Doug Loves Movies - Opie, Sherrod Small, Judy Gold, Mark Normand and Greg Wyshynski guest
Episode Date: April 26, 2016Live from the Gramercy Theatre in New York City, Doug welcomes Opie, Sherrod Small, Judy Gold, Mark Normand and Greg Wyshynski to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy an...d California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, greenie babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Thank you.
Oh, I appreciate it.
We'll do there.
Okay. There's just people in seats that couldn't see me
because of a weird curtain
that I've never experienced here before.
You guys are like fighting off the curtain.
Is it working?
No.
No?
You can make it work.
I don't want you to just look at a curtain.
I mean, you can see the rest of my guests.
We've got five chairs out here.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies
This is Doug Loves Movies
Coming to you once again
And again Wednesday night
From the Gramercy Theater in New York City
Let me see your name tags, New York citizens.
Oh, so many good ones.
So many big ones.
Katie, of course, always knits a name tag,
and tonight she's presenting a knitted sperm.
I love the Jake Placid poster
instead of Lake Placid.
That's pretty awesome.
What's with all the stormtroopers on that thing?
The blank awakens.
Your name is blank?
Last name.
Your first name is blank?
Or they just didn't fill it in on this birth certificate?
Holy shit, what's that angry bird doing over there?
He looks really angry.
And you changed it to Amber Birds.
Fair enough.
Well, there's lots of Alice in Wonderland.
There's lots of great ones out there.
Good job, everybody.
Put them down for now.
You know how this works.
I forget.
Is the Gramercy Theatre New York crowd
a lot of yelling during the name tag selection,
or is everybody very polite?
Yelling.
Yelling.
That's funny that someone answered
with the word yelling
by yelling it.
She was yelling, yelling.
Doug plugs.
Doug Loves Movies is back here
at the Gramercy Wednesday night,
and anyone here tonight
can purchase tickets after this show
on your way out at the box office
for Wednesday's show
and the service charges will be waived
so that brings it from
$19 to $15
to come back on Wednesday night
and don't
say anything to the guests tonight
but the guests on Wednesday are better
not better you'll see Not better, just different.
You'll see.
You know what kind of guests I like
and which ones I don't like,
and I'm very worried about tonight.
I'll be...
There's a few powder kegs in the group tonight.
I got to try not to set off.
Rosemont, Illinois.
That's O'Hara Jason.
I'll be at Zany's doing a May the 4th Be With You edition of Douglas Movies.
The annual Cinco de Mayo show I do there is already sold out.
Let's take a look in the old prize bag.
Lots of fun stuff I put in my luggage a look in the old prize bag. Lots of fun stuff
I put in my luggage and brought all the
way out here, like this beautiful
rubber bowl from Peacemaker.
It's all
rubber, so you can just do anything to it.
Mostly put things that
are on fire in it, and it'll be
fine. I'm pals with
a dude that's in a band called Caveman,
and this is like some sort of,
you gotta sign up on the internet or something
to hear their latest single,
but I recommend the band Caveman.
Oh, also from Peacemaker, an entirely rubber pipe.
It's made completely out of rubber.
I'm not sure why that would be
a selling point.
A Houston Normal wristband
and, of course,
a Doug Loves Movies T-shirt.
And from my own personal collection
of VHS,
I brought...
Oh, this is terrific.
From Kids WB,
Welcome Home Animaniacs.
Yeah.
And an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
entitled Enemies.
I think she had enemies pretty much every week.
I don't know what's so special about that.
All right, so all that stuff is going in the bag,
plus the stuff that my guests brought.
Some of them are new to the show,
so they brought some interesting things
that they found backstage.
Please give a big, warm welcome
to Opie, Sherrod Small,
Greg Wyshynski, Judy Gold,
and Mark Norman.
One, two, one, two.
I love you.
All right, well, we might as well start with the lady of the lamp over there.
I believe that's a lighting fixture
from the backstage areas here at the Gramercy.
It's Judy Gold, everybody.
Thank you, Doug.
Thank you so much for being here.
Oh, my God, Doug.
It's your first time on the show.
I probably wasn't very clear about the need to bring something.
Well, finding out at, you know, 7 this evening, I'm really prepared.
Yeah.
Really prepared.
Yeah, it was a last minute booking and I appreciate it.
And I just hope at some point tonight
you yell at somebody
with the ferocity
with which you yelled at Louis C.K.
when he fucked that baby out of here.
I know, he fucked my life up.
Yeah.
And the birth of my child.
Yeah.
Yeah, was that,
did that,
was that feel real to you? Like, would you have been that angry if that situation happened to you i don't know probably not right
like get the fucking baby out it was good acting it felt really bad for louis no it was great that
we went so far he said he said to me you, I want you to be so mad that you're crying.
Wow.
That it's like beyond, I fucked up, you know, he fucked up my entire, my plan that I'd worked, you know.
And that's what happened.
Yeah.
Yeah, he gets that performance out of you and then all he has to do is just, it's easy to act opposite that because you're screaming at him while
crying. He's so not talented.
And you brought for whoever
wins the prize bag
you brought a lamp. This is a
lamp that was in the dressing
room area. Not in the dressing room area
in the little vestibule
before you go in where like the
modem and shit was.
That said, do not disconnect.
Did it seem out of service
or like ready to,
were they throwing it out or something?
No, it worked really well.
And as I came upstairs,
one of the people who works here said,
you can't give that away.
So I said, can I give a light bulb away?
And they said yes.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So I just wanted you to know
where the light bulb is from
so you can see how valuable it is.
All right, get the light bulb out of there
and pass it down here and I'll put it in the bag.
That's terrific.
Right.
It's a very practical gift.
It's a major reward.
Oh, yeah, somebody's going to need that size light bulb.
It's not even...
It's the weirdest looking light bulb
you could have pulled out of there.
You're never going to use this.
Look at that. It's like from 1940, bulb you could have pulled out of there. You're never going to use this. Look at that.
It's like from 1940, this fucking light bulb.
Okay, here.
Yeah, that's a real wonderful keepsake.
Careful, it's heavy.
So it takes one Jew.
Don't stick it up your ass.
It takes one Jew to screw out a light bulb.
Is that it?
Wait a minute, you're Jewish?
I'll sit in the dock.
Let's move down to this end of the row here
with another first-time guest on the show.
It's Opie from Opie and Jim.
What's up?
On Sirius XM.
There's Cher, there's Madonna, there's Sting, there's Opie.
I don't know what this is about.
It seems like it's a cult.
It is very cultish.
I was peeking through the curtain, and I saw just people holding up signs.
It scared me.
Yeah, well, the signs are going to come back in a little bit,
and you'll have to select one to play for tonight.
You'll play on their behalf.
And things will get even more interesting if you pick somebody who brought donuts.
But I've said too much.
They have their own language, Rod.
Thank you for being here.
Wait, we get to pick the person?
Yeah, you get to decide who you're going to play for.
Okay.
And some people bring donuts, which I don't want to eat donuts.
Well, it's Passover and you can't.
I'm trying to Passover donuts permanently in my life.
And so I don't have them ever.
And so when they're given to us here,
me and my guests get to chuck them at people in the audience.
Oh, I like that.
It's very aggressive, it's unpleasant,
and why would anyone want to listen to it?
And that's why we do it.
Awesome.
Amen.
Opie, what did you bring for the prize bag tonight?
I saw that you were...
Well, you never told me to bring anything.
I never mentioned it to him.
So like Judy Gold, I just found something in the dressing room.
Yeah, but this we can actually give away.
It's birthday cake Oreos.
Ooh.
Wow, that's a hit.
But this guy who I just met, he ate one or two of them.
Oh, okay.
They're birthday cake Oreos, and they were in front of me.
So I don't know what you want.
In Doug Benson's green room.
Thank you, O.P.
No less. Pretty high.
What are birthday cake Oreos?
What?
What part of birthday cake and Oreos
do you wonder
what it is?
Like the shell.
Is it black and white?
Or is it all white and beige?
Like, what is it?
It's kind of a...
That's not an Oreo.
It's kind of the light Oreo.
And then, yeah, you could see one or have one if you want.
No, it's not an Oreo.
Open your mouth, Judy.
The body of Christ.
The body of Christ.
The middle of it probably just tastes like icing,
like birthday cake icing. This is good.
I should convert.
I can't believe it.
This is every Sunday.
What?
Every Sunday and wine, too, or vodka, whatever.
I love it.
Also new to the show first time guest gerard
small is here everybody yeah black dudes i see you what the fuck are you doing here black dudes
that they trick you did somebody pushed you in a van.
I'm glad to be here, Dougie.
Oh, it's nice to have you.
It's been too long since we've done anything together.
That's true.
It's been too long since I watched you roll a spliff.
And it's always a delight.
And what do you got there?
Oh, we should mention Race Wars is the podcast.
That's right.
That you co-host with Kurt Metzger.
Yes, every Wednesday.
Who doesn't come on this show because he doesn't like having to have any knowledge of any kind.
He's not a trivia guy.
He's not an anything guy.
But I put up with him.
But we'll have both of you on Getting Doug with High the next time you're out in L.A.
Oh, yes, definitely. That would be super fun.
That would be great.
And what do you have for the prize bag?
Oh, I got a Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtle mug.
Yeah, of course.
Out of my personal collection.
It's nice.
It's solid.
Yes!
You're welcome, nerd.
Did you bring that?
He just came on himself.
Did you hear that?
Yes!
If you drink out of that...
Totto!
You bought that?
Coming out of his show.
You haven't been on the show,
and you bought that before.
I was just walking around with it,
and they said they needed it.
You can have it.
It's got the way you can hold onto it.
It's almost like brass knuckles or something.
Yeah.
Like it'd be good in a fight
Yeah, it's like a weapon
Just walk down the street, just smash somebody with it
Then enjoy a celestial tea
Yeah
Well, thanks for bringing that
And next up is a third-time guest on the program
I'm guessing
Greg Wyshynski is here, everybody
Hey!
Hey!
I'm guessing.
Wow.
Greg Wyshynski is here, everybody.
Hey.
I want to congratulate Opie and all of the New York Islanders fans out there.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we're in Manhattan.
I thought this crowd was easy. They're cheering for Oreos, but they won't cheer for the Islanders?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Rangers fans?
Oreos make you feel good.
Nothing will get as much
as the Turtles mug.
Nothing.
