Doug Loves Movies - Noël Wells, Alex Brightman, Trey Galyon and 9 more guest
Episode Date: November 27, 2017Live from the Gramercy Theatre in New York City, Doug ushers in the first 12 Guests of Christmas episode of the season with Alex Brightman, Rob Cantrell, Trey Galyon, Seth Herzog, Doogie Horn...er, Liz Miele, Erik Nagel, Aparna Nancherla, Jesse Pasternack, Noël Wells, Greg Wyshynski and Samm Levine.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screenings, baby sticky seats
with 50 ads and popcorn kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see
because Doug loves blue jeans. Because God loves cookies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Lo groovy Coming to you
Once again
From our East Coast base
The Gramercy Theater in New York City
It's Sunday, November 26, 2017,
and this is the 12 Guests of Christmas
East Coast Edition Night One.
Woo!
Sold out.
Night Two, seats available.
Some people are holding out going,
let's see how night one goes before we make any decisions.
But I know you guys always have amazing name tags,
but let's go ahead and take a look at
them.
Oh man.
Katie Freeman has done it again
with her
she knitted an Admiral
Ackbar
and then wrote
the expression
it's a cap!
It's pretty amazing.
Stand up and show everybody that thing.
Look at that fucking thing.
So good luck, everybody else.
Because if that doesn't get chosen by one of my 12 guests,
I will be shocked.
But there's lots of good ones out there,
and thank you for going all that work.
Here's a video one over here.
Like, somehow you've got my head in there.
On a video.
Empire of the Sun.
That's weird.
And what's your name?
Mason. Empire? Mason.
Mason.
Empire of Mason.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks, everybody.
You can put them down now.
But get ready to whip them out again,
because once I get my 12 guests out here,
we'll get right to the name tag selection process.
Doug plugs tomorrow night.
Already mentioned it.
Doesn't hurt to mention it again.
And then Tuesday, December 5th,
Doug Loves Movies is back
at the UCB Theater Franklin location in L.A.,
and then we're doing two 12-guess episodes in Los Angeles at Largo
on December 12th and 13th.
And Tate Crazy Nights starts December 13th
and goes for eight nights until December 20th.
For all the deets, go to DougLowe'sMovies.com.
That's DougLowe'sMovies.com. That's douglosmovies.com!
Yeah!
Free birds!
Shut up!
What did you say? Free birds?
That's not you yell free bird in a concert, not free birds.
Are there birds that are not free somewhere?
Because they could fly away, probably.
And then once you said that, then another lady,
not another lady, you're not a lady, but...
A lady was all, shut up.
I don't know how much of that will get on the recording,
but it's all pretty entertaining.
I brought a prize bag.
I brought some stuff.
I didn't go crazy because, you know,
there's going to be gifts from 12 different people on stage tonight,
but I did, you know, want to kick it off with some cool stuff, like a sippy cup that I got
when I saw a play last night.
Well, I'll tell you what play, inquisitive audience member.
It's called Meteor Shower.
And yeah, it stars two previous guests on this show.
Hopefully I'll have them back someday.
Amy Schumer and Laura Benanti.
And Keegan-Michael Key and Jeremy Shamos.
And it's written by Steve Martin.
It's very funny and I enjoyed it.
And there's my sippy cup.
Oh,
speaking of drinking and cups,
this is
weird. I saw this on Christmas
Day. I had to buy it.
It's a candy shot glass.
So you drink from it, and then you can eat
the whole glass. It's like
some Willy Wonka shit.
And the slogan on the glass, the tagline on the glass packaging is,
lick it, refill it, and eat it.
Yeah, that's pretty intense.
It probably says, I think there's zero calories in it now that you mention it.
But no
more questions until the end of the show.
Hold your
questions until the end. Here's a screener
of the movie. I think
it was
Angelina Jolie was in it. A movie called
Changeling.
Seems like a fun
holiday gift. Isn't it about like her baby
turning into something? Doesn't her baby turn into a huge success? And all the way from
California, I flew out. Going to give another one of these away tomorrow night.
A big Christmassy rubber bong from my friends at Peacemaker.
Excuse me, water pipe, water pipe.
It's a big water pipe.
All that, plus all the stuff brought by all of my guests.
Are you guys ready to meet them?
Please give a warm welcome to...
Alex Brightman, Rob Cantrell,
Trey Galleon, Seth Herzog,
Doogie Horner, Liz Mealy,
Eric Nagel, Aparna Nansherla, Jesse P Horner, Liz Mealy, Eric Nagel,
Aparna Nansherla, Jesse Pasternak, Noelle Wells,
Greg Wyshynski, and Sam the Ma'am Levine,
a.k.a. Little Lucky Logan. Logan.
Wow.
Thank you.
People love
Sam Levine.
Hometown kid. I don't know what to tell you, Seth.
All right. Who's talking already?
Who's Seth? Well, maybe.
All right. So Seth wins already? It was Seth. Well, maybe. All right.
So Seth wins the Pete Holmes Award.
Yeah!
Nice try, the devil.
For being the first to speak.
But we're going to meet everybody individually.
I'm going to go around, I believe we call it in the business, clockwise.
Starting with Doogie Horner, ladies and gentlemen.
Happy holidays. Thank you. It's nice to be here at the Gramercy.
Thanks for being here, dude. How have you done in previous 12 guest episodes? Have you
cracked the top three? No, I've done pretty bad. One time I was sitting right next to Jesse,
and it was just...
You can't ever ask him to...
You can't ever be like, call it,
because you know he'll just nail it.
Well, at least this year,
your hair's a little higher than his.
You both got poofy hair heads,
but yours is a little higher, I think.
I think you're the highest hair of all the heads.
Wow.
Quite an accomplishment.
Rob's got a little...
Damn it.
I thought I had it.
No, yours just goes out and all over the place.
Yeah, I did take a shower and wear a hat right before the show.
So I didn't hit the hair dryer.
We're not up to you yet.
Sorry about that.
In the spirit of Christmas, shut up.
Check.
But Doogie, thanks for being here, man.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Always good to see you.
And keep going with that hair.
I'm trying.
Yeah.
I'm flexing really hard.
That's why it's so high right now.
It takes a lot of energy to keep it this high.
All right.
Well, no slouch in the hair sticking up department.
Directly to your left, it's Eric Nagel.
Hi, Doug.
You guys know him from all of his endeavors over at SiriusXM,
including the It's Eric Nagel show.
Right.
Yeah, what do you got going on?
Several shows that have disappeared in the last few years.
Yeah, things get, you know, they come and go in this business,
but what are you doing right now?
Right now, still doing my show on iHeartRadio, Spotify,
and around the country.
It's Eric Nagel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you get awesome guests on that show.
I do, and it's weird.
It's usually people that you think any show would want to take, but they don't.
But you know when you start getting the cast of The Flash on your show, or Gotham, or the cast from Justice League coming on the show or Gotham or the cast from Justice League coming on
the show and you're like, why aren't other shows
wanting to take these guys? Oh, well, they're
either doing the Tonight Show or
your show. So it's like, I'm like
the bottom level of, well,
we need to round out his schedule.
We need one more show to throw on there.
So they'll just like, you know what?
He's good. He's not going to be threatening or whatever.
Just put him on his show.
Yeah, this nerd's going to be excited to see us.
Yeah, exactly.
This could be a real
kiss-assy interview.
Right, and then I got their toys to get signed.
Might get a little technical here and there.
Yeah. Might nerd out
a little too hard sometimes. A little bit.
Yeah. A little bit. I know Doug has been on
one of the other shows I used to do and
has seen me actually
fanboy when I shouldn't be fanboying
for guests that we've had on there
and sometimes it is with Doug.
Well, I'll tell you what's about to
happen to me. I'm about to fanboy on
our next guest.
Oh, no, man. If you're a
last man standing historian,
you could go all the way back to the first season
for our friend Rob Cantrell.
Oh.
Love you, New York.
Love doing this show.
Thanks for having me.
All right, next up we've got...
That was
perfect. How are you doing,
Rob? How are you enjoying the holiday season?
Love it. Yeah?
Just eating turkey.
Had a good Thanksgiving, man.
Stuffing. I had some leftovers before I got
here. Still rocking it.
Just fucking can't stop
You have such a unique
story to tell
about your Thanksgiving
well I had my mom up
that was nice
oh that is nice
and she came up
and then my sister
and her kids
and we ate some stuffing
and some gravy
you know it's pretty much
the same story
I told before
the classic story
of Thanksgiving that's right.
What about you, Doug?
What did you do for Thanksgiving?
I hung out with my mom.
Cool.
Yeah.
Stuffing?
No, I didn't stuff my mom.
You're such a good son.
She's a nice old lady.
I leave her alone.
What about the sweet potatoes?
I didn't do anything to my mom's sweet potatoes
That's a lot more motherly
Thank you for being here Rob
Thanks for having me
Next to you we have a gentleman
Who's not afraid to put on some Freddy Krueger wear
And leave the house.
It's Jesse Pasternak!
Thank you for having me back, Doug,
and I'm sorry I didn't bring my fedora or my claw glove.
I had it in the car, but I just forgot to bring it.
No, this is like the subtle Freddy Krueger look.
Yeah, it's like you don't know if it's a dream,
you don't know if it's reality,
but we're going to find out together.
Anyone could sign up to be a member of the Dream Police.
And we missed you
in Traverse City
this last summer.
It was the first time
I'd been there
where you were not there.
But you were busy
out in California
making movies?
Sort of.
I was at a management company,
so I read script coverage.
I edited a video or two
for them.
I answered the phones.
It was really like
a classic, you know,
first job in Hollywood,
so that was a lot of fun.
But I missed everybody in Traverse City, and thank you so much
for having me back here.
He is like,
every day it's like he's competing in a pageant.
I've got a big thing planned for the tile portion.
It's going to be great.
All right, dude.
Thanks for being here.
Pass the mic to your left to Mr. Greg Wyshynski, everybody.
Hi, everybody.
Hello, Douglas.
Hockey lover.
hockey lover movie opinion
haver
I've seen some of your opinions
on Twitter
this is where we have to ask are there any hockey fans in the crowd tonight
I'd like to formally thank
Chance the Rapper and Saturday Night Live
for making my sport relevant for about 20 minutes last weekend.
It was very nice.
What happened?
He did a hockey sketch on SNL.
You didn't see it?
I did see it.
Why is that?
I was happy that they did hockey.
They made hockey look good in some way?
No one does hockey.
