Doug Loves Movies - Paul F. Tompkins, Matt Braunger, and Megan Neuringer Guest
Episode Date: November 17, 2011Doug welcomes comedians Paul F. Tompkins, Matt Braunger, and Megan Neuringer to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/p...rivacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and baby sticky seeds
With 50 azotop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not more that he won't see
But Doug loves movies
Hey everybody.
My name is Doug
and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies
coming to you from the UCB Theater
in Los Angeles on
It's Getting Increasingly Empty
in here every week.
I don't know what the problem is.
Is it because of daylight savings time
and people don't like to stand in line in the dark?
Or it's cold?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Yeah, well, it's not 71 degrees,
whoever said that,
but 60 is close enough.
It's close enough to occupy Franklin Avenue.
So, yeah, I don't know why, but if you're listening,
I think the thing about L.A. is there becomes this growing concern about,
oh, I don't want to get there and not get in.
That's like a big concern on people's minds in Los Angeles,
is waiting in a line to not get into something.
And so it's finally reached critical mass, and there's plenty of empty seats.
There's so many empty seats that if this happens in the next couple of weeks,
if it happens a couple more times, I will stop doing it here.
Yeah, that's right.
So tell your fucking friends to get their fucking asses down to Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles.
There's so many people out there listening to this right now
that would be dying
to get to be here,
especially considering
the caliber of guests
that I surprise you with.
You guys don't know
who is here
or who's not here.
You don't know
that tonight
I have three buddies
from high school
that nobody's ever heard of.
But yeah, it's weird.
I don't know what it is.
It might be seasonal.
It might pick up again.
We'll see.
This makes me sad.
You guys are still going to be a great crowd.
Don't get me wrong.
I appreciate that you're here.
This is Doug Loves Movies
coming to you from
the UCB Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, November 15th, 2011.
There were a lot of fun name tags in Phoenix on Sunday night at a fancy club that I played there called Stand Up Live.
It was first Graham Elwood took on a gentleman named Brian, whose name tag was a giant poster of Brian Dennehy.
Brian Dennehy's face.
This is a big Brian Dennehy face.
I was like, ah!
And Brian picked the category Whoopi Goldberg because she celebrated her birthday that day.
And with a mere three names, he could not come up with the correct answer, which was the player.
not come up with the correct answer, which was the player.
And then Graham chose Jason
because Jason brought a picture
of himself with Graham that was taken
a few years ago when we performed at the
University of Arkansas.
And if I recall correctly, which I usually don't,
Graham failed to
name the Rum Diary
in the deceptively
simple In Theaters Now category.
The next road show where audience members will get a chance to play against Graham
will be this Sunday, November 20th, at the San Jose Improv,
and then we'll also be at Tipsy Crow in San Diego on Wednesday, November 23rd,
Thanksgiving Eve, if you will.
I said on a recent show that if Puss in Boots remained in the top two for this week's show,
I would see it and then give it its proper props.
But it didn't, so bullet dodged.
Okay, so the number two movie in the country
right now is Jack and Jill,
which I will be seeing on an airplane in five months.
And the number one
movie is Immortals,
which I will be seeing if I ever feel like jerking
off to a shirtless man getting his head chopped
off. Off-off.
Which is
what I assume happens in the movie, and I assume
the only reason to watch it
is dudes by themselves in theaters jerking off. which is what I assume happens in the movie, and I assume the only reason to watch it.
Just dudes by themselves in theaters jerking off.
If either of these movies looks good or appealing to you,
you should probably go.
That's my advice.
This has been... This has not been...
This has not been watch this, watch that.
This week, you're on your own.
We've only got three entries so far.
I think this show is losing popularity.
We've only got three entries this week, or up to this point,
for the Santa Size Me trailer contest.
So post your two-minute or less fake trailer on YouTube,
and I will choose a winner around December 15th
and then announce it on the 12 Guests of Christmas
episode that will be recorded
live here at UCB
on Tuesday, December 20th.
Let's go to the prize bag.
I forgot to get prizes from two of the
guests backstage because they
arrived and then suddenly the theme
music was playing and I came out here
so we'll get those from them
when they get out here.
But in addition to that, you can get a Weezer poster, a Weezer t-shirt,
the Hurley album by Weezer signed by all four members of Weezer.
And don't forget, I'll be on the Weezer Cruise in January, weezercruise.com.
And then also one of the guests brought, this is pretty awesome,
a purse pack, Charmin to
go toilet seat
covers.
And then of course they've got their
bear, the bear
from their, the cartoon bear from the commercials
that has all the pieces of toilet
paper disgustingly stuck on its ass.
Listen, if a bear shits in the woods
it's not going to use Charmin.
It's going to just pick up a nearby woodland creature and wipe its ass with it.
Like a rabbit or something.
Five seat covers are in here.
So that was generously brought up by one of the guests.
And let's bring them out here.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Megan Neuringer, Matt Bronger, and Paul F.
Tompkins.
Hello.
Hello, Doug. Hi, Doug. Hi, Doug.
Hi, Doug.
Hi, Doug.
Hi.
Megan, first timer on Doug Loves Movies.
Yes.
You were on The Betsy Interruption No. 9 in New York City.
It's available now on iTunes.
And according to IMDb, you're in two upcoming films,
Bachelorette with Kristen Dunst,
in which you play Bridget?
No.
They got that wrong on IMDb?
I can't believe IMDb got that wrong.
What's your character?
It's definitely IMDb's fault.
Yeah.
No, I play an unfortunate-looking cousin
number one
in Bachelorette.
There's more than one unfortunate-looking cousin?
There was one and two.
We were a duo.
And we, during like a rehearsal dinner,
we do a really shitty song and dance number.
Who's the other one?
My friend Leslie.
Leslie what?
Mizell.
Oh, okay.
The great Leslie Mizell.
Are there any fortunate looking cousins?
And how many of them are there?
