Doug Loves Movies - Matt Besser, Johnathan Burns, Justin Hubbell and Dustin Ybarra guest
Episode Date: November 13, 2019Live from the UCB Theatre, Doug welcomes Matt Besser, Johnathan Burns, Justin Hubbell and Dustin Ybarra to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. F...or a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and baby sticky seeds
With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
But Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you from you know where on Franklin Avenue in LACA.
It's Tuesday, November 12th, 2019.
And tonight, this is, oh shit,
is my microphone
tweaking? Okay, here we go.
Tonight I brought
from the
nearly sold out
Doug Loves Scary Movies
tour of
Three Cities.
I have
some Doug Loves Movies
scary movies
posters that I
have signed
and everyone tonight
who brought a name tag,
even the shittiest name tag you could
imagine, is going to get
one of these signed posters
by the great Box Brown
out of Philadelphia. Hey, there's blood
on the table. Yeah, did you notice that? No. Look at that right there. Disgusting. What's
your name, Mia? My name is Michelle. Michelle, and you made Michelle or High Water. Michelle
or High Water. I get it. And what's yours? Jenny Jenny Given Sunday
Jenny Given Sunday
Nice job
You get a poster
Everyone over here
No poster for you
Sorry
Who else has got a name tag?
Oh he's got one
Steve and Tiffany's Infinite Playlist
And Joe versus
Because your name is Joe?
Yeah
Good job
Didn't have to change shit Oh this is gonna Joe versus because your name is Joe? Yeah. Good job.
Didn't have to change shit.
Oh, I think this is going to work out almost perfect.
We got Jose and the Pussycats.
That's a good one.
Oh, yours is on your phone?
Hang on a second.
Let me put that one on hold.
This guy went to the trouble of
taking a drawing from a child.
Who's instead of Jojo Rabbit?
Joshua Rabbit?
Joshua.
You're Josh?
All right.
Good job, Josh.
All right.
The phone one gets one.
Close enough.
And what's that little piece of paper back there?
Could you pass one back to her for pretending she brought some sort of name tag?
And that guy's got a physical
name tag on his person, so let's pass this
one back to him. And I think that worked out
perfect. I think I brought the perfect amount.
And I'm sure the listeners love that
part.
That's some riveting
podcasting right there. And then
straight into the plugs. Doug plugs.
Saturday, Doug Loves Movies returns to the improv
in San Jose. Doug Loves Movies
comes to the improv in Miami for the first
time ever on Saturday, November 23rd.
And
yeah, and then I just
didn't even bother finishing that sentence.
But lots more
shows coming up.
Doug out to Martha Kelly, who's going to join us tonight,
but she wasn't feeling well.
Get better, Martha.
She's not going to listen to this.
For the prize bag,
I brought a very cool Nike duffel bag
that I got sent to me by Amazon Original Content
that's promoting Brittany Runs a Marathon.
Yeah.
I tried really hard to get Jillian Bell
on the show to, you know,
promote the movie, but their schedule didn't allow
for it, so they sent me this bag.
And now
it's a prize bag.
And then a Douglas Movies
t-shirt and
from our friends at Magical Butter
a rubber
tray you can make
your own weed butter in.
And I was just in Las Vegas
had a very good time there.
I went and saw America's
Got Talent live.
The winners of the last season all
came out and did their thing.
I just brought you guys a copy of
Las Vegas Magazine.
Yeah.
So,
I think that's everything.
Plus stuff brought
by my guests.
We've got four chairs.
Let's bring them out here.
Please give it up for Justin Hubbell,
Jonathan Burns, Matt Besser,
and Dustin Ibarra!
Listen to the crowd go nuts.
Oh, there's my blood.
Hot panel. This is exciting.
This is a great group of dudes.
My show is
an endless dude parade. I keep trying to
get ladies to come on the show and then
they get sick that afternoon
and say I can't make it. And I'm like,
why can't you just get sick when I ask you?
I'll do the show next Tuesday. No,
I'm going to be sick.
You know, plan ahead. Let me know in advance. Want to do the show next Tuesday? No, I'm going to be sick.
Plan ahead.
Let me know in advance.
Let's meet the guests individually starting with a first timer
on the program
who goes by Justin Hubble, everybody.
Comedy phenom
out of Philadelphia.
Boston, I mean
and no you don't do comedy
I don't no
Justin is here because
he's here on a grant
no he donated money to a
charity auction on
my friend Jimmy Pardo does a
podcast-a-thon and so
he jumped on an
auction to be a guest on Douglas
Movies and the money goes
to a great organization called
Smile Train and how much
money did you end up having to
do you mind saying? No.
I mean I could go do the research and get back
to you. How much
did you donate? Well I
remember the last bit was 420 so it
was something around around 1200 out 1200 $4.20 $1200 yes to sit here right
now amazingly yeah these people are right there they paid nine I paid more
for less you know 1050 with service charges I think
there you go
we're trying to keep the price down
for you guys
but Justin thank you for doing that
that means that four children
are going to get
that surgery to repair a cleft palate
and change their lives
so it's very cool that you did that
very happy to do it thanks Doug cleft palate and changes lives so it's very cool that you did that. Very happy you did.
Thanks Doug.
Also joining us for the first time
and this is
such great timing because I was just talking about
AGT
it's Jonathan Burns everybody.
What?
Thank you. I discovered Jonathan watching
America's Got Talent this last summer
and I was
very entertained by your
first performance on the show
when you came out
and nobody knew what to expect
from what you were going to do.
Yeah, I crawled out of a suitcase that Terry
Cruz rolled on the stage.
So how much do you weigh, if you don't mind me
asking? 134.4.
That's what I ate today.
I've weighed that.
So that's not a bad
amount for Terry Cruz to have to drag
out. Yeah, he was able to handle it.
Yeah, that's very nice.
I was thinking about trying to get you to do that tonight.
Yeah.
Like, say, hey, let's see what's in the prize bag,
and open up a suitcase that I dragged out,
and then you get out of it.
Yeah.
But I didn't want you to be in the normal.
And then Terry Crews comes out and takes you away.
Oh, my goodness.
He's mine.
I own this boy.
Oh, don't make me choose between Doug and Terry. Oh, no. mine. I own this boy.
Don't let me choose between Doug and Terry.
There's no
ramps or anything
to this stage, so it would have been rough.
There actually is a ramp, so that's a bad
excuse.
There's a ramp right over there.
What?
All right.
This isn't for the listener.
Oh, man. You really almost tricked me. what? alright this isn't for the listener oh man
you really almost tricked me
that's Matt Besser everybody
yeah
wrapping it up
pot humor
tell us about it
I have a new stand up special
called pot humor
we filmed it in Portland,
Oregon, in front of a
completely high audience that
was able to keep getting high.
Nice. There you go. Nice, right?
Nice, that's right. She gets it.
Yeah, she sure does. Like, you guys could be
high, but you're not going to be able to keep
getting high. And most stamps
will come out and you'll go, I got a funny stand-up special.
I'm talking about the audience.
The audience makes the... You guys are the best part of
everything, right? Right?
We can't do it without an audience. I didn't even do my
material that night. I was so psyched about the audience.
I was just filming the audience.
Finally, it's their turn to shine.
Yeah.
It's like I didn't have any jokes.
What's up with you?
I think they call that crowd work.
No, but in crowd work, you do jokes.
