Doug Loves Movies - Matt Besser, Michaela Watkins, Cedric Yarbrough, and Oscar Nuñez Guest
Episode Date: November 4, 2014Doug welcomes Matt Besser, Michaela Watkins, Cedric Yarbrough, and Oscar Nuñez to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/...privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seeds
With 50 azithop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies!
Hey everybody!
My name is Doug and I love movies!
Hey, Doug loves movies! my name is Doug and I love movies coming to you from the
Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
on Tuesday
November 4th 2014
Wolf of Wall Street fight Terminator 2
Judgment Day of the Deadman walking to all the
president's men speaking of presidents
did you guys remember to vote today? We got some voters
in the house. Little stickers.
That guy's got a Douglas Movies button on.
They give you those at the voting booth
when you do your part.
Nashville, Tennessee, Thursday
night, November 6th.
That's this Thursday. I'm doing stand-up
at 9.30 p.m.
And then Saturday, I'm doing a Douglas
Movies at 4.20, both shows at Zany's.
And I've also got shows this month in Tempe, Tampa,
San Diego, douglovesmovies.com
for all the deets, dates, and links.
And Netflix havers, people who have Netflix,
watch Doug Dynasty this Thursday,
also November 6th.
And watch it Friday, too, for all I care. Like get up
every day and watch, have a Doug
Dynasty day. Smoke a few bowls,
watch my special, and then
you know, forget to go to work or whatever.
I think you'll enjoy it.
I hope you enjoy it. Prize bag's
got a lot of great stuff in it
and an album by
something called, a band called Leon that I acquired and do not have the means to play.
So maybe the winner tonight will have some sort of old-timey device to play this on.
But if you're into more modern shit, you can check out my CD, Gateway Doug 2, Forced Fun,
and lots of other fun stuff that's in the bag that we will sort through it with the guests.
You can see there's four chairs tonight, which means we've got four great guests.
Please give a big, warm welcome, UCB, to Cedric Yarborough, Michaela Watkins, Oscar Nunez, and Matt Besser.
Here they come.
Sit wherever you like, you guys.
Anywhere on the stage, Oscar. I should have been more clear about that.
There's a couple of good seats out there you might have tried to snag.
But thank you, all of you, for being here.
And let's start off with first-time guest, Mikhail Watkins, everybody.
So casually waving to the crowd,
not even interested in her microphone.
There you go.
Talk into that for a second, please.
Oh, no.
She just can't speak.
She lost her voice.
She doesn't know either. Such a pro about it, yeah.
She must have lost her hearing, too.
Weird Twilight Zone.
God, she won't shut up, though.
Have you ever seen a group of people doing sign language
having an argument with all of each other?
Yeah.
Because they have to, they're constantly hitting each other
because you've got to look, like, look at my hands
while I'm trying to argue with you.
Yeah.
So they're, like, hitting each other a lot.
I didn't even realize that that would be part of it, you know?
Hitting isn't just an exclamation point?
As in, like, you know, look at my hands.
But they have to constantly do that
if it's a group of people all arguing with each other.
Use your microphone voice.
There's a microphone.
They're the demographic with the most cases of whiplash
because of that.
Okay, don't use your microphone voice.
I'll take it back.
Yeah, yeah. No, I get it.
But just hang on to your mics, you guys.
We're going to need you
to speak again
repeatedly throughout the show.
But I just want to start off by saying that there is
sort of a theme in place here tonight because
Michaela is the executive producer
of a new program called
Benched on
USA. They know characters.
Boom!
Characters,
welcome. Yes, that's what it is.
And that's on the side of the prize bag tonight because
Michaela brought a bag of
Benched schwag. We got a gigantic
Benched coffee mug
that you could have soup out of
if you want to
change things up.
Soup.
Welcome.
And then two
hot liquids.
Welcome.
Those are like
gavels.
They're little,
yeah,
they're pencils.
Oh, it's a legal show.
Yeah,
they're also gavels.
They're gavels
for the least
effective judge
in the history
of everything.
I said order.
And then
also
some lovely
file folders
that say
Benched
USA on them.
They really
stuck to the
law theme
of the program.
I'm glad
because it would
be weird if it
was like
Benched
Baseballs.
Benched Ballballs. Benched
Benched
Balls.
Park Benched.
And the premise of Benched is that
the great Eliza Koop from
Happy Endings stars in it as
a hot shot lawyer who
gets taken down a peg or two and
has to work for
the DA's office.
