Doug Loves Movies - Michael Sheen, Sarah Silverman, Scott Aukerman and more guest
Episode Date: December 16, 2015The 6th Annual West Coast 12 Guests Of Christmas from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/priva...cy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming candies,
50 seats with 50 as in proper journals in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see,
cause Doug loves movies.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
to watch another talkie.
Hang on, I'm getting a call.
Also, I hear a...
Is that a woot monkey?
Like, it's 11 minutes after when the show is supposed to start, and Scott Aukerman's
hitting me up on my mobile.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody, or should I say ho, ho, ho, everybody!
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Oh, that one sounded like a carol.
This is Stuntbox Movies.
Oh, that one sounded like a carol.
Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles for the annual 12 Guests of Christmas West Coast Edition.
We're doing it.
It's happening.
I stopped live tweeting a GOP debate for this.
That's how important this is for us and for the whole country. It's Tuesday,
December 15, 2015. Got name tags? I saw that one on the internet today already. Who is
it strikes back? Jen Pyre. And it's, who is that guy? Boss. Boss? Okay.
And then next to you, Sloth Love Monk.
And you're Monk?
Yeah.
Okay.
People could just say their name is anything that they,
I mean, not that Monk was a clever pun or anything,
but they could totally, Jared's Ick Park?
See, that's how it's done, Monk.
You ever hear of the movie Monkey Shines?
Could have put your name in there.
He's like putting his head down in shame.
My phone keeps blowing up.
Stop it.
It's just silly at this point.
Venkman.
And you've got...
What is that contraption?
It's a proton pack. It looks,
is it a small proton pack? Is it like a baby proton pack? Or is it for the lady Ghostbusters?
And then this box, this, I shouldn't say box, it looks like it's a drawer. It's like a wooden box that has a ton of donuts in it, but also for throwing.
Well, maybe we'll get to that tonight.
They're little, though, right?
My eyes aren't that fucked up, are they?
Those are little donuts.
I think my guests would just eat them, a lot of them.
But then you also put little movie signs, little classic
motion picture posters on sticks
and stuck them into the donuts
and cupcakes. Little of both, right?
Oh, good eye, Doug.
Alright. So yeah,
so there's lots more name tags.
Hopefully there's enough for, you know, as you can see
we're going to have quite a few guests tonight
and hopefully everybody
who brought a cool name tag will get picked.
Odds are pretty good, I think, as they say in Hunger Games.
The odds are pretty good, I think!
And that reminds me, do we have the cannon ready to go whenever someone gets eliminated?
Can we hear what that's going to sound like?
Okay.
Just do it whenever.
The timing of it is important.
There you go.
I brought this bag back from, I was at Harry Knoll's Button-Um-A-Thon,
and thanks to him and Alamo Drafthouse for letting me attend that thing.
And they gave out these backpacks that say theforestisreal.com.
I don't know what that is.
I hope I didn't just give out an address for some sort of Nazi organization or something.
But I've also put in this bag a Getting Doug With High t-shirt.
And in the bag when I received it was a comic book called The October Faction.
Yeah, sounds good, right?
There's a guy behind me.
October Faction.
Give me the November decision. A copy of The Best Love of All Musical Adventures,
according to the cover. The Desert, the new Desert song. I guess they made a movie called
Desert Song, and then when they put it on a DVD, they called it New Desert Song. Something
like that. You get a copy of that and also you get, this is
pretty awesome because
Chameleon Glass makes
me lots of pipes and sends them to me
and they watched
Getting Dug With High and they
noticed that the mugs that we sell
on that show for too much money
are missing
something.
And he sent me this mug that says,
getting Doug with High on it,
but then also you can put a bowl,
you know, you can load a bowl over here
and then you smoke it through the handle.
So it's very sophisticated morning.
It's the most sophisticated wake and bake
a person could have.
Just a nice cup of coffee
and then just hitting the thing in between sips. All of that, all of that plus it's going to be a
prize pile because this bag's not going to hold all the stuff that my guests have brought.
As you can see, there's 12 chairs because this is the 12 guests of Christmas. I don't even know
what edition this is. Does anybody know?
Is this like the sixth one?
Okay, we all guessed correctly.
Okay.
I have no idea what the number is.
Is it six?
Yes.
Okay.
Well done.
Let's meet our guests.
Yeah.
All 12 of them.
Please welcome Moshe Kasher, Sam Levine,
Ricky Lindholm, Leonard Maltin,
Kate Micucci, Jimmy Pardo,
Mike Furman, Sean Sacamai,
Michael Sheen, Sarah Silverman,
Rich Sommer, and Scott Aukerman. Scott Aukerman.
What'd you text?
Come on in, everybody. Thank you.
come on in everybody I had no idea this would take so long
for them to all just walk out here
sorry sorry sorry
yeah don't sit next to each other
because then you won't have to go up against each other
until you're down to the final two.
No pressure to sit there.
Not at all.
And also, I should have said this backstage,
but there's a lot of people.
Let's try to speak
we only have a couple microphones for you guys
so try to speak mostly when you have the microphone
that's what's up
sort of your turn
Scott Aukerman
talking into his hat
for the listeners
alright
y'all just got your seats I feel bad doing this right away but For the listeners. All right.
You all just got your seats.
I feel bad doing this right away.
But you know what?
I'll give you a second.
I'll let you sit for a second.
Because we have to determine who gets to go first tonight.
And I thought a fun way to do that,
rather than show of hands,
because Jimmy would have won if that were the game.
Let's do some lines with Mark Wahlberg.
Mark Wahlberg.
Everybody, Mark. Mark Wahlberg. Everybody, Mark.
Mark Wahlberg.
Fuck you, Donnie.
Let's do some fucking lines, dudes.
You know, I'd love to have Donnie on the show.
Can you grab him and bring him back out here?
No, Donnie's working valet right now.
Don't worry about it.
Baseball Jordan in the house.
So, Mark, you are... Thank you for coming by.
I know your schedule's busy.
You're promoting the movie where you beat on Will Ferrell.
You mean the number one fucking movie in the world?
Well, it hasn't opened yet, but...
It's gonna be.
Christmas Day, right?
Yep.
What's it called again?
Daddy's Home, motherfuckers.
Daddy's Home.
Full title.
And you play the title character.
You fucking know I do, too.
But Will Ferrell's also
the child's daddy. No, he's a stepdad,
okay? Okay. The conflict
is between you and him, not me and you.
So,
let's, uh, you got a line
for us? The first person
of my 12 guests who can
name the movie that Mark Wahlberg is quoting
will go first
in the
OG Leonard Maltin game.
You ready to do this shit?
Yeah.
Look good, feel good.
He says that first
every time.
Feel good.
He says that first every time.
Please don't do it, sir.
Please don't do it.
Please don't hit me in my bad ear again.
I know you didn't mean to.
It's a wonderful life.
It is.
It's a wonderful life.
Rich Sommer takes it.
My sore ear Mark
Thanks for coming by
Really appreciate it
It was really awesome
Of you to do that for us
Oh I'm not fucking
Going anywhere dude
I thought that game
Was just for
Mark Wahlberg movies
And I was like
That's totally cheating
He's not in a fucking
Wonderful life
Maybe he is
I'm up for the reboot dude
I'm gonna play Clarence
Try to do less thingy So I'm gonna fucking hang out, dude. I'm going to play Clarence. Try to do less thinking.
I'm going to fucking hang out, dude.
Okay, all right. What, you already have 12?
We do, but let's make it to 13 guests of Christmas.
It's just like the weight room, Doug.
You can always do one more.
That is exactly what it's like.
Go grab a stool, Payne and and gain, and let's do this.
Wait, what'd you fucking say?
I said...
Yeah, grab a chair there.
You want to sit down there on the end next to Ricky over there?
Can you make that happen?
And you can drop that mic off with some other character
that deserves a chance to talk every once in a while.
That's all right.
I'll sit down here and emote.
Wait, what size chair did you get?
He got a tiny chair.
So you're going to sit in the back row in a tiny chair?
I'll sit in the back row in a tiny chair.
We have a volunteer in tribute.
Oh, he's in the front row.
We worked it out.
Worked out pretty good.
So sit tight, guests,
because we're going to meet you
as we get to you
while we play the game
just to kill two birds.
So we'll start with Rich
and then we're going to move towards Moshe
and Sam there on the end.
Counter-clockwise.
Huh?
You really want to go clockwise?
Counter-clockwise?
It's clockwise.
Isn't that clockwise?
I thought it was.
I thought it was the right way.
Kate Micucci with an excellent point.
Let's pick some name tags.
Yeah, everybody grab a name tag.
And it didn't take Sarah long to get those donuts.
And while my 13 guests scavenge the crowd,
we'll go to a quick commercial break.
We'll be right back.
Hey, hey, hey, it's finally here.
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Back to the show.
We're back.
And everybody grabbed a name tag and some people grabbed new seats.
So continuing the tradition of saying it's clockwise when it might be counterclockwise.
We'll start with Rich and then we're coming right at you, Leonard Maltin.
Yeah, are you ready?
No, he's not ready.
I've got a proton pack here
and the name Pete
Venkman instead of
Peter Venkman.
Some
fantastic wordplay.
You just prefer Pete?
Alright.
And...
Oh my god. You just prefer Pete? Alright. I'm not part of that guy at all.
I like this guy.
Oh my god.
It's like, I did this show in New York a couple weeks ago
and everyone was quiet when it wasn't their turn
and it was
so much fun.
It was bizarre.
You would think that New York comics would be more
unruly, but they've turned it around.
They're the most polite comics in the world.
And I've been to England.
So you're playing for Pete Venkman?
Yep.
And what'd you bring for the prize bank?
I brought a copy of Article 27.
Hold on. It's a board game.
Sorry, Leonard.
Rich, be careful.
No, I got it.
Article 27,
the United Nations Security Council game.
And around 50% of the people up here
signed it somewhere inside the box.
Well, that's nice.
So that's a perk.
Are you under the weather as well?
No, no, just, you know, generally upset.
Oh, okay.
All right.
So you're going to start us off, Rich, with the selection of the first category.
Okay.
We're going to play a big old school Leonard Maltin game.
When somebody misses, misses to get challenged and
they don't get it or if they challenge someone the person does get it then that
person is out and thank you very much all of you for being here because one of
you is about to go home is it me no you're safe for a while you have to Michael Sheen is concerned
about having to leave the stage.
I only do this
so I can be here for the whole show.
He wants to be here for the whole show, but I told him
that he's probably one of the top players
and to just
fucking step up,
man.
Yes, man. Rich.
Yes, Doug.
Babe, you've got to talk into a mic.
This is a podcast.
Podcast.
You said withhold your gift.
Are you fucking this whole thing?
Fucking A. Wright he is, dude.
Sundown Hotel suggested Fool's Russian Roulette
And that's movies with
Michael Perry or Selma Hayek
Matthew Perry
What'd I say, Michael?
Yeah
Like I would pick one of his movies anyway
It's Selma Hayek movies.
Tyler Perry presents.
And that's movies
with Tyler Perry
or Christmas or both.
And R.C. Figueroa
suggested
K-9 movies
and this is a tricky one.
This is movies that begin with the letter K
and have nine letters in the title.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, such a thing exists.
Which one of those would you like to play, Rich?
I guess I'll go with the K-9 movies.
Jimmy Pardo, very happy with that decision.
It will never get to you
but by the time it gets to you Jimmy
half of these people might be gone
that's right I know it
how's this game work again
two and a half stars from Mr. Maltin.
For this movie.
I don't know.
The year is 1991.
Leonard says this movie is mild.
He also says
that it's based on a novel.
And he lists 11 names.
How many of the names do you think you would need?
Rich Summer, Harry Crane from Mad Men.
To discern the title.
Yeah, no, I got it.
I would like to start with... Oh, no, I got it. I got it. I would like to...
I'm going to start with...
Oh, sorry.
Go ahead.
The film.
Right.
I'll start with 11.
Good opening film.
Thanks.
Leonard Maltin is here, everybody.
Is this fair for...
No offense to Leonard.
Leonard, you know how I feel about you,
but this is his book.
He wrote it.
Might he recall...
It's his dead app.
How many movies do you think
Leonard has watched in his life?
Probably...
Hundreds.
I'd say... Yeah, but how many has he in his life? Probably. I'd say.
Don't be silly.
Several thousand.
But how many has he described as mild though?
One for sure.
More than one. One that he might remember.
One he described as mild.
Based on a novel.
Starts with K with nine letters.
Why don't you wait and see how Leonard does and then worry about this?
Sorry. I apologize to Doug
and to Leonard.
And that's it.
What did you bring for the prize bag,
Mr. Malton? Well, I brought
the new edition
of my classic movie guide.
We also have a regular movie guide.
I heard it's a mild read.
Yes, it is.
And this is the brand new, still lukewarm from the press,
third edition of my classic movie guide
for people who love watching TCM
and old movies on DVD and such.
