Doug Loves Movies - Owen Benjamin, Doug Mellard and DC Pierson guest
Episode Date: May 13, 2015Doug welcomes comics Owen Benjamin, Doug Mellard and DC Pierson to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-no...t-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, pretty babies, sticky seats with 50 azot monocrystals in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey, hey, hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies!
This is Doug Loves Movies
Very well done
My mic feels not hot at all for some reason
If you could make it feel hotter
Like it did a few minutes ago when we did soundcheck
That'd be sweet
Coming to you for
Might be the last time
From the UCB Theater
In Los Angeles, California On Tuesday, May 12, 2015.
Since last I spoke, you listened.
I was whisked away after the Denver show to do a Benson movie interruption at the Alamo Drafthouse.
And I'd like to apologize to everyone who attended for making you sit through Junior.
I thought that'd be like a fun, like,
it's Mother's Day, let's watch the Arnold Schwarzenegger
pregnant man movie.
But, oh my god,
it's so terrible.
So I'll try to fix it next year,
Denver, and
interrupt something else on Mom's Day
next year. So send me suggestions.
The only other thing I could think of that would be fun on Mother's Day
was Mama.
Right?
That would be interesting to make fun of that movie.
Pensacola, Florida.
I'm doing stand-up this Thursday at Vinyl Music Hall.
Mobile, Alabama on Monday, May 18th.
I'll be at Moe's Original Barbecue.
Doug Loves Movies returns
to Hyena's Comedy Club in
Dallas on
Wednesday.
That's May 20th.
DougLovesMovies.com for dates,
deets, and links. From the corrections department,
Tom Cruise was in
Goldmember,
not Spy Who Shagged Me.
What am I going to do?
Jeff Tate answered confidently,
and the audience applauded,
and then we moved on.
Like, I can't...
Somebody's got to say something,
but people are scared to yell out
because of the whole Amy Adams thing.
The next Doug Loves Movies in L.A.
is on Sunday, June 14th
at 4.20 at Meltdown Comics.
Ten bucks gets you in.
Schedule's permitting. I think that's
going to be the next
level of the
tournament of championships.
So try to
come to that. Yay!
Yay, yay!
Lots of stuff in the prize bag.
Not even unwrapped.
We got a Poke Bowl from my friends
at Poke Bowl.
We got a Doug Loves Movies
t-shirt and
a copy of Gateway Doug 2
Forced Fun, a name you won't
have to hear much longer because
promotional tool. My new
album is coming out
very soon. A scarf from
Hitman Glass, a
lighter from Chameleon Glass
and let's get my guests out here
to go through all the great
stuff that they brought. Please give a big
warm welcome everybody to Doug Millard,
Owen Benjamin and
DC Pearson.
Wow, is it that hard to find the...
This is a great crowd applauding
that entire time
took you guys
fucking forever
to figure out that you were guests on a show
and to come out here
Doug Millard is here
everybody let's hear it for Doug
what's that in your lap?
Oh, it's my hat.
Oh, you decided to go hatless for the show?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a more professional look to have reading glasses on your totally messed up head of hair.
Instead of that hat.
Maybe I'll go with the hat.
Oh, that's a good look.
Yeah, I don't mind the hat.
You know a lot of people wear hats, right?
It's not like you have to take it off.
See, they love it over there.
People are into it.
What did you bring for the prize bag, Doug Millard?
You brought a lot of stuff.
I brought on vinyl the Karate Kid 2 soundtrack.
You're very welcome.
I also brought my favorite band in the world, an EP by them,
the Riverboat Gamblers.
It's amazing.
I'm still fixated on Karate Kid.
Yeah, no, it's...
Karate Kid Part 2, because it's mostly like songs.
It's like not much instrumental.
It's more of a song soundtrack,
and I don't recognize any of these songs
like none of them were hits
I guess Glory of Love by Peter Cetera
did okay
and I think there's covers
but I've never heard of a song called
Fish for Life by Man Crab
certainly is a fun sentence
to say now what was the next thing you brought that was a serious
thing you brought fun things and serious seriously an ep by the riverboat gamblers an amazing band
out of austin texas there it is yeah okay good so check them out and uh beauty and the Beast starring Susan Sarandon.
This is like some TV movie show. Oh, it was Fairytale Theater.
Oh, Klaus Kinski was the beast.
That's always so sad
when a man is really ugly
and they're like,
let's put makeup on you,
make you uglier.
And then four of my old...
Spend four hours in a chair
to look uglier
than you already look.
And then three or four copies of my old, old album.
Wait, you brought multiple copies of your album?
Yeah, because I'm trying to get rid of them.
There you go.
So am I.
Thank you.
The winner only needs one.
Don't burden somebody that wins the prize bag with multiple copies.
Owen Benjamin is here, everybody.
Hello.
What's up? What's up?
What's up?
Contributing to the prize bag, his CD-DVD combo.
