Doug Loves Movies - Ray Schmit, Geoff Tate and Dale Cheesman guest
Episode Date: December 18, 2017Live from the Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club in San Antonio, Doug welcomes Ray Schmit, Geoff Tate and Dale Cheesman to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Priv...acy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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The Face Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
Coming to you once again from the LOL Comedy Club in San Antonio, Texas!
Super bad timing on my part.
I had no idea that the people of San Antonio love the Raiders and the Cowboys,
and that they're playing each other as we speak.
I guess I should have known
that they'd be two teams
from cities that aren't San Antonio.
And I've been told
that they only play each other once
maybe every ten years or something
because they're in different divisions
or some shit.
So thank you to those of you
who are either skipping
watching that important game
or don't give a fuck about it.
Either way, we are here
and it's going to be a good
time. We've been having a
great time on this tour.
It's Sunday, December 17th,
2017 and
let me see your naughty and nice name tags.
Because you guys are always a good name tag town.
And most of them are right up front.
Wait, why are you just holding up a hat?
He doesn't know.
Thor Ragnarok. What did you change Thor Ragnarok.
What'd you change?
Ragnarok.
Your name's Ray?
All right, Ray.
Good job.
And you have lights on yours,
but you didn't turn them on because you're sitting right in front.
It needs C batteries.
It needs C batteries?
For a fucking tiny sign
with little lights on it?
Oh, you took the movie Rio
and changed it to Mario.
Nice.
Well done. And this guy over here
changed Logan to
Milogan? Milogan.
Your name's Milo?
Yes. Do you have a brother
named Otis?
Ghost Justers. Have I seen that one
before? Yes, I have. All right. Justin? Ghost Justers. Have I seen that one before? Yes, I have.
All right.
Justin?
Ghost justers.
Yes.
Sean girl instead of gone girl.
I like that.
And Rach Hell or High Water.
That's a real nice one.
It's all blinky.
You're next to somebody.
Yours doesn't blink, dude.
No, it doesn't.
What does it say?
Ricario.
Because your name's Rick?
Okay.
All right.
Great job, everyone.
We'll ask you to whip those out again later.
Doug plugs.
Take Crazy Nights continues tomorrow.
Cap City in Austin.
San Francisco Tuesday at Cobbs,
and Night 8 is in Sacramento at the Punchline, and that's next Wednesday, December 20th, 2017.
In case anyone is listening to this podcast next year, or whenever you get around to it.
But whenever you listen to it, there's a place
to go see if I'm coming to your town soon
and that's Douglovesmovies.com
That's Douglovesmovies.com
Yeah!
That guy threw in a real feeble, oh yeah!
That guy threw in a real feeble, oh yeah.
264 people bought tickets to Douglas movies last night in Dallas at Hyenas.
So they're the current leader in sales. We'll add up the number of people that are here tonight later and determine that there was more people in Dallas.
What's that?
Are you really just chatting with me?
Like, I'm not trying to do a show over here.
That's okay.
This poor guy, this fucking tree is in the way.
Thanks for coming, dude.
Enjoy the tree but uh yeah i'm sorry you didn't make it out of houston lady
the prize bag tonight has a lot of oh some amazing stuff in it as you know i've been on
the road for several days so i just you know you know, I get what I can where I can.
Last night somebody put a bottle of Tito's on a name tag.
So I kept that for the prize bag.
I should say for the listeners, a very small bottle of Tito's.
They were plain size.
And then I've also got from my hotel room a mega rich body cleanser.
Yeah, it's Peter Thomas Roth.
I guess that's supposed to mean something to somebody.
Fancy, right?
Oh, also from Peter Thomas Roth.
I just like the sound of this.
Non-irritating mouthwash.
So many mouthwashes are irritating.
Not this one.
Non-irritating.
Oh, a shoehorn.
That also says Peter Thomas Roth on it.
So that's going to impress people when they come by.
One of the final Christmas-y pipes from Peacemaker.
Oh, yeah, we got some smokers in the crowd.
What a surprise.
I don't know what this is doing in there.
That's supposed to be in my pocket.
And then I've got, standing by tonight,
I've got a confetti gun for an exciting moment in the show.
And by confetti gun, I mean it might hit you guys in the front row.
Maybe.
But probably not.
And I keep getting, I keep wearing this every night.
And doing the same joke for everybody.
Because you've got to see it to get it.
This is an elf when he graduates.
Yeah, diminishing returns on that.
Is anyone here wearing a Santa or elf hat?
Anyone at all?
Oh, we've got one back there.
Does yours personalize?
Does it have your name on it?
No? What? It have your name on it? No.
What?
It says Cowboys on it?
Are you excited about the game?
Are they winning?
Yeah?
So you can keep track of the score?
Is it a blowout?
What's the score right now?
I don't know.
Is it a blowout?
What's the score right now? No.
Well, I was going to say we could trade hats if you want,
but it sounds like you wouldn't want to part with it.
I understand that.
Yeah, no thank you is right.
No thank you.
I don't want your sticky cowboy hat.
The first night I put this on, as soon as I put it on,
people went, what about lice?
Like, can you not even...
It's 3-0.
It's 3-0. Thanks, dude.
Will you keep us updated throughout?
That'll be fun, right?
Who wants the Cowboys to win?
And who wants the Raiders?
Alright. Chargers? And who wants the Raiders? Alright
Chargers?
What does that have to do with anything?
Alright
I've got two great guests tonight
But as you guys may have noticed
On the last couple of shows
We've been having a lot of fun
Letting someone from the audience participate as a guest.
Yeah, and Ray, would you be into that?
Yes, I would.
All right.
Take your, bring your, I guess you can leave your name tag there.
But come up here and take one of these seats.
The lady with the cowboy's hat on. Are you good at movie
trivia? No? Is she really? Is she here? Okay that's good to know. But this lady's
going crazy. You think you'd be great at it? Okay, come on up here.
She's got a Harry Potter scarf on,
so I already like her.
And, all right, the sister of the cowboys lady,
come on up here.
Let's see if your sister's telling the truth.
Because, you know, that's in football.
You always have to tell the truth! I learned that. What's that donut
at your feet there, Ray? Oh, I brought them for throwing and or eating purposes. They
look really fancy. Uh, yeah. The finest 7-Eleven has to offer. They look fancy delicious. Those
are from 7-Eleven? I'm shocked. Yeah, one of them is a Cowboys themed one. Yeah, come
on over. How you doing? Let's meet them individually before we pit them against each other in a game of Last Man Stanton.
What's your name?
Catherine.
Catherine.
What's your sister's name over there?
Alicia.
Alicia.
And you feel good about her nominating you like this?
All right.
You feel all right?
Well, you know, you get nervous.
Yeah, right?
No, these games are hard enough as it is,
but then when you're in front of an audience, it gets intense.
So good luck to you.
Oh, and what do you do?
I'm in accounting.
Accounting?
Yeah.
Okay.
I listen to podcasts all day.
Oh, perfect.
Well, if I have any math problems,
I don't know if there... No, Last Man Standing has nothing to do with math.
Ray?
Yes.
How you doing, man?
I am ecstatic right now.
This is pretty exciting, right?
I am very excited, yeah.
And you, what do you do for a living?
I do copy editing.
Okay.
I'd ask a follow-up question, but we've got a lot of things to do tonight.
That's fine.
All right.
And what's the name of this lady here on the end with the Harry Potter scarf?
My name's Deanna.
Deanna?
Yeah.
Okay.
And what do you do, Deanna?
I'm a teacher.
Oh, what do you teach?
Third grade.
Third grade.
Oh, they're great at that age.
Yeah.
Yeah, right? I wouldn't want to do that I'm grateful that anybody wants to teach because that's that's a rough gig get a lot of third
graders come up to you going hey great job today no no but just self-centered little shits all
right so you all know how to play
Last Man Stanton? Yes.