No, as a public defender.
The opposite of the DA's office.
The other office across the hall.
Like when they go, you have a right to a lawyer
if you can't afford one. That's them.
So she does it and then she has to do
at least in the first episode that I saw
she has to compete with
her ex on the opposing council.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Friction.
Dramatic friction.
That's what that is.
And then more dramatic friction is brought by Cedric Yarbrough is here, everybody,
who went from the great Reno 9-11 to he is.
That's why it failed.
It's Reno September 11th.
Yes.
Come on, Doug.
And where he was a law officer, and now you are a bailiff on Bencht.
Is that a, what is that?
A demotion?
Sideways?
That's Hollywood.
Hollywood.
Hollywood. They do a? That's Hollywood. Hollywood.
How they do a black man in Hollywood.
No, I'm really happy.
Michaela wanted me to be a part of the show,
and I was like, yeah, I would love to be a part of the show.
Do you only do roles in law enforcement?
Roles?
No.
Just say yes.
Just say yes.
From now on Hollywood
Cedric's your man if there's law enforcement
involved and
Oscar Nunez is here everybody
of the office
and now benched and
also the motion
picture of the proposal
which I often cite as one of the
rom-coms that I can tolerate.
Yeah, same here.
Right?
Yeah.
I agree 100%.
It's absolutely bearable.
And, um...
But you have a...
It is.
It sounds insulting, but I mean it.
It's very bearable.
I mean, on the scale of rom-coms,
it's actually somewhat charming.
It is.
I keep digging a deeper hole.
But you're great at it.
Is that the blurb?
It's absolutely bearable.
Is there a reason we don't...
Somewhat charming.
We don't wipe this down?
Oh, you need to wipe down?
Let me ask somebody.
Does anybody here have a wet rag or something?
I wasn't being serious.
I was giving you a comedic put down because you dissed my proposal movie.
I thought I'd put down your table.
You know this.
Well, you know, that's my deepest point of pride in this podcast is this fucking table.
And I was pretty upset that you needed to wipe down.
I was going to take care of business.
Doesn't feel good, does it?
Yeah.
Bearable.
You don't talk about the table enough with your listeners,
as a matter of fact.
No, a lot of the listeners don't even know there's a table.
It's barely a table.
When I do these shows on the road, I say,
no table, please, because I'm all about the bass.
No table.
Cedric brought a copy of Reno 9-11 Miami, the movie, and it's unrated.
Does that mean we get to see your dong or something?
Yes.
Or Dangle finally comes out of his pants?
My penis is out in that movie. Or maybe there's
a whale, a beached whale on the back.
That's my penis we're talking about.
Oh shit!
Look at his penis everybody.
That is nice.
That's a good size.
Nice blow hole.
Alright so that's in the prize bag
and Matt Besser's here everybody.
Thanks guys.
Check out the table.
You brought the UCB Black DVD.
This is the first time it going out.
We're filming acts from both theaters on both coasts
that do particularly
well during the year.
A lot of unknowns there and just putting out a DVD
every year. So we'll be doing that
and this will be the first one we're giving away.
And why is it called Black?
Because that's that color in front of you.
I don't know.
Like each year it'll be a different color
or next year it'll be Black 2?
Blacker.
And then you also brought the six most important sets
in the history of stand-up, your comedy CD.
That's right.
Yeah.
And you play a bunch of different characters on that.
I do.
They're all on the back.
Who's this guy with his pants just pulled up
and his shirt tucked in?
He's a clone that escaped from the clone laboratory.
Okay. Because all the other
characters are quite elaborate, and that one's just like you
in a t-shirt and
wearing your pants weird. Well, that's actually a skirt,
but you can't tell, I guess. Oh, okay.
Yeah, you can't tell that's a skirt. It's also a child's
shirt. Oh, alright.
Well, there's a lot of really interesting characters
it turns out. I'm glad I dug into that.
Glad we got into it.
Characters welcome.
Oh, and some weed thing that I threw in there.
All right, so all that stuff is in the prize bag.
Somebody's going to win it tonight.
As you can see, we've got some newer players,
so I'm not going to force them to.
You'll see what we're going to do.
But before we do that, since this is Doug Loves Movies
and you guys are all
performers
and you probably go to, you've seen movies.
I've seen them.
Yeah.
What was the last movie you saw, Matt Besser?
I have a new born relatively.