You're too good to us.
Yeah.
That's an amazing bounty right there.
Go right ahead.
Yeah.
Jimmy's just going to do some light reading.
I recommend starting with the A's.
Yeah, right in the beginning.
Just go dive right into the Aardvark movie.
Am I allowed to look at this?
Sure, you're allowed to look at it.
What do you think he's going to do?
He's not going to say the answer once he sees it,
and it's not going to get all the way around to him
because there's more people than there are.
Is there a glossary in the back where you can look up the word mild?
I'm really looking for something mild this evening.
I hope Leonard can help me out.
Tell me, if you get a chance, read about how great the happening is.
It's probably in the classic
book.
Why the fuck are you laughing, Doc?
No reason.
I'm good.
Leonard?
Sir.
Who are you playing for? I'm playing. I'm holding. Leonard? Sir? Who are you playing for?
I am playing, I'm holding in my lap right now,
a lovable E.T. the extraterrestrial doll.
But this is E.T. the extra Phil-restrial doll.
Yeah.
So Phil seems to have contributed his name.
Yeah.
Great job, Phil.
What'd you give?
Do you remember what you gave E.T.?
Four stars straight up?
Pretty sure that's four stars.
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, please.
Please, let me spell it for you.
E.
Uh-huh, I'm listening.
By way of the cave.
E.
How many names do you think you can get this movie in, Leonard?
E.
He's like...
I am clueless with a K.
You could say ten names then.
Get a whole lot of them.
You can't look up something else.
We're playing a Leonard Maltin game.
You guys heard the New York show.
I am not lying.
If you pay two bucks for it,
this one's going to be free.
Well, you know,
I'll say ten names then.
There you go.
Ten names.
Scott Aukerman is here, everybody.
Hi, Doug.
Hello, America.
You got a blinking name tag.
I did.
This has never been Chris'd
by a dude named Chris Herring.
And it is blinking with Christmas lights.
And it has your face on Drew Barrymore's body.
And my boner on my body looking at it.
Nice. The reviews are in
Thank you
I was just
I was just looking at it
To see if I could get
Any excitement over it
But
I just think I look
Pretty cute there
Yeah
It's a good
I like to imagine you
In this pose
Yeah
I sit like that all the time
30 years ago
Scott
Yeah Mon What did you bring For the prize bag? I brought a beer I sit like that all the time. 30 years ago. Scott. Yeah, Mon.
What did you bring for the prize bag?
I brought a beer.
From backstage?
Yeah.
I forgot about the whole prize.
You know, I'm going to keep this, actually.
Never mind.
I didn't bring anything.
Well, Mark probably brought something.
So there will be 12 prizes then.
And the bidding is to you now.
10 names.
How many names do you think you would need?
I got to say, and it's risky to do this, but Len, name that movie.
Oh, shit, tough.
Name it.
You wrote it.
You name it.
He didn't write the movie.
I have never wanted somebody to get a correct answer
more than right now.
Good thing I left the water running on my car.
I'll have Donnie go get it.
You need Donnie to pull that car up, Leonard?
You let me know.
I haven't bring it around, but warn him,
I'm a lousy tipper.
He's a lousy tipper, he says.
Oh, that's awesome.
Donnie doesn't deserve it.
Yeah.
You know what, Donnie?
If you just look him in the eye,
that makes him feel great.
Lousy tipper sounds like
my friend Al's wife.
Weird Al.
The category again, Leonard,
is movies that are nine letters,
the title's nine letters long,
and it begins with a K,
and you get 10 out of 11 names
from the cast of this motion picture.
From 1991.
You know it's mild.
And they're mild.
And based on a novel.
How do you feel at this point?
Nervous.
Okay.
Judy Parfit.
Parfee, perhaps.
Oh, she's good.
Parfit? Thank you.
Help me out with all of these.
Julian Glover.
That's Poffit as well, actually.
Nahl O'Brien.
Jolie Richardson.
Oh.
James Villers.
Leslie Phillips.
Richard Griffiths.
Camille
Koduri?
Grammar.
Yes, Camille Grammar.
Camille Koduri.
C-O-D-U-R-I.
John Hurt. Thanks, Sam.
And Peter O'Toole
in a movie that begins
with the letter K
and is nine letters in total.
1991.
Michael Sheen thinks
he knows it, strangely enough.
Really?
Boys!
There's a lot of fucking side conversations going on, Tuck.
Yeah, you guys, keep it down, fellas.
Leonard is literally right next to you
as you almost whisper the answer.
Okay.
Contain yourself, man.
I'm excited.
Also, for the listener at home,
there's a lot of people passing around cookies.
You guys better fucking work that off.
It's cardio, bro.
I am stymied.
No guess.
I am stymied.
I have no guess.
This is the saddest Christmas that we will ever have.
I want to sacrifice myself.
That Leonard has to go.
The first one to go
and he came out
but buy,
seriously,
buy his books,
follow his reviews,
just,
this does not make him
less of a man.
I truly feel like
I should go home
right now.
Any one of us
will leave.
I eliminate everybody
except for Leonard.
I'm not fucking going anywhere.
You guys can leave if you want.
I'm here to win this shit.
I will sacrifice myself if I don't have to leave.
Don't worry about it.
I will sacrifice myself.
Leonard is dying to get out of here.
I'm father.
He's had enough of this shit.
I am Leonard.
I am Leonard Maltin.
Je suis Leonard.
I'm Mark Wahlberg.
I mean, he's welcome to stay in his seat,
but if Michael gets eliminated,
he has to leave the stage.
So no guess at all?
I say we let Rich.
This wouldn't even be happening If you stayed your original seat
Sorry Doug
Sandbag Leonard Moulton
Is this based on an Ira Levin novel?
No
Emmeline Williams
Don't give him the rest of the letters.
I'm pretty sure I could figure it out if you do.
No.
I can't do it?
Well, thank you.
In all sincerity, thank you for not only being here tonight,
but for being a good sport all the time.
And giving us the basis for this game
and this podcast.
Thank you, guys.
You are the Jesus of the Leonard Maltin game.
Or the Leonard of the Leonard Maltin game.
He's the Santa.
He's the Santa of the game.
And we're going to find out who the Grinch is.
John Goodman was the lead character.
King Ralph.
King Ralph.
Did you know it?
King Ralph.
Yeah.
That's based on a novel?
It's still nine letters, though.
The great novel King Ralph?
Mike Furman confirmed that it's mild.
It's a mild
movie.
And hand me
your name tag
there because
there's probably
a shithead on the
back of cute
little E.T.
And anything
else to plug,
Leonard,
before you take
off?
Get that mic
back.
Yeah, my
podcast with
Baron Vaughn.
Of course,
we have to
mention
Malton on
Movies.
In the film category
on iTunes.
It's on iTunes and
we'd love to have more people listen so everybody
tune in. Yeah, and I'm due to come
in and talk to you guys on that show.
I'll be in real soon.
Ladies and gentlemen, Leonard Malton.
Leonard.
He wouldn't even look at me.
Are you happy, Scott?
Now it's just us.
I'm okay with it.
He was hogging the mic.
Hey, Doug?
Yes, Mark Wahlberg.
We have a question on the floor.
For the record,
I've never lost at doing lines with Mark,
so that's all I'm fucking saying.
All right.
Kate Micucci's here, everybody. Hey!
I'm just going to take the name tag off of E.T.
and give E.T. back
because I just want to punch it so bad.
Is it from the 80s?
I don't think so.
Thanks, toy verifier.
He doesn't look wrinkly enough.
Wait, a dude showed up with that thing?
Put a little cute name tag on it?
You don't know what's underneath.
Oh, that is a good one.
Who are you playing for, Kate?
For To Casey's Sunrise.
And you were in this movie with Michelle Pfeiffer.
I played both the Mel Gibson and Kurt Russell roles.
So I loved and hated
myself through the entire process.
I won't tell you which one I prefer.
Oh, good, there's
no shit on the back?
I don't think there is.
Oh, wait, it's right down there in the
corner, cleverly hidden.
And
what'd you bring for the prize bag?
Well, I couldn't find our latest CD,
so I have two Garfunkel Notes CDs,
and I have a hat that I made,
and it says, I am not really a cat person because I am a cat.
And there's a picture of a cat.
So you don't have to have people asking you all day,
are you, you're the cat?
No, it's the cat on the hat.
And that's that.
Oh, let's put it in the bag.
It's going to be a pile now.
We're going to start making a pile over here.
Oh, we should put Leonard's books in there, too.
Yeah, get Leonard's books on the pile.
It'll be like under the Christmas tree,
you just have so many things.
The Classics book is a great one,
because it's got movies from the silent era.
So you can read all about things you have no
interest in.
I don't like silent movies. I thought sound was a really
good improvement
on the whole process.
Kate, you get to
pick between
three. Just throwing the
prizes around.
I'd be the worst around. I'm the worst.
I'd be the worst Santa.
More like a luggage handler.
There's a lot of cookies right there.
We could pass out the cookies. Where'd they come from?
I don't know. Oh, that's even better.
Get them away from me if you don't even know
the source. Right up there?
Oh, they're alright?
They're safe. Oh, thanks, dude.
He says they're safe. These cookies are fine. I found They're safe. Oh, thanks, dude. He says they're safe.
These cookies are fine.
There's a guy.
I found them in a really clean alley.
Don't even worry about it.
Oh, I guess let's pass them around amongst us first.
We did.
Oh, you did already?
Yeah.
You want more?
I've got a couple other things.
You want another one?
Yeah.
Wait, give me mine.
See, yeah, just keep them up here.
Just keep passing them.
I was going to... Never mind, everyone.
Passing them around.
We're going to have to do like a 12 guests at Christmas 5K
if you fuckers keep eating this shit.
I don't want these empty calories.
Pass those around.
I love how Michael has a microphone already.
He's ready to go.
It was handed to me.
You're ready to get in the game.
Look at you.
Just looking. Yeah look at you.
All right.
So we have three categories for you to choose from.
Gilson2 on Twitter suggested certified flesh.
And that's zombie movies that got three stars or more,
according to the late Leonard Maltin.
At PMCC121
catchiest name on Twitter
came up with Pulp Diction
and that's Samuel L. Jackson movies
where he doesn't say
the word fuck.
I don't know what that has to do
with diction really.
And The Breakfast Club
movies that have a sandwich name in the title.
Let's do The Breakfast Club.
All right.
Let's do it.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie
from 1983.
He says
that this movie has a deliciously witty script.
Yeah.
And fine performances help offset...
What?
Sorry.
What's happening?
Yeah, club.
Breakfast club.
I know because sandwiches are for lunch.
Sandwich in the title.
But it's club sandwich.
Sandwich. It's not the breakfast part. Sorry, everybody. Continue, Doug. Club I know because sandwich sandwich in the title sandwich try to get your
hands on one of those three mics next time because that was mostly silence for
our listeners and it has fine performances help offset a general feeling of anachronism about the film.
Ooh, I've said too much.
And Leonard lists eight names.
How many names?
Is it turkey, bacon, guacamole, subpolice?
Okay, let's not hear from you for a while.
It's got to come all the way back around to you.
How many names?
Eight total.
Eight.
She's taken all eight.
Let's meet Michael Sheen, everybody.
Hey, hey.
Hey.
Thank you for being here and for being excited about staying on the stage.
We'll see how you do.
I think you'll be in good shape.
And who are you playing for?
I'm playing for the Princess Sarah
for two reasons.
One, because it's the French poster.
Un film de Rob Reiner,
it says at the bottom.
And because the lady I love
is named Sarah.
Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got nothing.
Hang on to that.
And what did you bring for the prize bag?
Ooh.
I hope it's, did you hear about the Morgans?
Copy of that.
So, first of all, it's in an Edgar Allan Poe bag,
which is quite something.
That is a nice bag full of a bunch of Poe heads.
Yeah.
And it's a bunch of books.
Ugh. My favorite books about films. Oh. And it's a bunch of books. My favorite books about films.
Oh.
So there's...
You got doubles on these?
Yeah.
Nope.
So, William Goldman, Adventures in the Screen Trade.
Of course.
A classic.
That's the one right there.
In the blink of an eye, Walter Murch, one of the greatest editors of all time.
Making Movies by Sidney Lumet.
Possibly the greatest book I've ever read
about making films.
Then
the autobiography
of Jerry Weintraub, who died recently.
Possibly the most interesting man
in the world. He should have been in that commercial.
He was a producer. He did
all the Ocean's Eleven films.
And he did films like Dinah. And he was like Sinatra He did all the Ocean's Eleven films. And he did films like Diner.
And he was like Sinatra's tour manager and Elvis' tour manager.
He was an amazing, amazing man.
Yeah, he got some guys killed.
Yeah.
And it's a book about him.
And a book, you know there's like a series of BFI film classics books about different films.
This one's about The Shining.
