Doug Loves Movies - Matt Besser, Rob Huebel, and Moshe Kasher Guest

Episode Date: October 20, 2011

Doug welcomes comedians Matt Besser, Rob Huebel, and Moshe Kasher.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-inf...o.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seeds with 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, because Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies Coming to you from the UCB Theater Before Comedy Bang Bang Formerly Comedy Death Ray Formerly Not A Thing
Starting point is 00:00:35 It's Tuesday October 18th 2 Oceans 11 Where are my name tags at? Do we have any name tags? Jordan's back with a boxing glove. Did you win last week? No, okay, good. Alright, we don't have to get into the whole story. I was just
Starting point is 00:00:52 double checking because it would be cheating. Once you win the prize package, please don't ever enter again. And also, a couple empty seats over there. That's unusual. I don't know what that's about. My popularity is waning. It's like a. What is it?
Starting point is 00:01:08 It's a beautiful night outside. It's not a bad night to stand in line. I don't know what happened. Jordan? Not yet. All right. Jordan, did you hear about... We just did a show in...
Starting point is 00:01:20 We were in Chicago, and some guy had a baseball with blood all over it that said, not Jordan. And I'm here to tell you he did not win anything. So I was happy about that because I don't care for people disparaging Jordan in that way. There's Jennifer
Starting point is 00:01:36 with a Price is Right name tag. Is that an actual one from the show or you recreated it? It's actual? Did you get called down? You didn't win any of the showcases? Well, I'm not interested in you. Jane has a bag of chips. That's pretty smart. A lot of my guests tonight like
Starting point is 00:01:51 chips. So they might get picked because then they can snack on it. Melissa has a big, long, crazy... What kind of snake is that? It's a sandworm from Beetlejuice. Of course. That was my second favorite character after Alec Baldwin.
Starting point is 00:02:10 And then we got a Chuck back there. No name tags over here. It's kind of a mellow section over here. Oh, you got one. Keith, you taped your name to like a hat or a yarmulke? It's a yarmulke. Okay. I don't get it, but...
Starting point is 00:02:27 God bless you. Thanks to everyone who came to my shows at the Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio last night. Lisa Visa, that's what I call her because that's what her name tag said, lost against Dan Gabriel in the category Columbus,
Starting point is 00:02:46 which was movies not that take place in Columbus, but movies that have something to do with a bus. And the answer was Sweet Hereafter. If you haven't seen it, it's a rom-com about a bunch of children who die in a bus accident. It's from Canada. And Abbeville Horror, a young lady named Abbe, changed Amity to Abbe on the Amityville Horror poster.
Starting point is 00:03:11 And so she actually won. She played the In Theaters Now category, and the answer was Real Steel. And Dan Gabriel didn't come up with that. Formulaic was one of the clues, so that could be almost anything that's in theaters now. I'll be back in Ohio on November 3rd. I'll be at Go Bananas in Cincinnati
Starting point is 00:03:35 where you can get a chance to play Leonard Mullen game against young David Huntsberger. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That. Real Steel narrowly won the weekend box office crown, and I'm still not sure why robots need to sit on a stool in between rounds. Footloose. Footloose was number two. It's practically a shot-by-shot remake of the original not-that-great Footloose was number two. It's practically a shot-by-shot remake
Starting point is 00:04:05 of the original not-that-great Footloose. Didn't really care for the first Footloose, so I was really hoping they'd take it in a different direction. So while I was watching it, I was thinking, rather than seeing this, because it's so boring, I'd rather fight a robot.
Starting point is 00:04:23 So watch Real Steel, not Footloose. This has been Watch This, Not That. Thank you very much. Today's prize bag consists of a lot of fun things. This is a fantastic prize bag. As you guys know, I will be participating, actually performing and recording an episode of Douglas' movies on the Weezer Cruise in January.
Starting point is 00:04:47 So, get things going in the right way. We got a Weezer t-shirt. We also have a copy of Weezer's Hurley signed by every member of the band. Nice. And kind of dented because I guess somebody dropped it during the shipping. And then we also have, what's the other Weezer thing? Oh, a Weezer poster that's very cool and has lots of stuff like, has the word Pinkerton on it in big letters. And you guys know that's my favorite Weezer album, so I'm pretty happy
Starting point is 00:05:16 about that. And our guest tonight contributed to the prize package. Of course, I included my CDs, Potty Mouth and Professional Humoridian, but also contributed into the bag. This won't give away who it is, but we have an Alf puppet. Yeah, it's fucking Alf from Melmac, you guys.
Starting point is 00:05:43 And he's wearing a tank top, which I don't remember Alf being really into tank tops, but he's soup top. He's wearing a something top that says Born to Rock on it. So Alf is even funny when just wearing a half shirt. And then we also have
Starting point is 00:05:59 and these are going to give away who the guests are probably. We have a CD, a couple of CDs that are called May I Help You Dumbass and Freak Dance. And then we also have a copy of the Human Giant. What's on this one? It's like highlights from season one plus season two exclusives. And this is, of course, after there was a third season and then several years of no show at all.
Starting point is 00:06:28 So this is really a nice nostalgic thing to have. And that means, doesn't totally mean, you guys don't know exactly who my guests are, but you're narrowing it down in your head, so I might as well just tell you. Please welcome Moshe Kasher, Matt Besser, and Rob Hubel. Hi, everybody. I am the voice of Alf.
Starting point is 00:06:56 That's why you contributed that prize? Yeah. It was my prize. That was Moshe brought that, and when I was grilling him about why he had it, it was he purchased it so that it would come in handy in a comedy situation someday. And look what happened. Somebody's going to win it. They're so excited.
Starting point is 00:07:13 Rob brought, of course, the human giant thing. Because you're one third of that. Well, I'm half of it, really. Should I give this away? Yeah, let's give it away too. You also brought a t-shirt that says, what does it say on it? I was in Las Vegas. Have you ever been to Las Vegas? Do you know where that is?
