3.15.
Let's go ahead and have a Sunday, you guys. And then on Monday, this is going to happen at 3.15 Pacific time.
Go to youtube.com slash Doug Benson to watch that live
or watch the archives
and then Thursday March 24th
I'm doing stand up at the Improv in San Jose
bring your name tags
and we will play a game at the end of the show
Doug Loves Movies tapings
are happening in San Jose
Greenville, Portland
DougLovesMovies.com
for more dates, deets, and links.
I'm trying to come up with more
nano-impressions. If you listen
to Doug Loves Movies, you may have heard me do a
nano-impression from time to time.
And those are just
very short impressions.
Ross Marquand, he's going to be
on Doug Loves Movies soon.
And he's the guy that has a lot of great
nano-impressions on he's the guy that has a lot of great nano impressions on,
he's got them on the internet, on YouTube, and I want to have some ammo when he's on
the show.
I want to have a nano off with this guy.
So here's Andre 3000, in honor of Music Weekend, This is Andre 3000 taking an oath.
Aye!
I've already got
Christopher Walken when he finds out
his plane has been cancelled.
Why?
And Christoph Waltz
after seeing a mouse.
Eee!
So it's always an honor to be here at South by Southwest and do various shows and the Master Pancake guys, the Moto Panacacu guys are based here in Austin and I sit in with
them and we every year for four years now we've mocked a different Leprechaun film and this year
we did Leprechaun 4 in space.
But they make these slides to say what other attractions are going on and they show them
in front of every movie.
So every movie, especially when I'm there in the audience, it's always so embarrassing
that just because of the program they used to make these slides they have
to say who the director is and they put they did this last year too directed by doug benson
like and john erler from master pancake like we directed leprechaun 4 in space like that would
be such an amazing credit to have i wish i could just own it. Just walk around going, yeah, I directed that.
And then the guy who introduced the
Master Pancake
was thinking that he was just introducing
a screening of Leprechaun 4
and that the director
of that movie is Doug Benson
and that Quentin Tarantino
is a huge fan of director
Doug Benson.
So that was weird.
But anyway, you can take that down now.
I don't know how long that's been up here.
Has it been up there since I walked out here?
Take that shit down.
Thank you.
All right.
What other business do I have to take care of here?
But that was, you know, maybe next year they can make a slide.
Because they say, well, you have to put a director in there.
Yeah, put in the director of Leprechaun 5 in the hood.
Just put his name on there next year.
Problem solved.
Not that it's a problem for anyone, really.
The prize bag includes a sippy cup from when I saw Disaster the Musical
on Broadway. Very entertaining show and a great sippy cup. Had really good vodka in it. Vodka
you guys may have heard of called Tito's. Which, oh yeah, I ordered one of those for this performance today I hope that's in the neighborhood I brought is it over on Lamar local
street reference I've always I always am aware of the listeners I want to keep
them involved I brought some VHS's as I often do these days? An episode of the classic animated show The PJs.
The episode is called
Survival in the Hood.
Because they were always having a lot of fun with the
impoverished nature of the
characters. And then
an episode
of a show called Movie Stars.
He's Reese.
He's here. Get used to it.
So I don't know what that title is in reference to
I don't know who Reese is
Maybe it was the character played by Harry Hamlin
Do you guys remember that show?
Oh, this isn't supposed to be in there
I emptied out a bag of weed
I didn't want to leave it in the hotel room
Oh, there's a shirt for Smile Train
This is a great charity that they fix cleft palates
of children in third world countries
and change their lives.
And yeah, it's neat.
Go ahead and applaud for them.
Another great organization.
This is a Houston Normal Beach Ball.
And, you know, I don't know about you guys,
but when I play a giant theater like this to a capacity crowd that is pumped for the holiday,
I mean, for South By,
I'm going to blow this up,
and then I'm going to knock it into the crowd.
Or I'm just going to pop it in front of everyone and you guys will cry like children.
Right? I should have like put some sort of weed juice in it or something
and make this worth my while.
I gotta feel it. You can't just pop
a, you can't throw a flat ball out
into the crowd.
The listeners love this. Very nice!
Yeah, who knew that guy had any lung power whatsoever?
That was pretty exciting.
So I don't think I'm going to...
I think I'm going to kick it out into the crowd
the first time that something, you know,
like somebody wins a point
or, you know, something exciting happens.
That's when I'll throw it out there. Because if I just
did it right now, then you guys would be batting
it around while I'm just sitting here.
I'd feel
so alone.
Let's get my guests out here because they've got more to contribute to the prize bag.
I didn't even tell you everything that I put in there.
Holy shit, several episodes on DVD of The West Wing.
Yeah, it's a great time of year for political,
whatever that is, comedy, dramedy.
time of year for political whatever that is, comedy,
dramedy.
Some CDs from
Dancehall Crashers,
Otto Vaughn, and Our Lady
Peace.
Yeah. I liked
all of them at one time.
And a t-shirt
that somebody gave me somewhere.
I'll just give them a plug anyway.
I think it's a band called
Another Pearl Harbor.
Has anybody heard of that?
Did you say too soon or typhoon?
Oh, some rolling papers from a place right here downtown
called the Smoking Caterpillar
and yeah they provided
those and
some buttons from
True TV presents
Those Who Can't with the Grawlix
I wish I knew what
any of that meant oh and a sticker
for Midnight Live
in Texas did you guys watch the Periscope of that meant. Oh, and a sticker for Midnight Live in Texas. Did you guys watch the
Periscope of that?
That was crazy. I know, not everybody
got to see it, because Periscope.
Let's get my guests
out here, you guys. Please give a big, warm
music weekend
of South by Southwest
to Owen Edgerton,
Matt Bearden, Open Mike
Eagle, and Martha Kelly.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, Matt was handing me the drink
that I was requesting,
and I tried to get him to keep it to put in the prize bag.
But thank you very much for that.
You're welcome.
I appreciate it.
Somebody's heckling us.
Yes.
What happened?
I think they were saying, yay, Matt.
I think they're complimenting him on bringing you a drink.
Bringing alcohol
Yeah I have a lot of experience bringing alcohol
Great job Matt
I'm for Matt that guy is saying
You don't have to take sides
I think you should love everybody
And let's start with
Making his first ever appearance
On Douglo's movies
Open mic eagle is here you guys
Hey ever appearance on Douglo's movies. Open mic eagle is here, you guys. Hey!
Has performed a few times here already at the festival, yes?
Yeah, man. Just got off stage right now.
You just walked off stage and came right over here.
Yeah, I'm very sweaty and disgusting right this minute.
Well, I'm glad you sat a couple seats over.
I did.
I appreciate that.
I apologize to you guys to the immediate left and the right.
I'm having some problems breathing as it is because I just filled a beach ball.
And so I don't need any crazy smells going into my situation.
And how many times have you been to South By?
Oh, this is my seventh time down here.
I love that they gave you a microphone that looks like you're
reporting on
South by. Here with
a live report
from the Stateside Theater.
It's open Mike Eagle. Mike,
what's going on down there at the Stateside?
I don't know, but they offered me $20 to hold
this microphone and I said yes.
You look like you'd be a South by
reporter. That's right. Yeah.
You got it down. And
you brought us something for the prize bag.
I did. I brought my second album
on vinyl, Rappers Die Natural Causes
and a cassette I made with my buddy Serengeti
called Cavanaugh Time and Materials.
And this is straight off my merch table,
so I'm basically putting $30 in the prize packet.
There you go.
Wow.
Very generous.
After getting paid $20 to hold the microphone,
you're still down $10.
It's really not working out for him.
Got some work to do today.
A true musician's salary right there.
And of course, Owen is always watching after the money
because he's a greedy leprechaun.
Owen Edgerton is here, everybody.
And as a member of Motu Panakeku,
he always plays, not always,
but whenever we're lucky enough to have him,
he plays a leprechaun in a sketch while we show the leprechaun,
whichever year we're on.
I think you've done it three times?
Yeah.
Actually, even when we're not watching a leprechaun movie,
I play a leprechaun.
I do like that you just show up looking leprechaun-like always.
It's part of my blood.
Today you're looking pretty like a civilian.
Yeah, I've got my civilian.
I'm actually wearing my Marty McFly blue jeans from Back to the Future
because they were clean.
Cleaner than my leprechaun outfit, which got soiled.
Did you have fun at that leprechaun for mockery?
I did.