It's a really good one.
And Lynch on Lynch.
Which is a fantastic book.
Aren't the chapters all out of order or something?
Yeah.
Oh, so you're a nerd.
Yeah, you should have known that
when he said the word books.
And then just to seal that official title,
this is a key ring from the Great Northern Hotel,
Twin Peaks, room 315.
From the Northern Hotel.
Where do you get such wonderful toys?
All in a Poe bag.
Somebody's playing Doing Lines when I said that.
A bag of Po doing lines There we go
Thank you Michael Sheen for bringing all that
Makuchi here
Kay Makuchi bid
She took all the names
Eight names
So what do you think you're going to do with that
I'm going to say seven
There you go.
That's how this game should be played.
It's a conservative move. Very clever, yes.
It's a good move.
And that's Mike Furman, everybody.
How's it going?
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
I should say co-author of the Doug Loves Movies theme song.
That's right.
Yeah.
And Kate and Ricky Lindholm, who we'll get to
in a few hours from now,
sang the Christmas version
of the theme
that you heard this evening
at the beginning of the show.
That's right.
Yeah.
Very nice.
Well done.
Yeah, you don't have to applaud
for everything, I guess.
They all get along.
Oh, true.
That was a good one.
There's no competition.
Yeah.
And Mike,
what'd you bring
for the prize bag this evening?
To celebrate the big premiere happening, is it tomorrow?
I think it is.
I brought a Star Trek sushi set.
There it is.
Original series, Enterprise, and the tray comes off the top of the Enterprise to hold
your soy sauce, and then the warp things that fly off the back of the Enterprise to hold your soy sauce. And then the warp
things that fly off the back are
your chopsticks.
That's a pretty nifty item.
Can you just put a bag in the bag that
it was in? We'll use that to
create
another bag. Throw some stuff in there.
Thank you very much. Cost plus bag.
There you go.
Conserving. reusing.
And who are you playing for?
I am playing for
Santos versus the Evil
Dead.
Alright, how many names?
I'm going to say...
Was that Chewbacca?
Huh? What?
Was that a Chewbacca impression?
That was Chewbacca being cut in half by a chainsaw.
No, no it was not.
Oh.
You don't want to keep this?
Yeah.
No, Jimmy just had that.
That's all he's got.
Handed it back Like a nice young man
What'd you say?
You say
Michael said
It's at seven
Seven
Out of eight names
Yeah, right
Let's say
What's below seven?
Six
He says six names
I believe last year's champ is here
Did you win last year?
Two years ago
Two years ago
Our two years ago champ Sean Sacamai.
Hi, everybody.
Super fan of this and a lot of other comedy programs.
Oh, so many.
You like the comedy?
I see you tweeting about stuff all the time.
I do.
Yeah, it's awesome.
It helps me choke away my tears.
Oh.
Oh.
Sad clown. Came off a little darker than I expected my tears. Oh. Sad clown.
Came off a little darker than I expected.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Did he say choke away your tears?
Yeah.
That's the hottest thing I've ever heard.
He jerks off to comedy and cries.
Choke away those tears.
Damn, homie.
What I brought for the prize bag was, let's see here.
My copy of Far Cry 4 for the PS4.
It's used, but barely.
Back to the Future 2, the DeLorean Hot Wheel.
It's a bunch of junk, so give me a second here.
A little canister of Evian face spray.
Great for the airplane.
Right?
Yeah, that's TJ Miller's closer.
A box of Star Wars Band-Aids.
And two $15 iTunes gift cards.
That's an incredible contribution.
That's a whole bag of prizes.
I think I'm going to keep that bag.
Oh, yeah, you keep that.
I'm going to hang on to the stuff in that one.
But the rest of this stuff, that's great, dude.
Who are you playing for? I'm playing for Gilmore, the stuff in that one, but the rest of this stuff... Oh, that's great, dude. Who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Gilmore, whose name tag is Rushmore, my favorite Wes Anderson movie.
And change it to Gilmore.
So that's your last name?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Okay.
What's your first name?
Jordan.
Jordan?
Okay.
I don't know why I said it like I didn't believe it.
Should have picked Space Jam.
How about Jordan in real life and your head on the pancakes?
You did it one other time?
When you were in D.C.?
Oh, my God.
Will you marry me?
What about Flash Jordan?
So simpatico.
Next year.
Oh, that's a good one, too.
Yeah.
Lots of ways to go with that.
What are you going to do, Sean?
So six to me?
Mm-hmm.
Out of eight.
Yeah, I'll say five.
Wow.
He says five.
And now here we are.
Sarah Silverman is here.
What do you got for the bag?
Are you going to say who am I playing for?
Oh, what do I have for the bag? Sorry.
Two questions. I change it up because I'm crazy like that.
Okay, in the bag, I have a lot.
Oh, no, you brought a box.
I live in a...
Is Gwyneth Paltrow in there?
I don't understand that
Did you ever see
Lucky Number Slevin?
Yeah
I got it doll
Look
I live in a small apartment
I like that dog
peeking out of the box
I'm very nice to have things
but I don't have room for things
So we have
a bunch of
Simpsons stuff
that
I recorded some Simpsons stuff that I recorded.
Some Simpsons stuff.
That's Santa's little helper.
Next Halloween episode.
Here's Santa's little helper.
Like all the DVDs.
Like all the stuff.
Yeah, lots of Simpsons stuff.
And then
some t-shirts
and a lot of these things that you nerds won't open and you'll put on a shelf and stuff.
Just bags of that shit.
And then I did a movie recently called Book of Henry.
And here's the wrap gift hat and T-shirt.
And then there's Santa's little helper.
And oh, I bought my dog a sweatshirt because
it was getting so cold and windy and she hates it so
sarah sarah and oh uh one more thing what i gotta ask you yeah mark did you get fired today
because it seems to me you just fucking cleaned your desk out
you can this is a safe space. Let it out.
I don't have a funny retort.
I just look at you and I smile, I beam.
That makes you American.
I'm a fan.
I have one last thing,
which is Yoda gets a buddy.
The Beth Stern sequel
to her book about Yoda.
It's a children's book.
If you have children,
there's a picture of Howard and Beth in the back
and it's for kids and
the proceeds go to the
North Shore Animal League
and there's a get it out of my apartment
and you can have all this wonderful stuff.
This is really good stuff though.
Some toys and some shit like that.
There you go. And it's Yoda is just
the name of like a cat or something. It's not Yoda. It's not the cat. Yeah, it some shit like that. There you go. And Yoda is just the name of a cat or something.
It's not Yoda.
It's not their cat.
Yeah, it's not the Yoda.
But yeah, so they have that Star Wars tie-in.
George Lucas really doesn't sue anybody.
He just lets anything happen.
Yoda's a pretty specific...
I like that you clarified, though,
in case somebody at home was like,
was it the Yoda?
It just sounded funny.
Like, there's a book called Yoda Gets a Buddy
that was written by Beth Stern?
Like, it doesn't add up at all.
Wouldn't that be great if it was an official Star Wars?
Yeah.
It's a novelization of the next film.
Tig Notaro made the best point
of the Phantom Menace or whatever,
which is the one that takes place like 20 years before.
Is this really happening?
The prequels, you mean?
Yeah, the one
that takes place
like 20 years before
the original ones.
And like Yoda's got hair.
You're talking about
Fargo season two?
What'd she say about it?
Well, it's just funny
because it's a good point.
It's like Yoda has hair
and he's doing back flips
and it's only like,
if he's 800 in that,
so he's like 780
in the one before it
and he's got all this moxie.
Okay, sorry.
Tig has seen like six movies.
That was two of them
that she saw
to make that distinction?
Tig, well, if you ever say
oh Tig
did you
do you know
and then she'll say
is it in Star Wars
because otherwise no
because she's only
she sees only Star Wars
that's not a bad way
to live
not as a role
but it just seems
apparently there's a new
Star Wars coming out
this weekend
are you kidding
yeah I'm serious
yeah yeah yeah
Lucas I guess
sold the whole franchise
go back to your book
alright Sarah who's that you're playing for you got a box full of donuts Go back to your book.
All right, Sarah.
Who's that you're playing for?
You got a box full of donuts. I'm playing for the Pediatric AIDS Foundation.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding, you guys.
It's for this girl.
You didn't put your name on it.
This is Carrie.
I went right to it.
It's a big box of cupcakes and donuts.
Can you imagine them showing up
at the Pediatric AIDS Foundation tomorrow morning
and there's just all this shit on the doorstep?
He gave them all this stuff.
Carrie.
What about it?
Oh, and there's, oh my God,
how could I have known?
It's like among a million things.
Okay, and the shithead's on the back of here.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, you pulled that out of first try.
Yeah. Good job.
Uh-oh, Scott's settling in with Yoda
gets a buddy.
Wait, which Yoda
is it, Scott? Is it the Yoda?
I think it's a Yoda, definitely.
Is it Tiggs Yoda?
Wait, the buddy is Luke Skywalker?
Oh, my God.
Sarah, do you know where we're at?
I think we're down to six names out of,
five names out of eight.
I'm probably going to say name that movie,
but can we have a quick refresher of what we're talking about?
Yeah, sure.
The category is movies that have a sandwich in the title.
And I said that the script was deliciously witty,
and fine performances help offset general feeling of anachronism about the film.
From 1983.
Eight names.
Sean bid five.
Ask him to name it or go lower.
Name it!
All right.
Sean Sakamai, previous champion.
He's on the ropes.
Like last year, early exit.
You were out second last year?
Second or third, yeah.
Third.
Wait.
We've only kicked out Leonard so far, right?
Yes.
God, I'm so glad that asshole's gone.
only kicked out Leonard so far, right?
Yes. God, I'm so glad that asshole's gone.
Alright, your five names
are
Lois Smith,
Kara or Kara
Wilson, Joel
Fabiani,
I mean it when I say Fabiani. I mean it
when I say Fabiani. That's the correct
E. Catherine
Kerr
and Cynthia Harris
are your five names.
I think your only hope would be to think of a movie
that has a sandwich in the title.
And
I apologize in advance
for the answer.
Boy. and I apologize in advance for the answer. Yeah, I've got nothing.
I'm just going to go with the substitute.
It's got sub in it.
It might have been one of those.
Everyone would yell at me for what a reach that is,
but I think people are still going to be very disappointed in this one.
The answer is Reuben Reuben.
Oh, my God.
That's a sequel to Louis Louis, the song.
Starring Tom Conti and Kelly McGillis.
Yeah, remember that movie?
Yeah.
It was actually the sequel to Tora Tora.
I think Tom Conti was even nominated for Best Actor for that.
It's like burying a whammy in all the possible choices for tonight.
Like, whoever has to name that, even with all the names, is not going to get it.
What do you mean?
With all the names, they'd get it?
Tom Conti?
He was nominated for Best Actor for the role.
Of course he was.
I don't know what that response means.
Wait, did you say music composer?
That's Bill Conti.
Bill Conti.
All of you.
Mm-hmm.
It goes...
Sean Sacamai, ladies and gentlemen.
There he is.
There.
But not a bad way to get people to move it along
If you get an itchy finger again
Oh, you tried to move next to your lady friend?
Aw
Oh, that's so sweet
Sit where you're assigned
How's the book so far, Scott?
Oh, sorry
It's a real piece of shit.
Has he gotten a buddy yet,
or is that kind of a spoiler?
These cats are talking English.
They don't say that.
They say meow meow.
Well, congratulations, Sarah.
You got rid of my favorite player.
I mean, you're my favorite player.
And let's meet Moshe Kasher.
Hey.
Hi, Doug.
How you doing, buddy?
Good, good.
Having fun over there?
Oh, yeah.
You might have remembered some of my jokes from earlier.
Crushing.
If Chris Hardwick were here, you'd have all the points.
What's you got?
Who are you playing for?
I'm playing for the Beatles' Dan Yellow Submarine,
which feels like you barely tried with that.
Couldn't it have been Yellow Dan Marine or yellow sub Dan Marine
or pick a movie that has Dan
in it somewhere
Danielle
oh you did try ouch I feel like an
asshole
Danielle O Sub Marine
you piece of shit
I'm just saying why couldn't you have done
pick the movie Ruben Ruben and made it Dan Ruben Ruben?
Yeah, and I have a gift for everybody.
I have a copy of Modern Cat magazine, which I did not buy one minute before this began,
upon remembering that we do a gift exchange.
But actually, I'm on the cover of this month's Modern Cat.
gift exchange, but I actually am on the cover of this month's Modern Cat.
And there is a
really good article here about the top,
debunking the top myths about
cats, and the most interesting one
is that they think like humans.
You know that myth that we're all
subscribing to.
And the first line is under the bottom line
section, it says, let's get real.
Cats are cats.
It's good info.
In the Modern Cat, did they do a
book review of Yoda Gets a Friend?
Yeah, they said it was extremely
mild.