Starting point is 00:07:29 I don't want to name drop on you, but it's fucking cool. You know how there are guys that hand out the little flyers for strippers and stuff? Well, I was really drunk and this guy was wearing this shirt. You killed him? I murdered
Starting point is 00:07:46 him. You took his shirt? I murdered him. I was wondering why you were standing up for this bit, but it's been worth it. We did a shirt swap. He got my shirt. I don't remember what it had on it. Nothing this cool. And then this one says what it says. Las Vegas
Starting point is 00:08:01 strippers. You swapped sweaty shirts right there on the strip. Yeah, but I've washed it. I've washed it. washed it don't worry i've washed it but i will say i've never worn it i got this and i was so excited i thought i'm gonna wear it all the time it's hilarious never worn it yeah because people stop you all the time and have to write the number down yeah hey what's that number let's save it out just you know maybe i'll maybe they'll come back to me for more advertising on the show it's 702-313-4393. Strippers. And if you call that number, a stripper will come by and watch Law & Order with you.
Starting point is 00:08:34 So come on over. In your room. Strippers. Paint off your house. Direct to your room. Yeah, they'll come and do anything you want them to do. You know, they're certainly stripping can't be the whole thing. It's mostly Law & Order.
Starting point is 00:08:44 I think it is the whole thing with strippers. It is? Yeah, that's sort certainly stripping can't be the whole thing. It's mostly law and order. I think it is the whole thing with strippers. It is? Yeah, that's sort of the alpha and omega of their whole personality
Starting point is 00:08:49 is that they take their clothes off. I'm pretty sure. Did you guys see that movie somewhere where Brad Dorff's character, is that his name?
Starting point is 00:08:57 Steve Dorff. Stephen Dorff. Lieutenant Worf. Dorff on golf? Yeah, Dorff on golf would have these girls come over
Starting point is 00:09:03 to his room and they would just do these weird dances with a pole and stuff that were kind of sexy but I just don't... It was the only part of that movie I could watch. Yeah, it was more exciting than the rest of it. Was his daughter in the room when the strippers were there?
Starting point is 00:09:18 No, but there's strippers for a few minutes and then the next scene you're watching a 10-year-old ice skate so it's a really conflicting boner situation. Not for me at all. You may have just coined the term conflicting boner situation. It's about time that somebody came up with a total CBS. You should pitch that to the network. You should go to CBS.
Starting point is 00:09:45 From now on, I'm just going to be like, oh my God, CBS stands for conflicting boner situation. I'm watching NCIS. I'm perfectly hard. And then what appears on my TV? I'm a bigger fan of no boner conundrum. That's a good network, too.
Starting point is 00:10:07 That's the Robert Ludlum novel, isn't it? The Boner Conundrum. So, Moshe, this is your first time on Douglas Movies. Killing it so far. You're doing great. I was too lazy to IMDb you this afternoon. Of course, I
Starting point is 00:10:23 IMDb. Did you... Are you in any movies? What kind of question is that? Motion pictures? Yeah. I'm going to ask you in a second. I know the answer is yes. What?
Starting point is 00:10:34 I've been in a movie. Yeah? What was it? It's called Sorry, Thanks. All right. Sounds like a confusing title. It's a conflicting boner situation, if that's what you mean.
Starting point is 00:10:46 It's a mumblecore film. Oh, those are the best. Well... I meant worst. I mean, I don't know. Each mumblecore film should be judged individually. But as soon as you're saying your movie's about mumbling
Starting point is 00:11:01 and core, you've probably lost anyone that just wants to have a good time at the cinema. Yeah, it's a slow and... What did he say intensely? Because that's what it seems like they're saying is it's intense but also
Starting point is 00:11:17 mumbled. It's a fine film made by a good friend. Dia Sokol was the director. He's not going to hear this. You don't have to sugarcoat it. You can say it's a pile of shit if you want. These things have a way of getting around. No, they don't. Is the movie
Starting point is 00:11:34 available on DVD? It is, yeah. And on Netflix. You can watch me mumble in a really hardcore way. Are there any other names you could drop in the cast? Wiley Wiggins?? Wiley Wiggins. The Wiley Wiggins from Days of Confused. That's it.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. That's the concept. Snappy Sullivan. Ichabod Crane. Mike Mumbler. Jesse Kor. There's a lot of different people.
Starting point is 00:12:02 I like Wiley Wiggins. I'm in. You and Wiley Wiggins is all I needed. You, I was on the fence. You throw in Wiley Wiggins I'm in You and Wiley Wiggins Is all I needed You I was on the fence You throw in Wiley Wiggins Throw in Jason Fucking The whole concept of Mumblecore
Starting point is 00:12:10 Is that there's no stars It's just like super It's like Wiley Wiggins is a star Don't even try Don't pretend otherwise It's like basically Watching five of your friends
Starting point is 00:12:20 Do exactly what they would do If they weren't in a movie That sounds awful Well Depends on what you're into your friends do exactly what they would do if they weren't in a movie? That sounds awful. Depends on what you're into. Rob Hubel. My friends kill cats. That's what the movie's about. Find cats and kill them.
Starting point is 00:12:40 They mumble while they do it? You go, meow. Yeah, kitty kitty. And they mumble while they do it? You go, Meow. Yeah, kitty, kitty. I want murder, bro. What have you got in the can, Rob? I read something somewhere. Movies? Maybe the trades.
Starting point is 00:12:57 You got some feature film. Well, I shot this thing a long time ago. It's going to be good. The Descendants comes out next month. You're in The Descendants? Yeah. With Clooney in Hawaii? Me and my best friend, George Clooney.
Starting point is 00:13:08 Did you fly to Hawaii to be in it? Yeah, I was there for three weeks. It was great. Nice. Yeah, it was like the best job I ever had. I'll never have that again. Wait a second. Don't you think there's a chance for a Descendants 2?
Starting point is 00:13:19 No spoilers. Descendants 2 Electric Boogaloo? Whatever. Whatever you want to call it. Search for Clooney's Gold. I don't care. It was for really fun i felt really guilty because i only worked like four days but i was so you were there for three weeks that's amazing week off when i didn't do anything and i go i went to them and i was like i'll go back to la and they were like no just stay at the hotel and chill i was like all right stay on the island get a dui Have you learned nothing from the lost cast members? I got 14 DUIs.
Starting point is 00:13:47 Nice. You showed them. Yeah. I fucked up that whole statement. You showed Mr. Echo what's what when it comes to DUIs. Did he get a DUI? Yeah, he got one. And Watros got one.
Starting point is 00:13:59 Yeah. Is his real name Mr. Echo? Rodriguez got one. I can't pronounce his real name. No, his name is the dude from Oz. His real name is Oba Mamba Wamba Mamba Jamba. Yeah, he's got a hard name to pronounce. Mamba Jamba Wamba? Anyone who's not him.
Starting point is 00:14:13 The African guy's name was Mamba Jamba Wamba? That feels racist. I get knocked down and I get up again. Oh, it was Chamba Wamba. I get drunk and I drive again. And I get a DUI. But I'm Mr. Echo. Fuck it. I'll have a Hawaiian drink and I drive again. And I get a DUI. But I'm Mr. Echo. Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:14:27 I'll have a Hawaiian drink and a Hawaiian drink and a Hawaiian drink and a Hawaiian drink. Wasn't Mr. Echo the only guy not to come back in the final episode? I think so. I think he was mad. We got everyone's tie up in their story, but Mr. Echo.
Starting point is 00:14:40 Well, they couldn't get him. Yeah, he'd moved on to, he was getting drunk in another country. So, Descendants. That's awesome that you're in that. Yeah. I'm very, very, very happy for you. Yeah, my best friend is George Clooney.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Great buzz. He's saying that. The movie's got great buzz. He's my best friend. He's a great guy. I love him. Tell us some... Some pranks on set?
Starting point is 00:15:01 All right, so we used some pranks. We played a lot of pranks on each other on set. One day I woke up and my dick was tied into a knot and I was like who did this and George Clooney
Starting point is 00:15:10 was like I did it I'm your best friend George Clooney so you know but once your dick was tied in a knot did you put it
Starting point is 00:15:18 in someone's mouth to see if they could untie it was the girl from Twin Peaks there? Matt Besser's here, everybody. Hi, everybody. First guest to get applause when I mention his name, so that's totally unfair.
Starting point is 00:15:36 That guy can't applaud. He has on a boxing glove. No, he's an intimidating guy in the front row with a boxing glove. Well, you know, it's up to you whether or not you're going to pick Jordan to play for in the Leonard Mullen game, but he will punch you softly if you don't pick him.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Softly? You know, softer than a fist, right? He's got a bust. Punching you softly Punching me softly with his Punching me softly And they get up
Starting point is 00:16:04 again. Right afterwards Freak Dance is a movie That you are involved with What's this thing in the prize pack? What is the Freak Dance CD? That's from when we did the stage show We recorded all the songs But since then we've filmed it into a movie
Starting point is 00:16:22 And fully developed all the songs. So that's not actually what's in the movie. It's like a work in progress that we're giving away from the past. Yes. It's like this is what Doc Brown would give you if he got in the DeLorean. Great analogy. Thank you very much. Now I understand it.
Starting point is 00:16:39 I just brought it up so I could do my impression of him. Do it. Doc Brown was a big UCB guy. It's pretty good. It's a pretty solid impression. So spot on. Jigga wads! Which is what everyone should say.
Starting point is 00:16:59 When a black person says something inappropriate. Jigga wad! Mr. Echo, you got a DUI. Jigga what? Show hasn't been racist in weeks, so I can afford one. So you... But now Freak Dance is a major motion picture.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Major. 93 minutes long. It's going to be the Austin Film Festival this weekend. I think this plops on Friday, right? So it's night at the Austin Film Festival on Sunday. And it's a parody of all dance movies.
Starting point is 00:17:36 It's also musical. And it's a comedy. It's all those things. Did you see the movie Step Up 3D? I did. It's awesome. Pretty ridiculous. The most ridiculous part of that movie is this guy lives in Did you see the movie Step Up 3D? I did. It's awesome, isn't it? It's pretty ridiculous. Yeah, it's awesome. The most ridiculous part of that movie is this guy lives in Manhattan, and he parks his car in an alley behind where he lives. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:54 That happens. When I saw that, I was like, I don't believe this. There are no alleys in New York. You couldn't suspend disbelief from that. You can't park in the alleys? You're not supposed to. Matt, I love this theater that you started here. Oh. You know, I've been doing the show here for that. You can't park in the alleys? You're not supposed to. Matt, I love this theater that you started here. I've been doing the show here for years.
Starting point is 00:18:09 I know there was other people in your group, but I don't think they really did as much as you did. The one thing I just want to implore you is to, when you have a giant clock to let everybody know what time it is during the show, is there someone you can talk
Starting point is 00:18:26 to to make sure that it's not five minutes fast? Oh, is it? Or, yeah, it's about four minutes fast right now. You can pick someone and fire them tonight, Doug. Anybody I want, I can fire them. It'd be fun. It'd be like a reality show. And that intern, what will happen to them?
Starting point is 00:18:41 They'll continue to not earn money. No, everybody here is super nice, but it's been cracking me up for weeks that there's a clock to keep things on time. Well, Dr. Brown should come back and tell us the real... Five minutes! What?
Starting point is 00:19:00 Have you guys been to the cinema lately yourselves to see motion pictures? I just saw the movie Moneyball. Good. Listen to that reaction. Did you hear that? That means no one else saw it. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:19:12 No one saw it? They don't like to weigh in until they know what you think of it. No, that's not what it was. No one saw it. You saw it? This guy saw it. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Well, someone told me, someone goes, go see it, because I'm not really a baseball fan, but someone goes, go see it because i'm not really a baseball fan but someone goes go see it it's not even about baseball it's totally about it's only about baseball that's like when we're talking about backstage that's like when somebody goes book of mormon it's not like it's not like a typical musical it's a fucking musical but that being said isn't it a fascinating movie yeah i thought it was really great yeah it's really good it's a fucking musical but that being said isn't it a fascinating movie about baseball yeah I thought it was really great yeah it's really good it's interesting it's about my hometown
Starting point is 00:19:48 oh you're from baseball I am I'm from Moneyball it's very close it's a Jewish suburb of baseball Moneyball Arizona that was really good right
Starting point is 00:19:57 I thought that was really good it was I thought that was good that was you just got on base and I would put you on my team. That's how it works at Moneyball. You get the players to get on base.
