Doug Loves Movies - Ngaio Bealum, Mike Schramm and Jacob Sirof guest
Episode Date: December 27, 2017Live from the American Comedy Co. in San Diego, Doug welcomes Ngaio Bealum, Mike Schramm and Jacob Sirof to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Not...ice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds
With 50 azotlop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies This table was in my way
That's why I went around the long way
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I
love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
That sounded like a
suicide note.
That sounded like it was very
painful,
sad. I don't know what was going on
there, but we're coming
to you once again from the American Comedy Company in sweet home San Diego.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. It's Tuesday, December 26, 2017.
And this is our 90th episode this
year.
And there's
no more
between now and the
first, so this is the last
episode of the year.
And that means I want to see
the best
name tags ever.
Okay, that's pretty good.
So...
What happened?
Why?
There's...
Okay, there's enough for...
Holy shit!
I really, you know, just assumed San Diego,
they always, you know, go crazy with the name tags.
But it's the holidays, right?
You're too busy rapping shit?
Opening shit? Okay.
That was really shocking.
It really looked like there was three name tags.
I was like, congratulations, you three.
You're gonna be chosen.
But we'll talk about Steve-il-Juice in a little bit
and what went wrong with his name tag.
We've got the
Parishion of the Christa with lots of those chocolate sticks, pretzel sticks,
Pocky? You got and you put a bunch of them on there and they say Pocky me.
Pocky me. And then what does it say on the Doritos? What kind of cheese is mine nacho cheese nacho cheese not your
listen young man it's not your cheese and then what's this empire strikes matt is this one i've
seen before yeah you've have you won stuff before? No. Okay. Alright.
Well, I have a very good feeling about
you being picked tonight.
And thank you to everybody
who brought these tiny, flimsy
piece of shit name tags.
I love you.
I like
everybody who just showed up tonight.
It's the day after Christmas and
you know, the holiday taint
as I like
to call it, is just getting
started. We're in the tip of the taint.
Doug plugs.
The taint shows continue
tomorrow night in Irvine,
California.
You guys been there?
Yep. None of you like it.
I get that.
They got a place there called the Speculums?
The Spectrum. The Spectrum.
It's got a Ferris wheel and a gynecologist's office.
And...
And I will be there tomorrow night
and Thursday night for stand-up comedy shows
and I always urge them to bring their name tags to those shows so they can play a game with me at the end.
And then they don't.
I take it back.
A few people bring them.
But hopefully lots of people will be hip to it this time.
And then next Tuesday, January 2nd, is the first Doug Loves Movies in 2018.
I'll be back at UCB Franklin in Los Angeles at 8 o'clock.
8 o'clock, not 9.30.
So if you're driving up from San Diego, that is
going to be rough.
Has anybody ever come up
for a show in LA from here?
Yeah?
And either like an afternoon
one or a late night one, right?
I would go to at midnight first.
You went to at midnight? Then you come see me.
I like that.
Thanks for bringing that cancelled show up.
Tuesday, January 9th,
Getting Doug with High returns to the
Troubadour in West Hollywood. Me and my
guests will just get high in front of a
crowd in a rock club. It's always
fun. And Doug Loves Movies is
back at Cap City in Austin on Saturday
January 13th at
420. And I'm doing stand-up in
Oxnard, California at
Levity Live on Wednesday
January 17th. Have any of you ever gone
as far as Oxnard?
Yeah?
Then stopped right there?
No better named place in the world.
A friend of mine used to have a joke about
how they name Oxnard and then
he would mime that he was
using a bull
in the fields
plowing.
Right?
And then he'd look down
at the bull's balls
and that's why they named it Oxnard
so stupid
and I'm happy to say
that the Valentine's Day
tradition continues
Doug Loves Movies is back here
at the American Comedy Company
on Wednesday February 14th
also at 8 o'clock
and tickets are going are on sale now.
Yeah, so I generally don't like people
using their devices during a show.
Most comedy clubs don't allow it,
but if you want to get online
and buy tickets right now,
I will not yell at you.
Or you could say that's what you're doing
while you're texting your friends
or checking shit on IMDb.
For all my dates and
deeds, go to Douglovesmovies.com. That's Douglovesmovies.com. Yeah! Let's look at the prize bag. I brought
a big Christmassy bag. It's a day after Christmas. I know you guys are here, so you can't do
it right now, but take down your fucking Christmas lights.
Let's, you know, if we're going to win this war on Christmas,
it shouldn't last so long.
Keep it tight.
Let's have a tight Christmas.
Oh, that's a good song for like,
that's like a dirty Christmas song.
I want a tight Christmas.
All I want is a tight Christmas.
I brought...
I love to do this now that I discovered
that so many hotels have these
in the cities I go to.
A magazine none of you have ever read.
San Diego Magazine.
Yeah.
I'm gonna get you hooked.
Whoever wins the prize bag tonight
is suddenly gonna be like,
I wanna know all there is to know about San Diego in monthly installments. I put in the prize bag tonight is suddenly going to be like, I want to know all there is to know about San Diego
in monthly installments.
I put in the prize bag the
Santa hat I wore on all eight episodes
of
Tate Crazy Nights.
For one final time, I'll do the
graduation
elf joke.
This is an elf
graduating.
Graduation elf joke.
This is an elf graduating.
That's it.
A limited number of people who got to see that.
What the hell was going on there?
This is a thing I was gifted from the company that makes Getting Doug with High. I don't know why I opened it.
You can tell what it is just from the company that makes Getting Doug with High. I don't know why I opened it. You can tell what it is just from the packaging.
It's called Swell,
and it's a bottle, you know,
that you carry around like a weirdo.
And, I mean, a person that cares about the environment
or wants hot drinks hot for 12 hours
or cold drinks cold for 24 hours?
Yeah.
I don't want either of those things.
I'm pretty content with city life,
where I'll just find whichever temperature water I want
and enjoy it at my leisure wherever I want.
But this is a swell gift if you ask me
and then
oh fuck
this is a
I love this over on Market Street
there's a hipster
I don't know if hipsters go there
but it's a pretty hip seeming
sushi place called Bang Bang
and I had some sake there
and I stole the
little tiny sake
cup.
Because I love...
I'm crazy.
There's something about drinking from such a tiny cup
makes you feel like you're not drinking very much.
You know?
I'll get a big giant carafe of sake
or a whole bottle of it,
and I'll drink it this much at a time
and still drink all of it,
but still feel like I somehow,
oh, even ice cubes really fill it up.
But I'm just wondering if I should get one of these
to just carry around in my pocket
and whenever I'm in a bar,
just drink my vodka out of it.
Oh, that's delightful.
Kind of tastes like sake.
Does sake stick to the glass?
Does the taste remain in the glass?
Or does the glass have a...
All right, well, when I'm finished drinking all that out of there,
I'm going to put that back in the prize bag.
And Speedweed gave me a bunch of cool stuff,
including a 420 bar.
It's a medical cannabis milk chocolate bar
with 200 milligrams of THC in it.
And everyone here,
if you win this tonight,
you can't legally enjoy it until January 1st.
Just had to throw that
out there. Do what you want.
And then,
but the recreational pot shops
they didn't do it right, so
they're not going to open right on January 1st
here in California.
You guys know about this?
I know, right?
Yeah, you still got your medicine.
Nobody cares.
Oh, really?
There's a delay in me going from a different place?
That's like if a downtown 7-Eleven were closed
oh okay
guess I'm shit out of luck
no one else has Slim Jumes
I'm finally trying
to get rid of all of my little tiny Christmas
peacemaker pipes because they're Christmassy
or they look like a peppermint
candy whatever you prefer but it's they're Christmassy or they look like a peppermint candy, whatever you
prefer. But it's all pretty
Christmassy to me. I want to try to
get rid of all of them by
January 1st. So
I'm putting one of them in the prize bag.
But then who here wants one?
That gentleman?
That nice lady?
That dude?
No.
Nice lady.
That dude.
No.
Just make eye contact and then say,
ready, dude, ready?
Get your hands ready.
Yay. Yay.
Putting them right in the hands.
That's how I do it.
I was shitty at sports in school
and now as an adult,
I love being good at it.
Kind of.
Right in the hand.
All right.
Bonk your faces
if you don't want to get hit in the face
with a little piece of rubber.
He said at the whorehouse.
One more kind of close one.
Where's the kind of close person?
I don't want to fucking murder anybody
with these little thingies.
All right.
So, yeah, I'm going to give out a bunch more.
I'm going to toss them into the crowd
tomorrow night in Irvine.
They're going to go nuts
because everyone there is rich and don't care.
Let's get my guests out here.
Holy crap.
It fell on the ground, my script?
Oh, shit.
I think the same thing has happened
at this same club before.
But last time it happened,
the eagle swooped
down, picked it up in his mouth, and
I had to make up the whole
thing.
We should come up with a name for this guy.
Sam,
maybe? Sam the American
Eagle?
Eddie the Eagle? Okay, these are great
suggestions of other eagles. I want a name
for this fucking guy.
We'll work on it.
I'll take it back to the office tomorrow.
What's that?
Benson the Eagle.
Getting warmer.
No, that's stupid.
I don't want more suggestions.
I was joking around.
What was it, Al?
Shut up!
What is that again?
No, I got you.
Where are you?
Hold your hand up, that lady.
Here you go, Ready? Yay!
Donuts hit the floor all the time.
These dumb rubber pipes that don't matter if they touch the floor.
Everybody's catching them.
It's crazy.
All right, let's give a big warm welcome to...
We got two oldbies and a new bee it's a guy who
be love Mike Schramm and Jacob syrup
Oh, and everybody's food just arrived, too.
So bring it here.
Yeah, bring it.
We'll just pass it around the front row. He's just setting it up in the...
Oh, here you go.
Yeah, might as well.
I mean, hopefully people won't chew on my...
Chew softly on my butt.
Don't give it to me.
I don't want any of it.
Don't give me all of it.
What kind of server are you?
You're not.
You're in charge.
Yeah.
The guy who's got this.
Do we need a food stool?
We got one.
Maybe another one might be helpful.
