Doug Loves Movies - Matt Fernandez, Kassem G and Dan Van Kirk guest
Episode Date: July 6, 2020Doug welcomes Matt Fernandez, Kassem G and Dan Van Kirk to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to ...stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey, hey, hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love Mondays.
This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you once again from the heart of madness
for another Homes Alone edition.
It's Sunday, July 5th, 2020.
My guests today are Matt Fernandez, Kassim G., and David Kirk.
Hello.
Yay.
Hello.
There's usually like a big, big applause at that part. It's just everybody's shooting and saying, hey, There's usually like a big applause at that part.
It's just everybody's shooting, saying, hey, what's up?
Let's meet my guests individually and alphabetically.
Starting with, phoning it in from Florida, it's Matt Fernandez.
Hey, Matt.
Hey, thanks for distracting me from everything going on in my nightmare of a state right now. I really appreciate it.
What's
the deal with Florida?
Were the fireworks crazy last night?
They were going off until about 2 a.m.
Yeah. Oh, well, that's
nuts. LA goes 24
hours, I think, at this point.
But it's still
crazy, right?
Are they legal in LA? What's that? are they legal in la what's that are they legal in la
that doesn't matter yeah i know not that it matters i just know that you guys are you know
always on fire yeah no there's like there's like sparklers and ground ones and you know maybe a
bottle rocket you could you could buy legally but uh most of the like the big ones that shoot up into
the sky and explode those are illegal i don't know where everybody's getting them but man
like whoever's selling that stuff is probably the richest person alive they had a big year yeah
yeah those are big yeah those are those are everywhere here i'd like it i'd enjoy it more
if all the fireworks were not only illegal, but also stolen in the first place.
Like, it makes me sad that these people are putting so much of their money into fireworks.
It's a stock that goes straight up and then fizzles out.
so Matt have you done any stand-up comedy in Florida since this since I assume yeah I run a show at a brewery in Palm Harbor and we did uh we did shows for about a month
before they were like all right we got to shut down again so I did a few shows but not enough
to really feel like I got back into the swing of things.
Does feel good, though, to do it, though, right?
Oh, it was so... I was giddy the first time back on stage.
I couldn't stop smiling.
Like a fucking goon.
I was so happy.
But yeah, I miss it.
I can't wait for it to come back to normal again.
Fair enough.
Also joining us today is Kasim G.
It's been a minute.
How are you doing?
I know. Thanks for having me back. It's probably been close to four years. So nice to hear you.
Yeah, that's crazy. I know that you used to, you know, come on the Getting Doug With High pretty frequently because you live so close by. We could call you.
I was the most available guest you had and and because
of that over there and i had to get sober and uh that's what happened i got sober and it's been
four it's been three and a half years of no weed for me which i i'm sorry to you know disappoint
any of the getting dug with uh high fans but uh that's you know that that was uh that was a different part
that was a different part of our relationship and hopefully we can pick it up here on doug's
movies yeah for sure i mean you did you did do doug those movies before as well
and uh you know i think you're great on uh on any show i do you'll take me sober but that's um that's also you know i feel a little bad about
how many for how many years did i just reach out every once in a while and say hey come back i'm
getting done with hide you had to remind me no you know what you know what i i don't think it
was maybe more than once or twice and i was honestly more just embarrassed that I had to be like,
I'm kind of, I'm just sober now. Like I, it's,
it sounds like I'm basically telling you I'm no fun anymore.
Like just get somebody else. But I was, I was always a little,
I hope Doug still likes me. That was always kind of my, my position.
You're always nice about it.
When I first met Doug, I couldn't smoke weed. I was on probation and yeah, that sucks.
It sucks to work with Doug when you really aren't smoking weed.
Yeah. Since I've stopped talking to Doug, my life has gotten infinitely better.
And that's true as well for our third guest today.
And, you know, and I got to say, it's been a minute since we've had all men,
and boy, does it feel great.
It's Dan Van Kirk. Hey, Dan.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
How are you?
You were in L.A. last night, yes?
Mm-hmm.
How'd that work out for you?
Oh, I just put on
some war movies and it just felt like surround
sound.
So it was great. Which ones
did you watch? Yuri.
Oh, that's
great. That's the one where
Shia LaBeouf knocked out his own
tooth for the character.
Yeah, and then Brad Pitt cut his own hair.
So it's about even.
They're both so committed.
So committed.
Yeah, I
suppose that would be a really good one to watch
because it's probably a lot of
explosions throughout that movie.
Yeah, a lot of heavy artillery.
Yeah, a lot of muffled ones because they're inside a tank.
That's true. Yes. That is well.
Yeah. So you're inside your home tank watching fury.
Right. And just like in that movie, every time things go bad,
I just start yelling out greatest job I ever had.
Yeah. Best job I ever had.
I'm excited. I have two fury fans in one episode.
Yeah. I feel like that movie got shit on a lot but i i loved it i love john bernthal's character oh i love i loved how yeah yeah michael pena is so
funny the whole story he's talking about how he had to kill all those horses you know you kill a horse? You got to pet it and pet it.
Yeah.
There's a,
there's,
there's like,
it's one of the saddest bum out movies.
Yeah.
It's too, it's too real.
It's too war.
Like they're like,
you want to see war?
Here's war.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I saw that in the dome.
One of the few movies I've seen in the arc light dome.
And I thought it was wonderful. Yeah. I thought everyone was the dome. One of the few movies I've seen in the arc light dome. And I thought it was wonderful.