Starting point is 00:20:08 You don't care about that they smoke weed on occasion. Other things. I think it's a really good movie. Possibly my number one of the year. No way. Of mainstream movies. What's better? The best movie of the year is Attack the Block.
Starting point is 00:20:23 Oh yeah, I love that movie. If you haven't seen that, then you should either kill yourself or see Moneyball. See it? Put my tied up dick in your mouth. What about the Footloose remake? Did you diss that at the top of the show? I think I might have, yes. Only in comparison to, I'd say if you have to choose between Real Steel and Footloose, first of all, again, knotted up dick in your mouth is a better preference to either of
Starting point is 00:20:50 them. But if you have to see one of them, I'd go Real Steel. Real Steel's good? No. I'm just saying. I just want to see how they rationalize a city that bans dancing. They couldn't do it in the first movie. The first movie, when I was a kid, I was like, this is bullshit. There's no city. bans dancing. They couldn't do it in the first movie. The first movie, when I was a kid,
Starting point is 00:21:07 I was like, this is bullshit. This is bullshit. This is total bullshit. One day I'll get really high all the time. This is bullshit. Your movie was just on TV. I was just watching your movie. Super Ivy is just on TV.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Right now it was just on. It'll be just on again tomorrow. Yeah, G4 bought the rights to it and they just fucking practically show it on a loop. It's Super High Me, Attack of the Show, Cops, Repeat. What's wrong with that? It's the whole fucking network. Every once in a while they throw in cheaters.
Starting point is 00:21:40 You don't enjoy it. Because there's not enough stabbing in those other three. What are you going to do With all that sweet Sweet G4 money There's no And no money comes in from it I know I mean I think it's supposed
Starting point is 00:21:53 To come in from it I think I'm supposed To get something But I don't see I don't see anything That sweet dirt bike money And I Not to take this away
Starting point is 00:22:01 From movies But also the pilot That I made for them, The High Road, they show that over and over again, but they don't want to make a series because they don't want to commit to a pot-themed TV show. But they'll show one episode of it. They show High Road and Super Hypey over and over again. They're just dating your show right now.
Starting point is 00:22:21 I don't know what that means, but... They don't want to marry it. Yeah. They super do not want to marry it. Yeah. They super do not want to marry it. Wow. Wait, what other movies are at 50-50? I didn't see that. Did anybody see that?
Starting point is 00:22:31 Is that good? Really? It seems like it would be a bummer. Is it not a bummer? It's 50-50, really. It's a little bit of a bummer. But just to break it down, though, when Moneyball gets nominated for Best Picture
Starting point is 00:22:42 and Attack of the Block does not, because that's how they roll, then Moneyball's nominated for Best Picture and Attack of the Block does not, because that's how they roll, then Moneyball's the best movie. What was the movie with Christopher Plummer and Luke Skywalker guy? Beginning. I heard you love that. That movie was awesome. I think that movie should win an award.
Starting point is 00:22:57 How many knotted up dicks out of four do you give? Hold on, listen to this. You know the guy that directed Moneyball? This guy, Bennett Miller. Yeah, Bennett Miller. He directed me in a commercial that played in New York before movie theaters for years and years. It was this thing I did called Inconsiderate Cell Phone Man.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Yeah, I loved you in that. It was the dumbest thing ever. That was directed by Bennett Miller. Bennett Miller directed that. Two-time Academy Award nominee, I'm guessing. This is before he did. I know. So he did that and then he was like, Hubel's awesome. I'm going to take this fucking heat and go direct
Starting point is 00:23:32 Academy Award winning movies. I inspired him. But if he could do it all over again, Philip Seymour Hoffman would be the inconsiderate cell phone guy. Damn it. Because he loves that guy and works with him in every movie he's made.
Starting point is 00:23:45 It was weird in Moneyball. Did anyone else think it was weird that Philip Seymour Hoffman is kind of underplayed, underused? Was that a favor you
Starting point is 00:23:52 think just because they were buddies from Capote? No, I think he's great in it and I also think that there's a point in the movie not to give away too
Starting point is 00:23:59 much where it sort of becomes not his story. His character sort of capitulates to what's going on. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And the real life real life guy is pissed yeah the real life guy is like first of all i'm not that fat and it's like well well if you put that first of all if that's your biggest complaint then you don't understand how motion pictures work because they are not going to cast
Starting point is 00:24:17 the guy looks exactly like you the kid yeah but usually it's better looking better looking yeah that's right that's true it is usually better why are they going the other way with me if you ask me well the guy that was representing uh jonah hill probably had a beef with that also but he's he's being quiet about it because he's because he's because he lost so much weight he knows numbers because jonah hill maybe they worked out together yeah maybe he and the guy he was playing got together and worked out. Let's trim down together, and then neither one of us will be embarrassed. And I won't have to complain if you're skinny, Jonah. I saw Cars 2.
Starting point is 00:24:52 I should say I did not see Cars 2 on the plane coming home today from Columbus. I didn't watch a goddamn minute of it. Because Cars is my least favorite Pixar movie of ever. And so that's the one I least wanted to see a sequel to. So I'm boycotting it on planes. So what did you do instead? It came on the plane and did you stand up and go, 9-11!
Starting point is 00:25:21 Yeah, I was like, if this isn't going to entertain me, I'm going to start something up that's going to get everybody, everyone's going to, memorable flight is what I go for every time I'm on the plane. I think Rose Byrne was on the plane. She's cute. Okay, so one guy goes, yeah! I was supposed to go see Paranormal Activity 3
Starting point is 00:25:39 tonight at 10, but I don't think I'm going to make it because I want this show to go two more hours. Is that movie supposed to be good good the second one was a stinker though right but this i didn't like i didn't like either of them either one of them they're just like the whole point of the movie is just creating really long form tension like it goes for a long time before something scary happens so then when it finally does you completely jump out of your skin it It frightened me.