We're going to get a name of an actor or actress from an audience member.
There's only one name and there's
no lifelines and there's no take-backs.
You have to take turns
saying an exact title.
Who feels the most confident
today? That's a dumb
question. Alright, Ray, you'll go first.
I'm up to this.
Yeah, and then we'll go to, what's your name
again? I'm sorry. Catherine. Catherine?
Okay, Catherine and Deanna.
You got it. Oh, look at
this. We gotta
get that beer to him. Thank you.
Brain fuel.
Look at him
go. What kind of beer is that?
It is a Miller Lite.
Ooh, only the finest.
For Ragnarok.
Okay, now there's somebody in the audience
who said they had a great name for
Last Man Stanton, but I'm puzzled
by their Twitter handle.
Because the Twitter handle is
HBO CEO of Tits.
That's me, Doug.
That's you?
I got a great name we can use.
What is it?
But you can't pick the name.
That wouldn't be fair.
But what does HBO CEO of tits mean?
Well, Doug, they actually have a guy that goes up to directors at HBO and whispers in their ear,
Hey, this is HBO.
You can put full frontal nudity in here.
You really should.
HBO encourages people to have nudity because it's HBO.
Yeah.
They're like, why is this on HBO if there's not nudity?
So that's why Lena Dunham's naked
in every episode. Yes. Okay.
Well, probably some other reasons for that.
But Curb Your Enthusiasm doesn't have any nudity.
Did the CEO of Tits take a nap
when that one started?
Yeah, probably. And it became
a running joke on the AV Club. Who wants to see Larry David
naked anyway? The AV Club?
You remember that? It's terrible now.
It's a thing still, the AV Club? Yeah,
but it's on Kinja now.
What does that mean? It's an awful
commenting
system that they use.
Oh, okay. It's bad.
Alright, nerd.
Funny one of those would come here, you know?
Alright, so you
can't suggest a name. Who's got a good name for this game for us?
You can't.
You're with him.
A couple of cheaters.
Now, who else has a possible suggestion?
Oh, this guy in the hat over here.
I like his look.
What's your name, dude?
Brian.
Brian.
All right.
And he wants you guys to do Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Movies where he was either the Rock or Dwayne Johnson.
I can't keep track anymore.
I'm going to take Jumanji off the table right now because it's not out yet.
Rampage as well.
And start us off, Ray.
Dwayne the Rock Johnson was in The Scorpion King.
Yes, and you don't have to say his name every time.
I'll get better at it as we go.
Catherine, any rock movie?
Moana.
Moana?
Very good.
She said Moana, Deanna.
The Tooth Fairy?
Yeah, that's right.
Back to Ray.
He was in Fast Five?
Is that when he started?
Okay, if you say so.
I know he wasn't in Tokyo Drift.
Catherine?
Not a big fan of The Rock?
The other guys.
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
He's the other guy in The Other Guys.
Deanna? Deanna.
I can't remember the name.
Mm-hmm.
It sounds like you're in a rough spot
if there's only one you can think of.
I know.
And you don't know what it's called.
Oh, God.
Want to take a stab at it?
Um...
I know who's in it.
I can't.
Oh, with that guy.
I'm going to hate myself later.
I can't think of one.
Oh, that's too bad.
Thank you for playing, Deanna.
Ray.
Furious 7.
Was that what that one was called?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Their titles are confusing.
Also, I won't say it, but...
Catherine. Also, I won't say it, but... Catherine?
I'm not sure if it's right.
Give it a go.
I think it's a title that I wish that it was.
Fate of the Furious.
No, that's good.
Yep, yep.
Just like Tate Crazy Nights,
Fate is spelled with an eight.
Walking Tall.
Mm-hmm.
The Buford Pusser Story.
Came back too fast, Catherine.
Yeah.
Did you guys know these lights that look Christmas-y
are up here all the time?
Yeah, I did know that.
I finally figured that out after playing here a bunch of times.
This tree, though, is special,
isn't it sir Nothing
He's in that one where his eyebrow goes up really high
No No No thank you No.
No.
No.
No, thank you.
Thank you for playing, Catherine.
Thank you for playing.
What were you going to say next, Ray?
Because I know you have another one.
Yeah, well, Fast and the Furious 6, Doom.
I just asked for one. Show Off.
Show Off, man.
Journey to the Center of the Earth Part 2.
Something like that.
What's that?
Mummy Returns, I think.
Their third Mummy movie.
Whichever one that the Scorpion King came from.
I don't know.
But I know Doom.
Pain and Gain.
Yeah.
Ooh, yeah.
There's probably other Michael Bays too, right?
No.
It's a lot tougher under the lights.
Mark Wahlberg works with Bay a lot, but not The Rock.
The Rock is like, fuck this.
He works with everybody.
Guy.
All right.
Well, you did it, man.
Let's hear it for Ray, everybody.
Thank you.
What's your last name Ray?
Schmidt.
S-C-H-M-I-T.
Schmidt.
D-1-T. S-C-H-M-I-T.
Oh okay.
There's no D at the end.
Yeah there's no D and only one T.
It's Luxembourg not German. German's got all at the end. Yeah, there's no D and only one T. It's Luxembourg, not German.
German's got all that extra stuff.
Okay.
Let's get your competitors up here.
It's Dale Cheeseman and Jeff Tate! Hey fellas
Oh I left my phone in the back
It was happily charging
But thank you Jeff
And let's give them
Individual rounds of applause
Starting with first time guests
On the show
It's Ray Schmidt, everybody!
So, dude, what did you bring for the prize
bag?
Can we put those donuts in the prize bag?
Yeah, sure, why not? One of them is
cowboys-themed, actually.
It is? Yeah, one of them is.
Alright. It's got nice, one of them is. All right.
It's got nice little sprinkles on it.
Blue and silver.
You ever seen silver ones before?
What are all these?
People are spending $25 on throwing donuts.
Why is everybody laughing at Jeff?
What's he doing over there?
Ray, could you move out of the way?
There was a lot of his pants that didn't make the turn.
I believe that to be true.
And I was simply...
I didn't realize that everyone was going to see me just move a little bit.
All I did was move a little bit this way.
And everyone was like, oh, I get it.
All right.
And we already talked to you about your copywriting career.
What was the last copywriting, like, what was the last assignment you had there?
What did you have to write copy for?
Well, I said editing, Doug.
Oh, sorry.
What did you have to write copy for? Well, I said editing, Doug. Oh, sorry. What did you have to edit copy for?
Just some blog posts for the pink hat lady.
Pink hat gypsy.
Oh, all right.
Is that your boss over there?
I don't know what stuff is called.
I just correct the sentences, you know.
Well, good luck today.
The last two nights, the audience member that we brought up to play
managed to beat Dale and Jeff underneath tremendous odds.
Wow.
So good luck to you tonight, Ray.
Those are good players, too.
Yeah, I think so.
I mean, you're just saying that because you're sitting amongst them.
No, I say that as a fan.
Oh, okay.
You've got to be trying to talk yourself up about this.
Like, honestly, in this crowd, you were probably the one person rooting for me then.
Hey, will the three of you guys be on my new podcast, Beard Club?
Let's give a big warm welcome to dale cheeseman everybody
what up san antonio uh it took a great deal of effort for you to get here today i hear
like traffic and whatnot oh man driving weather where do i begin Small talk is hard.
No, yeah, I drove in from Dallas down 35,
which has been under construction since like 1776.
Yeah, the founding fathers were like, let's build this 35.
I still can't clear those redcoats.
And it pushes you down to one lane.
But I made it, and I'm here in San Antonio,
and I'm happy about that.
It's a fun town. I like it.
Dude, you are really taking to this whole stage presence thing.
He just had the personal server come on stage to change out his beers.
I don't even get that.
Yeah, that was a real timely change out.
She's like, she's ready as soon as you're finished.
That was like a NASCAR fan change out.
I gave her the high sign.
They bought the bucket of beers.
That's why she's ready to go like that.
If I just hold my hand out like this?
No, it doesn't work for me.
You're cool.
You're cool.
You're drinking whiskey anyway, right?
No, yeah, I'm good. I'll just test it.
What'd you bring for the prize bag, Dale?
I brought, um,
last night we were in Dallas, and I
gave them something I didn't really care about, but
this is San Antonio.
So this is something deep
from my childhood that I've loved for a long
time. It's an album that helped
shaped me. This is Ricky
Skaggs.
Don't cheat in our hometown.
It is
by far my favorite musical work
ever, and I was so
surprised that it was on sale.
Get the fucking hair helmet on this guy.
There's a better copy on the back.
Just use some B-roll for the
back cover. We're not going to do two shoots.
But I was so surprised when they were selling it
for $2 across the street at Half Price Books.
And then I got something I actually love.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Ooh.
Widescreen edition.
With bonus features.
That's the best.
That's my favorite one.
It's the best.
You get to tour Lupin's office.
Yeah, yeah.
And HBO bought
all the Harry Potter movies
on New Year's Day.
They're going to show them
all back to back.
But with tits?
HBO, it's not TV, it's tits.
And then also
somebody gave us a box of donuts
ahead of time, so they're sitting at
Dale's feet and we'll
try to toss those out,
try to share them with people throughout
the show. It's always great when someone naturally comes up with donuts,
and it creates that moment of the show where you get to throw the donuts,
and now we just have to kind of force that in at some time.
We don't have to.
Another fun thing to do would be to just stomp on that box in front of everybody.
Just ruin all the donuts in one move.
Think about it.
And let's say hello to Jeff Tate!
Hello, everybody.
Hello. Thank you. Thank you.
Tate Crazy Nights rages on.
This is our fifth city out of eight.
And you're two for two on the wins.
Yeah.
How do you feel about tonight's competition?
I feel pretty great.
Pretty confident.
I'm pretty confident.
Because I see this guy, he's getting beers brought up to him immediately.
And he's just going to be too drunk.
Challenge accepted.
That's not what I meant.
I challenge accepted That's not what I meant
I'm going to be too drunk for sure
But I don't need to know anything
Hopefully I wrote everything down
That I need to know
Yesterday's show I looked at the page
And I totally had not written down an entire game
But we got through it
We made it work
And it was fun
What do you have for the prize bag, Jeff?
I have a copy of my next album.
It's called People Are What People Make Them.
It comes out January 12th, next year.
Yeah, this is early, you guys.
Right?
It's good.
And if one of you is going to win this,
and the rest of you will have the opportunity to purchase one.
On the way out.
Or don't.
Yeah, but on your way out tonight, ahead of the release date, you can get a hard copy.
He'd probably sign it for you if you wanted him to.
Only $10.
$10.
$10 out in the lobby.
And if you only have 20s, he does not make change.
So it's $20. I mean, he'll give you two, I guess, if you only have 20s, he does not make change. So it's 20 bucks.
Yeah, I mean,
he'll give you two, I guess,
if you have a 20.
Yeah, I'll give you two.
Two for 20.
Three for 40.
That's a good deal.
All right, well...
I have some questions for you guys
before we get to the game portion,
and I'll start with Dale.
What was the last movie you saw, Dale Cheeseman?
The last movie was Murder on the Orient Express.
Whoa.
He sees artsy movies.
Is that giveaway that I consider that artsy?
I don't think that movie's artsy, yeah, no.
I consider it artsy? I don't think that movie's artsy, yeah I consider it artsy
It's pretty mainstream
I mean, what gets more artistic than redoing something
That someone else has already done?
Right? And you put Olaf in there
It's a whole new thing
The whole time I was picturing that carrot
On his face, and I just couldn't get past
Like any of the seriousness
I didn't kill him!
Honk honk
But you give the movie a thumbs up? You liked it? couldn't get past any of the seriousness. I didn't kill him! Honk, honk. You know?
But you give the movie a thumbs up.
You liked it? Yeah, I really did.
I hadn't seen the original one, so I'm just going to assume it was terrible and not worth watching.
And this new color
version is great.
I think the one they
did in the 70s was in color.
I don't care.
Nobody cares about facts anymore.
Ray, what was the last movie you saw?
I saw the new Star War.
The Star Wars Episode
8, The Last Jedi.
How'd that work out for you?
It was pretty good.
I liked it.
We're trying to stay away from spoilers
because some people still haven't seen it.
Who hasn't seen it yet?
A few people. And you want to, right?
Yeah, so thank you for
coming to this instead of going to that.
You know it's playing right next door.
So I really appreciate it.
So that's why I don't want to spoil it.
It's great.
But you liked it.
Yeah, it was very pretty.
Like those speeders go off and the red stuff shoots out.
It looks fantastic.
We're bordering on spoilers, so just be careful.
Someone in the crowd's going to get pissed about red dust.
Like, are you kidding me, red dust?
What's the point?
Yeah, Mark Hamill gives his best performance he's ever given in a Star Wars movie.
You know.
And I like that Rian Johnson guy, too. Directed the heck out of it. Yeah, Mark Hamill gives his best performance he's ever given in a Star Wars movie. You know.
And I like that Ryan Johnson guy, too.
Directed the heck out of it.
Yeah, Ryan Johnson's a great director and a very nice dude.
All right, well, that's a good endorsement.
Yeah.
Hopefully that movie will make some money.
Jeff?
Did you have a chance to see anything today?
We had a crazy travel day today.
We sat on a dumb plane that didn't want to go.
At all.
For various reasons.
And then we had the classic running to another plane just to be able to make it here today.
And we did it, though.
We don't look like runners, but we did it.
Yeah.
I'm going to fucking feel that tomorrow
Just running
The lady at the gate goes
Well now you don't have to work out in San Antonio
Like I was gonna
Like, what the fuck
I wasn't gonna work out at all, lady
You didn't just
Condense some of my steps you fucking added running to my day
that's bullshit i don't like you shouldn't go to jail for that but somebody should be
allowed to like if somebody makes you have to run you should be allowed to slap them
or there should be someone who slaps and you get to see it and be like, I had to run.
They fucking got mustard on my shoe.
Well, you know, they made OJ
run in those old Hertz commercials
and then, you know, that's when he decided
he should be able to murder somebody.
Yeah.
It always starts small.
It starts...
You think that's why
he did it?
They kept getting fucked off lights
and he was like, God damn it!
What's on this piece of paper you keep glancing at?
Oh, I wrote down my notes for...
Because the last movie I saw
is Murder on the Orient Express.
Yeah, we all went together last night.
Yeah, we all went together.
And I have a couple of...
Everyone's seen that, right?
I have a couple of questions.
First of all,
this one isn't a question,
but I watched the whole movie
to find out that
I knew the ending already.
Frasier spoiled it for me on an episode of Cheers.
He gets mad because the other idiots at the bar
spoil the end of a fake book.
And then on his way out, he spoils
the end of three real things.
They spoiled a fake thing.
You can't, at the end, he's like,
Rosebud is his sled.
Which, by the way technically frazier
spoiled citizen kane for me too but i was never gonna see that and he goes darth vader is lou
skywalker's father and then woody goes they don't even have the same last name it's a good episode
is that what we're talking about are we talking Cheers? I think it's in season six or seven.
So that's a problem only you, Norm, and Sam have?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and the rest of the gang at Cheers all were fucking bummed out that Frasier really
didn't tell us the end.
But you also realized it at the end that you didn't see coming because you hadn't realized
it yet.
Yeah.
So it wasn't really spoiled.
You just were reminded that it was spoiled. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I enjoyed every part of. Yeah. So it wasn't really spoiled. You just were reminded that it was spoiled.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I enjoyed every part of the movie,
and I don't care if I know the ending.
Come on.
Who was your favorite character?