I feel like I'm not going to be able to go to the movie theater
for a while, but I do watch
them on Netflix. That counts, right?
I saw this one that I think is new to Netflix called Blue Rain.
Has anybody seen that one?
You know what I'm talking about?
Blue Ruin?
Is that it?
Yeah.
There's Black Rain, but that's not new to Netflix.
Did I really fuck up the title?
Blue Ruin.
Is it about a dude?
He's got the beard at the beginning and...
It's like a revenge movie and he goes and he kills people.
I don't remember him having a beard, but yeah.
Because at the beginning he's like getting out of...
In the second scene he shaves it.
Yeah.
But he's a real unassuming killer, right?
Yeah.
That's what I loved about it.
Is it Blue Ruin? He's what I loved about him.
Is it Blue Ruin?
He's so blue ruin.
He's so unassuming that it's kind of a surprise that he starts killing people.
Yeah.
And you ruined it.
I always wondered what that title meant.
And now I know.
When people talk about it, they're going to blue ruin it.
You do know that five minutes in, though.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a revenge movie.
It's like Falling Down, but with an unassuming guy.
It's a sweeter kind of, yeah, it's an unassuming revenge guy.
So it's interesting.
Yeah, it's kind of darkly funny, even.
Yeah.
Matt, is it a foreign movie?
It's not.
It's not?
No, it's just an independent film.
I wish I knew more about it.
I can't even say the whole title.
It's like eight letters in the whole thing. Maybe it had just an independent film. I wish I knew more about it. I can't even say the whole title.
It's like eight letters in the whole thing. Maybe it had a really weird font.
That is obviously what it is.
My vision is going.
You blew it and you ruined it.
Have you guys seen
Horry Pooter?
That's another one I like.
I think you're getting that one wrong too.
I'm pretty sure.
What about Jews?
That one about the shark?
Jews?
Oh, no.
That is way off.
What about you, Oscar?
Have you been to the cinema lately?
No.
We have a two-year-old, and it's just so difficult.
But you know what I did?
I went on Amazon, and I saw Hercules the the rocks movie yeah really didn't work out for you why is
that the movie went out of your way I don't know I get this precious 90
minutes how will I use it I didn't want to think too much I didn't want to think
I just wanted to see some popcorn bubblegum thing.
But then you end up having to think
how much you hate it and yourself.
I fast-forwarded to the fight scenes.
I didn't want to.
The dialogue was predictable and boring.
It's just awful.
Did it pick up a little in the fight scenes, maybe?
Very little.
I can't even imagine what it would be
besides fight scenes.
You know what?
The last movie we went to the movies to see...
A lot of discussing taking over the city.
Philip Seymour Hoffman, the man,
the one where he's a spy, the John...
If all four of you can't actually name
the most recent movie you've seen,
that's going to be interesting.
The last Philip Seymour Hoffman.
If they don't say that...
It was called Most Wanted Man.
It was a great movie.
That was great.
Another guy's yelling out
Hunger Games
because I guess technically
that would be a later...
Yeah.
He's got like...
He had like three or four
in the can when he...
When he kicked the bucket.
Yeah.
Which is a weird way
to describe it.
When you said can...
When it's such a tragic death.
He kicked the bucket.
Was there a lot of heroin in the bucket?
Yeah.
His number was up.
The number of the amount of heroin
that he could...
Too soon.
But whatever.
I think he would have laughed.
He would have roared.
And then shot up again.
Don't do drugs, you guys.
Cedric, what do you got?
Have you been to the cinema?
I've been to the cinema.
I saw Feather Guy.
Michael Keaton.
Michael Keaton.
Birdman.
Which one?
Boardman.
Boardman.
Oh, Birdman. Oh, Birdman, yeah. Birdman. Which one? Boardman. Boardman. Oh, Birdman.
Oh, Birdman, yeah.
Feather guy.
Feather.
Bridge over River Man.
And did you enjoy the Birdman?
I loved the Birdman.
It's a very interesting movie.
It's an amazing film, I thought.
And I loved how Keaton, even during the play,
you can see him be
an actor while he's
acting on the play.
It's really, really good.
Yeah, they gotta be super good to pull that
shit off. Does he shave? Because in this one,
in the blue ruin, the guy
shaves. He shaves?
He doesn't shave.
You saw Gone Girl 2?
They've already made Gone Girl 2. I saw a lot.
They've already made Gone Girl 2?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gone Girl 2.
