Doug Loves Movies - Owen Benjamin, Doug Mellard and DC Pierson guest

Episode Date: May 13, 2015

Doug welcomes comics Owen Benjamin, Doug Mellard and DC Pierson to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-no...t-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers, pretty babies, sticky seats with 50 azot monocrystals in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies Very well done My mic feels not hot at all for some reason If you could make it feel hotter Like it did a few minutes ago when we did soundcheck
Starting point is 00:00:34 That'd be sweet Coming to you for Might be the last time From the UCB Theater In Los Angeles, California On Tuesday, May 12, 2015. Since last I spoke, you listened. I was whisked away after the Denver show to do a Benson movie interruption at the Alamo Drafthouse. And I'd like to apologize to everyone who attended for making you sit through Junior.
Starting point is 00:01:05 I thought that'd be like a fun, like, it's Mother's Day, let's watch the Arnold Schwarzenegger pregnant man movie. But, oh my god, it's so terrible. So I'll try to fix it next year, Denver, and interrupt something else on Mom's Day
Starting point is 00:01:21 next year. So send me suggestions. The only other thing I could think of that would be fun on Mother's Day was Mama. Right? That would be interesting to make fun of that movie. Pensacola, Florida. I'm doing stand-up this Thursday at Vinyl Music Hall. Mobile, Alabama on Monday, May 18th.
Starting point is 00:01:43 I'll be at Moe's Original Barbecue. Doug Loves Movies returns to Hyena's Comedy Club in Dallas on Wednesday. That's May 20th. DougLovesMovies.com for dates, deets, and links. From the corrections department,
Starting point is 00:02:00 Tom Cruise was in Goldmember, not Spy Who Shagged Me. What am I going to do? Jeff Tate answered confidently, and the audience applauded, and then we moved on. Like, I can't...
Starting point is 00:02:16 Somebody's got to say something, but people are scared to yell out because of the whole Amy Adams thing. The next Doug Loves Movies in L.A. is on Sunday, June 14th at 4.20 at Meltdown Comics. Ten bucks gets you in. Schedule's permitting. I think that's
Starting point is 00:02:32 going to be the next level of the tournament of championships. So try to come to that. Yay! Yay, yay! Lots of stuff in the prize bag. Not even unwrapped.
Starting point is 00:02:47 We got a Poke Bowl from my friends at Poke Bowl. We got a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt and a copy of Gateway Doug 2 Forced Fun, a name you won't have to hear much longer because promotional tool. My new
Starting point is 00:03:04 album is coming out very soon. A scarf from Hitman Glass, a lighter from Chameleon Glass and let's get my guests out here to go through all the great stuff that they brought. Please give a big warm welcome everybody to Doug Millard,
Starting point is 00:03:20 Owen Benjamin and DC Pearson. Wow, is it that hard to find the... This is a great crowd applauding that entire time took you guys fucking forever to figure out that you were guests on a show
Starting point is 00:03:55 and to come out here Doug Millard is here everybody let's hear it for Doug what's that in your lap? Oh, it's my hat. Oh, you decided to go hatless for the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a more professional look to have reading glasses on your totally messed up head of hair.
Starting point is 00:04:16 Instead of that hat. Maybe I'll go with the hat. Oh, that's a good look. Yeah, I don't mind the hat. You know a lot of people wear hats, right? It's not like you have to take it off. See, they love it over there. People are into it.
Starting point is 00:04:30 What did you bring for the prize bag, Doug Millard? You brought a lot of stuff. I brought on vinyl the Karate Kid 2 soundtrack. You're very welcome. I also brought my favorite band in the world, an EP by them, the Riverboat Gamblers. It's amazing. I'm still fixated on Karate Kid.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Yeah, no, it's... Karate Kid Part 2, because it's mostly like songs. It's like not much instrumental. It's more of a song soundtrack, and I don't recognize any of these songs like none of them were hits I guess Glory of Love by Peter Cetera did okay
Starting point is 00:05:11 and I think there's covers but I've never heard of a song called Fish for Life by Man Crab certainly is a fun sentence to say now what was the next thing you brought that was a serious thing you brought fun things and serious seriously an ep by the riverboat gamblers an amazing band out of austin texas there it is yeah okay good so check them out and uh beauty and the Beast starring Susan Sarandon. This is like some TV movie show. Oh, it was Fairytale Theater.
Starting point is 00:05:51 Oh, Klaus Kinski was the beast. That's always so sad when a man is really ugly and they're like, let's put makeup on you, make you uglier. And then four of my old... Spend four hours in a chair
Starting point is 00:06:03 to look uglier than you already look. And then three or four copies of my old, old album. Wait, you brought multiple copies of your album? Yeah, because I'm trying to get rid of them. There you go. So am I. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:06:15 The winner only needs one. Don't burden somebody that wins the prize bag with multiple copies. Owen Benjamin is here, everybody. Hello. What's up? What's up? What's up? Contributing to the prize bag, his CD-DVD combo. Yeah, not just some shitty CD like Doug Millard.
Starting point is 00:06:35 I was going to bring a Mancrab album. The latest album by Mancrab is out of print. But your CD, DVD is called High Five Till It Hurts. Yeah. And you also, of course, are,
Starting point is 00:06:51 I'm excited to have you on here. You were on Douglas Movies in Tampa, Florida. And there was this tech issue where some of the show went missing.