For a long time I was getting in that costume
and you had to do a bunch of the jokes on your own
but that was
I was alright with that
that was a brilliant
scary sci-fi fantasy
extravaganza
that movie
yeah I don't
I mean
that's one of those movies
that with each minute
that goes by
I remember less of it
yeah
it's going really fast
and I thought about
what you were saying
about you being listed
as the director
right
and I was like
if they listed the real director by South by were saying about you being listed as the director, right? And I was like,
if they listed the real director,
by South by Rules
they'd have to fly in
the director.
Oh, for reals?
Yeah, I think so.
I think they'd have to fly.
So, like,
number five was made
by a guy named Rob Spira,
who I'm not familiar
with his work,
except he made, like,
Bloody Camp 2
was one of his movies.
And I think it'd be great.
I'd be happy
to fly that guy in.
He got a phone call.
And they'd just watch us
talk shit about his movie.
Yeah.
You wouldn't tell him that.
You'd tell him like,
we're doing a retrospective.
No, don't do that to the guy.
It's a tribute.
Leprechaun 5.
Yeah, but
that'd be fine with me.
Just figure out some way to not have it say that I'm directing the Leprechaun movies.
I'll talk to some people.
See what I can do.
Thank you very much.
Visiting us.
Oh, what did you bring for the prize bag?
Oh, yeah, for the prize bag.
So I bought a book that I wrote called The Book of Harold, The Illegitimate Son of God.
And then I thought, well, that's a little bit self-conceited,
and people don't read.
So I'm also a little bit,
I got kind of an unhealthy obsession with Christian rock music,
especially, like, the really sexy Christian rock.
So I made a mix, a playlist,
a mix called Owen's Lovin' on Jesus Playlist.
And it really is, I mean, if you just turn off your theology and open your heart, because
there's some, there's a lot of like, Jesus, be inside of me, come inside of me, Jesus.
I mean, a lot of that.
And it's pretty great
My wife and I get off to it pretty good
My wife
So that's
Shall I bring it down to you?
Alright yeah
We'll pass that on down
Thank you very much
We'll throw that in the bag
And now please welcome
Visiting us for the second time
As she was a smash the first time around,
it's Martha Kelly, everybody.
Hooray!
Hooray!
She loves being put on the spot with difficult movie trivia.
Yes.
It really makes her happy, as you can see right now.
She's raring to go.
Can't wait.
So excited.
And what did you bring us for the prize bag?
I brought nothing great,
but a little bit better than last time
when I just had a child's bracelet.
This is...
These were purchased at Walgreens last night.
I got a Star Wars Day at a Time calendar for 2016.
Oh, great.
There's still a few months left.
And then...
Still got nine months to go.
Some GR Deli almond milk chocolate Easter eggs.
Ooh.
Oh, all right.
Everyone likes candy.
Yeah, those are probably pretty amazing, actually.
I think we should just maybe break those open and have them. No, those are probably pretty amazing, actually. I think we should just maybe
break those open and have them.
No? Alright.
I'll put them in the bag. And
Baskets Season 2?
Yes. It's happening?
Yeah, yes. Did they call you?
Um,
I found out... This would be so cruel if you're not
in Season 2.
I found out about it on the internet,
but then later talked to people.
But I found out...
Some people talked to you?
Yeah.
And it's good to go?
Yeah, it's not till we shoot in September.
I'm having a little bit of an anxiety attack
about wearing a skirt on a stool and being short.
So it's not obscene, right?
How's everybody doing?
Is it all right?
Is it okay?
Okay.
The front row,
the guy with the helmet in the front row
is a big thumbs up,
which worries me that
your exact fears are being realized.
I'm just...
He's a little too happy about it.
Okay.
But yeah, sorry about that.
No, it's just I'm short and I didn't think about the stools. But yeah, sorry about that. No, it's just
I'm short
and I didn't think
about the stools.
Would you like to stand?
No, it'd be worse
at this point.
I'm just gonna let it...
I'm such a gentleman.
Would you like to stand?
How about leaving?
That's an option.
I might...
I might leave.
You're doing great, though.
You're sitting exactly like a lady should in this situation.
Thanks, Doug.
And we're very excited for you for another season of that show.
Thank you.
September, that's going to be a fun summer for you.
You've got a great gig in September.
Yeah, yeah.
Is that a good way to look at it?
Yeah, that is a much better way to look at it.
Why? How are you looking at it?
I'm dreading. Like I'm running
out of money. Why aren't we shooting
until September?
That's how I look at everything.
Where is the money? You gotta go into the
bank and just go, Baskets Season 2.
Just give me a loan.
It's a done deal.
It's happening.
And did we introduce everybody?
No, we did not. Matt Bearden
is here. Hello!
Doug loves movies. Hello
to you wonderful
hometown crowd.
From the Dudley and Bob experience.
We have changed the name to the experience.
Yes. Just the experience. Yes.
Just the experience.
Just, yes, that's it.
Mornings, the experience.
K-L-B-J.
But thank you for being here.
I know this is late.
I know.
Any opportunity to look up Martha's skirt,
I am down for 100%. Yeah, you got those desks and stuff
when she comes in and does the radio show.
So he's finally got a great opportunity.
What's going on with you, Matt?
Have you gone to any South by Southwest things?
I have not, but not out of any kind of,
just because I have small children who are on spring break and they want to go do
I will tell you this.
I got
holy shit, it was amazing.
I don't want to brag, but
and I know this is an audience that loves movies and this is not
a movie, but when you hear this, you won't
ever want to watch movies ever again, but
I, this week, saw two
capuchin monkeys dressed as cowboys riding on dogs herding sheep.
So fucking, I can't experience joy from anything else ever again.
It is over.
Plus, the guy who trained the monkeys was like what you would expect at a rodeo.
And he, in front of the crowd, held up a monkey and said,
this isn't a monkey, this is a dream.
This is a little boy's dream.
And I'm not trying to make fun of him,
but he did start crying on the microphone
about how much he loved his monkey.
And I was like, this can't get any better.
And then he goes, I'm not a Democrat
and I'm not a Republican, I'm an American.
And I was like, oh fuck yes, it's getting better.
And then he goes, what this world needs
is not to have Democrats and not to have Republicans.
We just need to be Americans.
And I was like, fuck, I like this guy's message.
And he goes, and we need Jesus in our schools.
And I was like, oh, those kind of Americans.
Just those kinds of Americans.
Oh, you just asked how I was.
Sorry.
Got very excited.
I think that guy's on my playlist.
Yeah.
He did the slow jam.
It was amazing.
So that was my South Park.
You lost me at it's not a monkey
because you set it up that it was a monkey.
No, he was just saying that...
So when that guy said it's not a monkey,
I was like, this guy's not saying anything interesting.
It was an actual monkey,
but somehow he was saying he always wanted a monkey
since he was a child.
Right.
It's not a monkey.
It's a dream of a child.
But then I got to shake the monkey's hand and all was forgiven.
So pretty awesome.
For your prize bucket.
You didn't have to give him anything to shake his hand?
Or did the guy give him a treat after he shook his hand?
He said, I don't want anyone to have to go as long as I went to have their dream.
So if anybody wants to stick around afterwards,
you can, and I swear to God, he said this,
I want to come by and everybody can touch my monkey.
And I was like, fuck yes!
Yes!
Yes!
And so you just reach out and the monkey
just sort of touches your finger or what's the touch like?
I know, we did a full on handshake.
Full on handshake with a tiny little monkey?
With a monkey!
Oh, dude, it was so good.
I am living on cloud whatever that cloud is that you live on after you shake the hand of a monkey.
You're talking like Ross's monkey on Friends, right?
It didn't bite. It didn't bite.
I was afraid of it, and he goes, don't be afraid.
He's never bitten anyone.
He loves everyone. He loves children.
Little Christian children.
He'll bite the shit out of a non-believer, but...
What'd you bring for the prize bag?
Self-serving.
I brought...
I printed up 2,500 of these notebooks
for a punch comedy show I used to do
and sold three of them.
So I'll be giving these away for the rest of my life.
And...
My three grand is your gain.
And then the very last, I had five of these
and I think I've given a couple to some of your guests,
but this is my very last sealed copy of Geely.
Unless you were at last week's taping of Doug Love's movies
and then you know it was The Jiggly.
So that's inside for people who...
All right.
There you go.
Thanks, dude.
Thank you, dude.
All that is in the prize bag.
We got everybody's stuff, right?
All right.
Somebody's going to win all this stuff,
and it's too much stuff for this one bag, even.
So have fun carrying this around for the rest of the day.