Still gone.
Electric boogaloo.
She's gone.
After all these years.
Where's she at?
Gone Girl 2.
Where's she at?
Where's she at?
Tyler Perry's Gone Girl 2. Only She At Tyler Perry's
Gone Girl 2
I like the
Magic Johnson Theater
He was
That would be called
Where's She At
also
He was
Tyler Perry's
very good at
Gone Girl
I don't know why
I say that
like I'm surprised
he's obviously
a great actor
if he can
if he can play
if he can pull off
that Madea character
so well
Michaela what have you seen Well I'm embarrassed but I'm not gonna lie if we could pull off that Medea character so well.
Michaela, what have you seen?
Well, I'm embarrassed, but I'm not going to lie,
because I don't lie.
So I'm going to tell you that I saw,
I was on an airplane, so I was held hostage.
But I saw Chef.
Ugh.
Why?
Because you're sitting in a plane where the last thing's gonna happen is any decent food
coming around and you're just watching him just whip up all these amazing dishes that and i hate
i just hate and i yes i watched it you know but i i hate show movies about like
like i get it you know we're allies. We all like good food.
I get it.
What did you think it was about?
I just knew,
but I almost wanted to see
because I was like this perversion
to see how grotesque they would be with food.
I hate movies where people are eating.
I'm so on board with that.
I so agree with you.
We're talking about this
on your other podcast today.
We're talking about Chewing your other podcast today. All right, sorry. We were talking about chewing while eating on my food podcast.
But, yeah, it's...
It's like, ew, there's a microphone seconds away
from where your mouth is salivating,
and I don't need, you know, I don't need you to be like...
Does that mean you're not a...
Perfect, you know?
Does that mean you're not a fan of Brad Pitt?
Because he finds a reason to eat
in almost every scene in every movie.
But I guess he does it
in a more tasteful way.
Yeah, he does tend to eat.
Right, so it's so sexy
you can't fight it.
Yeah, maybe somebody's merciful
to edit room.
And they turn it down.
There's something so precious about food movies where...
Do you know what I'm saying?
Matt, you're not...
Precious was also a food movie.
She had that bucket of chicken.
Oh, no.
Damn it, I wish I said that.
You're getting all the good black jokes out of Tyler Perry.
Sorry, I'll try to lay back on those.
Thank you.
Please.
Let's play some games, you guys.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's do it.
Let the games begin.
Folks in the audience brought fashion some name tags that are sometimes movie related,
sometimes just random
things. Like that, what's that
over there lit up over there?
Iron Sam. Oh, it's
like an Iron Man doll or figure
or something? It's just that thing that's in his
chest? Yeah, I made it. You made
it? Is that your face?
Are you Sam? You're Sam.
I sure am.
Why didn't you just
get this on pen poster?
For I am Sam
and save yourself all that work.
Because you already had that
and you already made it.
It's cool. I like it.
Did you vote today?
I sure did.
You were trying to make sure he wasn't wasting his time
making Iron Man chest plates when he should be voting.
Wait, I didn't mean vote on the best Marvel character of all time.
You knew that, right?
Yeah, I voted today.
That's why Tommy Chong's still on Dancing with the Stars.
Can I ask a quick question?
Please.
Now that the lights are up.
Do you get Joaquin Phoenix a lot?
Which guy?
The one that doesn't look like Joaquin Phoenix?
Exactly.
He looks like crazy Joaquin Phoenix.
When he was acting all crazy, yeah, yeah.
Longer answer, please.
I really thought you were Joaquin
Joaquin in the crazy days
Do you get Rabbi Shlomo a lot?
Alright
Alright, sorry about that
So yeah, so
Everybody on the panel,
please go into the audience
and pick the name tag that you would like to play for
in today's game.
Games.
We'll play some games.
We're going out there?
Yeah, go on out there.
But that crazy guy's out there.
Well, you know, you could...
Matt went right for that thing.
I can't say that I blame you.
I like it a lot.
All right, while they do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
We're back.
Who are you playing for, Matt?
I'm playing for Sam.
I am Sam.
Iron Sam.
Yeah, that's the guy.
And he made that elaborate thing.
You could just pop that right into Robert Downey's chest
and keep him alive or whatever it does in those movies.
Gives him wit.
Good job.
He's a very witty dude.
I get to keep this, right?
No, I don't think so.
Did you see him?
His whole face went white.
We spent a day on that.