Starting point is 00:06:59 That was a great show. We had a great time. And part of the funnest part of the show was talking to you at the top of the show. And that part is what got lost. Let's recreate it.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Let's redo it, man. Let's say all the same things. But did I say at that time that you are the star of the movie The House Bunny? I'm in four scenes, but I'll take that. That's what I think of you as the star of that movie. Yeah, I stole it.
Starting point is 00:07:26 You deliver crucial plot points early on and then also later. Right. Yes. You're a bookend. I am. Right? You're like the old guy in Saving Private Ryan. You're at the beginning of the story and the end of the story.
Starting point is 00:07:40 I'm in a few key deleted scenes. Holy shit, Doug. I found another one of these fucking things. Just throwing them at people. There you go, Baseball Jordan. And DC Pearson's here, everybody. Hello, everyone. Star of the book, Crap Kingdom.
Starting point is 00:07:59 I star in my own book. You star? My own fictional book. Would you write it? You are the star of the book? That's right. Ernest Hemingway in The Old Man and the Sea. That was accurate.
Starting point is 00:08:08 He was pretty old. He lived near the sea. DC, why do you always bring Crap Kingdom and never the other book? Because Crap Kingdom is the one that I have more of. Oh, okay. At one point, my publisher sent me a whole big box of them when the soft cover version came out. And I'm still pulling them out.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Still pulling them out soft. So whatever you do, don't buy one. Just come to Doug Loves Movies. Someday you'll get one. If you come to the next, let's see, four times I do this show. So that's got to be, what, over a period of a couple years. So yeah, just keep
Starting point is 00:08:46 coming to Douglum's movies. You do it more often than that, but yes. It's unlikely to get it that way. So buy a copy of Crab Kingdom for yourself or the child inside you. Or one that lives nearby you. Or the weird malformed twin
Starting point is 00:09:02 that's inside of you somewhere. That's super intense. Yeah. I didn't even know that I had that. Oh, I didn't mean to assume, but you could. You don't know. Who knows? Have you been to the movies lately, DC?
Starting point is 00:09:16 I have. Yesterday afternoon, in fact, I saw Ex Machina. All right. Presented by A24. A wonderful company. They make great movies. And they make great advertisements on podcasts. Yeah, they do advertise a lot on podcasts.
Starting point is 00:09:33 This episode is brought to you by Ex Machina. I promise. You just walked right into it. You're going to verify that this ad is not bullshit. I promise that I did in fact see that movie, and this is not a paid ad, but I did want to just talk about Loot Crate for a minute, if that's okay.
Starting point is 00:09:53 We promise that a dude with a mustache will put seven different Iron Mans in a box. And one of those Iron Mans is from Brooklyn, dude. And send them to you. They seem like a great company. I don't care one way or the other. We've never done. And send them to you. They seem like a great company. I don't care one way or the other. We've never done a Loot Crate ad. They seem awesome.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Yeah. But Ex Machina was a phenomenal movie written and directed by Alex Garland starring Domhnall Gleeson. There's like a rogue N in the middle of his name because we're all American. No, it's Donnell. It's Donnell.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Is it Donnell? I thought it was Dom and Hall. Believe me, I said that a few times and I got corrected. Doesn't Dom and Hall, though, sound like something that somebody in an old book would be worried about inheriting? It sounds like a band from the Karate Kid 2
Starting point is 00:10:38 album. Hi-ya! by Dom and Hall. It's basically just those two for the duration of the movie. Oh, don't give that away. Sorry, guys, if you were expecting... Anybody expecting a crowd scene? If that's what you're into,
Starting point is 00:10:56 if you go to movies to see large numbers of people, at which point, if you're at the movies, you can just turn around. It's like a drawing room drama or something. But I don't want, I fear that makes it sound boring. Like, I was never a fan of, even though I thought he gave a good performance, I never liked the Sam Rockwell movie Moon. A lot of people loved it.
Starting point is 00:11:17 I did love it, yes. Yeah, yeah. But to me, that one was like a think piece in a way that, like, I was thinking I'm tired of watching this one guy. one was like a think piece in a way that I was thinking, I'm tired of watching this one guy. But in the case of Ex Machina, and I'm not just saying this
Starting point is 00:11:30 because they're advertisers on the show, I was pretty much on record as liking it before they signed on, but in the case of that movie... Wait, are they really sponsoring the show? I thought that was... In the case of that movie, I think it's just... I think the entire time, it's either fun or scary or interesting.
Starting point is 00:11:47 The entire movie. And those are hard to pull off for me, because once you set up, it's kind of a puzzle. After a while, I'm like, I don't want to solve this shit. And it also is good because it's very surprising throughout, but it doesn't rely on any one twist. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And I wish no one had seen the trailer for it. I wish you could watch
Starting point is 00:12:05 it cold, because that's how I saw it. I also saw it cold. That's really helpful. I'm going to watch it cold. I haven't seen the trailer. I'm going in cold. Go for it, man. I can't wait. It's really good. Oscar Isaac's the other dude in it, and then the girl in it is super charismatic.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Alicia Vikander? Vikander? I've never gotten confirmation on that one. Doug, how do you think Super charismatic. Alicia Vikander. Vikander, yeah. I've never gotten confirmation on that one. Doug, how do you think it's pronounced? Vikander. Okay, there you go. That's what I said.