Oh.
That's a good move.
Way to unpack that bag.
It's kind of sad.
Have fun carrying that bag around
after you have to come up here and pack it
the back up.
They don't do that enough on
Price is Right. Here's your prizes.
It's a pile of stuff.
Good luck getting it wherever
you're going with it.
Have a nice flight back to the Midwest.
So, Martha,
what was the last motion picture
that you witnessed with your eyes
on any format?
On Netflix,
I watched Fatal Attraction.
I'm sorry, I haven't seen
anything more recent.
Was that a repeat viewing of that one?
Yes.
Were you, like,
was it research for something?
Like, were you about to cook rabbit?
I just honestly
wanted to see if it was as
bad as I remembered it.
And not that it's a bad movie, but it's a terrible story.
I mean, it's a sad story.
Sure.
There's a pregnant lady who gets shot.
Oh.
Glenn Close at the end.
Sorry, spoiler.
It's a bummer.
It's a bummer. Yeah, it is a bummer it's a bummer
yeah it is a bummer
I meant to watch
a movie last night
they didn't do the
originally the movie
didn't end with her
coming to life
and getting shot
it ended with him
just going to jail
I think
really?
yeah I think so
Owen's nodding yes
yeah that's true
and he's the magical
leprechaun of movie trivia
I am mate
but wait
who
he Michael Douglas is?
Yeah, Michael Douglas goes to jail.
But for what?
For cheating on a woman.
For getting throat cancer.
That's weird.
Oh.
Oh, really?
It's a little battle.
It seems early to ooh at me.
Yeah, he got over it, didn't he?
Yeah.
Didn't he go on Oprah and say,
I got this for meeting pussy?
That's exactly what happened.
Yeah.
All right.
Really?
Yeah.
Thanks, Martha, for opening up that conversation.
It was a good convo starter.
Sorry.
Mike, have you been to the movies lately?
Last movie I saw was the big short
oh that's a good one right
it was great I loved it a lot
very educational
some humor in there
yeah good story too and like great performances
it was really good
yeah Christian Bale like went out of his way
to be exactly like the guy he was portraying
and it's a guy none of us have ever
seen or heard
but apparently it's a guy none of us have ever seen or heard, but apparently
it's spot on.
Like he's really exactly
doing that guy. It's like, okay,
that's impressive, I guess.
If you invented a character
that acted that way, it'd be like, okay,
that seems right.
Seems legit.
Stock genius.
Likes to play the drums in his office.
He actually played those drums too, right?
He had to learn how to play the drums.
That's what I mean.
The guy has to learn all this shit for every part.
Like in Batman, he had to learn to speak two different ways.
Let me go ahead and give this a try.
How's this? Perfect.
End of voice rehearsals.
I guess we should be mad at whoever greenlit that voice, right?
We should be mad at whoever heard him do that and say, yes, keep doing that.
They definitely made a... He didn't have as many lines.
He didn't talk much, you know,
as it went on, because I think that
everyone probably thought... On his third
go-round, Christian Bale must have just been like,
oh, I need
a lozenge, you know?
It must have just been
brutal.
He just preferred the days where he's just
Bruce Wayne sitting around crying.
He's so rich and lonely and parentless.
Yeah, he's less emotionally
taxing than having to talk like this
all day. I heard
that sometimes they just have Henry Rollins
standing off camera
and he'd just say the lines in his regular speaking voice.
Who's next? Where are we going?
This morning I watched Pee-Wee's Big Holiday.
And it is delightfully stupid and if you haven't seen it, do.
I would recommend seeing it.
It was, well, I liked it.
That's as far as I go.
My takeaway from that is it's stupid.
What's that?
Nothing.
No, no, no, no.
It's not.
I mean, it's stupid, but that's a purpose.
Right.
Delightfully stupid to me is like a little red flag that I'm going to just find it straight up stupid.
Minus the delight.
How does it stack up to all previous Pee Wee stuff?
You know, I probably, it seems like it was made faster.
Does that make sense as a criticism?
I don't like to criticize.
I can't make a fucking movie, so I don't like to criticize. I can't make a fucking movie,
so I don't want to criticize somebody's movie.
Well, of course, the first one,
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure,
was a major feature film.
It was incredible.
And it probably spent two days on every scene.
But this one was probably made a little quicker.
It was fun.
I watched it with my three-year-old son
who laughed at the whole thing.
He couldn't follow the...
I don't think he could follow the plot,
because he's fucking stupid.
But he...
See what I'm saying there?
You seem to yield...
You use the word stupid.
Yeah, it's very...
I don't have a big vocabulary.
Make America great.
It was stupid.
Stupid movie.
Stupid.
Lame.
That's my really good Trump impression.
Do you like it?
Fucking nailed it.
I can't wait for your son to
find this podcast
at age 11. He's gonna
have to go through like so much stand-up
comedy about me calling him terrible names
before he gets to this and really he's not gonna
be anything new.
He knows he ruined my life.
And he's
well aware. He's well aware. I'm not gonna let him forget it. And he's well aware.
He's well aware.
I'm not going to let him forget it.
But he loves... Because there's lots of noises.
I'm not going to call them stupid noises.
I'll just say there are lots of noises.
And I actually liked it.
I let myself...
You mean like boring, that kind of thing?
Yeah.
There's this scene...
I don't want to...
Spoiler alert.
There's a thing he does with a balloon.
You know that little thing where you go...
Yeah.
So there's an important fart in this movie.
That's what you're trying to say.
It's not even a fart.
He just makes that high-pitched noise
for like 15 minutes of the movie.
And it's awesome.
It was the part where I just was like,
I'm going to allow my...
You know, it's hard for me to just have fun
because I have to be like...
My brain's broken
because my parents didn't hug me,
and I'm passing that on to the next generation.
Keep that going.
And it's good.
I liked it.
Do you have any dogs?
I do have a dog, I think.
I haven't seen him in a while.
What did your dog think of the balloon scene?
I don't think they care for that noise.
Yeah, it wasn't around.
It wasn't around.
Check it out next time.
All right.
All right.
Owen, what about you? Last movie, it wasn't around. It wasn't around. Check it out next time. All right. All right. Owen, what about you?
Last movie I saw,
I saw Slash.
Today at the Topfer.
At the Topfer
with the writer-director
Clay Leifert
who's in the front row
here today
for Doug Lee.
There he is.
Slouches down.
I think it was
my favorite movie
Thanks for the heads up
on that.
Yeah.
Yeah, that he's right there. Before we start talking. I was ready to
talk some serious shit about that movie.
Delightfully
stupid. I was gonna say...
My three-year-old liked it.
It is kind of pitched at a three-year-old
because three-year-olds
are into it. They're already starting to write erotic fan fiction.
And they're unclear about the sexuality, as am I.
So it works.
Well, right in front of Clay, let's hear it.
What's your review?
I liked it.
Actually, I loved it.
I loved it, because it is a lot about, you know,
not knowing if you want a girl teenager or a boy teenager,
which is every day for me.
I thought it was...
And dressing in comic book costume characters.
It was great.
I thought it was fantastic.
It really was.
It was my favorite movie of South by Southwest.
So I thought it was fantastic.
And I would say that even if Clay weren't here
and giving me evil eyes
as I talk.
How many movies
did you see this year?
Oh, just that one.
Yeah.
And the bumpers.
I saw that one
and the bumpers
before the movies.
Oh, okay.
Well, that's a terrible competition
because he put the camera
in the right place
in his film.
So...
The bumpers on the South By,
if you didn't see any this year,
are just a facial eclipse.
You're going to find out half the people here
worked on those bumpers.
Oh, I'm sure they did, yeah.
No, I mean, you know,
effort was made, clearly.
Yeah.
I like the music.
So... But Slash is great, though. I like the music. So...
But Slash is great, though.
I like the titles.
Like, whenever somebody says,
I like the titles,
like, wow, you're really
working hard to compliment
that thing.
Let's just say someone
was talking over the bumpers
and you let them stay for that
and keep talking over the bumpers.
What?
Oh.
I was gonna say, like,
if someone was talking
over the bumpers, you wouldn't kick them out.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Yeah, it was a joke.
Can you edit that out of the actual podcast?
People won't talk during the bumpers because you're watching two people in a theater talk,
and they're talking like this.
And you're like, what's going on?
I think it's going to be, do you want a taco?
And it's like, what the fuck is happening?
And they keep talking about how they're at
South by Southwest and they're always in an empty
fucking theater.
