Doug Loves Movies - Pete Davidson, Harland Williams and Geoff Tate guest
Episode Date: October 25, 2015Live from Comedy Works in Denver, Doug welcomes comics Pete Davidson, Harland Williams and Geoff Tate to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Noti...ce at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug makes candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not more that he won't see
But Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I'm super ripped.
And I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
Coming to you once again from underground,
deep underground,
at Comedy Works in downtown Denver, Colorado!
I don't have statistics to back this up,
but I think the smartest state in the country might just be my opinion it's Saturday October 24
let's call it 2015 let me see your name tags Denver hold them up a mile high oh
this is crazy I am definitely going to vine the moment
when my guests have to pick between all of these name tags.
The nightmare before Christina
with actual human bones taped to it.
Spark Man.
Who's Spark?
You're Sparkman?
Spark is your last name?
Sparkman is your last name?
Alright, Sparkman.
Jim's apartment,
because your name is apartment.
Rasta Jeff brought a Rasta Jeff me
instead of super hi me.
And it keeps it in really good condition.
Folded it up in sixteenths and then...
Yeah, yeah, you almost rolled something with it.
Wow, you guys got...
You came in last minute real up close
and you have these banners that I don't understand.
It's like your coat of arms or something?
And then you just put...
Did you put a movie title on there somewhere?
No? Okay.
Here's ten things I hate about you.
Someone likes Build-A-Title.
Tucker the Man, the Myth, and the
Machine, or whatever that was called.
But your name's just Tucker?
Yeah, that makes it easy.
You don't have to fuck around. And there's a light-up
one that strangely, it's lit up,
but I still can't read it.
It's Kylander
instead of Kylander, instead of Highlander?
Okay. Well, good job, everybody. There's lots of good ones. It's Kylander instead of Kylelander instead of Highlander? Yes.
Okay.
Well, good job, everybody.
There's lots of good ones.
There's a That Thing You Do poster back there.
I recognize that.
I recognize a lot of the images.
Ex-Mikina instead of Makina.
Oh, Mykina?
Your name's Mike?
All right.
Why does it say all that on the back of your poster?
Oh, that's the front.
Okay.
This is the lightsaber used to slay Jar Jar.
You're welcome.
I'm Asher.
And then there's a lightsaber taped to it.
You should just get on a freeway off-ramp and just get money for that sign.
I'll kill Jar Jar for food.
Well, you guys, I gotta do a few plugs before moving on.
You can put the light
are the lights still on the audience?
I think they are
you can dim those now
wait
where did the audience go?
Douglas Movies
is happening at the Nerd Melt
showroom in Meltdown Comics this Tuesday
October 27th
and I'll be in Tampa, Florida
on Tuesday, October 29th
and Halloween, October 30th.
That show's at 420.
Wear a costume slash name tag
for fun.
That's the only reason
I could think of to do it.
I don't know if you'd be more likely
to get chosen for the games,
but Doug Loves Movies is also coming to San Francisco
on New Year's Eve at 420
at Cobb's Comedy Club
so you can make it a fun early night
or you could go to parties afterwards.
I'm not in charge of your life.
I don't give a fuck
about what
how it works into your plans. I just hope it does.
DougLovesMovies.com
That's DougLovesMovies.com. That's DouglasMovies.com.
Before I get into the prize bag,
the coolest thing just happened.
I was walking down 15th Street,
and as I do to get to this club,
Comedy Works on 15th Street,
and I passed by an art gallery,
and I looked in the window,
and it was all art that was based
off of Disney properties.
So it's like Disneyland, Disney movies,
Marvel, all of that shit.
And so that
I got excited and then I remembered
that somebody from that gallery had tweeted
me, you should come by
and I'll give you something for the
he called it the grab bag.
I'll give you something for the, he called it the grab bag. I'll give you something for the grab bag.
And this guy at this place, this guy, he,
it's called the Incredible Art Gallery,
asked for Jared, and like I said,
they've got Star Wars, Disney, all this stuff,
all this artwork, and the thing that he gave me for the grab bag, I'm just going to keep it.
You guys are going to understand when you see this shit.
It's too cool for me.
I mean, it's a cool thing for the grab bag, and I think you guys would love it.
But I flip it over,
and it's like a million dollars
taped to the...
I just still,
I guess I should have
just given the gallery a plug
and not even shown it
to you guys.
I shouldn't be rubbing it in,
but it's so cool.
It's called,
it's not,
Easy Being Green,
it is not.
Easy Being Green, it is not. Easy Being Green, it is not.
And look at this.
That's the most awesome thing ever.
It's Yoda and Kermit the Frog.
Just hanging out, hanging out in a swamp. I don't know if it's Yoda's planet or Kermit the Frog. Just hanging out in a swamp.
I don't know if it's Yoda's planet or Kermit's.
I don't know who's visiting who.
You'd assume maybe Kermit was visiting Yoda since he was in his robe.
But it could be a traveling robe.
It's hard to know.
But can somebody come take this from me so that, I mean, somebody that's been prearranged to take it.
There you go.
Take good care of that.
My precious new thing.
But that doesn't mean the prize bag isn't going to be amazing.
All three guests today brought super great things for the prize bag.
And I brought the usual garbage.
I brought...
Schmovie!
The game you've been hearing about and wondering about,
about but not purchasing yourself,
could be yours today.
A Doug Loves Movies t-shirt.
This feels like a big one.
So that'll fit anybody.
Might be a nightie.
I just wore this on Getting Doug With High the other day
to plug the nice people at Mid-City Pizza in New Orleans.
And now I put it in the prize bag.
Smells like me and everything.
A copy of Promotional Tool.
A Taylor Swift wristband thingy.
Plastic wristband.
And whatever my guests brought.
And my guests are three good ones.
Three of my favorites who happen to be in town
and willing to participate.
Please give a big warm welcome
to Harlan Williams, Jeff Tate, and Pete Davidson.
Thank you. Hey guys
Let's meet them individually Hey guys.
Let's meet them individually.
On my far left, it's Harlan Williams, everybody!
Live long and eggnog.
How are you, man?
I'm great, man. This is a treat.
It's great to be here in this, like,
underground Walking Dead zombie bunker.
Yeah, we're safe if shit goes down out there.
We're safe, we're safe. We're gonna all come out of here.
I'm wearing a condom.
Well, people are gonna to laugh at me.
Maybe this isn't the forum for me.
Yeah, I don't think...
You came here to do some serious movie criticism,
and people are just going to laugh at you.
Wow, this is tough.
You're performing over at the other comedy works in town.
Yeah.
What do they call that one?
It's either South or North.
I don't know which one.
Oh, it's... What is it. I don't know which one.
What is it?
I just call it the Papa Do's Club.
It's right next door to Papa Do.
They should name that place Papa Zit because the food's so fucking greasy.
Papa Zit.
Well, I look forward to having them
as the sponsor on the show.
How about Papa Smurf? Is that better?
That's better.
Okay.
Yeah.
Was Papa Smurf an avatar?
You walk out of there blue and sick to your stomach.
Yeah.
With acne, yeah.
What do you got for the prize bag, Harlan?
Oh, wow.
I got this.
It's a magic shirt.
Can you hold this for me for one sec?
But hold it up to his mouth so he can talk still.
So basically, it's a magic shirt,
and people come up to you and go,
what the hell does it say?
And you fold it like this.
And it goes fuck off.
And it says fuck off So it's basically like a friendly
Magic fuck off shirt
And kids love magic
So hopefully lots of kids
Will come up to you and you can tell
They'll go what the hell is that
And you can say fuck off kid
Which we always want to do to kids
Fucking kids
I'd wear it and I'd go up to somebody And go could you give me directions Which we always want to do to kids. Fucking kids.
I'd wear it and I'd go up to somebody and go,
could you give me directions?
And like in the middle of the directions,
I'd be like,
I don't know if I can do it right.
Why do you make it look like Victoria's Secret?
It's real sexy the way he did that.
I could almost see your areol eyes through your seven fucking sweaters.
What are you going,
camping later?
We have the same clothes on.
Well, let's go camping
together. I'll get the teapots off,
you get the fucking diarrhea pills.
It's just a hoodie over a t-shirt, man.
We could be homeless,
me and you.
The weather in Denver's
very exciting right now because
when you walk down the street, it changes
every block.
Because if you're on a shady block, it gets really
cool, but if you're on a sun block,
you get fucking
sun-faced.
cool, but if you're on a sunblock,
you get fucking sun-faced.
Pete Davidson is here, everybody.
Doing shows all weekend long
here, right here on this very stage
and loving it.
Love it here. Yeah, he's having a great
time. I keep telling him that.
And
you're having a
great time getting me high with your weed.
Yes.
You can just get it here.
You can totally just
get it. I went over to
Lodo Wellness
today.
Did a little shopping.
Also picked up some other, some underwear.
I got hemp underwear.
I got shampoo.
I got weed shampoo.
I've been showering like all week.
I took like nine showers.
We don't know if our teenager's masturbating or getting high in the shower.
We just know he's been in there a lot.
It's not an either or.
Yeah, now that you mention it,
I'm going to put some weed shampoo in my pubes.
Shampoo?
Shampoo.
So, Pete, you got a week off from SNL,
so of course you come to Colorado.
It's a perfect getaway.
It's great.
Yeah. And do you have something for the bag?
I do, I have Frosted Flake socks What do you think of those Harley?
Wait, can I do it?
They're great
I was going to go down the line Can I do it? They're great. Yeah.
I was gonna go down the line and ask until somebody said they're great.
Oh, man. And if nobody did, I was
gonna finish the bit with it. My grandpa's
gonna love that joke.
They kind of feel
like cereal boxes. Yeah.
Like they're not the softest socks I've ever felt.
I got them at a candy store.
So they're made out of candy.
I have a Count Chocula thong.
Oh, if you're going to laugh.
All right, go ahead and sing it.
You what?
Could you sing that thong for us?
Oh, how dare you?
How dare you?
I hope that weird fucking vegetable crisper on the wall hits you in the head.
They do have some weird items on the wall here.
I feel like there's like pterodactyl eggs incubating in there.
I think so, yeah.
I saw Newman walking around earlier looking for...
I'm just calling
to the babies.
All right, fuck you. Don't answer.
I don't care.
Be eggs.
And Jeff Tate
is here, everybody!
Hello. Hello. Hey, everybody. Hey everybody Hello
What'd you bring?
I brought two shirts
We brought so much clothes for you guys
Yeah, I got this bag from the airport
This bag was third runner up for the role in American Beauty
But they decided
to go with one
that wasn't advertising
a TV network.
They couldn't get
the rights to CNBC.
Yeah.
I love airports
with the CNBC store,
the Fox News store,
the E! Entertainment store.
They just stick those names
on bodegas, essentially.
Yeah, I'm a fan of magazine
that owns stores.
Magazines. I got a denim on denim denim on denim right there and uh this is from uh this is a shirt from a place called destination
dogs in new brunswick new jersey and if you ever end up in New Brunswick, New Jersey that fucking hot dog place is
fantastic
it's the fucking shit
and I got a stitch kit for speakyoursilence.org
if you want to
go there, that's a cool organization
non-profit, hooks up
adult survivors of child sex abuse
with pro bono counseling
so
applause
applause
applause I'm so glad with pro bono counseling.
I'm so glad I didn't try to make a joke.
I was like, I'm going to get him.
Oh, thank God.
I didn't fucking say anything.
No, I mean, you can.
No.
Go ahead.
No?
Harlan?
No, I just thought it was odd that people clapped really hard for child sex abuse.
Well, no, we're all against it.
Okay, I didn't hear that part.
No, we're excitedly against it.
Brings us to our feet.
Yeah, it's, I mean...
My magic fuck off shirt is also for the same thing.
How you feeling, kid?
Oh, fuck off.
Okay.
Harlan and I
want to tell
child sex predators
to fuck off.
Like, that's our...
Yeah, that's it.
That's what we want to do.
You're proud of me.
Fuck off, sex predators.
That's something
we can all get behind.
They still have that show
to catch a predator.
Is that still on?
Nope.
I wish that... I always wanted that show to catch a predator is that still on nope I wish that I always wanted that guy
to catch a predator
to really
like walk in
and there was like
a real predator there
like a full grown
African lion
and he's like
what are you doing here
and it just eats his face
I was picturing the lion
with like
sick Zima
like the lion was there
like I'm here to meet Hillary
but you're a lion
hey
I always wanted an episode
of that show to end up with the guy
from Cheaters
I think my girlfriend's fucking a bunch of weirdos
in this house.
And then they show up
and then Chris Hansen comes out
and they're like, what are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
My girlfriend's an actress
and she keeps fucking creeps.
Then they all go to hell.
I'm glad we got that off our chest, man.
That's nice. I feel better. chest, man. That's nice.
I feel better.
I feel better.
That's a real good
and dirty.
Dirty and good.
Well,
it's been seven years
since I was able to do
my catch a predator bit,
but you opened the door
for me.
I love it when the guys
brought baked goods
for the kid, right?
What's in the bag?
And he pulls out delicious, freshly made croissants.
Maybe I watch too many episodes.
Don't judge.
I didn't find that show funny
because I was the age that the Predators were fucking
when that show came out.
That's okay.
It was like American Horror Story for you.
Oh, dude, have you been watching that
with the fucking drill dick?
No, no.
Yo, that's crazy.
Yeah.
Guy is a demon with a drill cock.
A drill cock?
I named him Steve.
Yeah.
He has like a drill cock?
No, there's a demon in an American Horror Story
that he
rapes you with his drill cock.
Like a black
and decker drill cock?
Yeah, seriously.
No, it's a black and decker.
He pulls down his pants.
That's racist, is what that is.
No, he pulls down his pants
and it just fucking... Wow, so he could fuck you
and then hang art.
They're not really utilizing it.
Fuck art and then hang him.
They show his weird dick on TV?
Yeah, well, it's a drill, so...
Yeah, they could show...
It's not nudity if it's a drill.
It's a drill coming out of his
It would be weird if they blurred that
Yeah
Well, I think
Like, no, not even in this world, you guys
It's weird that they thought it up in the first place
That'd be great to get some
Phillips head
For my Home Depot homies My Home Depot homies
my Home Depot homies
can I get associate to the stage
an associate to the stage please
an associate to the stage
that's for my Home Depot homies too
sometimes when he's drilling a woman
he asks her to play with his lug nuts
alright
too soon
too much too soon to play with his lug nuts. All right. Too soon. Too much.
Too much, too soon.
Too soon.
Yeah.
Have you been to the movies lately, Harlan?
Have you seen a film recently that you can tell us about?
I saw Steve Jobs yesterday.
You did?
And by the way,
this is what I learned from the movie.
I don't know if you guys know this.
Steve Jobs,
his first name wasn't actually Steve.
It was Blow.
I missed that part.
Blow Jobs was unbelievable.
Smart guy.
That joke was for the four-year-olds listening.
Four-year-olds love blowjob jokes.
Yeah, they do.
What are you listening to?
Hey, it doesn't do much good
to throw the demographic out
after you've told the joke.
You should do that before
so that they know to listen.
Yeah, listen up, four-year-olds.
I saw blowjobs yesterday.
There's somebody out there right now
that's like, I work at Home Depot. What'd he say?
Associate to the stage, associate
to the stage. What about
his brother, Hand? Yeah.
Oh, fuck you!
It's not okay when I do it!
Oh, suck my dick!
Hey, that's what a blowjob is.
Yeah. Hey!
Oh, wow. Don't forgetjob is. Yeah. Hey. Hey. Oh, wow.
Don't forget his Uncle Dirty jobs.
All right, that was uncalled for.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold on.
I don't have one yet, but hold on.
You're the Ben Bailey of riffing.
Just give me a moment.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
He has a sister named Summer.
Summer Jobs.
Right?
And mine's not dirty.
It's still a good pun.
I feel bad I started this now.
You could have went with Rim.
What?
You could have went with Rim.
Rim.
Rim Jobs. Oh. Rim jobs.
Oh, the butt.
Okay, yeah.
Or the very obvious boob.
Oh, the butt.
I'm not...
Boob job.
Oh, boob job.
Wow.
Okay.
Wow.
I mean, I could go all fucking day.
Yeah, you got a lot.
You got a lot.
This is the worst episode of Match Game ever.
I've spent ten years wondering why I never got on Saturday Night Live And just that riff right there
Now I know
I can only come up with one, maybe two
I thought of Blowjobs too
But Harlan already said it
And then Summer, that's it
You have a whole list
Boobjob Did you like Steve Jobs? Harlan already said it. And then Summer, that's it. You have a whole list.
Boob job.
Did you like Steve Jobs?
I did, I did.
I didn't think I'd like it because I thought they're going to play up,
you know, him and his daughter angle
all the way through it.
And it was going to be,
what was that movie,
the Stephen Hawking's movie?
Stephen Hawking?
Yeah.
Yeah, Theory of
Everything? Yeah so I went to that thinking it was gonna be about his life
and his brilliance and it was about his his love life and I didn't give a crap I
wanted to know about his superior mind and so I was worried Steve Jobs was
gonna be about him and his daughter and they wouldn't show all his
accomplishments but they did show it all, so the daughter was
kind of a light
pea story, so I ended up really liking the movie.
You mean his daughter didn't get a lot of
attention, much like in real life?
Yeah.
Kind of overlooked.
You were hoping that the movie would ignore his daughter
much like he did. Yeah, pretty much.
I hate his daughter. She's a mess.
Yeah, that little brat. She's a little apple. She's like, I'm your daughter, I'm your daughter. And he's Yeah, pretty much. I ate his daughter. She's a mess. Yeah, that little brat.
She's a little apple.
She's like,
I'm your daughter,
I'm your daughter.
And he's like,
prove it.
Yeah.
You can just,
you can just reach
into your pocket
and find out about
Steve Jobs' accomplishments.
I have one somewhere.
Yeah, we're all
carrying him around
with us all the time.
That's true, that's true.
He thought of phones.
Yeah.
They didn't even touch on the phones in the movie.
They didn't even get that far.
They just got to that blue, the blue Mac, the iMac.
Looked like a blue, like a plastic, looked like a Swedish hockey helmet, that thing.
Oh, you cleared it up.
Thanks for the example.
You were really reaching for a point of reference
that we would all get.
A Swedish hockey helmet.
A blue Swedish hockey helmet.
You got it.
Are there any Swedish hockey fans here?
Liars.
Liars.
Some guy yelled, yeah.
They're all liars.
Except some of them might be Lars.
But the rest of them are liars. Except some of them might be Lars. But the rest of them are liars.
Pete, I know you were thinking about seeing Goosebumps today, but that didn't happen, right?
Yeah.
I feel like people would never make a lot of plans at night.
For like the next day, and then it just doesn't happen.
Yeah, last night you were like, I want to see Goosebumps tomorrow.
I was like, I want to see Goosebumps tomorrow.
And then it doesn't happen. Yeah, last night you were like, I want to see Goosebumps tomorrow. I was like, I want to see Goosebumps tomorrow. Then it turned in, oh, I got to get over
to Doug's show now that it's 4 o'clock.
Yeah.
I saw Fight Club.
Like how? Like Netflix
or something? I bought it
on Xbox Video.
I don't know why I felt the need
to say that.
And you had never seen it previously?
I'd never seen it before. Okay.
And wow, what a movie. Yeah, right?
Anything with meatloaf in it is a home run.
That was sick. Oh, fuck.
That was awesome. It's like merry calendars all the way.
Even bigger tits. It was so weird.
Huge tits. It was awesome. Has the twist merry calendars all the way. Even bigger tits. It was so weird. Huge tits. It was awesome.
Has the twist of Fight Club already gotten to you?
Like, did you know going in what the twist was?
No, I had no idea.
And were you surprised by it?
No, when it happened, I was like, get the fuck out.
The whole time?
Wow.
Wow.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Kind of makes you want to watch it again.
What's the twist?
Oh, fuck you.
You've never seen Fight Club?
No, I have seen it.
I just don't.
What's the twist?
Brad Pitt is a figment of Edward Norton's imagination.
There is no Tyler Durden.
He is Tyler Durden.
Oh, shit.
I just got it mixed up with the crying game.
Oh, what's that?
Okay, Fight Club, the twist.
Okay.
I thought Brad Pitt had a car.
Oh, it was awesome, and also
I totally understand now
Why my mom wanted to fuck Brad Pitt
Like watching that movie, I was like
Oh, I get it
You know, because I grew up on
Why your mom? Why not just women in general?
I don't know
Is that something your mom would say
At the breakfast table every day?
I didn't think he would dive into it.
I have no response for that.
I want to fuck the fake guy from Fight Club.
I bet, like I'd be more concerned if my mom wanted to fuck Brad Pitt
than if just women did in general.
Like I understand why ladies want to do stuff
to other people.
My mom wanted to fuck meatloaf.
Is that...
Yeah, put it on the table
and do it in front of everybody.
So I guess my grandma wanted to fuck meatloaf.
That's right.
Oh, what?
That was an old joke.
There is a bit of an age difference
Between a few of our panelists
There is
You guys know that you could probably
Just set that up right
Like Meatloaf will probably
Fuck your mom
Like a bat out of hell
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah
Yeah
I know your music
I know you old fucks' music
Fucking Creedence Clearwater
I know it
Bon Jovi
Fucking, I know
Have a nice day
That's it
You're right on it
You're all over it
You're in the wheelhouse.
Alright, so what about you, Jeff?
Have you been to the movies?
We're almost out of time.
I saw that movie Bridge of Spies.
Oh, I'm sorry.
One person in the back. Did that person in the back like it?
Really?
Okay.
Yeah.
No, it was...
I didn't really like it.
I thought it was boring.
It's a lot of paperwork, spy stuff.
It's a spy thriller,
but it's just a guy being like,
come on.
No, but come on.
Hang on.
Let me go ask the other guy.
Come on.
And Spielberg does this thing,
like he did the thing like he did in Munich
where like, like introduce characters
and then just didn't do anything with them.
But I heard that Mark Rylance,
who plays the like the key witness in the whatever's going on, I heard he's terrific. But I heard that Mark Rylance, who plays the key witness in whatever's going on,
I heard he's terrific.
Oh, yeah, that guy's great, the Russian dude.
That guy's great.
There's this Tom Hanks fella in it.
I love Tom Hanks, but, you know,
I was hoping this one would be a little bit more like
Catch Me If You Can,
but it sounds more like The Terminal.
Hey, it's like a...
It's horrible.
It's so funny how upset you guys get.
It's like a whole room full of people who love movies.
They spent 20 minutes in this movie
trying to explain to me
that the guy who flew the U-2 fighter pilot bomb thing,
the plane that crashed,
would know stuff about it.
It spent 20 minutes showing him,
being like, now you know secret stuff.
Like, yeah, you fly the thing.
Like, we all knew that.
You're a pilot, you fly the thing.
I'm sure when we're watching the movie,
this will make sense.
But right now, it's a little hard to follow.
It's a U-2 fighter jet that's a little hard to follow. fighter jet
that's like stealth
and takes pictures.
I know, I'm sorry.
I meant, let's move on.
I just,
I kind of wish
you'd seen Goosebumps
because I think
you'd probably
describe it easier.
For the first time on this show,
I saw a movie and actually have a legitimate opinion about it.
And you shoot me down.
I'm going to go back to just saying things.
I just didn't want to do 20 minutes on the 20 minutes of that movie
that you thought were pointless.
No, I thought I was just going to redo that sentence.
Anyway, I saw Lone Ranger,
and it's fucking dope.
Did you ever see Lone Ranger, Harlan?
I saw the first part of it,
but as soon as I saw Johnny Depp,
it looked like he fell in, like, French toast batter.
For the listeners, that wasn't a triumphant mic drop by Harlan.
Like he sat down and threw his mic down.
That was Pete Davidson losing control of his...
Dropping his microphone from laughing so hard.
It looked like he ducked his face.
Johnny Depp looked like
pancake batter.
Yeah.
And pancake batter.
No, I said French toast batter.
Whatever!
But it looked like he had... It looked like he dumped his face
in French toast batter
and had sours.
What's the difference?
What's the difference
between pancake and French toast batter? French... What's that difference? What's the difference between pancake and French toast batter?
What's that?
No.
Eggs.
French toast.
Eggs.
I didn't want this.
Enough of the goddamn eggs.
It was meant to be a little rip.
It's cinnamon, motherfuckers.
All right?
Come on.
Jesus Christ.
Cinnamon.
So you didn't care for the lady who did Johnny Depp's makeup? Cinnamon, motherfuckers, all right? Come on. Jesus Christ. Cinnamon.
So you didn't care for the lady who did Johnny Depp's makeup,
and that's why you don't like that movie is the makeup?
Well, it was just one example of a lot of things that weren't good about that movie. But you didn't get to the end where that guy rode a horse onto a train.
Yeah, you could either say that was spectacular and entertaining,
or that was one of the
dumbest things I've ever seen
because that could not have ever possibly
have happened. That's why it's cool
it's a movie. No but
it's got like current style
action in a movie that takes
place in the old west. It's like Wild Wild West
do you like that one too? Yeah it's fun
Bridge of Spies all the shit in bridges spies happened boring
yeah I rode a horse onto a train right there's no one there's a giant
mechanical bridges of Madison spies I had a little more romantic horse a horse You know where I'll stand?
A horse jumped in the sequel to 300.
Did you see 301 or whatever the hell it was called?
What was the sequel to 300?
The 300 Rise of the Machines.
And there were boats moving at about one knot per hour.
You can't combine those two, I know,
because a knot is already a measurement
of speed, but it's also a
wonderful baked good.
They had a horse
jump. The ending was a horse
jump, just like with fucking
French Toast Willie or whatever his name was.
Oh, Tonto?
You forgot the name Tonto?
Tonto, Tonto. I always
thought it was Toto,
but you live in your own fucking world.
Did he jump a horse from one boat to another?
Yeah, through fire.
Oh, yeah, okay, I'll see that.
That one was boring, too.
It was boring.
Let's talk, it's Halloween month. It's October.
So, do you guys have a favorite scary movie?
Anybody?
Not the audience.
I love The Ring.
You ever see The Ring?
No, let's go one by one.
Every person here.
Everybody.
I like The Ring, Doug.
The Ring.
Okay.
Alright.
I like The Ring. I don't like that kind of stuff. The ring. Oh, okay. All right. I like the ring.
I don't like that kind of stuff.
Not that I'm scared.
It's because I'm the opposite of scared by it.
You're delighted?
Would you like onion rings?
No, the opposite of scared isn't delighted.
Is it?
Sleeping?
Bored, yeah.
Not scared.
I think the first paranormal activity was scary as fuck. Really?
I mean, because it was so different.
And I was also like... 12.
8th grade.
It was so scary, Doug.
No, like I had to
sleep with my mom for like a week
after that. I swear to God.
I did.
You had to push Brad Pitt out of
her bed.
But it wasn't Brad Pitt.
It was me the whole time.
Oh!
Apologies to anyone who still hasn't seen Fight Club.
Because what if you'd listened to this podcast
and then watched it?
It would have been ruined.
Oh, yeah.
That'd be so weird if you listened. Because he podcast and then watched it and it would have been ruined? Oh yeah. That'd be so weird
if you listened because he's the one that spoiled it.
So if he's listening to this podcast
and he gets Fight Club spoiled
by himself
It's Back to the Future 2 week.
Great Scott.
Halloween.
Halloween would be my pick too.
Halloween's my favorite scary movie.
Simple, fast-paced,
fun,
synth score, you know?
Beep-a-boop, beep-a-boop,
beep-a-boop, beep-a-boop, beep-a-boop, beep-a-boop.
And, uh...
The heroine actually does something smart.
She grabs a hanger and stabs him in the eyes
with the hanger.
And then it was one of the first times where the body gets up
again anyway, so she didn't
know any better.
It's also the most
believable body gets up, because he just falls
out a window. It's not like the
fifth one where he gets hit by a car.
And someone chops his head off.
Are you talking about Rob Zombie Halloween
or the old one?
We're talking about Halloween for seniors.
I am.
Not Halloween for young dogs.
The quality's not as good, but it's a better movie.
Which one?
The first one.
Yeah, yeah.
The original, original one.
Yeah, I don't, you know,
I don't think that movie needed to be remade.
I understand, you know, that's a great title.
I think he fucked a horse
in the second one.
I may be wrong.
I could be wrong.
Mike Myers fucked a horse?
Yeah, or he befriended a unicorn.
You're thinking of the love guru.
I could be wrong.
I never get sick of Mike Reier's jokes.
I love the
Love Guru.
That movie's
awesome.
Mariska Hargitay,
Doug.
That movie's
great.
My cousin
Olivia Benson,
yeah.
I gotta have
her back.
All right,
well.
Did you have
to go to a
re-education
camp to learn
to say that?
What, Mariska Hargitay?
No, the love guru is awesome
No, again, I was nine when that came out
So, I love those movies
Those movies
I haven't, yeah
I haven't like seen it since then
Yeah, so it's probably terrible
Don't, yeah, don't
Don't do it
It'll really ruin it for you Alright then. Yeah. So don't. Yeah, don't. Don't do it.
It'll really ruin it for you.
Alright.
Here's a part of the show where I say, let the games
begin!
Yeah!
The audience has made a lot of wonderful
name tags.
And I'd like you guys to each select who you would like to play for.
Out of all these amazing name tags, just go grab the one that you want to play for.
And bring it back to your seat.
I made a vine of it.
Harlan and Pete, just go grab one Go physically get it
You've both been on the show before
You should know
How it works
Pete
Pete
Pete! Pete! Pete! Pete!
Oh, we got some little donuts. We got some donut holes.
What's happening? All right.
Pete's got one.
Who are you playing for, Harlan?
I'm playing for the big Lemikski.
The big Lemikski.
And he's got a real
genuine bowling pin. Yeah, that's
legit. That's too legit to quit
right there. I'm sorry!
That's really real. That's real.
I'll read it.
Do I have to read something? No, no.
There's a shithead on the bottom, but you know how that
works. We'll read that if you lose today.
Okay. Yeah, otherwise
that guy Mike is going to win the...
What's your name, Mike?
Yeah.
The Mike-ski?
All right.
The house lights can come down again now.
They like to leave them on.
I think they're on a timer or something.
They like to leave them on for a while.
Who are you playing for, Pete?
I was going to grab the guy who had Pernhub,
but then I decided to be funny and
then gave it back to him.
That's what all that
riots was about.
But I am playing now for
Sarasic World.
Sarah and Jurassic
combined. She made a nice original
poster. Because I don't think I said that right.
Sarasic World.
Yeah, that's nice. Is there a shithead on the back? Don't read original poster. Because I don't think I said that right. Sir Asic World. Yeah.
That's nice.
Yeah.
Is there a shithead on the back?
Don't read it out loud.
Is there a shit what?
Nothing.
Yeah, there is.
Don't read that.
I can't even read it anyway.
Oh, okay.
Perfect.
Oh, no, I got it.
It's a good one.
Yeah.
I'll read that
if you lose today,
but if you don't,
then that's that.
And who are you playing for, Jeff?
James.
James.
James.
I'm playing for James.
And yeah, and he...
It looks like there's a joint on the back.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Is that right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's a joint on the back.
I'll take that.
Hey.
Yeah, it's like a... Can we light that now?
Some sort of pre-rolled or something?
No.
We'll do it after.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Would have been cool if we could do it now.
Yeah.
No, I quit smoking pot quite frequently.
I do it for about 90 minutes.
And then my show's over and I pick up the habit again.
But yeah, James took a J from a movie marquee
but then he also wrote James
on it and he gave us
this lovely I can't get it open
anyway but here you go
so right now somebody's going to the new
Ames Bond movie
Jurassic World
good work buddy good work
thanks for caring Jurassic World? Good work, buddy. Good work.
Thanks for caring.
Alright, this first game we're going to play... You don't have to hold that the whole time, Jeff.
It looks like a candy cane, like a holiday treat.
There you go.
The J is just an upside-down candy cane.
Depending on how you hold your candy canes.
Are you all right, Jeff?
No.
So complicated.
Yeah.
J's are hard.
Tough letter.
It's always been a tough letter.
It's like a silent J almost.
It's an A pointer in Scrabble.
That's the last thing. Last thing we needed was a big J. Uh, we had plenty of those before
the show. All right. Let's, uh, play a game that I like to call Doug loves musicals.
musicals.
Whoa, easy.
Easy guy.
Whoa. Yeah.
It's not easy for most people because they don't love musicals like I do.
I'm going to start
naming songs from a movie musical.
This is just for the fellas up on
stage. I know lots of you in the audience
are going to know the answer, but
hold your tongues.
And as soon as you think of you can guess as many times as you tongues. And as soon as you think of,
you can guess as many times as you want,
but as soon as you think of a movie musical that would have these songs in it,
just say it into your microphone.
First one to get it wins.
What movie musical has all of these songs in it?
You'll See?
You'll See?
So can you think of any musicals with a revenge plot?
No Or
Sweeney Todd
Daredevil
There you go
Another Day
The Muppets Take Manhattan
I like that guess
Thank you
One Song Glory Glory I like that guess. Thank you. One song glory?
Glory.
Yes, glory. The Civil War musical.
They don't put enough whimsy in those Civil War movies.
There's a song in this musical called Over the Moon.
Under the Rainbow.
That's not a musical.
I Should Tell You.
Oh, this is fun.
There's a song in this musical called Halloween.
Yeah.
Isn't that fun?
That is fun, yeah.
Now, if we guess wrong, are we out of the game?
Yeah, and you have to leave the stage.
Great.
I don't know.
You can't even guess wrong.
I can't guess wrong.
It's not in my genes.
The Nightmare Before Christmas.
No, good guess.
Corpse Bride.
Without You.
You Too.
I don't know.
Your Eyes.
Love Heals.
All these songs are in one movie musical
that lots of people in the audience know.
That's a lot of songs.
Tarzan.
Les Miserables?
I don't know.
What were Hugh Jackman singing?
I don't know.
No, it wasn't.
Was that Russell Crowe?
I don't know.
They both shouldn't sing.
Anyway.
Was it that Woody Allen musical
with Ed Norton
and Goldie Hawn's little daughter?
I can't accept that as an answer and also
it's wrong.
Sounds right to me.
What year? What you own?
Rent.
What? Rent.
Rent is the answer.
Ah!
Ah!
You could have said Light My Candle,
the only song anyone knows.
Yeah, I was going to say 525,600 minutes.
Yeah, I don't even think that's what that song's called.
Yeah, it is.
I think it's called Seasons of Love.
Oh, I wouldn't have known that.
I just know the minutes thing.
I didn't get to Santa Fe yet But Santa Fe is a popular
Town and musical
And then
I'll cover you out tonight
Goodbye love
And then the very last song
If we'd have gotten that far
It would have been fun to see you guys guess
After I said rent
Because that's what happened the other night
With Newsies
The game just became who could say Newsies the fastest after Doug says Newsies.
We should play that game.
Okay.
This doesn't count for anything, but I'm going to say a word,
and one of you guys, see who can say it back the fastest.
You ready?
Ready.
Grenadine.
Grenadine!
I didn't even get one fucking letter out.
I love that game.
Oh, let's do another one.
Monopoly.
Monopoly I don't like this game I don't like it at all
Now you're abusing me, I think
This is fun Now you're abusing me, I think.
This is fun.
It's not a game everybody's good at.
It's not something you can practice.
Practice!
Come on, Doug.
Any day. Okay, now I'm going to say a name.
I'm going to say a first name and a last name.
First one to say the whole name correctly
after I say it wins.
Okay, ready?
Eddie Redmayne.
Eddie Redmayne!
Pete is definitely the champion of this game
I think I found my talent
I feel like I'm the guy on Jeopardy
With the broken buzzer, man
Yeah, because one's always broken
That's what keeps that game interesting
Yeah, yeah, I'm that guy
Is that true?
It's just a secret Secret truth Is that true?
It's just a secret Secret truth
Like somebody taught me
If you hold the floor you want to go to
On an elevator
If you hold the floor you want to go to
With the door closed button
At the same time
Hold it for five seconds
It takes
Expressly goes there
It doesn't make any stops
And it's worked every time I've done it in really empty hotels.
So I'm still not sure if it's legit.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
Now, just to refresh your memories, guys,
this is the game where we get an actor or actress
and we take turn naming movies that person was in.
And as soon as you can't think of one when it's your turn
or you say one that's not right or the right title,
then you're out.
And people always write to me on Twitter
saying they've got the perfect suggestion for this game.
And then when I ask them to give it to me, they're like,
Zooey Deschanel.
I'm like, okay, great.
She's been in six movies.
All right, so probably more.
Sorry, Deschanel fans.
Where is BettyLou88?
Sounds like a group of people So you're disqualified
Which one specifically
There you are
You said you've got a great name for last man's stand today
So let's have it
Mike Myers
Mike Myers
Son of a bitch
Alright
So
So Son of a bitch. All right. So, uh...
So, uh...
Jeff won the rent game.
So we'll start with Jeff
and then go to Pete, Harlan, and me.
Just let's name Mike Myers movies.
Jeff is shaking his head like, uh...
Can't believe this is happening.
I mean, I know which one I would say
if I got to go first,. I mean, I know which one I would say if I got to go first.
No, I know
Wayne's World.
Okay.
Pete?
Wayne's World 2.
It would be weird if I didn't do that one next.
Yeah, no, that's a smart play.
Oh, never mind, I won't play.
But it's also good that that was before
they started adding dumb subtitles to every movie
because, you know, you'd have to say
what the rest of it is.
Those are hard to remember.
Wayne's World 2.
Still not worthy.
All right.
You already met the love guru.
The love guru.
That's one I thought would come out right away.
You already said it, so I thought, let's burn it.
Let's burn it out.
Yeah, let's get out of there.
Let's burn it out real fast.
Yeah, let's burn it.
Let's burn it and turn it.
That's a good one.
I'm going to remember that one tomorrow.
On the plane home.
I'll get a nice giggle.
Alright.
I will go with
These titles are so confusing.
I don't want to fuck it up
and say it wrong
and be out already.
But I'll try.
So I married an ax murderer.
Jeff, I'll leave it to you. Shrek.
Nice. Oh. Nice.
Pete.
Austin Powers, gold member.
What?
The fuck?
It's not...
That's why I didn't want to do any of the Austin Powers.
Oh, fine.
Cat in the hat.
Eat balls.
How's that?
There you go.
Someone get me a Heineken. I'm out.
Let's go.
That's my boy Jeff Dixon, everybody.
He makes pizza chains.
The Heavy Collection on Instagram.
Sorry.
Can he bring me a root beer?
What?
Do you think he'll bring me a root beer?
No, it won't have the same effect.
Yeah.
Oh, no, I don't want to.
I don't.
When you get an answer right,
somebody will bring you a root beer.
We'll see.
All right, so we went with Cat in the Hat
instead of that other thing.
Because it's true that Austin Powers titles
are long and complicated.
So they don't count.
They count, but you just have to say them right.
So Harlan, what do you got?
Austin Powers, the first one What was the whole title though?
Huh?
Huh?
The whole title
Yeah, you gotta say the whole title
Oh really? Well he bailed out a gold finger
Gold member
Austin Powers International
House of Pancakes.
International man of mystery.
Man of mystery.
It always goes back to pancakes
with me. I don't know why.
Oh, god damn it.
Even the Shrek sequels are also complicated.
Which ones just have a number and which ones have a different name.
So I'm not going to mess around with that.
And I'm just going to say, Inglorious Bastards.
Oh, that's right.
Fuck.
Oh, man.
This is a tough one.
Jeff?
Austin Powers and the Spy Who Shagged Me.
Yeah, that's right.
All right.
You did good.
Shrek Forever After
Yeah that's right
That's 100% right
I can give you the other ones
If you want to
Not yet
Why are people getting offended
At my sequels?
Sorry
It's the way you're saying them
It's kind of rude Mike Myers is in the sequel
Mike Myers doesn't make a movie without it open
there's going to be a sequel apparently
because he's got a lot of them
he's got a lot of
series of films
Harlan you got anything else?
ahhh
that's a Chinese movie that he did
you never saw ahhh And that's a Chinese movie that he did.
You never saw... Studio 54.
Actual title.
That was the title, guy.
Studio 50...
Is it the wrong number?
Shorten it.
54.
You said someone in the audience did it.
Yeah, they couldn't take it.
Yeah, it's just called 54.
54, yeah, yeah, I was just testing you.
This works both ways, fucker.
Alright, I'm just gonna take a fucking stamp at it at this point.
Hope I'm right.
Shrek 2.
It's just called that, right?
Okay, good.
You're a lucky guy.
Jeff.
You're a lucky guy.
He said, you're a lucky guy.
Shrek 3.
Nope.
Shrek 3D.
Nope.
Nope.
Can I go, please?
Hold on.
Can I go?
No, eat my balls.
Damn it.
Eat my balls, my face, Austin Powers and Goldmember.
Didn't it already?
No, you didn't.
Oh, no.
We didn't officially do that one because you backed off when you didn't know the word.
You didn't know the eat part.
In?
Yeah.
Oh, eat my balls again.
Fuck you.
It's not even a real word.
In.
I. In. All right, well, Shrek the Third, motherfucker. Yeah. Fuck you, it's not even a real word. N-I-N.
Alright, well, Shrek the Third, motherfucker.
And now I don't know anymore, I'm done.
I hope both of you fail.
This might be one of those rare times where we name every single one
of a person's films,
but Harlan, do you have anything left?
Were both the Wayne's Worlds done?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
They were the first and second ones set.
Sure, sure.
Before you said Love, Green.
How about Wayne's World 3
that went right to a DVD?
Not a lot of people saw it, but it's out there.
Oh, the guy says he's seen it.
Yeah.
All right.
So you're out then, I guess.
Well, let's not say that.
How about Skyfall?
All right.
So like I said, you're out.
I thought he was like a military guy in Skyfall. Alright, so like I said, you're out. I thought he was like a military guy
in Skyfall.
He's in the war room.
That's Inglourious Bastards.
Damn it.
I'm going to say a documentary
that he directed and appears in
called Supermensch,
the legend of Shep Gordon
I really am
It's a motion picture documentaries count. So we did uh, I think if the game's over any that feels
Might be all of them unless
There's one little part of something. Is he in Puss in Boots?
Yeah.
Oh, he is.
He does a cameo in Puss in Boots?
No, he doesn't.
I have seen that movie a lot.
No shred.
Really?
I don't know.
I have seen it, though.
I heard he shows up in it.
I haven't seen it.
I don't remember.
We have a conversation from somebody.
Do you have children?
Yeah.
Yeah, they know.
Because those people have to see it repeatedly.
Hey, should we go back around the ones he was in more than once?
Let me guess what Shrek says in the Puss in Boots.
Donkey!
There is a Shrek 3D But it was just a DVD thing
Yeah
So you were right but I didn't want you to keep it
So I can use it
Alright that's good
No that's okay
That's fine
It's a little dirty but it's a competition
I take this very seriously
I can tell
You're dressed for sports For some reason Yeah. I take this very seriously. Yeah, I can tell.
You're dressed for sports for some reason.
Right.
I'm going hunting after this.
All right, Pete, do you have one more?
All right, well, I guess Shrek. It seems like we've got them all.
Shrek 3D don't count.
No.
Why are you doing that?
And also, that's funny.
Why are you doing that?
And also, that's funny But yeah, none of the Halloween movies count
Just because the guy's name in the movie was Mike Myers
I honestly think we're out
But if you know one in the audience, don't say any
Really? You're already, I think, the winner.
Harlan, do you have anything else?
I ain't got nothing more, no.
Yeah, I don't think I have any more. What's yours, Jeff?
Monty Python, The Meaning of Live.
Yes, that's right.
He shows up and hangs out with Monty Python
in that documentary that Jeff and I watched together.
On a boat.
I'm going to stab him in the neck
with his pen right now. Alright, what did we miss, you boat. I'm going to stab him in the neck with this pen right now.
All right, what did we miss, you guys?
I'm going to check.
View from the top, Mystery Alaska.
What?
Austin Palace 4 is in development.
Fuck!
The interesting thing for the listeners
is that Pete's been looking at
IMDb the whole game.
The Halls.
Fuck.
Mystery Alaska.
I should have known that one.
Because he's into hockey.
He's not a goon, though.
All right, so Jeff wins that game.
But it's Hollister.
Those are anger claps.
They're hate claps,
is what they are.
No hate claps allowed in here. This is a peaceful, happy day.
I can take it, Doug.
Okay.
If the seven-minute abs guy wants to hey-clap me.
I don't get it.
Something about Mary.
He's the...
Oh.
Seven-minute abs guy.
His whole business model Was to undercut
The eight minute abs people
Remember?
Remember that Harlan?
Yeah I remember that
I was in it
Yeah
Oh yeah
Your show is painful
What?
Nothing
This show?
You're doing great
Are you kidding me?
I got my ass kicked
I couldn't say the word in time
No, you're doing great
Like a hamster on a wheel
Like a hamster on a wheel
Alright
Back to something about Mary Right there let's do another one another quick
repeat this name back as fast as you can the better not be my name you ready
Brian Williams Brian Williams
mics up your mics on were on your laps.
You gave that one to me.
They were like gunslingers giving you a chance.
Thank you.
By letting you draw first.
It was a show of respect.
I just feel like you guys didn't want to say the shamed name of Brian Williams.
Yeah.
He brought down all Williamses.
And this fucking guy brings an NBC bag to the show
and still doesn't utter Brian
Williams's name.
How dare you, sir? Yes, that also happened.
Yeah.
I gave away that bag, Harland.
I'm not a fan of the network.
Did you even get
that bag? What?
Oh, too insidey?
All right.
I tried to, like, pile on a Brian.
You lied about getting the bag.
But I should have just not.
Oh, that's who Brian Williams is.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
He was the guy that was not in the helicopter.
I thought it was the guy who made the Star Wars songs.
No, that's...
John Williams.
John Williams.
No, I was going to say Robin Hood.
You're so dumb, dumb, dumb,
dumb-da-dumb, dumb-da-dumb.
Or...
Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
Yeah, I've got a new theme song
for the show.
There you go.
Or was that the Apocalypse Now music?
What was I doing?
All right, so we've got to move on to our biggest and final game of the day.
This is the one that's really for all the marbles, Harlan,
so you're still in it to win it.
Okay, good, good.
Yeah, this is called Reverse Malton.
It's like the old Leonard Maltin game went crazy,
and the idea is just bidding on how many names you know
from hopefully popular
motion pictures that I
have chosen. Jeff gets
to make the first pick.
Jeff, which of these
movies do you know the most
actors and actresses
from? Would it be
Bring It On from would it be bring it on drumline
Or Ice Princess.
I don't know.
Yeah.
That one's probably not going to get picked.
Good three, Doug.
So Jeff gets to pick... You know, those are three of my favorite sports films.
So Jeff gets to pick one of those
and then I'll tell him how many people
Leonard lists in the cast.
Bring it on.
Bring it on, okay.
Bring it on, which just celebrated some anniversary, like 2020.
20.
20, yeah.
Wait, what?
No, 15.
Wait, no, that can't be right.
15, I think.
It was made in 2000.
If it was 20, Pete would never have heard of it.
Right?
Leonard lists 11 names
from the cast of this film.
So Jeff is going to bid
how many names
he can name
from Bring It On.
He says just the one name.
Now, Pete,
you could bid more names
or you could challenge
Jeff to name
that one name.
How many names do you think you could name
from Bring It On? I think I got two.
So is Drumline that you
were excited about earlier? Drumline? I mean,
I know Bring It On pretty well, but I know...
I will fuck up this whole
price on Drumline. I know. Oh, that's
too bad that Jeff picked Bring It On.
Yeah, it really sucks. Alright, so he says he can name...
Nick Cannon, Orlando Jones... Oh, shit, we're
doing it, we're doing it. We're doing it.
Okay, forget it.
That's all I know.
Oh, fucking Zoe Saldana, too.
Yeah, yeah.
That's three.
That's right.
Yeah.
All right.
Playing her own color for once.
That's a solid joke.
That's not racist.
She was blue in Avatar and green in
Guardians.
And wasn't she
in Star Trek too? Yes!
But she just had
pointy ears in that.
I guess that's a color too.
Oh, wait. Actually, I could do three
from Bring It On.
Oh, okay.
So he's saying...
I got three.
Alright, so...
So he says he can name three people
from Bring It On, Harland.
Can you name more people from Bring It On?
I can name two. That's less than three.
Yeah.
So it sounds like you're in a position where you might just want to challenge Pete and hope he gets one of them wrong.
Well, does he say it first?
You just challenge him and then he'll have to do it.
No, but I think he does know another one.
Oh, yeah, I totally do.
I'm not going to challenge him.
Do I lose if I don't challenge him? Well, you've got to do something. No, but I think he does know another one. Oh, yeah, I totally do. I'm not going to challenge him. Do I lose if I don't challenge him?
Well, you've got to do something.
You're going to lose either way.
All right, then I guess I challenge him.
Yeah.
All right.
Eliza Dushku.
Who?
I don't know how to say her last name.
Dushku?
Yeah.
No.
Yes, she is.
I'm kidding.
Yeah.
Gabrielle Union and fucking Kirsten Dunst
you did it
fucking suck my balls
whoa
nice
are microphones free on Saturday Night Live
yes
after every SNL
that's what they do
is break all the mics
I heard Prince once
broke a mic for four hours
that's what happens
in every Saturday Night Live
after party story
Prince was there
for four hours
he didn't do anything
and it might not have been Prince
but he was there
for four hours
it might have been
Cat Williams.
Jesse Bradford, Claire Kramer who's been on this show a bunch of times and then my
favorite the guy Ian Roberts has a very funny part of bringing on. How about Jamie
Presley? Is she in it? No. Elvis Presley is he in it? You might she's not in it. Jamie Presley? Elvis Presley? Is he in it?
You might be thinking of Bring It On 2.
Keep brangin' it.
Okay, you're right.
I was thinking... Or Bring It On 3.
That shit was broad.
Now, is it...
Is it Bring It On again?
Probably.
Is it?
I was just having fun.
Yes.
You ask the audience and you'll get an answer.
Sometimes it's not right
and we have to call the corrections department.
I'm going to find out about it tomorrow.
Mike Myers wasn't in Puss in Boots.
All right.
I bet he was, though.
He wasn't.
He wasn't?
Well, I'll look at it again, but...
Oh, you looked it up?
Stop looking at your phone.
We're playing games.
What?
You look at your phone the whole fucking time?
Eat balls, Doug.
No, he wasn't.
So you actually didn't win.
Okay, we got to start the whole thing over.
No, we can't.
We can't turn back now, Marty.
We have to go to the...
On this episode.
Yeah, it's not the first time I went to a camp here with a fake movie.
But this is the game that really counts anyway.
So far we've been accurate.
I have to pee.
Pete has a point.
Jeff gets to pick again, but the order changes this time.
It'll go to Harlan second.
Jeff, which one of these films do you think you know the most actors from?
Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead?
That's a movie.
Yeah.
That probably gave him a clue
that you might not know any names from that one.
The Thing?
Not the old one, the newer one.
I apologize, the middle one The one that's just right
From 1982
And then, just a quinky dink that there was a name tag out there
That Thing You Do
So Things to Do when Everyone's Dead, That Thing You Do, or The Thing
That Thing You Do Alright, from 1996 So things to do in Denver when you're dead That thing you do or the thing That thing you do
Alright
From 1996
Leonard lists
6, 9, 12
14 names
14 names from that thing you do
It's a great song to get stuck in your head
How many can you name Jeff? It's a great song to get stuck in your head.
How many can you name, Jeff?
I'm gonna say seven.
So seven names for that thing you do.
Harlan?
One.
Just being real, I only know one.
I'm gonna say seven.
I'm gonna say seven.
I'm gonna say seven.
I'm gonna say seven.
I'm gonna say seven.
I'm gonna say seven.
I'm gonna say seven.
I'm gonna say seven.
I'm gonna say seven. I'm gonna say seven. I'm gonna say seven. I'm gonna say seven. I'm gonna say seven. Harlan? One.
Just being real, I only know one.
Welcome back to the pretty much same position you were in last time.
Phil's real warm and comfortable. Although in this case, I think you have a better shot at him failing.
I mean, seven names is a lot of names.
So do I challenge him?
Yeah, yeah.
I think so.
Throw in the challenge.
Just verbal challenge.
He's throwing in the verbal challenge at you, Jeff,
to name seven people from that thing you do.
I won't say if any are right or wrong
until we hear all seven.
Man, I had no idea I could do two.
Oh, I got him.
I got him.
I got challenged.
I got him.
Okay.
I win.
Jonathan Shake.
I can't. I don't know how to pronounce that name.
S-C-H-A-E-C-H.
Tom Everscott.
Ethan Embry.
Steve Zahn.
Giovanni Ribisi.
Liv Tyler.
And Tom Hanks.
Whoa!
Can you do eight?
Yeah, yeah, Peter Scolari.
Peter Scolari did not make the list in the cast,
but I think that's because he gets a mention in the review.
While you're at it,
why don't you just name the fucking extras, dude?
Ass.
He went around
and named all the members of the band
and then the girlfriend
and then the manager.
It's not that impressive.
I can name 11.
What other ones?
He's just kidding around.
But Charlize Theron was in there.
Oh yeah.
Bill Cobbs, Oba Babatunde,
Alex Rocco, Chris Isaac, Kevin Pollack.
Wow. Oh, wow.
Tom Hanks.
And then Tom Hanks produced that.
Or directed.
Yeah.
Both.
Tom.
And wrote it.
Hanks, yeah.
Oh, wow.
He wrote that?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Leonard calls it a likable yarn
because in his previous life he was a kitten.
All right, so Jeff has a point.
Harlan, you've got to get in the game.
Ouch.
We're merely playing to two points
and Pete gets to start us off,
but then it comes right to you, Harlan,
so hopefully things will work out better for you this time.
You ever have one of those days
where you wish you just took too many sleeping pills
and didn't wake up?
Well, that's going to be tomorrow.
I think you're putting a little too much weight
on this podcast, man.
All right, we start with Pete.
You get to pick the movie.
Which one do you know more people from?
Cars?
Or used cars?
Or Carlito's Way?
way.
The Pixar animated classic or the Robert
Zemeckis comedy or...
I have another three.
Alright, we're throwing those out.
The next three...
Yeah.
Really? Yeah, I don't know any of those
fucking shitty movies.
Do you... Wait, you didn't like Cars when you were... I've never seen any of those fucking shitty movies. Do you...
Wait, you didn't like Cars when you were...
I've never seen any of those.
Wow, that's interesting.
Yeah.
And that lady went,
That's a weird thing to do that for.
That Pete hasn't seen any of these films.
I don't think these next three are going to be any better.
But here's what I'll do.
So Harlan still has a shot here in this game. films. I don't think these next three are going to be any better, but here's what I'll do. So,
Harlan still has a shot here in this game.
Keep him in the action.
You're going to go first, Pete,
but these next three, Harlan gets
to pick which one we're going to do.
Alright, fine.
Because you're throwing out these other three. It could only
get better, right? Yeah. Alright.
Here we go.
From 1939.
No, this is a fun one.
Valentine's Day,
New Year's Eve,
or Pretty Woman.
Don't look
at him.
Who's picking? You are picking, but
then Pete has to go first.
Alright, I'll pick New Year's
Eve.
Alright.
I can think of one
person that Pete knows that's in New Year's Eve.
Alright, he lists.
Get ready for this. Holy shit.
Like 30, right?
13, 16,
18, 21, 24,
27,
30. He lists 32 names.
Here's where I dominate.
I can name maybe four.
He says he can name four, Harlan.
Challenge.
Right away.
Right away.
He knows none.
There's no one.
Bon Jovi.
Taylor Lautner.
I could be mixing up New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day, but whatever.
You could be, yes
Bon Jovi, Taylor Lautner
There's a couple other people
Why are people in the audience saying names?
What's your reason?
That's what I thought
Yeah, don't help me
Yeah, don't help him
We're still playing the game here
There has to be some girls in there, right?
Well, there doesn't have to be
There's definitely Taylor Lautner and Bon Jovi
And Zac Efron
Bon Jovi?
Yeah, I know he's in one of those
He's in Valentine's Day or New Year's Eve
Fuck off, Harlan
Who else was in it? The lead singer from
REO Speedway?
No, I was right.
I know I'm right.
Kevin Cronin.
Jessica Biel.
Alright, so those
are your four names?
No, he said four.
He said Zac Efron.
He said Bon Jovi.
He said Seth Meyers. No, Taylorvi. He said... Taylor Lautner.
Seth Meyers.
No, Taylor Lautner.
Oh, Taylor Lautner.
And...
Jessica Biel.
Jessica Biel.
Yeah, and the point is
Taylor Lautner is not in this film.
He was in Valentine's Day
with his then-girlfriend Taylor Swift, I think.
Right.
Yeah, those are the same movie.
Yeah.
Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift were dating each other?
They should be.
Both their names are Taylor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It makes it easy to not fuck up when you're making love.
Oh, Taylor.
Oh, myself.
Oh, me.
You millennials are fucking nuts.
Eat my balls, millennials.
I took your, I took your phrase.
Very nice.
So Harley Williams gets a point.
We have a three-way tie.
You did that on purpose, didn't you?
Aw, that's my buddy right here.
But Bon Jovi was in it, right?
Yes, he was.
Ha, ha!
Ha, ha, Bon Jovi was in it.
It's the little victories that matter. Yep. He was in it, right? Yes, he was. Ha-ha! What? Ha, by Joby, wasn't it? Was he really?
It's the little victories that matter.
Yeah?
Was that the one he got the Oscar for?
Yes.
Fuck, these are great.
Long hair or short?
It's kind of short, I guess.
It was short in that movie?
Yeah, I guess so.
I only watch his long hair movies.
I mean, I don't...
His hair's never really long.
It's more poofier than
sometimes. It's poofy, yeah.
Okay.
Alright, so Jeff gets to go first,
then we're coming to you, Harlan, and then to Pete
for the exciting final time-breaking
round of Reverse Malton.
I get to pick
the movie in this case, and I
picked one that has a lot
of cast members.
We mentioned it on the last show during Last Man Stanton
and I was like this is going to be a perfect
tie breaking title
and the film
is JFK
and
Leonard Lists
22 names
Not quite as many as
New Year's Eve
But still a lot of names
Whoa, Jeff out of the gate
With six names, Harlan
Oh, okay, I can name three
Team Harlan Thank Oh, okay. I can name three. Team Harlan.
Thank you, Dad.
My dad's younger than me, by the way.
He's a great guy.
She's a great guy.
It sounds like you're just going to have to challenge Jeff.
Challenge. And then Pete's going to be boxed out.
Sorry, Pete.
You're challenged right now.
I got to pee anyway.
He's got to pee anyway.
Can I go pee while you do this?
Yeah, yeah.
There goes P. Davison.
Can you pass me his name tag?
Jeff, do you mind?
Or Harlan.
Or both.
Thank you.
It is hard to read that shithead.
I can't tell what that says.
Oh, I get it.
You don't know how her name is spelled, but...
But I agree.
I agree.
All right. I don't know how her name is spelled, but... But I agree. I agree. All right.
I don't even know.
I might be spelling it wrong.
Okay, so he says six names from JFK,
and you have to do it by the time
Pete comes back from the bathroom.
Okay.
Kevin Costner.
Kevin Bacon.
Gary Oldman,
Tommy Lee Jones.
Like, somebody just whistled, like, he's sexy.
Tommy Lee Jones.
Tommy Lee Jones.
Hey, hey.
Now you're, like, this is being rude,
but Tommy Lee Jones does have a rugged masculinity.
I wouldn't know so much if I would whistle
when I saw him walk by, but I might be like,
that's a tall drink of water.
Yeah, there probably isn't a woman out here
that would love to be kissed by Tommy Lee Jones
while he's kissing.
You feel the bags under his eyes rub your face.
He's got the biggest bags
under his fucking eyes.
It's like elf luggage.
It's experience.
I heard they charged him
extra for those
when he tried to fly in Delta.
They stuff his face
in the overhead.
There's no way Tommy Lee Jones doesn't have medallion status on Delta.
He probably checks them for free.
Okay, how many names have you said so far?
I said all six.
No, you didn't.
Let's recap.
I said four.
Kevin Costner, Kevin Kevin Bacon Tommy Lee Jones
Tall Drink
Whistle
Everybody got boned up
Gary Oldman
We need two more
Out of 22
Walter Matthau
And Jack Lemmon
This isn't the odd couple
This is an important political drama
In which they both appeared
You are correct
Hey, I did it
You got back before he got back
That was perfect
Tommy Lee's eyes look like marshmallows
You think I was going to miss that?
Can I give a glory
mention to one of the cast members?
Can I give a glory mention? Sure.
John Candy. Yeah, of course.
The great John Candy.
John Candy.
Brian Doyle Murray.
It's a glory mention. Newman was
in it. Wayne Knight, he was in there.
And Kevin Costner was like, Newman.
Of course, Michael Rooker,
past guest on this show.
All right, so that means that
Jeff is our winner, everybody.
Come and get all your stuff, James.
Congratulations.
You guys pass that bowling pin down here?
Sure, I haven't heard that statement ever.
Or just post it on the bottom will help.
Oh, what will this sound like when it hits the stage?
I didn't like that. I didn't like the way
that sounded. No.
It sounded like somebody's head was getting
kicked in.
Sounded like a scene from American History X.
Nathan ODB? What?
O what? OPD. Nathan
OPD. There you go.
I was peeing and he came in.
I couldn't get out of it.
Wait, while you were in the bathroom, this guy was like,
hey, can you give me a shout out before the show's over?
No, he's the guy that picked this card and the
don't let go for golf.
Oh, okay. You wanted to give him credit.
Pernhub. There you go.
Harlan is at the
other comedy works here in town
tonight.
Are you there tomorrow night, Harlan?
What's that? Tomorrow night?
No, just tonight. Two shows.
Early show, 7-15
and another show, I think at 10 or something like that.
And where do the listeners go to
see all your tour dates and whatnot?
You can go to my
podcast, The Harland Highway.
We have a brand new app,
The Harland Highway app. You can get it
on your phone
Download it for free
And you can hit harlandwilliams.com
There you go
Thank you Harland Williams
Thank you buddy
Always a pleasure
Pete Davidson's gonna get to do sketches
With Donald Trump very soon
The next episode
Is it the next new one?
Yeah, it's in like two weeks.
Yeah, yeah, November 7th.
If you wore your hat around,
it would just blend in.
Donald Trump is a monster.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't you mean President Trump?
Come on.
Get it right, guy.
President Trump. Show some respect. Don't you mean President Trump? Come on. Get it right, guy. President Trump.
Show some respect.
Pete, you should do a...
Boom, boom.
That's right.
Boom.
It's President Trump.
Yeah.
Thank you for your support,
fucking guy.
Fucking bearded guy.
I heard that Nora Dunn
refuses to be on
the Donald Trump episode.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
Yeah, you gotta do your job. But man, was that cool seeing you get to talk to Brian Donald Trump episode. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, you got to do your job.
But man, was that cool seeing you get to talk
to Brian Fellows on that
Tracy Morgan sketch.
That was sick. That was so great.
That was so much fun. Yeah, so good to see him
back and just doing that dumbass,
that character is one of the dumbest things ever.
It's just so fucking funny.
My favorite thing was...
The guy with the animal show that doesn't give a shit about the animal.
I got him to say...
I got him to say,
Tartufo.
The whole week,
I was trying to get him to say Tartufo,
and he did it.
He was like,
Tartufo!
It's fucking great.
If you were there, I guess.
I love it.
And you got more tour dates coming up
when you're off from SNL, right?
Is there a website?
There's no website.
Twitter or Instagram, Pete Davidson.
I'm in D.C. in January
and in Florida somewhere in January.
Yeah.
You don't need to pinpoint it.
They'll find you.
It'll be there.
Somewhere in Florida.
And Jeff, what do you got
going on buddy you're still on tour with emma arnold yeah we got that big big tour it starts
up november 8th again and uh dayton wiley's comedy club in dayton ohio then we're doing uh
nashville and memphis and cincinnati and uh austin and we got a bunch of dates what are you doing
next saturday next saturday yeah halloween halloween yeah oh you want me to say it no i'm Austin and we got a bunch of dates. What are you doing next Saturday? Next Saturday?
Yeah.
Halloween?
Halloween, yeah.
Oh, you want me to say it?
No, I'm just asking if you have any plans.
I don't have any Halloween plans, no.
Oh, really?
I'm not much of a Halloween fella.
Okay, liar.
Oh, do you want me to say it?
What?
I'm with you, dude.
Huh?
I'm doing Douglas moviesves Movies in Tampa.
The guests are a secret.
Why would you say that?
Go to DougLovesMovies.com
for all of my
information.
One more time for Arlen Williams,
Pete Davidson, and Jeff Tate.
You still got donuts!
You still got donuts!
As always, everyone moving to Colorado is a shithead.
And Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina are shitheads. to deal with cow-wist-painting Buggies, there's no room in his heart for you
But stop, fuck, boobies