Starting point is 00:12:33 Doug's kind of stick together when it comes to pronouncing things. Have you been in the movies lately, Owen? I saw one last night. Blackhat. Why were you watching that last night? Because I was running out. What went wrong in your life? I was running out of the on-demand ones.
Starting point is 00:12:51 I just go through the whole list. Were you like, did you? You were running out? That's B. Oh, yeah. No, it's like they give me like 15 I can select from, and I'm like, all right. I've already seen Selma.
Starting point is 00:13:05 All right, it looks like it's Blackhat. like 15 I can select from and I'm like, alright, I've already seen Selma. Alright, it looks like it's Black Hat. Yeah, I do that too when there's like a selection you just pick one that you haven't seen or my trouble is
Starting point is 00:13:13 that I tend to like be like, but I'd just rather watch Guardians of the Galaxy again or whatever. Right. You know, I'd rather watch something
Starting point is 00:13:18 I know I love, you know, than Black Hat. It was bad. It was really bad. I saw it in a theater, dude. And it is brutal. In the last 20 minutes,
Starting point is 00:13:28 you watch the whole thing? Yeah. In the last 20 minutes, it feels like you're watching a completely different movie all of a sudden. It's just really basic. He pulls his gun out.
Starting point is 00:13:36 You don't care, right? Do you guys care? So he pulls his gun out. I think you mean his hammer. His hammer, right. Chris Hemsworth. His gun is made of a black hole. This movie is if Thor knew computers. Right.
Starting point is 00:13:49 And he needs to kill this guy. He's like dying to kill this guy and he starts talking to him again. I hate that. Oh, I can't wait for that. No, he's like, you know, he's done all this stuff to kill this dude and he's like, you really made me mad, man. No, it's just boom, you just shoot the guy and like little things
Starting point is 00:14:05 like that I'm always like you don't talk to the guy long enough for him to you know kick the gun out of your hand with somebody and somebody over there sneezes
Starting point is 00:14:12 what? and there was a lot of people that are shooting but there's like a fucking there's a scene at the end where there's just some sort of parade where everyone's wearing red
Starting point is 00:14:20 and uh and no one's scared of guns and yeah and they're just running through this crowd shooting at each other. And it's like, I thought I came to see Michael Mann. Doesn't he do movies that are more cerebral?
Starting point is 00:14:32 Michael Mann, that sucked. That's right. That's the kind of heat I bring. I was going to guess that you, after your regrettable haircut that you gave yourself, you were like, I should watch Black Hat because I wish I had one right now. I legit wish I was wearing a black hat right now. When I walked in tonight, I was like, oh shit, did you get cast in American Sniper 2?
Starting point is 00:14:57 Or any military thing would have worked, I guess. Maybe that one's too harsh. The buzzer thing fell off and I really had to commit to this. I think it looks good. I think you look like an intimidating dude in a Guy Ritchie movie. Right, but that's the thing. I'm already 6'7", so like at a grocery store, I'm like, where's the peanut butter? They're like, don't fucking kill me.
Starting point is 00:15:16 Don't kill us. Yeah. I'm like, alright. Just tell me where the fucking peanut butter is. And I kill them. I'm in a hurry. I'm in a hurry. Tell me in a jiff. Right? Nice. I fucking love that. I'll never a hurry tell me in a jiff right nice I fucking love that I'll never grow up where's the peter pan
Starting point is 00:15:29 so that is amazing if I could think of a third brand of peanut butter I would be all over it what if you just do like you're peeing nuts go to the basics
Starting point is 00:15:40 ABC pees nuts yeah Doug have you been to the movies. The building blocks. ABC pees nuts. Yeah. Doug, have you been to the movies? We're out of time. I saw Welcome to Me on Sunday. The Kristen Wiig vehicle. Sure did. Yep, that's it.
Starting point is 00:15:59 How was it? It was pretty good. Yeah? She's nude in it. No. Yeah. Wow. All out.
Starting point is 00:16:09 That was it. That's all you came away from, from Welcome to Me, is Welcome to Me Bush? It was funny. Some of the best non-sequiturs, you get to hear some crazy shit coming out of her mouth.
Starting point is 00:16:21 It's pretty good. Yeah, because she's crazy in the movie, right? Yeah, that was the bad part. It's about a person with borderline personality disorder. So it's hard to jerk off
Starting point is 00:16:30 to her when she gets naked. Yes. Dogs stick together on stuff. We do. We really agree that it's hard. That's why it's hard to masturbate
Starting point is 00:16:38 to the mental health. I am advocating for all porn to have a ticker at the bottom with a scroll of everyone in its mental health diagnosis. I'm like, oh, I won't jerk off so hard.
Starting point is 00:16:49 Jasmine is bipolar. And I won't be jismin on Jasmine. Now it's the part of the show where I say, let the games begin. Yeah. Gentlemen, pick your name tags and start your boners. We've got a few out there. I see some good ones.