Starting point is 00:26:05 Really? I was genuinely scared watching that film. I get suckered in because... I get bored. I don't think ghosts don't scare me. Man, you're an idiot. Ghosts are real. Ghosts are real and they're going to murder you for saying that.
Starting point is 00:26:17 I get suckered into that movie franchise because the trailer is so ingenious where they just show the green screen of the audience, the night vision, you know, POV of the audience, and it's just people going like, oh god! I actually know who edited that and they used a two girls, one cup audience. So they fucking
Starting point is 00:26:39 conned everybody. It shouldn't do that. If the movie was 82 minutes of like, oh god! Then I would be so into it. But since that happens once or twice during 82 minutes, and I'm stressing 82 minutes,
Starting point is 00:26:50 because they do not have a fucking story to tell. It's just a long camera that's mounted in a corner of an apartment or a house watching shit for a long time until finally something happens.
Starting point is 00:27:01 I gotta say, because there's a quote in the trailer from a critic that said, the last 15 minutes of this movie will mess you up for life. Really? I want that. I want to be
Starting point is 00:27:11 fucking think. Sounds like it should be a short film. I want to be messed up for life and have people go, what happened? Why is he on a stretcher eating his own feces? Whatever happened to Rob Hubel? Remember that movie from 30 years ago? Paranormal Activity 3?
Starting point is 00:27:29 It messed him up for life. He was a great actor, great performer. He was really just a great guy, actually. And then Paranormal Activity 3. It's weird that his best friend George Clooney never came to visit him. And untie his dick. We really think that would have cured him.
Starting point is 00:27:47 I'm sorry. I want to go back. Yeah, let's go back. How do you try something and not that is an inch long? I don't get that. It's pranks, man.
Starting point is 00:27:56 Bros play pranks on each other. I guess Clooney can do pull-off anything. Pranks. Pranks, man. It's bro pranks. Shall we play a game?
Starting point is 00:28:05 Yeah What? Called the Leonard Maltin game Take out your name tags There's Jordan's boxing glove And uh I mean Yeah
Starting point is 00:28:15 Jordan boxing glove Jordan baseball is not here He's uh Pulled himself out of the running Go ahead guys Go pick one you want to play for. Just go take it from them. Jane has potato chips if you're hungry. Murphy has a frisbee.
Starting point is 00:28:33 Oh! Moshe went right for the snake from Beetlejuice. Don't show everybody what's written on the back and don't say it out loud. It's the sandworm. That's a shithead from Doom. It also kind of looks like it's from Yellow Submarine. Oh, you went for the boxing glove.
Starting point is 00:28:53 Matt Besser picked Jordan with the boxing glove. I got this one. It says Tony's Kindle. It's a $5,000 Kindle. You should just go. You should just leave. You should just run out with it. He has a lot of erotica on here. You should just go. You should just leave. You should just run out with it.
Starting point is 00:29:07 He has a lot of erotica on here. You have very long beards. All right, so Rob's playing for Tony and his Kindle. Matt's playing for Jordan and the boxing glove. And Moshe's playing for Melissa. Sweet Melissa. Alright, chill out Melissa. Melissa and her snake from Beetlejuice.
Starting point is 00:29:37 We'll start here with Rob and move our way down to Matt and then Moshe. Alright Tony, I hope you like being a champion. I hope you like taking other people's faces and rubbing it in shit.
Starting point is 00:29:50 I don't know why any of those things would happen as a result of this game, but let's play it because I can't wait to see that. So do we not get to eat those potato chips? Yeah, we'll still take Jane's potato chips. I can't believe Jane is sitting there with a giant bag of potato chips. You should try to return those to the store.
Starting point is 00:30:08 I'm sorry. I bought these potato chips and someone's name was on the side. My name is June. I'm sorry. I bought the wrong potato chips. My name is June. You know me from Lost, right? Okay, here we go.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Wasn't her name June in Lost? Not her name. Not June's name. Oh, color bear? Jin. You're thinking the guy Jin. Oh, he was Jin and she was... Sun. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:30:40 And you're racist. You put them together. No, Jin plus Sun equals Jun. Dig a what? All right, you get to pick a category, Rob Hubel. Yep. Would you like submitted by at girls man? Girls man?
Starting point is 00:30:55 That's movies with either girls or man in the title. Submitted by at king of pancakes. I had no time to verify that. I just assume he is. We don't know whether he's actually the king of pancakes I had no time to verify that I just assume he is we don't know whether he's actually the king of pancakes twitter has not verified him so I'm suspect he might just be the prince of pancakes but he suggested a category that I will go back I'll go back to that well many times it's a great idea his category was today office today, but in the past. What was number one 10 years ago to this very day?
Starting point is 00:31:30 What's today's date? Today. Why are you trying to stop me? Why are you coming at me with a gotcha question? Today is 10-18. 18th. Yeah. So that would be 10 18 10 18 movies today is 10 18 11 so the movie would be the number one movie on 10 18 right after one right after September yeah that wasn't a popular box office. I think that was a la Walkbar, the film. And then third category, submitted by at deadbeat265.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Dead Beats, I'm sorry. Too Soon. That's movies where... Also a la Walkbar. That's movies where a lead actor in the film was dead before it came out. Oh, man, that's a good one. Yeah, Too Soon.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Which one do you want? Girls' Man, number one in 2001, or Too Soon? I think I want Too Soon. All right. This is too soon. Yeah, what is it? One person clap.
Starting point is 00:32:35 Don't clap. You know, it's fine to clap autistically. I always say that. I think people just clap whenever you want. It doesn't matter. Don't worry about them. Clap whenever you want. That doesn't matter. Don't worry about them. Clap whenever you want. That was a serial killer clap.