There's actually no other cousins in the movie.
So we were cast as unfortunate-looking cousins,
and we really did.
We really rocked that unfortunate look.
I swear, they really...
It took a lot of makeup and special effects.
No, it just took a hair teasing.
Oh, you just have big crazy hair?
As crazy as my hair can get.
Does it take place in New Jersey or something?
It was shot
in New York.
I feel like... No idea where it takes place?
No. Anytown, USA?
They have
weddings everywhere these days.
That's true. They'll just do them wherever.
They spread out from New York. That's true. They'll just do them wherever. Yeah, they spread out from New York.
There's no rules anymore.
Yeah. You got to keep it close to Niagara Falls if you ask me.
Yes, Matt?
Why didn't they just call you guys cousins if there weren't any other kinds?
Like you'd come in the room and everyone's like, whoa.
Well, we were dressed like Stone Cold Fluts.
We were dressed like whores in crazy hair and makeup.
Why weren't you whorish cousins then?
Yeah, and why is that unfortunate?
I will say this.
Great question.
Fair.
I will say that it was scripted to be unfortunate looking.
We were then cast, and the role was not expanded.
Like, unfortunate, you know, the spectrum of what that means.
I guess we were on one side of that spectrum.
I don't know if it was less Unfortunate or more...
Yeah.
It's too much trouble to list you as slightly Unfortunate.
Right.
Unfortunate's already so unwieldy in the end titles.
You know, it really activates your imagination.
When you hear unfortunate, you can think of a snaggle tooth.
You can think of, like, gout or something.
Sure.
Like, everybody can have a pass at what unfortunate means.
But that'd be easy to just say gout twins.
Or gout cousins.
Yeah.
But here's where I screwed up.
You were in Bachelorette with Kristen Dunst
and you play Bridget
in, according to IMDb,
Untitled Psychological Thriller.
Guys, my career
is pretty sweet.
Is that a real thing?
Untitled Psychological Thriller?
And why don't they just go with that?
Because that's a pretty scary title.
They were originally going to call it
Unfortunate Psychological Killer.
But they went with Untitled.
No, it might be called Sanatorium.
Oh, that sounds good.
But it's really, it's scary.
I saw some dailies.
Really scary, you guys.
Does a chair fall over?
Because that's what happens
in Paranormal Activity 3.
How did you know?
Basically, yeah.
Ghosts like to knock shit over.
A crazy chair falls over.
A crazy unfortunate chair.
Matt Bronger,
winner of the first tournament
of championships
is here, everybody.
Well.
Back again.
If you heard it,
you know I won. Because everyone else fell on their. Well. Back again. If you heard it, you know I won.
Because everyone else, like, fell on their own swords.
Long absence.
You went up against two very competitive players, Jimmy Pardo and Ricky Lindholm.
Yes.
They've been, you know, Pardo was back again in the next Tournament of Championships, I think.
And someday you will be a competitor.
Of what?
If you're willing to participate.
Oh, yeah.
In the Super Tournament of Championships, where you will take on sam levine sam the ma'am levine aka little wolverine and
and a third player to be named once we finish the third tournament of championships which will start
up probably in 2012 probably paul it's probably gonna be paul topkitz if i if i were a betting man
i would i would put i would have it between Paul F. Tompkins or Edgar Wright.
If you were a betting cousin?
If I were an unfortunate betting cousin with Gout, that's what I would do.
So, Matt, my question for you, because I like to have a question for everybody.
Okay.
Got to have one for me, I guess.
That's how I do it.
Most talk shows
they have a lot of questions, but
me, I just prepare one question for each guest
and then we move right into
why we're all really here.
The Leonard Maldon game.
But what's
this Our Footloose remake
thing that I saw on your website?
Yeah!
Don't wriggle out of this one, Matt.
Alright, boys. Here's the
thing.
It was a guy named David
Seeger who did a series I was in called
Ikea Heights where we
filmed a soap opera
illegally in an Ikea
using their furniture
and stuff like that during
open hours.
It's really funny.
I played Detective Mathis,
the homicide detective of Ikea Heights,
who's kind of like a grizzled old Nick Nolte type,
like, goddamn Ikea Heights.
And people are looking at beds behind me
and I'm hanging up headphones like,
fuck you, kung.
And people thought I was crazy.
And everyone on the show, we had
fight scenes, and so
he, emboldened by that,
heard they were doing a Footloose
remake. So we did a shot-for-shot
remake where he just put online
a website where anyone could click
on a scene, and once you click on it, you
were committed to shoot it. So we
got people from all over the world, actually,
to shoot different, some of it's in French, some of it's
in Japanese, but it's the whole
Footloose movie. If you go to, I think
if you just Google the Footloose Project,
you can go to it. And I basically played
Sounds very noble. It's not.
The Footloose Project.
Footloose Project. Helping fans
of Footloose the world over.
Unfortunate fans. No, I
just played the John Lithgow character a couple times in over. Unfortunate fans. No, I just played the
John Lithgow character a couple times in it.
In, for some reason,
a blonde wig and a priest's
collar the whole time, which he never
had.
That's one thing I find frustrating in movies
is that the characters aren't played
by enough actors.
They always have just one actor playing a character
and it doesn't change constantly throughout the film. There's tons of actors. Right. Like, they always have just one actor playing a character and it doesn't change
constantly throughout the film.
There's tons of actors
out there.
Yeah, why not just have...
There's that one guy,
the guy who did Happiness.
What's his name?
He did a movie where...
Todd Solons did a movie
where, like,
different people played...
Palindromes.
Palindromes.
Thank you very much.
Now I have to say it.
That was Gabourey Sidibe that just said that.
I wasn't going to point out that you were in the
crowd because they told me backstage,
but when you start yelling shit out,
then I
got to give
a shout out to Precious.
Also a helpful heckler.
Yeah, no, it was very helpful heckling
from Cabaret.
