Doug Loves Movies - Michael Rapaport, Jason Ellis, Jesse Pasternack and Todd Garner guest
Episode Date: May 29, 2019Back at the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Michael Rapaport, Jason Ellis, Jesse Pasternack and Todd Garner to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. F...or a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
They're still not warm, then he won't sleep
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
Coming to you once again,
there's one guy on a delay over there,
from the UCB Theater Franklin location.
Yes, in Los Angeles, California!
Yeah!
yes in Los Angeles California
it's Tuesday May 28th
2019
name tags
do we did we
I mean you know Madison
Wisconsin
thanks again to comedy on state
but it does look like
we have some good ones.
We have one, two, three, four, five, six.
We got enough, you guys, to make this happen.
All of them are small.
And my eyesight is terrible.
I need to pay a visit to LensCrafters.
No!
It's okay, Chelsea.
All right.
But anyway, you guys can put those down.
Thank you for bringing them,
and good luck to each and every one of you
for all of your hard work.
Doug plugs,
this Saturday,
the Cannabis and Cheese Tour kicks off.
Six shows, five cities,
half stand-up, half Douglas Mov movies tapings all featuring dale cheeseman
and others he's the i'm the cannabis he's the cheese man uh we start at laugh boston on this
saturday june 1st then comedy connection in providence rhode island on saturday june 2nd
helium in philly tuesday june 4th. Magoobies outside of Baltimore
on Thursday, June 6th.
And I'm doing stand-up June 8th
and Doug Loves Movies June 9th
at the DC Improv.
That place is always super fun.
For all the info about all these shows
and others, yeah, there's others,
go to DougLovesMovies.com.
That's DougLovesMovies.com. That's douglovesmovies.com!
Yeah!
Caw-caw!
Wallet!
Wallet!
Bloodfuck!
We are not adding that.
There's no BFing at the end of that.
I'm glad it was only one person that remembered to do it.
Everyone else, pretend you're on a jury
and you're just told to disregard
that last witness's comment.
Bring name tags to all of my shows
if you want to win something.
Now it's time for tweet relief,
tweets about movies.
I tweeted, I mean, you call a movie book smart
and dumb people are going to avoid it
this has been
tweet relief tweets about
book smart will find its
audience
edition
prize bag
includes an amazing prize
the bag itself
is a beautiful soft I wish you
all could touch it bag from Warner Brothers it says WB on there and it's
really like the kind of thing they give to their top executives and then it's
also got in the inside of it a planes, and automobiles press kit. Which, yeah, there's lots of...
The pictures are all kind of stuck together.
It's vintage in just the way you want it to be.
Both of those items were given to me
in the aforementioned Madison
by a man I used to work with at the WB Network
when it was a thing.
His name's Dan Spangler,
so a dugout to Dan for giving me that.
And, yeah.
And it's the bag tonight.
We'll put all the stuff in there if we can.
And then, you know, a cookie I got on the airplane on the flight back.
I couldn't get it together to bring a T-shirt or a pin tonight,
but you can certainly purchase those on the Internet.
We've got four guests tonight.
Los Angeles always has a lot of great people around
that I love to have on the show.
And two of these tonight have never done the show before.
So let's give it up for Todd Garner, Jesse Pasternak,
Jason Ellis, and Michael Rapoport
come on out here fellas
we keep them in a soundproof
room in the back
so
they don't necessarily know
when they're supposed to appear.
Yeah, just sit anywhere you like.
It's like musical chairs without the music.
And one of my guests has the prize that he brought today
is so tremendous.
There he is.
Yeah, just set it down next to me there.
Actually, I'll use that as an end table.
That's terrific.
Thank you for that.
Let's say hello to them individually.
Starring the man on the far end.
It's his first time on the show.
Amazing actor and podcaster.
It's Michael Rapaport, everybody.
Dude, it's so exciting to have you here Thanks for having me
This is so awesome
You have a book that you've written that you brought?
Well, yeah, I brought it as a gift
Yeah
Or as a prize or something
Yeah, well, you know, it's a twofer
Because you can promote the book
And a lucky audience member will win it at the same time
Yeah, well, if you're giving it away
What's the point of promoting it?
Well, I mean, you
only have the one copy.
But yeah, I brought
it as a gift because they said
to bring something. Yeah, that's what
I have to tell the people to tell the
guests sometimes.
It's interesting how that message
gets relayed. But
do you want to promote the book?
Do you want to tell us about it?
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm just here bearing gifts.
But the name of the book is This Book Has Balls.
Okay.
And it's rants about...
There's movie stuff in here.
There's just different rants and thoughts and stuff on sports,
but there's stuff on movies and sports movies
and why Raging Bull could beat Rocky
and the best sports movies of all time
and a couple of other things that specifically have to do with movies
and why Raging Bull is the best movie of all time.
It is a good one.
Some in the audience went, ooh time. It is a good one.
Some in the audience went, ooh, like shots were fired or something.
But Raging Bull is an amazing movie.
Every frame is a piece of art.
It's not Rushmore, but it's pretty good.
What is that?
You just assume that gentleman is a Rushmore fan?
I was just breaking balls because I'm sure there's some people in here.
People like Rushmore.
They sure do.
Very different movie.
That's all.
Just a little zinger, you know.
Yeah, sure.
A little UCB humor, you know what I'm saying?
That's what we bring you here for.
And we appreciate it.
And also, I just wanted to mention that I'm a big fan of your work in the movie Big Fan.
Thank you.
With Patton Oswalt, the two of you going at it toe-to-toe,
yelling at each other about sports.
That was a fun time.
It's really intense and entertaining.
It's a good movie.
The writer of The Wrestler.
I shot all my stuff in one day And it was the second time in my life
The second and only time in my life
I was ever on Staten Island
Because if you're from New York City
And I'm from Manhattan
You really have no reason to go to Staten Island
Which is sort of a generalized joke
That would probably play big
if we were doing this Doug Loves Movie
in New York.
But just throwing it out there because in case there's some New York
people that also might like Rushmore.
Well sitting next to Michael
is a fan favorite
on the show. He's been doing the
program since he was 13 years old.
We first met
at the Traverse City Film Festival
and I'll be back there
this summer.
But let's hear it everybody
for Jesse Pasternak.
Thank you, thank you.
Now a Los Angelino.
Yep.
You live out here
and what are you up to?
So just trying, you know, to find something in production or development, writing my first screenplay, seeing a lot of friends who are out here.
It's been a lot of fun.
Yeah, that's right.
Sam is your brother, of course, but Jesse is tearing it up out here.
And how's it going with, you know, your personal life?
Pretty good. So, i've got this great
new sorry go ahead i got this great new apartment uh i live there my brother's my roommate so that's
been a whole odd couple type thing which has been really fun the neil simon play of course and uh
it's just been really good you know just being out here meeting new people all right what'd you bring
for the prize bag you always bring something interesting so you texted me
asking if I could
be on the show
and of course
I always say yes
but I was at the restaurant
down the street
if you can ever go to
Bird's it's awesome
so I got
some mac and cheese
and I felt really bad
that I couldn't
pop over and get
something interesting
so I got some
extra napkins
just in case
it's not ready
alright you want to pass that down here? Thank you.
That's really what that is.
There's also a knife and fork in there.
A little side of mac and cheese, and it's still warm now. We'll see if by the time somebody gets this.
Also joining us for the first time,
and this is very exciting to me
because this doesn't happen very often.
It's an accomplished film producer.
He's produced many films that you've seen.
Or not.
And he's here for some reason,
or ones you haven't seen,
but that's the life of the producer, right?
It's Todd Garner, everybody.
I mean, if you don't mind me naming a few,
I wrote some down.
Triple X, Next,
Night and Day, Tag,
and so many more.
Yeah, you've
been busy.