Starting point is 00:32:51 Yeah, too soon. You just pulled your visor down as if that makes you look less like a serial killer. I'm a secret golfer. I'm not a serial killer. I'm a secret golfer. I'm not a serial killer. Look at this visor. I'm your secret golfer. Golfer
Starting point is 00:33:14 for money. Alright, here we go. Three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie where somebody died. Wait, can this be throughout all of time? This is gonna be really hard. Well, motion pictures have only been for the last... Some of these are paleozoic. No hieroglyphics.
Starting point is 00:33:35 I'm about to tell you the year. You get ahead of yourself. You're so excitable. I know. I just want Tony to win. He needs a bigger Kindle. The year is 1994. Three stars from Leonard.
Starting point is 00:33:47 I might go higher. It's a good movie. But Leonard calls this movie dark and he also says that it has a great production design. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:04 And it was followed by a sequel, a TV movie, and a TV series. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. And he lists nine names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Rob? There was a sequel,
Starting point is 00:34:16 a TV series, and a TV movie? Yeah. Well, I have to think of this in terms of my own life. In 1994, I was in Atlanta, and I got... You know the other contestants will be able to hear all this. You're not in a soundproof booth. What was I doing when Rob was being implanted?
Starting point is 00:34:40 I can name it in five names. All right. Strong opening bid. We go to Matt Besser. He's making a lot of faces. Can I ask a question? Yeah. Does this mean the lead guy died or just a guy?
Starting point is 00:34:57 Like a guy, like a gaffer. Could be anybody. Could be anybody. Fuck. Yeah. In the film. Yeah, they have to be in the film. It has to be some guy.
Starting point is 00:35:04 They have to be in the film and then died before it came out. So I don't know how many times. Fuck. In the film. Yeah, they have to be in the film and then died before it came out. So I don't know how many times we as a public would know about someone with a small role having that happen. Tony, how big do they make these Kindles? They make them as big as flat screens?
Starting point is 00:35:21 Okay, so my turn. Yeah, you either say name it or go lower. I can name it or go lower I can name it In lower names? Zero Negative? That means I have to name someone Do I have to name the lead?
Starting point is 00:35:37 Yeah Okay I can do negative one Okay Hold on I can too Rob what you can do does not matter at this point. Okay. It's between Moshe and Matt. Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:48 And you get to say either name it... Oh, name that movie. ...or go more negative. Yeah, no. So, you're saying name it? Name it. I hope he doesn't know what he's talking about. So, what's the movie and what's the one name?
Starting point is 00:35:57 The Crow. And what's the one name? Is it Brandon Lee? Yes. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Nicely done. I'm so sorry, Tony.
Starting point is 00:36:09 I'm so sorry. Tony, I'm so sorry. And if you go on to win today, Matt Besser, since you did that, you also have to win today, and then you will be an alternate in the next tournament of championships. That's the only movie. Everyone in the room got that.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Because when you talk about people that died before the movie came out, everyone goes, oh, look, the crow. I didn't used to say that, asshole. Who would ever think it might be The Dark Knight or Network or... Because it was one of the famous movies where somebody died. But it was 94. Well, once we nail it down, that's part of it. You figured it out.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Good for you. Bid smarter next time. Now I gotta put on my lip balm. Because negative one was the right answer because nobody else would have known. How does your dumb bidding
Starting point is 00:36:54 become my problem? That's what I want to know. Well, I thought we were gonna be nice and like fuck around for a little bit. And then it was like go for the throat. I didn't really think
Starting point is 00:37:04 that was the answer. I got a guy who has a tiny little Kindle here, man, who needs a bigger Kindle. I got a guy who has to fight with one boxing glove. Rob, how does it feel to have Matt rub your face in shit? I don't like it. I don't like it at all. All right, so Matt got the point.
Starting point is 00:37:22 And Rob, you get to start us off again. All right. But this time we're going to go to Moshe's second to change it up. Rob's on his feet. He has to stand up to... Oh, he's back down. I high-fived somebody in the audience. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:37:37 Sometimes I do that. Why does a loser deserve a high-five? That is the highest member of the audience by far. The highest, right? He's not a loser. He's a random audience member. High five, people. I said, you're the loser.
Starting point is 00:37:55 He said, why does the... At Captain... I defended you. I thought he was calling you a loser. At Captain Rip I defended you. I thought he was calling you a loser. At Captain Rip Murdoch suggested a category called Yes, Ma'am. And that's the films of Sam the Ma'am Levine. Or horror movies,
Starting point is 00:38:19 because you know, of course, what month it is. I don't have to say that it's Cocktober to make my point. And the third category is called Edgar Hasn't Seen It. And that's movies that have not been seen by film director
Starting point is 00:38:33 Edgar Wright. He sent me a list. He sent me a list. How would anyone know? He blogged a list. How do you know it was actually him that sent it to you?
Starting point is 00:38:43 Because I would have gotten a text saying, someone hacked my blog. That's a terrible British accent. Someone hacked my blog. Attack the blog. It's going to be my next feature. Best picture.
Starting point is 00:38:57 It takes place in a corridor. I would like to do, I can't do the Sam Levine one because I don't know the movies that he's been in and I don't think I would get them. Okay. What was the other one? I love the way you talk us through everything.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Yeah. The other ones were Edgar Hasn't Seen It. I don't trust that one. Or horror films. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Horror? Those are like scary films. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Not horror films. Yeah, let's do that. Horror movies. All right. Yeah, it's not Pretty Woman. It's a scary movie. Scarier. Scream.
Starting point is 00:39:29 Oh, is it Scream? I win. Damn it. Damn it. Simon says Scream. Does he get a point? Yeah, this is easier than I thought. I can't believe you just got a point.
Starting point is 00:39:46 So let's go to the next round. Rob would be so angry if that's how he got a point. Scream is a series of four films. Sure. Does Moisture get another point? All right. Scream is a series of four films. Sure, Paul. Does Moishe get another point? Is it Scream 1, 2, 3, or 4? You can't guess more than one movie.