Greg was the winner
of the last 12 Guests
of Christmas episode.
Here.
I beat Trivia Fetus
Jesse Pasternak
on that show, I believe. Wow, I hope that nickname doesn't stick. Trivia Fetus Jesse Pasternak on that show, I believe.
Wow, I hope that nickname doesn't stick.
Trivia Fetus.
Sub-TF.
But you knew coming in about the prize bag,
so you didn't have to turn to the backstage items.
For some reason, the hockey blogger is the only one who wants to self-promote
I have a copy of my book
Take your eye off the puck
Which it'll be in here and it's signed
I gave a signed copy to Doug once
And then he gave it away in the next show
And it was the best thing ever
Because he actually said as he's giving it away
He's like, I don't know, I think he might have signed it for me
Oh, yep, here it is
And then he just like read it
Yeah, it was written, written Doug you're my favorite
or whatever
please never give
this book away
it would mean so much
to me if I found it
on your grave
anyway
and then because
I'm so super excited
that it's coming back
and I assume that
there is some
Venn diagram crossover
between the Doug Loves
movie crowd and the show
I'm giving away
original Rhino
Manos the Hands of Fate from Mystery in this show. I'm giving away original Rhino, Manos, the Hands of Fate
from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Oh, man.
I know.
What the fuck did you just say?
Well, you see, it's his...
He just said, I'm white, I'm white, I'm white, I'm white.
It's Mystery Science Theater, you know that show?
Yeah.
Where the robots yell at the movie?
With Frank, my friend Frank's on it.
It's coming back.
Oh, yeah.
There's going to be a new version of it,
and Manos, Hands of Fate is like one of the classics
from the old show.
Okay, but you know what?
Already, he like won with that shit, okay?
Oh, yeah.
Just say what you said again.
Like, he's already over-prepared.
It's not fair.
No, Ben Dyer.
Oh, Manos, the Hands of Fate, which is
hands the hands of fate when translated from
the original Spanish. I want to punch
you in your white face.
I think I just grew a hymen.
She likes what she likes. Oh, I'm sorry.
All right. All right, then, I'm sorry. All right.
All right, then.
I am straight.
All right.
And here at the Gramercy Theater for the second time in a row,
he was on the last show we did here,
and he's back by popular demand.
It's Mark Norman, everybody.
Hey!
Good to be back.
Marky!
Thank you. Good to be back. Marky! Thank you.
Good to be back.
Loved it here.
Had a hell of a time.
I love your old-timey way of speaking.
I actually thought I won the last show, but I didn't.
That's how good you felt about the appearance.
You walked out of here, I won that thing.
I got one John Malkovich thing or something, and I thought I had it,
but apparently there were more games. I won that thing. I got one John Malkovich thing or something, and I thought I had it,
but apparently there were more games.
Yeah, it's just a series of games,
and none of them really matter until the last one kind of sneaks up on you.
Right.
And also, as the lighting keeps changing...
Yeah.
Is it time for my glaucoma medicine?
So...
I like to ask everybody on the panel
a specific question.
Oh, Mark, what did you bring for the prize bag? I'm sorry.
Oh, I thought you were going to
pass over me.
I, uh...
All right.
I pretty much,
I went to the store and I bought someone's lunch
for tomorrow
that's nice
yeah
don't look at it
it's disappointing
and who doesn't like
a well-rounded lunch
including a pack of bubble gum
well that's for after
that's dessert
I hope the winner I hope the winner
I hope the winner
does just not look in this.
Should they refrigerate it
overnight?
It's all packaged.
You don't need to.
Okay, yeah.
So I hope they just
don't look at it
and like this is their lunch
tomorrow and just
take a chance.
Right.
Take it, you know
like when people open up
those box surprise boxes
on the internet
like they should even
they should make a video of it.
Exactly.
That fucking beats that stupid DVD.
That DVD was tough to follow.
No, I love that.
Not even a Blu-ray.
All right.
So all of that stuff in this one laundry bag that's about to burst
is going to be someone's tonight at the end of the show.
Wow.
And the question that I like to ask each of you, we'll start down there with Judy.
Judy, what was the last motion picture that you saw in its entirety in any format?
That's a good one.
I don't even want to tell you.
Really?
It's embarrassing?
Yeah.
I love that.
I watched The Taming of the Shrew with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
Oh, man.
I was hoping it would involve scissoring.
Damn it.
Oh, so you haven't seen the movie.
But you watched it
partially as research because you're
doing Shakespeare in the Park this summer.
I am, yes. Thank you.
Thank you all.
I heard it's just you and a couple
other ladies near a tree somewhere.
Opie was talking about it.
Yeah, good one, Opie.
Now he's like, I'm coming to opening night.
And meanwhile, he thought I was just reciting Shakespeare at a random tree in Central Park.
Well, if you bike in Central Park, you'll see Shakespeare in the park.
Yeah, there's this weird...
Those are just people tripping.
Then there's an actual theater that actually does it.
I didn't know.
It's beautiful. It's a an actual theater that actually does it. I didn't know. Yeah, it's beautiful.
It's a beautiful way to see it.
Cheers.
I'll be there. And so you have a lot of lines that you don't have to learn and shit?
I have a lot of lines.
Is that how Shakespeare works?
Yes.
Thou not have lines, Sir Hark, thee?
Oh, this is going to be good.
You're nicer when you're not stoned.
Okay, so.
Yeah, it's a lot.
And I love every minute of it.
And was the movie good?
I really enjoyed the movie.
Well, I knew the story before.
But yes, I did enjoy the movie.
I mean, you know what?
Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
I mean, that's chemistry.
Yeah.
It was chemistry.
Okay, that was like Brad and Angelina.
They're even over the top, right?
That's like Kim Kardashian and who the fuck is she with? Kanye.
Kanye.
Right?
That's gotta, if Kanye got wind of that
that's gotta hurt a little bit. I wonder why Comedy Central
said I've aged out.
You are doing
Shakespeare outdoors. Yeah.
Touche.
Touche.
Mark, what was the last movie you saw?
I actually watched Bad News Bears on a plane
No way!
The Walter Matthau one?
Yeah, it's a great flick
Oh shit
Really good, it's dark as hell
Yeah
I mean, they say every racial slur
Like an eight-year-old says it within the first eight minutes
Jealous much? I mean, they say every racial slur, like an eight-year-old says it within the first eight minutes.
Jealous much?
But it's a feel-good movie.
Feel-good, yeah.
Yeah, that kid's got a nice run that ends with booger eater and stops by the N-word on the way.
Yeah.
It's really rough.
And then they made that remake with Billy Bob Thornton, and the kids didn't say that.
No. It's like, what's the point if the kids didn't say that. No. It's just like,
what's the point if the kids aren't going to do that? I know. One of the kids has to be
trans. It's a whole thing.
Yeah.
Times are a-changing.
For the good!
Don't blog!
But yeah yeah that movie
really holds up
it's really
terrific all the way around
still funny
still edgy
totally recommend it
poignant
yeah
yeah it's very well done
I'm gonna watch that
with my kids
yeah the guy next to me
on the plane
wasn't crazy about it
really
well he was
Fox News
no he was
a couple of the slurs they shouted out.
Oh, this was a general movie on the plane?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was like in the back seat,
the back of the seat like JetBlue.
It was a flight from the 60s.
Oh.
But, yeah.
I would have fit in very well, I guess, then.
Yeah.
Right.
Can you tell we're dating?
Is it obvious?
Greg, what about you?
What was the last movie you saw?
I saw The Invitation.
I don't know if anybody caught that yet.
It's great.
We were talking about it on the show recently.
Crazy Californians at a dinner party
may or may not involve a cult
of some sort of murderous intention.
Yeah, it gets weird.
Not the most multicultural cast, admittedly.
Yeah.
It's going to do all right.
It's fine.
It gets pretty weird.
First hockey, then that fucking TBD.
I know, I'm sorry.
Doug, I have a hood for the prize bag.
Oh, shit.
But I wanted to also say that
this movie gets shit on every
Doug Loves Movies I listen to.
I saw Batman v Superman
colon Dawn of Justice
and I didn't hate it as much
as a lot of other movies that I hated.
And here's why.
I'm happy that those iterations
of the characters exist.
We never have to see them again necessarily.
But my curiosity of
what would happen if Batman
just straight up fucking murdered everybody.
That's satisfied.
And what would happen if Superman was a gigantic asshole.
That's satisfied as well.
Batman murders plenty in the Tim Burton Batman.
But not with a gun.
Oh.
That's a difference.
And you know Robin was gay.
That's common knowledge, right?
Everybody knows that.
He had to be, right?
Hello, his name's Robin
and he's a guy
and then he's hanging around with Batman
hello somewhere Robin Thicke
weeps well even more
than he's probably weeping already
Batman I can't even tell you
it's constant
let's hit that bat pole, Robin. I mean,
Batman is gay. Clark Kent is...
Oh, that's Superman. Sorry.
He is?
Sherrod, let's move to
you to get out of this.
Yes, yes. Yes, indeed. What?
Oh, God. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you see a movie lately? Yes. The last movie
that I saw in its entirety was Badasses 2.
The Bayou.
What's the running time on that?
It's about $1.40.
Really?
Yeah, about $1.40.
And it's Danny Trejo and Danny Glover.
Ooh, it was not good.
But I was high, so it was all right.
It's called Badasses?
It's Badasses 1, by the way.
This is Badasses 2.
The first one was Badass.
No, this is 2.
Danny Trejo.
You know Danny.
Sure.
Yeah.
Face is a mess.
You know that.
He's a shorty also. He's a shorty also.
He's a shorty rock.
He's a little thick Mexican.
He's like a Mexican fire hydrant.
Which is better, one or two?
I think two is better.
I think two might be better.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Who's in the first one?
Is it the same guys?
Danny Trejo's in it, but not Danny Glover.
They brought the black man in the second one like his diehard.
Ah, got it.
Remember, we got to get another Danny in this movie.
Danny DeVito.
Yeah.
And now also, now that I think about it,
Danny is an odd name for a black guy or a Mexican.
Yeah.
Why are they both named Danny?
I never thought about that before.
Would that be great if that was the plot of the movie?
My father's name is Danny.
Behave yourself, dog.
Mine too.
Let's stop fighting.
Wait.
Who is who?
Spoilers and shit.
We spoiled that one a week or two ago, I think.