And also Mall Cop starring this gentleman right here.
It wasn't starring me, but I was in it. You're in
fucking Mall Cop? Yeah.
I just said I wasn't starring in it.
I know, but in it at all.
It's exciting to me. I think I exploded.
He's one of the bad guys.
You're a bad guy in it? I robbed a bank.
Well, I should introduce you then. That's Jason
Ellis, everybody.
From the Jason Ellis Show on Sirius XM Faction Talk 103.
Yeah, wow.
That's a long name now when you put it that way.
Yeah, well, but you're there on weekdays.
I brought way better than macaroni and cheese.
Oh shit, let's back up to Todd
for a second real quick.
First of all, Todd, do you have something
specific you're here to promote or do you just
like movie trivia?
Do you bring food too?
I got candy
because I wanted to win.
Were you not on the email?
I got Payday, which is by far one of the best
candies ever. Rocky Road.
Moon Pie. Oh, and a Broken
Road, which is named my company
Beer Opener.
Oh, okay. Which I figured would be good for this crowd.
Yeah, that's great. And then a Tag DVD
and an Isn't It Romantic DVD.
Oh yeah, Isn't It Romantic just came out.
That was another one of yours. Yeah.
Damn, man. You're Romantic just came out. That was another one of yours. Yeah. Damn, man.
You're so busy.
Making movies and bringing prizes.
And you really don't have anything to promote.
I'll promote one thing.
I do have a podcast.
It's on producing.
It's called The Producer's Guide.
And it's on Apple Podcasts or anywhere you can find podcasts.
People can just listen and then they can produce movies?
Sure.
Shit, that sounds sweet. How many shows do I have to listen to before I can produce a movie?
All of them.
There are 60.
That's a really good answer.
I mean, the lessons probably never stop.
It's a lot.
There's a lot to it.
I just get really tired of people asking me what a producer did,
just because most people just think it's like Harvey Weinstein's shit.
So I wanted to like... He never showed me your dick one time consensually one time uh but yeah so I
just wanted to put something else out there with a bunch of my friends that also do what I do so
that's what it you know that's what it is if you're interested I like it thank you for being here.
So Jason, tell us about what's in this box. Oh, it's a
remote control car. It's a gas powered one, but
it's really good. It's like a thousand dollar car.
So you can just have it or
you can sell it to somebody else for the money if you want.
I don't care, but it's really cool. It's really loud
and obnoxious and if you don't know what you're doing
and you figure out how to start it
and you run into somebody, you'll probably leg it's really cool like a full person
an adult person could sit on it no what open it what's wrong with you dude i know it's really
oh i see you mean it's a remote control car that you just you stand there and watch it
controller thing but it got it is got it's gas i want the box. I want this to be like a movie and the box is just bust open and it's a drive out.
It's not that good.
And then turn into a robot and sing a song.
But anyway, so I guess you guys can imagine it's a really cool car that's in this box.
I just feel like taking it out of there would be a whole thing.
Just open it right there.
It opens and you can see in there.
You can see in it?
Yeah.
All right.
He's going to do it.
You're going to do it. You can do it just yep it's sideways it's sideways tip it over yeah there you go and then lift it up and everyone
will see ta-da here we go and you had it you had it you could do it dude you could do it just keep
pulling on it this is the perfect podcast bit right here see what you can't just do it dude You can do it Just keep pulling on it This is the perfect Podcast bit right here
See you can't just do it
Oh look at you
That was a much better
Pay off than I expected
What a lovely little car
I should ask
Does anybody on the panel
Want it
Wait what
That would have been awesome Just ask, does anybody on the panel want it? Wait, what?
That would have been awesome.
Because everybody up here gets first dibs on all the items.
That's not cool.
Okay, well, we'll make sure it goes to an audience member.
Are you guys excited about winning this?
I wish I could close it back up again, but I don't think that's going to happen.
All right, so all of that's going in the prize bag.
Oh, can you slide that, your book, down here?
Thanks, dude.
Now, Michael, I got a question
before we move on to the game portion of the show,
and that is, do you recall the last movie you saw?
It could be in any format,
but the last movie you watched all the way through.
Yes.
Well, the last movie I watched all the way through
at the theater was, man, you know what?
It goes to show how unimpressed I was with the movie.
No disrespect.
I can't remember the name of the movie.
It was the Jordan Peele film.
Oh, Us.
Us. I was the last, it was the Jordan Peele film. Oh, Us. Us.
I was very, very disappointed.
I went day one,
screening two or three.
Didn't resonate the same way Get Out,
which I didn't have a problem
remembering the title of.
Yeah, and it's been much longer
since that one was out.
That was the last movie I saw.
Yeah, I think, you know,
I feel a lot of people,
there was a lot of discussion
about people being disappointed with us,
but Get Out was so spectacularly perfect
that, you know, of course,
whatever comes next,
it's hard to compare them.
Absolutely.
But, I mean, that was my truth.
And so, yeah, it was us.
That's what I want here.
That's what this podcast is all about,
is people telling us how they really feel.
In the theaters, it's different.
Obviously, when you watch something on demand
or cable or something, it's different.
But that's the last time I went to the movie theater,
which is a sad state of affairs
because I don't go to the movies as much as I used to, Doug.
Well, you're a very busy man.
But also, you have to be compelled to go to the movies.
Right.
That's true.
So you don't get excited about the Avenger films, the big tentpole films?
I don't fuck with any of the DC, Marvel.
I don't fuck with any of it.
This might not be my crowd, but I don't fuck with Avengers, Spidey, Superman, Batman, any of that shit.
I'm very adamant about it.
I've tried Iron Man.
I've sat through a few of them.
It doesn't work for me.
Okay.
It doesn't work for me.
So I'm sorry.
Also, I don't fuck with Game of Thrones.
I like more like
Reality based
You know what I mean
Like I need
I need to like
Be able to relate
Like the lightning strikes
And all that shit
Like it's not my thing
Alright
But I'll be at the theater
July 26th
Day one
Screening one
For Once Upon a Time
In Hollywood
So like that
I'll get me out of
Okay yeah
Yeah that's
That's gonna be An interesting one I'm looking forward to that Yeah of time in Hollywood. See, like that I'll get me out of it. Okay, yeah. Yeah, that's going to be
an interesting one.
I'm looking forward to that.
Yeah.
I like that time period already
and then for Tarantino
to be doing it,
that's pretty exciting.
I'm very excited about it.
We'll be back
with more of Anticipation
with Doug Benson
where we just talk about things we can't wait for to happen We'll be back with more of Anticipation with Doug Benson.
We just talk about things we can't wait for to happen.
So we don't have anything else to say about it
other than we just want to see that shit.
Yes.
Jesse, what about you?
What was the last movie you saw?
I saw Booksmart.
Did you say Booksmart?
Well, yeah, my accent's slipping out.
How is it?
Did you dig it?
I liked it a lot.
It's very funny. Does it live up to you dig it? I liked it a lot. It's very funny.
Does it live up to the expectations?
I went in kind of low.
I love the whole cast.
I love Olivia Wilde, but I was like, it's going to be good.
But then it was just like really funny, very well done, directed very well.
Soundtrack's great.
I loved it.
Dope, yeah.
Now, I want to say, I'll see that before the Tarantino movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got plenty of time. You know.
No.
I mean, you don't.
You don't have a lot of time to get out to the cinema.
But I do wish more people went out to see Booksmart.
But I also feel like it's the kind of movie where, you know,
it could have done better in the day of, like,
or even now they still do it,
like releasing it in fewer
theaters and expanding it like the the big release might not have been the way to go with that movie
but uh everybody that is seeing it's loving it so we'll see what happens right todd well it's what
happens when a movie goes to a festival like that is everybody gets really pumped for it and thinks
that it's bigger than it is necessarily but you're right. It felt like an independent movie and it should have been released
like an independent movie.