Starting point is 00:40:13 That's where it's going to get tricky. But that is one of the clues. This is one of the Scream films. Jesus. It's still going to be a competition, you guys. Even though I fucked it up. Are you really going to stick with this? You can just pick another horror movie.
Starting point is 00:40:29 Leonard says about this movie that it's one of the Scream films. There's nothing... Leonard says it's Scream 3. No? He also says, Leonard says, move on to another category. No? Leonard says it was better than the last three movies. I'm serious.
Starting point is 00:40:49 He also said about it. Leonard says, I didn't know it was possible for Doug to smoke too much weed at a show. Believe me, no one ever makes a mistake when they're not high. And also, it's my game, and we're playing this, and the clue is it's one of the Scream movies. The game still works. Watch. Watch.
Starting point is 00:41:11 Someone's going to win the point, and two other people are going to not win the point. And we're also going to get it done quickly because now we're running out of time. He says about this movie, besides the fact that it's a Scream movie, that it's only the climactic showdown that disappoints. I can name it.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Hang on, I gotta tell you how many names. You always want to do the next thing before it's time to do it. Why am I being reprimanded? I'm being reprimanded. I need a high five. There are. Don't high five that loser. Don't high five. Don't high five that loser. That was Scream right there. High fiving a loser is bad luck in this game.
Starting point is 00:41:53 There are 18 names. How many names can you get in Rob Hubel? Smarty Pants. It's one of the Scream movies. Name it in negative one. Good, strong opening of it. Now we go to Moshe.
Starting point is 00:42:12 I mean, yeah, see how this works? All right. Yeah, all right, name that movie then. All right, yeah, dog, yeah. Nicely done. I think you're going to get a point. Don't encourage him. How dare you, sir?
Starting point is 00:42:27 That's Melissa's boyfriend. Her other boyfriend besides me. And if he's wrong, do I get a chance? No, no. Most is going to get the point if he's wrong. Which one is it? Wait, now I have to think about those assholes in that movie. In that movie?
Starting point is 00:42:39 You think you know exactly which one it was? Wait, what did you just say? I said, my name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. How far back do you want me to go?
Starting point is 00:42:51 I said negative one, so I just have to name one of the... You have to name what movie it is. The lead actor. Which Scream movie. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:58 And who the lead performer... Oh, man. Yeah, you didn't trick me into saying it was a dude. Tony, do they make these smaller? Do they make a smaller one? Which one is it, first of all?
Starting point is 00:43:10 Well, it's obviously Scream 3. We all know that. Incorrect. It's Scream 2. David Arquette. Motion gets a point. He's on his feet, and he's high-fiving a loser. How many times do we have to tell you?
Starting point is 00:43:24 That's bad luck? All right, we start with Matt Besser. Damn it. Sorry, Tony. The category is movies called Gone with the Wind. Scream 2. Which category would you like, Matt? Would you like...
Starting point is 00:43:45 I was going to introduce a new category tonight that's very exciting, but... It's too confusing. It's too confusing. Can we do the scream one again? Let's do it again. I'll pick a different one. Would you like... I think I have to repeat it. Oh, No She Didn't.
Starting point is 00:44:09 That's... Oh, this is Matt starting us off. No She Didn't is movies where there's a contraction in the title. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then we've also got two of the other categories I've already mentioned. Either... Let's go with either
Starting point is 00:44:24 Girls, Man. Either Girls or Man is in the title. I like Contraction. I like that. Can I just go with it? I like the appetizer. I like your time-saving attitude. This is from 1980. Oh, I lived in Atlanta then. Leonard
Starting point is 00:44:44 Leonard Walton gives it a super generous two stars. Probably the most generous star rating he's ever given, considering what movie this is. Very generous two stars. He says about it that, he says that gay subtext abounds. Like it? Yeah. Except, despite,
Starting point is 00:45:08 I should say, eye-boggling profile shots of an actress who has he didn't say it this way, I'm saying it this way, big tits. Leonard is referencing a big-titted actress, but also saying that
Starting point is 00:45:24 gay subtext abounds. And it's from 1980. It has a contraction in the title. Two stars. How many people here were born before 1980? Yeah, there's some. Good time waster. Rob was in Atlanta in 1980.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Ten names. How many names do you think you can get in, Matt? And then we're going to go to Rob next after you. Okay. Were we told what kind of movie it was Or did we not get that There's a contraction In the title That's all
Starting point is 00:45:51 That's the kind of movie it is Those are my favorite Okay Out of 10 names I can get it in Fuck He didn't like it Saying two stars is bad Huh I can get it in... Fuck. He didn't like it.
Starting point is 00:46:06 He's saying two stars is bad, huh? I'm saying two stars is... He's very nice to it. Oh, boy. I can get it in four names. Strong opening bid. We go to Rob Hewell. Name that movie.
Starting point is 00:46:20 All right. So this is for the win, Rob. Do I have time for this? And a... movie. All right. So this is for the win. Do I have time for this? I think we're going to have a three-way tie and we're going to go into not overtime, but the show's going to go long. So we have to play another round. Your four names are Lee Taylor. Do you know this Jordan? Don't tell me, but do you know it? Yeah, Jordan also has not heard the names yet. So he's anxious as everyone is to find out what those might be. Because it might help you. Probably not.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Are you going to be serving dinner here? No. No, you're on your own for dinner after the show. You get a stipend. Okay. And then you go spend it however you want. Lee Taylor Young, Jack Weston, Barbara Rush,
Starting point is 00:47:11 and June Havoc are your four people that would be in a movie back in 1980. June Havoc. That's Contraction. Great. Huge tip. That's one movie. So I'd say just guess anything that you think might be a Contraction title. Tony, how big they I'd say just guess anything that you think, a contraction title or... Tony, how big they make this place?
Starting point is 00:47:28 She's got to have it. That's a fantastic guess, because it did have the contraction in the title. I'll read the rest of the names. You guys yell it out as soon as you know it. This will take four years. Tammy Grimes, Paul Sands, Steve Guttenberg, Bruce Jenner, Valerie Perrine and her big boobs. Can't Stop the Music is correct, audience member.