Yeah, we'll see.
Holiday spread? Holiday spread?
What are you doing?
I'm good. Thank you.
It's like fucking with the prize bag.
I'm going to have to start wearing it in a briefcase
with a
handcuff.
Like a Blues Brother harmonica.
That's great.
I'm getting old, you guys.
That was a great reference for all the people that are not millennials.
They still play that movie all the time on TV cable.
TBS.
Yeah.
Let's meet our guests individually as they enjoy their various food things.
Are these pretzels?
Is that what this is here? I believe that's pretzels. I think so. Those are pretzels.
They look...
Hey!
Let's have a salty dildo.
I think
there's a bar around here called that.
Yeah. It's like a
kielbasa covered in maple syrup.
The other side of the double deuce.
Let's say hello, everybody,
to a first-timer
who I barely know. I just met him
tonight, but I have great, great feelings
about this man. It's Mike
Schramm, everybody. Hello,
everyone. Hello.
Sounds famous. Sounds famous already.
Right? Mike Schramm.
Who doesn't know Mike Schramm?
That's right.
Two syllables, back to back.
He's got a couple thousand followers on the Twitter.
It's true.
I have a solid amount of Twitter followers.
Yeah, usually when people are like, hey, Doug, have me on your show, I look at their Twitter following and it says negative three.
It's not even possible to have that number.
And yeah, but you have a bit of a following,
but tell everybody why.
Thank you, yes.
Mainly, it's because I used to be a blogger.
I used to write for a site called Joystick.com,
which is a site about video games.
There you go.
One person has heard of it.
Thank you very much.
And then I've also...
That means a hundred and a half.
There you go.
In the world.
In the world entirely. I also worked on a hundred and a half in the world entirely
I also worked on a site called the unofficial Apple weblog
and I'm an actor
I'm an improviser, I'm a writer, I do improv here
in San Diego, Sweet Home San Diego
at a place called Finest City Improv which is a great theater
up at the Lafayette Hotel
and that's pretty much it
it's a great name too because this is the
finest city according to
what they call it.
That's the slogan.
That's the official slogan.
The finest city.
The finest city improv in the finest city.
It's finest city improv.
It's great.
Yeah.
So check it out.
It's a lot of fun.
And if you're in San Diego, if you're from San Diego or you come down here, it's well worth checking out some improvised comedy and seeing stuff up there.
So thank you very much.
You're like an ambassador.
Yeah, I am.
That was impressive.
Check out improvised comedy because what we're doing here is completely scripted by David
Mamet.
What I want to say, there's one thing that I want to make sure that I said on this show
and there's one thing that I want to make sure that I said.
Is it I want to make it a true Daily Double because it's the wrong show?
A true Daily Double.
I'll save that for next time.
I like a salty dildo.
I did want to say,
Doug Benson has put out a ton of shows this year,
and thank you very much, Doug,
for all your great work this year
and all the shows that you've done.
Thank you!
That is so sweet.
I feel like I'm coming to this as a fan,
and so as a fan, I just want to say,
and I think everyone in this room,
everyone listening appreciates it.
Thank you all
for all your great work
all this year.
Well, thank you.
There's two or three people here
that don't listen to it at all.
Oh, well.
Yeah, there's people here
who have spouses
that are obsessed.
Friends that drag them down here
because people don't like
to go to things alone.
And I always say,
come to Doug
and watch those movies alone.
You will make friends
because everyone's super nice.
Yeah. Especially if you smoke weed. weed well that's just another layer that's why I show up that's right let's hear it for a guy who
be
this is the day when all the Canadians give their old weed to the less fortunate, right? Hot Boxing Day?
A Canada joke as far from the border as you can be.
Yeah, but I saw that...
We're very close to a border.
I enjoyed that tweet today when you tweeted that sort of reference.
I refined it a little bit for the stage.
Exactly.
But I enjoyed it then and I enjoyed it now. And yeah, it's Box bit for the stage. Exactly. But I enjoyed it then, and I enjoyed it now.
And yeah, it's Boxing Day in Canada.
I'd be remiss if we didn't mention it.
Yeah.
It's also the first day of Kwanzaa.
Now, does Kwanzaa, is Kwanzaa like Hanukkah and like floats?
Kind of.
It's more like the Holocaust.
It's not real.
Why do you start?
Didn't we have a discussion? We had a discussion like the Holocaust. It's not real. Why do you start? Didn't we have a discussion?
We had a discussion before the show.
Wait till I introduce you, Mel Gibson.
Anti-Mel.
Nothing like Jewish Holocaust deniers.
As I was saying,
Kwanzaa is a seven-day celebration
and each day has a theme, right?
So today's
theme is Umoja which is unity and then there's other
ones like self determination collective responsibility
cooperative economics
creativity faith self determination it goes
on and on how many days seven
seven it ends on January 1st
and then you celebrate each
theme it's always at the same time
you give a gift a small gift not a giant one
but a small gift every day
amongst one of the themes we don't really do that.
I thought you said today's theme was emoji.
Yes.
Finally.
Everybody sits down and watches the emoji movie.
We've updated it for the millennials.
All right.
Also joining us, and this is a
we're at a crossroads with
this gentleman. Controversial.
This is a very exciting time. It's Jacob
Searoff! Yeah!
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Real quick, Doug,
because I know you have something to do.
I have to say, I'm having a real serendipitous
day with N'Gayo, and I haven't even told him this yet.
But earlier today, I tweeted.
I woke up and I made a tweet that I thought was kind of funny, but I knew it was really like weed inside baseball.
And it was like that Keef is basically the Tobiko of weed.
Tobiko, yeah.
I saw the word Tobiko.
Didn't know what it meant.
It's rolled down to the next tweet.
It's the sushi.
It's the fish eggs they put on top of the sushi.
Yeah, I didn't know what it meant.
So the joke meant nothing to me.
I figured it was probably a solid joke, but no laugh from me.
Moving on.
And I knew that was going to happen.
But in my mind when I tweeted, I thought, you know, at best, maybe Ngaio will like this.
I love that joke.
And then within five minutes, he liked it.
And then I went over to Facebook, opened it, and says, hey, you and Ngaio have been friends for nine years today.
Then I texted Doug.
I said, who's on the show today?
And he said, Ngaio and a Rando.
Marlon Rando over here.
Yeah, that's right.
That's me.
Rando Calrissian is here.
Yeah, Rando Calrissian.
That's a better one.
But anyway, I don't know.
Maybe something special's fated to happen with us tonight.
I'm apparently your plate of shrimp 699
for Weepo Man right now.
Anyways.
I'm just going to keep doing them.
I don't give a shit.
Well, it's for things like that that there's some people that don't care for jacob out there and um is that why you don't think he
wastes a lot of time not talking about movies no uh you brought it up on the one of the 12
guests of christmas shows in los angeles that uh somebody out there started a thing.
We did Tate Crazy Nights.
So somebody suggested...
How does it go?
A year of...
People are like, a year off of Syroff.
A year off of Syroff.
Hashtag year off Syroff is the hashtag.
Year off of Syroff.
Hashtag year off Searoff is the hashtag.
Year off of Searoff.
And so certainly let's start that as a hashtag.
That's fun.
But I was also thinking, you know what?
Let's really take this to the people because I think, as you could tell by the ovation when he walked out tonight.
And I'm a fan of the show.
And I told him backstage, solidly pro Searoff I am i mean i know there's dozens of us out there as well solidly people who who appreciate jacob syrup
on the show i'm glad that he's glad that he's here all right thank you mr calrissian my point is
i think we should let mike and other listeners that have strong feelings about this,
much like the way Andy Kaufman was voted off of Saturday Night Live,
I want to start a campaign where Jacob does not get to come back on the show in 2018
unless I receive individual tweets with the hashtag...
It has to be as catchy as
You're off of Sear Off
is the hashtag.
I need to get those. I'll keep track.
I need to have people tweet at me.
500 different
people have to say
I want Jacob back.
Starting tonight.
How about the Jacob Must Stay Club?
There you go. Yeah, because you need a hashtag.
Okay, but the trouble is you need one hashtag to put the whole thing in perspective.
And if people write both, then I don't know which one they're voting for.
So just tell me that you don't want hashtag a year off of Xerox,
or you do want hashtag a year off of Xerox, or you do want hashtag a year off of Xerox.
And the other one's clever, but I got this.
Fine.
All right.
Did you give them the number already, Doug?
I was trying to help.
Did I say 500 people?
Yeah.
Yeah, so there's about 100 here tonight.
So that's a great start,
because everybody here is super into you.
Sexy. Obviously.
Yeah, I'm
realizing now that you're going to say
something between now
and the end of the show where people are going to be like,
do I want to vote or do I not want to vote?
But
yeah, so thank you, Jacob, for
putting up with this stunt.
It's a stunt.
We'll see how the next few Holocaust jokes go.
We'll see how long it takes before the people demand that you come back.
Because I do believe we'll get there eventually.
I wouldn't do this if I thought you'd be gone forever.
But I also don't mind waiting until 2019.
We'll have two more Star Wars movies to talk about when you come back in January of 2019. We'll have two more Star Wars movies
to talk about when you come
back in January of 2019.
When you told me the idea, I thought you were going to say
like 40.
40 people?
We've got to make it a number, dude.
500 people. I think you'll get there.
500 days of zero.
What if you're going to vote for Jacob to
come back?
Jacob, 500 days of zero I will say What if you're gonna vote for Jacob to come back? Jacob
Jacob
as Rando Calrissian
I will say
I've got a
I've got a bad feeling
about this
I will say
I think my supporters
are like Trump supporters
they lie at the polls
because they're ashamed
to admit it
but secretly
they're a fan
Right but I think
they're also
I just announced
prior to bringing you guys on that I'll be back here next month, but I think they're also, I just announced prior to bringing you guys on
that I'll be back here next month
and so I think there's also just people like,
okay, we don't need him here next month.
He can be back on the show eventually
but he's always a good sport about driving down from LA
and so we don't, you know, we don't want to risk that.
Because also it's Valentine's Day.
Who needs the Holocaust jokes on Valentine's Day? Who needs Holocaust jokes on Valentine's Day? Nobody.
My mother literally died on Valentine's Day.
What? Yeah. I know.
Really? Can I get some sympathy?
Hashtags? You're saying it with the biggest
smile on your face. No, it's true.
She died on Valentine's Day. It's just saying it's not like
a special, it's not like a, you know,
whenever I've been in relationships, it's like,
hey, you know, maybe you should get me some flowers.
This is my day. My mom died.
98, Valentine's Day.
I'm just
enjoying my new affectation,
where I'm going to be a guy who shows up with a sake glass
and insists on drinking vodka
out of it. Mixed
with soda, not just straight vodka.
It's a cocktail in a sake glass.
Japanese and German.
Next to the Holocaust denier.
This is great.
This is great.
So worth the 10-hour drive from Sacramento.
It is.
I love it here.
Listen, though.
You guys are spraying the streets for hepatitis right now?
Is that what's going on in downtown San Diego?
That's true.
Yeah, I saw a sign.
It was, you know,
it was crazy.
Soiling greenest people,
everybody.
New strain,
hepatitis SD.
I mean,
I love San Diego.
I had a tattoo down here
one time, but...
Before,
before the outbreak.
All right, here's
the new hashtag. Goodbye-o
Ngaio.
Not
Ngaio through Ohio. We can play
Cincinnati, Cleveland,
Akron,
Toledo.
We gotta do prize bag
talk, guys.
Let's start with Mike.
What did you bring for the bag for your first appearance?
I brought a sizable amount of things for the first appearance.
I feel like I had to get the crowd on my side today.
Something from the finest city, perhaps?
I do.
I have a couple things from the finest city in that they're from my apartment.
And I decided to share them with you all.
Probably the best thing I have,
Cards Against Humanity does a holiday bullshit thing every year where you pay them 15 bucks
and then they take your money
and they do a bunch of great stuff with it.
They bought a section of the border wall
so Trump couldn't build on it this year.
That was awesome.
And they redistributed the money.
They took it from the top.
That's what stopped him, by the way.
I'll take it.
He's still going to build the rest of the wall any second now.
So one of the things that I put in here,
and I don't know if I have it, but it's in the bag, I promise.
It is a home game ticket
to the Joliet Sluggers.
Are you a big fan of the Joliet Sluggers?
They bought...
I'm guessing that's your ride home.
Doug, I'm walking
home tonight. They bought
the naming rights of the stadium. It's called
Cards Against Humanity Sports Place and they gave
everybody a ticket to a Juliet Sluggers
game. I will not be anywhere
near Juliet this coming year so I'm giving
it away to you all and I hope
that someone can take the ticket and deliver it to someone
who is closer to Juliet or is in Juliet and can go to the game. So I hope that someone can take the ticket and deliver it to someone who is closer to Joliet
or is in Joliet and can go to the game.
So that's what I'm going to do.
Joliet, Illinois.
Yeah, Joliet, Illinois.
Send it down to the world.
Joliet, Jake, and Elwood Blues.
See, like the Blues Brothers.
Why are you pointing at him?
I said it.
You were both together.
You both together.
I'm just saying, I also hate Illinois' Nazis.
So I have a ticket for the Joliet Slammers game.
That made you accidentally say Illinois.
Yeah, it's true.
I have a video game called Broken Age.
It's all sealed.
It's a special edition of a great game called Broken Age.
I have a board game called You've Been Sentenced,
which I have never played.
It was given to me a couple years ago.
I've heard that.
That's based on the popular TV show, The High Court.
And the reason I brought it...
Get high and play court games.
The reason I brought it is because on the back of the thing,
they mentioned that it can be played as a drinking game,
so I figured you guys would enjoy that.
What are you trying to say?
It says on the front, seriously hilarious.
It is.
There you go.
It's not fucking around about how much fun it's going to be.
Coming out of your goddamn ears.
You know, that's all very funny.
It also says over 20 national awards won.
This is the major award winning game that you can have by, if I win, I guess.
There's more than one or two fucking awards for games.
I know for a fact there are.
Board game awards. I know there are... Board game awards.
I know there are
over 20 for sure.
And then I've got
some t-shirts
from my old podcast
which is no longer on.
It's called
The Incredible Podcast
of Amazing Awesomeness
and I've got a couple
shirts for you to wear.
We went a little subtle
with the name
because we didn't
want to oversell it.
So, Tipois is what
we call it for short.
So, there you go.
Those t-shirts also
are no longer being sold.
They're hard to find.
So if nothing else, you can eBay them.
Someone's looking for them, you think?
Yeah, I don't know.
eBay them for a couple bucks,
whatever you can sell a t-shirt for.
Thank you, dude.
Thank you very much.
That is a big bag of stuff.
Mike Schramm.
I can tell from his really nerdy prizes
he's going to be good at this.
Well, we'll see how that goes.
Jacob, what do you have?
Okay.
I'm eating a chicken finger.
I have...
You do the Loot Crate thing, right?
You're big on Loot Crate?
Yeah, they sponsor the show a lot.
I can't afford it, but I brought a friend with me.
You've got to order more than 19th.
Otherwise, that's the cutoff. It's over.
They're ending?
No, every month. I have a, that's the cutoff. It's over. They're ending? No, every month.
Oh, I didn't know.
I have a friend that signed up for it,
and I brought them with me,
and I made them give me prizes for the prize bag.
They got in for free, right?
I guess so.
I don't know how you work it with your friends.
That's what I do.
You probably get to smoke weed with Doug Benson,
and you get in for free,
but you've got to give me prizes for the bag.
That's a great deal.
Just tell us what the me prizes for the bag. That's my... That's a great deal. So...
Just tell us what the fuck is in the bag.
I got a Leeloo Dallas multi-pass.
Hashtag year off of zero.
All right.
All right.
You said you were on my side, Doug.
I know, and I'm saying the hashtag that I want people to vote for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm sure.
Well, this is a Leeloo multi-pass.
Whoa.
From Fifth Element.
Yeah, I love it. That's pretty cool. That's pretty neat. Remember she said that? It was really cute. She was like, multi-pass. Whoa. From Fifth Element. Yeah, I love it.
That's pretty cool.
That's pretty neat.
Remember she said that?
It was really cute.
She was like, multi-pass.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a fun moment.
Lilo Dallas multi-pass.
That goes all the way back to the Fifth Element.
I actually got a cool Avengers Incredible Hulk from Age of Ultron.
Okay.
Pretty cool figure.
Some kind of figure.
Nice.
And, oops, I'm like, I bought the Poke Bowl.
Our friends at Poke Bowl, they gave us the, you know, the travel Poke Bowl.
It's all right.
Is that it?
No, that's it.
But I have something else that's really cool inside the,
this is just a little weed thing.
Did you ever see the all black cast of American Beauty?
That's a.
I think they did it.
Did it in Brooklyn.
It was a stage play.
It was just called, it was like the whiz for American Beauty.
So that's a little just thing to put your weed in.
The listeners are going to have no idea what just happened.
I know.
Should we tell them?
No.
No, no.
That's why you got to come to the show.
Uh-oh, the Hulk's coming out of the box.
No, he's not, but I just use this to...
I have a seven-year-old son,
and I asked him to make a drawing
of the Douglas Movies logo to give away. For reals?
Yeah, and I showed it to him for about three seconds
yesterday. Then today, he goes, hey, I want to do that.
And I go, you want to see the thing? He goes, no, I got it.
He'd seen the logo once, and after three seconds,
he drew this. Hey!
So, that's pretty cool.
He did it off memory.
I thought it was pretty cool.
Yeah, why is it here and not on your refrigerator?
Because I wanted to give it away.
Oh, and also because you think it's funny that he wrote
douche loves movies.
Douche loves movies.
Take a picture of that before you give it away, though.
That's a good idea.
Yeah, take a picture of that with a Kodak.
Or better yet, take a picture of me with a Kodak.
I can rhyme as good as Pitbull.
Yeah, take a picture of me with a Kodak.
I can rhyme as good as Pitbull.
All right, thank you for that. All right, all right.
I waited for you to go last, Mgayo,
because you usually bring what I think
is the best possible thing to contribute.
I brought marijuana.
Yeah.
Yeah.
California law
California law allows a person
over the age of 21 to give another person
over the age of 21 marijuana.
So I have number 110
and number 432.
These are two
samples from the
Emerald Cup. I was a judge at the Emerald Cup
outdoor organic cannabis competition.
110 has notes of tangerine.
432 is covered
in crystals. Fucking greasy.
It smells like gas.
I was a little underwhelmed by the flavor, but
the appearance and the effects were really,
really nice.
And then we
get smoking. And then I have some other weed, too, if you
just want to try weed later.
So, but you gotta win.
Alright, pass that down.
Great job. Oh!
Two for two!
I was gonna put it... Alright, whatever.
And now... Oh, sorry.
Jacob, you're already used to picking stuff up.
You might as well.
Thank you.
All right, so all of that is going into...
We've got multiple bags.
And congratulations ahead of time.
Lilo Dallas multi-bags?
That's very similar to the pass that he just shared.
It's very similar.
All right, so we've got hashtag goodbye-o and guy-o.
You're off of Syroff
and scram-shram.
Nice.
Smoke dug under the rug.
And I got a question, Mike,
that you, since you listened
to the show, I think you
probably thought in your head
I should have the answer
to this ready to go.
But also, you're an improviser, so maybe you'll just come up with something off the top of your dome.
But what was the last movie you saw?
I saw a movie that you can tell me whether this counts or not.
It was on Netflix called Bright.
A new movie out on Netflix.
Netflix movies are movies, unfortunately.
It's a film.
They do throw them into movie theaters for little brief runs
so that they could get award consideration and whatnot.
But I've heard very mixed things about Bright.
I take that back.
I don't talk to anybody who liked it.
It's bad, yeah.
It's been bad.
The reviews are bad.
I will say I am not as controversial as the man next to me,
but I did enjoy Suicide Squad,
which is David Ayer's movie right before Bright.
I liked it.