It has lots of famous actors in it.
Man, I started out really, really hating the detective,
but about 15 minutes in, he was my favorite person.
Kenneth Brown as Hercule Poirot.
The minute I realized he knew that mustache was stupid, 15 minutes in, he was my favorite person. Kenneth Branagh as Hercule Poirot.
The minute I realized he knew that mustache was stupid,
I was like, I'm fucking on board with this movie.
I get it.
That has to go into at least a category top three dumbest mustaches.
He had a morning, lunch, and nighttime mustache
for that movie.
He also had a really dumb mustache in Wild Wild West.
It's Kenneth Branagh's thing
to have dumb mustaches.
Who was he in Wild Wild West?
He was the guy in the wheelchair
with the dumb mustache.
Oh my God.
I didn't recognize him at all
because of his lower body.
He had it in this movie.
That's how I recognize actors
is their lower body.
You're used to seeing a legged Kenneth Brown.
Right.
A legged Kenneth.
God, that makes me love him so much more than he's that guy.
I have this question, Doug.
This is the one question I have once that whole movie was over.
Okay, don't spoil anything.
No, this is not a spoiler.
Is Tale of Two Cities supposed to be funny?
The book by Charles Dickens.
Because there's a scene
in the movie where he's reading it and
he's laughing. And he's
just laughing and he goes, oh, Dickens.
And I have never thought
any of that was supposed to be funny.
Maybe he was laughing because, you know,
isn't it about one of the characters is
poor? Maybe he was laughing at
him being poor. Or maybe
he also, Kenneth Branagh's character
also says that it's a
mental burden to be such a brilliant
detective because he's just always figuring
out shit. So maybe Dickens
is funny to him just because it's simple
and he doesn't have to think.
I don't know.
I was asleep by that point, I think.
But I mean, what I mean is Tale of Two Cities isn't like...
It's the 1700s.
It's not a fucking Dave Barry book, right?
It's the 1700s version of Eddie Murphy's Raw.
It was pretty big.
What if he was just halfway through and he figured out which city wins?
I've never read that book.
It's mostly about the French Revolution.
A lot of blood and guts in it, though.
I'm just picturing Charles Dickens
in a purple leather suit
just walking across the stage like,
man, it was the best of times,
it was the worst of times, you know what I mean?
High-fiving somebody.
I'm going to keep picturing that for the rest of the show.
I haven't asked this question,
Dale, in the last few shows you've been on.
So, sorry to spring it on you, but
do you know what might be the best movie
I've never seen?
Have you seen Predestination yet?
Still have not seen that.
Yeah, okay. Predestination. That's your answer still?
For the fifth time in a time loop,
I feel like we've
been here before.
Has anyone seen Predestination?
That's a pretty good joke.
I told you a year ago on this stage, Predestination.
It's crazy that I haven't gotten around to it.
And once you see that movie, you're going to chuckle,
chuckle oh so slightly at this moment and be like,
oh, I get what he was joking about.
Check it out.
There's no way that's going to happen.
Last year, there was one person in the audience
who had seen it.
How many people have seen it?
Two.
Two people.
That is 100% improvement.
Just stats, baby.
Did you, those two people, did you love it?
Yeah.
You watched it after the Houston show. You watched it after you did you love it? Yeah. We watched it after the Houston show.
You watched it after you saw him in Houston?
Yeah.
It's good.
It's good.
We liked it.
Now, are you like Bert Kreischer and you just love anything that's got time travel in it?
No.
Okay, good.
Because that's a weird way to live.
There's a lot of bad time travel movies.
You shouldn't have to love them all.
Ray, do you have one for me?
A movie I might not have seen that I might find amazing?
Yeah, I've heard you ask this question to so many people.
Have you seen Mystery Team?
The fucking movie where they're all superheroes?
Ben Stiller? No, no no that's what's that
called that's mystery men okay the donald glover yeah the donald that mystery squad no it's mystery
team mystery team i have not seen starring uh donald glover and dc pearson yeah dc pearson's
been on the show a bunch of times yeah aubrey plaza's in it it's fantastic it's it basically posits
encyclopedia brown in his senior year of high school they're kid detectives and their senior
year of high school in a realistic world where everyone's like look at these fucking mystery
dorks you know and you know it's donald glover and dc pierce and aubrey plaza and ellie kemper's
in it it's very funny i'm in yeah i'm totally gonna check that out you know, it's Donald Glover and D.C. Pierce and Aubrey Plaza and Ellie Kemper's in it. It's very funny.
I'm in.
Yeah.
I'm totally going to check that out.
You know, maybe not in the next year or so.
But I'm definitely going to get around to it.
And there's an order, right?
And I'm just waiting my turn, hopefully.
Have you seen it, Jeff?
No, I've seen Predestination.
I really felt like I didn't have a choice.
It just was going to happen anyway.
Dan, that's a good Predestination joke.
Y'all are all missing out.
I wonder if anyone was getting their tickets for this show
and I go, I hope Predestination comes up again.
It's been a year since we talked about it.
So,
Jeff, what do you got for me
that you think I haven't seen?
I'm going to say
a movie called
The Outfit.
It stars Robert Duvall
and Joe Don Baker
and it's from 1973
or something.
It's a war movie? No.
It's a movie about
clothiers? It's a heist movie.
I was hoping it was like Sisterhood of the Traveling
Pants with two old men.
No, the outfit
is in regards to
criminals.
Not like a mannequin.
Not like a, hey, look at that outfit.
That's a cool outfit.
They're not like, oh, we got
matching outfits.
It's an outfit, like a bunch of criminals.
I don't know why
this is difficult.
It's based on a book.
It's not. I was making jokes. I get it.
It's about a group of guys that do a thing.
Yeah, and you liked it.
Yeah, it's great.
When did you see it?
When did I see it?
Yeah.
I saw it a couple years ago.
I've asked you that question a bunch of times.
Yeah, and I tell you a different movie every time
as I keep finding out which ones you've seen and haven't seen.
How'd you know I hadn't seen that?
I didn't. It was just the one that came't seen. How'd you know I hadn't seen that?
I didn't.
It was just the one that came up next.
What's the next one after that?
Oh, man, I only bring one with me at a time.
I was guest starring Sinbad and Phil Hartman.
I'll try to ask you tomorrow, then.
I'll try to remember.
But now's the part of the show where I say burt turn it off and let the games
begin lots of great name tags for you guys to choose from ray you can't pick your own name tag
even though it was a good one uh each burp each of you uh please select who you'd like to play
for while you do that we'll do this. We'll be right back.
Hey, no sponsors this ep.
I just want to say,
come see me in Irvine, California on December 27th and 28th,
the Holiday Taint stand-up shows.
If you bring a name tag,
you will probably end up on stage
playing a game
from Doug Loves Movies
at the end of the show.
Irvine Improv at the
Spectrum in
Irvine in Orange County, California.
8 o'clock
shows.
December
27th to 28th.
Back to the show.
All right.
We're back.
Great job, everybody.
Cowboys are up 10 to 0.
We learned that during the break.
And who are you playing for there, Dale?
I'm playing for Dead Cat,
which I don't know what movie this is
or what the reference is,
but the person last night in Dallas who won
was an audience member named Cat,
and so this just kind of connected with me.
I'm still kind of sore about that.
Well, also, Catherine was one of the three people
that was just up here competing against Ray.
Yeah, she was the Jessica Jones person.
Yeah, so that's nice of you to pick her name. I'm going to guess it's
Dead Man, that Johnny Depp
Jim Jarmusch movie. Dead Man, yeah.
Dead Cat. Okay.
It's a real good
Jeff Tate face on there, though.
Yeah, every night so far I've had
to pick a Jeff Tate-centric
poster.
So cool.
Because people know he's going to be on all eight shows.
They don't know how many you're going to be on.
Have been on four, so let's start making
assumptions.
This is only the third one you've been on.
Who are you
playing for, Ray?
I am playing
for Star Wars The Last
Jediana. Jed The Last Jediana.
Jediana?
Jediana?
Is your name Anna?
Deanna.
Oh, it's Deanna?
Another one of my competitors.
Holy shit!
Oh, both people.
Wow, you guys are really hooking up those...
That is pure coincidence, and I'm sorry to the crowd.
Which one is pure coincidence?
That we picked the two people that were up here competing to be on the show.
You both did it accidentally?
Yeah, I didn't know.
I picked this.
I was surprised it was candy.
Yeah.
That's my excuse.
That's so weird.
I would never have picked her, though, because, yeah, you had the Gryffindor scarf, which is a little arrogant of you.
Just saying.
It's fine.
No true
Gryffindor says they're a Gryffindor. That's just...
Alright,
moving on.
I can't begin to tell you how disappointed
I was when I saw who won this showdown.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I was like, that guy looks just like me.
Who are you playing for, Jeff?
Rachel or high water.
Rachel or high water.
Rachel.
She made a hell or high water poster.
Put her name in it.
I'm on the Chris Pine.
It's a great movie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I loved it.
That's why I picked it. And it had lights.
That was my first choice, too. It was very elaborate.
I think that's it. I think that's all I have to say about it.
That's all you have to say about it? Yeah. Okay.
Ray, you can go ahead and put
your name tag down on the ground.
You don't have to hold it the whole time. You don't have to
throw it down so violently. Why is there a shithead
on the back, Deanna?
I didn't think it was going to get picked. I didn't think it was going to get picked.
I didn't think it was going to get picked.
Ray, could you pass it back to her
so she can write one on there? Because we've got to have a shithead
at the end. Does Dead Cat have a shithead
on hers? Yes, she does.
Okay, good. Jeff?
I assume so.
Very rarely do they remember
the lights and forget the shithead.
Yeah, it could happen, though. There's the shithead right there. Ooh, it's got a special card on the back. I like so. Very rarely do they remember the lights and forget the shithead. Yeah, it could happen, though.
There's the shithead right there.
Oh, it's got a special card on the back.
I like that.
Doug, if I lose, can my shithead get read?
Oh, that's an interesting twist.
Yeah, you haven't gotten enough yet, right?
No.
So you feel like your shithead's really important?
No, it's not.
Oh.
Yeah, I'll read it.
I just gotta grab everything, you know?
I do want to say, Dale, I spent about a half hour
cropping your face out on MS Paint today.
Yeah, it's hard to do. I do it all the time.
And then my printer was out of ink.
Okay.
I wouldn't have picked you anyways, but that's fine.
That's fine.
So your shithead is Santa?
There's more words after Santa, Doug.
And then not knowing the Cowboys score.
Yeah, the Santa hat person not knowing the Cowboys score.
Remember from earlier, Doug?
You wrote that down about me?
No.
No, Doug, remember earlier you talked to a Santa hat Cowboys person.
They did not know the Cowboys score.
Oh, yeah, but then you picked that as your shithead.
Yeah.
You thought that'd be a lot of fun for everybody.
Yeah, I did.
I'm about to throw you off this stage.
All right, I keep almost stepping on the donuts.
It's very exciting.
Just go ahead.
Alright, you guys. This first game we're going to play
is a little something
called
Characters Welcome.
Yeah. I'm going to name a bunch Characters welcome Yeah
I'm going to name a bunch of characters
From the end titles of the movie
Not the actors who played them
Just the characters
As you know it's often times
Guy watching bar number one
Or whatever
And I'm going to read them
A bunch of them
And you guys can guess as often as you like.
And the first person that names the movie all these characters in wins.
Okay?
Okay.
I only needed to hear from one of you.
I'm not like the flight attendant that needs everyone to say yes in the emergency exit row.
He speaks for the group.
What movie has these characters in it?
Charlie
Travis.
Bill
the Rider.
Mr. Jones.
Murder
on the Orient Express.
Mr. Smith.
The Matrix?
Francisco Esparza. Smith. The Matrix? Francisco
Esparza.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico.
Isaac Millsaps.
The Alamo.
Played by
Turk Pipkin.
What'd you say, Jeff?
I said the Alamo.
That's correct!
What?
Sergeant William Wood?
Oh, Billy Dubs.
William Travis, James Bowie,
and then the leads, of course,
the main characters, Davy Crockett and Sam Houston.
Yes.
Dennis Quaid is Sam Houston.
The Alamo 2004.
Why is that so funny?
To one person.
It's a terrible movie?
Alright well I'm sorry if it brings you
civic shame.
I forgive you.
I just thought it would be fun to reference the Alamo.
I've been coming to
San Antonio for many years, and I used to
play the club down at the River Center.
It was actually by the Alamo.
I'd go over there and look at it and laugh
about whether or not it has a basement.
And then I started
playing the LOL Comedy Club right here,
and it's right by the airport,
so I never even go to that part of town anymore.
I'm an airport guy now.
I love that the gig is just two exits down from the airport.
It's pretty convenient.
I grew up in Texas,
so, like, I should know more about the Alamo.
But in the fourth grade,
I got banned from our school trip to the Alamo
to learn about it.
But at the time, I was like,
who fucking cares?
Why am I ever going to need to know
anything about the Alamo?
And now, 20-something years later,
I get to be like,
fuck you, Mrs. Young.
If I had gone on that trip,
I might have known.
I didn't know you were naming
the characters' names
in the first place, but...
Yeah, there's no way
anyone that went on that trip
knows the names of the characters.
So you got up to, like,
Davy Crockett?
How did you figure it out, Jeff?
We're in San Antonio.
Location, location.
Yeah, pretty smart.
That's just a constant thing for me,
so it doesn't register as much.
Right. Constantly at the museum.
Is that why they constantly
have to remind you to remember
the goddamn Alamo?
You motherfuckers just take it for granted.
What's that?
It's Texas' 9-11.
We kind of have to.
I'm just not even
clear what it is about the Alamo you're
supposed to remember. You're just supposed to remember those
words? You're supposed to remember
they killed everyone there, man.
Why'd they do that? They didn't need
to. They took no prisoners.
It was not necessary.
So they fought really hard at the Battle of
San Jacinto or whatever. I don't know.
I'm not from here.
I don't know.
I'm just a guy from the audience.
Score update?
10-0.
10 seconds left.
10-0.
We're almost at the half, so by the time they start playing again,
we'll probably almost be done.
We can all run out to the bar and watch it on the TV in the lobby.
What is that, an update on?
The game, the Cowboys-Raiders game.
Cowboys-Raiders.
Ten points Cowboys?
Yes.
Okay.
You sound like you're really concerned.
It seems serious, but I forgot San Antonio is in that, like, y'all love the Cowboys dead land.
Okay, that's fine.
I'll stay updated.
I mean, clearly some people here tonight don't
because they're here instead of watching the game.
So I appreciate that.
How long have you been a listener to the show, Ray?
Oh, I'd say like three years.
Okay, so have you heard us play Build a Title?
Yes, I have.
All right, let's play Build a Title.
You only play when I have
expert guests on the show because
it's a tough enough game as it is
and people are confused by it, then
it's over.
Jeff gets to go first because he
won that last game. Then we'll go to Ray
and then we'll go to Dale
and we're going to add
titles to the starter title
of a little motion picture,
my favorite Christmas movie.
It's a motion picture called Die Hard.
Die Hard.
So you need a movie, Jeff,
that ends with die
or begins with hard.
It begins with hard. Can I say die hard with a vengeance?
Oh, I never thought about that before.
Seems like not a great idea.
No, not a great idea.
Die hard with a vengeance.
Okay. If we're doing that, a good day to die hard with a vengeance Okay If we're doing that
A good day to die hard with a vengeance
Oh you son of a bitch
God damn it
Alright so
Is it good or uh
Well that's the thing
We take out the A's and the the's
because those are stoppers generally.
There's not too many movies
that end with the word A or the.
So,
what do you think there,
Dale?
A good day to die hard
with a vengeance.
Vengeance.
Vengeance.
Something With a vengeance. Vengeance. Something.
I don't know if there's any movies.
Yeah.
Something good.
Blank good.
Damn it.
Yeah.
They got some great players.
The players are so good at this game that they fucking ruined it immediately.
You know what?
I'm crossing both of those out
and we're going to start over.
Yeah!
Die hard, Jeff.
I mean, it's cute that that's a full, long title.
Somebody should put that up on a marquee and take a picture of it.
Hard Day's Night.
Die Hard Day's Night.
I like it.
Die Hard. Settle Down.
Okay, go ahead, Ray.
Die Hard
Days, Night of the Living Dead.
Oh.
Now we're talking.
Now we got a game. Now you got something
to work with here.
Dale. Now, yeah, to work with here, Dale.
No, yeah, I told you I don't know what movie that's referencing,
so it's not right.
But then I told you what it was.
What did you say?
Dead Man.
You idiot.
Dead Man, boom.
Strategy player over here.
Never seen a movie.
Let's do this Alright Jeff
We've got Die Hard
Day's Night of the Living Dead Man
Who knew too little
Dead man who
Knew
Too
Little Okay Ray Knew too little.
Okay, Ray.
The man who knew too little
Fockers.
Whoa.
Kers ain't bad.
That's going to be a stopper, I think.
What was the beginning? Kers.
We got die hard days
night of the living dead
man who knew too Two Little Fuckers.
John Tucker Must Die.
Oh.
Oh.
John Tucker Must Die Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead Man Who Knew Two Little Fuckers.
Hey, Jeff, I forgot.
When you won the first game, I forgot to let you throw a donut.
That's okay.
You sure?
Why don't you want to throw a donut?
They're all the way over there.
Why don't you want to throw a donut?
Because I knew I was going to forget the fucking title I was thinking of, Why don't you want to throw a donut?
Because I knew I was going to forget The fucking title I was thinking of
And now I forgot the title
So it sounds like you need some time
You might as well throw a donut
Will somebody
Just
Somebody recap what I got to do here?
Yeah, yeah, I will
But go ahead and throw a donut
You earned it Hey Somebody recap what I got to do here? Yeah, yeah, I will. But go ahead and throw a donut.
You earned it.
Hey.
Okay, you're going to do more than one?
What happened?
They threw it back.
Why did they throw it back?
I don't know.
I think it might have been at me. This is why I don't like to throw donuts.
Somebody took a bite out of it and threw parts of it back?
Or they just tore it apart and threw it back?
I can't see who did it, but I'm intimidated.
That's for sure.
I think it broke up on re-entry, Doug.
I think it broke.
I think it hit me.
Did it hit me?
I don't think so.
I think it hit my stool.
I think they were throwing it at me, not you, man.
That's gross.
I will never not giggle at the word stool.
Why are these things and your shit both called stool?
It doesn't make any sense.
What do you got, Jeff?
Oh, let me recap for you.
John Tucker must die hard day's night of the living dead man who knew two little fuckers.
Okay. There's that movie called Dear John.
Yes! Yes!
Dear John, Tucker must die hard
day's night of the living dead
man who knew two little fuckers.
Ray, see, you're your own undoing
with that fucking Fockers thing
Man who loo
To little Fockers of the
Jade Scorpion
Fockers of the Jade Scorpion
I will take it
That's great
I think I know where you're going next
Buddy, Dale No, I just not Yeah, he handed you one What did he say? I think I know where you're going next, buddy.
Dale.
No, I just not.
I didn't.
Yeah, he handed you one.
What did he say?
Nothing.
Do you have to know what the last one is?
No, I will not tell you.
Dear John Tucker must die hard.
Day's night of the living dead man.
Who knew too little far curse of the Jade Scorpion
Oh, Scorpion King?
Yeah
Okay
I didn't hear that one because I had one already
That was fucking Wheel of Fortune level easy
I had one already and I was focusing on that
Oh, okay
Now nobody talk to me until it comes back
How's it going, Dale? You want to throw a donut? I had one already and I was focusing on that. Oh, okay. Now nobody talk to me until it comes back.
How's it going, Dale?
You want to throw a donut?
I think that guy just wants me to throw a donut at him.
Who keeps cheering?
It's a lady.
I'm so sorry.
Do you want two donuts for my mistake? That would be good.
Here.
She's dying for a donut over there.
Just give her one.
Ooh, we got options.
Nah, you're just going to wait.
Oh.
That deserved a little bit more applause, but all right.
Yeah, you really, that was quite a throw.
I impress myself, and that's what matters in athletic competition.
Jeff, we've got Dear John Tucker.
Must die hard day's night of the living dead man.
Who knew two little fuckers of the Jade Scorpion King.
That Yes Dear
was a TV show.
I don't know.
Me not thinking of something
is the funniest thing this lady's ever seen.
And to be honest with you, I'm a little tired after the travel day,
so I could use the laugh.
I'm going to milk it.
King Kong is the name of a movie, right?
Or is that just a play?
No, it's a movie.
It's a movie, too.
It's a movie, too, yeah.
Okay, cool. I've only seen the play.
So that's
who you're going with? King Kong?
King Kong. Okay.
I think...
Go ahead there, Ray.
King Kong Skull Island.
Yeah, Kong Skull Island. You just handed him that one.
Kong Skull Island.
Yeah, Kong Skull Island.
You just handed him that one.
Skull Island of the Lost.
Whoa.
This is one of the longer ones we've ever done, maybe. Hey.
Just impressed.
Wasn't that impressive.
Boys.
Lost boys.
Lost boys in the hood.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hood.
What now?
It's on Dale and it's hood.
We still have John, though, right?
What?
No, it's Deer.
Yeah, Deer.
I don't know what you can do with that.
Deer.
Deer.
Deer.
Jennifer's body.
So that's how you pronounce the word deer?
Deer.
Deer.
Deer.
I mean, it depends on where you're from,
and this is just how I talk, so.
Get used to it.
Motherfucking
Jennifer's body.
Shit, where are you from?
I don't know.
Okay, contain Jennifer's body.
Deer.
Deer.
Body.
Deer.
Deer.
Try the other end.
Hood.
Hood.
Hood.
Deer.
Hood.
Or give up.
Never.
You can't say never.
Remember the Alamo.
Here we go.
Never give up.
Hood.
Hood.
Hood comma Robin.
Fuck. All right, comma, Robin. Fuck.
All right, you're out.
No, the movie, fuck.
Yeah, sure.
Thanks for playing.
I appreciate the opportunity.
Jeff? I don't know what it is to me yet. Jeff.
I don't know what it is to me yet.
Is it boys to me?
No, it's boys in the hood.
Oh, hood to me.
Yeah.
All right, hood winked.
Yes.
God damn it.
Yeah.
That was the one just sitting there waiting for you, Dale.
I know.
Winked.
So Ray is in a tough spot.
Ends in deer.
Not really. Begins with winked.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
That's a movie, right?
Nope.
Prancer, Santa's Reindeer.
Nope.
Nope.
Santa Claus, the movie, and his reindeer.
Nope.
I think I'm going gonna tap, Doug.
No, no, let's give you a
four-track. Those were all great answers, though.
I got a stopper
on the deer end now. Oh, good for you.
I mean, deer is already a stopper,
but we'll see. We'll see how it goes.
I got one more. It's Dale's turn.
No, it's not. Dale's out. He's out, too.
No, I want him to have another chance.
Hoodwinked 2.
Full title?
No, that was it.
No.
All right.
With a vengeance.
Electra Boogadier.
All right, Jeff, what do you got?
Okay, for deer, I have The Killing of a Sacred Deer.
Oh, yes!
Did you see that movie? No.
It's fucked up.
That's what I heard. I'm scared of it.
I wanted to see it.
He eats at a place
where I have breakfast.
It was filmed in my neighborhood.
In Cincinnati.
Can you believe it?
Okay.
It's a fucked up movie.
Alright, so...
Killing of a sacred deer.
John Tucker
must die hard
day's night of the living dead
man who knew two little
fuckers of the jade scorpion
King Kong skull island
of the lost
boys in the hood
winked.
Put that on a fucking marquee.
Fuckers of the jade scorpion is amazing
and you should be very proud.
Thank you so very much, Jeff.
All right, Jeff, you did it. Do you want to throw a donut?
She wants another one.
You're always such a gentle toss.
Somebody hold up a sign in the back.
A sign towards the back.
I'm going to hit it.
All right, that one back there.
Holy shit.
It's not very big.
Let's see.
Oh!
He tried.
He raised it up to try to greet my donut,
but it didn't work out. Are you eating it anyway, dude?
Ray, you gonna get it?
Did you pick it up off the ground? I mean,
when am I gonna get another chance? Yeah.
Yeah, Ray, you should throw one.
Live your wildest dreams.
Yeah!
Ray, who's this person in the front?
What? Who's this person in the front? What?
Who's this person in the front?
That's my friend Kat.
Your friend.
Hit her as hard as you can with a donut right now.
When are you going to have another chance?
She might be angry about that.
I can tell she already is.
Do it.
I didn't do it.
Why is she angry?
Dude, if you can answer that question,
you got a million dollar book on your hands.
Okay.
Okay.
I got confetti in my drink.
Reloading.
I gotta give this lady another donut
just to get her to shut up.
She was not looking when I threw that.
And then it just landed right
in her hands.
Alright,
let's determine a winner tonight with a little
something called Ron Bennington's
Adjusted for Inflation Bureau game.
Jeff, as usual, gets to go first.
And then we will go to Dale
and then to our new friend Ray.
And you'll each get a chance to go first for one round.
And then we have a tiebreaker if we need it.
Oh, there's my pen.
It's looking in my pocket.
It was on the table
just writing in Ray's name right now
are they back from halftime yet?
just started third quarter
whoo
hell yeah
okay let us know
if something happens
in the game or in this show.
I'm going to ask you, Jeff,
to name what you think might be
in the top three box office draws
of a particular actor or actress
according to Box Office Mojo
after being adjusted for inflation.
What do you think, and again,
only the guys on stage get to guess in these games,
in honor of being in San Antonio,
the films of San Antonio Banderas.
What do you think's in his top three, Jeff?
You got one?
Yeah, I got a number of them bouncing around my head.
Let's go ahead and pick one.
I'm going to say Shrek 3D.
Snap the title.
All right, Dale?
Shrek the Third.
Oh, yeah, that's what Ray?
I'm going to go Shrek 2.
Alright.
Coming in at number three,
Shrek Forever After.
Yeah.
And number two,
Shrek the third.
That's two points for Dale. And coming in at number two, Shrek the Third. That's two points for Dale.
And coming in at number one...
Spy Kids.
It's Shrek 2, Ray gets three points!
I couldn't remember if that cat came in the second movie or the third.
What's that, Dale? I couldn't remember when the cat came in the second movie or the third. What's that, Dale?
I couldn't remember when the cat came in.
I was explaining my logic behind my choice, just a little insider information for the game.
You weren't sure when the pussy in the boots shows up?
Yeah.
It's trick two.
That's what he's called, right?
Yeah, clearly.
Now I know.
The pussy in the boots?
Yeah.
I heard he got out of the business after Trump grabbed him.
Alright.
Second round.
Dale gets to start us off.
The films of Tim Allen.
Yeah, he's in films.
Tim Allen is, of course,
in that movie...
Let me just do this real quick.
Dear LOL Comedy Club,
may I have another
Tito's and Soda?
P.S. Whiskey Coke.
With...
You know, I like to write my own P.S.s.
And a whiskey Coke for Dale.
Are you good, Ray?
I would like a Shiner Buck.
I guess your Shineriner Bock. Oh.
I guess your Shiner Bucket is empty.
Right?
Yes, it is. And Jeff, you're good?
Yeah, I'm good.
He was drinking Miller Lite until you asked.
As soon as you asked, he bumped it up a level.
They don't offer Shiner Buckets.
I did get one in the lobby, though.
You can drink anything you want.
Bring me liquid gold.
Dale?
You're with us?
Yeah.
Or against us?
I've got a few.
I've got a few in mind, and I have no idea how they would have done in theaters.
So I'm just taking
the Shaggy Dog.
Hmm.
Alright.
Shaggy Dog. Fair enough.
I'm going to go with Toy Story.
Son of a bitch.
Toy Story.
God damn it.
You know what?
Even worse, my backup was Old Dogs.
He's not even in Old Dogs, man.
He's in Wild Dogs.
That's why he was my backup.
Okay, Jeff.
Toy Story 2.
Okay.
Can I change my answer?
Coming in at number three.
The original Toy Story.
Hold on.
Number two.
What's happening?
Did you say that Joe wanted something to drink? Apparently nobody was in the room when you said that. Oh, okay. Number two. What's happening?
Apparently nobody was in the room.
Oh, okay.
Whiskey Coke?
Yes, please.
Whiskey Coke for Dale and Tito's and soda for me.
Yeah, Shiner Bock and Jeff's Coke.
That was crazy.
All right.
Where were we?
See, people can interrupt all they want, dude.
As soon as the score changes, let us know.
Coming in number two, Toy Story 2.
That was Jeff?
Yep.
Jeff's on the board with two points.
But Ray is running away with this thing because number one, Toy Story 3.
Oh, which is 3. Oh.
Which is what I said.
Oh, Dale said Toy Story 3.
Okay, so now you have five points.
Five, right.
Oh, you just said the first Toy Story, Ray?
Yeah, I said Toy Story.
Okay, okay, so you get one point for that.
So Ray has four, Jeff has two, and Dale has two.
So it's anybody's game.
And Ray gets to go first in this final round.
But then Jeff gets to go first if we need a tiebreaker.
Ray?
Yes.
The films of John Goodman.
Oh, my fucking God. of John Goodman.
Oh, my fucking God.
Update.
Oh, we got an update.
Perfect timing. Thank God.
10-6.
Cowboys 10, Raiders 6.
Cowboys still have 10.
Raiders now have 6 points on the board.
They're going to go for an extra point.
That's correct.
You think they'll go for 2?
Probably not. Seems silly at this point in the board. They're going to go for an extra point. That's correct. You think they'll go for two? Probably not.
Seems silly at this
point in the game.
Just be happy with one.
Can we talk about how Dallas sports teams
are always the bad guys in sports
movies?
That's who y'all are rooting for, is the bad guys.
Like what sports
movie? The Replacements.
That's it? That's your list?
All the others Friday Night Lights
Friday Night Lights is about fucking
high school
They can be shitty at an early age
Yeah and they have to play the Dallas Cowboys
and they get destroyed
Alright Stop saying things that are not to win the Dallas Cowboys and they get destroyed.
Alright. Stop saying things that are not
pertinent.
What's that? They got the point?
Yeah, 10-7.
10-7, okay.
This Dallas Riffid has really
helped me out. I got an answer, Doug.
Okay. Monsters, Inc.
Dale?
Monsters University.
Jeff?
Monsters Unemployment.
Monsters Pre-K.
Is there any sort of graduate program for those monsters?
Monsters MBA.
Monsters internship.
I'm going to...
God damn it.
Fuck. Fuck. John Good. Like fuck.
John Goodman, fuck.
Yeah, fuck.
I'm going to say
there's no way this is going to be, it would even be listed.
Hmm.
Hmm.
God damn it. I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know, man I don't know
Is he in Toy Story 3?
Does he make a voice cameo
And then they put it on his list?
Just name a movie that John Goodman's in
That you enjoy
That seemed like it might have been a hit
Ooh, drinks are here
I can't think of any John Goodman movie I enjoyed that might have been a hit. Ooh, drinks are here. I can't think of any John Goodman movie I enjoyed that might have been a hit.
I can think of a lot that for sure weren't.
Did you see Argo?
Yeah, Argo.
Yeah, okay.
All right, thanks, guys.
Argo.
I'll say Argo.
That's your answer?
Yeah, I'll say Argo.
You think I'd give you one of the top three?
I'm about to find out.
Okay.
Coming in at number three The Flintstones
Really?
What?
Wow
That movie was big
It's a great movie
And then you adjust for inflation
Holy shit
You remember America was
Rosie O'Donnell crazy at the time
Some of us still are Yeah Deflation? Holy shit. You remember America was Rosie O'Donnell crazy at the time.
Some of us still are. Yeah.
Rick Moranis was in it.
Yeah.
He was good.
Yeah.
Number two, Monsters U.
Who said that?
That was me.
That was a Dale special
okay so Dale you're up to four points
which ties you up with Ray
but I think we all know
what's about to happen
because the number one movie
of course in John Goodman's
career is
Monsters Inc
Ray you are
our winner!
The happiest boy in all of San Antonio.
Would you like to throw a donut, Ray?
Yeah.
A victory donut.
That guy wants one.
That lady wants a third donut.
Should I do more?
Well, I mean, you gotta do something
Like really chuck it
Don't just give it a nice little toss
Try to get someone in the back row
Like throw it
Throw it overhand
Just
Those are these lights
You can't get them to the lights
Just pitch it right into somebody's
What would Eminem say about this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I can't believe you're losing these donuts in the lights
You got one shot
Oh, that was a good one.
Yeah. Alright.
I'll leave one more for me to
possibly throw.
But, just for
fun, since I prepared it,
let's do the tiebreaker. Let's do one more
round. I would love to.
Nobody's in a hurry to get out of here, right?
Okay. Watch the rest
of the game in the lobby.
Why is somebody telling you to sit down? Nobody's in a hurry to get out of here, right? Okay. Watch the rest of the game in the lobby.
Why is somebody telling you to sit down?
I have no idea.
Why are you standing, though?
Like, that's also a question that can be asked.
Jeff, I didn't anticipate being up here.
I have to pee quite bad right now.
It's worse when I sit down.
Do you want to go pee?
We can wait.
No, no, I can tough it out, Doug.
I'm a professional.
All right, because there's still 45 minutes left of the show.
I gave you my word.
I'm sorry, we're almost done.
But let's play one more round.
And who was going second every time?
That was Dale?
Yeah.
Okay.
So we'll start with you, Dale.
The films of Steve Carell.
Steve Carell.
Despicable Me.
Okay.
Two.
Wait, what's that?
Kids love sequels.
Nah, just Despicable Me.
Okay.
Two.
Wait, you said more.
What?
You said another word.
I'm going to claim both. What answer are you going with Despicable Me 2
People like that
People have your back
Doesn't really matter
Ray
Is this domestic or international I forget
It's just domestic
And just earth right
Earth domestic yes or international? I forget. It's just domestic. And just Earth, right?
Earth domestic, yes.
Yeah, I'll go Despicable Me 3.
Okay.
J.F.? Despicable Me.
It feels like you guys discovered
the pattern of the game tonight.
I found this interesting.
His number 10 movie, Anchorman, the first Anchorman is not even in his top 10.
Wow.
And then number 10 is Anchorman 2, The Legend Continues, or whatever that was called.
That made more money?
Yeah.
Nobody saw it.
Anchorman.
Anchorman was more of a hit later on video or whatever.
Kids love sequels.
And then his number 9 is 40-Year-Old Virgin. You'd think that'd be up higher. hit later on video or whatever. Kids love sequels.
And then his number nine is 40-Year-Old Virgin.
You'd think that'd be up higher.
But then let's get into
the nitty-gritty of what you guys
chose. Despicable Me 3
came in fifth.
Wow. It's his fifth highest.
His fourth highest
is the original Despicable
Me.
Then number three, Bruce Almighty.
Number two, fucking Minions.
These are Minions.
Oh, yeah.
And number one, Despicable Me 2.
I love winning after it doesn't matter.
Yeah, I think you should throw a donut.
I think you deserve it.
I really do.
Cat, this one was for you.
Did it get to her?
Anywhere near her?
I have no idea where she's sitting.
Yeah, that was weird.
He just threw the fake general direction. That was a powdered donut, so it like snowed on everyone in his trajectory.
Like a Christmas miracle.
All right, give me your dead cat name tag, and Jeff, give me yours.
And I don't need yours, Ray, because you won.
What I need is for that person you played for,
Deanna, to come up here and get your prizes.
Congratulations.
You won one way or the other.
That worked out pretty good.
Let's do some plugs, you guys.
Dale, what do you got to plug?
I don't know.
I'll be in Austin about an hour and a half away from here
on January 19th at Kick Butt Coffee.
I'm headlining a coffee shop.
Get your seat early before they turn off the coffee machine.
And then we're doing a Christmas show in Houston
on December 22nd at the Secret Group
comedy club in East Downtown.
Check it out.
Yeah, Secret Group is great.
We just did a Douglas Movies there Friday night,
and it's a really sweet venue for the Houston area.
And follow me on all the social stuff.
Don't follow at Dale Cheeseman.
That's an Australian construction worker
who's very fast on every new social media platform.
So just, you'll find me.
It's whatever.
Yeah, on Instagram, you're Dale Cheesema.
D-Cheesema.
I don't know what I thought when I signed up for that.
D-Cheesema.
Cheesema is just so gross A lot of it is
It's kind of similar to Smegma
Or just Dick Cheesema
Sorry to put that in your heads everybody
Ray what do you got to promote?
I got a lot of friends
At a local independent theater
called the Overtime Theater
here in San Antonio, Texas.
They do original plays from local artists.
And yeah, go on down to the Overtime.
Catch a play. It's good stuff.
That sounds cool.
Thanks, dude.
Also the Vikings football team.
Watch the games. They're fun.
We need more fans. Yep. Watch the games. They're fun. We need more fans.
Yeah.
Alright, Jeff.
I got an album coming out January 12th.
You can pre-order it on iTunes now.
I'll be at Go Bananas
Comedy Club in Cincinnati January
4th through the 7th.
I'll be in Dallas
at Hyena's January 24th. Houston at The Secret Group the 7th. I'll be in Dallas at Hyena's January 24th.
Houston
at the Secret Group January 26th.
And then Lafayette, Louisiana
the 27th.
And Baton Rouge, Louisiana January 28th.
And I'm on Instagram
at Jeff Tate. Just
mine.
He looked at a
paper that whole time,
but none of those things were written on it.
That was impressive.
Most of it is written on it.
Like all the dates are on the bottom right there.
And I just wowed him because I remembered I'm on Instagram.
One more time for all of my guests,
Dale Cheeseman, Ray Schmidt, and Jeff Tate.
I'm going to be in sweet home San Diego
doing Douglas Movies at the American Comedy Company
on Monday, December 26th.
Thank you to the LOL
Comedy Club and to all of you
guys for coming out on a Sunday
night when your favorite teams are playing.
I appreciate it.
And I'll be back
for sure.
As long as that lady's sitting further away from the stage.
It's all good.
All these things falling apart in my hands.
It's crazy.
I don't have any more donuts,
dude. Trying to wrap up
the show. If you want more
donuts, there's plenty of places to sell them throughout
the city.
As always,
hotel room wet bar
prices are a shithead.
You heard me, lady.
And Ray Schmidt is a shithead.
Now it's time for them to watch another
talkie.
Isaac holds his viewing prowess, makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you,
because Doug loves movies.