Starting point is 00:47:52 The last name listed, really sad that it says The Village People. They don't even get individual billing. They just get listed as The Village People are the stars of Can't Stop the Music. All right.
Starting point is 00:48:06 We have a three-way tie. We have a three-way tie. What happens? Nicely done. Who made who say guess it? I did. You made who? I made Besser guess it.
Starting point is 00:48:18 You made Matt guess it. So we start with Moshe, and then it goes to Matt. Oh, no, wait. It goes to Rob. You're right. Thank you. It always goes to the last challenger., no, wait. It goes to Rob. You're right. Thank you. Always goes to the last challenger. All right, here you go.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Most of you get to pick a category. Would you like Edgar Hasn't Seen It, Girls, Man, that's Girls or Man is in the title, and number one movie in the country today 10 years ago? Number one movie in the country today 10 years ago.
Starting point is 00:48:42 All right. Impressive. 2001. 2001ressive. 2001. 2001 is the year. On October 18, 2001, this was the number one movie. I was in the World Trade Center. No, no, the one in Atlanta, a different one. Two stars from Leonard Maltin.
Starting point is 00:49:01 Also probably generous. He calls this movie a big, long tease of a movie. And he also says that it was followed by a prequel. And there are... How many names? Damn it. Suddenly went to my Netflix account. What's that about?
Starting point is 00:49:22 What's in your queue? Nine names. There are nine names. The number one movie in America in August in October you know it's on motion it's a bit first right you're talking it through like it's your turn where did I live not what do you think how many eight names eight he says then we go to Rob. Name that movie. Really? Alright. I'm not an idiot.
Starting point is 00:49:51 But I am? Is that what you're saying, sir? You're not going to get this. I feel like I am. You're not going to get it as well. No, actually you will get it. So he's getting eight out of nine names. That's your strategy. I want you to give him all but one word in the title of the movie.
Starting point is 00:50:10 It's like you're trying to keep Matt out of the tournament championships. No. Oh, that's right. What a bummer. That would have been a big turnaround for me. Here's your eight names. Do you want the clues again? No, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:50:24 Okay. Hazel Goodman. Jelko Iv clues again? No, go ahead. Okay. Hazel Goodman. Jelko Ivonek. Francesca Neri. Whore. Frankie R. Faison. What? Flaky? Gary Oldman. Giancarlo Giannini.
Starting point is 00:50:41 Whore. Ray Liotta. And Julianne Moore. That's all but one person in the star of this movie that was number one at the box office ten years ago today, October 18th, 2001. Two stars for Glenn. I'd be so angry
Starting point is 00:50:58 at you if you don't look at this. Do you know it? What do you mean, do I know it? Would you have guessed it, do you think? With eight out of nine names, I think I'd have a pretty good shot. It's so easy. Fuck you, man.
Starting point is 00:51:11 It's hard under these lights to think. I'm pissing and I know it. What is it? Hannibal. Okay, Hannibal? That is really bad. Poor play on that move. I wouldn't have gotten it right.
Starting point is 00:51:22 No one in this thing is going to appreciate that. But he admits he wouldn't have gotten it. So Rob is our winner. Hey guys, producer Matt here. The number one movie on October 18th, 2001 was actually Training Day. You're not supposed to yell shit out of that. It's easy if you know the actors that were in that movie or about that movie.
Starting point is 00:51:47 That's the only way that's easy. That's sociopathic behavior like Hannibal. It's easy in the way that you find torturing small animals to be easy. But for the rest of us, it's very difficult because of our compassion. But what did you narrow it down to in your head? Anything? I narrowed it down to, I knew I was going to be bad at this game.
Starting point is 00:52:12 It's October, so the hit movies tend to be horror films. And it was followed by a prequel. I'm sorry I disappointed you. There's only maybe ten movies in the history of movies that were followed by a prequel. I'm sorry, Melissa. There's only maybe 10 movies in the history of movies that were followed by a prequel. That's a good clue. So that's a good clue.
Starting point is 00:52:28 I definitely did get it wrong. I definitely didn't know. I admit that. I just represent the rub it in committee. And since the show already went long, I figured I'd go even longer with that. Who was it? Who was you playing for? Who gets this stuff?
Starting point is 00:52:41 Who's the kindler? My man Tony. Who had the kindler? Up to the top of the staircase. The new kindler. It's just a bunch of one-liners about how shitty everything is in show business. There you go. Congratulations. Rick, was that his name? Tony.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Congratulations, Tony. It says Jules Verne on here. I don't know what that's about. I'm not into books. Jordan, did you put a shithead on here? No. So come up here and write down who your shithead is. you put a shithead on here no so come up here and write down here shit it is there's a shit on the back of that don't spoil it oh that one's been done before yeah I've got a pen do you guys have anything you want to plug before we go real quick we'll start with Rob any
Starting point is 00:53:18 uh I want to plug my mentor over here this guy guy gives the best high fives. That's all I want to plug. Go to MattDanceMovie.com to find out about that or MattBesser.com or MattBesser. And if you're in Austin, go see it tonight. Yeah. I will be in Vancouver at the Comedy Mix this weekend and also
Starting point is 00:53:42 on the 27th of October I'll be at the Hollywood Theater in Portland, Oregon. All right. It's a weird place to have the Hollywood Theater. He's also going to be at the Portland Theater in Burbank. The next movie interruption is at CineFamily on Monday, October 24th, not the date that I said on the most recent episode.
Starting point is 00:54:04 I got it wrong. I'm not going to repeat it again because that's just confusing advertising. So October 24th and all of my tour dates are at douglosmovies.com and I'm just going to say it before I read them. These are my two least favorite shitheads in the history of the show.
Starting point is 00:54:21 You guys might love it. You might disagree with me but check it out. I lived in Atlanta when these people were born. As always, this season of The Office is a shithead. Yeah, two assholes agree with that.
Starting point is 00:54:38 I still think it's very funny. And Nancy Grace is a shithead. She's from Atlanta.

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