Yeah. I thought everyone was acting circles around Brad Pitt. I don't know if I, I feel, you know, I'm the only one that feels that way, but he does that thing where he furrows his brows a lot, but everyone else seemed like they were, you know, embodying actual characters, but you know, it's cool. He looks great when he's dirty.
characters, but you know, it's cool. He looks great when he's dirty.
He does. He really does. And, uh, yeah, that movie, um,
the, the guy that, uh, wrote and directed it, he also did that great movie with Jill and all and Pena, uh, end of watch.
Love end of watch. That's a great movie.
That would be especially scary to watch
sitting in your home in Los Angeles right now.
But yeah, because that movie,
everything that could happen to a cop
happens over the course of that movie.
It's crazy.
So much incident.
That'll call into a category of movie,
like movies that take place over the course of a year.
Like Fast Times
at Ridgemont High, End of Watch.
I'm trying to think of other movies that take a year
to tell.
Well, I mean, the poster felt like
365 days.
Yeah,
365 days. Solid 0%
on Rotten Tomatoes right now.
Oh, yeah, that Netflix movie.
Is that zero?
Yeah.
It's just, we watched a few minutes of it.
It's just like a porn with,
it's like a soap opera with pornographic scenes.
Really?
It's really strange.
I might check it out.
Yeah.
There's another movie on Netflix right now now called love by uh gasper noe and uh it starts with a scene where a woman's blowing a dude while he's fingering her
and it's you see all of it that's it starts like that and then at the end of that scene then the
title card comes up.
I'm just like, Netflix has something that like,
if anybody's just scrolling through,
because it's even in the top 10 on Netflix right now, I think.
So any child could just click on it, and that's the very first image.
It's crazy.
Interior day.
Fingers and puss.
That's another, what's another movie? It starts out with a sex scene before the devil knows you're dead.
Yeah, with Philip Seymour Hoff.
Wolf of Wall Street starts with them
blowing coke into a girl's asshole.
Oh.
What is that?
I made the mistake of taking my parents to see that movie
and I got uncomfortable real quick.
What does that do though if If it's blown up your ass,
does it have the same effect as if you sorted it?
I'm not going to talk like I know about it. Something cool. I bet.
As somebody who wants to know about it, uh, I assume it's the same as alcohol.
Like you get, it gets right into your system super fast.
Yeah. Real thin membranes right around there.
Oh, so wait, so that's the same deal.
You can get super drunk through your ass.
Oh yeah. You've never heard of vodka tampons.
I think I have, but I just thought that was about Russian vampires.
Oh, that's great. Yeah.
People would do that. It's, uh, I believe it's called butt chugging,
but we have really gone off now.
Damn. Okay. Well, uh,
I learned a little bit today and I hope you guys have learned a lot of bit in your life about. Because it's time for me to say,
What's the game of me, girl?
We're going to start today with a game called
Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
That's where I go to you individually
and we'll go in alphabetical order,
just like the introductions.
I'll say a tagline from a real movie. and then if the first person can't name it,
the second person gets a chance, and so does the third.
And if nobody names it, nobody gets the point.
But there will be a theme that will emerge over the course of the game,
so that should help slow it down,
because there's certainly almost as many taglines as there are motion pictures.
And last time I counted, there's over 2,000 movies have been made.
Let's do it.
That's not a, that number's probably a little low.
All right.
Matt Fernandez.
Yeah.
What movie has or had, depending on how you look at it, this tagline?
From zero to hero.
Shazam?
That's a great guess.
He certainly did that.
I don't know if you'd call a child a zero though i guess
uh casam what do you think uh
i want to say rudy or lucas can i do two
let's go let's go with uh let's? Let's go with
Let's go Lucas.
I'll just tell you right now, neither of those
is correct.
But I love both of those
guesses.
Rudy is like
I don't know how much lower
you could set the bar for achievement that deserves a bunch of cheering at the end of the movie
than him going on the field and playing in one play at the end of the game.
Yeah, and he jumps off sides, too. They just didn't call him.
I mean, has anyone done anything less than that to be the hero at the end?
That's a great question.
That's crazy.
Dan Van Kirk, what do you think it is?
I want to say Angus.
But I'm going to go with...
I also want to say Hitchcock.
I won't do any of those.
I'll go Mystery Men.
Why would the tagline be describing one person
and then the movie is about men?
They all did it.
They all went from zero to
hero from zeros to heroes is what it would be though yeah i guess fine i'll go hit your cock
even though that's not right either i could choose any of those wrong answers i suppose
yeah uh the correct answer uh is a picture from what year is that? 1994 called The Mask.
Oh, Jim Carrey.
All over my Hulu splash.
Yeah, yeah.
I just watched The Mask.
Okay, next up.
Here's another one for you, Matt.
Nobody's got a point yet.
Sometimes the most unlikely people become heroes. Nobody's got a point yet. Sometimes
the most unlikely
people become heroes.
Can I say mystery men?
Please tag them and describe
every movie ever made.
You were allowed to say it.
But Matt has to make a guess.
Heroes.
I'll say mystery Men for this one.
That is incorrect.
Damn it.
Kasim?
And Dan, do you have any
suggestions for something for Kasim to guess?
The Incredibles.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, a terrible guess, but yeah, that's my guess.
Okay.
Sometimes the most unlikely people become heroes, Dan.
Dan?
I'm gonna go
with
sometimes
unlikely people
whisper it
heroes
I know it does
feel like you're gonna be smarter
if you whisper
I'll go with Jumanji reboot if you whisper.
I'll go with Jumanji.
Reboot.
Jumanji, Welcome to the Jungle?
Yeah, that's definitely not correct when you give me the full title.
Yeah, the tagline probably references
something about the jungle
or something. I don't know.
This movie is from 1983, I think, and it is called simply Mask.
Oh.
Okay.
We got a strong hunch going into this next one.
Okay. We've got a strong hunch going into this next one.
Which really goes against my statement about from zero to hero, about how, why would that be multiple people? Right. Whereas mask,
there's just the one, the main guy, right. And they're saying he's the hero,
but they use a plural.
I wonder if we're all thinking of the same movie right now.
I don't know.
There's a really famous movie.
No,
but I'm starting to share it.
Sam Elliott and Eric Stoltz and Laura Dern called mask.
I don't know what other movie.
Oh no.
I meant,
I meant for the next question.
I wonder,
but now I'm thinking of two things.
I'm thinking of two.
Yeah.
Yeah. Turning this into some sort of chess game and getting ahead of me
yes
I'm happy to talk about Cher's performance in Mask
I guess they were all heroes
sure
they were all uplifting each other
okay
so no points yet.
We're back to you, Matt.
What movie had the tagline
The Night He Came Home?
I'll go
The Mask of Zorro
That takes place on a night he shows up
Yeah, I had my
I came home
and then I don't know
how did he become Zorro? Something happened
Yeah, that's true
Yes, I have an origin story and that probably does involve I came home and then I don't know. How did he become Zorro? Something happened. Yeah, that's true.
He has to have an origin story.
And that probably does involve nighttime or coming home.
For sure.
Kassim?
The man in the iron mask.
I love it.
Dan?
Masquerade. Masquerade.
Masquerade 2024.
The night he came home is in reference to a gentleman who wears a mask named Michael Myers.
Oh, man.
That's the tagline for Halloween.
What a curveball. Pretty memorable tagline the night he came home but also i i tried to throw you off by not
emphasizing the word he the night he came home is i think uh in both he is in bold letters on the
poster this is exciting we've got a three-way tie yeah you guys you know what's got you know what's up
you know where this is going matt what movie had the tagline when freedom is a memory and justice
is outlawed the just must become outlaws. The Mask of Sorrow.
That is correct.
Yes.
I thought that was a great tagline for the world right now. For sure.
Very, very long tagline.
It goes on and on.
Yeah.
But that means you're on the board.
You've got a point, Matt.
Congrats, Matt.
Well done.
Kasim, you get to go first on this next one.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
For the honor of a king and the destiny of a country all for one.
All for one. King Arthur?
No.
Arthur?
No.
The re-made one?
No.
We're still doing the mask thing, right?
What's that?
We're still doing the mask stuff?
You've had your turn.
Yeah, all right.
Dan?
The Three Musketeers?
No, that's all for one and one for all.
Says Brian Adams and Rod Stewart.
All the great singers.
That sounds scratchy.
Nobody else.
All the singers with sore throats
say it.
What do you think it is, Matt?
You could really run away. The Iron Mask, right?
What's that? The Man in the Iron Mask?
Correct!
Oh!
It really felt
like the Three Musketeers.
Yeah.
I guess that's a spin on the Three Musketeers. Yeah. All for one is just like, I guess that's a spin
on the three musketeers. Like, oh, but this is
just one guy in a mask.
And then I started thinking, is there a movie just called
D'Artagnan?
That's a great idea.
That would be good.
He's always lumped in with those other ones. He should get his own
thing.
Alright, so that
means I think Matt's going to win
this thing, but
I love to keep
going. So we'll go to you
Kasim.
Man in the Iron Mask.
Man in the Iron Mask 2.
The next generation
of mischief.
Yeah.
Son of the mask.
That is correct. Yes.
Figuring it out.
I think it's Michael Bolton
for the third singer in the All for One
and All for Love song.
He sings it too? I think it's Michael Bolton for the third singer in the all for one and all for love song. He sings it too.
I think it,
I think it's Rod Stewart,
Michael Bolton and Brian Adams.
How does Bolton sound when he sings it?
Gorgeous.
Okay.
Let's see here. I've got got one more but it's stupid so i mean it's not stupid it's kind
of a tiebreaker and so that means that matt officially wins that game yay good job matt
but i was for a tiebreaker i was gonna see who could answer first. So guys just play along and see who could say the answer first.
What movies theme song is called suicide is painless.
Mash. Yeah.
I just thought it was funny. The answer was always mask. And then,
and then the last one of bash.
For some reason I felt like you were like,
I felt like you were going to go with an Eyes Wide Shut, too, just because of the role
of masks playing. Oh, yeah.
I mean, there's lots of opportunities for
mask situations,
but I was just so happy so many movies
just have the word mask right there
in the title.
So, yeah. So, in case this game
didn't drive the point home, everyone
should wear masks, and
we are going to go to a brief
commercial message.
And we'll be right back.
We're back. I told you
that was going to be short. And I hope
everybody goes and buys
whatever was discussed.
Matt Fernandez, you
won the last
games. That means that you get
some control
in our second and
final determining
game of today.
It's a game called Last Person Standing
and you
get to pick
an actor or actress.
You get to strategically choose
who you think you're going to know more
of the titles of their
movies than
Kasim or Dan or
me because I like to play
along on this one so
whose filmography
you've played this game before Matt
yeah yeah I'm just
I want to do like weird
Willem Dafoe
oh this is terrific I want to do like weird Willem Dafoe oh
this is terrific
I hope none of you
name a movie that
I'm not positive about
because I don't do any fact
checking
because that
makes games less fun
the person who is looking it up on their phone
when you're all trying to figure something out
is the least fun person.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I mean, if you're trying to make a game out of it.
Okay, so we're going Willem Dafoe,
and yeah, that's it.
We'll take turns.
We'll start with Matt, and then Kassim, and then Dan, and then it. We'll take turns. We'll start with Matt
and then Cassim and then Dan
and then me.
Go ahead.
Give us the first one, Matt.
You go first.
John Wick.
Let's choose from all of them.
What?
John Wick.
Oh.
That's interesting.
Because you could set somebody else up for failure with that.
Kasim?
Spider-Man.
That's a good one.
Dan?
Spider-Man 2.
All right, I might as well just say Spider-Man 3. All right.
I might as well just say Spider-Man 3.
Get that out of the way.
Back to you, Matt.
The Florida Project.
I really like that movie.
I love that movie, yeah.
It's so, I don't know. I find it so strangely uplifting at the end,
even though it's just kind of a fantastical ending.
And I love how they stole those shots.
They just went to Disney World and just followed those girls
around with a little camera and hoped nobody stopped them.
Yeah, and then the most expensive lawyers in the world told disneyland disney world
let's just let this one go yeah because the world didn't want to be fighting against an independent
feature that ends with ends with very this weird kind of fantasy Disneyland. Yeah. It ends with the sentiment that like every child just wants to be happy and
go there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's really,
it's good.
Um,
just the colors to that movie.
Like I,
you know,
I love that street where it takes place in Florida.
Cause it's just,
it's all,
uh,
mini golf.
And I used to live in Kissimmee.
One of the worst places. Yeah. My dad, my dad worked at the, uh,
the, uh, Marriott there, right by Disney, Disney world.
And it is just such, such a shithole. Yeah.
Yeah. It's really, it's really a awful street unless you are a, you know,
mini golf enthusiast, which I am. I swear.
I was there with a comic one time and we were there for a few days doing a
gig. And I think we played most of them, most of them.
But also Kasim and Kasimi so close to, did you get a hard time about that?
No, you know, I didn't. I didn't get a hard time about it. No, you know, I didn't, uh, I didn't get a hard
time about it. Although this is the first time I actually put those two together and, uh, thank
you for bringing that to mind. Oh my God. Really? Yeah. Every, anytime I say it, people always go,
yeah, kiss me, dude. Yeah. Cool. Kiss, kiss me. And, um, that, you know,
that always gets super old, but I only spent six years there.
So the rest I grew up in Southern California,
so I consider myself a California boy.
All right. Well, either way, I mean, close to a Disney park.
So that's, yeah. Don't, don't fault me for living there.
Yeah. But I, you know, like I said, that movie really captures that uh that area it does
absolutely that's just most of florida yeah yeah yeah the amount of loose gators that are walking
around the highway is staggering it's like unbelievable how they just let them walk around
and random purple and green apartment buildings. That's Florida.
So strange.
Well, good luck down there, Matt.
Kasim, it's your turn.
I haven't gone.
Okay. Where'd you go?
Matt just gave the most recent answer.
I'm so sorry. I did go. Look at me, guys.
I'll say Boondock answer. I'm so sorry. I did go. Look at me, guys. I'll say
Boondock Saints. I think that was
one of my earlier Willem Dafoe
movies. Now it's
turned in. It is. I completely
forgot going. I'll go
The Lighthouse.
Yeah.
That reminds me. I gotta masturbate.
Forgot about that um or i could go and that reminds me i have to beat a beat a bird to death
that movie is so weird a mermaid puss
Yeah, fuck a mermaid puss.
Oh, man.
We might have to edit that out because I don't have any mermaids. I'd have to penetrate a mermaid's lower half.
I wish I could think of a Willem Dafoe mermaid movie,
but I don't think that's a thing.
So I'm going to say, oh, I'm going to get close to it, though.
I'm going to say The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. don't think that's a thing so i'm gonna say oh i'm gonna get close to it though i'm gonna say the life aquatic was steve's zoo are you ready for this aquaman
you saying fuck a mermaid push reminded me that he was in aquaman yeah you're welcome thanks man
aquaman back to you
Kasim
loved him
in American Psycho
oh yeah
as the detective
yeah
he's just so good
oh yeah
this is
titles are flooding into my head.
This is exciting.
Dan?
Thank you for everybody who hasn't said the only ones I remembered.
Unless something dawns on me, this might be it.
But for now, I can go with Platoon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will say I'm going to go back to what I think is the first time I ever saw him on screen.
It was immediately like,
that guy's awesome.
He's wearing what looks like garbage bag fashioned into overalls.
And that's in a movie called streets of fire
yeah it's uh it's an interesting movie it's walter hill uh probably right after around 48 hours
and um some people love it that's what I'll say about it.
People who get into
the soundtrack like it locks. There's a lot of music
in it. Matt?
Oh yeah, the reason I sent him
was Inside Man. We just watched that last night.
Oh yeah. And he is in there.
Great bank heist movie.
Yeah.
God, I mean Spike Spike Lee directed that.
And now I'm starting to realize,
I wonder if there's a great American director or foreign director too,
because he works internationally, who, you know,
is there a great director out there that has never worked with Willem Dafoe?
I feel like there might not be.
I mean, Hitchcock hitchcock obviously but other than that
he's not out there anymore um back to cassidy yeah this i've been saving this one because i'm
pretty sure none of you have seen it but i watched it on disney plus it's togo
the story about the sled dog sledding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't recommend it.
I'm a sucker for dog movies too, you know,
because I have a dog and I like to think I have a bond with my dog.
I love movies like Hachi, you know,
and things where there's a man and a dog and the two have
the, just the deepest bond as close as you could have without, without it being sexual. And it's,
uh, I think the last Willem Dafoe movie in my bank, but yeah, I'm gonna go with Disney's Togo.
Okay. Did you see that, uh, Harrison Ford call of the wild?
harrison ford call of the wild no i i watched the trailer for it and uh i like practical because it's a cgi dog i i'm a very particular guy harrison ford yeah i don't know how he does
that at his age but uh i have to have a practical dog in my movies yeah harrison for Ford hasn't been there on a lot of his movies in the last few years.
He's too busy crashing planes.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, I watched that trailer and went, nope.
The thing I most want to see in a movie about a man and a dog
is the fucking dog doing the job.
Right.
The job should go to the dog and not to a computer
now i'm gonna i'm standing by that agree did i did i oh okay good i thought i got cut off again
um dan okay a lot of times when you know dog we've been doing this together for, Oh man, five years.
And I think we've been doing zoom calls together for a long time.
We were early on that tip earlier. Um,
and sometimes you'd like have a guest that like a lot of times when I don't
know, I just say shark tail, uh,
this I would put close to that,
but I feel like maybe there's a chance he's in it
because it feels kind of right.
But then obviously if it's not,
I'm just thinking of a movie I can't remember.
Ants?
He might be in Ants.
Is Ants the Woody Allen one or was that Bugs Life?
Yeah, Ants is the Woody Allen one.
And it was
Woody Allen and Sylvester
Stallone
and I don't remember
any of the other ants.
But I also feel like
I feel confident
that you're not going to win today.
Oh, of course not.
I'm going to write down ant with a question
mark and look into it at another time.
Thanks, buddy.
You're welcome.
And then I'm going to say what actually might have been the first time I saw
Willem Dafolk's, now I'm confused which one came out first,
Streets of Fire or To Live and Die in L.A.,
which is William Friedkin.
in LA, which is William Friedkin.
And not only is it an incredible movie, it's very entertaining.
It has lots of good actors in it.
But it also has a chase scene on the freeway in Los Angeles where,
this is the weirdest thing, in the movie,
a character drives on the freeway up the off-ramp and going the wrong way against traffic.
And, you know, to get away from the cops.
And William Friedkin closed off the freeways to film the sequence
and then had all the cars going in the wrong direction.
And so
when he goes on the off ramp
and he goes up into all the other cars,
all the cars are going the wrong way.
He's the only one going the right way.
It's the weirdest.
The movie magic.
He says he did that just to make the whole scene
more unsettling.
Because you're watching it and you don't know
what is wrong.
It doesn't make sense.
That dude was fucked up.
I mean, you know, he made The Exorcist, so the guy was
a lunatic.
I thought of one.
See? I knew that my
long-ass storytelling...
It'll get said before it comes back to me, but I feel better about myself.
Okay.
That's good.
Matt.
Oh, he, I don't know if he was an ant,
but he was definitely in finding Nemo.
There we go.
Yeah.
That's it.
Close enough.
What was he in finding Nemo?
He was in the fish tank in the dentist's office.
Yeah.
He was one of those fish.
Yeah. I think so. Yeah. I don one of those fish. Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
I don't know a lot about fish.
I like it.
I have one.
Ants.
I don't know the name of it,
but I know that he played Vincent Van Gogh in a terrible movie a couple years ago.
Oh, yeah.
He was nominated for that.
Yeah.
He's a doctor.
years ago oh yeah he got nominated for he was nominated for that yeah that's the actor and he was great he was great at being in that insanely boring movie um i don't know the name but i'll
just i'll guess it's called vincent better than it should um no it's called, and I'm not even going to be able to pick up.
I'm not going to be able to say it correctly, I don't think.
Oh, I know what it's called.
I looked it up, but.
I don't remember what it's called.
I think it's just called Van Gogh, no?
No, no, no, no, no.
No, it's got a name about heaven or a gate or a thing.
At Eternity's Gate.
At Eternity's Gate, yeah.
I was almost
there without uh looking it up um dan should have just been called vincent
yeah and we really would have known to avoid it oh it's that guy's gonna cut his own ear off
no thing called paint vincent um right. The last temptation of Christ.
Whoa.
I really let that one slip. Nice one.
Yeah. That's a really, uh,
thanks to you Doug. Cause I was like, I was like acclaimed directors,
acclaimed directors, Scorsese. And then, you know,
yeah. You know who else worked with
was, um, yeah you know who else worked with was
David Lynch
he was in that movie
with Nicolas Cage
and Laura Dern
called
Fools
Wild at Heart Wild at heart.
Wild at heart.
Wait, are we still playing this game?
No, I'm out.
I'm out, so I'm looking at all the...
Don't look them up.
No, I'm out, you guys.
Tom, just consider me the judge.
I'm trying to say the name of the movie.
I'm trying to play.
Okay, yeah.
Let's take that take again
that's okay whatever you guys whenever you need help just reach reach over for me for a lifeline
okay matt probably his best movie speed, cruise control. Ooh. Confirmed.
Oh, yeah.
He's the bad guy.
All right.
Well, Stan was wrong about ants,
and I couldn't get to that title before Kasim,
and Kasim was out.
That means Matt Fernandez, you are our winner today.
Yay.
You bested us.
You win nothing.
Yeah.
I had fun.
That's what we all won today, was getting to have fun.
Do you have any more Willem Dafoe's though?
Were you ready to go further?
I had Grand Budapest in my back pocket, but I would have to think past that.
And I bet you he was a voice in Isle of Dogs and Fantastic Mr. Fox.
Oh, yeah.
Affirmed Fantastic Mr. Fox.
Yeah, see, the listeners kind of, in the back of their minds,
they worry that my guests are cheating during the games.
So when you pull up your computer and start saying answers,
then it confirms that that's what people can be doing.
Right. computer and start saying answers then it confirms that that's what people can be doing right and and my last guess at eternity's gate i pulled myself out of the competition yeah that's true became
became a lifeline yeah yeah but that's i'll just i'm gonna try to remember to say that to people
before we start please don't just start looking up the answers.
What's that?
It's an honor system.
Yeah, it's always the game.
Yeah, because everyone knows you cheated, Matt.
Uh-huh, yeah, totally.
Nobody knew
that he was in Speed 2.
Fuck that. I loved that movie
when I was a kid. You did?
Yeah, well, when I was a kid
Yeah, you were just at the right pace
When I was dumb, Doug, when I was stupid
I loved that movie
Yeah, it really was pretty awful
Yeah, it's not a good movie
And then at the end when the boat crashes into the city
And it just keeps crashing and crashing
Yeah, it goes for like a mile
Yeah, it's the longest crash ever.
It's so weird.
Okay, so now's the part of the show
where we have a couple extra minutes
and I would love
to bend your ears, pick your
brains, and discuss
movies
that
you're watching now
during this pandemic
and what you would recommend.
I know Dan said he watched Fury.
Have you seen anything that's
uplifting or takes you to a different
time?
There's a movie on Hulu
called The Lodge.
Oh yeah.
It is twisty.
It's a scary
movie, but I don't want you to think it's
a ghost story or anything.
It's really good. It's fucked up
at the end. It's a great twist.
Couldn't recommend it more if you have Hulu.
The Lodge. I saw it. That's one of the movies that kind of squeaked out
after all this shutdown. So it's been playing at
drive-in movie theaters. Yeah, I had no plans to see it,
but I just found it on Hulu because we were out of stuff
to watch. Out of stuff? Oh my god. There's so much, if you have all the streaming services,
it's just overwhelming how many options you have. It's like, it's so crazy, but that's a good one,
because I needed somebody to recommend the watch. I enjoyed it very much. Push me into watching it,
and you know, someone to call and complain to later it very much into watching it and you know someone to call
and complain to later if i don't like it what about you cast them have you been watching anything uh
i you've just enjoyed well i just watched hamilton uh i had never seen the play i thought
i thought it was fine i thought it was okay it was uh informative
and easy to listen to and i get why people like it um but i didn't come yeah you uh let's let's
talk about that for a second sure you um uh does it i haven't watched it yet but the impression i
get is it just kind of feels like
you're straight up in a broadway theater like they don't try to make it feel like anything
other than a broadway show but they but there's lots of cutting and stuff like lots of lots of
cameras there's lots of cameras um they didn't do anything special i I don't think, except just push in and take different camera angle shots and stuff when there's like a more dramatic moment.
But other than that, you can still hear the audience and it's just like you were there.
And, you know, it's great.
The audio is great.
I mean, there's, it doesn't,
it doesn't sound like one of those cheap concert DVDs or something like that.
It's really well done.
And for those people who don't have hundreds of dollars to go see it on,
you know, on Broadway, especially United,
you can't with the original cast.
It's a great way to watch it.
How long is it?
Oh, it's, it's close and close to three hours okay yeah yeah
there's an intermission and the whole deal that's what i think for some reason they've really
arrived at a template for broadway musicals where they tend to be with the 15 intermission 15 minute
intermission about two and a half hours long and it's uh now some some musicals are coming out and bucking that trend to doing like 90
minutes with no intermission and stuff like that which i've been enjoying because it seems weird
to me that a musical just just because it's a musical automatically has to be so long i did
check my watch yeah a couple couple times just to see where we were at with it um and then when you
get to intermission they they say hey it's it's intermission, what do you do then?
Do you pause it or do they actually
do a physical intermission?
There is, I think, a one minute timer on the screen.
And it says intermission and there's either a 30 second
or a one minute timer that counts down.
Because what I'll do is go stand
in the longest line I can find
when it's time for
intermission.
Cause the bathroom lines at Broadway theaters are horrible.
Always, always a long, long ass line. I mean, especially for the women,
the women, it's just nuts.
How long the lines are at the Broadway theaters.
Cause they're old ass theaters with tiny restrooms.
Like I don't know how they, uh, it's, it's wild. Um, okay.
So we're going to Dan now for a movie
recommendation.
You know, just yesterday I released my list of, uh,
favorite summer movies of all time,
but I recently watched because of the footage they use in I'll be gone in the
dark,
the HBO documentary about Michelle McNamara.
Um,
I had never seen creature from the black lagoon.
And so I went and watched it for the very first time and I,
I enjoyed it a lot.
Yeah.
I mean,
you know what I,
as I was watching,
I,
there's some camera work and underwater camera work in there that I imagine when
that movie came out was heralded.
It's very good, very good camera work.
And lots of, but some sort of unintentional laughs throughout.
Yeah. Every once in a while. Yeah, for sure.
Creatures not genuinely scary,
right?
No,
but you do,
it does evoke sympathy.
And obviously it's so,
it's so similar to the shape of water,
which I'm sure is I'm,
you know,
Guillermo del Toro loves monsters.
So I felt like that was kind of a purposeful homage anyway.
but it does,
the creature does a real,
like that actor does a really good job evoking feeling in a very stiff, uh, you know, prosthetic costume, but it's good. I liked it a
lot. Um, and then just from some of my summer movies that I recommended yesterday on Twitter
and Instagram, I would recommend, I mean, standby me is my favorite movie of all time,
but some other ones, everybody wants some, I mean, Stand By Me is my favorite movie of all time. But some other ones,
everybody wants some. I feel like some people haven't
seen that yet. Obviously,
The Burbs.
Love The Burbs. Hell yes.
Burbs is one of my top three Tom Hanks
movies next to nothing in common.
Sardine.
Uh-huh.
The pretzel sardine scene.
I'll still say that.
And then like Summer Rental the great outdoors, meatballs.
Days Confused counts in my book because it's the first night of summer,
but Wet Hot, Jaws.
Yeah.
Just lots of movies that take place during the summer and that are,
you know, a lot of them are classics.
I was having fun yesterday when I saw your list because the great outdoors was
on there. And, you know, I just love to point out to people, it's, you know,
I feel, I feel bad about it,
but it's also just so weird that it's in the movie, but you know,
you can see the trainer stick hitting a bear in one scene in
the movie and i i'm always kind of saddened by that that he's but it's a big bear and not that
big of a stick so i think it's more to get his attention but it still didn't doesn't feel right
but it's also weird that it doesn't seem but it definitely feels annoyingly prodding yeah yeah
but that it's but that you could see in the movies,
the craziest part that they just didn't even take it out.
I love that movie.
You were going to recommend something else in addition to Hamilton.
Yeah, no. Hamilton's the one I,
there was a movie that I was surprised by that I, uh, got a recommendation on and I,
I like like UFO paranormal,
all that kind of stuff.
And it was a really well done.
It's called the vast of night.
And,
um,
yeah,
it's on prime and it's super well done.
I had no idea what to expect and I was pleasantly surprised by the acting and,
and the cinematography was great
and it's you know it's in the 50s and it has a real strong sense of time and place and yeah like
you know it's not about aliens or anything but it's it's it's more about these two characters
that kind of uh discover this radio frequency and it's um yeah I mean there's a little bit of a
spooky element to it but it's just really well done
are they like do you think
they're actual kids or do you think they're
playing younger
like
were they because one of them was in
high school I think the girl was
in high school and the other guy seemed like
he worked at the radio station but maybe
was just at a high school or something because he
was walking around with a cigarette the whole time i don't know if that's just what
happened in the 50s or not but yeah he seemed like he could have been in like you know uh a
sophomore or something or junior in college okay yeah i mean they're both very young but they both
the performances are so like i just don't know how they managed to
understand the time period so well yeah i guess it was the director's first outing too so um
it was just really well done yeah it's really uh atmospheric and um uh yeah like you said they
just really uh nailed that uh time period and and you know, they just really, uh, nailed that, uh, time period and, and, you know,
and then you also realize as you're watching it at all. Okay.
They also didn't have much money. So that also helps to, you know,
make this thing. So, uh, take place, you know, uh, in a simpler time.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Andrew Patterson's the director should give him some props.
Props, Andrew Patterson. We're should give him some props. Props. Andrew Patterson.
We're giving them to you.
Um,
all right.
Well,
those are some great,
uh,
recommendations.
Let me ask the three of you one final,
not final question.
I hope I ask you questions for years to come,
but,
um,
have you,
has anyone seen the movie that stars ethan hawke
called predestination no no predestination no i'm telling you guys people have been telling me for
years that that's the one that's the one that i'm missing out on because i always used to ask
you know name a movie that i probably you know that you think i haven't seen that's the one that i'm missing out on because i always used to ask you know name a movie that
i probably you know that you think i haven't seen that's just a great movie that well you know i
should you know get around to it and that movie comes up so much and i still haven't pulled the
trigger on it because a lot of times i get this reaction which is you have no idea it even exists
it's called predestination oh sarah snooks in it yeah oh 2014 it's not even that old
i think the poster puts people off because it's just ethan hawke holding a gun and that's like
every other movie poster so i wonder if people just wrote it off as like another one of those
lame action movies maybe and you know and ethan hawke i i think he's a great actor, but he also works constantly.
So he's just in a lot of movies that people aren't even aware of.
I saw a movie called Stockholm that I liked a lot.
And I just had a brief theatrical run, and then I didn't hear much about it.
Is that The Bank Robbery?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, that was a great movie.
Yeah. about it but it's that's the uh the bank robbery uh-huh it's about that was a great movie yeah
it's about the stockholm syndrome the expression that ethan hawk had to play a bank robber who's
so charismatic that all the people that he was holding hostage started to root for him rather
than the than the law enforcement and that's what stockholm. I got to watch that again. That was a good movie. The box office for predestination is $201,000.
Oh, no.
Well, they're going to get another $5 from me.
It has to have at least doubled in numbers since then,
but on demand and stuff.
Yeah.
Okay. So, Kasimam's gonna watch it take the bullet for all of us yeah let's just do this again tonight and we'll talk about it okay there's a one minute
intermission in the middle of it and what is it what's the other ham thing I can say so I'm writing it down that you're going to watch it
I will
I want to report
or anybody that's listening to the show
that watches this movie
people really do when they speak of it
that have seen it
are very passionate about it
it's also got time travel in it
which for me has become tricky
because I think there's a few got time travel in it which is for me has become tricky because i think there's a few
great time travel movies and there's no reason for there to be any other ones sure right yes and
it's got like i said sarah snook who which i first saw in succession who plays shiv and she's a
fantastic actress so i mean there's there's two great reasons to watch it. Oh, I love it. That's so cool. Dan Van Kirk,
what have you got to plug, sir?
I know you have multiple podcasts going.
For sure. Penn Pals, me and Rory Scovel,
Dumb People Town with the Sklar Brothers.
And then I do a nightly podcast called The Good Night Show,
which is drops around midnight central time.