Oscar?
Alexables.
A guy took Lunchables and he put Alex in front of it. And changed it to Alexables a guy took lunchables
and he put Alex
in front of it
and changed it to Alexables
good job Alex
did you put a shit head
on the back Alex
I forgot
okay cool
we're probably all
better off anyway
and then Cedric
has a Darth Vader
yeah I have
Breezy Puffs
that's right is that your name Breezy Puffs. That's right.
Is that your name?
And it says...
Breezy Puffs.
Who let the droids out?
Who?
Who?
Who?
That was CNN.
And Michaela Scott.
I have Zoe versus the volcano.
And I picked this because she's like me.
She does the least amount of work to get by.
This is like a beautiful little thing.
She just changed the Joe to Zoe.
Like this has...
Yeah, it's one letter.
Yeah.
And I just thought I love this movie.
And also, nobody asked me
so I'm going to stop talking.
Joe vs. the Volcano
is a classic.
I saw it recently.
It doesn't stand up.
The movie holds up but the name tag doesn't stand up.
You don't have to stand it up
really if you don't.
You can just set it down.
It's cool.
Speaking of seeing things on planes I saw a lot of episodes of Trophy Wife really if you don't. You can just set it down. It's cool. Thank you.
Speaking of seeing things on planes,
I saw a lot of episodes of Trophy Wife
on planes and chose to
because it was very entertaining
and you were great on it.
Thank you so much.
Good job.
Thank you.
To determine who goes first
in today's game that we're going to play,
let's do some lines with Mark.
You guys want to do some fucking lines with Mark?
Oh my God. that we're gonna play. Let's do some lines with Mark. You guys wanna do some fucking lines or what? Or what?
Oh my God.
How you guys doing?
You doing good?
You gonna fucking do this or what?
Holy shit.
What's up, dude?
How you doing?
How you doing?
Fucking look good, dude.
Hitting that elliptical?
Love it.
He shows up all the time.
He's like a regular on the show now. I didn't know that. Yeah, up all the time. He's a regular on the show now.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, he makes the time.
Donnie helps out by driving him here.
Got to.
Keeps the car going.
My little butler, Donnie.
How you guys doing?
You doing good?
We're great.
Amazing.
Did you make that?
Sorry?
Did you make that Darth Vader thing?
No, you know how this show works.
This is neat.
Here we go.
Ready?
Okay.
All right, so Mark's going to say a line from a movie
and you guys...
I'm going to perform it.
That's what I meant to say.
He's going to perform the hell out of it
and then you guys, as soon as you know it,
just yell out what you think the answer is.
Look good, feel good.
I'm sorry.
It's always confusing what's part of it.
I think it's about to start.
Charlie.
Here, this is definitely it.
There are two types of thieves in this world.
Those who steal to enrich their lives
and those who steal to refine their lives.
Don't be the latter.
Charlie. Don't be the latter. Don't be the latter. Charlie, don't be a latter.
Don't be the latter.
I guess it's a movie where somebody turns into a fucking latter.
No.
Latter.
Charlie, there are two types of thieves in this world.
Tonys.
Those who steal to enrich their lives.
Departed.
And those who steal to define their lives.
Feather guy.
Don't be the latter.
He's talking about Veruca Salt.
All right, now I'm going to do it my way.
Charlie, what the fuck is wrong with you right now?
Don't you understand there's two types of fucking thieves in this world?
There's thieves who fucking steal to enrich their fucking lives,
and then there's thieves who steal to fucking define their lives.
Don't be the fucking latter, dude.
Do you know what it is?
Do you want me to do another line from the movie?
If you got another one, yeah.
Nobody knows what it is. I'm not playing, but I also don't know.
Okay, ready?
I got a job for you.
It's in Italy.
I got a job for you.
Italian job.
It is the Italian job.
The Italian job. Where American. It is the Italian job. Steven got it. Steven got it.
The Italian job.
Way to fucking go.
So the first line
was from Italian job.
Yeah.
And then
that next thing
was more of a clue.
No, that was the line
that I kept fucking pitching
because I'm like,
we need to say this fucking line
at some point in this movie.
And Edward Norton's uppity ass wouldn't let me fucking do it.
I was in that movie.
You were in that fucking movie.
That's right, yeah.
Security guard, you fucking killed it, bro.
That's right.
Mark Wahlberg, everybody.
Thank you, Mark.
Can I say one thing before I go?