That's what's up.
That's the thing.
The whole sketch was about how lame hockey was.
Yeah.
No... All publicity is good publicity, Doug. The whole sketch was about how lame hockey was. Yeah. No.
All publicity is good publicity, Doug.
All right.
The sport cool brothers know nothing about.
I believe the official slogan is the coolest sport on ice.
That's courtesy of the National Hockey League marketing partner.
What? Because every other sport on ice is super not cool.
It's the most fighty sport on ice.
Yeah, fuck off curling.
Well, thanks for being back, dude.
You've finished quite well in previous 12 guests.
I believe you won the first one here in New York?
Was it the first one? Maybe.
I won one of them.
And then I thwarted you. That was a big thrill.
Did you know Sam's here?
He's behind me.
To my left. In the order.
Here you go, Sam.
Yeah, we got a real nerd cluster going on
over here.
Let's hear it.
Some call him a freak, but I call him a geek.
It's Sam the Man!
Thank you very much.
Aw.
Sam, is it true that you're a freak in the bed
and a geek in the streets?
The rumors are true, Doug.
Anyone who listened
to our last show from San Diego
knew that I was a little under the weather
with feline AIDS.
And the good news
is I came to New York and I got a second opinion
and they said it was SIDS.
So, fingers crossed.
Does that mean someone's going to smash a crib over your head?
Is that what they mean by crib death?
I'm not a doctor, Doug.
I just took the pills they gave me.
All right, well, I'm really glad you flew all the way out to say that.
Yep. Yeah, my flight's in an hour, so I got to... Yeah you flew all the way out to say that. Yep.
Yeah, my flight's in an hour, so I got to...
Yeah, you should probably get out of here.
I got to get out of here.
But, yeah, thanks for being here.
First time ever doing the show in New York City.
It's true.
Thank you.
Very happy to be here.
It's a dream come true for a lot of these people.
Yeah. I hope not.
We've got a lot of make-a-wish kids here tonight.
They're at a big SIDS meetup.
What the fuck would a Sid's meetup be?
It's a bunch of guys named Sid.
That's not so bad.
Yeah, it's not weird at all.
All right.
Sitting in front of Sam,
always a delightful guest on the show,
it's Aparna Nansherla, everybody.
Hello.
Hi, Doug. Thanks for having me.
Thanks for being here.
I was here last year and I finished better than I should have from a fluke turn of luck.
Do you remember what went down?
No, but everyone seemed very impressed
that I got it right
after a very lackluster start.
And then I think
foolishly people were like, oh, she was
being
devious about her knowledge, and then
they quickly learned that was not true.
That's what I like
about this part of the show, chatting with
everybody, is because once we get into the game
people really do get eliminated
they get sent home
and I don't want them to feel like they came down here for nothing
so are you having a good time so far?
I'm having a great time
here in the ladies section
yeah see that's the thing.
Strategically, if the ladies want to support each other,
it's probably best not to sit right next to each other.
But that's the important thing, is being near each other, right?
I think topically it's a good time we sit together.
Well, I thought it was interesting how all three of you
wouldn't get up during the national anthem this evening.
It's true. It's true.
But thank you for being here.
Oh, thank you for having me.
Always a pleasure.
And next to you, it's Noelle Wells!
Hi.
Also quite a score from, you know, normally you're out in L.A., but you're here because your motion picture, Mr. Roosevelt,
is playing in town.
In one theater.
But at a great theater, the Sunshine.
Sunshine Theater.
Sunshine Cinema.
I love that theater over on, what do you call it?
Houston?
Houston.
Yeah, it's spelled Houston, but you say Houston.
The other day I was walking down Houston, and I was like,
has anybody ever said Houston, we have a problem?
I was like, probably, and it was a long time ago, and they were very lame.
But it's going to creep all over the, that's not the right word.
No, creeping is fine. It's just sort of leaking. It's going to creep all over the... That's not the right word. No, creeping is fine.
It's just sort of leaking.
It's going to spread.
It's going to leak all over the country,
gradually starting now-ish, right?
Ish.
It's been around.
It's sort of like a bug that some people catch,
but not, you know, lingers.
And then available on Netflix on December 26th.
Yeah, that's...
Yeah, December 26th in that's yeah December 26th
in all 126 countries
it's been fun
and this week in New York
has been really fun
I've just
I don't think I've ever
like drank in my entire life
and I've just been stuck in New York
genuinely
like I'll drink like sometimes
but I've been stuck here
and I'm
I've been drunk
I'm like yeah it's I'm I've been drunk. I'm like, yeah.
It's been fun.
I get it now.
Can we get you
something to drink right now?
Sure.
I'm drinking a Stella
but you know
whatever you guys want.
You should probably
take it up a notch
from that can of beer.
Yeah, yeah guys.
You got anything?
Shots.
If you're announcing
that you're drinking.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
Thank you guys.
Bring her a shot
of something delicious. Tito's, yes. All right. Thank you, guys. Bring her a shot of something delicious.
Tito's, yes, of course.
Of course, Tito's for the holidays.
And we've got a first-time guest next to Noelle.
It's Liz Mealy, everybody.
Very funny New York stand-up comedian.
I feel like everybody covered everything.
And trivia expert.
Oh, God.
It's going to be bad.
Is it?
Yeah, it's going to be really bad.
Well, it's been great having you here.
I've seen three movies.
Oh, really?
Could you name them?
Mrs. Doubtfire.
Of course.
It all happened in the 90s.
That's the last time my parents let me watch TV.
I think Liar Liar.
Oh, that's a good one.
And then I just watched Red Dawn for Thanksgiving.
So it's like one 80s movie and then everything is like 90s comedy.
Wait, original Red Dawn or remake?
The original.
Oh, all right, word.
Holy, holy shit.
Worst movie I've ever seen.
No.
Wow.
It's becoming a documentary.
No.
It is very much so.
But exposition, like I'm a writer.
Exposition-wise, you don't even learn their names until they start dying.
Inconsequential.
Why? Because it's an action dying. Inconsequential. Why?
Because it's an action movie.
It's got nothing.
Who cares what their names are?
Just shoot people.
I was just hoping that it would be like a funny 80s movie.
And it was just more like.
No, it's not.
I like them when they're like tragically funny.
What, you thought it was going to be like a John Hughes flick?
I don't know.
I just told you I only watch Mrs. Doubtfire and Liar Liar. What, you thought it was going to be like a John Hughes flick? I don't know. I just told you
I only watch
Mrs. Doubtfire
and Liar Liar.
Oh, I see.
You see that I don't have
like a big repertoire.
Well, maybe read the thing
on the back of the cover
next time, you know?
And be like,
oh, it's not a comedy.
Nobody prepared me.
Oh, well then hit info.
I'm not there yet.
All right.
I'm done.
So yeah, I'm going to,
I'll be out.
I just want to say
hi and bye.
Hey Trey, great job sitting in the middle and bullying everybody.
She went after Red Dawn, man.
It's Trey Gallion, everybody.
She went after Red Dawn.
You won this thing last year.
I'm the reigning champion.
I couldn't even say it without laughing.
That's why you're sitting up front all manspreading.
I'm sitting normal.
Acting like the king of the fucking forest.
Have I been preening?
Is that the right word?
I don't even know if that's...
You're certainly the loudest,
especially considering you don't have a microphone.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I do some jokes for the listeners.
How are you, man?
Not too bad, man.
How are you?
How do you feel about your chances tonight
looking around at this group?
Yeah, not well.
But I didn't think I was
going to make it that far last year.
Oh, is the weed brownie guy here
this year again?
Because if you are, start
throwing them up, buddy.
That seemed to help out.
Also here tonight... It's Seth Herzog!
Yes!
Thank you.
Very mild claps.
Thank you very much.
Very mild, tempered applause.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, even on stage, one person.
Thank you.
Thank you, creeps. Yeah, even on stage, one person, thank you. Thank you, creeps.
The Zog on social media.
On Twitter.
Seth Zog on Instagram.
Okay.
The guy who was
the Zog on Instagram tried to sell it to me.
I said no.
How much did he want?
He was getting married. He's like, I'm getting married and I really want to raise money for my wedding.
I was like, fuck you.
Come on, man.
25 bucks.
No, I think you wanted a couple thousand or something.
I'm like, I'm not going to give that to you.
All right.
I guess you did the right thing.
How's it going?
Very well.
I'm psyched to be here.
The Gramercy Theater in New York Alliance is my absolute favorite.
Four of you fell for that.
Thank you very much.
I'm glad we're on the route of your jog tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just jogging by.
Thought I'd stop in.
I'm dressed like DMC today.
And also joining us,
the 12th magical guest
on this beautiful,
wonderful occasion.
The 12th magical guest on this beautiful, wonderful occasion.
It's Alex Brightman!
Hello. Hello.
Hi.
So the School of Rock musical that you originated the title role is
yeah he played
the character of the school
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I am not in the show anymore.
But you really launched a massive thing like that.
That show's extremely popular.
Oh, cool, thanks.
Yeah, great, great job, dude.
I see no money from it now at all.
So my face around town is enough.
And being a guest on your podcast is...
Yeah, what else could you want?
That's it.
Really, out of this business,
it's really...
This is as good as it gets.
Yep.
You even got in the front row
with a...
You have a back on your chair.
Yeah, that's a huge, by the way.
That's a huge plus.
I didn't realize that.
These slobs in the back row
don't have...
They're just sitting there,
their backs just waving in the wind.
Seth and I were talking about how
we were in the front
when it was just like four or five of us
and we would sit on the stools
and we would see pictures
that people would post on Instagram
and all of us look like
we have like avalanche tummies,
just like terrible shots.
Yeah, like that.
So this back chair thing
is going to make all the pictures
look less tummy-ish.
Photographs aren't allowed, by the way.
People take them anyway.
What are you going to do?
All right.
All right.
That, those are
our 12 competitors, ladies and gentlemen.
The top three tonight will be moving on to tomorrow night.
So that's exciting.
They'll have another chance to show off
and try to make it into the top three.
And please let me know later if you can't make it.
Who can't make it?
We'll bring back the next person in line.
I know some people that might not be able to make it,
but we don't want to make it look like
anybody's throwing the competition tonight.
I want everyone to try to win,
and then we'll work out the rest of it later.
All right.
Okay.
All right, Alex.
Before we play,
we need to know who these 12 guests are playing for.
There's lots of great name tags.
So go ahead and pick one.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
Today's episode is brought to you in part by Nice Lady.