Episodes are anywhere, usually just around 20 minutes.
Just a fun little lighthearted show.
Covers a wide variety of topics.
And then specifically, though, Thursday, July 16th,
I'm going to be at Nowhere Comedy Club.
You can get tickets at nowherecomedyclub.com or danielvankirk.com.
They're only 15 bucks.
It starts at 6 p.m. on, the 16th at 6 PM Pacific time.
So 8 PM Rochelle, Illinois time, my hometown. Um, yeah, tickets are only 15 bucks. There's
also an option to do a meet and greet afterwards. And I'm doing, I would guess 85 to 95% of all
new material, including a story that I have yet to tell on quote unquote stage in any comedy form.
So if you're interested in some new stuff, this is the show to do.
Yeah, that's, uh, that's great. I mean, if you're tired of Dan's old stuff, check this out.
Yeah. Give me another chance.
If you're sick of his older material, don't worry about it. this is going to be new and uh yeah it's it's exciting those
shows are uh you know i've done a couple stand-up spots on on the internet and it's uh it's
interesting it's an interesting uh experience yeah they seem to do a pretty good job i've had
ones where i i felt like you know we there was i wondered if we were actually even doing a comedy
show um but i have the mic stand and I stand up for it.
And they encourage that too there for their comics and the way they put
everybody's volume down and then also kind of monitor that nobody's trying to
take over the show.
I feel like Ben Glee and those guys do a really good job and I hope people
come out and just want to hang for a night with me doing some comedy.
Right on.
Nowhere comedy.
Yes. Sevenhere Comedy. Yes. 716.
Nowhere Comedy Club.
You got it.
Kassem G, what are you doing, man? What are you up to?
I do a podcast with Jamie Lynn Sigler and Rob Eiler,
who were AJ and Meadow Soprano on the
Sopranos. So I do a podcast with those two and it's not a Sopranos podcast,
but it's, but it does come up. Unfortunately, I do my best.
I do my best to not talk about it. Um, but yeah, we,
we have a new episode up every Monday. Um,
and the YouTube videos go up every tuesday and just
pajama pants uh pajama pants podcast so you can how did you find me there how did you uh arrive
at the idea of doing a show with those two but also having it not really be about the sopranos
well um you know that i i met rob we shot a pilot for a show years and years ago, and we just
were always really good friends ever since. And then, um, one of his best friends is Jamie,
uh, Lynn Sigler. And so the three of us kind of decided to do one and there's, you know, there's
the whole rewatch podcast thing is being done. And, um, you know,
those two have never watched the show. So for us to do,
for us to do one would be, uh, it'd be a mess to be quite honest,
but also, you know,
Rob doesn't really care too much about talking about the Sopranos and we
figure there's at least three other shows, podcasts that do that.
And we'll just stick to chatting and, uh,
but it does come up, you know? Yeah. And also I can't stop it.
I would think that, that Rob would be like, um,
maybe a little touchy on the subject. Cause I,
I felt AJ was written in a way that where, where people were like, uh,
you know, not liking him, even though the actor did a good job,
the character was.
He did a great job with it. Yeah. And to be honest,
I think there's a lot of like, you know, ever since James Gandolfini passed,
there's a, you know, cause he really was a, like a father figure to him.
So there's a lot of, you know,
there's some stuff there and he doesn't always like to talk about it. So,
but Jamie's an open book and we've talked about it a bunch so
yeah go listen if you're interested at all in that yeah that sounds uh that sounds great pajama pants
put it on now and um matt fernandez well i i don't have a podcast but i was running a weekly show at
uh divine brewing in palm harbor florida it's closed right now i don't have a podcast, but I was running a weekly show at Divine Brewing in Palm Harbor, Florida.
It's closed right now.
I don't know when we're going to start back up again, but it's every Wednesday night and every second Saturday of the month.
Free show.
Come on down.
Super funny people from all over Florida.
Hopefully it starts up soon.
I think my next actual show is in Octoberober but you know we'll see if that happens
at side splitters i'll be there with rich voss uh i think it's october 23rd something around there
but like i said i don't know we'll see how it goes and uh there's clubs that are open though
in florida though right yeah you just uh just you they can't serve alcohol right now
so it's kind of a bummer what yeah they allow the clubs to be open and people right
bars are open you just can't serve alcohol right now yeah it's kind of stupid just I mean you know
pick a lane but uh yeah I mean I get the part about, like, drunk people are terrible at social distancing.
So, like, I get that.
But why would a bar be open at all if they can't serve?
Yeah.
Is it even a bar?
It's a place to sit.
It's a place to congregate.
A conference room?
I don't know.
But, yeah, my one one hour specials on prime
following me on twitter all that stuff yeah uh fat mernandez on twitter that is correct
yeah do you ever regret that the it's fun wordplay it is fun occasionally uh like if
it's an inexperienced host they'll bring me up on stage with that name.
That was a bummer.
Please welcome Fat.
Yeah, I'm just like, you piece of shit.
Oh, my God.
That's brutal.
Well, thank you to all three of you.
It's always great to hear from each of you.
And any time you want to come back, Kas And anytime you want to come back,
Kasim, you have to come back real soon
because I want the dirt on predestination.
Yeah, I'll make sure to let you know when I watch it.
It's going to be great.
Very nice.
I should mention that my new podcast,
yeah, why not make up another podcast, right?
My new one is called Wide World of Dugs,
and it premieres this Friday wherever you get your podcasts.
And thanks again to Kassem G., Matt Fernandez, and Daniel Van Kirk.
As always.
Thank you.
Thanks, Doug.
Thanks, Doug.
As always, that is all