Who did they pay off to get in before
everyone else?
Alright, so
this is so inside.
Not baseball, but
South by.
I have seen so many films
including Slash I I think I like knocked it out of
the park in terms of I liked everything I saw and people like people like what was you know what was
the standout what was your favorite like I just start having to like list off movies because I've
really enjoyed everything I saw this year I saw a few less movies this year I was like a little bit
more like I'm gonna try to see movies that a few less movies this year. I was like a little bit more like I'm going to try to see movies
that have somebody involved with it
that I'm interested in their work.
But I still try to stay away from plot descriptions.
Erotic fan fiction convention
was all I needed to hear for your film.
And I was like, I'm there.
And then once I was there, I was like,
oh, but the leads are children?
I don't know how I feel.
But it's very sensitively handled.
Yeah.
And I think every teenagers that are like the ones depicted in the film
will be very, very thrilled to see it
because if they feel the way the characters in the movie do, ashamed that they're young
and into dreaming of Harry Potter and pornographic situations.
You can't say Harry Potter in the movie, can you?
You could say it, but you didn't.
You respect Harry too much for your own private work, right?
Yeah, you respect Warner Brothers.
The legal team of Warner Brothers.
Yeah, but In a Valley of Violence was the movie I was watching
where there was a guy, came in late,
and the only reason I even noticed him,
he was sitting, like, right where this gentleman's sitting.
Like, wave your name tag around a little bit.
Okay, so there's a guy doing that. No,
keep doing it. So there's a guy doing that in the theater. No, keep going. I'm telling you,
he didn't put his phone down. Yeah, that's the equivalent of the guy on his... He had his brightly
lit big phone out, and a guy sitting next to me, way up there, came all the way down to him and
said, hey man, put away your phone and the guy put
it in his pocket and he went back to his seat and then a couple minutes later the guy started up
again and he was like he wasn't it wasn't even like he was texting like an emergency or and not
could have just walked out if he had to text an emergency but he was also just looking at videos
like he was watching other shit.
But nobody was saying anything to him.
Nobody from the theater, none of the ushers were saying anything.
So I finally couldn't take it anymore.
And the movie probably had like five minutes left.
But I couldn't stand it anymore.
So I got up and walked over.
I kneeled down next to him.
I was like, hey man, what's with the fucking phone?
And he's like, what?
And he was drunk, but, you know, I was high, so, you know.
So I go, you know, just get the, you know, just take it outside.
Just get the fuck out of here.
And so then he's up on his feet, and he's like, don't you, what are you fucking,
it's almost over anyway, was his first excuse.
And I was like, just go outside.
And then he said, don't disrespect me, bro.
To which I responded, get the fuck out.
And then he left the theater and I went back to my seat.
And a lot of people were very puzzled that why are people yelling at each other
while we're watching the conclusion of this exciting movie.
But that's the story.
And then the next day on Twitter, I saw a tweet.
Hold your applause.
Because the very next day on Twitter,
I saw a tweet from a guy saying,
fucking jackass comedian Doug Benson was texting during a movie and got thrown out at South by Southwest.
I'm like, oh my God, the story's already flipped against me.
Maybe Trump is right about the media.
But I fixed it right away.
And I didn't intend to tell the story.
I didn't mean to bore everybody with it, but it was very exciting.
That beach ball has a...
It has the shape of Texas made up of little tiny weed leaves.
Yeah, it does.
I like how usually when a beach ball goes in a crowd,
there's a lot of up with it,
but this crowd has been spiking the shit out of this ball
into each other's faces quite a bit.
They're taking this very seriously.
They're aggro.
Very upset.
I think these guys are pretty good at this.
Yeah, because there's plenty of spots where it could fall in between,
but people are...
I think we have some junior varsity volleyball players in the house.
Somebody's going to get an elbow in their eye.
Oh, everybody hates you.
You had a chance.
Just keep hitting it back to the same person over and over again.
This is the finest thing to podcast.
It is.
It's actually great, though.
Doug loves ball batting.
That's right.
You know what we should do is catch the ball.
Just knock it around.
We should catch the ball and make the same noises
and fool everybody listening to the podcast.
Huh?
The theater of the mind.
No, keep it going.
That Paul, poor Paul. How long, like seriously, how long before people would start to leave No, keep it going. That poor piece of...
How long, like seriously,
how long before people would start to leave
if it was just this?
Hey, you guys, ASAP Rocky.
Oh!
No!
Broken nose foul.
This is when you take it away from them.
When it gets on stage.
Are you okay?
I got you right in the face.
You all right?
What a gentleman.
Karen, look at you.
I care about people.
I treat it more like when a two-year-old falls down.
You just pretend it didn't happen.
If nobody's looking, there's no reason to cry
if nobody's watching.
I think I've got another album title.
So this is the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin.
Yeah!
One of you guys has to win on behalf of an audience member
so that somebody gets to take home the prize pile.
And all you got to do is get up and go and select.
There's a person just waving his cane in the air.
Wow.
So wait, wait, wait.
Just grab anyone that you like for whatever reason, any personal reason you like it.
Okay.
And bring it back to your seat.
I like helmet guy hair.
Well, you guys do that.
We'll do this.
We'll be right back.
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Back to the show.
We're back.
Who are you playing for, Owen?
It looks like you got the helmet.
I do.
I've got the helmet of Brian Green.
I'm reading Brian.
I'm playing for Brian Green.
And he just held up his
helmet. His motorcycle
helmet. It kind of looks a little Star Wars-y
and it's kind of cool. It's Star Wars-y
isn't it? Yeah, it's very Star Wars-y.
He says it's Star Wars-y. Yeah.
Just keep saying that. He was the guy
looking at Martha's skirt earlier
and... Well, we solved that problem
with a nice big name tag.
She is covering herself up.
Nice.
Pretty nicely, yeah.
Who are you playing for there, Matt?
I'm playing for Carla.
Carla.
Oh, I love it.
She has like the Cars logo.
The classic Cars logo.
Not the band, but the movie, which would make more sense.
And it's big and shiny, and those are the things that need to get my attention.
I can't believe it, man.
Keep it up, because I'm going to get a picture of everybody okay okay once we get all the uh everybody describe it what do you what are you doing yours what's yours uh there mike uh
this is a full metal jacket poster and it says full maddie jacket i didn't get this gentleman's
name but i'm going to assume it's maddie, that's a great guess. And what's scribbled on there?
Did I already autograph it?
I believe you did. You have.
Alright, cool. Welcome back
to the show. Congratulations on
getting picked this time.
I'm sure he would appreciate that if you
sign it and give it back to him at the end.
And Martha,
the gentleman that I asked to be an example
when I was telling my cell phone story,
his sign made it up on stage.
What does it say on it?
It says, I have a boner.
And his name is Bo.
But I picked it because he clearly put as much effort into it
as I would if I was making a sign.
Which is very little
and it's endearing.
I was looking at that sign a moment ago before
it was chosen, when it was put up earlier
and I thought this U was a V
and I thought it was, I have a beavener.
Which, you know, makes perfect sense
when you've never been on the show before and suddenly everybody's holding up a bunch of signs. Which, you know, makes perfect sense. Yeah.
When you've never been on the show before
and suddenly everybody's holding up a bunch of signs.
Right.
Yeah.
Hopefully we won't throw you off again.
We're going to play some games,
and they're not too complicated,
and don't feel bad if you lose,
because like I've already said,
who wants this pile of stuff?
Anyway.
Someone would be happier just to have that one beach ball
than this entire pile of stuff.
Does the beach ball...
This lady will trade her own leg.
What is that?
She's trying to trade her cane
for that beach ball.
She's going to walk home
on that beach ball
like a seal.
All right,
let's play some games.
I wrote some stuff down
on this piece of paper.
It's going to come in handy.
How much of a stoner
are you that you want to trade
the normal beach ball
for your cane?
How will you get home?
She's on the move.
Oh, she can stand.
And talk.
She's also taking an oath.
Aye.
She's balancing on one foot.
She's letting you know.
Sorry.
Okay, hop along.
I'm Jess, of course.
Eileen, thank you very much.
Audience jokes.
This is all my fault.
Alright.
We got our name tags.
Let's play... Oh, this is exciting.
I can't believe this is happening.
What time is it, you guys?
How are we doing on time?
Oh, shit.
We're way behind schedule. That makes me even more excited about this. We're going to play a game we've never played before on the show. Yeah. First time ever. Could be a huge failure,
but I like it. I think you guys are going to do great.
Very encouraging.
It's delightfully stupid, this game.
Matt works across the hall from a nice couple of people named Jason and Deb.
I do.
The 101X here in Austin.
And they have a game that they play on that show that whenever I play it, I clean up.
I embarrass everyone.
And it's because it up. I embarrass everyone. And
it's because it's an IMDB
game. And
IMDB.
And
I just flat out
told them I'm stealing it for my podcast.
And I said, I'm going to
put your name on it. You'll get credit
for it. And they said, take it with our blessing.
So this is the first time we're going to play
Jason and Deb's IMDb game.
Yes.
You know how when you look up an actor on IMDb,
they will list four things that that actor is quote unquote known for. And sometimes
there's a TV show in there, so you can signify that if the situation seems to warrant it.
But it's mostly films that, you know, like four films they're known for. And I have no
idea the metric of how they choose. I mean we may figure
it out as we play this game a bunch of times but I like to think it's just their most four famous
movies but it doesn't seem to pan out that way usually. It's interesting choices that they make.
So I'm going to name a movie and you can jump in right then if you want. You could say your own
name is how you jump in.
The first person that says their own name after one movie,
you're going to name the actor whose page this is.
So that's a daring move because if you're wrong,
that's negative one point.
Yeah, you can't ever be wrong in this game.
I'm finally penalizing people for being wrong.
Finally.
So basically most of the time you're going to want to wait Finally penalizing people for being wrong. Finally.
So you basically, most of the time,
you're going to want to wait to hear that second movie.
And then, when you think of an actor that was in both those movies, or actress, or whatever,
then you can jump in then.
If you guess correctly,
the remaining number of movies
that IMDb lists,
you and you alone get to guess what they are,
and for each one, you get a bonus point.
Wow.
Yeah.
First person to five points is our winner.
Oh.
That's a lot of math in this.
Oh, you don't worry.
I brought a pen. Oh, good. I lot of math in this. Oh, you don't worry. I brought a pen.
Oh, good.
I'm a prepared stoner.
This one's out of ink.
I'll be back in 20.
Any questions?
No, I think we're ready.
I think we're ready to go.
Let's do this.
Interstellar.
Matt.
No, never mind.
I'll take the negative one point.
You're not going to even guess?
Yeah, rather than take the negative one,
just guess somebody.
I was going to say Jodie Foster
than realize I'm thinking of Contact.
Different movie altogether.
Different movie altogether.
I got so excited to play something new
and I wish I wasn't in front of people right now.
I'd rather be at home.
All right, so that's negative one for you.
Okay, the next title
is The Wolf of Wall Street.
Just somebody say Joey Foster, do it.
I haven't seen The Wolf of Wall Street, but Matthew McConaughey?
You have to buzz in with your name.
Owen!
What's that?
Owen!
My name, right?
Present, present.
And you're saying Matthew McConaughey?
Yeah.
Isn't that hilarious?
Because he was in contact.
Yeah.
And I should have just done it.
The answer is Matthew McConaughey.
Oh, I hope you die on the way home.
I hope you die.
Now there's two more, so you can get up to three points.
If you can guess the other two films, you get two guesses.
Owen Edgerton, Owen only.
Don't try to help him out from the crowd.
Clearly, Ghost of Girlfriends passed.
All right, that's one.
And I'm going to go for
local favorite, Dazed and Confused.
Because he should be known for that.
Yeah, yeah.
They decided to go with the one he won the Oscar for
at the Dallas Buyers Club.
Fuck Dallas.
But bringing it around to Austin,
Jeff Nichols' Mud was the fourth one that they listed.
That's nice.
I should have guessed that.
Yeah, there you go.
All right, so you didn't get any bonus points,
but you did get that one point. Are you sure
Ghost of Girlfriend's Past was not?
Girlfriend's Past is not one of those
two that I said. Oh. And
you know, I wrote this, I got really high
and wrote all this down.
Alright, so
here's the next round, you guys. Just jump in
when you think you know who it might
be. I feel
early adopters
on this one.
Gravity?
Owen?
Matt?
Oh, shit.
No, Owen got in first.
Sandra Bullock?
That's correct.
Yeah, I just figured out the theme.
Yeah.
I figured out the theme.
I hope Castaway is the theme. Yeah. I figured out the theme. All right.
I hope Castaway is the next first movie.
So now you're up to two points.
If you can get three more of the exact same Sandra Bullock movies,
you will be our winner in this game.
Okay, let's go.
If you can do it.
The Net.
That's a good call.
That's a good call.
Sandra Bullock movie?
1997.
The audience doesn't have a lot of confidence in that one.
Miscongeniality?
Yeah, I think that's going to be there.
And one more.
While you're sleeping.
Oh, shut up!
I personally would have thought...
Oh, I know one.
Too late now, isn't it?
Yeah, I would have thought Speed would have made the cut.
Yeah.
But you got Miscongeniality is correct.
I know the other one.
But they went with The Proposal and Crash.
Oh.
And Crash, of course, was...
Oh, wait.
Why didn't they go with the one she won the Oscar for?
Blindside.
IMDB is weird.
It's the IMDB is weird game, you guys.
But that puts Owen with three points.
And Matt's got negative one.
At least I'm on the board.
Yep.
That is a way to look at it.
You get a participant's award.
For sure.
All right.
Here comes the next one.
Billy Bob Thornton.
Is that the answer? Did you just give us the answer. Is that the answer?
Did you just give us the answer?
Is that what happened?
Is this Jeopardy now?
Oh, Matt.
Matt.
Matt.
What is Fargo?
What is Fargo?
Mike, what is Fargo?
I'm going to go with Sling Blade.
What is...
Oh, shit.
Yeah, I was going to say that one, too.
That's hilarious.
I'll tell you what Sling one too. That's hilarious.
I'll tell you what Sling Blade is.
It's terrific.
Motion picture.
Would you say that to Tom Petty?
That's so funny.
I was so excited to do this one.
Maybe I'll do this on the next episode.
Because one of his four that they list is Princess Mononoke.
Wow.
If somebody guessed that,
they would win for good.
He plays the monk.
That would be the winner for forever.
Oh, shit.
Get it together, Doug.
Don't say a name.
Don't say a name.
Don't say a name.
All right, here's the next one.
Forrest Gump. Shit! No next one. Forrest Gump.
Shit!
No, yes, Forrest Gump.
Owen?
Should I not go?
Should we let someone else go?
Go ahead.
I'm going to say Tom Hanks.
Incorrect!
Yeah.
Suck it.
That knocks you down to two.
Martha, can I guess?
Martha Sinks.
I love the way you buzz in. Martha, can I guess? Martha's saying, I love the way you buzz in.
Martha, may I?
Yes, you may.
Is it Sally Field?
No.
Oh, my God.
Negative one.
I'm starting to realize I might have picked a game that could go on forever.
All right, I'm going to give you
more names. Start naming some
Jodie Foster movies and I'm in.
Two people are still in this one.
Shrek.
Yeah, Forrest Gump and Shrek.
Everyone should be confused.
Wag the Dog. Mike, I'm going to make Shrek. Everyone should be confused. Wag the Dog.
Mike, I'm going to make a guess.
All right, dude.
Gary Sinise.
That is a terrific guess.
But obviously not correct.
Correct.
You're on the board.
Oh!
Good one.
Why are you clapping?
It's good.
He's on the board, negative one.
You're clapping for that?
Oh, shit. I thought you said it's on the board, negative one. You're clapping for that? Oh, shit.
I thought you said it was correct.
No, I said incorrect.
See, everyone was confused.
Not just me.
They didn't have any reason to be overexcited.
I thought.
It was just me.
This is yours to win, Matt.
No, no, it really isn't.
Yeah.
No, I don't know if you've noticed,
but I still haven't guessed, so. Yeah, no, and you don't have to because you don't know if you've noticed, but I still haven't guessed.
No, and you don't have to because you don't want to get that negative point.
So I'm just going to give you the fourth name and we're going to move on.
Because this one, I'd be very impressed if you put this together.
Brokeback Mountain.
Yeah, still not getting it.
That's what IMDB just puts as the four top things on the page
of Mr. Willie Nelson
wow
yeah that makes sense
so he's got
fucking songs
in those movies
yeah
like what
come on
the guy acts in shit
all the time
yeah
why put Red Headed Stranger
or Honey Supple Rose
or
yeah
or The Journeyman
or any of the rest
of his great films
very strange
half-baked
yeah
of course half-baked. Yeah.
Of course half-baked.
All right, next one.
Don't say the name, don't say the name.
Look good, feel good, look good, feel good.
The Wolf of Wall Street.
Zero Dark Thirty TV show
called
Friday Night Lights
Another TV show
called Early Edition
Oh wow
this game is going to go on a long time
Mike
What do you got Mike
Doug Benson
This feels so bad
Giving you negative two
It's cool it's fine
For saying me
Incorrect
If we get first to negative five
Do we win that way too
No you know what's going to happen when I run out of names and patience?
I'm going to declare a winner.
I'll get this.
I'll get this right here.
All right.
Oh, you got it?
No, no, no, not this.
The next one.
Okay.
Because I didn't say who it was.
No, you haven't.
Yeah, you haven't.
All right, I'll throw in one more.
This young lady up front is suggesting King Kong. I don't know Yeah, you haven't. All right, I'll throw in one more for this young lady up front suggesting.
King Kong.
I don't know why that would help them.
But is it right?
I can't remember the first movie you named. Friday Night Lights.
Doesn't...
You guys live in Austin?
Yeah.
Yeah, I missed that.
We're really unsupportive of our own town.
You probably saw this guy in a bar every once in a while.
I'm busy on Friday nights.
Really good actor.
He's also in Carol.
Anyway, we'll throw this one out.
It was Kyle Chandler.
Kyle Chandler.
Kyle Chandler.
He's the coach, right?
Yeah.
Sorry.
That's probably when you did see him walking around town.
You're probably like, it's the coach!
Clear heads, open hearts.
Pot of gold.
Alright.
I might have to write this down on the piece of paper wrong
because I want to just read the name first
every time.
The first movie for this person
is
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
The next movie
is called
Green Street
Hooligans.
Green Street Hooligans. Green Street Hooligans.
Green Street Hooligans.
Yeah, that one threw me for a loop.
The third film,
The Lord of the Rings,
The Fellowship of the Ring.
What was the first movie?
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
And then finally, the fourth one.
I feel like I...
Oh!
The fourth one is Deep Impact.
Deep Impact.
Owen?
Owen?
You can get a point.
You can just say it.
Yell it out.
Don't yell it out, lady.
Tobey Maguire?
What?
See what happens when you try?
The audience turns on you.
Join us and keep your mouth shut.
Wait, that...
Let's play a different game.
No, no, it's sort of the same game.
It was Elijah Wood?
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
What's happening?
Why did you tell him?
I was going to play a game.
I was going to list everybody that I've said so far.
Matthew McConaughey, Sondra Bullock, Billy Bob Thornton, Willie Nelson.
They're all Austin.
What do they all have in common?
And then that would have put you right into Elijah Wood territory.
Because he's one of those as well.
He's here all the time.
Yeah, those are all, they either live here
or spend so much time here that people think
they have property here.
We really sucked up that game for you, didn't we, Doug?
Well, you know, like, there's a lot to catch on to,
and I think that with a new set of panelists...
It would be really good.
I'm disappointed in us.
We have them waiting outside right now,
and they're ready to go.
Never in the history of the show
have I needed a whole new backup panel.
But, you know, just thought...
I feel like if you want to give my spot away
to somebody in the audience,
I couldn't really fight it.
You know what I mean?
They're clearly...
Well, you know...
They're doing better at this than we are.
I jot all this shit down,
and, like, I think it's so clever,
but, you know know looking at it now
it's a lot of white questions.
Doug loves movies so white.
Hashtag Doug loves movies
so white.
You know what I'm saying?
It's just Martha just doesn't see those movies
or know those people.
Were you close to guessing Elijah Wood
when I cut you off?
I was picturing his face,
but I couldn't remember his name,
so I wasn't close.
Okay.
Well, I'm still going to give you a point for that.
And that means in our first ever Jason and
Deb's IMDb game,
where I'm calling it and declaring
Owen Edgerton the
winner with two points. Congratulations.
Congratulations. I just wanted
to be clear. I didn't think
Tobey Maguire played Frodo.
Let's just
be clear. I just thought maybe he was like a, you know,
like a hobbit in the background or something.
I'm not buying it.
I felt like a background hobbit at times.
Tobey was in Eternal Sunshine?
I guess he wasn't.
I thought he was.
I don't know if he was in Green Street Hooligans.
I know nothing.
I don't even know what that is.
I know nothing of that, yeah.
I haven't heard of it.
I was like, what?
Elijah Wood's
been in a ton of shit. When he was a little kid
he was in a bunch of stuff.
And he's always showing up with his crazy
big eyes. I just saw him in
this very theater just the other
day in a movie called The Trust with
Nicolas Cage. And it's
the Nicolas Cage we know and love.
It's nutty Nicolas Cage. He does's the Nicolas Cage we know and love. It's nutty Nicolas Cage.
Yeah, it's good?
He does some funny shit in it.
Good.
Yeah.
Vampire's Kiss Nicolas Cage.
Oh.
Yeah.
But also kind of mellow.
It's a good, it's a layered performance.
Who's texting me during the show?
Stop it.
All right.
We're going to play for the,
to determine who wins the bag.
That was just basically just a warm-up game.
No pressure, you guys.
To determine who wins the bag tonight, though,
we're going to play a round of Last Man Stanton.
And Owen will get to go first since he won the first game.
And then we'll go to, I'll go second,
and then Martha, and then Mike and Matt
and we're going to take turns, I like to play along
in this one, we're going to take turns naming
movies from one particular
actor or actress, if you can't
think of one you're out, but
you get one lifeline
each of you gets to use the person whose
name tag you're playing for
as a lifeline
so at one point they may come to you with an answer.
It'll probably be deep into the game
where it'll be very hard and it will not,
I would not blame you if you don't have an answer.
They just watched us on that last one.
I think everyone's prepping their answer right away.
They're just like, we're gonna,
that lifeline's gonna come early.
I better be ready on the first round.
As soon as you hear it, think about something.
Yeah, no, definitely think about something. Yeah.
No, definitely think about it.
You definitely want to be there for them when they need you.
And I always get, I let somebody from the audience determine what name we're going to use.
And I get requests on Twitter.
And the one I saw earliest today that caught my eye is someone named Agkbart.
A-G-K Bart?
Are you here? That's you?
Wow, right up front.
That happens a lot. Sometimes it's even one of the
name tags we chose. We didn't pick your name tag, did we?
Okay, good. Alright.
For a minute I thought that was the name
of the actor.
I don't know any of A.K. Bart's
work.
I'm gonna be any of A.K. Bart's work. I'm going to be out first round.
All right, here we go.
Owen, start us off.
The films of A.K. Bart.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Just guess.
If you don't know who he is, just go ahead and guess something.
I've had that feeling the entire game.
All right, what's your name for us to use today?
Paul Walker?
Hope you guys know how to count to seven.
Here we go.
Oh, my.
It's the eighth one that's going to kill us. Oh, my. It's the eighth one.
It's going to kill us.
Oh, shit.
Let's do it, but it doesn't count.
I just want to do it really quick just to see what happens.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I'll start.
Okay, start us off.
I'm just going to start in the end.
Furious 7.
Okay.
I got to say it because it's one of the funniest titles to me
because it sounds like a description of something you'd get
in a back alley from a prostitute.
Fast Five.
Martha, any movie starring the great, late Paul Walker?
The original Fast and Furious.
Very good.
Full title?
Fast and Furious.
Right?
I'm sorry, Bo.
We're not going to win.
There's no way.
No, listen.
Beef can help you out.
What do you think the full title of the first one is?
Yeah, I think it has the beginning.
Do you want to go with us
or do you want to stick with your original answer?
But does that mean I can't use a lifeline later?
No, you can use them all you want.
Okay.
Then I'll go with Beau with his answer.
I think that's a good call, right?
Okay.
Mike, can you name another one?
I'm gonna go Too Fast, Too Furious.
Yes!
Nicely done.
We're running out of time.
I'll go with Fast and Furious 3, Reloaded.
Seems likely. I don't know. I thought you'd be so good at this. All right. Fast and Furious 3 Reloaded. Seems likely.
I don't know.
I thought you'd be so good at this.
Fast and Furious 3.
No, sorry, dude.
You're out.
Oh.
All right, Owen.
I know Tokyo Twist.
Drink, drink.
Tokyo.
Oh, the old Tokyo Twist.
They go all the way to Japan to see if their nipples tweak.
Faster and more furious.
So you're out.
Faster and really angry.
It's called, I think, and you guys tell me if I'm wrong,
because I probably might be, Fast and Furious 3 Tokyo Drift.
That's basically what I said.
And he's
not in it, so I'm out.
Yeah, he fucking ditched out for one.
I thought it was in a dream sequence.
A flashback.
Yeah, so it doesn't matter that I got the correct
title.
He ditched out for what movie?
He did another big movie during that time.
Maybe he did something else.
Martha's going to tell us what it is.
Let's hold off for a second.
Don't say anything yet, you guys.
We're still crawling our way.
I'm out, you're out.
So the three in the middle here.
Oh, Matt's out.
It's just Martha and Mike.
And Martha can use her lifeline if she'd like.
Or if you think
you know another one.
Wait,
if I use the lifeline now,
are we going to play another game after this?
Yes.
Time permitting.
I don't.
I feel like we should save the lifeline for the other game.
No, you can use it both times.
Oh, then again, thanks.
Bo, do you have a suggestion?
Yeah, what do you think, Bo?
Brick Mansions.
Brick Mansions.
It's true.
Hey, great.
Yep, those came out posthumously,
but it was definitely a thing.
He was alive in the film.
That's a weird name for a racing movie.
It's not like a
real estate version of Weekend at Bernie's.
He was alive
when they made it.
Mike, do you have one?
I've never seen
any of those Fast and Furious.
I've never seen a movie with Paul Walker in it.
I wouldn't imagine.
I'm going to refer to Matty here.
There you go.
Sounds good.
He goes Fast and Furious 4?
And that can't be right, right?
Well,
we tried. So mike's out do you have one more
martha no you should do your lifeline again can she do another lifeline well i don't think he's
got another one do you have another one the lazarus project i trust that dude he seems like
he got on the edge of his seat.
When Paul Walker's name came out, he got a huge erection.
He got all excited.
He's like, I fucking got this.
It was a really huge erection.
I saw it.
He's in it.
I believe he calls it a boner.
Remember?
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's right.
Sorry.
My bad.
Full circle.
My bad.
Well done.
I got a couple more just to show off.
She's All That.
Go ahead.
And Varsity Blues.
Oh.
Deep Blue Sea, somebody says.
Meet the Deedles.
Meet the Deedles.
He was in Meet the Deedles?
No, she just pulled her pants down.
What did they do?
Was Meet the Deedles, they like re-recorded everything with American voices?
Because isn't that a New Zealand movie?
No, it was a...
I screen tested.
I remember it.
It was a Disney movie.
Meet the Deedles?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah, they were a family.
They lived out in a National Forest Park thing.
Yellowstone.
Was that Yellowstone?
I'm thinking of The Feebles.
That's a very different...
Meet the Feebles is...
It's a very different movie.
That would be our brains.
It's not a good idea
to mix those two up.
Yeah.
They're a lot different.
Hey, kids.
It's like the difference
between Fraggle Rock
and Fraggle Cock.
So...
Let's play a game for reals.
All right.
Good.
Good.
Because that was just for fun.
Now I'm warmed up.
I had other people on Twitter saying that they had a good suggestion,
but I don't know how quickly I could pull their names up.
So let's, well, let me see real quick here.
What?
Somebody's giving me a corrections department.
I might as well just cover it right now.
Forrest Whitaker was in Repo Men,
not Repo Man.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's important.
This guy says he can finally sleep.
It would be so funny if we look over and you're just in your chair sleeping. This guy says he can finally sleep.
It would be so funny if we look over and you're just in your chair sleeping.
I'll go down to the show.
Maybe something will happen
and I'll be able to finally sleep.
Something that's been bothering me.
Okay, here we go.
This person wrote to me,
Dude, period.
I have a name for best man Stanton
that will blow your mind.
I'm a psychology professor, so I know such things.
Is he here today?
That's you?
Oh, good, good.
Literally, you can see this panel is very well versed,
so let's blow some minds.
And I'm a little afraid to pronounce your name on Twitter,
but I'm going to try.
Is it Jalupia?
Jalupi?
Okay. His name's
Jalupi. And
he's got four followers.
I mean, he just started with this tweet about
this show, so all aboard the Jalupi
Express.
And blow our minds, dude.
Who should we play for Last Man Stanton?
Mark Wahlberg.
Mind is blown.
All right, go ahead and start us off there, Owen.
I have to start again?
Yeah, but you still have your lifeline.
Okay, because I get him confused
with other people sometimes.
And I know he's the funky one, right?
Oh, well, let me describe who he is.
He was in...
Yeah?
The TV show Entourage
is based on his life.
Okay, I'm going to start... It's. Okay, I'm going to start out with...
It's a guy that would act like that.
I'm going to start out with Ted 2.
Yeah, that's great.
Excellent way to get it going.
I'm a little worried and a little shy now.
Ted 2.
All right.
I'll say Boogie Nights.
Because I just got yelled at in a plastic box by Michael Rapaport.
I was on his radio show, and it was one of those ones where you're in a fishbowl
and the audience is all outside.
And he was yelling at me because I didn't...
He said, what five movies would you take on a desert island?
And I named five movies, and he yelled at me for not including Boogie
Nights. And I had to admit,
he was right.
I don't know why I fucking left off
Boogie Nights. It's a really good
desert island movie. Also, it's long.
It's got sex, it's got comedy,
it's got a guy lighting off firecrackers.
Alright.
Martha.
Everything you'd want. I'm going to... Everything you want.
I'm just going to take the easy route and go with Ted.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's why I said Boogie Nights,
because I wanted somebody else to have the satisfaction of just saying Ted.
I feel kind of robbed.
Mike, any Mark Wahlberg movie?
I'm going to go I Heart Huckabees.
Yes.
I'm even drawing the heart as
the official part of the title.
Matt
Bearden. I'm torn
because I kind of think I should do the lifeline, but I think
I have this one, and I'm sorry if I fuck it up
and everyone gets mad, but was he in The Departed?
The Departed.
What I meant was firmly
I know he was in The Departed. Nailed it.
All right. that's good.
Unless they say no.
You could have used your lifeline, but you...
He didn't.
He didn't.
No, I'm going to trust my person out there to be reading their phone now.
No reading your phones.
Nobody's paying attention also.
I'm going to go with Planet of the Apes. Tim Burton's Planet
of the Apes. Okay.
Not a very good movie. Yeah, there's
really no reason to bring that up in polite company.
That's the one
I would accidentally choose to take on an island.
I miss packed.
I've got Planet of the Apes.
I'm going to just go recent,
most recent, and say Daddy's Home.
Yeah.
Good for him.
Back to you, Martha.
The Other Guys.
Mm-hmm.
See, that was a...
Did that trigger that when I said that one?
You're like, oh, The Other One with Will Ferrell?
No.
It did not.
Mike?
The Fighter.
Mm-hmm.
Might be my favorite Mark Wahlberg.
That or Boogie Nights, I think.
Matthew?
Carla, I'm going to need your help.
Lifeline.
Oh.
The Italian Job, I'd like to say.
Nice. Yes. Carla, I'm going to need your help. Lifeline. The Italian job, I'd like to say.
Yes.
The Italian job to me sounds like something that's a little longer than a fast five.
They taking their time in Italian.
In Italy.
The olive oil makes it nicer.
They give you a basket of bread first.
Bottom of salad.
Hey, when you're here, you're family.
I'm going to go with Date Night.
I'm choosing movies I don't think are very good every time.
I see where you're going there with that.
I'm going to say something that I put out on the table pretty early on,
but I'll go ahead and take it right now.
He's in Entourage, the movie.
He has an appearance as himself.
Super charming.
Hilarious.
Can't wait to have him back on the show. Martha?
Is he
in Four Kings?
Sorry, Bo.
There's a guy in the audience. Yes.
No, that's incorrect, but we've got
to go to Mike right away with the correction.
I'm going to steal that and say Three Kings.
Three Kings is the name of the movie.
I have no ethics whatsoever.
No, that's how you play the game.
You kick everybody when they're down as hard as you can.
No, you did a good job there.
Get to hold off on using your lifeline.
Matt used his lifeline.
I did, so I'll have to go with
two kings.
The predecessor to the king's
fortune. He just churns out the sequels.
A king's ransom.
Yeah, I'm out of my...
I feel terrible. I've let you down, Carl. I apologize.
She says
it's okay.
My mind is being blown with this name.
I feel bad. I know there's so many,, I'm gonna kill myself. My mind is being blown with this name. I'm, uh, I feel bad.
