Doug Loves Movies - Ray Schmit, Geoff Tate and Dale Cheesman guest

Episode Date: December 18, 2017

Live from the Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club in San Antonio, Doug welcomes Ray Schmit, Geoff Tate and Dale Cheesman to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Priv...acy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 The Face Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is I Love Movies. Coming to you once again from the LOL Comedy Club in San Antonio, Texas! Super bad timing on my part. I had no idea that the people of San Antonio love the Raiders and the Cowboys, and that they're playing each other as we speak. I guess I should have known
Starting point is 00:01:09 that they'd be two teams from cities that aren't San Antonio. And I've been told that they only play each other once maybe every ten years or something because they're in different divisions or some shit. So thank you to those of you
Starting point is 00:01:24 who are either skipping watching that important game or don't give a fuck about it. Either way, we are here and it's going to be a good time. We've been having a great time on this tour. It's Sunday, December 17th,
Starting point is 00:01:41 2017 and let me see your naughty and nice name tags. Because you guys are always a good name tag town. And most of them are right up front. Wait, why are you just holding up a hat? He doesn't know. Thor Ragnarok. What did you change Thor Ragnarok. What'd you change?
Starting point is 00:02:09 Ragnarok. Your name's Ray? All right, Ray. Good job. And you have lights on yours, but you didn't turn them on because you're sitting right in front. It needs C batteries. It needs C batteries?
Starting point is 00:02:18 For a fucking tiny sign with little lights on it? Oh, you took the movie Rio and changed it to Mario. Nice. Well done. And this guy over here changed Logan to Milogan? Milogan.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Your name's Milo? Yes. Do you have a brother named Otis? Ghost Justers. Have I seen that one before? Yes, I have. All right. Justin? Ghost Justers. Have I seen that one before? Yes, I have. All right. Justin? Ghost justers.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Yes. Sean girl instead of gone girl. I like that. And Rach Hell or High Water. That's a real nice one. It's all blinky. You're next to somebody. Yours doesn't blink, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:01 No, it doesn't. What does it say? Ricario. Because your name's Rick? Okay. All right. Great job, everyone. We'll ask you to whip those out again later.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Doug plugs. Take Crazy Nights continues tomorrow. Cap City in Austin. San Francisco Tuesday at Cobbs, and Night 8 is in Sacramento at the Punchline, and that's next Wednesday, December 20th, 2017. In case anyone is listening to this podcast next year, or whenever you get around to it. But whenever you listen to it, there's a place to go see if I'm coming to your town soon
Starting point is 00:03:48 and that's Douglovesmovies.com That's Douglovesmovies.com Yeah! That guy threw in a real feeble, oh yeah! That guy threw in a real feeble, oh yeah. 264 people bought tickets to Douglas movies last night in Dallas at Hyenas. So they're the current leader in sales. We'll add up the number of people that are here tonight later and determine that there was more people in Dallas. What's that?
Starting point is 00:04:30 Are you really just chatting with me? Like, I'm not trying to do a show over here. That's okay. This poor guy, this fucking tree is in the way. Thanks for coming, dude. Enjoy the tree but uh yeah i'm sorry you didn't make it out of houston lady the prize bag tonight has a lot of oh some amazing stuff in it as you know i've been on the road for several days so i just you know you know, I get what I can where I can.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Last night somebody put a bottle of Tito's on a name tag. So I kept that for the prize bag. I should say for the listeners, a very small bottle of Tito's. They were plain size. And then I've also got from my hotel room a mega rich body cleanser. Yeah, it's Peter Thomas Roth. I guess that's supposed to mean something to somebody. Fancy, right?
Starting point is 00:05:32 Oh, also from Peter Thomas Roth. I just like the sound of this. Non-irritating mouthwash. So many mouthwashes are irritating. Not this one. Non-irritating. Oh, a shoehorn. That also says Peter Thomas Roth on it.
Starting point is 00:05:54 So that's going to impress people when they come by. One of the final Christmas-y pipes from Peacemaker. Oh, yeah, we got some smokers in the crowd. What a surprise. I don't know what this is doing in there. That's supposed to be in my pocket. And then I've got, standing by tonight, I've got a confetti gun for an exciting moment in the show.
Starting point is 00:06:28 And by confetti gun, I mean it might hit you guys in the front row. Maybe. But probably not. And I keep getting, I keep wearing this every night. And doing the same joke for everybody. Because you've got to see it to get it. This is an elf when he graduates. Yeah, diminishing returns on that.
Starting point is 00:06:56 Is anyone here wearing a Santa or elf hat? Anyone at all? Oh, we've got one back there. Does yours personalize? Does it have your name on it? No? What? It have your name on it? No. What? It says Cowboys on it?
Starting point is 00:07:10 Are you excited about the game? Are they winning? Yeah? So you can keep track of the score? Is it a blowout? What's the score right now? I don't know. Is it a blowout?
Starting point is 00:07:23 What's the score right now? No. Well, I was going to say we could trade hats if you want, but it sounds like you wouldn't want to part with it. I understand that. Yeah, no thank you is right. No thank you. I don't want your sticky cowboy hat. The first night I put this on, as soon as I put it on,
Starting point is 00:07:42 people went, what about lice? Like, can you not even... It's 3-0. It's 3-0. Thanks, dude. Will you keep us updated throughout? That'll be fun, right? Who wants the Cowboys to win? And who wants the Raiders?
Starting point is 00:08:05 Alright. Chargers? And who wants the Raiders? Alright Chargers? What does that have to do with anything? Alright I've got two great guests tonight But as you guys may have noticed On the last couple of shows We've been having a lot of fun
Starting point is 00:08:23 Letting someone from the audience participate as a guest. Yeah, and Ray, would you be into that? Yes, I would. All right. Take your, bring your, I guess you can leave your name tag there. But come up here and take one of these seats. The lady with the cowboy's hat on. Are you good at movie trivia? No? Is she really? Is she here? Okay that's good to know. But this lady's
Starting point is 00:08:58 going crazy. You think you'd be great at it? Okay, come on up here. She's got a Harry Potter scarf on, so I already like her. And, all right, the sister of the cowboys lady, come on up here. Let's see if your sister's telling the truth. Because, you know, that's in football. You always have to tell the truth! I learned that. What's that donut
Starting point is 00:09:28 at your feet there, Ray? Oh, I brought them for throwing and or eating purposes. They look really fancy. Uh, yeah. The finest 7-Eleven has to offer. They look fancy delicious. Those are from 7-Eleven? I'm shocked. Yeah, one of them is a Cowboys themed one. Yeah, come on over. How you doing? Let's meet them individually before we pit them against each other in a game of Last Man Stanton. What's your name? Catherine. Catherine. What's your sister's name over there?
Starting point is 00:09:54 Alicia. Alicia. And you feel good about her nominating you like this? All right. You feel all right? Well, you know, you get nervous. Yeah, right? No, these games are hard enough as it is,
Starting point is 00:10:08 but then when you're in front of an audience, it gets intense. So good luck to you. Oh, and what do you do? I'm in accounting. Accounting? Yeah. Okay. I listen to podcasts all day.
Starting point is 00:10:19 Oh, perfect. Well, if I have any math problems, I don't know if there... No, Last Man Standing has nothing to do with math. Ray? Yes. How you doing, man? I am ecstatic right now. This is pretty exciting, right?
Starting point is 00:10:34 I am very excited, yeah. And you, what do you do for a living? I do copy editing. Okay. I'd ask a follow-up question, but we've got a lot of things to do tonight. That's fine. All right. And what's the name of this lady here on the end with the Harry Potter scarf?
Starting point is 00:10:50 My name's Deanna. Deanna? Yeah. Okay. And what do you do, Deanna? I'm a teacher. Oh, what do you teach? Third grade.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Third grade. Oh, they're great at that age. Yeah. Yeah, right? I wouldn't want to do that I'm grateful that anybody wants to teach because that's that's a rough gig get a lot of third graders come up to you going hey great job today no no but just self-centered little shits all right so you all know how to play Last Man Stanton? Yes. We're going to get a name of an actor or actress from an audience member.
Starting point is 00:11:30 There's only one name and there's no lifelines and there's no take-backs. You have to take turns saying an exact title. Who feels the most confident today? That's a dumb question. Alright, Ray, you'll go first. I'm up to this.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Yeah, and then we'll go to, what's your name again? I'm sorry. Catherine. Catherine? Okay, Catherine and Deanna. You got it. Oh, look at this. We gotta get that beer to him. Thank you. Brain fuel. Look at him
Starting point is 00:12:04 go. What kind of beer is that? It is a Miller Lite. Ooh, only the finest. For Ragnarok. Okay, now there's somebody in the audience who said they had a great name for Last Man Stanton, but I'm puzzled by their Twitter handle.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Because the Twitter handle is HBO CEO of Tits. That's me, Doug. That's you? I got a great name we can use. What is it? But you can't pick the name. That wouldn't be fair.
Starting point is 00:12:44 But what does HBO CEO of tits mean? Well, Doug, they actually have a guy that goes up to directors at HBO and whispers in their ear, Hey, this is HBO. You can put full frontal nudity in here. You really should. HBO encourages people to have nudity because it's HBO. Yeah. They're like, why is this on HBO if there's not nudity?
Starting point is 00:13:04 So that's why Lena Dunham's naked in every episode. Yes. Okay. Well, probably some other reasons for that. But Curb Your Enthusiasm doesn't have any nudity. Did the CEO of Tits take a nap when that one started? Yeah, probably. And it became a running joke on the AV Club. Who wants to see Larry David
Starting point is 00:13:19 naked anyway? The AV Club? You remember that? It's terrible now. It's a thing still, the AV Club? Yeah, but it's on Kinja now. What does that mean? It's an awful commenting system that they use. Oh, okay. It's bad.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Alright, nerd. Funny one of those would come here, you know? Alright, so you can't suggest a name. Who's got a good name for this game for us? You can't. You're with him. A couple of cheaters. Now, who else has a possible suggestion?
Starting point is 00:13:53 Oh, this guy in the hat over here. I like his look. What's your name, dude? Brian. Brian. All right. And he wants you guys to do Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Movies where he was either the Rock or Dwayne Johnson.
Starting point is 00:14:09 I can't keep track anymore. I'm going to take Jumanji off the table right now because it's not out yet. Rampage as well. And start us off, Ray. Dwayne the Rock Johnson was in The Scorpion King. Yes, and you don't have to say his name every time. I'll get better at it as we go. Catherine, any rock movie?
Starting point is 00:14:37 Moana. Moana? Very good. She said Moana, Deanna. The Tooth Fairy? Yeah, that's right. Back to Ray. He was in Fast Five?
Starting point is 00:14:54 Is that when he started? Okay, if you say so. I know he wasn't in Tokyo Drift. Catherine? Not a big fan of The Rock? The other guys. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 00:15:22 He's the other guy in The Other Guys. Deanna? Deanna. I can't remember the name. Mm-hmm. It sounds like you're in a rough spot if there's only one you can think of. I know. And you don't know what it's called.
Starting point is 00:15:42 Oh, God. Want to take a stab at it? Um... I know who's in it. I can't. Oh, with that guy. I'm going to hate myself later. I can't think of one.
Starting point is 00:15:59 Oh, that's too bad. Thank you for playing, Deanna. Ray. Furious 7. Was that what that one was called? Mm-hmm. Okay. Their titles are confusing.
Starting point is 00:16:20 Also, I won't say it, but... Catherine. Also, I won't say it, but... Catherine? I'm not sure if it's right. Give it a go. I think it's a title that I wish that it was. Fate of the Furious. No, that's good. Yep, yep.
Starting point is 00:16:47 Just like Tate Crazy Nights, Fate is spelled with an eight. Walking Tall. Mm-hmm. The Buford Pusser Story. Came back too fast, Catherine. Yeah. Did you guys know these lights that look Christmas-y
Starting point is 00:17:11 are up here all the time? Yeah, I did know that. I finally figured that out after playing here a bunch of times. This tree, though, is special, isn't it sir Nothing He's in that one where his eyebrow goes up really high No No No thank you No. No.
Starting point is 00:17:47 No. No, thank you. Thank you for playing, Catherine. Thank you for playing. What were you going to say next, Ray? Because I know you have another one. Yeah, well, Fast and the Furious 6, Doom. I just asked for one. Show Off.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Show Off, man. Journey to the Center of the Earth Part 2. Something like that. What's that? Mummy Returns, I think. Their third Mummy movie. Whichever one that the Scorpion King came from. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:18:20 But I know Doom. Pain and Gain. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. There's probably other Michael Bays too, right? No. It's a lot tougher under the lights. Mark Wahlberg works with Bay a lot, but not The Rock.
Starting point is 00:18:35 The Rock is like, fuck this. He works with everybody. Guy. All right. Well, you did it, man. Let's hear it for Ray, everybody. Thank you. What's your last name Ray?
Starting point is 00:18:51 Schmidt. S-C-H-M-I-T. Schmidt. D-1-T. S-C-H-M-I-T. Oh okay. There's no D at the end. Yeah there's no D and only one T. It's Luxembourg not German. German's got all at the end. Yeah, there's no D and only one T. It's Luxembourg, not German.
Starting point is 00:19:06 German's got all that extra stuff. Okay. Let's get your competitors up here. It's Dale Cheeseman and Jeff Tate! Hey fellas Oh I left my phone in the back It was happily charging But thank you Jeff And let's give them
Starting point is 00:19:39 Individual rounds of applause Starting with first time guests On the show It's Ray Schmidt, everybody! So, dude, what did you bring for the prize bag? Can we put those donuts in the prize bag? Yeah, sure, why not? One of them is
Starting point is 00:20:00 cowboys-themed, actually. It is? Yeah, one of them is. Alright. It's got nice, one of them is. All right. It's got nice little sprinkles on it. Blue and silver. You ever seen silver ones before? What are all these? People are spending $25 on throwing donuts.
Starting point is 00:20:18 Why is everybody laughing at Jeff? What's he doing over there? Ray, could you move out of the way? There was a lot of his pants that didn't make the turn. I believe that to be true. And I was simply... I didn't realize that everyone was going to see me just move a little bit. All I did was move a little bit this way.
Starting point is 00:20:42 And everyone was like, oh, I get it. All right. And we already talked to you about your copywriting career. What was the last copywriting, like, what was the last assignment you had there? What did you have to write copy for? Well, I said editing, Doug. Oh, sorry. What did you have to write copy for? Well, I said editing, Doug. Oh, sorry. What did you have to edit copy for?
Starting point is 00:21:07 Just some blog posts for the pink hat lady. Pink hat gypsy. Oh, all right. Is that your boss over there? I don't know what stuff is called. I just correct the sentences, you know. Well, good luck today. The last two nights, the audience member that we brought up to play
Starting point is 00:21:31 managed to beat Dale and Jeff underneath tremendous odds. Wow. So good luck to you tonight, Ray. Those are good players, too. Yeah, I think so. I mean, you're just saying that because you're sitting amongst them. No, I say that as a fan. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:21:48 You've got to be trying to talk yourself up about this. Like, honestly, in this crowd, you were probably the one person rooting for me then. Hey, will the three of you guys be on my new podcast, Beard Club? Let's give a big warm welcome to dale cheeseman everybody what up san antonio uh it took a great deal of effort for you to get here today i hear like traffic and whatnot oh man driving weather where do i begin Small talk is hard. No, yeah, I drove in from Dallas down 35, which has been under construction since like 1776.
Starting point is 00:22:38 Yeah, the founding fathers were like, let's build this 35. I still can't clear those redcoats. And it pushes you down to one lane. But I made it, and I'm here in San Antonio, and I'm happy about that. It's a fun town. I like it. Dude, you are really taking to this whole stage presence thing. He just had the personal server come on stage to change out his beers.
Starting point is 00:23:04 I don't even get that. Yeah, that was a real timely change out. She's like, she's ready as soon as you're finished. That was like a NASCAR fan change out. I gave her the high sign. They bought the bucket of beers. That's why she's ready to go like that. If I just hold my hand out like this?
Starting point is 00:23:21 No, it doesn't work for me. You're cool. You're cool. You're drinking whiskey anyway, right? No, yeah, I'm good. I'll just test it. What'd you bring for the prize bag, Dale? I brought, um, last night we were in Dallas, and I
Starting point is 00:23:33 gave them something I didn't really care about, but this is San Antonio. So this is something deep from my childhood that I've loved for a long time. It's an album that helped shaped me. This is Ricky Skaggs. Don't cheat in our hometown.
Starting point is 00:23:51 It is by far my favorite musical work ever, and I was so surprised that it was on sale. Get the fucking hair helmet on this guy. There's a better copy on the back. Just use some B-roll for the back cover. We're not going to do two shoots.
Starting point is 00:24:06 But I was so surprised when they were selling it for $2 across the street at Half Price Books. And then I got something I actually love. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Ooh. Widescreen edition. With bonus features. That's the best.
Starting point is 00:24:27 That's my favorite one. It's the best. You get to tour Lupin's office. Yeah, yeah. And HBO bought all the Harry Potter movies on New Year's Day. They're going to show them
Starting point is 00:24:38 all back to back. But with tits? HBO, it's not TV, it's tits. And then also somebody gave us a box of donuts ahead of time, so they're sitting at Dale's feet and we'll try to toss those out,
Starting point is 00:25:02 try to share them with people throughout the show. It's always great when someone naturally comes up with donuts, and it creates that moment of the show where you get to throw the donuts, and now we just have to kind of force that in at some time. We don't have to. Another fun thing to do would be to just stomp on that box in front of everybody. Just ruin all the donuts in one move. Think about it.
Starting point is 00:25:25 And let's say hello to Jeff Tate! Hello, everybody. Hello. Thank you. Thank you. Tate Crazy Nights rages on. This is our fifth city out of eight. And you're two for two on the wins. Yeah. How do you feel about tonight's competition?
Starting point is 00:25:46 I feel pretty great. Pretty confident. I'm pretty confident. Because I see this guy, he's getting beers brought up to him immediately. And he's just going to be too drunk. Challenge accepted. That's not what I meant. I challenge accepted That's not what I meant
Starting point is 00:26:04 I'm going to be too drunk for sure But I don't need to know anything Hopefully I wrote everything down That I need to know Yesterday's show I looked at the page And I totally had not written down an entire game But we got through it We made it work
Starting point is 00:26:22 And it was fun What do you have for the prize bag, Jeff? I have a copy of my next album. It's called People Are What People Make Them. It comes out January 12th, next year. Yeah, this is early, you guys. Right? It's good.
Starting point is 00:26:39 And if one of you is going to win this, and the rest of you will have the opportunity to purchase one. On the way out. Or don't. Yeah, but on your way out tonight, ahead of the release date, you can get a hard copy. He'd probably sign it for you if you wanted him to. Only $10. $10.
Starting point is 00:26:59 $10 out in the lobby. And if you only have 20s, he does not make change. So it's $20. I mean, he'll give you two, I guess, if you only have 20s, he does not make change. So it's 20 bucks. Yeah, I mean, he'll give you two, I guess, if you have a 20. Yeah, I'll give you two. Two for 20.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Three for 40. That's a good deal. All right, well... I have some questions for you guys before we get to the game portion, and I'll start with Dale. What was the last movie you saw, Dale Cheeseman? The last movie was Murder on the Orient Express.
Starting point is 00:27:34 Whoa. He sees artsy movies. Is that giveaway that I consider that artsy? I don't think that movie's artsy, yeah, no. I consider it artsy? I don't think that movie's artsy, yeah I consider it artsy It's pretty mainstream I mean, what gets more artistic than redoing something That someone else has already done?
Starting point is 00:27:52 Right? And you put Olaf in there It's a whole new thing The whole time I was picturing that carrot On his face, and I just couldn't get past Like any of the seriousness I didn't kill him! Honk honk But you give the movie a thumbs up? You liked it? couldn't get past any of the seriousness. I didn't kill him! Honk, honk. You know?
Starting point is 00:28:08 But you give the movie a thumbs up. You liked it? Yeah, I really did. I hadn't seen the original one, so I'm just going to assume it was terrible and not worth watching. And this new color version is great. I think the one they did in the 70s was in color. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:28:25 Nobody cares about facts anymore. Ray, what was the last movie you saw? I saw the new Star War. The Star Wars Episode 8, The Last Jedi. How'd that work out for you? It was pretty good. I liked it.
Starting point is 00:28:43 We're trying to stay away from spoilers because some people still haven't seen it. Who hasn't seen it yet? A few people. And you want to, right? Yeah, so thank you for coming to this instead of going to that. You know it's playing right next door. So I really appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:29:00 So that's why I don't want to spoil it. It's great. But you liked it. Yeah, it was very pretty. Like those speeders go off and the red stuff shoots out. It looks fantastic. We're bordering on spoilers, so just be careful. Someone in the crowd's going to get pissed about red dust.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Like, are you kidding me, red dust? What's the point? Yeah, Mark Hamill gives his best performance he's ever given in a Star Wars movie. You know. And I like that Rian Johnson guy, too. Directed the heck out of it. Yeah, Mark Hamill gives his best performance he's ever given in a Star Wars movie. You know. And I like that Ryan Johnson guy, too. Directed the heck out of it. Yeah, Ryan Johnson's a great director and a very nice dude.
Starting point is 00:29:35 All right, well, that's a good endorsement. Yeah. Hopefully that movie will make some money. Jeff? Did you have a chance to see anything today? We had a crazy travel day today. We sat on a dumb plane that didn't want to go. At all.
Starting point is 00:29:51 For various reasons. And then we had the classic running to another plane just to be able to make it here today. And we did it, though. We don't look like runners, but we did it. Yeah. I'm going to fucking feel that tomorrow Just running The lady at the gate goes
Starting point is 00:30:12 Well now you don't have to work out in San Antonio Like I was gonna Like, what the fuck I wasn't gonna work out at all, lady You didn't just Condense some of my steps you fucking added running to my day that's bullshit i don't like you shouldn't go to jail for that but somebody should be allowed to like if somebody makes you have to run you should be allowed to slap them
Starting point is 00:30:40 or there should be someone who slaps and you get to see it and be like, I had to run. They fucking got mustard on my shoe. Well, you know, they made OJ run in those old Hertz commercials and then, you know, that's when he decided he should be able to murder somebody. Yeah. It always starts small.
Starting point is 00:31:00 It starts... You think that's why he did it? They kept getting fucked off lights and he was like, God damn it! What's on this piece of paper you keep glancing at? Oh, I wrote down my notes for... Because the last movie I saw
Starting point is 00:31:17 is Murder on the Orient Express. Yeah, we all went together last night. Yeah, we all went together. And I have a couple of... Everyone's seen that, right? I have a couple of questions. First of all, this one isn't a question,
Starting point is 00:31:36 but I watched the whole movie to find out that I knew the ending already. Frasier spoiled it for me on an episode of Cheers. He gets mad because the other idiots at the bar spoil the end of a fake book. And then on his way out, he spoils the end of three real things.
Starting point is 00:31:58 They spoiled a fake thing. You can't, at the end, he's like, Rosebud is his sled. Which, by the way technically frazier spoiled citizen kane for me too but i was never gonna see that and he goes darth vader is lou skywalker's father and then woody goes they don't even have the same last name it's a good episode is that what we're talking about are we talking Cheers? I think it's in season six or seven. So that's a problem only you, Norm, and Sam have?
Starting point is 00:32:29 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and the rest of the gang at Cheers all were fucking bummed out that Frasier really didn't tell us the end. But you also realized it at the end that you didn't see coming because you hadn't realized it yet. Yeah. So it wasn't really spoiled. You just were reminded that it was spoiled. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I enjoyed every part of. Yeah. So it wasn't really spoiled. You just were reminded that it was spoiled.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Yeah, yeah. I mean, I enjoyed every part of the movie, and I don't care if I know the ending. Come on. Who was your favorite character? It has lots of famous actors in it. Man, I started out really, really hating the detective, but about 15 minutes in, he was my favorite person.
Starting point is 00:33:02 Kenneth Brown as Hercule Poirot. The minute I realized he knew that mustache was stupid, 15 minutes in, he was my favorite person. Kenneth Branagh as Hercule Poirot. The minute I realized he knew that mustache was stupid, I was like, I'm fucking on board with this movie. I get it. That has to go into at least a category top three dumbest mustaches. He had a morning, lunch, and nighttime mustache for that movie.
Starting point is 00:33:22 He also had a really dumb mustache in Wild Wild West. It's Kenneth Branagh's thing to have dumb mustaches. Who was he in Wild Wild West? He was the guy in the wheelchair with the dumb mustache. Oh my God. I didn't recognize him at all
Starting point is 00:33:37 because of his lower body. He had it in this movie. That's how I recognize actors is their lower body. You're used to seeing a legged Kenneth Brown. Right. A legged Kenneth. God, that makes me love him so much more than he's that guy.
Starting point is 00:33:51 I have this question, Doug. This is the one question I have once that whole movie was over. Okay, don't spoil anything. No, this is not a spoiler. Is Tale of Two Cities supposed to be funny? The book by Charles Dickens. Because there's a scene in the movie where he's reading it and
Starting point is 00:34:07 he's laughing. And he's just laughing and he goes, oh, Dickens. And I have never thought any of that was supposed to be funny. Maybe he was laughing because, you know, isn't it about one of the characters is poor? Maybe he was laughing at him being poor. Or maybe
Starting point is 00:34:23 he also, Kenneth Branagh's character also says that it's a mental burden to be such a brilliant detective because he's just always figuring out shit. So maybe Dickens is funny to him just because it's simple and he doesn't have to think. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:34:40 I was asleep by that point, I think. But I mean, what I mean is Tale of Two Cities isn't like... It's the 1700s. It's not a fucking Dave Barry book, right? It's the 1700s version of Eddie Murphy's Raw. It was pretty big. What if he was just halfway through and he figured out which city wins? I've never read that book.
Starting point is 00:35:05 It's mostly about the French Revolution. A lot of blood and guts in it, though. I'm just picturing Charles Dickens in a purple leather suit just walking across the stage like, man, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, you know what I mean? High-fiving somebody.
Starting point is 00:35:31 I'm going to keep picturing that for the rest of the show. I haven't asked this question, Dale, in the last few shows you've been on. So, sorry to spring it on you, but do you know what might be the best movie I've never seen? Have you seen Predestination yet? Still have not seen that.
Starting point is 00:35:51 Yeah, okay. Predestination. That's your answer still? For the fifth time in a time loop, I feel like we've been here before. Has anyone seen Predestination? That's a pretty good joke. I told you a year ago on this stage, Predestination. It's crazy that I haven't gotten around to it.
Starting point is 00:36:12 And once you see that movie, you're going to chuckle, chuckle oh so slightly at this moment and be like, oh, I get what he was joking about. Check it out. There's no way that's going to happen. Last year, there was one person in the audience who had seen it. How many people have seen it?
Starting point is 00:36:29 Two. Two people. That is 100% improvement. Just stats, baby. Did you, those two people, did you love it? Yeah. You watched it after the Houston show. You watched it after you did you love it? Yeah. We watched it after the Houston show. You watched it after you saw him in Houston?
Starting point is 00:36:48 Yeah. It's good. It's good. We liked it. Now, are you like Bert Kreischer and you just love anything that's got time travel in it? No. Okay, good. Because that's a weird way to live.
Starting point is 00:37:04 There's a lot of bad time travel movies. You shouldn't have to love them all. Ray, do you have one for me? A movie I might not have seen that I might find amazing? Yeah, I've heard you ask this question to so many people. Have you seen Mystery Team? The fucking movie where they're all superheroes? Ben Stiller? No, no no that's what's that
Starting point is 00:37:27 called that's mystery men okay the donald glover yeah the donald that mystery squad no it's mystery team mystery team i have not seen starring uh donald glover and dc pearson yeah dc pearson's been on the show a bunch of times yeah aubrey plaza's in it it's fantastic it's it basically posits encyclopedia brown in his senior year of high school they're kid detectives and their senior year of high school in a realistic world where everyone's like look at these fucking mystery dorks you know and you know it's donald glover and dc pierce and aubrey plaza and ellie kemper's in it it's very funny i'm in yeah i'm totally gonna check that out you know, it's Donald Glover and D.C. Pierce and Aubrey Plaza and Ellie Kemper's in it. It's very funny. I'm in.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Yeah. I'm totally going to check that out. You know, maybe not in the next year or so. But I'm definitely going to get around to it. And there's an order, right? And I'm just waiting my turn, hopefully. Have you seen it, Jeff? No, I've seen Predestination.
Starting point is 00:38:23 I really felt like I didn't have a choice. It just was going to happen anyway. Dan, that's a good Predestination joke. Y'all are all missing out. I wonder if anyone was getting their tickets for this show and I go, I hope Predestination comes up again. It's been a year since we talked about it. So,
Starting point is 00:38:46 Jeff, what do you got for me that you think I haven't seen? I'm going to say a movie called The Outfit. It stars Robert Duvall and Joe Don Baker and it's from 1973
Starting point is 00:39:04 or something. It's a war movie? No. It's a movie about clothiers? It's a heist movie. I was hoping it was like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants with two old men. No, the outfit is in regards to
Starting point is 00:39:19 criminals. Not like a mannequin. Not like a, hey, look at that outfit. That's a cool outfit. They're not like, oh, we got matching outfits. It's an outfit, like a bunch of criminals. I don't know why
Starting point is 00:39:36 this is difficult. It's based on a book. It's not. I was making jokes. I get it. It's about a group of guys that do a thing. Yeah, and you liked it. Yeah, it's great. When did you see it? When did I see it?
Starting point is 00:39:51 Yeah. I saw it a couple years ago. I've asked you that question a bunch of times. Yeah, and I tell you a different movie every time as I keep finding out which ones you've seen and haven't seen. How'd you know I hadn't seen that? I didn't. It was just the one that came't seen. How'd you know I hadn't seen that? I didn't.
Starting point is 00:40:07 It was just the one that came up next. What's the next one after that? Oh, man, I only bring one with me at a time. I was guest starring Sinbad and Phil Hartman. I'll try to ask you tomorrow, then. I'll try to remember. But now's the part of the show where I say burt turn it off and let the games begin lots of great name tags for you guys to choose from ray you can't pick your own name tag
Starting point is 00:40:35 even though it was a good one uh each burp each of you uh please select who you'd like to play for while you do that we'll do this. We'll be right back. Hey, no sponsors this ep. I just want to say, come see me in Irvine, California on December 27th and 28th, the Holiday Taint stand-up shows. If you bring a name tag, you will probably end up on stage
Starting point is 00:41:04 playing a game from Doug Loves Movies at the end of the show. Irvine Improv at the Spectrum in Irvine in Orange County, California. 8 o'clock shows.
Starting point is 00:41:21 December 27th to 28th. Back to the show. All right. We're back. Great job, everybody. Cowboys are up 10 to 0. We learned that during the break.
Starting point is 00:41:36 And who are you playing for there, Dale? I'm playing for Dead Cat, which I don't know what movie this is or what the reference is, but the person last night in Dallas who won was an audience member named Cat, and so this just kind of connected with me. I'm still kind of sore about that.
Starting point is 00:41:56 Well, also, Catherine was one of the three people that was just up here competing against Ray. Yeah, she was the Jessica Jones person. Yeah, so that's nice of you to pick her name. I'm going to guess it's Dead Man, that Johnny Depp Jim Jarmusch movie. Dead Man, yeah. Dead Cat. Okay. It's a real good
Starting point is 00:42:13 Jeff Tate face on there, though. Yeah, every night so far I've had to pick a Jeff Tate-centric poster. So cool. Because people know he's going to be on all eight shows. They don't know how many you're going to be on. Have been on four, so let's start making
Starting point is 00:42:32 assumptions. This is only the third one you've been on. Who are you playing for, Ray? I am playing for Star Wars The Last Jediana. Jed The Last Jediana. Jediana?
Starting point is 00:42:49 Jediana? Is your name Anna? Deanna. Oh, it's Deanna? Another one of my competitors. Holy shit! Oh, both people. Wow, you guys are really hooking up those...
Starting point is 00:42:59 That is pure coincidence, and I'm sorry to the crowd. Which one is pure coincidence? That we picked the two people that were up here competing to be on the show. You both did it accidentally? Yeah, I didn't know. I picked this. I was surprised it was candy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:12 That's my excuse. That's so weird. I would never have picked her, though, because, yeah, you had the Gryffindor scarf, which is a little arrogant of you. Just saying. It's fine. No true Gryffindor says they're a Gryffindor. That's just... Alright,
Starting point is 00:43:32 moving on. I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I was when I saw who won this showdown. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I was like, that guy looks just like me. Who are you playing for, Jeff? Rachel or high water.
Starting point is 00:43:52 Rachel or high water. Rachel. She made a hell or high water poster. Put her name in it. I'm on the Chris Pine. It's a great movie. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:03 I loved it. That's why I picked it. And it had lights. That was my first choice, too. It was very elaborate. I think that's it. I think that's all I have to say about it. That's all you have to say about it? Yeah. Okay. Ray, you can go ahead and put your name tag down on the ground. You don't have to hold it the whole time. You don't have to
Starting point is 00:44:21 throw it down so violently. Why is there a shithead on the back, Deanna? I didn't think it was going to get picked. I didn't think it was going to get picked. I didn't think it was going to get picked. Ray, could you pass it back to her so she can write one on there? Because we've got to have a shithead at the end. Does Dead Cat have a shithead on hers? Yes, she does.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Okay, good. Jeff? I assume so. Very rarely do they remember the lights and forget the shithead. Yeah, it could happen, though. There's the shithead right there. Ooh, it's got a special card on the back. I like so. Very rarely do they remember the lights and forget the shithead. Yeah, it could happen, though. There's the shithead right there. Oh, it's got a special card on the back. I like that.
Starting point is 00:44:50 Doug, if I lose, can my shithead get read? Oh, that's an interesting twist. Yeah, you haven't gotten enough yet, right? No. So you feel like your shithead's really important? No, it's not. Oh. Yeah, I'll read it.
Starting point is 00:45:05 I just gotta grab everything, you know? I do want to say, Dale, I spent about a half hour cropping your face out on MS Paint today. Yeah, it's hard to do. I do it all the time. And then my printer was out of ink. Okay. I wouldn't have picked you anyways, but that's fine. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:45:25 So your shithead is Santa? There's more words after Santa, Doug. And then not knowing the Cowboys score. Yeah, the Santa hat person not knowing the Cowboys score. Remember from earlier, Doug? You wrote that down about me? No. No, Doug, remember earlier you talked to a Santa hat Cowboys person.
Starting point is 00:45:50 They did not know the Cowboys score. Oh, yeah, but then you picked that as your shithead. Yeah. You thought that'd be a lot of fun for everybody. Yeah, I did. I'm about to throw you off this stage. All right, I keep almost stepping on the donuts. It's very exciting.
Starting point is 00:46:12 Just go ahead. Alright, you guys. This first game we're going to play is a little something called Characters Welcome. Yeah. I'm going to name a bunch Characters welcome Yeah I'm going to name a bunch of characters From the end titles of the movie
Starting point is 00:46:31 Not the actors who played them Just the characters As you know it's often times Guy watching bar number one Or whatever And I'm going to read them A bunch of them And you guys can guess as often as you like.
Starting point is 00:46:45 And the first person that names the movie all these characters in wins. Okay? Okay. I only needed to hear from one of you. I'm not like the flight attendant that needs everyone to say yes in the emergency exit row. He speaks for the group. What movie has these characters in it? Charlie
Starting point is 00:47:07 Travis. Bill the Rider. Mr. Jones. Murder on the Orient Express. Mr. Smith. The Matrix?
Starting point is 00:47:24 Francisco Esparza. Smith. The Matrix? Francisco Esparza. Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Isaac Millsaps. The Alamo. Played by Turk Pipkin. What'd you say, Jeff?
Starting point is 00:47:46 I said the Alamo. That's correct! What? Sergeant William Wood? Oh, Billy Dubs. William Travis, James Bowie, and then the leads, of course, the main characters, Davy Crockett and Sam Houston.
Starting point is 00:48:07 Yes. Dennis Quaid is Sam Houston. The Alamo 2004. Why is that so funny? To one person. It's a terrible movie? Alright well I'm sorry if it brings you civic shame.
Starting point is 00:48:23 I forgive you. I just thought it would be fun to reference the Alamo. I've been coming to San Antonio for many years, and I used to play the club down at the River Center. It was actually by the Alamo. I'd go over there and look at it and laugh about whether or not it has a basement.
Starting point is 00:48:40 And then I started playing the LOL Comedy Club right here, and it's right by the airport, so I never even go to that part of town anymore. I'm an airport guy now. I love that the gig is just two exits down from the airport. It's pretty convenient. I grew up in Texas,
Starting point is 00:49:05 so, like, I should know more about the Alamo. But in the fourth grade, I got banned from our school trip to the Alamo to learn about it. But at the time, I was like, who fucking cares? Why am I ever going to need to know anything about the Alamo?
Starting point is 00:49:22 And now, 20-something years later, I get to be like, fuck you, Mrs. Young. If I had gone on that trip, I might have known. I didn't know you were naming the characters' names in the first place, but...
Starting point is 00:49:37 Yeah, there's no way anyone that went on that trip knows the names of the characters. So you got up to, like, Davy Crockett? How did you figure it out, Jeff? We're in San Antonio. Location, location.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Yeah, pretty smart. That's just a constant thing for me, so it doesn't register as much. Right. Constantly at the museum. Is that why they constantly have to remind you to remember the goddamn Alamo? You motherfuckers just take it for granted.
Starting point is 00:50:07 What's that? It's Texas' 9-11. We kind of have to. I'm just not even clear what it is about the Alamo you're supposed to remember. You're just supposed to remember those words? You're supposed to remember they killed everyone there, man.
Starting point is 00:50:21 Why'd they do that? They didn't need to. They took no prisoners. It was not necessary. So they fought really hard at the Battle of San Jacinto or whatever. I don't know. I'm not from here. I don't know. I'm just a guy from the audience.
Starting point is 00:50:45 Score update? 10-0. 10 seconds left. 10-0. We're almost at the half, so by the time they start playing again, we'll probably almost be done. We can all run out to the bar and watch it on the TV in the lobby. What is that, an update on?
Starting point is 00:51:02 The game, the Cowboys-Raiders game. Cowboys-Raiders. Ten points Cowboys? Yes. Okay. You sound like you're really concerned. It seems serious, but I forgot San Antonio is in that, like, y'all love the Cowboys dead land. Okay, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:51:21 I'll stay updated. I mean, clearly some people here tonight don't because they're here instead of watching the game. So I appreciate that. How long have you been a listener to the show, Ray? Oh, I'd say like three years. Okay, so have you heard us play Build a Title? Yes, I have.
Starting point is 00:51:38 All right, let's play Build a Title. You only play when I have expert guests on the show because it's a tough enough game as it is and people are confused by it, then it's over. Jeff gets to go first because he won that last game. Then we'll go to Ray
Starting point is 00:51:59 and then we'll go to Dale and we're going to add titles to the starter title of a little motion picture, my favorite Christmas movie. It's a motion picture called Die Hard. Die Hard. So you need a movie, Jeff,
Starting point is 00:52:21 that ends with die or begins with hard. It begins with hard. Can I say die hard with a vengeance? Oh, I never thought about that before. Seems like not a great idea. No, not a great idea. Die hard with a vengeance. Okay. If we're doing that, a good day to die hard with a vengeance Okay If we're doing that
Starting point is 00:52:47 A good day to die hard with a vengeance Oh you son of a bitch God damn it Alright so Is it good or uh Well that's the thing We take out the A's and the the's because those are stoppers generally.
Starting point is 00:53:08 There's not too many movies that end with the word A or the. So, what do you think there, Dale? A good day to die hard with a vengeance. Vengeance.
Starting point is 00:53:24 Vengeance. Something With a vengeance. Vengeance. Something. I don't know if there's any movies. Yeah. Something good. Blank good. Damn it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:39 They got some great players. The players are so good at this game that they fucking ruined it immediately. You know what? I'm crossing both of those out and we're going to start over. Yeah! Die hard, Jeff. I mean, it's cute that that's a full, long title.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Somebody should put that up on a marquee and take a picture of it. Hard Day's Night. Die Hard Day's Night. I like it. Die Hard. Settle Down. Okay, go ahead, Ray. Die Hard Days, Night of the Living Dead.
Starting point is 00:54:34 Oh. Now we're talking. Now we got a game. Now you got something to work with here. Dale. Now, yeah, to work with here, Dale. No, yeah, I told you I don't know what movie that's referencing, so it's not right. But then I told you what it was.
Starting point is 00:54:52 What did you say? Dead Man. You idiot. Dead Man, boom. Strategy player over here. Never seen a movie. Let's do this Alright Jeff We've got Die Hard
Starting point is 00:55:10 Day's Night of the Living Dead Man Who knew too little Dead man who Knew Too Little Okay Ray Knew too little. Okay, Ray. The man who knew too little
Starting point is 00:55:30 Fockers. Whoa. Kers ain't bad. That's going to be a stopper, I think. What was the beginning? Kers. We got die hard days night of the living dead man who knew too Two Little Fuckers.
Starting point is 00:55:47 John Tucker Must Die. Oh. Oh. John Tucker Must Die Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead Man Who Knew Two Little Fuckers. Hey, Jeff, I forgot. When you won the first game, I forgot to let you throw a donut. That's okay. You sure?
Starting point is 00:56:15 Why don't you want to throw a donut? They're all the way over there. Why don't you want to throw a donut? Because I knew I was going to forget the fucking title I was thinking of, Why don't you want to throw a donut? Because I knew I was going to forget The fucking title I was thinking of And now I forgot the title So it sounds like you need some time You might as well throw a donut
Starting point is 00:56:34 Will somebody Just Somebody recap what I got to do here? Yeah, yeah, I will But go ahead and throw a donut You earned it Hey Somebody recap what I got to do here? Yeah, yeah, I will. But go ahead and throw a donut. You earned it. Hey.
Starting point is 00:56:51 Okay, you're going to do more than one? What happened? They threw it back. Why did they throw it back? I don't know. I think it might have been at me. This is why I don't like to throw donuts. Somebody took a bite out of it and threw parts of it back? Or they just tore it apart and threw it back?
Starting point is 00:57:11 I can't see who did it, but I'm intimidated. That's for sure. I think it broke up on re-entry, Doug. I think it broke. I think it hit me. Did it hit me? I don't think so. I think it hit my stool.
Starting point is 00:57:25 I think they were throwing it at me, not you, man. That's gross. I will never not giggle at the word stool. Why are these things and your shit both called stool? It doesn't make any sense. What do you got, Jeff? Oh, let me recap for you. John Tucker must die hard day's night of the living dead man who knew two little fuckers.
Starting point is 00:58:08 Okay. There's that movie called Dear John. Yes! Yes! Dear John, Tucker must die hard day's night of the living dead man who knew two little fuckers. Ray, see, you're your own undoing with that fucking Fockers thing Man who loo
Starting point is 00:58:28 To little Fockers of the Jade Scorpion Fockers of the Jade Scorpion I will take it That's great I think I know where you're going next Buddy, Dale No, I just not Yeah, he handed you one What did he say? I think I know where you're going next, buddy. Dale.
Starting point is 00:58:46 No, I just not. I didn't. Yeah, he handed you one. What did he say? Nothing. Do you have to know what the last one is? No, I will not tell you. Dear John Tucker must die hard.
Starting point is 00:59:01 Day's night of the living dead man. Who knew too little far curse of the Jade Scorpion Oh, Scorpion King? Yeah Okay I didn't hear that one because I had one already That was fucking Wheel of Fortune level easy I had one already and I was focusing on that
Starting point is 00:59:22 Oh, okay Now nobody talk to me until it comes back How's it going, Dale? You want to throw a donut? I had one already and I was focusing on that. Oh, okay. Now nobody talk to me until it comes back. How's it going, Dale? You want to throw a donut? I think that guy just wants me to throw a donut at him. Who keeps cheering? It's a lady.
Starting point is 00:59:40 I'm so sorry. Do you want two donuts for my mistake? That would be good. Here. She's dying for a donut over there. Just give her one. Ooh, we got options. Nah, you're just going to wait. Oh.
Starting point is 00:59:57 That deserved a little bit more applause, but all right. Yeah, you really, that was quite a throw. I impress myself, and that's what matters in athletic competition. Jeff, we've got Dear John Tucker. Must die hard day's night of the living dead man. Who knew two little fuckers of the Jade Scorpion King. That Yes Dear was a TV show.
Starting point is 01:00:39 I don't know. Me not thinking of something is the funniest thing this lady's ever seen. And to be honest with you, I'm a little tired after the travel day, so I could use the laugh. I'm going to milk it. King Kong is the name of a movie, right? Or is that just a play?
Starting point is 01:01:02 No, it's a movie. It's a movie, too. It's a movie, too, yeah. Okay, cool. I've only seen the play. So that's who you're going with? King Kong? King Kong. Okay. I think...
Starting point is 01:01:18 Go ahead there, Ray. King Kong Skull Island. Yeah, Kong Skull Island. You just handed him that one. Kong Skull Island. Yeah, Kong Skull Island. You just handed him that one. Skull Island of the Lost. Whoa.
Starting point is 01:01:37 This is one of the longer ones we've ever done, maybe. Hey. Just impressed. Wasn't that impressive. Boys. Lost boys. Lost boys in the hood. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hood.
Starting point is 01:01:58 What now? It's on Dale and it's hood. We still have John, though, right? What? No, it's Deer. Yeah, Deer. I don't know what you can do with that. Deer.
Starting point is 01:02:11 Deer. Deer. Jennifer's body. So that's how you pronounce the word deer? Deer. Deer. Deer. I mean, it depends on where you're from,
Starting point is 01:02:24 and this is just how I talk, so. Get used to it. Motherfucking Jennifer's body. Shit, where are you from? I don't know. Okay, contain Jennifer's body. Deer.
Starting point is 01:02:51 Deer. Body. Deer. Deer. Try the other end. Hood. Hood. Hood.
Starting point is 01:03:00 Deer. Hood. Or give up. Never. You can't say never. Remember the Alamo. Here we go. Never give up.
Starting point is 01:03:17 Hood. Hood. Hood comma Robin. Fuck. All right, comma, Robin. Fuck. All right, you're out. No, the movie, fuck. Yeah, sure. Thanks for playing.
Starting point is 01:03:37 I appreciate the opportunity. Jeff? I don't know what it is to me yet. Jeff. I don't know what it is to me yet. Is it boys to me? No, it's boys in the hood. Oh, hood to me. Yeah. All right, hood winked.
Starting point is 01:03:58 Yes. God damn it. Yeah. That was the one just sitting there waiting for you, Dale. I know. Winked. So Ray is in a tough spot. Ends in deer.
Starting point is 01:04:13 Not really. Begins with winked. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. That's a movie, right? Nope. Prancer, Santa's Reindeer. Nope. Nope. Santa Claus, the movie, and his reindeer.
Starting point is 01:04:24 Nope. I think I'm going gonna tap, Doug. No, no, let's give you a four-track. Those were all great answers, though. I got a stopper on the deer end now. Oh, good for you. I mean, deer is already a stopper, but we'll see. We'll see how it goes.
Starting point is 01:04:39 I got one more. It's Dale's turn. No, it's not. Dale's out. He's out, too. No, I want him to have another chance. Hoodwinked 2. Full title? No, that was it. No. All right.
Starting point is 01:04:53 With a vengeance. Electra Boogadier. All right, Jeff, what do you got? Okay, for deer, I have The Killing of a Sacred Deer. Oh, yes! Did you see that movie? No. It's fucked up. That's what I heard. I'm scared of it.
Starting point is 01:05:16 I wanted to see it. He eats at a place where I have breakfast. It was filmed in my neighborhood. In Cincinnati. Can you believe it? Okay. It's a fucked up movie.
Starting point is 01:05:33 Alright, so... Killing of a sacred deer. John Tucker must die hard day's night of the living dead man who knew two little fuckers of the jade scorpion King Kong skull island
Starting point is 01:05:50 of the lost boys in the hood winked. Put that on a fucking marquee. Fuckers of the jade scorpion is amazing and you should be very proud. Thank you so very much, Jeff. All right, Jeff, you did it. Do you want to throw a donut?
Starting point is 01:06:15 She wants another one. You're always such a gentle toss. Somebody hold up a sign in the back. A sign towards the back. I'm going to hit it. All right, that one back there. Holy shit. It's not very big.
Starting point is 01:06:37 Let's see. Oh! He tried. He raised it up to try to greet my donut, but it didn't work out. Are you eating it anyway, dude? Ray, you gonna get it? Did you pick it up off the ground? I mean, when am I gonna get another chance? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:53 Yeah, Ray, you should throw one. Live your wildest dreams. Yeah! Ray, who's this person in the front? What? Who's this person in the front? What? Who's this person in the front? That's my friend Kat. Your friend.
Starting point is 01:07:08 Hit her as hard as you can with a donut right now. When are you going to have another chance? She might be angry about that. I can tell she already is. Do it. I didn't do it. Why is she angry? Dude, if you can answer that question,
Starting point is 01:07:21 you got a million dollar book on your hands. Okay. Okay. I got confetti in my drink. Reloading. I gotta give this lady another donut just to get her to shut up. She was not looking when I threw that.
Starting point is 01:08:10 And then it just landed right in her hands. Alright, let's determine a winner tonight with a little something called Ron Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation Bureau game. Jeff, as usual, gets to go first. And then we will go to Dale
Starting point is 01:08:30 and then to our new friend Ray. And you'll each get a chance to go first for one round. And then we have a tiebreaker if we need it. Oh, there's my pen. It's looking in my pocket. It was on the table just writing in Ray's name right now are they back from halftime yet?
Starting point is 01:08:55 just started third quarter whoo hell yeah okay let us know if something happens in the game or in this show. I'm going to ask you, Jeff, to name what you think might be
Starting point is 01:09:15 in the top three box office draws of a particular actor or actress according to Box Office Mojo after being adjusted for inflation. What do you think, and again, only the guys on stage get to guess in these games, in honor of being in San Antonio, the films of San Antonio Banderas.
Starting point is 01:09:47 What do you think's in his top three, Jeff? You got one? Yeah, I got a number of them bouncing around my head. Let's go ahead and pick one. I'm going to say Shrek 3D. Snap the title. All right, Dale? Shrek the Third.
Starting point is 01:10:24 Oh, yeah, that's what Ray? I'm going to go Shrek 2. Alright. Coming in at number three, Shrek Forever After. Yeah. And number two, Shrek the third.
Starting point is 01:10:45 That's two points for Dale. And coming in at number two, Shrek the Third. That's two points for Dale. And coming in at number one... Spy Kids. It's Shrek 2, Ray gets three points! I couldn't remember if that cat came in the second movie or the third. What's that, Dale? I couldn't remember when the cat came in the second movie or the third. What's that, Dale? I couldn't remember when the cat came in. I was explaining my logic behind my choice, just a little insider information for the game.
Starting point is 01:11:12 You weren't sure when the pussy in the boots shows up? Yeah. It's trick two. That's what he's called, right? Yeah, clearly. Now I know. The pussy in the boots? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:22 I heard he got out of the business after Trump grabbed him. Alright. Second round. Dale gets to start us off. The films of Tim Allen. Yeah, he's in films. Tim Allen is, of course, in that movie...
Starting point is 01:11:59 Let me just do this real quick. Dear LOL Comedy Club, may I have another Tito's and Soda? P.S. Whiskey Coke. With... You know, I like to write my own P.S.s. And a whiskey Coke for Dale.
Starting point is 01:12:21 Are you good, Ray? I would like a Shiner Buck. I guess your Shineriner Bock. Oh. I guess your Shiner Bucket is empty. Right? Yes, it is. And Jeff, you're good? Yeah, I'm good. He was drinking Miller Lite until you asked.
Starting point is 01:12:38 As soon as you asked, he bumped it up a level. They don't offer Shiner Buckets. I did get one in the lobby, though. You can drink anything you want. Bring me liquid gold. Dale? You're with us? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:57 Or against us? I've got a few. I've got a few in mind, and I have no idea how they would have done in theaters. So I'm just taking the Shaggy Dog. Hmm. Alright. Shaggy Dog. Fair enough.
Starting point is 01:13:13 I'm going to go with Toy Story. Son of a bitch. Toy Story. God damn it. You know what? Even worse, my backup was Old Dogs. He's not even in Old Dogs, man. He's in Wild Dogs.
Starting point is 01:13:41 That's why he was my backup. Okay, Jeff. Toy Story 2. Okay. Can I change my answer? Coming in at number three. The original Toy Story. Hold on.
Starting point is 01:14:01 Number two. What's happening? Did you say that Joe wanted something to drink? Apparently nobody was in the room when you said that. Oh, okay. Number two. What's happening? Apparently nobody was in the room. Oh, okay. Whiskey Coke? Yes, please. Whiskey Coke for Dale and Tito's and soda for me.
Starting point is 01:14:17 Yeah, Shiner Bock and Jeff's Coke. That was crazy. All right. Where were we? See, people can interrupt all they want, dude. As soon as the score changes, let us know. Coming in number two, Toy Story 2. That was Jeff?
Starting point is 01:14:37 Yep. Jeff's on the board with two points. But Ray is running away with this thing because number one, Toy Story 3. Oh, which is 3. Oh. Which is what I said. Oh, Dale said Toy Story 3. Okay, so now you have five points. Five, right.
Starting point is 01:14:55 Oh, you just said the first Toy Story, Ray? Yeah, I said Toy Story. Okay, okay, so you get one point for that. So Ray has four, Jeff has two, and Dale has two. So it's anybody's game. And Ray gets to go first in this final round. But then Jeff gets to go first if we need a tiebreaker. Ray?
Starting point is 01:15:18 Yes. The films of John Goodman. Oh, my fucking God. of John Goodman. Oh, my fucking God. Update. Oh, we got an update. Perfect timing. Thank God. 10-6.
Starting point is 01:15:36 Cowboys 10, Raiders 6. Cowboys still have 10. Raiders now have 6 points on the board. They're going to go for an extra point. That's correct. You think they'll go for 2? Probably not. Seems silly at this point in the board. They're going to go for an extra point. That's correct. You think they'll go for two? Probably not. Seems silly at this
Starting point is 01:15:48 point in the game. Just be happy with one. Can we talk about how Dallas sports teams are always the bad guys in sports movies? That's who y'all are rooting for, is the bad guys. Like what sports movie? The Replacements.
Starting point is 01:16:06 That's it? That's your list? All the others Friday Night Lights Friday Night Lights is about fucking high school They can be shitty at an early age Yeah and they have to play the Dallas Cowboys and they get destroyed Alright Stop saying things that are not to win the Dallas Cowboys and they get destroyed.
Starting point is 01:16:27 Alright. Stop saying things that are not pertinent. What's that? They got the point? Yeah, 10-7. 10-7, okay. This Dallas Riffid has really helped me out. I got an answer, Doug. Okay. Monsters, Inc.
Starting point is 01:16:50 Dale? Monsters University. Jeff? Monsters Unemployment. Monsters Pre-K. Is there any sort of graduate program for those monsters? Monsters MBA. Monsters internship.
Starting point is 01:17:19 I'm going to... God damn it. Fuck. Fuck. John Good. Like fuck. John Goodman, fuck. Yeah, fuck. I'm going to say there's no way this is going to be, it would even be listed. Hmm.
Starting point is 01:17:41 Hmm. God damn it. I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know, man I don't know Is he in Toy Story 3? Does he make a voice cameo And then they put it on his list? Just name a movie that John Goodman's in That you enjoy That seemed like it might have been a hit
Starting point is 01:18:01 Ooh, drinks are here I can't think of any John Goodman movie I enjoyed that might have been a hit. Ooh, drinks are here. I can't think of any John Goodman movie I enjoyed that might have been a hit. I can think of a lot that for sure weren't. Did you see Argo? Yeah, Argo. Yeah, okay. All right, thanks, guys. Argo.
Starting point is 01:18:15 I'll say Argo. That's your answer? Yeah, I'll say Argo. You think I'd give you one of the top three? I'm about to find out. Okay. Coming in at number three The Flintstones Really?
Starting point is 01:18:33 What? Wow That movie was big It's a great movie And then you adjust for inflation Holy shit You remember America was Rosie O'Donnell crazy at the time
Starting point is 01:18:44 Some of us still are Yeah Deflation? Holy shit. You remember America was Rosie O'Donnell crazy at the time. Some of us still are. Yeah. Rick Moranis was in it. Yeah. He was good. Yeah. Number two, Monsters U. Who said that?
Starting point is 01:19:02 That was me. That was a Dale special okay so Dale you're up to four points which ties you up with Ray but I think we all know what's about to happen because the number one movie of course in John Goodman's
Starting point is 01:19:18 career is Monsters Inc Ray you are our winner! The happiest boy in all of San Antonio. Would you like to throw a donut, Ray? Yeah. A victory donut.
Starting point is 01:19:38 That guy wants one. That lady wants a third donut. Should I do more? Well, I mean, you gotta do something Like really chuck it Don't just give it a nice little toss Try to get someone in the back row Like throw it
Starting point is 01:19:52 Throw it overhand Just Those are these lights You can't get them to the lights Just pitch it right into somebody's What would Eminem say about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah I can't believe you're losing these donuts in the lights
Starting point is 01:20:03 You got one shot Oh, that was a good one. Yeah. Alright. I'll leave one more for me to possibly throw. But, just for fun, since I prepared it, let's do the tiebreaker. Let's do one more
Starting point is 01:20:17 round. I would love to. Nobody's in a hurry to get out of here, right? Okay. Watch the rest of the game in the lobby. Why is somebody telling you to sit down? Nobody's in a hurry to get out of here, right? Okay. Watch the rest of the game in the lobby. Why is somebody telling you to sit down? I have no idea. Why are you standing, though?
Starting point is 01:20:34 Like, that's also a question that can be asked. Jeff, I didn't anticipate being up here. I have to pee quite bad right now. It's worse when I sit down. Do you want to go pee? We can wait. No, no, I can tough it out, Doug. I'm a professional.
Starting point is 01:20:50 All right, because there's still 45 minutes left of the show. I gave you my word. I'm sorry, we're almost done. But let's play one more round. And who was going second every time? That was Dale? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:21:09 So we'll start with you, Dale. The films of Steve Carell. Steve Carell. Despicable Me. Okay. Two. Wait, what's that? Kids love sequels.
Starting point is 01:21:32 Nah, just Despicable Me. Okay. Two. Wait, you said more. What? You said another word. I'm going to claim both. What answer are you going with Despicable Me 2 People like that
Starting point is 01:21:53 People have your back Doesn't really matter Ray Is this domestic or international I forget It's just domestic And just earth right Earth domestic yes or international? I forget. It's just domestic. And just Earth, right? Earth domestic, yes.
Starting point is 01:22:11 Yeah, I'll go Despicable Me 3. Okay. J.F.? Despicable Me. It feels like you guys discovered the pattern of the game tonight. I found this interesting. His number 10 movie, Anchorman, the first Anchorman is not even in his top 10. Wow.
Starting point is 01:22:31 And then number 10 is Anchorman 2, The Legend Continues, or whatever that was called. That made more money? Yeah. Nobody saw it. Anchorman. Anchorman was more of a hit later on video or whatever. Kids love sequels. And then his number 9 is 40-Year-Old Virgin. You'd think that'd be up higher. hit later on video or whatever. Kids love sequels.
Starting point is 01:22:45 And then his number nine is 40-Year-Old Virgin. You'd think that'd be up higher. But then let's get into the nitty-gritty of what you guys chose. Despicable Me 3 came in fifth. Wow. It's his fifth highest. His fourth highest
Starting point is 01:23:01 is the original Despicable Me. Then number three, Bruce Almighty. Number two, fucking Minions. These are Minions. Oh, yeah. And number one, Despicable Me 2. I love winning after it doesn't matter.
Starting point is 01:23:30 Yeah, I think you should throw a donut. I think you deserve it. I really do. Cat, this one was for you. Did it get to her? Anywhere near her? I have no idea where she's sitting. Yeah, that was weird.
Starting point is 01:23:44 He just threw the fake general direction. That was a powdered donut, so it like snowed on everyone in his trajectory. Like a Christmas miracle. All right, give me your dead cat name tag, and Jeff, give me yours. And I don't need yours, Ray, because you won. What I need is for that person you played for, Deanna, to come up here and get your prizes. Congratulations. You won one way or the other.
Starting point is 01:24:17 That worked out pretty good. Let's do some plugs, you guys. Dale, what do you got to plug? I don't know. I'll be in Austin about an hour and a half away from here on January 19th at Kick Butt Coffee. I'm headlining a coffee shop. Get your seat early before they turn off the coffee machine.
Starting point is 01:24:43 And then we're doing a Christmas show in Houston on December 22nd at the Secret Group comedy club in East Downtown. Check it out. Yeah, Secret Group is great. We just did a Douglas Movies there Friday night, and it's a really sweet venue for the Houston area. And follow me on all the social stuff.
Starting point is 01:25:02 Don't follow at Dale Cheeseman. That's an Australian construction worker who's very fast on every new social media platform. So just, you'll find me. It's whatever. Yeah, on Instagram, you're Dale Cheesema. D-Cheesema. I don't know what I thought when I signed up for that.
Starting point is 01:25:24 D-Cheesema. Cheesema is just so gross A lot of it is It's kind of similar to Smegma Or just Dick Cheesema Sorry to put that in your heads everybody Ray what do you got to promote? I got a lot of friends At a local independent theater
Starting point is 01:25:46 called the Overtime Theater here in San Antonio, Texas. They do original plays from local artists. And yeah, go on down to the Overtime. Catch a play. It's good stuff. That sounds cool. Thanks, dude. Also the Vikings football team.
Starting point is 01:26:01 Watch the games. They're fun. We need more fans. Yep. Watch the games. They're fun. We need more fans. Yeah. Alright, Jeff. I got an album coming out January 12th. You can pre-order it on iTunes now. I'll be at Go Bananas Comedy Club in Cincinnati January
Starting point is 01:26:19 4th through the 7th. I'll be in Dallas at Hyena's January 24th. Houston at The Secret Group the 7th. I'll be in Dallas at Hyena's January 24th. Houston at the Secret Group January 26th. And then Lafayette, Louisiana the 27th. And Baton Rouge, Louisiana January 28th.
Starting point is 01:26:36 And I'm on Instagram at Jeff Tate. Just mine. He looked at a paper that whole time, but none of those things were written on it. That was impressive. Most of it is written on it.
Starting point is 01:26:53 Like all the dates are on the bottom right there. And I just wowed him because I remembered I'm on Instagram. One more time for all of my guests, Dale Cheeseman, Ray Schmidt, and Jeff Tate. I'm going to be in sweet home San Diego doing Douglas Movies at the American Comedy Company on Monday, December 26th. Thank you to the LOL
Starting point is 01:27:25 Comedy Club and to all of you guys for coming out on a Sunday night when your favorite teams are playing. I appreciate it. And I'll be back for sure. As long as that lady's sitting further away from the stage. It's all good.
Starting point is 01:27:48 All these things falling apart in my hands. It's crazy. I don't have any more donuts, dude. Trying to wrap up the show. If you want more donuts, there's plenty of places to sell them throughout the city. As always,
Starting point is 01:28:05 hotel room wet bar prices are a shithead. You heard me, lady. And Ray Schmidt is a shithead. Now it's time for them to watch another talkie. Isaac holds his viewing prowess, makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you,
Starting point is 01:28:31 because Doug loves movies.

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