Oh, he's going to show us something before he goes.
No, just one thing before I go.
Here's the deal.
Here we go.
830 tonight, UCB Sunset. If you go
straight fucking there from this show, I'm gonna do a
fucking show that's gonna change your lives. The first
five people to go there and say Funky Bunch is
getting in for free.
I fucking mean it. I gotta go.
I gotta go do that fucking show. Yeah, you gotta go
tell them to be
ready for people to walk up and say Funky
Bunch. Oh, they're gonna be fucking ready, dude.
Everybody's ready, man. Everybody have a good night.
Oscar, you look fucking great, dude.
Thank you, Mom.
Did you only watch the part of the movie
that you were in? That's all.
It was a long time ago.
Yeah, I mean, I don't remember that there was anyone named Charlie
in that movie.
And the two different things that he said, talked about.
I don't remember any of that.
But good job, Cedric.
You get to go first in a game that, yeah.
You look great, though.
Oscar's very proud of you.
You look beautiful, by the way.
I was on an airplane.
Okay.
I was sitting between two
guys and I
watched Kill
Your Darlings
with Daniel
Radcliffe.
I didn't know
it was a gay
porn.
He's got his
knees behind his
ankles getting
and the scene
went on and
on.
And I'm sitting
between two guys
who are watching
football and
like NASCAR
and I'm like
anyway continue.
It's very uncomfortable.
It's very uncomfortable.
Were you mimicking it?
What's that?
Why was it uncomfortable?
Because the gay scenes
went on for a long time
and they were very explicit
and it was
Now if they were hetero scenes
I would have
it still would have been
like fucking yeah
that's what I want.
No, no.
It would have been too long. I get what I watched no it would have been too long
I get it
I get it
I'm like I get
what you're doing
continue
next scene
you should have
just nudged those guys
and went
this plane crashes
let's do this
let's give this
ankles behind the ears
thing a try
that would have
made it better
is what you're saying
I do like
I do like it though
when you're in between
a couple of TVs like that
and there's like
games on the other TVs
because then when you do
want to look away
from the explicit gay sex
you can you know
macho it up with
you can cool it down
NASCAR and shit
yeah
cool it way down
alright
we're going to play
Last Man Stanton
and it's a very simple game
but difficult at the same time.
Cedric will start, and we take turns naming.
I'll play, too, for fun.
We take turns naming the films of a person that we will select in a moment.
And if you can't think of one, you're out.
That's basically how it works.
See you later, guys.
No, not out as in have to leave. You can still
stick around and make jokes
and have a nice time.
The remaining 14 minutes of the program.
Work the table.
Maybe clean it.
This fucking table's getting wiped down before next week's show.
It's the last thing I do.
Because it is disgusting, though, you pointed it out. There's like dried vomit I do. Because it is disgusting though you pointed it out.
Yeah.
It's pretty bad.
There's like dried vomit
on here or something.
Now I'm fingering it.
That's poop.
That's character.
You like to watch
that on planes?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, my friend
that we were talking to earlier
that looks like
Joaquin Phoenix
during a specific period
of time in his life.
Do you ever wear like pants with no belt like he did in Her?
I'm really looking forward to that inherent vice.
That looks like he plays a really wacky character.
Yeah, I'm excited about that.
Okay, so you get to pick an actor, an actress, or a director,
but someone with a really large body of work.
So we have lots of titles to pick from.
Jodie Foster.
Jodie Foster.
I love it.
That's a great one.
Cedric, you go first.
We'll go with the accused.
Okay, that says a lot
about you
I think
looking at you
breathing puffs
oh no
what's up girl
let's go play
pinball
Michaela
Hotel New Hampshire
yes
I like
there's a line
in that movie
where
they say about
Seth Green's character
he's a little boy
in that movie
they say
he
they call him Egg
and they're like
why do you call him Egg
and the girl goes
because he was born an Egg
and he's still an Egg
and that
that's probably the moment
in that movie that makes the most sense.
All right.
You mean all the incest?
All the incest didn't really work.
I'll go with panic room.
Matt?
Silence of the limbs.
Okay, I see what you did there. Don't do that
again on the next time around.
No more joking around. No more joking around.
No more fucking around, guys.
No more mispelling on purpose.
People know how strict I am.
I like exact titles.
What do you think, Oscar?
Taxi driver.
Oh, of course.
So cute in that.