Yeah, not just some shitty CD like Doug Millard.
I was going to bring a Mancrab album.
The latest album by Mancrab is out of print.
But your CD,
DVD is called High Five Till It Hurts.
Yeah.
And you also,
of course,
are,
I'm excited to have you on here.
You were on
Douglas Movies
in Tampa, Florida.
And there was this
tech issue
where some of the show
went missing.
That was a great show.
We had a great time.
And part of the
funnest part of the show
was talking to you
at the top of the show.
And that part is what got lost.
Let's recreate it.
Let's redo it, man.
Let's say all the same things.
But did I say at that time
that you are the star of the movie
The House Bunny?
I'm in four scenes, but I'll take that.
That's what I think of you as the star of that movie.
Yeah, I stole it.
You deliver crucial plot points early on and then also later.
Right.
Yes.
You're a bookend.
I am.
Right?
You're like the old guy in Saving Private Ryan.
You're at the beginning of the story and the end of the story.
I'm in a few key deleted scenes.
Holy shit, Doug.
I found another one of these fucking things.
Just throwing them at people.
There you go, Baseball Jordan.
And DC Pearson's here, everybody.
Hello, everyone.
Star of the book, Crap Kingdom.
I star in my own book.
You star?
My own fictional book.
Would you write it?
You are the star of the book?
That's right.
Ernest Hemingway in The Old Man and the Sea.
That was accurate.
He was pretty old.
He lived near the sea.
DC, why do you always bring Crap Kingdom and never the other book?
Because Crap Kingdom is the one that I have more of.
Oh, okay.
At one point, my publisher sent me a whole big box of them when the soft cover version came out.
And I'm still
pulling them out.
Still pulling them out soft.
So whatever you do, don't buy one. Just come to Doug Loves
Movies.
Someday you'll get one.
If you come to the next, let's see,
four times I do this show.
So that's got to be, what, over a period
of a couple years. So yeah, just keep
coming to Douglum's movies.
You do it more often than that, but yes.
It's unlikely to get it that way. So buy a copy
of Crab Kingdom for yourself or
the child inside you.
Or one that
lives nearby you.
Or the weird malformed twin
that's inside of you somewhere.
That's super intense.
Yeah.
I didn't even know that I had that.
Oh, I didn't mean to assume, but you could.
You don't know.
Who knows?
Have you been to the movies lately, DC?
I have.
Yesterday afternoon, in fact, I saw Ex Machina.
All right.
Presented by A24.
A wonderful company.
They make great movies.
And they make great advertisements on podcasts.
Yeah, they do advertise a lot on podcasts.
This episode is brought to you by Ex Machina.
I promise.
You just walked right into it.
You're going to verify that this ad is not bullshit.
I promise that I did in fact see that movie,
and this is not a paid ad,
but I did want to just talk about Loot Crate
for a minute, if that's okay.
We promise that a dude with a mustache
will put seven different Iron Mans in a box.
And one of those Iron Mans is from Brooklyn, dude.
And send them to you.
They seem like a great company. I don't care one way or the other. We've never done. And send them to you. They seem like a great company.
I don't care one way or the other.
We've never done a Loot Crate ad.
They seem awesome.
Yeah.
But Ex Machina was a phenomenal movie
written and directed by Alex Garland
starring Domhnall Gleeson.
There's like a rogue N in the middle of his name
because we're all American.
No, it's Donnell.
It's Donnell.
Is it Donnell?
I thought it was Dom and Hall.
Believe me, I said that
a few times and I got corrected.
Doesn't Dom and Hall, though, sound like
something that somebody in an old book
would be worried about inheriting?
It sounds like a band from the Karate Kid 2
album.
Hi-ya!
by Dom and Hall.
It's basically just those two for the duration of the movie.
Oh, don't give that away.
Sorry, guys, if you were expecting...
Anybody expecting a crowd scene?
If that's what you're into,
if you go to movies to see large numbers of people,
at which point, if you're at the movies,
you can just turn around.
It's like a drawing room drama or something.
But I don't want, I fear that makes it sound boring.
Like, I was never a fan of, even though I thought he gave a good performance,
I never liked the Sam Rockwell movie Moon.
A lot of people loved it.
I did love it, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
But to me, that one was like a think piece in a way that, like,
I was thinking I'm tired of watching this one guy.
one was like a think piece in a way that I was thinking, I'm tired of watching this one
guy. But
in the case of Ex Machina,
and I'm not just saying this
because they're advertisers on the show,
I was pretty much on record
as liking it before they signed on,
but in the case of that movie...
Wait, are they really sponsoring the show? I thought that was...
In the case of
that movie, I think it's just... I think the
entire time, it's either fun or scary or interesting.
The entire movie.
And those are hard to pull off for me, because once you set up, it's kind of a puzzle.
After a while, I'm like, I don't want to solve this shit.