Oh, extremely?
Alright, Moshe.
Do we cover everything?
Who you're playing for, what you brought? Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, pass that magazine over here, because there's a trash can near me.
Put it in the box.
There you go.
Yeah.
All right.
You get to pick the category this time, Moshe.
And Sam will remember this.
When we get down to five players, then that's when we start switching the order every round.
I'm waiting for you to bring it up to me.
No, I figured you were fine on your own tonight, Doug.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks, buddy.
Also, the microphones are very far from me.
I don't know how you managed to get to that one.
I don't know either.
He keeps putting it in your face.
Thanks, buddy.
Moshe.
Yes.
Three choices.
The War on Christmas.
That's violent movies
set in the holiday season.
Fuck, Marry, Kill.
Movies where someone
fucks or kills
Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.
Or
A Creature Was Stirring. And that's movies where an animal cooks. Or a creature was stirring.
And that's movies where an animal cooks.
Moshe, I'm happy for you.
Those categories seem very narrow.
I will pick the war on Christmas
because as a Jew, I'm engaged in it.
You're engaged?
I thought you were married.
Oh, I'm also engaged.
I've got a lot of lives.
To Daniello Submarine.
Would you like a violent Christmas movie
from 1984 or 1988?
88.
All right.
Three stars from Leonard
for this movie
that he says
was marred only by over length
and it also has
too many needlessly stupid
supporting characters.
And then he lists,
he loves character actors though,
so he lists
16 names.
That's how many stupid supporting characters there are.
16 stupid characters.
1988 again is the year.
And how many of those do you think you need to name this movie, Moshe?
You know, I'm going to go with 16.
I'm going to say 16.
Okay, that's fair.
Sam the Man Levine, a.k.a. Lil Wolverine.
Hello.
He's in the house.
Hello.
Feels so good to be here, Doug.
So happy to have you.
Thank you.
Qualified for the Super Duper Tournament of Championships, which will happen someday.
I'm very excited. I know it's me and Jon Hamm. We're just waiting on Matt Myra to clear his schedule. qualified for the Super Duper Tournament of Championships, which will happen someday.
I'm very excited.
You know, I know it's me and Jon Hamm,
we're just waiting on Matt Myra to clear his schedule.
He's busy.
He just got married. I know, I'm fucking...
He got married.
What'd you bring for the bag?
I brought some great stuff.
As you know, I never disappoint,
so I brought Volume 2, Season 7 of Stargate SG-1.
That's got Episodes 5 through 8 on it.
I guess you can always start disappointing sometime.
Yep.
Tonight's the night.
Yep.
Now, what else? What else?
Oh, and also, for those of you who've got a Nintendo DSi,
a Polaroid multimedia dock.
It's got some new...
People seem pretty fired up about that one.
A modern cat magazine
sounding pretty juicy right now, isn't it?
Doug, here's what happened.
I finally got my hands on one of those
whoop $5 bags of crap.
They didn't disappoint.
That's where this beauty came.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Well, at least you're paying it forward.
I got an exasperated wow
from Jimmy Pardo.
And who are you playing for?
I'm playing for a handsome man
named Jeff
who has worked up his
name tag to look like
the movie Chef.
But Jeff.
Which I guess he thinks
rhymes with Jeff.
It does.
Eh.
Maybe if you spelled it
J-H-E-F-F.
Oh, really?
The H is the key to rhyming?
That's not how rhyming works.
The H in rhyming
doesn't even make a sound.
You guys, it's 9-11.
O'clock at night.
Let's have a moment of... Okay, that was enough. Thank you.
Never forget it, guys. Thank you.
Can you say that to
yourself two times a day? Can I also say, as a
fucking hit rap artist,
that is not how you fucking rhyme.
Could you give us an example of a perfect
rhyme? Yo, it's about that
time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme.
I fucking used rhyme to rhyme.
And you took our time to do it as well.
You get yours because I want to get mine.
Oh shit, there's more?
No, just come on, feel it, feel it.
Did you notice the trees were, there was a lot of wind tonight outside?
Do you think maybe something's happening?
You want me to go talk to him?
I think so.
I'd like that.
But actually, you're coming up soon here in the game,
so stay tuned.
Stand by.
You got it, though.
Sam, Moshe wants all 16 names.
Are you going to give them to him?
No, I'm going to bid negative one.
Oh, that is...
I was going to bid negative one. Oh, that is really.
I was going to bid
negative one though,
but I thought 16
instead though.
I hear you,
bro.
So let's say hello
to him again,
everybody.
Mark Wahlberg.
How you fucking doing?
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
First off,
Doug,
can I ask you a question?
Are we just all going to fucking skip over the fact that we got a real life fucking Gilmore girl in the audience?
What?
Her name is fucking Gilmore and she's a girl. Well, but that doesn't add.
It only took him nine minutes to come up with that.
It was unbelievable.
No, I sat on it like Donnie and his career.
What do you think of the situation you're in here, Mark?
He says negative one for this.
Well, currently I'm late for my second workout.
So if I get out of here, I still fucking win.
Your second workout tonight?
Second workout this hour. When did you, you've of here, I still fucking win. Your second workout tonight? Second workout this hour.
When did you...
You've been here for more than an hour. Did you sneak
in a workout? Doing fucking kegels, bro.
What do you want to bid? Do you want to
challenge Sam, the ma'am?
Does it matter who I'm playing for or what I bought?
Damn, shots fired.
Yeah, tell us about it.
All right.
I don't know who I'm playing for.
Pass the name tag down,
because you're probably going to lose.
Well, probably.
I don't know who I'm playing for.
I just saw a crown and thought I deserved it.
Oh, that's probably King Ralph's.
Oh, it's somebody named King.
Oh, is there a person named King?
There's a word above it, but I can't read that.
It's in cursive.
What's that say, Rick?
Lauren's King Hat.
No, but the name was King.
That was a valiant guess.
That was good.
Fuck yeah, dude.
I'm valiant every day.
All right.
What's the movie?
There's a head on the back of the thing.
That's good.
I wrote the best fucking gift here,
and I signed it.
It was given to me in 1998 after the Arms Wide Open tour.
It is a Scott Stapp original Creed pic.
So basically, if you have cancer,
you just got your make-a-wish.
Here, put it in the box so it doesn't get lost.
Can I make a guess here?
There you go.
Is that supposed to be a reference to the Lawrence Crown affair?
Is it?
No.
Thomas Crown.
Thomas Crown.
All right.
As you were.
I'd love to see the Lawrence Crown affair.
Yeah.
Mark.
All right.
So I gotta know
the movie and negative two people's
name on that shit.
What? You're saying negative two?
I'm trying to think about it right now too.
Because I feel like
Sam knows what the fuck it is.
But what if I know what it is?
Yeah, it's classic dilemma.
I'm gonna go negative two on that shit he says negative two
but let's meet
Ricky Lindholm everybody
hi
hello everybody
Garfunkel to Kate's Oats
also
from another period on the Comedy Central
network.
And
what'd you bring for us?
Okay, this is pretty cool. So if anyone likes
Broadway stuff or plays the piano,
we got a real Broadway songbook made of
our new album, Secretions.
So cool!
I think it's pretty neat.
And we signed it.
That's awesome.
Thank you.
Scott is really catching up on his reading.
He's going to read some songs right now.
What do you think, Scott?
You want to try singing one?
Meow, meow, meow.
Doesn't make any sense.
Ricky,
who are you playing for?
I am playing for
some character from Star Wars
is holding a sign that says
the Genpire Strikes Back.
Oh, yeah.
We talked to Jen at the beginning of the show,
and that character's name is Boz.
Boz?
Is that what you said?
What'd you say?
That was a disappointing name for a character.
What'd you say?
Bosk.
Bosk.
Bosk.
Wow, she was really shaking her head like I was wildly off.
It's not Brian the Boz Bosworth.
Do you know your Star Wars name?
Oops.
Do you know yours?
I just got frosted on him.
I'm not admitting to anything.
Okay.
How do you know your Star Wars name?
It's like the street you grew up on
and your favorite prostitute.
Oh.
Divine Lily Bridge.
Corker and Hannah.
But great name tag, Bosque.
And next time bring that same name tag,
but change the sign and say, who's the Bosque?
And put Tony Danza's face on there too.
Mona.
And Judith Light can be like, what?
And the little boy can be like, I'm going to be gay someday.
And the girl can be like, I'm going to be Alyssa and the girl could be like, I'm gonna be Alyssa Milano someday.
Yo, Mona was a slut though, huh?
Don't hand the mic back.
She got her face pulled more on that show
than in Brazil.
All right, so...
Ricky's in a tight spot here because...
I feel very torn
because I feel like
I know the movie
yeah
but I don't know the
I don't know
who the third
ugh
I'm thinking
so I know number one
I don't even know
well I think
that guy would be number two
I bet you do know
number one and number two
oh yeah
it's number three
that I can work on don't hand the mic back to me after that.
Shh.
Be quiet, you guys.
I'm thinking about margarine.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to say name that movie.
All right.
So, Mark, you have to name the movie and the top two billed people,
starting with the top person and then the second one.
We won't say if you're right or wrong until we hear all three of those things.
Okay.
Go.
National Lampoon's is not the fucking movie.
You know, I throw people out for less.
Okay.
It was 1988.
Wait, you're really still thinking about this?
Yeah, dude. Okay, here I go. Ready? Yeah.
Jesus.
Is it Die Hard?
And would it be Bruce
Willis and Alan Rickman?
Correct. Boom!
Boom!
Come on, feel that shit.
Who was third build?
Did you pass that back to Mark?
Third build is Bonnie Bedelia, yeah.
Oh, I wouldn't have gotten that.
Mrs. John McClain, or about to be former Mrs. John. I don't know how that works.
I mean, I don't think she was a slut.
I take that back.
I mean, she was a woman
in the twilight of her life
that was just exploring
her sexuality
and I feel really bad
about slut shaming Mona.
Thank you,
Ricky,
for being here.
What would you,
wait,
wait,
wait,
what would you like to plug?
Anything you want to plug
before you go?
Well,
you can buy another period
on iTunes
or you can watch it
on the Comedy Central app
and our new album, Secretions, is new-ish. It's on iTunes, or you can watch it on the Comedy Central app. And our new album,
Secretions, is new-ish. It's on iTunes.
Ricky Lindholm, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, Ricky.
Call me.
She's going to teach me to play chess.
She promised. You're so gross.
She didn't say you could play with her chest.
No, that is assault.
She said the game chess.
Okay.
Or the musical.
She didn't specify.
God damn it.
She does like musicals.
Does Jimmy and Pardo have a microphone?
Yep.
Jimmy Pardo!
Hello.
Hello, Doug.
Thank you for waiting.
Doug, I'm playing for...
All this time.
Good?
Yeah.
Leslie.
Leslie.
I'm playing for Leslie,
who gave me some delicious chocolate chip cookies as well,
and then a card that I don't know if I'm supposed to open this now or later or give it back to her.
What do I do, Leslie? What do you do with that, Leslie? Later? Later's fine.
You can open it later. You got very lucky that I took it. Well, does it have a shithead on the back of it? It does.
Yeah, so I'll need that part. Is it for Doug?
It's for whoever has the, yeah, anyone who has it. It's addressed to
current residents. It says,
to the lucky guest of the 12 guests of Xmas.
That's short for Christmas, I think.
It's a ticket to her factory.
Oh!
I like chocolate.
I get it.
Blueberries, the whole shot.
And I brought...
Would you break, Jimmy? I brought... And I autographed it. What'd you bring, Jimmy?
I brought, and I autographed it.
I'm more than happy to do it.
Tooth Fairy 2.
That I picked.
I, too, forgot to bring something.
So luckily I have a box of these in my trunk.
So I, my pleasure.
More than happy to do it.
That's Larry the Cable Guy's vehicle.
There you go.
This show is saving a lot of people
a trip to the Goodwill.
That's Larry the Cable Guy as Tooth Fairy.
Just dump this stuff off on your way home
and thank you for helping us get rid of all of it.
Merry Christmas.
Yeah, and Merry Christmas.
Jimmy, you get to pick the next category.
And you get to choose between...
This is a classic category from the show just came up,
the Blueberry Johnson category.
And it's You're In This is the name of this category
because these are films that someone on this panel is in.
A lot of people up here have done films.
Yeah.
That's three of us.
But I'll just give you a pre-clue.
It's not the movie you've been cut out of.
I take myself out of this equation.
So it's not
It could be another movie that you're actually in.
But there are 12 of you
or there were at the beginning.
13 of you. So
it could be anybody. Or you could
pick Valentine's Dre
and that's romantic movies that have
a hip-hop artist in them. and that's romantic movies that have a hip hop artist in them
because that's unusual
and Sean
John 1166 suggested
there will be flood and guess
what that is
movies with the
producer flood
nobody knows who that is why the fuck did I
pick up you know thank you thank God Scott
it's movies where there's a flood producer flood he produced a couple of Tom Jones songs Nobody knows who that is. Why the fuck did I pick a producer? You know, thank you. Thank God Scott Aukerman's here.
