Doug Loves Movies - Micah Sherman, Ngaio Bealum and Graham Elwood guest
Episode Date: December 29, 2015Live from the American Comedy Company in Sweet Home San Diego, Doug welcomes comics Micah Sherman, Ngaio Bealum and Graham Elwood to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy... and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Enjoy the show!
Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds seeds With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody!
My name is Doug, and I love movies!
This is Doug Loves Movies!
Coming to you once again from the American Comedy Company.
Yeah, the Communist Comedy Company. Yeah, the communist comedy
company down the street can suck it.
In
Sweet Home San Diego!
It's Sunday, December 27th.
We're right in
the start of the holiday
taint.
It's 2015
at 420-ish.
Let me see your name tag, Sandy
D. I know you made some good
ones. You always do.
Smallest one I've ever seen.
That's just a
movie ticket stub
for what film?
For Room.
For Room. Cross out Room
and wrote in Keith.
Well, good luck to you.
Not just today, but in life.
Les Miserables
because your name is Rob
and you've got a very
angry looking
Russell Crowe.
It's him attempting to sing.
Right before he kills himself.
Spoiler.
Lila? Lila.
And Stitch.
I knew how to pronounce Stitch.
So proud of myself.
What's this big one right here that says
watch it
etc rear wind drew instead of rear window wind drew you win in my mind drew
win drew actually there's lots of good ones oh there's a
starth vader helmet over there what's your name
the force awake gens
okay
well good job everybody
thank you for bringing those
I know it's a lot to get it together
just two days after Christmas
but I had a feeling you guys
could do it
and you did
I put together a lousy
prize bag. It's barely worth getting out of bed for.
I hope my guests brought some good stuff. I mean, I got a Doug Loves Movies
t-shirt, and it's not extra small like it often is.
It's extra large, so that's a good size
for most of us.
It's extra large, so that's a good size for most of us.
This is an umbrella that says Saving Mr. Banks on it.
Oh my God, there's only one more thing in here.
What a terrible prize bag.
But it's a pretty good one. A guitar pick that I got from Tenacious D.
Yeah.
So that's not bad, I guess.
Thankfully, my guests brought some stuff.
And so they're good guests in my book.
Let's get them out here.
Please give a big, warm welcome to'Gayo Bila, Micah Sherman
and Graham Elwood!
Take control, San Diego.
Take control of your American comedy company.
Was that your impression of that guy from Legend?
Yeah.
Was that the stray one or the gay one?
That was the gay one.
I'm the gay one.
I'm the gay Bane.
You just had to wait for the end of the impression, Doug.
Yeah.
I'm the gay one. Yeah, you just had to wait for him to yell out impression, Doug. Yeah. I'm the gay one.
Yeah, you just had to wait for him to yell out that part of it.
Yeah.
That's when you know.
The best impressions have identifying signals as you're doing the impression.
Oh, Ronald Reagan here.
Like, I could be...
Oh, wow.
That was amazing.
That was spot on just because you said his name and claimed to be him.
You could do that with anybody.
I love that.
George Bush, everybody.
How about it?
Whoa.
Close your eyes and let's go back to 2004.
I'm the president.
That was uncanny.
You are pretty good at this.
My name is Kim Jong-un.
Aw, shit.
Land in it.
I think you nailed it.
I mean, land in it.
It doesn't sound like, you know,
lots of stuff could still go wrong
after you've landed it.
Just ask Southwest.
I don't get it.
Their planes go extra long on the runway sometimes.
Got it, got it.
It's happened a couple of times.
You fly into San Diego,
doesn't the plane just drop out of the sky?
It's a pretty steep entrance.
You totally landed Southwest Airlines there.
Well, let's just go ahead and meet him
because he's already a powerful presence in this episode.
First time guest on the show.
Let's hear it for Micah Sherman, everybody.
Hello.
In San Diego visiting family.
Yes, I am.
Yeah.
And happy to get out of there for a little while.
Yes, I am. So that worked out to get out of there for a little while? Yes, I am.
So that worked out terrific.
Yeah, this is going great so far.
A lot more relaxing than sitting with my mother in an Airbnb.
The questions aren't quite as awkward.
That sounds horrifying.
Just you and your mom in an Airbnb, just sitting there like,
why didn't you get one with a TV?
It was $7 more.
How old do you think my mother is?
She sounded about George Bush age in that impression.
Goodness gracious.
How old do you think I am?
I'm Micah.
I'm here to do a show.
Apparently he's also a mighty wizard.
Yeah.
So you're sharing like a room with your mother?
No.
You just mean you hang out in the lobby of the Airbnb?
Yeah, the lobby of the Airbnb.
The apartment building.
You see the apartment building like,
when do we get a doorman?
No, I'm fortunate to get to sleep on a sleeper sofa for the next week.
I was actually in a hostel.
I moved out for three days and stayed in a hostel.
Are you homeless?
Are you a homeless man?
There's no shame in it.
I appreciate all the water you've given me here.
I think we should put you on a watch list.
You're hostile.
You're living in a sleeper cell.
You didn't hear what I said correctly.
Oh, I misinterpreted your words.
And did you bring something for our good old prize bag today?
I've got a star've got a i've
got a star studded prize first timers are often confused by the prize bag concept but it looks
like you nailed it i i feel like i've landed it here yeah uh so i brought uh 42 bring it on into Wittenberg. Wittenberg.
I've got some 42 servings of Starbucks hot cocoa Just Add Milk.
Wow.
That was a great impression of Just Add Milk.
I've got a Starbucks gift card inside of a Ziploc bag that says Merry Christmas, Micah.
You know what?
I'll put some weed in it.
We'll make a poor man's eight ball.
A little gift package.
Are there any Micahs in the crowd?
Just by any chance?
You might need Micah.
Because that would be a perfect person for you to play for if there were. Is there a one in a million chance that one of you is here? Micahs in the crowd? Just by any chance? You might need Micah. Because that would be a perfect person for you to play for.
Is there a one in a million chance that one of you is here?
Micah?
So who wrapped it in a Ziploc bag?
My mother did.
The shiny paper hurts my eyes.
It feels good to laugh.
And then this is, so these are all re-gifts.
But this last one is a re-gift that I gifted to my mother.
And then she gave it back to me.
Because she went to the Star Wars New Hope in the theaters.
She talks a lot of smack about it.
She went in 77 and so I got her
a Yoda Pez dispenser and she said
I don't like Pez so I'm going to give it to
somebody here.
It's in mint condition.
Here man.
Really look at it.
There's some tears in the corner.
Oh yeah. So just eat the pez and enjoy
it
would have been fun if she had said pez I don't like
yeah that would have
been fun we would have had fun
you guys would have been
laughs over it
I especially love Yoda in A New Hope
that's interesting that she holds that over your head
when he wasn't a character yet in that one.
He's just in the back of the cantina,
just playing 3D chess.
He's like...
A good band I'm listening to.
Let's meet
the gentleman on the far end
that's already dressed for
St. Patrick's Day.
It's Ungayo Beelum,
everybody.
Top of the afternoon
to you, then.
Oh, they're after
me lucky charms.
I'm Sean Connery.
Oh, awesome!
Spot on!
You'll call this archaeology.
Suddenly remembered by Charlemagne.
Bane is just Sean Connery with something in front of his mouth.
Yes.
They pull a knife, you pull a gun.
That's awesome.
You're untouchable when you're in the shadows.
Remember, Highlander,
we come from the League of Shadows
in a pit. I don't know.
Remember that one episode? Fuck off. Mine was brilliant. It made you guys think in a pit. I don't know. Remember that one episode?
Fuck off.
Mine was brilliant.
It made you guys think.
That's why I didn't laugh.
There is only one until there's another one later.
And then another.
How many Highlander movies have there been?
Too many.
Good answer.
Good crowd answer.
What do you got for the bag, Mugayo?
I have a T-shirt from Chameleon Glass. Nice.
They make really good glass products.
ChameleonGlass.com
We were using one earlier.
And if you go to, if you use
Ungayo 420, you get 10% off.
So, thank you. That color is
perfect if you're gonna attend
a soccer match.
When bass nectar comes
to town. Yeah, pass it on down to me.
I'll put it in the bag. Yeah,
give me all that stuff, Micah. Let's do it, buddy.
Yeah. Now the bag's getting
good. Whoa, that coffee's heavy.
Yeah. Heavy coffee.
It's hot cocoa. Yoda, not so much.
A light pese?
Yeah.
Graham Elwood's here. It's hot cocoa. Yoda, not so much. A light pez, I am.
Graham Elwood's here, everybody.
Ho, ho, ho.
I bought a T-shirt from the greatest rock band ever,
the Wurseling Burns,
with their never-ending world tour.
And I'll be selling these after the show.
But all I have left, I think,
are two, three, and four Xs.
That's right.
Come on, big guys.
I know what big guys be like,
finally.
And then I have a copy of the Comedy Film Nerd Guide to Movies.
That's all movies. Every movie's in this book. Every movie of all time. It's a Guide to Movies. That's all movies.
Every movie's in this book.
Every movie of all time is in there.
Guide to every film.
Every one.
Of all time.
It's ever happened.
So I'll be in the back of the room after the show.
Good job.
Come by, say hi.
And if you win and you're like,
this isn't the right size,
come by and I'll just fucking go,
ha ha ha ha, sucko.
No, I'll exchange it for you
if I have a size that isn't.
I think pretty much any candy
would taste better coming out of an old green neck.
Just a wrinkly old fucking neck
with candy shooting out of it.
Yum.
That's why I don't like this!
It's full of sugar.
Who's that impression?
That's my mom!
My mom's green, I guess.
You can make out with Oscar the Grouch, I guess.
I thought your mom was Sean Connery for a second.
That'd be awesome.
Your mom's Sean Connery.
Oh, wow.
I'm not staying in an Airbnb.
I'm Mom Connery!
We're really landing them up here.
This is going really well.
Now, Micah, I want you to dress like George Lucas.
I'm glad someone said it.
I'm glad someone said it.
I was going to say...
I think that sweater says Chili Enterprise.
It's cold.
Turn on the heat, number one.
Make it show.
I like my sweater.
So do we.
We love Star Trek and George Lucas.
So Star Trek was the second reference?
Yeah.
All right, great.
I can't wait for the games to start.
Sure. All right, great. I can't wait for the games to start. Sure, those are going to happen in a little bit.
But first, I got to ask everybody.
We'll start with Ngaio.
What was the last movie that you saw?
I saw The Creed.
The Creed?
The Creed?
I saw The Creed.
I'd like one for The Creed, please.
They would just sell you the ticket without,
they wouldn't even blink.
No.
If you get the title just a little bit wrong,
they don't care.
Yeah.
Even if it's a lot wrong.
Sure.
The Creep.
Yeah, I wish I,
if I hadn't seen it already,
I'd ask for that.
Give me one for Creep.
Just to see if they correct you.
It's creed.
Oh, yeah?
Well, who's the creep now?
I asked for the ticket in my grunge metal voice.
Ed, do you like the creed?
Yeah, it goes right along with liking all the odd-numbered Rockies.
Right?
1, 3, 5, and 7.
Those are all my favorites.
Probably in that 7 is better than 5.
And I also like how they would sneak the montage on you.
Like some shit would happen.
And all of a sudden you'd be like, this is a fucking montage.
Wait a minute.
And Sly Stallone, people forget.
He's underrated as an actor, man.
He's a very natural actor.
He's very good at playing Rocky.
But this is the one. He really slips into it well It really feels like the same character
It doesn't feel like just the same guy
Trying to do the same thing later
I thought it was
The deepest we've ever seen Rocky
I thought
In terms of emotional stuff that he's going through
I loved it
And black people everywhere
Gotta love black people getting work in film.
Just thought I'd point that out.
Boo!
Sorry, sorry! Oh, fuck, fuck! Shit!
Landed it!
You run every movie through some sort of
Black Dell test or something?
Where you...
Yes, there has to be a black person
named Dell.
Talking about something other than a white man.
I wonder how often that happens.
Really, now I've got to look that shit up.
It's probably similarly bad.
No, it was just nice to see black people working in a film.
That's all.
It's just exciting.
Like, lots of them.
Like extras and shit.
Like, everywhere.
But for the people like extras and shit like everywhere.
Because the lead character, Ray, has goals and things she's trying to accomplish other than getting with a dude.
Force Awakens passes the Bechdel test.
Oh, that's supposedly just.
I'm stoned.
You just changed the subject.
You confused me for a minute.
She's pretty much...
Doesn't she talk to her mom about something other than...
Or to Leia about something other than...
That's what I'm saying.
It passed.
They don't talk about men the whole time.
See?
So, okay.
Yay.
We talking about Star Trek right now?
She talks about BB-8 a lot.
We're talking about Mad Max.
So I don't know how much of a step up that is for women in film.
BB-8, do I look fat?
Beep, boop, beep, boop, boop, boop.
Wish I could use the force
on these thighs.
You guys
order drinks, they keep bringing them into the green room.
I know. It's great.
I've gotten them out so bad right now.
They never come out. It's not a secret. Did you set them in the green room. I know. It's great. I've gotten them out so bad right now. They never come out.
Did you set them in the green room?
Yeah. It's great.
And then they never come out. There's two waitresses that have gone in there. They haven't come out yet.
Oh, here we go.
Hey.
Is there a Diet Coke back there?
Which one is this?
Well Vodka?
Don't look at me. Who ordered a well of vodka?
I'm a stoner.
Just a pint glass of well vodka?
WC Fields.
The spirit of WC Fields is here.
Is it Red Bull and vodka?
It's probably that back table over there.
Yeah, it might be a customer ordered that.
I mean, we'll split it.
Maybe.
Four straws
split some dry ice
if I drank a Red Bull
and vodka
I would explode
so you think there's
still more drinks back there
oh yeah I saw a bunch
of them got put back there
do you want to just
go grab them
I got this thing
I gotta do
I mean I could go get them
but they're for you guys right I can go get them, but they're for you guys, right?
I could go get them if you guys want to keep talking.
Yeah, yeah, we'll do that.
Okay, cool.
You're the new guy.
This is a wonderful example.
It's like rookie hazing.
Let's hear it for Micah.
He's very thoughtful.
I can't believe Kirk deserted the con.
Doesn't seem like him.
He didn't leave anybody else
in command.
You're too kind. Thank you, sir.
It's so much better to have your drinks
instead of just knowing that they're back there.
I just like knowing.
I just feel better.
Just knowing there's beverage for me somewhere.
Somewhere out there. Somewhere out there.
What about you, Mike?
Have you been to the movies
when you're not busy Airbnbing?
The last movie that I watched was
Trains, Planes, and Automobiles.
Sure.
You're going to do great today.
Okay.
Sizing up the competition already.
Oh, this guy saw a movie from the 80s.
It was by John Hughes.
Why?
Why?
Why did you watch it?
Is it an annual family treat?
No.
Nope.
I think that'd be a fun movie to watch on your laptop
if you were stuck in an airport
and just watch a guy who's frustrated about being stuck.
Thank you.
And you're stuck.
And then you can watch that Tom Hanks one, too.
Oh, where he lives in the airport?
The terminal?
The terminal.
That's not the same thing. Living in the airport is fun.? The terminal. That's not the same thing.
Living in the airport is fun.
That would be fun.
Being stuck there is terrible.
It'd be expensive.
He figured out some smart things, though,
like to return those carts and get the money.
That's true.
And then he'd go buy a hamburger.
Is that based on a true story?
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's a pretty weird-ass movie, The Terminal, now that, you know, airports are, you know,
you can't set your bag alone by itself for a few minutes without getting yelled at.
Or shot.
Or shot.
People get shot in airports now?
I don't know.
What are you talking about, dude?
There's a lot of guns at airports.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, they're controlled by the, like, controllers.
The gun controllers.
Yeah, like...
The regulators?
Yeah, regulators.
Mount up.
Yeah.
It was a clear black night, a clear white moon.
Warren G was on the spot trying to consume.
Were you in Dynamite Hack?
So, yeah, I watched
trains, planes, and automobiles.
Of the three, which was your favorite?
Oh, the automobile part.
The automobile part was like the most intense
and fun. Right. Yeah, definitely.
They're not on planes much at all, are they?
They're not.
They never get on a plane.
Oh, do they?
Nope.
I don't remember.
You're reporting on it.
You just saw it.
It's a John Hughes film.
Mm-hmm.
I tried to watch a bunch of holiday.
Kevin Bacon appears on Build.
He does.
It's exciting.
At the beginning, he's a cab hailer.
Yeah, there you go.
And he steals Steve Martin's cab.
Yeah, and so does John Candy,
but he's in the rest of the movie.
Who directed that?
John Hughes directed, wrote, and produced it.
Oh.
Do you know who John Hughes is?
He was the porn star, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Same guy.
I think his last name was something different.
John something different?
I've never seen any of his films.
Were you, like, somewhere where there was only that one movie available?
I tried to watch a bunch of Christmas
movies this year. Oh, okay.
It was kind of Christmassy? Yeah, and then I watched it
and realized it was a Thanksgiving movie.
Because he's trying to get home for Thanksgiving.
That's right. Yeah, but then he finally
makes it home for Christmas. It's a happy
ending!
Except, no, it's... 30 days later.
Yeah. It feels like... They pack in a lot of hijinks.
Yeah.
A lot of stuff happens to them.
What about you, Graham?
What was the last motion picture?
Well, I saw Star Wars for the second time last night.
Yeah.
Awful brave of him.
Let's hear it for
our
people who watch it a lot
and the day before that
I saw The Hateful Eight
70 millimeter
could you hear the film reel
like
it was fucking awesome
I just loved it
and he gave you like a
like a pam
like a brochure
like a book.
It was so awesome.
Is that available everywhere or just in Los Angeles?
It's not.
Yeah.
They must have did it here if these people know about it.
All right.
It's in maybe, I don't know, 25, 30 cities across America.
Oh, that's really cool.
It's fucking awesome.
You come in there and it just says Overture.
I think it's on 100 screens at this point.
Yeah.
I think.
It goes wider soon. I want to go see it like that. They it just says Overture. I think it's on 100 screens at this point. I think. It goes wider soon.
I want to go see it like that.
They have an Overture at the beginning.
An intermission.
But not really
a lot of cause
for 70mm for a movie that takes place
in one room.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Gets a little unnecessary. I don't know the first opening takes place in one room. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
Gets a little unnecessary.
I don't know, the first opening shots where they're all...
No, there's some cool stuff in there,
but I mean, The Revenant is like a fucking movie
where they went out and shot in the snow
and tons of shit happens and it's brutal.
And I liked Hateful Eight, but it's just...
I don't know.
It was too much of a bunch of people just sitting around talking for my taste.
Sitting around talking in a Quentin Tarantino movie.
Yeah, but interestingly, because it's the Old West, there's no pop culture references they can make.
He smuggled his gold chain watch piece in his ass.
Yeah, so the conversations are not, they're just sort of like,
I wonder which one of you guys
is gonna shoot me in the back.
Oh, I don't know, it might be that guy.
Like, it doesn't have his usual crackling dialogue.
And I didn't think the characters were all that great.
You know what they call hookers in France?
Huh.
I don't know.
Anyway, there'd be plenty of time to talk about it.
I mean, there's certainly things to love about it for sure.
Does it feel like a play?
Kind of a little bit, yeah.
To me, it felt like an old school John Ford Howard Hawks Western.
Like The Searchers or some shit like that.
Well, it's very much the plot of Stagecoach, but that, you know...
The musical? Took place partially in a stagecoach of Stagecoach, but that, you know... The musical?
...took place partially in a stagecoach.
Stagecoach the musical.
Yep.
Yeah, I don't know what you're thinking about.
Paint your wagon?
There you go.
I feel like I'm on...
It's like drunk history,
but it's like stoner history for movies is what I'm watching in
the middle of this and they're just reenacting movie history you remember when Lando Calrissian
fought Sean Connery and the Highlander and the Home Alone 5 yeah it was awesome fuck yeah it was
great these guys loved it the 90 minutes of hateful hate that happens
before the intermission could be accomplished
in about 20 minutes.
And then as soon as you come back from intermission,
he starts recapping what happened.
Like Tarantino, his own voice comes in,
like, let me tell you what's going on.
And it's like, wow, okay, the director's here, everybody.
He's going to talk us through this.
But it's got a lot of cool stuff in it, definitely.
So those people that applaud it aren't necessarily wrong.
And everybody should see it.
What's your favorite Tarantino?
Well, that's the thing.
I can honestly say out of eight Tarantino movies, it's in eighth place for me.
It's my least favorite Tarantino movie.
But that's just after the one viewing,
because that's the thing about his movies,
is that where you stand on them kind of changes
from viewing to viewing.
For me, most of his movies,
the first time you watch it,
the entire time you're like,
what the fuck's going to happen?
Even during the most boring scenes,
you're just waiting for something
really fucking gnarly to happen.
Because you never know.
What's that?
You never know.
Yeah, you never know with him.
It might hit a bump and somebody might get shot in the face.
He holds the violence over you.
He has extreme violence held over your head the entire time in every one of his movies.
And extreme nudity also.
You might have to see Django hanging upside down naked, which no white man needs that
in his life.
You'd be surprised.
He looks that good upside down.
What? You'd be surprised. By which part? By how many white men need that in his life. You'd be surprised. He looks that good upside down. What?
You'd be surprised.
By which part?
By how many white men
need that in their lives.
He's right.
You would be surprised.
Yeah.
But like I think for me
the best Tarantino movies
are the Kill Bills.
Yes.
And that's what I like about him is his ability to handle all the martial arts stuff.
And he's sort of gone away from that now.
And he refuses to make movies with martial arts in them.
And he's so good at it that I wish he'd do more of that.
Jackie Brown.
There's going to be a Kill Bill 3 maybe.
Are they going to tell it from the daughter's
point of view? Was that the angle he talked about before?
Or Beatrix Kiddo has grown up now?
No.
What's her name's daughter?
Both of them have daughters.
The one who should have been Black Mama.
The one witnesses her mother being killed
in the beginning.
Later on if you're still raw.
They'll both grow up and go after each other.
I mean romantically.
Ah shit.
Are you writing the slash fiction right now?
No I'll take whatever.
Whatever he wants to do.
It's neat that he's reviving the western with this movie
and some cool shit happens
but you can only talk so much about it
before you start ruining it for people
and that's not what I'm here to do. I saw on TV this morning some cool shit happens, but you can only talk so much about it before you start ruining it for people.
And that's not what I'm here to do.
I saw on TV this morning the first Mad Max was on
cable.
And I watched it, and it's terrible.
It's absolutely awful.
Did you like A Boy and His Dog better?
You remember A Boy and His Dog?
I do remember that. I don't know. I couldn't really weigh in
on which one I prefer
at this moment. But yeah, that was a weird
movie where you hear the dog's thoughts.
Yeah.
But, you know, Mel Gibson is just kind of
boring in it. He gets kind of mad
and he gets revenge.
They remade it, basically, as the Road Warrior
and they made it so much cooler.
They should have just buried this first one.
This one
and the second half of Thunderdome
should just go away.
To the land of Jar Jar Binks.
The whole Mad Max legacy should be road warrior,
half of Thunderdome
and all of
Furiosa Road.
Furiosa Road?
Can you believe the critical
and awards
consideration that movie's getting?
Yes.
It should.
I didn't really enjoy it that much.
It's just like a bunch of driving around.
It's like, hey, let's go over there.
What are we going to do when we get here?
I don't know.
Let's turn around and go back.
We got women in the truck.
Yeah.
So let's keep moving.
We're going to drive around the desert.
I didn't think I understood what was happening.
And to me, that's not a very good movie if I don't know what's happening.
Great point.
Could you agree less, gentlemen?
Well, there were no planes or trains.
Oh, yeah.
It's just automobiles.
It's like a third is good.
I understand.
I don't care if they ever...
You feel like you're missing two-thirds of the entire movie.
Yeah, the whole time I was questioning.
Where are the other vehicles?
Bullshit!
That would be great.
Like, I'm the Emodium Joe.
We got to get on the bus or something.
Just like light rail.
Did you say Emodium Joe?
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah, he had some heartburn.
He had to take care of some.
Emodium Joe.
Get out of here, heartburn.
Someone's got to do that ad in Australia right now.
Don't make any more gun noises.
Heartburn getting you down?
Emodium Joe's here to drive it away.
And you see it going down the stomach.
Are you Steve Irwin?
Yes, yeah.
Rest in peace. Oh, sorry. Are you Steve Irwin? Yes, yeah. Rest in peace.
Oh, sorry.
I'm Steve Irwin.
And I'm Bindi Irwin.
And Peggy.
Did I win Dancing with the Stars?
No.
I'm Bindi.
Did you ever see that show about the Supreme Court judge
and Steve Irwin's daughter?
Did you guys smell that?
Yeah, something's burning.
What's burning?
It's a problem.
Oh, apparently a puzzle was on fire.
And it's been solved, you guys.
It was the chicken strips in the toaster oven at the comedy club.
You're Colonel Mustard.
Spicy mustard.
Hello.
From up here, I heard it's salt.
And I was like, That doesn't make any sense
And then I used context clues
And then I
Then you landed it
Yeah and then
I landed it for myself
And I enjoyed the fun
That you guys had
If there's a problem
You'll all salt it
Check out the hook While my DJ revolves it Yeah It's If there's a problem, you'll all salt it.
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it?
Yeah.
It's upsetting when you're in a basement club and it smells like it's on fire.
You know, listen.
I didn't want to have to fight anybody.
It's kind of hard to...
I was trying to look for a spot.
I'm looking around for exits,
and I know that there's no exit out of the green room,
so I know that's not a good place to run.
Don't go into the green room, you guys,
if this place is on fire.
Solved it!
The firemen all come running in.
No problem!
Solved it!
Solved it!
We did it. It's it. We did it.
It's a Christmas taint miracle.
Christmas taint.
Deck the halls with Christmas
taint.
This feels like group therapy at like a
rehab center. You know what I'm saying?
Like, alright, let's use
our feelings, guys.
I don't think any of us
have quit yet though.
Next week's group
no candles because you guys don't know
how to deal with your candles.
So we're going to have no candles
next week and see how that works.
Solved it!
Okay, I just want to play a quick round of
this game doesn't mean anything
in terms of winning and losing today.
It's just for fun.
It's a game we've been playing for a while now
called Tell the Truth.
And I'm just going to ask you one question, Graham,
and then we'll work our way down the line.
But Graham gets it first.
I just need you to answer honestly.
What is your favorite Will Smith movie?
Favorite Will Smith film
out of all the Will Smith classics?
The one where he's got the little boy
and he's trying to sell the computers
in San Francisco in the 80s?
Pursuit of Happiness?
Yeah.
Is your favorite?
Mm-hmm.
Tell the truth!
I've never played this game.
You just yell at people?
Is that what it is?
Micah, do you have a favorite
Will Smith
motion picture?
Bad Boys 2.
Tell the truth!
Ali! Ali is my favorite.
Ungayo.
Did you just crack on the witness stand?
Just like that?
Stick to your guns, man.
Bad boys won.
No stitching.
Independence Day!
You've had your turn and you've failed.
I thought you said this didn't mean anything.
African or European?
What? I'm high, man. I make a lot of didn't mean anything. African or European? What?
I'm high, man.
I make a lot of connections in my mind.
What's your favorite?
Well, last time I said hitch,
but this time I will preemptively say
Suicide Squad.
You haven't even seen that yet.
Tell the truth!
You haven't even seen that yet.
Tell the truth! Yeah!
I don't understand this game at all.
Well, in that case, let me say, let the games begin!
Gentlemen, you get to pick your name tags
from a delightful assortment of things
that people brought with themselves
that you need to go physically grab
and take back to your seat.
I'm going to go check in with the fire marshal
while we do a brief commercial message.
We'll be right back.
Hey, everybody.
Just a reminder to watch Colony
only on USA Network
starting Thursday, January 14th.
Back to the show.
We're back.
Excellent job, everybody.
What do you got there, Ngaio?
Candy.
You got just a big old bag of candy attached to a name tag?
It says Labrunch, right?
But her name's Carrie for some reason.
And then she's got your picture over David Bowie because apparently you remind her of the babe.
But there's candy.
Yeah, there's a bunch of candy attached to it.
That's the important thing.
There's Starbursts and Gobstoppers and Sweetest Fish. Some guy offered me five bucks, but really, I would rather have's candy. Yeah, there's a bunch of candy attached to it. That's the important thing. There's Starbursts and Gobstoppers and Sweetest Fish.
Some guy offered me five bucks, but really, I would rather have the candy.
That's how.
Five bucks is five bucks.
That's probably five bucks worth of candy on that thing.
At least.
Looks like she got it at the movie theater.
What's the lady's name?
Brunch?
You would think.
She wrote Brunch on it, but apparently her name is Carrie.
Carrie, but you put Brunch in there?
Why?
Solved it!
The guy who thinks he's at the
San Diego Zoo
is fucking throwing
Starbursts to all the bears.
This way I won't eat them all.
That's a good strategy
Next, gobstoppers
But I'm gonna spit them out of my mouth
Like BBs
Ugh, ever nasty
Micah, who you playing for?
Well, I'm a little bit confused
It says
Planes, Travis, and Automobiles.
Yeah!
But on the back it says...
No, don't read it!
No!
Don't read that. You're playing for Travis. You're playing for Travis
You're playing for Travis
On the back it says
I'm just gonna read
The list of songs
From this soundtrack
The first song is
I can take anything
Is that your safe word?
Yeah
But there should be
A shithead on the back
And that's what I'll have to read
Oh I understand that
If you lose
Yeah yeah thank you Yeah this guy's a shithead on the back, and that's what I'll have to read if you lose. Oh, I understand that. Yeah, yeah, thank you.
Yeah, this guy's a shithead.
Graham?
I have Darth Vader's helmet,
and it says,
Star Wars The Force Awakens, from Jennifer over there.
Was a big podcast fan.
And I don't know, where is the shithead?
On the back of the paper.
Got it. We can't see it. It is currently hidden.
On the back of this piece of paper right here that she
staked out.
Yeah, you'll peel that back.
Look at that. She did a great job.
I agree.
I agree Alright good job picking your name tags
You could put that on the floor probably
Instead of having it look like
Darth Vader's springing up from your loins
He is
Darth Vader talk
Come over to the dark side ladies
Yeah
That's what I'm talking about I'll waken that force Don't dare to talk. Come over to the dark side, ladies. Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'll awaken the force.
Once you go dark, you'll never bark.
Solved it.
Well, that's definitely solved it.
It's got to be a hashtag for today. Yep.
For today's show.
Hashtag solved it.
Hashtag solved it.
For sure. Solhtag solved it. Hashtag solved it. For sure.
Solved it.
Yeah.
Or she said, it's solved, I think is what the actual quote was.
I punched it up.
Good job, Graham.
Thank you.
Yeah, putting on a shirt, moving some merch.
All right.
To determine who goes first
in our first legitimate game today,
we're going to play a very silly game
called Live, Die, Repeat,
a.k.a. Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang.
I'm going to say the title of a movie,
and the first one of you to say it back wins.
Boy, don't come on the show for a while and holy shit,
it's just a goddamn free-for-all.
Just trying to make
the games easier for people who don't know
trivia. So all you have
to do is repeat
the movie title
that I say
but it's the person
who comes back with it
the fastest.
Got it.
I'm just waiting for
Micah to finish his drink.
I don't want him to be
mid-drink when this happens
because then it'll be
a big spit take.
The next game we're going to play
is just movie
punch you in the dick. You say a movie then I'll punch you big spit take. The next game we're going to play is just movie punch you in the dick.
You say a movie, then I'll punch you in the dick.
All right.
Terms of endearment.
Ah, suck it.
Ah, my dick.
Congratulations.
What did I win?
Your dick.
It won my fist.
All right.
Ready?
Here we go.
The guy who was chewing.
It's all right.
Okay.
Such confidence.
I'm good.
Okay, let's see who says it back the fastest.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What do we win if we get this right?
A lot of money.
Watch out.
You move out of the hostel.
You get to go first in the next game.
It's all you win.
It's all you win.
It's all you win.
It's all you win.
If you just start repeating things that I'm saying.
He's training.
Look at him.
He's fucking
training.
That's smart.
Just the title is
all we're looking
for.
Ready?
Everybody seems
ready.
The gun I bet
he's begging to
use his handbag. Oh, sorry. How could you tell I was about to say that? I just know, dude. The Gun I Bet He Shoes Pan Bag.
Oh, sorry.
How could you tell I was about to say that?
I just know, dude.
I solved it.
No, it's just...
Nanny McPhee.
The title is simply...
Elf.
Elf.
You just did it to make us bark.
That's the only reason you did it.
Take it three, guys, and go...
Elf.
Elf. Elf. That's the only reason you did it. Take it three guys and go, oof. Oof.
Oof.
That was so funny.
It really did seem like you were all barking.
Just did that to make us bark.
You thought of that in your hotel room and went,
oh, this will be great.
I'm going to have three guys barking on stage.
I couldn't tell who was fastest, though,
so I'm going to do another one.
Wolf. Yeah, I'm going to do another one. Wolf.
Yeah, I was about to say wolf.
The unbearable light is the being.
Deck the halls.
Deck the halls!
I think Micah was the fastest that time.
Oh, such a stupid game.
That was fun, though.
Let's do it again just for like shits.
I love my favorite part is the title of the game really doesn't explain it at all.
It's just fucking...
Live, die, repeat?
Movie.
Movie yell.
We're going to play Diver Down.
Let's play movie yell.
Movie yell.
I know it shouldn't, but I feel great that I won.
No, you should feel great.
I shouldn't feel.
No, you should.
That's what it feels like to be a winner.
Turns out you're very good at something that's, you know, worthless.
We're all comedians, right?
Thank you.
I'm glad somebody said it.
I'm glad somebody said it.
If there's some other situation where you have to yell out the quickest,
then you're going to be good to go.
So look for those in life.
Okay.
I'm looking for tickets!
Just repeat back everything they say to you out on the street.
Yeah.
And that guy's like,
I'm also looking for tickets.
Stop yelling at me.
I'm looking for a scout.
Looking for tickets.
You got any tickets?
Got any tickets?
Do you have any?
Do you have any tickets?
I'm going to try that next time.
You're too close to me.
You're too close to me!
I don't
understand social cues!
Help police! Help police!
You're coming with me!
Now you're just
sounding like Mr. Movie Phone.
You're coming with me
to the movies!
We're going to play a game now
that we don't play very often
on the show because...
Just for the listeners' sake,
tell us when you're going to do that.
Incoming.
Yeah.
You just...
Yes!
The woman yelled, landed it!
Yes!
Landed it!
Say that to your man the next time you're having sex.
Landed it!
Gross.
Gross.
That just sounds like somebody just caught a big fish.
Fucking threw it into the boat.
But then they're all fishermen that don't really,
that think fish are gross.
That's awesome.
We're going to go fishing, but we're not going to keep it.
Ew.
No, I meant the landed it part.
Anyway, let's play Build a Title.
Oh, shit.
You might not be familiar with this,
Micah, so it's a good thing that you have to go first.
We'll go to
Mgaio after
Micah and then over to Graham.
And we're basically going to take
one title and then add more titles to it using the existing
words and sounds.
And the title I'd like to begin with is I saw a movie on VOD that I enjoyed a great
deal about the world of tennis, about tennis playing brothers.
And it's called Breakpoint.
Breakpoint. Breakpoint.
So we're going to start with the movie
Breakpoint,
Micah, and all you have to do
is come up with a movie
that begins with the word point
or ends with the word
break.
So what would you like to What would you like your first move to be?
Just add it right on there
Break point break
Yes
I'm so glad I went first
That's amazing.
It's beautiful.
And you know, we take the word the and the word a,
we get rid of those in this game.
You don't have to worry about those.
And Gaio, what have you got to add to break point break?
Would break point break fest at Tiffany's be ridiculous?
That would work, yes.
break fest at Tiffany's?
That would work, yes.
I didn't know shit would get so highfalutin.
But yeah, that's where you're at, Graham.
You need something that ends in break or begins with Tiffany's.
Yeah, it's brutal.
My bad.
Or Fanny's.
Tiffany's. Welliff Annie's.
Well, there's an obvious choice I could use,
but I could make it interesting.
Sit down, guy with vote for Pedro shirt.
Let's go.
So it's point.
Wait, it's break point breakfast at Tiffany's?
Uh-huh.
Not fist at Tiffany's.
Fist at.
Oh.
Breakfast at Tiffany's. I thought that's what we were doing.
The forward one.
Fist at Tiffany's.
Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Fisting Tiffany.
Why do you make the face?
Why do you make the face?
Well, that's the scene in the movie that I'm thinking of.
Jesus.
My movie's a little gentler than yours, I think.
Oh, my bad.
There's more patience.
There's more patience.
There's more lube.
That movie's racist.
No.
Mickey Rooney?
Oh, yeah.
That movie.
I thought you were talking about my personal movie.
No.
Like, no.
It's pretty hot.
Your homemade porn, Ndiaye, was very racist.
You haven't seen it.
Landed it.
I'm going to add that to my homemade porn from now on.
Just at the end.
What do you got, Graham?
Let's go spring break.
I like it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course.
Spring break point break faced at Tiffany's.
So now all you need, Micah, is something that ends in spring or begins with Tiffany's.
Last spring
break.
Point breakfast at Tiffany's?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last spring.
What's that?
We're adding on movies to the beginning and end, right?
Yeah.
Then it's a movie.
What's the movie?
Who's in that movie?
Yeah, who's in Last Spring?
Oh, Last Spring?
Yeah.
It's a documentary about...
The seasons.
Yeah, like when the snow
melts.
It's by
Errol Morris.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know. And wasn't the narrator
Leif Garrett?
Yeah, Leif Garrett.
Leif Garrett?
Leif. Or, you know,
either, you know, it was definitely
a Garrett, as I as I recall. All right, you know, it was definitely a Garrett, as I recall.
All right, you're out.
Okay.
You had me at Errol Morris, though, man.
That was a good pull.
So now we need something, Ungayo, that ends in spring or begins with Tiffany's.
Ends in spring or begins with Tiffany's. Ends in spring.
Yeah, because it'll be
the first word in our title.
Right.
So wasn't there the thing
called the
Rites of Spring?
Ugh.
Some guy in the audience just
fucking came so hard.
It's a ballet, but I'm sure they made a film out of it.
Oh, God.
Oh, man.
Oh, I don't think that was it.
Oh, clearly that was it.
Right in the spot.
Didn't solve it.
Oh.
I don't know.
Of course.
Cross landed, crash landed it. Yeah, I don't think. Of course. Crash landed it.
Yeah, I don't think so.
All right.
That was a good try.
So that means Graham won this thing?
That's right.
Breakfast at Tiff any given Sunday.
I'm just adding to some shit.
Oh, you can...
Oh, shit.
No, you can't do what he just did.
Okay.
You can't change the way words are pronounced.
Then I feel better.
No, that is how you...
Tiffany, A-N-Y.
Tiffany.
Any given.
Tiffany's given some...
Annie's of the Sundays are given.
See, that's what he's doing.
He's trying to make it any's given Sunday.
Any's given Sundays.
Breakfast at Tiffany's Stasia.
That was pretty good over there.
He said that.
Or you could do...
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Dut Nuts, fool!
I don't know.
Sorry.
My bad.
Knees Dut Nuts.
Knees Nusty Duts, fool. All right. These dust nuts. These nasty dust.
Fool.
Steve dust nuts.
I'm Steve.
If there was a movie called Annie something or other then that would maybe work.
Breaking Fanny?
Okay. You're really all over the place with that one.
What the fuck is that?
He's just adding to every side of this thing at this point.
Sounds like British porn.
It feels like because of my slot, I couldn't
have won there.
Oh, you think it was your slot was the problem?
Yeah, the slot.
We just wouldn't accept last spring.
It just would have gone longer if
we had gone with breaking away or break fest club.
But Tiffany's is a hard one to add anything to.
Sorry, man.
What are you going to do?
It's called strategery.
The game is the game.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You went big.
I like it.
You threw it down and Graham won somehow.
Calculated risk.
Yeah, yeah. So Graham gets to go first in our next game, which is last man standing. one somehow. Calculated risk. Yeah.
So Graham gets to go first in our next game, which is Last Man Stanton.
Oh, shit.
I'm your father.
Do you know this game, Micah? I think so, yeah.
This is one where we take turns. I play along
for fun. We take turns naming
movies that an actor or actress
that's suggested by a lucky audience member.
I get messages on Twitter all the time
from people saying,
I've got the perfect name.
And that's what those people sound like.
I just got on Twitter.
No matter what their avatar is.
like no matter what their avatar is yeah and in today's case I picked a name out of Twitter of a person named Matt underscore diamond is that you did you
say bling Matt diamond and he did I love how he just went, hey.
Whoa, whoa, that's mine. Whoa, whoa, easy.
Don't say that out loud in public.
Diamond bling.
All right, so what do you do
for a living, Matt?
A lot of stuff.
A lot of things.
A drug dealer.
Hit me up after this show.
Yeah, are your stuff and your things,
would you think that
Ngayo and I would be more interested in it?
Or Graham?
Do you sell vitamins?
Do you have a...
Or fun stuff?
A katana that I could...
A fully sharpened katana?
Yeah, Graham needs a katana
sword. Do you sell planes, trains
and automobiles memorabilia?
Because that's all that anybody
knows about me right now.
I would love to have some planes,
trains and automobilia.
Do you have some Cooper?
Aw, shit. Solved it.
Alright, Matthew. I won't ask you anything more
about your personal life.
How tall are you?
But who are you here with?
My wife!
Oh!
Hey!
Oh!
You are correct, sir.
Yes. Yes.
Yes, you are correct.
Hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar.
Is this Sean Connery again?
That's all the things Sean Connery used to say.
I'm Ed McMahon.
Oh, okay.
Publishers Clearinghouse.
Come show up with your...
All right, are we good?
You could be on Star Search.
See, I thought Ed was going to yell something else out.
I was right.
So Matthew's going to give us a name,
and then we're going to play.
What's your name, Matthew?
Kurt Russell.
No, what is your name?
Tell the truth!
All right, he's going with Kurt Russell, you guys.
Ooh, that's a good one.
Yeah, I do.
I enjoyed the work of Kurt Russell Russell and Graham won that last game so
he gets to go first then we'll go to Micah then to guy oh then to me so don't
forget that I'm gonna play I'll do the movie I just saw the hateful age ladies
okay thank you so much murder my Yes Yes, Micah
Big Trouble in Little China
Oh, great movie
Great movie
Kim Cattrall
Alright, Zungaya
Overboard
Who is it?
Captain Chaos
I'm Kurt Russell
Oh, to Foodie Klein Okay, that's not his line But that's one of the funniest lines chaos. I'm Kurt Russell.
Oh,
to Foodie Klein. Okay, that's not his line,
but that's one of the funniest lines.
Since you went for Overboard, I'm going to keep it nautical. Huh.
And say Captain Ron.
I'll go Tequila
Sunrise.
I'm going to go Last Spring,
a documentary by
Errol Morris.
He's great in that.
I don't know what Kurt Russell's been in.
Wait, are you sincerely
out of Kurt Russell movies?
Yeah.
Tell the truth!
Hey!
Why did you do that?
We're still playing.
We're just going to take a moment to condemn this man
for his lack of knowledge on Kurt Russell.
Kurt Russell's a good one.
Yeah, he's a powerhouse,
and as we continue to play without you, Micah,
you will discover...
The power.
The many films that he has done.
Can I take a guess?
Of course.
Was he in Footloose?
Yeah, yeah, he played the mayor.
I'm going to guess that he wasn't in Footloose.
No, no, not in Footloose.
About a week ago. It's not a terrible
guess. Thanks.
If you're just going to
really hope that somebody was in something.
I honestly think that Big Trouble in Little China
is the only Kurt Russell movie that I've
ever seen. Really?
We'll keep going and you'll
recognize some of these other titles.
God willing. Okay, so it's on some of these other titles. God willing.
Okay, so it's on to you and Gaio.
Tombstone.
Yes, Tombstone.
I did see Tombstone.
I did see Tombstone.
That'll be a fun side game.
Tell us which ones you've seen.
Kurt Russell's a good actor.
I didn't even recognize him in Tombstone.
Maybe that's your problem is his versatility makes it hard for you to track what he's up to. Kurt Russell's a good actor. I didn't even recognize him in Tombstone.
Maybe that's your problem is his versatility makes it hard for you to track what he's up to.
Was he Wyatt Earp in Tombstone?
Yep.
Nailed it.
All right.
I'm going to go with one of my favorites of this past year
that you may not have seen yet,
but I recommend it Micah
it's called Bone Tomahawk
yeah better than Hateful Eight if you ask me
and nobody did
I'll go $3,000
wait wait wait
oh it is your turn I'm sorry
$3,000 wait wait wait Oh, it is your turn. I'm sorry.
3,000 miles. Wait, wait, wait.
That is a tough one
because I would get
the number of miles wrong.
But it's 3,000 miles
to Graceland.
That is correct.
Okay.
All right.
And Micah,
of course you haven't seen that one.
No, no, I have not.
No, no.
That's not a good movie.
Anybody else see 3,000 Miles to Graceland?
Did you know that Kurt Russell was in it?
Graham and I went to the premiere.
We went to the premiere of that movie.
Yeah, and they had poker chips at the party,
like just sitting around just for fun.
So we just picked up poker chips
and just started throwing them at people. Like they were little donuts. At the party, just sitting around just for fun. So we just picked up poker chips and just started throwing them at people.
Like they were little donuts.
At the party, in protest.
That we just sat through that shitty movie.
It was
a bag of dicks.
Some people make
that movie as a story and characters.
Nope, just a bag of dicks.
Don't watch it.
But all the Elvis's parachuting into the city,
that was cool.
Escape from New York.
I don't know where they came from
when they parachuted into the city, but...
That's how they got there.
Wait, okay.
Yeah, it's your turn.
Okay, my turn, my turn.
What'd you say, Escape from New York?
Yes.
Okay, so I'll say Escape from L.A.
You almost have to.
You son of a bitch.
I will say
the movie with Kurt Russell.
Oh, shit!
Here we go!
Slide, DiMaggio, slide.
This is the one I'm thinking of.
Before you say this, if it makes you feel any better,
and I don't know why it would,
so far the only movies I've seen are Big Trouble in Little China and Tombstone.
So feel free to go out now and hang out with me.
I'm in. um you should check
out escape from New York probably I think I'll do that yeah maybe not LA
hey thanks for the movie record mendation you know Doug loves move guys
Graham the perfect soldier Universal Soldier the Universal Soldier. The Universal Soldier.
I got this, you guys.
The Universal Soldier was a perfect movie.
That's what I was trying to say.
The Universal Soldier.
No.
The Swiss Army Soldier.
Shorter.
Soldier 2000.
Shorter.
The Soldier.
Shorter.
Solge. The soldier. Shorter. Solge.
The
solder. You're the worst.
You're the worst auctioneer the way you yell
SOLGE!
At the end of every auction.
SOLGE to the man of the
beer.
Say the one word, will you?
Just say it. Soldier. Yes.
That's what it's called, right?
It's called Soldier. But it was
perfect and he was very universal in all of his
skills.
Deathproof?
Nice. Nice.
Nice. Nice. Nice.
Okay. I will go with, how about, let's go back to his Disney days.
Oh, I've been trying to hold on to some of those.
You've been trying.
I've been trying.
But I'm going to throw down the Barefoot Executive.
Ooh, very nice.
Yeah.
Graham?
Wait, Graham's still in?
Yeah, Soldier.
He said Soldier a lot of times.
So he was kind of right.
I'm pretty sure I've said all of the words to make up the names of some of these movies that you guys have been saying
and I've never heard of.
We're playing Last Man Word Salad.
Last Man Aphasia.
Saxophone Monkey.
Ah, good answer.
Perfect.
Winner.
Book it.
Solve it, Vader.
Book it.
This is a new one. There's a lot of verbing it, Vader. Book it. Solved it, Vader. Book it. This is a new one.
There's a lot of verbing it going on.
Solve it, book it, land it, slap it, kick it, smack it.
Gnip, gnop, rock it, bop it.
Anybody here do?
Rub it up, flip it, smack it down.
Oh, no.
Never trust.
You know the rest.
All right, Graham.
What happened?
Graham's stalling.
Oh, Graham.
The best of times.
Yeah.
Okay.
I went all alone.
Was that what it was called?
With Robin Williams?
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's right.
Yeah?
No, that is right.
Man, I almost forgot. That's a good
film. It's a good film.
They're high school football. They can't get over it.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
Oh, a wise guy.
Was he in the Computer War tennis shoes? Uh-huh.
Boom. Oh,
from the vaults, bitches.
Damn.
Get high and get in the archives.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to make an executive decision.
And say executive decision.
Very nice.
I'm going to go
with a documentary called The Battered Bastards
of Baseball.
This is a real
movie. His dad
owned a minor league baseball
team in Portland, Oregon and he played on it
and he's interviewed in it. It's pretty cool.
It's on Netflix. It's fucking awesome.
What's it called again? The Battered Bastards of Baseball.
And I don't get Last Spring?
It's because it's winter.
Last Spring, The Battling Bastards of Baseball 2.
Soldier.
What's it called again, Graham?
The Battered Bastards of Baseball.
I swear to God, this is one of my bullshit make-em-up.
It's a really good documentary.
I honestly recommend it to everybody.
There's one about an Asian baseball team called Tempura.
He's interviewed in it as Kurt Russell because he played on the team.
There's footage of him playing minor league baseball.
You don't know this.
Kurt Russell played minor league baseball.
Kurt Russell's kind of a jock.
Yeah.
Or an athletically minded person.
His dad, Bing Russell.
Whose turn is it, stall tactic?
I just named it.
I'm just giving some info
because this motherfucking vote for Pedro
is calling me.
Please keep talking.
He's calling Leif Garrett
on my battle bastards at baseball.
And I'm trying to lay it out
some knowledge on my friend.
I've already accepted it.
Whose turn is it?
It's on Nungayo. You're stalling for him. You already said that. Whose turn is it? It's on Ungayo.
You're stalling for him.
You just said that at the last round.
The computer wore tennis shoes again.
That was funny.
That was a good one.
He was in...
No, wait.
He wasn't in that.
Wait.
He was in...
No, he wasn't in that one.
He...
Oh, what's the name of the fucking...
God.
Drugs.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Yes, yes, yes.
World's Greatest Athlete?
Oh.
Is that close?
That's close.
I'm sorry.
Which one?
That starred Jan Michael Vincent.
God damn it.
Yeah, they decided to take a break
from the Kurt Russell business
on World's Greatest Athlete.
But since it's my turn,
I'll set you straight on what they did do.
They did make a movie with Kurt Russell
called The Strongest Man in the World.
That's right!
Where he got the potion and he put it in the car.
The Strongest Man in the World.
Yeah.
Damn it.
All right, Graham. Got any more obscure documentaries? it in the car. Strongest man in the world. Alright, Graham.
Got any more obscure documentaries?
Gus the field goal
kicking mule. What is he doing that?
Kicks a field goal.
Not Gus. I meant Russell.
He's one of the guys on the team.
Isn't he like the placeholder?
Yeah, he's one of the guys on the team. There's no way that's true.
Oh yeah, no, no, no. He's correct.
Really? Yeah.
Sad but true. He's a Disney star. No, no, no, no. He's correct. Really? Yeah. It's sad. No way.
Sad but true.
Oh, shit.
He's a Disney star.
I'm looking it up right now.
I can't believe we have to explain this to you.
Are you just IMDb-ing Kurt Russell right now?
That's totally cheating.
No, I just looked up Gus specifically, and he's not listed as participating in Gus.
You sure?
Yeah, small part.
According to Leonard. According to Leonard.
According to Leonard, who was canon.
But even Leonard would throw in a small role by young Kurt Russell.
Yeah, I mean, I don't remember Kurt Russell being in that, but I'll go to IMDb and try it.
See what they say.
G-U-S.
Wow, there's three things listed above Gus in IMDb.
You'd think Gus would be the one, because it's called Gus straight up.
But I will say this, Kurt Russell's dad did own a minor league baseball team.
Okay, so you're covering your ass over there.
In Portland.
So we got 41 cast members according to IMDB.
And I'm not seeing anybody that resembles Russell Crowe.
Russell Crowe.
Kurt Russell or Russell Crowe.
Or Gary Oldham.
Ooh, Richard Keel played Tall Man.
Is he that tall?
Yeah, he's Tall Man.
He's super tall, yeah.
Yeah, it'd have to be an amazingly small role at this point for him.
Nope, maybe he wasn't in that one.
Nope, he's not in it.
He's not in it.
Title.
Sorry.
Fuck.
He was in Sky High, which someone yelled out earlier.
He was in Super Dad.
He was in The Thing.
He was in Fast and Furious 7.
What else do we miss?
Backdraft.
Backdraft.
Used cars, of course.
The great used cars.
Used fucking cars.
Used cars.
Tango and Cash.
Tango and Cash.
I forgot about that one.
He's so great as one of those two guys.
I had that one in my mind.
It happened at the World's Fair.
Was he in Bird on the Wire?
I was going to say Bird on the Wire.
No, that was Mel Gibson.
He wasn't in Bird on the Wire.
Everyone's arguing amongst themselves.
Miracle, the hockey film.
Fuck, that great speech.
Miracle.
Lady, I don't care about your personal life. Unlawful entry. Lady, I don't care about your personal life.
Unlawful entry, she said.
Solved it.
God damn it.
How did I miss backdrop?
How did I miss?
I was going to say Tingle and Cash.
I totally forgot it.
There's a lot of big ones.
You've seen some of those, haven't you, Michael?
No, I've only seen Tombstone and Big Trouble in Little China.
By the way, am I winning right now?
Yes.
You stay winning.
Hands go up.
Grounded it.
And they stay there.
You totally long layover'd it.
We're going to play one more game
and it's called Reverse Leonard Maltin.
Oh.
Graham maintains his dominance
so he gets to...
Show him your dominance, Graham.
He gets to go first again, but we'll switch the order around.
It'll go to Ungayo and then to Micah.
Can you please give a review?
I've only played this a couple times.
I'll give you a quick review of Reverse Malton.
People don't like it as much as regular Malton.
That's my review.
Are you going to do a Malton Dextran where you just have to go with sugar on it?
Yeah.
At the end? When you start over, when we start, I mean, when Graham gets to pick. Are you going to do a molten dextrin where you just have to go with sugar on it? Yeah.
At the end?
When you start over, when we start, I mean, when Graham gets to pick.
We're all starting over.
Graham gets to go first, and he gets to pick between three movies.
And the idea is you've got to pick the movie you think you know the most names from, according to Leonard.
And then we will.
This is a funny coincidence. But you don't have to do it in order, right?
You don't have to do it in molten order. You don't have to do it in order, right? You don't have to do it in molten order.
You don't have to do it in order.
You just have to bid how many names you think you can name.
Got it.
And then we go from there.
So Nguyen Ho is going to be up next after Graham picks.
Between. The world's greatest athlete
The world's greatest dad
Or daddy daycare
Which one of those three films?
Now, sometimes you gotta poker face it in this game.
You gotta act like you know more than you really do.
But out of those three,
which one do you think you'd be best at?
Daddy Daycare.
Okay.
From 2003, Leonard lists 10 names.
So how many of the 10 names in any order do you think you can name, Graham Elwood?
I'm going to go with...
We're going to come out hot and strong.
We're going to go with...
Gross.
144 names?
I would go with
I'm going to come in big and strong
and hot with...
Hey, hey, hey.
Is this pillow talk?
Yeah.
That's right.
Okay, then I'm going to come in
big and hot and strong then.
Okay.
Are you ready for this now?
Here we go.
I've got quite
a load for you.
You're not going to expect this. And one, two,
three, go. Whoops. Let me start
it over again. And here we go.
Put your face in the pillow.
I don't want to look at
you. So here we go.
Why are you making so much eye contact with
me right now?
You know why. because I want you
to put your face
in the pillow
like how
Jesus
um
I'll go
I'll go
I'll go
I'll go
it was a full moon
last night
I'll go two names
someone's mad at me
I'm sorry
I should know more
daddy daycare
motherfucker
he's got a strong
hot two in Gaio
big thick hot sweaty two.
Can you name more than two people?
Thrusting on down to the next player.
Just to get the idea of his hot, sweaty two out,
I'll go with the big three.
He says three names, Micah.
I'm going to tell him to...
Name those names?
Name those names!
I like your flair.
That's all I got at this point.
Lots and lots of flair.
Vocal flair.
Are you ready for this?
Just name three people from Daddy Daycare and you get a point.
Eddie Murphy, Jeff Garland, Steve Zahn.
That's correct.
Wow! Wow! Eddie Murphy, Jeff Garland, Steve Zahn. That's correct.
Wow!
Wow!
Those are the only three I knew.
Solved it.
That was an excellent landing.
That was three more than I knew.
Is Kalita Smith in that one too? Yeah.
She bluffed good there at the top, Graham.
Good job.
Micah.
Yes.
Nothing.
Just checking in.
Okay, great.
Got me nervous there.
Everything good?
Everything squared away?
I'm totally fine.
I love movies.
I like to watch them.
I just don't...
Graham gets to pick again.
Okay.
But then it's coming at you, Micah.
You're going to be second,
so be ready for it.
Big hot number two.
Oh, keep going, Daddy.
We are right next door to the Double Deuce.
Oh.
Now, Doug, what's your story on the Double Deuce
about the management there?
I don't give two shits about the management
over at the Double Deuce.
Way to set it up.
And no, somebody just yelled at its clothes.
No, it's a place that looks closed a lot of the time.
Like, they open up the one bar, and then when things get busier,
they open up the one with the bucking bronco.
And then when the sun goes down, it's full of vampires and Aztec ghosts.
Aztec ghosts.
And then when the sun comes up, it's a vacant lot.
Exactly.
Yep.
Good call.
Karam gets to pick between three titles. Exactly. Yep. Good call. Karam gets to pick between
three
titles. Russell.
Karam, do you know more actors
from Grease,
Election,
or
High School Musical 3?
Senior year.
Three? High School Musical 3, senior year three
high school musical
three election
or grease three classic
motion pictures
which one of them do you know the most actors
from I will
go grease all right that's
the word
1978 Leonard lists I will go Greece. All right. That's the word.
1978.
Leonard lists 14 names.
How many of the 14 names can you name, Graham?
I will go four.
Micah, he says he can name four people from
Kurt Russell's Greece.
It's got to be in order?
I thought it was David O. Russell's Greece.
It could just be anybody that was in Greece?
Yeah, you just got to name four of them.
Ever? Anybody? Broadway cast?
No, stop it.
Have you done a regional production?
No.
Touring show?
No, it has to be people listed by Leonard.
All right, I'm going to ask you to name four people from Greece.
Thank you for the point.
All right.
Oh, come on, really?
Yeah, that's pretty easy, right?
Stalker Channing, Jeff Conway, Olivia Newton-John, and Johnny Travolta.
He prefers John Travolta. Johnny! Johnny T! No, he likes to, and Johnny Travolta. He prefers John Travolta.
Johnny!
Johnny T!
No, he likes to go by John Travolta.
Big Johnny Travolta.
Shocking it on in the movies.
Weirdo Scientologist Big John.
That is one of the most spot-on impressions I've heard all day.
Yeah.
That's John Travolta.
Hey, I'm Johnny Travolta.
What? Where? Hey! That's John Drew Hey I'm Johnny Trivulsa What Where
Hey
Alright
Wait when did he turn to Fonzie
I thought they were the same guy
They all do kind of look alike
Oh hey I was in Face Off
Oh
Oh
Nice Wait now you were doing Nicolas Cage Exactamundo was in Face Off. Oh!
Nice.
Wait, now you were doing Nicolas Cage?
Exactamundo.
So versatile, Graham.
I was doing them
when they switched faces
because it's like a mashup.
A mashup.
You should drop the bass.
They switched faces
in that movie?
They sure did.
So one of my three
that... Yeah. Yeah. I saw that one. Face Off? switch faces in that movie? They sure did. So what are my three? They sure did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I saw that one.
Face Off?
Yeah, yeah.
I enjoyed it.
Oh, all right.
Yeah, keep us posted whenever a movie comes up
that you've seen.
You should just have
a checklist
on your website.
You don't want to say
if you've seen
any of these movies
because they'll give it away to Ungayo, who gets to pick.
And then we're coming at you, Micah.
Oh, I know how to play this game.
Nice.
Ungayo, do you know more actors in A View to a Kill,
A Room with a View,
or Four Rooms?
I'm going to go four rooms
and four names.
He says four rooms,
but hang on,
I got to tell you
how many Leonard lists.
Doesn't even matter.
Okay, please do.
He lists three names.
Really?
I'm going to make you stand
by your opening bid
of four names.
He lists three names?
No, he lists seven, ten,
fourteen, sixteen, nineteen, twenty.
Yeah, okay, because everybody's in that movie.
Everybody except Kurt Russell.
He lists twenty...
Everything except Yul Brynna.
Twenty names.
And you want to bid four.
Five now? Fuck it.
All right, he's saying five names, Micah.
And you said everybody's in this movie, yeah?
Except Kurt Russell.
What movie are we talking about?
Four Rooms.
So you either say like six or you say...
Yeah, I understand how the game is played, Graham.
I've just never even heard of this movie.
I didn't even know a house could have four rooms in it.
It's a hotel.
Did you see three rooms or two rooms or one room?
Hostel.
Room?
I did see Hostel, yeah.
I saw that.
Okay, so name five names in four rooms.
All right.
Did you hear about the movie
where the dogs open up a hotel?
What's that called?
Air Bud and Bud.
Oh, God.
And you know who let the dogs out is in the trailer.
It has to be, yeah.
Front to back. Are you kidding me? I'm out is in the trailer. It has to be, yeah. Front to back.
Are you kidding me?
I'm going to make a film about when you come to visit
and just call it Hotel for Dugs.
Yes.
Brad Pitt will be in it.
You like Dugs?
Snatch reference.
Outstanding.
Did you see Snatch, Micah, in your lifetime?
Yep.
That was a fun double entendre
that you made at my expense.
It was.
Four names from...
No, no, five.
Five names from four rooms.
Three, sir.
Half bath.
Antonio Banderas.
Carcassie.
Madonna. Madonna.
Ralph.
Fine.
Famous.
Ralph.
Ralph.
Ralph.
Ralph.
It's Ralph.
Ralph.
Ralph Fights.
I feel like you guys are just making syllables and giving each other points.
This is so rig points. One more.
Two more.
It's not a two more.
He said...
Oh, God.
Outstanding.
He said...
Madonna.
Or did you just hear that joke? He said Madonna. I've seen Kindergarten Cop. Antonio said, Madonna. Or did you just hear that joke?
He said, Madonna.
I've seen Kindergarten Cop.
Antonio Banderas and Ralph Fiennes.
He has to say one more name, and then I will say.
Salma Hayek.
Salma Hayek.
Oh, you're right, because it's five names.
You're right.
One more.
Salma Hayek.
Yeah, one more.
And then that's what I get for talking shit.
Quentin Tarantino.
Yeah, and unfortunately, I think you've confused
Oh, I did confuse him.
Tim Roth from Rape Finds.
So yeah, so Micah's on the board.
Micah's got a point.
Oh!
Woo, I got a little light-headed there.
This is the most fun I've had all week. Literally all week. This is the most fun I've had all week.
Literally all week, this is the most fun I've had!
Don't stop the show!
Solved it.
Solved it.
I like your reading.
I think I know my strategy now.
All right. Do I...
Hit me?
Yeah, punch him in the dick, Doug. I almost did. I almost did. Alright, do I Hit me?
Yeah, punch him in the dick, Doug I almost did
I almost did
I really wanted to
Alright, we gotta wrap this up quickly
We got a three-way tie
So this next one is
I've pre-chosen a movie in advance
It's the tiebreaker
Graham gets to start us off
And then we'll go to Micah and then to N'Gayo.
So N'Gayo might not even have a chance.
I might not.
Because we know how fast Micah is to pull that name it trigger.
But we'll see how he does here with this movie.
Kurt Russell.
Called Chicago. From 2002. Leonard lists. Ten names? Yeah, ten names. How many
can you get it in, Graham? Mumble, mumble in the audience.
Mumble, mumble.
Some woman wants you to say nine.
Somehow I think that's not going to happen.
She's a fan.
How many, Graham?
Three.
He says three names, Micah.
I'll guess four. He says four names.
Oh, shit!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, but plucking victory from defeat.
Oh, oh.
Did you just say five names?
Five names.
I know you're sandbagging.
Fuck off.
Go ahead.
Say it.
Name that movie.
Name that movie.
Chicago.
Is that the movie?
Chicago. Is that the movie? Chicago.
Is that the movie?
Oh, wrong game.
Pass your name tag down, Micah.
The planes, trains, and automobiles.
Planes, Travis, and automobiles.
Yeah, pass that over because you're not going to win.
And you got mine just in case.
Catherine Zeta-Jones.
John C. Reilly.
Richard Gere.
Queen Latifah.
Renee Zellweger.
He done did it.
That's right.
Nice.
Nice.
I could only get to three.
I knew.
I wasn't sandbagging you.
I was.
I knew.
I could have sworn you were sandbagging me.
Thank you for not sandbagging me.
You're right, man.
I was just saying.
I'd like to thank my lord and savior marijuana yet again.
Anything else to plug in, Guy-O?
Yes, I'll be at the International Cannabis Business Conference
February 12th and 13th.
And New Year's Eve, Punchline Sacramento early show
because I'm middle-aged.
Not really.
Really, because I just want to go out
And party afterwards
Because I never get to
So
But I'll be at the 730 show
No I got an early show
On New Year's Eve too
I'm in
Doing a Douglas Movies
At the Cobbs in San Francisco
It starts at 4 o'clock
Nice
And so we'll have to take a break
20 minutes in
Right
And then we'll continue up after that
My intermission will come a lot faster
Than Hateful Eight's
And Ingaio Where's the person you were playing for Let's Oh right continue up after that. My intermission will come a lot faster than Hateful Eight's.
And Ngayo, where's the person
you were playing for? Let's
give out those prizes.
Come on, Carrie. Come get your prize bag.
Come on, Carrie. Get up here.
Congratulations, Carrie.
Yay, Carrie.
I've got lady sizes in that,
because there's like a men's 3X Whistling Bane,
so come see me in the back, and I'll get it to you.
Yeah, and Graham Elwood is going to be in the back
with copies of, what do you got for?
Comedy Film Nerds and Whistling Bane shirts,
men and women, all varying weird sizes.
Yeah, so go see Graham in the back on your way out,
or if you're coming to the stand-up show tonight at 7,
Graham will be back for that so you can
see him after that show as well
and anything else to plug Graham
Honolulu Hawaii I am
headlining Hawaiian Brian's January
16th so check
that out and of course listen to comedy
film nerds
just go to comedyfilmnerds.com thank you so much
San Diego
Graham Elwood ladies ladies and gentlemen.
You want to go do your thing?
Yeah, yeah.
I'll see you in the back.
Thank you so much.
He's going to go get ready in the back.
Doug Loves Movies is coming to LA, Seattle, Austin, and more.
I don't know where more is in 2016.
DougLovesMovies.com for more details and links and stuff.
And let's also hear it for first-time guest,
Micah Sherman.
You totally parked it.
Yeah.
You got it to the gate.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity
to bulldoze this thing down.
Solved it, landed it, parked it, bulldozed.
Yeah, yeah.
Baggage claim, the whole deal.
Solved it, landed it, parked it, bulldozed, yeah. Baggage claim, the whole deal. Assaulted, landed it, parked it, boom.
Out on the curb, catching an Uber.
Anything you want to plug, Micah?
I have a sketch comedy album on iTunes called John Rogers Idiot.
And you can find it on iTunes called John Rogers Idiot.
John Rogers Idiot.
When people ask you to repeat it
because they think you're getting mad at them.
What's the name of that thing?
John Rogers Idiot.
Hey, dude, I'm just asking you a question.
John Rogers Idiot.
I answered it.
What the fuck?
John Rogers Idiot.
Thank you, Micah.
Come back again sometime.
And thank you to American Comedy Company.
Thank you to everyone who came out
on a Sunday afternoon for a basement show.
If you don't have tickets already,
come back and see us at 7 o'clock doing a stand-up,
and we'll probably play a game from Doug Nose Movies
at the end of that show for all you name tag holders.
And as always,
Kyle Grossman is a shithead. for all you name tag holders. And as always,
Kyle Grossman is a shithead.
Yep, so there's a personal vendetta taken care of.
And anyone who spoils Star Wars is a shithead.
Once again, today's episode is brought to you by Colony from Carlton Cuse,
executive producer of Lost,
comes USA Network's new original
series, Colony, starring
Josh Holloway of Lost and
Sarah Wayne Callies of The Walking Dead.
Imagine an occupied world where
everyone must choose a side. If your city
was no longer your own, who would you
trust with your life? Where would
you run? And what would you risk to
save the ones you love? Colony,
a new original series, Thursday,
January 14th at 10,
9 Central, only on USA
Network.
See you next time! Watch another talkie Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies!