Doug Loves Movies - Michael Ian Black, Jason Mantzoukas, Dave Hill, and Nikki Glaser Guest
Episode Date: July 3, 2012Live from the Gramercy Theatre in New York City, Doug welcomes Michael Ian Black, Jason Mantzoukas, Dave Hill, and Nikki Glaser to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and... California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody
My name is Doug
And I'm not about to play a guitar
I just have a microphone stand
It looks like I am
And I love movies this is Douglas movies
coming to you from the Gramercy Theater on Monday July 2nd to Oceans 12.
Since last I spoke and you listened I went on a three-city tour with Graham Elwood and the audio recorded on my phone was too shitty to
share on the podcast, so I'd just like to do a quick recap right here and now. In Tulsa at the
IDL ballroom, Graham defeated Dylan in the Leonard Maltin category mad props. The correct answer was Last Boy Scout where Taylor Negron got killed
by a propeller.
Then Andrew
beat Graham on holidays Gary
Marshall hasn't ruined yet.
The answer was
Halloween.
In the
state of Denver
Denver Denver yeah
Tim
who goes by the name
Manny Interests
on Twitter
Manny Interests he beat Graham
in the same name category
naming Crash
with zero names and securing
a seat in the Douglas Movies taping at
the Comedy Works in denver on
august 12th and in oklahoma city on doug benson day graham it's a real thing that i insist is a
real thing graham defeated mitch joe and wesley oh before uh benet beat him in the category
Prometheus and the movie
with a prom in it was
Mean Girls.
Now it's time for
Doug Loves Movies
fake trailer contest number two
announcement. You guys are the
first ones to hear it.
Yeah.
This plops in a few days. I had so much fun with last
year's fake Santa Size Me trailer competition. I've decided to do it again, and the winning
filmmaker will get to be a guest on Douglas Movies in Los Angeles and help to pick who the other
guests will be. Airfare and accommodations not included. Or you could be a guest on Douglas Movies
if it comes to your town or near your town.
We'll work that out later.
Fake trailers must be two minutes or less.
Last time I got like a five-minute trailer for somebody.
Two minutes or less,
and the winner will be determined by me,
and I'll probably be high.
Now here's the title of the fake movie and the premise.
It's going to be called I Dream, one word, small i, capital D, Reem, I Dream of Siri.
I Dream of Siri.
And it's the story of a person who finds a magical iPhone that has a Siri that grants
wishes.
Whatever you go from there, it's up to you.
Put your trailers on YouTube by September 1st
and I will announce the winner
on the September 7th episode of Doug Loves Movies.
Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.
At Progestinator tweeted,
Madagascar 3 was like sitting through a puppet show
done at a preschool where the kids aren't cute
and their parents don't like them.
This has been Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.
Oh, big New York City announcement, you guys. Big announcement.
I will be returning to this very
theater, the Gramercy,
on 23rd Street in New York City
on Sunday, August 19th
to record the Benson Interruption
at 420 and Douglas
Movies later that night.
And Vic Garcia will not
be a guest.
I promise you.
Tickets are on sale right after the show.
I think you can buy them as you leave
if you're that into it.
All right, before I bring the guests out,
got some amazing guests,
as we always do here in New York
when I do the show here.
I would like to do a quick...
They wrap the mic cord around the stand to help the performer,
but it ends up being a puzzle that I have trouble solving.
All right. Oh, I'm free as a bird.
Feels so good to move around.
All right, I can't get close enough to you to lean in and have you
talking to the microphone but we're going to have two people for a very special audience edition
of watch this not that let's ask this gentleman right here in the glasses what's a what's a movie
that you like sir what's a movie that you enjoy you watch it and go like, I like this. Some like it hot. Interesting. Went super old
school on me. Then again, you are holding a hat. Let's go to Steph. She's got a pillow with
Douglas Movie's logo on it that's been crocheted into it. I just want to nap right now.
What's a movie that you enjoy, Steph?
The Princess Bride.
Oh, this is a tough one.
This is a very difficult one.
Oh, what do I do?
Some Like It Hot or The Princess Bride.
Princess Bride is a very enjoyable motion picture
that girls tend to like a little bit more than boys,
but boys like it because it has swordplay.
So that makes it sort of okay to like it.
But what I don't like about it, to be honest with you,
is I don't need to have an old man
read a story to me.
I could have done without the,
Peter Falk's a great actor,
but I could have done without his parts,
and of course,
the kid from Wonder Years,
but also,
some like it hot,
oh my God,
hilarious movie, and from a long time ago, and therefore, Some Like It Hot. Oh my God. Hilarious movie
and from a long time ago.
And therefore,
I think it needs a little bit more promotion.
Like it needs a little extra push
in this day and age.
So watch Some Like It Hot.
Nah, The Princess Bride.
This has been a very difficult.
This has been the Sophie's choice
of watch this, not that. It wasn't that hard. This has been the Sophie's choice of...
Watch this, not that.
It wasn't that hard.
I think Princess Bride's a little overrated.
I think Robert... I think Robert? No.
Rob.
He's called Rob.
I could call him Rob.
That's what he goes by.
Rob Reiner.
I think that he is a fascinating case of filmmaker
because I think each movie
he makes is a little less good than
the one he made prior to it.
It's just a theory that I have.
It may get thrown off by a couple movies,
but that's just my theory.
Alright, let's look in the prize bag,
you guys. Let's see what we got.
It's an amazing
and strange
array of prizes.
One of my guests signed his inhaler,
and I worry about him for the entire show.
Another guest brought a T-shirt that if I show you,
it'll reveal exactly who she is.
Another guest brought, this is kind of interesting, a personal note that was written to him by Justin Long.
You know, from those movies that Justin Long has been in.
Dodgeball is probably my favorite of his films.
Yeah, he wrote a nice long note to one of my guests, and he's giving it to you as a prize tonight one
of the more eclectic prize bags and then a book that if I say what it's called
we'll probably give away who that guest is and then all of my usual bullshit I
got I got a smug life sticker for my new records coming out tomorrow and
downstairs after show smug life stickers for everybody here that wants one.
I also have a MetroCard that I used today, so it's no longer valid. It was only good for two hours.
I've got a drink coupon for here at the Gramercy for one drink of your choice. So choose the gallon of whatever.
And this was given to me by somebody at one of my recent shows, the Colorado, oh, it was in Denver,
the Colorado Alternative Medicine group gave me a koozie with that written on it. We got a Doug
Loves Movies t-shirt. We've got my first record, Doug Benson Professional
Humoridian, and we've got, of course, the new
one coming out tomorrow,
Smug Life.
Double CD.
The same shit on both CDs.
I mean,
sort of. It's me attempting
to perform the same shit twice.
And please give a
big warm welcome
to my awesome guests for this evening
that I know that you will very much enjoy.
We have Michael Ian Black, Dave Hill,
Nikki Glaser, and Jason Mantzoukas!
Thank you, guys! They are just so happy that Vic Garcia isn't here.
The most instantly hated guest in the history of my show.
But let's not dwell on that.
Let's talk to you guys and how excited we're here for you.
Dave Hill, he brought a copy of his book, Tasteful Nudes.
Thank you.
New York Times bestseller?
Yeah, it's the best book.
It's the, oh, I'm sorry, the best book according to New York Times?
Yeah, I checked.
They didn't even put it in the list.
They're like, it's the best book, which is great for me.
Thank you.
And Nikki Glaser contributed a T-shirt that has her face on it and says,
Nikki Glaser,
that's a sexy item.
I'd like to see that in a wet
t-shirt contest.
You can do whatever you want with it.
I'd like to see that wet t-shirt contest on you.
Oh no. Please, Jason.
Now you brought your inhaler.
Yes, I did. What is that about?
I worry for you that your inhaler is
Nah, come on
In this bag
Let's be cool, right?
Alright, I'll put it on top
So it's nearby if you need it
I'm gonna be, I'll be fine
Just like, if you get it
And shit goes down for me
I need you to rescue me
I could just see you on the subway tonight
Oh god
What noise do you make when it happens? I could just see you on the subway tonight. Oh, God.
What noise do you make when it happens?
And that person who won it is just like... Like someplace just wasting all of it.
Well, it doubles as a Febreze, right?
You could freshen your home with it.
For a slightly albuterol-y smell in your home.
And Michael Ian Black is the one who
brought the note from Justin Long.
Yeah.
Well,
I know a lot of famous people
and Justin
Long is the least famous
of those famous people.
So that was the personal note I was most willing to sacrifice. Long is the least famous of those famous people.
So that was the personal note I was most willing
to sacrifice.
You have kind of a long
distance relationship with him, similar to the one
he portrayed in the film
with Drew Barrymore.
I didn't see that film.
It's called From a Distance, and I
believe the opening theme was
Bette Midler's From a Distance.
Go the distance.
Wasn't it Go the Distance?
Yeah, going.
Going the distance.
Going.
There we go.
I did not.
Bette Midler's From a Distance was the theme song.
It should be.
Why wouldn't it be?
It's got to be in there.
Yep.
It's from Beaches or some shit, right?
Beaches or some shit.
So can I read the note that Justin Long wrote to you out loud
so everybody knows its contents?
Yeah, I guess so.
All right.
Michael, I was just reading a little bit of your new book
and it made me too horny, so I had to put it down.
I miss you and wish I were
here
till seven
so I
could give you a squeeze.
Send my best
to
hope all is well,
Justin. And then he wrote his phone number
at the bottom, so that's very generous of you to give this away
super duper generous
that was the phone number that he shared with Drew
so I think that's no longer his phone number
but it is Drew Barrymore's phone number
perfect
so
you did not bring a copy of your new book
No I forgot
I wrote a new book called
America You Sexy Bitch
Which is co-authored by
Megan McCain
Yes she's a known Republican
She is a known Republican
She was born that way
And you get along with her We get along great Republican. She is a known Republican. She was born that way. Yes. And I was...
And you get along with her. We get along great.
We're BFFs now.
We went on a road trip together last summer.
We wrote a book about it, and it's called
America's Sexy Bitch, and it's not
as good as Dave Hill's book, but
it's still a good book. It's a great,
great book, though. Oh, thanks, Dave.
Mine's a better book, though.
It's totally in the ballpark.
Don't worry about that.
But there is one that's better.
One.
I'm just playing along. I've read
neither book, but I
know about Dave Hill's book that is
not co-authored by the enemy.
So, uh...
That makes it slightly better.
But she does, I've seen her on the
talk shows and stuff, and she seems almost
reasonable.
Oh yeah, she's on, she's
closer to being reasonable than
any Republican you're going to meet.
She's this close to being reasonable,
you guys.
Let's go down the line and just, know talk about the books first of all jason
yeah uh the dictate you're in the dictator and you stole that movie and i want to know when you're
going to give it back because i know it's a corny joke and you can't agree with it. Yes, I did, Doug.
But people must be responding very favorably to your work in that movie.
It's been good.
Or you get the extra pat down at airport security.
I always get the extra pat down.
That always happens.
But no, it's been very nice.
People have been like,
I've gotten a lot of like,
hey, cut from the movie!
It's nice to be
in New York and have that happen.
It's either that or Rafi from the League.
Rafi!
That happens.
That's nice.
But I still get a full-blown handjob
at the airport
when I go through.
Like,
this is my dick.
Wouldn't it be awful
if all handjobs were the back of the hand?
And I keep being like, I keep trying
to be like, I want to think of a great thing to say,
which is, this is how a fetish
is created.
Never stop. which is this is how a fetish is created never stop one guy was like hey these are great jeans
what kind of jeans are these
and I was like seriously
this is what you're going to say while you're literally
touching my dick right now
they're the soft kind
they're the kind of jeans with my dick in them.
Bro.
They're called Jihad by Tommy Hilfiger.
What's that?
I just had a really good joke that you talked
over.
Oh, Michael.
Welcome to my world. Welcome to my world.
Welcome to my world.
It's amazing any of us ever get one off without anyone else stepping on it.
But that was a good one.
And I appreciate it.
Dave Hill, it's your first time on the podcast.
Yes.
Thanks for having me. Oh, it's your first time on the podcast. Yes.
Thanks for having me. Oh, it's a pleasure to have you.
This is one of those bookings that came about through Twitter.
People started tweeting both of us about what a great pairing this would be,
and then it sort of happened.
Yeah.
The people have the power, Doug.
Thank you.
Yeah, no, someone tweeted it, and then
you said, yeah, you agreed to it.
I was really happy about that.
Yeah, I know you've been out promoting
Tasteful Nudes. Yeah, I have this
book out right now.
Yeah.
Is it ranked?
What? Is it ranked? Is it ranked?
Did the New York Times rank it?
no, what happened with that
it's the best, we covered this
it's the best book
another question for both of you
do publishers just say
could we have a misleadingly erotic title
do they
beg for that and then inside
you just do what you want and there's no nudes and no sexy bitches
in either of your books
in my case there's nothing misleading about it
because America is a sexy bitch
no it's just full on
dick and pussy the whole way through
yeah
it's in the D&P section
of your local bookstore
isn't it weird though getting like have you gone into a bookstore and looked for your book DNP section of your local bookstore?
Isn't it weird though getting like, have you gone into a bookstore and looked for your book and seen where they
put it? Like is it in
the, what's it in, humor?
Mine's in classics.
Am I B-word serious?
I'm not going to do better than that.
So I'm just going to...
When we put out a Marijuana Logs book,
it is more often than not in the horticulture section
of the bookstore, which cracks me up.
It's a lot of fun.
Nikki Glaser's here, everybody.
Hi.
Hello.
That's nice.
She's got a new show coming up on MTV next year
With her podcasting partner
From You Had To Be There
Sarah Schaefer
That's right
It'll be on in January
Yeah, that's how TV works
You won't see it until January
So remember to watch then
Try to be excited in a very relaxed way
because there's no reason
the world might not even exist
by January
according to some people
December something right
I should book a show then
which episode are Dave and I on
the one
where there's a crime that has to be solved
if we don't kill each other
first. Can we be on that one?
Our book club episode. The what?
We haven't decided who
we're going to cover yet, though.
We went Sweeps Week, probably.
Yeah, we're saving that one.
Did they have that? Yeah, they got that.
Sweeps Week.
It's a whole month now.
Yeah, they really expanded it becauseep, sweep. It's a whole month now. Yeah, they really expanded it
because it's so much fun for everyone.
And also, I should mention, Nikki,
that you were in a motion picture that I enjoy
and a lot of the listeners are aware of.
Jordan Brady's documentary, I Am Comic.
I Am Comic, yes.
You're the where's the weed at girl.
Yeah.
Where's my weed at?
That's like all you say through the whole movie
where's my weed at do I say that
no you don't ever say that
but it's still funny
to show a realistic depiction of a comic
in a condo on the road yeah it was
waiting for weed to show up yeah
and it did someone recently
people always say to me do you worry
that that documentary like you look
really poor in it?
I was.
And it's a documentary.
They nailed it.
But now you're in the 1%?
But now, yeah, I worry.
Are you a total 1%-er now?
No, not yet.
Two and a half?
I don't know.
Jason, have you been to the movies lately?
Like, in the last few days?
Last few days?
Yeah.
No, but...
I mean, like, I saw Prometheus a week or so,
a week and a half ago.
What'd you think of that?
I thought it was not good.
Rated NG.
I give it an NG. On a scale of G to NG. I give it an NG
on a scale of G to NG.
Yeah, I thought it was like
a lot of good stuff.
It was like, Damon Lindelof wrote it,
so it's a lot like Lost.
Lots of great ideas, lots of good stuff,
kind of amounted to nothing.
Right?
It looked pretty, though.
It was gorgeous.
There's some smart-tron 5000s
who like to act like it's the smartest
science fiction movie ever made.
I didn't get it.
It's got a lot of odes and mentions to other things.
And it's like, as soon as I'm sitting there
trying to figure that shit out,
I'm just like, well, I'll go across the hall
and watch something that's fun. Yeah, I'm just like, well, I'll go across the hall and watch something that's fun.
I'm with you up until the abortion
machine.
That was the best scene in the movie!
Oh, I see what you're saying. Abortion
machine, then out. After that, I'm like, snooze.
You lost me at no longer
being in an abortion scene.
Because they set it up. It's like
Chekhov's rule about a gun going in the first act.
You've got to see it go off in the third act.
They're like, oh, what's that machine doing? It basically can do
any medical procedure. Probably an abortion.
And then, oh wait,
here we are, third act.
She's gotta get in that machine and have
it rip the alien
baby out of her uterus.
Yeah, and nobody hangs out
near that machine to make sure nobody
misuses it.
It's pretty much there like a goddamn photo booth.
If you're super drunk and no one's like,
you look ugly right now, they're just like,
no problem, go ahead.
You're getting in there.
But no, that's really it.
Because at that point, once you've seen the abortion
and jerked off, you've got to leave.
That's right.
You're no longer, your interest
in women and erotica
is gone, so what's the reason of staying?
There's that app that tells you, like, where
in a movie you should pee.