I would just move on.
You just say, how are you doing?
Fine. Yeah. Yeah. crowd work you do jokes i would just move on you just and what's up how are you doing fine yeah we're gonna do this for an hour
i would enjoy that yeah but my special is out right now on apple on direct tv on amazon and
all those kind of vod services. Cool. Yeah, get it.
Check it out.
Rent it.
Rate it.
Pot humor.
Pot humor.
Thanks, Doug.
Thank you, man.
Thank you for being here.
You were a great guest.
I only paid $900 to be here.
It's only going to fix two faces.
Nice.
Nice. I don't know if we're going to get two faces. Nice. Nice.
I don't know if we're going to get dark
and have more Terry Crews jokes.
Actually, 900 would be about three and a half faces.
Maybe three.
Anyway.
Dustin E. Barr is here!
Thank you.
Dude, so glad that you were able to make it
I did call you last minute
Because you were filling in for Martha Kelly
Do you mind if I
Could you answer a question I was going to ask her?
Yeah, definitely
Alright, here we go
What was it like working with Adam Driver
In Marriage Story?
Little handsy
Good guy, but I mean, come on Get with the times, buddy story? Little handsy.
Good guy, but I mean, come on. Get with the times,
buddy.
That was my impression, too,
Martin. No, I'm just kidding. You really nailed it
all the way around. No, thanks for having me.
That was perfect, dude. I wasn't doing anything.
What was I gonna do? I was playing VR
tonight, you know?
That's all. That was the plan? Yeah, pretty much.
VR and chill?
VR and chill, bro.
Shoot some people that aren't there,
these Nazi zombies,
and chill, man.
But I'm doing this
and this is a lot better.
Well, this is...
Yes.
Yes.
I have a question
starting with Matt Besser
on the other end of the table
about what you brought
for the prize bag. with Matt Besser on the other end of the table about what you brought for
the
prize bag. Well,
I brought my, may I help you,
I gotta get rid of my CDs before people
forget what they are. So this is my
may I help you dumb
ass prank CD.
My freak dance, the movie,
DVD,
and some matches for my pot humor special right here.
There you go.
That's really nice.
There you go.
That's a wonderful collection of items.
Ooh, several packets of matches.
They'll start a fire.
Yeah.
I mean, are CDs flammable?
Will they just be able to turn around
and light these things on fire?
Oh, they're just going to burn my gifts in protest
just right away?
I mean, you just gave them.
At least watch them first so you know you're protesting.
Yeah, well, smoke them maybe.
You got pyromaniacs in the making
with these matches.
Oh, what if I got a rumor out there?
If you buy the vinyl, I made it out of hemp
and you can smoke it after you play it.
Everyone gets a login
infection.
It's not hemp.
I smoked
and he told me
it was cool, bro.
It was made out of
just vitamin E
extract only.
Anyone?
Yeah.
Oh, what is that?
Uh oh.
The vapes that are
killing people
it's because of you know, bad vitamin E. Whoa, vitamins are bad? Yeah. Oh, what is that? Uh-oh. The vapes that are killing people, it's because of a bad vitamin E.
Whoa, vitamins are bad?
Yeah, stay away from vitamins.
I had a feeling.
Just in a fly-by-night vape.
Oh, okay.
You know, you got to get your vapes from trusted sources.
You know how we are when someone passes you a vape?
Oh, man.
I'm going to need to see the source on this.
Definitely.
I'm going to need to see the source on this. I'm going to need to see some paperwork.
It's like every time I ride an elevator
in a hotel and it says they have
the permit in the office,
I go to the office.
The problem is the office
is always on the top floor.
You've got to use the shitty elevator
to get there.
It's always a catch-22, isn't it?
What do you have for the prize bag, Mr. Burns?
I have my prizes here.
Oh, the bag says prizes on it.
That's right.
I brought an official Jonathan Burns sweatband.
Whoa.
That's too long.
I have an official Jonathan Burns action figure.
Really?
Is it like a stretch Armstrong?
Yes, it does.
It stretches and bends.
Check that out. It's also a kid.
And I brought, just for
your audience, a
wallet.
Ooh, that's fancy.
Inside there, there's an Arclight gift card
for $25. What?
Oh my god.
And a crisp $1.
How thoughtful.
Holy shit.
Wait a minute.
Is that your branded wallet?
No.
No.
It's just a wallet.
Just a wallet.
Did you steal
that fucking wallet
off someone?
This says Mary Jones
in it.
This is awesome.
I want the sweatband.
This is awesome.
I could do some damage with this thing.
Oh, the bendy guy is also sticky
so you could throw it against the surface.
Not quite, but yeah.
But you can throw me against the surface
and I stay.
I do like throwing against things,
but the whole thing's cool.
Thank you, Jonathan.
And, you know,
obviously I said that I wanted to have you
come out of a suitcase
at the top of the show or something, but that didn't seem practical
because there's too many ramps here.
And we would sit around going, which ramp should we use?
It's all ramps in here.
Yeah, it's so many ramps that it would just be like a total ramp headache.
I think we're on an incline right now.
Yeah, no, the whole place is a ramp.
Big ramp.
But so I asked you if there's something else that you could do to amaze and delight the people that do come pay the $9.50 in service charges.
Uh-oh, microphone's down.
Matt's also standing up.
Did you ask, did you need a volunteer or something?
Oh, we're going to play some tennis?
Okay. Oh, no. What's
happening, you guys?
That is not proper use
of a tennis racket.
Okay. There we go. All right.
Uh-oh.
He's like a racket with those kicks.
Look at that.
Wow.
You know, there's easier ways to cure constipation. Look at that. Look at that wow you know there's easier ways to cure constipation
look at that
look at that
wow what a racket
keep it down over there
that's not how you play tennis folks
Jonathan Burns everybody
thank you so much
be seated
I love that.
40, love.
Whoa.
You must feel from the ramps.
When you do an act like that,
how do you know when you're Wimble done?
All right.
Thank you for the prizes and for the entertainment.
And you should have won an AGT.
Thank you.
They didn't think so.
What is this insanely talented blind singer doing coming in and winning
when you can walk through a tennis racket?
Yeah, I know.
You understand what real talent is.
Yeah, yeah.
I saw Cody Lee.
He couldn't even walk through a racquetball racket.
Cody Lee is awesome, by walk through a racquetball rack Cody Lee's awesome by the way
Justin Hubble
yes sir
what do you got
for the bag
I know you already
gave and gave
and gave
to a very good cause
oh yeah
but now you also
have to continue
sure so
to give things
as a tradition
on the show
when I did make
that donation
the folks at
Smile Train
and Park Castathon sent me
this paperweight, POG.
I don't know what you want to call it. It says
Park Castathon on it. Okay.
Smile Train on the back, so that corporate
trinket is... It's a good...
It makes a good noise when you drop it from a
distance out of the stage.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a good weight.
Oh, look. It's rolling down the ramp.
Man. These ramps are going to be the death of us.
Who built this place?
And I also brought from my favorite movie theater in Brookline, Massachusetts,
the Coolidge Corner Theater, a T-shirt.
Thank you.
Coolidge Corner.
I got to check that place out sometime.
Yeah, it's lovely.
I'm told John Hodgman used to work there.
So, you know, just that alone. Okay. It's lovely. I'm told John Hodgman used to work there.
Just that alone.