Yeah, and it was a...
Then the expectation would have been set.
I saw it at South By
and the place went nuts for it.
And it made $7 million.
Right.
Yeah.
But also, Memorial Day weekend
is not the weekend for it, really.
Well, there's no such thing
as counter-programming anymore.
It used to be that
you would put another movie out
and the theory would be, oh, people can't get into it.
The overflow.
There's no overflow.
They put the big movie on 14 screens.
And the worst is it's not just the screens.
It's the screens have different seats, different numbers of seats.
So your Aladdins get your 100, 200, 500, all the way down to 50.
And Booksmart gets into you know the 75 seat theater
so it's sold out
which is like the worst
possible thing
but you're getting
fewer ticket sales
even though you're on
that many screens.
Yeah.
So boring.
I call it the Hillary Clinton effect.
Don't you call everything
the Hillary Clinton effect?
No but this is like
the Hillary Clinton thing
like all the women
are going to come out
all the women are going
to come out
and $7 million later.
Well, I mean it is about teenage girls.
Why would women even necessarily?
Girls, women.
It's R-rated.
Yeah, it's R-rated.
It feels like super bad.
It's a movie for people who aren't necessarily
going to be motivated to run out and see it,
but when they do, I think they'll really cling to it.
I think it'll be one of those things.
There's a hundred on Rotten Tomatoes.
When they make Book Schm. I think it'll be one of those things. A hundred on Rotten Tomatoes.
When they make Booksmart 2, it'll be...
They're going to go to Brooklyn. They're going to pick up some fun accents.
They're going to have a wild party.
Yeah, they could do a lot better the next time around,
I think. Jason,
have you seen the ads for Booksmart?
Is this something that appeals to you?
Not sure what we're talking about.
That's what I was afraid
what's happening over there.
You kind of looked like you were just thinking about
can I just take this car back?
No, no.
I want somebody to have it.
I just don't know about that movie.
I'm sorry.
Is it like a thinking movie?
Because I don't watch those.
It's got the words book and smart in it.
Yeah, they really do.
Both of those are making me look the other way.
They make it sound a lot headier than it is.
It's, you know,
ultimately it's people
getting hit in the face
with condoms.
If it was called
Audiobook and Tits,
maybe I'd check it out.
I don't like to read.
Sorry.
Wait, but you want Tits
to look out
while you're listening
to Audiobook?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
It was silly of me
to possibly not understand. I Yeah, I'm sorry. It was silly of me to possibly
not understand.
I feel like I'm gathering
knowledge in the ears.
Did I ask you the last movie you saw, Todd?
No. I had the weirdest Memorial Day.
I did a double header of the right stuff
and
St. Elmo's Fire.
But not in the theater.
No, he said any format in the theater
i think it probably was like i think green book was probably the last movie i saw in the theater
because which one green oh green book right right right that's good right i'm allowed to say that
did you like that one i i enjoyed it yeah okay i didn't see in the i saw a screener
oh that's the irony of all irony yeah yeah that's how a lot of people see those Academy movies.
That's why I think Green Book won the award for Best Picture
because it's the easiest to watch on your device.
It's not challenging visually.
It's just a simple story simply told.
I watched it on a plane.
I was drunk.
It made me cry.
It made you cry.
Perfect.
You learned something
But also
It made 300 million dollars
So a lot of people saw it
Did it make 300 million dollars?
Worldwide yeah
Which is why it won
Because a lot of people saw it
Well those two actors
Are incredible too
They both do a great job
It's just
I didn't like his accent though
It feels like a throwback
Vigo's my guy
But I didn't like
That fake New York accent
Yeah
No I didn't like it
You know what
He thought of you uh justified i like that shit accents are not easy yo people have won people
have won oscars with fucked up accents that is absolutely true like hel Hunts in whatever that was called
as good as it gets
it's a little rough
Cher in
Snap Out of It
terrible
terrible
what's the name of that film?
Moose Rock
right
yeah yeah
Nicholas Cage's accent
in that
no good
New York accent
and his wooden hand no real
yeah i mean come on he could have been he should at least cut it off such a fake wooden hand yeah
but he really did eat a cockroach what is that why it's wood i guess because because cage was
getting his crazy in immediately like like even in peg Peggy Sue Got Married, like, what was that voice he was
doing? And Francis Ford Coppola was cut.
That was good. Yeah. Keep talking
like this, little Peggy
Sue. He don't give a
fuck. It is his nephew. He was like, go ahead, do
what you want. Yeah, you changed
your name. It's not Coppola.
He was like, can you change your name?
Appreciate it.
What was the last movie you saw, Jason?
I saw John Wick 3 last night.
Oh, chapter 3.
So you're a reader.
I guess.
When you put it like that, I didn't realize.
Yeah, you learned what the word parabellum means?
No, I forgot about that halfway through.
When you type it on the internet, a little red line appears.
It's apparently not really a word.
It's pretty cool, though.
I get what they're doing there.
It's like mindless violence and everybody laughs at it now.
Like the more injured you get in the movie, the funnier it is.
I didn't realize that.
Like somebody gets really, really hurt.
I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but really, really, really hurt
in the brutal, really uncalled for way.
And the dude next to me laughed louder than me.
And usually I'm the sick fuck that laughs at stuff
but instead
the whole place was laughing
everybody was just
as sick as me
it's John Wick 3
it wasn't like
you were at Booksmart
I know but it used to be
when somebody gets
their neck snapped
and their jaws
kind of ripped off
a little bit
and you go
ha ha ha ha ha
somebody thinks you're dark
in there for doing that
but I felt like
it was 80% of the dudes
in there were all laughing like, ha ha, yeah,
his face came off. I'm like, whoa, he thinks
it's funny too.
John Wick 3. Who would have guessed it?
One of the greatest comedies of our time.
It is
fun. Everybody was laughing in it.
I love, I didn't find it funny
as much as just suspenseful and cool
and, you know,
sad that it is so awesome watching John Wick, you know, sad that it is so awesome
watching John Wick, you know,
just shoot people in the face.
But the dogs,
can we talk about the dogs?
Yeah, I mean, as long as you...
I don't like it for other people.
They don't get...
I don't want to spoil it.
Well, I mean,
if I talk about the dogs,
I mean, just mention that there are dogs
that get...
that help John Wick.
Yeah, they win more than they lose, for sure.
Exactly.
And that is...
That is fun.
It's crazy satisfying.
When a dog eats a man's genitals, it is, right?
Yes, because you're just like, yes.
It's not real genitals.
The guy's an actor.
We all know that.
Because dogs know when someone is bad
and they know to eat their genitals.
That dog's not enjoying those genitals.
Yes, he is.
No, he's doing it because that is his duty.
That is the dog's purpose.
A couple of them get shot in the head
and they're still eating the dude's genitals
when he's dead.
Payback for the first movie though
because they killed his dog.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
No, they yank on those genitals
until someone goes, good boy.
Yeah, right?
That's enough.
Yeah, he was just going to be there all day and someone didn't good boy. Yeah, right? That's enough. Yeah.
He was just going to be there
all day and someone didn't stop him.
No, because the dog
doesn't know how to check his pulse.
He's just busy working that dong.
Right.
All right.
We've learned stuff.
We've really learned.
We really,
this is exciting
because I think we've got
some strong competitors here today.
That's sarcasm, right?
Oh, I was going to add N. Jason.
I mean, he makes movies, so that's cheating.
He's in a lot of them.
That's cheating.
I don't know about Macaroni over here.
I think it might be even Stevens for me and him.
I'm the wild card.
Oh, Macaroni.
No, he's the one to beat, I think.
Oh. Yeah, yeah. He's a ring to beat, I think.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah. He's a ringer.
Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't like movies.
I'm fucked.
He really likes movies, and he's young enough to remember them.
Oh.
That's going to be handy.
He knows the old shit, too.
Like, he knows the classics and everything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I watch a lot of black and white, a lot of old stuff.
Yeah, okay.
That's enough out of you.
That's his Tinder profile.
If there's a black and white movie
in these games today,
it's because, you know,
the greatest movie of all time,
Raging Bull, comes up.
That's the only reason.
The only reason,
the only black and white movies
that are worth a damn
are ones that were made
once color was invented and it was just a choice to make it in black and white movies that are worth a damn are ones that were made once color was invented and it was
just a choice to make it in black
and white. Raging Bull, Young
Frankenstein, that's it. End of lecture.
What about Lenny?
What about Lenny? Manhattan?
Lenny's a good one. What about Manhattan?
That movie. That movie that was like,
hey everybody, I want
a date of 17 year old.
And I'm going to make a movie
about it just to set everybody up for it.
It's pretty sneaky.
It is a beautiful
movie. It's a beautiful movie.
The photography is amazing.
And it has my favorite Woody Allen line
of all time.
Somebody says,
my analyst says, my orgasms I'm having
are the wrong kind.
And Woody Allen says, the wrong kind. The worst orgasms I'm having are the wrong kind. And Woody Allen says it's the wrong kind.
The worst orgasm I ever had
was right on the money.
Yeah, we can still laugh, I guess.
All right.
So this is the part of the show where I say
let the games begin!
Michael, some of the people made cute little signs. One guy's and Michael people
some of the people
made cute little signs
one guy's holding up
his phone
if you need a phone
lady
sorry lady
and
I just saw the phone
I just assumed
it was a dude
who'd do that
he is really high
in his defense
yeah
but
everybody just go
physically pick a poster or name tag
that appeals to you the most,
and that'll be who you play for tonight in our trivia games.
Does everyone have to stand up?
Yeah, you have to stand up.
Grab your walker and just go over.
And while you guys do that, I'm going to go to a brief commercial message.
We'll be right back.
Hey, no sponsors this up.
So I just wanted to quickly mention once again,
the cannabis and cheese tour.
It's six shows in five cities,
June 1st through the ninth and every show,
whether it's a DLM or a stand-up, will feature Dale Cheeseman and other special guests.
Boston, Providence, Philly, Timonium, Maryland, and Washington, D.C.
Douglovesmovies.com
Douglovesmovies.com Also
after that
lots of dates in June
including
Dallas and Fort Worth.
There's a Hyenas in Dallas.
I'm doing Doug Loves Movies
and Stand Up.
Two shows on
Saturday
June
15? Is that right? And then on Saturday, June 15.
Is that right?
And then the next day I'll be in Fort Worth.
Just go to douglasmovies.com
and enjoy the rest of the show.
All right, we're back. We did it.
Great job, everybody.
Let's start with you
Michael
you've got
looks like
like some sort of
parody of
Perks of Being a Wallflower
or something like that
yeah it's
The Sun is also a max
I picked it because
I like this
young actress
who I actually
worked with on
the show Black-ish
I think she's gonna be
a big star
Yara Shahidi
except I did not see this film which just came out May 17. I think she's going to be a big star. Yara Shahidi. Except I did not see this film
which just came out
May 17th.
I think this is like
a brand new movie.
Brand new movie.
It looks like a love story
between two oddballs
that get together.
That's from the poster.
That's what I got.
Yeah, pretty much it.
Did you see it?
No, I really want to though.
It looks great.
I'm sure it's good.
She's a good actress.
Oh yeah.
I like the way you say oddballs.
Yeah, you know, they're like really handsome and pretty oddballs, you know, because you can't just be real oddballs.
They've got to be movie star oddballs.
Yeah.
We're like odd, but we're good looking.
That's you in a nutshell, Jesse.
Who are you playing for?
Thank you.
I'm playing for Detective Pat-Ka-Chu.
It's his face on...
They photoshopped in some faces on Detective Pikachu
and Justice Smith's character.
If you haven't seen Detective Pikachu,
it's very weird and very wild.
The third act in particular is just insane,
if you can check it out.
It's really good.
We're losing.
You heard it here first, you guys.
The third act of Detective Pikachu is insane.
Oh, man.
Todd?
I'm playing for Kyle.
You were sleeping.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was very clever.
Yeah.
Do a little comment in there.
Sandy Bullock's been replaced with a
face that's disturbing, but
I'm going to play for him. Alright. Come on,
Kyle. You and me. And Jason
has Brody and the Beast
and the Beast is me with
a token away. Smoking a fat one. Yeah,
totally smoking. And look at all
the... You never do that. They probably superimpose that.
The candle and the teapot and chip, they're all
like really in awe of my smoking abilities. Oh, yeah. They probably superimpose that. The candle and the teapot and chip, they're all really in awe of my smoking abilities.
They're super into it.
Look at him go.
Look at Bell putting that spliff in his mouth.
It's true.
Impressive.
Nice job, Brody.
So that's who you guys are playing for in a series of games.
It looks like we have about 23 minutes on the clock.
I think we can do this.
We'll start with... Just real quick, this is not the
same as that show you have where you get high
all the time, right?
That's a show you thought you were going to do?
It feels like you've prepped for the wrong show.
Listen to this.
I prepped for the wrong show yesterday.
And I came here
yesterday. They told me
I said I'm going to get high with Doug,
and they were like,
not today,
and I was like,
ah, fuck.
So then I went home,
and I got high for today,
and then my wife was like,
are you going to that thing?
And I was like,
ah, fuck.
I almost forgot,
and now I'm here,
and it's not even the high thing.
It's like a book thing.
I'm like, man,
I'm way too high for this shit.
This is not a book thing.
So, I mean, you know, movie, everybody loves Doug too.
We did talk about it.
But, yeah, I texted him yesterday.
Hey, don't forget about the show tomorrow night.
That's what flinched me.
I just rolled a joint and showed up.
As soon as I saw the text message, Doug needs me. I just rolled a joint and showed up as soon as I saw the text message. Doug needs me.
That's all I could think.
He needs me to be there and I'm pretty sure he needs me to be high.
Yeah, and then you texted me.
I went on the wrong night. Oops.
I was like, yeah, nothing we can do
about it now. I hope you
enjoyed the neighborhood. No.
You didn't have a drink or something? No.
I immediately left embarrassed.
You had to carry this fucking thing home? Yeah
I had to walk back out with that giant box like an idiot
Like, look how fucking dumb I am
I mean, if it was a little bigger, you could have rode on it
Get a DUI, man
Alright, this first game we're going to play is called Live, Die, Repeat Get a DUI, man.
All right, this first game we're going to play is called Live, Die, Repeat.
And the premise of this game,
and people love it,
is I'm going to say the name of a movie
and the first one of you guys to repeat it back wins.
I got to get focused.
Yeah, I'm just gonna say a movie title.
I'm gonna say the full title.
There's one specific title I'm looking for.
Whoever can repeat it back the quickest
wins. Alright.
Yeah. I know.
Wait. I know. I don't blame
you for being skeptical. You're gonna say the
movie and I'm gonna to say it back?
This really is a game.
You just repeat it back.
If I said Beauty and the Beast, you just mean to go
Beauty and the Beast.
It's got to be the first person who does it the fastest.
I know what's going to happen right now.
You go ahead. I'm ready when you are.
You do know what's going to happen right now.
There's some messed up titles out there.
Oh, okay.
I'm going to say it slow.
I'm going to get a look.
And you're sitting next to a movie producer, a movie star, and a smart boy.
Okay.
So good luck.
So good luck Diary
Diary
Diary of a wimpy kid
Of a
Wimpy kid
Kid
Kid
Diary
Of A Wimpy kid.
