Doug Loves Movies - Noel Wells, Thomas Middleditch and Zack Perlman guest
Episode Date: December 21, 2015Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in LA, Doug welcomes Noel Wells, Thomas Middleditch and Zack Perlman to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notic...e at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming,
taking sticky seats with 50-ounce popcorn kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see,
because Doug loves movies.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Welcome to a rainy afternoon,
weekend before Christmas edition of the show,
and I'm thrilled that anybody showed up.
It's quite a lovely turnout under the circumstances.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
I love movies.
Some of you don't even know what's
happening.
Just cheered. Yay!
Coming
to you, of course, from the Nerd Melt
showroom and the back of Meltdown
Comics. Did you guys do some shopping
out in the comic book store? I guess you
could do afterwards, right? Shitty
parents can pick some stuff up.
Although they got lots of stuff
kids would like.
It's Saturday, December 19, 2015
at 420-ish.
Do we have some name tags, Los Angeles?
We've got enough
to play, that's for sure.
What does that say?
I don't think holding
it closer is going to help me. Milo and Otis?
But you changed it to Doug and Otis?
Yes.
You put my face over Milo's?
And are you on there somewhere?
No.
But your name is Otis?
Yes.
For reals?
Yeah.
You repair elevators?
Did I ask you that before?
Or is Otis, they're Otis elevators, so they're made by Otis, not necessarily repaired by
Otis.
And then what's that, Truth and Leia? No, True not necessarily repaired by Otis. And then, what's that? Truth and
Leia? No, True Leia.
True Leia? And your name's Leia?
And you put Princess Leia on there.
Good for you.
Have you seen the new
Star Wars?
Of course you have.
It'd be weird for anybody
to be sitting in here this afternoon
that hasn't seen it yet, but maybe there is.
Raise your hand if you haven't seen Force Awakens.
Oh, my God.
Most of you.
Well, I can't wait to tell you what happens in it.
Is that a Guardians of the Galaxy thing over there?
Yeah.
Lindsay, that's a big one.
And what's taped to it, a bunch of candy?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
It's always a sneaky way to get picked.
And then what's this one over here? What's your name?
American Hillary X.
American Hillary X.
Have you seen that movie?
Yeah.
That movie's... I can't. I don't like it.
But thanks for bringing your name tags in the rain.
Let's do some Doug plugs.
Doug Loves Movies is here in LA this Wednesday,
December 23rd over at the UCB Theater on Franklin Avenue.
Has anybody got tickets to that yet?
A few of you, nice.
And I still got a lot of movies to watch
to complete the Doug Loves Movies 365 Movies in 365 Days challenge,
but I think I'm going to make it.
It's a minor setback today.
I've only seen one movie so far today.
I saw The Danish Girl,
and I got to tell you guys,
I was really disappointed by the lack of pastries in it.
Check out Doug Loowe's Minis
to follow my progress
and see if I make it
to 365 movies
by midnight
on December 31st.
And then next year,
I want you guys
to take the challenge
and I'm going to track
your progress
on Doug Lowe's Minis.
I'm not going to
ever do that again.
Commit to such a thing because right right now my life is a living hell no as things you have to do go it's not that bad I mean it's there
are worse things that I would have to do I don't feel bad about having to watch 38 movies in the next nine days.
The prize bag,
nine days, 11 days,
the prize bag has a lovely hat that a gentleman gave me
in Raleigh,
North Carolina, that says
Laugh Local on it. He's trying to help the
local comedy scene there.
I can't describe it
for the home viewer, but it's beautiful.
And I should have slipped it on when I was walking over here today in the rain.
Should have taken advantage of it.
This is some cool stuff I got.
Where was I when I got this shit?
I got an Our Brand is Crisis button.
That was also in Raleigh.
When I went to see that movie, they had a bunch of them in the lobby.
And then in Portland, Oregon I did
a morning TV show, Aim Northwest,
and they gave me Olympic
provisions. This is...
I don't know how this could be safe
or healthy, but
this is some meat.
Yeah, wrapped up in some brown paper
so I don't know
how that works.
And then I'm almost out of these house on the end of the street wrist slap thingies.
But those are always fun.
And I saw last night over at Cinefamily a great foreign film.
It'll probably get nominated for Best Foreign Picture from Turkey, a movie called Mustang.
And they gave out shirts, and as you you can see it's not really my size and also just probably not something I would wear it's kind of looks girly in general and on the back it says their spirit would never be
broken hashtag Mustang film and it's not about horses or cars and all of that
could be somebody's today, plus the gifts brought
by my guests today. We've got
two oldbies and a newbie, and I'm excited
to get them out here. So please give
a big warm welcome to Noel Wells,
Zach Perlman, and Thomas Middleditch.
Oh no, I dropped the Our Brand is Crisis button.
Oh no.
Yeah, we got a crisis with the crisis button.
Hey you guys.
Hey dude.
Thanks for coming here.
Do you want us to get you a hat that fits?
I'm just repping central casting. It's the premier place to get background and extra work.
It's the Central Casting baseball hat on Thomas Middleditch, everybody.
Repeat offender.
He's been on the show before.
Have you ever done the show here, though, before?
No, never.
First time here.
Yeah.
So that's exciting.
It's pretty cool.
And what'd you bring for the old prize bag?
It's not the central casting hat.
You're going to hang on to that.
This is one of the greatest,
that's one of the greatest gifts
I've ever received in my life.
No, I brought you,
I do a,
I do an improv show at a Chicago for about 10 years now.
It's called The Improvised Shakespeare Company.
If you've never seen it, see it.
And this may entice you to see it because we have sweatshirts.
I got you a hoodie.
Cool.
You'll probably never wear it.
There you go.
Excellently stitched, handcrafted, handcrafted.
That's really nice.
Improvised Shakespeare company.
Patrick Stewart has played with us.
We've played, we've done improv with Patrick Stewart.
Great mic technique, Zach.
Thank you.
Yeah.
But let's meet our first.
Thank you so much.
Let's meet our first client.
It's just an honor to be here.
Wait, now you're doing it to him and we have to see his plumber crack?
I just love being here.
I just love being here. I just love being here.
It's one of my favorite places.
Bruise, just bros being bros.
I just love being here.
I feel so at home.
Nothing like improvised Shakespeare.
Yeah.
But let's meet our new guest who's never been on the show before.
Noelle Wells is here, everybody.
Star of Master of None on Netflix.
Wow.
Co-starring Aziz Ansari.
Yes.
And you must be very happy about how that show turned out
and how everybody loves it.
Yeah, people really, really like it.
I mean, I thought I'd,
I was like, when I was doing it, I was like,
I think I'm doing a good job.
This is pretty good, yeah. And you did it. I did it? You I was like when I was doing it, I was like, I think I'm doing a good job. This is pretty good, yeah.
And you did it. I did it? You did do a good job.
Thank you. It's been proven by society.
Rotten Tomatoes, 100%.
That means no critic had
anything bad to say about it.
That's pretty awesome.
Yeah, like Silicon Valley's coming
in at like 62 right now.
Not doing well. I don't know what it is.
I have no idea what the number is.
Just an unnecessary burn.
In HBO,
there's a big like
flush pull system
that their hands
are hovering over the pulley.
Good.
Nice.
Sentence complete.
And since he's caring so much,
let me get to Zach really quick.
Zach Perlman is here, everybody.
What a dream.
Hot off of playing the title character
in The Intern, which you could say
to people, because you are an intern
in The Intern. That is true.
The titular. I also am
Robert De Niro.
I wish. I wish I had Robert De Niro. I wish.
I wish I had Robert De Niro's phone number.
Look at that.
You made a face.
That's great for the podcast.
The listeners love De Niro face.
Yeah, listeners can hear De Niro.
When you're close to De Niro face for all that time,
you just learn it, right?
Yeah, there was one scene where I got yelled at by the director
because I kept doing it purposely.
Like, he would look at me like this. In the purposely. Like, he would look at me like this.
In the shot?
Yeah, he would look at me like this.
He'd go, and then I'd look at him back and I'd go.
And the director yelled?
Yeah.
She yelled?
Nancy Meyers yelled at you?
Yelled.
I mean, you know.
Damn it, Zach!
Marching over from Video Village.
You piece of shit!
Yeah.
You know who that is?
Right.
Yeld is harsh.
She like...
She has to throw down her headset and jump out of a director's chair in the little camp
where the monitors are.
She brought a bullhorn and was like,
Suck away!
Into the bullhorn right out my ear.
She has a bullhorn?
Yeah, she's a giant bullhorn. That's about 15 feet long.
Cartoon director.
And she wears golf pants.
John Purse?
Does she wear John Purse?
Yes.
What'd you bring for the prize bag?
What did I bring?
Yeah.
You got double doozies, baby.
That was the hardest question I've ever heard.
I was looking at the stuff I brought and I was like,
I still can't describe it.
That stuff is so magical.
DC released these
Teen Titan Earth 1
figures.
You told me earlier
that your gifts were
in the car and then you brought
in something that you could have purchased in a comic book
store. This can't be purchased.
It's not released yet.
Whoa!
So you know this is the real deal.
Whoa!
Like four teens
on skateboards.
Whoa!
Teen Titan.
And then
y'all like chocolate?
Now that you definitely got
at the comic book store.
Yeah, I got a...
It's just a box of...
A little dented.
Oh, very dented.
Been hanging out in your car
for a while,
this box of chocolate?
Yeah, I've been chilling.
There was a two-for-one
sort of deal.
And these are labeled,
so these aren't even
Ferris Bueller chocolates.
You totally know
what you're gonna get.
Yeah, yeah. With each one. I think you mean Forrest Gump. What'd I say? Ferris Bueller chocolates. You totally know what you're going to get. Yeah.
I think you mean Forrest Gump.
What'd I say? Ferris Bueller.
I was busy racking my brains.
Come on, say Ferris.
I was like, oh yeah, I remember that part of Ferris Bueller.
The old chocolate scene from Ferris Bueller's
Day Off.
I just totaled my dad's car let's go eat chocolates
is that Ferris dancing in the parade
and eating chocolate
I thought he was sick
he like jumps on the trampoline over the women
and then goes back and eats the
bonbons. Yeah, man. Loves it.
It always drove me crazy that in
The Secret of My Success with Michael J. Fox
it came out after Ferris Bueller
but they still use the bonbons.
They use that same song
and it's just like, that's like putting the
Star Wars theme
into something that's not Star Wars.
Yes. I almost said that, but it's too obvious.
It's too right there for the taking.
And, Noelle, what did you bring?
All right.
I have a couple things.
Boy.
I brought a Patagonia jacket.
If you've seen Master of None, they, what do you call this, embroidered the sickening
on the back of it to make it real cool. The sickening. Yeah. What do you call this, embroidered the sickening on the back of it to make it real cool.
The sickening?
Yeah. What do you call this jacket, though?
Isn't that what it's called? A Patagonia?
Yeah, it's like, you know,
for people that go outside.
Like the rain would just roll right off
of this. Yeah. And you zip that up.
I'm going to hang on to it and wear it out of here.
Yeah.
And what else
do you got?
Okay, I have a mug. Sounds like a, oh, okay, it sounded like a bottle for a second.
It was a mug.
I have a mug.
It says Team Noel.
But it's a Christmas mug?
No, last year I made Team Noel mugs for my reps,
but that was like, I only have have three but I had to order like 72
trying to give them away for over a year and so you're well I would love to
become an outlet for people to get their team no well yeah I gave one to my
friend about a year ago and and then I got into his car the other day it was
just in this like at the foot of his car like he's just never used it
anyway okay and then i have one other thing oh boy uh it's uh make america great again
baseball camp um you know the slogan of donald trump's campaign i i bought it when he first
started running thinking this is all a grand joke, and it's become very real,
and I have to get it out of my house.
Isn't there a tag in there that says made in China?
Yeah, oh, for sure.
It was definitely made in China.
Authentic.
So premium.
It's an authentic Donald Trump.
China, China, China, China.
Make America great again.
I want to talk about China.
Talk about China.
China.
If you put it on, it makes you more racist.
I want to... about China. Talk about China. China. If you put it on, it makes you more racist.
I want to... I'm racist enough.
I don't need to be more racist.
But, yeah, I just...
That slogan just baffles me,
because I wonder,
could he pinpoint a period of time
where America was great,
but not the kind of great it is now?
Because it seems like everything,
except for a few little it seems like everything,
except for a few little things like terror,
everything seems pretty better than maybe ever right now.
It might actually be the worst it's ever been.
How?
Crumbling infrastructure, corrupt government.
He talks about the infrastructure all the time, but I didn't see anything that was broken on my walk over here.
Yeah, you're right about the environment, but that's more ongoing.
I didn't even bring up the environment.
Oh, you didn't?
What was the other one you said?
No, your brain was already there.
What was the other one you said?
I said crumbling infrastructure, corrupt government.
Let's talk to Zach about this for a second.
All right, hey.
Okay, so we have to talk to me again.
Oh, you guys switched the hat.
I thought you were tough because you had the hat on all of a sudden.
Oh, no.
Is that how you stop people's faces?
I'm very easily confused.
Well, you know.
That is incredible.
I just get the whole look.
We just switched hats and confused.
I have a giant beard.
Well, fair enough.
No, I just didn't want to talk about that anymore.
You're right.
America isn't great.
And DT is going to fix it.
And it's going to be great.
I always like to ask all of my guests
about the last motion picture
that they witnessed in any format
in a theater or elsewhere.
Have you seen anything lately, Noelle?
I watched Joy.
You did?
Yeah!
In a theater?
It was like a screener?
Screener.
Are you gonna vote for it?
Pass! I've been suspicious about the Joy. in a theater it was like a screener screener are you gonna vote for it pass
i've been suspicious about the joy because the trailers just look like jennifer lawrence plays a character who invents something and uh and people kind of stand in her way a little bit
it's accurate it doesn't seem like her struggles are as massive as a whole movie would need. As an entrepreneur
myself, I felt
identified with her struggle. I don't know.
Does she make too many mugs at some point?
Too many mugs. She can't
ship a product. I went on
Home Shopping Network. I could not sell my mugs.
How much does De Niro make that face
in the movie? The whole time.
He's just making that face continuously.
Is Bradley Cooper in it? At all? Of course he's in it. But they don't show him at all in the trailer? The whole time. The whole time? He's just making that face continuously? And is Bradley Cooper in it?
Yes. At all?
Of course he's in it. But they don't show him at all in the trailer, right?
But he's in it. He's in it and he shows up
and he's Bradley Cooper and it's pretty fantastic.
Oh, okay. I love Bradley Cooper.
He's the best part, you're saying? I love Jennifer Lawrence too,
but when he came on screen I was like, oh, they're back.
I don't know. I know people are like, I don't want
them together getting another movie, but I kind of
enjoyed it. There was that one that nobody saw.
Which one was that?
That was the lady's name.
Joy?
No.
Sadness.
Evelyn or something.
Sabrina?
Serena.
Serena Williams is in the movie.
Yeah, she stars in the Serena Williams story.
That girl, that Jennifer Lawrence can stretch.
She's good. Well, that girl, that Jennifer Lawrence can stretch! She's good.
Well, that's good. I was suspicious of Joy
because I do love the films
that that guy, that David O. Russell
makes. Almost
every single one of them.
Huckabees isn't as great as
people make it out to be, but
I knew this one
was going to be off. All of his movies prior to be, but I knew this one was going to be off.
All of his movies...
Prior to now, all of his movies
have a lot of swearing in them, sometimes
violence. This is like some PG-13
shit. They managed to get a lot
of yelling in for no reason.
There's a lot of breaking things and yelling.
There's too much yelling in Silver Linings Playbook.
That drove me crazy in that movie, how much they yelled at each other.
That's how he directs.
He just yells at people.
He yells at people, it's true.
There is that footage of him yelling at Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman,
who are just like frail old people, and he's yelling at them.
No, they were still, that was years ago, they were still pretty young.
What about you, Zach?
You, of course, we talked backstage about how we both don't want to say anything about Star Wars. Yeah, so that's
the last movie I saw, so don't.
No comment. No comment.
Not even any cryptic things
to say?
It's Star Wars, for sure.
It's definitely Star Wars.
I actually don't know. You gleaned that from
sitting there for two hours and 16 minutes.
Did you sit through all the credits?
No. I did. So that's the one spoiler I'll do. Did you sit through all the credits? No. I did.
So that's the one spoiler I'll do.
Don't sit through all the credits.
It's not fucking Marvel.
There's no scene at the end.
Cool.
BB-8 doesn't roll in and go,
beep, boop, beep, boop.
Nothing.
Just get the fuck out
after 10 minutes of John Williams music.
Because it's a long-ass credit sequence.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Yeah.
So that was a movie.
Yeah.
Without saying anything else, definitely a movie.
What'd you see before that?
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
What was the last thing I saw?
Oh.
Well, you saw Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, I saw that on Wednesday.
Yeah.
That's one of the most insane movies I've ever seen in my entire life.
I would say 80% of it's not a movie.
It's Kirk Cameron VO explaining how movies are made.
Sometimes there's a still frame of just a manger, like a toy one right while he talks about Jesus
for a few minutes and and the it's like so confusing the way he'll be like this
is literally I mean like I'm paraphrasing a little bit but this is a
part of the movie where he goes like now this is the part of the movie he
freeze-frames on a guy he's like now this is the part of the movie where
someone would come in and help the main person deal with the problem they're dealing with and then Kirk Cameron gets in the car
and then helps him deal with the problem he's dealing yeah there's a long-ass
conversation in a car and where the guy he's talking to just looks down or
straight ahead won't even look at Kurt Cameron look at he's turns out he's the
director of the film yeah and then there's this bonus scene at the end of the film where he asks.
After the credits?
Yes.
And I've actually.
So you took around after the credits.
Yes, we did.
Okay, good.
And I've been thinking about this for a few days, so I need to get this out.
Okay.
There's a part at the end of the thing where he's directing and he asks Kirk Cameron, like,
what do you do for dry mouths in between scenes?
Kirk, come on, what do you do for dry mouths in between scenes Kirk come on what do you do for
dry mouths come on spill it and uh Kirk Cameron obviously doesn't have an answer because no one
would have an answer that's a dumb question drink water you idiot but Kirk Cameron's just like uh
me oh I usually choose celery just like that's because that's what was directly in front of him and so the guy's like oh
great and she starts like eating celery and i just remember being like why was this in the movie
i felt that way about the entirety of the movie why is this in a movie and then the poster like
makes it look like it's action like her camera's running. He never goes faster than Slow Walk
the entire movie. He's running.
He's got a candy cane and a snow globe.
It looks like it's an action movie.
The only action in the film is when
Santa Claus beats up a guy
who doesn't believe in Jesus.
That's correct. Am I wrong?
I don't even remember that happening.
Santa Claus
literally like, there's a doctrine of Jesus.
I don't know.
Anyways, Santa Claus, the real Santa Claus, who was a real person,
defended Jesus, and then this doctrine of Nazareth was signed or something.
But then it goes on to say, like, it's even said St. Nick, like,
struck the man
on the chin or on the cheek and then it goes into like a two-minute slow-mo of
Santa Claus caning a man in the snow
fucking curb stomping Santa I know and then and then it cuts
back to Kirk Cameron and the director and the directors like Santa's kick ass
yeah it's part of their Creed they have so you can't sign up to be a sin unless
you're a whale on somebody unless you're one of hell's angels
Santa literally looks like
he's from Hell on Wheels.
That TV show that no one's seen.
Alright, next.
You know what? I would've gone with Sons of Anarchy.
You know what? For a reference to the gang
members on TV. I would've too because it's
A, it's the same network and B, they're right after
each other. So I really
shit the bed. Is that what people
say? And on to Thomas. Hey, what's
up, Thomas?
Is it officially me?
Yeah, it's your turn.
Well, I saw
Anomalisa.
That's great. Anomalisa is a
stop-motion movie directed by Charlie
Kaufman and written by him.
And it was pretty cool and
great, and I like it.
How are your travels? Is this a
school book report?
What I liked
about Anomalisa was
no, it's
super trippy. It's about
stop motion little
people. But it's more about
madness and the
inescapability of your own madness.
It's great. At the
end, you're still there. You're still
crazy.
Can't solve it by falling in love.
Sorry.
Well, that's a
pretty heavy spoiler right there.
That's a life spoiler, dude.
Yeah, well. You just spoiled all of life.
See it. I don't know. You just spoiled all of life. See it.
I don't know.
It leaves you with that impression.
Your sadness is inescapable.
They got some of the sets and the little puppets in the lobby at the Arclight right now.
Yeah.
It's pretty cool to look at them up close.
Let's all go, you guys.
I'm kind of an animation nerd, and I really liked...
It was a Q&A. and I asked some Qs.
An animation nerd?
Yeah, a bit of it.
You got up and asked some Qs?
I asked a Q.
You did?
Oh, yeah.
What's cool about how they animated it,
so you'll see if you see it,
A, they're very lifelike.
It's not like Tim Burton, like,
Oh, cool.
Hello, Coraline.
I'm glad you said Coraline,
because I was having trouble narrowing down
what movie that happened in.
Well, it's all like, you know,
whatever, Jack Frost.
Wacky legs and stuff.
Yeah, wacky legs.
It's all very...
Shit's akimbo.
Yeah.
This is like realism,
but still animated, clearly puppets.
So it puts it in this surreal world.
But all their faces are in these sort of like three,
like there's a head part and then two face chunks,
the top half and bottom half.
And it's cool.
They printed out all these sort of various,
like 150 different variations of expressions
for each top half, bottom half, and popped them off.
That's how they did their face expressions.
They didn't sort of like mold it each time.
They just switched heads.
Yeah, and they were gonna remove the lines
under the eyes where the thing comes off
in post-production, and then they decided not to
because they just thought it was an interesting touch
that you could see how it works, sort of, the seams.
It's all really neat.
They put like oil on their eyes to make them wet.
So you have nice wet eyes.
Wet?
Wet.
W-H-E-T.
Wet.
Oh, I also...
Wet you spelled was a real word.
Great.
What does wet with an H mean?
Wet your appetite.
Oh. I thought you just, like, drowned it. Or wet Wet your appetite. Oh, I thought you just like...
Or wet your puppet eyes.
Oh, yeah.
You're in a movie that's on Netflix
that I enjoyed a great deal called
Someone Marry Barry.
You liked it?
I did. It was fun to watch.
Great.
Well, someone marry Barry?
Yeah, I don't know about that title,
but you know,
you don't really need the mission statement
right there in the title
of every movie.
You can go with something more simple like the intern.
Yeah, keep it simple.
Like somebody fire this intern.
It would be a terrible title.
Intern is old. Old intern. Yeah. Robert De Like, somebody fire this intern. It would be a terrible title. Intern is old.
Old intern.
Yeah.
Robert De Niro is an old intern.
Would have been my pick for the movie.
He's more qualified than anybody, as it turns out.
Like, he really knows his stuff.
Oh, yeah.
He's an old guy.
Just today, here's a weird one.
Just today, there's a Twitter handle called Mr. Man,
and it has nude celebrity sightings.
Yes.
And mainly dudes and their nude wieners.
And I was on it.
They tweeted a clip from this movie Search Party
where you can see my wiener.
And?
And it was a disconcerting feeling.
Is your wiener what people are looking for in search party no
it's just and it's like it's just incidental your wiener gets out no no it's like it's like
an actiony comedy and that my whole storyline is i'm lost and naked in mexico and somebody
get me out of here and i'm running around and my ding dong's out and and the clip they post
is so embarrassing because it's like this like running shot and i'm
like yeah like jumping at the camera and you know you're doing physical activity i don't know you
everything's tight and small and it's like it was a clip of like all these other people you know i'm
just amongst it like you can see thomas comedian thomas middle
ditches ding dong in this and so and so says everybody's got nice full plump wieners
and i'm running around with this like did they tag you dinger yeah oh that's
so it's fine it's fine like i knew like you do and you do a movie where you're nude in it you
gotta be okay with it.
That's fine.
It's like when it gets, like, isolated and be, like, online,
being like, you can see his penis here.
Yeah.
That was weird.
But fuck it, it's also hilarious.
Yeah, it's also hilarious.
It's so funny.
And every single person here is going to go to Mr. Man.
Go, go, go.
I encourage you.
I hope Mr. Man gets just thousands more followers.
Don't follow me.
What an unassuming...
Was it a cold day when you shot it?
Like, were there circumstances beyond your control
for making your wiener look good?
His wiener's really small.
I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, a small wiener to begin with, but...
Aw, it's okay.
Thomas.
Let's just squash it right now, pull out your wiener. Alright.
This is only for the podcast
listeners.
Wow!
That is
so small. Wow.
Hold on, hold on, take a photo.
Cheese!
Wait, wait, do the peace sign right
by it. Yeah. Like, give it rabbit ears.
Is this the closest you've ever been to what looks like a vagina?
Quit it, man.
Your fingers are making my dick look small.
Get your giant fingers away from his tiny dick.
Guys, magic trick, right?
Normal fingers, giant fingers.
Whoa.
Normal fingers, giant fingers.
Now I'll do my tiny wiener dance. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do skip to the goods Mr. Man.
I saw is Eddie Redmayne
in there?
He's in
this new movie
The Danish Girl.
Yeah, yeah.
And he has
a dick tuck sequence.
Who?
I don't think
that's giving away too much.
I mean,
you know it's about
a trans,
the first trans person
of all time.
And
he has a scene where he takes his dick out and tucks it.
So they stare at it longer after it's been tucked,
and you're essentially seeing no nudity.
You're just seeing some pubes.
Yeah, cool.
But before he tucks it, I was like, good on him.
I think he pulled a Jason Segel,
and he yanked on it a little bit before they started rolling the cameras.
He's got a nice doner.
Just all flaccid. It was pretty
long. Pretty juicy.
There was a lot for him to shove between
his legs.
I thought you said a detox
sequence.
He's got a real great
detox sequence. Like all great movies about
trans individuals individuals the detox
sequence is amazing
juice cleanse
they do try to institutionalize them
because they're like you can't be a girl
yeah so
the Danish girl no pastries
that's my ongoing
warning that's the tagline
right the Danish girl no pastries That's my ongoing warning. That's the tagline, right?
The Danish girl. He wears pasties.
No pastries, all pasties.
All right, I want to do one more thing
before we get to the part of the program
where we play some games.
Have you heard the show, Noelle?
Yeah, I've been to a couple,
and I listened to a couple before I got here.
That's above and beyond
what any first-time guest ever does.
They've never seen the show or heard it.
So that's terrific.
And you still have the right to get confused.
That's always allowed.
But before we start the games, I just have one quick thing.
I want to just go down the line and ask you guys a question that I'd just like an honest answer to.
There's no reason to fuck around.
Just tell me straight up. We we'll start with Noel first what's your
favorite Will Smith movie men in black okay Zack what is your favorite Mel Smith? Mel Smith. Mel Smith.
Mel Smith.
Favorite Mel Smith. I think Mel Smith directed Willy Wonka.
Probably Independence Week.
Will Smith.
What's your favorite Will Smith?
Independence Week.
Independence Week.
My favorite Will Smith movie.
Yeah.
It's not Independence Day 2 because he's not even in it.
No.
That was disappointing. Well, we don't know. Oh, right.
You know, it's definitely Brandon T. Jackson
I think, right? Is that him?
They don't make a big deal out of it
in the trailer. Who's the new Will Smith?
They show a lot of Jeff Goldblum.
You know what? Pursuit of Happiness.
For real. For real, for real.
That actually is my favorite Will Smith movie.
Tell the truth!
Six Packs.
Thomas, what about you?
What's your favorite Will Smith?
Bad Boys.
Tell the truth!
Bad Boys 2!
Sorry for lying.
Glad I got that out of you.
Now's the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin!
Some people brought name tags
in the rain on the weekend before Christmas.
So those people all deserve to get picked,
but there's maybe two or three more name tags
than there are people up here.
So just go grab the one you guys want to play for.
Go physically take it from them and bring it back to your seat.
While you do that, we'll do this.
We'll take a quick commercial break.
We'll be right back.
Hey, everybody.
There's no sponsor for this particular episode,
so I just wanted to take a moment to say come out and see one of my shows in California over the next couple of weeks.
Wednesday night we're doing Doug Loves Movies at the UCB Theater on Franklin in Los Angeles at 8 o'clock.
And then, after Christmas, the Holiday Taint Tour starts.
San Diego American Comedy Company, Doug Loves Movies at 420 on December 27th.
Then that night at 7 o'clock, stand-up show.
Separate admission required.
Monday, December 28th, I'm in Irvine california behind the orange curtain at the improv huge venue get your tickets and come and help me fill that huge venue
sacramento more intimate setting for two nights on the 29th i'll be at the Punchline doing stand-up and then the next night same venue
at the How About Arden
Mall in Sacramento
doing a Doug Loves Movies taping
and then on
the afternoon
of New Year's Eve, 4 o'clock
show will be over
by 6
Doug Loves Movies at Cobb's Comedy
Club in San Francisco hope to see you guys there
hope to see you all over the rest of the world in 2016. now back to the show
we're back uh what do you got there noelelle? I got American Hillary X.
Yeah, where she's...
Is that you?
No.
You're not on there at all?
I didn't do it.
It's Ed Norton.
This takes up most of the poster.
But then who's that peering around the corner?
Is that Terminator 2 kid?
Yeah.
Furlong.
Furlong, yes.
Eddie Furlong.
Edward Furlong.
But you've got the Hillary in there.
Which...
And it looks like it's all done on a manila folder.
Great.
And then she's got a good shithead on the back
we won't mention until the end.
Who are you playing for, Zach?
Guardians of the Gal-in-Z.
Yeah.
Lindsay instead of Lix-y.
And it's got Milky Way bars on it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the clever thing.
Here's the real thing.
They're outer space candies.
Right. Well, yes. And, yeah, yeah. That's the clever thing. Here's the real thing. They're outer space candies. Right. Well, they're
yes, and also they're candy.
Yeah, you give
candy away, you get some candy back.
That's right. You throw candy in the air.
It's a little bit of the universe.
Twice as much.
As the old saying goes.
You throw one Twix bar.
You still, you know, you're an asshole.
You guys are like Kristen Wiig
and Fred Armisen singing a song.
You know how often we get that?
Who are you playing for, Tomas?
Okay.
Whoa, that looks really...
That's the cheapest one I've ever seen.
I like drawings,
so this is Catch Me If You Duncan,
which I don't understand at all.
It's Catch Me If You Can, but his name is Duncan.
Okay, so there's no extra bit.
The person you're playing for's name is Duncan. Duncan, good, great.
Catch Me If You Duncan, and there's a quote, one hell of a ride, quoted by me. His name is Duncan. Good, great. Catch me if you can. Catch me if you Duncan. And it's,
there's a quote,
one hell of a ride coded by me.
I said it.
And in the back.
Don't say what's on the back.
Be cool.
Okay.
So I'm playing for Duncan.
Don't fuck it up for everybody.
Okay, I don't know the rules.
If you lose today,
there's a name on the back,
something he wrote on the back that I will
pronounce a shithead at the end of the show
on his behalf. That's the consolation
prize. Oh, this is
funny.
Alright, so we have to hope that Zach loses
so we can hear that funny shithead
that Lindsay put on the back of her
elaborate name tag.
It's like almost three stages of elaborate you guys picked.
Very, kind of, and...
This is a drawing.
I drew it.
It's on lined paper.
It's on notebook paper.
I think he tore the edge that had all the holes.
Yeah, but...
But it is a really good drawing.
He's a good drawer.
I mean, it's a drawing.
Yeah.
We're in a meltdown.
Good drawing.
He's a drawing. He definitely... Oh, no I mean, it's a drawing. We're in a meltdown. He's a drawing.
I was going to say he used a
ruler, but he just used the lines of the paper
to make it.
You know what? I tap out.
What a fucking asshole.
What a fucking bitch.
But I got a good one for you next time, Duncan.
Draw a monkey and write, Duncan checks in.
No? Okay.
Stick with Catch Me If You Dunk Can.
You did right.
You don't need my advice.
The first game we're gonna play this evening
is called Doug Loves Musicals.
Do you guys like musicals?
Do you like them, Noelle?
I do.
She does. I'm not familiar with a bunch of them
but I always enjoy them on stage or in the movies uh in the movies I've yeah not really seen many
on stage oh okay not a lot of Broadway shows no I've no I love that shit yeah I saw the shit out
of Hamilton a couple weeks ago how was it so good So good. I don't like politics, though,
so that bored me a little bit.
The entire thing is politics.
Zach, you like musicals?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
I don't.
I sense that.
That's why I didn't ask you.
You asked me.
I don't.
I think they're fucking dumb.
I don't want to talk to people
who don't like musicals. Razzle
dazzle! There's no way
they can't be fucking cheese balls.
I used to do them in the summer.
I did West Side Story, Oliver,
Joseph, The Amazing Technicolor
Dripcoat.
And that was
fun as a child, but now as an adult,
they're just too silly.
You're just too sad. I guess I
did see Bible Boys by
the South Park gentleman. What's it called?
Book of Mormon. That was pretty
fun.
I think Bible Boys is a better title,
for sure. That was pretty
fun. I will give you credit, but
that's because they're kind of like,
they're like, musicals are silly, I think,
in it a bit.
A bit.
Yeah, it's a weird format
that you have to just give in to
that they're going to just
suddenly start singing.
Yeah.
Or sing and rap constantly
like they do in Hamilton.
There's not much dialogue.
It's all rapped.
Yeah.
A lot of rapping.
That's like a double doozy
of what I don't like.
Musicals in this rap music.
Who did you play in West Side Story?
Do you recall?
In West Side Story, I played Indio.
This is so fucking weird because it's like I grew up in a very white,
hippie town that had like, you that had a local theater company.
And I played Indio who had one line.
He was a shark.
So I was in brown face,
in Puerto Rican sort of light brown face.
Horrible.
There are photos.
And my one line...
Did you put a little brown on the old ding dong?
Yeah.
Because it was my first nude scene as a 16-year-old kid.
It's on racistman.com.
They tweeted at you.
Yeah.
And my only line was even more racist.
It was, wop.
When there's like a-
You just yell, wop?
Yeah.
There's a back and forth between the Jets and the Sharks
who are like, this, you're that, you're this.
And my only line in the whole thing was,
I just go, WAP!
And that's it.
So the kid in brown face called another kid, WAP.
All right.
What?
Musicals.
Everything is magical in the theater.
And then you got to sing, of course, and
dance around. Do you know that song still?
I didn't do Jets when you were
a Jet all the way. You didn't do any of that?
I was a shark. No, the sharks just get to watch people get
stabbed. But the sharks and the Jets dance
as they come together to fight, don't they?
Yeah, there's one that's like
there's gonna be a rumble
tonight or something. Yeah. Yeah, during tonight. Yeah, there's one that's like, there's gonna be a rumble tonight or something.
Yeah, during tonight.
Yeah, I probably sung it.
I had my dick out, so no one really wanted me on stage.
Just a racist kid with his wiener out.
It wasn't my choice to put brown face on.
No, it was the city's choice.
It was the city's choice.
This is a government playhouse.
All these boys.
Brown them up.
Brown them up and we're shutting the play down.
Were you a brown orphan
in Oliver?
No, for Oliver, when it was upgraded,
that was next year and I was the artful dodger.
Whoa, that's like the lead, practically.
Of course it's like local theater,
and they have to do something wacky with it,
so they set it in like 80s punk London.
So I had green spiky hair and a leather jacket.
Come see to yourself.
Like all punky.
It was so...
Was the place, was there just spray paint everywhere?
Yeah, it was really fucking rotten. Was the place like, was there just like spray paint everywhere?
Yeah, it was really fucking rotten.
Rotten, you fucking tosser.
You got to pick a pocket on two.
Aye, aye, aye.
All right.
What was this move?
That's what they do over there.
That's their middle fingers, two fingers.
Is that true?
Yeah. And you just do that right by your nose? Yeah, because I put them do over there. That's their middle fingers. Two fingers. Is that true? Yeah.
And you just do that right by your nose? Yeah, because they put them both in there.
It's like, you want normal and then big.
And normal and large.
Fuck off.
Careful.
I made a...
You might cum.
I might cum.
You're so ashamed.
So dumb.
Okay, so we're out of time for Doug Lowe's musicals. Let's move on to the next.
It's basically
I list
songs off from a movie musical. First person
who can say into their microphone the correct title
is the winner of this game. Got it.
Pretty simple. Great, grand,
wonderful. So, you know, guesses are allowed. Are we so get you know guess that's
room you know whatever you feel like guess I do okay William Madison I know
miss Billy he's a close friend what movie musical has these songs in it taking the long way home fiddler on the roof oh are you out what does that mean what do i do
wait no i said you can guess as many times you want whenever you want oh really multiple songs
for one movie though my fair lady it's all i've got all the songs from the movie i'm gonna list
them all bye-bye birdie the deeper i get without you guys getting it, the happier I am. Okay, got it.
But do try.
Love you, I do.
South Pacific.
The King and I.
Those are both musicals.
Milan.
What is a musical?
Milan?
Milan is a musical?
Mulan.
Mulan?
It's a Disney cartoon.
We don't count those?
No, I guess it would count.
No, the silliness is too grounded.
That little Eddie Murphy dragon sings in Mulan?
It's a cartoon, baby.
I think so.
Okay.
Who can remember it?
I don't know.
Who has the time?
Because some of those Disney things have singing, and some don't.
Yeah.
I'll make a man out of you.
Lady and the Tramp doesn't have singing in it.
Yeah, it does.
It does?
Yeah.
No, that one dog shows up and sings.
She's a tramp, and I love her.
Yeah, there's that one song all about what a tramp she is, because you've got to get
the word out.
Yeah.
No, he's a tramp.
That doesn't make any sense.
Now, are we talking about the Danish girl again?
Tramp used to have a whole different meaning.
Wait, if she was the tramp,
you thought it might be Lady and herself who's a tramp?
Lady is the tramp.
She has a split personality.
I didn't think it through.
There's this schizophrenic guy looking at dogs like,
Lady and the tramp.
That's you and only you. Get out of here, dog.
That's you. And that's you.
I just
when was the last time any male
anything was called a tramp? Charlie
Chapsman.
Charlie Chapsman. He was the littlest tramp.
Yeah.
Patience
is also a song in this musical.
Heavy, heavy.
Oh, where, Hairspray.
No.
Do you know, yeah, I think we know.
Did you remember that movie because there's Hairspray in the movie?
Where there's Hairspray.
Well, the main.
I am changing.
Changing the.
I am changing. Changing the... I am changing.
Frozen?
No.
Now that one I agree with you is a musical.
I miss you, old friend.
Oh, it's Daddy Goes to the Races.
Your guesses are getting worse and worse
Is it one of these old 50s
Like hey sit down sit down sit down
You're rocking the boat like that guy
I'd say sit down you're rocking the boat
At some point if it was that movie
It's Guys and Dolls?
Is that Guys and Dolls?
Yes
Perfect World is another song in this movie
Oh Earth Battle Earth.
Oh, Last Five Years.
What?
Last Five Years?
No.
Oh.
I like that movie, though.
Family is a song in the movie.
It's just called Family.
Lilo and Stitch.
Family.
No.
Ostrich County.
But you're on the right track.
August Osage County is not a musical.
He got that from Ostrich County.
Ostrich County, the musical.
The Addams Family musical.
Love, Love Me Baby is in this musical.
The Beatles' first album.
Catch Me If You Can.
What's the one with Tom Hanks and he's like,
these guys are really grooving.
School of Rock.
That's called That Thing You Do,
and they just sing the same song over and over again
for the whole movie.
One Night Only.
One Night Only.
Cadillac
Car.
Street Car Named Desire.
Laurel Loves Jimmy.
The Gypsy Boys.
I Met You
No Harms.
Slash, this song has got a complicated title. I you no harm Grace 2 Slash
This song has got a complicated title
I mean you no harm
Slash
Jimmy's rap
Hamilton
Hamilton
It's not Hamilton
It's a good guess
Hard to say goodbye
Easy to say hello
Stepping
Stepping to the bad side.
Ooh.
Oh.
Uh, thriller.
Jesus Christ Superstars.
Wait, it was called Step Into the Bad Side?
It's the name of a song in this musical.
Star Battles?
I Want You Baby.
There's also a lot of songs in this.
Jesus Christ.
Plus there's the overture.
There's three more, and I'm guessing...
Okay, overture, legally bond,
entree, act,
when they come back from intermission.
I don't know which ones to say next.
These are going to give it away.
Oh, do it.
Beauty and the Beast.
And I'm telling you I'm not going oh that was exhausting. No one cares. That song really gives it away. And then there's Effie's Sing My Song.
And then the last song that I was going to say is Dreamgirls,
in case it got that far.
And then it becomes a game of just having to repeat it back quickly,
like the quickest person to say it back.
Dreamgirls, Dreamgirls.
Do you want to do one of those?
Sure.
Let's do one of those. I'll say the name of a movie, and first person to say it dream girls do you want to do one of those sure let's do one of those i'll say the name of a movie and first person who repeats it back
wait do we have to finish do i do we have to let you finish saying the word
not if you figure out what it is mid in my words
catch me Catch me in the camp.
You can't just finish it.
You have to start from the beginning.
Noel wins.
Oh, that game's hard.
Yeah, it's not an easy game.
So are there points?
Who got what?
Bear 3D. Yogi Bear 3D.
TJ Miller's Y... Bear 3D. Yogi Bear 3D. TJ Miller's Yogi Bear 3D.
That's what it should be called.
All right, so Zach won that game fair and square
with cheating by taking half of what Noelle said
and finishing it off.
I think that's a constructive addition.
Yeah, no, you really killed it.
And then I took all the credit.
Yeah, she was just like, girls, girls!
Something with girls!
Oh. Dream girls.
Is Lena Dunham making a musical version of her
hit HBO TV show?
I'd watch the crap out of that.
Oh, it's tough to be a 20-something
Oh, it's tough to be a 20-something
living in Brooklyn
living in Brooklyn
Let's all go to the beach.
Come on, city yourself.
Let's play whose tagline is it anyway?
I'll say a tagline from a motion
picture and
you just have to guess. Well, it's a motion picture. Out currently or just ever?
Well, it's a motion picture that has happened.
Okay.
Got it.
Not necessarily out currently, but one that's in the world.
Out.
And we'll start with you, Zach.
I'll say it to you, and then you just get one guess.
Got it.
And then we'll move on.
All right?
The tagline is,
some people just can't handle Halloween.
Some people just can't handle Halloween.
Goosebumps.
That's not a bad one.
I don't think all the horror was tied to it
specifically being Halloween, but maybe.
Oh, yeah, good point.
Yeah, but that's a good guess for sure.
So now. Noel?
Is it?
Oh, you asked me to film? Yeah, yeah. No, no, same one.
Oh, I was in Nightmare on Elm Street. You get a shot at it.
Nightmare on Elm Street? That's a pretty good
guess. But again, that would probably
be more, some people can't handle sleep.
Or nightmares.
Or nightmares.
You don't want to put the title in the tagline if you can help it
it happens sometimes
like the tagline for catch me if you can
is why don't you catch me
give it a try
do you know what it is Thomas
no not at all
but Halloween
you don't know
can I guess because I think I know
you figured it out
fun size starring Thomas Little Bitch it hit me you don't know no I really don't yeah can I guess cause I think I know you figured it out Fun Size
yeah it's Fun Size
starring Thomas Middleditch
it hit me
in the title role
he plays Fun Size
he's got a Fun Size
ding dong
yeah come to think of it
I have showed my wiener
in every single movie
I've been in
someone unwraps
a Twix
and then it's your penis
uh very classy that's the motion picture of wiener in my candy
yeah you'll eat it this one's extra milky i um
i don't even know it's disgusting yeah he has a condition but i met you
milk comes out of my penis.
There's not a problem.
It's fun.
Don't snicker.
Do you remember that we met when you were making Fun Size?
Yes.
You were on that movie with Ricky Lindholm and Abby Elliott,
and we all went to a place with a bucking bronco,
and people rode it and fell off of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We saw some
standing up comedy
and then,
were you with us
when we met up
with Matt Bronger as well
or no?
Is that some other night?
Maybe, yeah.
He might have been
around that night.
We really went out.
We had a fun one.
It was Cleveland.
Cleveland!
Yeah.
How long were you there
shooting that movie?
A few weeks.
That rain's really
coming down now.
El Nino coming.
Yeah. Russell Crowe's building a boat.
I love Noah jokes.
I also love
Noah jokes. Great job on
that, Zach, but you came in
too late with the answer. That's okay.
I'm just glad I got to say it. You still get to go first
on this next one, though. Yes.
Oh, yeah. Cool. Heck, yeah.
May the
best loser win.
May the best
loser win.
Daddy's home?
It's not quite out yet, but, you know,
that could happen. Oh, shit. It's not out.
But I could have seen the poster or a billboard.
Yeah.
I think it just says Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg.
I don't even think I can bother with a tagline.
Yeah, I don't even think it has a tagline.
All right, Noelle?
Any idea what that is?
May the best loser win.
I don't know.
I'm just going to say dodgeball.
Full title.
Noelle! It's not the answer. I'm just dicking around.
It's called Dodgeball
A True Underdog Story.
I was going to say Dodgeball Blades of Glory.
Dodgeball Blades of Glory
would be
perfect.
Thomas Middleditch.
I don't want it to be this, but is it
Someone Mary Berry?
No, it isn't. It's another movie you're in
called The Campaign.
The Campaign.
The Campaign.
The Campaign.
Going Campaign.
It's tough and I don't like it.
You've been in a lot of movies
I have not seen.
You and many others.
Keep up the good work
Well if the word was out
You'd get to see a little dick action
Maybe people would check these things out
Little Thomas Middledick
More like Thomas Little Dick
Alright let's start with Zach again
Somebody's going to get one right
I swear
We'll start with Zach
The spirits will move you in odd and hysterical ways.
The spirits will move you in odd and hysterical ways.
If saying it back was the whole game, you just won.
I really wanted that to hit me good, and it didn't.
So I'm going to guess Thomas Middleditch presents Star
Wars nope Tommy oh wait Noel first oh it's not the movie. What an odd and hysterical journey that deaf, dumb, and blind kid went on.
Oh, God.
Especially when he was with Cousin Kevin
or whatever that guy's name was.
The spirits will move you in odd and...
What is it?
Hysterical ways.
Odd and hysterical...
Yeah, this is not one of the better taglines I've ever read.
Were you in a ghost movie?
I'm trying to think, but I don't know.
I don't think so.
Oh, it's not necessarily a movie someone's been in.
Oh, okay.
It could be a movie totally without people.
You know what?
Poltergeist.
Odd and hysterical.
Why not?
No.
Thomas?
You got this.
I don't.
Okay.
Casper, starring my childhood crush, Christina Ricci.
Casper the Friendly Ghost.
Was Black Stank Moan a dream come true for you?
Did you see her tied to a radiator for a whole movie?
No big deal, but yes.
A sex crazed Christina Riccici yeah oh yeah an anxious justin
timberlake the weirdest thing about that movie is my mom was like that's my that's my favorite movie
and i was always like why really is that on does your mom work at the arc light and that's the
movie that's on her name tag favorite movie i on her name tag. Favorite movie. I saw the guy that sold me something today
at the snack bar.
It was just like a normal,
not, normal's not the right,
now I'm really digging a hole for myself.
He just seemed like a regular guy, I guess.
I don't know how I'm trying to say this.
Hello, I'm regular.
But his movie, on his name tag,
it said Gone Girl.
Like, a man or a woman, I don't know why anyone would pick
Gone Girl as they're like, that's the movie.
That's the one.
That's my jam.
Gone Girl.
I love Tyler Perry
in a dramatic role.
Tired of him playing
in comedies. Me too.
This movie, I did this for the holidays
because it's the spirits will move you in odd and hysterical ways Scrooge starring Bill
Murray had that terrible tagline let's do one more Zack yeah I'm throwing it
right into your punch it wheelhouse okay experience never gets old That is the intern
That's the intern
Yeah that one was a little too easy
But Zach is the winner of that game as well
Zach's doing great
Two points
With the points don't add up
You just get to go first in the next game
Okay
We got some golf clappers
That sentence is like burned
into my eyeballs.
I saw it everywhere so much.
It's not just a tagline at the
bottom of the poster. It's like
all over the poster in big letters.
Yeah, it's really...
And it's true.
Experience never gets old.
Sometimes it gets feeble and
worthless,
but it never gets old. Sometimes it gets feeble and worthless, but it never gets old.
Well, I think
it does.
Experience? Yeah.
Gets old? Oh yeah.
This is riveting.
I have the same experience.
Seriously, let's talk about experience.
I was sitting there thinking, why is everyone talk about experience. I was sitting there thinking.
I think it never gets old.
Why is everyone so quiet?
Oh yeah, this is fucking dumb what we're talking about.
Let's play ABCD's Nuts.
It's a stupid.
It's a dumb title for this game, but we named it a long time ago. Oh, did you change your organ to just cat sounds instead of notes?
Cat notes?
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
But the whole thing's called Jingle Cats?
Jingle Cats, but they sample different cats.
Why do the dogs not get any credit if they're in there?
Yeah, they're just helping out.
It's a dog's world.
I get it.
Give the cats a chance to shine.
Yeah, come on.
They had cats.
There's never a musical called Dogs.
Yeah.
Also, it's not like if Kanye has someone on one of their songs, it's like their album, too.
Yeah.
Oh, that's a good point.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, dude.
Arr, arr, arr.
It does say featuring dogs.
I like to bark whenever I hear Kanye's Jesus Walks.
Arr, arr, arr.
Arr, arr, arr. Arr, arr, arr. Arr, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Through the whole song.
All right, Zach's going to start.
Then we'll go to Thomas just to
change the order around.
And we're going to, ABC
Deez Nuts is a spelling game. We're going to spell
out something. I'm going
to tell you the next letter
in the thing we're spelling. And all you have to have to do this is so easy is name any movie from the history of
cinema that had a title beginning with that letter got it okay yeah yeah this
is dope this is like it so I have to know how to spell the word and then with
the letter that was not said. You can figure ahead, but sometimes people actually fail at this, and then you'd get their letter.
Oh, don't worry.
I will.
So we'll start with, we're going to spell in honor of Noel being here, and everybody should check it out.
I'm going to do it on January 1st.
Master of None.
Okay.
That's what we're going to spell.
So the first letter's an M to Zach.
And all you gotta do is name any movie that begins with M.
And if you say the movie I wrote down
ahead of time before
showing up here today, you automatically
win the whole game.
Monsters, Inc.
That one crossed my mind.
But I did not write it down.
Well, fuck me.
I went with Manson
family vacation which was movie number 247 in my Doug Loves movies challenge
because you know I'm trying to watch 360 I'm at 23 I apologize. I'm at 1.34.
No, I'm at 3.34.
And so it's really coming down to it.
I'll make it, but it's going to be like,
sorry guys, I can't have fun today.
I got to watch movies.
Oh my God.
What?
That's 360.
365, yeah.
All right, so now we go to Thomas
and just name any movie that begins with the letter A.
Armageddon.
Armageddon is such a great choice for you.
But such a funny coincidence that
when I asked you what the last movie you saw was earlier in the program,
you said what I wrote down. Anomalisa. Anomalisa.
Yeah. That was movie number 196 for me.
S is the next letter, Noelle.
All you gotta do is come up with an S movie.
Sisters.
Yeah, in theaters now.
Now.
Raking it in.
Star Wars made 120 mil.
Sisters, five mil.
Right up behind them.
What was the other one?
Oh, Chipmunks.
Alvin and the Chipmunks made like four mil they're like
they're like second and third place what a world way behind what a world i saw a poster coming over
here for uh road chip the chipmunks movie and it says uh boys on the hood and they're all sitting
on the hood of a car but i was like thank god somebody finally found a way to make uh inner
city violence cute and hilarious and also targeted at the people
that need to know about it four-year-olds you know because they'll get that reference it's strange
it's strange marketing very strange you know there's some fun stuff for the kids but there's
all some also some fun stuff for the adults you should see it it. It's pretty cool. There's a few
blue jokes.
Yeah.
What do you think I said?
They have a freeze frame
of my wiener in there.
What do you think
I chose for S,
Zach?
Star Wars.
No.
I went with
Staten Island Summer.
Oh.
I'm in that.
Starring you
at number 181
of my
quest to see 365 movies.
And I enjoyed it. Thanks.
That's also still available. Watch that
instead of someone Mary Berry.
Yeah, do.
Or, you know, spend your time outside.
In the rain.
That's another route.
Get on the rain
that's still bad
Zach Perlman
but spelling
master of none
we're up to T
Zach
Terminator Genesis
oh you were so close
I went with
The Intern
well shucks
E
Thomas
Howell
E.T.
Extraterrestrial
that's a good one
that's always a good one.
I went with Ex Machina.
Okay, good.
Love that movie.
Perfect.
Perfect choice.
R for Noel.
Fuck.
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Terrific choice.
I went with Reno 9-11, Miami.
Did you really?
I almost said that.
You almost said that?
I didn't know what the place was.
I was like Reno 9-11.
Reno 9 slash 11. No, it's Reno 9 slash 11.
No, it's 9.
9-11 Twin Towers.
No slash.
9-1-1.
Mike.
And then it's like colon exclamation point, then Miami.
It's fucked up how they spelled it, so you're good to stay away from that.
O is the next letter for Zach.
O, the movie.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
The Othello,
but with high school kids playing basketball.
Yeah.
Right?
That's my choice.
Okay.
I went with Old Boy.
Ooh, a fantastic film.
Yeah, right?
Wait, the Korean or American?
It depends on which one you watch.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's the original one.
It's Korean, right?
If you just said Old Boy,
the one with Josh Brolin,
I wouldn't have counted it.
That's cool.
Yeah.
F is the next letter.
Forrest Gump.
I would have went,
if I were you,
I would have said,
fun size.
But I'm just me,
so I wrote fun size.
N is the next letter. I'm going to make so I wrote fun size. N is the next letter.
I'm going to make a callback.
Noah.
Noah.
Yeah, that would have been good.
I said nightcrawler.
That's not what I said.
I like that.
I like that movie.
O again.
We're back to O again.
Orange County.
That is what I wrote down.
Whoa!
Wow.
Hey, buddy, you deserve it.
Yes.
Wow.
Because I'll be at the Irvine Improv on December 28th.
Big room, so get your tickets whenever.
And then for N, I went with Nebraska.
And then for E,
I went with a movie called Eden
that was shot in Washington State
and I'll be in Seattle on
January 16th.
But it's also a great,
really good movie, suspenseful, but also
with a message about sex trafficking called Eden.
So yeah, check that out if you want to be bummed.
Severely bummed.
All right, let's play one more game to determine our winner today.
And that game is something called Last Man Stanton.
And there you go.
The applause I was expecting for ABC, these nuts finally showed up.
But for Last Man Stanton.
And none of you tweeted at me today.
Usually somebody tweets and says,
I've got a great name for Last Man Stanton,
so I'm just gonna have to take a polite hand raise.
If you think you have a good one,
this guy over by the wall is gonna be my man in a minute.
What's your name?
Fernando. Fernando, all right.
This game is, we get a name? Fernando. Alright. This game is
we get a name from Fernando of an actor
or actress. Hopefully
one with a large body of work.
And we all take turns. I like to play
along on this one. We all take turns
naming movies that that person
was in. If you can't think of one,
you're out.
For the rest of the show.
But,
new wrinkle in this game
suggested by somebody
on Twitter.
Oh.
What?
Not me.
You each get one lifeline
and that means
if you can't think of a title,
you can ask the person
whose name tag you picked.
And only that person to help you out.
So get ready, Hillary, Lindsay, and catch me if you dunk it.
Catch me if you're into donuts.
So be ready, you guys, because you're going to be called in to help out when they are about to fail.
I do not get a lifeline. I don't deserve one. was that that was a good idea it's a fun idea right yeah
we're going to try it see how it works it's fun sized i worry that if we go to the audience for a
answer then the person sitting next to that person's gonna just yell out the name of a movie
so we'll see how it goes this seems like a it's a pretty docile crowd today so i think this is going
to be a good first example of this.
And Zach's been cleaning up, so you still get to go first again in this game.
Great, great.
And then we'll go to Noel and then me.
Are you ready?
Tommy Middle D.
And you, sir?
Yep, I am third.
Fourth.
I love my kids.
I don't even have them.
You don't have kids?
No, I just say things like that. Surprise news. I don't even have them. You don't have kids? No, I just say things like that.
Surprise news.
I didn't know about it.
I have fun dad characters.
It's pretty fun.
How's it fun for those kids on the street?
Well, I keep them down below,
so it's not very fun for them.
Zach really knows when to dig in on a premise
and keep going.
Hey, babe, let's do it
alright Fernando
what do you got for us today
Will Ferrell
holy shit
who's Will Ferrell
he is the guy
he's a big Chinese actor
a couple of movies we've already mentioned today
but which one would you like to start off with Sam I think I'm
gonna start with his first movie oh so you say which is ladies man you think
that was the first movie he was over it but I can name a million so the first
movie I saw him in ladies man. That's not true either. That's not a big fat liar.
All right.
Noelle?
Elf.
Elf.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
I'll say just so beat Thomas to it with the campaign.
Okay.
What do you got?
Well, I'm also in the Blu-ray edition of this,
The Other Guys.
I have a scene with Horatio Sands.
You're not in the theatrical cut?
You're just on the Blu-ray?
Yeah.
You and Horatio?
Yeah.
Does Horatio make the theatrical cut?
I think our whole scene is kind of...
It's just the two of you are not in the movie
except on the Blu-ray.
Yeah, and maybe the TV version.
I can't remember.
I've never seen The Other Guys.
Now I just want to see that scene
because I love you and Horatio. Now I just want to see that scene.
Because I love you and Horatio.
Those other people, fuck them.
Cutting you guys out of that movie.
Is it my turn?
Yeah.
Stranger than fiction.
Okay.
I would have saved that one if I were you.
Yeah, I want to go all the deep cuts and fuck these people up.
But that doesn't fuck you're leaving the easy
answers well the Lego movie yeah that's a fun one that's a fun one to pull right Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Blades of Glory. Yeah. True.
Very true.
Step Brothers.
Yeah.
Daddy's Home.
All right, that's not out yet, but I'll take it.
Christmas Day, everybody. You got this.
That's what my mom wants to see on Christmas Day.
I'm like, yes.
Let's go see that.
Oh, it's not that one.
All right, Kicking and Screaming.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The soccer movie.
Yeah, there was a Noah Baumbach Kicking and Screaming
that he's not in
that's also funnier.
No offense
to any Kicking and Screaming fans.
I have another one that's just so dumb.
So deep.
I'm not going to.
Is it my turn?
It is.
God, it goes around fast. You guys are pretty good.
I'm just going to go deep cut
because it just jumped into my head and I'm so proud.
Melinda and Melinda.
That's what I was about.
Great stuff.
Old school.
Oh, yes, of course.
Tankers.
School.
Another deep cut, Anchorman.
Oh, nice cut.
Oh, full title on that, my friend.
Anchorman, the untold story of Ron Burgundy.
Fuck me, I guess.
Do you want to try again?
Yeah.
Anchorman.
The Legend of Ron Burgundy.
Yes!
Good job.
Thanks.
Babe.
You got this.
Was that a Will Ferrell movie or just another one of those?
Just half his essence.
Oh, wait.
Night at the Roxbury.
Yes.
Great.
Okay.
It's not your turn.
I'll go with, hang on a sec.
I'll get to say Land of the Lost.
Yeah.
That's a client.
Talladega Nights? Yeah. That's a client. Talladega Nights?
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
We got a full title situation.
Oh, fuck.
Talladega Nights.
Rubbin' is Racin'.
Hold on.
Oh, fuck.
I don't really know it.
Is it a Bobby Duke story?
No.
Fuck.
I might be dead.
Well, hang on. You want to use your
lifeline? Yeah. Duncan!
Duncan, what's the correct title
of this movie he's trying to think of? Duncan, do not let me
down. Do not fuck this up,
Duncan.
Duncan doesn't know.
I guess you don't want
the gift, man.
Duncan only watches
Duncan only watches
Tom Hanks movies.
I don't get the gifts.
I don't care.
This is for you.
Talladega Nights,
Bobby Dukes.
Who is Bobby Dukes?
Who is Bobby Dukes? Who is Bobby Dukes?
Am I thinking of Frank Dukes,
the character from Bloodsport?
Yeah, probably.
Wait, what's the play?
One of us can say it.
I can?
It's still in play.
Oh, yeah, cool.
All right.
Talladega Nights,
The Valid of Ricky Bobby.
Yes, Valid of Ricky Bobby.
Is that that figurine, Ricky Bobby?
In the bag?
Oh, no.
That was a really, really bad joke.
Terry Dodson.
Terry Dodson.
It sounds dumb.
Oh, I'm out now.
Zoolander?
Yeah.
Yeah, Zoolander.
I'll say Everything Must Go.
That's a good one.
Back to you, Zach.
Anchorman 2, The Legend Continues.
Yeah.
That was really funny.
I really liked it.
I liked it better than the first one.
That was so fun.
Zoolander 2?
We don't know if he's in it yet.
Yeah, I don't know if he's in it yet. Yeah, he is. He's in the trailer. He's in the trailer? Oh, he's in the trailer? And it's just called Zoolander 2? We don't know if he's in it yet. Yeah, I don't know if he's in it.
Yeah, he is.
He's in the trailer.
He's in the trailer?
Oh, he's in the trailer?
And it's just called Zoolander 2?
Yeah, it's just Zoolander 2.
With two I's or a 2?
Oh.
No, I think it's just a 2.
Not that it matters.
2, the number.
Zoolander 2, okay.
How is it not called Two-lander?
Two-lander.
How is it not?
Bye, Thomas.
Where's he going?
Is he just going to leave?
Is he just going to wander off?
What do I do?
Just go.
You can hang out.
We'll be done soon enough.
Play the game.
I think I might be at the bottom of my Will Ferrell barrel.
So, Zach, you are up.
Oh, it's me.
It's on me. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's me. It's on me.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, like I said, I might be tapped.
But let me try one.
Let me see if I can float this one and everybody's happy with it.
Superstar.
Yeah.
No, it has a full title.
The Mary Catherine Gallagher story?
No.
What is it?
That could be your next answer.
It might be my next answer.
But I actually have a different answer.
You can do that.
Whatever you want.
I'm going to do something else.
If you say I'm wrong, I'm out.
It's not just superstar.
Someone, someone, someone.
No, I don't want them to say it.
Then I allow it.
I'm pretty sure it has an after title.
Wait, you get to allow it?
To be fair, you are.
You did give him that power.
I did.
I did give it to you.
The sentence before,
you gave him the power.
I should not have given you the power.
Your memory is fading.
Welcome back to Zach Loves Movies.
So what's your next answer?
Austin Powers,
International Man of Mystery.
Of course, yeah.
Noelle?
Was he in Walk Hard, the Dewey Cox story?
I don't think he was.
He seems like he would show up and do something.
Right, but you'd think, but Jonah Hill plays his brother that dies.
And he's not one of the Beatles when they show up.
Yeah, and he's not like Jack White.
And he's not Will Ferrell.
He's not Will Ferrell when he's with Ferrell.
My favorite scenes in almost any comedy is every time Tim Meadows comes in and gets him addicted to a worse drug.
He's like total gateway man.
I don't know if you want this.
And then explains how fun it is.
Noelle, you could use your lifeline now.
Hillary.
Hillary, you got one that we haven't said yet?
Semi-pro.
Semi-pro!
Hey, girl!
I'll vote for you.
That is a good way to think of Will Smith.
Will Smith movies.
Of Will Ferrell movies.
Just run through sports in your head.
Just think of every sports activity
that he's done a movie about most of them.
Back to you, Zach.
Okay, I am pretty sure he is in Austin Powers 3 Goldmember.
What is he doing there?
They come back in time.
They go back in time.
Oh, that's right.
So time shifts so you see his character again.
He's like, don't worry.
We'll see each other in the future.
And Austin Powers is having an awkward conversation where he's like, you die.
Does that sound familiar to anybody?
It's on the edge of a cliff. I think you made it up.
Guaranteed it's in the movie.
Nobody believes it.
It's the second one?
They say it's the second one.
So you're out.
Noel wins, right?
By default.
I'll take it.
The second one.
You and Hillary did it.
Hillary!
Yeah.
Wait, don't I get to use a lifeline?
No, because you said something just wrong.
You gave a wrong answer.
Well, didn't he have a wrong answer and then he got to ask?
It was incomplete.
He didn't say the full title.
Yeah, I got to work out the kinks in this thing.
All right.
I get it.
You lose when it's convenient to move on.
I shouldn't have let him use the lifeline
to just finish the title.
Once he started to commit to it, he should have had to say it right.
Right, right, right.
But either way, you lose, Zach.
I lose. That's cool.
What else do we miss?
Starsky and Hutch in Bewitched.
Bewitched.
What? Winter's Passing.
Winter Passing is another one. It's a drama so we day Chanel oh yeah they me padre drowning Mona yeah you know
there's no reason to call people names dick yeah using Dick with Dave Foley. Night at the Museum?
I don't think he was in a Night at the Museum movie.
I just figured he was in one of those figurines.
Wedding Crashers, you sons of bitches!
What's that one?
Wedding fucking Crashers! What's that one that just came out with him and Kevin Hart?
Oh, yeah. Get Hard.
Get Hard.
Yeah, we totally forgot about Get Hard already.
All right, come get your
prize bag, Hillary. Congratulations.
You want your name tag back too?
Sorry, Lindsay. Do you want your name tag?
Go ahead and grab that.
But good shithead on the back.
She wrote rain on the back.
Yeah, take a Milky Way off of there.
You deserve it. You deserve a
Milky Way victory wrap, but
yeah, don't ruin the whole sign.
I don't think he's
going to use it for anything else. There's not another
Doug Loves Taping
Movies tonight.
Doug Loves Taping Milky Ways
to a piece of cardboard.
Apparently.
I was going to hide this.
Oh.
Just ruining Lindsay's.
Thomas.
Thomas.
Cool.
I don't even want this.
You gotta eat it, man.
It's fun size, for fuck's sake.
Hey, big dick, little dick.
So if you haven't watched it yet,
check out Noelle Wells in most of the episodes
of Master of None on Netflix
with our pal Aziz Ansari. Anything else you want to
promote while you're eating a Milky Way?
I'm good.
You're good?
Noelle Wells, everybody!
Great first-time guest!
I would give me
like a
five out of ten.
You won the game. You were never confused
by anything. You sat next to. You were never confused by anything.
You sat next to Zach like it was no big deal.
Because it wasn't.
Yeah.
I did watch one of them fillet a microphone, and I felt very lucky.
Yeah.
So you got that one for the nightmare tank.
Put that in your nightmare tank.
Zach, what do you got going on, man?
What else is going on besides intern still in theaters?
I don't know if that's true.
It's coming out.
Crawling to VOD right now.
I think it's actually, it comes out this weekend.
It's in hotel rooms, I know that.
Yeah, it's in hotel rooms and on airplanes. If it's in hotel rooms and non-airplanes if
you guys are traveling and you want to spend 400 on a movie rent it in a hotel room so you can
watch it on a cr tv i don't know what the fuck i just said you know one of those like old box
televisions all right what else have you got coming up? You got something with robot in the title or something?
Yeah, it's
Zach Perlman Presents
I Am A Robot.
No, that's not true. None of this is true.
No, nothing with robot.
Wait, what's the movie that you did?
Oh, God. There's a movie. I don't know if it's gonna
come out. Oh, really? Might as well be honest
right now. Why did I think it was called Robot?
It is. It's called Hotbot and it's not. Hotbot?
I was so fucking close and you're acting like
it was totally wrong.
Here's the truth. Piece of shit?
God damn you. You embarrass the host
like that? He has the fucking gratitude to bring
you onto this show?
After the fucking intern and you
throw it back at him?
Is that the
subtitle of Ex Machina 2?
Hot Bot?
It's Hot Bot, yeah.
So Hot Bot might not come out.
I shouldn't have never brought it up.
Let's hope.
Let's hope it never comes out.
And if it does, you'll all know why.
It's like weird science or something?
Like you make a Hot Bot?
I mean, you're nailing it right now.
Yeah.
I've watched a movie where you made a hot bot? I mean, you're nailing it right now. Yeah. It's like, it's even worse.
I've watched a movie where you made a hot bot.
Is it a really hot bot?
Yeah.
Well, you know, I know.
I should say she's a real big fan of the show.
She loves Doug's movies.
Here's what I'm going to say about the whole experience.
Okay, you have 10 seconds.
You know, they made a movie
that was called Weird Science.
You can watch that one
whenever you want.
Yeah, because you can't watch Hotbot at all right now.
Let's hope. Not available.
So don't watch that. But thank you.
Zach Perlman, everybody.
And Thomas?
Well, you can watch any of the aforementioned films.
The Final Girl is also Girls.
Is that on Netflix too now?
Yeah, that's on video on demand.
That's great.
That's great.
You watch that.
Silicon Valley Season 3 coming up in April.
And if you're in Park City, Utah
for the Sundance Film Festival,
you should check out Joshy.
It's a...
It's a...
This is a gag only the people here will understand
I'm being
I'm being triple teamed with dick microphones
The physical comedy of
Thomas Middleditch everybody
Yeah Joshy at Sundance
And then which guy
Adam Pally, Brack Yeoman
Nick Kroll
It's totally improvised.
Improvised show.
Bunch of jerks.
Movie.
And bros, guys, if you're up in Mammoth this Christmas,
hit me up.
I'm going to be shredding that pow-pow, man.
El Nino coming.
Thomas Middleditch, everybody.
Doug Loves Movies is coming to Seattle January 16th, DougLovesMovies.com
Thank you guys for coming out
on this rainy afternoon.
Sounds like it might have stopped.
We might have got through the heavy part
or Russell Crowe may be headed out to sea.
All I know, dude, is it's raining down here
but it's fucking dump alert up at Mammoth, man.
Give me your...
No joke, I did.
Give me the Duncan,
catch me if you Duncan name tag, please.
I am going up there,
and when they do get a snowfall now,
because I guess I've signed up,
they give me emails,
it goes,
the headline,
the subject is dump alert.
It goes,
oh, dump alert.
And I can't wait.
We get dumped on. All right, well, thank alert! And I can't wait. We get dumped on.
All right, well, thank you very much, everybody.
And as always,
Will Smith is a shithead.
Tell the truth how I propose.
And the housing market and cats are a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Isaac called his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you
cause Doug loves movies.