And it also is good because it's very surprising throughout, but it doesn't rely on any one twist.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
And I wish no one had seen the trailer for it.
I wish you could watch
it cold, because that's how I saw it. I also saw
it cold. That's really helpful.
I'm going to watch it cold.
I haven't seen the trailer. I'm going in cold.
Go for it, man. I can't wait. It's really good.
Oscar Isaac's the other dude in it,
and then the girl in it is super
charismatic.
Alicia Vikander?
Vikander?
I've never gotten confirmation on that one. Doug, how do you think Super charismatic. Alicia Vikander. Vikander, yeah.
I've never gotten confirmation on that one.
Doug, how do you think it's pronounced?
Vikander.
Okay, there you go.
That's what I said.
Doug's kind of stick together when it comes to pronouncing things.
Have you been in the movies lately, Owen?
I saw one last night.
Blackhat.
Why were you watching that last night?
Because I was running out.
What went wrong in your life?
I was running out of the on-demand ones.
I just go through the whole list.
Were you like, did you?
You were running out?
That's B.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's like they give me like 15 I can select from,
and I'm like, all right.
I've already seen Selma.
All right, it looks like it's Blackhat. like 15 I can select from and I'm like, alright, I've already seen Selma. Alright,
it looks like it's Black Hat.
Yeah,
I do that too
when there's like a selection
you just pick one
that you haven't seen
or my trouble is
that I tend to like
be like,
but I'd just rather watch
Guardians of the Galaxy again
or whatever.
Right.
You know,
I'd rather watch something
I know I love,
you know,
than Black Hat.
It was bad.
It was really bad.
I saw it in a theater, dude.
And it is brutal.
In the last 20 minutes,
you watch the whole thing?
Yeah.
In the last 20 minutes,
it feels like you're watching
a completely different movie
all of a sudden.
It's just really basic.
He pulls his gun out.
You don't care, right?
Do you guys care?
So he pulls his gun out.
I think you mean his hammer.
His hammer, right.
Chris Hemsworth. His gun is
made of a black hole. This movie is if Thor
knew computers. Right.
And he needs to kill
this guy. He's like dying to kill this guy and he starts
talking to him again. I hate that.
Oh, I can't wait for that.
No, he's like, you know, he's done all this stuff
to kill this dude and he's like,
you really made me mad, man. No, it's just
boom, you just shoot the guy and like little things
like that I'm always like
you don't talk to the guy
long enough for him to
you know
kick the gun out of your hand
with somebody
and somebody over there
sneezes
what?
and there was a lot of people
that are shooting
but there's like a fucking
there's a scene at the end
where there's just some sort of
parade where everyone's
wearing red
and uh
and no one's scared of guns
and yeah
and they're just running
through this crowd
shooting at each other.
And it's like, I thought I came to see Michael Mann.
Doesn't he do movies that are more cerebral?
Michael Mann, that sucked.
That's right.
That's the kind of heat I bring.
I was going to guess that you,
after your regrettable haircut that you gave yourself,
you were like, I should watch Black Hat because I wish I had one right now.
I legit wish I was wearing a black hat right now.
When I walked in tonight, I was like, oh shit, did you get cast in American Sniper 2?
Or any military thing would have worked, I guess.
Maybe that one's too harsh.
The buzzer thing fell off and I really had to commit to this. I think it
looks good. I think you look like an intimidating dude
in a Guy Ritchie movie. Right, but
that's the thing. I'm already 6'7", so
like at a grocery store, I'm like,
where's the peanut butter? They're like, don't fucking kill me.
Don't kill us. Yeah. I'm like, alright.
Just tell me where the fucking peanut butter is.
And I kill them. I'm in a hurry.
I'm in a hurry. Tell me in a jiff.
Right? Nice. I fucking love that. I'll never a hurry tell me in a jiff right nice
I fucking love that
I'll never grow up
where's the peter pan
so
that is amazing
if I could think of
a third brand of peanut butter
I would be all over it
what if you just do
like you're peeing nuts
go to the basics
ABC pees nuts
yeah
Doug have you been to the movies. The building blocks. ABC pees nuts. Yeah.
Doug, have you been to the movies?
We're out of time. I saw Welcome to Me on Sunday.
The Kristen Wiig vehicle.
Sure did.
Yep, that's it.
How was it?
It was pretty good.
Yeah?
She's nude in it.
No.
Yeah.
Wow.
All out.
That was it.
That's all you came away from,
from Welcome to Me,
is Welcome to Me Bush?
It was funny.
Some of the best non-sequiturs,
you get to hear some crazy shit
coming out of her mouth.
It's pretty good.
Yeah, because she's crazy
in the movie, right?
Yeah, that was the bad part.
It's about a person
with borderline
personality disorder.
So it's hard to jerk off
to her when she gets naked.
Yes.
Dogs stick together on stuff.
We do.
We really agree
that it's hard.
That's why it's hard
to masturbate
to the mental health.
I am advocating
for all porn
to have a ticker
at the bottom
with a scroll of everyone
in its mental health diagnosis.
I'm like, oh, I won't jerk off so hard.
Jasmine is bipolar.
And I won't be jismin on Jasmine.
Now it's the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin.
Yeah.
Gentlemen, pick your name tags and start your boners.
We've got a few out there.
I see some good ones.
I see some hard work.
I see some donuts, which is always a bad thing on this show
because they get thrown in people's faces.
And while you guys do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back after these messages
from Ex Machina
and NYT Now.
Today's episode
is brought to you in part by
A24. You know those guys.
The people behind Ex Machina.
The provocative new sci-fi
thriller that audiences and
critics are going crazy for.
This movie is a hit, you guys, and it's really a fascinating film.
Manola Dargis of the New York Times, she gave it the critics pick.
She called it a futuristic shocker about the men, the machines they make, and the women
they dream up.
Oh, yeah, heavy.
Peter Travers of Rolling Stone declares,
you've never seen anything like it.
And it's true.
Ex Machina now playing everywhere.
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And we're back!
Great job, everybody.
Doug's going to slip on his granny glasses And tell us about
Tell us about this item right here
Oh shit
Oh god
My face flew off of it
Well
You guys don't need to stop talking
I just
What kind of panel of comedians Is fucking silent for that long You guys don't need to stop talking.
What kind of panel of comedians is fucking silent for that long?
Why don't some... I seriously was thinking of more peanut puns.
The three of us are touring together
as the original kings of respectful silence.
Those are powerful in your monologue.
First grade teachers come to our shows.
They're like, oh, thank God, finally.
I'm glad I found you guys.
I mean, it's not good to have you all on the same show.
I'll sprinkle you in in the future
with the Pete Holmeses and the TJ Millers.
Next time, you guys, I'll have a four-person panel
and the fourth guy will be Jeff Garland. time, you guys, I'll have a four-person panel and the fourth guy
will be Jeff Garland.
You guys will just sit there
the whole time.
I am Sam.
So his name is Sam?
Yes.
Oh, there he is over there.
You put a Doug Loves Movies...
What are these things called
when you make these?
Perler beads.
Perler beads.
Yeah, I knew it had a name.
So you made a nice Doug Loves Movies
with the Perler Beads, and then you also have an
I Am Sam poster. The whole presentation is very nice.
And you have an I Am Sam poster
where Groot
and Rocket are just
casually strolling in between the
mentally retarded
Sean Penn and
whoever was the lady in that movie,
Michelle Fiver,
and announcing underneath I am Sam
it says I am Groot,
which I wish someone would make
I am Sam a remake
where Groot plays the role of Sam.
That'd be pretty amazing.
That's phase four of Marvel.
But is there a shithead on the back?
My head falls off every time I try to look at
the shithead. Oh no, my purdling beads.
There is. But as you'll
recall, Owen, don't read the
shithead on the back of your name tag out loud.
We'll save it for the end. Who are you playing for?
I got this.
It's a Candyman
and it says the C's crossed out and it says
Andy, which I thought was really clever. And I like that movie, Candyman, and it says the C's crossed out, and it says Andy, which I thought was really clever.
And I like that movie, Candyman.
You did?
Because I like bees, and I'm a man, and I like candy.
And I have an intimidating haircut, so I didn't want to circle the place too much.
Because it gets really intense.
Good job, Candyman.
DC, who are you playing for?
I am playing for The Ryan.
He has put his name over The Road
on the book cover of Cormac McCarthy's The Road,
which was made into a movie with Viggo Mortensen.
And I grabbed it, and I liked it,
and then I immediately had buyer's remorse,
because I wanted to shout out,
there was a woman over there that had one that was falling down,
but instead it said Pauline down
because her name is Pauline.
So I wanted to talk about her more
because I wish that I had...
She'll be the one that got away.
Maybe next time that you're on and she's here,
then it'll come together.
I hope so, Doug.
But in the meantime, we've got this stupid book.
Ugh.
Ugh.
The Ryan.
It's intense.
I'm sure you're going to play as hard as possible to help the Ryan win.
It's an intense book.
Is it?
The road.
Oh, the road is.
I don't know about the Ryan.
The road, the movie, I think it won last place at the Happy Awards.
Really?
It's kind of a bleak
experience.
It's really bleak.
In the books, even worse.
Of course it is.
When things are crazy shitty in books,
they always tone it down at least a little bit
in the movie.
Let's say The Wizard of Oz least a little bit in the movie. Let's say
The Wizard of Oz, for instance.
In the movie,
they made it all a dream.
The book had the courage of its
convictions, and she went to an
actual place where all that shit happened.
And then they made a thousand more books.
And Dorothy in the book
had AIDS.
Yes, yes, it's true.
The working title is Dorothy's Buyer's Club.
And...
God, I wish that was a name tag tonight.
Dorothy's Buyer's Club.
That's amazing.
Yeah, and, yeah, but then eventually she writes in the sky,
Survivor Dorothy. It's really moving. It's amazing. Yeah, but then eventually she writes in the sky, Survivor Dorothy.
It's really moving.
It's beautiful.
Did we talk about a lot of name tags?
Yes, we did.
All right, so we will start to determine
who goes first in the Leonard Maltin game today.
It's been a while since he's been here,
and I'm very happy to have him back.
Let's do some lines, you guys.
You guys want to do some fucking lines?
Yeah.
How you guys doing? You doing good?
Hey, Mark.
How's it going, Doc? How are you?
It's going good. It's fucking been a while, dude. Thanks for coming by. What's it going, Doc? How are you? It's going good.
It's fucking been a while, dude.
Thanks for coming by.
What's going on in your life?
Oh, fuck.
Well, I mean,
the only reason I'm over here right now is I don't let Donnie use the bidet,
so he's stealing toilet paper
from the bar next door.
Tough to see.
That's the only reason.
What the fuck are you doing to it?
How you doing, man?
Good to see you, Mark.
What's going on?
That's the only reason that you're here?
Yeah, I told him. I go, you can't use a fucking bidet.
Bidets are for closers.
I don't think that's the expression.
That's how I would have fucking said it.
So yeah, dude.
Oh, can I plug something?
Sure.
Let's fucking do it.
Okay.
What's, like, May the 18th?
I'm doing a show and DC's gonna be on it
We're doing another Wahlberg solution
I'm gonna fucking give answers to you normos
I'm gonna fucking straighten this shit out for you
I'll probably give away money too
You should fucking show up
So you're more interested in promoting
A 100 seat theater show
Than a major motion picture that you're in
That's coming out in a few weeks
You talking about Bench Perfect 2? No theater show than a major motion picture that you're in that's coming out in a few weeks?
You talking about Bench Perfect 2?
No.
Yeah, dude, I'm on that tip.
What's Bench Perfect 2? I just shot it yesterday.
What was Bench Perfect 1?
We haven't done it yet. We're going backwards.
You're starting with the sequel.
Dude, I've told people this before.
It worked for fucking Star Wars Those are classics
Wait, no
The first two were in order though
They didn't
No, they started at like
Fucking three
Or four
Or whatever
And then they went backwards
We're doing the same thing
Okay
Do you want to come see it?
Huh?
Do you want to come see it?
It's just me benching
For 180 minutes.
Perfectly.
The posters are fucking great.
It says,
the bench is back.
You're right.
The posters are great.
So, let's go.
But let's, let's...
You want to do a line?
Do a line.
Let's do a line from...
You guys want to do
some fucking lines?
Hopefully this is...
Hopefully this is from a
Classic motion picture
It's going to be now that I did a line from it
It's not necessarily
A movie that Mark is in
We went through all of those
Took us a while but we did it
As soon as you recognize
This line just yell out
The name of the movie that it's from.
Okay.
Look good, feel good.
You look good.
You feel good.
Are you ready, boys?
Yes.
What are you trying to tell me?
That I can dodge bullets?
What are you trying to tell me?
The Matrix.
It is the fucking Matrix.
Way to go, DC. Fucking represent for the show, bro. DC The Matrix. It is the fucking Matrix.
Way to go, DC.
Fucking represent for the show, bro.
DC's going to be at the fucking show, too.
He's coming.
We'll fucking hang out all the time.
When is it?
It is Monday, May 18th at UCB.
New one.
On Sunset.
On Sunset.
Seven o'clock.
All right.
Dude, you should fucking come.
Oh, yeah.
Can I bring my entourage
yeah dude
we'll have you
come out and do
a line
that'd be fucking
great
alright
Mark Wahlberg
everybody
Mark
ever since he's
been coming around
and doing my show
here like he's
really gotten into
UCB so now he
does his own shows
here
it's crazy.
He was in level two improv classes.
Yes and.
Yeah, we should probably work out
something where the microphone stays on stage
when he leaves.
So I don't want him chiming in through the entire thing.
All right, so that means DC gets to go first
in the Leonard Maltin game.
And since Owen is newer to the program
than Doug, we'll have him go second
and Doug will go third.
DC gets to pick a category
between these options
Puff Puff Pass
that's Emily Blunt movies
that Leonard Mullen gave two stars or less
Puff that Blunt and pass it
Saggin' Baggins suggested Apollo 86.
That's movies where Carl Weathers dies.
He doesn't just get thrown out of a place.
He dies.
An interstellar gutter groove back.
Romantic Matthew McConaughey movies.
Ooh.
Yeah, I don't even say rom-com
because none of them qualify.
Okay.
I will go with
Interstellar
Got Her Groove Back.
Finally!
Somebody picked it.
Get this category out of here.
2006 is the year.
Two and a half stars from Leonard.
He says that in this movie, McConaughey is a bachelor.
He also says about it, when is he ever married?
He's never married in anything.
He says this movie's pleasant enough
with a dash between the two
that's an interesting way to write pleasant enough
I think it's one long word
but it goes exactly
where you know it will
it's contact
yeah and
I was just watching some of that on HBO
the other day
and he lists ten names.
How many names can you get it in, DC?
I'll say, I'm just going to choose that it is one of the ones I'm thinking of and say negative one.
Whoa.
Sneaky business.
So, Owen, you can challenge him,
hope he doesn't have the right movie.
I think we can all agree
he probably has the right
top-billed person in the movie.
So, you could say negative two,
and that means you have to name the movie
and the top two billed people in the movie
in correct order.
Or you could just say,
name that movie to DC,
and if he screws it up,
you get a point.
Yeah, I'm just going to do it.
After the Matrix thing,
I have a lot of reverence.
I'm going to say,
name that movie DC.
Well, that's the proper emotion
to have, Owen.
I don't know.
Watch me get this wrong.
Matthew McConaughey
is the top-billed person
in the movie Failure to Launch
That's correct
I would have guessed Ghost of Girlfriends Past
or whatever, I would have been wrong
That's my favorite McConaughey romcom
I actually like that one
Which one?
Ghost of Girlfriends Past
For some reason I like it
Finally someone used his ability to see ghosts in a movie.
It was Scrooge, but with fucking.
And I should have said, I don't know why I said it was Scrooge with something.
It was Christmas Carol.
Sorry, Dickens.
Yeah.
No, he's thrilled. He's like,
finally, someone put fucking in it.
If Charles Dickens
fucked.
Doug gets to go first here in the next round.
We're playing to two points, so be careful
not to let DC get another point,
you guys. We'll go to
Owen after
Doug, because he challenged DC
in the last round. Doug, would you like
first name basis? This never gets
picked because it's
when I read the names from this movie
first names only.
Shit.
So that's weird.
Go Bananas is
another category that scares people because
it's movies with the word apes
in the title.
But let me give you an example.
Grand Budapest Hotel
has
apes in the title.
And
I hope he's still not here with a microphone
because he'll say something about this.
Wahlberg vs. Wahlberg.
Mark Wahlberg movies
that came out the same year as another Mark Wahlberg movie Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg movies that came out the same year
as another Mark Wahlberg movie.
Let's do Wahlberg versus Wahlberg.
All right.
Oh, shit.
Would you like 2008 or 2008?
Let's go 2008.
Okay.
Two stars from Leonard for this movie from 2008
that stars Mark Wahlberg,
even though he had another movie come out in the same year.
He says about this movie
that it's based on a popular video game.
I may have said too much already.
And he also says
it's a good looking film
that falls flat dramatically
and then he lists
12 names
how many names can you get it in
DM
shit
I'm trying to think of the
I know it
but we're going to start at 10 shit I'm trying to think of I know it I know it
but we're gonna start
at ten
confident and not at all
yeah
I like that
Owen
can you bid less than ten
yeah
I'm gonna do nine
yeah I can
he says nine, DC.
Oh, boy.
Owen, name that movie.
Whoa.
I for sure can.
Let's do it.
All right, you get nine out of 12 names.
And then if you'd like the clues again after that, I'll give you the clues again.
Popular.
And your nine names.
Your game.
What's that?
I'm just talking to myself
how loud I get.
Yeah, I thought
based on a popular video game
is kind of a giveaway clue.
I didn't mean to say that.
So I take it back.
Didn't help me at all.
Your nine names
are Nelly Furtado.
Oh! all. Your nine names are Nelly Furtado.
She's in it.
I'm like an actress, I'll be in your film.
Wanna know where my trailer is.
What the hell
movie is this?
Do you guys know this?
I think some people do.
Sure, sure.
We all love movies.
Jamie Hector was in this movie.
Joel Gordon.
Olga
Cherienko.
Somebody in the audience was saying it.
Kate Burton.
I'm going to need 55 names.
Amari Nolasco.
Donald Logue.
You know who that is, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chris O'Donnell.
He's a classic.
Okay.
Well, my problem is I don't know if I ever knew this movie existed.
Well, maybe this will throw you over the edge.
Ludacris.
Ludacris and Nelly Furtado, finally.
Ludacris' fourth build.
As Chris Ludacris Bridges, because he needs the full respect.
Right.
You guys seriously know this?
I don't know if the last three names
help you at all.
No, I can't.
It's a video game thing.
I don't know any video games.
Pac-Man.
Super Mario Brothers.
Sonic the Hedgehog.
Let's walk through this for a second.
We got a couple of minutes here
before I have to apologize.
Duck Hunter.
I didn't have a TV growing up.
Don't just guess random names.
I could just call you out.
I could just say you're wrong and it'll be over.
Right.
Only guess for reals after I say this to you.
I was trying to make jokes after the silent comment.
When you said I had a panel of comedians.
No, no.
I was just trying to make jokes.
I was delighted by that.
I wasn't trying to get you to talk more.
I was pointing out how precious life is.
And when Owen looked back at Doug,
Doug wore the face of his father.
Just want you to be proud of me.
What's the category?
Category? Yeah, what category are of me. What's the category? Category?
Yeah, what category are we playing?
What do you mean?
Like category of movie?
Do you remember what the category was about?
Yeah, it's Wahlberg versus Wahlberg.
Two Wahlberg movies, same year, 2008.
So one was probably significantly better,
because that's where he put his resources.
And then this is the one
that went straight to DVD
and at that point
I already hated Blockbuster
and Netflix
hadn't taken off yet.
Well, if Mark was...
This is kind of a bad zone
in my life, guys.
Yes!
Thank you.
If Mark...
Fuck!
If Mark was still here
and on a microphone...
Right.
He would be angry with you.
He would.
Because he doesn't...
He never phones anyone.
No, but he respects my haircut.
He always does the best work.
And I'm sure he's even proud of this movie.
That Leonard only gave two stars.
Oh, I just thought of the movie.
You got the movie?
You want to steal it back?
Steal it back.
Fuck, man.
Nothing? No gas?
Don't feel bad.
Contra.
There's no reason for you to feel bad. I't feel bad Contra there's no reason
for you
Contra
I'm going with Contra
look
even if that
let me put it in the
Konami code okay
yeah
I said bro
I just got 30 lives
even
even if the movie
were Contraband
you'd be wrong
this guy loves movies
but it's not
it's a movie
that also starred
Bo Bridges and Mila Kunis
called Max Payne.
Okay.
Whoa.
All right.
Max Payne.
And DC Pearson is our winner.
I never would have gotten that.
All right.
Let's play the other movie.
That was really fast and aggressive.
Wait, what did you... you oh he's got to
ride a shithead
on the back
right
yeah
no but he
wouldn't make
eye contact
with me
like he was
ashamed of me
like he knew
Max Payne
like that was
a video game
the video game
actually hurt me
I heard him say
give me that
you dolt
I didn't know
Max Payne was
a video game
oh I see
yeah
you were playing
it in the green room.
It was a shitty clue.
I never would have gotten it, guys.
I'm making excuses so Andy respects me.
Well, I think he's writing down Owen Benjamin and everyone who knows him is a shithead.
Because he's writing something really elaborate.
Did you say Bo Bridges, too?
Is in it, yeah.
Bo Bridges.
And is Ludacris Chris Bridges? Is he related to the Bridges too? Is in it, yeah. Bo Bridges and is Ludacris Chris Bridges?
Is he related to the Bridges boys?
Yeah, they're going to make a remake of the Fabulous Baker Boys with Ludacris and Bo.
Jeff doesn't want anything to do with it because he's too busy making great movies like R.I.P.D.
And it's so annoying because that family's super talented, but they don't
need the money because they invented bridges.
That's true.
Alright, so
we have a shithead on the back of there. So you can just pass
it down to me because I'll be reading
it. I don't need yours, DC. You won.
Yeah, I need this one. I'm dying to read it
anyway.
Oh my god. I have a bomb.
Play it cool.
Slide me the prize bag.
Don't be a hero, Tug.
It's even weirder what happened
with Andy Mann.
He crossed out the shithead that he had
written and wrote in a new one.
Is that what happened?
Oh, it's an old one.
And did I read your shithead before?
Yeah, you have.
Oh my God.
It's the same guy again.
So he had to write one in pen.
But it is a good one.
And you got one on the back of yours, right, Doug?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Look at this thing.
Your head keeps falling off.
Look at how he printed it out
and pasted it on there.
Yeah.
If my fucking face
would stay on the thing
this would be
one of the greatest
name tags ever.
But I'm going to
hang on to the face part.
That'll just be fun to have.
Like I'll go out to bars
and be like
can we see your ID?
I'm crafty.
Don't fuck with me or you'll be crying bloody pearler.
All right.
The movie, the year, we'll let you go first, Owen, and then we'll go to Doug.
And this is just for fun.
The game's been decided.
Ryan wins the prize bag.
Where's Ryan at?
Come get your bag, dude.
Yeah, that's how much I respect the prize bag.
I'll throw it across the room.
When he wants his book back. Gotta finish reading that.
Hey, you know what?
You're still number two to me.
Hey, you know what, though?
Ryan, pick one thing out of there
that you're not that into or whatever,
and we'll give it to her.
If you give her my book, I swear to fucking God.
Look at my haircut, bro.
Don't pick the DVD.
Take one of Doug's
ten CD set.
You have to play
in four different cars
like that one
Flaming Lips album.
All right, Owen.
Two stars from Leonard
for this Mark Wahlberg movie
from 2008
was the other movie that he did
the same year as Max Payne.