The long.
Way home.
Right home.
Diary of a wimpy kid.
Diary of a wimpy kid.
The Diary of a Wimpy Kid, The Long Summer.
Long. Diary. Diary of a Wimpy Kid The Long Summer Diary of a Wimpy Kid
The Long Haul
That's it Todd got it
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
The Long Haul
We've done them all now
I always trust my guests to not listen to previous episodes
Yes you don't have to say the colon out loud
But it is there
How many movies Todd have you done That have to say the colon out loud oh sorry but it is there how many movies todd do you
have you done that have a colon in the title i don't think you have they're all anytime you
have a colon you're in trouble like it's like wow that is the opposite of how life works yes i know
generally you're covering something you really want normally just to exist. But I don't think you have any.
I can't think of one.
I don't know, and I've been in trouble a lot.
It should be colon.
Yeah, I can't think of any colon titles.
Do you have any in any years, Michael?
Oh, man.
I don't know.
I think there might be one in the documentary I did about a tribe called Quest.
Beach Rhymes in Life, The Travels of a Tribe Called Quest. Yeah, there you go. I believe there's a one in the documentary I did about a tribe called Quest. Beach rhymes in life.
The travels of a tribe called Quest.
Yeah, there you go.
I believe there's a colon in there.
Yeah.
If there isn't, there's at least a comma.
Something, yeah.
Dash something.
Yes.
But yeah, well, you guys both are not out there making colon movies. Did you guys know that Jason was in Baywatch I don't think Jason knows I
don't think he knows it either I get it I meant chips I get him
curious am I supposed to say I was in Baywatch? Do I win something? No, you're supposed to go, no, I was in Chips. I wasn't.
Doesn't count.
Oh, what you did in it doesn't count?
No, I'm not in movies.
I'm an extra.
That's it.
No.
Doesn't count.
No, stuntmen are not extras.
I'm a stuntman.
I'm not an actor.
I would like to be,
but it's hard.
It's harder than I thought when I just tried to do it one time.
I was like, I figured I'd be good.
Yeah, no, you told me you were a skateboarder.
He can't skateboard.
Okay.
He would fall.
Wait, you want me to skateboard in a mall?
I'm a vert dude, right?
You don't understand.
We tried to make vert.
You still fell.
You did not.
And every time you'd say vert. You didn't make any We tried to make vert. You still fell. You did not. And every time you'd say vert.
You didn't make any vert in the fucking mall.
You made a fucking ledge for me to grind on.
I don't fucking grind ledges.
I fucking ride quarter pipes.
It's your job.
It's one thing.
Learn how to go straight.
I don't fuck.
I never get a fuck.
I never won a contest in a shopping mall.
You said skateboarder.
You're on a skateboard.
You go straight.
You slip and you fall.
You wanted a fucking tough guy that's a skateboarder
and I am really tough and not very good at skateboarding anymore.
Get off me.
Ow!
I fucking hate skateboarding and movies.
Sounds like a fun podcast.
Oh, I have a podcast too.
Oh, yeah.
What's it called?
High and Dry.
Okay.
I know I'm not supposed to do that
because I'm a satellite radio person,
but I fucking have one
and should check it out.
Okay.
Or don't, I don't care.
You and I probably
racing for downloads, right?
High and Dry means
that you smoke weed
but you don't drink?
No, my friend's super dry and I'm high. Oh, okay. right. High and dry means that you smoke weed, but you don't drink? No, my friend's super dry, and I'm high.
Oh, okay.
I get it.
It's like a buddy comedy.
Yeah.
Somebody write it and submit it to me later.
You know Mike Catherwood?
Psycho Mike?
Psycho Mike, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's dry.
Oh, I'm high.
Oh, I like it.
It's fun.
All right.
Big plug. Do you have guests? guests yeah can i be on it yes please all right cool i learned how to put my nuts in my stomach the other day
trans guests showed me did not know that i thought they just wrapped it and put it in their butt
cheeks but they put their balls inside their stomach and then they pull their sausage
up into their butt crack it hurts i. I'm learning a lot tonight.
What?
Welcome to L.A.
It's a good show.
Check it out.
All right, this next game we're going to play
is called Stop Jason from Talking
About Where Dicks Go.
Colon.
Are we there yet?
That's the other movie
he produced.
Okay.
So this game is called
How Long Is It?
I'm going to name a thing
and you guys have to guess
how long it is.
Yeah, it's as simple as that.
It's Price is Right style.
You know, you're closest to the correct answer without going over.
Todd, you get to go first since you won that last game.
And the question is, how long is Cloud Atlas starring Tom Hanks?
What is the length of that feature film?
I don't think I'm giving away too much when I say the short answer is too long.
Two hours and 58 minutes.
You're going 258?
Okay.
Or 250.
No, what'd you say?
250.
Okay.
You're going 254? All right. He Or 250. No, what'd you say? 250. Okay. You're going 254?
All right. He says 250.
What do you think there, Jesse?
Three hours.
He's going for the full three.
Michael?
I'm going to say two hours and 56 minutes.
Take that, Todd.
You got a 5 minute window
in which to be correct.
Alright, Jason, do you know this movie
Cloud Atlas? No, I would never watch that.
It's 3 hours and 5 minutes
long just to cut his dick off.
Wrap a board, cut mine off.
I mean, you guys are not as vicious as you could be.
You could just do one dollar,
you know, one minute more or whatever.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh.
Okay, so closest,
without going over,
Jesse said three hours,
Jason said 3.05,
Michael said 2.56
Todd said 2.50
and the correct answer is
two hours and 55 minutes
so Todd wins again
but you guys were all so close
it's my job I'm just happy I'm smoking
this little guy listen don't do it
go back to where you came from
it's not worth it.
That's my podcast.
Thanks.
No, I'm joking.
I feel like in five years,
I'm going to be like,
he was right.
And in 50 years,
you look like me.
I can just read Jesse's tweet now.
Tonight, a Hollywood producer
told me to go home.
Everything I ever wanted.
I'm really making waves in this town.
Things are really
starting to happen for me.
I got my fingers crossed to do
Punch-Up on Zookeeper 2.
Three. Three.
There's already a two?
No, there's not a two.
Zookeeper 2, colon, why?
Zookeeper 2,
why are they still talking to me?
Why are the animals
speaking to me? It's a nightmare.
That's the angle
is a movie where animals talk to a guy
and he doesn't want anything of it.
I wish I would
have listened to you because I made a movie
where they only talk at night.
That was a dumb...
I went 85 nights shooting that movie. Every night going, why the hell did I make them only talk at night. That was a dumb... I went 85 nights
shooting that movie.
Every night going,
why the hell did I make
them only talk at night?
That's the premise?
Is they only speak at night?
Like werewolves or something?
No, they only speak
when people aren't there.
And so you have to wait
until the frigging zoo is closed.
Right.
It's classic.
My brother only talks at night.
I mean, he does cocaine,
but that's when he talks.
At night.
Just trying to mingle, you know.
I'm sorry, Brody.
Yeah, so you should have told them that...
Yeah, Brody, you're not going to win anything.
You just have the satisfaction of knowing that I said Brody and the Beast a few times.
And Brody didn't even put his own face on that.
Yeah, you never know with this game.
This game, anything could happen.
Because we're going to decide the winner tonight.
We're going to play a game called Last Man Stanton.
Can we fight?
No.
No, there's no physical fighting.
I was going to say, we could have bounced back, Brody.
Unfortunately.
He was going to get that count. I only have to say, we could have bounced back, Bernie. I only have to be
faster than him.
Jeez,
that guy looks
pretty fast.
Oh, man,
I wish, Jason,
that you'd known
the name of at least
one movie
that Todd produced
because when he said,
you know,
you're terrible
at skateboarding,
you could have said
you produced
and then the name
of that movie.
