Doug Loves Movies - Morgan Spurlock, Joe Lynch, Kevin Pereira, and Sean Jordan Guest
Episode Date: February 23, 2012Doug welcomes filmmakers Morgan Spurlock and Joe Lynch, G4 host Kevin Pereira, and comedian Sean Jordan. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at http...s://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug Hanks, candy wrapper screening baby sticky seeds
With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth
They're still not warm, then he won't sleep
Because Doug loves movies Oh, hey everybody.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
on Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles, California
on February 21st.
Fat Tuesday.
Two Oceans 12.
Yeah.
I can't get my coat off.
Since last I spoke, you listened.
I flew back from Vancouver, Canada.
That was good.
Then,
thanks to all who came out to the tapings of Douglas movies in Van City.
Your combination of
politeness and enthusiasm was a sheer
delight.
Last night we taped
Benson Interruption Podcast Episode 12
with... You guys were there?
Holy shit, that was fun.
That was really fun. I might as well say
let's see, great memory
test for the stoner. Let's see if I can do it.
Anthony Jeselnik,
TJ Miller,
Nikki Glaser,
Moshe Kasher,
Chelsea Peretti, Nick Kroll, and
Pete Holmes are all on that episode.
I was staring at the paper, but it did not say it on the paper.
You guys didn't seem that impressed.
It will be available now or soonish in the comedy album section of iTunes.
And we're doing a thing now where it's going to come out one week from when we recorded it at the correct price.
where it's going to come out one week from when we recorded it at the correct price.
For some reason, iTunes can get the price correct if you give them seven days to sit around and think about it.
But if we want to get it on there immediately,
it always comes out first at $9.99.
And when people buy it, I go, are you out of your mind?
But thanks to everybody who buys them at any price.
If you're in L.A. this weekend,
I'm doing a couple of shows that could be pretty fun
on Saturday, February 25th at 4.20.
Brendan Walsh and I,
we both have things we're practicing for stand-up-wise,
so we're both going to be doing long sets
at Nerd Melt in the back of Meltdown Comics
where we taped Benson Interruption last night
over on Sunset Boulevard.
Only five bucks to get in, 4.20 in the afternoon.
We'll start a few minutes late if you want a hot box in your car.
And Brendan's practicing for a Comedy Central special that he's going to be taping in Boston in a few weeks.
And I'm practicing for my next album, which will be taped on April 20th at Parlor Live in Bellevue, Washington, Seattle adjacent.
And on Sunday, February 26th,
I'll be doing a Benson Awards show interruption
at CineFamily starting at 3 o'clock.
What other awards are there at 3 o'clock
on Sunday, February 26th?
With three very special guests.
I got great people to help me.
This is a membership only event
so now is a good time to become
a member. Cinefamily.org
for deets.
Now it's time for Watch This Not That
where I speculate about which movie
you should see because I
haven't seen them myself.
The number one movie in the country
right now by a nut hair is is called safe house
no one is either the number two movie is the vow which i am not seeing because i had i'm
gonna go see 21 jump street and i have a two channing tatum movies a year rule and I already saw haywire so so fuck you
the vow so watch safe house not the vow this has been watch this not that yeah
oh it's very reasonable very strongly considered arguments for these watch
this not that now it's time for Tweet Relief,
tweets about movies.
Miss Lisa Lou,
M-S-L-E-S-A-L-O-U tweeted,
Doug Benson,
Kevin Costner knows he can't win an Oscar for speaking at a funeral, right?
This has been Tweet Relief,
tweets about movies.
One more thing.
One more thing.
There's a dude on Twitter
who is trying to get
the classic movie Die Hard
into the National Film Registry.
I don't know how Twitter can help,
but to try to preserve
the awesomeness that is Die Hard forever,
starting on March 3rd
and into March 4th,
this one dude on Twitter is going to do a 24-hour
marathon, a tweet-a-thon
of Die Hard,
and I will live-tweet
the whole movie, starting
at the very first
showing of that weekend.
You have to have a copy of the movie yourself
and put it in and start it at the right time.
But if you do that,
if you start at 10 a.m. Pacific,
1 p.m. Eastern on March 3rd,
I swear I will try to remember
to live tweet the whole movie
and you could sit there and look at your phone and go,
yeah, I said the same thing
the first time I saw it.
Or whatever.
I don't know if you'll have such an attitude.
And then we'll hashtag all the tweets,
and you can tweet about it as well.
I'm not stopping you.
Hashtag DieHarderNFR, as in National Film Registry.
Okay, as Jennifer Hudson would say
it's go
time
the prize bag
oh my god
so much stuff
in the prize bag
so much
hardly any of it
will give away
who the participants are
because a lot of them
just grab some stuff
like I'm not gonna say
the signature on here
but this bag
says on it, congratulations,
this is the greatest deodorant you'll
ever wear.
So, congratulations.
I'm not going to say
the name of the deodorant. Maybe the guest
will when he gets out here. We got
Doug Benson, professional humor-edient.
I brought a copy of the script of
The Descendants, because I
saw the movie, so I don't need to read it.
But you may enjoy owning it and reading it.
One of the guests brought some Sour Patch,
watermelon, sweet and sour.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind a sponsorship from those guys.
That'd be pretty sweet.
Oh, he also brought, David Huntsberger's not here,
but somehow his CD, David Huntsberger,
I mean, he's here physically, but he's not going to be a guest.
But he'll be on again.
Don't even worry about it.
Humanitis is the name of his CD.
We got this CD.
We got to talk.
This is a DVD.
We got to talk about this.
It's called Libido Mania.
And it sounds like something I would never want to watch.
And so I warned the winner that they might not want to watch it either.
There's also a DVD and a Blu-ray of Chillerama.
There's some extreme butter, microwave popcorn,
and there's six free months of Netflix.
Yeah.
Are you fucking kidding me?
That's a pretty sweet prize that he just pulled out of his wallet.
He walked up.
I was like, where's your prize, man?
You look empty-handed.
He's like, how about this prize?
And he opens his wallet.
Six free months of Netflix.
And I'm like, yeah, but what's the catch?
And the catch is you have to pay for Netflix for the rest of your life.
It's only good for free for six months.
And then the top price, top tier for the rest of your life
that's not true please welcome sean jordan joe lynch kevin perera and morgan spurlock I went through the door instead of the curtain, I think, is what happened.
You need a clown car that we can all come out of.
Yeah, that's...
I'm so sorry for your head.
Yeah, it's a little tricky because there's a door that opens right up into audience,
Yeah, it's a little tricky because there's a door that opens right up into audience,
and then there's a curtain that's free-flowing and easy to get through.
I don't like that road.
Curtains are confusing.
You guys don't perform on this stage very often, so I can't blame you for not knowing which way to go.
Let's go down the line. Let's talk to everybody and say our hellos and how do you dos.
Starting with, oh, turn over.
Here we go.
You actually had the note that reminds you to turn the page.
Dude, I walked myself through it.
This is a treasure map that I prepare in case I'm dead or I'm high when I have to do the show.
It's like choose your own adventure on a piece of paper.
Yeah, I really...
Turn two back.
I don't know what I'm going to ask you guys,
but Doug Benson of earlier today
had some good questions.
Oh, that Doug Benson.
Joe Lynch is here,
director of the upcoming Knights of Badass Dome.
Collective whoo
goes across the crowd.
Starring my pals
Brian Posehn
and Larry Zerner,
favorites of the show.
Yeah, not starring,
but they're in it.
And when is it coming out?
I keep asking you this
in emails,
but now I'll ask you in person.
And Twitter and Facebook
and my text.
I'm not on Facebook.
How dare you?
Damn it.
That's for children.
Oh, sorry.
Your Friendster account is the last MySpace holdout.
Oh, my God.
MySpace.
Let's not get into it because it's not Douglas MySpace.
When's that movie coming out?
What?
Knights of Bad Aston?
This year.
That's all I've been told.
Oh, okay.
That's why. 2012. That's why I was confused told. Oh, okay. That's why. 2012.
That's why I was confused. Before the world ends. There's no date.
We hope. But there's like a distributor
and they're trying to figure out
the best approach.
Indie film. Indie film.
And we don't announce release dates for
2014 yet. So
eventually it'll come out.
Well, and just so the audience that might
not know, it is
maybe perhaps the first full-length film
specifically about LARPing.
Well, there's been a lot of different LARP endeavors.
LARP romps.
Yes.
LARP endeavors.
LARP sagas.
Yeah, but this movie is all about it specifically.
It's about a bunch of guys who go on a LARP,
including Peter Dinklage. Some people might know a LARP, including Peter Dinklage.
Some people might know who that is.
Yeah, Peter Dinklage.
It's hilarious timing.
Did you have any idea that he'd be in the real LARPing TV show?
Like the true-to-life LARPing?
And then he'd also be playing, he plays this silly little LARPer in your movie.
He did that show after us.
And he is on record for saying that all of my direction was what got him the Emmy.
And the Golden Globe.
Wow.
From doing Nights of Bad Astem to Game of Thrones.
Nice.
You're welcome, Peter.
He's a great actor.
And I look forward to that movie coming out.
Well, thank you.
And speaking of great actors and you working with them,
your next movie that you're going to start when?
This spring.
This spring is a kick-ass, very violent actioner.
This sounds great.
Starring the queen of chick flicks, Kate Hudson.
Look at that.
Was Katherine Heigl not available?
No, she did that one for the money, and she had the gun in her hand, and we went typecast.
Dude, whoever you pick, that is a fucking CPR jolt to the rib cage of their stupid career with their dumb chick flicks.
No offense.
There's some good ones.
None taken.
She's right in the back, so it's fine.
Oh my God, why would Kate Hudson just come and watch?
She should be up here.
She'd probably...
Precious was in the audience once.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's true.
Precious.
Oh.
Where was the rest of the audience? And by that,, really? Yeah, it's true. Precious. Oh. Where was the rest
of the audience?
And by that,
I mean Andy Serkis.
In mocap.
Kevin Pereira
is here, everybody.
Hello, folks.
Host of AOTS,
what us people with busy schedules call it a creator of uh lead up yeah all right which i have i've been having trouble communicating
with people verbally about like if you see it written down it makes sense i still don't know
what's happening but when i tell people about it they they're like, what? A lead up? What is it?
Yeah, like a meet up for the elite.
Oh, why did you call it a lead up?
That was taken by a group with fancy hats and teacups.
So it's called lead up.
L-E-E-T up.
Correct.
Like the movie.
Right, with balloons in a house.
And it's taking place the very first one, because you're going to do them all
over the place. Yes, March 1st. The first one is
here in Los Angeles. Yes. March
the 1st. The 1st of March. Club Nokia.
It's a night of podcasts
slash musical performances
slash technology demos slash
gaming. It's sort of a bunch of conventions
rolled into one. And if you're not really
interested in the VJ that's spinning visuals, fine.
Go grab a drink at the bar
and go hang out at the classic arcade
that'll be in there.
And, you know, we have a bunch of toys
and Nerf guns and Roombas going around.
All that shit.
The kids love Roombas, right?
I mean...
Yeah, and I...
We have to pay for this.
If you're gonna fuck a vacuum,
make it one that gives you
the thrill of the chase.
The thrill of the chase
of your goddamn zombies?
Those things don't move very fast.
I get them every time.
When I'm in the heat of the moment.
Pants around the ankles.
That's a good director note
for when you're coaching zombies.
When you're working with zombies.
Walk like your pants are around your ankles.
Must fuck Roomba.
So yeah, so the lead up will also feature myself
appearing in a panel with...
That's right, with Kevin Smith, Chris Hardwick,
Greg Fitzsimmons, Harley from Epic Mealtime
at some point is going to shoot a t-shirt cannon
filled with bacon on the crowd.
That's one of those you ask for forgiveness,
not for the club's permission beforehand
bacon what kind of
like completely cooked
like ready to catch
in your mouth
and eat bacon
and I think it's turkey bacon
so we don't offend somebody
or something like that
but uh
it's like Gallagher
for the 21st century
yes
yeah
I'm gonna
the sledge-o-matic's
coming out
we've got ponchos
for the first three
three rows of crowds
it's gonna be great
yeah it's hard
you can't really
sledgehammer meat into a crowd.
That's probably why he's never done it.
He's done everything.
He's done Aspic.
He's done Baked Alaska.
He didn't aim high enough.
By the way, the evening never sounded like a failure until just now.
So if you bought tickets, cancel them immediately.
It's going brilliantly.
Just get rid of them.
There's going to be somebody at a basketball game 10 years from now being like,
look, son, they used to call that a t-shirt cannon. Now it's going brilliantly. Just get rid of him. There's going to be somebody at a basketball game ten years from now being like,
look son,
they used to call that a t-shirt cannon.
Now it's a bacon cannon.
That's what the fuck
that is now.
This is how IHOP
delivers breakfast
just right to the face
and super quick.
I would go to that restaurant.
I'd go to a bacon cannon
anywhere.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm more of a ham cannon fan.
Oh?
Yeah.
I was going to say
I'm such a sausage cannon fan. That is true. I was going to say, I'm such a sausage cannon fan.
That is true.
That's going to put this whole thing in a new light.
That sounds terrible.
Welcome to Prison Ward B.
Let us introduce you to the sausage cannon.
My name's Sausage Cannon.
You boys, you boys are the queen of the sausage cannon.
Come on over here and look at my sausage cannon.
He just wants to play Solitaire, actually.
That's all sausage cannon wants to do.
I'm really misunderstood.
They call me sausage cannon, but I love Uno.
All right.
Morgan Spurlock is here, everybody.
Hey!
Can't believe that keeps happening I'm on like the drinking side of the table
apparently
damn right you are
this is the AA side
is that a new strain of sativa?
yes
then yes
dude have you tried the AA?
shit is tight
I had a great time.
I got to go recently to London, England in the UK to be on that one.
Oh, that London.
To go to be on.
London, England.
That's bullshit.
I learned a lot about it while I was there, like all the words that means it.
And that means it.
Mushy peas are peas.
And I did Morgan Spurlock's
New Britannia
show that
you know
someday hopefully
we'll see over here
but for now
it'll be
it'll premiere on
for the
listeners in the UK
it'll be on
Sky Atlantic
Sky 1
yeah
after Game of Thrones
Sky 2
on April 2nd
it'll premiere
after Game of Thrones
on April 2nd
wow
yeah that's a
pretty
that's our
right there
that's our sweet time slot.
That's our Kevin Bacon Cannon connection.
Six degrees of Kevin Bacon Cannon.
See, we're already playing the game.
The game has begun.
We are ready for this fucking game.
Seriously.
I'm ready.
So I had a blast doing that,
but I want to ask you,
can we see your next movie and what's
what's it about i mean i think i already know but yeah no the next film uh is called comic-con
episode four fans hope which uh yeah it is it is the first movie that uh comic-con has ever been
allowed to be made about comic-con and it opens the first week of April. Be all across the country. Yeah.
That's pretty sweet.
And now you know I have to go to Comic-Con this year and make a movie there
because all I'm going to do from now on
is just make whatever you do.
That's right.
I'm going to do,
well, what would that movie be like
if the guy in charge was stoned the whole time?
Chronic-Con episode 420.
You're welcome.
Wait, what?
Did you call it Chronic Con?
Yeah.
Okay.
Park our cars in the same garage, my friend.
Episode 420, a new dope.
Oh!
The game continues!
Let's just play the game.
Come on.
It's going to premiere soon soon The greatest movie ever rolled
Presented by Pot Wonderful
Did someone just pass out?
Someone
That idea is too good
Is everyone okay?
Someone brought a bowling ball
For a name tag
Sounds like somebody was out
Bagging some Pot Wonderful
Right there
Yeah
That was the first shot out of the bacon cannon.
Too close, brother.
Oh, no.
Bacon cannon backfired and killed the guy.
Shot backwards.
But he died doing what he loved.
He really did.
So, Sean Jordan is here, everybody,
from Portland.
Formerly from Sioux Falls, but now in Portland, Oregon.
Frequent guest on the show.
Have you been to the movies lately, Sean?
I was going to say, don't ask me what movies I'm doing right now, because I'm not doing any.
It hasn't happened for you yet, but I'm sure if you get a newer hat, it'll all work out.
That ain't happening.
That hat is frayed.
I don't know what of, but it is frayed.
I haven't been to the movies recently because I've been too busy watching Mad Men.
I just started fucking with that like two weeks ago.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, I've been sleeping on it forever.
You're all catching up on it?
I caught up on it and it was ridiculous.
Have you gotten a Don Draper's deathbed scene yet?
No, that didn't happen.
I'm all caught up, dude. I'm finished. You can't fool me.
Alright, I was just joking around.
We saw a movie together when I was up in Portland.
We went to a fancy movie theater where you can
have alcohol and glasses at your seat.
That just blew Doug's mind, by the way.
I could not believe.
Why wouldn't they put it in plastic?
It seems dangerous.
It's plastic.
But we saw shame, and I've never been more uncomfortable watching a movie with another dude in my entire life.
But I probably would have been even more uncomfortable if I had a lady with me.
Yeah, it would have been weird.
Because of Fassbender's fucking giant member.
Flapping around with the vast member.
It's not only do you see it,
then he goes into a bathroom
and you get a shot from behind where he's peeing
and you could still see it,
even though he's being photographed from behind.
It's all the way down making bubbles.
I don't know.
Yeah, it's like,
maybe he wasn't peeing,
maybe he's just going in there
to get a drink.
I don't know.
That's,
maybe that's how he maintains
that thing,
but it was,
it was gnarly.
And then he feeds his ass peanuts.
No, we would have seen that.
We had a really good
Spurlock the Closer.
So Spurlock the Closer. So Spurlock the Closer.
That's your LARP name.
I'm going to call you.
You've just been given that.
You're welcome.
Are you too busy to go to movies?
And you probably see kids' films on occasion, right?
Because you have an offspring.
I see Rio like every other day with my son
my son's now on rio it just gets better every time yeah every time you get more used to it
it's one of the song that was nominated for best song is it good yes
it is good better than the Muppets song?
I want the Muppets song to win
No the Muppets song will win
You think?
Yeah I think it'll win
Alright
Are you good at like Oscar pools?
Do you usually win those things?
No I don't
I usually
I usually play
solidly like seventh
Right in the middle
A respectable seventh
A respectable seventh
You get best picture right
Yeah
Cause you just go with
whoever the Producers Guild chose.
That's right.
And then if you go with Directors Guild,
if you go down the line,
you're going to do pretty well.
You should usually do pretty close.
They've already all been awarded.
It's always the shorts
that always screw your pool.
Yes.
Yeah.
Every time.
Yeah, I don't like the shorts.
Live action short form documentary,
that's the one everyone goes,
fuck!
No Holocaust this year, damn it.
Nobody says damn it after that.
Not damn it, there was no Holocaust.
My family looks forward to that every year.
Damn it!
That's our burning man.
It's going to happen again, I swear.
Auschwitz card.
No?
I have it on good authority
because we talked about it backstage
that Joe Lynch has seen
or tried to see Ghost Rider 2
I thought you weren't going to bring this up
what's the rest of the title?
do you even remember?
Ghost Rider 2, Spirit
Fart-A-Ventions
those things are driving me crazy
I used to pretend and not remember
what they're called
but now I can't really
I really can't remember
instead of the two
they have to say something like
the enemy within
there always has to be
the legend of Curly's gold
or whatever
now if it was Ghost Riders
the legend of Curly's gold
I would have made it
at least past 40 minutes
right
because you would have been like
where's Curly
we're the one on pushups I want to hear about this gold so I would have made it at least past 40 minutes. Right, because you would have been like, where's Curly?
Where are the one-armed push-ups? I want to hear about this gold.
So did you say that you didn't watch the whole thing?
The last movie that I ever left early, because I'll see everything.
The one before that was Screamers.
Peter Weller, anybody?
Screamers?
Right?
Come on, you wanted to walk out too.
That yes seemed almost excited, though.
It was the one guy who was like, yes!
See, there's always somebody that likes something.
Any Garbage Pail Kids movie fans?
Actually, yeah.
Wow!
I forgot where I am.
The last movie I ever walked out on was Mr. Holland's Opus,
because I knew I wasn't going to get the handjob.
So I was like, fuck it.
Fuck you, Holland, and your opus.
You were really sitting there hoping that Richard Dreyfuss would give you a handjob?
It was what she wanted to see.
It was either that or Brothers McMullen.
I was like, fuck it.
Let's go with Dreyfuss.
So what did she do when you walked out?
You know what?
I think you made the right call.
She stayed.
She stayed?
She had to see what happened to the opus.
Screw that bitch.
She needed to complete the opus.
I was gone.
But yeah, Ghost Rider. I wanted to see it opus I was gone but yeah Ghost Rider
I wanted to see it
just because I like
the crank guys
you know
crank two
but yeah
the big problem
and look
I should not be saying this
because I know
those guys will be like
well fuck you
with your wrong turn two
and your chillerama
and your movie
that's not going to
come out yet
you know
but yeah
you hang out with
some really shitty people.
I know.
Filmmakers.
No, it just, it had this, it was lacking that like crazy skate, guys on a camera, like
riding skateboards kind of feel.
And I don't know if you like, you guys like Bad Lieutenant, the new one, the cage, Bad
Lieutenant.
Okay.
Now it's bad fucking Lieutenant, but a skull.
So it's cage. He like turns into this, you know.
You just made me want to see it.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, that's what I thought too.
Those plugs in 3D.
Like he said, I don't have to be there most of the time, I'm in.
The plugs went up in flame, he opened his mouth, turned into the skull, and then he just stood there.
Now all these guys, it's like a kung fu movie where it's like, okay, who goes next?
Alright, I jump in first, let me take a number and then I go.
So all these guys are circling around
Ghost Rider not knowing what the fuck to do
and he just stands there and just
Now what's cool is that you get the flame
flying in residual effect.
He just burns all the enemies?
But he's fucking overacting in CG
and just imagine
the animators going like,
you gotta be fucking kidding me, dude.
Really?
Like, tone it back a little bit.
But yeah, after that, I was like,
you know what?
I got better things to do.
I'll go.
I miss him punching women in a bear suit.
That's the best Nick Cage.
I miss him eating cockroaches
and shaving hearts in his chest, you know?
It's not the same Cage.
So did you go next door to Chipwrecked?
Oh, sir, I have seen Chipwrecked
many a time. Come on. As have
I. Yes.
It's almost as good as Rio. Is Cross here
tonight? No, he's not.
Okay, cool. He's riding his 40th
ski-doo right now. He's not sitting with Kate Hudson in the back.
Really quickly,
Kevin, any cinema
experiences you've had recently
I got to see Chronicle
Chronicle
yeah
not the response
I was expecting
with that word
because of the movie
that I saw
that was attached
to that word
but it was okay
actually
I liked
I mean it seemed like
it's got very
very good parts
it seemed like
they were having fun
yeah I think
for the high school
seniors of the world
awesome
they're gonna love it.
I don't, I mean,
I would've loved that movie
when I was in high school
or if I went to college
my freshman year.
I don't know, though.
You're like, yeah,
I'm out of the house.
You were so deep
in thought right there.
I'd be hoping for the handjob
like Joe was at 30
at Holland's O'Connor.
You would get it at Chronicle.
You would.
I thought it was okay.
It's hard to get behind
the fact that that guy,
once that guy gets his powers, he's not fucking Kerry White.
He's not like a complete space case.
He knows how to do fun things with it.
You think that he would just, you know, become cool and appreciated or go into X-Men Academy or, you know.
I didn't expect him to start a live journal and start cutting his thighs with his mind.
But the fact that he starts hurting people
because, oh, people still don't like me.
It's like, fuck, come on.
They like you now, you fucking asshole.
Why do you have to keep dwelling on that
they didn't used to like you?
It's too much,
and we don't even have time to talk about it.
I sat through to this very day,
I saw Star Wars Episode 1
Phantom Mentos
and
Phantom Menace
and
I gotta tell you guys
I went out
and tested it myself
the 3D on this
is complete bullshit
it is such bullshit 3D
that when you take
the glasses off
it's not blurry
the picture looks fine
there's a little blurriness of like an object in the background that you don't give a shit about that when you take the glasses off, it's not blurry. The picture looks fine.
There's a little blurriness of like an object in the background
that you don't give a shit about.
You put the glasses back on.
Oh, that object looks like
slightly closer to them
than I might have thought it was.
And somewhere right outside San Francisco,
you can hear George Lucas going,
It's such a...
And that they started
the 3D re-releases
with the worst one.
It's the whole thing
is just a scam
and it makes me sick.
But people are saying
it left and right.
Well, you know,
I saw it with four
or five other people.
One who had
a breathing problem.
Maybe the people
in here aren't saying it.
The guy with the,
the loud breather,
I kept thinking,
oh, this is so sad.
The guy really,
he just is, admires Darth Vader
and how heavy breathing
can not stop you from achieving your goals.
Maybe that dude is finally getting that hand job
that he's been wanting in a movie.
Phantom Menace.
She was so boring.
Wait, so what is, I've sat through it now
twice when it came out
and then again today.
What is the Phantom Menace?
Don't dig that deep, buddy.
Why are you thinking
about that?
That movie.
It's ridiculous.
That movie itself.
Getting to the 3D,
was it like bad conversion
as in there's not much
depth at all
or was it bad conversion
as in there's foreground
and it's black?
It's like they did nothing
to it other than say
wear these glasses and watch. And give us $20. Yeah. as in there's not much depth at all? Or was it bad conversion, as in there's foreground and it's black? It's like they did nothing to it other than say,
wear these glasses and watch... And give us $20.
Yeah, and watch episode one.
Yeah, keyword episode.
Ooh.
Traumatic for me to sit through.
And I'm going to probably go to the other two.
I mean, all of them.
I'll go see all of them.
You've got five left.
I'll get mad at...
2015 for a new book? Well, six movies from now, I'll get see all of them I'll get mad in 2015 yeah
well six movies from now
I'll get mad all over again
at the Ewoks
I mean George Lucas
said it best himself
he's like
people were mad
about the Ewoks
so I wasn't that surprised
when they were mad
about Jar Jar
it's like yeah
you fucking said
fuck you Ewok haters
I'll give you
something to hate
I'll show you
what real hatred is
I'm gonna make those
Ewoks blink now fuckers you think you hate. I'll show you what real hatred is. I'm gonna make those Ewoks blink now, fuckers!
You think you hate that?
I'm gonna create a sequence where people are fighting life and death battle
and there's one character that keeps falling down.
There's slapstick comedy going on while Gungans are losing their lives.
I shouldn't have seen that today
because I'm just so angry now.
You're taking it out on us.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah.
Shall we play a game or two?
Yes!
All right.
I apologize.
We've got to go kind of fast
because the talk part of the show
took over tonight
what's going on over here?
got like a
lot of bags
uncrinkling a name tag
it looks like
it's like a picnic over there
oh are you preparing a name tag?
are you about to write your name on that?
I drank the 40
now I'm gonna write my name
on that empty bag
I just heard so much
in that five seconds
it sounded like someone
knocked over a marching band
I heard a crash cymbal
and a bass drum roll downstairs.
My names will work for food.
Let's play a quick round and build a title.
A low stakes winner gets to go first in the Leonard Maltin game.
Insomnia Pace on Twitter.
Someone called themselves Insomnia Pace.
So they must be like a middle of the night phone sex operator or something.
This person suggested the Whoopi Goldberg
classic Jumping Jack Flash.
So we'll start with Sean Jordan
because he's played the game the most
and then we'll go to Kevin.
Can you think of a movie
that ends in jumping or begins
with flash?
Jumping Jack Flash Shawshank Redemption.
Can I do that?
No, but that was pretty awesome.
That was a pretty awesome attempt.
Kevin?
What?
Jumping Jack Flash.
Was Flash Gordon a movie?
Yeah, Flash Gordon is in fact a movie. Flash Gordon. All right, and we go to Joe Lynch. Jumping Jack Flash. Was Flash Gordon a movie? Yeah, Flash Gordon is in fact a movie.
Flash Gordon.
We go to Joe Lynch.
Jumping Jack Flash Gordon.
Jumping Jack Flash Gordon and the Whale?
Is that a movie?
Gordon and the Whale?
That's all I got.
So many IMDB that quickly.
I didn't mean to totally fuck you with Gordon, by the way.
I thought you would be better at this.
Gordon.
Well, that's how the game works, Kevin.
You gotta fuck your neighbor.
Does the Gordon's fishman count?
He was in a commercial.
No.
His fish sticks are delicious.
But we go to Morgan now.
There's a movie that ends in jump or jumping.
White Men Can't Jumping Jack Flash Gordon.
Yeah. Yeah.
Came to play.
All right, back to you, Kevin.
I wish you went to Whale.
I think you should.
In the Whale.
With Whale.
In the Whale.
Whale Rider, boom.
So now, Kevin,
you need something
that ends in white
or begins with Gordon.
I'm trying to get the Gordon out.
Is there a movie that was with Gordon?
Someone's got it.
Someone's IMDb'd something right now, please,
because I would like to know.
No, you can't.
Great White, Jumpin' Jack Flash, Gordon.
Great White?
I know they're a band that burnt down a concert hall,
but I also think they had a movie.
They must have made a documentary about it.
I mean, it must be something about sharks.
It's called Great White, Men Can't Jump Out of a Fire.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I judge and laugh at the same time.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
All right, so you're out.
And since Morgan was the last one to add to it,
he's our winner.
Hey! White Men Can't jumping jack flash.
Gore Dunn.
Did anybody think of something that goes with Dunn?
Don Juan DeMarco.
Oh, wait, we don't have to use the whole word?
Don Juan DeMarco.
Oh, that changes the entire thing.
You can just say on, too, like on deadly ground or something.
Oh, I did not read deadly ground or something. Oh.
I did not read the rule book beforehand.
I am sorry.
I tried. I tried to really flex that nut right away, but it didn't happen.
My bad.
Do we think of one that ends in white?
No.
Snow White.
No, that.
Oh, yeah.
It's a new one.
The new one's just called Snow White.
Oh, no, it's called Snow White and the Huntsman.
Yeah.
Black, white.
Yeah.
It's about Snow White and a GOP hopeful.
All right.
Gentlemen, I forgot to remind you
about this backstage,
but this is a portion of the show
where everyone's going to take out
their name tags,
and you get to choose
who you want to play for
in the Leonard Mullen game.
Please go out into the audience
and just physically grab
the person you want to play for.
And you were making a name tag when she was scrunching out that bag.
There's a Etch-a-Sketch over there.
There's a Captain America Frisbee.
Kayla's here with a Frisbee always.
What?
Bring the name tag, not the person.
Just bring the name tag.
Steve says it's his birthday. He made a the name tag. Steve says it's his birthday.
He made a really shitty sign to promote that it's his birthday.
It took him two minutes, man, on his birthday.
How could you?
How could you do that?
Oh, wow.
These are...
I see something edible.
Exactly.
So is this person named Annie?
Yes.
She brought a product called Annie's Cheddar Bunnies.
Yep.
They pretty much look like goldfish.
Pepperidge Farm Cheddar Bunnies.
All natural, baked.
Oh, baked.
Yeah.
And this is a choice.
The problem with goldfish is that when you're mutilating them,
you can only go tail or head
Here you can go for the ears first, the legs, the eyes
You can gouge them out
I'm more of a one bite guy in my kind of self
Take my time
Let's throw a handful in there
And I'll fuck them all up at the same time
Joe picked the Etch-A-Sketch
What does it say on the Etch-A-Sketch. What does it say on the Etch-A-Sketch?
It looks like slut.
I'm going to fuck it all up.
Oh, Scott.
Scott.
There's Scott.
That looks like it took a long time.
Scott wrote his name on Etch-A-Sketch.
Scott, how long did that take?
Yeah, no shit.
You get it.
Took about an hour.
Scott's friend.
Why doesn't it say Scott's fucking friend?
Took me two hours to sit through Star Wars.
He's shrugging it off like it's no big deal at all.
That's fucking gnarly.
Seriously.
That's amazing.
Shake it.
Reveal the hidden message. Give it a good shake. It's going to say Scott's friend. I it off like it's no big deal at all. That's fucking gnarly. Seriously. That's amazing. Shake it. Reveal the hidden message.
Give it a good shake.
It's going to say Scott's friend.
I can't do it.
See how sturdy it is.
Morgan Spurlock is such a humanitarian that his name tag, I saw these guys out on the
street earlier today.
Their name tag says, stranded with pregnant girlfriend, only 28, short for a ticket home.
Anything helps.
God bless. I don't ticket home. Anything helps. God bless.
I don't...
Paul.
Only Paul. Only God bless.
So here's what we're going to do.
Is there someone in this audience
that wants Morgan to play for them
for $28?
That's what you have to pay to get Morgan to play
for you. Because this bag of crap
is not going to do them any good. They need $28.
Morgan, will you play for me? Am I right? Would you rather have the bag of crap is not going to do them any good. They need $28. Morgan, will you play for me?
Am I right?
Would you rather have the bag of crap or the $28?
Yeah, let's get them the $28.
Who here wants to pay $28 to have Morgan Spurlock play for you?
This gentleman right here.
Come on up here, sir.
Do you have exact change?
We'll take $30.
$40 if you got two 20s.
He's got 20.
He's got 25.
Look at this guy.
What are you, a fucking cab driver or a stripper?
The thermometer's going up.
Are you a stripper that shows up dressed like a cab driver?
Well,
he's obviously not a mathematician
because he gave us $29.
I haven't seen.
Oh, extra dollar.
Sir, you made it rain on Morgan Spurlock.
Yes.
So could they, not the pregnant one, but could the guy come down here and take the money and your sign back?
I already bought it from him.
What?
I already bought it from him for 30 bucks.
Scam.
Wait a second.
Someone's pocket just got a little heavier.
Old heavy pocket Spurlock. I'm just going to hang on to that
So no here put this in the bag
So the winner gets
That guy's down
He's into it
What's your name sir I should at least say your name on the show
George
No George we don't want to put your money in the prize bag
He's into it
He's the 1% He's the 1%.
George is the 1%.
All right.
Yeah, buddy.
Is that George City Bank?
The visor pretty much says, gambling man.
Yeah.
All right, so $28 has been added, and I say you still play for them,
and they could win another $28 and all the prizes if you win, Morgan.
So a lot of pressure on you.
A lot of pressure. You're still playing for the
guy and his pregnant girlfriend.
You're still thinking for the
long-term planners.
That's right.
What?
Yeah, I don't know what that's about. He could have spoke
up a long time ago.
Why is he going to let me go off
about let's get somebody to put in 28 bucks?
Right now, Paul, that guy's down
in La Brea with another sign.
With no wife. And his girlfriend's
got another balloon under her shirt.
Right.
Oh, the old balloon shirt. She got that in Vietnam.
She's a vet.
We're naming him Mylar
after this balloon.
All right.
And Sean is playing for...
He's playing for some dude named Luke.
After that, this is going to be pretty lackluster, but Luke...
Hey! What is that thing?
Is that like an alien? Yeah, it's an alien thing.
Facehugger? It really caught my eye. Luke is
taped on there, but I dig the...
how cool it looks.
Engorged Giger testicles.
Luke, you go knock a girl up,
we'll get you some cash.
But until now or until then... In space, no one can hear you, Luke.
All right.
So we got to play this game fast, you guys.
The show's been running long every week lately,
and I always apologize and then do it again.
So I got to try to bring this thing in on time. People are waiting for
Comedy Bang Bang tonight.
Another great lineup. Always a great lineup.
And if you come to Douglas Movies, you can
secure yourself. You have to buy a
ticket for the other thing, but you can get
a good seat. And we'll start with
Morgan Spurlock. He gets to pick a category.
First person to two points is going to
win on behalf of whoever you're playing for.
And you'll get all these wonderful prizes.
You all right over there?
Me and you, buddy.
All right.
Quit dropping bowling balls.
It's very distracting, especially in my condition.
What's that?
What's the condition?
Oh, just, you know, excited host.
Okay, I should have known.
Completely aware performer.
Very conscious of what's going on.
Yeah.
All right, we'll start with Morgan, then we'll go to Joe.
Morgan, your category options are Iron Lady.
That's movies with female robot in them.
options are Iron Lady, that's movies with female robot in them.
Beatlenamia, that's movies with Paul, John, George, or Ringo in the title.
Or, five years ago today,
the number one movie, this is the King of Pancakes category, number one movie
five years ago to this very day, hopefully I
did the research today.
Might be a movie from
five years ago.
Which one would you like?
I'm going to go with BeatleNamia.
Okay, this has Paul, John, George
or Ringo or a version of
one of those names in the title
and it's not Rango.
1984 is the year
this movie came out.
Leonard Malt gives it
one and a half stars.
He calls this movie
Lame.
And...
How many A's did he have in it?
And he also says
he calls it
it says the movie
has scattershot jokes
instead of a script.
One and a half stars, 1984.
And he lists
13 names.
So how many names do you think you can get it in?
Morgan Spurlock.
Ten.
Good, solid opening bid.
We go to Joe Lynch.
I'm going to say seven.
Kevin?
I'm going to apologize to Annie.
Sorry.
Say name it to Joe.
All right, Joe.
You get seven names, dude.
It better be Paul, Peter, Ringo, or or George I really hope one of those names
is in the title not necessarily the names I'm about to read to you or they
might all be in fact none of their names are in the names are about to reach you
but one of the Beatles names is in the title of this movie. One and a half stars. Lame.
Scattershot jokes.
1984?
84. And your seven names are
Sudi Bond,
Ray Walston, Dom DeLuise,
Danny DeVito,
Byron Thames,
Glynnis O'Connor,
and Richard Dimitri.
And Dom DeLuise
is all I can hold
in my fucking hand.
Yeah.
Dom DeLuise
in apparently
not a terribly large role.
Yeah.
One of those guys
was a gaffer.
Got any idea?
God damn it
I don't
Wait wait
It's not Ringo
I know
Great clue
There goes that one
Really knows it down
It's not Ringo the Great
I'll tell you the rest of the names
And then you'll suddenly shout it out.
Peter Boyle, Maureen Stapleton, Mary Lou Henner,
Joe Piscopo,
and Michael Keaton.
Michael Keaton.
Michael Keaton
and a lame scattershot.
1984.
Somebody in the audience knows.
Yeah, everybody in the audience knows.
Johnny Dangerously
Johnny Dangerously
why didn't you say Big Testicles
that would have immediately got that
that's what I meant to say as a clue but Leonard doesn't write such things
I thought Leonard
had a higher opinion on that one
it's lame
points to Kevin Pereira
we did it
I'm sorry
I fucked you twice today.
I didn't mean to.
Damn it.
All right, we'll start with Sean,
and then we'll go to Morgan,
because we changed the order around.
Sean, pick a category.
Would you like a movie with three letters in the title?
Like Rio would be an example.
I gathered that, yeah.
Would you like a movie that's in theaters now?
That's movies that are in theaters now gathered that, yeah. Would you like a movie that's in theaters now? That's movies that
are in theaters now.
Or...
Again, again.
Or my wife.
My wife is movies
that an actress
in the movie
is married to
the director of the film.
Okay.
That's crazy.
I thought Borat
was here for a second.
I tried to check.
It's an amazing impression.
It sounded just like it.
You just wait until the dictator comes out.
Three letters.
That's what you're picking?
Yeah.
All right.
No one's going to get this one.
All right.
It's from 1988.
Leonard Maltin calls it a bomb on a scale of bomb to four.
He says about this movie that it is noisy
and it's needless
and that it is badly
over-directed
and that it has
a lot of obvious red herrings
throughout.
The genre is mystery thriller.
It was made in the USA in 1988.
Three... Three what? Thriller. It was made in the USA in 1988. Three,
three what?
It's a bomb.
Oh, it has three letters in the title.
That's right.
And there are I knew that.
That's the one thing that I'm clear on right now.
Six names.
All right.
How many names did you get in, Sean?
We're going to throw six out there.
All right.
Morgan?
I'm going to go five.
Joe?
Four.
Nice.
Kevin Pereira, you know what to do.
Name that movie.
All right.
Name it.
Finally, we get this goddamn show over with.
Because Kevin's going to take it down in two non-guesses.
That's my prediction.
That's my prediction. Apologies to the homeless
couple, but congratulations on getting the money
back home.
And congratulations
to Annie Cheddar Bunnies.
Because, Joe Lynch, your four names
of this movie with three letters in the title are
Christopher Neame, Jane Kazmarek,
Charlotte Rampling,
and Daniel Stern.
It is my feeling that the
remaining two names are the ones one
would need to hear
to even have the remotest
idea what this movie
is, and then you still probably wouldn't be able
to think of the title. It's pretty
intense.
Good luck. You have six seconds how many words in diner how many letters in diner can i say diner damn it there's three three letters in shop
uh daniel stern home alone two more than. That's four letters. Oh, come on.
The remaining stars.
I'm just so curious.
Kevin's our winner, but the remaining stars are Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid.
And it's called?
DOA.
DOA.
Morgan Spurlock with the DOA.
DOA.
Yay.
You better enjoy these fucking bunnies.
So good.
Yeah, so who was Kevin playing for?
Come and get your prizes, Annie.
It was Morgan that brought the deodorant.
He signed it for you.
It is the greatest deodorant you'll ever use.
Courtesy of Joe Lynch.
Joe Lynch, what's this movie that she should probably not watch?
Oh, this is a movie called something about,
it's got shit in it,
and it's the one movie I've ever taken to
amoeba and they actually went no Amoeba wouldn't take it back I'm trying to sell it back in the
way this probably don't want awesome it's got shit like shit like like like yeah like fecal
dementia all over the place yeah don't so don't watch that so that speaks for it please spare
yourself in Scott you don't write a shithead on the back of this, did you? No.
Nobody probably did. No shitheads on the back.
Oh, they did? No, Luke didn't.
Did you, Luke?
Oh, yeah.
No, they didn't write that. I guess you think Blu-ray is a shithead.
Yes, they did.
Yeah, it is a shithead.
Wait, so is this sign fake or real?
Do you guys really need to get home?
But you're also fans of the show and you knew to write who a shithead is?
They can still grab it and write a shithead on it
after they got it.
Oh, you helped them out with the name for the shithead.
Okay.
What a complex
web the audience
weaves while waiting in line.
Should Luke come write
a shithead on it? Yeah, yeah. Please get Luke down
here. I gotta write this one down.
Oh, I guess I don't.
It's right there.
Luke, yeah, just write down something on the back here.
Scott, do you want to sketch a shithead?
Scott can write it on this piece of paper here.
Now I get to do that?
Oh!
It took him an hour, you asshole!
I had to.
Come on.
Sketch your shithead, which will be me.
I'm the first to touch it.
Yes, sketch your shithead.
Sketchy Lynch is a shithead.
Sketch your shithead, shithead.
Let's see how quick it is.
By the way, it's not an ant farm, guys.
It's an Etch-A-Sketch.
Are we really going to wait for him to sketch?
Just come over here and write it down.
I was kidding.
Oh, my God.
An hour later.
Comedy Bang Bang is over.
We'll get that out.
Hang on, Comedy Bang Bang fans.
This guy's got to write something on an Etch-A-Sketch.
Oh, that's not nice.
People are so rude.
Let me see that one.
Can I say something real quick
about an upcoming show?
I don't know if I'll pronounce that one right, but I'll try.
What's that, Sean?
Can I say something about a show in Portland?
Yeah, yeah, plugs. It's time for plugs.
Alright, I'll do it real quick.
There's a show at the Hollywood Theater on March 2nd
in Portland, Oregon that I put on.
And it's going to have Sean Patton headlining. It's going to be really good. And then I'm going to headline the Baghdad Theater at the end of March on the 23rd in Portland, Oregon, that I put on. And it's going to have Sean Patton headlining.
It's going to be really good.
And then I'm going to headline the Baghdad Theater at the end of March on the 23rd in Portland, Oregon.
Boom.
Sean Jordan.
At Sean Jordan on Twitter.
Morgan Spurlock.
Is there a drop date for the Comic-Con movie?
Comic-Con Episode 4 will open in theaters April 6th.
You know, starting to spread around the country.
And what we're doing is we're going to travel around the country.
And we're going to go city to city. And every city we're doing is we're going to travel around the country and we're going to go city to city.
And every city we go to, we're going to leave the movie behind.
But the night we premiere the film in every town,
we're going to create little mini Comic-Cons in each one of those cities.
I'm in. Let me know. I'll come to one.
So at the theater, there'll be costume competitions
and there'll be portfolio reviews
and there'll be people there selling shit
that you don't really want to buy, but you'll buy it anyway.
Lots of slave leias. Lots of slave leias.
Lots of slave leias everywhere.
So that's, yeah, first week of April.
I'm in, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.
I love it.
That's a great idea.
And Failure Club is ongoing on the internet.
Yeah, Failure Club's on the internets,
on the worldwide webs.
If you go to yahoo.com, click on screen,
the screen section,
you can see this web series
we've been doing now
for four months
called Failure Club.
It's great.
Yeah, and New Britannia,
Morgan Sporlock's New Britannia
on Sky Network in the UK.
April 2nd.
And then several episodes in,
I imagine,
because I think I taped the last one,
but they might run out of order
or something.
But anyway,
the subject was fun,
so Morgan and I,
you get to watch us get drunk.
The whole show.
We drink the entire time.
It does sound fun.
Fantastic.
It was a long taping,
so we blew over two points something on the thing.
Joe Lynch.
Blew what on the thing?
On the breathalyzer.
I don't have time for the word breathalyzer.
On the bacon cannon.
I blew a 2-7 on the bacon cannon.
Bacon cannon. Sa the bacon cannon. I blew a 2-7 on the bacon cannon. Oh. Oh.
Bacon cannon.
Sausage cannon.
I go to sleep
for winter
after I take
two hits
off the bacon cannon.
Joe Lidge,
what's up?
Night's a Badass
and coming out this year,
Steve Zahn,
Peter Dinklage,
Summer Glau,
anybody else?
Yeah, Summer.
I'm co-starring
on a sitcom
that's called
Halstance on Fearnet.
That one, everybody can go to her
house and watch it.
April 3rd. No, no, no, that was her.
Yeah, Annie Cheddar Buddies.
Can't go to her house.
Someone can go to her corner and watch it.
April 3rd on Fearnet and Everly we're shooting
this spring. That's so harsh.
I didn't realize they were here. They didn't put that
together for a long time. What do you mean they're not here?
They have a sign. Oh, maybe they're outside.
Again, I didn't want to... I don't know what's going on.
The whole thing's very
confusing. It's bring your own pregnancy balloons.
And now the homeless are mad at me. Great.
More shit to deal with on
Twitter, because they're all on Twitter.
And Kevin, we got the lead up coming
on March 1st. Come down, you guys.
They got like prize, they got bags
of cool stuff that people can get if they buy
the VIP package or something like that.
There's madness going on.
Enter the playlist.com March 1st as well.
It's a music battle show that I'm doing
where we'll have VJs squaring off
against each other and drum battle between
you know, hey, what's up, iPhone?
Did I just get Instagrammed?
No, capturing the moment.
Oh, okay.
He just said he was capturing the moment
for everybody listening with the iPhone.
Now he's capturing another moment.
This is great for audio.
He captured two moments.
There's three moments.
Okay, what is it again?
Entertheplaylist.com.
Okay, and at four o'clock on Saturday, March 3rd, I'll be at Amoeba Records in Hollywood
doing an auction to raise money for charity.
So they'll have lots of cool items that I'll stand there and auction off weirdly
to people who are just trying to shop.
Maybe you can sell him that awesome shit DVD.
Oh yeah, that'd be great.
Auction that off.
Sunday, March 4th, I'll be doing stand-up at the Ontario Improv
again with Brendan Walsh,
who I enjoy performing with.
Thanks once again to my guests.
Let's hear it for Sean Jordan,
Morgan Spurlock, Joe Lidge,
and Kevin Pereira.
As always,
Yui Boll is a shithead.
And now I'm going to have to box him.
And Kate Hudson is a shithead. And now I'm going to have to box him. And Kate Hudson is a shithead.
We'll see about that.
And courtesy of the guy who paid $30
for the nice people that need money for a ride home,
Whitney Houston's bathtub is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of old,
his viewing crowd
was big too.
Cockies,
there's no room
in his heart for you
cause Doug
loves movies.