Doug Loves Movies - Pete Holmes, Cheech Marin, Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher guest

Episode Date: April 11, 2018

Live from the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Pete Holmes, Cheech Marin, Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice... at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody, my name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies! Okay. If you guys were auditioning to be an audience
Starting point is 00:00:34 for Doug Loves Movies, I would say next. Coming to you once again from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Los Angeles, California. It's Tuesday, April 10th. Hey, dude. 2018. Have you guys been doing your taxes or making name tags? What have you been doing with your time?
Starting point is 00:00:56 I see some name tags. All right. We're going to move. I'm going to go right past the part where I talk about your name tags because we've got four great guests tonight and a lot of business to get to. But I think there were at least four name tags out there. You know, we're in the most creative city in the world, you guys. Just wanted to point that out to you. Doug plugs, this Thursday night, April 12th,
Starting point is 00:01:25 it's a Doug Loves Movies Benson movie interruption combo with all the guys from Broken Lizard to celebrate the release of Super Troopers 2. We're going to be doing a Doug Loves Movies with the cast followed by a Benson movie interruption of the original Super Troopers. It all starts at 7 o'clock at Dynasty Typewriter at the Hayworth Theater. Has anybody
Starting point is 00:01:48 been to that venue yet? Perfect. This is a great chance for you guys to check out this new place with the weird name. I don't know where they came up with Dynasty Typewriter, but you thought Upright Citizens Brigade was weird.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Thursday, April 19th, I'm doing a Countdown to 420 stand-up show at the Punchline in Sacramento. And then on April 20th itself, I'll be at the Paradise Performing Arts Center in Paradise, California. And on Saturday, April 21st, we're back with Doug Loves Movies at the old Sack Punch at 420. For all my dates and details and links, go to DougLoves Movies at the old sack punch at 420. For all my dates and dates and links, go to DougLovesMovies.com. That's DougLovesMovies.com. Yeah!
Starting point is 00:02:34 Okay, you guys are a little bit better. You might get a call back. Yeah, exactly. That was a little better. All right, so the prize bag The stuff that I brought For tonight In addition to what all my guests are going to bring Are a sippy cup
Starting point is 00:02:56 That I got when I saw the Harry Potter play On Broadway No longer has vodka in it And The little kit they give you on the airline when you're sitting in first class, it's got, like, you know, tiny toothbrush and tiny toothpaste.
Starting point is 00:03:14 My allergies have been kicking my ass all day today, so I went by Gelson's to get some tissue, and apparently you can only buy a lot of it at once. And, you know, I only needed one of these in my pocket, so here's all the extra ones. And it's a. I only needed one of these in my pocket. So here's all the extra ones. It's a tissue I'd never heard of before. I thought Kleenex cornered the market on this shit. But it's called Kaboo.
Starting point is 00:03:34 It's bamboo and sugar cane facial tissue. Good luck to them. A koozie that says Twix on it. That I got at a Twix party at South by Southwest that I got thrown out of. And then been giving away one of these at every show all this year. A beautiful Christmas bong from Peacemaker. They sent me the biggest box of rubber bongs you've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:04:05 If you've ever even seen one. Probably be a first for anyone. Let's get them out here, guys. I'm so glad that some people showed up tonight because we got four great guests and a long way to go
Starting point is 00:04:20 and a short time to get there. Let's give it up for Cheech Marin, Natasha Leggero, Moshe Kasher, and Pete Holmes! Here they come! Come on out, gang! There's Moshe
Starting point is 00:04:41 and Pete. Always going for the power seat. The alpha seat. Power seat. Alpha seat. There he is. The legendary. Legendary.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Yeah. So grab your microphones. You guys call me legendary? That's so nice of you. I think they were talking to me. Legendary comedy couple here. Yeah, let's say hello to them first. It's Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher.
Starting point is 00:05:17 Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Hi, Doug. You guys have the same plug, I guess. Yeah. You're both here for the same reason. That's right. We want you to meet our baby on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Woo! No, yeah, we got a Netflix special coming out April 17th, the honeymoon stand-up special. We're doing a three-part special together. She does stand-up, I do stand-up, and then we bring some couples up for some live roasting. So stream that shit. Well, it's also live relationship counseling,
Starting point is 00:05:43 but it turned into roasting. Where can people see that? On Netflix. Am I saying that correctly? Yeah. Starting when? No, you have to send in for a DVD
Starting point is 00:05:57 and they'll send you Netflix will send you a DVD of our special. But only if you return the DVD you have. But if you return your other DVD. Yeah, we got a Netflix special
Starting point is 00:06:05 but it was contingent on the fact that it could only be on their DVD service. I still get one disc. I still have Dr. Death. I didn't even watch it. Oh, you've never sent
Starting point is 00:06:15 it back in? It's just in a drawer. You should look into that because I just saw that they've been charging me $20 a month for the past seven years because I have one...
Starting point is 00:06:26 Somebody's kid's not going to college. No, luckily, when we got the Netflix special, they just canceled out the debt that she already had. And so we're not getting paid for the special, but you can watch it. No one ever told me I still had that. So I'm just saying, check out that kid. Now I'm worried.
Starting point is 00:06:41 I'm going to be worried the whole... I'm being serious. When's it... You can't read this piece. Your handwriting looks like Kevin Spacey's in seven. I was glad you said in seven. I was really worried about you dragging me
Starting point is 00:06:57 into the whole thing. What is that character's name? I've never liked him. I can prove it. Is that true? No, I've never liked him. I can prove it. Is that true? No, I thought he was a great actor. He's still a great actor.
Starting point is 00:07:13 I mean, he just also fucks kids. I don't think he's going to get to do it very often. No, that's true. When they replace you last minute and the replacement gets an Oscar nomination, that's kind of over. Wait, that's the moment it's over? Not when he fucked the kids? No, because he got away with that for a long time.
Starting point is 00:07:30 You're right. No, those are the days. They're doing another Getty movie. What's that? Yeah. They're doing a second one. Yeah, not enough Getty. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:37 I think it's a limited series, though, or something. Yeah. Somewhere. Best Getty of the year? Yeah. All right. I forget who plays him. Is it Jim Belushi?
Starting point is 00:07:49 Whoopi Goldberg. Whoopi Goldberg. Ladies and gentlemen, Cheech Marin is here. Thank you very much. That doesn't happen all the time. Maybe. Yeah. You may live.
Starting point is 00:08:06 How did you guys meet? Oh, that's an interesting question. We have something in common. I forget what it is. But of course, Cheech and Chong have been on my weed program, Getting Doug With High. I have Pete and Natasha.
Starting point is 00:08:22 Moshe's the only square in the group. I'm not square. I went to rehab when I was 13. For what? Being too much like Drew Barrymore? Isn't that about when she checked in? 13? That is a book. You should have written a book
Starting point is 00:08:39 about that. I did write a book and you can find it at Netflix.com. But you have to return the book that you already have. Is that what Audible.com is? I'm just kidding. Cheech, what exciting thing are you out doing the rounds promoting?
Starting point is 00:08:56 Why did you get roped into this? It's one of the conditions of my parole. Man, I just got 50 hours of court mandated community service knocked off for you people. Thank you very much. 50 hours of court mandated community service knocked off for you people thank you very much 50 hours of court mandated podcasts that's a New Yorker cartoon
Starting point is 00:09:11 that's so good that's like having to do 50 Doug Loves Movies or like 3 You Made It Weird I'll take the plug baby I know you must get this all time I opened for Tommy Chong at the Cleveland Improv his wife middle are they still together yeah you must get this all the time every night every night she's on tour with us we're on to
Starting point is 00:09:43 well you tour with her? We are, yeah. She opens for us and then she kind of introduces various people during the show. Oh, that's fun. Well, he was very sweet. Yeah, he's an interesting guy. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:54 It's got to be a complicated relationship. Yes, it has. By this point. We've been together like 53 years. Yeah, that's too long. Are you guys
Starting point is 00:10:03 like not really friends? Like you just are professional friends? You just are professional friends. You're like the Hall of Notes of marijuana comedy. Well, you know what we are. We're not best friends. No, we're brothers. You can hate the fuck out of your brother. And you can love him.
Starting point is 00:10:17 You always got his back because he's your idiot brother. But he's your brother. That's how I feel about Natasha. She's my brother. And's what we that's how I feel about Natasha idiot brother so you're basically saying the year that Tommy was in prison was probably a nice break for both of you it was a nice break from him and his wife, he was just doing what he wanted every day. Which, basically,
Starting point is 00:10:47 what he did in prison is what he did outside. You know, work out and smoke. You know, that's it. Wait, he smoked pot in prison? He didn't
Starting point is 00:10:54 because he was afraid of doing more time. But, a lot of guys did. He didn't because he's my brother and I've got his back. I've got his back,
Starting point is 00:11:02 yeah. And the statue of Lamentations has not run out of it. Did he get to go to San Quentin or somewhere cool? No, he went to Taft. It's a federal... Sounds like a high school. He went to William J. Harding.
Starting point is 00:11:19 It's out in the middle of the desert, so if you want to run away, go ahead. They're going to find you in a couple days. And it's outside of Bakersfield and it was a club fed it was like a cupcake and all these federal they made it for the Watergate guys and yeah he was in there with the guy the Wolf of Wall Street Joe Jordan Brown Jordan but no From the television show Benson? You guys don't remember Robert Guillaume? Sell me this piece.
Starting point is 00:11:48 He was with Jordan Belford. Yeah. Tommy says he's the one that gave Jordan the idea to write the book, Wolf of Wall Street. He's like, you should write a book, man. And so he wrote it. Who talked to Jordan Belford and didn't say you should write a book?
Starting point is 00:12:05 That dude's story's inside. Well, they were just hanging in prison, you know. And also, you know, he probably wasn't too motivated to write it because you can't profit off a book about your crimes, right? That's true, yeah. That's against the rules.
Starting point is 00:12:15 So he probably wasn't too psyched about it. But then, you know, he did it anyway and it just made him sort of famous for being a horrible person. So he didn't get any money for that? I don't think so. He got money for when they sold it to the movies to make a movie out of it. There you go.
Starting point is 00:12:29 Scorsese swooped in and gave him some cash. Scorsese. That's Pete Holmes, everybody. It's good to be here. It's a little late for me. It's going to be a lower energy a little late for me it's going to be a lower energy me oh great
Starting point is 00:12:47 hallelujah hallelujah you'll get to your Tarzan three movies that feature the word Tarzan or whatever the fuck happens when you get to the game
Starting point is 00:12:59 I've never gotten to you're always baffled by it yeah we I think we have had episodes where we didn't even get around to the games. Really? We will tonight. We will definitely tonight. Thank you for bringing this mug so that if I forget that you're here,
Starting point is 00:13:13 I can just look down and there's your name right there. I brought a Pete Holmes show mug. This is actually from, who cares? But it is from the show. I thought I brought a good gift. I kind of good gift. I kind of care now. This is actually from... Where was that sentence going?
Starting point is 00:13:30 From the show. What I mean is it's like... This is from the set of the show. You cut yourself off. All you had to do was say one more word. Yeah. This is from... This story's boring.
Starting point is 00:13:40 The show. You should write a book about that mug, man. But you can't profit from it. All right, so I didn't see... You didn't ask me what I want to promote. What? You didn't ask me what I want to promote. We do plugs at the end.
Starting point is 00:13:59 But you asked him what he wanted to promote. You asked him what they wanted. Oh, thank you very much, Doug. I just wanted to jump in. You're just here to plug stuff. You're here to talk loud. Well, that's true. I don he really wanted to promote. He asked Emily. Oh, thank you very much, Doug. I just wanted to jump in. I was there just here to plug stuff. You're here to talk loud. Well, that's true. I don't have anything
Starting point is 00:14:08 to promote. You do have season three of Crashing coming up. Yeah, that's true. That's good. Now I feel weird because I asked for it. She's got to be cool
Starting point is 00:14:21 and you asked him. No, it's nice that you got a third season and when do you start shooting that? When do I have to pack my bags is my point. When am I going to New York? Pack your bags, you're fired. Or pack your bags, you're coming.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Like in a month. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's very exciting. Where do you shoot it? We shoot it in New York. And Doug Benson was very wonderful. I got to be in the episode in the second season where Pete and I smoked weed out on the streets of New York.
Starting point is 00:14:50 You were funny in it. Thanks, dude. Not you, Pete. No, you were good. That was good. I don't get a, no, I'm kidding. No, of course you were funny. It's your show.
Starting point is 00:15:01 I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Listen, let's move on. It's your show, Pete. It's the plugs. I feel kidding. It's your show, Pete. I feel weird about it now. I'll plug my weed line, which I didn't plug before.
Starting point is 00:15:12 That's the reason I'm here. I have a new weed line called Cheech's Private Stash. In dispensary, wherever fine weeds are sold. You can go look for it all over California, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, soon to be Washington. You can actually bring in a DVD of Dr. Death and they'll give you a free
Starting point is 00:15:29 aid. And a flu shot. Wasn't Tommy arrested for selling drug paraphernalia? Yes, he was. And now you're just straight selling weed. Yes. You just waited a little bit
Starting point is 00:15:46 and you're like, forget the pipe, I have the weed right here. You gotta let them nail one over the door, right? Then you can go through, you know?
Starting point is 00:15:56 No, it's legal here now. Yeah, it's legal and you guys are part of the reason, you know, because,
Starting point is 00:16:03 you know, years and years of... And the reason is you. What? Sing and the reason is you to Cheech. Oh, okay. But Cheech, did you bring something for our prize bag tonight? I did.
Starting point is 00:16:18 I bought a whole... Where is that stuff? I don't know. If it's anything other than weed, everybody's going to be really upset. It's the next best thing to weed. You can trade it for weed. Have you ever smoked it? Have you ever smoked it out of the bong
Starting point is 00:16:32 that Tommy got arrested for? Yes, I did. Well, one of those kind of bongs. It was a long story, but he got railroaded into this whole thing. Really? Yeah, he ended up doing time so his son
Starting point is 00:16:45 wouldn't have to yes and his wife and his wife got busted and jasmine has this is my daughter jasmine let's hear for hey jasmine thank you jasmine he's just so so here's typical tommy chong story does nine months and and and federal penitentiary And they gave him nine months because if they gave him ten months, he could get time off for good behavior. At nine months, you have to serve every single day of the sentence. The judge, not a fan. Yeah, not a fan. And so anyway, so years go by and he's out of jail, blah, blah, blah. And I'm going to get an award at Washington, a Hispanic Caucus Award.
Starting point is 00:17:24 And President Obama is going to present it, and we're going to take a picture of him. They have to vet you like about a month before. And so I'm talking about this to Tommy, he goes, you're going to be next to Obama? I says, yeah, we're going to take a picture. He says, I want a pardon. I thought you said party. He does. Pardon. I thought you said party. Hey, you guys pardon? Pardon?
Starting point is 00:17:53 Okay, all right. If I get a chance, I'll ask him. If you get a chance? There's a few other things he wants to talk to Obama about when he meets him. I've met him before. I met him when he was a senator. As soon and so just we're there and then it's a big you walk in a big room like this and there's just you and the president and my wife and and a photographer and they're taking a million pictures and blah blah blah so by far so I'm mr. president before we go out like I have a
Starting point is 00:18:18 favor I want to ask of you it was okay what is it? It's like, okay, well, hang on, dude. My partner, Tommy Chow, wants a pardon. It's like a big favor. Yeah, it's okay. Just whip one of those out, and I'll just take it back to him. He's like, Barry's not here, man. He walks out. And he said, oh. He's like, this is Monopoly.
Starting point is 00:18:40 I don't have them on me. The thing he said was, oh, I didn't think about him. Yeah. Okay. And then he said was, oh, I didn't think about him. Yeah. Okay. And then he says, has he registered? No, it's Tommy Chong you're talking about. Why the fuck would he register for something like this? And so he says, well, tell him to register, and then I'll remember it.
Starting point is 00:19:00 And so he gets up there, and I take a picture, and he gives a speech. And we're in the mosh pit and down in front of him. And at the end, him and his guys, they come, and they shake everybody's hand along the rail. And he comes to the rail, and he comes to me, and he goes, I'll remember. Tell him to register. And I go, fuck yeah, dude, man. He's my brother.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Well, good thing the president's still cool. He was, you know, in the olden days, you know. I hate the guy that won that award this year and he got to have Trump to be the guy. Take a picture. Wait, and? Yeah, what happened? So I get back home, and so the first thing,
Starting point is 00:19:44 Tommy and I had we were doing a show and he says well did you ask him and so he says yeah I did so what did he say he says fuck that chink asshole man I'm gonna fuck him but you know I try to talk him out of it but no and he said you have to register you have to register for this thing okay Okay, but he'll do it. He'll do it. And so he gets on the phone. I said, he walked over to his lawyer.
Starting point is 00:20:10 And then I didn't see him again for two weeks. So after that, I asked him, I said, well, did you register? Nah, my lawyer said it was going to cost too much. I wasted my fucking Obama thing on you. You could have said, what's in Area 51? We're like, can you free Tommy John? What a waste.
Starting point is 00:20:33 Can you pardon him from a marijuana-related incident that doesn't affect his future in any way? Well, he can't get a federal job now. Oh, yeah, right. He can't work for the post office. Yeah, yeah. How much could it have possibly cost? We're out, yeah, right. He can't work for the post office. Yeah, yeah. How much could it have possibly cost? We're out of stamps, man.
Starting point is 00:20:48 No, he talked him out of it because, oh, it's going to take two years to be out of office so the next guy will pardon you.
Starting point is 00:20:54 Yeah, right. All right, so here's all the stuff you brought, Cheech. It's in a beautiful Cheech's Secret Stash bag and we've got a copy of
Starting point is 00:21:04 Up and Smoke on DVD. It's the 40th year anniversary. 40th anniversary. I can't believe that. And then a really cool Cheech's Secret Stash hat.
Starting point is 00:21:12 You know what? I stopped smoking when I was 15 years old and I missed out on a lot of really cool things that you can do while high but I did make it
Starting point is 00:21:20 to the milestone of being high as fuck watching Up and Smoke. Ah, bless you. Bless you. You may live. My acolytes. And another hat that says the same thing on it,
Starting point is 00:21:33 different color, different style. I thought it was impossibly a third hat. And then a t-shirt, and I like what it says on the back, it will always be good. This is our guarantee. It will always be good. This is our guarantee. It will always be good. That is a great slogan for a great, great company that's doing a lot of good work.
Starting point is 00:21:52 And it will always be good. It will be good weed. There's literally no weed in here. Yeah, there's no weed. There is. There is. Where? Doug.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Oh, it's over. You have to. There is weed in there. Yeah, let's do this. There is weed in there. Yeah, let's do this. There is weed in there. It's over here, out in the green room. Everybody's so high at this company. Yeah, no, there's weed in the back.
Starting point is 00:22:13 It's over here, in Pittsburgh. I'm getting on the flight right now. Yeah, it's a beautiful little jar that's got Cheech's Secret Stash on it, and this says it's a hybrid. And do we know what this is called, this weed in here? A hybrid. Cecil, right on the fucking tongue.
Starting point is 00:22:39 I thought this was going to be like the last show where we just come and get high. Yeah, this isn't getting Doug with high, unfortunately. I wasn't going to take any chances. I got high first. I know you're going to read that. It's so weird to me that your two hobbies are smoking the chronic and memorizing minutia about films from the 70s.
Starting point is 00:23:01 He just got off a train from 1997, everybody. The chronic? Oh, I'm sorry. Pete just got off a train from 1997 everybody The Chronic Oh I'm sorry But it always Grass Grass, herb You smoking trees
Starting point is 00:23:18 Jumanji Mrs. Downfire's wig Now you're on a train to the future Pete always starts guessing before any games have been explained Just likes to dive right in Tarzan! One name
Starting point is 00:23:36 Oh, this has a game with it too? Phil Collins Cool We're playing a game that it's hard to explain I've done this show eight times and I still don't understand how it works. It's movie trivia kind of a thing. Sort of.
Starting point is 00:23:49 Does it have a scratch off part of it? No, there's no scratch off. Sometimes we have a panel of a bunch of people that know a lot of movie trivia and a lot of times it's you guys. Other times Sam Levine is not here. Oh, if he were here. When he's on with you, he gets so frustrated. I know.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Because he wants to play the game and you don't. Oh, I can hear his little adamantium teeth chattering. It's a wolverine. Is that on here? Mm-hmm. I have been calling him Lil' Logan lately. Lil' Logan. Yeah. He hurt himself today. I have been calling him Lil' Logan lately. Lil' Logan.
Starting point is 00:24:27 He hurt himself today. I'm so tired. I got a question I'd like each of you to answer. It's the same question for everybody before we start the game portion. You don't want to see our present? Oh, yeah, yeah. What'd you bring? I mean, we don't have to. Isn't that part of the game though that they get to pick? We should find out
Starting point is 00:24:47 what you brought. Thank you for reminding me. Well, I just don't remember how it works. Well, Passover just ended. Passover just ended and so we thought we'd bring some treats that we didn't get around to that were kosher for Passover treats from our Jewish family. So it's an autographed jar of
Starting point is 00:25:03 gefilte fish from Natasha featuring water, carp, mullet, whitefish, egg whites, matzo meal, pike, onion. It says here it's in a liquid broth. If you smoke enough of Cheech's private stash, you'll think that gefilte fish tastes good, ladies and gentlemen. And just because that's such a gnarly gift, we also got you a Google Chromecast.
Starting point is 00:25:24 I don't know what it is, but... Wait, I don't think we were supposed to give this away. Okay, actually, we'll take it back. No, no. No, you can keep it. Well, we'll give it away now, but this looks like something that someone sent me for Christmas.
Starting point is 00:25:35 Well, that's your punishment for still celebrating Christmas. You converted to Judaism. Get with the program. You can't have this bag, though. I want it. Right. That's what we got.
Starting point is 00:25:48 That's what we got. Okay, so yeah, just pass down the items, and I'll put it in the center. I also brought this matzo ball soup, and Moshe asked if we could please save it for next year. No, I just... For Passover. I wanted to save it and eat it myself.
Starting point is 00:26:00 You're keeping the matzo ball and giving away consumer electronics? It's just been sitting You know what? I like this crowd and I thought one of them needed a consumer electronic It's good
Starting point is 00:26:13 On the nutrition facts portion of the label they break it down how much it is with fish only or with broth So if you could somehow manage to eat some of this without eating any of the broth, you're shaving a few calories.
Starting point is 00:26:31 Very, very strange. One of the tricks is I don't eat the broth. How do I say so skinny? Or I just drink the broth. I alternate. I throw the fish back into the ocean. It's fine. It's disintegrating in the shallow end.
Starting point is 00:26:56 All right. Thank you, Natasha and Moshe for that stuff. Remember in RoboCop where that guy covered in nuclear waste gets hit by the car? I'm just saying they used gefilte fish for his insides. Remember in RoboCop where that guy covered in nuclear waste gets hit by the car? Tell us about it. I'm just saying they used gefilte fish for his insides. That's a movie fact you won't hear on this podcast when I'm not on.
Starting point is 00:27:18 We'll start with Natasha. What was the last movie you saw? Well, I recently went to the Universal CityW walk and watched 15 minutes of every movie playing why because none of them grabbed you well howard kramer and i went to go see black panther and then there was like a sick family in front of us so we went to another movie and then they were all kind of bad so we just kept we thought we would just try to see a little bit. Maybe you were just watching the trailers. No, I mean, so I saw like, I saw, I saw. This short movie stinks.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Let's get out of here. I mean, the movies at Universal CityWalk aren't very good. I don't think that's how it works. I don't think they get, I don't think they get lesser movies there. I think they just get whatever is out in the marketplace. I don't really like get lesser movies there. I think they just get whatever is out in the marketplace. I don't really like blockbuster movies. She likes Netflix movies.
Starting point is 00:28:11 Speaking of Netflix... Cheech's Private Reserve. Gefilte Fish. The last one we walked into was the religious movie called... Doubt? No. The Ten Commandments. Pete, the games are later.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Stop it. There's some religious movie about a Christian rock song from the 90s. Really? I can only imagine. I thought you said Magnolia Magic. No.
Starting point is 00:28:43 That was the one we saw last. How was it? Oh, it was awful. Oh, yes. Really? It sounds like a winner. Those faith-based movies are really a thing now. It's a genre. It's like one of the top movies. All the kids are into it. The kids who came out were real sweet.
Starting point is 00:29:02 A lot of Christian kids in the crowd. We all hugged. There were no sick children. I also love that you just left because there was a sick family. Like, we got to get the fuck out of Black Panther, a very important cultural milestone. And you're like, I can't be next to a sneezer.
Starting point is 00:29:22 I don't love superhero movies. There's your problem. It was, you know, but I felt like I had to see it. Okay. So I felt like I saw. Good job. Go on.
Starting point is 00:29:33 I saw, you know. Nice try. I'm so nervous right now. I know. She's like on a tightrope. No, it was good. I saw it. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:29:41 You know how I had to see it. Well, no, because I. Are you familiar with reparations anyway no everyone was saying how good it was and i never go see super i didn't like wonder i mean i don't like superhero movies so i was like okay i'll check it out we saw a third of it you know i felt like it turns out it's still a superhero movie so yes you can't what are you gonna do i saw a little bit of Laura Lara Croft Tomb Raider I saw a little of
Starting point is 00:30:08 what's the Russian one Red Sparrow I walked in and she was she was having sex with some guy and someone had brought their toddler and the toddler was just walking around the aisles but he didn't sneeze once so I stayed till the credits
Starting point is 00:30:24 no I didn't I only watched the sex scene until the credits. No, I didn't. I only watched the sex scene. That's kind of the highlight of going to the Universal movies is there's often toddlers at movies like Red Sparrow. Moshe, what was the last movie? We just need one movie and preferably
Starting point is 00:30:40 one that you saw in its entirety. I saw that John Krasinski Quiet Place movie. It was an interesting Probably one that you saw in its entirety. I saw that John Krasinski... Quiet Place? Quiet Place movie. And it was an interesting movie. You know, I'm fluent in sign language,
Starting point is 00:30:52 so I knew how good they were or were not at sign language in that film. There is sign language in the film, not to spoil anything. But most of it's like... That's just for the people who are here. Doug just took his penis out and masturbated all the way to ejaculation For those of you listening at home
Starting point is 00:31:11 You gotta come to the live show It's crazy I've never seen anything so fast And when he came It was a loaf of gefilte fish It was incredible I wonder if just the noise One would naturally make masturbating
Starting point is 00:31:23 Would be enough to get the monster to come kill you. Because that's a world I do not want to live in. Monster is a spoiler. No, but this won't be a spoiler. But it's a good movie. And it's a good premise. And it's really fun. But there are some like, it just keeps trying, the direction just keeps trying to explain its premise to you over and over again.
Starting point is 00:31:43 And there's at one point, there's a whiteboard that says, how many are there in the area? Three. Like he couldn't remember that there were three in the area. He had to write it on his whiteboard. Three. What am I afraid for? My life.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Let's break this down. I'm just glad it wasn't. There's a lot of score. There's a lot of music in the movie. If they'd have really gone with the let's all just be quiet all the time through the whole movie, I would have gone insane listening to people eat popcorn. I was just going to say, terrible movie snack. What were we thinking?
Starting point is 00:32:19 It's bad. And people, first they make that noise when they stick it in the bucket then they put a bunch of it in their mouth and then they chew on it for a while with their mouth wide open
Starting point is 00:32:31 because it's a scary movie yes I've heard a woman like lick every one of her fingers too in between oh my god I had a knuckle cracker
Starting point is 00:32:38 recently during a movie it was driving me absolutely nuts because I couldn't figure out who it was and then when I kind of turned around I was kind of like hey could you quit that whoever's doing it and then they kept doing it
Starting point is 00:32:49 like almost like haha you don't know which one of us it is I saw Castaway in the theater and it's such a very quiet oh that's so that's your answer for this question no no no that was it was decades ago and that's such a quiet movie, and there's no score, but that's dangerous because there were, like, two middle-aged sick people in front of me. And in the middle of the movie, he goes, oh, he needs shoes. And I could have used a little bit of score
Starting point is 00:33:18 to cover up that comment. I saw moonlight in front of a woman that was choking. Did you feel like you had to see it? She was choking. Did you feel like you had to see it? She was choking. Where does it rate with other superhero films? She was choking on popcorn the entire movie except when anything gay would happen
Starting point is 00:33:38 on screen when she would stop choking on her popcorn and go, oh, uh-uh. Well into the third act, I'm like, he's been gay this whole time. At a certain point, you gotta call it. Either leave the movie
Starting point is 00:33:57 or just know, this dude, he's gay. That's like the person in Jurassic Park, like, dinosaur! Oh, for fuck's sake! Leave the island! They got this new Jurassic
Starting point is 00:34:12 World coming out, and they're still riding around in those little balls that are not good for getting away from dinosaurs. They're like little toys for the dinosaurs to just knock around. You'd think they'd learn something from one movie or the next. Cheech, what was the last movie you saw? God.
Starting point is 00:34:29 I saw Red Sparrow. Was it good? No, it was horrible. Thank you. See, and I saved 180 minutes of my life just by getting a little taped in it. There's no way it's that long. These movies are long now.
Starting point is 00:34:40 It's 195 minutes long. These movies are so long. And it's shot in the fog, too. It's just minutes long. These movies are so long. And it's shot in the fog, too. It's just like gray. And I wanted to say it because I like Jennifer Lawrence and my wife is Russian, so hey, it was a twofer. And so we got to complain about their accents and I got to watch Jennifer Lawrence.
Starting point is 00:34:57 But the movie was terrible. They couldn't kill her fast enough for me. Oh, spoiler. Did you see Mother? Oh. Hey, Doug, it's pronounced. Mother! Mother!
Starting point is 00:35:12 I was doing the joke, Pete. I'm sorry, Mosey. If you were a little more tired, I would have gotten that riff out. Which one was Mother? It's pronounced Mother! Yeah, it's an exclamation point in the title, and was the darren aronofsky it's pronounced mother i'm sorry darren aronofsky i saw people hated it i hated it i loved it i did too i really like i said people i said not jews people oh no i couldn't why did how did she What did she sign up...
Starting point is 00:35:45 She signed up to do this? To get tortured like this in this movie? Like, you know, she could do any movie she wants. And this was the one? Oh, God, it was torture. It was like... Maybe you don't like Jennifer Lawrence. Maybe me.
Starting point is 00:35:59 I think you're getting to something. She'll make a good one eventually. No, she's made a lot of good ones. She made that one where she invented a mop. You know? That was a real nail-biter. I would watch that a hundred times rather than mother!
Starting point is 00:36:20 Oh, I thought mother was the one about mops. I was just kidding. Oh, God. That was a dumb one.ops. I'm just kidding. Oh, God. Stupid. Pete? That was a dumb one. What was the last movie you saw, Pete? Well, we can talk.
Starting point is 00:36:31 I saw, I can't remember which it was. It was either Ready Player One. It's always got to be a complicated answer. I saw Ready Player One, and I saw Isle of Dogs, and I didn't like either of them, but we can talk about whichever one you want. Which one did you prefer of the two, if you had to say?
Starting point is 00:36:44 I had to say Isle of Dogs say because it's a good hour shorter i just uh i i thought ready did you see ready player one i thought it was the word i every take i was like was that the rehearsal they were like rushing through it did you like it yeah it was the worst yeah how can you say that? I like it. Here's my summation of why that movie was terrible in a nutshell.
Starting point is 00:37:08 It has the girl and she's the Iron Giant and the Iron Giant is in the oasis knocking over a building and it cuts to her in a van going like exerting.
Starting point is 00:37:19 It's a video game. You don't have to exert. Like when I'm at home I don't go vroom, vroom, vroom. Zip around the room. You just go, okay, this is a meaningless world
Starting point is 00:37:29 where anything can happen. But you realize that the video game in Ready Player One was more advanced than the video games you were playing at home. Oh, you think there were resistant ropes on her
Starting point is 00:37:38 that we didn't see? And size is irrelevant. It was a stupid movie. What did you like about it? That it was fun to watch? Had a really good time Were you stoned of course, but us you know stone when I saw the post also I'm surprised more people didn't... Did anyone not like it?
Starting point is 00:38:06 You all liked it? No, I didn't. Well, also a lot of them didn't see it, so that's why they didn't vote. I didn't like it. You didn't like it? No.
Starting point is 00:38:12 It was not good. Yeah. That was the first time I ever saw Tom Hanks acting. Oh, now we're talking about the Post. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:21 I didn't even know he was in it. Oh, he's been in a lot of films. You should check him out. He's great. No. No, but you know what I mean. I mean, movies are bad that are out right now. The movies that are out right now, no?
Starting point is 00:38:35 Well, it's a timing thing. Like, if you go to the cinema in January, February, March, it tends to be a little bleak because they're saving stuff. If it's a movie that can possibly win Oscars they want to put it out later in the year so it doesn't get forgotten. But that's why the big blockbusters start coming out now. Can we agree that the girl that's like
Starting point is 00:38:54 you won't like me in the real world and then she's a fucking babe was a fucking turd movie? You're not going to like me. I have a beautiful birthmark fucking waste of time you're smoking chicha's private reserve going they're racing over glass the fucking movie sucked you didn't feel like it was you didn't like the cars trying to get past king kong you didn't think that looked fucking cool? That was okay, but the movie as a whole...
Starting point is 00:39:26 No, that's one of the things I hated about it was that it kept me just interested enough to not leave. My password is bossman69. Get your fucking fist out of my dick. That movie sucked. Wait a minute. There was a fist in your dick?
Starting point is 00:39:47 That's why you didn't like the film, Pete. And there was a sick family. Just fisting my dick hole the whole time. Mentally sick. You won't like me in the real world. My lips are slightly less pouty. I'd tell you more things I like about it but they that would a lot of it would fall under uh spoilers also there's a there's a lot it's complicated there's a lot
Starting point is 00:40:11 going on in that movie like if you saw it i mean you're never gonna see it again probably but if you did see it again i think there's you know stuff that you can what did i miss the battle toads and the nine they kept popping up the fucking battle there's a ton of shit going on in that movie what shit going on in that what is going on in that movie there's like scenes with like like a hundred characters running around and you're like is that why i go to the movies to go they're all different oh there's toe jam and earl give me my fucking 30 back i figured it out what you didn't see any movies in the 80s no i saw lots of movies oh what was earlier than that that you didn't see any movies in the 80s. No, I saw lots of movies.
Starting point is 00:40:45 Oh, it was earlier than that that you didn't see movies? When was the chunk of time where you didn't go to movies? I got the reference. Remember? What do you mean? Remember how you had a period of time where you didn't go to movies? I did? In your life, didn't you?
Starting point is 00:40:56 No. Oh, okay. I'm thinking of somebody else. I'm thinking of Sherlock Holmes. I knew... Wait, that's a big laugh? That's funny. I'm thinking of Sherlock Holmes?
Starting point is 00:41:11 He never went to a movie. That's so long ago. They didn't even have movies back then, Pete. Robert Downey Jr. has seen a lot of movies. So has Benedict Cumberbatch. And the guy in the Watson one. Bossman 69. And he has to write it down.
Starting point is 00:41:33 Oh my God, you're still talking about it. I'll just put it in my globes chair. What a waste of fucking time. Every time we disagree about a movie, you just go hard on just saying, this is fucking stupid. Let me do it again. And the Asian guys know karate in real life. Get out of
Starting point is 00:41:56 my face with that movie. Yeah, you pick the weirdest things to act like that shit tears the entire thing down. Just say I found it boring. Like, to attack all those little things. I was riveted. I just didn't like the minutia.
Starting point is 00:42:14 All right. Ready Player Two is the first category. There's somebody we know that we grew up. Oh, I think I know who it is. Okay. So anyway. Who are you confusing me for? Jack McBrayer?
Starting point is 00:42:25 Yes. Cab, so anyway. Who are you confusing me for? Jack McBrayer? Yes. Caboo? Yeah. Yeah, there's a new Kleenex in town, and it's made out of bamboo and sugar cane, so that's why they called it Caboo. I guess I get the boo. Ka, sugar, ka.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Kain, cool. It should be shaboo. Shaboo.ain, cool. It should be shabu. Shabu. Shaboy. Holler at shaboy. Holler at shaboy. When I say holler, I mean blow your nose into.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Bye, boy. I mean this sugar cake. I mean your tissue. Is it sweet on the nose? I've never wanted to wipe my ass with a Kleenex before. I want to feel the sensation. Is this an ad? Kaboo.
Starting point is 00:43:17 I hope it becomes one, yeah. I wouldn't mind them as a sponsor. I don't feel it. It's not as soft as Kleenex. Sorry, Kaboo. But it's more responsible to the environment. I guess that's the. It's not as soft as Kleenex. Sorry, Kabu. But it's more responsible to the environment. I guess that's the idea,
Starting point is 00:43:28 but fuck that. My nose hurts. That was the part of the show where I tell Bert Kreischer to turn it off because he's only interested in the part that's happened so far. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:43:41 Yeah. And I say, let the games begin! Some of these audience members went to great pains to make name tags. And I think there might be enough here for each of you to get one. So just pick
Starting point is 00:43:58 the name tag you'd like to play for tonight. Just go grab it from them. And while you do that, we'll go to a brief commercial message. We'll be back after these words. Today's show is brought to you in part by MedMen. If you live in California or Nevada, it's an exciting time right now. And MedMen is helping to redefine the cannabis industry and empower people to exercise their right to purchase cannabis. MedMen is bringing a premium and traditional shopping experience to the cannabis space. All of the MedMen stores feature a wide range of products with knowledge and approachable staff
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Starting point is 00:47:39 Spielberg's just going, she should like exert or something. Never played an Xbox in his life. Natasha? Yes? What do you got there? I have... Is this his name? This is the green Miles. And it's a picture of you.
Starting point is 00:47:56 A dude named Miles. I'm in the Tom Hanks role. Good picture of you too. Finally a good actor playing Tom Hanks. Well, we don't actually know you're Tom Hanks. You're just one of the guards. You could be Percy. I could be that creepy one.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Yeah. The one that steps on the little mouse. Yeah, but he comes back. Moshe? Oh, I like what's attached to yours. Yeah, there's some weed attached to it. I assume that's a gift for the panel? I don't smoke, so why don't I just give it to...
Starting point is 00:48:26 Okay, there we go. Cheech has... Cheech really... Cheech, an entrepreneur that owns... She changed his name to Snatch. Cheech, an entrepreneur who owns a marijuana company, grabbed the weed pen... We're always testing.
Starting point is 00:48:39 Yeah, that's how we... That's how we maintain our high standards. I'm playing for Spike and Mike's full frontal sick and twisted. Yeah, Spike and Mike's, right? There we go. It's the DVD of one of those old animation compilations they used to do. Okay. What do you got there, Cheech?
Starting point is 00:48:57 I have Children of the Courtney. And she looked like Courtney. Is her name Courtney? Yeah. It is? Oh. Instead of Children of the Corn? Yeah. It is? Oh. Instead of Children of the Corn. The Final Sacrificed.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Lock your fucking doors, it says. Does it really? Yeah, it says that. I don't think they have swearing in those things. It does say lock your fucking doors
Starting point is 00:49:19 on the poster. Based on a story by Stephen King. Did you adjust that yourself, Courtney? Oh, okay. That's a Courtney. Courtney's got a filthy mouth.
Starting point is 00:49:28 I'm hip. Behind that innocent exterior. Final sacrifice. Children of the Courtney. Beautiful. Great job. Lock your fucking doors. I don't know how I feel about mine.
Starting point is 00:49:41 Pete, what do you have? It's a play on Die Hard, but it's just Die Zack. Yeah, sometimes they don't know how I feel about mine. Pete, what do you have? It's a play on Die Hard, but it's just Die Zack. Yeah, sometimes they don't even bother to make a pun. It's so interesting because it could have gone Zack Hard, but he's like, no, I want to die. And everything else is the same. 40 stories of sheer adventure.
Starting point is 00:50:02 No Courtney there. No effort. Bruce Willis, Die Zack. It's a sheer adventure. No Courtney there. No effort. Bruce Willis, die Zach. It's a very strange suicide note, Zach. Zach and Mary make a porno,
Starting point is 00:50:12 but with Zach circled, it would have been acceptable. Zach to the future. Let's play some games. All right. Now we're good. This first game is a new one I came up with just for this panel. Okay. Special.
Starting point is 00:50:31 And it is called Movies That Feature Unnecessary Exertion. Is there ever a pause where you don't just guess what's going to happen next? No. That's how you live your life. That's what your youth pastor used to say to you when they're reading the Bible. Meek.
Starting point is 00:50:56 Who inherits the earth? I gotta guess. Hit it. The game is called IMDB. But what about your IMDB? You are DB. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:51:16 And this is a game to see. Do you guys look at your IMDB page at all? Do you check it out, see what they're saying about you on there? People say things? I don't think they do comments anymore. No, but they have a top four best known
Starting point is 00:51:30 for on your page. And this is a game where each of you gets to guess what is in your own personal top four because I assume all of you don't stare at it. I look at mine every other week. To see if you got a new credit all of a sudden?
Starting point is 00:51:47 They put the dumbest shit in my top four. They still haven't got it right. But apparently, if you pay for IMDb Pro, you can go in and fix your top four to whatever you want it to be. So if you don't like this news I'm about to give you, you can go change it or hire someone to. Natasha, what do you think is in your top four? And it could be, of course, it's movies and TV. It's just different projects.
Starting point is 00:52:14 A fun fact is that I looked up my IMDb and I actually have more credits than Meryl Streep. Which isn't a good thing. It just means I have never been in a hit. So I have like 90 credits yeah and she's the lead character
Starting point is 00:52:28 in every movie she does right so she only has two credits a year whereas I'm like you know she's a great actor too you should check her out
Starting point is 00:52:36 really yeah what was your name again this is Meryl Streep Meryl Streep yeah okay so my top four I would say, would be
Starting point is 00:52:46 Another Period, Chelsea Lately, Let's Be Cops, and... Black Panther. Act One, Black Panther. She famously walked out of it. You got a fourth thing? Reno 911. Oh, okay. Two out of four.
Starting point is 00:53:09 Ain't bad. Another period, and let's be cops are in there, but for you, they also list He's Just Not That Into You and The Do-Over. Oh, yeah, that was an Adam Sandler movie on Netflix. On Netflix, yeah. All right. So see how this works.
Starting point is 00:53:25 Natasha got two points. Let's see if Moshe can take it up a notch. And tell me. And if you just happen to look at it today, you'll probably win the game. Don't look at me like you saw me looking at it earlier today. What do you think, Moshe? What's in your top four?
Starting point is 00:53:42 Ready Player One. I was the girl that was straining. Unnecessary exertion, girl. No, okay. Problematic, Another Period, Zoolander 2, and I'll say, let's say, Conan. Okay. Another Period is correct. Zoolander 2 is correct.
Starting point is 00:54:07 But then they went another way on you. They went a different direction. That's what I've heard at most of the auditions I've gone in to try to get on IMDb for. Transparent? Sure, yeah. And the new normal. Yeah, wow. Old school.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Sure. Yeah. See what I mean? They throw you some curveballs. What's the new normal? It was actually my first writing job but I did a bit part on it. It was a Ryan Murphy vehicle
Starting point is 00:54:33 about a gay family that had a child. It was, you know, I mean... A gay family? With a child? Listen. Somebody explain. I have to tune in.
Starting point is 00:54:49 That's right. You were in it. Are you calling me gay or... No, I'm saying the voice you were doing was like a kind of from the birdcage type of a thing. I was the neighbor going, who's moving in? It was like Jim J. Bullock kind of a vibe. Two fellas? B-b-b-b-b-b-what? It was like Jim J. Bullock kind of a vibe. Two fellas? Would all know what the new normal is
Starting point is 00:55:10 if I was that guy on that show. That would have been a hit. That was the new normal. That was my first writing job, actually. But I'm surprised it's on there as my IMDb. I know, that's what I'm saying. They're weird. I was a writer on that show and the role
Starting point is 00:55:25 that I played was writer. Not a joke. I was a writer in a writer's room. Oh, that's funny because it says writer under it on the page and I just assumed you wrote on the show because it said writer. Which I did. It's a really complicated equation.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Alright, Cheech. Yes, sir. What do you think's in your top four? And I gotta say, I love all these movies. Red Sparrow. Up in Smoke has to be number one. Born in East L.A.
Starting point is 00:56:01 The Lion King. You're in The Lion King? Yes, sir. Title role. Nice. It's before you were born, but it was... No, man, I love The Lion King. The Lion King was good.
Starting point is 00:56:16 And is it a movie? Just give me a hint. Is it a movie or a show? Mm-hmm, movie. Oh, fuck. Who were you in The Lion King? Spy Kids. Oh, Spy Kids. Yeah. Oh, Spy Kids.
Starting point is 00:56:27 You were in Spy Kids? I was the Spy Kid. Oh, he's like, no, I was spying on kids. You also got two out of four with Born in East L.A. and Open Smoke. And then they also added Tin Cup. Tin Cup, I should have said that. And From Dusk Till Dawn. I knew it was a Robert movie.
Starting point is 00:56:54 So they got a Rodriguez movie in there. I knew it was one of them. Did I, the last time I saw you, did I ask you to say the pussy speech? Yeah. And did you do it? I don't know, did I? I don't know, you still know it? Pussy, pussy, pussy,
Starting point is 00:57:06 come on in, pussy lovers. We got white pussy, black pussy, yellow pussy, brown pussy, hairy pussy, slippery pussy, cornbread pussy, come on in, pussy lovers. Harvey Weinstein wrote that, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:23 I actually think that's a Martin Lawrence joke. It is. You forgot stinky pussy. Well, it goes without saying. It goes without saying. Yeah, you don't need to say much. Its reputation precedes it. That was cool to watch you do it
Starting point is 00:57:40 because the political reality of that word has shifted since Trump got elected and it's got... So when you first started it, I could feel that wall. And then there's so many pussies in that monologue, you broke straight through the wall. You kept saying it,
Starting point is 00:57:53 and then they were like, yeah! We're back, baby! Pussy's back! Pussy debris everywhere. Wow. Wow. Or is it gefilte fish?
Starting point is 00:58:04 We can't tell. It's one, wow. Wow. Or is it gefilte fish? We can't tell. It's one of the two. I wasn't making a fishy joke. I was just making... Well, now you have. Placed it on your own baton. You managed to get it anyway. More of a RoboCop callback.
Starting point is 00:58:19 All right, so we have a three-way tie in this game, Pete. And you can break it if you can name more than two of your best-known fours on the IMDb, and I don't think you're going to do it. The floor's all yours. You got to go... Well, I'm going to say outsourced because that's the first show I wrote for.
Starting point is 00:58:40 I remember when you got that job, Pete. We were having lunch together. Is that right? When you got the call. No way. Where? We were at Flora. You guys, this is a, Pete. We were having lunch together. Is that right? When you got the call. No way. Where? We were at Flora. You guys, this is a cool story. We were having lunch, and Pete's agent called, and he got the job. Good times, man.
Starting point is 00:58:57 So I'm going to say outsourced. I'm going to say crashing. I'm going to say, well, you've got to say Pete Holmes show. You were in the Pete Holmes show? And then I'm going to say because I have looked at it in the past and was surprised that it said The Tonight Show because I was on
Starting point is 00:59:16 The Tonight Show with Jay Leno as a voice. And that's the other thing is they do change. Oh, they change? That's not in the top four anymore. Your top four are crashing. Don't think twice. College humor
Starting point is 00:59:33 originals. Dude, how'd you get into college humor originals? And who were you lunching with when you found out? Man, my career is not at that level. I only do the college humor redux. College humor
Starting point is 00:59:50 originals? Okay. That's the Batman sketches. Those are very popular. Yeah, they're very popular. And then the Pete Holmes faces and sounds special. So I only got one point. You only got one. Yeah, you did the worst. But also you had a more unusual mix of things in there.
Starting point is 01:00:07 Yeah. I appreciate that. I don't think you would have ever guessed College Humor Originals. Would you like me to do the pussy thing to win the crowd back over? Do you think you could? Stinky pussy. You kind of go, when do you say do that one? As if it's two inches from your face.
Starting point is 01:00:24 I didn't know that movie had vampires in it when I saw it. That's the best way to see it. I was reading the script. Robert sent the script over to me. Tell me what you're thinking. So I'm reading it. Did you scrawl offer only on it and send it back? No, he's my friend.
Starting point is 01:00:40 It's a heist movie and they kidnap this couple. Page 50, they go into a bar and everybody turns into vampires. I'm page 50. And I'm like, what, did I miss something? Time machine or hot tub or whatever that fucking thing is. A time machine or a hot tub. You should combine these concepts.
Starting point is 01:01:00 We have a franchise on our hands. I don't know. That's the best way to see it. When they change, it's like, what the fuck? Yeah. It's going to be a big cult movie, or it's going to be cold water on everybody's career at that point.
Starting point is 01:01:17 Just a jar of gefilte fish shattered on your door. Worse than. So who wins, Doug? You do, Natasha. Yeah! You just said that because Moshe got the same amount of points.
Starting point is 01:01:31 And so did Cheech, yeah. And I just lost. I gave the win to Natasha. Probably because since she stopped talking about her MDB credits, all we've been talking about
Starting point is 01:01:40 are different kinds of pussy the entire time. As a way to make this up to you, point. Thank you. But we have one more game to play. Oh, okay. Yes.
Starting point is 01:01:52 This has been easy so far. Well, it's about to get rough. Uh-oh. This is the one you're probably not going to be as good at because the answers aren't about you. We're going to play Last Man Stanton. The way this works is
Starting point is 01:02:16 it's named after the great Harry Dean Stanton. Did you ever work with him? Yes, we did. Yeah, what was that on? He was in Up and Smoke, got cut out. Really?
Starting point is 01:02:24 Yeah. Holy shit. You should dig that up and smoke got cut out really yeah holy shit you should dig that up and put it on a dvd or something last couple weeks i saw it yeah i don't know but he was a friend of ours too so we used to hang out oh that's great it was better than being in the movie actually with him hanging out with him oh yeah yeah yeah he loved to sing yeah yeah he's always singing um but he was on the show once and we we played this game with him with his own movies. And he won, but by a bare margin, by a small margin. But the premise of the game is that I'm going to get from a preselected audience member an actor or actress, hopefully somebody pretty famous.
Starting point is 01:02:59 And then everybody just takes turns. I like to play along in this one. But we'll start with Natasha and just work our way this way. Moshe, Cheech, Pete, and me. And we just name movies that person was in. If you can't think of one, you're out. But one time you can go to, Pete can go to Zach, and Cheech can go to Courtney, and Mike and Miles for a lifeline.
Starting point is 01:03:21 You can get some help once. And the first time Moshe was on the show when it was his turn, he said, what was that movie where he did this and that? And then the audience just told him the answer. So don't do that again. Wait, that's not my fault. I was just wondering aloud and some asshole... Oh, two
Starting point is 01:03:38 men? Alright, so yeah, you were wondering aloud but don't do that don't wonder aloud yeah or or i i could tell the audience not to yell at the answer it's better to abuse your guests than to abuse your fans exactly that's how that's how i like to do it where is mark gabble gubbledon How do you say that? Gabaldon. All right. That's a fun name.
Starting point is 01:04:09 That's where they play tennis each year, but with a squash. Listen, you guys, I gotta go. That's the town where all the turkeys come from. Very good. Well, Marcus here is in the front row. He's cosplaying Kevin Smith, which is nice. It's always fun.
Starting point is 01:04:30 And what's the name you'd like us to play in this game tonight? Mike Myers. Okay. That's a good one. And also, everybody, this is a tricky part of it, is you have to get the exact title when you say the movie so
Starting point is 01:04:48 he's been in some movies with tricky titles and we'll start with Natasha any Mike Myers movie and also let's not say the Halloween films it's a good joke but or Baby Driver
Starting point is 01:05:03 The Love Guru. Oh, wow. You took his best one right out of the gate. Starting at the bottom. Now we're here. The Love Guru. Wayne's World. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Cheech. Fuck. You can add He made two of them Three of them Don't wonder aloud Cheech Oh yeah right Has a mini me
Starting point is 01:05:32 He goes through every character In the film I'm thinking out loud here See that's what I was talking about Because those titles Are complicated Austin Power is Man of Mystery
Starting point is 01:05:43 What kind of Man of Mystery. What kind of man of mystery was he? Was he local? Yes, he was local. Austin Powers, local man of mystery. Fucking man of mystery. No, international man of mystery. Yes, that's it I'm gonna do this
Starting point is 01:06:10 wait a second I gotta write that down what international mystery go I didn't want to say this one because it's fun Austin Powers 2
Starting point is 01:06:18 the spy who shagged me okay you need to make it a little shorter. Austin Powers 2. Austin Powers, the spy. Yeah, baby!
Starting point is 01:06:41 It is funny. Like, you do it as a joke, but it's, like, really funny. Yeah, baby! a joke, but it's really funny. Yeah, baby. Yeah, that's funny. It's an entertaining character. Have you ever heard about Natasha's famous New Year's Eve party? I wasn't there, but it's truly one of the best comedy bits, I think.
Starting point is 01:06:57 Oh, we just hired an Austin Powers impersonator. She invited like 50 of the best comedians in Los Angeles 10 years after Austin Powers came out. She invited like, you know, 50 of the best comedians in Los Angeles. 10 years after Austin Powers came out. And at midnight. He wanted the song to be played and then he was going to bust open. He comes in singing for like 20, when he sees who's there, he's like, I'm not leaving forever. And nobody likes it. No one wants him there.
Starting point is 01:07:22 And he just keeps, yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. It was pretty funny. Do you think he got into the Austin Powers game because he just had shitty teeth? Well, I wanted like a Liberace impersonator, but it was like a day before New Year's Eve. Yeah, and Michael Douglas was busy.
Starting point is 01:07:40 And the agent was like, we got an Austin Powers. Oh, it's good that you called an old-timey agent for that. and the agent was like, we got an Austin Powers. Oh, it's good that you called an old-timey agent for that. Well, who else are you going to call? He'll be over in 23 skidoos. Well, I was looking for a Liberace impersonator, so I'm not going to call CAA.
Starting point is 01:07:55 Right. Okay, so I... Wait, I get a turn. CAA impressions. CAA impressions. They do it as Pacino. CAA impressions. CAA impressions. They do it as Pachino. CAA impressions. I think it's even
Starting point is 01:08:10 Austin Powers in the Spy Who Shagged Me. I don't think so. I think it is. And I think it's also Austin Powers in Goldmember. Oh.
Starting point is 01:08:22 Austin Powers in the Spy Who Shagged Me I'm interested I think that's how it goes Natasha? I like the leniency Round two, no leniency Is that the title of round two?
Starting point is 01:08:38 Obie Trice, no gimmicks Wayne's World 2 yeah baby that is really one I just was like guessing we're not worthy Mike
Starting point is 01:08:55 I was in one huh the cat in the hat I went to Mike and the answer is the cat you went to your lifeline already yeah baby I'm mad at this game, baby.
Starting point is 01:09:06 And impressions, baby. All right, Cheech, do you have another one or do you want to go to Courtney? Courtney. Wow, you guys are bad at this game. Does he have more movies? Yeah, he's got a few. Courtney?
Starting point is 01:09:21 She's going Studio 54. I'm saying I'm going with Courtney. That's correct. Ah, baby. All right, baby. Studio 54 I'm saying I'm going with Courtney That's correct Ah baby Alright baby Studio 54 Pete Oh it's just 54
Starting point is 01:09:34 But you know Leniency He did say that Those numbers That number Yeah there we go So I married an ex-murderer
Starting point is 01:09:43 Oh very good Nice Nice So, I married an ex-murderer. Oh, very good. Nice. Nice. Oh, you're such an inglorious bastards. Oh. I had that one ready. I want you to know.
Starting point is 01:09:57 Too bad. It's too bad I'm here. Natasha. Shrek. Oh, check you out shrek i know how you managed to do it but you said shrek in character shrek you fools speaking of fools um i'm gonna guess uh a cameo in it's pat the movie whoa is that real that was a movie and I believe maybe he was in it. All right. Well, you're slipping that one by.
Starting point is 01:10:29 I might have to get the corrections department on it, because I don't know if he showed up in that. But it did help me to think of another one, so thank you for that. All right. I'm still in the game, I guess. Cool. Cheech, do you have anything more you can give us?
Starting point is 01:10:41 We don't have a way of verifying? No, that's the idea. It's like if the show was me in my basement with my friends and the internet didn't exist yet. Ah. Shrek 2. I don't know how you do it, man.
Starting point is 01:11:04 It comes to me. It's really amazing. I'm sorry, Doug. Shrek 3. I'm sorry, Pete. That's not what it's called. Oh. It's not?
Starting point is 01:11:14 Mm-mm. What do you mean it's not called Shrek 3? There's other words. Shrek 3, the spy who shagged me. Wait, then I want to go to my guy. Okay. What do you got, Zach? Shrek Forever After?
Starting point is 01:11:32 Shrek Forever After, he says. Do you want to do that? What do you mean? You just have to agree with your lifeline if you want to use it. Shrek Ever After. Shrek forever after yeah it's called yes yeah okay that's what it's called. Yes.
Starting point is 01:12:05 Yeah. Okay. That's what you're going with? Yeah. Okay. Is that correct? Yeah. That's not a good title.
Starting point is 01:12:20 Okay. Okay. Mike Myers really doesn't have that crazy many. See what I mean? I've got 95 credits. Mike Myers probably has like 12. But he's more famous than I am. I bet he's like pushing maybe 20.
Starting point is 01:12:37 Yeah, okay. Yeah. All hits. But we got to wrap it up anyway, so I'm going to tap. Okay. Okay, I would like to go to my lifeline, Miles. Shrek the Third.
Starting point is 01:12:49 Shrek the Third. That is also correct. I couldn't think of how that worked, but I knew that the Shrek series is wildly varying in their titles. They don't stay on the same track. I'm guessing here. Was a young Mike Myers in Canadian Bacon?
Starting point is 01:13:09 All right, I'm not going to give you two of those in a row. Hey, I'm trying to play the game, but I'm just wondering out loud. No, I'm not. I'll tap two then. Okay. And then I'm going to look it up.
Starting point is 01:13:20 Hey. Cheech? Chicago 14. What's that? Wasn't that the name of his... Oh, that's the record album. We were on that number thing. Shit, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:13:37 Well, you did great. What do we have for him, Jimmy? It was an honor to have you here. I thought we were going to be coming out here smoking weed. All right. All right. I'm out of time. Okay, you're out?
Starting point is 01:13:50 Yeah. Pete, what do you got? Night at the Roxbury? Wait, the games are over? Natasha's a winner! Feels great. It's gonna be your most long-known credit now. Now maybe you can afford to have another emu killed.
Starting point is 01:14:25 This is faux fur, Doug. I've switched over. It's faux emu. It's actually possum. People don't like them, right? So where's the person you were playing for? Where are they at? Green Mile.
Starting point is 01:14:38 Miles, right here. Yeah, Miles, come get your prizes. He gets all these prizes? I hope you like a filter fish. The bag will probably break because there's heavy filter fish in it. Oh, hold on though. I want to keep my bag. Oh, I have it. Never mind. Now's the part where we do some plugs. Natasha?
Starting point is 01:14:58 I have a Netflix special coming out with my husband, Moshe Kasher, April 17th. It's called the Honeymoon Stand-Up Special on Netflix. It's the first three-episode stand-up special that has ever been done, and we're very excited about it, and we'd love for you to tune in. April 17th on Netflix.
Starting point is 01:15:14 You can hear us talking shit about our baby that hadn't been born yet. And so now I feel bad, because she's going to hear that we didn't really want to have her. Tune in and find out more. You're going to show her the special right away? I mean, I'm glad I have her now, but I didn't know how I would feel.
Starting point is 01:15:32 Right. That's how that works, I guess. Yeah. She'll get over it. And you have anything else to add, Moshe? No, I just, that's it. Yeah, that's what you guys are here for. Good job.
Starting point is 01:15:42 I do a set, he does a set, and then together we do some live relationship counseling and roasting. I love it. Yeah, that's what you guys are here for. Good job. I do a set, he does a set, and then together we do some live relationship counseling and roasting. I love it. Yeah, thank you. Cheech's secret stash. Cheech's private stash. Private, oh, I'm sorry. We want people to know about it.
Starting point is 01:15:56 At fine dispensaries near you. I can't wait until I can start just plugging a product. Yeah, really. Gotta stop doing all this work. Pete Holmes. Nothing to plug. Crashing on HBO. Just here having fun.
Starting point is 01:16:14 Crashing on HBO. You can stream both seasons. Stream the first two seasons. Now. And my podcast, You Made It Weird. Jason Sudeikis comes out tomorrow. Oh, very nice. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:24 He's an amusing man and also probably very thoughtful. He was very thoughtful and very funny. Right on. Thank you to all you guys. Let's hear it for them, folks. Natasha Lugero, Moishe Kasher, Cheech Marin, and Pete Holmes. Douglas Movies is back here
Starting point is 01:16:41 April 24th. But don't forget to join me and Broken Lizard Thursday night at the Hayworth Theater and as always someone didn't put a shithead on that one
Starting point is 01:16:55 Miles doesn't get to I don't have to say his shithead term oh Facebook I almost said terms and conditions are a shithead
Starting point is 01:17:04 because that's generally true but Facebook terms and conditions are a shithead. Oh, Facebook. I almost said terms and conditions are a shithead. Because that's generally true. But Facebook terms and conditions are a shithead. And how do we even get that out of there, Pete? I'll get it. Thanks. He learned this on his Netflix account. He really put that in there good.
Starting point is 01:17:22 There we go. TJ is a shithead. Thanks again to MedMen for being one of the sponsors on this week's show. With a wide range of products and a knowledgeable and approachable staff, MedMen is bringing a premium and traditional shopping experience to the cannabis space. Anyone over 21 with a valid ID is welcome at any of their eight retail locations throughout Los Angeles, Orange County, San Diego, and Las Vegas. Go to MedMen.com to find your nearest store. That's M-E-D-M-E-N.com.
Starting point is 01:18:01 M E N.com. Plus exclusively for our listeners, visit med men and tell them you heard about them on Douglas movies and you get $10 off your order. Then at one per customer terms and conditions, the old terms and conditions may apply. Check out med men today. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 01:18:31 Now it's time for doug to watch another talkie eyes of gold is viewing prowess makes him cocky there's no room in his heart for you

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