Cedric Contact
That's interstellar
They were thinking about calling that contact two
Michaela
This is a movie that literally my parents
announced they were getting a divorce to.
Bugsy Malone.
They brought you to see it?
No.
Do you know what guys know what Bugsy Malone is?
They got a sitter and went to see this movie about little kids?
I told them it was going to be on TV on Channel 3 at 8, 7 Central.
And they said, okay okay we're all meeting
in the living room and i was like okay but in 10 minutes i called the tv
i called the tv and they said, but we're having a family meeting.
And then they started in with, your mother and I have decided to separate.
And then my sisters burst into tears, and I go,
I just looked at my watch.
You're like Rain Man, Bugsy Malone in five. I thought, how long do I have to pretend to be surprised and upset before I get to turn the TV on,
because it would be very disrespectful in the middle of like,
oh, that's terrible, guys.
My name is Tallulah.
Well, that was a very interesting aspect of this game.
From now on, guys, if anything traumatic happened to you
connected to a Jodie Foster movie,
I'm going to go with Flight Plan,
which was basically Panic Room, but in a plane. to go with Flight Plan. Which was
basically Panic Room, but in a plane.
Alright.
This is where I embarrass myself.
It's not embarrassing.
I'm trying to think of one of the ones she did when she was a kid.
Was it she?
Oh yeah, I just thought of a couple.
And...
I know
it's one of the two in my head.
Is it...
Bushy and Parent Trap?
Nope.
Damn it.
Oscar?
Nell?
Mm-hmm.
I mean...
Uh...
Uh...
Cedric.
I'm gonna take Freaky Friday
yeah you are
that's the one you meant
god damn it
oh man I'm going to go
even deeper and weirder
in her child performances and say
Candleshoe
oh I'm sorry I went out of turn
Candleshoe
I'll take it
well played very smart I'm sorry, I went out of turn. Candle. I'll take it. Smart, smart.
Very smart.
Broglin, too.
Good play.
All right, I'll go with
Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore.
Oh, God.
Yeah, that's a great one.
Oh, man.
Matt's out. I'm going to say Parent Trap. You, God. Yeah, that's a great one. Oh, man. Matt's out. I'm gonna say
Parent Trap. You're out.
I told you to leave.
Oscar.
And the Oscar
goes with... Get off me!
When the pinball machine, when she's being
molested on a pinball machine or something.
You're accused. Are you really?
I got raped in that movie.
That's the accused.
I got raped on a Bugsy Malone pinball machine.
He's talking about Pinball Wizard.
That's a great movie.
She's not in Chicago.
I do not know her whereabouts at this time.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out, Doug. Oscar's out. I'm out. I'm out, Doug.
Oscar's out.
Cedric?
I'm trying to think of that one with Denzel and her. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Denzel?
She plays a nanny?
She's a human beatbox in it?
25th Hour?
That Spike Lee movie?
Yeah.
Why?
That is the Spike Lee movie.
But what is Jodie Foster playing in it?
It's like Ed Norton and Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Yeah.
Alright, you're out. I'm out.
I couldn't think of that movie.
Do you have another one, Michaela?
Did, uh...
Somebody said Contact already, right?
Yeah.
What about Bird on a Wire?
Oh, yeah yeah she's great
as Goldie Hawn
should have said
yeah
it's hard to beat
Doug in this
but as long as we're
I lose sometimes
but it just
because you just
suddenly just
everything drops out
you can't
think of another one
and there's at least
there's got to be
at least 30 more.
Oh, I got more.
Oh, shit.
Too late.
But Maverick
is the one I'll say
to put the final nail
in the coffin.
Was she in that one
with Mel Gibson?
Maverick?
She directed.
The Beaver.
That's the one I thought.
The Beaver.
She directed.
She directed Home for the Holidays and Little Man Tate.
I would have accepted those.
You would have accepted it?
She's in Elysium,
of course.
I didn't open it up to the audience yet, though.
So I'm going to have to ask you
and Matt Besser to leave.
That French movie,
Les Traps de la Perrante. I have to ask you and Matt Besser. That French movie. That French movie.
Les Traps de la Perrante.
Remember?
Okay, audience, yell them out.
Inside Man.
Inside Man, Carney.
Summersby.
Summersby with Richard Gere.
Summersby, that's right.
Inside Man.
Backdraft. Backdraft. Summersby with Richard Gere. Summersby, that's right. Backtrap.
Backtrap.
She's not in Backtrap.