Starting point is 00:17:13 I see some hard work. I see some donuts, which is always a bad thing on this show because they get thrown in people's faces. And while you guys do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back after these messages from Ex Machina and NYT Now. Today's episode
Starting point is 00:17:33 is brought to you in part by A24. You know those guys. The people behind Ex Machina. The provocative new sci-fi thriller that audiences and critics are going crazy for. This movie is a hit, you guys, and it's really a fascinating film. Manola Dargis of the New York Times, she gave it the critics pick.
Starting point is 00:17:55 She called it a futuristic shocker about the men, the machines they make, and the women they dream up. Oh, yeah, heavy. Peter Travers of Rolling Stone declares, you've never seen anything like it. And it's true. Ex Machina now playing everywhere. Do you spend too much time searching your social media accounts
Starting point is 00:18:15 looking for reliable news? Head to the App Store and download NYT Now for free. It's the fastest way to get caught up with the news, with headlines and story summaries that get readers, a.k.a. you, caught up quickly. NYT Now is designed for the on-the-go consumption. Don't let the news slow you down. The app features a selection of the best of the New York Times
Starting point is 00:18:39 and the best from around the web. All stories are specifically curated and handpicked by a team of New York Times editors. New York Times Now includes a daily morning briefing specifically designed to prepare you for the day ahead. Now you'll always be prepared for the day and know what you need to know. And get this, the folks at the New York Times just released a major update to the NYT Now app. The biggest news, the app is now completely free. No need to pay for a subscription.
Starting point is 00:19:08 And there's no cap on the number of articles you can read anymore. It's completely unlimited, no cost. Free means free. Also, updates have been made to the user interface, making the app easier to use with curated stories perfected for you and for sharing with your friends. So head to the App Store and download NYT Now now. Remember,
Starting point is 00:19:28 it's completely free to download and use with no limits on the number of articles you can read. You're welcome. Visit NYTNow.com to learn more. Back to the show. And we're back! Great job, everybody. Doug's going to slip on his granny glasses And tell us about
Starting point is 00:19:49 Tell us about this item right here Oh shit Oh god My face flew off of it Well You guys don't need to stop talking I just What kind of panel of comedians Is fucking silent for that long You guys don't need to stop talking.
Starting point is 00:20:09 What kind of panel of comedians is fucking silent for that long? Why don't some... I seriously was thinking of more peanut puns. The three of us are touring together as the original kings of respectful silence. Those are powerful in your monologue. First grade teachers come to our shows. They're like, oh, thank God, finally. I'm glad I found you guys.
Starting point is 00:20:34 I mean, it's not good to have you all on the same show. I'll sprinkle you in in the future with the Pete Holmeses and the TJ Millers. Next time, you guys, I'll have a four-person panel and the fourth guy will be Jeff Garland. time, you guys, I'll have a four-person panel and the fourth guy will be Jeff Garland. You guys will just sit there the whole time.
Starting point is 00:20:51 I am Sam. So his name is Sam? Yes. Oh, there he is over there. You put a Doug Loves Movies... What are these things called when you make these? Perler beads.
Starting point is 00:21:00 Perler beads. Yeah, I knew it had a name. So you made a nice Doug Loves Movies with the Perler Beads, and then you also have an I Am Sam poster. The whole presentation is very nice. And you have an I Am Sam poster where Groot and Rocket are just
Starting point is 00:21:15 casually strolling in between the mentally retarded Sean Penn and whoever was the lady in that movie, Michelle Fiver, and announcing underneath I am Sam it says I am Groot, which I wish someone would make
Starting point is 00:21:32 I am Sam a remake where Groot plays the role of Sam. That'd be pretty amazing. That's phase four of Marvel. But is there a shithead on the back? My head falls off every time I try to look at the shithead. Oh no, my purdling beads. There is. But as you'll
Starting point is 00:21:52 recall, Owen, don't read the shithead on the back of your name tag out loud. We'll save it for the end. Who are you playing for? I got this. It's a Candyman and it says the C's crossed out and it says Andy, which I thought was really clever. And I like that movie, Candyman, and it says the C's crossed out, and it says Andy, which I thought was really clever. And I like that movie, Candyman.
Starting point is 00:22:10 You did? Because I like bees, and I'm a man, and I like candy. And I have an intimidating haircut, so I didn't want to circle the place too much. Because it gets really intense. Good job, Candyman. DC, who are you playing for? I am playing for The Ryan. He has put his name over The Road
Starting point is 00:22:34 on the book cover of Cormac McCarthy's The Road, which was made into a movie with Viggo Mortensen. And I grabbed it, and I liked it, and then I immediately had buyer's remorse, because I wanted to shout out, there was a woman over there that had one that was falling down, but instead it said Pauline down because her name is Pauline.
Starting point is 00:22:51 So I wanted to talk about her more because I wish that I had... She'll be the one that got away. Maybe next time that you're on and she's here, then it'll come together. I hope so, Doug. But in the meantime, we've got this stupid book. Ugh.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Ugh. The Ryan. It's intense. I'm sure you're going to play as hard as possible to help the Ryan win. It's an intense book. Is it? The road. Oh, the road is.
Starting point is 00:23:19 I don't know about the Ryan. The road, the movie, I think it won last place at the Happy Awards. Really? It's kind of a bleak experience. It's really bleak. In the books, even worse. Of course it is.
Starting point is 00:23:38 When things are crazy shitty in books, they always tone it down at least a little bit in the movie. Let's say The Wizard of Oz least a little bit in the movie. Let's say The Wizard of Oz, for instance. In the movie, they made it all a dream. The book had the courage of its
Starting point is 00:23:53 convictions, and she went to an actual place where all that shit happened. And then they made a thousand more books. And Dorothy in the book had AIDS. Yes, yes, it's true. The working title is Dorothy's Buyer's Club. And...
Starting point is 00:24:14 God, I wish that was a name tag tonight. Dorothy's Buyer's Club. That's amazing. Yeah, and, yeah, but then eventually she writes in the sky, Survivor Dorothy. It's really moving. It's amazing. Yeah, but then eventually she writes in the sky, Survivor Dorothy. It's really moving. It's beautiful. Did we talk about a lot of name tags?
Starting point is 00:24:31 Yes, we did. All right, so we will start to determine who goes first in the Leonard Maltin game today. It's been a while since he's been here, and I'm very happy to have him back. Let's do some lines, you guys. You guys want to do some fucking lines? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:54 How you guys doing? You doing good? Hey, Mark. How's it going, Doc? How are you? It's going good. It's fucking been a while, dude. Thanks for coming by. What's it going, Doc? How are you? It's going good. It's fucking been a while, dude. Thanks for coming by. What's going on in your life? Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:25:10 Well, I mean, the only reason I'm over here right now is I don't let Donnie use the bidet, so he's stealing toilet paper from the bar next door. Tough to see. That's the only reason. What the fuck are you doing to it? How you doing, man?
Starting point is 00:25:21 Good to see you, Mark. What's going on? That's the only reason that you're here? Yeah, I told him. I go, you can't use a fucking bidet. Bidets are for closers. I don't think that's the expression. That's how I would have fucking said it. So yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Oh, can I plug something? Sure. Let's fucking do it. Okay. What's, like, May the 18th? I'm doing a show and DC's gonna be on it We're doing another Wahlberg solution I'm gonna fucking give answers to you normos
Starting point is 00:25:50 I'm gonna fucking straighten this shit out for you I'll probably give away money too You should fucking show up So you're more interested in promoting A 100 seat theater show Than a major motion picture that you're in That's coming out in a few weeks You talking about Bench Perfect 2? No theater show than a major motion picture that you're in that's coming out in a few weeks?
Starting point is 00:26:06 You talking about Bench Perfect 2? No. Yeah, dude, I'm on that tip. What's Bench Perfect 2? I just shot it yesterday. What was Bench Perfect 1? We haven't done it yet. We're going backwards. You're starting with the sequel. Dude, I've told people this before.
Starting point is 00:26:23 It worked for fucking Star Wars Those are classics Wait, no The first two were in order though They didn't No, they started at like Fucking three Or four Or whatever
Starting point is 00:26:35 And then they went backwards We're doing the same thing Okay Do you want to come see it? Huh? Do you want to come see it? It's just me benching For 180 minutes.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Perfectly. The posters are fucking great. It says, the bench is back. You're right. The posters are great. So, let's go. But let's, let's...
Starting point is 00:26:59 You want to do a line? Do a line. Let's do a line from... You guys want to do some fucking lines? Hopefully this is... Hopefully this is from a Classic motion picture
Starting point is 00:27:08 It's going to be now that I did a line from it It's not necessarily A movie that Mark is in We went through all of those Took us a while but we did it As soon as you recognize This line just yell out The name of the movie that it's from.
Starting point is 00:27:25 Okay. Look good, feel good. You look good. You feel good. Are you ready, boys? Yes. What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Starting point is 00:27:40 What are you trying to tell me? The Matrix. It is the fucking Matrix. Way to go, DC. Fucking represent for the show, bro. DC The Matrix. It is the fucking Matrix. Way to go, DC. Fucking represent for the show, bro. DC's going to be at the fucking show, too. He's coming.
Starting point is 00:27:52 We'll fucking hang out all the time. When is it? It is Monday, May 18th at UCB. New one. On Sunset. On Sunset. Seven o'clock. All right.
Starting point is 00:28:03 Dude, you should fucking come. Oh, yeah. Can I bring my entourage yeah dude we'll have you come out and do a line that'd be fucking
Starting point is 00:28:10 great alright Mark Wahlberg everybody Mark ever since he's been coming around and doing my show
Starting point is 00:28:19 here like he's really gotten into UCB so now he does his own shows here it's crazy. He was in level two improv classes. Yes and.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Yeah, we should probably work out something where the microphone stays on stage when he leaves. So I don't want him chiming in through the entire thing. All right, so that means DC gets to go first in the Leonard Maltin game. And since Owen is newer to the program than Doug, we'll have him go second
Starting point is 00:28:59 and Doug will go third. DC gets to pick a category between these options Puff Puff Pass that's Emily Blunt movies that Leonard Mullen gave two stars or less Puff that Blunt and pass it Saggin' Baggins suggested Apollo 86.
