Doug Loves Movies - Pete Holmes, Jordan Brady, and Wayne Federman Guest
Episode Date: June 24, 2014Doug welcomes comedians Pete Holmes and Wayne Federman and "I Am Road Comic" director Jordan Brady to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at... https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with him.
He has a pot full of kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see.
Because Doug loves movies!
Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies. Hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
It is Doug Loves Movies.
Oh, that was a very pleasant version of that.
Very, a lot of singers in the audience.
We're coming to you from CineFamily in Los Angeles
on Tuesday, June 24th, 2014.
Wolf of Wall Street fight Terminator 2.
Judgment Day of the Dead Men Walking Tall.
The President's Men in Blackfisher.
King Ralph of Dog Day Afternoon.
Delight Sleep Perfect Murder by Death Wish.
Three AmiGhost World's End of Watchmen.
Yeah, I did it.
Looking right at it, I was able to do it.
Tonight, we are at CineFamily
for the West Coast premiere
of I Am Road comic,
which we will enjoy later tonight.
Yeah, I'm in it.
I can't wait to see it.
See what stupid shit I say
when asked questions about being on the road.
It might be embarrassing
to me and my family.
My whole family's here tonight.
No, they're not.
Before I bring out my guests
who are all involved
in this particular motion picture,
I'm getting a little feedback here.
I don't know how it sounds on the recording,
but on my end it's a little...
Oh, that's even better as I complain about it.
A little business.
Cincinnati, I'm doing stand-up Thursday night
at Go Bananas.
And we will.
Yeah, we will play the Leonard Maltin game
with audience members at the
end of the show, so bring your name tags.
Same deal, Oklahoma City. This
Saturday night, Douglas
Movies sold out, so we added a stand-up
show, and we'll play the
LMG. Seattle.
Tickets are on sale for tapings
of my first ever hour-long
TV special, Doug Dynasty,
is going to happen at the Neptune Theater
on August 22nd.
Douglovesmovies.com
for all dates, deets, and links.
And also, coming up here,
exciting CineFamily news.
I'm doing a non-interruption,
like an interruption-free screening
of the motion picture Goon.
Right?
The people who have seen it all just made noises
and everyone else is like, what?
And Goon is a really, really great movie
and I'm dying to see it with an audience
at 4.20 in the afternoon on Sunday, July 13th.
And it's good.
The first of what I hope will be many
Doug Diggs-it screenings,
which is movies where we're just going to fucking watch it
because it's so great and I don't need to
make my dumb jokes. But then,
a few nights later, back to business,
I'm going to interrupt this shit
out of Wicker Man with
Nick Cage.
People have been asking for that one for a while.
So that's Wednesday, July 16th
right here at
cinefamily.org
Let's see what's in the prize bag
for somebody who's going to win here
tonight. I think we've got
I
got to thank my friends
at Chameleon Glass for this.
This might be a couple of shirts
yeah it's probably a couple of shirts
and then
they sent those to me
we've got a Harry Potter movie
for somebody
that's right Rupert Grint is here tonight
I'm just kidding
but he'd be a good guest
we've got
coming out on July 8th
Gateway Doug 2 Forced Fun,
and also a copy of Gateway Doug,
so you can trip out and listen to both in one sitting.
Our friends at Pop's Hot Dogs
have contributed so many hot dogs
that I'll be giving out two per episode
for a long time.
But Pop's Hot Dogs, just pure, honest food.
They don't fuck around at Pops and then we got a couple other strange items in here
and then some more stuff yet to come
so let's just get my guests out here
the director of I Am Road comic
Mr. Jordan Brady
along with
Wayne Fetterman and Pete Holmes.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Thank you.
That's for me.
I appreciate it.
Hot crowd.
Wow.
Hot Wayne Fetterman crowd. People get fucking amped when Wayne Fetterman crowd People get fucking amped
When Wayne Fetterman's coming around
It's my energy
Yeah let's have another round of applause
For Wayne Fetterman
It's my energy
It is
Frequent guest on the show
Long time friend of mine
Yes
The curator of the
Wayne Fetterman International Film Festival
Which occurs each January-ish.
You do that here.
Right here.
Right here.
Yeah, yeah.
We do it once a year in a month.
I can't say January-ish.
Oh, okay.
Because I think we did it in May this year.
Why don't you do it more often?
It's annual, isn't it?
It's enough.
It's an annual festival.
You can't do it more than once.
It seems like a self-imposed thing.
You need to love yourself more.
Well, thanks for...
Why would that be anti-love?
Green light it.
It's your idea.
Do it more often.
Did you say green lit it?
Green light it.
You say green lit it.
Can we play the black?
It's definitely two shirts, you guys.
Sorry to interrupt what you guys had going on,
but that second voice you heard in that interplay
is Mr. Pete Holtz, everybody.
Hello.
Greenlitit.com.
Hi, Doug. I always sit next to you.
Jordan, I feel like you're a sweetheart
and you're going to offer to switch.
I don't want to. Let's see what happens if I'm here.
Well, for gameplay, I'd rather be not next to Wayne.
Oh, fuck.
You're still next to him, though, technically,
because it goes around the other way sometimes.
It'll play.
I'm not going to play tonight, no.
Fuck.
Well, there it goes.
I just like sitting there
because I get real razzy.
Do you want to switch?
We have a Dennis the Menace
sort of Mr. Wilson vibe.
Are you really going to let him sit there
when he just said he wasn't going to ask to move?
Hi, Don.
Oh, God.
I love your body.
You're a good man.
Jordan, your first instincts were so great
to just block
between me and Pete.
I'll do whatever I can to help you win.
Is that something to you?
It is, and I just want to say...
Does that mean something?
It sounds like you need to love yourself more.
No, I just want to say,
I really appreciate, Doug,
you having this special episode,
and for me, a director, to be on the stage
with two of my favorite comedians,
and Wayne, it's a real...