You were great when you hosted
Saturday Night Live, by the way.
Yeah, very funny.
What do you mean you don't believe that?
What kind of lies do you think I perpetrate up here?
This is a very honest podcast.
I wouldn't say that just to say it.
If Anna Faris were in the audience, I'd go,
nice try.
You would bring it up?
You'd look at her and bring it up?
I'm just saying, I gotta be honest.
You gave it your best.
I'm out hosting SNL.
Some people don't have as good at it.
You either got it or you don't got it.
Are you familiar with Garfunkel and they've been on my show a few times do you know them they're they're they're a pop they're like a
pop folk duo the comedians funny girls and they have a song called running with
chicken that you inspired or that. Yeah, check it out. Check it out. It's awesome. Well, really, Sapphire inspired.
Sapphire was ground zero of running with chicken inspiration.
It all gets back to...
It's all ultimately based on a novel by Sapphire.
But I thought...
I heard...
All of it.
I heard Gabby Rift running with the chicken.
I heard that the scene was just supposed to take place in the restaurant.
And she's like, I'm going to run with this chicken.
And the director followed her out the door.
And hence an amazing scene.
Now, why were the director and all the actors there?
What's that?
Why were the director and all the actors there?
I don't know what you're saying.
They were there to film the movie Precious based on a novel by Sapphire.
I see.
You're going back to the Sapphire thing.
You're right.
You're right. Sapphire was responsible for all of it going back to the Sapphire thing. You're right. You're right.
Sapphire was responsible for all of it.
Don't remove Sapphire from the equation, Doug.
What do you think the next Sapphire...
Did Sapphire do another novel?
Precious-er.
Precious-er 2, The Reckoning.
Because seriously, Precious needs to get a lot of revenge.
But thank you so much for coming
to the show and
yelling that out.
I was going to be quiet about it.
I was going to be totally cool.
Because I was excited.
That's like Christmas morning when somebody comes back
and says, it says, Gabourey Sidibe's in the crowd.
It's like,
you've got to be fucking kidding me.
2012 is almost over,
and so I'm going to officially call that
the best thing that's happened to me all year.
And it's 2011.
2011.
2011 is almost over.
It's the best thing that's going to happen to me in 2012.
Please, Doug, don't tell me. Gabby S. was in the crowd. Don't tell me you literally believe 2012 was almost over. It's the best thing that's going to happen to me in 2012. Please, Doug, don't tell me.
Gabby S. was in the crowd.
Don't tell me you literally believe 2012 is almost over.
I don't want to worry about you, man.
Have you ever gone anywhere and just sat there
in the audience with a bucket of chicken?
That would be awesome.
People would look over, is that her?
I'm pretty sure it is.
One of you get out?
I want her to move into a guest seat.
All right.
There goes Paul F. Tompkins.
Damn it!
First to volunteer to leave.
Would you consider coming on the show as a guest sometime?
Yeah.
Okay, great.
Come on over.
No, I'm sorry.
Paul's back.
Snooze, you lose.
I came back because one person went,
Oh.
That's all it takes.
Reason enough.
Yeah.
All right, so check out the Footloose remake starring...
You check it out.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to fuck up Matt's plug.
No.
Why?
I don't care.
I get no money from that.
Does anybody get money from it?
No. I don't think so. Once you try to get money from it,
Paramount would be like... You'd get horribly sued. Paramount would
drop that footloose boot on your neck.
Hell yeah. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins is here, everybody.
Yay!
Yay!
IMDB
says that a movie that's being filmed currently
that you're in is called Kill Me Deadly.
And that you play Jamie?
Jaime.
Or Jaime?
Jaime, really?
Si.
Claro que si.
But my favorite part, have you seen the listing in IMDB?
Yes.
It says next to Jaime in parentheses, rumored.
That's right.
So there's a rumor out there that you play Jaime in Kill Me Deadly?
Is it true?
It's rude to spread rumors.
That is a movie that's being made by Kirsten Vangsnest from Criminal Minds.
And it is being made slowly but surely.
I have not yet filmed a single thing,
but I can confirm the rumor
that I have agreed to be in it.
As Jaime.
As Jaime.
Okay.
It's a sort of film noir spoof thing.
How do you know it's pronounced that way
if you haven't shot anything yet?
I'm very familiar with the character.
They tell you in advance.
Oh, okay.
Like before you show up.
I'm checking.
I don't know.
Wait, you just take roles?
They don't tell you what they are?
Hey, you're in the movie.
Show up at 7 a.m.
We're either calling you Kimberly or Jane.
I don't know.
She's in a Tide commercial that's playing right now.
She just showed up and they handed her somebody's baby
and said, pretend this is yours.
And she touched its face.
Now it's mine.
Now it's mine.
I touched its face.
Crucial mistake.
That's why parents are like, don't touch my baby's face.
Because, yeah, it's like Rumpelstiltskin or something.
Like, if you touch a baby's face, it's yours to keep.
Exactly.
Get away from my baby's face.
So Jaime, what are you going to sound like in the movie?
Are you going to have some sort of accent?
Yes, I play a Latino gardener, and I will have a Latino accent.
What, Michael Peña wasn't available?
From Tower Heist with Gabriela Sinema?
What, we couldn't have an American play fucking Superman?
Whoa.
Yeah.
Settle down.
That's right.
The guy from Immortals is the new Superman, right?
Really?
I think so.
Henry Cavill?
Oh, I did not realize he was an Immortal.
Superman was from Krypton.
He wasn't American.
That's a good point.
But he had a fondness for America.
He did.
He had the accent.
He grew up here.
He grew up here.
Intentionally, he grew up here.
Yeah, he was a citizen.
So if he went back to Krypton, they were like, oh, listen to your phony accent.
He was like, look, I spent a lot of time there.
Oh, is that right, Clark Gable?
Clark Gable.
Because he had a Clark Gable-ess.
What else are we talking about?
I thought you were calling Paul Clark Gable
because he's so dapper.
Well, I would.
And he doesn't give a damn.
Frankly.
So, starting with Megan,
have you seen anything lately
in the motion picture theaters or at home
or with your baby that you just acquired?
You probably see a lot of kids' movies now.
I actually, I I feel I think
I really want to see Like Crazy but that doesn't count
for the purposes of your question
No I like What You Want to See is a good
good jumping off point
I like Crying so I want to see Like Crazy
Well then you're going to love Like Crazy because it's just about how
awful it can be to try to have a relationship
when one of you can't get back into the country
Yeah
It's like Romeo and Juliet
but they live.
It's like they live
but they live.
Everyone wears
special sunglasses
and that's how
they fall in love.
Yeah.
Well,
the last thing I saw
was Drive.
Okay.
And I've been jamming
on it ever since.
Did you go out
and try to find
that jacket
and then purchase it and own it? Am I an asshole?
No. No, you're not.
I don't know you that well, but I don't think you're
an asshole. Isn't that, I mean,
I felt like,
I feel like if you
buy the drive jacket and wear it,
you just are disappointing
people by being like, you don't look like Ryan Gosling.
You're setting yourself up for that. You're inviting that
comparison, that's true. But even Ryan Gosling look like Ryan Gosling. You're setting yourself up for that. You're inviting that comparison. You are unfortunate looking.
Even Ryan Gosling, though, was doing crimes with that jacket on.
Like, why would you wear such a distinctive
jacket if you are going to
go commit a crime? And then people
later would go, his jacket was fucking sweet.
I remember that. So they don't remember the face.
Oh, they won't. Yeah, they won't know the face.
They'll just know that jacket that no one else has.
He looked like a dragon or something.
You're talking about a satin scorpion?
Yeah.
Wait, wasn't a satin scorpion that robbed this place?
Yeah.
What did he do in the movie?
I haven't seen it.
Oh, you haven't seen Drive?
No.
Oh, okay.
Oh, it's so good.
I mean, it's good for men and women.
You say so.
I'm glad you liked it.
I thought it was overrated.
And by overrated, I don't know what I'm saying,
because it didn't make that much money,
and the critics seem mixed.
Overrated by people that you've talked to.
Yeah, yeah.
On this podcast.
Everybody I talk to loves it.
Every week.
Yeah, that's how I felt, too.
They love it.
I felt a lot of it was just way too drawn out for no reason
and kind of boring in parts.
I liked it, but people were like,
ugh, ugh, as they were coming out of the theater parts. I liked it, but people were like, oh, oh,
as they were coming out of the theater.
I'm just like, what?
What happened?
Because I read a lot of crime
and noir and love those kind of movies.
And it was like the first time
someone had seen a crime in a film.
It was.
He shot him.
He shot him with a gun.
That's illegal.
To the tune of Duran Duran.
It's everything I've dreamed of.
I liked it, but, you know.
Yeah, there's a lot of 80s-ish music in it and stuff.
And it actually, it freaked me out
because that's exactly how I react
when someone interrupts me eating pie.
Exactly.
I've seen it.
You know what I'm talking about?
The guy's like, hey, remember that job we pulled?
And he's like, I'll kick your fucking teeth in.
He's like, all right, and walks away. And he's eating pie at the time? He's eating pie. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's like, hey, remember that job we pulled? And he's like, I'll kick your fucking teeth in. He's like, all right, and walks away.
And he's eating pie at the time?
He's eating pie.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
It's like, tough guy eating pie.
Really great moment.
Memorable moment.
True.
Great filmmaking.
Way to play along, Megan.
So is that the most recent movie you've seen?
Drive?
No. Mad Dronger? seen? Drive? I saw the...
No way.
No.
How dare you?
You take that back.
No!
Bring something else to the table.
A movie with no pie.
I saw The Guard with Don Cheadle.
Yeah, it was an interesting flick.
What's the other guy's name?
Brendan Gleeson.
Yeah, that guy's good.
In Bruges, right?
It's by the brother
of the guy who did In Bruges, basically.
Really?
It's a very similar film in terms of quirky crime.
I've been trying to catch it,
but I haven't been able to see it in the cinema,
so I guess I'll rent it, but
I've heard only good things about that. Yeah.
I liked it. Fair enough. Paul F.
Tompkins. Hi.
Real quickly, you're a voice in the
animated cartoon Tangled. That is true.
And do you know the name of your
character? Short Thug.
Is that a short round from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
grown up? Yes. You grew up to be a short
thug? That's right.
I do a horrifying accent.
Is there a tall thug and a medium thug?
Well, they're identified different
ways, not by height, because in the original
I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but I'm going to say it
in the original pages that I saw of the script allowed to say this but I'm going to say it in the original
pages that I saw
of the script
my character was identified
as drunk thug
and then I think
everybody said
oh this is like a movie
for children
so let's not have that
in there
let's not spell it out
at least
yeah
that's obviously
what the character was
but they just
short people are all drunk
he was also short every short person are all drunk he was also short
every short person
is a drunk
yeah
what else are they gonna do
they have one drink
and they're fucking drunk
because they're so short
they got no reason to live
alright shall we play
you don't want to know
what movies I've seen
oh sorry you never asked me what did you you never ever asked me All right, shall we play a game? You don't want to know what movies I've seen? Oh, sorry.
You never asked me.
What?
You never, ever asked me.
Have you seen Tangled?
Yes.
With all the various sizes of thugs?
I went to the premiere of Tangled.
Oh, that's good.
It's probably less noisy kids at the premiere.
It was the best.
Because of the presence of little children, everyone had to act nicer.
And the premiere had to be, like, the party afterwards had to be, like, a decent thing that people could take their children to.
Because that's exactly what they were doing.
So it was so nice.
Did Short Thug have a nice time in the bounce house at the after party?
No, here's what it was.