Starting point is 00:29:30 That's movies where Carl Weathers dies. He doesn't just get thrown out of a place. He dies. An interstellar gutter groove back. Romantic Matthew McConaughey movies. Ooh. Yeah, I don't even say rom-com because none of them qualify.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Okay. I will go with Interstellar Got Her Groove Back. Finally! Somebody picked it. Get this category out of here. 2006 is the year.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Two and a half stars from Leonard. He says that in this movie, McConaughey is a bachelor. He also says about it, when is he ever married? He's never married in anything. He says this movie's pleasant enough with a dash between the two that's an interesting way to write pleasant enough I think it's one long word
Starting point is 00:30:33 but it goes exactly where you know it will it's contact yeah and I was just watching some of that on HBO the other day and he lists ten names. How many names can you get it in, DC?
Starting point is 00:30:50 I'll say, I'm just going to choose that it is one of the ones I'm thinking of and say negative one. Whoa. Sneaky business. So, Owen, you can challenge him, hope he doesn't have the right movie. I think we can all agree he probably has the right top-billed person in the movie.
Starting point is 00:31:13 So, you could say negative two, and that means you have to name the movie and the top two billed people in the movie in correct order. Or you could just say, name that movie to DC, and if he screws it up, you get a point.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Yeah, I'm just going to do it. After the Matrix thing, I have a lot of reverence. I'm going to say, name that movie DC. Well, that's the proper emotion to have, Owen. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:31:39 Watch me get this wrong. Matthew McConaughey is the top-billed person in the movie Failure to Launch That's correct I would have guessed Ghost of Girlfriends Past or whatever, I would have been wrong That's my favorite McConaughey romcom
Starting point is 00:31:55 I actually like that one Which one? Ghost of Girlfriends Past For some reason I like it Finally someone used his ability to see ghosts in a movie. It was Scrooge, but with fucking. And I should have said, I don't know why I said it was Scrooge with something. It was Christmas Carol.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Sorry, Dickens. Yeah. No, he's thrilled. He's like, finally, someone put fucking in it. If Charles Dickens fucked. Doug gets to go first here in the next round. We're playing to two points, so be careful
Starting point is 00:32:36 not to let DC get another point, you guys. We'll go to Owen after Doug, because he challenged DC in the last round. Doug, would you like first name basis? This never gets picked because it's when I read the names from this movie
Starting point is 00:32:52 first names only. Shit. So that's weird. Go Bananas is another category that scares people because it's movies with the word apes in the title. But let me give you an example.
Starting point is 00:33:08 Grand Budapest Hotel has apes in the title. And I hope he's still not here with a microphone because he'll say something about this. Wahlberg vs. Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg movies
Starting point is 00:33:24 that came out the same year as another Mark Wahlberg movie Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg movies that came out the same year as another Mark Wahlberg movie. Let's do Wahlberg versus Wahlberg. All right. Oh, shit. Would you like 2008 or 2008? Let's go 2008. Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Two stars from Leonard for this movie from 2008 that stars Mark Wahlberg, even though he had another movie come out in the same year. He says about this movie that it's based on a popular video game. I may have said too much already. And he also says it's a good looking film
Starting point is 00:34:06 that falls flat dramatically and then he lists 12 names how many names can you get it in DM shit I'm trying to think of the I know it
Starting point is 00:34:24 but we're going to start at 10 shit I'm trying to think of I know it I know it but we're gonna start at ten confident and not at all yeah I like that Owen can you bid less than ten
Starting point is 00:34:37 yeah I'm gonna do nine yeah I can he says nine, DC. Oh, boy. Owen, name that movie. Whoa. I for sure can.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Let's do it. All right, you get nine out of 12 names. And then if you'd like the clues again after that, I'll give you the clues again. Popular. And your nine names. Your game. What's that? I'm just talking to myself
Starting point is 00:35:10 how loud I get. Yeah, I thought based on a popular video game is kind of a giveaway clue. I didn't mean to say that. So I take it back. Didn't help me at all. Your nine names
Starting point is 00:35:21 are Nelly Furtado. Oh! all. Your nine names are Nelly Furtado. She's in it. I'm like an actress, I'll be in your film. Wanna know where my trailer is. What the hell movie is this? Do you guys know this?
Starting point is 00:35:46 I think some people do. Sure, sure. We all love movies. Jamie Hector was in this movie. Joel Gordon. Olga Cherienko. Somebody in the audience was saying it.
Starting point is 00:36:06 Kate Burton. I'm going to need 55 names. Amari Nolasco. Donald Logue. You know who that is, right? Yeah. Yeah. Chris O'Donnell.
Starting point is 00:36:19 He's a classic. Okay. Well, my problem is I don't know if I ever knew this movie existed. Well, maybe this will throw you over the edge. Ludacris. Ludacris and Nelly Furtado, finally. Ludacris' fourth build. As Chris Ludacris Bridges, because he needs the full respect.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Right. You guys seriously know this? I don't know if the last three names help you at all. No, I can't. It's a video game thing. I don't know any video games. Pac-Man.
Starting point is 00:36:58 Super Mario Brothers. Sonic the Hedgehog. Let's walk through this for a second. We got a couple of minutes here before I have to apologize. Duck Hunter. I didn't have a TV growing up. Don't just guess random names.