Not a lot of people liked it.
I did.
You did like it?
Well, there you go.
His best, I like the end of Watch is my favorite.
End of Watch, yeah.
David Ayer's movie.
And I like what...
The tank one.
Did you do the tank one?
Yeah, with the face.
Fury?
Fury.
That was good, too, because Shia LaBeouf took out one of his teeth I like what... The tank one. Did you do the tank one? Yeah, with the face. Fury? Fury.
That was good, too,
because Shia LaBeouf took out one of his teeth
because he thought
his character would be
missing a tooth.
And that made that movie
so much better.
Totally worth it
to have a fake tooth
for the rest of his life.
Maybe he'll play
another character.
Or maybe he thought
it was going to be
a franchise.
Maybe he's like, well, this is going to to be a trilogy so I don't mind losing a tooth
tooth reminds me that
Will Smith is in Bright
wait oh tell the tooth
yeah yeah there you go
too fast too fast
but I did really enjoy
too furious
but I got a kick out of it
and I think what I like about it is that David Ayer,
he puts this silly looking makeup on people.
And the effects are pretty good, but he puts this pretty silly.
But then he treats it like it's the most serious thing in the world.
So like in Bright, there's a police officer in LA who is an orc.
And his makeup looks pretty goofy.
But the movie treats it like, all right, this is the most serious character.
Dude's a great actor.
Isn't it Owen Edgerton?
Joel Edgerton.
Joel, sorry.
Yeah, yeah, he's good.
Great actor.
It's great.
But no, Doug, Joel Edgerton played Uncle Owen
in Star Wars prequels.
There you go.
There you go.
That's maybe what you were thinking of.
God damn it.
I'm going to change the name of this podcast
to Screeching Halt.
Hashtag Screeching Halt.
But I liked it. It was a fun movie.
It was terrible, and I don't necessarily
recommend it, but if you like Suicide Squad
or David Ayer's movies, then it's well worth a watch.
And they're already making a sequel. They already signed off
for it. They're already doing it. That's how they do it on Netflix.
It's terrible. I liked it. You might.
There you go. You're welcome.
Incisive criticism
from our new friend but yeah
i'll watch that shit because it's on netflix so i'll just like i'll watch it but i gotta you know
it's a little back in my queue at this point there's a couple things i want to watch first
i want to watch that uh uh andy kaufman jim carrey thing yeah jim and and. I want to look at that. I want to finish season one of
Ozark.
Yeah. But then I think
I'll watch. Brian will be next after
those things. I've heard good things about Wormwood
as well, which is Errol Moore's documentary.
So much good shit. There's another
fucking thing. God.
Godless. Yeah, I saw that.
That's amazing. Good place. Jeff Daniels
killer in that show. Yes, good place is what I meant to say.
I'm just telling you, it's a good show.
Oh, I see.
I thought you were correcting me.
Godless, good place.
For some people.
Yeah.
No, that's like a conversation with your grandma.
She'd get those two titles mixed in.
What was the last movie you saw on Gayo?
I re-watched with Christmas with my family
we watched Baby Driver
so it was like the fourth time I'd seen that movie
and I
you know you notice something
different every time the sound
mixed on that film is just
incredible
and what I noticed last
night was that the gunshots are all
synced up with the soundtrack.
It's super rhythmic, because I had my back turned,
because I'd seen it a million times.
I was washing dishes, and I heard the gunfight.
I was like, shit, why am I dancing?
I was like, oh, it's all synced up.
Yeah, and the sirens sync up in the Queen song.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's really...
It's an incredible film.
He did a good job.
It could be my favorite film
of
it would win
it would win more awards
if it was a drama
you know but it's fun
so it does
you know
those movies don't win as much
what do you need Jacob
I'm trying to get a drink
from the server
with the black guy
the guy with the black eye
over here
I don't know
black
no black
you have a black eye
why would it be messed up
sorry dude
yeah alright
welcome to San Diego
well so tell him
what you want
oh just another one of what I had how would he know he's a black guy Yeah, all right. Welcome to San Diego. Well, so tell them what you want.
Oh, just another one of what I had.
How would he know?
He's a black guy.
Whoa, whoa.
What the fuck?
Jesus Christ.
Tito's in Cranberry.
I'm sorry.
But it's a white gentleman with a black eye.
I was just trying to wave at him to get a new drink,
and then I saw the black eye and it was really distracting.
I was like, what the fuck?
That's the best way you could describe a person?
The guy with the beard, maybe.
The person who works here in the nice t-shirt.
Or the guy who's just standing right there and you're talking into a microphone to him.
Hey, guy with the black eye.
I thought you were talking to someone behind me.
Why would you draw attention to that?
Now we all want to know why he's got a black eye.
That's my point.
It's very weird.
Is he an MMA fighter?
Just a shitty waiter?
I assume it's domestic abuse.
I would say, mind your business,
he's not supposed to talk about Fight Club.
But he looks like he's married to Brad Pitt.
That's one of the rules.
It's a rule.
There's a guy in the front that half-chanted
You're off of Syroff. Two and Guile.
Half-chant.
You're off of Syroff.
United States.
What was your answer?
Baby Driver?
Oh, yeah.
Gunshots.
Edited perfectly.
From behind.
The sound mix is crazy.
They should win best sound mix.
Yeah.
It'll certainly be up for a few of those.
Audio editing.
I'm going to look
up the foley artist and send them some cookies or liquor or something what do you like weed
have some if you need if you need foley of a dude smoking weed call me up
jacob uh i also did some reaching halt
it's the name of the show i kept it moving that was a rolling stop
oh there you go thank you so much yeah what's with your black eye It's the name of the show. I kept it moving. That was a rolling stop.
Oh, there you go.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, what's with your black eye?
Like, black eye didn't even want to come back.
He's in a fight in the alley right now.
I did some Christmas viewing yesterday, and I did a double feature,
so I'll tell you the one I saw second
which was The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
Good film.
Fine film.
Yeah, which was a big movie for me.
Saw it opening night in the theaters as a kid.
I was like, the trailer got me
and I like Time Bandits.
Uma Thurman on a half shell is pretty hot.
Yeah, and she's really young.
No, not that young, 20s.
19 maybe? No. No, she's really young Like Not that young 20s 19 maybe
No
No
She's really young
She'd already been in stuff
We already knew who she was
Really
Like we already saw her
A boobies
In
Dangerous
That was first
I guess
Yeah I guess it was
That was like 85 huh
But
Yeah
It's a
I mean it's a big movie
The more French I make it sound
The less crass it is.
Yeah, exactly.
That I'm talking about her boobies.
Yeah, you can get that on French daytime television.
You say it like that.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I'm bad with years in movies, but that's a good one.
I like Terry Gilliam movies.
It's my favorite Terry Gilliam.
But I learned from watching the Lost in La Mancha film
about his failed attempt at making the Don Quixote movie
that he hates it and considers it his greatest failure is Baron Munchausen.
And he thinks Time Bandits is his crown jewel.
I do love Time Bandits.
I do too, but I like Baron Munchausen a little bit more.
Time Bandits has a little more Monty Python sensibility in it, which I enjoy.
For sure.
In Time Bandits, they're just randomly punching somebody in the face really hard.
It's always hilarious.
But it doesn't have a super horny Robin Williams head.
Or body.
The head was not horny.
Sorry.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah, that was weird.
All right.
Wait, so you said you saw two movies?
Spider-Man Homecoming, I watched also.
Hey, I watched that yesterday, too.
Good choice.
Wow, you guys are really linked up.
I'm telling you.
Something's going to happen.
We're like Rey and Kylo right now, man.
You're like my ne Kylo right now, man.
You're like my nemesis or something.
Doug, are you making this happen?
Are you linking us?
Emperor Smoke.
Got my new Twitter name.
Call me Father Spliffmas.
That's a good one around the holidays.
It's too late now.
That man, Spider-Man.
It's still Kwanzaa.
Spider-Man's so good.
That movie is so good.
It is so great.
That movie is so good. It was so fun.
You guys link up on everything.
I nerded out on that movie.
I liked it.
I liked it very much.
I liked, you know,
I wish every superhero movie had also Tony Stark.
I like Robert Downey Jr. just hanging around.
And, you know.
The kid who played Ned was great.
Yeah.
And who's Spider-Man?
Tom Holland.
Tom Holland.
He's a Brit.
Yeah.
I had no idea.
His accent is superb.
They all are these days. You can't be an American. They are. You can. He's a Brit. Yeah. I had no idea. His accent is superb. They all are these days.
Yeah, you can't be an American.
They are. You can't trust any actor anymore.
Even the black actors are all Brits now, too.
Yeah, Black Panther is, right?
Do you think part of the reason it's so good is because we know that character so well
that we've seen all these other movies?
Yeah.
Do you think it's because they started sort of later?
Well, I hated all three Raimi Spider-Mans.
I really liked the first Garfield.
I thought the second Garfield was so bad, it ruined the first one.
Wait, Tale of Two Kitties?
Yeah.
You had me confused as well.
Yes.
It took me a second, but that was really good.
That was really good.
I'm pretty fast when I have my sake.
I agree.
A Tale of Two Kitties ruined the first Garfield.
Go on.
But yeah, Spider-Man's just so good.
And I love that he's got the Iron Man.
He's got the heads-up display and the suit that talks to him.
He's like Spiron Man.
Yeah, yeah.
Spiron Man.
Because when I think about why Homecoming's so good,
I'm like, well, Michael Keaton.
But it's not even that.
Tom Holland is real
charming and it just works. He is just a great
Spider-Man. A great Spider-Man.
Michael Keaton was fantastic, though.
He is amazing. He's really good.
Wow. I kind of wish you guys
could just go home now and jerk off to it.
Trying to think which scene.
Too late. Do we have enough hashtags?
Another awkward Christmas
If I can get 500 hashtags
Just kidding
Was it something with Marissa Tomei?
Or was it
You'll never know
She's 53 you guys
We all looked it up
I call her Aunt May or May not
What?
That doesn't make any sense at all
Not at all
That was a dumb thing to call a person.
I wish I may. But she is a good
aunt. She's a good aunt May. I wonder who
Uncle Ben was. I'm excited for more of that.
Like what actor that would have been.
Idris Elba.
Joe Pesci probably.
Turn it off Bert.
Let the games begin!
People were busy for the holidays,
so I forgive everybody,
but not a lot of name tags for you guys to
pour over, but there are
enough.
And one that lights up.
Oh, what's that over there are enough. And one that lights up. All right.
Oh, what's that over there?
Mr. Sob.
Okay.
And so, oh, Jacob went right for it.
I knew that might happen.
And while you guys are out there perusing and choosing,
we'll do a brief commercial break.
We'll be right back.
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Back to the show.
Okay, we're back.
Jacob.
Somehow Jacob ended up with two name tags.
Well, the first one... Because following the rules is not his thing.
No, well, you know, it's going to be a year.
I might as well go full tilt today.
But the first one is because, well, we talked about this on Twitter today.
This one I'm not playing for, but it's Steve-O-Juice.
But instead of me, he put Moshe Kasher,
which is something that happens all the time
because of anti-Semitism and glasses, I think.
People always put Moshe on
when they're trying to put me on the poster,
and he's sitting right up front,
so I had to show everybody.
This guy hates the Jews.
He thinks we all look alike.
And, uh...
I look just like Moshe Kasher.
You gotta do a parody song, dude.
Because Jacob loves Weezer.
Just burned him with a Weezer
lyric. I love Weezer
and I love Moshe Kasher.
And I also love
Star Wars too. And this one
I'm playing for. The Empire Strikes
Matt. I have to say
I've done Douglas Weezer a few times and I've seen Matt and we kind of know Matt. I have to say, I've done Douglas movies here a few times,
and I've seen Matt, and we kind of know Matt.
He smokes weed with us and stuff.
And I've seen this poster every time, and I've never picked it.
And I've thought to myself, if he's there again with the same fucking one,
I'm going to take it.
And there he was, so I took it.
Persistence pays off.
Yeah.
Way to go, Matt.
And I think I'm Luke.
You're Lando, actually.
Not you, Mike.
Doug is Lando in this case.
I'm Lando?
And I'm...
I don't know who I am.
A stormtrooper or something.
I'm Leia.
I'm Leia.
Of course.
Of course.
Because of all the drugs and plastic surgery.
That's a real painting that he put those faces on.
Yeah.
So don't ruin it.
There's a frame and everything.
It's an actual canvas.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't get it. Well, it says and everything. It's an actual canvas. Yeah. I don't know. I don't get it.
Well, it says date of manufacture 11 slash 15 on the back,
so I don't think he actually painted it.
But it also says somebody did.
Maybe that's a shithead.
A machine painted it.
Don't say who the shithead is.
Well, yeah, we know who to say the shithead is.
Is there a shithead on it?
I don't even know who it is.
No, there's not a shithead.
It just says carb phase two.
So I wonder if that's a science project that has created this experiment
that we have in front of us don't you have a shit in on there matt you have such confidence in jacob
wow doesn't need one don't jinx it it's exciting well if we can use mosha's shithead if we need to
oh you had one he's got a backup he's ready yeah mike I didn't see a shit on the back of this one either.
I wanted to go to the back because I always think it's important for the guests to go out and get stuff all the way in the back.
So I went all the way to the back.
But I didn't see one with weed on it.
So if you have one back there with weed, I apologize.
There was a guy waving a blunt wrap around.
Yeah, there was just a dude waving a Dutch Masters blunt wrap around back there.
But no action, nothing to put in it.
But I did get What We Do in the Chadows.
Which is not only a great movie,
but a solid poster here,
except he just changed the,
it looks like he just changed his name.
But it's printed out.
It's very fine print.
It's high quality paper.
Changed a letter, literally.
Very expensive.
Changed a letter.
Looks like some sort of billboard ad or something.
Yeah, people involved in that movie have been on this podcast, so I'm very excited.
It's a great movie, and they're making a sequel.
I believe it's called Werewolves.
Or We'rewolves.
We'rewolves is what it's called.
We'rewolves.
Yes, I'm in.
Yeah, it's going to be fun.
M'Gayo?
Yes.
What do you got there?
Kaylee Driver.
This is perfect.
All you need is one killer sack.
Doug, you're double cast in this film as Kevin Spacey and Ayesa Gonzalez.
Well, yeah, it was probably her first, and then the scandal came out,
and they had to recast Spacey.
That's what happened.
So then I got in there.
Kaylee put herself in there pretty good,
and I'm low-key bummed that I'm not Jamie Foxx or Jon Hamm.
So, next time.
It's okay. I still picked it.
Yeah, you were
just talking about it. Screeching halt. Yeah.
You were just talking about it. Have you considered Amway?
Alright, so that's who they're playing for.
I got a series of games worked out
and hopefully some time to do it.
Is anybody in a rush to get out of here tonight?
You got work tomorrow or do you have the week off?
All right.
Well, okay, let's just see how late the lights stay on.
Let's play a game.
I want you guys to take turns naming every movie ever made
Go
Wings
Alright
We're starting early
The one with the train
Alright
You're out
That's awful early
It's a terrible
The great train robbery
Terrible thing
that happened here
Galloping horse
Wait
I don't know
if that's what it was called
It may have had one in it
but
The Lumiere Brothers
train thing or did you mean the D.W. Griffith train it, but... You mean the Lumiere Brothers train thing,
or did you mean the D.W. Griffith train thing?
No, no, no, I meant the Lumiere Brothers.
Of course, of course.
The superior train film.
That's actually called the thing with the train,
though, you're right.
In fact, I think the other film was so bad
it ruined the Lumiere Brothers version for me.
I grew up watching Lumiere Brothers, and...
Wow.
All right.
This is like...
Deep film school nerd stuff.
It's great to be here. It's great to be here.
Between two titans of this game.
Right in the tip of the tank.
The first game we're going to play is a little something called Alex's Jason and Deb's IMDB game.
play is a little something called alex's jason and deb's imdb game i'll start reading off the uh top four of somebody's uh imdb page and then as soon as you
want to buzz in with your own name or another word if you want to choose a different word other than
your own name because some people think a shorter word is easier to say. Mike.
You're the only one syllable person on the panel.
Hepatitis.
That's what you want to say
every time you buzz in
because you have to pick something and stick
with it, which is the
tagline for hepatitis.
It's the advertising slogan.
And then
you get bonus points
for each additional movie you can name
that person was in in their top four.
And we've got three rounds and a tiebreaker
if necessary.
This game only determines who goes first in the next game.
So no pressure. Although I know Jacob
likes to win every game.
As well he should.
Points it out whenever
it happens.
Just at the Gramercy in New York where I've never lost a game.
See, that's what I'm talking about.
NBD.
And this is, of course, just between
the people on stage.
No yelling out.
And I'm talking to myself as well.
And the guy sitting next to Chad.
Or, no, wait.
Whatever.
Who's best known for on IMDb starts with the Grand Budapest Hotel.
Mike.
A lot of people in that, Mike.
You're taking quite a chance here.
Negative one point if you're wrong.
Right out of the gate, I'm going to go for the glory.
Ray Fine.
That is incorrect.
All right.
Give it my shot.
Yeah.
With that narrowed down, that is not Ray Fine.
So either of you guys want to jump in?
I'll wait for one more.
All right.
Jurassic Park.
Oh. Oh.
Jacob.
Jeff Goldblum.
That's more like it.
Yes, Jeff Goldblum.
I knew that.
Now Jacob gets to try to guess two more Jeff Goldblum joints.
Okay, let's go with Jurassic Park, The Lost World.
Or The Lost World, Jurassic Park, however that goes.
Sure.
Okay, and
Independence Day.
They went with The Fly.
One of my favorites.
Great movie.
And Independence Day,
so that's one more point for Jacob.
Okay, you got this, Mike.
Round two starts with Reservoir Dogs.
Ungayo.
Oh, man, that is a risky move.
Yeah, it is. Let's see what you got.
Harvey Keitel. That is a risky move. Let's see what you got. Harvey Keitel.
That is correct!
Wow.
Well done, well done.
This gentleman over here toasted you.
I love that.
Here's to you, Ngaio. I love that.
Here's to you, Ngaio.
All right, so you can guess three more,
possible three more points if you name three more Harvey Keitel joints.
I'm going to need some more sake soon.
That's not a Harvey Keitel book. Bad Lieutenant. I'm gonna need some more sake soon Bad lieutenant
Two more
Karma it's not the
Oh oh oh oh
The one with the thing where he's the
No way out
No way out okay
I don't fucking know He got kicked off of Apocalypse Now No Way Out. No Way Out, okay.
I don't fucking know.
He got kicked off of Apocalypse Now.
You don't have a third one?
Well, I will in a minute.
It's probably not on there because, you know,
obscureness or whatnot.
Fucking the movie that she'll be... Oh, Pulp Fiction.
Okay.
Big one.
Yeah.
His number two, according to IMDb, is the Grand Budapest Hotel.
And then, I apologize, number two is Bad Lieutenants.
You get a point for that.
Then Grand Budapest, and finally, Pulp Fiction.
So that is two more bonus points for Ngaio,
who's in the lead now with a total of three
against Jacob's two.
And thanks for joining us, Mike.
I went for the glory, and I didn't get any of it.
This is funny, because Jacob mentioned this
and how much he loves it.
Who's best known for
starts with
Spider-Man.
Oh.
Ungayo might be
poking around.
No?
Nothing?
Okay, the second title.
Ungayo.
Oh, he's going for it.
Kirsten Dunst.
No!
Wow, that's a great break for Jacob.
I tried.
Well, Mike might have a chance.
Now you're back down to two.
No, it's a great break for Jacob.
I'm looking at the numbers.
It's his to fuck up.
But you never know.
No, I know.
The third title.
The Fault in Our Stars.
That's the second or the third?
Oh, I apologize.
The second.
That's the second.
Second title, third most popular film.
Got it.
Third one.
R2-D2.
But the second one, actually, is The Grand Budapest Hotel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
is the Grand Budapest Hotel.
Yeah.
Fault in Our Stars is a movie,
young adult novel kind of movie that you guys didn't watch
and don't know
what kind of awesomeness was in it.
I'll give you the fourth title for one point.
Can I chime back in?
Nope.
Damn it.
Shadow of the Vampire.
Spider-Man, Grand Budapest Hotel,
Hupidesc, Dobell.
Fault in Our Stars,
and Vampire of the Vampire.
Vampire!
Vampire of the Vano! I have a face in mine, but I can't remember his name.
Oh, shit.
I can't think of anyone that's in all those movies.
That's in Spider-Man?
I didn't see The Fault in Our Stars. Grand Budapest Hotel, Fault in Our Stars,
and that he played like an old writer who the hero of the movie
is dying,
and she really wanted to meet him,
and then she met him,
and he was a total dick.
All right, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.
Is it Willem Dafoe?
That is correct.
Yeah, see, Mike is back at zero, so I was wrong about you, Mike.
But you're out for the tiebreaker.
Mike, sit this one out because Ngoi O and Jacob each have two points.
Whoever gets in first with the correct name is going to take this game.
Who's best known for
starts with Hannah.
Jacob.
Who is it? I hope I do
it right. Sergi Ronan.
Close enough. Sergi Ronan.
That is right. You win.
Hey, something cool.
The guy from the little
bellboy, wasn't he? He was Flash in
Spider-Man Homecoming, too. That's right.
It's high end.
Yeah, that guy's good.
I like that guy.
Brooklyn, Atonement,
and the Lonely Bone,
Lovely Bones,
Lonely Bones.
Well, you know,
when you bury a body,
his bones are gonna be lonely.
And Lady Bird.
Yes.
Green Lady Bird.
Which hasn't made
her top four yet
no it will
I think it will
I think she's
definitely
well
can't say definitely
but very strong
Oscar
at least an Oscar nomination
I hope it wins
such a good movie
it might win something
it might win like
screenplay
Greta Gerwig did a great job
directing and writing it
it's just a little
you know
small for Oscars
but you know Moon small for Oscars.
But, you know, Moonlight was a pretty small movie, and Lady Bird just
passed over Moonlight for
now it's the highest grossing
A24 movie.
It's like $28 million.
They're crushing it. Yeah, they're good.
Can't wait to find out
whoever's in charge did something bad.
The A stands for assault.
That's a joke, you guys.
Still, please hire me.
The A actually stands for Al Franken in A24, a lot of people.
Al.
Al the Eagle.
Let's play ABCD's Nuts.
I got to give respect to not only, you know,
you guys for being here tonight during the holiday taint,
but also just the expression holiday taint.
So we are going to spell holiday taint.
We'll start with you
Jacob, then we'll go to Mike
and then Nguyo and
the first letter for you obviously is
H. There might be a
theme. Okay. And
just name any movie that begins
with the letter H and if you match what I wrote down you
automatically win this game. And I'll be so
happy because I think we're a little behind schedule.
If it's not this, it fucking should be.
How about Home for the Holidays?
That is correct.
Wow!
You're literally Home for the Holidays right now.
Well,
we gotta keep going.
That's stupid.
But let's just try it.
Let's see.
Jacob, I'm going to change the rules of the game.
I know you love this sort of thing, but you're no Sam Levine.
You don't get as squirmy as he does.
The person who gets the most matches is going to win this game.
I still think you'll win, Jacob.
The next letter is O to win this game. I still think you'll win, Jacob. The next letter is O to Mike.
I'm just going to go with
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Office Christmas Party.
Okay.
El Lungayo.
Close.
So close.
These are all,
if you haven't figured out,
these are all movies
that take place
on or during the beginning
or end of the holiday teen.
Little Drummer Boy. What was my guess? Go ahead. Little Drummer Boy? Sure. No, Less Than Zero. on or during the beginning or end of the holiday team?
Little Drummer Boy.
Go ahead.
Little Drummer Boy?
Sure.
No, less than zero.
Jacob, I. Makes more sense.
Iricle on 34th Street.
Iricle?
I don't have an I, and I know you want to keep the game moving.
I'll be home for Christmas.
Good one.
Jason Taylor Thomas?
Mike.
D.
Or Justin Taylor Thomas. Jonathan. D. Or Justin Taylor Thomas.
Jonathan.
Oh, my God.
That you took three guesses and that people corrected you.
I'm ashamed for everybody.
I'm really supposed to know that?
No.
They're not supposed to.
Nobody should know that or care.
D is your letter, Mike.
I'm going to go with what used to be the greatest Christmas movie of all time
until everybody, including my mom, figured that out.
It's called Die Hard.
That's right, Die Hard. You got one.
One, one.
Ungayo, A.
Ant-Man's Christmas Extravaganza.
Wow, you got one word right.
A Christmas story.
Oh, you'll shoot your eye out.
Yeah.
Jacob, why?
We asked that.
Yeah, I know.
Why, Jacob, why?
Jacob, why?
Why not?
Why not, Doug?
Why not?
Why him?
You know what?
I don't want you to hurt hurt your brain I wrote down you
know what I can't think of any I was gonna kill the wine I was gonna go with
your Christmas Charlie Brown yeah I don't know yes Christmas your tea Mike
I'm gonna go with the holiday classic called holiday movie? I said the Poseidon Adventure.
Okay, great.
There's got to be a morning
after.
If you could sing the theme song to each of these, I'd appreciate it.
Give a nice variety feel to the whole thing.
A.
A.
We'll set it.
A Christmas Story 2.
Oh, no. A Christmas Story 2. Oh, no.
A Christmas Carol.
Damn.
Fuck.
Okay, this is where Jacob takes it home.
I.
You got this.
I already bailed on it.
Hold on.
What do you mean you bailed on it?
Last time I did the Iroquois thing because I didn't have an I.
But I knew both of his A's.
I would be. Takes place around the holidays. I didn't know I had two of his A's. It would be...
Takes place around the holidays.
I didn't know I had two.
In Bruges.
Is that a holiday movie?
No, no.
You know what it is?
It's a Wonderful Life.
Oh, fuck.
That's huge.
We're gonna have a good life.
All right.
So this is...
Mike's gonna take this, I think,
because his letter is N.
If there's an obvious one,
it's not coming to me, unfortunately.
Oh, that's a shame.
Not coming to me.
You can't think of the N-word, huh?
Yeah.
It's probably the right thing to do at the right time to do it.
Doesn't come as easily as for you, Jacob.
Nutcracker, come with the holiday classic,
Oh Holy Night of the Living Dead.
National Lampoonoon Christmas Vacation.
Yeah.
I also would have accepted the very obvious New Year's Eve.
We suck.
Yeah.
But you got one more chance, Ungayo.
Tie it up.
The letter T?
Uh-huh.
I'm just going to give it to you.
It's the.
I figured that part out.
Now, the rest of the words are...
The Polar Express.
That's right!
Whoa!
Three-way tie!
Well done.
Dear American Comedy Company,
may I please have another Tito's and soda,
regular size.
I will transfer to the socket cup.
Myself.
I'm getting very good at it.
You need like a little ladle.
It is a ladle.
Just dip it in.
Be like a Tito's tea ceremony.
You know, all the time you've done this show, have you ever had Deez Nuts
hit three times? I can't think of...
Three times on Deez Nuts.
That's a different show.
The game ends when
somebody gets it right. That's true.
You're right. That game started off really
good for me, but by the end I just felt like I was getting smacked
in the face by Deez Nuts.
Alright, let's remind you of the hashtags.
You're off of Syrov.
Scram, shram.
And bet you never heard that.
And Ngayo's is
goodbye-o.
Get high, though, with Ngayo.
But just, you know, send me your
actual opinions with those hashtags.
Don't just use the hashtags
because I won't know
whether you're saying
keep them or lose them
and then basically
it's just Jacob
I'm just joking around
this is like
the guy who stays high though
it's like putting yourself
on hot or not
or something
it's just like
this is a real recipe
for my self esteem to suffer
I think you're gonna be
I think it's gonna be like
a fucking classic
Christmas movie
where you're gonna
wake up tomorrow
and you and there's
so many presents under the Twitter tree.
It's a Kwanzaa miracle.
Finally.
We could probably use a few more.
Never mind.
Why is Kwanzaa so...
Why are you one of the...
Why...
Because it's not for, it wasn't designed
to serve. Right, but why do we know so much about
Hanukkah, but so little about Kwanzaa?
Because Kwanzaa was invented in 1983.
They both have answers.
1966. Oh, okay.
Kwanzaa's a much younger holiday. It's too new?
Hanukkah's been around thousands of years.
Or hundreds. Thousands.
That's a great explanation. Thank you.
And, um, but I wrote it myself.
Do you think Kwanzaa's going to catch on?
It has.
Yeah?
Just because you don't do it doesn't mean that it's not cool.
I will say there's a lot of Kwanzaa stickers in the Instagram stories.
You can get Kwanzaa Hallmark cards.
So if Hallmark says it's cool, then fuck it.
Oh, those stores that are all closing yep thank
you thank you I'm thinking they let's hear for the wait staff here at American
Comedy Company yes leave them extra money we're cutting into their
basketball time right now let's play let's play Last Man Stanton
Dun dun dun
Last Man Stanton
Was very happy
Where's that going?
I don't know
I just kind of started
I hope someone would
Yeah
Catch on
Alright well
This is a sing along
But this is The final determining game of the evening.
Since Jacob was the leader going into that game,
and it was a three-way tie, he is still the leader.
But we're going to go to Ngaio and then to Mike.
And there's a gentleman in the audience
named
Matt underscore Diamond.
So this
doesn't seem fair now.
Because you chose his name tag.
But you know, that's your
fault for choosing it.
It often happens this way.
Matt says he's got a
last mash, Stanton.
Two names that mash together.
Yeah.
And I'd like to hear them now, Matt.
Steve Martin Scorsese.
Steve Martin Scorsese.
So the films of those two.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah, so Steve Martin. I got some shit for you.
I'm ready for this one. I mean, you know,
Martin has acted and Steve has directed.
So, you know,
basically all their films are on the line.
Nothing that like Martin Scorsese produced
counts. It has to be
he's either in it or directed it.
And just to make this super interesting.'s either in it or directed it. And... In it.
Just to make this super interesting.
Put some money on it.
That's what I was going to say. I'd like
$100 from each of you.
No, where is Jeff
Calliute?
Calliute?
Oh, look. They're holding up a baby tiger.
Lion.
Fuck, I've ruined that one.
Hey, I thought the Tiger King was just as good.
The Indian version.
I like the Tigger King.
They lift up the baby, drop it, and it bounces around.
Their heads are made of rubber and their tails are made
of springs. How do you say your last name?
Calouette. Calouette.
Okay, I thought it might be something like that.
What did you just call us?
Jeff Calouette also
wrote to me today saying he has a name for
Last Man Standing, like a regular name,
but we've never played one with...
Holy shit, can i have
several more all these are for these guys yeah it doesn't want to lie anyway just get right to all that good cranberry how's the how's the uti it's clearing up it's clearing up
it's better than when the show started
really they really did bring me an extra one It's better than when the show started. Really?
They really did bring me an extra one?
Enjoy your walk.
I'm super onto it.
You just hold it, Mike.
I like fucking Neil Hamburger.
I'm holding like five glasses right now.
You can't just pass this drink around.
That's how you get hepatitis.
What?
What is that?
What did Santa get Paris Hilton
for Christmas? Damn.
It's my Neil Hamburger impression.
They brought me two of them in two different
size glasses because they thought, you know,
Doug clearly has issues with sizes.
It's like drunk
Sesame Street. This is tiny?
Doug, listen.
Size matters not.
Caluette?
That's why you like that movie so much.
Did I say it right?
Caluette?
Okay.
For anybody who wants to follow him on Twitter, it's C-A-I.
No one's going to bother.
That's not how you spell it.
I will if you vote for me, buddy. Oh, shit. He you spell I will if you vote for me buddy
oh shit he'll follow you back if you vote for him
C-A-I-L-L-O-U-T-T-E
and you have a suggestion
just one name
what's the name you're bringing to the table
Amy Adams
you son of a bitch
be careful with that if you get her confused with
other people. I got plenty of Steve Martin Scorsese.
Yeah.
I got all of those.
Who do you get her mixed up
with? Isla Fisher.
Oh, Isla Fisher. I like people who say
Isla though with the confidence
that you said it.
Steve Martin scores
Sammy Adams.
Oh.
Boucher me Adams? I don't know.
Steve Boucher me Adams.
See you guys.
That's next week.
You guys, we're going to go fast
because you've got a lot of things to choose from
between Amy Adams, Steve Martin, and Martin Scorsese.
Or as Zach Galifianakis calls him in Birdman,
or the unexpected virtue of ignorance,
Martin Scorsese.
That's the Italian way to say it.
Muzzarell.
I think he got away with it
because the takes were so long.
And they were like, we're not going to do the whole thing over again
because he said Martin Scorsese
weird.
Jacob?
I'm not even going to write him down.
I'm just going to remember with my brain area.
I know I get competitive on the show today,
but sometimes I can be overly competitive.
I'd like to say it's good to be on with you guys.
You're all good fellas.
I thought I'd start the thing on the first thing.
Yeah, get that show-offy thing going.
Now I wish I was in.
You started that thing.
I know.
Well, maybe some of my guests did too
But Ngaio
I'm glad you're not treating us like we're a bunch of dirty rotten scoundrels
Amy Adams classic
Mike
The first movie I'm going to name is Father of the Bride
Okay we'll come back to you in a little bit for the next one
that's my son jacob
uh man of steel all right the jerk
mike uh batman v superman dawn of justice all right you guys each have a lifeline too, by the way. Your name tag.
You gotta go to Matt there,
Jacob.
Not now. When you choose to.
Yeah.
This one's kind of a gamble. Casino?
Ha!
I hate you
so much.
Ugaio?
Roxanne!
Roxanne! Roxanne.
That's right.
Keep that guy away from my cocaine.
All right.
There's only one person in this room that does cocaine,
apparently.
Or a scene from the movie.
I was taking a sip.
I would have cheered.
But that one guy went crazy for it.
You mean the guy I'm hanging out with after the show?
Yes.
Where are we?
Mike's right now.
No, the American Comedy Company.
Trick question.
Mike.
A few years ago, I was living in L.A.,
and it was right around Christmas,
and I was walking home,, and I was walking home.
And as I was walking home from the improv theater up there, there was a couple of dudes who were speaking in Eastern European accents.
And they were fighting on the street, and they were fighting in front of us.
And me and another dude, we didn't know each other.
We were standing on the street.
They were fighting.
And we walked over, and we had to break them up.
We were like, guys, stop fighting.
Stop fighting.
And they were like, we're brothers.
And we're like, well, your mom would not be happy about what you're
doing here right around Christmas. Stop fighting on the
street. And they went back. Their clothes were all
torn up and we got them to break up and they went home.
And that is my L.A. story.
Yeah!
Wow.
Thank you. You know, I think they said it best
at the end of Smoking the Bandit. We've got
a long way to go and a short time to get there.
Eastbound, just watch old bandit run.
Do you know how many planes, trains, and automobiles I could have taken while that story was happening?
The Last Waltz.
Yes.
Concert film.
That's a gangster.
You guys didn't like my story.
There's a bunch of jokers up here.
It's like the Muppet movie.
Okay.
Did Scorsese direct it?
That's a Scorsese movie.
Yeah, yeah.
No shit?
Yeah, no, that's true.
Steve Martin was in the Muppet movie.
Moving right along.
Would you like to smell the cap?
Oh, that's right.
I think you went out of order.
Did Mike go out of order?
I think it was him.
Oh, maybe.
It doesn't matter.
No, I don't think so.
Yeah, Mike was third in this game.
Okay.
So it's back on me?
Yeah.
I can't think of a joke,
so Mean Streets.
Yeah, just do it.
Mean Streets.
Mean Streets.
Starving Harvey Keitel
from the Grand Budapest.
The Pink Panther.
You know, they filmed the Mean Streets. Starving Harvey Keitel from The Grand Budapest. The Pink Panther. You know, they filmed the Mean Streets in New York.
In the Mean Streets of New York?
Down here in the gas lamp, they filmed the P Streets.
In New Orleans.
Is there a P Street?
I know there's letter streets, L and no P.
It doesn't get to P.
Because that would be really horrible.
In Atlanta, they filmed the Lean Streets. P Streets smell like pee. What's that? really horrible. In Atlanta they filmed the lean streets.
What's that? I said in Atlanta
they filmed the lean streets.
Hey.
Hey.
Percocet. Molly Percocet.
Oh that's what I forgot to do.
I had Percocet.
Whose turn is it? It's mine.
Did we say Raging Bull?
I mean now you did. Jacob? Whose turn is it? It's mine. Okay, Mike. Did we say Raging Bull? Oh, good choice. Yeah.
I mean, now you did.
There you go.
Jacob?
I mean, The King of Comedy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Scorsese classic?
Yeah. That's a good choice.
Yeah.
Mungayo?
Was it Sergeant Bilko?
Yeah.
Wow. I know. I'm weird. Was it Sergeant Bilko? Yeah.
Wow.
I know.
I'm weird.
This one is super, super obscure.
I can't remember if Scorsese directed it or not.
It's called The Godfather.
He was not the director. He did not.
It's not really obscure.
But Amy Adams played the baby
Do you want to use your lifeline Mike?
Is that in the right?
Chad what do you got?
Oh
Cheaper by the dozen
Steve Martin
Classic Steve Martin
Alright cheaper by the dozen
You got saved temporarily
I didn't know you could use
I don't feel good for your chances now though
You can lose
I didn't know you could use the lifeline After you guess for your chances now, though. I didn't know you could use Lifeline after you
guessed it correctly. After you failed spectacularly?
Yeah, no worries. Well, he seemed shocked
by that information, so maybe he knows
something we don't know.
Isabel, so...
Your turn. On me? Okay.
Justice League.
Yeah.
Parenthood.
Parenthood.
Steve Martin. Yeah. Yeah. Parenthood. Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Steve Martin.
Enchanted.
It was a great flick.
Yeah, Amy Adams.
Starring Amy Adams.
There you go.
There you go.
There's two things I want to say, and I'm really torn.
I feel like the man with two brains.
Somebody said, fuck yes.
It's a good fucking movie.
Yeah, fuck yes.
Penny's from Heaven.
The Three Amigos.
Mike's back in it.
Jacob?
All of me.
Back in bowl, back in bowl.
Back in bowl?
Miss Cutwater?
I will now reveal to you the movie
which contains either Amy Adams
or Steve Martin
or the great director Martin Scorsese.
Yes.
And the movie that I will reveal to you
in this moment
will be known as Pink Panther 2.
Whoa.
Is that full title?
Pink Panther 2, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jacob, I mean, Mike, sorry. Mike, did we say the, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Jacob, I mean
Mike, sorry. Mike.
Did we say The Jerk yet? Yes.
I'm going to say a movie starring Amy Adams.
No, no, I've been writing him down.
He's Sam Levine-ing it. I'm Sam Levine-ing it, exactly.
Oh. I'm going to say
a movie that I think Amy Adams is in called Leap Year.
Yep. There you go.
You can only watch it once every four years, though.
I remember it's about Ireland and she has red hair, go ahead
That's what?
Jacob
What'd you say?
That's plenty of times to watch
Oh, okay
How about The Aviator?
How about it?
Never saw it, don't know
Mungayo
Hey, Kaylee
He's going to his lifeline
What's the one where Amy talks to aliens and shit?
What?
Arrival.
Now you've got the whole audience yelling it out,
so let's not do that anymore, you guys.
Thanks, Kaylee.
But at least Kaylee said it.
She said Kaylee said it.
Yeah.
Arrival.
Yeah, but as soon as you start looking into the crowd going,
what was that movie?
People, oh, now we get to yell out.
That's how it works.
That's why Alex Trebek doesn't let the contestants ask the audience that's why that's one of the
one of the reasons why where we at Mike Jacob Jake Mike see it's me
Mara's Corsese did a movie like with Nicolas Cage and my villains called
bring on the night what bring on the Night. What? Bring on the Night? No. Bring the Night?
Who with what?
No, that's John Landis.
Okay.
Okay, stop talking.
I will say whether an answer is right or wrong,
and then I will not add more information
to help the other players later on in the game.
Mike is out.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Thank you very much.
I did my best.
Good job, Mike. I feel good about it. thank you very much. I did my best. Good job, Mike.
My best wasn't good enough.
Alright, Jacob?
In honor of our fallen comrade Mike,
Waking Up the Dead is the movie he's thinking of.
There you go. That's right. You're right.
That is also incorrect. You're out.
No, it's not. It is.
Oh shit.
I think I know what it is. But then I should be able to go to my lifeline. I said W know what it is.
But then I should be able to go to my lifeline.
I said waking up the dead.
But I should be able to go to my lifeline.
If he did.
It's your last episode of the show.
I don't need the lifeline.
I actually don't need the lifeline.
I don't need the lifeline now.
I'll use it because I have to to get out of this pickle.
Yeah. No, I mean, I only let Mike do it
because he wasn't really... Oh, do you not want me to do it?
You know what I mean.
It's more fun when somebody
like you
gets it wrong.
Wait, wait, wait.
Mike, he gets it wrong. It's sad.
When you get it wrong, it's fucking hilarious.
True.
I have a lot more things to say.
A lot more movies.
Keep going, but Ungayo has the right to take this before the council. Hilarious. True. I have a lot more things to say. A lot more movies. All right, keep going.
But, you know,
a guy who has a right to take this before the council.
Okay.
I've been in that situation.
You can give me one just to say you did it.
I'll give you Baby Mama, Steve Martin.
How about this?
How about this?
Matt has to give me the actual correct title of the movie
that Jacob was trying to say.
Ha ha!
Wait, what?
He said Waking up the dead.
I
You can't tell him what to do and you're
wrong again. You're digging
a deeper wrong hole while thinking
you still deserve to be in this game.
Jake knows all about the wrong hole.
Why?
Because I let him have a pass?
Wake up the dead?
Wake up the dead?
No!
It's not wake up the dead.
But what did you give him anyway?
Baby mama.
Okay.
Nguayo?
Use your microphone voice. No.'s the one that I wanted. It's right there.
Use your microphone voice.
No.
There was one that he wanted.
It was right there.
It's right there.
Fucking what's-her-name's in it, and the stuff, and the guy's in it with the thing.
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
You know what I'm talking about.
See?
It's pretty easy.
It's got the guy.
The Spanish Prisoner!
Ooh! Oh, you did it. It's a the guy The Spanish Prisoner Oh you did it
Good one
Sorry
Mamet for the win
Yeah you gotta love
Rebecca Pigeon's in that shit
You have this weird
drinking problem right now Doug
Physics, gravity
It's just hard to pour it
into my sake cup
when there's
way too much ice in the initial drink It's like a to pour it into my sake cup When there's way too much ice
In the initial drink
It's like a
I gotta work on that
I gotta get it with like low ice
But it's still fun to spill all over everything
It's always hard to pour out of those glasses
They're designed not to
They're designed to drink out of
Right
Which doesn't involve pouring something
into something else
at all.
It's a different
anyway.
The seal is different.
It was Francis Ford Coppola
directed The Godfather.
Who says Coppola?
And who gets applause
for saying that at all?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Coppola.
Aren't we a bunch of film nerds?
Did I win?
Nuh-uh. Oh, all right. Yeah. Thank you very much. Coppola. Aren't we a bunch of film nerds? Did I win? Nuh-uh. Oh, alright.
No, Spanish Prisoner
got you to remain
in the game, but we're back to Jacob, who still
has plenty more answers. Shutter Island.
Yeah, there you go.
So now we're back to a few
minutes of watching a guy who think.
The Island of Dr. More Moreau which one of those people
was involved with that Scorsese no young Amy Adams was a little gross dude that
was directed by a John Franken answer to wake the dead what's that wake the dead
oh my god sorry no no no all well, so we got there eventually.
It was ugly, but we made it.
And I'm proud to say that
on his final show,
our winner is
Jacob Serum!
I wanted that for Matt. He's had that sign
so many times. He's had the same name tag so many times.
Do you want to try to, can you give these bags to Matt?
Can you pass them over to him?
He's pretty close there and you can help him out
and give him his name tag back.
There's no shithead in the back of the Chattos.
No, I don't think so.
We live in the Chattos.
So what's your shithead, Chad?
Okay.
It's an obvious one, I guess.
Kaylee Driver, she put one on there.
That's nice.
Oh, I think this is the same.
This is a common shithead.
I mean, it's more specific, but anyway.
A commonly specific.
Yeah.
I'd say what did we miss, but we missed a thousand different...
I said I would, but we're not going to do that.
Diana screamed out at us.
There's so many titles we missed.
There's no reason for anybody to be embarrassed.
It's a shush it.
Or this guy suddenly wants to play tag. It's a shush it. Or are you,
this guy suddenly wants to play tag.
Catch me if you can.
Dude, I'm doing a show right now,
but I will fucking tag you later.
Not it.
Nguyen, what do you got to plug, buddy?
January 3rd, Wind River,
oh, let's start again.
New Year's Eve, Punchline Sacramento.
Both shows.
January 3rd, Wind River Casino.
January 11th, the Ashkenaz in Berkeley.
February 1st and 2nd,
International Cannabis Business Conference, San Francisco.
Follow me on the stuff.
N'Gayo 420.
Stupid antics with all the all the
my drinking over here.
You ruined the artwork?
It ruined your...
Oh no!
On my last show you ruined my seven year old son's art, Doug.
Douche loves movies.
Yeah, Blur loves movies.
There you go, Matt.
Right into his hands.
I'm telling you.
Stay with it if you don't think you have skills.
You might get lucky.
I'll have him do another one.
Oh, that's sweet.
I like that one.
Because it's just my face.
It's the only part that got all messed up.
What do you got to plug?
Mike Schramm.
First of all, great job, Mike Schramm.
Thank you very much.
First time guest.
Thank you.
Appreciate you being so kind to me.
Come out and see us at Frontier City Improv.
It's up at the Lafayette Hotel.
We do great shows there Thursday through Sunday.
Thursday through Sunday every single week.
So come out and see some improv.
And I'm very excited to tell you
this is a premiere for Douglas Movies audience.
I'm working on a new site with a couple people.
It's a brand new site about marijuana
and news, reviews, all kinds of stuff.
It's called TheElegantStoner.com.
It's up and available now.
It's going to be opening in January, but it's called
TheElegantStoner.com. Check it out
for a bunch of different fun news
and bits about smoking weed.
Okay.
Okay.
Like the sound of that?
Yes, and?
It's a great sound.
It's an improv dig.
Comedians hate improv. It's a thing.
Having fun with improv.
Ungayo?
I did mine.
You want to do mine? New Year's Eve
at the Fudge Line, Sacramento. I just feel like it's
best for Jacob to just leave
quietly. January 3rd.
Or just silently slink
off into the weird green room
with the big door.
Hashtag Sir Ron.
I don't know.
Okay.
All next week
at your mama's house.
Doing my laundry.
What do you got to plug, Jacob?
Give us everything
you're doing
in the upcoming year.
Oh, I have no idea
what I'm doing. I'm going to be
appearing on Name Tags as Moshe Kasher
for the
foreseeable future.
And I will also be at this very club
the weekend of
St. Patrick's Day. So come back and see me.
There.
And I'll, yeah.
March.
The weekend, I think it's the 15th, 16th, 17th.
March, okay.
They gave me the whole weekend.
Couldn't believe it.
So proud of you.
St. Patrick's Day is on Saturday.
Is it?
So it's 16th, 17th, 18th.
Because isn't St. Patrick's Day always on the 17th?
No.
Yeah, always the 17th.
15th, 16th, 17th.
You're right, it is.
Yeah.
Oh, I know.
I know my calendars.
Quiz me, 1982.
Go.
When was St. Patrick's Day, 82?
It was on March 42nd.
The 33rd of
February.
What else?
That's it?
Yeah, I was going to plug that thing.
Oh, and fucking do the hashtag.
Yeah, vote him back on the show.
You have to write to me on Twitter.
Say, please have Jacob back.
Hashtag, you're off of Sear Off.
If the hashtag isn't in there, I will disqualify your vote.
Because we're trying to, you know, get this thing going.
And that would be shorter to just say Sear Off.
But I want to have his proper spelling in there because this is a promotional stunt.
1F.
So I have a question.
Are you just counting hashtags?
Because you said earlier that if people said that, you know, there's probably going to be a lot of...
I want them to include the hashtag, but I need 500 people to say to me in some form or another,
do not, please have Jacob back.
No. Okay.
Do not, please have Jacob back.
Or they could write to me and say, please, a year sounds good.
I'm having back problems. Maybe let's have some parole hearings in a year.
Let's not rush into bringing him back in a year.
I'm having some major back,
which might lead to some surgery,
so maybe a year would be nice.
Okay, well, now you're...
I don't know what you want now, but...
I'm trying to prep myself for bad results with a positive spin.
I think 500 people are going to come to your side within probably, you know, probably around August.
By about August, we'll probably have...
Okay.
Because we're going to mention it on every show until you get there, and hopefully you will.
By August, you could make 500 people.
I think so.
People might just say, you know, vote for it just to get me to shut up about it.
And thank you guys so much for being here.
Happy Boxing Day in Canada.
Happy Kwanzaa.
And as always,
and we'll see you on Valentine's Day
here at American Comedy Company.
As always, and I'll see you outside on the street.
Trump is a shithead.
I think you might get behind this one more, though.
The lady with the shitty brindle bully dog at the off-leash park
is a shit.
Play that end theme if you don't mind.
Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Rise above his viewing prow prowess makes him cocky
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies