Doug Loves Movies - Patton Oswalt, Paul F. Tompkins and Scott Aukerman guest
Episode Date: July 25, 2018Back home at the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Patton Oswalt, Paul F. Tompkins and Scott Aukerman to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at ht...tps://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't sleep of
Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Okay, that was pretty good, you guys.
Good job, everybody.
Coming to you once again from the OG,
the original gangster hideout for Doug Loves Movies,
the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
in Los Angeles, California!
California!
It's Tuesday, July 24th, 2018.
And I want to know,
how's your name tag game, LA?
Oh, it's pretty goddamn strong.
I don't know what happened to you guys.
Maybe it's because it's summer.
We got Steve Nato,
is a guy with a fucking shark head
that is,
it's a shark that looks like he desperately wants to speak
but can't.
And so his head is constantly
moving around like,
oh, I wish I could talk right now.
But I am Steve Nato.
Beth to Smoochie.
I like that very much.
The cat in the hat.
And cat is K-A-T,
short for Catherine.
Kathleen. Good for Catherine. Kathleen.
Good for you.
Hey,
Amera Kim Psycho.
I've seen that one before.
That's a returning one.
Chasing Amy,
what?
Amy DeVille Horror.
Chasing Amy DeVille Horror?
I'm Amy.
And you're Amy.
But you decided,
I don't want to decide
on Chasing Amy
or Amy DeVille Horror.
I'm going to do both
in the same poster.
That's pretty fucking amazing.
Yeah, it's Bill the title, you son of a bitch.
Oh, is that like a three billboards outside Ebbing over there?
It is.
Holy shit, that's very far away.
I'm good at recognizing posters.
What did you change it to?
Brie billboards. Brie billboards. I like it, Brie.
I also like your cheese.
What is that big... Oh, Big Sid
instead of Big Sick. I like that.
Alright, we got lots of good ones to choose from.
We've established that, so good luck to everybody.
And
I'm going to do some plugs.
Thursday night, I'm doing the Benson Interruption
in Montreal, Canada
as part of the Just for Laughs Festival.
And Saturday, July 28th,
I'm doing Douglas Movies there in the afternoon
at the Hyatt Hotel in Montreal.
The following week I'm doing several shows
at the Traverse City Film Festival.
And on August 12th I'm doing several shows at the Traverse City Film Festival and on August 12th I'm doing Doug Loves Movies at the Variety Playhouse
in Atlanta and
just added I'm doing
Doug Loves Movies at the Improv
in Orlando on Saturday
August 18th at 420
because I decided I wanted to go to Disney World
at the hottest time of the year
so that'll be on sale never, I mean never because I decided I wanted to go to Disney World at the hottest time of the year.
So that'll be on sale never, I mean, never?
That's on sale never, good luck.
That's on sale now or soon is what I wrote,
but in my writing, now or looks like never.
On sale never.
For all of my upcoming dates that you cannot go to because they are not going on
sale, go to
douglasmovies.com.
That's douglasmovies.com!
Yeah!
Oh my god, you guys.
I don't know how I feel about the
eagle noises.
Is that even a noise an eagle makes?
I don't think so.
I think eagles are just like, what's up?
The prize bag tonight includes a Douglas Movies T-shirt
and, oh, another shirt that says,
oh, I just had a great time in Reno
at the Reno Tahoe Comedy Club.
So I'm giving away a shirt from there.
And, oh, I also had a really good time
taking this from
the hotel this is this is called edible Reno Tahoe and it's not a weed thing but
it is all the great places to eat in in Reno and Tahoe that's my thing now is I
just steal hotel room magazines I got all the bag that this is coming in,
I got to do the Kevin and Bean show in San Diego.
They were there.
They're an L.A. radio show, of course,
but they were at Comic-Con,
and so this bag says Kevin and Bean at Comic-Con,
and there's some Kevin and Bean stickers
and a Kevin and Bean lanyard
in case you ever get something you want to hang around your neck and you want to shout out to them.
And then a Peacemaker Christmassy bong.
Down to three of those.
Three of these.
I thought they would last all year, but I've been doing so many shows that they're almost all gone.
But I'm going to give out a few more.
And also, my guests, my three guests, brought stuff for the prize bag as well.
So let's get them out here.
And please give it up for Scott Aukerman, Patton Oswalt, and Paul F. Thompson.
Thank you.
Looks like none of them could make it.
But I'm sure they are somewhere having a very nice time. And we will be happy to see them again on another occasion.
It's funny, too.
Oh!
Paul, did you murder the other guests?
Well, Chuck, let's just say I want to win tonight.
Oh, shit.
Next time you murder someone,
stick around to make sure they're dead, Tompkins.
I really did just yell at these guys, you're murdered! And then I thought
it would stick. The force of your voice.
Yeah, I was loud.
Were we supposed to come out?
We were all talking. You know how it works.
We were all talking. It's typical.
The green room is bad. You know, there's a door
back there between here and there.
We heard a giant ovation and thought,
that couldn't be for us.
It's gotta be for Doug.
He got off a good zinger.
Yes, they applaud wildly for my opening comments.
I'm going to be in Florida.
Woo!
Hey, could you put your shark head on the ground?
Because there's people in the audience that can't see me.
Put your shark head on the ground.
I appreciate you taking it off,
because that would have been too much commitment
for you to wear that thing the whole time.
And your head moves less when it's not on.
I like that, too.
I didn't know what your problem was.
It was a real shaky shark.
Sharks gotta move their heads all the time, right?
They do. They gotta keep moving their head or they die.
But he was a very agreeable shark.
It was a lot of up and down.
For the podcast listener, Doug was shaking his head
from side to side, then up and down.
For our wireless listeners at home.
Thank you, Scott.
And yes.
Patent. I've got nothing to add. Thank you, Scott. And, yes. And, yes.
Patton.
I've got nothing to add.
Let's meet them individually, my three guests.
And then together after that.
And then together for the rest of the show.
Scott Aukerman is here!
Hi, America! That's right. We're going alphabetical on these three
It's the only logical way to do it
You have three big names, you go alphabetical
What's going on with the ring?
Scott was noticing my wedding ring
I'm married
Sorry everyone
Sorry Jamie Normally I'd say sorry ladies But now it's sorry everyone I'm married. Sorry, everyone. Sorry, Jamie.
Normally I'd say, sorry, ladies, but now it's sorry, everyone.
Sorry, my wife.
Okay, you guys.
It doesn't count.
My wife. My wife.
When it's already a joke, you can't do it.
Scott and I are more partial to the William Shatner, my wife.
Yeah, how's that go?
My wife!
It's from when she drowned.
Oh, no.
Wow, Scott, it's a good thing you can't be fired from anything right now.
Ha ha! Wait a minute!
Because those kind of comments get you fired!
But what are you up to, Scott? What's going on?
Mmm, baby.
I'm just doing my thing.
Just fucking partying.
Right.
That's your thing.
You like to party.
You can hear a YouTube episode that we just put out
where we interview Bono and The Edge.
It just came out?
It just came out, yes.
You interviewed all of them but one?
Larry Mullins was busy?
Larry was busy but did something very interesting
which we talk about.