Nice Lady comedian and writer Michelle Wolfe brings her sharp humor to HBO in her debut
stand-up special, Michelle Wolfe, Nice Lady. Taped at the Skirball Center in New York City,
the exclusive presentation hilariously showcases Michelle's signature voice as she takes on a wide
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Michelle Wolf was named to Vulture's list of 50 comedians you should know in 2015, was
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Alright, thank you everybody.
We're back!
We did it!
That was pretty fast
considering.
All right, Greg, we'll get to it in a little bit.
That's some real hockey shit you found there.
That was made specially for him, I guess.
Let's start with Doogie.
Who are you playing for
on behalf of?
I am playing for No Courtney for Old
Men.
Thought that was very clever.
And I like that she has herself
with a cat on her shoulders. I don't know if that was
because so many dogs get killed
in that movie. That's like a thing, and I wasn't sure
if the cat was a comment on that.
Was it, Courtney?
Just your cat.
Okay, reading too much into it.
It's the only good picture Courtney
had of herself having to have a cat
standing on her head.
So she went with it.
Yeah, I love it.
Well, good job, Courtney. That's a nice one.
My face looks crazy on that one.
Eric Nagel, what do you got? Well, I'm playing for That's a nice one. My face looks crazy on that one.
Eric Nagel, what do you got? Well, I'm playing for a lady named Julie Anaconda.
My Julie Anaconda don't want none unless it's God, buns, hun.
Exactly. But the line on here says,
When you can't breathe, you can't scream. And I'm guessing that's really horrific sexually.
And her poor boyfriend over there is nodding in agreement.
So we're playing for her.
All right.
Is he not your boyfriend?
Oh.
She seemed disgusted by that.
Oh, no, no.
All right, Rob Cantrell, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for my man Rob 8.
With two Bs, this is bold.
But the tagline is,
this is the droid you're looking for.
He's rocking the droid hat.
And I'm Rob, and he's Rob.
And I played for him last year.
And I didn't remember that, but he just reminded me of that.
But this is awesome, and he also gave us some donuts.
Oh, yeah, pass those down here.
And what are these?
These are coffee donuts, right? They're just plain donuts. That yeah, pass those down here. These are coffee donuts,
right?
They're just plain donuts. That's what they're called?
Those are the best
for throwing because they don't get your hands all sticky.
Yeah, people don't get sugar
in their hair.
Alright, Rob.
Can I have one to eat?
Great choice.
What's that?
What happened?
I was kind of hungry.
I wanted to get a donut.
Oh, you want one?
Yeah, that's all.
All right, that's good.
They're not day olds?
It's a little stale.
But these are good that way.
No, these are today or yesterday?
Oh, God, they're good.
Oh, these are three hours old?
Yeah.
All right.
Should I throw it after?
No.
After you take a bite out of it?
Yeah.
Like a grenade?
I didn't slobber on it.
I actually kind of drive mouth.
Oh, yeah.bber on it. I actually kind of dry mouthed.
Oh, yeah. Let's try it.
Did it hurt anybody?
Are you alright?
You can take a bite.
Eat it. Alright.
I'm drunk. Yeah, donuts are great
Alright Jesse
Jesse's got the one right here
So there's a woman named Katie
Who's been to a lot of shows here at Gramercy Theatre
She always knits very elaborate
Beautiful things
And this is the first time I'm playing for Katie
The official title of what she has
Is Star Wars Episode 5
Katie Strikes Back.
It is a very elaborate,
awesome cap made of
Admiral Ackbar's hat head.
It's a cap!
It's a cap!
Yeah, that was genius.
Yeah.
I think everybody here tonight hopes
that Jesse wins.
Greg? I think everybody here tonight hopes that Jesse wins Greg this is a
this is a
I'm playing for Coyote
Ugbilly
this is a
vintage Phoenix Coyotes
peyote style
jersey
for the hockey team in the desert you'll see that it's been mounted vintage Phoenix Coyotes peyote-style jersey
for the hockey team in the desert,
you'll see that it's been mounted on a broomstick
and a yardstick, looking very much like
the crucifixion of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Also, I plan on playing the game behind this
to hide my stool-infused avalanche tummy,
per Alex Brightman.
Okay, put it down.
Nice choice.
Sam?
Whoa. So this came in two pieces for some reason. Sam whoa
so this came in two pieces for some reason
yeah that's weird
it's Bridget Jones's
Diarrhea
and I believe
I am playing the role of Colin Firth
on this poster
and you are Bridget Jones
I am Bridget Jones and Jon Hamm is
whoever the other person is.
And then at the last second he
hands me this thing too and goes,
No, it's the baby!
It's Doug!
That's Bridget Jones' baby?
I guess so.
A big baby head on a stick.
Sticking with you.
I'm glad you got all of it, Sam.
Yep.
Oh, this candy's for us, I guess, guys.
Yeah, who wants
some of that candy?
All right.
Doogie wants a Starburst.
All right.
Wait, there's a starburst for
every guest
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
that's all of us
I counted
and one of them is poison
Aparna
I am playing for a Mikey Wind
and there's a real Aparna? Oh, yes. I am playing for a Mikey Wind.
And there's a real tour to Photoshop happening on here with people who have been on the show before's heads,
but not mine, so I guess I'm one of the guitars or something.
Okay.
Mikey Wind. Mikey Wind. Okay. Mikey Wind.
Mikey Wind.
Noel.
Hi, I'm playing for
Jengel all the way.
Yeah. Jen,
she has the body
of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
But she looks happy.
And you might be Sinbad and you might be sin bad i might be
i wake up and say that to myself every day
if i smoke enough today i might be sin bad yeah it's fun cool cool Liz what do you got
I just went for
another 90s film
mine's Jules Running
my favorite part
is that she went for a diversity hire
so she didn't go as
she didn't replace herself with John Candy
she just decided that they needed a white person
on the team
and she goes you know we
haven't been hired for bobsledding in so long and then the tagline is uh i'm dyslexic uh one running
four mile uh four miles 26.2 miles is that what it says no four limbs 26.2 miles. I don't get it. But I really like the poster.
It's a big one.
It's been for anything that literally will just hide my entire body as well.
What's another big one that didn't get picked out there?
Hold up a big one.
Hold up a big one.
Doug, are you throwing donuts? Donuts?
You do it all the time.
Wait, Doug.
Doug, hit the Captain American shield right in the middle.
Do it.
Believe in yourself.
You got this. Oh.
Boo.
Yeah!
That's amazing.
It even has a donut in the middle of the shield.
That is so hot.
Like it knew what was going to happen.
It's like so hot on everybody's brain.
It lights up!
Oh, now it lights up.
Thanks, buddy.
It only lights up if it gets hit with a donut.
Wow, that's an expression.
Trey, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Bree,
and it's not particularly clever or anything.
It just has a picture of you and says loving movies,
but it is a box of fucking donuts.
Oh, but I picked it because I like the picture of you.
Yeah.
All right.
It's a good picture.
Well, I was all high sitting up here,
and it was like you were staring at me from where she was sitting,
so I was like, got to pick that one.
Yeah.
All right, what kind of donuts is inside?
Assortments.
Ooh, look at those.
Yeah, there's a jelly, and that's got some cream on it, I think.
It's got AIDS.
No, there's no AIDS in that one.
Don't just throw them into the darkness.
What? Why?
My favorite part is there are one that doesn't.
Put the lights up and get some targets going.
Here, you want to throw one?
All right, come on, you guys.
We got some other things to do. Nice. Want to throw one? All right. Come on, you guys.
We got some other things to do.
Nice.
All right.
So, yeah, I'm playing for Brie.
All right.
So have those standing by.
Maybe whenever somebody loses, they could throw a donut as they leave the stage.
All right.
Yeah.
I'm just going to emotionally eat mine.
Is that a part of the system?
Yeah, I know I'm going to lose pretty quickly. You're welcome to eat one.
That would be great.
Okay, great.
Just save one for me when I get sad.
No promises.
Thank you.
Did you say no promises or no problems, sis?
No promises.
Why do you still have a microphone?
I don't know.
Seth, who are you playing for?
It's a ukulele, a Spider-Man themed ukulele.
Oh.
Right? Pretty cute.
All the best.
I think it does light up.
Ukulele's a Spider-Man theme.
Look at that. Lights up, guys.
You didn't even have to hit it with a donut.
And it's the K-mazing Spider-Man.
I don't know if her name is K or Karen.
It's K.
K. All right, K.
So I'm playing for K in her ukulele, her Spider-Man uke.
All right.
My mom's here somewhere.
I don't know where.
If they sat her or she just wandered out.
Oh, there she is.
Mom, you didn't make a poster or anything?
She didn't know.
You even knew I was going to be here?
You didn't make a poster with my face on it or nothing?
You don't want to win, do you?
You're not a winner.
It seems like you.
Trey, hit her with a donut.
I will, because she's heckled me before it says show. That's true.
High and outside.
High and outside.
That's what I want to do.
Almost.
She got a piece of it.
Almost deflected into her hand.
She almost caught it both times, too.
All right.
Finallily, who are you playing for, Alex Brightman?
I got a big box of donuts, and also I'm playing for Drew Poole.
And it's the first time I've ever been on one of the posters, which is fun.
I've been on the name tags.
I'm psyched about that.
Thanks, man.
And it says, experience it in high max.
Pretty cool. and it says experience it in high max pretty cool Doogie's on here
Trey's on here Rob's on here
Mark Wahlberg's on here
Mark couldn't make it but
good stuff I'm excited
and I got a lot of donuts and they're all very good looking
donuts they're all very like
they're gonna make a looking donuts They're all very like They're going to make a mess
Yeah
You guys are screwed
Doogie's going in for a donut
They stuck to the top of the box
Is he going to eat it himself or is he going to throw it
It says mom
He's going to eat it himself
But I'm going to throw one
Yay
Good for you I'm sorry about these sudden. Yay! Yay! Good for you.
I'm sorry about these sudden...
When people throw them suddenly, it worries me.
People should have a little...
Here goes Doogie!
Heads up!
Wow!
Oh!
Almost crushed it.
Yeah, give it to that child.
All right, let's start with Doogie.
I got a couple of questions for each panelist before we get into the game portion.
And they are,
what do you have for the prize bag?
Oh, yeah.
So I brought two books.
I brought some very interesting cats, perhaps you weren't aware of.
A book that I wrote and illustrated.
And inside, I wrote my email address.