For my other favorite movie theater, the Brattle in Harvard Square,
I have this Jim Jarmusch pin. It appears to be a limited edition numbered on the back.
It's in a really limited condition.
Jim Jarmusch. I like a good Jim Jarmusch pin.
It says, life has no plot.
Why must films
or fiction?
There's an excuse.
I'll wear that to my next
pitch meeting.
That didn't make as good a noise this time.
And just a few more things. This is a copy of The Killing Joke
Yes
Which they did make a movie out of
From my personal collection
Read this on the plane right out here
Same author as Watchmen
In case you didn't know
Submitted without comment
Is a VHS copy of Jamie Foxx's Booty Call
I refer to it as
Tommy Davidson's Booty Call
Yeah
It's really the
To each his own
Of course
But it fits with the theme of
Before They Won Oscars
Because this is the
Pure Adrenaline Edition
Of Point Break
Oh finally
A Pure Adrenaline Edition
Alright
The garage sale is over
oh my god this DVD's got a still gallery
some deleted scenes
where do extras go these days
when your movie has some extras
no one likes DVDs
where do you see them
you just put them out on the internet a week after your thing came out to give it all an
extra little boost.
Extra, extra.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, there's still scenes from Zach's movie.
Oh, that's right.
The movie that seems to still keep popping up to remind people.
Because Netflix is forever.
That's fun.
That's a lot of fun.
You know, the movie's going to be there
for a long time.
But what about
the director's commentary?
Where do directors
get to comment now?
People don't care anymore.
I think there's still...
No, you're right.
Finally.
I'm going to tell my wife
when I get home.
I was right tonight.
You did it.
Dustin, what do you got?
I got, okay, I've got a t-shirt
that says I Heart Nuggets.
I think I give this,
I give it away every time
because I have too many of them
and they don't sell it to the show.
Yeah, it's a tough sell
because people just don't want to They don't show. Yeah. It's a tough sell because people just don't want to.
They don't like nuggets.
Commit to nuggets.
Yeah, exactly.
But I've got.
Does it work for Denver chicken and weed?
Only chicken.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Very specific.
T-shirt, Matt.
Check it out.
You can't wear it on Sundays.
No.
I got.
It's chicken.
I got the most.
I got the. Dude, I got chicken. I got the most. I got the
hardest thing to get
into it to get in America right
now.
I got a Popeye's chicken
sandwich.
Spicy.
I killed three people to get
that tonight. Why is it
so hard to get? I don't
know. People like it, I guess.
Dude, you guys are so
lucky, too, because I was eating. I got two
for me, and I was eating my
first one. I got a text from Doug, and I'm like,
I gotta give away
the Popeyes, too.
I gotta put this in the prize bag.
I didn't want to, but I was like, it's the
right thing to do. Yeah, I mean,
I'm glad I didn't catch you when you had a lot of money in your hands or something.
I know.
I gotta do it.
You gotta do the right thing sometimes.
Oh, doesn't that hurt your throat speaking?
A little bit, yeah, yeah, sometimes.
I got some red beans and rice in my sock.
I did get red beans and rice, too.
How can you not?
They barely filled it up.
Come on, Popeyes.
Anyway, yeah.
I put it in the refrigerator, too,
so you won't get food poisoning, you know.
Yeah, eat it right away.
Yeah.
Or you might.
I don't know.
You put it in the microwave for like 20 minutes or something.
Get those pot humor matches
Warming right up
Oh yeah
They're edible I hear
Oh no
You don't even have to go home
Before you have a hot sandwich
Some dude burned a sandwich
In the middle of Franklin
What are you writing?
I put a little
Well there's a mark.
It says classic or spicy.
And so they know which one it is.
They mark, you know, spicy.
But I made the same mark on classic.
So when the person wins this, when they look at it tomorrow,
they'll go, which one is it?
You're like the Joker.
I hope it's not spicy.
Spicy.
That's how it's going to play out.
There was a mouse trap in there?
Because everyone here is so fucked up tonight,
they're not going to remember shit.
That's my crowd.
Yeah, these people get high during the show, right?
You bastards.
Yeah, edibles.
Edibles and vapes, man do it a lot of vitamin e
some people are just doing vitamin e why i don't even do any vitamins just in case i do straight
e man i'll do e for hours i'll watch a kardashian's Just doing E, feeling yourself,
watching Magnum
ice cream bar
commercials.
Oh, man.
Is that every
sponsor on E's
for that shit?
There's a lot of
Magnum ice cream
bar on E.
There's a lot of
commercials for it.
It's a subliminal
message, I think.
I don't know.
I'm going to
smoke some
magnesium.
Snort a bit of red yeast rice.
Fish oil.
Yeah.
Oh, fish oil.
I love that expression.
Lay down with fish oil.
What was the last movie you saw, Matt?
Sorry to spring that on you.
I've been at documentaries lately.
I think the last one I saw was that, what's it called?
Echo in the Canyon that Jacob Dillon, you know.
People making music in Laurel Canyon.
Yeah, that's what it was all about.
Oh, I thought it was about someone who got like lost in a canyon like 127 hours
or something at first
that's what it sounded like
go in the canyon
that's what I wanted it to be
just some dude yelling
but no it was fucking Tom Petty
was he stuck in the canyon?
David Crosby
it was almost that boring
as someone yelling into a canyon.
Because it's pretty much like
there was a lot of music, great
music created by people who
are living in this specific
area of Laurel Canyon.
And you think you're going to watch the documentary and find
out, oh, what was it about this
area? But really it was just like,
hey man, a lot of us lived up there
and we're good at music
and that was that's the mystery at the end but what else did i want you know
what did i want to get from that you get in one sitting you find out what exactly what all the
music was that came out of that area and then the next time you're trying to get out to the valley
quickly and it's all backed up and you're really sitting there and you're angry,
you'll think of the movie and it'll make you even angrier.
I know.
And then I'll go, wait, I live in the valley.
What am I doing?
Trying to get out.
Trying to get home.
Yeah, always.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, man.
It's a predicament, that getting to and from the valley.
Yeah, you just got to teach your children children well this is when you guys join in
did you see that movie in the theater where they have like those reclining seats like
like the lazy boys uh because i'm doing it now yeah because you're reenacting it no because um
i i don't think i'd be able to stay awake during that movie if I was too comfortable.
Well, I see all movies in my bed these days.
Sorry, folks.
Because I've got to be fucking when I'm watching a movie.
And I fuck for exactly 90 minutes,
so it works out perfectly.
Oh, well, all these movies,
so many movies these days are over two hours long. I know, it's
embarrassing when I come
90 minutes into a two hour
movie and I'm like, I'm sorry
honey.
I couldn't help it, you're so sexy.
I can't last through these
Oscars.
Nominees.
Let's talk to Jonathan about his last movie
watching experience
in any format
yeah I saw
El Camino
on Netflix
okay
one clap
alright
yeah
it was fun
and I thought
it was one of those
movies that they could
have ruined the whole thing
but it turned out all right.
Yeah, it didn't ruin our childhood or any of that noise.
But it was also, it just stayed true to the thing.
It was almost like the bonus episodes or something, like what Matt's talking about.
Like it's just an additional feature to kind of go along with the...
It was good action.
It was a good...
So they didn't ruin too much
of what story we might have wanted to hold on to.
It was just a good action movie.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a good fit for the Star Wars universe.