Because, like Because a regular
party, a Hollywood party like that
is so juvenile, like when
it actually is for juveniles, it becomes
adult and it's really nice.
And then it's like, this is a great party.
This is not bad at all.
But I saw the movie
Beginners the other night.
Which, yes, I'd heard such great things
about it and it was the weirdest experience because I really enjoyed the movie.
But nobody said how sad it was.
It gets really, really sad.
It's brutal.
It's really sad.
I love that movie.
So I guess go see it?
Christopher Plummer.
He was great.
Probably Oscar nominee, I would imagine.
Probably.
Story, career
Great performance
At the very end
I'm assuming
No people are after him
He doesn't
He owes money to somebody
That's right
He talks too much
And he's also
He's in Girl with Dragon Tattoo
So it's a big year for him
Who would ever want to go see that
I read those books
Right
And then
My wife and I rented
The Swedish version Of the first one.
And reading that stuff is a lot different than seeing it acted out.
I think the first rape, when the first rape happens, we turn to each other like,
we're not going to watch any more of this, right?
Wait, you don't watch movies for the rapes?
I just sit there the whole time going, drive, what's movies for the rapes? I just sit there the whole time going,
drive, what's up?
No rapes?
Not rapes I've already read about.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that you have to read about while they're happening.
Yes.
I don't want to read about rape while I'm watching rape.
I want to be able to concentrate.
What's so sad about beginners?
No fresh rapes.
Fresh rapes?
So it turns out it's not really...
No, first time rapes.
I think I'm entitled to make a rape joke
after 20 years of not doing it.
I'll give you that.
I'm like the one guy everybody gets quiet for,
like, whoa.
Rape is a crime.
Well, we should mention that your first...
Did you say that like a question?
Rape is a crime?
Your first album,
your first album's called No Rape Jokes.
That's right.
You built up a whole career on it.
I scramble the letters so it's not that obvious.
Now I gotta ask you,
when you scramble them, what'd you come up with?
It's called Impersonal, which almost
could be scrambled to No Rape Jokes.
If Impersonal had a J in it.
And a K.
And a K. I didn't say it did in it. And a K. And a K.
Yeah.
I didn't say it did, Doug.
You did not.
You said almost.
Wait, a J and a K, so it's no rapes.
JK.
JK tons.
Plenty of rape jokes.
Tons.
The whole thing.
You will not be disappointed.
If that's what you came here for.
I forgot to ask you backstage.
Did you guys bring anything for me to give away?
Oh. Sure? Oh,
he's going to pocket a $20 bill from
Paul. Do you
want to sign it? You should probably sign
it because they're just going to spend it if you just give it
to them. They should. Tough times. All right.
And a 20 from Matt Bronger.
$40.
Occupy, Occupy,
Occupy, Occupy. No more tents at Occupy Occupy No more tents at Occupy
I just went out and bought a tent
and I found out no tents
so I just gotta go stand there
I brought the Charmin
I brought the Charmin
Yeah she brought some wipes
which that'll come in happy if you're occupying somewhere
They were pretty expensive
Yeah
Well this is the first time That would come in happy if you're occupying somewhere. They were pretty expensive. Yeah.
Wow.
This is the first time all three guests have purchased or given money. They all put some money into their contribution to the podcast.
You're welcome, everyone.
Yeah.
But all of their CDs.
You have Freak Wharf and Impersonal,
Paul F. Tompkins. Those are available on the internet.
And Matt Bronger has
a CD called Blame It
on the Night. Soak up
the night, but that's okay.
You gotta admit that was pretty good, though.
That was amazing. I wish I would have thought of that.
That's the next one.
Someone is to blame, though, for spilling all the
night in the first place. It's true. That needs to be soaked up. That's the next one. Someone is to blame, though, for spilling all the night in the first place. It's true. That needs to be soaked up.
That's true.
Well, actually, the album of rape jokes should be called Blame It on the Night.
That's right.
Wasn't me.
Blame It on the Night, lady.
Then take it back.
Or Afternoon Delight would be a good name for an album of rape jokes.
No?
Or Afternoon Delight would be a good name for an album of rape jokes.
No?
No, just a quick sidebar.
Rape is not funny.
Yeah, yeah, it's not.
Still, after all this time, it's still not funny. I don't condone it.
And I also don't condone sitting in the front row with a Doug Loves Musicals shirt on.
Because that's like asking to be raped.
I do love musicals, though.
All right, let's play the Letter Moulton game, you guys.
Let's do it.
I also forgot to mention to you backstage
that Megan and Matt may not be aware of this.
Paul knows that people in the audience, of course,
have name tags,
and you're just going to go out and
select a name tag that you'd like to play
for and then bring it back to your
seat. So
go do that now.
There's a guy with what looks like a fan
that says Chris on it. Yeah, drop your
microphones.
Violently. There's a guy named
Keith who has a
looks like a can of something. Some sort of beverage. Megan's a guy named Keith who has a looks like a can of something.
Some sort of beverage.
Megan picked a...
That's been picked before, right?
Did they win last week with that?
Okay, good. So we don't want people
to win again. Alright, so Megan
picked that crazy fun ball
that says, if I recall
correctly, Jake or Josh?
Jake. Okay. It says Jake in the middle of it.
And then Matt Pronger has some sunglasses that say Susie on them.
Nice.
Which are, I hope you didn't wear those driving over here.
That would be dangerous.
And then Paul picked a little mouse, a little Mickey mouse that's a stormtrooper,
holding a sign that says Leslie.
A lot of support for Leslie here tonight.
Oh, and there's another
celebrity, two celebrities in the crowd tonight
I should also mention. Elizabeth Lame
and Psychic Andy from the
Totally Lame podcast are here.
What the devil you say?
Where are they?
Let's hear it for them.
They're here in like VIP seats.
Or they didn't show up.
Oh, there they are.
Oh, there you are.
Scary.
All right.
Are we keeping you up?
I'm so sleepy.
All right.
You know how most great bedtime stories have rape in them
And so I get exhausted
When the subject comes up
Last night I watched
Bob Costas just to get sleepy
Here we go
Leonard Maltin game
Let's start with Matt Bronger
Then go to Paul and then go to Megan.
As I often like to do with the newer players, so they get up to speed as it goes along.
You get to pick a category, Matt Bronger. Would you like someone named...
I'm holding my microphone in the crook of my arm like an English hunting gentleman.
That could very well be a rifle that's about
to murder some quail. A droopy
droopy rifle.
They break it open and then they...
Yeah, you're right.
Forgot about that.
Alright.
Here are your category options, Matt.
At 8 Heists,
someone on Twitter is called 8 Heists,
suggested, did not see that one,
which is
movies that feature Nazis.
Yes.
Did not see that one.
And
at iLibertarian
on Twitter
suggested
Mike Hunt
which is movies with either Mike or Hunt
in the title.
And then
at some random fool
suggested
Tootsie Pops
which is films in which Dustin Hoffman
plays a father.
That's great.
That is good.
That's really good.
Which one would you like to play, Matt?
Nazis, Mike Hunt, or
Tootsie Pops?
Let's do
I Did Not See It Coming.
I'm sorry.
It's called
I Did Not See That Being Soaked Up.
Which one?
The Nazi one.
Nazi one, okay.
What was it?
Did Not See That One.
Did Not See That One.
Did Not See That One.
Yeah, I don't know why
you added coming
to the end of that one.
I wasn't aware
that film existed.
Oh, why?
All right, Leonard Maltin gives this movie
that has Nazis in it four stars.
I can't disagree.
For that reason?
We'll see.
It's from 1981.
He says that this movie is a rollercoaster ride of a movie.
And he also says that it won Oscars for visual effects, editing, sound effects, editing, and art direction.
And there are nine names listed.
How many names do you think you get it in, Matt Bronger?
Oh.
First Tournament of Championships winner.
No pressure.
None.
I can guess it in...
What are you, Herman Cain?
Yes.
No, Rick Perry.
I can guess it in three.
I'll name two and then just sit here for a while.
I can guess it in three names.
Okay.
Go to Paul F. Tompkins.
I could guess that movie
in negative one names.
Yeah.
There he goes, showing off his Jaime accent.
All right, Megan.
You're in a tough spot for a first time player.
You can go more negative names
or just force Paul F. Tompkins
to name the movie and
the lead performer in the movie
because you said negative one right?
I can guess it in nine names.
That's not
Yeah you can't. That's not an option.
Go for it.
I will go for it.
I'm going to say the name of that film is Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yeah, you can't. That's not an option. Go for it. Go for it, she says. I will go for it. Please.
I'm going to say the name of that film is Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Okay, and?
And I'm going to say the top-billed actor in that film.
Oh, this is tough.
It's kind of surprising who got top billing.
Harrison Ford.
No, I'm sorry. Alfred Molina.
You throw me the idol, I throw you the whip.
Oddly enough, he played Jaime.
Harrison Ford, Raiders of the Lost Ark.
That is correct.
Paul F. Tompkins.
Good job.
Paul F. Tompkins with the point.
Very well done.
Did not see that one coming.
Okay, so Paul has a point.
Megan challenged him, so that means we start with Matt Bronger
and then head down toward Megan and around to Paul.
So Matt, once again,
you get to pick a category. Would you like
today is Beverly D'Angelo's birthday.
Great actress.
So the films of Beverly D'Angelo.
Remember the time we met her when she
came to see that musical play we were in?
Kind of. Yeah. She's like,
she was friends with Moon Zappa and she came to see that
show that we did. And then I saw her at the
Viper Room. She was nice. Do her show.
I don't think she ever leaves the Viper Room. Oh, you saw her
full, like she does the cabaret thing?
Sang some songs. Nice.
Okay, so that's the first option.
Beverly D'Angelo. Second option. Very exciting category that only whip out when the players are good at the game.
Asparagus P suggested...
Zero Names.
This is a category where if you pick it, you get to start, but you have to start at Zero Names,
and I will read the entire review and then tell you how many names are in it, but you have to start at zero names, and I will read the entire review and then tell you how many names are in it,
but you have to start at zero.
So it's a very risky play to pick that category.
And your third option is Doggone It,
and that's films where a dog dies.
Always get some moan from the audience,
like these aren't fictional dogs,
and that they make movies in Hollywood where they just murder a dog.
To their credit, though, it would be amazing if you were like where dogs died.
And it was like, yeah!
Jesus.
But just the idea of dogs dying.
Like, we're talking about dogs fake dying in movies.
Yeah.
But just the idea of that.
Not even seeing a scene of it.
Nah, up until the 60s, they killed him.
Yeah, right?
That's probably true, right?
That's how it used to work, yeah.
And Milo and Otis, they probably went through like 10.
They went through so many Milo's.
Don't start about Milo and Otis.
Yeah, those poor animals.
They drowned him in the bags.
But such a funny movie.
It's really hilarious.
They did not die in vain.
No.
No, they did.
That's part of what makes it darkly humorous.
Okay, Matt.
I'm going to go zero names.
I think that sounds exciting.
It's an exciting category.
You get to start.
Then we'll go to Megan, then Paul.
So just because I'm dumb,
you just read the whole description
and I just have to guess the name of the movie.
Yeah, and you would have totally got that as soon as I started to read the whole description. I just have to guess the name of the movie. Yeah, and you would have totally got that
as soon as I started to read the whole description.
But you also have to bid.
Yeah, the bidding starts at zero.
So you have to say zero
or negative names
and then we'll go from there.
You're not dumb. You stop it.
The idea is basically
the idea is theoretically everyone
on the panel will know the answer,
as will most people in the audience.
And then the trick is,
how many people could you name from the movie
going from the top of the cast down?
That is the trick, Doug.
That is.
The year.
Four stars from Leonard.
The year is 1974.
And he says about this movie, They said it couldn't be done
But co-writer director
Francis Coppola
Made a sequel that's just as compelling
This one contrasts the life of
Melancholy Don Al Pacino
With the early days of his father
Robert De Niro as an
immigrant in New York City. Winner of
six Oscars including Best Picture, Director
Screenplay, Supporting Actor
De Niro, Score
Nina Rota and Carmine
Coppola. Art Direction, Set Direction
and a bunch of people
listed. There are
22 names.
Fuck.
So you can start by saying zero.
Or if you think you know who the lead actor
or actress is, you could say one.
Or two or three.
What do you think you can do with that?
I'll do negative four.
Wow. Impressive
So we go to Megan
You already named a couple in the
Yeah but I didn't say what order they're in
From top down
I think I know what you're going to do
I think it's the right thing to do.
Negative five, right?
You're going to go negative five?
Well, right?
I'm going to be overly confident.
You think you can name the top five billed actors in this movie?
In this classic film that everyone has seen.
But in the correct order.
But in the correct order.
I just say you could say name it
and then Matt would have to do four names
in the correct order.
But then you'd be a coward.
A possible winning coward.
It's up to you.
No pressure.
What if I say negative four also?
Then I just try to get the order right
No you can't do that
He's got four locked down
You'd have to go five names
Can you name five people
That are in this movie
Yeah
I think
I don't think you can
I'm just saying that
I know how this is going to play out
I've done this show a few times
I know what's happening
It's true
I can name them by their outfits
And their faces
But I am blanking on some of their names
I can name them by their accents
We're going to start an outfits and faces category
She wears that in this
But now it's like
very special.
Which is obvious.
Use your suit.
Stupid looking.
This guy,
he's wearing brown.
He's got kind of a long face.
He looks sad all the time.
Oxford shoes.
Just tell Matt to do it.
Matt do it.
That's my advice.
Say name that movie, Matt.
Name it, name it.
Okay, what's the name
of the movie, Matt?
Godfather Part Two.
Yeah, and what are
the four top billed actors
in order?
I'm going to go Al Pacino,
Robert De Niro,
Marlon Brando,
and...
Ah, fuck!
I just fucked myself.
Damn it!
Many of us remember
Marlon Brando dying
in Godfather 1, but...
Yes.
Yes.
You're right.
But we're a bunch of
fucking smarty-pants
remembering that.
I mean, Diane Keaton.
But yeah, I... No, yeah. So you get the point, Megan.
See, that's how it works.
Al Pacino, Robert Duvall, Diane Keaton, Robert De Niro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, so Duvall was second.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
Duvall was second.
I was going to say, is James Caan in it?
He already did from the first.
Yeah.
But if you'd have gone five, you'd have to go all the way to John Cazale. What about James Caan? Which I doubt you remember his name. James Caan died in? James Caan in it? From the first. Yeah. But if you'd have gone five, if you'd have gone five, you'd have to go all the way
to John Cazale.
What about James Caan?
Which I doubt you remember his name.
James Caan died in the first one, too.
He died in the first one, too.
But there is like a little flashback
at the very end, right?
Yeah, he's the 22nd billed actor.
He is?
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Dominic Chayenese.
Chayenese.
Chayenese.
He's the 21st billed actor
and of course went on
to be in The Sopranos.
Anyway, the point to Megan. We've got a went on to be in The Sopranos. Anyway,
a point to Megan.
We've got a point for Paul,
a point for Megan.
Show's running late.
This is an exciting match
that they're both taking you down, Matt.
I know.
The very first champion.
I won by a fluke that last time.
You kind of took yourself down.
I can't really.
It's not an honorable point.
She can't take credit for that.
It's okay.
All I know is I'm great.
Yeah. So we start with Paul and then we go to Megan. I can't really it's not an honorable point it's okay all I know is I'm great yeah
so we start with Paul
and then we go to Megan
Paul you get to pick
a category
would you like
a film
that has
a Weezer song
on the soundtrack
woo
he would
one guy in the audience
is excited about that
it's Rivers Quill
woo
yeah
he's here
so many celebrities
here tonight
yeah
celebrities and empty seats it's quite a quite a mix Rivers Cuomo. Yeah. He's here. So many celebrities here tonight. Yeah.
Celebrities and empty seats.
It's quite a mix.
Edgar Wright hasn't seen it.
It's films that Edgar Wright has not seen,
which is really no way
for you to know
which ones he has
or has not seen.
And then
from the categories
I've already mentioned,
let's go with
Beverly D.
Beverly D.Angelo.
So would you like, there's a Weezer song on the soundtrack, Edgar Wright hasn't seen it, or Beverly D'Angelo?
These categories stink.
They don't give you a good leg up.
No, they don't.
I wanted to choose Tootsie Pop.
Well, maybe we'll have to go another round and then it'll come up again.
I'm going to go
Beverly D'Angelo.
Alright, Beverly D'Angelo's in this movie.
There's a few that I'm absolutely certain she's in.
It's from 1979.
Two and a half stars from Leonard.
Not good enough, in my opinion.
His two and a half stars.
I think it should get more.
He says about this movie that
its impact is considerably
muffled.
And he also says that
it doesn't hang together.
Yeah.
Those are weird things to say.
It sounds like the movie
muffled impact. The story of Yeah, those are weird things to say. It sounds like the movie Muffled Impact.
The story of
a meteor wearing a coat.
That's right.
And there are
a really heavy coat.
The meteor was cold.
And he lists
11 names
I mean you can get it in
Paul F. Tompkins
1979
79
11 names
Impact
Muffled
And what was the last thing he said?
Doesn't hang together
Doesn't hang together
I'll give you a little bit more
Has exciting moments
But doesn't hang together
Exciting moments?
The one thing
I thought it was is now gone.
Beverly D'Angelo.
And how many names? Eleven.
I'm going to say I can name that movie in
nine names. Good opening bid.
We go to Megan. Thank you.
So you could say eight names,
seven, anywhere in that area,
or name it.
Megan.
Let's try seven names.
Okay.
That's reasonable.
Matt Pronger.
Name it.
Smart play.
Smart play.
I have to name it.
I'm going to give you the seven names, yeah.
We're going to have a three-way tie and we're going to go long.
Apologies to Comedy Bang Bang, formerly Comedy Death Ray,
formerly not a thing.
Megan, would you like to close again? 1979, two and a half stars.
I'm giving to you even if you don't want them.
Exciting, but doesn't hang together
and the impact is muffled.
Considerably muffled.
These guys are talking amongst themselves and your seven names are michael jeter miles chapin charlotte ray
nicholas ray both rays spelled differently cheryl barnes don dacus and dorsey right
those are your seven names.
Yeah, those are all names
that didn't really go on
to be in a lot of movies.
I'll give you one.
I'll just help her out
just a tiny bit.
Charlotte Rae, of course,
played,
she was on
Facts of Life
as Mrs. Garrett.
Michael Jeter
was in
The Fisher King.
Right, and he played,
what was his character
on Sesame Street?
Like Mr. Noodle
or something like that? I think so. I don't know. Was he on Sesame Street? was his character on Sesame Street? Like Mr. Noodle or something like that?
I think so.
I don't know.
Was he on Sesame Street?
I think so.
I think it was Mr. Noodle.
He's dead now,
so like Bill Irwin
is the new Mr. Noodle.
That's right.
Michael G.
just playing in it.
I just only want to guess
the only Beverly D'Angelo movie
I know.
That's the way to go, I think.
No, it's not this.
But try it.
National Lampoon's Vacation.
No, that's incorrect.
The rest of the names are Dorsey Wright, Annie Golden, Beverly D'Angelo, Treat Williams, John Savage, and it's a musical called Hair.
Doug loves musicals.
1979?
Wow.
1979, yeah. 79. Wow. 1979, yeah.
79.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what happened there?
Matt got the point.
We have a three-way tie.
We got to finish this shit up.
Got to get this done.
So who challenged?
Matt challenged Megan.
So we start with Paul.
Hi.
And then we go to Matt.
Sure.
And Paul would like the category Tootsie Pops.
Tootsie Pops.
We'll go right into it to save some time.
2004 is the year of this movie
in which Dustin Hoffman plays a father.
One and a half stars from Leonard Maltin.
No comment from me.
He calls this movie unnecessary.
Oh, it's awesome.
And then at the very end of the review, he writes,
but the public loved it.
It's unnecessary, but the public loved it.
From 2004, one and a half stars, doesn't often play pop,
and you have ten names in which to bid.
I can name that movie in negative two names.
Holy shit!
Wow!
Paul came to play Tompkins.
He did. That's what the F stands for.
Came to play.
What do you think of that, Matt?
I'm trying to think of the hell this movie is.
That would really help you out if you could figure out
if you could figure out if you could figure out
what movie it is. You're well on your way
to... Hey, I am the best at
poker.
I got nothing.
Yeah, dude,
take it. Is that movie
Meet the Fockers?
Maybe.
And are the stars of that movie
Ben Stiller
and Robert De Niro
yes yes
and yes
we have a winner
good job
oh shit
De Niro got top billing
Matt Brogdon
pulls it out
wow
in a horrible
horrible upset
I do it
every time.
Accidentally,
the dumb guy won. It's a gift.
It's a gift. I don't know how you do it.
Leslie,
come down here. You get to name a shithead.
And of course,
Jake. Jake?
It happened again, Jake. You got up
here, but no one won for you.
So write down who you want me to call a shithead.
There you go, Leslie.
And congratulations to Susie with the sunglasses.
Do you need your sunglasses back or those for Matt to keep?
They're 3D glasses.
They're 3D glasses that you stole?
You're supposed to give those back.
I stole them.
Save a tree.
Well, come get your prize package, Susie.
Congratulations.
She gets the whole bag.
Yeah, I always bring a bag that I don't want anymore.
Full of shit.
You know, every time you go to something,
somebody gives you a swag bag,
and then I save them, and then I recycle.
Any plugs you want to get in?
Ask and answer.
Megan Nuringer, what do you got coming up?
My Twitter is always refreshing itself with new tweets all the time.
I'm like constantly tweeting.
Can I just, I have to say this again for people that didn't hear the $2 Benson interruption from New York number nine.
One of my favorite tweets of all time was written by her and it goes like this.
Don't ask me about my pan pizza.
It's personal.
Matt Bronger,
our Footloose remake is out there,
but what else have you got going on?
If anyone is going to be in New York
December 2nd,
or have friends there,
my Comedy Central Hour Special
is taping at the Gramercy Theater there.
Nice!
I love the Gramercy. You're going to have a
great time there. Awesome.
And Paul F. Tompkins, anything?
When does this drop, Doug?
It plops on
this Friday. I'm going to say
December 17th,
Largo at the Coronet. I am doing
a benefit, Christmas benefit
for Habitat for Humanity.
Many, many special guests. It's going to be
a great, great show.
Tickets are available at DePaulFTopkins.com.
Awesome.
I'm going to be taping Doug Lo's movies on Saturday
and Sunday, November 26th and 27th
at the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas
both days at 420.
And one more time for all of my guests.
Thank you so much.
Always a pleasure to for all of my guests, thank you so much. Always a pleasure
to see all of you.
And as
always, it's been a very political
time lately, so I'm glad these
two people finally got called out.
Adam Carolla is a shithead,
and George Lopez is a shithead. now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie
eyes of gold is viewing prowess makes him
foggy there's no room
in his heart for you
cause Doug loves
movies