Oh, okay.
It's our trip to Madison Square Garden
part two.
Can I spoil it?
Larry Mullin wrote on the mirror and lipstick,
Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS.
Oh, no. Larry Mullen wrote on the mirror and lipstick, welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS. Oh, no.
Wow.
Wow.
No.
You're going to get him fired from YouTube.
My God.
That was an urban legend.
From the beginning of AIDS.
You know, when AIDS was hilarious.
The golden age of AIDS.
The golden AIDS.
Oh, dear.
Oh, Lord.
We're all never going to work again.
We're already not.
Oh, okay.
It works out pretty good.
That's good timing.
Let's say hello to Patton Oswalt, everybody.
What have you done?
Watch me dig out of this hole.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Here we go.
I was going to say,
what's happened to you since Ratatouille?
Since Ratatouille?
Fill us in.
Well, right now,
we just locked the script for Two Rat, Two Tooie.
We're very excited.
That's going to be really great.
Vin Diesel is playing a wheel of Mimole cheese.
So that's just got him, got a letter of interest from him.
But that usually means he'll show up.
God, what is going on with me?
Nothing.
Nothing.
I played Clue today.
That's what I did.
Literally played a game of Harry Potter Clue,
which Harry Potter Clue is where they take the game of Clue and they make it so much more goddamn complicated
than it needs to be.
They involve money somehow and trap doors
and all this bullshit.
It's like they've, it was horrifying.
Now, obviously, this is for kids,
so there's not a murder, right?
One of the kids
has been made to disappear,
and you have to bring them back.
So no, there's no murder in it.
Who was the culprit
in this particular game?
Well, the game we played today,
it turned out it was Peter.
Was it Mad-Eye Mustard?
No, he's a good guy.
Mad-Eye Mustard? No, he's a good guy. Mad-Eye Mustard.
What the hell?
I was so happy about that one,
and then couldn't fucking get it out.
Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS.
I love how basically Doug rips with magnetic poetry tiles.
Just...
Today it was
Peter Pettigrew using the vanishing
cabinet in
Defense Against the Dark Arts.
I mean, if somebody disappeared,
I would go with the vanishing cabinet
every single time.
You can also use the port key
that, why am I, oh my god, I'm defending
Am I an instantly that why am I oh my god I'm defending am I am I
am I
an instantly
judgmental nerd
for anything
I'm talking about
as you're
actually the poppy seeds
are not part of
the lemon flavoring
in the muffin
so it's not
it's not
oh my god
that has to do
with Harry Potter
no I was using
a
Harry Potter's denied a job
because he thinks
he has drugs in his system.
Another urban myth,
you millennials out there.
That was actually
early on J.K. Rowling.
J.K.?
Is that right?
J.K.?
Very good.
Just kidding, Rowling.
The whole thing was a joke?
Yeah.
No, it's just keep Rowling. Just keep Rowling. Just keep Rowling, everybody. Just keep Rowling. Just keep Rowling? The whole thing was a joke? Yeah. No, it's Just Keep Rowling.
Just Keep Rowling.
Just Keep Rowling, guys.
But she originally was going to go with
Harry Poppiseed, and then she
landed on Potter eventually.
Paul F. Tompkins is here!
I wish I could introduce someone after
every joke doesn't land.
I didn't even wait to see if it was going to land.
I was just like, let's just do this.
Change his name to Poppy Seed.
Louis C.K. is here!
Wait, what?
Worried this joke isn't going to land.
Who can I introduce to save the moment?
I had questions for you guys.
Oh, I asked Scott his already.
Wait, the question you wrote down for Scott is what's going on?
What's going on, friend?
I forgot to say friend when I did it. What's going on, friend? I forgot to say friend when I did it. What's going on,
friend? Wow, what a deep
Wikipedia dive that must have been to get that
question.
I know everything he's already
done, but what's going on,
friend?
Also, Scott loves to
just put his microphone down.
I'll sit out for a little bit.
Don't overload the grid.
You know something good's coming when Scott picks up his microphone.
Remember Match Game when we have to fight for microphones?
Oh, that's right.
We had to share them, and we'd do it here, and we'd have to pass them around, and it would get ugly.
Also, on my 12 Guests of Christmas shows, I make everybody share microphones.
It's true.
Yeah, great story.
So...
Ladies and gentlemen,
whoopee Goldberg!
I don't know what Scott Hockerman's up to,
but I know that Paul Tompkins
has a new podcast called Threedom,
and he's terrific on it.
I forget who the other people are involved with that.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's Paul
and Scott and Lauren Lapkus.
That's right. Yeah, and you guys just sit around
and talk about
liberty. Oh, pop music.
Oh, I get it. Talk about
but liberty.
You talk about
being free. Is that what the premise is?
Freedom isn't three. Freedom?
All right.
You've intrigued me.
I'm interested that you're telling me nothing about this podcast.
It's your premise.
I think you may have intrigued yourself with this one.
Okay.
But what happens on it?
We just sit around as ourselves.
We're not doing characters.
And we have interesting conversations. We're just John. We're just John. We're not doing characters. And we have interesting conversations.
We're just John.
We're just John.
You guys are doing characters tonight?
Yep.
I'm so delighted by maybe the most generic podcast question I've ever heard.
What happens on it?
Yeah.
What do you do there?
Is it fun?
It's like the guy waiting on you at the tire store.
You have a podcast?
What happens on it?
No, we're getting your radials right now.
What happens on your computer thing?
Is this a comedy podcast?
No.
No?
It's a serious chat with the three of you?
It's a deep dive into global issues. Thank you.
I've time for two more. Stretch.
Okay, here's what I wrote down
to say to Patton. Damn, it's been forever.
Wow.
Nice question, Sophie Hawkins.
You know, when you have people like you guys on,
I could just say a sentence and you'll jump in.
You'll come in with something funny.
Oh, that killed a lot of comedies in the 80s.
Just let him go crazy.
It'll be great.
Don't worry about it.
Caddyshack 2.
Yeah, let him try on a bunch of hats.
It'll be great.
Try on hats in front of a mirror.
Play brown-eyed girl.
Scene will be gold.
Isn't that like Julia Roberts in Sleeping with the Enemy?
Isn't that weird?
That's supposed to be a scary movie, but that scene is in it.
Out of nowhere.
They should have done a fun montage of her lining up all the cans in the cupboard the right way.
Oh, there you go.
When she opens the cupboards and the cans are rearranged or whatever the fuck,
like, Scott's upset that I'm doing a spoiler.
I've never seen it.
Oh.
Do you tend to see it?
Is it on your list?
Is it in your queue?
Who's in it?
Julia Roberts?
Who does she
sleep with?
Pat will probably know this. Who directed it?
Because the guy who directed it did some interesting movies.
It's not terrible.
I know that my favorite scene is where
they show
it's not terrible. They show
that she's liberated because when she escapes her abusive boyfriend,
she then purposely jumbles up the cans
because he's like this weird...
Remember back there was a time
when OCD meant you're a serial killer?
Like if your apartment was neat,
it means, oh, he's a murderer.
I think it still does.
Oh, okay.
But she rearranges the can.
Sad news.
Yeah, yeah.
but she like rearranges the soup can.
Sad news.
Yeah, yeah.
Alright, I have one
or two questions
for each of you.
Oh, I can't wait
to hear these jokes.
Hey, Paul.
Is one of the
what else is going on?
How about that weather?
Do you guys keep up
with the news?
No, my next my first question is what did you guys keep up with the news? No, my next,
my first question is
what'd you guys bring
for the prize bag?
Let's start with Patton.
What do you got?
I brought my four albums
that are on vinyl
and I signed them.
Yeah.
Doug, I'll go next.
Pass them down.
Oh, you're worried
that Scott's gonna
be better than yours?
No, I think Scott's is the closer.
Okay.
I brought a lapel pin for my podcast Spontaneanation.
It fell out of the...
And I put it in an old box that I had.
But look at the fancy presentation.
It's like you're proposing to the audience.
That's right.
Paul would like to... Will you be my podcast listener?
Listen to his
Spontanean Nation.
And that's a lovely little box.
Scott.
Don't take that out of context, guys.
Bill Cosby is here! Hello!
I have
given to me by,
I believe by Ryan, your producer Ryan,
in 2010,
Greg Proops' album
Proops Digs In. Yeah.
Still in its shrink wrap.
Has been
sitting in my car for
eight years and has
not been stolen despite two break-ins.
Features
four bits.
It's an EP.
Aged to perfection.
Proops.
Proops digs in.
We love Greg Proops.
Proops digs in.
He's a guest on the show.
Good marbling on that cover.
Nice aging.
So somebody's going to win all of that.
Win is a loose word for what's going to happen.
But someone will be carrying this stuff around for the rest of the evening
and maybe
into their lives.
There are trash cans on either corner.
That's true. It breaks my heart
when I see a name tag in the trash can.
You guys, just take them home and throw them out there.
That's the reason to hurt me.
Wait, they're the ones that make the name tags.
I know, so they can throw it away whenever they want.
But it's just weird to see they just gave up.
Like, I'm never going to go to that show again.
This name tag didn't get chosen.
Is it because a lot of them have your face on them?
Yeah, I mean, look at that right there.
The American Psycho's got my face in it,
and I don't want to see that in the garbage.
I remember that regeneration of Doug Benson.
But I would definitely reach into the garbage
and get those Reese's Cups off of there.
Right?
Yeah, she throws the whole thing away.
Paul Tompkins.
Yes, Doug Ensign.
Tompkins, I like that.
What was the last movie you saw?
Oh, well, I saw a little movie called I Love You, Daddy.
What?
That's the Louis C.K. thing?
How did you see it?
How did you see it?
There was someone I knew who knew someone who had a screener of it.
I think it was the one screener that went out.
And then somebody checked Twitter.
They're like, get those screeners back in here right now.
It's not good.
It's not a good movie.
It's not good.
Gee, kick a guy when he's down.
Well, Scott, I wanted to like it,
but no dice.
Not good.
You put the CK in here.
Wait a minute, Andrew Dice Clay wasn't in it?
Sorry.
Ladies and gentlemen, Woody Allen.
God damn it.
Fucking saved my pole in the ripcord of that myself.
I also started re-watching
The Staircase on Netflix.
Oh.
I watched it when it
first came out.
Okay.
And then in that movie
he talks about how
he and his wife
that he was about to murder
had just watched
America's Sweetheart
starring Julia Roberts.
Oh.
Which that's a real shame
that that's the last movie you see on Earth
before you die.
But then also,
he kept calling it Blockbusters
to the point where I realized
that should have been the name.
It should have been called Blockbusters
and not Blockbusters Singular.
Oh, okay.
It's a video store.
They have more than one movie there.
It should have been called Blockbusters.
Yeah. With an apostrophe It's a video store. They have more than one movie there. It should have been called Blockbusters.
With an apostrophe? No, just plural.
Blockbusters. I think that people
filled that in by themselves
all over the world.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In my callow youth, I used to
laugh at people who said Blockbusters.
But now I realize they were right.
And I was wrong.
Well, then should we call it like Burgers King?
Because they have more than one.
Yes.
Would that work?
Absolutely.
Whoppers Jr.
Yeah, Whoppers Jr.
No, wait a minute.
No.
That's not the...
We should call it Hardee's
Tacos Bell
We have more than one taco here
Tacos Bell
Or Tacos Bells
There's just the one bell
Okay there's one bell
Unless Richard Belzer's in line
Munch
That's what you do at Taco Bell
Oh I thought you were doing
The theme from Munch.
Munch!
He's in everything
we do.
Even the X-Files.
I order from the Munch menu at Taco Bell.
It's all things Richard Belzer recommends.
I love it.
Patty Arbuckle is here.
Wow.
What was the last movie
you saw, Scott?
I think it was Ant-Man
and the Wasp.
Did you like that?
I liked it, yes.
Yeah?
Yeah, I did.
You had a good time?
He was big, he was small.
Who won, Ant-Man or the Wasp?
It's not versus.
Huh?
Ant-Man V, the Wasp.
Ant-Man V, Wachowski.
I thought they were fighting for custody of their child.
Now I'm thinking of a different film.
Yeah, you're thinking of Kramer
versus Kramer.
Who versus what?
Same name both times.
What about Ant-Man
versus Kramer?
Kramer from Seinfeld.
Ant-Man does not like racist
humor.
Michael Richards is here!
We got there.
We got there.
Patton, what'd you see?
Eighth Grade.
Bo Burnham's movie.
Pretty amazing, right?
It's fantastic.
How did a man make that?
It was so well done.
About a 13-year-old girl.
It's so in touch with the whole world.
And found an actor that you've got to hang a movie on like a chair.
It was the same thing as when I saw, I remember seeing the Florida Project.
Your whole movie's got to hang on like basically a first-time actor.
And to take that risk, it was so well done.
It's good.
It was really amazing.
I can't wait to see it.
And I also saw the Teen Titans movie,
which is hilarious.
Does he say fuck Batman in it?
No, you know what?
No.
Missed opportunity.
That's the one I want my daughter to see.
Fuck Batman.
Fuck Batman.
Fuck Batman.
Oh, wait.
What's the intention?
Is he saying,
is he saying like Fuck Batman
I don't like Batman
Or is he like saying
Batman check this out
Fuck Batman
He's saying
He's saying it about
Batman's ass
You look terrific
Or it's a
Disappointment
Fuck Batman
Fuck Batman
Fuck Batman
Do you think
Batman would
obviously he's not
going to register
how he feels about
somebody being
disappointed in him
in the moment
but do you think
later when he's alone
do you think
he will have a moment
where he's like
I let that guy down
yeah
and I think that
especially when
Christian Bale plays him
he would still say that
to himself
with Batman voice
yeah I let that guy down Christian Bale plays him he would still say that to himself with Batman voice yeah
I let that guy down
when he's all alone
I wish there was a scene
in The Dark Knight Rises
where Catwoman goes
you can
I know who you are now
like we've established
that I know you're
you don't need to use
the fucking voice with me
he keeps using that voice
with her long after
they reveal who they are
to each other
yeah
and when she
no what are you doing, and when she...
No, what are you doing, Bruce?
And when she vanishes on him,
he goes,
so that's what that feels like.
And he's alone.
To no one.
It's hard to go in and out, I guess.
Sometimes you gotta stay in character
for a whole day.
I wish there had been
like a scene the next day
where he's out of the costume
and he's in his secret identity.
So he's introduced to her and he's out of the costume and he's in his secret identity. So he's introduced.
Who?
Hi, Bruce Wayne.
Oh, were you at a loud party?
Was that happening?
Yeah, I was in a club.
I'm a playboy or whatever.
Right, yeah, you're rich and you go out to clubs.
Yeah, so we were like...
Lose your voice.
Yeah, that's right.
Spoiler, Paul.
They throw the bat single out,
but he shows up.
Okay, guys, I'm here.
I've changed my name to Horseman.
Oh, Horseman!
Harvey Weinstein is here!
He's not even comedians anymore.
Well, you know,
we have a lot of people from...
Joseph Mengele is here!
Oh, man.
Mark David Chapman,
straight out of prison,
is here.
Is he released?
He's about to,
or he has a chance to be.
I know.
It's a fun topic.
But Yoko Ono
sends a letter every year,
and it goes like this
Her music was kind of annoying
That was a joke there
One song
It was only the one song
Come on
One song that everyone
Talks about is the one
Where she like imitates a dolphin
But the rest of it is good
Now people love impressions
She's ahead of her time The rest of it is good. Now people love impressions.
She's ahead of her time.
Alright, now that my questions have been answered.
What a weird troll. Yeah.
What's the last movie you saw and what did you bring for the bag?
That's all I want to know from each of you Before saying
Let the games begin
We got lots of name tags
So gentlemen
Choose carefully
Oh there's a guy from North Virginia
Patent so feel sorry for him
And pick somebody else's name tag.
We'll be right back.
Hey, like I said
earlier, be sure to check me out
at the
Just for Laughs Comedy Festival
in Montreal and the
Traverse City Film Festival
in Traverse City, Michigan
over the
next two weeks.
But to be more specific, in Montreal,
you can catch me on a free panel hosted by Ron Bennington.
You have to go to his website, the Interrobang,
to sign up for tickets.
But that's at 5 o'clock on Thursday, July 26th at the Hyatt.
Then later that night, you can purchase tickets to see the Benson Interruption at 9.30 at PDA Cienza.
Hope I pronounced that right.
And then Saturday, July 28th at 4.20, we're doing Doug Loves Movies in the Hyatt Hotel ballroom, I believe it is.
And then in Traverse City on Wednesday, August 1st, I'm doing Doug Loves Movies at the Old Town Playhouse with two of your favorite guests and then a wild card, Walt the Owner Tuchel.
And then on Friday night, August 3rd at midnight at the State Theater,
I'm doing a Benson movie interruption of the classic Twister.
And then there's a comedy panel on Saturday.
So many fun ways to see me in Montreal and Traverse City.
I hope you guys make it out to those.
And I hope you go to DouglasMovies.com if you live somewhere else.
And that way you can figure out if I'm coming to your town.
And never be afraid to reach out to me on social media and say, hey, why don't you come to this town?
I just did Reno the other day after lots of people asked me to and had a wonderful time.
Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
Who are you playing on behalf of, Pat and Oswalt?
I'm playing on behalf of the amazing, colossal Max.
Is there a name on the back here?
No, that's a shithead on the back.
We'll read that if you lose tonight.
Oh, okay, got it.
Yeah, who knows?
I don't know who's going to win tonight.
This is a tight matchup.
Oh.
And Paul's name tag
has Reese's all over it. What's the way we're supposed
to eat these? There's one
correct way to eat them. Oh, okay.
Wait, there is?
Yep. How's it go? What do you do?
I already did it. You missed it, son.
He did already eat his.
Who are you playing for, Scott?
Steve or something.
It's Steve Nato
and you dropped his shark head on the ground.
Yeah, what? I'm going to carry that thing the whole time?
You're going to hold it?
I picked the shark guy because that's so much work.
And I feel like none of us were going to pick him
because it's so much work.
He literally wrote his name on a piece of cardboard
and put a puppet head on.
Yeah, I'm not putting my head in there.
No offense, Steve.
Oh, you also have a hat on.
Did you have that hat on inside this thing?
You brought a spare hat?
Or a spare shark?
Spare shark head?
Two minutes later!
Spare shark head.
That's a disorder I have.
Ladies and gentlemen, a shitty comedian.
Victoria Jackson is here.
Marikim Psychos, who...
I'm playing for Marikim Psychos.
Stay away from me!
And look, there's Doug's face.
Wait, is that the American Psycho song?
Yeah, that's that American Psycho song.
It plays over the end credits, right?
And then look, there's Kim.
American Psycho song.
Kim's in the knife there.
Oh, that is pretty.
It's very cute.
She's got a big old smile on her face.
Yeah.
She's about to be murdered.
She wants to be murdered.
She's about to be the instrument of murder.
She lives in the knife.
That's a haunted knife? Yeah. She's about to be the instrument of murder. She lives in the knife.
That's a haunted knife?
Yeah.
Who was that answering that question?
A little guy.
All right.
I'm going to open up my Reese's and then we're going to play...
Don't you love when people call it Reese's?
Isn't that fun?
I grew up saying that.
I can't not do it.
Reese's Pieces.
It's an affliction.
All right.
This first game we're going to play
is called Purple Rain Man.
Fuck.
Yeah.
It's intense.
It's a mash mashup title game.
Of course, the stars of Purple Rain Man
would be Prince and Tom Cruise.
Purple Rain Man.
It's that simple.
I'm going to start reading
the third billed names
in a movie mashup title.
You guys guess as often as you like.
Wait, wait, wait.
Until we get to number one.
Which part are we guessing?
What the title is. Wait, wait, wait. We'll get to number one. Which part are we guessing? What the title is.
The movie mashup title.
So like,
if I said Prince and Tom Cruise,
the answer would be
Purple Rain Man.
Movie mashup title.
Movie mashup title.
What do we do?
Scott, sit this one out.
Just hang back.
Put your mic down.
That was a drop the mic and pick it right back up.
What title is this
movie mashup with
these third build actors?
Anne Hathaway and
Emily Robinson.
Who are they?
Yeah.
Can we ask who people are sometimes?
You can when it comes to one of those two names.
I think one of them is well known.
One of them I know pretty well.
Who's the other one?
Emily Robinson.
And she's third build in a motion picture that you will find out the title of shortly.
Oh, that cleared it up.
Dang.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Second build, Cate Blanchett and Josh Hamilton.
Do we know who's with who?
Who's zooming who?
Even?
The first name is from the first half of the title, which is the title of the movie they were in.
The second name is the
second half of the title. Who are the names? Every time.
Who are the names?
Cate Blanchett and Win a Date with
Josh Hamilton.
That was Tad Hamilton.
This is Josh Hamilton.
So after he went on the date, he changed his name. This is Josh Hamilton. So, after
he went on the date, he changed his name?
Doesn't a woman usually do that?
He murdered his date and went into
witness relocation, but was
stupid enough to only change his first name.
That's actually pretty shrewd
if you think about it.
It is?
Hide in plain sight?
Yeah, it's brilliant. No, we're looking for a guy with two different names. pretty shrewd if you think about it. It is. Hide in plain sight. Yeah.
Yeah, it's brilliant.
No, we're looking for a guy
with two different names.
Wait.
Ocean's Eight Men Out.
Ooh, no.
Ocean's Eight...
Oh, is there any order
to how we can guess or no?
Guess as often as you like.
Ocean's Eight-Legged Freaks. Oh, I like that too. The we can guess or no? Guess as often as you like. Ocean's eight-legged freaks.
Oh, I like that too.
The top-billed people in this movie are Sandra Bullock.
Ocean's eight mile.
And Elsie Fisher.
Who?
Ocean's eight millimeter.
Ocean's.
Do it, Patton.
Ocean's can 8.
Both films are theoretically in theaters now.
Ocean's can 8th grade.
Ocean's 8th grade?
What?
Ocean's 8.
Oh, my God.
I put chance back into it.
Did I steal that one from you?
Ocean's can Kramer.
Scott Aukerman wins that game.
Congratulations, Scott.
Oh, what do I win?
Like a thief in the night.
You get to go first in the next game.
Yeah, you've won literally nothing.
Fuck you.
But the opportunity for even more nothing.
Yeah, if you win this next game,
you get to go first in the last game.
And this game, you guys can handle it, I think.
It's expert level only.
We're going to play Build a Title.
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like it.
I'll give you a title.
Scott will start us off with adding something to it,
just another movie title that works into it,
much like Purple Rain Man. And then we'll go to Paul, and then we title that works into it. And much like Purple
Rain Man. And then we'll
go to Paul and then we'll go to Patton.
And we're starting. The starter
title is...
Don't you have to ask us first.
Like, we've never met before.
You're not familiar with what I've written down on this piece of paper.
No.
Okay, let's be clear about that, everybody.
These three guests all have no idea what's about to happen.
Except for that I did try to explain the game, so hopefully they sort of understand what's about to happen.
But beyond that, we have no idea what's coming.
Yeah.
The title, Scott Aukerman, is Skyscraper.
Someone's clapping over there either because they like that movie or tall buildings.
Sci...
Sci...
Sci...
Skyscraper.
So something ends in sky or begins with a scraper.
Skyscraper Majesty's Secret Service.
Oh, that would work if the word on wasn't at the beginning of that one.
It is.
No, I mean...
Scrape.
Purr.
You could use the purr part. You could use the er part. The a-purr part. A. Purr. You could use the purr part.
You could use the urr part.
The a-purr part.
I wouldn't use raper.
Because it probably wouldn't work.
Purr.
But also a movie that ends in sky?
Oh, you can go the other way?
Oh, I didn't know that.
Well, anyway.
So, can you ask me what's up, friend, again?
The, the, some desert sky.
Oh, no.
Sky, sky, sky.
All I can think of is sky captain in the world of tomorrow.
Sky captain in the world of tomorrow?
Scraper.
Sky.
Excuse me while I kiss.
Sky.
All right, all right.
You'll do better in the next game, Paul.
Has this ever happened before?
It does.
The first one?
It can be hard.
I don't think this one is, but...
Skyscray Perfect.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Skyscray Perfect.
Yeah.
So now Pat needs something that ends in sky or begins with fecht.
Or ct.
Echt.
Fechenstein.
No.
What was that movie?
Sever versus X.
Vanilla Sky Scrape Perfect.
Yes, Vanilla Sky, Scott.
The one movie that has sky in it.
You're right.
How could I be so stupid?
Well, I mean, it's not the right time of year, but October Sky.
What's the right time of year for October Sky?
You know, mid-September.
You getting ready for it?
Yeah, exactly.
Kids are back in school.
You gotta prep.
All right.
They're getting their October Sky costumes ready.
This is gonna be really tough for you, I think, Paul.
Because now you have to come up with something
that ends with vanilla.
Or... I think I butt. Because now you have to come up with something that ends with vanilla. Or,
I think I pocket-dialed
something. Let's check out what it is.
Oh, it's
Esther Koo's Periscope.
Weird.
I love the cross
promotion. It's great.
Very nice. Yeah, you guys,
turn it on right now
if you want to check that out.
That's synergy, my friend.
All right, so we got
Vanilla Skyscraperfect.
So I don't know what to do with that.
But Paul, do you have a...
I mean, I'm going to take a guess, Doug.
A guess?
And I'm going to say... Oh, I. A guess? And I'm going to say...
Oh, I just thought of one.
There's got to be a movie.
Vanilla Sky Scraperfection.
Perfection?
There's got to be a movie called Perfection.
There's got to be.
Patton?
Is there any judge?
Does someone judge?
I sort of do.
I'm sort of in charge.
But that seems like
there's gotta be a movie called that.
Or that's,
or you know,
Perfect was just short for Perfection.
So,
but Sean is an interesting beginning of a title.
You looking it up?
People have managed to make something happen there.
A mother obsessed with plastic surgery and a daughter who likes to cut herself.
Find love that is more than skin deep.
It's perfection.
It makes sense when you think about it.
Didn't they make a movie
out of the board game though?
They're doing that now.
It was a game perfection.
Yeah.
I mean you know that's coming.
Did that have the
popping dice in the middle
of perfection?
No it was you
put the shapes
and the holes
with the timer.
Were you thinking
of the pop-o-matic dice?
That's trouble.
Yes I love pop-o-matic.
That's trouble.
Ian McKellen is Gnip.
Judy Dench is Gnop.
I'm sorry.
Do you have anything, Patton?
Anything to add?
Oh, jeez.
Hang on.
Vanilla skyscraper perfection.
Yeah.
There's always vanilla skyscraperfection. Yeah. There's always vanilla
skyscraperfection.
There's always vanilla is George Romero's
second movie. Thank you.
There's always vanilla? Yeah.
Gotta be fucking kidding me.
I'm not gonna look it up.
No. I'm not gonna look it up.
It's fun when my guests trick me.
It's always when my guests trick me. It's always Vanilla's.
Oh, is that an element of the game? If we make up a title
but we really sell it?
Yeah, like Perfection was
one.
He snuck that through. But then he changed reality
with his conviction.
It became a Lifetime movie.
Perfection conviction.
Someone in the Lifetime Film Vault is like,
Jesus, this thing's on the shelf all of a sudden.
We got to update Lisa Welchel's IMDb.
Paul, there's always vanilla skyscraper-fection.
Is there a movie that ends with the word
there?
Hey, what's going on over there?
In theaters now.
Couldn't it also end in
comma the?
Like fan comma the?
Anything, Paul?
Doug, give me one second.
Give me one second, Doug.
Okay, let's count it off, everybody.
One.
Oh, my God.
I just, okay.
I just thought of something,
and it's weird how it's come around full circle. Okay.
What do you think it is?
I think...
I don't have one
to be honest with you
I've been looking at it
and I can't add anything to it
this might have been a quick one
which isn't bad
because we're
UCB's running on time tonight
so
we all are Doug
wow sorry everyone ladies and gentlemen introducing somebody
patten oswald is here
oh really yeah fair enough i want to say it'll help over there but i which but i don't know for
sure oh over there sounds like a title.
Sure.
I feel like it's got to be. Yeah, I'm going to accept that.
Over There.
I thought of several song titles that would work.
Cut to the Lifetime Film Vault.
Shit!
Again!
The fuck is happening tonight?
I feel like Over There would be like about sailors,
like a musical about sailors.
Or World War I Dubois.
During the last days of the Great War,
a group of U.S. soldiers are sent behind enemy lines
to rescue a lost platoon trapped behind enemy lines.
Oh, my God, and it came out this year?
This year, 2018.
Oh, that's why it's familiar.
Wait a minute.
Of course.
I wonder if this is one of those asylum things
where they were trying to piggyback on the fucking...
What was the big one that Christopher Nolan made?
Dunkirk.
Yeah, Dunkirk.
I bet...
Oh, I wonder what that is.
Dunkirk.
Can I have my phone back?
No, hang on.
Ooh, that's...
No, hang on.
I'm playing my game.
Okay, Pat, you need something that ends in over or begins in infection.
Over there's always vanilla skyscraperfection.
Her Majesty's Secret Service.
I don't like it, but I'm gonna accept it.
Alright, do you know one, Paul, that begins with service?
Or ice.
Oh.
Oh.
Or vice.
Oh.
And you can drop the the. Or service.
You can drop the the if there's a the in the title.
You can just get rid of it.
Ditch it.
Over there's always vanilla sky.
Scrape her fection.
Her majesty's secret.
Service castles.
No.
Whoa!
We got a...
We got...
Looks like Paul is going to challenge
this audience member to some sort of...
Take off your white
glove, Paul. Take off your white glove.
Now who the fuck do you think...
glove now who the fuck
do you think
you're gonna allow
the
upper majesty secret servant
but you're not gonna
allow vice cast
Mr. Tompkins is screaming an audience member
doesn't like
doesn't like hearing no
from the audience member
no no Yeah. It wasn't like hearing no from the audience member.
No.
No.
I mean, he's right, but...
He's no righter than you are wrong, Doug.
Oh, whoa.
But yeah, you don't pronounce it... Shun her majesty's secret service.
Hey, let's go see...
Iskastles.
Do you want to see On Her Majesty's Secret Service?
No, but that one was, you know...
It was what?
It was the first one to cheat.
It was a stretch you enjoyed
as opposed to a stretch that this guy said no to?
That guy influenced my decision.
Don't be a coward, Doug.
It's unbecoming.
All right, Pat, you need one that ends it over
or begins with assholes.
Or, let me help you out, or acels.
Or, let me help you out.
Or Aisles.
Could it be Ice Asclays Miserable?
Over the... I was gonna
fucking do that, god damn it.
I was literally gonna do that.
I was gonna say, over
there's always vanilla, sky,
scrape perfection, honor, majesty, secret,
serve, ice, castle,
miserable.
Castles.
Castles.
Castles.
All right, I have to accept it.
All right.
Paul,
over there's always vanilla skyscraper.
Fection, her majesty's secret serve ice.
Cas, le mislerab, le mislerab.
Yeah.
I knew you were going to do that.
It had to be done. It had to be done.
It had to be done.
But now what is Patton going to do?
Oh, my God.
Now it's a game of who lives longest.
Deep Cover There is always vanilla
Skyscraperfect
John Her Majesty's
Secret Serve Ice Castles
Les Marisables
I love that movie
Deep Cover.
It's really good.
It's the sequel to Deep Kimson.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Paul,
do you got something that ends in deep?
Or deep. Yo mama. Paul, do you got something that ends in deep?
Or D.
Yo mama. And the...
This just in, Patton's been fired from Ratatouille 2T2ET.
Scott's telling him an answer.
I feel like there's gotta be...
The deep wouldn't count.
No, I know.
Okay.
Because you're not changing or adding in.
So did you think I was going to say,
I feel like there's got to be the deep?
No, I didn't think you were going to say that.
I feel like there's got to be a movie called Into Deep.
Oh.
Scott?
Scott?
Over there
is always Vanilla Sky.
Scrape her.
Fetch Sean her.
Majesty's secret.
Serve ice.
Cast lay.
Mislorab.
Le Mislorab.
Drug lord Dwayne Gittmuth
rules Cincinnati with an iron fist.
No wonder he's known as God on the streets. Drug lord Dwayne Gittins rules Cincinnati with an iron fist. Cincinnati?
No wonder he's known as God on the streets.
Determined to break Gittins' stranglehold on the city is undercover cop Jeffrey Cole.
Jeffrey Cole?
Supporting him in a difficult task ahead is his girlfriend.
No name.
And his tough-as-nails commander.
But as Cole takes on an assumed identity
to penetrate Gittin's criminal empire,
he makes a disturbing discovery.
He kind of likes being a gangster.
Uh-oh.
He's in too deep.
He is in too deep.
That guy's in too deep.
He's in too deep.
That happens.
All right, Patton, you need something that ends in in or begins with miserables.
Tin, tin too deep.
Cover.
There.
It's always vanilla skyscraper.
Perfection or majesty's secret service.
Castle a miserable miserable.
The adventures of tin. The Adventures of Tintin.
The Adventures of Tintin.
So now Paul needs something that ends in adventures.
An awfully big adventures of Tintin.
Too deep.
What was it again?
Nobody cares.
Patton.
What?
We just have to end this game.
Do you have anything to add?
Yeah.
Rodan awfully big adventure.
Oh.
Okay, Paul.
Somebody ends in ro.
Oh, I know one.
The edge of tomorrow. Rod, I know one. The edge of
tomorrow.
Awfully big adventure
of Tintin.
All right, Patton, I'm going to just say it for you.
River's edge, Paul.
Yep.
Thank you.
I was going to say River's edge.
Of course. Perfect. I was going to say River's End of course
perfect
yeah
something about a river
there's gotta be a movie
there was Mel Gibson's
The River
you're fucked there again
that's true
that's true
oh
Twisted River.
Really?
Yeah.
Scott, what the fuck are you laughing at?
Paul, do you mean last night in Twisted River?
Of course I do.
Well, that's a book, not a film.
Oh, no.
All right, Patton wins that one.
Congratulations, Patton.
All right, now we're in a...
You guys were so good at that game.
That could not be a more disputable win, by the way. All right, now we're in a... You guys were so good at that game.
That could not be a more disputable win, by the way. There could not be more dispute to that fucking thing.
The whole game shouldn't have happened.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Truly a mockery to God and all things good.
It was Doug's fault.
It was a mockery.
It was my fault.
It's Skyscraper's fault.
That movie's not doing as well as people thought
in the cinemas or in games.
So this is...
Turns out The Rock can't open a game.
Other than Rock, Paper, Scissors.
That's true.
Judy Tanuta's here!
Wait, what did she do?
That was his original wrestling name,
The Rock Favors his name.
He'd get defeated
two out of three matches.
All right.
We're going to play
Last Man Stanton
to decide our winner tonight.
Yeah.
Patton gets to go first
and then we'll switch up the order here,
and we'll go to Scott, and then Paul, and then me.
Doug, I'm a casual listener at best.
What are the rules?
Doug, long-time caller.
You're a casual guest at best.
Long-time caller, first-time listener.
How do we do this
I think I was
about to explain it
but
we're gonna get a name
from the audience
of an actor or actress
take turns naming movies
that person was in
can't think of one
you're out
and normally we have lifelines
but I'm not gonna mess
with those now
because we're
we're exactly on time
to end right now
oh my god
yeah but you know apologies to whatever's happening after us I'm not going to mess with those now because we're exactly on time to end right now. Oh, God. Yeah.
But, you know, apologies to whatever's happening after us.
Where is Bilbao underscore Baggins?
That's you right there.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
What's your actual name?
Do you mind giving it out?
Kim.
Kim.
That's American Psycho.
It's fucking American Psycho.
Oh, American Psycho.
This happens sometimes. She gets to make a
suggestion now to determine what actor
or actress we're going to play in this
game. And I usually play along, but I'm
going to sit this one out because we've got to end it.
We've got to end it.
All the best game show hosts just bring
that up before the lighting
around. Listen, we've got to end
this.
Somebody's got gotta fucking win.
Normally I play, but I don't feel like it.
I don't feel like it.
I know all the answers.
What if Alex Trebek before every final Jeopardy was like,
normally I like to jump in here,
but I'm not going to tonight.
He should. He should just get the same thing
that Contessa's getting. He should have to write something down.
He wheels out a little podium.
Yeah.
He has to wheel it out himself.
Well, for dramatic effect.
It's like, oh, one second,
I forgot something.
Stuck to me.
All right, so Bill Balbagans,
a.k.a. American Psy-Kim.
What have you got?
Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp.
John Depp.
The great Disney film actor
who continues to work
just because he doesn't have
a Twitter account, apparently.
If you're horrible,
as long as you kind of
keep it to yourself.
The hotels will have to clean up
after you leave the room.
Does he still do that?
Does he still trash hotels?
Who cares?
Oh, we have a confirmation from the audience.
Yes.
She's a housekeeper.
Yeah, hotel itself.
Yes.
What a weird thing for an adult to do.
Go trash your own house.
Yeah.
Stop trashing things.
Stop it.
Patton, any film with Johnny Depp in it, you have three seconds.
Oh, Edward Scissorhands.
All right, I'm going to give you a couple more seconds.
I don't like that movie.
Oh, okay.
Ed Wood.
No, that was a good one.
Oh, shit.
I thought you were serious.
Oh, wait. You should make a movie. Oh, okay. Ed Wood. No, that was a good... Oh, shit. I thought you were serious. Oh, wait.
You should make a movie
Ed versus Ed.
Bill and Ted
word scissor hands.
Scott,
any Johnny Depp movie
except for the two
that have been mentioned.
Yeah.
Wait, what are the two?
Edward Scissorhands
and Edward Wood. Oh, yeah are the two? Edward Scissorhands and Edward Wood.
Oh, yeah. Pirates of the Caribbean.
Full title, please.
The
There's nothing else to that?
There's not a colon in more words?
Curse of the Black Pearl.
There, yeah.
Feels good when you're right, doesn't it?
Was that the first one?
Had a whole thing, yeah.
Had a whole thing.
Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl.
They were still a little worried that a ride
Wasn't enough reason to make a movie
We've also got a curse and a pearl
A black pearl
Don't even know what that is
I gotta see this
I was skeptical
What do you got Paul
What do you think
Gilbert Grave Alright Please speak legibly What's he think you? But great.
All right.
Please speak legibly.
Legibly.
Wow.
There you go.
Please write audibly.
Patton.
Darkly.
Dark Shadows.
Yes.
Great.
Oh, you didn't like that one.
Weird.
So many fans for that movie.
Scott. Cry Baby. Oh, you didn't like that one. Weird. So many fans for that movie. Scott?
Cry Baby.
Paul?
Urb.
Doug, I'm going to want to say Murder on the Orient Express.
Oh, very nice.
Yeah, recent.
He's still working.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Yeah, recent. He's still working. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
The Pirates of the Caribbean.
At World's End.
Yes!
Paul?
The Astronaut's Wife.
Who was that?
James Mason?
Bill Nye That's how he talks?
Sometimes
Pirates of the Caribbean
on Stranger Tides
Scott
21 Jump Street
Be careful now, Paul Stranger Tides. Scott? 21 Jump Street.
Ooh.
Be careful now, Paul.
Did he show up?
I thought I smelled some scarves.
Did your scarf
dart go off?
I'm getting a ping on the scarf.
Perhaps you also smelled some
chocolat.
Oh, chocolat.
Chocolat.
Chocolat.
Mordecai.
Wow. Rough. Mordecai Rough
A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2
What?
Two?
Settle down
Less words
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Reason one Two? Settle down. Just two? Less words. A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Reason one?
Yeah, he's straight up in the original.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
What a weirdo.
Yeah.
He has explosive blood diarrhea in a bed.
Oh, that's right.
That was the first room he trashed.
Well, technically,
Freddy Krueger did the... Pat, wake up.
There's a game afoot.
Okay.
Am I up or is Paul up?
There's a game afoot.
Okay.
Am I up or is Paul?
It's Paul.
Oh, sorry.
From hell.
Oh, very nice.
Platoon.
He's in Platoon.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Why you got to be so smart? I'm sorry he's in Platoon.
I don't know what to tell you, but he's in Platoon.
Donnie Brosco.
Ooh.
I try to remember that one, but sometimes I forget about it.
Doug, can I talk to you for a second?
What's up?
What have you been up to?
Yeah, what have you been up to, friend?
Paul.
I like to...
So did I.
What is the name of that...
Sleepy Hollow.
The Legend of?
Yeah, that's all you gotta do is let your fingers work it out.
There you go, yeah.
Just walk it across the table.
Patton.
What?
Lone Ranger.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Scott.
What's that fucking one? What's that fucking one?
What's that fucking one?
The, it's not the title I'm thinking of.
The fucking magical bullshit of...
Oh, fuck!
Fliff and Piff.
Oh, magical bullshit.
Of Wolf and Cliff?
Is that what you said?
Fliff and Piff.
Full title.
Full title.
Fliff and Piff in the secret chamber
You out, Scott?
What's the one where he's
I know what you're thinking of
but I can't help you
Yeah, but now I'm thinking
of the other one
Oh, goddammit
He's been magical
more than once
Lost
Oh, fuck
Alright, we gotta move on
Alright, fuck it Edward Penis we got to move on. All right, fuck it.
Edward Penis Ant.
That was him, right?
No, that was just a...
How do you know it wasn't him?
He is that good.
Paul?
Deadman.
Deadman.
Ooh.
Patton.
Ringo.
Ooh.
Paul.
Paul.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest.
How many of those movies are there?
Way too many.
There's five too many.
I'm thinking of one
where he was very cute in it.
He was doing cute stuff.
That person gets it.
Yeah.
Do the title legs.
Title legs.
Walking on the table.
Let's find a movie title.
And we're going to walk around
and maybe make some brain neurons.
Find us some Johnny Depp.
Go.
Paul. I'm going to have to call. Nick of time literally
wow you got that one
literally
it was
wow
yes
I remember the other one now too
this is great stuff
okay
Patton
was the other one
Benny and June
Benny and June? Ha ha, Benny and June.
He was so mentally ill
that he was great at Charlie Chaplin routines.
Paul?
Let's see.
Let's see.
Wait, you said you thought of another one.
Yeah, but then Patton said it out loud.
God damn it. I'm so sorry.
That was shitty.
Oh, as anyone said,
it was Sweeney Todd.
They would.
If they say the whole title, it'd be great.
The Demon Bobbitts.
It's real.
Did they use the whole title for the movie?
Scott can tell you that.
He loves that movie.
Because I said that
on your show?
Yeah, you loved that movie.
Eight years ago?
You take that as truth?
Yeah.
You're the only person
I've ever said that to.
Oh, well.
Oh, this is special.
Now it's out there.
That's so crazy.
Now it's out there.
I hope you keep your job.
You actually listen to me.
I hope you still get to make freedom.
Hey guys, let's form a group called the Job Keepers.
And we pledge to keep our jobs every day.
And our mascot will be the Crypt Keeper.
Yeah.
He's kept his job all this time.
He's keeping that crypt.
Let's refuse to let our own statements hold us back.
If someone digs up something I said one time,
I'm going to say,
it wasn't me.
Yeah.
The Shaggy Defense!
That's right.
I couldn't have written that on Twitter.
I was banging someone on the bathroom floor.
What a squalid song.
Whose turn is it, Patton?
Blow.
Ah, Blow, of course.
Of course, Blow. Of course. Of course, blow.
Of course, of course.
And he was also in?
What's the one?
I can see him.
Tell us what he's doing.
Well, he looks different.
I bought the book of this movie at the airport.
Read approximately... Back to the Future?
50 pages.
Did not return to it.
Black Mass.
Oh!
Very good. Patton's got another one
I had to envision it
on my bedside table
covered by
four other books
Once Upon a Time in Mexico
in Mexico. In Mexico!
Paul, it keeps coming back at you pretty fast. I know, man.
I know.
It's hard for me. I'm a
nice guy.
You're too
nice for this game. I'm under a lot of pressure
for being so nice.
This game isn't for sweethearts.
It's not.
It's not.
I don't want to say.
Oh, what was that one?
Yeah, I know the one you're thinking of.
He was in it.
I don't know what that is, but I'm sure you're trying to be helpful.
Was he in a movie about wind?
He wasn't in Twister.
No, he wasn't.
Would have been great if he walked in disguised.
As a cyclone?
He played the Pepsi can in Twister.
I feel like I don't remember the movie Twister as well as I should.
If you throw a bunch of cans at a twister,
you can find out how twistery it is. All right, okay.
Then you've got to keep a bunch of cans around.
Yeah.
You also have to have a belt ready,
because that's how they save themselves.
They tie themselves with a belt to a pipe.
You've got to have a belt ready?
Yeah.
Bill Pax is like,
holy shit, I have a belt on.
Let's use it.
How ready does it have to be?
Really ready.
Right now I'm thinking of a bunch of the ones
we've already said.
That's not as helpful as you would think.
No, not helpful at all.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Oh, of course.
Here we go.
Just saying.
He was in.
Yes.
Just saying. He was in.
Yes.
Cragley Mansion Murder Time.
2019.
Scott, you want to look that one up?
That's all right.
Johnny Depp plays
an eccentric weirdo
in the futuristic realm of 2019.
No, I yield.
I yield.
He yields to Patton Oswalt,
who's our winner.
Yes, Jake.
All right, so what's i was feeling some real fear and loathing there at the end that's the one i was trying to think of
then i was trying to think of don juan oh shit that fucking dumb thing. Lost in La Mancha. He was in Tusk and Yoga Hosers.
Oh, yeah.
As the same character.
DeMarco.
Yeah.
Wait, who?
Which what?
Tusk and Yoga Hosers.
In both movies.
What did you just say to me?
What the fuck did you just say to Paul?
How many movies did you just name?
I named two movies.
One called Tusk based on
the Fleetwood Mac song and the other
one was
called Yoga Hosers and it was a
sequel to Strange Brew.
So
who were you playing for Patton?
I was playing for the amazing
Colossal Max. Max come get
your prizes. Where you at
Matt? Oh it's that guy.
It's Paul's enemy.
Fuck this guy.
Sit the fuck down.
What are you doing talking to my boy, Paul?
Nova represent.
Oh, he doesn't want his bong.
It's like, save it for next time.
Like, I'm not going to just leave it here.
Save it for next time.
Next time.
But congratulations, dude.
Congratulations.
Yeah.
Real quick, Patton, what do you got to plug?
What is going on?
Just a lot of dates coming up.
Go to PattonElswell.com.
Doing a lot of stand-up.
Very cool.
Very cool.
Oh, and Sorry to Bother You is in theaters now.
Do you play the voice of David Cross?
Yes, I play one of the white voices
and I have a small role in Teen Titans Go.
You can go check that out.
Oh, now I get why you said
that one was good.
But it's good!
Sorry, Paul's scared of sharks.
And I just lifted this hand up.
That was terrifying.
I thought he was coming to get me.
AP Bio.
Oh, yeah, AP Bio.
Do you gotta keep shouting out shit he's in?
I got nothing.
What do you got on IMDB back there?
Hey!
Untitled!
I took it off.
Here you go.
Cool.
Scott Ackerman,'s going on Fred?
You know I got
Three podcasts
And
A bitch ain't one
Yeah
So you got the podcast
Are you talking to three?
Are you
I got three of them
I got comedy bang bang
Limited job
Opportunities
Non-existent
Screen appeal
God Jesus
You were terrific
As Michael Caine's
Back in
Austin Powers
In Goldmember
Michael Caine's
Back
In
Austin Powers
Goldmember
Well thank you
For being here
Taking time out
From podcasting to do it.
What?
And Paul F. Tompkins.
Doug.
Obviously.
Weed press conference.
Freedom.
Freedom on Stitcher Premium with Scott and Lauren.
Also Spontanean Nation every Monday on Earwolf.
Yay.
Bojack Horseman comes back
September 14th.
Come see Paul at the
Paley Fest.
You're going to be at Paley Fest.
Oh, I am going to be at Paley Fest. That's right.
And Tangled the Series.
That's the job I could get fired from, I guess.
As soon as that
all that AIDS talk
gets out
all that AIDS talk
I was being
very welcoming
the front half
of that sentence
is a beautiful sentiment
welcome
to the wonderful world
then it goes a little
south
next Los Angeles Douglas
Movies is right here on
Tuesday, August 7th at
9.30. One more time for all
my guests, Patton Oswalt,
Scott Aukerman, Paul
F. Tompkins.
And we're going to dig into some
controversy here.
People that text and drive, then rear-end somebody at a complete stop at 40 miles per hour and totals the other person's car is a shithead.
Is that why you have to wear the shark head?
It's like a neck brace.
And people who pee all over the toilet seat
are a shithead.