By the way,
anyone, go ahead.
Literally, it's a lot.
Triple X, I was in that.
You produced that piece of shit.
There you go.
Wait, did you do the Triple X sequel?
That might have been a colon.
No, that was a good one.
Definitely a colon.
State of the Union.
Oh, brutal.
That was brutal.
That was brutal.
Yours was way better.
I apologize.
Wait, oh, you did that too?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow. Why did you make it
That he could jump off the building
And grab onto the helicopter
He too fat to do that
You knew that
His fingers would slip off
I always thought that was a ridiculous stunt
That was the ridiculous stunt
Out of all the stunts in that movie
I was like don't
When you've got little arms
And a big belly
You never jump off a building
And grab onto a helicopter.
That doesn't work.
When do you?
When you're fit.
Yeah, when you're Tom Cruise.
Then you can grab onto a helicopter.
I don't think Tom Cruise could do it.
I really, you know, like upper body running guy.
I don't know what he does.
He looks like he does stuff.
I did it last Sunday.
See, I believe he could.
Because he's got little legs.
That's all he needs, little legs.
So they don't get trapped up in the propeller, yeah.
No, dumbass.
Which part are you grabbing onto?
Yeah, you don't grab the blades.
Well, you do if you've done it for a long time.
I mean, I guess he'd get on it in some kind of fashion.
Man.
All right.
So I'm going to get a name
of an actor or actress from
a pre-selected audience member and then
everybody on stage, including myself
I like to play along, are going to take
turns naming
movies that person's been in. If you can't think
of one, you're out. But you have a lifeline.
You can go to your person whose name tag
you picked. You can go to them once
during the game.
Good luck to everybody.
We're starting again with
Todd, but we'll flip the order
around. We'll go Jason, then me,
then Michael, then Jesse.
Shit.
Yeah. Jesse
is lying in wait
to take this down. Where
is the Kyle Fisher?
Hey, the Kyle Fisher.
Why'd you go with that name on Twitter?
A lot of other Kyle Fishers
trying to be the
main Kyle Fisher.
Yeah.
The Kyle Fisher
was taken is the answer?
Yeah. Yeah. Alright. But Kyle Fisher was taken Is the answer? Yeah
Kyle Fisher was taken
Yeah
Alright
So you're with the Kyle Fisher
That's me
It's that easy
The internet is that easy
And Kyle what is your suggestion tonight?
Emma Stone
Emma Stone
I'd say no but
We don't have much time anyway
Yeah I'm out.
Who's out?
Me, I'm joking.
No, you're not out.
Have you produced anything that she's in?
That would be cheating.
No, she's way too fancy for me.
Michael, you ever in anything with her?
No.
Okay.
So you guys don't get an advantage there at all.
So that worked out pretty good.
All right, we'll start with you, Rob.
I mean, Rob.
Todd. Aloha. It's'll start with you, Rob. I mean, Rob. Todd.
Aloha.
It's nice to see you as well.
Thank you for being here.
Or did you mean it as goodbye?
Either way.
All right, Jesse.
Super bad.
Oh, yeah, you went way back there.
That's good.
Michael.
La La Land.
Mm-hmm. Winner of Best Picture. back there. That's good. Michael? La La Land?
Winner of Best Picture.
I'm going to go with... Briefly. It was for a little while there.
A couple minutes.
I'm going to say
Ghosts of Girlfriends
Past.
I've never heard of that. It's a McConaughey. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Shit.
I've never heard of that.
It's McConaughey.
Definitely never heard of it.
All right, Jason.
She's got big eyes, but she's not in that film.
Was she in King Kong or something?
She's, um, or something.
Go to Brody.
Oh, yeah, Brody.
Yeah, Brody, help him out.
Let's have Jason last at least one round.
There's a whole group discussion over there.
They say easy A.
Oh, yeah, totally agree with that.
Okay, yeah.
Jason is totally agreeing with easy A,
and that is correct.
So good job, Jason.
You're still in it.
And watch out.
Rob Todd?
I legit have to go to Kyle.
Really? Kyle, what do you got?
The Amazing Spider-Man.
The Amazing Spider-Man.
Very good.
Isn't that interesting that the
only Spider-Man movies that have amazing in the title
are probably the least amazing
of all the Spider-Man movies.
Jesse?
The Amazing Spider-Man 2.
Oh, man.
Oh, and there's no colon, right?
It just ends.
That's enough.
They're not trying to figure out how to make it longer.
Michael? I gotta go to make it longer. Michael?
I got to go to my guy here.
What do you got, guy?
Magic in the Moonlight.
What?
Magic in the Moonlight?
I've never even heard of that.
Nice pull.
What the fuck is that?
That's some Woody Allen shit right there.
Oh, right, right, right.
It's well-concerned.
That's why I haven't heard of it in a while.
Wow.
That's a good one. It's a little conference. That's why I haven't heard of it in a while. That's a good one.
It is a good one.
Of all the ones that have been named,
I'd have to say that's...
Oh, yeah, it took place in Paris, right?
With all the throwback...
Right?
Oh, you just...
I think it's...
Everyone, I can agree that it's the favorite.
Oh, I did it's, I don't know when I can agree that it's the favorite. Oh, I did it.
I said another one, the favorite.
Jason.
I don't want to, I'm out.
You don't want to fight anymore?
Throwing in the towel?
How do you tap when you're in this game?
But you were a terrific competitor and we appreciate you being here.
Yeah.
You and Brody.
Sorry, Brody.
I mean, it feels like you lasted almost as long
as a man who's produced a lot of films.
I'm out, too.
Oh, okay, good.
And doesn't follow
Emma Stone
there closely
but let's go back
to Jesse
Jesse
he's got nine
in the whole story
he's got a
I think Jesse's
gonna win over me
I'm
I'm fading
but I think
maybe I'll pull out
a couple more
but
Zombieland
oh yeah
Zombieland
that is a good one
absolutely oh that girl
yeah her
yeah she's good
but I don't know do you have any more
Michael can you think of another one
Michael's done so let me think here.
Really quick, if I can just whip one out for you guys.
Sorry.
The one with Steve Carell and...
Well, don't help me.
Don't...
That's not fair to Jesse for you to practically say to me...
Crazy sexy love.
Stupid.
Stupid sexy.
Nope.
Yeah, no, I got it wrong.
Nope.
Jesse, what is it?
Crazy stupid love.
Crazy stupid love.
Jesse is our winner, you guys.
You did it.
Took that shit down.
Congratulations.
Thanks, Zach.
Yeah.
Oh, look at that.
Well, let's find out how heavy it is when you try to lift it.
Look at that.
Look at how good.
He's so capable at closing the box.
Not bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Eat your mac and cheese and you'll get strong.
You've got to get gas for it.
Doesn't come with gas.
It would leak and stuff.
It would be stinky.
Oh, look at you grabbing that bag like it's yours.
My purse.
Yeah, great work.
Great teamwork.
Yeah, great work.
Great teamwork. Great teamwork.
Now, Michael told me that you got to get out of here by a certain time tonight.
I have to get up very early, Doug.
I think we made it.
It's 1029.
I appreciate that.
And you said 1030, and I'm professional like that.
and I'm professional like that.
So in the last 30 seconds of your appearance,
is there anything you want to plug?
No, man.
I'm disappointed in my performance on the Emma Stone trivia.
I got to be honest with that.
Right?
I don't sneak up on you.
Yeah, although I have to get to sleep,
that'll keep me tossing and turning all night.
I'm going to be honest with that because the competitive, I felt like I'd be able to sleep, that'll keep me tossing and turning all night. I'm going to be honest with that
because the competitive,
I felt like I'd be able to pull it out.
But I appreciate you having me
and I appreciate you guys,
very strong competition.
And good luck with you
with all you're doing
with the writing and the producing
and the God knows what.
And I appreciate you having me, Doug.
Thank you so much, man.
Thank you. Thank you so much, man.
Thank you very much.
Michael Rappaport, first timer.
Leaving like classic talk show guest style.
I've got somewhere I got to be.
And then he just leaves.
He left behind a name tag and a microphone and a lot of memories.
Yeah, you know, that's what happens
when you book people through, like, a publicist, you know,
because I guess they just didn't tell him
that the show would take another 15 more minutes
than the time he wanted to go.
And so he just sort of told me backstage,
I have to leave at 10.30.
And I said, okay.
So there, it puts us where we are now.
We've got three willing guests
who are willing to be here for another 15 minutes
to lose that extra 15 minutes of sleep.
I mean, it's UCB.
We could go 20 if we wanted to.
This gentleman over here
has a suggestion.
What do you think we should do?
Another Last Man Stanton.
Do you think the listeners
can take it?
Do you think Jason
would have a chance?
Why don't you pick
Australian movies?
That won't help.
Chopper.
Dumb movies. Mindless violence
movies. How many
Australian movies do you think you could name, Jason?
A lot.
Mad Max. Okay, that's one.
Mad Max 2.
Do you think you could do
more than 10? Mad Max 2 was made in Los Angeles, so it doesn't count.
More than 10?
No, there's only been like 10.
So yeah, I know all of them.
Can I say one just for the hell of it?
Sure.
You fucking show off, dude.
Seriously, calm down.
It's my country.
I'm joking.
Sorry, man.
Picnic at Hanging Rock.
Picnic at Hanging Rock.
It's a ghost movie.
Yeah, Peter Weirir do you know him
no
he made a lot of movies
made a lot of movies
Down Under
yeah
wait a minute
what's that
The Last Wave
Truman Show
who
The Truman Show
yeah yeah
I saw that
that's not Australian though
that's made
just the director
oh you know what
Matrix is made in Australia
there you go
there you go
yeah
I was hanging out with Lawrence Fishburne the other day.
He told me about that.
I'm just name dropping because Ravenport left, trying to fill up space.
Dropping some names.
I know guys, too.
What's up?
I mean, you know, Michael Rapaport was a great guest, though.
He knows a lot of people, too.
While he was here, he was great.
Like legitimate actors.
Yeah.
No, he's real.
He knows people.
And he also just, you know, he just does the work. He doesn't make a big deal out of people too. He was great. Like legitimate actors. Yeah, no, he's real. He knows people. And he also just, you know,
he just does the work.
He doesn't make a big deal
out of promoting it.
He's on a show,
Atypical on Netflix
and never even came up.
I've seen it.
It's a good show.
Yeah.
He's on tons of shit.
I know.
Fuck that guy.
It's because he doesn't,
hey, what?
You're on your own.
That guy sucks.
It's because he left
your show 15 minutes earlier
he's working all the time
has to get some rest
so he can go work
why can't he stay up
all fucking night
podcasting with us
I thought this is
the comedy life right
you gotta stay up late
that's what you guys do
you all stay up late
and drink too much
and complain about
your lives in the morning
I'm feeling it
comedy man
you guys are dark not you though Doug you're really positive it's confusing complain about your lives in the morning. I'm feeling it. Comedy, man.
You guys are dark.
What about you, though, Doug? You're really positive.
It's confusing.
I try.
Is there like a time
where you get really sad?
Oh, God.
Do you just hide it
from everybody?
Here we go.
Every day at 425.
I sit down
and have a good cry.
All right. 25. I sit down and have a good cry. Alright, so that
gentleman over there that was like, let's play another
Last Man Standing. We need a suggestion of
a name to use.
Ice Cube.
See, you already
know one. We're already talking about it.
Don't start, Jason.
It's not your turn sorry sorry
don't anybody say that all right
that's fucking mine you're such an intimidating player pounce on that one later on don't you dare
take my answer um no we're gonna start with j Jesse because he won the last game and then we'll go to Todd
and then Jason
and then me
who will go after that Doug?
then it'll be Jesse again
I'm sorry
and then
and then Todd
and Jason and me And then... And then Todd.
And Jason and me.
No, Jason won't be in at that point.
Then me.
All right, Jesse's turn is up.
Are we done yet?
You know what?
Just because Michael went... No, he's not.
No, he's not.
It's both.
It's not.
No, he's wrong. There's another one? There's a it. He's out. Just because Michael left. No, he's not. No, he's not. It's both. It's not. No, he's wrong.
There was another one?
There's a sequel.
There's a sequel.
Don't judge yet.
How the fuck was there another one?
I know.
I do that.
I make sequels nobody wants.
Okay.
I saw it in theaters.
I enjoyed it.
Oh, thank you, Jesse.
Stay in Hollywood.
Oh, thank you.
It's all validation.
Sorry.
Wait, so what one did you say?
Are we done yet?
Okay, so I'll say, are we there yet?
You would, and that's my...
No, no, you have...
You still have the...
We saved that one for you.
What is it?
No.
Straight Outta Compton.
Oh!
Nobody take that triple X shit.
Technically not in it.
What are you talking about?
He made it.
He made it and he cheated and made his son be him.
So that's pretty much, that's his load talking.
You know, you can't argue with that.
I can't argue with that.
You can't argue with.... I can't argue with that. You can't argue with...
Extension of him.
Yeah, there was a load up there on the screen talking.
It really is.
An angry load.
Boys in the Hood.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah.
Jesse.
Friday.
I'd like you to answer today if you don't mind.
These get tricky, so I'm not you to answer today if you don't mind. These get tricky,
so I'm not going to...
I'll leave it to Jason to...
To say next Friday?
Essentially, yes.
That's what I was going to do.
I'm going to say
21 Jump Street.
Oh, yeah, that was good.
I mean, it wasn't good, but I remember it. I mean, it was good. 22 Jump Street. Oh, yeah, that was good. I mean, it wasn't good, but I remember it.
I mean, it was good.
22 Jump Street.
Ah, they...
Wow.
I just want your mind to expand right now.
Like, all these movies that you don't know about.
Oh, I just can't believe it.
Oh, no, that's good.
I'm like, come on, man.
I saw the first one.
That's enough?
Yeah.
I don't know. Maybe the second one was better. I like the second one. Wait, oh. Wait, still the first one. That's enough? Yeah. I don't know.
Maybe the second one was better.
I like the second one.
Wait.
Oh.
Wait.
Don't say it yet.
Yeah.
It's not your turn.
Jesse.
Hmm.
Oh, the great Jesse is about to take a fall.
Was Boys in the Hood already said?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to swing here.
I'm not sure if he was in it
but New Jack City
Yeah so racist
No not at all
No
Wesley Snipes
Unbelievably racist
right guys?
Okay you gotta be joking
Oh so then everybody's in
probably Wesley Snipes
is in every black movie
you've ever seen
Alright
You're up
Jesse's out
Finally got one wrong
gotta gang up on this guy
It's brilliant.
Do you want to go to your lifeline, Jesse?
Actually, yeah.
Do you know anything?
He gets strong.
Yeah, wait.
He gets strong.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'll abide by the rules.
Okay.
Gotta maintain the integrity of the office.
You know, I think the three of you are so great.
And it really is like competing against Three Kings
it's a tactic right this is bullshit that's the name of a movie they was in
oh right I saw that too that was okay yeah he was in that it's true
ways of my shot yeah I'm going's my turn To do triple X too
Your turn
Okay
Triple X save the union
Yep that union thing
Sorry
You know jumping onto the helicopter
Whatever you want to call it
Just say it right once
What I do every Sunday
I'll try to take a page
Out of your book
Oh I like this
I just hope that Jason
We don't get in a fist fight
What happened?