Backtrap?
Backtrap.
Backtrap?
What the fuck is that?
It's the prequel to Backtrap.
A Dennis Hopper movie? Dennis Hopper?
Okay.
I don't remember.
She takes a shower in it.
She takes a shower in it?
Yeah.
The Jodie Foster story.
She was in that?
BuzzFeed's 10 Hottest Shower Scenes.
All right, well,
you mean like the temperature of the shower?
10 Actresses Scalded by Shower Scenes.
So I think that means, correct me if I'm wrong,
Cedric's our winner?
Was he the last man Stanton?
Was he the last one to say a correct one?
Or was it Michaela?
It wasn't me.
It was a tie.
It wasn't a tie.
I thought it was you.
One person goes after another.
I mean, before me was...
Oh, we all got eliminated, they're saying.
We all got eliminated.
Yeah, you're all out, but somebody lasted the longest.
Michaela.
Alright.
But that's because she went last.
That's a tie.
She went second. I went second.
It started with Cedric and she went second.
But they only got...
All you gotta do to win this thing is
come up with more of the movies until
it's too late. It's late. I don't have to.
I don't have to win.
You're a goddamn cheater.
Congratulations, Zoe.
Is it Zoe?
Woo!
You win the prize bag.
Woo!
Here we go.
And do we have, we don't have shitheads on the back of any of these name tags.
Mine does.
Mine does.
Zoe's does, but she doesn't...
She got the prize bag, so she doesn't get to name a shithead.
Okay.
Oh, it does. Okay.
Awesome.
So we just need Alexables to come up and...
Wow, this thing is...
I've never seen Darth Vader so covered in hair.
There's all these crazy hairs all over him.
Yeah, I didn't want to touch that.
Oh, this hair is kind of cool,
because he could be like a magician
and pretend he moved.
Oh, no, it didn't work.
Do you comb your hair with Darth Vader?
That's so weird.
He's an action figure slash comb.
Where's Alexables?
What's the holdup?
You had to walk this far?
Just write somebody right there
for me to call a shit.
I can't read I don't know
who it is though
you see it though
yeah yeah
okay
really
yeah
just taking a weird turn
alright
I like this one
thanks to all of my guests
thanks for being here you guys
Michaela Watkins, Cedric Yarbrough
and Oscar Nunez are all
all involved in
Benched
so watch that on the USA Network
and Matt
tonight there you go
so podcast listeners you missed it
check it out next week
Tuesdays at 1030 you can go on the website So podcast listeners, you missed it. Check it out next week.
Tuesdays at 10.30?
You can go on the website.
And the website?
USA website, sure.
Cool.
Tonight's episode number two?
Number two.
Awesome.
You can watch both on the website, though.
You made eight for the first season?
Twelve.
That's what I meant.
Characters, welcome.
I'm going to have something on Adult Swim just November 10th through 14th.
It's one of those infomercial parodies.
Rich Fulcher and I did it.
It's called In Search of Miracle Man.
You'll probably forget what I just said, so go to mattbesser.com.
But check it out.
Or just turn on Nick at Night or whatever, Adult Swim, and just leave it.
There you go.
You'll come across it eventually.
And I don't have any more plugs, I don't think.
DouglasMovies.com.
We'll see you guys here next week.
And as always, Sam Cohn is a shithead.
Who is that? I don't know.
That's what Iron Sam wanted to get out to the world.
Are you Sam Cohn?
I am.
Oh, you called yourself a shithead?
Oh, it is a good soundbite to have for yourself,
me calling you a shithead.
There's hardly a higher honor.
Cut to him in his office when his cell phone rings.
Sam Cohn's a shithead.
Sam Cohn's a shithead.
And Gordon Jump is a shithead. Sam Cone's a shithead. And
Gordon Jump is a shithead.
Who's that? You know, from
WKRP in Cincinnati.
And also, I believe
was the guy that touched
Gary Coleman inappropriately
on different strokes. Oh, yeah.
Oh, this guy over here. Oh, yeah.
That was
a different stroke.
That's Gordon Jump, but I think rest in peace, right?
Isn't he dead?
I'm bringing this show tonight.
No apologies to Put Your Hands Together,
because this thing is coming in right on fucking time.
I'm pretty proud of it.
And as always,
anyone that works at
SeaWorld is a shithead.
Now it's time
for Doug to watch another
talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess
makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart
for you because Doug
loves movies.