But, Opie, have you seen anything lately? I know you
did it for a while, but
what's going on with your... You did a show
on SiriusXM talking about
documentaries? Yes. I'm going to bring that
back. And you've got to bring it back, right?
That's such a great topic these days.
Thank you. I'm going to bring it back with Dave Navarro,
I think. Oh, okay. He came in and
he's a big fan of documentaries. But the
last movie I saw was The Big
Short.
Practically a documentary.
That is an awesome movie. I wouldn't know.
I think I gotta see it. There's no badasses too.
I think I gotta
see it again.
It's easy to miss some stuff.
Wow, that went over my head.
It goes at a pretty fast clip, but
I think they needed more of the woman in the jacuzzi explaining things.
Right.
Margot Robbie.
Margot Robbie.
Then it would be a porno movie, actually, and wouldn't be up for an Academy Award.
It was just a woman in the fucking hot tub.
Yeah, but she explained...
But she's talking about the whole financial...
I understand that.
I know, but I don't think...
They also have Anthony Bourdain shows up
and explains a little bit, so I'm not paying attention
to that. I'm like, where's the lady with the tits?
Selena Gomez.
Oh yeah, that's true.
She explained a thing or two.
We could get a child in here, that's good.
Get her in this R-rated sexy movie.
By the way,
the big short, Danny Trejo's
nickname.
Fun fact.
Look at my little baby over here.
Jewish.
So let me ask
everybody this. We'll go back
in the opposite direction.
She knows me well.
Like getting to listen to the Opie and Jim show,
you guys talk about Dear Zachary and what a bummer it is.
So thanks to you and your show, I haven't seen it, nor will I ever see it.
I'm just like, no, I don't need that.
If they say it's a complete bummer, I'm out.
I'm good.
I saw it in the summer.
Beautiful day.
And I ended up in the fetal position.
It's brutal.
Yeah.
I'm not in.
Good.
That's all I need to know about it.
What is it about?
Is it about a dead kid?
Huh.
Was it just one dead kid?
One dead kid White people problems
He was dead the whole movie
Oh and you watched him on the thing
He's dead the whole time?
He is dead
Wasn't that fucking Sixth Sense?
Saw it
Yeah I'm good I didn't even go see Se Sense? Saw it. Yeah, I'm good.
I didn't even go see Seventh Sense when it came out.
So, Opie, what's your favorite?
Like, can you recommend right now, like, a great documentary that you've seen recently?
Oh, my God.
There's so many, actually.
I like the 30 for 30s.
Right.
Yeah, of course are those are documentaries as
well yeah but i don't i i haven't gone down that rabbit hole i think if i started watching those
i'd watch a lot of them they're really good oh yeah but you yeah the u is amazing broke is amazing
yeah like i can't i can't turn the channel past uh brian Gumbel's sports thing on HBO. On HBO. Real sports. Because those fucking stories, they just get you so mad or sad.
It's gripping.
Oh, totally.
So many good stories in sports while I'm not paying attention to sports.
Listen to me.
Marlon's really good.
Oh, yeah.
The thing where it's all the...
Has anyone seen that one?
Which one?
The tapes that Marlon Brando made.
I guess he taped all the time and taped therapy sessions
and they put it all together to kind of tell the story of his life.
We had a guest on the show that was telling us about that movie
and we all thought he was fucking with us.
That he was just like making up this movie called Listen to Me, Marlon.
Because also, why is it called Listen to Me, Marlon
when you listen to Marlon the whole time?
Do you have any docs you can recommend, Shiraz?
Dave Navarro.
Dave Navarro.
That was good.
Do you all know that story about Dave Navarro's mother?
Oh, you got to see his movie?
Morning Sun.
The boyfriend came back and killed his mother and her sister.
And would have killed him, but his father picked him up that day.
Wow, huh?
Yeah.
Fascinating. We'll be right back after this commercial it's fucking crazy yeah and the dude was loose the whole time they just
arrested him like dave navarro was already famous and the dude was already loose. He could have been at his concert lurking.
White people are dangerous.
He was loose for nine or ten years, I believe.
Yeah, he was out
for like nine or ten years
so they caught him
on America's Most Wanted.
That's how they got him.
The show got canceled.
Yeah, the show's not on anymore.
They were catching
too many of them
and it was bringing
the overall ratings down.
Making the cops look bad.
Yeah, what asshole
cancels that show?
Yeah, I don't know.
I know, that's true. You're right.
That's like...
Who the fuck cancels a show
about finding, like, missing people?
I still call 1-800-CRIMESTOPPERS
every day when I see shit happening.
And now it's movie phone.
It's not even Crimestoppers.
Like when you see
a vulnerable adult?
What movie is this?
I don't know.
I ran out of Tito's vodka.
I don't know what happened. I don't know what we're talking about.
I just know it's fun.
Wait, no, what was it? The kid?
Greg, is there a documentary you like?
Best documentary I've seen lately was Amy.
Hope people caught Amy.
Oh, I was going to use that.
Fuck you.
You can say a two.
It's like you have to just be perfect at everything.
Forget I said that shit.
Okay.
My favorite documentary is...
If it's the other one I love, I'll kill you.
Go.
Are you a wrestling fan?
No.
All right, good.
We're fucking golden.
Beyond the Mat.
I want to see that
which is an amazing documentary
about how like
all these guys
jump off of steel cages
and fall on thumbtacks
and I think it's also
where Jake the Snake Roberts
is like stone cold drunk
and like staggering around
am I right?
is that the one?
yeah
Beyond the Mat
even if you're not
like a wrestling fan
is just a fucking
really good documentary
so please
yeah wrestlers
they insatted than comedians
but barely also Jerry Seinfeld's comedian Really good documentary. Yeah, wrestlers, they end sadder than comedians.
But barely.
Also, Jerry Seinfeld's comedian.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's a great one. What's the Amy documentary?
Amy Winehouse.
Yes, Amy Winehouse.
Don't tell me how it ends.
Jew.
Huh?
What'd you say, Mark?
Easy, Jew.
Oh, don't you love him?
Oh, jeez.
I'll tell you, if I wasn't gay...
Have you seen The 7-5?
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Whoa, The 7-5?
It's about the 75th Precinct in Brooklyn in the 70s.
Unbelievable.
You gotta watch this. The Corrupt Cops. Yeah. And they have footage and all this shit. It's about the 75th precinct in Brooklyn in the 70s. Unbelievable. You gotta watch this.
The corrupt cops.
Yeah.
And they have footage and all this shit.
It's amazing.
I told you.
Yeah.
Sherrod's in it as a kid.
No shirt, a knife.
Ah, that was a job interview.
Yeah.
And he's out of prison, too. Mark Dorman. Oh. And he's out of prison, too.
Mark Dorman.
Oh, the guy's out of prison.
Yeah, Michael Dowd.
I thought you meant Sherrod.
I am?
Yeah, the guy's out.
He tells the whole story, spills the beans.
It's great.
All right.
Check it out.
There's a lot of ones I haven't seen.
I got to check these things out. As long as it's not Dear Zachary, alright check it out there's a lot a lot of ones I haven't seen I gotta check
these things out
as long as it's not
Dear Zachary
I'll give it a shot
Judy do you have
a favorite
Tito's Neat
but Chilled
make it two
I want a drink
can I get a drink
up here
no I
I'm sorry
who's in charge
of drinks
we can get you
Tito's
we can get you that
Tito's Neat can get you that.
Tito's, neat and chilled.
Anyway, and one for my son, Mark.
I need a Patron, though.
I need a double-chilled Patron.
You're going to look so handsome at your bar mitzvah.
Anyway, so...
I'll take one, too.
And you know what, audience?
What are you drinking?
It's on me.
What?
What'd she say?
What happened?
Wait, we didn't hear
what happened.
Okay, you got this, right?
What'd he say?
Just a Tito's and soda for me, please.
Anybody else need anything?
Yeah, I'll take a whiskey on the rocks.
You just wanted a vodka.
That's because I'm scared of you.
Whatever.
You mean the neat Tito's chilled?
The chilled neat Tito's?
I was just going to go with your thing.
Yeah. If I'm being honest to go with your thing. Yeah.
If I'm being honest.
So maybe they'll bring two.
All right, they'll bring two.
Anyway, can I give two, Don?
Please.
Okay.
20 Feet from Stardom.
Oh.
Is.
Oh, yeah.
You will never listen to music the same again.
It will change the way you listen to music.
Period.
No matter what.
Well, let's say you're listening
to Philip Glass.
How would this movie
affect that?
If you're listening
to Philip Glass,
then there is something
fucking wrong with you.
So, you're in some sort of,
you know, other state.
I'm saying in general,
when you listen to music.
So, 20 Feet from Stardom.
And I have to say,
the Nina Simone documentary was...
That's just straight up Nina?
It's called Nina?
Yeah, Nina.
And it's one of those...
I'm sorry, what's it called?
What's it called?
Huh?
Yeah, Dear Miss Simone.
I'm so sorry.
Black dude.
Yeah, son.
I'll see you at church on Sunday.
Proud of you.
Dear Miss Simone,
I'm telling you,
didn't you think about it?
You know,
you saw it, Dear Miss Simone,
whoever said it. But I thought it's one of those things you think about for like you know no you saw it jeremy simone whoever said it but i thought it's one of
those things you think about for like a week or two afterwards you can't get it out of your system
it's fucking amazing okay that's it sorry tito's love that that was great that's a lot of uh great
documentaries that people uh can check out because people are always asking me for recommendations. I'm like, just listen to my podcast.
And
let me think if I can think of
one that I've liked.
I thought you said Vicodin.
Let me take a Vicodin
and then we'll take the show
to another level. I have one in the back if you want one.
No, I'm good. I'm good.
You said in the back. I'm just trying to think
of... I'll get a charade. Come on. It's probably not a good place for me to do my thinking, but I'm good. I'm good. You said in the back. I'm just trying to think of... Huh?
I'll get a charade.
Come on.
It's probably not a good place for me to do my thinking,
but I'm trying to think of a documentary that I really liked.
Well, it was mentioned last night we were playing a game.
Yesterday we were playing a game where Nicole Kidman was the subject,
and somebody said that she was in Going Clear.
Oh, look at all these drinks.
Wow.
But I very much enjoyed the Going Clear documentary on HBO.
I had a Patron.
I had the whiskey.
He had the whiskey.
That's mine.