Oh it's what you
He's in a movie called Fist Fight
Wow that must have been it
Did you make that?
No
Okay well that sounds like a terrible movie
Wow
That's not the name of the movie in Australia
In Australia it's called Fist Fight
Fist Fight
It's called what?
Fist Fight
Here we call it Fist Fight
And in Australia they call it Fist Fight Are you called what? Fist fight Here we call it fist fight And in Australia
They call it fist fight
Are you making fun of me right now?
No
No I'm telling you about
How titles are different
In different countries
You're saying the same thing
What the fuck
You said fist fight two times
I don't understand what's happening
That's the name of the sequel Fist fight two times happening.
That's the name of the sequel, Fist Fight Two Times.
Fist Fight Times Two.
Double fist fight.
Put up all
your fists, but
there's got to be another cube that I'm not
Oh, my
anaconda don't want
none.
Yes.
Nice one, Doug.
That's a great movie.
Jason.
Oh.
I think you're out.
No, I'm not.
Oh, you have another one?
Yeah, I'm on.
Man. He's
Are they home yet too?
No we did that
No what about
I'm friends with
No he's not friends with Adam Sandler
He doesn't get to be in all those
Shit
Wrong black guy
No I'm joking
I need the black guy totally
I was about to jump in
Yeah no no
I saw what you were doing there
Wait nobody ever said Are we there yet? We just. Wait, nobody ever said, are we there yet?
We just said, are we done yet?
Yeah, are you there yet?
No, I think somebody did say that, though.
I didn't.
You didn't say both.
Did I?
Yeah, no, you covered the other one.
I'm out.
Okay, all right.
Wait, tell us the crypt.
Crypt thing.
No.
He wasn't in that?
That was probably Ice-T.
Wesley Snipes.
There you go.
I'm going to get racist before I leave.
Snoop Dogg.
That was Snoop Dogg.
Yes, I get them mixed up.
Snoop.
Is this you and I now?
I think so, yeah.
Triple X will return as Xander Cage.
What?
What is he doing there?
Comes at the end.
He comes in at the end.
And he's supposedly going to be in the new crew.
But I don't know if they're going to make a new crew.
Because I didn't make that one.
What's that one he's in?
Is it called The Comebacks?
Or the, you know what I mean?
It was directed by Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit
Yeah, what's that called?
Wow, that happened?
No, not Faith
Get the fuck out of here.
You know, something about a sports term for like having a success story.
Oh, he was a coach.
Yes.
I remember.
And he let a girl play.
The girl from A Keel and a Bee.
Everybody knows everything about this movie but the name of the goddamn movie wait what's the long shot the long shot
that's right long shots they drop the s for that that's broken you didn't do the
whole ride along the oeuvre right along one and two that's the whole over this
too I'm sure they're going to make more.
Will Packer will figure that out.
Man, no mercy.
Is that another movie he's in?
It's better guess than McQuid and Rot.
What else did we miss?
Barbershop movies, of course.
That's an oeuvre.
Dangerous Ground.
The Players Club.
The Players Club.
Tork.
Tork is a classic.
That movie's so good.
Adam Scott's very funny in it.
I mean, bad good.
Okay, right.
Friday After Next.
Is he in that?
Yeah.
He didn't dip on that?
He did them all.
Chris Tucker dipped?
Chris Tucker dipped.
Yeah, okay.
I knew somebody dipped.
First Sunday. Nice. All right I knew somebody dipped. First Sunday.
Nice.
All right.
We did it, you guys.
Let's hear it for White America.
We can name ice cube movies.
All right, Jason.
Yes.
We've done it all. Good. We've played games. We've done it all.
Good.
We've played games.
We've talked about movies.
Let's plug your show.
Okay.
Promote yourself.
Oh, the Jason Ellis Show, SiriusXM.
If you get it, then I'll be on there.
I'm really good.
And then the High and Dry podcast.
You know, like I said, I put my balls in my stomach. I'm pretty committed to it. Check it out. Yeah, you'll do anything for Dry podcast. You know, it's, like I said, I put my balls in my stomach.
I'm pretty committed to it.
Check it out.
Yeah, he'll do anything for a podcast.
He'll carry a remote control car to a small theater two nights in a row.
Because that's how podcast committed he is.
No macaroni.
I don't know if you noticed that.
Are you referring to me or there's no macaroni on the podcast?
I'm talking to the macaroni and cheese behind you, sir.
Oh, yeah.
It's on the floor.
It's over there.
I see what he's doing.
It's getting inside my mind, Doug.
Tell him to stop.
Jesse, get out of his mind.
You already won.
Thank you, Doug.
Okay.
You're already the winner today.
Fine.
Let's talk one more time to Todd Garner.
What do you got to promote, dude?
Well, I have the producer's guide on Podcast One.
Yes, that's it.
But producing, please listen to it.
Oh, of course.
Yeah, Jesse's going to listen to it.
Jesse's going to go to sleep listening to it every night.
I have a movie coming out in November called Playing With Fire with John Cena
and Keegan-Michael Key and John Leguizamo.
And then we're starting to shoot Mortal Kombat in Australia in October.
Oh.
I think in America.
Do you need someone to fall off a skateboard?
Yeah, by the way.
It's in the mall.
This is bullshit, dude.
I don't know why a mall Is any different than anywhere else
We can still talk about this
Nobody understands
What a vert skater is
This is so fucked up
Spent my whole life
Only riding ramps
Alright I can't
I can barely ollie up a curb
Even when I was good
I could barely do that
Get that on your resume
Can I go
Why don't you hire some rollerbladers
for your next piece of shit movie?
Do you have anything to plug, Jesse?
You can follow me on Twitter,
at Jesse Pasternak,
and my older brother Sam,
who's been on the podcast a couple times,
he's going to have a musical
at the Hollywood Fringe Festival.
It's called Public Domain the Musical.
It's going to be at the Let Live Theater starting in June,
and you should totally buy tickets.
It's a really funny and just awesome piece of work.
That's awesome.
I love that you guys promote each other.
It's very cool.
Very cool brothers living together.
Do you have like
the odd couples
you know,
lying down the middle
of the apartment
and you don't
mess up his side
he doesn't mess
with your side?
We keep trying to figure out
who's Felix
and who's Oscar
but it keeps shifting.
Like,
he'll like,
you know,
cook and then
I forget to do the dishes
but then I,
you know,
don't want to do
something clean
and he doesn't want
to do something dirty and then it's just a whole lot of things and there's a lot of wack then I, you know, don't want to do something clean, and he doesn't want to do something dirty,
and then it's just a whole lot of things,
there's a lot of wacky characters, and, you know, it's coming
to ABC this fall. Wait, how many people live
in your house? Oh, just us, but, you know,
there's the people who come in, and there's, you know,
our friends, and, you know, there's the love interest
every now and again.
Yeah, I mean, you know, you gotta have a repairman
come in, and then it turns out, you know, that
he always wanted to dance, and have the big, you know, you got to have a repairman come in, and then it turns out, you know, that he always wanted to dance
and have the big, you know.
Do you want to produce some TV, Todd, and make this?
This writes itself.
Yeah, it's really quite a life you live in here in Los Angeles,
you crazy kid.
Yeah.
And thank you for being here.
Thank you to all of my guests.
Sam Pasternak.
That's me.
He's here in spirit.
Jesse Pasternak.
Todd Gardner.
Todd Rob Gardner, I like to call him.
And of course, Jason Ellis.
Keep it going for him.
UCB Theater's got a big marathon coming up,
and I'm going to do Doug Lo's movies in that,
so keep an eye out for that.
Yeah, that's about it somebody sneeze bless you
and thanks for
coming out everybody and we'll be
back here
in two weeks
on June 11th
yeah as always
positive energy.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.