Doug Loves Movies - Michelle Biloon, Doogie Horner and Nick McIlwain guest
Episode Date: June 28, 2015Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, Doug welcomes Michelle Biloon, Doogie Horner and Nick McIlwain to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California ...Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats with 50-as-a-pup-of-turtles in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
I knew that was going to be tight.
There was even a little Jersey Boys lilt at the end.
We're coming to you once again.
I don't know how many times you've been here now.
I'm sure somebody in the audience knows.
Probably four or five.
From the Helium
Comedy Club, and it's a you-know-what
in Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania!
Pennsylvania,
I say.
That's what I say. And, you know, it's weird.
Like, normally you don't, when you're
visiting a town, you'd like to have their finest weather.
But there's something about, for once,
like, usually when I do a show on June 27th,
which I believe this is,
2015, but usually a show on June 27th,
the outdoors is going to be nice and warm
and people are going to want to hang out outside.
But the fucking weather
here right now is like
not only raining, but it's a little chilly.
Not a lot chilly.
There's still dudes walking around with shorts on
in the rain.
But I still don't feel so bad about
making you guys come into the
basement for a show.
Because you're not going to be outside right now.
It's stupid weather.
But, oh, I should mention,
helium, like, somebody tweeted me that it's
too hot in here, so if you could fix that,
that'd be great, and if you don't fix it,
we're just going to continue anyway.
Feels alright to me
so far. Let me see
your name tags, Philly.
I know you brought some good ones. No Courtney
for old men. Reservoir David. Alice in Wonderland. Your name is Alice? Alice and one Dylan. Okay.
That sounds like you got some interesting plans for Alice.
Sounds like you got some interesting plans for Alice.
Lee and... Lee and...
It's Terminator.
Or no.
Oh, it's...
What is it?
Reanimator.
And you put Lee at the front.
Lee Animator.
Okay.
I get it.
Then next to you, two people who didn't bother.
I love when front row seats
don't even have a name tag.
That's an extra level of dedication.
Kung Fu double feature,
but what's your name?
Kung Fu Amanda
and Kung Fu Amanda 2?
What's this cat's eye?
What's that about?
Your name is Cat?
Catherine?
Katrina?
Oh, good for you.
Fifty Shades of Shara?
I'm sorry, Fifty Shades of Sarah?
There's a couple of blinking ones out there
that they just look like Christmas has come early.
Because I can't read what's on the sign.
I see some donuts.
We know what's
going to happen if the donuts get picked.
But as always, thank you guys for bringing those.
As always, I have nothing to do
with the name tag selection. People
send me their name tags on Twitter and go,
please pick this one. And I write back,
I don't have a part of that
process.
My guests get to pick whoever they want to play for.
And my guests are weird.
Denver, Colorado, come hang out
with me Friday night, July 3rd, at the
Alamo Drafthouse in Littleton, Colorado
for a pre-party
followed by a screening of
Chronicon episode 420, A New Dope.
Everyone else can get it on VOD.
Oh, shit.
Drop some of my games.
You don't want to drop your games, everybody.
Or any of it.
I'm sorry, I'm going to have to start over.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody!
This is Douglas!
Douglas, yeah, I was kidding about starting over, but...
Thank you for your participation.
This is Douglas! I know it's starting over, but... Thank you for your participation. DUNGLOS MOVIES!
But before July 3rd, Dunglos Movies returns to Tempe, Arizona
on Wednesday.
DunglosMovies.com for all my dates and deeds
and links. From the corrections department,
John Goodman was not in true grit.
And from the me department,
please stop tweeting me
that you have the perfect name for
Last Man Standing.
From my experience, you don't.
90% of the time, so it's like I got the perfect name.
Fabian.
And I'm like, what?
They don't say Fabian 90% of the time, but you know what I mean.
If you think you have the best name, you don't.
And I'm not going to pick people from Twitter anyway,
so you don't need to tweet to let me know that you have a good name.
Like tonight, I'm going to pick my favorite name tag that doesn't get selected by the guests.
If we play Last Man Sten.
Wow, that's complicated.
It's unnecessary to put that on an audience.
Just relax and enjoy the show, you guys.
No matter what happens.
The prize bag has lots of fun stuff in it,
including my latest CD, Promotional Tool.
Yeah.
This thing's kind of cool, but I don't want it.
It's an Eon party starter
and it's like a little
disco ball and speaker
that you can hook up to whatever device you use
to listen to music and
fucking next thing you know you're going to have a party.
That's not
an ad. They're not a sponsor. It's just something
I'm trying to get rid of.
Along with
a Douglas Movies t-shirt
and a bunch of other stuff
contributed by my guests who I'm going to bring out
right now. Please give a big
warm helium. It's a gas
in Philadelphia. Welcome
to Nick McElwain, Michelle
Balloon, and Doogie Horner!
Let me introduce you real quick.
First time guest, Michelle Balloon, wins the Pete Holmes Award. Thank you.
You've been on stage for two seconds.
It's your first time. You're already winning awards.
That's incredible.
She's an award winning podcast guest.
Michelle is a very funny comedian already winning awards. She's an award-winning podcast guest. And Michelle
is a very funny comedian
who I've known as a Los Angelino.
And you recently
relocated to...
Are you right, Smacky?
You're outside.
Northern Liberties.
People love their Northern Liberties.
People love to be able to take off a shirt.
What's that, Doogie?
Southern Liberties, not so much.
Take that flag down!
Take the Southern Liberty flag down?
It's got a big-spear bicycle on it.
Two cappuccinos. It's got a big-spear bicycle on it.
Two cappuccinos.
So how do you like living on this side of the country, Michelle?
I like it a lot.
I literally never been here until I stepped off the plane.
There's water ice here.
There's what?
Am I doing that?
Is that right?
Water.
It's water ice, but what did you say?
Water ice?
Water.
They pronounce it like water.
Water ice? Is that annoying how I'm doing that to you?
But it is, right?
That's how it is.
It's funny that you say that they pronounce anything unusually, because I don't find that
when I visit.
Like, people seem to not have an accent.
Have someone say water.
Are you a Philly person?
Yeah, at least not from the island.
Say water.
Say it. Water. Water.illy person? Yeah, he's not from the island. Say water. Water.
It's spelled W-U-D-D-E-R.
You know, no matter how you say it,
we need it in California.
We're totally out of water
in California.
And we did a podcast together,
Michelle, out in Los Angeles.
Yeah, walking with Michelle.
I don't know, I used to do it back in the heyday.
It was in the beginning when Jimmy Pardo started his
pre-WTF, pre-Douglas movies.
I was really close behind.
You were close behind.
It might have even been right when you were starting.
But yeah, we went to
Six Flags Magic Mountain.
You gave me a THC pill
and took me on roller coasters.
And it was the scariest thing that ever
fucking happened.
It was awful.
You can't blame the THC pill on that.
But yeah.
But it's still out there for people to listen to
if they want to. Walking with Michelle.
The Six Flags Magic Mountain episode.
Yes.
But you should get into it again.
Hershey Park is right nearby.
I am going to start up again.
There's a thing in New Jersey.
I am.
I am going to start up the podcast again.
Maybe next time we'll do one of the roller coaster parks together.
That's what I'm saying, yeah.
But also just in general, there's so much fun stuff to do out here,
and that was the premise of the podcast, right?
You take another comedian and go do something fun?
Yeah, I guess, exactly.
We did Paula Tompkins and I went to Disneyland.
Maria Bamford and I did Hollywood Boulevard.
Jimmy Pardo and I looked for stars' homes.
Yeah, it was great.
Really?
We stopped.
You just drove her out looking for people?
We got a star map.
Was he hoping to run into a guy from Chicago or something?
What he's a fan of is weird.
We parked out in front of Meatloaf's house for a while.
I would not run into Meatloaf,
especially if he looked like he does in Fight Club.
I don't like a big-titted Meatloaf.
Also, very quiet there on the end and I appreciate your
professionality
Nick McElwain is here everybody
another first time guest
but the only guest on the panel
who's not only part of the Preston and Steve show on
WMMR here in Philadelphia,
but he's also been called
a shithead on this show.
How'd that happen?
I don't know. Is the person who did that
here tonight? No, okay.
What a shame.
Yeah, because at the end
of one of the Philly shows, I was like,
Nick McElwain is a shithead?
I was like, who is that even?
And I had met Nick, of course, because I had been on
Preston and Steve, but he's just Nick to me.
I think I was here
that night, too, because you've had
Preston and Steve on before, and I think you've had
Casey on, but this is my first time.
Yeah, yeah, I'm just going through the lineup.
Kathy Romano's next.
She'll never do it.
And really, you don't want her to do it.
Yeah, the second part of that is true,
because
she doesn't seem like much of a trivia nut.
She just seems like a lady who's good
at telling people about the traffic.
We all have our strengths.
And it's fun to ride a roller coaster with because she screams like a total...
Yes.
Yeah.
That was fun.
She's very scared by it.
I did...
We were in Hershey yesterday, which was awesome, and it was really cool of you to come again.
But I did Kingda Ka with her in Great Adventure, and that's the really tall...
You must have...
Like, the whole time waiting to go on, she must have been
begging to not do it.
Well, there's a photo of her
and me on Kingda Ka.
You get the snapshot when you're down the coaster.
It's one of my favorite photos
because she's a very beautiful person, but she looks like
she's shitting her pants.
Which is pretty hot.
Person's super beautiful.
You might as well include that look
in their repertoire.
And Doogie Horner's here, everybody.
Local phenom
moved to New York City,
blowing it up out there.
Couldn't keep a straight face
during the hype.
You're killing it, man.
You've been on
Douglas movies out there.
That's the height of
everything.
But it's always good to see you
and thanks for coming back
to Philly for this.
Yeah, sure.
My pleasure.
I'd like to...
My wife and I like to come back.
My wife!
It's just a nice place for my wife and I
to go out to dinner.
Or, you know, sometimes my wife and I
visit friends and things.
So it's always nice to
come back to Philadelphia
with my wife.
What did you bring for the prize bag?
Don't say my wife.
I didn't bring anything,
but my wife brought...
I brought my book,
Everything Explained Through Flowcharts.
And then, because I already
brought that one other time,
I brought a graphic novel.
Yeah, Everything Explained Through Flowcharts.
It's a book I love.
It's designed.
And then, because I already brought that one time, I brought Batman the Long Halloween graphic novel. Very good.
Very good graphic novel.
Hey, without spoiling it, how long is the Long Halloween?
It's a lot longer than you would think.
It's like one of those three-day Halloweens, you know what I mean?
You get it on a Friday, and then you get off Monday, too.
It's one of those, I guess, four-day Halloweens that you can...
And Michelle, did you bring this?
I did bring it.
What's it... It's your CD?
It's my motivational CD.
You can be an asshole.
Who, me?
You! You!
Anyone. Anyone who purchases it or gets it through
gameplay
and since we were at Hershey Park
Nick they gave us a meal ticket
that also
has a little ticket on it for a souvenir
cup
and this is good until
whoever wins the prize money tonight has until November
1st to get their
ass out to Hershey Park
and enjoy
this prize. That cup is pretty badass.
I got one yesterday.
It's a good cup? It's a great cup, yeah.
It's a good cup? No.
It's a great cup.
What did you
bring for the prize bag?
I brought smut. So I brought
President Steve Callaghan.
Two of those.
And then for the ladies in the audience,
I brought some President Steve girl shirts
and boy shorts.
And then for a guy,
I brought some bumper stickers.
How do President Steve feel about having
their name on boy shorts?
I guess they're for girls, but they're called boy shorts.
Right?
They're into it. Why are they called boy shorts? I was they're for girls, but they're called boy shorts. Right? They're into it.
They're into it.
I was going to ask the same question.
I thought they were called booty shorts.
Booty, booty, booty.
I mean, if a boy wears this,
that boy is very happy
about what the Supreme Court said yesterday.
So all of that
is going to be somebody's tonight
if you brought a name tag
that appeals to one of my guests
and then that guest turns out to be the winner
of all of the assorted games.
But before we play,
there's a question I like to ask all my panelists.
We'll start with Doogie.
What was the last movie that you saw?
So there was a triple feature of bad dad horror movies
at the theater near my house.
They showed Night of the Hunter,
Eyes Without a Face, and The Shining.
And we skipped the middle one,
but so yeah, it was Night of the Hunter and The Shining.
What do you mean you skipped the middle one?
You went to dinner or something?
Yeah, I just had to take a break. I had to go home and walk
the dog. And you'd come back and still
get a seat for the late one?
Yeah, yeah, I came back for The Shining.
Alright.
Bad move. What was the first one again?
Night of the Hunter.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Robert Mitchum.
It's a really great movie
Jinx
what?
Jinx you owe me a Mitchum
and The Shining of course
have you ever seen Room 237
about all the conspiracies behind The Shining?
no I haven't heard about it
you should check it out
it's good
well it's interesting if you like The Shining? No, I haven't heard about it. You should check it out. It's good. Yeah, well, it's interesting
if you like The Shining.
I heard somebody say,
so like Danny's wearing a sweater
that has the Apollo rocket on it,
and somebody said that's proof
that Kubrick helped fake the moon landing?
That's exactly right.
Is that right?
I'm convinced.
Or it's Stanley Kubrick
making a winking joke
about how people say
he helped fake the moon landing,
but he didn't.
Or it's wardrobe
giving a kid a cute sweater.
That sounds unlikely.
It could be any of those things.
Go with the first one.
Yeah, that's the fun
of Room 237
is every conspiracy theory
you're like,
but wait a second!
And so you get to argue with it while you're watching it.
That's pretty cool.
What about you, Michelle? Have you been to the movies?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The last movie I saw, though,
I took my daughter, my two-and-a-half-year-old,
to her first movie in a movie theater
after she promised that she wouldn't talk ever.
And Inside Out, not 3D.
Two and a half year olds are so good at keeping promises.
They are.
That's what that movie is about.
It's just the insane emotions that go on inside a child's head.
Not until they're 12.
Not until they're 12.
Two was good.
Yeah.
Well, the movie starts off early on.
I saw it today, actually, so I could speak confidently about it. 3D? 3D? No, just regular. Yeah, well, you know, the movie starts off early on. I saw it today actually, so I could speak
confidently about it. 3D?
No, just regular.
Just imagining the 3D,
like, it's going to be all about depth.
Like, they don't throw stuff at you
at any point during the film. No.
So it might look a little bit cooler, but
I was happy to see it in 2D. And you don't have the weight.
Yeah, and you don't have the fucking glasses.
You don't look like a nerd. I got LASIK to not wear glasses.
To be forced back into it.
Hey, nerd, welcome to your passion.
Put these back on in order to enjoy it properly.
But it's a...
Did you...
What...
So full of questions.
Two and a half years old and promised not to talk
did that really happen?
yes I made a promise
what kind of two and a half year old do you have?
she's amazing
I asked her because when she watches a movie at home
every Saturday night we do a movie night
tonight's a movie night
and she asks questions the whole time
where'd the baby go?
what did he do?
what's his name?
where'd the baby go?
what's he doing?
where's he going?
why is she that guy? What's he holding?
What were you watching? Fast Times at Ridgemont High?
That's the first movie with a horse in it
that I can think of.
Where'd the baby go?
But was she...
Inside Out could be kind of confusing, I'd imagine.
Did she save her questions for after?
She did.
Well, the way she asked questions is she goes,
let's talk about Inside Out.
Let's have a roundtable discussion, Mom.
She wants me to recount the plot part.
I was like, I'm not doing that. Sorry.
But yeah, no, she liked the movie.
I could tell her what the fuck happens.
But it is a hard...
It is like...
It's very...
No, it's a lot. Is it your favorite character?
There are points where you could lose an adult
watching that movie.
Like, wow, this is really meta.
And then a child,
I just can't imagine. But the kids
at the screening I saw
were pretty chill the whole time.
Well, that's good. They were annoying when I was
trying to watch the end credits because I really like
to see who the seventh pencil
stenciler
is. But
during the movie, they kept quiet.
That's good. But I think it's best when there's a
matinee where there's not a lot of kids.
I think when there's a lot of them there, then they
all hear other kids
asking questions and that just opens
the floor. I told her, I was like, you hear
another kid, they're being real bad and they're probably
going to get hit later.
You know how to
not get hit.
You're smarter than those other children.
You know not to touch the fizzy lifting drinks.
Nick, what about you?
You've got kids too, right?
Some, yeah.
Yeah.
We saw Inside Out as well.
Oh.
And you really can talk either. Good. You can really talk either. I think your movie's brilliant. yeah oh good
is it just that compelling you think
or is he always good at movies
yeah
I love when people teach kids
to not talk in movies but it just seems like the parents
who would talk during a movie are the ones
whose kids talk during a movie they don't pass
that along. Right, and that's the right
movie for your kid.
It's an interesting movie to go see
when you're in therapy.
It's all about emotions.
Is his mic on? Yeah, his mic doesn't seem
too high. Yeah, I have a really loud voice.
I can yell. Yeah, but we're
trying to record this for the world.
Yeah.
As much as I love everybody in this audience,
there's a bigger plan.
So hopefully his mic is working.
Yeah, no, you're holding it perfectly.
It's really good.
There we go.
Oh, hey!
It was working before before though, right?
No
I think it's always been
This club is the size where you really don't need a microphone
Alright
Well, what's up everyone?
Very interesting
We'll have to bring you in for an ADR session
And dump in all your
All your earlier lines in the show
But luckily you didn't talk much anyway, so...
I'm the only non-comedian up here, too,
so you didn't miss a damn thing.
Although I had a good line about Kathy.
Taking a shit.
Yeah, that was pretty loud.
I like that Kathy's taking a shit, but...
Super hot.
Yeah.
I'm sure people will be able to hear you
through Michelle's mic.
All right.
Yeah.
So I saw Inside Out
and I thought it was brilliant
I saw Jurassic World
and I don't know if it
yeah it was great
and I love Chris Pratt and the dinosaurs are entertaining
but
no no no
so I recently got into
Edibles
and I took
I'm sorry I'm having a hard time So I recently got into edibles. And I took...
I'm sorry.
I'm having a hard time.
I'm having a hard fall of timing.
I don't like smoking that much,
but I do like edibles.
So I took a chocolate scoop.
The idea that there might be dinosaurs
made you take an edible?
I just thought the movie would be a little more entertaining.
I think you're right.
Turns out I am.
Absolutely right.
It's not a freak year when you're high.
I had really forgotten that I had taken it.
So we were early.
I went with a friend and we took it at like 6.30
and the movie started at 7.30
and the movie's two and a half hours long.
So an hour and a half in, I'm like,
I had forgotten that I had it
in the first place.
And then,
I fell off a cliff.
And I'm like,
what the fuck
is going on
with all these dinosaurs?
And then,
at the end of the movie,
I was like,
what were you,
I thought you were
at the movies.
What is it?
Why were you on a cliff?
But, but you fell at the movies. Why were you on a cliff?
But you fell off the proverbial cliff, and
then were freaked out by that you
were watching a movie with dinosaurs in it.
Yeah. And then
we stood up, and as the credits
were rolling, and I turned to her, and I was like, I am
so fucking high right
now. What did you think of the movie?
She's like, I don't remember the last half of it.
What'd your son say?
Yeah.
WMMR.
But if you haven't seen it, that's a good way to go
I found it interesting that like
the action
you know Inside Out starts as a fairly
cerebral exercise like
let's follow all the emotions
but then it becomes an adventure movie
about emotion trying to make its way back into
somebody's brain.
Not to give away too much.
Spoiler.
But yeah, the whole thing
is very...
Pixar is
amazing in the way that they can be
shoving this crazy premise
at you and still
make it work. Yeah, and it was very complex, like all the things that they were premise at you and still make it work.
Yeah, and it was very complex.
Like all the things that they were
bringing at you.
Most kids cartoons don't make you go,
hey, I wish this would slow down a little bit
so I could follow it.
There's so much shit going on
from all the different emotions all the time
and then the real people whose emotions are representing.
And then when they start going into other people's heads,
I was like, fuck, this is crazy.
Call me maybe.
But I'm a really big fan of it.
It's definitely already
my top three or four Pixar movies.
I don't know if anything...
He made it because his daughter
was 11, and she was starting
to not be happy all the time
I have an 8 year old son and he's happy
95% of the time which is a great way
to live life
yeah but you should get him checked
but I know
what an idiot
the kid's an idiot
a happy idiot
but I know
in 5 years he's not going to be happy all the time.
And that's why Pete Docter made this movie
in the first place, just to explore that.
Yeah, and certainly they could
make sequels because
every age group of every child
probably has this different set of
problems.
And delights.
I don't want to be all anti-kid or anything.
You did call my son an idiot that was just a little Louis Black and Doug's head
well that's a fun thing about the movie too
is that all the emotions and one
imaginary character
are all the voices of people that are very
you're already very familiar with them if you watch
NBC.
The character
of Sadness absolutely
tears me apart because I hate
everything she does, but it's so
cute. Yeah. Like, Sadness
is so cute, but also so infuriating.
What? It was her favorite
character, Sadness. I don't know if so infuriating. What? It was her favorite character, Sadness.
I don't know if that's, like, foreboding for her life.
Oh, you're...
Dick, did your son have a favorite character?
Oh, he thought Anger was hilarious in Louis Black.
Yeah, I think the boys are going to relate to Anger,
and the girls are going to relate to Sadness,
and things are never going to change.
When they go into
the father's head
we're talking about
exploring the different
characters in the movie
they go into the father's head
anger's in charge
of the dad
and sadness is in charge
of the mom
and joy
who's Amy Poehler
is in charge
of the little girl
so it's interesting
to see anger
taking over
alright genius
smarty pants
Tell it to your kid
Your kid needs a little bit of
Smart talk
Does your son listen to podcasts?
Fuck no
Good call
Good call
That was a fun round of Fuck no. Yeah. Good call, good call.
That was a fun round of what did you last see, but...
But as everybody here knows,
everybody's ahead of me on this one,
it's time to say,
let the games begin!
I'm mad, and I'm maded and I'd like some games
everybody brought amazing name tags
there's already some blinking out there
like Christmas tree lights
that people refuse to take down
and
there's food items
but it's entirely up to you
panelists lady and gentleman there's food items, but it's entirely up to you, panelists,
lady and gentleman,
go pick, go physically take the name tag you like to play for
and bring it back to your seat.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
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Back to the show.
Alright, everybody's got a name tag.
We're back.
Don't read the shithead on the back,
how loud, whatever you do,
but who are you playing for, Nick?
Where would the name be?
Oh, Chris?
Yeah, Chris Richmond.
What's the poster of?
It's got blinking lights on it and a stick to hold it.
Chris is with the cranks,
and then it has a photo of you, Doug.
And then I assume this is a photo of Chris.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And just the fact that instead of...
Who was in that movie?
Ben Affleck?
Tim Allen?
Tim Allen was the lead.
And Jake Busey and Cheech Moran and Jamie Lee Curtis.
Sigourney Weaver was not in it.
Did the guy in the audience think Sigourney Weaver was in it?
I just like to deck the halls.
The fact that there exists a Christmas with the Cranks poster still is why I grabbed this one.
Oh, and they had a website, thecranks.com.
Oh, I'm sure that website was jumping.
So much to know and learn about Christmas with the Cranks.
I can never get on that website.
It's always, like, overwhelmed.
I do like, though, in the audience,
it just looked like a sign with Christmas lights on it,
but I like that it's actually a Christmas movie
and you didn't just use Christmas lights to get our attention.
It's all nicely themed.
So good job.
And what's the name of the person?
Chris. Good job, Chris.
Michelle, who are you playing for?
I wanted to get something from the back,
which I did. I love this movie,
North by Northwest, and it's
Noah by Northwest.
That's who I am.
You know, everyone here,
it's like the Oscars. You can't really get
a big round of applause after everybody's lost.
Everybody's like, I want to say I know a West, but...
Oh, that's the other problem with it.
It's not a belt, okay, Doogie? It's not a belt.
He was under some sort of time pressure. Couldn't change north twice.
I don't have enough letters. I don't have enough fonts.
My computer's too small, so 13-ish.
My computer's too small.
I shouldn't do this on my phone.
Who are you playing for, Doogie?
This is impressive.
It is amazing.
Pan.
It's a really cool...
It's somebody named Pat, but this is like a real wrestling belt.
Yeah, this is a real wrestling belt.
Do you get to keep this?
It's heavy.
I don't know.
It says WWF on it.
I feel like even if I wanted to keep it, the guy who owns this would just beat me up.
And just take it.
But yeah, it's a big, heavy...
Where is Pat?
Where'd you get this from?
He's not going to beat you up.
I'll fight you for it.
Why do you have this belt?
What?
Did you win this?
No.
No.
Got it on eBay when they stopped selling Confederate flags.
I don't know why I gave you a southern accent
The fondness of flags
But good job Pat
You got picked
And Doogie's got just as good a chance
As anybody at winning today
And I just noticed
That Nick's wearing shorts
Which I admire
It's cold out
It's cold and raining And you, yeah. It's cold and rainy
and you just end up
like, oh, I got
my shorts on.
Yeah.
And I'm going
from here to Camden,
lovely Camden,
to see the Dave
Matthews concert
after this,
so that should be
Oh, that's why
you got the shorts
on for Dave Matthews.
The Dave show.
You're gonna jump
around and get hot.
They got a guy
with scissors
at the front door
if you're wearing
pants and cuts
along.
You gotta show them your son
tattoo if you don't have one. They can just see.
Let's cut Nick's microphone. That was working out
good.
Of course, Preston, Steve, and Casey
have all been on.
Did any of them win? I don't think any of them ever won.
I think they'd brag about it
if they did. I haven't heard a word from
them about it.
So Nick has a chance to turn things around
for the President and Steve challenge.
And
we've got a series of games to play.
And we're going to start with a little something.
What's the matter, Michelle?
I was just, Doogie and I were like,
She was trying to talk.
She said, I'm going to fuck you up.
You were shit-talking?
I'm going to slap you like a two-year-old,
two-and-a-half-year-old talking at a movie.
Fair enough.
I'm going to turn you inside out.
Oh, shit.
Want to feel some sadness?
Alright, so this first game is called
How Much Did This Shit Make?
And, you know,
out of deference to Philadelphia
and its people, I thought,
you know, what is a shitty movie
that was made in Philadelphia?
And I didn't come up with
a shitty movie, but I came up with an
interesting movie to play this game with
because
it's not going to make any more
supposedly.
Supposedly Rocky Balboa
is the final
Rocky movie.
But the question, are they going to make another one?
They're filming it?
Is that why he ran by earlier?
Is that why I couldn't go up the steps?
They were like, take the elevator, we're filming.
I think he's going to have to take the elevator.
He goes to the art museum,
he's like, do you have a ramp?
Rocky VIII, the expandables.
Is there another lower art museum?
The Barnes.
Okay, I'll go there.
Him walking through the automatic door of the barns,
pushing the button.
You're getting very confident wearing that belt.
It really makes you feel...
I feel like a champ.
Like the Hulk Hogan.
Can I...
Whatever.
I can't hear you do it.
I can't.
We'll start with Doogie then.
That's good enough. Since Doogie's so cocky, we'll start with Doogie then. That's good enough.
Since Doogie's so cocky, we'll start with him.
And you have to tell me how much money Rocky Balboa,
a.k.a. Rocky VI,
how much money that movie made at the box office
according to Box Office Mojo during its entire domestic run.
So it's up to this date.
So it's just theatrical release
and it's just in this country?
Mm-hmm.
North America.
We like to get Canada involved.
Yeah.
I feel like that wouldn't make a huge difference.
You'd be surprised.
The country is the same width as ours.
is ours.
Got a lot of people in there.
I'm really bad.
I'm really bad at this.
55 million?
Okay. That's a number.
Is this blue?
Is that a number?
That doesn't make it a bad guess.
Michelle, what do you think?
I'm going to go 32.5 mil.
Oh, I like the.5.
That's an expressive
some guy who bid
one in the audience
trying to encourage maybe Nick
to do that classic Price is Right
move.
Don't go over.
But Nick, yeah, you can't go over.
How much do you think we've got?
55 and 32.5.
Yeah, it's a good movie.
What do you say, Nick?
I think 72 million.
72 million.
That is a really, really interesting bid.
What's that? I should have Taking the one. What's that?
I should have taken the one.
Oh.
Price is right.
All right.
I'm sad to say, Nick, that your guess was so almost accurate.
Whoa!
That you did not win this game.
Yeah, Doogie Horner's close enough,
closest, without going over,
with $55 million,
because it made $70.2 million.
Oh!
You just pronounced it wrong.
You said 7.2,
and you said 70, 72.
You just moved the period.
72.
That's been in my head for a long time.
70 million.
That's certainly probably with the video
and ancillary rights,
it's probably worth making another one.
It's going to be called Creed.
Good for you, Sly.
Really?
Yeah, it's about Apollo's grandson.
His grandson?
Who is it?
Damon Wayans Jr.?
No.
Is it called Let's Be Fighters?
It's Michael B. Jordan, I believe.
Oh, really?
Well, then it's great already.
It's good.
Is that Michael Jordan?
Yeah, it's Michael.
Instead of Jr., you put a B in there.
Is he related to Michael? It's not going to be Michael C. Jordan. What? Wait, is he Michael Jordan's son, yeah, it's Michael. Instead of Junior, he put a B in there.
Is he related to Michael? This one's going to be Michael C. Jordan.
What?
Wait, is he Michael Jordan's son?
No, he's not.
He's a guy with a common name.
Sorry.
You don't know Michael B. Jordan?
No.
He's going to be in the new Fantastic Four.
He was in Fruitvale Station.
He was in...
I don't know.
Wallace!
I love all the answers being yelled at.
That one was the last thing I said. That one played last night at Stanley.
But yeah, he's good.
He was in that awkward moment, but don't hold that against him.
That was just an awkward moment.
Let's play now Buscemi, Now You Don't.
We'll start with Doogie
because he won that last thing.
And then we'll go to Nick
and then we'll go to Michelle.
It's very simple.
I'll give you, Doogie, three movies
and you tell me which one
Steve Buscemi is not in.
That's hard because he's in most movies.
He's in a lot of movies.
Yeah, so it's fun how confusing it is.
And this is just between
Doogies to answer you guys.
So if you know in the audience, don't yell it out.
And Doogie,
was he in...
Which one of these was he not in?
Air America, Airheads,
or Con Air?
Which one was he not in?
I already hear somebody
saying it out loud.
That's correct! Air America!
Diggie is still in.
Now we go to Nick.
Come on, Nick!
Oh, Nick's got a fan.
Is that the guy whose name tag?
Yeah!
I was going to say, it'd be weird to be rooting for somebody
that didn't even pick your name tag.
I just like Nick!
I thought it was my dad.
Nick, would you like...
Would you like...
Which one of these...
Which one of these is not a Buscemi movie?
Somebody to Love, Romance and Cigarettes, or Valentine's Day?
Oh, God.
Right?
I found three that sound similar.
Yeah.
Everybody was in Valentine's Day.
I don't know.
So that seems like the obvious answer to me
So I'm going to go Valentine's Day
That's correct
Michelle, which one was Buscemi not in?
It's a lot of pressure
Dying young, living in oblivion
Or things to do in Denver when you're dead
He's in two of those
I am going to go with Dying young Vivian or Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead? He's in two of those.
I am going to go with Dying Young.
That's correct.
You guys are so good at this, we might not have a winner.
Everyone loses.
We'll try one more round.
We'll start with Doogie again.
Which one of these is he not in? Doogie.
Trusting Beatrice,
Rising Sun,
or Guarding Tess?
Rising Sun.
That's incorrect.
Aww.
Aww.
Can I have two more chances.
No, unfortunately, we move on to Nick.
You lose your belt.
And you lose your belt.
And Nick gets to choose between
which one is he not in?
Trusting Beatrice or guarding Tess?
Trusting Beatrice.
That's incorrect. He's in guarding test.
Ask me, ask me.
Yeah, you can narrow it down,
but I'll give you one for fun.
This is for the win, Michelle.
Oh, I won.
Which one is he not in?
20 bucks, 28 days,
or 28 days later?
Oh, God. 28 days, or 28 days later?
28 days.
No, he's in that.
That's a, what you call it?
Zombie movie.
No.
It's the fucking Sandra Bullock alcohol movie. Oh my gosh.
So zombie movie, right?
High fives.
But you win anyway.
Thank you.
And that's the end of Now we'reives. But you win anyway. Thank you.
Now you're shooting, now you don't.
The game's going bye-bye, but lots of people have suggestions
for other games that are similar
and I might try one of those
at some point, but we're calling
Michelle the winner of that one.
Let's play
Whose Tagline Is It
Anyway? It's an exciting new game
that people love because
I'm going to tell you
a tagline from a movie.
It's the same sort of deal.
We'll move down the line one by one.
It's not everybody gets it once.
We'll start with you, Michelle,
and then we'll go to Doogie.
I'll just say the tagline
from a movie. You name a guess,
just one guess,
if you're wrong, Doogie gets a shot
at it, and then we'll
play until everybody's out.
Including me. I get to play
along as well. Oh, boy.
And I have the answers written right here good luck
let me give you a couple examples
to give you
just get your minds into how hard
these are
time is running out
was the tagline
for a movie
called Taken?
Oh.
Yeah, you think they would have had a better one for that?
Yeah.
Are you curious, question mark,
was the tagline for Fifty Shades of Grey?
Oh, my God.
That's pretty hard.
What is the tagline, Michelle, for no one would take on his case
until one man
was willing to take on the system?
That pretty much narrows it down
to thousands of movies.
Oh my god.
Which one do you think it is?
Oh my god.
Which one do you think it is?
I'm going to have to go with the judge, Robert Downey Jr.
and that old guy.
You think that he had to take on the system
to get his dad out of jail?
Ageism.
Ageism. Yeah, the system to get his dad out of jail? Ageism. Ageism.
Yeah,
the system's
against judges.
No,
the judge is not
correct.
Nick,
do you have an idea
what you think
it might be?
I'm going to go
with The Rainmaker
with Matt Damon.
Oh,
that would be
perfect for that,
but no.
Doogie, for the win, if you could tell us what movie this is for, you would win this game.
I was going to say The Rainmaker.
Oh, but now you're going to say the actual answer.
My Cousin Vinny.
Are you changing it to crossing out the wrong answer and putting in my answer now?
No.
No, the answer is Philadelphia.
Philadelphia.
I'm in the wrong headspace.
That was my bad.
That's the first thing you've got to ask yourself when you're playing one of my games.
Where am I?
I have the answer for the next one.
The Philadelphia story.
I'm not that simple.
I have five emotions in my head.
And anger's at the front right now.
We're gonna play again.
Starting with Michelle. Same order. Oh my god. We're going to play again. Starting with Michelle.
Same order.
Oh, my God.
You can do it.
Okay.
The dream is real.
The dream is real.
Okay.
Somebody out there said a word, but I don't know what that is.
I got it.
I got it.
I'm confident.
Space Jam.
Is that? Should I take the belt away?
That is close, yet very far.
Nick?
The dream is real.
Inception.
That's correct.
Nice.
Alright, Michelle, you're out.
Just for now. You'll be back.
But Doogie has a chance
to not lose this.
If he can name
the movie that this is the tagline
for.
Heroes aren't born.
They're built.
Heroes aren't born. They're built heroes aren't born
they're built
is it big hero five
somebody was excited for you
and then quickly was through it
hero five
because they either realized it was wrong
or they realized that behind you was wrong
I don't know what happened
back of the wrong horse I. I don't know what happened.
Back of the wrong horse.
I know I don't have that name. No, that's incorrect.
Do you know what it is, Nick?
Is it Big Hero 6?
No.
Oh.
I just said, let me try that again.
It's Big Hero 5.
Big Hero 6 is incorrect.
Oh, okay.
Do you know what it is?
Heroes aren't born, they're built.
I think I know what the movie is, but I can't remember the name.
Is it the Hugh Jackman builds a boxing robot?
No, it's not real steel.
Real steel.
Or chappy.
Which is the one I think you meant.
No, it's a little motion picture called Iron Man.
Iron Man.
But Nick is our winner of that game.
That was fun.
That was tough.
What did he yell out?
Yeah, shorts.
Shorts.
Oh, shorts.
The wind makes me warm.
I thought he was yelling out some inside thing for Preston and Steve, but no, we got a new thing now. Yeah, of course.
People are just going to yell shorts at you.
Whenever you see Nick out in
the world, yell shorts.
Hey, what's up, shorts?
Your kid is going to go through a lot of emotions.
Let's play the Leonard Maltin game.
Who did I say won that?
Did Nick win that?
Yeah.
All right, so we'll start with Nick
and then we'll go to Michelle
and then to Doogie.
And Nick gets to pick the first category.
And you get three to choose from.
Ghostbusters.
That's movies where Patrick Swayze gets arrested.
Very controversial category
because I thought he got arrested point blank
but it turns out he just got detained.
He got detained on a beach.
So I hope I'm right about this other one in this category. Or you can pick Matthew McConaghy, and that's Matthew McConaghy movies that made over $100 million? Or the Jack Lee on Twitter
suggested a streetcar named Retire
and it's somebody's last movie.
I'll do that one.
Okay.
It's the last movie of somebody.
Would you like one from 1981 or 2004?
2004.
All right.
Three stars for Leonard Maltin.
He says this movie
from 2004
is amiable.
He also says
Edward Herman appears
unbilled.
That's a massive clue.
And he
lists nine names.
How many names would it
take you to figure out
what movie this is featuring an actor
who retired right after?
And Edward Herman is
not one of those names.
He passed recently, rest in peace.
Yeah, he went to Bucknell, which is where I went.
That's where you go when you die?
College, Doug.
How many?
Five.
He says five names.
That's a serious open bid.
I knew you'd be a good player, but that's intense.
That nameless is going to be short.
Michelle.
Leave it to shorts.
Leave it to shorts.
I almost stepped on it.
I almost stepped on ass.
I almost stepped on ass.
I almost stepped on his ass.
Michelle, can you go fewer names reading from the bottom up,
or do you want to challenge him to name it?
Name it?
Oh, she says name it.
All right, Nick, here's your five names.
Wayne Robson.
June Squibb
Rip Torn
Fred Savage
and Christine Baranski
are all in this movie from 2004
that Leonard gave three stars
and calls amiable
Ed Herman appears unbilled
it's the final performance of somebody
what do you think it's called, Nick?
I think it's the last
movie that Gene Hackman was ever in,
Welcome to Mooseport.
That is correct!
That is correct!
That's good!
That's good!
That's good!
That's good!
That's good!
That's good!
That's good!
That's good.
Cam, come on up and over.
Short, short, short! Short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short, bad about Rocky Balboa, though. Can the person... There's a box of donuts out there that didn't get
picked tonight. Where's
the box of donuts? Oh, there's one
right there. Toss one to
Nick, and then he gets to
toss one into the crowd.
Yeah, toss him a round
one. Oh, look at that.
That's a dangerous one.
Alright, who wants it?
Apologies if that hit somebody that didn't want a donut.
Yeah, come to Dunkin' Donuts movies
and get hit in the face with a donut.
I think it had marshmallows on it. Yeah. Yeah. in the face with a donut. I think it had
marshmallows on it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a really
fancy donut.
I hope you enjoy it.
All right, now,
somebody toss me a yingling.
Done, actually.
Oh, would you like one?
Oh, no, I wasn't kidding.
Somebody give me a yingling.
Yeah.
Helium Staff Nick
would like a yingling.
Thank you.
And are you good, Michelle? I could have another ying and a ling. And, um,
are you good, Michelle?
I could have another sapphire and tonic.
I mean, if we're all doing it.
Sure.
What about you, Doogie?
I'll have an absolute mandarin
with club soda, please.
I'd like a cup of gold.
Can you surge in a hollowed-out cantaloupe?
Yeah.
As long as we're just getting whatever we want.
With your silliest
straw.
Oh, I hope they bring you one.
I really hope they have one.
Alright, so
Nick has one point, and Doogie gets
to pick the next
category, and he gets to choose
between from Loki underscore hates underscore you Doogie gets to pick the next category, and he gets to choose between
from Loki underscore hates underscore you.
Don't like this guy already.
Age of old Tron,
and that's films from the year Tron came out,
which is 1982. Or, The World According to Arf, and that's movies with a dog narrator.
And as I had to explain to Bert Kreischer, it's a person pretending to be a dog
narrating the movie.
That's what I said.
I was just like,
or I've been pronouncing this Mattel for months,
or however long this category has been in play,
but it's at C underscore Mattay
M-A-T-T-E-I
I've been calling it Mattel
and it's Sour Diesel
which is Vin Diesel
movies that Leonard gave
two stars or less.
Which one of those would you like, Doogie?
I want to do the dog one just because I'm curious,
but I think that'll be a weak subject for me,
so I'll go with The Age of Ultron.
Movies from 1982.
Yes.
All right.
Four stars from Leonard for this movie from 1982.
He says that the lead actor gives one of his finest performances
in this film. He also says
look carefully for Bruce Willis
as a courtroom spectator.
Look closely, man.
You might not
find him.
And then he lists ten names.
How many names can you
get it in? Doogie Horner?
I guess I'll go ten.
DH says ten.
Michelle?
I'm gonna go
eight.
Lopped one off.
Or two.
What do you think of that, Nick?
I'm like, am I supposed to agree with this math
because it's a host?
Michelle adding five.
Dividing it by two
and then rounding up to the nearest integer.
Let's see what the trick of nine
is.
I just said that she took one more.
She skipped one. I was like, she didn't go nine, so she took one more. She skipped one.
I was like, she didn't go nine, so she locked one off.
So yeah, so she says eight.
Eight minus one.
Look at that.
Look at Doogie's fancy drink.
Doogie's day out.
Oh, this tastes so good.
My drink was wrong.
It was vodka, not gin.
Sorry.
What?
I sent her away.
Because you asked for it wrong
or they made it wrong?
I love everybody that works here.
This one has...
But she made it wrong.
Wait, that was my drink.
This one has gin in it.
This is yours.
Oh, well, I like cherries.
I was going to say that vodka tasted weird.
I think that one was my drink.
Sapphire tonic.
This vodka's very gin-like.
This tastes like poison.
Oh, it's gin.
Bring back the vodka.
It's supposed to taste good.
Do you need my orange slice?
Is that what was happening with your drink?
Jerry, I'm so sorry that you had to come up here and do this.
This is Jerry, the manager of the club.
Great job.
Great job, Jerry.
He's a hand-drawn manager.
Do you want the orange?
No, you can keep it.
Is that right?
This is fantastic.
Okay, go ahead.
Continue.
So Michelle lopped one off for eight.
And then what's's Nick gonna do?
I'll say seven.
Seven? He lopped off three?
Doogie, doogie.
I got one guy to join in with me.
But on the other hand Short, short, short, short, short
Short, short, short, short, short
That's just more fun to chant
I had a friend that changed his name to Spider
Because he thought more people would buy him drinks
Because it's fun to say
Drink for my friend Spider.
It did not work?
He said it worked.
He wasn't the most trustworthy person.
I'll go six.
Six, he says, Michelle.
Oh my God.
Oh, I can't.
Six out of ten.
Five.
I've gotten overconfident from that maraschino cherry.
I think you should try five.
Oh, shit.
Nick McElwain dropping the hammer.
I kind of assumed that you were going to go for it,
so that's why I was acting all fucking...
Calling the bluff.
Yeah, good.
Alright.
Here's your five names, Michelle.
82. I was
six.
You probably
saw this when you were six.
Yeah.
James Handy. Roxanne Hart
Lindsey Krauss
Julie Bavaso
and Edward Binns
I feel bad when people laugh at the names
some old actor named Edward Binns is a podcast enthusiast I feel bad when people laugh at the names.
Some old actor named Edward Binns is a podcast enthusiast.
And he hears that and he just feels so sad.
And he wishes that Joy could find her way back into his brain.
Is it Binns with a Z or an S?
I gotta know.
B-I-N-N-S.
Oh, wow.
Bins.
Double N.
But just think of a movie that Leonard would give four stars from 1982 in which the lead
actor gives one of his finest performances and Bruce Willis is there as a courtroom spectator.
Okay, I'm gonna go for this.
Courtroom, 82, irreconcilable differences.
I like that guess, and the duty to drop that belt at the same time.
It made quite a slap on the stage.
Sorry, Doug.
It's okay.
But the guess is incorrect.
Yeah, that fine performance
is made by Paul Newman
in a movie called The Verdict.
The Verdict.
Oh, man.
That's right.
Nick McElwain is our winner!
You know, a lot of times the games are pretty long,
but that one was pretty short.
The sad thing is I've been wearing these shorts since Tuesday.
That's awesome.
He played to win, you guys, and he did it in record time.
Maybe not record time, but it happened very quickly.
Where's the person that you're playing for?
Come get your prize bag.
Whoever made that.
Chris, get your crank over here.
Take these two bags of prizes.
Congratulations, dude.
All right.
Good job.
All right, Chris.
I think he should now
have to have his pants
cut into shorts.
Yes.
Scissors, Jerry.
Scissors.
Can you just give me
the shithead off of the back of that belt? I need you to give me the shithead off the back of that belt?
Give me the whole belt because it's clearly unwieldy
and heavy. But just pull that
piece of paper off of it.
Oh, that's her.
That's mine.
Give me Michelle's too, please.
Yeah, then I don't have to jump off.
Do you mind?
Michelle's trying to relax.
Nick, do you want me to get yours too? You know what, I gave it back to him. Yeah, we didn't get yours. Michelle's trying to relax. Nick, do you want me to get yours too?
You know what, I gave it back to him.
Yeah, we don't need it.
Although yours was good, I read it.
Alright, well I don't
understand either of these shitheads, but I will read
them at the end
as obligated. But in the
meantime, we've got a couple extra
minutes. Let's play another game! Yeah!
I saved Last Man Sten for
as a time permitting
situation because I've been aggravated
by the sheer volume
of people on Twitter telling me they
have the perfect
name for Last Man Standing.
Sure.
And, you know, they mean well,
but then they're like,
Scott Baio.
And I'm like,
he was in Bugsy Malone and Zapped.
Get the fuck out of here.
So he's been in more movies than that.
But you get my point.
I love the hand raised over there.
People are so excited.
Everyone thinks they have the perfect name.
And it's tough.
It's not easy to come up with one.
Especially one we haven't played before.
But also, I don't mind playing one again
that we've played before. I like to join in
and play along.
And that guy refuses to lower his hand.
So I find it very compelling.
What's your name? Where are you from?
Neil from Northeast Philly.
You can put your hand down.
Neil from Northeast Philly.
You could just say Philly, probably.
There's a difference.
Is that extra?
There's a difference?
He's trying to get laid.
They're not trying to succeed.
Nobody would stop them.
They're trying to do well,
but they don't care if they succeed.
Fuck you.
Wah, wah.
So,
you think you have the perfect name for this game?
I do. I tweeted you earlier.
Wow.
You never got back to me.
I got a few
tweets today and they were all super
confident but every time
that happens somebody suggests the most
obscure name and we need
somebody that...
Nope.
But also people write to me and they'll go,
this guy's got over 200 credits on IMDb,
and I go, yeah, that's because they're old.
And my guests aren't going to
know the movies of
Christopher Lee or whoever.
But what do you got?
Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood.
Okay, I think we've done that before,
but I don't mind.
I don't mind doing it again.
Shut up.
I don't...
As soon as I start to sound like
I'm not into Clint Eastwood,
I got one, I got one.
No, but we'll do Clint Eastwood,
but we'll include films that he's directed.
Not produced,
because I don't know which ones those are. But films that he's directed. Not produced, because I don't know which ones those are.
But films that he's directed,
and we'll start with...
Since Nick won, we'll start with him,
and then we'll go to Michelle and Doogie
and me, and we're all going to name Clint Eastwood
movies, so we can't think of any anymore.
And
feel free to only yell out
Amy Adams.
In the audience.
Nick?
In the line of fire.
Yes.
What'd you say?
Oh, in the line of fire.
In the line of fire, yeah.
In the line of fire.
That's the Irish version.
In the line of fire.
Do we just use a rapid fire?
Michelle, any Clint Eastwood movie.
Directed, right?
Or in it.
Flags of Our Fathers. He acted in Or in it. Flags of Our Fathers.
He acted in a few things.
Flags of Our Fathers.
That's a fun one.
Dirty Harry.
Dirty Harry.
Let's just knock those off.
Let's go Magnum Force.
Unforgiven.
Unforgiven?
Which I think he directed too, right?
Yeah, really good movie.
I don't think he's in it.
He is. He's in it? He's the star?
He's the Unforgiven.
I can't. When Morgan Freeman and
Gene Hagman are on the screen, I don't see anybody else.
That's a good point.
Shorts! Shorts!
Never forget.
Never forget.
Never forget the shorts.
It's been three minutes and someone yelled it.
Michelle?
Million Dollar Baby.
Yeah!
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Oh, going deep.
I like it.
The Gauntlet.
I love it.
I love when people are like, what?
Like I'd make up the name of a movie.
It's one of the Dirty Harry films.
Look it up.
Nick?
Gran Torino.
Yeah, what?
Michelle?
This is exciting.
Sons of Iwo Jima.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Oh, so close.
I was confidently saying something and you wasn't totally right.
Yeah, you shouldn't jump in with one that's not totally right.
We're looking for right answers only.
Jeopardy style.
So Michelle's out.
What do you got, Doogie?
Fist full of dollars.
Nice.
I'm going to go ahead and clean that up, Michelle.
Thank you.
And say the flags of our fathers.
No!
I fucked it up. I'm out.
That makes me feel better.
Nick?
Million Dollar Baby.
What?
Son of a bitch.
That's alright.
He can say one we've said already. He gets another choice.
Pink Cadillac?
Yeah.
I can't believe I'm out this early.
I can think of like a million other ones.
Doogie?
For a few dollars more.
It's back to you already, Nick.
It's going to come back fast now.
What's the one with the chimp?
The one with the chimp? The one with the chimp?
Or is it
orangutan, right?
Gorillas in the mist.
Don't say it.
Wait, was he in two primate movies?
Wow. Don't help him anymore.
You're thinking of Ronald Reagan.
You've told him there's two movies that he can pick from.
Too big of a clue.
Right, you get fixated on those.
I know.
He's got so many other ones.
Short, short, short.
I always think better when people are chanting.
Concentrate, concentrate, concentrate, concentrate.
Why am I failing so badly?
I love it.
I love it.
A guy just yelled out to help you out.
Clint Eastwood.
Because people are going crazy.
There's probably hardly a person in the audience
that doesn't have at least one that we haven't said yet.
I can't help but think of Back to the Future 3.
Look closely, you'll see a young Bruce Willis.
Oh, here we go.
The baseball one that just came out.
Yes! The baseball one that just came out. Yes!
The baseball one that just came out.
Classic.
Classic Clint Eastwood.
The baseball one.
What the hell is that called? Somebody's yelling Amy Adams, you jerk.
That's timber lame.
I'm failing, man.
I can't come up with something.
You can't come up with Trouble with the Curve?
Trouble with the Curve!
So Doogie's our winner.
Doogie did it.
Any which way but loose.
If you were thinking of Any Which Way But Loose.
Yeah, and every which way you can.
And what else, you guys? How about Josie Wales?
Did somebody say American Sniper?
The Clint Eastwood story.
Oh my God.
Letters of Iwo Jima.
Jersey Boys.
Letters of Iwo Jima, yeah.
I said that.
What was the name? What is that? Letters. Emails. Letters to Miwa Jima, yeah. I said that.
What was the name? What is Miwa Jima? What is that?
Letters. Emails. Letters.
Emails from Iowa Times.
Text emoticons from Miwa Jima.
It'd be like, frowny face, frowny face, frowny face.
Matches from Miwa Jima.
Starving. Asian guy Flag raising
What was
J. Edgar
What was the one with Angelina Jolie
Changeling
Deadpool
Mystic River
Escape from Alcatraz
Space Cowboys The only movie I ever Alcatraz, Space Cowboys.
The only movie I ever walked out of was Space Cowboys.
Really? Were you like, I'm too old for this shit?
Or, they're too old for this shit?
Yeah, Clint Eastwood's a good one,
because he's certainly got a lot of titles,
and he goes way back.
City Heat!
Yeah, Bridges of Magic.
Oh, how did we forget that?
I said Jersey Boys.
You guys are just stealing how shit I've already said.
Blood work, that's right.
Two meals for Sister Sarah.
High place children.
That's a good one.
Are people who's on IMDB right now reading? I play as Trooper. Joe Kidd. Escape from Alcatraz. Escape from Alcatraz.
Are people who's on IMDB right now reading?
Ouch.
That's the fun thing about this game
is everybody can think of one
and then yells at you like you're stupid.
Fucking idiot.
Who doesn't remember
that Clint Eastwood was in
What were the monkey movies? So linear. Every which way but loose and every which way you can. Who doesn't remember that Clint Eastwood was in...
What were the monkey movies?
Every Which Way But Loose
and Every Which Way You Can.
One of them is supposedly better than the other one.
But I haven't gone that deep
to really compare the two.
I know that the orangutan
flips people off in both.
There's an old lady
who looks like an orangutan
and an orangutan and an orangutan, and
between the two of them, you will
piss yourself with laughter.
You'll lose your mind.
Doogie,
what have you got to plug before we wrap
this thing up?
I guess check out my books, Everything Explained
Through Flowcharts and 100 Ghosts.
Thank you.
Check me out
online at Doogie Horner
or doogiehorner.com.
Thank you.
Thanks for being here.
Make sure that the belt guy gets his belt back.
Yeah, I'm going to give that back to you. That's a really nice belt.
Give it back to him right now.
I don't want his pants to fall down.
I'm worried about it.
It's a nice belt. It's just sitting face down on the him right now. I don't want his pants to fall down. I'm worried about it. It's a nice belt. It's just sitting
face down on the stage.
There you go. Come get
your belt.
How
do you keep your pants up without it?
What did he say to you?
What did he compliment you? He said he saw me open for
Pete Holmes and I was really great.
There's something about opening for Pete Holmes
that makes everybody look great.
Pete Holmes.
I did call him Pete Holmes
the last time I was on here.
And I was like, no I didn't.
And then I listened to the podcast and I was like,
oh, I did call him Pete Holmes.
I thought you did.
Pete House.
That's cool.
Where was that at? Did he sell anything?
I think that was here in Haleham, right?
Yeah, go see Doogie
and Pete Holmes and Michelle
Balloon. What do you got coming up, Michelle?
I'm around Philly. You can sign up
for my mailing list on my website at
balloon.com.
I will be at the Joke Joint in Houston next month. July.
Been drinking. Can't remember the dates.
Please look at my website.
July. Just find a comedy club
in Houston and
camp it out.
Wait for Michelle to show up.
I'll be there and get my
CD. You can be an asshole on
astrecords.com if you want a physical copy
or on iTunes. Please.
What do they get with a physical
copy? What's
the bonus to buying a physical copy?
Is there lighter notes?
Did you write a little message inside?
I don't want to
sort of ruin the record labels
deal, but I guess
but no, I think
if you want to have a thing to put in
something, then that's the book.
I think that's the title of your next album.
A thing to put in
something.
Maybe you've got an uneven table and you need to
sort of balance it out. That would work.
Yeah, that's what those come in
handy for these days. Or iTunes.
It's all about downloads these days,
but some people still like a physical
copy. And I actually have two more on me,
so if anybody wants
to buy one... If you want to buy one tonight...
They're $75 each.
Who's got $75?
Let's start the bidding at $75.
For you two can be an asshole.
What's it called?
You can be an asshole.
What asshole has $75?
No bidders.
If it was for charity, I bet you we'd get it.
15.
20 if you're an asshole.
Who's got 20
who's got a 20
you're gonna buy one right now
you want one for 20
I see a lot of hands up
you want one for 20
done
sold to this fella
does anybody want
the next one
for 10 dollars
10 dollars
sold to you
alright
so the guys
in the red shirts
both got deals
one got a better deal than the other one I'll meet you after I got it I got it in the red shirts both got deals.
One got a better deal than the other one.
Oh, we do after.
I got it.
I got it in the green room.
It's back there.
The jokes are better than the $20 copy.
Yeah.
No, you got it.
Nick, what's going on with you? You're on the President's Day program on WMMR 93.3.
Also available as a podcast.
Yeah, you can get it on our new website,
which is WMMR.com and PrestonAndSteve.com.
I'll be appearing at the Dave Matthews Band concert
later tonight.
Time to see Dave Matthews go on.
I'll be wearing the shorts.
I've never taken these off,
yet Dave Matthews goes on in like a year and a half.
Oh, beautiful.
And it's a rain or shine show?
It's raining out there.
And fortunately, I work at a radio station, so I got seats, and I'm not on the lawn like the peasants.
They got covered seats in Camden, New Jersey?
Yeah, they got a lot in Camden.
Shorts! Shorts! Shorts!
Shorts! Shorts! Shorts!
Shorts! Shorts! Shorts!
When I said shorts, it sounded like
sharts.
We do those.
Our show doesn't do
shout-outs, we do
shart-outs.
Because we're classy
and farts are funny. It's because you're assy We don't do shout-outs, we do shart-outs. Because we're classy.
And farts are funny.
It's because you're sassy.
You can follow me on Twitter at NickMcCoyne1 and Instagram and all that stuff.
That's easy to spell.
No.
Can't do it.
Can't do it.
That's the guy who called you a shithead, I bet.
M-C-I-L-W-A-I-N.
Nicely done.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Wow.
Yeah, that's how you spell that.
And if you need to spell Doogie Horner, you've got problems.
And Michelle Balloon is with one L.
Yes, B-I-L-O-N.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
Two L's in Michelle, of course.
Yeah, two L's in Michelle.
One M.
One N. Two E's. Yeah, yeah. Two L's in Michelle, of course. Yeah, two L's in Michelle. One M. One N.
Two E's.
No silent letters.
A silent Z.
Yeah.
No numbers.
No commas.
One more round of applause for all of my guests.
Take that away.
Michelle Bloom, a doogie hoarder.
Michelle Blue, Doogie Hoarder.
Always a blast doing shows here in Helium and in Philadelphia.
And thanks, you guys, for coming out
and for selling it out weeks ago.
And I'll do it again as soon as possible.
And as always...
We love you, Doug! And as always...
We love you, Doug!
Okay, those two people are shitheads.
I just didn't know.
The pause wasn't for to get some love.
The pause was to figure out what the hell this is.
Jiggery Pokery is a shithead?
Is that a thing?
Jiggery Pokery?
Did I say it right?
Alright.
Good one, Noah.
And whoever broke
Jose Aldo's rib
is a shithead.
The city of Memphis.