And if you get this, you can email me,
and I'll send you a copy of my album, A Delicate Man.
Trey's excited.
And I brought a copy of my new book
A Die Hard Christmas
that's so cool
new holiday tradition
number two best seller on Amazon
only beat out by Hillary Clinton's book
that's real
I felt so bad it was number two behind Hillary's book
and I felt like if that poor woman
had any faith left in this country
it evaporated the moment she logged on and was like,
let's see how my book's doing.
Number one, great, it should be.
Let's see what's underneath it.
Okay, well, suddenly seems less impressive to be number one.
Number three was Dog Man, also.
It's a book about a dog that's a middle grade book. A dog? It's a book about a dog that's a middle grade book.
A do-og?
It's a book about a do-og?
I have an accent, dog.
Grew up on the mean streets of Lancaster.
Thanks for that stuff, Doogie.
Eric, what have you got for the prize bag?
Well, being that it's the 12 guests of Christmas,
I figured I'd go with the Christmas theme.
First, we'll start with the hottest video game
of the holiday season.
For the year 1982, it's Pac-Man for the Atari 5200.
And when you're done playing that,
who doesn't enjoy a good holiday television special?
You can watch it on your own copy
of a He-Man and She-Ra Christmas special.
And everyone likes gifts, action figures.
So we have here one of the best Christmas movies
from Gremlins.
It's an authentic gizmo.
of the best Christmas movies from Gremlins. It's an authentic gizmo.
And finally, just to keep the geek cred,
one of the best movies of all time, signed.
This is a copy of Sharknado 2,
signed by Tara Reid and Ian Ziering.
Whoa!
Thank you for all of that.
Rob, what do you got?
Oh, I got a, this is a vinyl for all your vinyl heads. I got the authentic album, Steve Martin, Wild and Crazy Guy.
All right, I'm giving this to you. It folds out. He's playing guitar. I actually, I found this on the street the other
week. And I was just checking it out. I just had it on my desk because, you know, it just looked
cool. I don't own a record player. But I looked at I was like I'll give this away at Doug's but it's all it's a
little scratched it's a little scratch so I bought I also have some rolling
papers so you could just roll a joint on it if you win it and then so you got
you're gonna get it Steve Martin vinyl. You're getting rolling papers. And I also got a whoopee cushion as well.
There's nothing more you need in life right now than a good old whoopee cushion.
For, you know, just a good part.
This is some real deserted island shit you're giving us.
This is just essentials.
You have those things.
You need nothing else
are we going to go ahead and blow up the whoopee cushion
because it's a core of comedy
I guess
because I mean this is Steve Martin the classic
and there's nothing more classic
than the good old whoopee cushion
so can I just give it a rip
for the podcast listeners at home
there you go.
That's where my guy is.
All right, but now could you sit
on the whoopee cushion?
Oh, those sweet potatoes came back.
That was disgusting.
That was the wettest
whoopee cushion fart I've ever heard.
Well, like farts,
they're all different, you know?
It's like snowflakes.
Well,
did you bring
that stuff in some sort of bag?
No. Do you need a bag?
No, just pass them down.
We'll work it out. Some people brought bags.
Jesse brought a bag.
What do you got for us, Jesse?
Oh, thanks. So,
today is Charles Schultz's
birthday, so I brought a copy of
Schultz and Peanuts by David McAllis.
It's a very big book.
There's a blurb from John Updike on the back,
so you know what's legitimate.
If you're interested in him at all,
Time Magazine gave it a great blurb and was
actually going to name it Peanuts Biography of the
Year, but I had to do this whole photo shoot and interview
so that didn't work out.
Such a fucking nerd, man.
Oh my God, you're killing me.
If this book whets your appetite
to learn more about peanuts,
I brought a jar of peanuts so you can...
Hell yeah.
You know, really do a deep dive,
give it the attention it deserves.
You can really do a deep dive into peanuts
thanks to Jesse Pasternak.
Symmetric.
The bag got ripped
because you brought these giant heavy things.
But nice try, dude.
Don't you pass it to me now.
I don't want that shit now.
Sitting next to Jesse is somebody with a very sturdy looking bag.
Thank you.
It's from the Madewell Corporation.
What do you have, Greg?
Hashtag denim Madewell.
Do I get anything for that?
So since the last podcast,
Doug Loves Movies podcast,
I left Yahoo for ESPN.
So I have an ESPN plastic beer pong cup
for the loneliest beer pong game, I suppose,
if you just, I only have one.
Inside the cup I have for you
a real Canadian loonie from a recent trip to Montreal. 27 more Canadian cents and you'll
have yourself a fancy US dollar. That's exciting. I bought a copy of my book, Take Your Eye
Off the Puck. It's autographed, whoever wins. But this is all shit because the thing that I really wanted to show you
was this
plush wampa
that growls.
And then also in
true wampa tradition, the arm
is detachable.
So
there's the bag.
Money and wampas. Wampas were money at one point, I believe. Money and wampas.
Wampas were money at one point, I believe.
Is that wampum?
This is true.
Hey, do the same rules apply on this one as other Doug Loves movies?
Like, if a guest sees something in the bag that they want, that they can have it?
Yeah, I guess you want this guy?
Yeah.
Okay, here.
Wait, wait.
Wait, give me this.
I had no idea that this was a rule.
Is there something you want, Noel?
I'm drunk with greed.
I don't know.
You want those peanuts, don't you?
Yeah, baby.
I was just kidding, too, you guys.
I'm not going to be that big a dick and steal this thing from one of yours.
I'm not going to do that.
Oh, Jesus. Whose turn is it?
It's mine.
I got some stuff, but more importantly,
I have a handful of pretty hard Starbursts
that I'm really...
You're just going to launch a handful of Starbursts
into the crowd?
What do you guys think about this?
Watch your eyes.
Guys, they're all coming out at once.
Put on your protective goggles.
I'm going to spray it.
Don't throw them hard.
There you go.
Spray it.
They went to like a group of six.
Watch your eyes.
All right.
They found good homes.
They found good homes.
All right. So the good homes. They found good homes. All right.
So the season of Amazon shows continues.
You can have the entire seasons of Catastrophe,
the Amazon series,
our friend Rob Delaney,
and hey, it's New York,
so why not go Woody Allen Crisis in six scenes?
A lukewarm response.
A lukewarm response. A lukewarm response.
Someone literally booed.
Yep.
Maybe they've seen it.
New York doesn't want to be blamed
for Woody Allen.
Well,
I'm not holding them accountable for him.
I'm just saying he lives here.
For my money, this may be the funniest film of all time on DVD, Airplane.
And since I'm staying back at my folks' place,
I did not realize I had any of these left to give away.
When Freaks and Geeks, just before it was canceled,
we actually had a soundtrack released
and these are postcards
promoting that soundtrack
that I have signed
so this is going to go to the
winner of the prize bag
it says
get your freak on
Freaks and Geeks original soundtrack.
Styx is on here.
I shit you not.
Styx, Joe Jackson, XTT, Rush.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, we had some great music.
It cost us a fortune.
Is I'm One, the Who song on there?
No, we couldn't afford that.
Oh, wait.
No, it is.
It is, actually.
It's my favorite scene from the show.
Yep, it's on there.
Moving on. I didn't mean for it to that. Oh, wait. No, it is. It is, actually. It's my favorite scene from the show. Yep, it's on there. Moving on.
I didn't mean for it to go that long, Doug.
Okay, I'll be quick.
Well, I know it's the holidays and people are feeling pretty turned on.
I don't have airplane, but I do have Air Sex the movie.
It's kind of like porn, but it's not at all.
It is a documentary about the Air Sex championships.
But don't worry, if that won't get you going,
this romance novel will.
And it's a two-in-one.
The Duke and the Duchess and the courtship.
Oh.
That must be everything, I know.
This is moving very fast.
I also have Calvin Klein, Summer Obsession.
And to finally bring you down from your horny bender,
I got exploding pickle candy.
Congratulations.
Wow, that is a true romance, Kit.
Very excited for all of that.
That was a very nice contribution.
Noel.
Mine's not great.
Well, I went to Chinatown today and
went to a store to get my aura
photographed.
And
I thought I brought it to give
away and I didn't.
But after the aura
photography,
I went to a bodega and
I, it was like, you know, a bodega where they sell things.
And I was like, what is your most expensive watch? And he pointed out one and I was like,
how much is it? And he said, $400. And I said, okay, no. Okay. What's the cheapest watch that
looks expensive? And so he pointed out another one and then I haggled and then he sent me to a
chase. And then I was like, I'll buy that. And I was like, here's my credit card. He was like,
cash only. And I was like, okay, where do I get cash? And he sent me to a chase bank.
There was no, I couldn't get in. Can we get Noelle a drink? I need, I need one more drink.
Send me a chase bank. It was was locked and then i came back and
i was like sir that was a locked bank and he goes no just use your card to get in i was like sir
there's there's no place to put my card in a slot and then he goes okay go to that restaurant over
there and then i went to the restaurant and they had an atm and i put my card in it
and it had one of the lowest
ATM bank fees I have ever seen
and I was very impressed.
Uh-huh, then what?
Everyone that I had dragged
on this adventure with me,
I was just like,
it's $1.99 bank fee.
How amazing is that?
I got 40 bucks.
Uh-huh. Then what?
And then I went,
and then I bought this watch.
It's very
big, very
glitzy, and it looks
expensive, but it's not.
So that's the...
I'm going to take that watch.
So that's the... I'm going to take that watch.
Sorry.
Thank you, Noel.
That's a great watch and a great story.
It's heavy like it's expensive.
I like it.
Liz Mealy?
I can't follow that adventure at all.
So I thought because it was my first time here,
I would go for self-promotion.
So this is a T-shirt I had designed,
and I don't sell anymore,
and there's like three in my closet.
So it's a cat.
That's my cat.
Her name's Pasta.
And if it's too big for you,
you make it into a dress.
So it's for everyone.
It's all inclusive.
And then this is my first album.
It's called Emotionally Exhausting.
My cat's also on it.
And both of these were designed by a guy named Josh Merman who makes shirts.
And he's at Comic-Cons.
And he's a really talented person.
And sorry if you don't like my material.
That's very honest. And sorry if you don't like my material. We have so many microphones.
Oh, yeah, pass it down.
Sorry.
Pass it over.
Trey, what do you got?
Okay, I've got a thing of curb wax that looks like purple drank for any skateboarders in your life.
drink for any skateboarders in your life.