You know, about the amount that you decided to give me. I don't know why you guys are making such a thing out of which drink you wanted.
Just it's alcohol.
Enjoy it.
Oh, boy.
You know, for like a dainty girl.
I'll take two.
I don't know if you've seen me.
I'm huge.
I'm Jewish.
Oh, fuck.
Thank you.
She's like, you want it too?
I was like, no, but I'll take two.
Cheers to everyone.
Cheers, yes.
Cheers to everybody.
To Bill Cosby.
See you in the morning.
See you at the hotel.
Oh, right.
Opie, can we get you like a water or a cup of boring?
No, he has that every morning on Sirius XM.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Here comes the hug.
Makeup hug. Damn. Here comes the hug. Makeup hug.
Oh.
For a lady who doesn't watch wrestling,
she looks like a heel.
Judy's only mean to people for the makeup hugs.
I got a thing for that opium, I got to tell you.
Okay, go.
That opium?
That opium.
We're really having trouble understanding each other
up here tonight.
You said in the back.
Whatever.
This is good.
Here's the part of the show where I say
let the games begin!
People brought name tags.
Oh, we got more drinks coming.
Holy cow.
Wow.
Look at that.
This is awesome.
That's delightful.
What?
Thank you so much.
Did everybody bring a Trapper Keeper?
Wow.
Thank you so much.
So everybody, most of the people here tonight, even up in the balcony, brought name tags.
Holy shit.
Your job is to go physically select the one you'd like to
play on behalf of
tonight.
Oh shit.
Wow.
You could maybe find
your favorite movie
out there
or if you like
donuts or
whatever reason
you want to pick it
but just go grab
the one that you want.
Who we do?
Just get up
and go grab it.
Yeah.
And bring it back
to your seat.
Grab the sign
that I want?
Whatever sign you like, or that yoga, Yoda, yoga.
It's a Yoda puppet.
There's my face on a Captain EO poster.
Oh, that's what I was going to get.
I'm going to periscope it this time.
Name, tag, selection. Periscope at this time. Name.
Tag.
Selection.
Selection.
NYC.
Oh, this thing didn't work.
I like it.
Judy's still working on it.
She's a wrestling heel.
I got the donuts.
Donuts. Donuts.
All right, Judy.
Take that back to your seat.
Good job.
Opie, you're right.
This is like a cult, except people in a cult get laid.
Is there anything in the backpack?
No?
Okay.
I know.
I've got a great cult, but I forgot the sex part.
Right.
It's a really wholesome cult I've got going here.
So, Judy, tell us about
this name tag that you've selected.
Die, Mommy, Die.
You know,
I am
a mother, and I know my kids often
think, die, Mommy,
die.
So that one really spoke to you.
Yeah, it triggered me. It triggered me.
It triggered me, definitely.
And the young woman who made the name tag, her name is Di.
D-I.
Short for Diane, right?
Right.
Great job.
I mean, I didn't know that, but I just agreed with you.
As I spilled my Tito's.
Neat.
And chill.
Mark, you've already thrown your name tag on the floor.
Oh, sorry.
And some of it's food, so that's probably not great.
But hold that up for me so I can get a picture of it.
Oh, that's really good.
Who are you playing for?
This is old.
It's Tenacious D.
Oh, Tenacious D, the dick of destiny.
And the dick of destiny.
So this is dick, yeah.
Just put it right by your dick there and I'll get a good picture
of it and your dick.
That's disgusting, Douglas.
Your destiny is HPV.
Very smart.
Greg has a new friend on his lap.
I selected a plush Yoda that I'm clutching like a child with a security blanket.
I thought that was a toy Jew.
No, that's the plush yogurt.
I have, it says Return of the Jenny on it, I assume for Jenny.
And I like it quite a lot.
Does he get to keep it, Jenny?
Oh, also I'm a grown man wearing an R2D2
t-shirt, so I'm just kind of connecting the dots
here.
You know,
future tip, you know, you can't go
wrong with Star Wars with the people
I bring on my show.
They love the Star Wars name tags.
But Sherrod, on the other hand,
he went right after a
Boogie Nights poster
that says Buggy Nights.
Buggy Nights.
Is your name Buggy?
Last name.
Last name Buggy?
That's a great one.
Holy shit.
I would have destroyed her in grade school.
I want to catch a ride.
Should I put it near my dick?
No, that's good.
Because I could just put it anywhere.
That can't cover your dick.
It's a sexy cartoon you on the front.
Yeah, it's me in the Mark Wahlberg position.
And then lots of frequent guests on the show are all the different faces.
And I think Buggy's in there as well.
And good job.
And then you get some donuts for your trouble.
Yeah, I got some donuts in the bottle.
You like those mini donuts?
I do.
You should give the white ones to Kurt Metzger.
Whitey's got enough.
We have the meats.
I'm being ramesed it.
I'm being ramesed the shit out of it.
And Opie, who are you playing for?
I got the seven-year rich.
I don't know.
She said pick me, and I just said, all right.
Yeah, sometimes that's how you get it done. You just say, pick me and I just said alright Yeah, sometimes that's how you get it done
You just say pick me
It's an old guy over event
And it's the 70 year rich
Terrific, give me that
You want me to re-pick it?
No
Rich is cool, don't worry about it
Alright, so
The first game we're going to play tonight...
You're doing great.
I don't know what the fuck's going on here.
I'm scared.
This is a game called How Much Did This Shit Make?
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
And I'll come to you in an order I've predetermined.
To each of you are going to guess how much a particular movie made,
according to Box Office Mojo, during its entire domestic run.
And whoever comes closest without going over wins this game.
Sorry.
Judy, there's a movie that just came out
called The Huntsman, Winter Soldier, Civil War,
or something like that.
Like, why did they put out this Huntsman movie
and go, we also need two words
from the recent Captain America movies.
Let's get civil and winter in there.
But they're all in there, all those
words. And then
the movie didn't do so well over the weekend,
but what I want to know is why did they even make
a sequel in the first place?
How much did Snow White
and the Huntsman
make? And we'll start with Greg.
How much do you think it made?
To get a sequel,
let's go 110 million.
110 million?
Wow, is that good or bad?
I already have some people that don't agree.
I don't agree.
Mark, let's go to Mark next, though.
How much do you think it made, Mark?
Shit, I have no idea what a good movie is.
You know, like a good number.
I think Badass is
two.
Yeah, I don't know. Is it like
a trillion? I don't know what movies make.
Like what is good and what is bad?
Is bad like 50 bucks?
I don't know.
You said 110 mil?
Yeah. Don't do it.
Whenever anybody has asked what the previous bid was,
you know what's coming.
One dollar over, ain't it?
Yeah, yeah.
So I'll say one...
No.
I'll say, I don't know,
180 mil.
Okay.
Is that bad?
I don't know what movie's being.
I'm sorry.
Sherrod?
I want Mark to be my roommate.
You don't know math good.
He's like, why am I paying 99% of the rent?
I got you.
And why is Harriet Tubman on this money?
Cause what your ancestors did.
Thank you, pink hair.
I see you nodding over there, girl.
Get my next drink, Reddick.
Sherrod, how much?
Oh, how much did the movie make?
Yeah.
Okay. I saw the first one.
You did?
Yeah, I didn't go to the movies to see it.
I just saw it on cable, late night, no pants.
I'm going to say
it had to cost about $100 million to make, $120 million.
So they lost some money.
So I'm going to say about total, right?
Nah, just a third.
We're talking Blu-ray.
What are we talking?
I'm going to say... Theatrical, domestic.
Beta.
$75 million.
Wow, all right, all right.
We're all in the same area.
All right.
Wow.
Opie?
Yeah.
Opie, what do you think?
I'm last.
I'm going to go with $87 million.
Oh, shit.
Oh.
Wow.
Shut me off.
Wait a minute.
We got it. Did you guess? All right, Judy. No, I haven't guessed. Uh, shit. Shut me off. Wait a minute. We got it. Did you guess?
All right, Judy. No, I haven't guessed.
You could go with the classic $1
bid.
Or you could bid $1 over the highest
bidder. I'm going to say
either $12 million or $15 million.
And I'm going to go with...
Wait, do you have any idea what
we're doing?
I could go for $1. I could go for $1.
I could go for $1.
You're not supposed to chew down the prize, Judy.
Yeah.
Don't you know the producers?
Did you know it was Hitler's birthday the other day?
Was it really?
Yeah, it was.
It was Hitler's birthday on the 20th.
It's like get high day and Hitler's birthday.
Oh, right, right.
What the fuck?
I'm trying to be like...
Should I do $1?
$1?
They're saying higher.
Although they might be talking about Doug.
What are you doing?
I just got asked to do this
fucking show. I had no idea what I was getting into.
This is the last time you get to ask the audience
for help. She's been here 20 minutes.
She turned the place into a temple.
Tito's
Neat and Chilled
I'm gonna go with
I'll go with $1
Alright
Yeah
We got a game here folks
Very good
It made $155.3 million it made
155.3 million dollars
and so Greg was the closest
without going over
with 110 million
case due for life
big surprise
although she didn't come back to the sequel
because she had that thing with the director
wow Greg
150 million dollars is losing money?
It made $155 million
and so that's why they made a sequel
but now the sequel
so far out of the gate
has only made like $20 million on the first weekend.
Why win?
Because Jungle Book is kicking its ass.
Did I not say $12 to $15
and it was $ 20? So fuck
everyone, okay?
Yeah, I guess I was asking you
if you knew what was going on because
it did sound like you were
talking about the first weekend of
the new movie. I was talking about the
first movie, the money it made
the whole time.
Oh, yeah, I wasn't.
Sorry about that. I wasn't. Sorry about that.
I was confused.
Tito's chilled and neat.
Tito's neat and chilled.
Chilled, neat Tito's.
Take that Vicodin while you're at it.
Tito's neat and neat.
You never got it the first time?
I'm sorry?
Did you get one already?
Oh, yeah.
I did, but I spilled it as I was talking to my son.
I am not a good drinker.
We'll run a tap for her.
I'm just telling you that right now.
She's going to be wearing that lampshade soon.
Yeah, take your scarf off.
Stay a while.
I know.
I don't know why.
I asked a young, hip person if I should wear my scarf,
and they said, yeah, it looks cool.
And now I'm like having a hot flash and I can't do it.
All right.
So Greg gets to go first in the next game.
And this is a game that I call ABCD's Nuts.
Now we're talking.
Yeah.
I love this game.
I need to see all of your nuts.
No, the way this works, settle down, Judy, is...
I have sons.
It's a...
She sees nuts.
It's a spelling game, and...
Which doesn't really make any sense as a way of describing it.
But basically, I take a word.
Oh, she got her a drink.
Oh, wow.
My rabbi bought me a drink.
Shabbat shalom.
Why did Sons of Anarchy bring it to you?
I love you, Cheryl.
It's a team effort here at the Gramercy.
Everybody pitches in.
When he's not choking people out,
he's bringing drinks to Judy Gold.
Thank you.
So we're going to spell, in honor of
Opie and his documentary show,
I thought it would be fun to spell
the word documentary.
So we'll start with Greg and the letter D. And the idea is you name any movie that begins with the letter D,
then Mark will have to name any movie that begins with O-C-U, and we'll spell documentaries.
And I've written down a movie for each letter. And if you just miraculously match the movie
that I wrote down ahead of time,
you win the whole thing automatically.
Fucking A.
Starting with Greg, name any movie that begins
with the letter D, Greg. We're going to spell
documentaries. In honor of the amazing
radio program Race Force, where you can watch
it on, listen to it when?
Wednesday, 7 o'clock, 7 to 9 p.m.
Drive time, L.A.
What are you, Rich Voss?
I'm going to sell DVDs outside in the lobby.
He brings up drive time all the time.
We're talking about when he's on.
I'm just like Rich Voss because I'm not going to fuck Bonnie tonight.
It's their whole thing.
It's their stick.
It's stick, not stick. In honor of Grace Morris. I've been drinking more than you, by the way. It's their whole thing. It's their stick. It's stick, not stick.
In honor of Brace Forest.
I've been drinking more than you, by the way.
It's called a stick.
Of course I'm going to say the seminal classic, Do the Right Thing.
Oh, Do the Right Thing.
Good answer.
Begins with D.
I went with a movie called Dogtown and Z-Boys.
Did you ever see that?
All right, Mark.
Any movie that begins with O?
I'm going to go with Out of Sight, which is underrated.
Oh.
Jennifer Lopez?
Most people like it, I think.
Jennifer Lopez?
Yes, yes.
And George Clooney?
Yeah, that scene where he's like playing with her junk in the trunk.
That's insane. I went with a junk in the trunk. That's insane.
I went with a movie called Oceans.
Oh, yes, yes.
Yeah, beautiful movie.
Oceans.
Fuck that was.
I don't know Oceans.
C is your letter, Judy.
Any movie begins with C.
How appropriate.
You know, I was thinking the same exact thing.
We all were.
And I'll see you next Tuesday.
I'm going to go, Doug, with the movie Carrie.
Carrie, yeah.
There's two versions of it, both called the same thing.
Carrie, yeah.
There's two versions of it, both called the same thing.
I went with, it's one of the movies I've done.
It's called Chronicon, episode 420.
Thanks.
You're such a kiss-ass.
Yeah.
Now, Carrie was in the movie about the girl who was our time of the month.
Yeah. Right. Oh yeah that's so funny Sharon
that's why she was crazy
because it was her time of the life
I was referring to the blood all over her body
but okay
cheers
OP the letter is U
I'll go with used cars.
Oh, I love that movie.
I said unzipped.
Oh, fuck.
Which I think is a documentary about Isaac Mizrahi.
M is your letter, Sherrod.
What's mine?
M.
M, okay.
Any M movie.
Shit.
Mannequin. Yes! okay any M movie uh shit mannequin
yes
yes they love you thank you
80s
I went with March of the Penguins
oh I love that movie
it's the second highest grossing
doc of all time
it's such a good movie isn't it such a good movie
Doug I like that movie a great deal.
I love that movie. I wish
Morgan Freeman would stop playing
God and just talk about penguins.
Need some of that penguin money.
It was about that time I realized the penguins
were marching.
Very nice.
I had no idea that we had
a hockey enthusiast slash
impressionist on the panel.
Slash kisses.
E, Greg, is your letter.
E.
All right, I smell what you're putting down here, Doug.
I'm going to say enter the void.
Oh.
Oh, that's a good one.
I don't know what that has to do with what I'm putting down.
I went with a film called Earth.
Oh, that's a good one.
Earth.
N is your letter
mark.
Thought Sherrod would get this one.
Niggers.
Let's see.
No, let's see.
I was a little busy, I'm sorry.
I knew I just had to wait for that joke
to happen.
When we were talking about Judy being the C word,
I looked ahead to see if there was an N word in documentaries.
So pleased
to see that there was.
N, Mark.
I'll go with
Neverending Story.
Oh, that's fun.
I went with No End in Sight.
Whatever.
Yeah, it's about Bush in Iraq.
T is the next letter.
T.
For me, this is one of the most amazing.
I mean, I could pick three, but I'll pick one.
Thank you.
The Godfather. The Godfather.
The Godfather, that's correct.
Thank you.
I went with one of my other films,
The Greatest Movie Ever Rolled.
A is the next letter, Opie.
Let's go with Arthur.
Oh, okay.
Nice.
That's a good one.
I love that movie and the theme song.
You loving it?
Oh, okay.
Nice.
That's a good one.
I love that movie and the theme song.
You love it?
Arthur, he does what he pleases.
Yeah, he's an asshole.
Who gets caught between the moon and New York City? That's not even possible.
I went for the letter A.
I went with An Inconvenient Truth.
Oh, I love that.
That's a great documentary.
Uh-huh.
It's almost like you're catching on to what's happening.
Sherrod, your next letter is R.
R.
Movie.
Rain Man.
That's a good one.
That's what I was thinking.
It's almost documentary.
Seemed very real.
I went with Religious,
the Bill Maher documentary.
I love that as well.
That asshole.
I, Greg.
Which one is it? R?
Why?
I.
I.
I.
Why? R? What is it? Y? Y. Y? I. I? I. I.
Why?
I, I, I, I, I, I.
Why, why, why, why, why?
What do we spell it again?
I'll go with I love you, man.
I went with inside job.
E, Mark.
I went with inside job.
Wait, what word are we doing?
I thought we have an I.
I thought it was documentary.
What word are we spelling? Oh, we have an I. I thought it was documentary. What word are we spelling?
Documentary?
Documentaries.
Oh!
Okay.
Alright.
Oh, did you guys think I was doing the little rascal
spelling? I had fucking
young adult locked and loaded.
And you said I. I thought the Asperger's was kicking
in.
Alright. We played said, aye. I thought the Asperger's was kicking in. All right.
We played along
like that's right.
Aye so much.
E.
E.
Any movie that begins
with E,
it's an easy one.
I got it.
Yeah.
Enron.
Full title.
That's an excellent.
Thank you.
What did he say?
Hold on,
I'm using the Jewish
scarf powers.
Ah, shit.
Shout it there.
How dare you.
Ah, damn it.
I didn't hear it.
Enron.
How dare you, Amy Adams and shit.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Ah, shit.
Enron.
Yeah, it's tough.
Enron.
But I'm impressed that you even came up with Enron.
What I wrote down was Enron, the smartest guys in the room.
Yeah.
But let's hear it for Mark Norman for at least almost bringing it down.
Greg.
I'm coming after you, Greg.
And Judy, the last letter.
Is S.
S.
And I feel that this is serendipitous, if I may.
Because the fact that I can name this movie...
What the fuck?
Seriously?
Sorry.
The fact that I...
It smells like matzah.
Yeah, that lamp's the perfect place to put your drink.
Exactly. Shut the your drink. Exactly.
Shut the fuck up.
Exactly.
But I feel that this is kismet,
that there's something going on in the universe
that I can actually say,
Schindler's List.
Another comedy. Yeah. Another comedy.
Alright.
It is one of the better documentaries.
I mean, come on.
Come on, Doug.
I had to go with my third movie.
Super Jaime.
Super Jaime.
But it would have been fun if you figured out that it was all documentaries
and guests supersized me
because I would have been like, wrong!
But if I have the opportunity
to say Schindler's List,
I will say Schindler's List.
It is fun to get to say.
Yeah.
Anything about the Holocaust is hilarious.
You know what I'm saying?
Cheers.
Yes.
So I'm going to call Mark the winner of that game.
All right.
Thank you.
Very proud of you.
Mazel tov.
As a prize, can I change seats?
I'm joking.
I'm joking.
You're very fun. You're a lot of fun. I'm joking. I'm joking. You're very fun.
You're a lot of fun.
You're fun.
Somebody shoot her
with a blow dart.
Good night, everybody.
I'll be here all week.
Thank you.
It doesn't look like
any of the other
gentlemen are
volunteering to move
I'm joking
it's a lot of fun
we have a good
chemistry
it's like 48 hours
over here
Mark
I'm so on your side
I know
and then you just
fucking diss me
it's our thing
that's what we do whatever so on your side. I know. And then you just fucking diss me. It's our thing.
That's what we do.
Whatever.
All right, so Mark is going to go first
to this next game,
and then it'll go to Greg,
Sherrod, Opie,
and then over to you, Judy.
Great.
You'll have plenty of time
to figure out what's happening.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you, Doug.
Can I get another drink? Can I get another drink?
Sure.
No, I'm not having another drink.
I'm a Jew and I had two drinks.
Yeah, I need another one.
That's way too much.
And a Heineken, too, if I can.
Whatever the crowd's drinking, it's on me.
Yeah, and some pizza.
I'm definitely going to fuck the crowd tonight, though.
Who wants to opt out of that?
Nobody? Good.
It's game crowd.
Alright.
They're upset we're not throwing the donuts.
So let's open up the donuts
and throw them at the audience.
We get to throw donuts?
Donuts?
Of course I'm going to throw the white ones first.
Do you get to take them out of the packages?
Yeah, I mean, I meant these big ones, but you could throw those too.
Yeah, you just take one of these like this, and you go like this.
Oh!
Oh!
Well, now I've got to aim for the sound dudes.
Oh, shit.
I did not expect to hear a smash.
Whose donuts were they?
Whose donuts were they?
That guy?
Kudos to you, man, for getting a fucking Boston cream.
Well, it was a great last show here at the Gramercy.
Yeah.
What?
There we go.
What did I break up there?
Oh, wow.
Like a drinking glass?
Okay.
This is the funnest way to get diabetes.
That sounded like a sound cue, that glass breaking.
And the listeners aren't going to hear it at all.
We might have to put something in in post.
It's like the last thing you expect to hear when you throw a donut.
It's like, was that an explosion?
It sounded like Judy's wedding.
I never had a wedding.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
But you can now.
USA.
USA.
Any carpet munchers in the house, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No doubt.
All right, this next game is called...
Wait, hold up. Game of Thrones is bringing my drinks.
You were great last night.
Thank you, sir. Now back to the North Wall.
I'll do a Stella.
Sorry, sorry.
Oh, he's pissed.
It's the guy who brought you your drinks.
You're mean to him.
I've always wanted to meet Kings of Leon.
Oh, boy.
Should have waited for the drink.
All right, Mark, so we're starting with you on
whose tagline is it anyway?
It's the name of the game.
I'll say a tagline from a motion picture,
which is usually the clever advertising slogan
that they put on the poster.
You know, like in space, no one can hear you scream, that kind of thing.
And I'll start with Mark, and Mark's the only one in the room that can guess.
And if he gets it wrong, then we'll move to Greg.
Judy.
No, I'll go to Greg this time.
We switch the order around each time.
It's fine.
It's fine.
I feel great.
I thought I established it a while ago, but some time did go by.
I don't know what you established.
So this is just for Mark.
What movie has the tagline,
It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime.
It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime. It's the time
of your life that may last a lifetime.
And the other panelists might get a shot
at it if she isn't.
I'm going to take a shot in the
anal here. I'm going to say
No, Stella!
Oh, it's the
Kings of Leon thing. Shit.
I'm going to go with
Vanilla Sky.
Oh.
Yeah, that could work for that.
But that's
not the answer.
Rats. Greg?
The curious case of
Benjamin Button.
He does die eventually.
Oh, shit, you're right.
He's not immortal.
He just dies as a baby.
Sherrod.
Sherrod Small.
Can I hear it again, please?
Yes.
Can you use it in a sentence?
It is a sentence.
It's the time
of your life
that may last a lifetime. Time of your life that may last a lifetime.
Time of your life that may last a lifetime.
Mm-hmm.
I'm going to have to say, I know what you did last summer.
Good guess.
Opie, do you have a guess?
Is it a fish movie?
A what?
A fish movie.
Like a documentary about fish?
Yeah.
No.
I want like a hint.
Wait, you get more than one guess?
You guessed a fish movie.
Which fish movie though?
Which fish movie was I talking about?
I don't know.
He's confusing, Doug.
He's going, Doug.
He's gonna win.
Thank you.
Oh my God, you guys are boozing it up like crazy up here.
We just like seeing Game of Thrones walk away.
Judy, what do you think it is?
I'm gonna go with Schindler's List.
with Schindler's List.
I don't think anybody in that movie lasts a lifetime.
You're like that kid on Price is Right
that just bid $4.20 every time
you come on this show.
I'm just going to say Schindler's List.
It's got to be right eventually.
I actually believe... I don't know the name.
Oh, fuck.
It's with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer, what the fuck her name is.
Gray.
It's not Dirty Dancing.
Dirty Dancing, it's not.
It's not You'll Have the Time of Your Life.
It's definitely Schindler's List then.
The time of my life. That may only Schindler's List then. The time of my life.
That may only last a
lifetime. Right, right.
Nope. That was the
tagline for a motion picture called 16
Candles. Oh, yes.
Terrible tagline for that movie.
We'll start.
Charlie Ringwald? Yes.
I saw her on a six train a couple
summers back.
I really did.
She lived on the
east side.
Was she begging
for money?
I gave her a purse
back.
I didn't know
it was you, Molly.
But you said,
can I borrow
your underwear?
Mark, it starts
with you again.
Ah, right. They only met once, but it starts with you again. Ah, right.
They only met once, but it changed
their lives forever.
Jeez, that could be anything.
Is it Philadelphia? Of course it could be.
Yeah.
Oh, that's so funny.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Can't do that joke. Judy has AIDS. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You can't do that joke. Judy has AIDS.
Ha, ha.
All right.
All right.
All right.
You know, I could be a cunt, as you all think I am.
No.
You're not a cunt.
Okay, go ahead.
Wait, whose turn is it?
Because AIDS is hilarious.
Go ahead.
Whose turn is it?
It's always funny.
They met and changed their life.
Two people met and changed their life forever, right?
What?
Yes, yes, yes.
They only met once, but it changed their lives forever.
They only met once.
You can only meet once.
Yeah, that doesn't make sense.
Yes, yes.
We have all met once.
We only met once.
Then the next time was hello again.
I met you previously.
Oh.
50 first dates?
No, but good guess.
That was a good one.
That's what that was it.
Holy shit, that was good.
It better not be fucking memento.
Doug, I actually know this one
alright we gotta wait for it to come back around to you
Greg
ok wait what the fuck is going on
it goes Greg
Mark Greg
what the fuck are you talking about
Greg just spoke
then Mark
then it's supposed to be me then Opie
what the fuck
they're not treating you right, Judy.
You're also getting less paid than us.
Anyway.
I love you, Sharon.
The order changes with each game.
And weren't we going that way, or am I wrong?
No, I'm right.
Okay.
Greg?
She just has the answer.
Unless, of course,
this is Uno and you do have a reverse card that you could play. It might get
to you, Judy. Don't worry about it.
It's obviously romantic comedy, so the answer
obviously
Badass 3 colon Dawn of
Danny.
No. Sherrod?
How dare you, sir?
They only met once,
but it changed their lives forever.
Me and my father?
My father?
That's a different movie.
You're right.
Oh, Sherrod.
I'm going to say When Harry Met Sally. Oh, that's a good movie. You're right. Oh, charade. I'm going to say When Harry Met Sally.
Oh, that's a good guess.
Maybe.
I think of white people.
Sure.
Opie.
Damn.
Greg Hughes, what do you say?
I'm just going for a good guess here.
From you.
The Notebook.
Oh, that's a good one.
That was a good guess.
Judy, Judy, bring it home.
You got this.
I actually know what it is.
Okay.
Are you ready?
Schindler's List.
She really got me, too.
I was like, wait, what is it?
I don't know why they still like that.
I don't know why it's still working.
Yeah.
You gotta mix it up
to Inglourious Bastards.
Shut the fuck up,
okay?
Sorry.
Do you want to do
a real guess?
I think there was.
It would work
for that movie.
It really would work
for Schindler's List.
I'm going to go with...
Fuck.
Somebody's phone's on off.
A lot of phone situations happen.
I'll go with...
It's Schindler's List.
All right.
I'll go with Life is Beautiful.
It's another Holocaust movie, so I thought...
Nice. Yeah, that's all right movie, so I thought. Nice.
Yeah, that's all right.
The answer is The Breakfast Club.
I knew it!
I see a pattern.
So this is going to be all Molly Ringwald shit, huh?
Is Molly in that too?
Yes, she's in both of those movies.
I like how she said yes with attitude, like I should know.
Yes!
Didn't you go to school, nigga?
We'll start with Mark.
One
man struggled to take it easy.
What?
One man struggled to take it easy?
Mm-hmm.
You got four dudes to wait through to guess,
Judy. Okay. So...
Somebody Google Molly Ringwald, Judy. Okay. Somebody Google Molly
Ringwald, please.
I'm going to go with... You can't use your
devices.
What was the other movies?
I got two in my head that I can't
decide which one it might be. Oh, you can
do it. No, no.
One is Schindler's List, but the
other one is...
I'm going to say... Come on, do it. I'm going. One is Schindler's List, but the other one is... I'm going to say...
Come on, do it. I'm going to say Ferris Bueller.
That's correct.
Full title.
Oh, Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Jesus Christ.
Original title.
I'll write one for the joke next time.
I didn't have one.
Good job.
All right, this next one starts with Greg.
Can I just talk to you guys seriously?
Has it ever gone from Mark to me? Seriously.
Yes! At the beginning!
Never!
Is it hot in here
or am I sitting next to Judy? It's fine.
Greg, what movie is
the tagline, Pack in the Laughter?
Pack it in!
Pack in the laughter?
Pack in the laughter Packing the laughter
Jesus Christ
Pack in the laughter
Is it planes, trains, automobiles?
What's that?
Planes, trains, automobiles
That's correct
I don't get it
What an incredibly shitty tagline.
Is it one Tyler Perry movie on that fucking list,
you asshole?
Madea's Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
Never seen it.
I don't watch that monkey shit.
Yeah, you gotta throw Big's Mama's
House in there somewhere.
Madea's Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner Club.
All right, Sherrod, you get to go first this time.
Okay, you should've not Judy.
For sure.
He's crude, he's crass, he's family.
Oh, I know it.
Okay, he's crude, he's crass, he's family.
Uh-huh.
I feel like John Candy type of situation.
Is it Uncle Buck?
That's correct.
Yeah! Sit down, showboat.
Damn, that felt good.
Man.
I mean, that felt like white good.
All right, Opie gets the next one.
Greg Opie Hughes gets the next one.
You see what I did?
What?
A comedy about the labors of love.
A comedy about the labors of love.
Is it a fish movie?
Fish called Wanda?
Schindler's Fist.
I laughed through it.
It felt so good coming out.
Oh, wow.
I don't know.
You don't have it?
No.
All right, Judy.
A comedy about the labors of love.
Shut the fuck up, Shiraz.
She's asking Mark.
What is the name of the movie?
What's that one called?
No, that's not it.
I know, but it
could be it.
Didn't you say it's a...
Say it again.
A comedy about the labors of love.
Spotlight.
I get it now.
That was great.
That movie was fucking hilarious.
I know, right?
It's proof that you have to switch up Schindler's List
every once in a while.
I know, I have to.
And now you have a great one to do it with.
Because that movie's probably correct for any tagline.
One of those two movies would fit.
So yeah, that's incorrect.
Thank you.
Mark?
A comedy what, sorry?
Comedy about the labors of love.
Ooh, how about Old Mr. Mom?
Oh, that's a good guess.
No.
Great.
Keeping with the theme, sir? Uh-huh. I would say it's She's Having a good guess. No. Great. Keeping with the theme, sir?
I would say it's She's Having a Bebe.
That's correct!
My second favorite movie with Kevin Bacon,
Having Sex Outside of Hollow Man.
All right, one more.
We have one more, and we start with Sherrod.
My favorite Kevin Bacon having sex
is when Madoff fucked him in his ass and took his money.
I like the woodsman.
Sherrod, what movie has the tagline
Big Laughs Come in small packages?
Anything Kevin Hart's in.
I love you, Sherrod.
Black room, that would have killed.
Big laughs come in small packages.
I've told a girl that before.
Me too.
Big laughs come in small packages.
Fuck.
Is it Look Who's Talking?
No.
Okay, that was a good guess.
Babies and shit.
Opie.
Home Alone.
Original title, Babies and Shit.
Judy.
Say it again, please.
Judy?
Judy?
Big things come in small packages.
You even knew it!
Oh, shit.
I'm going to go with Schindler's List.
No, I'm going to go with Donald Trump the movie.
Okay, fuck that.
I'm going to go with big things come in small packages.
Do as many guesses as you want.
Okay, I'm going to go with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
I'm going to go with
LeBron takes it on.
I'm going to go with Mark.
Let's move on to Mark.
I'm going to take a wild stab here and go with Baby's Day Out.
Oh, that's not a bad one.
Not a bad guess.
So do we go all the way around?
Greg?
All right, I think I know it.
Is it Annie But No Music And It it's terrible called Curly Sue?
That's correct.
We hate you, we hate you, we hate you, yes we do.
What's up?
The Curly Sue girl, she's all grown up now, right?
Which one?
She's looking fine.
Anybody know the whereabouts
of Curly Sue?
They did a where is she now and she got
big titties now. That's what I saw.
She's of age. Fuck you, crowd.
Are you guys cool if we play one more game?
We're running a little long.
Alright, this one's
for all the prizes, you guys.
This is finally
going to get serious.
Greg is our official winner
of that last game,
so Greg gets to go first
in this one.
And then we'll go to Mark
and then to Judy.
Oh!
It's coming your way, gal.
Gal?
Gal?
It's on its way, gal. Gal? Gal? It's on its way,
lady.
Okay.
You sound like Oxygen Channel promotion.
We're going to play
a game called Last Man Stanton.
Someone that I've pre-selected from the audience is going to give us the name of an actor or an actress,
hopefully one with a large body of work.
We will take turns.
I like to play along on this one.
We'll take turns naming movies that that person's been in,
and when you can't think of one or you say one
that none of us believes to be a movie that they are in,
it's kind of an honor system thing.
I'll do corrections on the next episode if I fuck up.
Whoever lasts longest is the winner.
And if I last the longest,
whoever lasted second longest is the winner.
You know what I was thinking, girl.
You meet me outside after the show.
Well, here's the thing also,
is that at one point during the game,
you can use the person whose name tag you chose
as a lifeline to help give you a correct answer.
Yeah, they might know less than you do.
They might know less than zero, but, you know, you never know.
So it's a strategic get up.
Good job.
Uncle Buck, nigga!
Like you're on Jeopardy and Alex goes,
now it's time for double Jeopardy, and you're like Jeopardy and Alex goes now it's time for double
Jeopardy and you're like Ashley Judd
the fuckable
Judd
thank you
Psycho Laugh
you get me
alright so
someone in the audience who goes by the Twitter
name Vomit underscore Bag reached out to me.
Uh-oh, Judy is limping at me like I'm about to be visited by two other ghosts while I sleep on Christmas Eve.
What's happening?
She walked like she was haunting a house.
You're right.
I have a fake name.
I'm in pain.
I'm in pain, pain, pain.
But why were you coming over?
What's up?
You mentioned my Twitter name.
Vomit Bag.
No, it isn't.
Okay, yours might be Vomit Bag.
This is Vomit underscore Bag.
Oh, fuck.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Was she carrying a lantern when she was walking?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Scooby-Doo!
I don't know.
Good night, everybody.
I'll be here all week.
Thank you very much.
I don't know why there wasn't a poem being chanted.
Dead man.
All right, so Vomitit bag where are you at?
Right over there
Can you please pick either
Liam Neeson or Ralph Fiennes
Or the little girl in the red dress for Judy's sake
So you are gay
What's wrong with being gay?
I just want him to come out
It's up to you
You get to decide
Vomit bag
Michael, come on
Who you want to be
Did he say already?
Michael Caine
He sucks
Michael Caine?
He stinks
That's a great one
Is it?
Let's do somebody fun
Wow
I'm kind of excited about it
Alright, alright They always do this We don't have a lot of time left anyway Let's do somebody fun. Wow. I'm kind of excited about it.
All right, all right.
We always do this.
We don't have a lot of time left anyway.
You're right, you're right.
Might as well just eliminate everybody really quickly.
Michael Caine.
And let's do the films of Michael Caine.
That's what he said?
Y'all said Michael Caine?
Thank you.
No Taye Diggs, huh?
Appreciate it. The films No Taye Diggs, huh? Appreciate it.
The films of Taye Diggs.
He's been in a lot of shit.
Rant.
Best man everything.
Yeah, best man Christmas.
Stella got her group back.
We're done.
Abortion.
Best man abortion.
He was in the Jamie Kennedy thing.
Hanging with the... My homeboys.
What was it called?
Malibu's Most Wanted, yeah.
He's been a lot.
I still got a groove back.
Welcome to Earth.
Black Earth.
We're doing Michael Caine.
Because Vomitbag gets to decide.
And we're starting with Greg.
All right, let's get rolling.
Batman Begins.
Batman Begins, he says.
Mark.
Say it all nonchalantly, you white bastard.
What do you got, Mark?
I'm going to...
Oh, is it me?
Yeah.
I'm going to go with Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good one.
Michael Caine.
All right.
Taye Diggs.
Judy.
Michael Caine.
I'm going to go with Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
All right.
So, so far we have Batman Begins and we have Dirty Rotten Scoundrels twice.
Thank you.
Would you like to change your answer?
Schindler's List.
If I give you a third option,
what do you think you're going to do with that?
Are you asking Mark for one?
No, not at all.
Why don't you know Michael Caine?
Because I'm tired. T you know Michael Caine? Because I'm tired.
Tired of Michael Caine.
Michael Caine.
And his bullshit.
All right.
What was the Woody Allen movie he was in?
Come on.
I totally threw that one to you.
I'm using a lifeline.
I'm using a lifeline.
She's going to use her lifeline
Even though I just gave her a great hint
Where's your lifeline at?
You're playing with her?
Yes
Alright, die
You know what?
I don't even need my lifeline
Because I thought of one
On the way over to the lifeline
Alright, she's not using her lifeline yet.
Yes, I'm not using it.
But...
What did you think of?
I swear to God, on my way over to Diane, I thought of Dark Knight.
Yeah.
Isn't that weird?
The Dark Knight.
Yeah, Dark Knight.
Good job.
Thank you.
Yeah, Dark Knight.
Good job.
Thank you.
I'll go ahead and blow out the Dark Knight Rises.
Just get that out of the way.
Good move.
Opie?
I'm going to go with my lifeline.
Oh, boy.
All right, lifeline.
Where's Opie's lifeline at?
Who is it?
What do you got, dude?
Jaws the Revenge.
Jaws the Revenge. Jaws the Revenge.
Wow.
A fish movie.
Nice one.
A fish movie.
Finally.
Finally, Opie gets his fish movie.
Now I can go home happy.
It all worked out in the end.
All right, Sherrod.
Do you know any Michael Caine movies?
I know several, but I'm going to still use my lifeline.
What do you got, lifeline?
Who is my lifeline?
Where is she?
The Prestige.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes, I have a classy lifeline.
We do enjoy the cinema.
Do you like magic?
I love magic, and it doesn't scare me like an Aziz joke.
I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds right.
Black people scared of magic.
Shut up. Where are we going, Greg?
Inception.
Inception?
Inception.
Yeah.
It's a great French film.
That was a good one.
Mark?
I'm going to go with Alfie.
Oh, yeah.
What's it all about?
He takes his shirt off and it's horrific.
Really bad.
His wife again? His wife is a...
I forget what her name is,
but she's an Indian lady.
What? Michael?
It's Amira or something like that.
Mindy Kaling? Who was his wife before that,
anyway? Wasn't he married to her?
Really? Do you want to make it her? Really? She's Indian.
Do you want to make it in this business?
She's Indian.
Right.
And she's Mindy Kaling.
Okay.
What did I say?
You said Mindy Kaling?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Just saying someone of a different race isn't bad.
Right.
Okay.
All right.
Wait.
Let me be the judge of that motherfucker.
Let's go to the poll.
How'd you say it?
We'll go to the black caucus.
Who's up?
Who said Alfie?
Greg said Alfie?
Greg's up.
I said Alfie.
Oh, Judy.
What's the question?
Michael Caine.
Again with Michael Caine?
We're going until we get it.
Until something drops out.
Oh, my God.
I don't fucking know.
It's Michael Caine all night long.
Can you move?
Oh.
How many lifelines did she get?
I don't fucking remember.
Oh.
He's in so many movies.
I know. White people work.
What can I say?
Michael Caine was in...
Wait, let me use my...
Judy, you've been a terrific guest.
And...
Okay.
I forgot you still had a lifeline.
So use your lifeline.
She's over here.
She's not over there.
She's over here.
She's still over here.
Kingsman, the Secret Service?
She said, Kingsman, the Secret Service.
He was in that?
Man of makers man.
That was a good movie.
Schindler's Kingsman the Secret Service.
There you go, Judy.
Kingsman the Secret Service.
You're still in it.
Is it my turn now?
I'm going to say Good job, Judy. You're still in it. Thank you. Is it my turn now? Yeah.
I'm going to say, because I was alluding to it earlier,
so I might as well throw it out there.
Hannah and her sisters.
Nice.
Nice.
Damn it.
Woody Allen.
Shut him up inside. That would be a Woody Allen movie.
Sitting on that one.
O.P., do you got another one?
I sure do, Doug.
A fish called Wanda.
Finding Nemo.
Fish that saved Pittsburgh.
I'm going to go with
a little obscure movie
called Youth.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good one, Sherrod.
I hope he's back.
That's really good.
Wait, what? Youth. Okay, what about it? It's a movie that, Sherrod. Opie's back. That's really good. Wait, what?
Youth.
Okay, what about it?
It's a movie that Michael Caine is in.
Oh, shit.
Did you fucking did research?
I sure did, Sherrod.
It's on me now?
Yeah.
Fucking Lifeline, nigga.
You already used your Lifeline, didn't you?
I don't get another...
No, I didn't.
No.
Did he already use it?
Yeah.
Really, crowd? Thanks.
Yeah, he used it.
Well, fuck in the hat.
Okay, Michael Kane. English.
My name is Michael Kane.
Was he in... um, fuck.
Oh, my God.
Master Bruce, I'm gonna cry now.
I know a lot of Batman shit,
but what Batman wasn't named yet?
The Dark Knight?
No, we said them all.
You said them all, right?
All the ones that he's in, yeah.
Fuck.
Thanks for being quiet now, crowd. Don't don't yell about I'm gonna say
come on sure just guess something has a lot of people in it what about
almost Judy put your phone away. What?
Uh, I got it.
Uh-oh.
Fuck.
It's not my phone.
Give me one.
Opie, come on, Opie.
Don't you leave your black friend like this.
Uh, Triple X? No, he's not. Is that Vin Diesel diesel was he Vin Diesel's boss no he's not in
triple X but you're a great player you gave your all I did a good buck so what
do I do now just hang out you know okay yeah. Yeah. Great. Interstellar. Fuck you. The Interstellar.
Fuck you and your asshole.
Right in my asshole?
Right in the center. Oh, man.
Center square. Not touching the sides.
I'm not saying it's square. I'm just referencing
fuck it.
It'll still fit.
Mark, do you have another one?
I'm gonna go with Austin Powers.
Full title.
Oh, shit.
International Man of Mystery.
Wait, wait.
No, no, no.
Is it right?
I don't know what the sounds are for.
Yeah.
Why are those sounds happening?
It's Austin Powers.
The second one.
And then...
Yeah, so you're never going to get there.
He showed up in the third one, I believe.
Oh.
Which we won't say the title of because I'm going to say it
when it's my turn. Well, then let me use my lifeline.
You should have said that before
you said the wrong title.
Yes. Yeah, wait.
But, how about this?
Your lifeline can tell us the correct title,
and I will accept that.
All right.
Where's your lifeline at?
There he is.
Yeah.
In Goldmember is correct.
Son of a bitch.
He nailed it, too.
Holy shit.
How do you motherfuckers know all this stuff?
So Judy's out.
What?
The Cider House Rules.
Oh, alright.
Gotta give her that one.
Cider House Rules.
I knew that one.
John Irving.
I knew that one.
It's about abortion.
I should have known that. Fuck you. It's about abortion. I should have known that.
Fuck you.
It's about abortion, right?
I'm going to go with...
You never watched it, did you?
I don't know.
Is she out?
Am I out?
For what?
He's inside her house rules.
Yeah.
All right.
Oh, you're going to hold that against her
when she's going to lose anyway?
Damn.
Why was I yelling at her?
Why were you angry?
What?
What did they say?
Why were they yelling?
Because she looked it up on her phone.
You bitch.
I looked it up on Mark's phone.
I looked it up on Mark's phone.
That doesn't count.
It was Mark's phone.
I apologize.
I was too scared.
I couldn't say no.
I thought I really believed in you just now.
What?
Thank you.
I'm going to say now you see me.
Oh.
Yeah, that magic fucking shit.
And now we're back to Greg.
These guys are out, right?
Huh?
Opie's in.
Oh, Opie's still in.
You got another one, Opie?
I got the lifeline.
All right, settle down.
You used your lifeline. I'm sad, yeah. Yeah. Opie's in. Oh, Opie's still in. You got another one, Opie? I got the lifeline. All right, settle down. You used your lifeline.
I'm sad, yeah.
Yeah.
Opie, though, Opie said used the last time around, so he's still in.
All right.
Michael Caine's ain't made my...
Doug, what's that in the back of the theater over there?
The exit?
Holy shit.
I thought he was in a movie called The Exit,
and that was a clever way to... But you're out? You don't have any more?
I'm out.
All right, Opie's out.
I was trying to look at my phone real fast.
Sherrod's out.
All right, we know I'm out.
Stop announcing it, nigga.
Greg?
I don't have many, but I do have one.
Miss Congeniality.
Oh, yeah.
I knew you would sit on a pretty one, nigga.
This guy's a show-off.
Yes.
Mark Normand.
Miss Congeniality.
I read about hockey. Hmm. God. Michael. Kane. Mark Normand. Miss Geniality. She needs to come up with another one.
Hmm.
God, Michael Caine.
Mark's got one.
Is he in Showgirls?
No, no, no, no.
I'm joking.
He's in a pool scene.
Yeah.
I love that movie so much.
The right movie.
Great movie.
I love the way you flap around on top of me.
Know me, Malone.
You're an amazing sex machine.
If I can get Showgirls and Lindsay Lohan in the canyons on every night on Showtime.
Thank you, drunk girl.
She likes James Dean.
Isn't he in that?
Mark, anything?
Jeez.
I think I might be.
You're out.
Mark's out.
I'm going to say
The Man Who Would Be King.
His movies suck
But he still was in it
He cashed the check
With Sean Connery
It's a good one
I'd like to consult
my lifeline
to see if you have one
Oh shit
Your lifeline
Oh fuck
That's right
Oh nice one
Very nice
Children of Men
Children of Men.
Children of Men.
With that, you are our winner.
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
Well done.
Well done.
Well done, sir.
What else do we miss, everybody? The Italian job. Ah, I knew it. everybody.
The Italian job.
I knew it.
I'll watch them tonight. Muppet Christmas Carol.
On Deadly Ground.
He was on Deadly Ground. Not Schindler's List.
He was on Deadly Ground?
Wait.
Ah!
Full title.
Armed and Fabulous.
Armed and Beautiful, right?
Fabulous.
Fabulous.
Armed and Fabulous.
Ah, the black guys have been quieter.
Come on!
Shit.
So basically you're saying he was in a fuck ton of movies.
Ton of movies.
He was in Malcolm X.
Was he in Magic Mike?
He was in Selma.
Roots.
If he was, he would have gotten that nomination.
I'll tell you that.
I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what.
Yeah, you right.
Yeah.
So what happens now?
Are you going to beat us?
What happens now is I wonder what happened to Judy.
Wait, is she not there?
You didn't notice no one was screaming?
How do you misplace a 6'4 lesbian?
Oh, that's the name of my new show.
How do you replace...
I should have, you know, I was doing documentary movies,
John Hughes movies, but I should have played into her wheelhouse
and done movies about birds of prey.
She'd be like, Lady Hawk!
she'd be like lady hawk but is she alright or did she just leave
or what's happening with her
I think she had to pick her kids up from soccer
the tenacious D in the dick of destiny
doesn't have a shithead on the back
is it on the back of the donut box
so what's your shithead on the back. Is it on the back of the donut box? No, so what's your shithead?
Yeah, well, what else
are we going to do?
Email him.
The amount of celebrities that have died
in 2016.
That's very sweet.
He's right. I wonder which
white actor's going to play Prince in his life movie.
Ha ha ha.
I hope Peter Dinklage.
A boy can dream.
A little fucking Prince, that'd be adorable.
Put him on my keychain when I'm feeling sad,
just tickle him.
Listen to the
Opie and Jim Norton show, which most of the panel here are regular appearances on there.
Sirius XM.
That's right.
Sirius 206 and XM 103.
Yeah, break it down for us.
And I just realized I should have been on your other podcast than this one.
Oh, the Getting Doug With High?
Yeah.
I ask even harder questions on that one.
But that's okay.
Yeah, no, it's fine.
You did great today.
Let's hear it for Opie, everybody.
Opie!
Opie!
Opa!
Get you out the house.
Sherrod Small, what do you got coming up?
Where can people see you?
Yes, don't forget Race Wars
every Wednesday, 7 to 9 on XM.
That's where you can hear him.
On Opie Radio, me and Kurt Metzger.
Everybody get a white friend.
Then I have a new show coming on A&E.
I wrote it, created it, hosted with Christian Finnegan.
It's called Black and White.
It starts the first week in July, July 6th, first air date.
We shoot it in New York.
We got free tickets for studio audience
if y'all want to come through.
Go to my Facebook, my Twitter.
I'll show you how.
Black and White, A&E.
It's Duck Dynasty.
First 38.
And then me, nigga.
Man, that came out quick.
Sean Small, everybody.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Trump 2016.
Wait, what just happened?
Uncle Buck, nigga
Greg Wyshynski
Where can we find your hockey writings?
My writing is on the Puck Daddy blog
on Yahoo Sports
I got a podcast called
America vs. Wyshynski
I have a new podcast
on the Nerdist Network
It's the second sports podcast
they've ever done
called Puck Soup.
And no joke, Anthony Weiner was talking hockey on our previous podcast.
So do check that out.
It's a pretty interesting.
Yeah, it's interesting.
Does his dick look so good in person like it looked in the pictures?
He doesn't need a stick.
Hey.
I just want to finish it
Wait, why did she win?
Congratulations
Return of the Jenny
And Mark Norman
Hey, hey
You can check my podcast out
Called Tuesdays with Stories
Yeah
Also on OP.
And, yeah, come see me live.
Always check my website and all that good stuff.
And, you know, see me on Brazzers.com.
And, yeah.
So, yeah.
A bit of a loud, too loud laugh for that, actually.
Yeah, yeah.
These are my people.
We're all sticky, right?
Yeah.
Mark Norman, everybody.
Mark and Mark.
And Judy Gold,
what do you got going on?
Caw, caw, caw.
Schindler's List.
Schindler's List.
She texted me.
What did she say?
Did she really leave?
I must leave.
I have rehearsal in the morning.
That Shakespeare bullshit, she's on it.
Well, go see her this summer doing Shakespeare by a tree.
With a few other losers.
Oh, God, I'm worried she's going to show up.
Did you see water rippling, you know, in a cup?
It's a T-Rex!
Oh, shit.
Judy's coming back.
Yeah.
One more time for all of my guests.
Judy Gold, Mark Norman, Greg Wyshynski,
Sherrod Small, and Opie.
Yeah.
And Doug Benson, of course.
Work, work, work, work, work, work.
Timmy Heffy, work, work, work, work, work.
Sorry, I'm too black for this room, I guess.
And as always, Donald Drumpf is a shithead.
Asshole drivers who don't use their blinkers are a shithead.
Yes!
Yes!
In your face, grandparents!
The amount of celebrities who have died in 2016 is a shithead.
Yeah.
And execs who complain about getting quality time
when both of your parents are in the hospital.
He's a shithead.
Wow.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Cause Doug loves movies.