I'm gonna put up an app that's like where you should jerk off
in the movie.
The where you should jerk off and leave.
Depending on what you're into. Where you should jerk off
and leave. That's the ultimate experience. And you're should jerk off and leave. Yes, and then leave.
That's the ultimate experience.
And you're supposed to go like, done, and then walk out.
At the end of this podcast, I'll tell you when it is for Brave.
Can you do the blackjack dealer's version of done?
I think that's a magician's version of done.
I'm telling you, those blackjack people have to, like, for the cameras, they have to act like, I did nothing to these cards, I'm walking away.
And it's the same thing with masturbating in theater. I did nothing to this dick.
It just went off on its own.
I do have to get away from this mess though because that is disgusting.
And I'm ashamed.
Have you been to the cinema, Nikki?
Yeah. What'd you see?
I saw Annie Hall. What?
Yeah. Wait, let me back up.
Let me back up. How's the time machine
working out?
I found an abortion machine.
It ended up being in a time...
You saw it in a motion picture house?
Yeah, the film forum.
With a lot of other people?
A lot of other people.
Like a packed house?
Yeah.
That's awesome.
It was great.
Because you don't get to see those movies in a packed house.
It was really fun.
And my dad, on the way there, my dad was like,
I saw that 35 years ago, around the same time.
It was kind of cool.
I was going back in time. It was great. It was the first time I'd seen it. Wait, you watched it with your dad? No, I was just on the way there, my dad was like, I saw that 35 years ago. It was kind of cool. I was going back in time.
It was great.
It was the first time I'd seen it.
Wait, you watched it with your dad?
No, I was just on the way there.
Oh, you talked to him.
Yeah.
All right.
And it was good.
May I say this about it?
It was good.
It was a first date, which was awkward.
And in that movie, it's like a weird first date movie.
Why?
Because it's all a first date.
Was the first date your adopted son?
It's not in that movie, does it?
Oh.
But no, but they have the thing.
They're on the way to dinner, him and Diane Keaton.
And he's like, let's just kiss to get it out of the way so we can digest our food.
And we hadn't kissed yet, and we were both like, oh.
I at least was like, that's going to be my line
at some point. So the movie finished
and I was like, let's just kiss and get it over with.
And it worked.
It's a good first date movie.
Yeah, girls really need to figure out a way
to get a guy to kiss them.
How the fuck am I going to pull that off?
I better come up with a slick line.
It just happened in that movie.
Sometimes it's hard. They don't do it.
You guys don't do it. So we gotta
tell you. No, that's a good point.
Sometimes we do it and they're like, please, what are you doing?
Oh, I thought I'd do it early in the day
to get it over with and hopefully
that everything will work. Do you like
to go to Rome?
That can happen.
That's a brilliant
It's Pat impersonation.
It's Pat as Woody Allen.
Relationships are like a shark.
They can't keep moving
or they will die.
Dave Hill, have you been in the movies?
Yes. Well, I realize this doesn't
count, but I saw Children of the Corn
last night.
And those kids were such
dicks.
Like, you wouldn't,
I don't know if you've seen,
they were just total dicks,
the whole, I don't know.
Anyway, but that doesn't count.
Though I feel the experience
was cinematic.
My watching of it,
with my dick out.
I saw that Jiro dreams of sushi
in a movie theater.
Hands down,
best sushi-based movie
you will see all year.
Yeah.
I would go as far as to say
like fish-based movie
that's not animated.
Best of this year.
Yeah.
It's better than salmon fishing
in the Yemen?
Okay, it's the second best fish-based movie.
You agree.
I always say sexier than The Cove.
Well, that wasn't this year.
All right.
That also wasn't sexy.
Oh, I get off to dolphin murder.
At what point do you jerk off
and leave the theater during the cove, Jason?
Oh, when they get them all in there,
when they're getting them tighter and tighter in,
and the dolphins are all rubbing up against each other.
Oh, it gets so tight.
Just a seething sea of sweaty dolphins
with their fucking blowholes exposed.
Oh, shit.
Done!
Done!
And he's off to validate his parking ticket.
Because I parked here in New York
and need to be validated.
A joke that never works in New York.
I'll tell you though, yeah, you're right.
The dolphins, they're like, you know,
that's what's so sexy about them
is they're always wet.
Goddamn.
They're always ready to go.
Slimy wet blowholes.
Sweaty dolphins. They're always ready to go. You don't have to... Slimy wet blowholes. Sweaty dolphins.
They're always fucking...
That's why they can never...
I have to forget it.
Did you see Dolphin Tale?
The porn version?
Guy got a lot of Dolphin Tale.
Yeah.
And was arrested
for what he did to those dolphins.
MIB?
No three or D?
I saw two movies this past week.
One with my children, one without.
With my children I saw Brave.
And then without I saw The Art of Rap.
Which the documentary hosted and directed by Ice-T
about
The Art of Rap.
That's like the Jiro dreams
of sushi of rap
movies.
I think.
How are we doing on time?
Gonna need you to stretch, Dave.
So, which was more badass between Brave and the iced tea movie?
Because one sounds more like a refreshing beverage than the other.
You know, people know me for my freestyle rap, obviously. And so it was nice
to see a film that celebrated the craft of being an MC. Anybody can be a rapper. You know what I
mean? Like Dr. Seuss was a rapper. They make that point in the movie. But not everybody can be an MC. I'm an MC.
Dave's a rapper.
I'm the DJ.
We talked about this.
You're a DJ because you're terrible at rapping.
But I'm still street.
You know that.
You're street.
And in fairness, your beatboxing is magnifique.
He's terrible at rapping, but he's good at holding headphones on with one shoulder.
So do you recommend both of those films, Michael?
I would say The Art of Rap, you can wait for it to be streaming on Netflix.
If you have children and they don't mind watching you jerk off,
see Brave in the theaters.
Fair enough.
I saw Ted today.
Since people like it,
I'll just keep my opinions to myself.
I just, I have some questions.
It certainly got funny parts, I can't argue that.
And I would be, I would see Ted 2 on day one.
I like the way the Ted character looks and acts and behaves,
and I'd be happy to see another movie with him in it.
Him, the teddy bear.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like maybe he could get a new...
I like Mark Wahlberg.
He's good.
He's very sincere, as you know.
That's like his go-to thing,
is being insanely sincere.
So, insere isn't a thing.
Insanely sincere, insere. Yeah. sincere sincere so in seer isn't insanely sincere in seer yeah and uh so he's good at that like he's
good at make but and the whole time the the the bear seems very extremely real like it's very
very very well done but i just wonder why everyone is so all right with there being a talking bear
like it's like in the early part of the movie they go he became with there being a talking bear. Like, it's like in the early
part of the movie they go, he became famous
for being a talking bear and then everyone got over
it. And they describe it, they go, just
like they did with Corey Feldman. Corey
Feldman is a person. A fucking
talking bear is never going
to get gotten over by
everyone who meets said
talking bear. I don't care if you're a
hooker or Sam Jones from Flash Gordon, you're gonna go, that's a said talking bear. I don't care if you're a hooker or Sam Jones from
Flash Gordon, you're going to go, that's a
fucking talking bear.
Why are you screaming at me?
Because you are the most bear-like
on this panel.
People this weekend have been like, hey, are you that
bear from Ted?
I heard you worked on that.
But it's clear it's a stuffed bear, right?
It's a toy stuffed bear. It's a teddy bear.
Who has gained sentience
and everybody's like, yeah, that's cool.
Yeah. Everyone is so
down with it. He was famous when
it first happened and now we're just
used to it. A magical
spell made a teddy bear talk.
Let's move on.
There's the debt.
There's joblessness.
Look at me, dead in the eyes while he does it.
He could engage you guys, the rest of the panel,
just like as if I wrote Ted,
which I did not.
I don't want to yell at them.
You guys on stage, you're part of the problem.
They didn't do anything.
You're responsible.
Can Ted be killed?
Do they address that?
Spoiler alert.
He gets leukemia?
He is...
No, he's a teddy bear
that has come to life
magically why would killing him work?
like even when Mark Wahlberg is
punching him I'm like why would that hurt?
does it hurt for the pillow?
does it hurt for Corey Feldman?
it would hurt
Corey Feldman yes does would hurt Corey Feldman, yes.
Does Ted have a soul?
That's why I want to see part two.
Because they don't get into that.
I know that he might.
That's interesting.
That's funny.
If they killed him off,
Meghan McCain would probably flip out.
How could they kill that bear?
Didn't really make that much sense, but I'll go with you.
Yeah, it would be weird.
Didn't make sense at all.