It's a real treat.
It's a real honor. It's a real honor.
Suck it, Fetterman!
I can deal with it. I can handle it.
Now you have to do Jordan,
then you do me.
Don't introduce me. Do Jordan now.
I'm going to introduce Jordan
when I'm ready.
I think you're going to say, and then I'm not going to introduce you.
No, you've been introduced.
I didn't count. And then I wanted not going to introduce you. No, you've been introduced. I didn't count.
And then I wanted to talk about that you brought as a gift for the bag, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Part two?
Part two.
Yeah.
Is that your favorite of the Deathly Hallows series?
It was on my desk.
Just on it?
It was on my desk.
Did you interview Daniel Radcliffe on your program?
Which one's that?
He's Harry Potter.
I don't see...
He's this one.
I'll tell you eight reasons.
He's this one on the cover.
Eight reasons in two why I don't like the Harry Potter series.
Starting actually in three.
One, I feel left out.
I didn't read the books, so I feel like the whole movie is like...
Two more to go.
Yep.
Right? Two, I don't like watching them become adults. That like the whole movie is like, meh, two more to go. Yep. Right?
Two, I don't like watching them become adults.
That's fucking freaking me out.
That's freaky.
There were little baby boys.
There were little baby boys.
There's a girl in it also.
There's a girl in it.
And there's a, oh, don't, don't, I blocked her out.
I don't even want to think of her developing.
It's so terrifying to me.
It started with them as baby boys, and now he's smoking cigarettes,
and he's on a motorcycle.
And they're drinking.
Wasn't there some controversy
about them drinking
in one of the episodes?
Episodes.
One of the features.
Were they drinking?
Yeah, there was a thing.
It's like frog's blood or something.
It's not liquor.
It was like a beer scene or something.
Number three.
Go ahead.
Oh my God, really?
Yeah.
That's only been two?
That was two.
Well, I added the one
about feeling left out about book reading.
Number three is I don't like anything that involves lasers or magic wands.
Because it's like, ah, zap-a-doo.
And then another guy's like, zap-a-doo.
And they intersect.
Which zap-a-doo is more strong?
It's arbitrary.
It's a waste of all of our time.
Give me guns and bombs and knives. It's expecto patronum, by the way.
What does that mean?
It's better than Zabadoo.
Zabadoo!
Is he thinking real hard?
And that's why it's more powerful?
Fuck that. Also, fuck lasers.
Jordan Brady is here, everybody.
Thank you, everybody.
I don't care for lasers. Jordan Brady is here, everybody. Thank you, everybody. And he is... I don't care for lasers.
The reason...
Jordan is the reason for all of this
tonight, because he has
a motion picture that he wants to debut
here at CineFamily. Zapadoo 2.
The sequel.
I Am Road
Comic, which is a sequel
of sorts to I Am Comic.
Legally, we don't say sequel.
There's all kinds of...
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of fucked up.
Who do you ice out from the first one?
Tommy Davidson.
You son of a bitch.
Just kidding.
I Am Road Comic.
I'm delighted everyone's here.
I want to announce,
it won't make any difference to the people here
because they can see it,
$5 at IAmRoadComic.com for a limited, it's like the McRib,
for a limited time only.
Like, starting now at this podcast.
Okay, so, because this will
come out tomorrow for ears
all across the world, and they can
for $5 check out this movie
that not only features Wayne Fetterman,
Pete Holmes, and Doug Benson, but
T.J. Miller is in this film,
Judah Friedland.
I'm in the movie, yeah!
Judah Toby Radloff, the original
nerd. Friedlander
is in this movie.
Too many stars to mention. Very fun.
You're telling me to cut it short?
Are you directing this show as well?
I just want to know when we
start smoking pot.
Is that this one?
That was backstage, and I'm sorry I didn't pass it to you.
No, I smoked pot with you at the Wayne Fetterman International Film Festival.
God's honest truth, I was in the fucking Himalayas three minutes later.
I don't know how you people deal with this pot. I'm at the few people.
Jordan, you're making sweet smokers seem like a racist what? It is. Never, you people. Jordan. You tend to text to people. You can't say
sweet-spokers seem
like a racist.
What?
It is.
Never say you people
on stage.
That's a rule.
I'm surprised you don't know that.
I'm out of the game.
I'm out of the game.
You're out of the game.
That should be
an I Am Rogue comic.
I said you people
and then I bombed real hard.
All I said was like,
I was talking about piñatas
and I was like,
uh.
You people don't know
what it's like to be a pinata
and I said
they're the most sensitive
I was in Peoria, Illinois with Bill Burr
I was opening for Bill Burr and I said
I don't know what you people do with your pinatas
and from that moment they were so quiet
I bombed so hard
you sure that was the only reason
you're positive.
That phrase.
Don't fuck with me, fella.
You look like you just coached a curve session.
I swear to God I will lunge at you.
I will attack your physical appearance.
You're good.
I just wonder why Wade never changes his shirt
when he's just come from operating
the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.
People at home are going to love this. People at home are going to love this.
People at home are going to love this.
I don't know if you people have any Wayne Fetterman riffs
that you want to throw out there.
Wayne is wearing a striped shirt.
Anyway, Billy Burr.
Billy Burr?
Old Billy Burr.
Yeah?
Was like...
You can't... You can't...
You can't...
Felt like that was the term.
That's him.
That's how he...
He said, you people is the audience N-word.
You can't call an audience you people.
What if you put it like this?
Now, there are a lot of potheads here in the room, and I love you people.
Even that isn't so great.
That endeared...
It's still you people.
There's something demeaning about it.
Nobody likes it.
Yeah.
I can see that.
I can see that.
Like how I feel about you people on stage right now.
Stage right now.
Doug, I have prizes.
Yeah, I know you do, but I got to get to...
You have to introduce me, Doug.
It's me.
I think I introduced you.
It's pretty sure right out of the gate.
Don't care for lasers.
See these movies.
Shooting.
Pete Holes from the You Made It Weird podcast is here.
But who brought these books?
It's Doug Love's movies, not Doug Love's books.
Who?
What smart ass? No, Wayne, you brought. We're all looking at's movies, not Doug Love's books. Who, uh... What smartass...
No, Wayne, you brought...
We're all looking at Wayne.
I brought a couple books.
He brought the National Academy of TV Arts and Sciences Emmy Almanac.
Yep.
2014 edition.
Is that what Biff stole in Back to the Future 2?
Yeah, because he was going to try to get rich betting on the Emmys.
And I think Bob Costas wins for hosting the sports one.
That movie is terrifying.
But even more important is that one.
Brought The Oath.
Yeah, that's a good book.
The Obama White House and the Supreme Court.
It's written by who?
Jeff Toobin, right? Sure. Author of The Nine. This guy loves the Supreme Court. It's written by who? Jeff Toobin, right?
Sure. Author of The Nine.
This guy loves the and word.
It's just about the Supreme Court.
I don't see any pictures in here, first of all.
Oh, there is some.
I'm going to enjoy that part. You can color them too.
Look at Rumsfeld.
He needs some rouge.
All right, well, thank you, Wayne,
for putting that in the bag.
Is that a gag gift, or do you like this one?
I thought some people... First of all, the chapter on the Citizens United case
is pretty interesting.
Citizens United case is also an N-word for the audience.
You can't say that.
You cannot say that.
You can't say that.
That is the perfect laugh for people unsure if you can even laugh at a joke that references the N-word for the audience. You can't say that. You cannot say that. That is the perfect laugh
for people unsure if you can even laugh at a joke
that references the N-word. Everybody's like,
Ah!
Even that laugh. Good for you.
Play it safe. Play it safe.
We've got a lot riding on this.
What's all that stuff you brought, Jordan?
I don't want to take up much time, but I did
bring a lot of stuff. It's not going to be as good
as the oath.
You can't read it when you're half done,
but it's Tito's handmade vodka.
An entire bottle.
It's a winner. It's 21 or over.
Yeah, you've got to be 21 or over to win that one.
What does that mean, handmade?
Alcohol.
It's boiling potatoes.
It's piping hot.
Some fucking guy has to put his hand in there
just so they can put that on the label.
Tito, you monster!
Fuck that shit.
He's a horrible person.
It's a clear liquor.
Let me just say one thing they put in here
because a lot of people are interested in vodka.
Gluten-free.
Gluten-free vodka.
That's why I brought it.
What liquor has gluten in it?
Beer?
That's not a liquor.
What liquor has gluten in it?
Potato whiskey?
No, give that to Doug.
It goes to the place bag.
I didn't mean to be so dismissive.
I just was like, let's move past this.
That's a bottle of Ring Sting hot sauce.
Did you say cha-queen? Was that like a Borat? All right, you guys, Pete, let's move past this. That's a bottle of ring-sting hot sauce. Did you say cha-queen?
Was that like a Borat?
All right, you guys, Pete, do what you're doing.
I love how you're stretching this out.
Because I got to go get something I left in the back.
So you just keep talking about Jordan's prizes.
Can we stop with Borat and just say that my wife is funny again?
Isn't it great that for those of you that are roughly my age,
we saw Borat be so funny.
Wayne, do you agree?
It was so funny.
My wife, so funny.
And then we overdid it.
All of us, we just overdid it.
My dad is like, my wife, like wrong.
It went back into the doldrums.
It was gone for a while.
And like Christ, it came back.
And now, I'm not kidding.
I do it.
I'm a professional comedian.
The biggest laughs I get are saying, my wife.
Anything that rhymes with wife works.
Be like, pass the knife.
Like, people love it.
Any of that.
It's 100%.
You guys are clear.
Did you guys come for me to tell you what is funny again?
What is this?
That's a t-shirt
from my filmmaking podcast.
It's a tiny shirt.
It's for the ladies.
It's a sexy ladies t-shirt.
This is a sexy ladies shirt.
Made by children in China.
Doug,
isn't that sad?
I mean,
there's only three things
you can really care about.
From the first time
I heard Borat say my wife,
I have never not been able to say,
when I hear the words my wife,
my wife, I can't not do it.
Like if it's in a fucking eulogy at a funeral,
I miss my wife.
My wife!
There's the bit.
I thought I'd kill time with that while you were gone.
Doug, put this shirt on.
It's tiny and for, you know,
I don't want to reinforce gender stereotypes,
but it's for a woman.
And what's the poster, Jordan?
The poster?
Is it for men or women?
Jesus Christ.
It's from the soon-to-be-a-motion picture,
The Oath.
I brought it back. Youath. I brought it back.
You know who I brought it back for?
That was great.
You people.
They turned on me right there.
That was really good.
This is an I Am Road comic poster.
I want one lucky person to have it here.
Be careful.
My wife.
I'd love the tube back, though.
I'm not giving away the tube.
That's like nine bucks.
Okay, so pull this poster out if you win tonight
and then give him back his tube.
And thank you guys for bringing all this stuff.
And, you know, because I forgot my phone backstage and whatnot.
Oh, that's what that was?
That's what that was, yeah.
We're running a little bit uh behind schedule right you wash
first when you get in the shower what do you go at first head interesting you do head immediately
get the airway do you go to the head i immediately get there i'll sometimes leave it dry up there
for almost the whole shower you're tall you're right yeah i'm withholding with the head i'm like
yeah don't assume just because we're in here. I always go ahead.
Pete only asks questions that he
wants you to hear his answer to.
You figured out the secret
of my success.
But, Wayne, what do you do? Tell me.
I mean, it is true.
Ask me another question you need to do a bit about.
Oh, you
finally got one.
No, I'm serious.
I do head first. That wasn't a bit.
That was a riff. Sometimes when I improvise it's just so polished and ready to go.
You do head first.
We all close with ass. You gotta close with ass.
Interesting. You gotta close
with ass, otherwise you're washing other things
with your ass hands.
Oh, you feel like some of that could
spread? Well, yeah, it depends on what
we're dealing with. I put my soap in my ass at the beginning
of the shower to see how long I can
hold it there for
while I shampoo my hair.
And if you get startled, what?
Both head and pubic.
Shall we play a game?
You don't close with ass?
I'm trying to think
You do
I feel like that's the last thing I rinse out
Yeah, sure
Spread, you do the spread
No washcloth
I thought I put a really nice button on that conversation
So to speak
I think it's interesting.
Do you butt floss with the soap or do you soap your
hand and soap it in there?
Now we're getting to it.
Now we're getting to it.
Just depends on how, you know,
how randy I'm feeling that day.
But I like to clean that ass. I do.
Yeah. I don't mess around.
I want to clean that ass. You never know when someone's
going to end up near it.
Oh, yeah. For whatever reason.
As a bit. As a sexual
maneuver.
No, I'm done. I'm done talking about it. I was going to say
something, but I backed out. That's pretty much covered in that
book that you put in the prize bag.
The oath. That's what the oath is about.
Ass washing. He took the ass washing
oath. Always close with the ass.
I'm assuming Kennedy's in it at some point. Always close with the ass I'm assuming Kennedy's in it at some point
Always close with the ass
Nikita Khrushchev
That's my Kennedy reference
The key to
Ass not what you can do
Wash it back and to the left
Come on everybody
In the movie you'll learn that when they applaud, you stop it.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
You know, Jordan, comedy is like making love.
You understand?
You can send all the scientists in to describe the dick getting hard and going in the vagina,
but there's so much more happening than that.
So leave your rules of fucking where they belong.
In between Doug's house at the beginning of a shower.
And the rule about you people.
Jordan, you think people...
That was so funny.
Why didn't we all laugh at that?
He totally called me on my own horseshit.
And I was only kidding.
But Jordan, do you think that people
can learn a lot about stand-up comedy?
Or is it more just about the conditions on the road and how hard that could be?
They'll learn about the conditions on the road,
but the young comedian and comedy fan will learn that perhaps in 2014
there's a balance between staying in your city, or as Wayne calls it,
your little cocoon.
Little cocoon.
Little cocoon of comedy.
Yeah, so condescending.
And going on the road to earn some money and to get some chops.
First of all, I apologize if I said that during the movie.
That sounds horrible.
So this is sort of a recruitment film for comedians
to not just stay at home and to get out into the world.
It's funny that you say that, because in the preview,
that's kind of the angle you seem to come off with, Doug, is that you need to go on the road.
I say that?
Yeah.
I'd say I need to go on the road, I think, because I want to go on roller coasters.
That was my quote in the trailer.
Oh, by the way, did you hear they're shutting down Colossus at Magic Mountain?
Really?
Yep.
They're tearing it down.
I'm the messenger.
Now it's just called Mountain.
It's pretty sweet when they run Colossus backwards.
That's a scary ass ride.
Sisolak?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sisolak?
Yeah, that is.
Sisolak?
What's happening?
Are you the...
Sisolak.
I don't know if I've talked about this before,
but Colossus backwards.
Doug, you lost it. Are you the Lou Goss't know if I've talked about this before, but Doug...
Are you the Lou Gossack character in Enemy Mine?
Doug, you're a big...
I don't get it.
I want to get it.
He's like a lizard face that says things like...
That's Lou Gossack Jr., isn't it?
Lou Gossack Jr. is also a rollercoaster backwards.
Doug, here's a quick little thing
about roller coasters.
Okay.
Because Six Flags
is the biggest
roller coaster company
in the corporation
in the country.
They don't just buy them
from other people
that are making them?
No, they do.
But I'm just saying
they have all over.
Magic Mountain has
like 14 roller coasters
which I think is the record.
Yeah, yeah.
But I'm saying
those six flags, one of those
flags, Confederate.
Absolutely true.
Those are the six flags that have
hoisted over the state of Texas.
Because Texas wanted to
be separate from the United States or whatever.
You couldn't think of the words to cede?
This is what I learn in books
like the oath, people. This is what I learn in books like the oath, people.
This is what I learn in books.
You son of a bitch.
People here today, I hope brought some name tags.
If anyone's got a Confederate flag, wave that around.
I'm sure Wayne will pick it.
But whatever kind of name tags you have, please hold them up now.
And gentlemen on the panel,
please go out
into the crowd. There's not as many tonight because it's
kind of a CineFamily, I Am
Road comic crowd, but
just go grab one that you'd
like to play for. And while they do
that, we'll do this. We'll be right back.
And we're back.
Who are you playing for, Pete? You got to include all those bits. Who are you playing for, Pete?
You got to include all those bits.
Who are you playing for?
I will take my name off of this if you take out those bits.
You're playing for Sarah Wars.
I'm playing for Sarah Wars, a pop-up guide.
Instead of Star Wars.
A pop-up guide to the galaxy.
Yeah, do another example of opening a page up and then acting it out for everybody.
It's not going to work.
I learned that from my own.
No, do one of the ones in the back.
Okay. Do one of the ones in the back. Okay.
Do one of the ones
you didn't already do
during the break.
Keep going.
Do you have one?
There you go.
Do that one.
Say something about that.
See, see.
You were on fire
a minute ago.
I want to do the one
with the Millennium Falcon
and I'll go my ankle again.
It's my ankle.
My broken ankle. It's my ankle. My broken ankle.
Get off my ankle.
I mean, come on.
That was lasers
in the jungle right there.
So I'm playing for Sarah
and she puts
some effort into it.
Did Variety say
because of his injury
he had to ankle the project?
Is that an ankle?
They totally should have.
Is that a term?
That's an expression in variety. When somebody leaves something, they ankle it.
It was interesting.
You can read about it in the Emmy Almanac
if you win that.
That Wayne so thoughtfully brought.
That was before they
had dust repellent paper, that book.
Should I read who I'm playing for? Yeah, who are you playing for?
It looks like a Clive Owen movie.
No, they scratch out your name
and it says Doug Benson
and instead of Juliette Binoche,
am I pronouncing that correctly?
Sure.
Yeah, Binoche.
It's a large piece of bread.
Jonathan Diaz, is that you?
I guess so.
So I'm playing for Jonathan Diaz.
What did he do to make that about him?
He just scratched out the name.
Just scratched out the name.
It's literally the minimal thing.
That was creative to you.
There was a guy in the back who had sunglasses.
He tried to give me those.
Is that a poster that there's a stack of in the lobby of this theater?
Where did you get this, Diaz?
The what theater?
The Sundance Theater.
You got it at the Sundance Theater.
Oh, they have a bunch of stuff in the lobby over there.
Okay.
All right, Jordan, who are you playing for?
I'm going to be playing for Anne.
Instead of Annie.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
You never make a D-line when I'm here.
Look, she put a Doug Benson icon over the puppy.
This is good.
She also, as Wayne Federer would say,
used some spray mount.
That's the way I talk.
Pete, what were you saying about vines?
You never make a vine when I'm on the show.
But I'm making one right now,
so that's not never.
Is mine relevant?
That's the worst one of the movies, Annie.
There's been...
There was a TV movie that was actually pretty good.
There's a new Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz version.
What happened to Annie's parents?
Does that explain?
She's an orphan.
That pretty much explains it all.
Succeeded.
Succeeded.
I guess an orphan would know whether
maybe their parents are dead or something.
They could be dead.
It's not they succeeded, they succeeded.
It's not like when they got out,
hey, we succeeded, we're out of the United States.
Although they might say that.
They might have said that.
If there had been
like a Seinfeldian
kind of diner,
they'd be like,
we just ate it.
It's a seating.
We did it.
Jerry.
Jerry.
One of the flags
is Confederate.
I'm like,
it's a good looking flag.
So Jordan's going to go first
in the Leonard Maltin game.
Really?
There's more?
Looks like...
Okay, keep going.
Looks like you flattened
Spider-Man.
Confederate flag Seinfeld bit.
You do better.
So Jordan's going to go first.
I saw the whole thing, yeah.
Jordan's going to go first.
I'm going to go first.
Then Wayne.
Yeah.
Then Pete.
That's in order of
how much I like these people.
I play this...
I play this like
I play Settlers of Catan.
I will give you all my wood, all my fucking iron.
Let's just get this over with.
So have you ever won this thing?
I've won many times.
Yeah.
Thank you, Sarah Wars.
I've won.
I went to the finals.
Really?
I think, yeah, up at the John Lovitz Comedy Club.
Yeah, something like that happened.
It's it anyway. But Ackerman, he's the king. Wayne's Comedy Club. Yeah, something like that happened. It's it anyway.
But Ackerman, he's the king.
Wayne's pretty good at it too.
I think it's going to be competitive.
Let's do it.
Let's start it.
Let's get serious.
I don't like that.
Let's get serious?
Let's get serious.
This is your life.
Here we go.
Let's get serious.
This is your life right now.
Get serious.
Let's get serious.
You could die.
Your last thing could be like,
what was that movie Jonathan Winters was in?
Fuck everything.
Is it my glaucoma or
are the lights all still up like we're still
looking for name tags?
That was scary.
I just kept looking at people going,
I've never had this much eye contact.
But now you can only really look into the faces
of dead silent film stars.
Yeah, they keep those lit up.
Oh, they can turn those down too.
It's like the magic castle in here.
What's the name of that magic castle?
It'd be fun to stand right in front of it
and ask for people for directions.
Where's the magic castle?
Oh, there?
Okay.
Now we're cooking.
I'll do that.
I didn't see that big sign.
Jordan, would you like
Look at the Flowers?
That's a movie where a child is killed.
Annie.
Oh, no.
Her parents were killed. No pre-guessing, Pete. Batman. Her parents were killed. Annie. Oh, no. Parents were killed.
No pre-guessing, Pete.
Batman or parents were killed.
Turn Over a New Leaf.
That's the early films of Joaquin Phoenix
when he was billed as Leaf Phoenix.
Or add the Blueberry Johnson category,
which is called You're In This.
And this is movies where someone on this panel
is in the film.
Yeah, I know. Wayne is already sad that he didn't get to pick that.
Because he's been in a lot more films than these other two gentlemen.
I always edited out of a Joaquin Phoenix movie.
No way.
Yeah.
You were in her?
I was in her.
You were the voice of her?
I was the voice.
And then they thought Scarlett Johansson was sexier.
I didn't understand. That would be so funny to go in and make a version of that movie where it's just you as the voice and then they thought scarlett johansson was sexier i didn't understand i was
like that'd be so funny to go in and make a version of that movie where it's just you as
the voice the whole time like it's like a gay relationship i think they did that somebody did
that where it was his voice and it was morgan freeman wait was it samantha morton the original
voice yeah yeah she did it she was there when i did the movie she was there she was doing the
lines she did the wait wait wait i have a, wait. I have a question for you.
So on the set, was she there in the room or in a different room?
She was in the phone.
Haven't you seen the movie?
No, I know that.
But how'd they do it?
I'm kind of curious.
Great question.
How'd they do that?
I'm sorry.
She was there on set.
She was behind the cameras, I think.
But it was really weird because everybody else knew she wasn't going to be the real voice.
Is that true?
No, I just made that up. I thought it was really weird because everybody else knew she wasn't going to be the real voice. Is that true? No, I just made that up.
You can see me standing effeminately when he's talking to the small child in the house.
And that's Spike Jonze's house. I have lots of fun. It's one of the categories, asinine trivia about the movie Hurt. That's cool. Which one of those would you like to play, Jordan?
The third one. Movies with Wayne Fetterman. For reals?
The third one. Thank you, Jordan. I appreciate it.
What kind of sucker are you? Why would you pick that category?
He's a giver.
I'm here for the show.
You can't steal my persona in the middle.
You're serious about this game.
Yeah, the third category.
The year is 2008.
Yes.
What's the third category?
Two stars from Leonard.
That sounds right.
That has Wayne Fetterman in it.
Leonard.
Leonard.
Leonard says about this movie
that it's dumb.
I think I can name it.
Oh.
And he also says about this movie
that the unrated version runs 105 minutes.
And he lists
105 names.
11 names.
Oh.
How many names could you get it in?
Oh, oh.
It's not what I was thinking.
What?
I can name it in, I'm going to say seven.
No, that's a strong opening bit.
Seven names.
Yeah, Wayne, what do you think of that?
Wait, why doesn't it go to me?
Because it goes to Wayne.
As I described earlier when I made the joke about you're my least favorite.
Oh, right.
That was sincere. Oh, right. That was sincere.
Oh, yeah.
Wait.
George says seven.
I'm going to go four.
Oh, look at him go.
It's a movie he's in.
Maybe.
Say six? No, I don't know. No, I'm going to say four. I think I know it. Say six. Maybe. Say six.
No, I don't know.
No, I'm going to say four.
He says four, Pete.
What are you going to do with that?
You can name it, Pete.
Name it.
I don't know.
I don't even know what's happening right now.
Your four names are Elizabeth Yazamp.
The Oath.
Or Yozamp.
Yeah.
It's Yozamp.
Lurie Poston.
Andrea Savage was in this movie.
Oh, Andrea.
I know her.
And past guests on the show, hopefully future guests, Horatio Sands is your fourth name.
And the year, of course, is 2008.
Let me confirm that.
Yes, 2008.
Step Brothers?
Step Brothers?
That's correct.
Oh, wow.
Sorry, guys.
Too easy. I tried to give it.
That was pretty easy, but you still said it
like you weren't sure. So I get a point?
Yes. You get a point,
and Wayne gets a point. Sarah, you're supposed to root for me. I'm playing for you.
She just yelled no. Even I
knew I was joking. She knows
the rules. She knows what's happening.
Wayne Fetterman was in Step Brothers.
He's also in I Am Road Comic,
available now for $5.
Stream it at IAmRoadComic.com.
That makes me not want to download it.
You should do one with Will Smith
called I Am Robot Comic.
I swear to God,
you know what I really want to do?
Take a step away from the comedy
and do I Am Podiatrist.
There's got to be this fucking
rock star foot doctor.
Sure. And find that guy.
Yeah, yeah. Give me a low five.
It's like his thing.
Everybody has feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My hands smell like Fritos.
People like to ask me, do you ever cut
anything from the show?
And I can
finally say yes.
That podiatrist bit was gold.
It was gold podiatry humor.
Wayne Fetterman's on the board with one point.
Yeah.
And that means that, who challenged you there?
Pete challenged you?
Yeah.
So that means we're going to start with Jordan and then go to Pete.
So Jordan, you get to pick again.
Would you like Billy the Kid?
That's movies with Billy Crystal, a goat, or both?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
That's good.
The YOLO Virus, which is
movies where an actor who plays James
Bond dies. So he's not James
Bond, he's somebody else in another movie, and he
dies. Or, at
25253
Coleman,
good Twitter name,
suggested Penny Dreadful, and that's
Penny Marshall movies that Leonard gave
less than two stars. Two stars
or less. Two stars or less.
Which one of those would you like to play,
Jordan? Billy the Kid.
Alright.
Would you like a Billy the Kid. All right.
Would you like a Billy the Kid movie from 1987 or 1991?
Ouch.
91.
Some people already know the answer.
Three stars from Leonard.
This movie from 1991.
He says about this movie that has Billy Crystal, a goat, or both, that it is enjoyable. Or her. He says about this movie that has Billy Crystal, a goat, or both,
that it is enjoyable.
Or her, he says about it.
I loved the goat, he says.
And he also says the good moments make up for its serious, in quotes,
pretensions and flaws.
And then he lists 14 names.
Serious Billy Crystal goat movie. How many names can you get it in?
Jordan Brady, director of Iron Road comic.
Available.
Available for $5.
I can name that movie with Billy Crystal
and or a goat in four names, Doug.
He's taking four names, Pete.
No idea.
Sorry, I'm just gonna
say name the movie. Alright.
Your four names are Kyle Secor,
Phil Lewis,
Jeffrey Tambor,
and Bill Henderson. What's it called,
Jordan?
1991.
1991.
Kind of thought you were already there.
I was totally
bluffing. Didn't need the names.
Billy Crystal, a goat or both?
And Jeffrey Tambor.
Get off the goat, Billy!
What are you doing on that goat?
That's more of Mr. Sunshine, Jeffrey Tambor.
You got anything, Jordan?
The legend of Curly's gold.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
It's just City Slickers.
Pete Holmes is on the board.
Holmesy.
I get the chalk. Wasn't that
the City Slickers sequel?
Yeah. Weren't those characters in the second
movie too? Yeah. It was a different
year. What kind of, yeah. Have you ever
heard this show?
Several times. I want
specifics. This game is tense.
I think about it when I'm trying not to cum.
You mean right now?
Oh! Oh!
Four names!
I just don't understand.
We get all nervous
Alright Pete
You get to pick
The next category
Okay
And then
Did they each get
Another point
Because I fucked up
And then we're
Going to go to Wayne
You didn't fuck up
You're doing a great job
You've made more
Than one movie
I mean who can say that
You
Steven Spielberg
Several people
It's a very long list
William Wyler
Let's not list them all
He's one of the
greatest directors
with more than one film
Pete
a fellow Pete
celebrated a birthday today
his name is
Peter Weller
great actor
yeah
Cinefamily loves him
and so the film's
of Peter Weller
or
Nikki Six
and that's
Nicolas Cage movies
from 86
96 or 06.
And then kind of a sad
category, we recently lost
the great Casey Kasem.
Casey Kasem? Yeah.
Countdown?
Just say to infinity.
I mean, that's the bit. Finish.
Keep your feet
on the ground
and your nose
out of my business
he passed away
and of course
he did manage to
just recently
and he's
I don't know
why I said that
with a smile
but he
he's dead
everybody
but he's been
in a couple of films, as it turns out.
So I don't imagine you'd pick that.
I'm going to pick that.
You are?
Yeah, I wanted the Casey Kasem one.
Okay.
Would you like a movie that had Casey Kasem in it from 1971 or 2000?
2000.
All right.
Bad choice.
Bad choice.
This is going to be rough.
I don't want any names.
We're going to go from you to Wayne Fetterman.
So you're saying zero names.
I'm saying zero names.
He says zero names, Wayne.
Zero names.
Yes.
This is how I play.
I'm not going to tenaciously listen to a list of names.
This is how dummy is, everybody.
He's just going to hand the game
to Wayne Fetterman right now.
Nope.
All right, I'm going to say name it.
Yeah, he's got to say name it,
and then I'll be shocked
if you come up with the correct answer.
That thing you do.
Why do you think it's that?
Me and that person do.
I'm pretty sure you don't hear Casey Kasem's voice
in that thing you do.
But that is a fun guess, though.
Yeah, that is a good guess.
He could come on and go, he could be like,
and that's the O-Nighters.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was a great guess.
And I'm not going to get any closer with you going like,
Rachel Seashell?
That doesn't fucking help me.
Leonard Moten says, it was fun at parts.
Others I could have done without.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Rachel Seashell, and you kind of liked it!
Fuck this execution-style game.
Should I get on my knees?
Where did you get taken over by Brian Regan? Yeah, yeah, that was very Regan. fuck this execution style game. Should I get on my knees?
Where did you get taken over by Brian Regan?
Yeah, yeah, that was very Regan.
That's how I felt right there.
Speaking of road comics, he's obviously in it, right?
You too, the next time you fly, you too.
If you have a meal, eat it, enjoy it.
Maybe if you get a break or something.
We do a character called Filthy Regan.
It's just Brian Regan, but it's where he swears.
Oh, that's hilarious.
The big yellow one's the goddamn sun.
It's really fun to do.
I wish.
That's dirty.
He just had a goddamn.
He would never say that.
That's true.
It's a cup of fucking dirt.
The movie, Pete, that you... Can I just say before you say that I'm wrong?
Sure.
How great would it have been if I was right?
I like that one person agreed.
One person agreed with you.
Because they were betting on joy.
Everyone was like, the world is cynical and dark.
I'm going to see how this plays out.
One person was like, I'm with you, Pete.
There's light and there's dark.
Give us enough time and we'll win.
This isn't the worst behavior you've ever been.
I feel like it's improved a little bit.
Can we try to guess?
Can you give us a hint?
Sweaty.
No, no.
There's no reason anyone on this stage,
including myself,
would know the answer to this movie.
It's Rugrats in Paris, the movie.
Of course it was.
What was the one from 71?
What was the one from 71?
Are you in that movie?
I'm not in Rugrats.
I'll just read you everything about the other movie
and see if anybody knows what it is.
This is the other time Casey Kasem was in a movie.
I think I can only find two.
Wayne Fetterman is standing?
I can only find two.
One and a half stars.
1971 is the year.
The movie is 88 minutes.
He says about this movie... Wait, that's the movie or that's the length of the movie is 88 minutes And he says about
He says about this movie
Wait that's the movie
Or that's the length of the movie
88 minutes
Cause that's a movie isn't it
No
Pacino
That's 127 hours
I think
No
There's a Pacino movie
Called 88 minutes
8 mile
Thank you Sarah
For once on my side
I like that anyone
Agreed with you
Was only the side
Of hope and love
and everyone else was darkness
and knowledge
I only got 88 minutes
I feel bad for him, I'm really sorry, Ant
I'm going to read you the second of only two sentences
that Leonard used to describe this movie
Why can't I have 90 minutes?
Huh?
Just give me two more minutes
Oh man, I would hang out man. That's a tremendous dinner.
That was Pacino?
Yeah, that was Pacino.
Is that the game we're playing now?
Is that Pacino?
I've hijacked the show.
The podcast is now called
Is That Pacino?
How's your skin, son?
Was it?
All right, here we go. that Pacino. How's your skin, son? Was it?
Alright, here we go.
Five minutes to Wapner.
Is that Pacino?
It's up to the
person that does it to decide
if it was.
No, only they know.
That wasn't it.
That was me doing Pacino.
Some of them are Pacino.
Ha!
Leonard said about this film,
who can we blame for this movie?
Really?
That's the last sentence of two of the review.
For Rugrats?
No.
No, no, no, the 71.
He is so angry at the makers of Rugrats.
By the way,
this is the year the French Connection
won Best Picture.
Go ahead.
Wait, we're doing
another category?
We're just playing around.
We're just doing something
that you clearly
don't understand.
It's the 71 movie.
We're just seeing
if you guys would do that.
That thing you do
the right thing.
Thing.
What is he talking about? He lists six names, and they are.
Yeah.
This is open to anyone in the room.
Is Richard Pryor one of those names?
No.
Okay, keep going.
I had a hunch.
I was wrong.
Was Casey Kasem in The Toy?
Barry Kroger.
Toys.
John Bloom.
Sex toys
Albert Cole
Don't come in
Robin Williams wasn't in the toy
Casey Kasem
Third build in this movie
Yeah yeah
Pat Priest was second build
Top build person in this movie
The great Bruce Dern
Oh
Yeah
Is it Drive?
From 71
No no no no
It's not the driver
Because I would also have mentioned Ryan O'Neill
Right right right
Is that anybody?
Someone had it
I bet you Hadrian knows it
Not Silent Running
No
That's a good guess
Because there wasn't many people in it
But I think there's even less than this
That is tough
It's a movie that people often make fun of
I think
Maybe it's even been on MST3K.
The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant.
That's amazing.
I've not heard of that.
Look that one up.
Yeah.
Check that out, you guys.
But Wayne is our winner anyway.
Congratulations, Wayne.
Sorry, guys.
Game well played.
Thank you.
I hope I helped in some small way.
Thank you.
You are the winner of Was It Pacino?
The person that Wayne called for coming up. God is an absent landlord. You are the winner of Was It Pacino? The person that
went up for
coming up.
is an absent landlord.
Who are you playing for,
Wayne?
Is that her right there?
No.
What are you doing
coming up here?
Why are you
rushing the stage?
Oh, that's terrifying
when someone does that.
Yeah, we need security
to keep these women
away from
giving me their
shitheads.
Who are you
playing for, Wayne?
Diaz. What was that guy's name?
Where is he? Come and get all this stuff, dude.
Congratulations.
Jonathan.
You're over 21, right?
Sorry about that guy with the glasses.
Yeah, he's over 21.
So you can have the Tito's.
But he has nothing on the back of this.
It's okay. He won.
You could just throw that down.
I bet you he doesn't even want it back
Do we give these back?
No, no, I mean yeah, she'll want that back
That's a nice one
Yeah, and Pete's is a nice book
She'll probably want that back
Come get it, Sarah Wars
What's going on right now?
Dude, just take your prizes
What the fuck is happening?
Hey, it's unisex.
Try to wrap up the show.
You win all that stuff.
You can give her the shirt if you want.
He was being nice.
He was being so nice.
He was being nice.
So nice.
He's a slight fella.
It's a unisex shirt.
You look good in it.
Here you go, Sarah.
Thanks.
Goodbye.
Sit the fuck down with your prizes.
Casey Kasem is in Ghostbusters.
I'm just waiting for someone to yell yell he was in that thing you do.
Doesn't it feel right?
No one's going to yell that.
I was waiting for Pete Holmes.
Because he was not.
I was waiting for Pete Holmes.
He wasn't even,
American Top 40 wasn't even on yet
when that show took place.
Like, he wouldn't even.
He was like a baby.
He's like, hey, it's me, Casey.
I hope my voice changes for radio.
I really like you guys.
Hey, you're Tom Hanks.
Holy shit, we've got like a repeat
shithead.
I really think, hey, you're Tom Hanks
deserved a much bigger laugh.
If you did the work.
I think we're all sort of wrapping the show up in our heads.
There's a lot more
to go on here at CineFamily tonight.
We're going to take a break and then we're going to come back and watch.
But if you were picturing like a 19-year-old Casey Gaines.
There's going to be pizza after the movie.
Pizza party.
Do you see what you're doing, Pete? You're keeping
these people from pizza.
That is the most strategic
way to take my legs from me I've ever
heard. That was well done.
Do you have any plugs?
San Francisco. I'm going to be at Cobbs
very, very soon. Nice.
Please come out.
Cobb's is great.
Portland, Boston, Buffalo.
Just go to Philly.
Go to PeteHolmes.com.
A lot of tour dates coming up.
H-O-L-M-E-S.
And I'm not like this when you see me do stand-up.
Yeah, he's very quiet and almost impossible to hear.
But thank you, Pete.
It's always a pleasure having you on the show.
Thank you, Doug. Always fun to be here.
Yeah, and
Jordan, of course, has got the movie.
It's available for five bucks at
imroadcomic.com.
Correct.
And thank you for making it and for showing it to all of us tonight.
I can't wait for the crowd to enjoy it.
And for the pizza also.
There's a bar. We're going to have a bar back there.
And everybody's going to do a little
taste. If you're old enough, do a little taste of
Tito's Vodka. They're a sponsor?
Yeah, they're a sponsor. Super Lounge.
We're sponsoring the pizza.
And just
having good times. Is that wrong?
Did I plug that shit? Wayne, you laugh.
We're totally right.
Everyone loves Super Lounge.
Gluten-free, boiling hand-made vodka.
Boiling hand...
If you like your vodka made with hands,
this is going to be your vodka.
Almost most of the people that work for Tito's
do not touch themselves
before they make, almost
all of them.
They wash their ass last.
There's an occasional rebel.
Oh, he did it.
We washed, Jordan just had a great bit.
They washed their ass last.
I was trying to, yeah.
I can't keep up with you professionals.
No, you were doing great.
You did so good.
But I learned a lot.
I learned about the you people, the wife.
Well, don't say you people.
Succeed.
Yeah, succeed.
I learned about the ass.
It's sissy.
Wiping, washing. Always close with ass. Gotcha. I'm surprised, succeed. I learned about the ass. It's the same. Wiping, washing.
Always close with ass.
Gotcha.
I'm surprised you didn't do a...
It's like there's two showers.
The French call it...
Doug, what's happening?
The petite douche.
God.
One more time for all of my guests.
Wait a minute.
Wayne had a plug.
Wayne Fetterman, of course.
The Wayne Fetterman Foundation.
Helping children find the curves near them.
And as always,
I'll take it, I'll take it.
Portugal is a shithead,
and Pete Holmes' cancellation is a shithead.
Oh!
Nice.
That's scored.
Thank you.