She got a t-shirt. He probably figured
out that wasn't going to fit him.
Smooth move,
dude.
Okay, so
Leonard says about this movie
that
he says it's absurd,
but he also calls it tense
and even frightening at first.
Nine names.
How many names can you get in Owen?
More than nine
I just lost all my confidence
I will give you ten names
I'll do ten names
Okay he says nine names Doug
2008
2008
It's a rough year man
Netflix transitions
I'll do Seven He said seven DC Yeah, what the fuck was Warren? Netflix transitions.
I'll do seven.
He said seven, DC.
DC's going to do negative 12.
Knock 10 off that.
Negative two names.
2008, right?
You really say negative two? Yeah, I'm going to do negative two names.
He says negative two, Owen.
Jesus.
You got to ring her.
Yeah, I thought, let's play another round
so the other guys have a chance at something.
Some sort of redemption.
I like to bring nothing to the table, Doug.
DC is a damn steamroller.
Negative two, he says, Owen.
Do you even think you know what the movie is?
No chance.
Yeah, so you're pretty much going to have to hope he blows it.
And again, this doesn't matter at all.
Nothing's on the line.
Unlike the normal game, which is super high stakes.
Yes.
In the other game, I don't deflate the balls.
In this game, the balls can be whatever.
Scary at first.
He's still trying to come up with it.
The clues, that's the thing about this game.
The clues don't help.
trying to come up with it.
The clues,
that's the thing about this game,
the clues don't help.
Like, the reason DC is so good at it is because...
He has mild Asperger's syndrome.
It says that at the bottom of the screen
on my sex tape.
I'd still masturbate to you, though.
Thank you.
That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you gotta guess?
Like, just guess a Mark Wahlberg movie.
You know, that narrows it down to about 30 movies.
Okay, we got Three Kings, which is the wrong era.
What was that, 99?
We have...
I don't watch a lot of Wahlberg movies.
Do you know this?
Yeah, I think he does.
I do.
I have a good feeling that he does know.
I think I saw it in the theater.
But let him take a shot if you want.
Who, me?
Yeah.
No, I got no shots.
Since you don't know.
All right, DC, name that movie.
I'm going to say Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel,
and I think the film is The Happening.
That's correct.
That's insane.
That's insane that he got that.
Everyone go home, go on YouTube,
and watch the lemonade scene from The Happening.
It's phenomenal.
People that have seen it know what I'm talking about.
It's wonderful.
Yeah, again, let's kind of keep it down
because Mark might still be in the building.
And he might still have a microphone.
What do you got to plug, DC?
Big winner today.
My books, The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To and Crap Kingdom are available wherever fine books are sold.
I also read them as audiobooks on audible.com.
So if you're an audio fiend, go get them.
And I am twitter.com slash DC Pearson.
How long does that take to record a whole book?
It takes, I would say, like the books themselves probably timed out to be about like
six hours and like eight hours. And I think they probably took maybe a total of like 12 to 15
to record. And at one point, what I found out is that you burp a lot when you record an audio book,
you're just like talking for that long. And I've talked to other authors and they have
verified this. It's not just that I'm weird and gross. I am weird and gross, but not in that way.
And I, at one point I turned to the engineer. I am weird and gross, but not in that way. And at one point, I turned
to the engineer as I was recording the audiobook
after I had burped, and I was like, you should cut
together just a reel of all the
burps that I've done. And he goes,
way ahead of you.
That's all
they ever do.
He's like, oh, I'm not the guy recording
the audiobook. I'm from a
Slovakian burp fetish website.
I'm the burp guy.
What do you got going on, Owen?
You got any dates coming up?
People come check you out?
Yeah.
You can go to Twitter, Owen Benjamin, my website.
End of the month, I have Chicago Improv and then a bunch more Improvs.
So all over the place, I guess.
Owenbenjamin.com?
Yeah. Right on.
What about you, Doug?
Just find me on the interweb.
Doug. M-E-L-L-A-R-D.
And then, you know, you can find
my album, my new album, Fart
Safari is coming out soon.
That's an awesome title.
Yeah, I'm pretty excited. Just the title alone.
Come on, baby, fart safari.
Love and Mercy, the movie about the Beach Boys, is pretty cool.
I saw that and I liked it.
I think it's coming out in the next week or two.
Thanks, you guys.
Great job.
Thank you.
DC Pearson, Owen Benjamin, Doug Millard and of course Mark Wahlberg
go see his thing
over at the other UCB
on Monday May 18th
and
I'll be in Austin
on May 30th
yeah that's where Doug and I met
Austin Texas
and as always
me forgetting candy for the name tag is a shithead Texas. And as always, me
forgetting candy for the name tag
is a shithead.
And all
of my friends who will be seeing Mad Max
this weekend while I'll be watching
Pitch Perfect 2 alone
are
shitheads!
Again, we'd like to thank
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Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Cause Doug loves movies.