Starting point is 00:37:11 I could just call you out. I could just say you're wrong and it'll be over. Right. Only guess for reals after I say this to you. I was trying to make jokes after the silent comment. When you said I had a panel of comedians. No, no. I was just trying to make jokes.
Starting point is 00:37:27 I was delighted by that. I wasn't trying to get you to talk more. I was pointing out how precious life is. And when Owen looked back at Doug, Doug wore the face of his father. Just want you to be proud of me. What's the category? Category? Yeah, what category are of me. What's the category? Category?
Starting point is 00:37:45 Yeah, what category are we playing? What do you mean? Like category of movie? Do you remember what the category was about? Yeah, it's Wahlberg versus Wahlberg. Two Wahlberg movies, same year, 2008. So one was probably significantly better, because that's where he put his resources.
Starting point is 00:38:04 And then this is the one that went straight to DVD and at that point I already hated Blockbuster and Netflix hadn't taken off yet. Well, if Mark was... This is kind of a bad zone
Starting point is 00:38:12 in my life, guys. Yes! Thank you. If Mark... Fuck! If Mark was still here and on a microphone... Right.
Starting point is 00:38:20 He would be angry with you. He would. Because he doesn't... He never phones anyone. No, but he respects my haircut. He always does the best work. And I'm sure he's even proud of this movie. That Leonard only gave two stars.
Starting point is 00:38:34 Oh, I just thought of the movie. You got the movie? You want to steal it back? Steal it back. Fuck, man. Nothing? No gas? Don't feel bad. Contra.
Starting point is 00:38:44 There's no reason for you to feel bad. I't feel bad Contra there's no reason for you Contra I'm going with Contra look even if that let me put it in the Konami code okay
Starting point is 00:38:51 yeah I said bro I just got 30 lives even even if the movie were Contraband you'd be wrong this guy loves movies
Starting point is 00:39:01 but it's not it's a movie that also starred Bo Bridges and Mila Kunis called Max Payne. Okay. Whoa. All right.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Max Payne. And DC Pearson is our winner. I never would have gotten that. All right. Let's play the other movie. That was really fast and aggressive. Wait, what did you... you oh he's got to ride a shithead
Starting point is 00:39:28 on the back right yeah no but he wouldn't make eye contact with me like he was
Starting point is 00:39:31 ashamed of me like he knew Max Payne like that was a video game the video game actually hurt me I heard him say
Starting point is 00:39:39 give me that you dolt I didn't know Max Payne was a video game oh I see yeah you were playing
Starting point is 00:39:44 it in the green room. It was a shitty clue. I never would have gotten it, guys. I'm making excuses so Andy respects me. Well, I think he's writing down Owen Benjamin and everyone who knows him is a shithead. Because he's writing something really elaborate. Did you say Bo Bridges, too? Is in it, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Bo Bridges. And is Ludacris Chris Bridges? Is he related to the Bridges too? Is in it, yeah. Bo Bridges and is Ludacris Chris Bridges? Is he related to the Bridges boys? Yeah, they're going to make a remake of the Fabulous Baker Boys with Ludacris and Bo. Jeff doesn't want anything to do with it because he's too busy making great movies like R.I.P.D. And it's so annoying because that family's super talented, but they don't need the money because they invented bridges. That's true.
Starting point is 00:40:31 Alright, so we have a shithead on the back of there. So you can just pass it down to me because I'll be reading it. I don't need yours, DC. You won. Yeah, I need this one. I'm dying to read it anyway. Oh my god. I have a bomb. Play it cool.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Slide me the prize bag. Don't be a hero, Tug. It's even weirder what happened with Andy Mann. He crossed out the shithead that he had written and wrote in a new one. Is that what happened? Oh, it's an old one.
Starting point is 00:41:06 And did I read your shithead before? Yeah, you have. Oh my God. It's the same guy again. So he had to write one in pen. But it is a good one. And you got one on the back of yours, right, Doug? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Look at this thing. Your head keeps falling off. Look at how he printed it out and pasted it on there. Yeah. If my fucking face
Starting point is 00:41:28 would stay on the thing this would be one of the greatest name tags ever. But I'm going to hang on to the face part. That'll just be fun to have. Like I'll go out to bars
Starting point is 00:41:38 and be like can we see your ID? I'm crafty. Don't fuck with me or you'll be crying bloody pearler. All right. The movie, the year, we'll let you go first, Owen, and then we'll go to Doug. And this is just for fun. The game's been decided.
Starting point is 00:42:07 Ryan wins the prize bag. Where's Ryan at? Come get your bag, dude. Yeah, that's how much I respect the prize bag. I'll throw it across the room. When he wants his book back. Gotta finish reading that. Hey, you know what? You're still number two to me.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Hey, you know what, though? Ryan, pick one thing out of there that you're not that into or whatever, and we'll give it to her. If you give her my book, I swear to fucking God. Look at my haircut, bro. Don't pick the DVD. Take one of Doug's
Starting point is 00:42:50 ten CD set. You have to play in four different cars like that one Flaming Lips album. All right, Owen. Two stars from Leonard for this Mark Wahlberg movie
Starting point is 00:43:04 from 2008 was the other movie that he did the same year as Max Payne. She got a t-shirt. He probably figured out that wasn't going to fit him. Smooth move, dude. Okay, so
Starting point is 00:43:19 Leonard says about this movie that he says it's absurd, but he also calls it tense and even frightening at first. Nine names. How many names can you get in Owen? More than nine
Starting point is 00:43:47 I just lost all my confidence I will give you ten names I'll do ten names Okay he says nine names Doug 2008 2008 It's a rough year man Netflix transitions
Starting point is 00:44:02 I'll do Seven He said seven DC Yeah, what the fuck was Warren? Netflix transitions. I'll do seven. He said seven, DC. DC's going to do negative 12. Knock 10 off that. Negative two names. 2008, right? You really say negative two? Yeah, I'm going to do negative two names.
Starting point is 00:44:19 He says negative two, Owen. Jesus. You got to ring her. Yeah, I thought, let's play another round so the other guys have a chance at something. Some sort of redemption. I like to bring nothing to the table, Doug. DC is a damn steamroller.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Negative two, he says, Owen. Do you even think you know what the movie is? No chance. Yeah, so you're pretty much going to have to hope he blows it. And again, this doesn't matter at all. Nothing's on the line. Unlike the normal game, which is super high stakes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:51 In the other game, I don't deflate the balls. In this game, the balls can be whatever. Scary at first. He's still trying to come up with it. The clues, that's the thing about this game. The clues don't help. trying to come up with it. The clues,
Starting point is 00:45:03 that's the thing about this game, the clues don't help. Like, the reason DC is so good at it is because... He has mild Asperger's syndrome. It says that at the bottom of the screen on my sex tape. I'd still masturbate to you, though. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:45:22 That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. Do you gotta guess? Like, just guess a Mark Wahlberg movie. You know, that narrows it down to about 30 movies. Okay, we got Three Kings, which is the wrong era. What was that, 99? We have... I don't watch a lot of Wahlberg movies.
Starting point is 00:45:42 Do you know this? Yeah, I think he does. I do. I have a good feeling that he does know. I think I saw it in the theater. But let him take a shot if you want. Who, me? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:53 No, I got no shots. Since you don't know. All right, DC, name that movie. I'm going to say Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, and I think the film is The Happening. That's correct. That's insane. That's insane that he got that.
Starting point is 00:46:07 Everyone go home, go on YouTube, and watch the lemonade scene from The Happening. It's phenomenal. People that have seen it know what I'm talking about. It's wonderful. Yeah, again, let's kind of keep it down because Mark might still be in the building. And he might still have a microphone.
Starting point is 00:46:21 What do you got to plug, DC? Big winner today. My books, The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To and Crap Kingdom are available wherever fine books are sold. I also read them as audiobooks on audible.com. So if you're an audio fiend, go get them. And I am twitter.com slash DC Pearson. How long does that take to record a whole book? It takes, I would say, like the books themselves probably timed out to be about like
Starting point is 00:46:45 six hours and like eight hours. And I think they probably took maybe a total of like 12 to 15 to record. And at one point, what I found out is that you burp a lot when you record an audio book, you're just like talking for that long. And I've talked to other authors and they have verified this. It's not just that I'm weird and gross. I am weird and gross, but not in that way. And I, at one point I turned to the engineer. I am weird and gross, but not in that way. And at one point, I turned to the engineer as I was recording the audiobook after I had burped, and I was like, you should cut together just a reel of all the
Starting point is 00:47:12 burps that I've done. And he goes, way ahead of you. That's all they ever do. He's like, oh, I'm not the guy recording the audiobook. I'm from a Slovakian burp fetish website. I'm the burp guy.
Starting point is 00:47:31 What do you got going on, Owen? You got any dates coming up? People come check you out? Yeah. You can go to Twitter, Owen Benjamin, my website. End of the month, I have Chicago Improv and then a bunch more Improvs. So all over the place, I guess. Owenbenjamin.com?
Starting point is 00:47:46 Yeah. Right on. What about you, Doug? Just find me on the interweb. Doug. M-E-L-L-A-R-D. And then, you know, you can find my album, my new album, Fart Safari is coming out soon. That's an awesome title.
Starting point is 00:48:01 Yeah, I'm pretty excited. Just the title alone. Come on, baby, fart safari. Love and Mercy, the movie about the Beach Boys, is pretty cool. I saw that and I liked it. I think it's coming out in the next week or two. Thanks, you guys. Great job. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:48:20 DC Pearson, Owen Benjamin, Doug Millard and of course Mark Wahlberg go see his thing over at the other UCB on Monday May 18th and I'll be in Austin on May 30th yeah that's where Doug and I met
Starting point is 00:48:38 Austin Texas and as always me forgetting candy for the name tag is a shithead Texas. And as always, me forgetting candy for the name tag is a shithead. And all of my friends who will be seeing Mad Max this weekend while I'll be watching
Starting point is 00:48:55 Pitch Perfect 2 alone are shitheads! Again, we'd like to thank NYT Now for their support of our show. Stop searching your social media accounts for hours looking for reliable news on the hot issues of the day. Just go to App Store and download NYT Now for free. With their daily morning briefing, start your day knowing what you need to know.
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Starting point is 00:49:39 you can read. Woo-hoo! Visit NYTNow.com to learn more. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Cause Doug loves movies.

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