And then I've got a barf bag that was sent to me by Severin Films.
They sent me a copy of Dr. Butcher MD that came with two barf bags.
So I decided to give one away today.
And MD does not stand for what you think it stands for.
Medical deviant.
Yeah. He's a depraved, sadistic rapist,
a bloodthirsty, homicidal
killer, and he makes house calls.
So that's cool.
And he's on the panel
tonight.
Doogie.
Why'd you have to out me, Doug?
Oh, and everybody signed it on the back.
Look at that.
And then a copy of my CD.
I was going to defend myself.
It took forever to get a microphone.
I was just going to say it's not true.
I'm not a doctor
and I wouldn't do that type of thing if I was.
Whatever. Whatever.
Oh, and then my old Dollywood season pass.
Old. It doesn't work anymore, all right?
Seth?
I have a ukulele that has Spider-Man on it.
Putting that in the bag.
I brought a couple things.
The David Brent songbook.
So it's written in his voice.
All the songs he sang on the show, on The Office,
and why he sang them in which episode.
And it's sort of like a diary.
It's very funny.
And also a DVD of some of season two
of The Office, English version.
And then who doesn't,
as a perfect addendum to that,
a DVD of the L.A. Riots.
I was like, what?
Two great tastes that go great together.
L.A. Riots and The Office.
Okay.
Is that a band called the L.A. Riots?
Yeah, or is that just like footage of the L.A. Riots?
Yeah, it's a documentary about the 1991 L.A. Riots.
The cover looks like a band.
Right?
It's just like hip and...
I feel like you have your new band.
It's from the Smithsonian show.
I feel like you have your new band.
It's from the Smithsonian show.
It would also be a good name for a comedy festival in L.A.
Ha ha ha ha.
No? Okay.
Do not make me refill this whoopee cushion.
All right, so all of that stuff.
Wait, did we do yours yet, Alex?
What'd you bring, Alex?
I brought a couple cool things.
Okay, cool.
So all of that stuff.
I feel as though you're going to want to hear this.
Okay. I brought a nice blend wine, white wine.
It's 60% Gewurztraminer, 30% Muscat, and 10% Riesling,
which I have heard goes nice with a nice cheese.
And when you're enjoying that,
you can put your glass on this coaster that I got
from Billy Crudup that says School of Cock on it.
I literally don't know kind of the genesis or origin of that story. He just gave it to me, and I thought it was the School of Rock until I got home.
And then, when you're enjoying your wine,
I also brought this charger
that I didn't think I knew what it went to,
but then I remembered it went to something I've never used,
which is a Nintendo 3DS.
So it's brand-new. It's never been used.
And then I brought three of my favorite things. remembered, it went to something I've never used, which is a Nintendo 3DS.
So it's brand new. It's never been used.
And then I brought
three games, which I've also never played.
Codename Steam,
Kirby something
over the fuck, and Zelda something
over the fuck.
So, you know,
probably the best gift,
price-wise.
Well, did you see that $40 watch, though?
I stopped listening after the first ATM.
Actually, I haggled.
It wasn't $40.
It was $35, so...
I have five bucks in my pocket.
Can I get another drink?
I would like to buy a drink, please.
Jesus Christ.
12 people and nobody's talking?
I didn't want to be...
Nobody liked my LA Riots joke and I was like? I didn't want to be... Nobody liked my L.A. Riots joke,
and I was like, I better cool it for a minute.
Is it funnier if I say I was in an improv troupe
called the L.A. Riots?
Is that funnier?
All right, as the 12 docile guests of Christmas
continues...
Plugs. We got to get your plugs out of the way, of Christmas continues.
Plugs.
We got to get your plugs out of the way because when you get eliminated, we just want you
to leave.
And we don't want to mess around with plugs.
So let's start with Doogie. What do you got to plug?
I guess I would plug
my album. Check out my album
The Delicate Man. You make me
nervous because you're blowing up the whoopee cushion, right?
And you can check out my books, some very
interesting cats perhaps you weren't aware of
and A Die Hard Christmas,
A Hundred Ghosts, and
Everything Explained Through Flow Charts.
And then
check me out on
Instagram or Twitter at Doogie Horner.
Sorry, I drink a lot.
Eric Nagel, what do you got to plug?
My show, It's Eric Nagel, available on iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes, Google Play.
Anywhere you can download a show or podcast it's available there
we have a lot of big pop culture guests
and pop culture does not mean Kardashians
or housewives or things like that
it's comic books and movies
and fun television stuff
this is the new gong show
wait till you're finished and and then a polite, really wet fart.
Rob Cattrell?
I have a new album coming out January 16th on 800-pound Gorilla Records,
and it was recorded at Pete's Candy Store in Brooklyn,
which is an awesome venue, and I'm really proud of it.
It's called Pure Uncut Joy.
It comes out on January 16th.
Then on 4-20 next year, I'm doing a film festival.
It's called the Cannabis Film Festival in Seattle.
So that's it.
So check that animal out in Brooklyn and New York and Queens and this area a lot.
So check me out at robcantrell.com
damn that sweet potato came back
Jesse
you can follow me on Twitter
at Jesse Pasternak
on December 11th at the IU Cinema in Bloomington
I'm going to be co-hosting a festival
of student content called Crimson Fest
it's awesome it's a great time.
You should come.
And in May, I am graduating.
So if anybody needs any help in the entertainment industry, editing videos, reading coverage,
whatever you want me to do, I'd be more than happy to help out.
He's growing up on my show.
Very exciting.
Do you have a LinkedIn?
Not yet, but I can make one.
Just checking.
Greg, what do you got to plug?
You can follow my writing on ESPN.com
under the NHL tag.
I co-host a podcast called Puck Soup,
which is pop culture and hockey
and all sorts of stuff.
Take Your Eye Off the Puck is one book.
I also contributed to
The 100 Greatest Players in NHL
History and Other Stuff, which is an e-book
on Amazon that includes the list
of the top
100 NHL players whose names
sound like sex things.
It's in that book as well.
So, worth it for Grant
Klitsom.
Sam?
You can follow me on the Twitters and the Instagrams.
I'm at Sam Levine, Sam with two Ms.
And of course, every Sunday streaming on Kevin Pollack's chat show on YouTube.
And then it uploads the following Tuesday on iTunes and YouTube and Earwolf.
And this upcoming Saturday or Sunday, a week from tomorrow, I guess,
Joe Keery from Stranger Things is going to be our guest.
Yeah, that's right.
So tune in for that one while we stream live and you can ask questions.
And also, I'm graduating in May
it's more a community service
forget I said anything
which one is that guy Joe
Steve
he plays Steve the one with the hair
yeah
just wanted to clarify for people
Aparna
let's see I have I'm on a Comedy Central show called Just wanted to clarify for people. Aparna?
Let's see.
I'm on a Comedy Central show called Corporate that premieres in January.
Check it out.
And then have a Netflix half-hour special coming out next year.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Hey, Noel.
Hey.
Did you get another drink?
Did you get another one?
No, nobody got me another drink, but I'm cool.
What do you want?
What are you drinking?
I was drinking a beer, but I'll take anything.
Mr. Roosevelt, I'm so sick and tired of it. It exists.
It's going to be on Netflix December 26th,
which is the day after Christmas.
You can also, if you want to, pay for it on VOD.
So that's cool.
Oh, there's a beer for you.
I love you.
Another drink.
And also, I've been...
I got two drinks.
I'm double fisting now.
I also started making music, which seems weird,
but I'm doing a show
December 7th at a
McCarty Memorial Church.
And it's part of the...
Yeah, you can buy tickets for that off
my Instagram or something. What city
is that in? Los Angeles, California.
So, yeah.
So nobody here, but other people.
I'll shut up.
Please do shut up. Please do
shut up.
I have whoopee cushion jokes to do.
Liz,
Mealy?
I have two albums. One that somebody
will get called Emotionally Exhausting.
I mean you can either listen
to it or date me to find out why it's
called that.
That's your choice. I don't peer pressure
I have a second album that came out last year called Mind Over Melee
and I actually just started a podcast
with the Jed Foundation
it's like a mental illness suicide prevention foundation
I just interviewed AJ Mendez
she was AJ Lee for WWE wrestlers
different nerds
but yeah I just started that podcast interviewing crazy people about being crazy She was AJ Lee for WWE wrestlers. Different nerds. Okay. All right.
But, yeah, I just started that podcast interviewing crazy people about being crazy.
And it's weirdly funny.
And everything's at Liz Mealy on the interwebs.
All right.
I like it.
Trey Gallion.
Hey.
Yeah.
What's up, dude? At Trey Gallion. Hey. Yeah. What's up, dude?
At Trey Gallion on Twitter, finally.
It's no longer Trey Sucks.
Sorry.
And Trey Gallion Instagram on Instagram.
And then my album, The Moronic.
And then my monthly show at the Creek in the Cave here in Long Island City in Queens.
You guys should come to that every once in a while, please.
And then, you know,
check my shit for when I'm around
other places.
That's all.
Boom!
Such a violent, scary fart.
Nothing cute about it.
Seth Herzog.
I'm going to be on Doug Benson's 12 Guests of Christmas coming up.
Yes!
Yes!
That's dropping in a couple days.
I do a big show every Tuesday downtown at the
Slipper Room suite.
Doing it for years
and years.
Yeah.
This week coming up
and the shows in
December are going
to be fantastic.
A cavalcade of stars.
You guys should all
come.
And I'm in a movie
called Boy Band
that's going to be
dropping this year
at some point.
Very funny movie
I'm psyched about.
Anyway.
Yeah.
I'm one of the guys
in the Boy Band.
Relax.
Yeah. That's all thanks dude I just don't have the lung power to fill this fill this thing up every time
Alex I'm on a show on Showtime called smilf where I show my penis in the first to fill this thing up every time.
Alex?
I'm on a show on Showtime called Smilf where I show my penis in the first episode.
How many episodes can we see you in after that?
That's about it.
That's it?
That's the one, one and done, penis and out?
Yeah.
You'll see why.
It's not great.
My mom called me and she was like,
I thought the camera added 10 pounds.
Yeah, five to each ball, mom.
It's a really great, funny show.
Rosie O'Donnell's fantastic on it.
All right.
Smilf.
Smilf on Showtime right after Shameless
very cool
you got some other stuff going on right?
cooking?
Beetlejuice next year
musical
gonna be out of town
and then in the spring of 19
coming to Broadway
it's real funny
it's got a great team involved
where is the out of town, do you know?
I think it's going to be
in
Washington, D.C., I believe.
Nothing is confirmed
other than I know it's happening. Like in the spring-ish?
More like in the fall.
Right around September.
I think September. Don't quote me on any of this
even though I know this is being recorded.
I'm very excited about it.
We've done a couple workshops at this point,
and I think we've really hit on
kind of our own version of Beetlejuice
that is like the movie,
and if you're a fan of the movie, you'll enjoy it,
but you don't have to be a fan of the movie to enjoy it.
Oh, shit.
Alright, well, thank you to all you guys for plugging all of your projects.
I really appreciate it.
And...
Because that's what we're all here for.
Check out all of these people when you get a chance.
Starting with
right now.
We're going to play
a game to determine
who goes first
in our next game.
Shit.
This first game we're going to play is called
Doug Loves Musicals.
It's so hard.
I love movies, I love musicals, I love movie musicals.
So very much.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to list the songs that you could hear
in a movie with music in it. Guess as often as you like. You don't have to use microphones. Just
loudly guess for all of us to hear. Or struggle and fight for a microphone. That might be kind of fun. But the first person
who names this movie correctly, the full correct title of this film, will get to go first in
what's going to be a very crucial game tonight in determining our winner.
in determining our winner.
What movie musical has these songs in it?
Here Comes Santa Claus.
Right down Santa Claus Lane.
White Christmas?
Not White Christmas or Nightmare Before Christmas.
Holiday Inn?
Not Holiday Inn?
Not Holiday Inn.
Scrooged?
Not Scrooged.
Bugsy Malone.
The Grinch?
What?
Elf?
Is it the movie Elf, Doug? No, it is not the movie Elf.
Silver Bells is in this movie.
Is it White Christmas, Doug?
With music.
That's been guessed already.
Is it the movie Elf?
It's still...
Nightmare Before Christmas?
Miracle on 34th Street.
The Bells of St. Maddy's.
No, great guesses, you guys.
There's a song called It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.
Christmas the Musical.
Annie.
Christmas the Musical I don't think is a thing.
Annie, no.
There's a song in this musical called Winter Wonderland.
This is not a movie.
This is an album.
Winter Wonderland is incorrect, Noel.
The Rockettes' Christmas Spectacular?
It's a musical, isn't it?
There's a song in this movie called White Christmas
There's a song in this movie called
Seeing is Believing
School of Rock
I will not meet you in St. Louis
Although I do like it there
here's another song
when Christmas comes to town
Christmas comes to town
the musical
there's another song
the Christmas that wasn't There's another song There's another song
The Christmas That Wasn't
There's another song in this movie called Believe
There's Sting is Believing and Believe
Both are in the same movie
This one might
Christmas Carol
This next one might give it away
It's a Santa Claus movie It's a Santa Claus movie.
It's a Santa Claus movie.
There was a movie called Santa Claus the Movie.
Do you think that's what it is?
Yeah, it's called Santa Claus the Movie.
No.
This song's going to give it away, I think.
Hot Chocolate.
Oh, Polar Express! Polar Express!
Jesse is right, it's Polar Express.
Fuck!
The one song I know from that movie.
Fuck you, Jesse. Fuck you.
You cannot forget the goddamn Hot Chocolate song,
because it is insane.
There's hot chocolate flying all over a moving train
with children in their
night wear
I didn't even realize there were other songs in that show
I just thought it was that one song
yeah well I didn't get to
the Aerosmith song in the movie
it's called Rockin' on Top of the World
and then they have little elves
that look like Aerosmith.
I've never seen it.
Yeah, no, the whole movie is a nightmare.
Whether you watch it before or after Christmas.
All right, so congratulations, Jesse.
You won that. Thank congratulations, Jesse.
You won that.
You started off nicely.
That means you get to go first,
and this is where we start to eliminate people.
It's been great having everybody.
But it's time to start saying goodbye.
So we'll start with you, Jesse,
and then we'll go to Rob, Eric, Doogie, Alex, et cetera.
You get the idea.
It's going to take a while to get around to you, Greg.
So Godspeed to you.
We'll see if we have any names left by the time it gets to you.
We're going to play Last Man Stanton.
No lifelines.
No lifelines. Wait until I call your name before you guess the next answer. I know it gets exciting.
But we're going to start with Jesse and we're doing, just the people on stage, are guessing the films of Julia Roberts.
Looking around on the stage,
nobody looks too happy or too sad.
Everyone has mixed feelings
about having to pull these Julia Roberts titles
out of there,
wherever you're pulling titles from.
Starting with you, Jesse Pasternak.
I had to write a song for this movie
if we were going to turn to a musical for a class.
Let me just interrupt you quickly to say
no one else have a story to go with your answer.
Pretty woman. Pretty Woman.
Pretty Woman.
No, I want to hear the story.
I was joking around.
All right.
Do you want me to finish the story?
Yes, please.
I had to write a song for a proposed musical version of Pretty Woman for a class,
which was a lot of fun, so I saw it for the first time.
Pretty Woman.
Okay.
It's a good movie.
I don't want to discourage great stories like that from being told.
So please disregard my comments earlier.
And if you have a story to go with your answer, by all means, share it with us.
But you're going with Pretty Woman.
Yes.
I haven't heard of it, but apparently it was one of her more popular ones.
It lives up to the hype.
It's on here somewhere.
There it is. I found it. I'm just going to mark it off. It lives up to the hype. It's on here somewhere. There it is.
I found it.
I'm just going to mark it off.
A prostitute classic.
Yeah.
I stand by that.
Yeah.
What's your favorite prostitute movie?
That one?
I don't know why I asked you that.
You clearly already said that it was a classic
mine is Night Shift
of course you like that
alright Rob Cantrell
hello
I'm just doing a guess here
a guess?
I'm sorry I've been having. A guess? I'm sorry.
I've been having such a good time.
This could be it for me right now.
Wait, so we got Pretty Woman,
and then the rest of Julie Roberts' movies,
you're just going to be taking a wild stab,
hoping that you land on one.
Yep. You just got to go with the flow here. I wish you luck on one. Yep.
We just got to go with the flow here.
I wish you luck, buddy. I wish you luck.
Wish me luck. This could be it.
Fried green tomatoes?
Oh, no.
No.
Thank you, Rob Cantrell.
Thank you, Rob Cantrell.
Wow, they really turned up the cannon this year.
Holy shit.
Hey, Rob, can I get your name tag from you there?
Yeah, let me hang on to that.
Because I have to say that shithead at the end.
Thanks again.
Yeah, you want to throw a donut before you go?
Whoa!
Some Donettis into the crowd.
Holy crap.
That just looks like you're just,
like that guy in the prison in Silence of the Lambs, just flinging all sorts of...
Flinging weird whiteness everywhere.
I have one.
It's a white Christmas.
I think so.
All right.
Poor Rob's gone.
Eleven competitors remain.
And we turn to our friend Eric Nagel.
We need any film that features the enormous face of Julia Roberts.
No helping from the audience, please.
There wasn't a sequel to that one,
so off to go with Mystic Pizza.
Mystic Pizza, going way back.
She had some big-ass hair in that one.
Doogie Horner, what do you think? You got another Julia Roberts movie?
Ocean's Eleven.
Whoa, here we go.
That's a real can of worms when you say Ocean's Eleven.
We're off at the races.
Because then we go to Alex Brightman.
I did that thing where it was like people mentioned movies
and it opened it up for me.
I'm excited about it. Aaron Brockovich.
Oh, okay.
Where is Aaron on here?
I wrote it down. There it is.
I've got all of them.
There's going to be no arguing about anything.
I got this all worked out.
Seth Herzog.
My best friend's wedding. Yes. I got this all worked out. Seth Herzog.
My best friend's wedding.
Yes.
I got moves you never seen before.
Trey Galliol.
Nodding Hill.
Nodding Hill is correct, sir. Can I get a Tito's and Soda too
Since I'm going to be here for another round
I'd like one of those too please
And one for Douglas
Tito's and Soda for me as well
Please
If you could put it in a red solo cup
I'd feel right at home
I'm so dumb excited that I'm not going to be eliminated.
What do you mean?
Because I know what to say, and they didn't take it.
Because it's all boys.
Runaway Bride.
Oh, of course.
What the fuck do boys know about Runaway Bride?
Yeah, one of the boys even said out loud that Pretty Woman didn't have a sequel.
Yeah, one of the boys even said out loud that Pretty Woman didn't have a sequel.
Runaway Bride was close enough.
Oh, there it is.
I wrote down Romance Bride.
Good job, Liz.
Noelle Wells.
Closer.
Yes.
With Clive Owen, who's currently starring on Broadway in Mmm, Butterfly.
It's about a man who eats butterflies.
Whoa.
Thank you.
What's happening?
Why are people moving around?
I don't know.
Oh, drinks, drinks, drinks.
Drinks, drinks.
Yes, drinks.
Thank you.
Thank you, Trey.
Yeah.
I thought I had a mutiny on my hands.
I'm going to say...
Aparna.
Stepmom.
Found it.
Found it.
It's on here.
It's official.
Sam Levine is yawning.
I literally don't know how it made it through that entire row
Ocean's 12
that was pretty impressive
how no one
you were saving it?
no one jumped on that
no one went for that one
Greg
sleeping with the enemy Doug
can I get a Tito's and soda? the Trey Gallion rule Greg go with sleeping with the enemy Doug yeah
can I get a
Tito's and soda
the Trey Gallion rule
that if you make it
past the first round
you get yourself
a little drinky drink
I'm gonna go with
wonder
did I call on you
he's just a boy
Oh, what did I miss?
Fucking swirly later, Pasternak
Sorry, I don't know what I missed
You really are a bully, Trey
I just wanted to recap what Greg just said
What did you ask for, Greg?
Cheetos and soda.
Oh, and you just got it?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
I said a movie before that, though.
What?
I said a movie before that, though.
You got that?
Which one did you say?
Sleeping with the Enemy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got that.
Yeah, I got that part.
I just didn't catch the next part.
Can I say my movie, Doug?
Jesse was off to the races.
Sorry. I was excited.
Wonder?
Listen, Jesse, I want to talk for a second.
Sorry, Doug.
Listen, there's a thing called discipline.
You're dead, Pastor Nick, you're dead.
No, Wonder's correct.
Did you see that movie?
Not yet, but I'm excited about it
because I love Daveed Diggs.
What?
I'm a big fan of Daveed Diggs.
He's excited about it
because he loves Daveed Diggs.
He was my favorite actor in Hamilton.
He didn't say,
I'm excited about it
because I dig dicks.
I think that's what
some people heard.
I'm a real dick digger.
I'm excited.
I think he said that and doesn't know Daveed Diggs is in the movie
alright so
where are we
wonder wonder wonder
okay good job
Eric
Nagel the one guy here who knows who I am Wonder, wonder, wonder. Okay, good job. Eric?
Nagel.
The one guy here who knows who I am.
I'm going to take a shot and say Ocean's 13.
Sorry, dude.
Yeah.
Thank you, Eric Nagel. No problem.
Thank you very much, Doug.
Turn in your name tag.
Thank you so much, dude.
Throw a donut if you want.
You want to throw a donut?
Don't worry, I won't.
Wow, that was very demanding.
I think you should throw it at that person
as hard as you can.
Whoa!
Nice toss.
We went into the upper deck.
Thank you very much, Eric Nagel.
All right.
Down to ten, Doogie Horner.
I can't think of any more Julia Roberts movies.
Are you for reals with me right now?
Yeah, and I feel bad because she's a great actress,
but I'm just blanking.
What about that one that you saw that one time
where you're like, oh, yeah, it's Julia Roberts.
Oh, yeah, when you saw her and you're like,
what is she doing here?
Yeah.
Yeah, what was that one? The gentleman in the, oh yeah, it's Julie Roberts. Oh yeah, when you saw her and you're like, what is she doing here? Yeah. Yeah, what was that one?
There's a gentleman in the audience
helped with the red hair clue.
Super helpful.
The fifth element.
All right, thank you, Doogie Horner.
Thank you.
Please hand in your name tag.
Would you like to throw a donut?
Right here.
Right here.
Right here.
You can eat it if it hits the floor.
You can still eat it if it hits the floor. You can still eat it if it hits the floor.
If you saw what some of you looked like when this is happening,
it's pathetic.
I'd eat anything off the floor here
because there's a good chance it has some Maroon 5 on it.
Alex Brightman.
I don't know if this is right, and if it is, I'll be shocked. And if it's not, it'll be funny. What do you mean you don't know if this is right, and if it is, I'll be shocked,
and if it's not, it'll be funny.
What do you mean you don't know if this is right?
It's Julia Roberts.
I don't know if this is right.
We've got dozens of movies.
All right.
Charlie Wilson's War?
Yes.
Very good.
Very good.
Seth.
I'm going to go with the one Rob was thinking of,
Steel Magnolias.
Oh. That's what Rob was trying to get to with fried green tomatoes.
Also, Mom, how bored are you right now?
You've never been to one of these.
I told you you're going to be bored.
Have you fallen asleep yet?
Oh!
Wow.
That was fast and hard. That would have been right between the eyes, Mom. He deflect saved it. Wow. That was fast and hard.
That was going right for your face.
That would have been right between the eyes, Mom.
He deflected it.
You had no idea the danger that almost befell you.
I'm sorry, Seth's mom.
Wait, what was Seth's answer?
Oh, Steel Magnolias.
Okay, sorry.
The Mexican?
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, The Mexican.
She played the title role.
Liz?
I'm sad.
I can only do like,
I can describe two movies,
but I don't know the names.
Oh, no.
Can I be that person?
Well, maybe if you... Yeah, do it.
Describe the shit out of them.
Because then maybe I'll help a future contestant.
No, there's nothing.
I just know like the names of characters and then like the sadness in films.
I know moments I got sad, moments I was like her smile brightens up my life.
Like those are the only things I have inside me right now, but there are no titles.
Should I just go now? Maybe if you like if you describe it a little bit, maybe you'll stumble into the title.
You know what it is?
I know I already brought this up.
There's the one where it's, like,
August something.
August...
Am I getting yelled at?
Why am I being yelled at?
Because I'm...
No, no, no.
Don't be in a hurry, you guys.
Okay, now guess,
now just guess any other title and get the fuck out of here.
Can I go now?
I'm going to need you to keep going.
Do you...
Have you had an issue in the past
where you confused Keri Russell
with Julia Roberts?
No, I know.
I know.
Oh, I know what you're talking about now.
Yes.
See, I'm somewhere, right?
Now I get it.
Thank you.
Yes.
Like I'm wrong and I'm going to go, but I'm somewhere close to it.
I thought you were thinking of August Rush, but you weren't.
No, no, no, no, no.
You're thinking of August something else.
Shush.
It's.
I just know I was sad.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Oh.
She was telling me
I look pretty.
We girls have to
stick together.
It's the lady table.
I don't know.
There's like...
There's like...
What is it?
Oh, say say orange something.
Guys, I'm not good at this.
Can I go now?
Well, thank you so much for trying.
It's Liz Mealy, everybody.
Thank you for the name tag.
Would you like to throw a donut?
I would.
Yeah, go ahead.
Toss one of those suckers.
Front row, front row.
Yeah, front row really hard.
I'm hungry.
That was a nice little toss.
Liz Mealy, everybody.
We have a shithead on the back of this one.
It's what?
Under the chair.
Under her chair.
How'd you get it up there?
I mean, yeah, all right.
All right, pass her down.
Where are we at?
Noelle?
Hi.
Hi.
Is that what I sound like?
Hi.
I have a movie.
I hope so.
You're trying to say it into Liz's ear.
No, I won't do that one. You're going to do a different one?
Yeah. Okay. Hook.
Hook. Hook.
Rufio.
Rufio.
Rufio.
Happens every time Hook comes up.
Oh, really?
Yeah, people know that I hate it.
It's cool watching a bunch of 45-year-old guys chanting that.
I'm not sure but I'm gonna
put this to the
forum
eat pray love
yes
so glad you got them in the right order
alright Sam right order. Alright.
Sam?
I believe the film is August
Osage County.
You say Osage,
I say Osage.
This should be back here.
Let's call the whole thing off.
That makes a lot more sense.
August Osage County is one of the better movies
where it takes place in the south
and all the characters are southern
and they're played by people from five different continents.
All right.
Greg?
Go with the Pelican Brief, Doug.
The John Grisham literary classic,
the Pelican Brief.
Yeah, not brief enough.
Jesse?
The Normal Heart?
Oh, we're going HBO movies, are we?
Does it count?
No.
Okay.
You got backup.
Oh, sorry?
You got another one.
Okay, let me see.
Just trying to think of things my mom likes from the 90s.
I'm sorry, I don't think I had it. Oh, no!
Can I volunteer as tribute
in this place?
Thank you, Aparna.
Thank you.
He deserves a tribute. No, you did great, but thank you, Jesseparna. Thank you. He deserves a kiss.
No, you did great, but thank you, Jesse Pasternak.
Bring me your name tag.
Thank you.
Oh, a donut.
It's right behind you.
Oh, it's that thing. Did you put a shithead on here somewhere?
Okay.
It's a cap.
I'm not going to try to take this off here because I think I'm going to rip the whole
thing apart if I do it.
Oh, there it is. I'm not going to try to take this off here because I think I'm going to rip the whole thing apart if I do it.
Oh, there it is.
I don't even know if I can pronounce that.
All right.
So suspenseful.
Why are all the people losing in a clump over there?
They were all sitting next to each other.
Alex, how's it going?
It's not great. I don't have it, and I was going to think of a funny one,
but I'm just going to do a shot in the dark.
I've had a great time being here, everybody.
Thank you.
Whatever.
At least it'll be funny The tree of life
Is it on there?
No I'm sorry
Alex Brightman
Thank you everybody
There comes a donut.
Thank you, Alex.
Alex Brightman, everybody.
All right.
We're dwindling them down here.
When we get down to three,
all three of those people are invited back tomorrow night,
but they will also find it out tonight to determine who wins tonight.
Seth, you got something for me?
It struck me.
I'm not 100%.
Was she in Flatliners?
Yeah, that's what I thought, right?
Nicely done.
Yeah.
Cheers on that.
So that's your answer, Flatliners?
Yes.
Because that would be pretty awesome if the whole audience tricked you into thinking.
I was 70% sure.
She was in the gaslighting
apparently. But let's not ask
let's not get the audience's help in determining
whether or not she was in
the movie. Yeah, okay.
Because if
they would have went no, then you would have went
okay, not my answer.
I know what you're doing.
Trey?
Oh.
Poor Trey.
Yeah.
Poor Trey.
Fuck.
The Mexican, too.
I got nothing.
I got nothing.
Fuck.
Sorry. Trey Gall. Fuck! Sorry.
Trey Gallion, thank you.
Yeah, thank you, guys.
Oh, wow.
That was a really, really hard throw at the front row.
Oh, my God.
For the benefit of those at home,
Trey just whipped a donut into the first row
like he was turning a double play.
Where's your name tag, Trey?
Oh, the box of donuts?
Okay.
All right, great job, dude.
Trey Gallion, everybody.
I'm really upset all the donuts are gone.
I really wanted to throw one in the audience.
There's one in the front row, actually.
It looks intact.
Yeah.
Oh.
All right.
It barely touched the ground.
Here's the thing.
I know a movie, but I don't know the name.
So, no lifelines?
Oh, there's more donuts. Yeah, I don't know the name of the movie I know it's an Altman film I know Tim Robbins is in it he's like you guys know it tell me I just put Shh. Shh. Tell me. Shh. Shh.
I just put the baby down.
Anyway.
I feel like maybe she also played like the queen in like an Alice in Wonderland movie.
Is that true?
That's more like some Anne Hathaway shit.
No, no.
Is that true?
Somebody nod.
Is that true? Everybody's shaking. You're on aaway shit. No, no. Is that true? Somebody nod. Is that true?
Everybody's shaking.
You're on a, you're like on a path.
Yeah.
But you're not allowed to ask the audience to help you determine.
She's in an all-men movie at the very end.
They want to help you so bad.
They don't have to help me, but if somebody wants to say anything.
But she's, I just remember she's like,
I will throw a donut at you
if you help her.
Somebody wants to mouth it?
No,
that's not how this works.
All right,
well,
I don't remember.
How drunk are you?
But I'll give it to somebody else.
She's at the very end
and she plays,
she's like in a movie
within a movie.
I remember it. Do you guys remember this?
who wants a fucking donut?
yeah
yeah
I'm done
bye
thank you Noel Wells
oh more donuts making their way to the stage.
Thank you.
Throw another one, sure.
Oh, she is revving up.
Here it is.
Oh!
Oh!
Yes, you got it into the balcony.
Very good, Noelle.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for giving me that.
She nearly banked it off the digital menu above the bar.
Oh, you did?
I'm sorry.
She did bank it off.
She called bank.
Yay, Noelle Wells.
All right, Parna.
I don't know Altman Films.
I say, I have, I don't know, I think this is wrong,
but it popped into my head.
Mona Lisa Smile.
Okay.
That is correct.
That is correct.
Where the hell is it on here?
Oh, there she is.
Sam?
Ready to wear.
Yes.
A.K.A. Print-A-Porter.
And that, of course, is an Altman movie.
What do you got there, Greg?
Go with Conspiracy Theory.
Ooh, with Mellie Mel Gibson.
Very well done.
This is so exciting.
A pre-problematic Mel Gibson.
Well, I mean, he was problematic then.
We just, you understand.
Seth, we're back around to you, buddy.
Conspiracy Theory was going to be my favorite
because I was going to do the rap from the movie.
Do you guys remember the rap?
He kept going, Conspiracy Theory, what's up?
Conspiracy Theory.
Was that Ice-T
who did that
that wasn't Ice-T
I forgot who sang it
but I remember
he just said the title
over and over again
conspiracy theory
what's up
yeah basically
conspiracy theory
1998
what's up everybody
that was the theme song
I like it
there was
you guys got all the ones
I was holding on to
there was one...
She's been in one, two, three, four, five, six...
How many more do we have?
Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty...
Yeah, we got at least 20 movies we haven't named.
Thanks for making me feel awesome.
Some of them are kind of, I guess,
obscure in their own way,
but they all have Julia Roberts in them.
So that makes them noteworthy.
She's a pretty big star.
Yeah.
There was one she did that was very dark.
It was the name of the character.
Right?
I'm going to get the wrong name, though.
I think I'm the wrong name.
I'm thinking Charlotte Gray.
That's not it, though, right?
That's not it.
That's not it.
But it's similar.
No.
That was my guess.
That's it?
Yeah.
You're out? I'm guess. That's it? Yeah. You're out?
I'm out.
Seth's out.
Is there a shithead on that ukulele?
Let's get that over here.
That sounded dirtier than you meant it.
She doesn't want a donut.
This side never gets any love.
There we go.
Oh, it's on the...
There you go.
There you go.
I guess they can't catch.
Ungrateful motherfuckers.
Anarchy.
I bet you if we threw that donut
that came back up onto the stage,
if we threw it out there,
somebody would still eat it.
Look at him go.
Eat it, eat it, eat it.
Do not.
Ladies and gentlemen,
that is my brother.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
The Levine family crest is just...
just tears and sobbing and eating a dirty donut off the floor.
We're down to the final three! Three!
So this means that the three of you get to play the next game
to determine our winner.
But you're also, all three of you are automatically invited back tomorrow night.
Can you come back tomorrow night?
I can't.
You can't?
But Seth should come back.
That's good news for Seth.
I know.
Yeah, Seth will be back tomorrow night.
If I'm still alive, I'll be happy to return.
Seth, you want to come back?
Yay!
Yay!
Okay, well, he's turned us down.
I'm happy to return to beat whoever is here tomorrow.
Because Aperna has better things to do than come to the Gramercy Theater.
I don't have four hours of therapy.
Well, I'd still like to see you take down the wind tonight, Aparna,
because that would be an achievement in and of itself.
And you guys want to move into the front row with her?
Use some back support.
Yeah.
And just real quickly,
just because I know you guys like a nice cool breeze in your faces,
what Julia Roberts movies did not get mentioned?
Oh, wait, what?
That was it? That was it?
Mary Riley.
Mary Riley.
America's Sweetheart.
Dying Young.
Larry Crown.
Charlotte's Web.
Valentine's Day.
What was the name of the movie where it was a musical
and then they cut out all the songs with Nick Nolte?
Everyone Says I Love You.
Everyone Says I Love You Too, Ma'am.
with Nick Nolte.
Everyone says I love you. Everyone says I love you too, ma'am.
Money Monster,
Aunt Bully,
America's Sweethearts,
Satisfaction.
Fuck, she was in a band,
Satisfaction, right?
Full Frontal.
I was going to say
something else.
Mirror Mirror, I think,
was what she was thinking of earlier.
Yeah.
The player was the one where she does a cameo at the end.
Was she in Valentine's Day and New Year's Day?
Valentine's Day and Mother's Day.
She wasn't in New Year's Day.
All right.
But great job, everybody.
What's that, sir?
That's what I thought you said.
All right, so these three remaining competitors are going to play a round of
Ron Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation Bureau game.
So, since it was Aparna's next turn, so
since it was Aparna's next turn
we'll start with her
then we'll switch the order around
we'll go to Greg and then to Sam
you'll each get a chance to go first
I'm going to name an actor or actress
you name a movie
that you think they're in that might be in their top
three movies of all time
after being adjusted for inflation by boxofficemojo.com movie that you think they're in that might be in their top three movies of all time after
being adjusted for inflation by boxofficemojo.com?
Aparna, what do you think is in the top three films of Mr. Jim Carrey?
I'm going to go with The Truman Show.
Okay.
Greg?
Go with Batman Forever.
Okay.
And Sam?
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
All right. Let's go back through and break it down.
Coming in at number three, Bruce Almighty.
Yeah.
So no points for anyone on that one.
Number two, Batman Forever.
Two points for Greg.
Adjusted for inflation. And coming in at number one is, of course, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Sam's got three points, but anybody can win this thing.
Starting with you this round, Greg.
The films of
Rory Culkin.
What do you think's in the top three for
Rory Culkin?
I legit don't know if he was the fetus at this
point, but I'll go with
Home Alone.
A lot of
Culkins in that franchise.
Yeah, a lot of Culkins.
Sam? Home Alone 2.
Lost in New York.
Yeah, full title.
Good job, audience.
I don't know.
That's a reasonable answer.
Coming in at number three, Richie Rich.
Yeah, he got in that one.
Coming in at number two, The Good Son.
Yeah, man should be in that one as well. Then coming in at number one, he Good Son. Yeah. Man should be in that one as well.
Then coming in at number one, he's a star in his own right.
Can't believe you guys didn't pick this up.
He, of course, was the star of the motion picture Signs.
Wow.
With Mel Gibson.
Yeah.
All right.
So the scores remain.
Sam, three.
Greg, two.
Aparna is here as well.
Maybe we're thinking of Kieran.
I would like to represent not being here tomorrow
by not getting any points.
Okay, starting with you, Sam.
Yep.
The films of Macaulay Culkin.
This is a tough one.
Home Alone.
You going Home Alone?
Yes, sir.
OG.
Parna?
The Good Son. Parna the good son
I told you my objective
fair enough
Greg
a little indie picture called Home Alone 2
Lost in New York
alright
for suspense I'm going to go
all the way back to number four.
Coming in at number four,
My Girl.
Oh.
He lost his glasses.
He needs his glasses.
That's the movie where he learns about the birds,
but he doesn't learn enough about the bees.
Yep.
Well played.
You should do a whoopee cannon for that one.
One of the rejected taglines.
Coming in at number three from Macaulay,
Uncle Buck. The, Uncle Buck.
The great Uncle Buck.
I love that movie.
And then, of course, number two,
Home Alone 2, Lost in New York.
And number one, the original,
Home Alone, Sam Levine.
You are our winner tonight.
Oh!
Thank you, Greg Wyshynski and Aparna Nancherla.
Let's get a double
cannon going for the two of them.
It's like getting knocked out by Ali.
I'll tell you that right now. Go back to
fucking LA.
Thank you. right now. Go back to fucking L.A. Thank you.
Good job.
Good call.
Toss some donuts.
I like when people jump out of the way of the donuts.
That's the most fun.
Sam, do you want to come over here and do a victory toss?
You know I do.
You did it.
Oh, we got Greg's name tag over here.
Hey, Greg!
There you go.
One last toss for Sam, who will be back here to defend his title tomorrow night.
Wow, that was a lovely little toss.
Let's hear it for Sam Levine, everybody.
Thank you very much, New York.
All right. Well, we did it.
We narrowed it down,
and we'll have three of those folks back tomorrow night plus nine new guests,
and it should be another good time
for the Gramercy Theater to clean up.
Oh, shit!
I almost kept the whoopee cushion.
Yeah, where is the person who won everything tonight?
Where are you at?
Yeah.
Who was Sam playing for?
What was the name again?
Ray.
All right, Ray, come get all your stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ray. All right, Ray. Come get all your stuff.
Yeah.
And of course, Katie, you can get your Ackbar back and the ukulele, you can get that back.
Yeah, I want you guys to keep your valuable name tags.
By all means.
You got everything? Yeah, there will be cushions in there.
But I fucking popped it.
All right, you guys.
I got a lot of shitheads to read.
Thank you to the Gramercy Theater.
Thank you to all you guys for coming out.
Happy holidays.
Hashtag war on Christmas.
As always,
hope to see you guys tomorrow.
And, uh,
yup.
Let's check in with each and every one of you.
As always,
the FCC
is a shithead
finding out that basically
every male celebrity that anyone
ever admired is a scary
sexual predator
is a shithead
sports ball season is a shithead. Sports ball season is a shithead.
The New York Rangers are a shithead.
People who wait to the last minute to make their name tag are a shithead.
Looks like a pretty half-assed name tag. Covfefe is a shithead? Looks like a pretty half-assed name tag.
Uh,
Covfefe is a shithead.
Did I say that right?
I don't even drink Covfefe.
Um,
Blake Shelton?
He's a shithead?
Unwanted sexual advances are a shithead?
Coworkers who should have been fired months ago are a shithead?
co-workers who should have been fired months ago are a shithead.
And entering the Hamilton Digital Lottery
almost daily for two years without winning
is a shithead.
Once again, today's episode is brought to you in part
by Michelle Wolfe's new stand-up special.
Comedian and writer Michelle Wolf brings her sharp humor to HBO in her debut stand-up special, Michelle Wolf, Nice Lady.
Taped at the Skirball Center in New York City, the exclusive presentation hilariously showcases Michelle's signature voice as she takes on a wide range of topics,
Michelle's signature voice as she takes on a wide range of topics, including her surprising thoughts on feminism, why Hillary Clinton could not be a nice lady, and more of life's everyday absurdities.
Michelle Wolfe, Nice Lady premieres on Saturday, December 2nd at 9 p. Oh.