Is that what Adam Driver told you on the set?
I call him Kylo, but yeah.
Do any of you guys have Disney Plus?
I got it today.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I spent all day watching racist cartoons from the 20s and Mandalorian, you know?
That's mostly why people are getting it, I hear.
Just for the racist cartoons from the 20s
Steamboat Willie the south isn't on there, but is it really racist cartoons? That's right here
I have it. I was there like from back in the day. What'd you really watch? I love Mandalorian
I watched that short with Forky from Toy Story 4. Ah see I haven't seen Toy Story 4
I don't want it to get ruined. You know, I don't think it will ruin
I haven't seen Toy Story 4.
I don't want it to get ruined, you know?
I don't think it will ruin it.
I don't know.
Shoot!
Bless you. Oh, jeez.
Thank you.
You're okay, bro.
Fake sneeze.
You literally said,
Just to get out of this conversation.
Ah-choo.
I'm tired of talking to Dustin.
I'm going to pretend to sneeze.
Cough, cough, ah-choo.
What are you, my dad?
Come on.
Cough, cough cough fart achoo
I think I'm allergic
to maybe that blood
on the table over there
yeah there's a lot of
blood on the table
this is a good
Doug Loves Movies
you've obviously
never killed anyone
that's a lot
you gotta get rid of it
was it weird
like
being
so you know
just
scenes with just you
and Adam Driver
was that a weird
experience for you
it was
yeah I worked with
Matt Damon before
so it was kind of
on the same level
you know
really
both handsy
no I'm just kidding
no no great guy kidding no I'm not
great guy
great guy
okay I won't
bring it up again
because
it's because
the NDA
I had to sign
yeah
oh I was just
gonna bring it up again
oh
the worst place
to talk about
these issues
is a panel
of all dudes
oh
oh yeah
someone just
did something
somebody's gonna
step in
someone was upset
over there.
Yeah.
No, they're just excited about their
Doug Lowe's Scary Movies poster.
Ooh.
Yeah.
All right.
Look at these posters.
People really do win at Doug Lowe's movies.
Justin, what was the last movie you saw?
You know, I intended to have something more current,
but on the plane ride out here was the last movie I saw.
It was Big Lebowski.
That's a great one.
Great reason, you know, always
a good reason to bring up
Big Lebowski, just to, you know,
anybody who still hasn't seen it, which is
probably lots of... Who's that?
Whatever the generation's called now.
Millennials, whatever.
No, we're on to a new one.
What's that? There's a new one
now, though.
Yeagers.
Boomy boom booms.
Well, the Z's have to familiarize themselves
with Walter Sobchak immediately.
Well, here's a question, though.
I know you're not a lawyer, Justin,
but isn't Big Lebowski as a 20th Century Fox movie,
isn't one of those titles that
since Disney now
owns it they're sitting on it
in a vault and you can't see it
in revival houses
it's been playing for the last
however many years
as a lawyer?
I don't know
as someone pretending to be a lawyer you're absolutely right
you played that perfectly
Dustin?
Yeah
Same question, no
What was the last movie you saw?
I saw The Mule
With Clint Eastwood
Yeah, where he was a drug runner
Now what did you
Eugene Cordera Hope to get from that experience?
Like, why did you pick The Mule?
Well, I was on the plane, and I had some time.
And it was free.
You got to pick a plane movie.
Yeah, and it was like right there.
And I was like, ah, Clint Eastwood, you know.
Was that uncensored?
Yeah, they take language out?
No, in fact, there was like two threesomes in the movie, man.
Did anyone...
I have heard this about this movie.
Bro, that's six.
I'm not good with math.
And which one is the mule involved with?
Which type does the mule get in on your show?
I think that's because his balls are like...
Crawl in my asshole, baby.
Sneak across the border.
Crawl in my asshole, baby.
Sneak across the border.
Clint Eastwood's a genius because there's rarely sex scenes
in his films,
especially the characters he plays
where they have sex on camera.
But now that he's 80-something,
he's going for it.
Yeah, he's like,
I want a baby shit.
You never saw the good,
the bad, and the fugly?
I'm sorry.
That was a great joke, sure.
I mean, there's a lot of sex
in Sully.
American Sniper.
Whoa, Justin.
It's getting doody up in here.
Oh, yeah.
Did you like it, Dustin?
Yeah, I really liked it.
Every time I look at an old person, I'm like, I bet you they've got drugs on them.
That's why they're walking slow, because they've got a joint in their butt cheeks.
Old people definitely all have drugs on them.
They're just usually in pillboxes.
Like hard medications.
It was good, though.
Yeah, it was pretty good. Like hard medications. It was good though and yeah,
it was pretty good.
I liked it.
Was his character
as racist as he was
in the other one?
Gran Torino?
I think it was about
equally racist.
He's always like,
I don't even,
that's probably all
just improv too.
It's not even
in the script.
Mexicans over here.
Smell like tortillas.
Like,
okay, man.
Just go with it. He's improv and he's a legend. And action. Okay, man. Just go with it.
He's improv-ing.
He's a legend.
And action.
Keep us rolling.
Let's just go.
Oh, what are you talking about?
I just got here.
I'm eating my tamales.
Jeez, man.
He doesn't, at most,
two takes of anything.
That's right here.
That's his claim to fame.
He brags about it.
Some of his movies
aren't that great.
Maybe a third take would have really been what it would need when you're 85 you can't take a third take you don't
know if you can you'll be around the third takes usually called the fun takes he's like no fun in
my movies it's so old mannish yeah but i hear yeah i think he like rolls in at like 9 a.m and then wraps at 5 no matter what
like he's he makes sure it's an easy shoot i hear rob reiner does that too like uh as a director
in a cool way it's like we're done by noon i don't give a shit you want to work with me
we work six hour days it just sounds crazy I like it yeah
it sounds crazy awesome hey Rob we'll work for you someone fact check that
we're running a little past the point where I should be asking this but it's
my favorite question to ask everybody and I'll just I'll throw it up at
everybody especially Justin do you guys do any impressions does anybody got a good impression they
could lay on me and do a little Bane oh no Justin's gonna step up with some Bane
I think I can handle it go ahead Justin theatricality and deception powerful agents of the uninitiated
that sounds like he's ordering drive-thru
of course I want fries
do you want anything else in that?
I would like
I can't see the menu
it's in the shadows.
Anybody else? That was a good one, Justin.
Thank you.
I do Christopher Walken's Dog.
Oh, I like it already.
Bow.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, I like that. I like that I like that
The two different
The two sounds of walking
Now what made you decide to go with
Crawling through a tennis racket
Instead of that when you were on America's Got Talent
There's always next year
Okay
Oh can you do that really
You'd go back again
Come back as an impressionist
No I don't think anyone's done that.
Oh, you should do
walking in the tennis racket.
You know?
That'd be kind of good.
Yeah.
A double thing.
Yeah, nice.
Yeah.
You're not going to do it.
You're just being nice to me.
You should follow up
and make him do it.
I'm going to.
You're moving me, bro.
You said you were going to do
walking through the tennis racket.
What have you got, Matt?
I do impressions.
Just not on request.
You slip them in
and nobody's expecting them.
Yeah, I'm going to work them in later and then you guys will go
Oh, fuck!
I want to do an impression of you doing that.
Oh, fuck!
Nailed it.
You guys didn't know, but that was a perfect John McEnroe
not agreeing with the call.
If you were holding the tennis racket maybe yeah
that's one I was I do yes I do an Aquaman hey okay visual it was really awesome
bro
I can't get
a red lobster
dude
that's so great
I have a linguine
from Ratatouille
as well
uh oh
oh fuck you
yeah Yeah.
I'm waiting for the twins remake when they do that, man.
Gotta get in on that.
Me and Momoa, you know?
Oh, that is a good idea,
but you know the joke of twins
was that they didn't look anything alike.
Are you sure? He repitches it. I'm pretty sure, yeah. This time, they look alike! didn't look anything like they're both really good-looking Oh, they both have that glorious hair.
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
That's expensive conditioner, bro.
60 bucks.
Well, all I can say when I see you do that impression is give me Momoa.
Who else do you do?
I don't know.
That's pretty much it.
What about like Belushi?
You could probably do eyebrows.
You could probably Belushi it.
Oh, there they go.
You're a little Jack Black.
Oh, Jack Black.
No, no, no, no, no.
Do it into the microphone.
Because the voice is good.
But the listeners don't care about the head.
No, man, we, no, man.
We've got to go rock, bro.
We've got to go.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's always a
no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Ned Schneebly
is one of my favorite names ever.
All right, this is the part where I say, let the games begin!
Gentlemen, we've got name tags.
Ten of them.
One's on a phone.
I need you to each go select which one you'd like to play on behalf of today.
And they might win all the prizes.
Pick somebody that looks smart, because you might need their help later.
I've said too much. We'll be right back.
Ho, ho, ho, everybody. It's that time of year again.
Twelve Guests of Christmas East and West Coast editions are coming up.
Which coast will be the most fun? New York City Sunday
December 1st at 8 o'clock at the Good Old Gramercy on 23rd and Lex and Los Angeles on
Thursday December 12th at 8 o'clock at Largo at the Coronet on La Cienega near Beverly all your favorite guests and some new surprises go to
Doug loves movies calm for tickets and may all your Christmas's be wider than a
mile back to the show we're back that was very exciting. Very heated exchange.
Doug, I have to say something about last time I got a sign.
Yes, sir?
I was on here with Dave Foley last time, and he had, if you remember,
someone put one of those $150 dosits on there. Do you remember that?
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, a nice pen.
And he was like, Dave's like,
I don't smoke. Bastard, you,
he gave it to me. I took that home.
It didn't work.
What?
I knew something was fishy. It was too good
to be true.
So you think they intentionally gave away a broken
or an already empty
vape pen?
It wasn't empty.
That was the thing,
though.
That's what it was.
It was just broke.
It was just broke.
Yeah.
Man,
that was a bummer.
And I was going to
give that to my daughter.
Who are you playing
on behalf of this time?
Did they tape anything
to the new tape?
Oh,
that's the only reason
I grabbed it.
Joshua Rabbit.
Joshua Rabbit.
I don't know what else to say.
And what was the glue to it?
Oh, a bunch of candy.
Oh, tons of candy.
Yeah, okay.
No weed this time, though.
Looks like some butter or something.
What is this?
Butter?
I don't know.
Put like a cube of butter on there, Joshua?
Jelly?
What is that?
Honey mustard.
Oh, it's honey mustard from...
Hot mustard from hot mustard
for dunking your nuggets.
Oh, it's for the show.
It could go with a sandwich.
Oh.
Was this meant for him
because of the nuggets?
Oh, no.
No.
How would he know
that that was going to happen?
But it's just all candy
and then just hot mustard.
There's a little something
odd about that.
It's not like you're eating candy and you go, I wish I had a little hot mustard to put in. There's a little something odd about that. It's not like you're eating
candy. I wish I had a little hot mustard
to put in. He's the most interesting house
to go to on his block. The kids are
excited. Maybe one of us
will get the hot sauce.
Who wants the hot mustard tonight?
Alright, kids. Stay away
from that man.
Boy, I mostly have
candy, but one out of ten kids
gets a little hot mustard.
Sir, the costume,
I get the hockey mask,
but the no pants,
I've never seen that before.
Which character
is that supposed to be?
Doug Benson fan.
Let's do it, Joshua Rabbit.
Too bad I know nothing about movies.
Jonathan's playing for Joe versus the volcano.
Yeah, and your head is the end O.
Yeah, I'm the O in volcano, as it should be.
Which you played in the original, right? That was the O. Yeah, I'm the O in Volcano, as it should be. Which you played in the original, right?
I was the O.
So yeah, I guess I'm playing for Joe.
Joe.
Joe.
Thanks, Joe.
Do you have a fondness of that particular movie?
Is that why you picked it?
I don't know if I've ever seen this movie.
Oh, it's a good one.
I do like a Tom Hanks, and I've seen many of the others.
That's good.
It's very odd. Yeah, it's got an odd of the others. That's good. It's very odd.
Yeah, it's got an oddness to it.
Top five volcano movies.
For sure.
It's up there with Dante's Peak and Volcano.
Oh, I wouldn't even put Volcano in the top five volcano movies.
Are there even five volcano movies?
Krakatoa, East of Java.
Beverly Hills Ninja.
Momoa has a volcano right I think so
Yeah might as well
It's in pre-production
Yeah sure
Pompeii
Isn't Mothra born
Hercules
Godzilla
But yeah Dante's Peak
That's the one
That's the movie
If you want to see
An old lady weighed into lava
Oh yeah
That's right that's right that
that's right though grandma yeah it's bad that was tough watching as a kid i remember thinking like
looking at my grandma like i hope you don't die in a volcano
but if you do that'd be fucking cool you know
i'm just saying old people can go out a lot of ways that's yeah it's usually virgins though so so joe versus joe versus the volcano thank you justin who you got yeah i have uh steve and
tiffany's infinite playlist and uh i believe uh steve is here tonight on behalf of tiffany yeah
it appears uh you all newlyweds uh oh no like, like two years maybe. Two years. Yeah.
Where is she tonight?
She's at home watching Disney.
She's got her hobbies and he has his hobbies coming to see this.
You've diverged that soon after the marriage. Has she ever come with you?
Has she ever come with you to a show?
She came once, but there was complications.
She came once and there was ticket complications with the tickets. She came once, and there was ticket complications.
So now she'll never come again, because she's terrified of complications.
It's just not her cup of tea.
It's not her cup of tea.
You say ticket complications.
It sounds like one of the tickets died.
There's been a complication with your ticket.
It came out.
It was a printing issue.
I see your last name is Straw.
Has there been a big blowback since the Straws
are banned in most cities now?
That is a very incisive question.
Well, look for that blowback.
You don't want to miss it when a blowback happens.
Yeah.
Especially from your wife.
You don't want to miss it when blowback happens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Especially from your wife.
Dustin, who are you playing for? You will not see that joke on Disney+, folks.
You will not.
Applications.
I was trying to figure out something with straw and blowback,
but I couldn't figure it out.
Okay, I got it.
Jose and the pussy cats
yeah
I'm filling in
for Tara Reid
on that poster
I like that
Sam Levine
is Rosario Dawson
you should go blonde
Doug
I feel like that's
a good look for you
I think it wouldn't be bad
yeah
I think I could get away with it
or at least get cat ears
you know
like in this
yeah
I guess that's a more
temporary option
because you're not
talking about
surgery to actually have cat ears no well i'm thinking more of the area you mean like those
kind of those fun novelty ones you put on not like the cats cats ears that trailer's freaky huh
my god oh cats yeah yeah i don't know what i every time I watch it I'm transfixed Because I just don't know why
It would appeal to anyone
Yeah
I could barely sit through
The Broadway play to imagine
As a
Did you go?
There's always a cat person
There are cats in my face
Mr. Mistoffelees is in the audience right now
Mr. Mistoffelees is in the audience right now.
Mr. Mistoffelees.
Is that how it goes? Perfect impression of Mr. Mistoffelees.
I was going to do it earlier.
But I said it'll come out later organically.
I love Broadway.
Do you remember?
Yeah, but it's funny you call cats a play.
Okay, it's a musical.
It's a musical with purring.
Yeah.
No, it's okay.
You know, as a live experience, I didn't hate it.
I mean, I saw it a long time ago,
so I probably dislike it more now.
But that movie, holy shit.
They're weird cat butts it's just weird
should be rated R
I mean everyone's thinking what I'm thinking right?
cat sex
I don't know
I don't think they have any cat sex in it
I mean they didn't in the Broadway show.
They just humped random audience members.
They did that in Hedwig, too.
Because I got humped, I know.
Somebody ran up and humped you during Hedwig?
Yeah, in the opening scene.
They do a lap dance.
Ah.
I think they do that in Hamilton, too, actually.
All right, people making musicals, that's hack now.
Stop humping people in the audience.
Think of something else.
Like throw ping-pongs at them.
That would be fun.
There's one seat in the house that a bunch of ping-pongs get dumped on. That would be fun. There's one seat in the house
that a bunch of ping pongs get dumped on.
That would be fun.
I'm getting back to my candy.
Let's play some games.
Yeah!
Let's start with...
This is something called
Alex's, Jason, and Deb's IMDB game.
And I particularly enjoy this game
because IMDB.
Thank you very much.
You know how everybody on IMDB
has on their page,
they have a best known for and some sort of strange algorithm.
I'll pick four projects, usually movies, sometimes TV,
that that person was associated with.
I'm very angry about mine.
Why? What's your best known for?
It was something like, I don't know if it still is,
but it was, I did a video,
like right when people were starting to make
videos about my, and this
was when MySpace existed, and I
made one about MySpace Tom,
and for the longest time
it was known for MySpace
Tom video.
Yeah,
well you could get, I guess, an IMDB
pro and pay money and then go in
and fix your profile.
I think I asked
my agents about it
and they're like,
no,
you're MySpace Tom forever
until you win an Oscar.
That's where I know you from.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Let's try to put it together.
Yeah.
I'm calling first.
Okay,
so I'm going to read,
you know, slowly read somebody's top four according to IMDb.
And go ahead and buzz in with your own name when you think you know who it is.
And if you get in there too early and guess the wrong name, then it's going to be a negative one point for you.
So be careful about that.
Bonus points for additional
movies you can name after you've
buzzed in and answered correctly.
Yeah.
Okay. I can't say their names.
Have you played this before, Matt? No, I haven't.
Do you want to practice buzzing in?
I'm not. Matt. Yeah, very good.
Buzzer works.
Some people with more than one syllable
in their name think that
they're at a disadvantage because it takes them longer to say your name but it's just the first
person that makes a noise my name was william yeah oh my god yeah i go for bill kick your ass
you say william and i'll say matt check it out yeah someone has to count. Hang on. I got a Fitbit. I can put this on my... Fitbit it.
How many steps is there in this bit?
Okay, and go.
William!
Shit, you were so fast.
It was.35 as well.
So fast, man.
I'm Usain Bolt of saying names.
Okay, so you'll say William.
What are you going to say, Jonathan?
I'll go John. Okay, yeah, good. That's quick. I'll stick with Justin What are you going to say, Jonathan? I'll go John.
Okay, yeah, good.
That's quick.
I'll stick with Justin.
Justin's going to go Justin.
Dustin, I'm going to need you to change it up
because they're so similar.
Justin and Dustin.
Jason Momoa.
Yeah, that's good.
You say Jason Momoa.
And make one eyebrow go up.
Yeah, bro.
There you go.
Fish.
He just says fish
at some point like that?
Fish.
Fish.
It's my three things.
I love fighting fucking fish.
Fucking Aquaman.
Those DC movies are really dark.
Who's best known for
on IMDb
starts with
A Walk to Remember.
A Walk to Remember that movie.
The next title is Tangled.
Oh, I do remember that.
John?
John, what do you got?
Mandy Moore?
Mandy Moore is correct.
Yes, sir.
I forgot the rules for a second.
I thought he was just guessing John.
Is John in those movies?
John that movie.
All right.
So John Utham gets one for that.
And there's two more in the best known four.
If you can name one or both of them, you get extra points.
And it can be TV sometimes, right?
It can be.
I'm going to go This Is Us.
And I don't know what else she's been in she was in
This Is Us 2
T-O-O
episode 2
strangely
I don't know why this happened
no This Is Us
is clearly very much
her best known for but was clearly very much your best known for
but they went with saved exclamation point oh the yeah that's oh yeah and
chasing liberty that around that time there was two competing daughter of the
president movies she was in one of the one that didn't have Michael Keaton and
what saves that a cannibal movie mm-hmm
wasn't that also a competing movie at the time like soccer team eating each
other how alive yeah see I'm not sick I don't think anymore has been around that
long all right so that means that Jonathan is on the board with one point, but this is still anybody's game.
Oh, my God.
This is exciting.
It's intense.
It's unbearable.
Next round.
Who's best known for begins with a film called Far From Heaven.
Far From Heaven.
And then the next one is.
This is like a walk to remember.
The Day After Tomorrow. Oh, that's Thursday. and then the next one is it's just like a walk to remember the day after tomorrow
ah that's Thursday
Daniel Craig
Matt
Matt says Daniel Craig
is that not a
that is not a James Bond movie
oh it does
sound like it day after tomorrow
the day after tomorrow
tomorrow never dies.
Is what you would be looking for in a James Bond title.
So that's negative one for you, Matt.
No, I'm in a hole.
You can get out of this.
You can get out of this.
The third title.
Frequency.
Jason.
Jason, did you get any of the head adjusted? Oh, did I yeah I think so no close was tight Dennis Quaid Dennis Quaid is correct yeah man there he is on
the board now you get one shot at an extra point all right if you could name
the one other Dennis Quaid opus. Was it the e-surance commercials?
He's good.
Those are interesting commercials.
He has to run around and do a bunch of things.
All in one take.
Looks like it.
But that's not it.
That's your only guess?
You know,
Dennis Quaid.
He did a movie with our friend toe for grace called in good company yeah scar Jo was in that as well I am you may have
heard of her yes my favorite of all the characters in the Lion King. One point for Dustin.
One point for Jonathan.
Matt's in the hole.
Justin's alright.
Right there in the middle.
Oh man, I'm freaking out.
My fucking heart rate on my Fitbit
is insane right now.
Oh man.
What does it say, like 98, 99?
Let's see here.
Three minutes ago it was at 92.
I'll give you an update.
I was so focused on how much I liked the candy
that I'm not pulling through with the answers.
I'm so sorry.
I'm going to shout something out early in this round.
I should have mentioned at the top of the show
we have a new feature on the program.
We can hear the thoughts of my guests.
Guest commentary.
Just when you thought DVD extras were gone.
What's the guest thinking during the show?
Why'd I give away that sandwich?
What's the guest thinking during the show?
Why'd I give away that sandwich?
Man, I bet he could have taped more candy to this poster.
Okay, whose best known for starts with The Dark Knight. Oh, and a theme emerges, usually.
The Dark Knight is the first title.
Bad movie. The Dark Knight is the first title. Bad movie.
The second title is
Thank You for Smoking.
Justin. Who is it, Justin?
Aaron Eckhart. That is correct.
Justin is on the board.
Yes!
Thank you.
Great work, Justin. You get two more shots
and extra points
for the films of Aaron Eckhart.
Something about wine.
Okay, let me look and see.
No, I don't see that here.
I'll say Battle Los Angeles.
Saddle?
Battle.
Battle?
Oh, Battle Los Angeles?
Yeah.
The Saddle for Los Angeles.
Saddle Los Angeles.
Everybody jump on.
We're getting out of here.
Climb on.
I want to see something about wine with Tommy Davidson.
Any other guesses?
It's tough.
Something where he's cooking.
Yeah, I don't have any AX.
In the Company of Men.
That's sort of the movie that exposed us to him initially.
He played a real creepy dude.
Oh, like us right now.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
And then he's one of the scientists that tries to go to the middle of the earth in The Core.
They always try to do it.
Never works.
Doesn't count as a volcano movie just because it has magma and lava in it, though.
It's arguable, though. I don't know. It doesn't count as a volcano movie just because it has magma and lava in it, though. It's arguable, though.
I don't know.
It doesn't erupt.
If I see a volcano movie with no magma,
I mean, if we're talking magma,
we'll just put it on the list of magma movies.
I want to see a volcano finished.
We won't put it on the volcano list.
I disagree.
I think that's just too on the nose.
I like a subtle lava movie
where you have to go to the magma.
Oh, no.
I like a Peter North fucking volcano.
Slinging magma left and right.
Like the apocalypse.
That's what I liked in my 20s.
I grew out of that.
What a horrible excuse. Don't worry about it.
It's just magma.
Anyway.
This is our final round unless we need
a tiebreaker. We might need a tiebreaker
because you guys. We got a three
way tie going.
I could still pull this out if I got it right
and named four movies.
Well that would be overkill. You don't even need that much. You just need to got it right and named four movies. Oh, yeah. Well, that would be overkill.
You don't even need that much.
You just need to get it right and name two more.
Okay.
It's going to be someone from the company of men.
To tie, you just need two.
The first title is The Phantom of the Opera.
Another musical.
The Phantom of the Opera. Another musical. The Phantom of the Opera is here
to blow your mind.
Oh, fuck.
What?
Oh, man.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, that was.
Thank you.
Wow.
Yeah, this really blew him away.
He was really impressed.
Steve's got something to put on his playlist.
You have something to tell your wife about tonight.
You gotta come, honey.
Tiffany, guess what's for breakfast?
Do it again?
I missed it.
What'd you do?
No, it's so perfect the first time.
No way.
I guess I'll just have to go back and listen to it.
Play the tape.
I just keep looking at this guy in the hoodie
in the front row and I'm just wondering
if E.T. got back safely.
He had such a
trying to get E.T. back home look.
Okay.
The first one was
Phantom of the Opera.
Second title,
Hard Candy.
Oh, says the audience.
I love candy.
Hard though?
Hard candy?
Not as much.
Maybe a jolly rancher,
but it's never a fucking jolly rancher.
It's always just like
old person hard candy.
Yeah, that's why you gotta dip it in hot mustard.
Just dip it in a little hot mustard.
It makes it not so hard.
That's the secret.
Stay away from my children, sir.
What? I'm telling them the secret
to hard candy.
It's not even Halloween.
Matt, if you get this
one on the next
if you get it on the next one and then name one
more movie, the first movie is then you will
you will create a four-way tie.
That's definitely happening
yeah
the third title is
Insidious
Jason Momoa
what do you got Jason
gosh
I think this is
I
I know one of the
one of the
Thomas Patrick
Patrick Thomas
no
Patrick Wilson you You're in
the ballpark. You gotta
buzz in first, though.
Matt Besser?
William? Patrick Wilson?
Patrick Wilson is correct.
Out of nowhere! You thought I was
out of it!
Unfair!
You thought I was just. You say unfair.
Fuck you. Who are you?
You thought I was
checked out with the candy.
Patrick Wilson.
Okay, so
if you could name one more Patrick Wilson
joint, then
you will make it a four-way tie.
Actually, I'm a huge fan of his.
This is extremely exciting.
Wasn't he in The Haunting?
I'm going to say that, The Haunting.
We're all judging you quietly.
Was he not in that?
The Haunted.
It depends on what you mean by that.
That's the tricky thing about game shows
he was in some fucking movie where him and his wife had a ghost in the house insidious
oh i remember the title we have a ghost in the house
jojo rabbit that's the new title
for Ghost Dad
they just changed it
to we have a ghost
in the house
and they
Bill Cosby's cut
ended from the movie
entirely
so it's just people
walking around
talking about a ghost
you've never seen
Oh it gets really sad
Who picked you up
from practice dad?
It just looks like
an insane family
I'm sorry dude I'm not good Who picked you up from practice? Dad. It just looks like an insane family.
I'm sorry, dude.
I'm not good at this kind of thing. Yeah, you were really, it was really exciting.
I know it was.
I think you're on to exactly what it is, but you just don't have the right title.
It's called, like, The Haunted House.
I hated the movie.
I turned it off.
What do they have going on there like it's sort of a haunting
didn't I say the
haunting didn't I say that I think you
said that but I said something different
the haunting yeah
that's not right either
it's something like that though
I'm looking right at it
I guess I should just go ahead
and say it's the conjuring yeah you totally knew you knew what you were talking about you just
didn't you just didn't know what was that movie where he ended up wasn't he like a pedophile or something what was his first movie Hard Candy he's Ellen Page
ties him up
because he was
a pedophile
that's what I'm thinking about
yeah
that wasn't his first movie though
what was his first big one
people in the audience
have opinions
Angels in America
that's what I'm thinking
I thought you said
Angels in the Outfield
I'm like
how fucking old is this guy
he was a little boy.
Yeah, that was the first time I saw him.
And it was early.
Louise Parker.
Mary Louise Parker.
And Justin Kirk was in it.
Angels in America movie is really good.
The one on HBO, right?
Yeah.
It's a good show, too.
I saw it again on Broadway the last time
they revived it with
Nathan Lane. I didn't know it was
in a comedy, and I got kicked out of the
live one.
It's got funny
parts.
It's not entirely serious.
I was like, when is
someone going to hump my leg alright so we need to find a winner
and
Matt's the only one
that's out of this at this point
I got one, oh I'm zero now
yeah you're up to zero so that's not
that's not going to do it.
We're going to do
a tiebreaker between
Dustin, Justin, and Jonathan
Thursdays on ABC.
Three guys who know
a little bit about movies
forced to live together.
I'm the messy one.
I live in a suitcase.
Bro, what do you do in my suitcase?
I put my chicken sandwiches in here.
What the fuck?
Justin's like... I call Top Punk.
Now I know why you have that red wallet.
You couldn't fit in it.
Now you're giving it away, right?
Tiebreaker.
How long did you have to be in that suitcase?
A few minutes. few minutes does that matter
could you be in there for a really long time
or would you have trouble getting out
because your legs would fall asleep
you sort of lose oxygen after a while
I get all steamed up
oh right
I can breathe out of the zipper
but that really did trick everybody
when Terry Crews pulled the suitcase out.
The judges were genuinely surprised
that a whole person got out of there.
Yeah, they weren't expecting that.
A tall person, too.
It makes it even more amazing.
It's not like you're small.
Yeah.
They just thought Terry was heading to the airport.
Like, the show just started.
Yeah, I could just see Simon just being like,
what the fuck is Terry?
Why with the goddamn luggage? There's a dressing room. What an idiot. Yeah. And could just see Simon just be like, what the fuck is Terry? Why with the goddamn luggage?
There's a dressing room. What an idiot.
And then you pop out. Boy, did he feel dumb.
Yeah.
Felt foolish.
Yeah. Who's your favorite judge?
My favorite
judge? Howie was lovely.
He enjoyed you the most?
Yeah, he seemed to be
happy about me he likes a
winning smile yeah I'm more of a Ruth Bader of all the judges she's probably
your number one yeah a little more important to America Judy's for years out there pretty important all right
well I always we settled that yes this is for all this is gonna determine the
winner this is how fastly the time is gone. Our time is almost up. Wow. I can't wait to get home and eat this candy.
Which one are you going to eat first? Which is your favorite of the candies?
Oh, on the way home, I'm going to eat one of the sucking candies.
Oh, that's a good call. That made everybody very unhappy.
And then bite into a chocolate right inside
into the house. Why are you doing that voice?
Why are you being so creepy about
your sucking candy? Because it's all going to be
in my mouth. I'm going to put like two or three
in there at the same time, different flavors.
And then I'm going to put the whole
hot mustard in there.
Just squeeze it into my mouth.
And just suck on it.
And give my wife a big kiss
when I walk in the door.
Say I'm the king of the podcast.
Honey, let's have sex while we watch a movie.
Oh, I should remind you, Matt,
that you're not in this now.
You've just said it out loud.
So, first one of you
That was a hard one
Don't focus on me guys
Win it to win it
Don't be distracted
Alright so between Dustin, Justin and Jonathan
Whoever buzzes in first
And gets it right
Is going to win this thing
And the theme has emerged We got Manny Moore, Dennis Quaid whoever buzzes in first and gets it right is going to win this thing. Oh, man.
And the theme has emerged.
We've got Manny Moore, Dennis Quaid, Aaron Eckhart, Patrick Wilson,
and this final one whose top four begins with True Detective.
Oh, it's happening.
Second title. This will give it away. second title
this will give it away
people vs. Larry Flynn
Justin
Woody Harrelson
that is correct Justin is our winner
that was
really close
for no extra points he also included
natural born killers and the first zombie land close. But no extra points. He also included Natural Born Killers
and the first Zombieland.
Yeah.
Good for keeping those
Hunger Games out of your top four, Woody.
If you are
listening, Woody.
Shia LaBeouf says hi
to everybody, by the way. He's a fan
of Douglas movies.
I know, right? He's been a couple of Douglas movies I know right he's been a
couple of times I guess and no way yeah yeah he gave me his number what is it
It's 1-800-HONEYBOY.
I don't know about that.
I think you'll get him.
I think you'll get him if you call 1-800-HONEYBOY.
1-900-HONEYBOY.
Oh, is that the right?
I don't know how those work anymore.
I didn't know they still did those things.
So Steve, congratulations.
You got some stuff to bring home to Tiffany.
There you go, dude.
This is going to be a reason for her to come to the show
next time. All this loot.
That's not my cup of tea.
Next. That's not my cup of tea either.
Oh yeah, you should tell her before she opens opens it there's no cups of tea in there
you should give her a cup of tea
finally a cup of tea
I'd definitely throw it at her and say here's your fucking cup of tea
and she's like that's not my cup of tea
that's someone else's cup of tea
where's my cup of tea. That's someone else's cup of tea. Where's my cup of tea?
It's always semantics with Tiffany.
What do you got to plug?
I know you got pot humor.
That's it, Bubba.
That's it.
I'll tell you what I'm going to do, though.
Pot humor.
Do it.
Pot humor.
Go to mattbesser.com to find links to all those VODs.
And to the studio audience, I'm going to give everybody a May I Help You Dumbass CD on the way out
if you're going to get my special. I'll sit
right here and give you a CD
if you still have one of those players.
You got to be honest about this.
You get one of those
if you're going to buy the special.
The special costs $79.95
and you can pay for
it in installments.
You do get a bag of weed sent to you.
So there you go.
And candy.
It all works out.
Everyone gets candy.
Jonathan Burns,
what's your Twitter name?
At Flexible Comedy.
Flexible Comedy.
There you go.
Yeah.
FlexibleComedy.com
is my website.
Cool.
If you can't remember that,
you can check out
FlexiSexy.com.
Whoa.
That's the easiest to remember.
Both with Ys. Don't use an I in there.
That's not me.
You'll realize pretty quick that's not me.
I'm touring around doing shows as well.
Coming up at the beginning of 2020,
I'll be opening up for a dog show called Mutt's Gone Nuts.
They're rescue dogs that do unbelievable tricks.
We perform them at theaters all over the East Coast.
I have got to go see Mutt's Gone Nuts.
Yeah.
It's pretty fun.
Yeah, it's the top of the show.
I crawl out of a small dog crate.
That's weird.
I'm doing a show too like that.
I thought you were going to say you crawled out too like that. It's Matt with a bunch of dogs
that have rabies.
It's not as cute.
It's real death defying.
I take them out of my house and I shoot them.
It's like Old Yeller Live.
Yeah.
If you hate dogs,
come see my show.
Dogs.
Our show's very different.
Well, that sounds super fun, and thank you for doing this show.
Thank you for having me.
Appreciate it, yeah.
And Justin Hubbell, you spent all that money to be here.
You came all the way across the country.
Special trip.
I do appreciate that.
What would you plug?
Doug, I would just encourage people to
support art and artists. Keep whatever
mediums they love alive.
Oh, that's very sweet.
Otherwise, thanks to you, Jimmy Pardo
and Smile Train.
A lot of fun. Thanks.
Okay, thank you.
Yeah!
Thanks, Mom.
Did you meet Matt Belknap?
You know he's here doing the sound I didn't
But you know him right?
You haven't heard him on Podcastathon?
He's that other voice
It's not Jimmy
Oh okay
There you go
San Jose this Saturday.
Go to DougLovesMovies.com
for more information
and details and whatnot.
That's DougLovesMovies.com
Yeah!
Cacao!
Wallet!
Ted Danson?
Yep, that's the whole thing.
Dustin, what do you got to plug?
I just, I, DustinIbarra.com, my name.
I'm going to be on tour.
I'm going to like Texas and a bunch of other places, Vegas.
You know, the big spots.
Yeah, let's meet up somewhere out on the road.
Let's do it, man.
Yeah, so fun.
Always fun to see you.
One more time for all of my guests, Matt Besser, Jonathan Burns, Justin Hubble, and Dustin
Ibarra.
As always, positive energy.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talking.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you,
cause Doug loves movies!