Terrible reach.
Does anybody hunger for games?
Wait, as in the Hunger Games?
No, it's just an expression I use.
All right. Because I'll do a game about the Hunger Games? No, it's just an expression I use. All right.
Because I'll do a game about the Hunger Games.
I used to say, would you like to play a game, which is from War Games.
War Games, of course.
And now I say, would you hunger for games?
Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen.
Fourth of July is coming up this week.
People were saying to me, can you say, does anyone want a Patriot for games?
And I was like, no. Hunger Games is more popular.
So let's stick with that.
Been doing that.
So let's play some, let's play A, B, C, D's Nuts.
Yeah.
People love it.
It's hard to do in front of an audience.
We'll start with you, Jason.
Then we'll go to Nikki and then to Dave and then to Michael. A movie that start with you, Jason, then we'll go to Nikki, and then to Dave,
and then to Michael. A movie that begins with A, correct?
So you will get the letter A, that's correct.
Alright, Avalon.
That was a good one.
Barry Levinson, right?
Yeah. B for Nikki.
I don't know if this is a movie. What?
All the B movies
in the world, you're going with one that might not
be a movie. I couldn't think of one until this came to my head.
Think of another one.
Brigadoon.
Brigadoon.
Is that a movie?
Brigadoon was a movie, yes.
I thought it would be.
Thank you.
It was a musical they made into a movie.
Can we just guess movie time?
No, I thought I had a feeling.
I would think she'd come up with something in her lifetime,
but you know,
as long as you get it,
you got it.
Time machine.
C to Dave.
Cujo's with a C, right?
Who? Cujo.
The hit movie Cujo.
Yeah. I thought you said
Cudro, which is a K, as we all know.
No, that's...
Cujo. Michael gets
D.
D for Die Harder.
And he'd go for the obvious.
He's showing off with that.
I don't know if that's the right title.
E to Jason.
Every Which Way But Loose.
Nice.
Monkey Giving the Finger.
Classic. It's an orangutan.
Forrest Gump
didn't give the finger to anyone, but that's
the correct answer. G to Dave.
The hit movie Gattaca.
Gattaca. Thank you.
People love that movie.
I thought the title was not very good. Gattaca people love that movie I thought the title's not very good
Gattaca
what should they have called it
do you think
no way that one guy's
crazy
there's not enough honesty in movie titles
no way that one guy's crazy
write it off
the sequel to Dude Where's My Car movie titles like that. No way, that one guy's crazy! Right at all.
The sequel to Dude, Where's My Car?
Michael gets the letter
H. Hannah and her
sisters.
I. Ishtar.
Mm-hmm.
Were you an extra in that?
Were you somebody's baby? How dare you? Were you a bearded there? Were you somebody's baby?
How dare you?
Were you a bearded baby?
How dare you?
How dare you?
Jay goes to Nikki.
Just married.
Wait, who was in that?
Ashton Kutcher,
Brittany Murphy,
rest in peace.
Oh, I saw that.
I say that when I say
either of their names.
Rest in Peace.
All right.
K to Dave.
Kicking and Screaming.
Which version?
The Artie version.
Yes.
The Art for Various.
Very...
The Noah Baumbach version.
Yeah.
Okay, good.
Michael gets L.
The Adrian Lyne production of Lolita.
Not the one with James Merson.
No.
That one's bullshit.
I'd like you to take...
Okay, sorry.
Manhunter.
Okay.
Nell.
N for Nikki goes...
Nell.
Yeah.
Nikki decided to go full retard.
I went for it.
Rest in peace.
M to Dave.
O-M.
M, yeah.
L.
O-N-N-O. Sorry. N-O-M. M, yeah. L. O-N-N-O.
Sorry.
N-O-M.
Oh God Part 2.
Oh boy.
Oh God Part 2.
Great.
Very clever.
Kind of a rip off of my Die Harder joke, but.
It was an homage.
Okay.
Wasn't it called Oh God You Devil?
Yes.
You're out.
No.
No.
I'm just saying.
That's just my opinion.
I don't know if it's fact.
Oh God, part two.
You Devil.
Book two.
Oh yeah, book two even.
You're both out.
No.
Yeah, I'm out.
That's the saddest guy in the room.
Saddest guy in the room saddest guy in the room
book two
you know what I did
I fucking corrected them on that oh god title
I was the one that knew
it was book two
probably gonna kill myself tonight
life's not getting better
I had my moment
don't kill yourself dude
I took a shot
no don't kill yourself, dude. I took a shot. No, don't kill yourself.
Don't do it.
It'll take all the fun out of this
show. Rest in peace.
Yeah.
We'll miss you.
Alright. Oh God, Book 2
was the second one.
What'd you call it?
Oh God, it was just the first one
Oh God part two
Okay so you're out
I got greedy
Oh God you devil was the third one
That was the third one
When George Burns was like
I gotta play more than one part
If I play one part I'll die
And it didn't save him Because because in the end, he did die, you guys.
He kept him alive through all of 94, and he reached 200, which was his goal.
He wanted to live to be 200.
All right, so Dave is out, and so you still have an O title, Michael.
Yeah, you get stuck with the O's.
I didn't know it was going to be that.
Yeah, think of an O. Omega Man. Mm, you get stuck with the O's. I didn't know it was going to be that. Yeah, think of an O.
Omega Man.
Good. Except it's
The Omega Man.
Jason?
So do I have to do O now?
Yes.
Okay, Once.
I saw the Broadway musical version of once the other day i loved it
i loved it was awesome i loved the movie there's a pub on the stage that you can go up on stage
and drink at in the before the show and during the intermission sounds amazing yeah and then
the can you get belligerent why don't you shut up? Sing a song, pretty girl.
I don't think they'd allow that.
They have people with headsets on
that are very stand over there.
They tell you what to do,
but it was a fun experience.
I had a good time.
I recommend it.
Thanks, man.
Cool.
We're the only two people here.
Pee, Nikki.
I know.
I keep staring intently at him.
Just trying to keep track of him,
that's all.
Just doing a little... Not to be... Don't wait.
Just doing a little of my everyday profile.
Homeland security's on it.
Homeland security's on it, don't wait.
Oh my god. I saw the trailer for The Watch,
you know, which used to be called The Neighborhood Watch,
but they changed it. Too soon.
They changed it because of Trayvon Martin.
They changed it because of Trayvon Martin. They changed it because of Trayvon Martin
to just the watch, and it's
about aliens coming down,
actual aliens from space, and that's
who they end up having to fight.
Hooded aliens.
Well, they do have hoods on, yeah.
Oh, no!
Oh!
How dare you!
But they're trying to distance themselves from Trayvon Martin,
and then in the trailer is somebody at the regular dispatch going,
hey, you don't need to follow through on this.
You guys can just go home.
You don't have to chase these aliens.
We'll take care of it.
It's in the fucking trailer.
I know.
I agree with you.
I think.
The other thing that I thought was distasteful in the trailer
is when they kill Trayvon Martin.
He was standing between them and an alien
and something had to be done.
Oh, Lord.
Okay, P to you, Nikki.
P.
Pan's Labyrinth.
Pan's Labyrinth. Q, Jason. Okay, P to you, Nikki. P. Pan's Labyrinth. Pan's Labyrinth.
Q, Jason.
Quicksilver.
Kevin Bacon rides a bike.
I saw there's a new movie with...
Joe Gordon-Levitt does it.
Rides a bike.
Maximum Rush or...
Premium Rush.
Premium Rush.
Best kind of rush you can have.
Because I don't want just a fucking maximum.
I want it to be like a really Tony Rush.
I want it to be premium.
The trailer's great. I hope the movie can
keep up that one.
We're going to find out. You and I.
Run Lola, run. We're going together.
Hey asshole, fucking the rock band Rush
is the best Rush you can have.
I don't disagree.
You're not the asshole.
Wait, what, me?
Yeah, you're the fucking asshole.
I like rush. I like high-pitched things.
Alright.
Nikki, you have the letter P.
I like high-pitched things.
No, no, no.
You keep going backwards.
I don't know why.
I'm trying to learn the alphabet backwards
to get through field check sobriety points.
So good.
So I keep practicing here.
So what letter are we on?
R.
Quicksilver. I did Quicksilver.
She did Quicksilver.
So who's more wrong now?
Whoa, guys, let's not freak out.
Run, Ronnie, run.
You like that one on the balcony?
S.
Steel Magnolias.
T.
Three.
Two. The Godfather. Oh. Two.
The Godfather.
Oh, yeah.
You can use your the there.
All the T's you'd ever want.
U.
Up in the air.
V.
V.
V for Vendetta.
It's for Vagina, yes.
Oh, yeah.
W. War Games. X. for vagina, yes. Oh, yeah. Uh, W?
War Games. X?
Xanadu. Y?
Um, E?
Three, two,
yes?
I can?
Yes, man, would it work?
But you're out. Nikki is our winner.
Oh, by default.
That was an exciting one.
Really good.
So fun.
I always put after the first A through Z.
Not always, but just recently I started putting a twist after that.
So you guys didn't get to that point so I didn't have to
use it yet. You just pick a random
letter after that? Something like
that might happen. Last week
it was numbers. It went to name
a new movie that begins with one, two,
three like that so people are
submitting fun twists on the
internet and I'm stealing them.
But it sounds like we just weren't that good at it.
We didn't even make it You got all the way through
almost.
We didn't actually. Super close.
I didn't have a Z. It would have been.
You didn't have a Z.
I didn't have. Not at the point where you failed.
Yeah, I'll take a one. Z.
Zebra head. We bought a zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo. Zoo.
Zoo. Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo.
Zoo. Zoo. Zoo. Zoo. Zoo. Zoo. Zoo. Zoo. Zoo. before law enforcement makes a big deal out of it. It's just a little jizz in some lady's hair.
What's the big deal?
What's the big deal?
You don't notice.
Too busy watching Hunger Games.
That was the last time you did that?
No, of course not.
I mean, have you seen The Raid?
Movie's sexy as shit.
There's a new movie.
I can't remember the title of it now because the title, when they said it, I was like, what?
It was like Flight Plan Changes or something.
Sure, Flight Plan Changes.
I'm telling you, it's as bad as that.
It's Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence.
What's it called?
It's got a crazy title. What's it called? It's a new David O. Russell movie. It's like Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence. What's it called? It's got a crazy title.
What's it called? It's a new David O. Russell movie.
It's like a memory test, yeah.
Silver Linings Playbook.
Silver Linings Playbook! Makes no sense.
The single worst title!
No, what's the worst title?
The one that's out now that's like
Best Hotel
Oh, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel?
No, thank you.
Yeah, because no movie with
Judi Dench should have erotic in the title.
Or exotic. It's exotic, right?
That movie,
I feel like she's not exotic or erotic.
She's neither.
I feel like that movie is mistranslated from a foreign language
back to English.
But yeah, Silver Linings
project.
Playbook.
Playbook.
It's about Bradley Cooper
and Jennifer Lawrence are
beautifully retarded.
Not retarded, but they're
mentally ill.
They have problems. Yes, they have problems.
They can't fit into society. They find each other. They have problems. Yes, they have problems. They can't fit into society.
They find each other.
Their nails?
It's,
I don't,
no, it's not,
that's the thing,
is they learn their lesson
from Tropic Thunder.
It's as retarded
as you can be
without being fully retarded.
Oh.
Yeah, they just
stepped it back to,
Like ordinary people.
The Oscar zone.
It is very ordinary people.
No, the one with Sean Cassidy.
Big Man Came and Pushed Me in the Water.
Oh, that's people like us.
Oh.
And it's a TV movie, so shut up about it.
This isn't Doug Loves TV movies.
I was just going to say,
are you still doing Doug Loves TV movies?
Because I want to do Quarterback Princess.
Helen Hunt. Everybody want to do Quarterback Princess. Helen Hunt wants to play football.
Everybody wants to do Trilogy of Terror.
A lot of people want to do Joan Rivers TV movie.
Did you ever see that?
Oh, yeah.
The Girl with Everything But.
I think is what it was called.
It's not about her.
She's just in it.
She directed it.
It's about her.
Joan Rivers made a movie. Stockard Channing starred
in it as a fat lady
who is being treated
mean by a lot of cameo
famous gentlemen, including Ed
Asner. And
when she gets cosmetic surgery after
a terrible accident, she's beautiful.
And she goes back and murders
every guy who is mean to her.
And it was directed by Joan Rivers.
I don't know why people don't talk about it more.
Wow.
It is fucking amazing.
But there's the even weirder one where Joan and Melissa play themselves.
Yeah, that's much weirder.
Dealing with Edward's suicide.
Her actual husband and Melissa's father's suicide.
And they just relive that on screen.
That's definitely weirder and not fun at all.
But the one I'm talking about is worth checking out.
It was hilarious.
I'm sure it's pretty funny.
That would be a fun movie to maybe interrupt sometime.
But let's play some Build a Title, you guys.
I love it.
Let's do it.
Nikki gets to go first, and she won.
And I think Dave's probably a little more up to how the games work.
So we'll go to Dave and then Michael and then Jason.
And your first title, Nikki, is suggested by someone named Nug13
on Twitter.
And the title is
Black Dog.
So you need a movie that ends
with black or
begins with dog.
If I just throw something out there...
Nobody in the audience help out.
No, if I throw something out there
and it's not what it...
It does work? Does or... out there. Nobody audience help out. If I throw something out there and it's not what it is, it does
work.
Isn't there like dog hotel?
Hotel for dogs. Never mind. Okay.
Can I start over? Yeah, talk us
through it.
Pretend you're on like a game show
and make a guess when you have a guess.
Okay. Black dog. Dog. Pretend you're on a game show and make a guess when you have a guess.
Black dog.
Dog.
I repeat it like that's going to help.
Dog.
Blank.
Men in black dog.
Oh, yeah, there you go.
All right, we go to Dave.
You need something that ends in men or begins with dog.
Can I do men in black dog day afternoon?
Yes.
I nailed it.
Thank you.
So Michael needs something that begins with noon or ends in men. Okay, so a few good men in black dog day afternoon.
Yeah.
So we'll call it few good men in Black Dog Day Afternoon. Yeah. So we'll call it Few Good Men.
And speaking of
Bradley Cooper...
Yes, I fucked him.
Yes.
You took his
man-mouth virginity. Like, you made
out with him. Yeah, and I...
Do you think that's why he's insane now?
Did he want more? I think once you go
black, dot dot dot.
Ha ha ha!
Alright, Jason, you need
something that ends in few or begins
with noon. Ends in few? Yeah that ends in few or begins with noon. Ends in few.
Yeah, so that's probably.
Begins with noon.
But why not a?
There's a movie about close calls called Few.
A few, so a.
Or begins with noon.
So this is a tough corner you're in right here.
Yeah, this is like.
This is.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, you might be shut out on this one.
Okay, so it's...
Blank view or noon or afternoon.
Is there an afternoon delight movie?
No, I thought of that, but I don't think there is.
And I can't do that, right?
Because it has to start with noon.
Or afternoon.
Do you know something that starts afternoon?
I don't think anyone starts with afternoon. I can't see. You probably have to start with noon. It has to be noon something something. Do you know something that starts afternoon? I don't think anyone starts with afternoon.
You probably have to go with noon.
I don't know.
I think I'm out.
Can anybody help me?
All right, we'll go to Nikki.
We'll go to Nikki, see if she can do it.
There's nothing at stake, really.
But a few good men, so you could take uh.
So something a.
I guess a.
Something a.
We normally draw, hey, why do you?
And also it's not pronounced the same way.
Oh, you can't, it has to be pronounced?
Easy A wouldn't work because it's not called a few good men.
I guess it is if you're weird.
If you pronounce things weirdly.
Are you going to go see A Few Good Men?
Not just any few good men.
A specific.
Mr. Potter.
Flawless.
Flawless Alan Rickman. Flawless Alan Rickman.
Flawless Alan Rickman.
Be quiet, McClane.
Hans Gruber.
Alan Rickman.
All right.
So this is a big fat dead end on this one, I think.
No, there's got to be.
I think easy A works.
I don't think it does.
Easy uh.
What I get on the test,
did I get a B or an uh?
Why do I talk so stupid
if I'm in line for a B or an uh?
Dave, do you...
Oh, that's good.
People are so helpful.
Would you have done that?
Would you have done Casablanca?
I'd drop the A. I'd say it should start with few.
What about something like nephew?
Yeah, that would be something maybe.
Dave?
Do you have anything, Dave?
Alright, we'll give this point to Michael.
Michael gets the point.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You can check, you can verify this.
A few good men and black dog day after nooner.
Nooner.
Nooner?
Yeah.
Who saw Nooner?
The original.
All right, Michael gets the point.
It has to be a movie, though, no?
I mean, straight to DVD.
Did anybody think of one that fits? No?
The Casablanca wasn't bad.
Yeah, that was good.
Gattaca.
Magnolia.
But those aren't...
That's not the other...
That's cute.
Days of Thunder.
Possibly.
I think we ended it
at the right time.
Let's do another one.
Let's start with... since Michael got it,
we'll start with Dave and move towards Nikki.
And Dave, your starting title,
suggested by Mike Jean Mose and Eno Head,
two different people suggested this around the same time,
Manchurian Candidate.
So you need something that ends in man.
Oh, man, I'm going to hit this one out of the park.
Ends in man.
Doesn't have to be Manchurian.
Could end in man.
Oh.
Or begin with date.
Candidate.
And please, audience.
Rain Manchurian candidate.
Rain Manchurian candidate.
I like it.
And we go to Nikki.
Hard rain Manchurian
Candidate. Hard Rain
Manchurian Candidate.
Jason.
So you need to end in hard.
Which you don't whenever you go
to see Brave. Hard Rain Manchurian Candidate
Night. Date Night.
Date Night.
Starring Nick Kroll.
Yes.
Top billing goes to Nick Kroll.
Wahlberg's in that.
He's like, I don't know what's happening.
Okay, Michael?
Can you repeat the title thus far?
Mm-hmm.
Hard Rain Man, Cherry and Candidate Night.
Okay, so Die Hard Rain Man Churian Candidate Night.
Okay, so Die Hard Rain Man
Churian Candidate Night.
Nice.
Dave?
Die Hard...
Wait, what?
Die Rain...
Man.
I'm adding...
Can I just go to the end?
Churian Candidate the end Of the living dead Yes
Nikki
You got dead or die
Die or dead
D&D
Blank die
That seems like a dead
Die or dead
or dead something
dead
no
dead
wait what's before dead
the living dead
living dead
no that's not gonna work
that's not gonna do you any help
settle in the audience
dead
dead
oh
okay
dead
wait
say it dead presidents is that a big yes yes Dead. Oh. Okay. Dead. Wait.
Say it.
Dead Presidents?
Is that a movie?
Yes.
We did it.
A lot of people don't know that,
but even the title of the movie had an exclamation mark.
An exclamation question mark.
Dead Presidents?
Okay, so we go to Jason.
Ends in die or begins with presidents.
Never say die hard.
Never say die... There's a movie called Never Say Die?
Never Say Die is a James Bond movie, am I right?
No.
No?
That was Never Say Never Again.
What's Never Say Die?
Oh, I'm out then.
I thought it was.
That's just an expression, I think.
Yeah, that's just what we all said in the green room backstage.
You guys were supposed to have my back.
All right, so you're out.
Aw.
Aw.
Michael, do you have anything that ends in die or begins with presidents?
Sure.
Or dents?
Yep, yep, yep.
Absolutely.
Okay, and that is?
Just let her rip
whenever you're ready.
Oh, I did not realize
you wanted me to do it now.
Yeah, just say it loud now.
Now-ish.
Yep, got it.
Would be good, Mr. Walter.
I got it.
Okay.
Here we go.
It is...
Big answer.
Never say die.
Dave, do you have anything for this one?
Live and let die.
Yes!
Yeah.
Thank you.
Live and let die Hard, Rain Man,
Shurian Candidate,
Night of the Living Dead Presidents.
Nikki, you need something that ends in live
or begins with presidents.
Or Dave will get the point
in this round
of Build a Title.
President's Day.
Have you been here?
Wait a second.
It's the next Valentine's Day series.
It's the next Gary Marshall movie.
Is Gary Marshall
in pre-production?
Yes.
Oh gosh, no. I don't have one.
Alright, Dave gets the point that round.
Yep.
It's coming together beautifully.
Okay.
Okay, this was submitted by
Cunt Clark.
No, Kurt Clark.
Kurt.
Kurt looks a lot like... It doesn't, Clark. Kurt. Kurt looks a lot like...
It doesn't, really.
Kurt.
Seriously, look at it.
Kurt.
You're right.
Kurt Clark suggested...
Kurt Clark.
You know, Kurt.
Kurt Clark.
Since Dave got the point, we'll start with Michael and then come around to Jason.
The first starter title is Things to Do in Denver.
Denver, yeah!
Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead.
Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead.
So you need something that ends in things or begins with dead.
And I can think of one for each.
Maybe you can as of one for each. Maybe you can
as well.
Alright.
I'll just go with
things to do in Denver
when you're dead zone.
Yes.
Wild things to do in Denver when you're dead zone.
Very nice.
Into the wild things
to do in Denver when you're dead zone.
Even better.
Dave, you need something that ends in into
or just in.
Or begins with zone.
Zone diet the movie.
I thought of a good one.
What do you got?
Cabin.
Cabin.
Cabin.
The movie Cabin.
It's not in a woods, it's just a cabin.
Are you just saying the word cabin?
Not part of the game, just saying the word cabin?
I'm just happy to be out.
Dave, you're still a shut-in, right?
Well, I got the bracelet, and I can't hide it back later.
Okay, so Dave's out.
Wait, cabin's not a mood. How's no one seen that?
You ready?
Yes, sir.
What's the title as it stands right now?
Into the Wild
Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead Zone.
All in
to the,
what is it?
There's a movie called All In? Yes. There's a movie called All In?
Yes, there's a movie called All In.
People in your audience have your back on that.
Is it a poker movie?
Yes.
I don't believe it.
Oh my God, it's such a good movie.
It's terrible.
Is it good?
It's a poker movie.
All right, so we got All Into the Wild. That was a bluff, a poker term. That into the wild. Alright, so we got all into
the wild. That was a bluff, a poker term.
That was a bluff. I figured there had
to be a movie called All In.
There's people that went,
it's being confirmed.
Was that the documentary?
It was the pseudo-documentary, right?
No, that's a different movie.
Don't make fun of him for being correct.
I'm doing exactly what he sounded like.
That was dead on.
Oh, God, book two.
All right, well, you got away with it this time.
Because it's a movie.
And also because it doesn't matter.
So I have either all or zone.
All.
All.
Or begin with zone. Can I do Legends of the Fall? Yes, you can. end and zone. Or begin with zone.
Can I do Legends of the Fall?
Yes, you can.
I was counting on you to do that.
Legends of the Fall.
Legends of the Fall into the wild things
to do on your endeavor while you're dead.
Zone.
Yeah, Legends or Z-O-N.
Z-O-N.
Z-O-N. Legends or the own? Legends. The own. The own.
I have no idea.
Zone.
All right.
No.
Count it down.
Yep, I'm out.
Three, two, you're out.
I'm just going to take it.
Yeah.
All right.
No count.
Who's still left?
Me.
Legends.
And?
Me.
Okay.
I'm about to blow it wide open, though.
All right, Michael.
Man on a Legends of the...
Oh, my God.
Fall into...
Yeah.
Four taps.
That's how impressed I was.
Yeah.
Four taps. That's how impressed I was.
Man on a legends of the fall
into the wild
things to do endeavor when you're dead
zone.
Solitary man.
What?
Solitary man. Right?
Isn't man the first? Yes. yes solitary man on a ledge blah blah blah
blah okay so now michael needs something that ends in saul so if there's a movie about an old
jewish man that you could think of
solitary or begins with z-own.
Z-own.
You got anything, Michael?
Yeah, yeah.
What do you got?
Bring it.
I don't have anything. You know you can do this.
There's an easy one, right?
Oh, sure.
Own.
Yeah, I got it. Own.
You're dropping the bait.
I felt like it should have been over
with Man on a Ledge.
That was awesome.
That was pretty strong.
Sometimes the game keeps going.
Well, that's stupid when the game keeps going.
You gotta step up again.
I'm out.
Solitary man.
You're telling me something?
I'm telling you nothing. I'm not helping at all.
Solitary?
Yeah, that's tough.
Pet-semitolitary?
Pet-semitolitary.
That's pretty acceptable.
I think you've got to go with the zone end.
I know, but I can't think of, like,
don't mess with the zone hand.
Three, two, one.
Jason gets the point.
And I was thinking of
Things to Do Endeavor
when you're dead.
It's only you.
So only you. Oh. That's what's Only You. So, Only You.
Oh.
That's what I thought of.
Yeah, Owning Mahoney would be a good one
for extremely, you know,
unheard of gambling attic movies
starring Philip Seymour Hoffman.
All right, we got a very tight race.
Everybody's got a point except for Nikki.
So Nikki has a chance to jump in here and make it a four-way tie and extremely exciting.
We gave that point to Jason.
So let's start with Nikki and then move towards Jason.
And ZCKC suggested Fireproof, which is, according to him, stars a shithead named Kirk Cameron.
I've never seen Fireproof, but I can confirm that Kirk Cameron is a shithead.
And so, yes, you need something that ends in fire or begins with proof.
Man on fire.
Man on fire.
All right.
Jason, you need something that ends with man or begins with proof.
Begins with proof.
Man on fire, proof of life.
Yes.
Michael, ends in man or begins with life.
Fucking solitary man.
You are a dirty, dirty player, and I love it.
Solitary man of fireproof of life.
Dave.
In times of...
Brian?
No, wait.
Settle down, everybody.
No, wait, I'm not going with that.
I'll play Alex Trebek.
I need a more specific title.
And I need you to sign up for some life insurance.
Is it solitary?
Yep.
Oh, I got one for that.
Solitary man on fire.
Proof of life.
And how to live it.
You were right there with the Brian thing.
I said it.
You backed off of that.
You said it wrong, though.
Life.
Wait, what?
He can't say it right.
I'm so hammered right now.
Life.
Wait. Life according to Brian. Life according to right now. Life. Wait.
Life according to Brian.
Life according to Brian.
Okay, you're out.
No.
Who's next?
Nikki?
What's it called, Nikki?
I don't know.
I was thinking of a different life.
Huh?
Life something.
Wait, I had one.
Life something.
Let's say you think you might die.
You'd need a life something.
I just had one.
Damn it.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
You lost it?
Yeah.
Can you find it real quick?
Yeah, I will.
Hold on.
Life.
Life. Three. Life.
Three, two, one.
You're out, Jason.
Life of Brian.
Life of Brian.
That was mine.
God.
The according.
Then I started thinking according to Jim.
I made it more complicated.
I have.
Is my ride here?
Wait, it was way easier than I made it.
I was trying to push you to lifeboat.
I was trying to get you to say lifeboat.
But Life of Brian, I'm going to allow it,
but I think it's Monty Python's Life of Brian, I think.
Oh, you might be.
Oh, sure.
I think so.
You want to discount it.
No, I don't.
This is fun that it's back at Michael again.
Solitary.
Yeah, you got your solitary.
Man on fire proof of Life of Brian's song.
Yes.
Obviously.
That, of course, is a TV movie, so it doesn't count.
Oh, bam.
Go ahead.
I'm going to go off of Song of the South.
Song of the South, yes.
That's a racist movie, so it doesn't count.
Solitary man on fire, proof of life brian's song of the south pacific yes
that's a movie just like just like uh what was the one you said earlier nikki
brigadoon we've actually mentioned a lot of movies tonight, Doug. No, she mentioned a musical earlier
and was like, is that a movie?
Okay.
So Pacific. Do you got anything
for Pacific?
Or just ick?
Ick.
Oh, boy.
Pacific. Oh, boy.
Pacific.
Yeah, no.
Either way, we're going to have ourselves a winner.
Right?
Pacific Blue. Pacific.
Starring Judd Nelson and Ally Sheedy.
Right?
No.
Yeah?
No. No, no. It's not Judd Nelson. Ally Sheedy. Right? No. Yeah? No.
No, no, it's not Judd Nelson.
That was blue something else.
Pacific.
Fic.
Fictional.
Victory.
V is for victory.
That's a pretty good tough one.
Anything? Pacific B9
Berliner.
Alright, Michael Ian Black is our
winner.
He did it.
He didn't win anything too fancy.
Just he gets to go...
He gets to...
What?
Pacific Heights.
Nice.
The Michael Keaton...
Michael Keaton and...
Psycho Landlord movie.
Landlord from Hell.
Everything was from Hell back then,
and he was the Landlord from Hell
to Melanie Griffith and Matthew Modine.
Yes.
Very exciting.
Okay, so let's play,
before we play the later Maugham game, let's see your name tags,
New York City.
Oh, that's NYC,
see that shit.
A lot of crazy ones. There's some
cupcakes and a beach ball and a
Game of Thrones and
Steph has a pillow, of course, that I mentioned
earlier. There's a Life of Brian
poster back there just
mocking me. That's funny.
Yeah, that's apropos.
Got a box of Lucky
Charms out there and some
The Lonnies instead of, I assume that's instead
of the Goonies.
Yeah, so contest, I mean
guests, go out and pick out the name tag you want to play for.
Take it from them and bring it back to your seat.
And then we'll play an exciting game of Leonard Moulton
for the people that, oh, don't pay attention up top,
somebody yelled out.
There's an angry top up there.
Oh, there's a angry top up there. Oh, there's a
big sign back there. I can't
make out what it is, but it looks pretty
cool.
We got
some good ones out there, you guys.
We got Cartman from
South Park. Is that your name in real
life, Cartman?
And we got
the Brian King instead of Lion King.
That's clever. Jessica Park,
is that it? Instead of Jurassic Park?
Oh,
no, Jason really hit pay dirt
with his...
Oh, Lord, that is a
complicated name tag.
You should describe what you've got there.
Let's see what you got. Yeah, let's talk about it.
Guys, it's cupcakes.
Yeah.
What does it say, though?
It used to say,
Connor the Barbarian.
They have melted
in a way that is disgusting.
Yeah.
They look like balls.
It said something,
the barbarian.
Connor, it's Connor the Barbarian.
Those guys actually randomly were screaming at me
because they worked on a pilot that I worked on years ago.
Oh, okay.
So I chose them for that reason because of loyalty.
All right, we'll put it down here.
Connor and his amazing balls.
Was I supposed to give him something?
His amazing sweaty balls.
No, you're good.
Have a seat.
And then Nikki picked the Steph pillow.
Yeah.
A lot of work went into
this yeah yeah i think she wrote a shithead on there too maybe dave you've got uh looks like
monica also i i should point out this is the hello kitty version of me for i'm not even kidding
someone did you do this originally? You did it originally.
You found it on the internet.
No, but seriously. So it's Monica.
She sucked up to you and it worked.
Yeah, yeah.
She made your...
Well, I don't know.
It's between her and the gourd guy.
Just kidding.
No.
There was a guy with a gourd.
Is that something you did?
I'm having a nice time.
Isn't there always a guy with a gourd?
Oh, shit.
The guy with a gourd is here.
Oh, God.
God damn it.
Gourd guy.
Try to throw a normal party for once.
And, Michael, who do you have?
I went for the guy who was pandering specifically to me,
named Trevor, with a shout-out to my podcast,
Mike and Tom Eat Snacks.
This is Trevor loves snacks and movies
and he spent about three seconds on this
it's very nicely crafted
and congratulations
this poor woman made a handmade pillow
with beautiful
I don't even know what you call that
stitching
that's a really nice pillow
there's no piping on Trevor's piece of shit piece of cardboard Beautiful, I don't even know what you call that. Detail stitching, yeah. That's a really nice pillow. Can we call that piping?
Yeah.
There's no piping on Trevor's piece of shit piece of cardboard.
I smell urine.
He got the piece of cardboard from a homeless person
who was using it as a bathroom.
Who ironically had written all of those words on it.
His name was Trevor and he loved snacks.
All right, Michael won the lead up, the build a title.
So he gets to go first in the Leonard Maltin game.
I'll give you three title, two category titles, Michael, and you can choose one.
And first person to two points is going to win
tonight.
At
Catherine Elspeth
suggested Fuck Sting,
which is movies
that feature police.
It's a twist on the Fuck the Police category
we did that featured movies with
Sting.
This is movies that have police in them.
Or at Whack Ball suggested Breaking Bond,
which is movies that have someone who played James Bond in them,
but he's not playing James Bond in that movie.
Fuck Sting.
Fuck Sting.
What's that?
Fuck Sting is what I want to go with
You get a third one though
Oh I thought there were only two
King of Pancakes category
He couldn't be here tonight
He traded his ticket with somebody
Who came in King of Pancakes place?
Yay good for you
I like to see that happen
King of Pancakes category
10 years to this very day
It's the number one movie 10 years ago
At the box office
Do you still want to go
with the police movies?
And what year is this now?
This is 2012, I know
because I walked through Times Square the other day.
Okay. And it is clearly labeled.
So what year would ten years ago have been?
2002. Got it.
I will go with Fuck Sting.
Just because
you wanted to say it out loud.
These movies feature police.
You've got a movie from either 1984 or 2001.
2001.
That has police in it.
Leonard Maltin gives this movie two stars.
He says that this movie features an Oscar-winning performance,
but that the story, it starts off strongly,
then gets dumber and dumber.
And he lists five, 12 names.
How many names do you think you get it in?
And I've got, how many?
12.
Or you can go to zero.
Yeah.
Or you can go into negative names if you're really confident.
I feel pretty confident.
All right, and we're going to go to Dave after you.
Okay.
11.
11?
11 names, says Poker Face.
How many names do you think you can get in, Dave?
I'll say three.
That's a huge jump, Nikki.
Name that movie.
She says name it.
Here's your three names.
They are Nick Chinland.
Oh, shit.
I thought it was Nick Chinland.
Eva Mendez.
And Macy Gray.
Singer Macy Gray.
Is in the mix somehow. and some people in the audience
know it from 2001
what's your guess Dave?
16 blocks? 15 blocks
um
14 blocks
you can guess
any number of blocks
but you know the movie I'm talking about
I do.
It was with Bruce Willis and Mos Def.
But this is a movie with Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, and it's called Training Day.
I was going to fucking guess Training Day.
God, I hate myself.
Training Day.
Were you really?
Yeah.
So Nikki gets the point, everybody.
Yeah.
But Training Day is so good. I was like, how could he not like Training Day? So few stars. point, everybody. Yeah. But Training Day is so good.
I was like, how could he not like Training Day?
So few stars.
It's amazing.
I know, I know.
He only gave it two.
Leonard.
Yeah, he'll throw you off with his opinions.
So that means that Nikki got the point,
and she made Dave guess it.
So we'll start with Jason and then go towards Nikki.
And Jason, you get to pick a category.
Would you like Top Build, suggested by Fragrant Bleach.
Top Build is a title from tonight's Build a Title game.
So it's a movie that came up already this evening during build a title
or would you like windy city heat that's movies with either windy city or heat in the title
or i bet you don't know the full title that's a movie where even if you get it right i bet you
won't know the full title i don't know why anyone would pick it
with that kind of hurdle to surmount
that I've decided you won't name it correctly.
Doug, I'm going to choose
I Bet You Won't Know the Full Title.
Wow.
That's a bold and exciting choice.
That's why I chose it.
Jason.
Three stars from Leonard
for this movie that I'm pretty sure no one
knows the full title.
He calls this movie...
Apple records don't count, right?
It's right here.
It's here.
The idler wheel
becomes the loosest when you don't
use the lug nut to make sure that it's
tight and can drive safely on the open highway and death all right um 2005 three stars from
leonard he calls this movie an imaginative adaptation of a book and he also says that this movie
has a great opening title sequence
that sets the tone for the film
terrible clues
as always
and Leonard only lists
six people that were involved
in the performance
part of this motion picture
from 2005
with a title I don't think you know.
How many names do you think you can get it in, Jason?
Man,
so good.
Three. From How Did This Get Made.
Yeah.
Gotta get a mention of that
in there. Yeah.
He says three, Nikki. Yeah, I'm gonna make him
name that movie. Oh my god, Nikki
has come to take this shit down fast.
Bold moves.
She is here to end this.
You can't name it.
I think he might be able to, but probably not.
Like I said, when I set this up.
I have a good feeling you figured it out.
Yeah, you set your own bed.
Now get trapped in it.
Is that a phrase? No. Is that a phrase?
No.
Is that a common phrase?
No, it isn't.
You've set your own bed,
now get trapped in it.
Now get trapped in it.
Like a bear.
Well, you know what's up.
You've set your own bed,
now get trapped in it.
You made the sheets too tight.
Now your feet aren't going to be able to move
freely from side to side.
I only have myself to blame.
I set my own bed.
How could I not have gotten trapped in it?
You threw all those leaves over your bed
and now you've been trapped in it.
And your three names are
Frank Oz,
Tim Robbins,
and Kristen Stewart.
Yes, the Kristen Stewart
who's in this movie
that I don't think anyone knows
the proper name of.
And somebody thinks
they have it in the audience.
Do you have a guess, Jason?
Frank Oz is in the movie?
Death at a Funeral?
That's a Frank Oz movie.
That's what I'm going on.
He directed it.
And it had a lot of people in it.
Sorry, sorry.
He's an actor in this movie.
Let me help you out, because it's not going to help you out.
He's a voice.
He gets last billed because he's just a voice.
Got it.
Got it.
2005, adaptation of a book.
On camera are Tim Robbins and Kristen Stewart, and people in the audience are muttering.
They're being driven crazy.
K-Stew, Tim Robbins.
T-Rob.
T-Robbs.
K-Stew.
T-Robbs, K-Stew.
Along with Franco.
The Ozinator.
The movie is
called
Divine Secrets of the
Yaya Sisterhood.
It's based on a book,
Girl's Guide to Camping
and Fishing.
Right? The secret.
All of mine are
Oprah books, by the way
it's called
say it with me
if you know it
Zathura
what
one person
it's called Zathura a space adventure
is the proper title
of that movie
congratulations to one person in the audience
and to Nikki Glaser
for taking it down
in two rounds.
Very impressive.
Zathara
few good men.
If it didn't have that...
Such a show-off.
It's like you're up there accepting the gold medal,
and then you go, but also,
I'm better because of this.
We're developing Zathura.
We've got to get it out in theaters.
How are people going to know what it's about?
I don't know.
Let's call it a space adventure.
Space adventure.
I never remembered seeing that on anything.
And I like that movie.
Let's call it a Space Odyssey.
Hang on, that sounds familiar.
Dax Shepard's really good in it.
So, did you...
Dax Shepard was in 2001 in Space Odyssey?
He was in Space Dethura A 2001 adventure
And uh
Did the name tag get a
Shithead on the back?
The cupcakes can't possibly have a shithead on the back
Connor is there a shithead?
They do? Oh my god
How can we look at it?
It's written on these?
On the side?
I don't know what you're saying.
On the side of the box?
What?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
It's here.
Let's look at it.
That's, wow, that is complicated.
That's, wait, there's more than one name or?
Assistant director.
No, don't say it out loud, Nikki.
All right.
I think I know what it says.
No, no, no, I'm good, I think.
I don't know why they're calling him a shithead,
but I'll write it down.
Please don't scream
eat it at us on stage.
Guys, that's all.
We've been cool tonight.
Please don't yell that at us.
Guess what we don't need? Someone screaming eat it.
You're going to give him an asthma attack.
And he
doesn't have his inhaler anymore.
Because it's going to Steph.
There you are. Congratulations to Steph.
I get
the pillow. Yeah, you do.
You'll make me one? Thank you.
I get the pillow.
Wait, so Dave's,
does it have a shithead on the back?
Yes.
Oh, wow, you guys came so prepared.
Thank you so much, New York,
for being ready for this.
I don't know about these shitheads, though.
I feel uncomfortable saying these names,
but okay, I could say that one.
Is that even a real person?
Trevor?
Where's Trevor? Is that like a real person? Trevor? Where's Trevor?
Is that like just a friend of yours?
Okay.
Sounds like an actress, but it's not, I guess.
And I don't have to read... You mean his good friend, Chris Stewart?
I don't have to read Steph's.
One more time, you guys, for all of my guests.
Jason Mantzoukas, Nikki Glaser, Dave Hill, and Michael Ian Black.
Do you guys have anything coming up?
The League is coming back when, Jason?
The League will come back in the fall.
League returns.
How did this get made, the podcast?
Yeah, how did this get made?
With Paul Scheer and June Diane Raphael.
Very funny podcast.
And Nikki...
My podcast, You Had To Be There,
with Sarah Schaefer.
And then our show will be on in January,
the Nikki and Sarah Show on MTV.
MTV next year!
Dave Hill's book, Tasteful Nudes.
What else?
You out on the road?
Dave Hill's podcasting incident.
My podcast. I was into that
in the title
August 14th, no
July 14th in Austin
and then July 28th
in Portland, Curious
Comedy Theater
which is great
sounds like it might be for
children so you might have to clean it up a little
for the Curious Comedy Theater.
This show's at 9 a.m.
Mike Lee and Black's America, You Suxxy Bitch,
co-authored by Meghan McCain.
And what else you got going on?
Who gives a shit?
Yeah.
Mike and Tom Eat Snacks on the Nerdist Network.
I'll be doing Doug L Lo's movies at the Palace Station
in Vegas this Sunday, July 8th
at 8.30. Stand-up in Salt Lake City
on July 15th with David Huntsberger.
Stand-up and Doug Lo's movies at Hyenas
in Dallas on July 22.
And in Portland, Oregon, I'm going to do stand-up
with Graham Elwood at Helium
on July 25th.
And thank you to everyone that came out
to the Gramercy Theater.
We'll see you inth. And thank you to everyone that came out to the Gramercy Theater. We'll see you in August.
And as always,
Brendan Walsh is a shithead.
Kevin Pollack is a shithead.
And finally, someone I don't know,
Olivia Fox is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes unfold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves movies. Thank you.