I know there's so many,
but, uh,
I'm gonna have to go
to my lifeline.
Brian, I need some help here.
Two guns.
Two guns.
Two guns.
Three kings, two guns.
Ted and a baby.
It's a numbers game.
Oh, speaking of two guns.
Shooter.
Is there a the on it?
No.
All right, good.
Who's up?
Matty, you're needed.
Huh?
Oh.
Wow.
Oh, he's blanking out.
We did say a lot of them.
Does anyone sitting around, you want to whisper one in your ear?
Please, whisper quickly.
Yes.
Four Brothers, a number.
Yeah, you think he would have known that one.
There you go.
Andre 3000's in it.
That's right.
Yeah, Four Brothers.
Good job, Lifeline.
There you go.
That's my Lifeline community over there.
I appreciate them.
Oh, I just thought of a good one.
Oh, no. Is it me again?
Yeah.
It's not quite feature length,
but...
Behind the music for Marky Mark
and the Funky Bunch on VH1.
He plays himself and Marky Mark.
I think that was called Rockstar.
Damn it.
Or maybe it was called Contraband.
Or maybe it was called...
Oh, shit. I can't think of any more. Or maybe it was called Oh shit
I can't think of any more
But that means that Mike won the game
Mike pulled it out
Good job Mike
Good job Mike
Fear of course
What else?
The happening damn it
Lone survivor
Transformers
Age of Distinction
why is everyone
yelling at me
I don't understand
fear
fear is good
fear is good
invincible
yeah
invincible
damn it
the gambler
he would have been
great in all
these movies
He really turns them out
He works hard
What basketball diaries
Go back to the beginning
Rivalry between him and Leo started right there
Mark Wahlberg does not have his Oscar yet
Was he in the town?
It's back in
It's back in
Really, you guys are great at this I apologize to the occasional person Oh. Was he in the town? It's back in. It's back in.
Really, you guys are great at this.
I apologize to the occasional person that's like,
I've never, this has never happened to me.
I've never been to a Jimmy Buffett concert. Oh, gosh.
This is like the music portion of Doug Loves Movies.
It's like a concert.
Might as well be, yeah.
You guys are doing great.
He kept the hand up like Steph Curry.
This is the most exercise this audience has ever had.
Mike Eagle with the kick back into the crowd. Oh, look at that.
They got some height on that one.
Oh, it's on the ground. Burn yourself.
Whoa.
Weird parts of my cult. Oh, gosh.
They are hitting around a ball filled with carbon
dioxide that used to be in your body.
Let us not forget that.
If your pops were all
high. Think about that.
They are literally just passing around a giant pot of THC.
Pass around the blood of Doug.
Sorry.
All who touch Doug's breath will be enriched.
Just a green and white lung.
All right.
Where's Matty at?
Where you at, Matty?
Come get your prize pile.
I apologize.
I apologize for the piliness of it.
Oh, look at him go.
He's good.
He's a collector.
There you go.
Don't forget your sippy cup.
Maybe you could repack it and get it all in there.
I don't know.
It's tough.
Ball's still going.
The ball is still going.
Oh, there's an occasional victim Of uh
It keeps going to that couple
Those two
And they never hit it
Those two people
They're very into each other
They're not paying attention
To any of the rest of us
A lot of people
Make out at my shows
It's a pretty sexy program
To make out to
While people
This is so much cleaner
Than throwing donuts
At everybody
I don't know what It's going to be like to
listen to, but
go ahead and pass your name tags down, or at least
the part where they wrote a shithead on there.
Matty can just have his back.
Or Martha can hold it for the
rest of the show.
But yeah, pass me down the
shitheads, you guys. And
Owen, what do you got to plug? What's coming up with you
and Master Pancake?
Yeah, we're doing
a bunch of different shows
where we make fun of movies
at the Alamo.
Alamo here in Austin.
So yeah, we'll be doing that.
We'll be doing that
every Friday and Saturday
until we die.
It's so much fun.
And you're at
Owen Edgerton, E-G-E-R-T-O-N. It's so much fun. And you're at Owen Edgerton,
E-G-E-R-T-O-N.
That's right.
On Twitter.
Don't those guys,
those Edgerton actors,
don't they drive you crazy?
They do.
Because one of them spells it one way
and one of them spells it the other way.
I know.
We meet up every so often.
And there's brothers.
I can't keep them straight.
I know.
It's horrible.
But they do great work.
Yeah, they do.
All the Edgertons are great.
Oh, you know what?
I'm actually Owen underscore Edgerton.
I just remembered what I was saying.
Oh, thank God we cleared that up.
Thank you.
That would have been some other Owen Edgerton was really going to collect some hits.
Matt Bearden, tell us your Twitter thingy.
Twitter's Matt Bearden and all that stuff.
Coming up on the 29th of March,
I do a comedy show that's stolen from Shark Tank.
It's called Piranha, where I get comics together
to buy jokes off of other people and roast each other,
and it's fun.
And this week's, or next week's panel will be Chris Cubis,
who's a regular guest on Doug Loves Movies.
And then I'm also very excited about this,
but Johnny Hardwick, who you might know
as Dale Gribble from King of the Hill,
will also be on our panel
and it should be fun. And then also,
every morning from 6 to
10 a.m. in the week, listen to Jason
and Deb, who stumped our asses this morning.
So they get that for sure.
Ah! You're here!
Jason, well, half of Jason and Deb's here.
So, give them a hug. More than half. Ah, you're here. Jason, well, half of Jason and Deb's here.
More than half.
Wow, that was a little rude.
Deb is a little lady.
She's small.
You've never run into her in a hallway on a bad day.
Wait, your bad day or her bad day? She gets mean.
Really?
She's yelled at me before.
What's the meanest thing she's ever said to you?
She told me to go fuck myself one day.
Whoa.
No, but that's British talk for a good morning.
She said, keep your fucking mouth shut, is what she said to me.
We got over it.
Was your mouth moving at the time?
I was trying to ease a fight between her and somebody else and she did not want me in it.
There you go.
She did not want me in it.
The way you told the story
initially sounded like
she said that out of nowhere.
But you were the guy
stepping in while she's
trying to fight somebody.
So of course she's going
to lash out at you.
You made that sound like
it's perfectly reasonable.
I was trying to keep the peace.
Well, great job,
but thank you for being here today.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go back and hang out
with my three-year-old
who fucking hates me.
Your three-year-old likes me?
Yeah, the one you called
stupid earlier.
That sounded sexual,
and I didn't mean for it
to sound that way.
It's okay.
I'm not...
Your three-year-old is so into me.
Yeah.
Your three-year-old was like, what fragrance is that?
It was weird.
I'm sorry for that weird moment.
No, it's okay.
What's weird is how much you've touched me since you've said that.
When I feel bad.
Like four or five times.
I know.
It's hairless.
It's nice. The show is changing rapidly. Yeah. Near the's hairless. It's nice.
The show is changing rapidly
at near the end.
This is podcast erotica.
Open mic eagle,
what's going on with you?
Can you plug some stuff?
Yeah, I'm dropping
an album next week.
It's this coming Friday
and it's called
Hella Personal Film Festival.
You can buy that
anywhere where they
sell music still.
All right. I know one of those places. festival. You can buy that anywhere where they sell music still. Alright.
I know
one of those places.
Martha Kelly's
season two of Baskets starts filming
in September, but
in the meanwhiles, where can these people
see you do your stand-up comedies?
Is it okay if I say
two things?
Yes.
Next week, the 24th through the 26th,
if there's anyone in New York,
I'll be opening for Louis Anderson at Caroline's on Broadway.
And then that's...
Who plays Zach's mother on Baskets?
Yes.
Nice.
Super funny.
And then April 1st, I'm doing a show
at the Paper Tiger in San Antonio
and
sorry it's in San Antonio but
they were excited about San Antonio
from San Antonio
I mean there's nice people there
we got some essays in the house
that's it
alright yeah I had a blast
the last time I was
in San Antonio.
One more time
for all of my guests,
Martha Kelly,
Open Mike Eagle,
Owen Edgerton,
and Matt Bearden.
And as always,
my boss who is trying
to get me fired
is a shithead.
Do you want me to say his name?
No.
Okay.
Good call, good call.
Cameron Ortega is a shithead?
That's some personal stuff, right?
And superdelegates are a shit head.
Now it's time for Doug to watch
another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes it
cocky. There's no room
in his heart for you
cause Doug loves
movies.
Thanks you guys so much. Enjoy
the rest of your night.