It's movies where there's a flood.
Producer Floody produced a couple of Tom Jones songs back in the early 2000s.
No, this is just, there's a flood.
I see.
It's one of the more clever plays on work.
I thought it would be movies featuring songs
from the They Might Be Giants album, Flood.
Does everybody want to crack at this?
Doug, because I think it's fun to
have everybody up on the stage go,
I didn't know that person was in that.
Let's do that first one where somebody on the stage
was in the movie. You like that one?
I do. I'm a fan of that category.
Alright, let's do it.
Two and a half stars for Mr. Moulton.
Apologies to the person that's on stage
and in the world.
Sounds like it could be mine.
It's between fair and good.
Yeah, so it's not too bad.
Once again, very good chance it's mine.
2006, he calls this movie Loud.
He also says that one of the supporting actors in the film is outstanding as a simple man.
Hmm.
And I'll give you one more.
He also says strong performances.
So congratulations to someone up here.
Because Leonard thinks
your performance was strong.
Or he didn't take the time to single you out.
And he lists
12 names.
Maybe it's all of us.
How many?
You're too fast to go get a microphone
and then say it.
Sarah said, maybe it's all of us
for the listeners at home.
A great joke.
Editorializing.
Some things you just want to keep in the room
well that one could have stayed
how come you're racing
microphones to her now
Sarah's now holding a press conference
here we go we go nice
the thugs the losers
little cries the shrinking
Doug
yes sir 2006 you said alright Christ, it's shrinking. Doug. Yes, sir.
2006, you said.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
12 names.
11.
He's going to take 11.
He only shaved off one.
That's right.
We're back around the track. Strategy.
Top of the batting order, Rich Sommer.
You don't have to applaud for him again.
Don't do that.
Although, that's not a bad thing to do for sticking around.
Oh, thanks, guys.
Sticking around applause.
Right.
What did you say, 10?
11.
He took 11 out of 12.
I'll go 10.
He says 10, Scott Aukerman.
I only see two working actors on this stage, so it's got to be one of them.
What kind of crazy ass...
Do both of their names begin with M?
My back is to Michael.
There's more than three.
Everybody's got credits.
I was an extra.
Film credits.
You have one.
I have one, and it wasn't the one that...
This is not it.
You don't think it's that shot of you from over your shoulder?
No, that's 2001.
Yeah.
So,
and what,
what's the title of it?
The title of the
film is,
I'm so tricky. Yoda makes a friend.
That wasn't even the name of the book.
I'm going to say name that movie.
Alright.
So you get 11 out of
12 names.
No, 10.
Oh, I apologize for that.
He shaved. Good shave job.
That was like me with my pubes last night.
He reached around and got that microphone for that.
Okay, so you get 10 out of 12.
Okay.
And would you like the clues again?
No, it doesn't matter.
Wow. I love it. Okay. And would you like the clues again? No, it doesn't matter. Wow.
I love it.
Okay.
Jimmy Mystery is in this movie.
Oh, God.
Stephen Collins.
When he was allowed to work.
Marius Wires.
Nere Mwini Basil Wallace
David Harewood
Michael Sheen
Arnold Vuslu
Do you know which one it is?
Yeah, he's figured it out.
Queso Kuypers, how do you say that name?
Queso Kuypers?
Queso Kupers.
Queso Kupers.
You don't?
Oh, that was good.
Queso Kuypers is one of my favorite things at Olive Garden.
And your tenth out of twelve
names.
Jaiman Hunsu.
From 2006
to
two and a half.
And it was loud.
Loud.
Strong performances. And strong performances.
Someone was
outstanding.
And one
outstanding.
As a simple
man.
I was not a
supporting actor
in that.
I don't know
what you guys
are talking about.
Of
Mice and Men.
I don't know.
I'm going with
only one part of any of the clues.
Only one part of any of the clues,
which is one simple man.
That's all I've got.
Unfortunately, it's a movie called Blood Diamond.
Sure is.
With Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Connelly
and Michael Sheen as the simple man.
That's not the part he played.
He was a complex man.
Simple man is a Jew.
To the listeners at home.
We'll add heavy reverb
and it'll sound like
you got carried away
by a hawk or something like that.
A Nazi hawk?
Who's in the scene
with you in the car?
Were you meet in a car?
It's me and Jymon.
Oh, okay.
Very cool.
Should I go now?
If you want to plug something, you can do that.
Nope, got nothing.
Rich Summer, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
He loves games, but he doesn't do great.
Nope.
I thought they put up that soundproof wall over there.
I didn't realize he was still...
Could still hear me.
Can you still hear me?
Yep.
Harry Crane was such a horrible asshole
That was acting
That was acting
He agrees
He agrees
I actually thought
They were too mean to him
But that's because I like
That's because I like you
Get the fuck out of here
Yeah, Doug
But do you remember
The last few episodes
Harry turned out to be
Kind of a scumbag
That's right
Yeah
Yeah, emphasis on kind of
Well He was still
the great Rich Sommer.
He got turned. No, no, no. Nothing against the
actor. We're talking about the character.
Right. I like
every character you play.
There's no way that's true.
You're right.
Where
are we? What's happening? Rich got
knocked out, so Scott knocked him out,
so good on you.
I'm just glad I'm sitting next to Scott.
Right?
Is he just,
he's taking everybody out, right?
No, took one guy out.
He came for Leonard Maltin.
Two?
You took another one out?
You said nothing.
Oh, Maltin.
Then he came for Rich Summer.
Then he came for Howard Stern's wife,
the author.
It's for charity, and they're
nice.
Alright.
Kate gets to pick the next
category.
And
where am I on this thing?
You get to choose
between some classic
categories that are still in here.
Boy, there's a lot of them.
At Movie Lodge suggested Raspberry Buffet.
And that's winners of Golden Raspberry for worst picture.
So yeah, the worst movies in their year, according to the Raspberries.
Celebrating a birthday today, the great Don Johnson turned something today.
So, the films of Don Johnson.
And finally, your third choice, Go Bananas.
And that's movies with apes in the title.
And I'll give you an example.
The Anderson Tapes. Oh. in the title and I'll give you an example the Anderson tapes yeah which one of those you like apes Don Johnson or worst movies all right this movies
from 1940 four stars from Leonard he says it's one of the great American films.
An uncompromising
adaptation of a novel.
The screenplay
was by Nunnally Johnson.
I say that because I know it will help no one.
And Leonard lists
16 names.
How many names can you get it in?
Kate Micucci?
I could take a guess.
I mean, I have a guess.
Say 16 names?
Sure.
I mean, okay, sure.
16 names.
Right?
That's a smart bid, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You could say zero.
But then I guess, well, no, we'll just say zero.
You think you know what it is?
I mean, maybe.
I don't know why I think I know that it is.
I'd say negative one if I knew what it was.
But I don't know anybody in it.
Oh.
I'm just guessing.
I'm just getting a title
in my head.
Oh, interesting.
You got this, girl.
Oh.
Wow.
Mark Wahlberg just
encouraged you.
You fucking encouraged me.
I want you to make
your own decision.
I don't want to force you
into anything.
Is it Citizen Apes?
I think I'll just do 16.
That was 1939, you fool.
What's that?
I'll do just a bunch of names.
16. Take them all.
That's how you stay in the game.
There's no reason to stick your neck out at this point.
That's what I was thinking.
Playing it safe.
Michael Sheen, what are you going to do?
Do you think you know what it is?
I think I might not.
1940.
That's early.
He's like, it's based on a book.
I like books a lot.
Did you say it's based on a book?
I said, did I say it's based on a book?
Yes.
Uncompromising adaptation.
You were thinking what I'm thinking.
It might have been an adaptation of a YouTube video,
but I'm pretty sure it was a book.
I'm going negative one.
Oh!
Come on. Go big or negative one. Oh! Come on.
Go big or go home.
Yeah, well.
Way to go, Michael.
You fucking bring that heat, brother.
Thanks, Mark, thanks.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Donnie, get my car ready.
Donnie, get the fucking car ready!
Because Michael's not going anywhere.
Only guy to beat me up
for a roll right there.
He beat you off to get a roll?
Yeah, he'll do anything.
He will do anything.
I'd let it.
No, he beat me out for a roll.
Oh, beat you out.
Yeah.
It is.
It was fucking Frost-Rickson.
Oh, my God.
You were up for that?
Yeah, dude.
Why didn't you just say, I'll play Nixon?
Why didn't you just settle?
No, I thought it was about a guy who was a snowman and hated the president.
I read it wrong, but you fucking got it and you deserved it, dude.
They said he wasn't buff enough.
You fucking liar, dude.
How dare you.
What was it again?
Donnie, start the car.
Donnie, keep the car running.
Donnie, bring the car around.
Donnie, get the fucking car.
Now, if I'm in a fight, I say, Donnie, get the fucking car. Now if I'm in a fight, I say, Donnie, get the fucking bat.
And if it's my house,
I say, Donnie, get the fuck out.
You have something to say
for every occasion.
You gotta have your Donnie-isms ready.
Mike Furman, it's been great having you here.
Yeah, it was really fun.
Santos, I'm sorry, buddy.
Well, no, let's see.
Negative 1, eh?
Yeah, that's what he says.
Let's see.
Negative 1, eh?
Negative 1, eh?
The shittiest apartment in the building.
Almost as bad as negative 1, see?
We call that the basement around here.
Let's see.
Hey, Sam, if I have no idea what the movie is,
what should I do?
That depends who you want to play like.
Oh.
Is it Mike or is it a little bitch?
Oh, yeah.
I say, Mike, the smart move in this scenario is
if you genuinely have no idea,
then the only chance you have of winning
is telling him to name it
and hoping he's wrong
because if you go negative
and you know you don't know
then you are for sure
going to lose.
Let me take
let me walk you
through another perspective.
If you bid one
less than him
if you say it
then Sarah's going
to challenge you
and so you at least
get to decide
who knocks you out. Oh yeah. Interesting. Right. And so you at least get to decide who knocks you out.
Oh, yeah.
Interesting.
Yeah, I think you're in a tight spot, and Sam's right.
That's pretty much all you can do.
You know, the very first time I was ever on this show,
the very first thing I did was knock Sarah off the show,
and I felt so bad about it because I felt like,
here you came all this way, and you got the molten.
So I'm going to...
She's at least a 10-minute drive.
I'm going to restore balance and say negative two.
Wow.
Oh, well.
Isn't that fun?
For a man ain't no bitch.
Name it.
What's going to happen now?
Thank you and good night.
All right.
The names are Dwight D. Eisenhower and Winston Churchill, the film is Shapeshifter.
Is that true?
It does have apes in the title, so at least you got that much.
But it's a classic motion picture starring
the top two names are Henry Fonda and
Jane Darwell, and it's
The Grapes of Wrath.
The Grapes of Wrath, yeah.
That was a tough one.
Do you have anything to plug, buddy? Or Roth, as it's
correctly called. Roth.
The Grapes of Tim Roth.
There's a Rule 34 joke in there somewhere,
but I don't know if I should make it.
Go to mikeferman.com and find satirical kids' music.
I'd love it.
There you go.
Mike Furman, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, yeah, there's a thing on there.
Somebody's got to, you've got to get this foam finger back on.
Oh, what's happening?
Sorry, sorry. Oh shit.
For the lessor at home, Michael Sheen just dropped the fucking mic.
Heads up.
But in a British way, not in a sort of Hugh Grant,
ooh, sorry, fuckity fuck, sorry.
Not in a kind of boom,, ooh, sorry, fuckity fuck, sorry. Not in a kind of boom-yah.
That really was British.
Boom-yah.
Is that how you say it?
Boom-yah.
Boom-yah.
You know what you say
after you make a bombastic point?
You just go, boom-yah.
Yeah, yeah.
Explain it some more, please.
Okay, like, let's say you're talking about Mona,
right? But you're like, she's a slut
and after you go, boom-yah!
Mona, get the car!
That's my Tony Danza. Alright, I'm done.
We're on to Moshe. He gets to pick the category.
Oh, yeah. Boom-yah. That's right. We're on to Moshe He gets to pick the category Oh yeah
Boom y'all
That's right
You get to choose between
Fast Batch Cumberbender
And that's
That's the films of
Fast Bender and Cumberbatch
Okay
Or
FBI Hop
Suggested
Five Not Alive.
That's a little sad one, kind of.
It's the films of John Cazale
who acted in five films,
critically lauded for each one of them,
and then died.
And so he's only made five films
and they're all amazing.
Oh, wait.
I know
I know that one of them
was in one movie.
I'm not an idiot.
And S. Dwyer, really?
S. Dwyer, 731.
Yeah, really.
I don't read books and shit, but I ain't no idiot.
Boom, y'all.
Hey, idiot.
Yeah? Oh, shit, man.
Your third option is
My Skies
And it's
Movies that have the Grim Reaper in them
Okay, I'll pick that one
Yeah?
Yeah
You like Grim Reaper movies?
I just know two
Okay
Well, maybe you know this one
This one's from 1991
Leonard gave it two and a half stars
He says
He says about this movie that
The special effects almost take over
And
I don't think there's anything else I can say
That wouldn't give it away.
Okay, I'll do...
And he lists...
Negative one.
Nine names.
I think negative one.
He says negative one, Sam Levine.
Seems pretty confident, too.
He sure does.
Go ahead, Moshe, name that movie.
Okay, Keanu Reeves, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.
That is correct.
You know, I've never, ever guessed a movie in this game
in the years I've been doing this.
Not even ever with all of the names ever.
At least you did it against somebody.
Yeah.
For those wondering why I had to force him to name it,
I thought Moshe thought the movie was Last Action Hero,
which also has The Grim Reaper, but came out in 1993.
You really were counting on that mistake?
It's what everyone was thinking.
Yeah.
Because people will ask me on Twitter,
and I thought I would just nip it in the bud
right here.
I am in fucking shock right now.
I can't believe that just happened.
I feel so good about myself.
That's not what I thought was going to happen.
The listener at home, Moshe, is literally crying.
Oh, I'm sorry. It's Bill and Ted's
two bogus journey. Oh, fuck off. I'm sorry. It's Bill and Ted's Too Bogus Journey.
Oh, fuck off.
I'm just kidding.
That would be weird.
Bill and Ted's Too Bogus Journey.
It was too bogus, man.
T-O-O.
Yeah, pass that over here.
What's going on, Sam?
What can we look for you on?
Oh, well, you can see me on Kevin Pollak's chat show
or hear me on Kevin Pollak's chat show every week.
Oh, thank you. those of you who listen
to it. And I
got some features in TV shows, but
not until later this year. Oh, that high-pitched
lying voice. I love it. Yeah, I got
some movies that are in the can.
You know, things of that nature.
Some movies going to cans. Yeah, I know.
I might have to have it back on.
All right. But nice job, Moshe. I might have to have it back on. All right.
But nice job, Moshe.
Thank you, Sam Levine, everybody.
Ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, now that he's out of the room,
I've got to say,
I was completely shocked by that outcome.
I'm right here, Doug.
So am I.
I'm actually still in the game.
I thought, yeah,
I thought both of you,
I thought you might have gone out for a break after that.
That was
unlikely. Hey, man.
No, that's a compliment.
You just took down
arguably the best player in the game.
And I am arguably the worst player
in the game. Yeah.
You say it every time you're on the show.
You just announced it.
This is the first time I've ever gotten a point
by naming a movie.
I'm still really shocked.
This is a great night for me.
This is going to be a new you.
You're going to be more competitive,
more interested.
I come here to play the game because I think it's fun
and I think you always make me laugh,
but it feels good to be better
than other people.
You sound like somebody on the show Big Brother.
It's a great show. Yeah, I didn't
come here to make friends, man.
So we're on Mark
now. Everybody's on Mark.
For the listener at home,
Doug and I are in a nodding off.
Yeah, I'm nodding off.
I'm in a nodding off as well.
Boom.
Jesus.
Race for it.
All right.
Your three choices, Mark, are
Ghostbusters
that's movies where Patrick Swayze is arrested
that's a beautiful man
Matthew McConaughey
that's Matthew McConaughey movies
that made over a hundred million dollars
or The World According to ARF and thathey movies that made over 100 million dollars or the world
according to ARF
and that's movies that are narrated by
a dog
and I need to make this clear
every time
it's an actor portraying a dog
it's not a film narrated by
a real dog
which one of those let's go fucking Swayze dude by a real dog.
Which one of those?
Let's go fucking Swayze, dude.
Okay. Did you like Swayze when he was with us? What?
You a big fan? With us?
I love him today, dude.
Yeah, his movies hold up after his
tremendous loss.
You're going to list his movies? This isn't Last Man Stanton.
Alright, let's do this shit.
Look good, feel good.
Two stars. Nope.
From Leonard.
This movie
from 2001
was the year.
He says about this movie
that
it's got a tortured teen in it.
And he says one of the
actors in this film,
also executive produced it.
Great clues.
Yes, sir.
Ten names.
How many can you get it in?
Give me ten.
Mark Wahlberg takes ten.
Jimmy Pardo.
Moshe won that?
Why is there so many unintentional mic drops?
Sorry.
Save it for when you do something awesome.
Is falling asleep awesome?
I am going to get around to doing Doug Love's Sleeping
next year. I've been
promising it for a long time. He says
no more. Jimmy's had enough.
No, nine names.
Scott Ackerman. Jimmy, I
gotta ask you a name in this movie.
You are an asshole!
Alright, give it to me!
Alright, give Jimmy a microphone.
Yeah.
How many names do you get?
Nine plus the title of the film. Okay, here you go.
The title, I'll do that first.
Okay, that'll be helpful.
Your nine names.
Here we go.
Are Noah Wiley, Patrick Swayze,
Catherine Ross, Holmes Osborne,
Mary McDonnell, Maggie Gyllenhaal,
James Duvall,
Drew Barrymore,
Jenna Malone.
Nine
out of ten names.
You're missing one name.
That's right.
I'm missing two names.
What is the title of the film?
You're missing the title of the film.
That's right.
2001, you said?
Mm-hmm.
This is a talkie?
This is not The Artist, which came out much later.
It did, didn't it?
Mm-hmm.
This also doesn't have Swayze.
Well, I think there's a ghost in it.
I'm going to go ahead and take a drink during that.
I'm going to go with Red Dawn.
You said that like Sam Elliott.
Did you say Red Dawn?
Red Dawn, yeah.
The porno that came out in 2001.
They had those same nine people in it.
Jimmy, what would you say if I said Jake Gyllenhaal was the last missing name?
Would that help you at all?
It would make me say Red Dawn.
It's Donnie Darko.
Donnie Darko.
Oh, I remember him.
Oh, yeah, Swayze gets arrested in that.
Thank you.
Yes.
Give him a microphone.
Plug something.
Never Not Funny, the award-winning podcast over there on the Airwolf Network.
When's the next podcast-a-thon?
March 5th.
Yes.
What's going on with my back?
I don't know.
You got all humpy.
Give me a little something there.
Oh, you want me to open it?
She told me to open this at home.
I think it was very personal.
But we got to save the shithead part.
So tear that part off or something.
Dog, to answer your question,
just say, yeah, right there.
Thank you.
I did that
like Galen, not even Cornelius.
March 5, next part,
that's a Planet of the Apes reference.
That's got the word apes in it.
March 5, next part,
cast-a-thon.
To raise money for Smile Train,
which we just went down to Mexico
and met one of the doctors that does the surgery.
We met some children and their families,
and it was great.
How'd you get down there? Smile plane?
It's a good charity. I don't appreciate that kind of humor.
If you're home, Doug is there.
Jimmy Pardo, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you, Scott.
Yeah, your vicious play is really helping me.
Have you noticed Kate sitting behind you?
Yeah, there she is.
All right, Kate gets to pick the next category.
This is fun.
I like it when people leave.
Gets quieter up here.
Yeah.
Did you see the ass on that guy?
C underscore Mattel suggested sour diesel. Oh, wait a second. Jimmy's back. Passing that envelope. suggested Sour Diesel.
Oh, wait a second.
Jimmy's back.
Passing that envelope.
He doesn't care for the contents of that envelope.
Is it got anthrax in it or something?
Oh, okay.
It's personal.
Sour Diesel is
Vin Diesel movies.
They got two stars or less
from Leonard.
Which turns out to be most of Vin Diesel's movies.
Passenger 50 Slevin.
Passenger 50 Slevin.
That's movies with Josh Hartnett or Wesley Snipes.
Don't believe they ever worked together.
And 588-2300 Empire.
And that's actors from the TV show Empire.
Let's go with the middle category,
the Slevin one.
Okay, this is Josh Harshnet.
Harnet.
Harnet.
Hairnet.
It's Josh Hairnet or
Wesley Snapes
is in this motion picture.
You get to pick a year from 1986 or 2005.
2005.
Here we go.
One and a half stars from Leonard.
He says this movie is stylish, audacious,
and someone is billed in the titles as a
special guest director
and he lists
a lot of names he lists
7, 10, 13
15, 18
20 names
20 names and one of those
is Josh Hartnett
or Wesley Snipes
how many names
do you think
you can get it in?
oh
20
20 names
20 names
since Kate Micucci
Michael Sheen
is counting on his fingers
working it out
where you at? preparing for a boom yacht what do you get? Michael Sheen is counting on his fingers, working it out.
Where are you at?
Preparing for a boom yacht.
What do you get?
My ego's all swagger right now.
This game's easy now.
I'm just going to try and go out in a blaze of glory.
Minus six.
You know you have to get them in the right order, those six names.
What?
No.
Well, that's how we play.
This is the original Leonard Maltin game. That's how we did the negative names in that game.
You've played reverse Maltin where you just have to name any six.
So can we, just because that was a spectacular.
We can reset.
From first name down.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's reset.
Leonard, get out here.
Everybody, back out out here.
If I can restart this.
From the top.
Garfugles.
I want to do that Billy Ted's thing again.
Throw up those cookies.
I bet you it would go differently.
It's just as impressive if you do negative one.
Or none.
I'm blown away.
Because you know the first, I'm sure.
If it's the film I think of, even that is slightly tricky.
Yeah.
Then just do zero.
All right, I'll just do zero then.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's got to be in the right order.
All right, no, fuck it.
I can't believe he gets to have his coach on.
No, fuck it.
Don't do it, dude.
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
How fucking dare you?
Minus!
All right, fuck it.
Minus six.
Let's go for it.
Michael, you don't have to do that shit, dude.
You don't got to live your life like this, bro.
Yeah!
No, you don't, dude.
Minus six! Holy shit.
What was crazy is you didn't say fuck you to me, and I'm the
guy that made you do that.
But hang on, Sarah might go minus seven
or eight. I'm gonna go
minus
name that tune.
Alright, so
we need the name of the film,
and then starting from the top,
just start listing the actors and actresses.
This is a lever split.
One of us is going to go.
One of us is walking home.
Okay.
One of us has no access to a phone or Uber.
Michael, you're not walking anywhere, okay?
Thanks, Mark.
Thanks.
You're a fucking star, brother.
Okay.
If I say the film first,
can you say if it's not that film?
Because it'll just be embarrassing if I say it.
No, I love it if you have the wrong film.
I want to hear six names from the wrong film.
Because I'm going to take ages over the names
because I've got to try and work out
who's going to come in what order.
So it's really embarrassing if I get the wrong film.
Oh, there's a gentleman in the audience
that's taking it on...
He's going to tell you if you're right or wrong.
Okay.
I'm going to say the film is Sin City.
Guest director, Quentin Tarantino,
but directed by Robert Rodriguez.
I fucking love him.
I'm going to say...
Why are you Sam Levine-ing this shit?
I'm going to say
that the first name
billed in that film. Fuck!
Man. Alright.
I'm going to say Mickey Rourke
because I think he's got
the biggest part, but he's probably not the biggest name.
Who's second?
Fuck. The biggest name
is Bruce Willis. I don't say right or wrong until you say
all of it. Okay. Alright. I'm going to go Mickey Rourke. Bruce Willis I don't say one I don't say right or wrong until you say all of it okay alright I'm gonna go
Mickey Rourke
Bruce Willis
fuck
Clive Owen is the main
actor in the other story
but I don't think
he's the next name
oh fuck
is Jessica Alba
a big enough person
to be the next name
ah
alright Mickey Rourke
Bruce Willis.
Jessica Alba.
I gotta stop you.
The movie isn't since...
Oh, fuck.
Fuck.
Booyah. Boo-yah.
I'm kidding.
The movie's Sin City, but you got the names all wrong.
Yeah, but the order was all over the place,
but you were totally nailing it.
What was the order?
The actual order's Bruce Willis, Clive Owen,
got that second billing you didn't think he would get. Then Jessica Alba is big enough, I guess.
Benicio Del Toro, Rosario Dawson, Jamie King.
Should I keep going?
Brittany Murphy, Mickey Rourke.
He probably did in the opening credits,
and sometimes Leonard just puts them in that order.
Yeah, Mickey Rourke is definitely the star of that movie.
I mean, it's a moral victory for me.
It really is.
I mean, it's a moral victory for me.
It really is.
Do you have a microphone to tell us any parting... Like, what should we...
Far From the Madding Crowd is excellent.
Kill the Messenger is also a great one that's out there you might not have seen.
Yeah.
What else?
Are you telling me?
What's the name of your new robot movie?
Passengers. I hate robots.
Thanks. It's not going to be
out for like five years. Okay.
Well, I'll get over it by then. I'll love
robots by the time it comes out. Thank you.
Michael Sheen, ladies and gentlemen.
I love you, Michael. I love you, Michael.
That was...
Wait, what just happened?
Okay, so now we are down to five.
And so that means we'll...
Who challenged who there?
Sarah challenged...
I'm so nasal.
I challenged Michael.
Okay.
So we'll start Yeah I get it Scott
Thanks though
We'll start with Kate and then go to Scott
And then
Mark, Moshe, Sarah
Our final five
You picked the last category Didn didn't you, Kate?
Good for you.
Should we go around?
No.
Not to Moshe?
But isn't it?
Nope.
It's not Moshe's turn?
Nope.
I announced earlier that the order would switch,
and we got down to five, and that's what just happened.
S. Epitapha Merkerson.
Movies where S. Epitapha Merkerson. Movies where S.
Epitapha Merkerson dies.
Do you know who that is?
Nope. Okay, won't be picking that one.
BLK Rabbit Coder suggested Darth Hater.
Darth Hater.
And that's James Earl Jones movies
that Leonard gave two stars or less.
What was that again?
I'm sorry, forgive me.
Darth Hater.
James Earl Jones.
Voice of CNN.
Holy
shit. Movies. Yep, that's
him.
Goddamn.
Or
Patrick
Hasty suggested The Incredible
Hulks, which is movies with Eric Bana, Ed Norton, or Mark Ruffalo.
What about Ferrigno?
Movies with one of those three guys that got three stars or more.
Let's do Hulks.
All right.
I like it.
Would you like a movie with one of the Hulks in it from 2003, 2008, or 2012?
2003.
Three and a half stars from Leonard.
He says that this movie
is full of great characters
and
oh, peppered with hilarious gags. It's full of great characters And uh
Oh
Peppered with hilarious gags
Yeah
And he lists
12 people
Yeah 12
For the listener at home
Moshe has his phone out
You guys can look.
I'm just, you know,
I got a wife at home now.
I got to check in.
It's like, it's crazy
when you get married.
Things are different.
Honey, I'll get back to you soon.
I'm podcasting.
How many names, Kate?
You said 12 names?
Yeah.
12 names, please.
She's taken all 12,
Scott Aukerman.
Kate, I gotta say, name that movie.
Should have known this was coming.
All right, thanks, Scott.
Why do you gotta say that?
All right.
It's like that parable where the fox takes the little thing across the river
and then at the end eats it.
You're trying to say I'm a fox?
No, he's saying you're a little thing that gets taken across the river.
Good Lord.
What?
I told you I don't read books, but I heard about it.
This dude Aesop told me.
Doug, how long does this show have to go
before you apologize to next week's Put Your Hands Together?
Doug, how long does this show have to go before you apologize to next week's
Put Your Hands Together?
I can't do the math of how many hours
is a week from now.
It's 20 hours?
At least.
Okay.
In 20 hours, I'll apologize
to Put Your Hands Together,
who were nice enough.
I do have to apologize to them
because they took the night off
just so we could do this. So thank you for that come check them out and uh i think they have
a show next week um someone with a comic was here earlier because she thought that they were doing
put your hands together i had to give her the bad news they just got married they're probably
really happy right now who did uh ria and uh cameron oh yeah that's true yeah let's hear it
for love ria butchering cameron esposito love wins and also i won earlier, that's true. Yeah, let's hear it for love. Rhea Butcher and Cameron Esposito.
Love wins
and also I won earlier
for that Bill and Ted's thing.
Don't deny you did, bro.
Why don't you try
to win the whole thing?
I'm here, aren't I?
Alright, your 12 names, Kate.
Okay.
And thanks for coming, Scott.
I don't know.
I think Scott's
going to stay here. I'll give you the clues again. I don't know. I think Scott's going to stay here.
I'll give you the clues again.
I'll give you the clues again.
Three and a half stars from 2003.
Did I say it was delightful?
I might have just given you an extra clue.
Peppered with hilarious gags.
Full of great characters.
And your 12 names are
Vicky Lewis, Austin Pendleton,
Steven Root, Brad Garrett,
Eric Bana, Hulk, Barry Humphries, Alexander Gould, Allison Janney, Jeffrey Rush, Willem
Defoe is a shithead, Ellen DeGeneres, and Albert Brooks in Scrunchy Face.
Ellen DeGeneres and Albert Brooks.
I was trying to think of that romantic comedy that Ellen did, but I know that was earlier than 2003.
Remember that? What was that one?
She was in a few.
And if you ever...
I have no idea.
She's just announcing
his nickname.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't notice that was you, Mr. Wrong.
Boom-ya!
For the final boom-ya of the evening.
Scott Ackerman, ladies and gentlemen.
That was a romantic movie between Bill Pullman and Ellen, right?
I think.
What was?
Mr. Wrong.
No, that was While You Were Sleeping.
No, While You Were Sleeping was a Sandra Bullock.
You are correct.
Isn't that what you said?
And Bill Pullman?
Yeah, no, but Ellen.
Oh, Ellen and Bill Pullman?
While You Were Sleeping is my favorite movie.
Well, that and Boogie Night.
Sounds like the story of tonight for me.
Also, we shouldn't skip over that.
What did you say the other favorite movie was, Kate?
Boogie Nights?
There you go.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm sorry we almost skipped over that.
Who's your favorite character in Boogie Nights?
Oh, um...
Shh!
I guess it would have to be the guy who's, like, the lead in it.
Dirk Diggler?
Yeah.
You're supposed to say my dick.
But you know what?
I'll take it.
All right.
It wasn't even real, though.
No guesses?
No guesses, sorry.
You're going to be upset when you find out this answer.
I know, I'm going to be so mad.
Yeah, yeah.
It's obvious but not obvious.
All right.
Yeah, the answer is Finding Nemo.
Duh!
Yeah, right?
This is the first animated related thing
Kate's ever not known in her life.
What's going on, Kate?
What do you got coming up?
Well, you can listen to
Secretions, the Garfunkel and Oates album
that was plugged earlier.
You guys get double plugs.
When does this air?
It'll be out tomorrow.
Then tonight, you can watch
Elf's Buddy, the musical's
Christmas... Wait,
Elf? Okay, it's a show I was in.
It's a
claymation version of Elf. Elf's Buddy's musical
Christmas. That's it. Yes, it's a
claymation version of Elf. Because they don't want anybody to think,
is this having to do with Elf? It's Will Ferrell
and his name is Buddy. Instead of
Will Ferrell and Zooey Deschanel,
it's Jim Parsons and me and a lot of other great people.
Mark Hamill is in it, too.
Where's that going to be on?
NBC, I think.
At what time?
I don't know.
I'm acting like it doesn't exist.
What?
This isn't real.
Kate McEwchie ladies and gentlemen the cannon guy's
nodding off at his post
we're down to four
the four I predicted
and put into an envelope
before the show
dude are you shitting me
right now
yeah it's in my car
but uh
I did it
I'm not giving him my keys he don't need your fucking keys oh that's a good point me right now? Yeah, it's in my car, but I did it.
I'm not giving him my keys. He don't need your fucking
keys. Oh, that's a good point.
He's from the streets.
Yep.
All right, so since
Scott challenged Kate,
we'll start with Mark
and then go to Moshe.
And Mark gets to pick between
these categories. I think I might run out of
categories, so we have to do some...
Lines? Yeah. No.
You can't. At this point, you can't.
You have to participate. You can't.
Can't do the lines.
Would you like B6 Dozer
on Twitter suggested
Woodcock,
which is movies that have a ventriloquist dummy
in them.
Or Justin Tigner suggested Rage Against Matthew Modine,
and it's movies where Matthew Modine gets punched.
And Westiola suggested Passenger 58.
What do you think that is, Mark?
Oh, man. Passenger 58.
That's people who are won better than Wesley Snipes.
People who pay their taxes.
He did his time. It's Wesley Snipes gets second billing.
Movies where Wesley Snipes gets second billing.
Yeah.
Because he was, Sarah, he was in
Passenger 57. I know, but why
is that? I don't know why anything is.
58 mean that. That doesn't, I don't know why.
I don't know why it means that.
You're going to have to find
Westiola on Twitter and really
grill him or her about it.
Passenger 52nd.
Oh, that's fun.
That would have worked and it would have been better.
Better.
But why would he be second billed if the number was 52nd?
It's got the word second in it.
Second, okay.
Is what I think Sarah said.
I think that makes sense.
Thank you, Moshe.
Yeah, that does make sense.
You get me.
Which one of those do you like?
Matthew Modine gets punched
Yep
Yeah?
Yeah
That's the one?
Mike can we do
A category between a hard place
People who have sex with a rock
I'll load that up
For the next episode
That you're not on
You got it
You can't really suggest a category
Cause then
Okay
Gives you a leg up.
1988.
Got it.
That's all you need?
Zero names.
You think I came here to fuck around, Tom?
I'll really do it.
I do know what I think it is,
but I can't even get it wrong.
Let me give you the clues.
Motion knows an opportunity when he sees one.
I'm trying to Scott Aukerman this bitch.
Hmm.
He says this movie's got likable characters.
Which, they're always welcome if you know which network to watch.
And amiable, entertaining farce.
Farts?
It's an amiable and entertaining fart.
And he lists 15 names.
I'll do 15.
Wait, what?
Earlier you had a much was before I got the clues
Much cockier number
Yeah, I know
Alright, he says 15, Moshe
You know, honestly
You know, it's like
I don't really
I'm gonna just go ahead and say
Name it
Name that movie
Because I really don't know
Even though Matthew Modine
Does follow me on Twitter right now
I'm kind of coming up as a blank right now,
so I'm going to say name it.
Let's say you said 14 names,
and then Sarah said name it.
You'd hear 14 names from the cast of this movie.
Should I take it back, and you undo it?
I'm just saying.
What do you think, Mark?
It seems a little rash what you're doing.
All right, fine, fine.
Okay, fine.
Five.
Five names.
Holy shit.
I mean, once you get past five, I'm not going to know who these people are. It's not going to help me. Yeah, fine. Five. Five names. Holy shit. I mean, once you
get past five, I'm not going to know who these people are.
It's not going to help me.
But it starts at the bottom.
It's like Drake. You're going to get this someday.
I told you I'm not good at this.
What are you booing me for? Suck my dick.
Yeah, just like Drake.
I'm the one.
God, if only that worked,
like you could turn a boo into getting your dick sucked.
You've never been on the road with me.
My Halloweens would be amazing.
Ladies and gentlemen, Scott Aukerman.
He actually wrote the screenplay for Spotlight.
I wanted you to hit the cannon.
Don't know a cue when they hear it.
Oh, I shouldn't have said that, I guess.
All right.
What do you want to do, Moshe?
You're saying five names?
Oh, I don't know.
Now I feel like an idiot.
14.
Yeah, okay, there you go.
I guess I was an idiot this whole time.
Dude, you took out Sam Levine.
You won already.
That's so true.
As long as one Jew's gone.
13. Jesus, 13, Scott. one already. That's so true. As long as one Jew's gone. Thirteen.
Jesus, thirteen, Scott. I know you have to say
things sometimes.
Negative one.
Oh.
Back at you, Mark Wahlberg.
I'm late for my third workout.
What was your second?
The second one?
I haven't even got to do it It's just called arm flexes
Fine, this bracelet weighs 32 pounds
I'm just going to do this
I'll say name it
Alright, so Scott needs to name the movie
And the top billed person in the movie
Married to the mob Michelle Pfeiffer That's correct All right, so Scott needs to name the movie and the top-billed person in the movie.
Married to the Mob, Michelle Pfeiffer.
That's correct!
Daddy's Home opens on Christmas Day.
It's going to be the biggest movie of the year.
Within those few days, within the six days that are left,
it's going to make more money than Star Wars, Mockingjay.
I've already bought seven million tickets.
Oh.
Yeah.
Very smart.
Yeah.
Mark Wahlberg,
ladies and gentlemen.
Friday,
January 22nd,
Sketchfest.
I'm doing a Wahlberg solution.
Come have your life fixed.
Sorry I didn't ask you that before we did the canon.
Another light mic drop.
Crush this shit.
Thanks, Mark.
Really? He's the one that you're rooting for?
Yeah, man, I'm a likable guy.
Because I don't know all kinds of movie trivia and shit.
Johnny! Johnny! Let's go!
All right, so what happened there?
Mark challenged, so we'll start with Sarah and go to Moshe.
And she gets to pick between Movie Lodge, suggested Slow Mantania,
and that's Joe Mantania movies that are over two hours long.
Then we come back to the top of the lineup here.
We've got Fool's Russian Roulette,
the films of Matthew or Michael Perry,
or Salma Hayek,
and Tyler Perry Presents,
movies with Tyler Perry or Christmas or both,
and Certified Flesh,
zombie movies that got three stars or more.
What was the first one? The first one was Slow Mantegna,
Joe Mantegna movies over two hours long.
Joe Mantegna movies over two hours long.
I'll do the... What's the other one?
I'll know when I hear it.
Tyler Perry Presents?
No, the one before that.
It would be after that.
Certified Flesh.
Zombie movies with three stars or more.
No, it was before it.
Oh, I gave you four categories? And you still can't pick one? Matthew Perry, Salma Hay more. No, it wasn't for it. Oh, I gave you four categories?
And you still can't pick one?
Matthew Perry, Salma Hayek.
You got it.
You got it.
Would you like a movie with Matthew Perry, Salma Hayek from 1999 or 2009?
Moshe that's a classic joke Doug
in my spare time I write
99 or 09
is the question
99 or 09
yeah those are your options
Matthew Perry or Salma Hayek?
I'll say
09.
Okay, more recently.
Yes.
Two and a half
starsies
from Leonard.
He says this movie is
predictable and uneven, but enjoyable.
He says someone in this movie gives a nuanced, intriguing performance.
And he lists 11 names.
I feel like I might know what it is
but I also might
not
I'll say
that I'd name it
in
do you know what it is?
Are you going to challenge me?
I'm deciding between zero and two names.
But I might not know it at all,
but I think I might.
It doesn't matter if you say zero or two
because I know my answer.
Zero.
Name that movie.
Oh, fuck! answer zero name that movie oh fuck well i'm fine anyway i had a good time made it to the top three
and i'm gonna say that it's 17 again. That's correct.
You know what?
You know what, Moshe?
I get it now.
I get it now.
It feels good,
but for me,
I gotta say,
this has been a really bogus journey.
No, it hasn't.
It's actually been
an excellent adventure.
And if you want another excellent adventure,
come see me, Natasha, Reggie Watts,
Brent Weinbach, Andrew Michon at the Grand Lake
Theater in Oakland, California on
New Year's Eve. And I'm out.
Thank you guys. Doug,
thank you. Thank you.
Moshe Kasher, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks, buddy.
You guys will move up, right?
Yeah, you can sit anywhere now.
Scott gets to go first.
And, oh, yeah,
give me that shit head.
Got a big pile of shit heads over here.
This is exciting.
This is a good final two.
Some of the old players from the old days.
Right?
You probably, next to Posehn and Sarah,
you probably played it as much as anybody else.
Yeah.
When we used to have to hold the book
because there wasn't internet yet.
Yeah, it was a few years ago.
Jesus.
Welcome back to Doug Lowe's Old Timey Movies.
And the final game, the tiebreaker, as it were, because it's just down to the two of you,
is the asparagus pea category. A guy on Twitter named asparagus pea suggested it.
And that's just a fun name. And initially I would call it asparagusp because I didn't
realize he was making an asparagus pea joke. I thought his name was asparagusp. The P was even capitalized. It was right there for me.
I love your tree tarns.
And so the way that category works is I'm just going to read
the full description of the film
and then Scott starts
us off and it just becomes
theoretically a game of negative
name bidding. You just
start off at negative names. You just start off at negative names.
You could start off at zero if you think you know the title
but don't know any of the cast,
but I think most of us will know the title.
I know I do. I'm looking right at it.
Here we go.
From 2005, three stars from Leonard.
He says, this is a warm-hearted comedy drama about an
eventful new england family gathering at christmas time where one of the five siblings uh brings his
uptight girlfriend and potential fiancee to meet his folks who put her on the spot start simply
then reveals a succession of layers that broaden and enrich the story.
The cast couldn't be better, written by the director, and then he lists 11 names.
Scott, do you know what this movie is?
Can you repeat one more time?
How many? The whole thing?
Yeah, why not?
Is there a theme or a topic
or this is just you picked it?
Yeah, I just picked a movie,
put it in there in advance.
As you can tell from the description, it's a
Christmas film from
2005.
And it's
a warm-hearted comedy drama
about an eventful New England family
gathering at Christmasmastime.
One of five siblings brings his uptight girlfriend and potential fiancé to meet his folks who put her on the spot.
Start Simply then reveals a succession of layers that broaden and enrich the story.
Cast couldn't be better.
Written by the director.
Eleven names.
How many, Scott?
Sarah,
I can do this
in eleven names.
We can do this?
Okay, so what you just said is that you're going to name
all eleven names. What?
Yeah.
No, I don't, okay, then I have no idea.
The bidding starts off negative.
You're both supposed
to already know the answer
of what this film is.
So we know.
I misjudged that.
Yeah, we don't know
what this is.
Yeah, so both of you
not knowing the name
of the film
or how this game works,
if somebody had bluffed,
you might have gotten
away with it,
but now you both know
that you don't know.
But I think it was pretty obvious
neither of us knew. Right. Again,
something you don't have to reveal
by your attitude while I'm
reading it. Right. You know what I mean?
People rarely want to bluff. I play poker
with you guys, and you bluff all
the time. And people rarely
bluff in these games. So I'll
pick a different movie. Okay.
Can I guess it? Wait a second!
If you think you might
know what it is, then let's play it.
No, let's do another one then.
Another one that I'm sure of.
I'm in.
That's the idea of it.
It's only fair that you both know what it is,
actually, because that's supposed to be the idea
is that you figure it out. But I'll do another one for you.
I got to hear what that one is.
Cause yeah,
I'm going to read it to you.
Wait,
you think I was going to sit here quietly?
Previous one.
You really want to know?
Yeah.
I think it'd be fun to leave everybody wondering for the rest of time.
Cause it,
you know,
now that I look at it,
it probably wasn't an easy one.
But I thought it was.
But it's a movie called The Family Stone.
Oh, yeah.
And Love the Coopers is out now, and it's not a sequel.
It looks like it's the exact same movie with even Diane Keaton as the matriarch.
But let's do a different one.
You guys are going to kill this one.
All right.
I feel great about it.
I'm going to bluff on this one, by the way.
Get your bluffing faces ready.
Here we go, Ray.
Let's really do this.
Because this is for the win, you guys.
You don't get anything, by the way.
Just bragging rights.
Can I put on the crown?
Where'd the crown come from?
Can he have the crown?
No. Nope. Just got to get back next to the jewels. Where'd the crown come from? Can he have the crown? No
Nope
Just gotta get back
Next to the jewels
In the display case
Remember the King Ralph
Buckingham Palace
That was fun
Alright
I'll describe the entire movie
And tell you how many names
And then Scott tell me
How many names of the cast
you can name from the top down in order.
Cheerless bastardization of the beloved children's book
by Dr. Seuss about a dastardly creature's attempt
to rob Whoville of its Yuletide holiday.
The film is loud and cluttered,
losing all the charm of the sweet,
simple source material.
Only good songs are
two holdovers
from the vastly superior
1966 animated TV special.
Rick Baker and Gail
Ryan won Oscars for Best Makeup.
That's, what a weird,
that's weird.
And the full title...
If I read this whole review, I'm gonna tell you the title.
The full title is Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
And then Leonard's last two words of the review?
Bah humbug.
And he lists...
eight names.
Good luck, everybody.
One name.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm fucked,
because I...
Well, we both know what that one name is,
so I have to say two names,
even though I don't...
I, uh...
Is this bluffing?
I'll say two names, which I don't know.
Two negative two names.
She might know it.
I'm going to say name them.
Those names?
Of all the times that you need to say,
I have to do this, this is the one.
Hey, Sarah, I gotta say, name those names.
Let's have the Grinch stole Christmas.
Dr. Seuss's.
Jim Carrey.
And the second name, I want to say, I'm sure I don't know, but
I do remember. Just say a second
person that might be in it.
David Hyde Pierce or something?
I don't know.
I don't think that's insulting because
he's great. And
the person that you might be thinking of?
Yeah. Jeffrey Tambor?
No, I don't know.
He's from television. You were on a show with him.
Is one of the Fannings in it?
No.
No, that little girl is kind of fan.
She's a momson. Taylor Momson is
the little girl. Molly
Shannon, Christine Baranski, Bill Irwin
as all the who's. Clint Howard.
They didn't have to put makeup on him
to play a who.
And it's narrated.
And it's narrated by Anthony Hopkins.
Sir Anthony?
And Sarah, do you have anything to plug?
Oh, so many things.
No, I guess I have nothing.
SAG Award nominated actress.
I smiled back.
Oh yeah, watch that movie. You have the guts. SAG Award nominated actress. I smiled back. Oh, yeah.
Watch that movie.
You have the guts.
Sarah Silverman, ladies and gentlemen.
And let's hear it for our winner, Scott Aukerman.
Oh, my gosh.
I've never won one of these.
Oh.
You've been down to the final two or three a couple of times.
Yeah, but I've never been able to do it.
Well, Graham's not here.
You usually have pretty good staying power.
That giving Kate Micucci all the names on Finding Nemo,
that was a bold-ass move.
And I was surprised about how it turned out.
What do you have to plug, my friend?
I Smile Back.
Great film.
Wrenching.
Very emotional.
In the gut region.
Yeah, I'm glad that her fellow actors
recognized her and gave her the nomination.
I think it's just great that finally
people can see the real Sarah.
Oh, no.
She's not an alcoholic pill taker
like she is in the movie. She smokes pot. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's different. I don't know. Oh, no. She's not an alcoholic pill taker like she is in the movie.
She smokes pot. Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's different. I don't know. I got nothing.
Okay. Yeah. Writing on
the Oscars for Chris Rock. Oh, yeah.
Saw some tweets about that. Yeah.
That's pretty awesome. Barely, but yeah.
Okay, you don't want to take the blame, right?
No, I just
said I couldn't do it, and I
called. I got a phone message from Chris Rock, and I called back, and I said I couldn't do it. And I called, I got a phone message from Chris Rock
and I called back and I said, I can't do it.
And then I got put on every email.
And so now I'm doing it.
But you can't do it.
I don't have time to do it.
You don't have time to do it, but you're doing it.
Yeah, I'm doing it.
All right.
Yeah.
All right, Scott Aukerman, everybody, our champion.
Put the crown on for a second.
And get some pictures, everybody, of Scott with the crown on.
Wow, it's like the whole outfit came with it.
There you go, everybody.
Scott Aukerman.
I got a lot of shitheads to read.
Apologies to nobody, because we brought this thing in on time.
Oh, there's another one.
Wait, who was the winning one went where?
Because that one doesn't get read.
Yeah, go ahead and just give that back.
And come get all these prizes.
The winner of all this stuff.
Good luck transporting it. come get all these prizes. The winner of all this stuff. I don't...
Good luck transporting it.
It's a bit much.
You can even have the donuts
if you want.
Nobody wants...
Yeah, I guess you can grab it later.
But, you know,
just watch out for the looters.
Because these people will go nuts
as soon as I leave the stage. They're all going to run up here
and start grabbing shit. I know I would.
Yeah, that's cool.
Everyone's cool around here.
And thank you guys so much for coming
and for listening all year long
and buying stuff
and all the great things that you do.
And we'll see you
next year, of course.
The next show here
in LA is on Saturday
afternoon at 420 over at Meltdown.
And then we're back here next
week from tomorrow night
for more fun here at
Oh, thank you. More fun here
at UCB.
As always.
Paul Reiser is a shithead.
I just read them, folks.
What's this?
Just some random
Oh the chainsaw didn't have one?
The foam
Chainsaw I personally took it off of there
Oh okay
You're sneaking one in
The ghost of Christmas past is a shithead
Anyone Who Spoils the Force Awakens is a shithead
Anyone Who Expects Me to Get Work Done the Week Star Wars Comes Out is a shithead
Bill Cosby
is a shithead
L.A. USD Threat Maker Asshole is a shithead? L-A-U-S-D
Threat maker asshole
Is a shithead?
That's really
Topical and local
It's like most of the things I use on wounds
Uh
Uh
How fast time flies by
Is it shithead?
Not tonight
This episode is for people
Who have long commutes
To be with their families
Was this supposed to have
A shithead on the back?
Oh that's
You were right
You weren't lying
I'm gonna miss some Was this supposed to have a shithead on the back? Oh, that's, you were right. You weren't lying.
I'm going to miss some.
The wind is a shithead.
Finally, somebody had the nerve to say it.
Cold weather is a shithead.
Took me forever to find it, then that was the payoff.
Defunding Planned Parenthood is a shithead.
I thought that would get more support.
Sam the Ma'am Levine,
aka Lil' Wolverine, is a shithead.
What?
Sam, would you like to rebut? Hey, Lil' Wolverine is a shithead? Right on!
Sam, would you like to rebut?
I just turned all those boos into blowjobs.
Thank you!
He turned all those boos into blowjobs.
And finally, I hope I got them all in.
Finally, when you cut your nails a bit too short And they kind of sting
For the next few days
Is a shit
He flies a bull and spewing prowess
Makes him coffee
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies