Doug Loves Movies - Rider Strong, Graham Elwood and Geoff Tate guest
Episode Date: February 22, 2016Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in LA, Doug welcomes Rider Strong, Graham Elwood and Geoff Tate to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at ...https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Doug hates candy wrappers,
screaming ladies,
50 seats with 50 hazard
rockboard kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see,
because Doug loves movies!
Hey, hey, hey everybody!
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
I almost said, I like movies.
I don't know why.
Maybe because it's just early in the year,
and there's only been one good one so far.
We all know what that is.
The Revenant.
No, that came out last year for us people that live in LA. And that's where
we are right now. We're coming
to you from the Nerd Melt showroom
in the back of Meltdown Comics.
It's Sunday, February 21st,
2016. What's your
name tag, Sitch, Los Angeles?
Do we have some good ones?
Is that a box of donuts?
It sure is.
Alright, well, congratulations on being chosen.
And look out everybody's faces.
Because the donuts are going to be flying.
We've got this, is this a Tigger?
Oh, what's his name?
What are those guys called?
Calvin and Hobbes.
Yeah, and it's, how did you make that yourself?
No, you just like bought it in a store?
Do you, can you, do you have the ability to speak?
Just shaking his head, I feel,
starting to feel guilty that I'm like harassing a mute man.
But you, it's, I should have, I'm like staring at you, man. But I should have,
I'm like staring at you,
can't think of Calvin Hobbes,
and your name tag says,
The Hobbes It.
So I'm pretty dumb.
And so your last name is Hobbes?
Yeah, okay.
Wow.
Do not put him on the witness stand.
I like the hand-drawn Jaws poster
that just says Peter
instead of Jaws.
That's pretty sweet.
And there's a hand-drawn
Jurassic Park,
but I can't tell
what you changed it to.
Just instead of
Jurassic Park,
Catherine.
Welcome to Catherine.
Catherine.
Welcome to Catherine.
Ba-ba-ba-ba.
All right, that's enough of that.
Great job, everybody.
I like how all the people sitting here in the side section don't have name tags.
It's almost like you were forced to sit over there
because you didn't have one.
They're like, go sit in that bus over there.
The bus section. Or it's like a roller coaster over there, because you didn't have one. They're like, go sit in that bus over there. The bus section.
Or it's like a roller coaster over there.
Emotionally.
Doug's Plugs, Monday.
That's tomorrow at
2.15 Pacific Time. Getting Doug
with High goes live on my YouTube
channel with three great guest
schedules permitting.
Thursday night, I'm doing stand-up at the
Improv in Fort Lauderdale.
It's a late show at 10 o'clock, but
bring your name tags and we'll play Last Man
Stanton at the end.
And then of course I'm doing a full-blown
Doug Lo's movies on Saturday.
Same place, the Improv
at the Hard Rock in Fort Lauderdale.
Saturday, September place, the improv at the Hard Rock in Fort Lauderdale. Saturday, September 27th at 420.
And the next Doug Loves Movies here at Meltdown Comics is Sunday, March 6th at, wait for it, 420.
Douglovesmovies.com, Douglovesmovies.com.
Douglovesmovies.com.
Douglovesmovies.com.
The prize bag today includes a VHS copy of the episode of Angel
entitled Reunion.
So I bet you Buffy's involved in that one
because who else would Angel reunite with?
Charisma Carpenter.
I got some Deadpool coasters
that I stole from the Arclight Cinemas
here in Hollywood.
And, oh, another VHS.
It's two VHSs every time lately.
And so the second one here
is an episode of a show
that was on the WB called Movie Stars.
And the episode's called
Third Times a Charm. I think that
show is canceled after four episodes.
And then a show that I hope will rage on
and on for
many years to come,
Not Safe with Nikki Glaser.
I was on it last week.
I was on last week's episode.
And they give you a backpack full of sex stuff.
And I'm giving away what is from that bag
what is probably the most prized,
the most exciting,
maybe not for the ladies here today,
but a gentleman in the prize bag today is a...
What the fuck is it called?
No, it's not a shake weight no it's something much more distinguished and refined and it's called auto blow and this particular model is auto-blow 2+.
So I guess they're saying you might try it a second time
before the shame sets in so deeply.
But as you can see, the box is completely sealed.
I'm not giving you a used auto-blow.
And then for some reason reason there's this attachment.
No idea.
So somebody's gonna win all of this stuff,
plus the stuff that my guests bring.
It's gonna be very competitive games today, I think.
I feel a strong competitive nature from these three.
Please give a big warm welcome to Jeff Tate,
Graham Elwood, and Ryder Strong. All right, nobody wants to win the Pete Holmes Award,
and I respect that.
That's a smart way to go.
So let's just start with our first time ever guest
in the center seat tonight.
Let's hear it for Ryder Strong is here, you guys.
Thank you.
Boy meets world, girl meets world, cabin fever.
And now a motion picture that I'm excited to help promote.
They were like, can we send you a screener
for when Ryder comes on the show?
And I said, I've seen
this, motherfuckers.
I don't know why I talk to them that way.
Listen, you motherfuckers.
Harsh. I saw this movie already.
It's called Too Late.
And it's, when and where can people see it?
So, we're going to be doing a CineFamily
screening March 5th, but then
the real release date is the 18th
in LA, and then
Austin a week after that, and then
New York, it'll be in 20
markets. And the fascinating thing about
this movie is that
the filmmakers
insist that it be shown
on film, on 35
millimeter film, and will not
allow it to be shown any other way, and would not take a
distribution deal with a same day and date vod release and that of course handcuffs you you're not you there's a
chance your movie's not going to ever come out when you do that right but the movie turned out
so good that people had to capitulate yeah and really like uh fantastic fest was a huge boon too
because that was where it found its audience first and that's where I saw it. We played the LA Film Festival,
and then when we played Fantastic
is when people really went crazy
and I think found its audience.
It's a genre film,
but it's also kind of an homage to film itself.
It's shot on 35mm, obviously.
And an amazing showcase for John Hawks.
We already know how great he is,
but he's really, really great in it.
Jeff is agreeing with me.
And Graham hasn't arrived yet.
But...
Can I ask...
He's being unusually quiet over there.
Can I ask a question about the movie?
Oh, please.
Jeff Tate, everybody.
All right.
All right, all right.
That's almost
writer's strong level.
I'll take it.
There's a little less shouting.
People will use their mouths
when they heard he was here.
I wasn't on two
of his television shows.
I'm just affable.
What's your question?
What genre is it?
It's a detective story
It's like a film noir kind of deal
Yeah I'm in
The tricky thing about the film is
It's only five scenes
And each scene is shot
In one shot on 35mm
So it's
20 minutes long
But they don't go out of their way
To make you think that it's 20 minutes long. Like rope, yeah. But they don't go out of their way to make you think that it's...
No, it's crazy complicated.
Like, you know, there's gunshots.
There's murders.
There's lots of...
You know, it's not...
It's, yeah.
Shit really goes down
in these one-take sequences.
Well, like, our opening...
The opening scene, for instance...
Can I guess?
Yeah, go.
Guy rides a horse onto a train.
No.
That would have been badass, though.
Would have been better than Lime Rancher.
Is it too late to pitch ideas for this movie?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's why they called it too late.
Oh, my God.
That was a trap that wasn't even hidden
and I walked into it.
Yeah, you just...
You're the first person ever to get both feet in a bear trap.
He walked in and went,
Ow, this hurts!
Oh no, I gotta get it again!
He tried to remove it the first time
with the second foot and then it...
No, he just hopped right into it.
He thought it was a puddle.
If I put the other foot in, it would
make it hurt half as much on each
foot, but it was like twice as much.
The pain
of one foot took your mind off the pain of the
other. Very smart.
And that's Graham Elwood, everybody!
Hey! What's up?
Take control, Melta.
Take control of your comic book store.
I'm going to be appearing, as I do annually,
on Graham's podcast, Comedy Film Nerds.
When will it come out?
We're taping it Tuesday.
We're taping it Tuesday.
It'll come out Tuesday the 23rd.
It'll be our Oscar preview.
Yeah, where we give you
all the picks for your Oscar pools
and I
heavily recommend that you don't
pay attention to mine.
I tend to vote emotionally.
No, it's just
you know, it's
weird how every year it seems to be less and less of
a crapshoot but there's still going to be an occasional uh surprise yeah there's always
there's always crazy surprise i actually just watched the nominated short animated and live
action movies i did that too yeah those are great that live action were amazing yeah all
fucking crazy heavy.
Crazy heavy.
Like the lightest one I thought had the most emotional impact because it wasn't so fucking heavy.
Right.
And it had a sweet ending.
But even that ending was like intense.
It was like a lot of crying.
A lot of people going,
I want my money back.
What about, and the cartoons, the animated ones,
I like World of Tomorrow the best.
I mean, we'll talk about this on your podcast.
But World of Tomorrow is available on Netflix now,
and it is really, it's like cute and bleak at the same time.
That movie was really, that's the one that's going to.
Like Daria.
Yeah, it's like Daria. Thank you, Jeff.
There we go, guys.
Is there a horse that
jumps onto a train in World of Tomorrow?
That's not how I talk, Graham.
That's how Graham talks
when he's talking like an idiot.
I don't see it. He sounds real smart.
Ryder, I'm sorry to put you in between these two guys.
Graham asked to sit on the end, so I got stuck in the middle.
Oh, you worked it out, did you?
I gotta be mobile.
I can't be trapped in the middle of two beards.
You know what I mean?
Graham, when was the last time you sat in a middle seat on an airplane?
Never.
The last time was never?
Never.
It's never happened. You're a baby. baby you're like get me out of this seat
bullshit I deserve an upgrade it's been a while that I had it's yeah we work
pretty hard to not sit in the middle yeah it ain't gonna happen which I
concentrate more on something else I prefer the middle seat you like it well
you know you sit naturally the big guy with his arms crossed that's what the middle seat guy always does yeah does this middle seat always play the lone ranger
no graham you get to choose what movie you watch oh oh cool so yeah sometimes it's limited
sometimes you just bring a copy of lone ranger with you everywhere
yep it's I got it
on my phone man you guys got to get these new iPhones but so too late is a
really cool movie and that's a nice edit point right back into the action there
We can jump right back into the action there.
What was the last motion picture that you've either, you know, in the theater or at home?
Let's go start with Ryder.
What was the last movie that you saw?
I saw The Witch on Friday.
Did you like it?
I did.
I really liked it.
You know, I think my expectations were a little high because people talked about it a lot coming out of Fantastic Fest.
Yeah, it was really... I think it was at Sundance, too.
And it had all this hype.
Hyped.
So I kind of had, like, I think a better movie in my head, which sucks,
but it's a strange film, which I like, you know,
I feel like that's rare nowadays.
It's very...
To go see a strange movie in the theater.
It's very committed to presenting a time period
and a situation that does not interest me.
Like, I could not get into it.
Even though I was acknowledging in my head, this should be really scary to me.
I was just like, this is just so alien to me that for some reason I can't get into it.
But I want to see it again.
The acting was so good.
The acting is so good.
I mean, that is such a challenge
to try and do all that
It really feels like
the time period
and the Puritan attitudes
and everything are really intense.
And yet it still feels very human.
You know, the kid actors are great.
It's a really,
it's a cool movie.
Yeah, so we're going to
disagree on this one.
Yeah.
But when we come back,
we're going to talk about
how much I love
Cabin Fever 2.
All right.
Have you even seen that?
I've never seen that.
I'm in Cabin Fever 2.
You are?
Oh, yeah.
I'm in the first five minutes.
I get hit by a school bus.
So it's like, right.
And that's why I love the idea.
It was like, come back and do, you know, you survived.
And the only reason I survived is because I couldn't play dead.
If you watch the end of Cabin Fever, I'm supposed to be dead, but my hand was twitching,
and so a big fan base was like, oh, he's still alive.
So then when they did the sequel,
they were like, well, you come back,
you'll crawl out of the water, survive,
and then we'll hit you with a school bus.
I'm like, I'm totally in.
Well, now I got to end the launch
at least the beginning of that movie.
That's a great tip for any young actors out there
that don't want to be fucking...
When you're dead, just twitch away.
Just shake like a motherfucker.
Just shake and just be like...
If you get cast as a dead body on CSI,
just milk it.
Maybe even occasionally go, I'm dead, I'm dead.
I'm so dead.
Can't believe how dead I am.
Yeah, but no.
I see the light.
Oh, it's not that bright.
It's not that bright.
It's actually kind of dim.
I'm awake.
I'm awake.
Man, I wish I could get in on this riff.
Just jump on a horse and come right on to it.
Heart, heart.
Watch this, everybody.
This guy was on TV.
I'm a better actor.
You got that.
Eyes are moving.
Your eyes are going crazy.
Jeff Tate in Cabin Fever 3.
That was just me.
In a middle seat.
Fuck. Cabin Fever 3. That was just me. I'm in a middle seat. What?
Fuck.
I totally wasn't dead, guys.
What was the last movie you saw, Jeff?
On Friday night,
after we did Doug Lowe's movies,
just to let you know,
I should have only eaten
half of that pot brownie.
Thanks for the update.
Yeah.
I found out when I started
spitting Gatorade
all over myself
because I was watching
Tropic Thunder
and I was laughing at things
that were about to be said.
I was so fucking stoned
that I was like,
oh, Robert Downey Jr.
about to do that.
And then I would just like,
Gatorade was coming out of my mouth. I made like, oh, Robert Downey Jr. about to do that. And then I would just like, Gatorade was coming out of my mouth.
I made a big mess, but it's not my house, so I don't care.
That's it?
Yeah, man, we talked about Deadpool and the Martian on Friday,
and then yesterday we saw a rock and roll show.
I haven't seen another movie, just Tropic Thunder.
Yeah, that's true. About half of it. We went and saw a rock and roll show. I haven't seen another movie, just Tropic Thunder. Yeah, that's true.
About half of it. We went and saw a music show.
We saw our buddy Shooter Jennings
did a show with
Lucas Nelson. Yep.
And it was advertised as
acoustic, but it's probably the loudest acoustic show
I've ever seen. Yeah? They fucking bang
the shit out of their guitars.
Yeah? And it was a
nice time.
We spent an evening
in downtown Santa Ana,
which is not something
I ever intended to do.
And I had a pretty good time.
We ate at a place
called the Playground.
Oh, yeah.
And it's the last place
Grandma will ever want to eat
because it's just
all delicious meats.
It's very meaty. They had some
veggie stuff. Yeah, they had some green
stuff. It's true. I love it when meat eaters
say, that's some green on there. You could eat that,
Graham.
That was some green stuff, right? Yeah, the napkins
look pretty tasty.
You could chew on a straw.
That's vegan.
So I had a salad.
You could have a salad. And what I mean. So I had a salad. You're going to have a salad.
And what I was saying was positive in your regard.
Like, you could go to the salad.
Yeah, I was trying to help you out.
You're like, ugh.
You cannot do that fucking dumb guy voice.
I was trying to help you out.
Graham, this was the day Graham got stuck on dumb voice.
Take control.
He did it so much, he couldn't change it back.
Take control, Graham.
Take control of your dumb guy voice.
Take control of your six-year-old Bane.
Is that really your Bane impression, Jeff?
Or are you doing an impression
of someone who can't do an impression of Bane?
I'm doing as good an impression of Bane
as Graham does of me.
I'm Bane.
Oh, that's interesting, yes.
I'm Bane. Now I that's interesting. Yes. I'm Bane. I'm a monster.
Now I understand all the complexities of that performance.
I take control of your bane
boys.
I'm doing an impression of Jeff's impression
of my impression of him doing
my bane.
Trace that back, motherfucker.
I just The Matrix'd you.
I'm Graham. I can't apologize enough. I just The Matrix'd you. I'm Graham.
I can't apologize enough.
I can't apologize enough to Ryder.
What was the last movie you saw, Graham?
Aside from the Oscars.
The shorts.
You watched all the shorts.
I saw Deadpool, which I loved.
Yeah, it's a very entertaining movie.
I've seen it twice.
Yeah, I was really skeptical going into it.
I was like, it's going to be too much fucking Ryan Reynolds,
all quippy quippertins.
But it was great.
And the murder and the sex jokes and everything else.
Just, yeah, come for the murder jokes.
Stay for the sex jokes and everything else. Just, yeah, come for the murder jokes. Save murder.
Save for the sex jokes and everything else.
Everything is great.
You were worried a movie that starred Ryan Reynolds
as a quippy fella was going to be too much
Ryan Reynolds being quippy,
and it was all Ryan Reynolds being quippy,
and you were fine with it?
Yes.
I think the quips were at a nice level.
Well, the quips were consistent with the level. They were good quips.
The quips were consistent with the Deadpool comic.
That's what I like.
In other movies, and this had a great script,
usually Ryan Reynolds is in some dumb, like,
50 dates and a shoe or whatever kind of movies.
That's definitely maybe the title of that movie.
I see what you did there. I see what you did there.
I see what you did there.
We're all captive.
Yeah, so normally he's on one of those movies
where the script is horrible
so it's,
you know the director
who's just some sort of
studio puppet
is like,
Ryan, just quip your way
through this dumb scene
and he's like,
quip, quip, quip
and it's like,
oh, fuck it.
He's good at it.
I mean, that's where
he started on the
you know sitcom
or whatever
yeah two guys
a girl and a pizza place
yeah yeah
and somebody tweeted
at me a couple times now
so it might even be a meme
but somebody said
the tagline for Deadpool
should have been
a guy
a girl
and a pizza face
that's good
I like that
that's a good one.
That would be good,
but I think a lot of people
are saying it now,
so I don't want to give
any one person credit for it.
But seriously, though,
go check out
50 Dates in a Shoe.
It's really good.
Sounds better than
Deadpool to me.
Well, what happens there
is Ryan Reynolds
has to marry that shoe
so he can maintain
American citizenship.
It's like a green card twist.
It's the shoe
that got thrown
at George W. Bush.
It's the same shoe.
You could say
that Graham doesn't want
to marry that movie.
He wants to be
just friends.
Man, we're getting
buried here
Reynolds titles
does anybody else
have one
I'm waiting
it's like a weird
version of
Last Man Stanton
where he has to be
working into a
conversation
which TJ Miller
has done
on this
on this show.
What was the last movie I saw, Jeff?
Are you serious?
Didn't I tell you in the car yesterday?
Oh, um, uh, uh, how to be single.
Yeah.
I gotta tell you guys, do not spend your money
because they don't even try to tell you.
In fact, it's every example in the movies like this is not how you should be single this is these people are going about it all
wrong how to be a fuck-up is what the movie should be called but it does have some people i like in
it so uh i got through it but i was it was it was frustrating. I like that Damon Wayans Jr. a lot.
He's very funny.
Best Wayans.
He's the best Wayans.
Were you there at the Wayans weigh-in?
They're all like featherweights
Except for I guess a couple of them are big
Let's move on
Enough about Black Dong
Let's go to the part of the show
Where I say
We were talking about dicks
Yeah we were talking about how big their
Dicks were
Oh I rescind all my statements.
I am unaware of the size of Wayne's dicks.
Let the games begin!
Or as Jeff Tate would say,
Let the games begin!
We were born in the shadows,
and they're born in them. I am more than a shadow. I'm more than a shadow.
I am a
shadow.
There's games. I'm Jeff.
Wait, hold up. I'm Graham.
I'm the...
Do you want our things?
Yes, please. Let's do that first. What do you got for the prize bag, Graham?
I've got a Podfest medium ladies shirt.
So that's right, sir.
Did you have the dates for the next Podfest?
Yeah, but I'm not saying.
No, we have them.
We have the location.
And it's going to be at the Sofitel again.
It's in September.
We have the dates.
We're going to release them soon.
We're just doing some stuff. And I got a comedy film where it's guide to movies. Cool. But keep your It's in September. We have the dates. We're going to release them soon. We're just doing some stuff.
And I got a comedy film
where it's guide to movies.
Cool.
But keep your September open,
you guys.
I'll just say that.
Just be ready for it.
It's going to happen in September.
We've already locked down
some big shows.
It's going to be super fun.
Year five.
Podfest.
What's up?
You can clap for Podfest,
you guys.
Wow. I didn't know
Jeff Bush was going to be on the show.
So, uh...
Clap for Podfest!
Clap for it!
Love it! Love me!
My dad created the first Podfest.
Maybe if you release those dates,
they could just get him to buy tickets to it.
You don't need the applause.
Tell him the dates.
Release some secret right here.
Release some secret.
Sure, Jeff.
What does that even mean, release some secret?
Ryder's turn to tell us what he brought.
All right, I got a Too Late poster,
and then I have the first season of Boy Meets World on DVD.
Nice.
And then I have a book.
This is a project.
My brother is a photographer
and he did this project
called The Dirty Minds Project,
which is a series of photographs
that are basically visual puns.
So sexual visual puns.
So basically you read through the book
and you get to see how dirty your mind is
if you understand what each one of these is. So if you read through the book and you get to see how dirty your mind is if you understand what each one of these is.
So if you know, for instance,
parting the meat
curtains and then you're watching a guy
part the meat curtains,
it's pretty genius.
So that's going in there.
It's nothing like
the boner
laughter combo.
And Jeff, what do you got?
I have a bag.
With.
I brought Billy Joel's The Stranger.
On vinyl.
I saw something on Twitter.
You're into the Billy Joel now.
Yeah, I'm into him now.
No, he's just got this new channel on satellite radio
and I was listening to it.
He like talks in between
all the songs
just about, you know,
how he thought of it
or, you know,
just something about his life
and I'm really enjoying it.
And I brought The Dark Knight
on DVD,
two discs,
special edition.
That's somebody's.
And I brought
the Jack Reacher book,
Never Go Back, which is the book that the next movie is based on so you can get a jumpstart you
can read this book and be real insufferable around your friends before
that movie comes out is this the author on the back yep looks like Bryan
Cranston yeah Bryan Cranston is a talented
fella.
What else you got? Is that it?
Yep. These are the things for the bag. These things I just
bought for myself. I saw some
stuff from Meltdown Comics is in that bag.
I thought you were going to give that stuff away. No, I'm going to
keep it, but I got the Phantom Pop Vinyl
because I'm keeping it.
Hey, audience,
here's what you're not getting.
Yeah, yeah.
You want to know
what you're not getting?
That Phantom Pop vinyl,
this Big Trouble
in Little China comic book,
and the dates for Podfest.
That's goddamn right.
You're not getting
any of that stuff.
You're waiting.
Yeah, a lot of things
are being kept close
to the vest today.
All right, gentlemen.
Lots of fun name tags in the crowd.
You've got to pick one and bring it back to your seat.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
Hey, everybody.
This episode is brought to you in part by Postmates.
Postmates is transforming the way local goods move around a city
by enabling anyone to get any product
delivered in under one hour.
And you can get a free delivery with the code Doug.
The Postmates network of couriers can deliver from anywhere.
Think GameStop, Chipotle, Walgreens, McDonald's, 7-Eleven, or any other local store or restaurant.
Literally everywhere.
With a few taps, Postmates will bring any product right to your door in less than one hour.
It's like magic.
So the next time you don't want to leave your game,
download the Postmates app on iTunes or Android
and enter the code Doug for a free first delivery.
Today's episode is also brought to you in part by CISO.
CISO is a premium comedy streaming service
serving up-on-demand, 24-7 streaming comedy
anytime, anywhere.
It's specially curated for the comedy connoisseur
with original series, quotable classics,
next day late night, stand-up specials, and more for only $3.99
per month.
Just $3.99 per month.
They've got countless hours of premium HD comedy.
The full Kids in the Hall catalog, for instance, which has been remastered into HD for the
first time.
Monty Python, classic SNL from the 80s, and so much more.
New comedy is added every week.
Try it now for free and start as a guest.
No credit card needed.
CISO also has never-before-seen new originals
like the UCB Show, a weekly variety sketch showcase
from the original founders of the Upright Citizens Brigade,
and the Cyanide and Happiness Show,
a new animated series based on the wildly successful webcomic.
Try it now.
Go to CISO.com and stream for free today.
No credit card needed.
Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
Who are you playing for, Graham?
I'm playing for Dr. Strange Noah or Dr. Strange Genoa?
Genoa.
Genoa?
Dr. Strange Noah.
I think she said Genoa. And then you just keep going Genoa? Genoa. Dr. Strand Genoa. I think
she said Genoa.
And then you just keep going Genoa.
Genoa.
I don't want to pronounce it correctly.
Genoa.
Genoa.
Stop doing that.
Is this a scene from Hail Caesar?
Okay, alright.
Are those donuts at the bottom, too?
Yeah.
I'm going to eat them.
Oh, you got the donuts?
Yes.
All right.
So you don't want to throw them at people?
I want to eat one and then throw the rest.
This guy in the front row has even bigger ones.
I'm going to chuck those hard.
Jeff's got them now.
Nice. Who are you playing for, Ryder? went for the hobbs it hobbs it which is is your name hobson or his name is hobbs the doll right i
figured that much but yeah what the is your name i i really doesn't want to give out his name
he barely wants to speak okay so we'll just i'm just playing for you, the Hobzit.
That might be...
Is this a live when no one else is around?
It talks to him.
So you're not playing for him.
You should have took this name tag off this real live tiger.
Who are you playing for, Jeff?
I'm playing for Hitomi Alone.
She made a Home Alone poster,
put her face where Macaulay Culkin's would be.
She's got her hands on her face,
and you and I are the wet bandits.
Wet bandits.
Yep.
See?
That's the porn version.
You have the expression of a criminal,
and I have the expression of your fucking idiot friend
who's like, I thought your aunt lived here.
Why are we breaking in?
That would be a great Home Alone movie.
The unknowing criminal.
What are we doing? There's just this kid.
Yeah.
Holy shit. I'm eating this one those are beautiful all
right start eating them now who's hungry for donut yeah there's a giant s'mores
donut yeah don't throw that s'mores donut I won't do I'm gonna eat the good
ones right in the pocket did you see see that pass and that reception?
Holy shit.
I feel like I won't be able to do that again.
Graham just shook his head at me
to let me know a donut was good.
Oh, yeah.
Crazy.
Alright. Oh! Crazy.
All right.
Who wants a donut?
All right, Peter, I'm going to hit your sign.
Yeah, hit that Jaws sign.
I love this game.
Just nailed it.
Peter, I'm so sorry. Oh, my God.
I was not trying to hit you, sir.
Death by donut.
Hold that thing up again.
He's going to sue.
Oh!
That was really impressive.
Nice work, Peter.
Have you ever thrown a donut at an audience before, Red? I have not. You want to? Yeah, Peter. Have you ever thrown a donut at an audience before, Rhett?
I have not.
You want to?
Yeah, sure, I'll go for it.
Okay, what's that?
I'm going to try and hit that sign.
I can't even see what it is.
Oh, the life aquatic.
Whoa!
You helped me out there a little bit.
I think you went through that sign.
Now, these powdered ones are little.
I bet you I could throw it right in someone's mouth.
Yes.
Open your mouths, everybody.
Open your mouth.
This cult gets weirder and weirder.
Oh, he's in.
Well, this weirdo's got one.
What are you doing?
That's why he's throwing it over him.
I'm going to chuck it.
I'm going to fucking smash your face.
It's going to explode on your face
like we're doing a weird donut porn.
No, I'll do it like you're a seal.
Okay, ready?
All right, open your mouth.
Come on.
What's your name?
Okay, Flipper.
Come on now.
A few chocolate ones
and his face will look like seal.
Wow. Oh.
Wow.
Whoa.
Doug, wow.
What was that?
And you're never going to survive.
Come on, Flipper.
He sat down.
He doesn't want to do it anymore.
Yeah, I'm going to get this one right in his mouth.
All right, open your mouth.
Oh.
We're going to do that again. We're going to get one. We're going to do that again.
We're going to get one.
We're going to get one right.
Get back on your knees.
No, no, no.
I don't want you to get closer to me.
Don't touch the stage either.
Come on now, guys.
It's Sunday.
It's the Lord's Day.
Open your mouth.
One, two, guys. It's Sunday. It's the Lord's Day. Open your mouth. One, two, three.
Oh!
In and out.
That was like the Super Bowl.
That was good, though.
He kept it on his chest.
But it kind of,
you got too much teeth.
Yeah, it holds a lot of people back
in that game.
I know.
He could have gone bro and donut catching.
I know.
But, you know, what are you going to do?
What do you do for a living?
I work at Toyota.
He works at Toyota.
Graham.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's not what he sounds like.
I thought he was doing an impression of Jeff.
No, he's talking about Toyota.
I drive a Toyota.
You really want to keep doing this, Graham?
Cars. You want to keep poking
this bear?
As soon as I get all
this s'mores donut off my hands and beard,
I'm going to get
my self-confidence back, and then
you're going down.
I was doing an impression of
Flipper. Yeah, he sounds real dumb. I know. Throw a of Flipper.
Yeah, he sounds real dumb.
I know.
Throw a donut at my face.
I'm Jeff, or whatever your name is.
Why do I keep doing that?
Seriously, Toyotas are good cars.
Yes, Toyotas.
Please sponsor this program, Toyota.
You sold me, but you give my work props? You should be the other way around.
Fuck my work.
He's launched into a soliloquy.
By the third word,
I tuned out.
It's funny, he's not in sales. He's in service.
He sounds more like a salesman.
Get yourself on the sales floor, Chad,
and fucking start moving some units.
You know, maybe have a daily donut toss
where, you know,
you give people a break
if they can get it in your mouth.
And if they get it in your mouth,
you're like, $500 off the new Toyota Prius or whatever.
Or a gas card or something.
Guys, I'm all about ideas.
Did anybody make a name tag
that was just, like, on a bunch of napkins?
Or, like, wet naps?
Yeah, your hand's looking pretty gross right now.
Yeah, like a damp washcloth
with a little thing of water that's...
No.
A used Kleenex was just offered.
Really disgusting offer.
Oh, wadded up...
There you go.
Look at that.
Aren't you an angel?
Thank you so much.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna clean up.
She has to carry napkins around.
Her boyfriend gets donuts thrown at him all the time.
She probably has a whole bunch in there.
Stop telling people to throw their stuff at you.
All right, let's play fifth.
And that's the game where I'm going to say the final line from a motion picture.
And the first one of you guys that can guess correctly,
first guy on stage who can tell me the correct name of the movie,
guess as many times as you want.
Do we just blurt it out or are we ready for the next?
Blurt it.
Yeah, it's blurting time.
And the line is,
With pleasure, M, with pleasure.
Casino Royale.
Nope.
Spectre.
Nope.
Quantum of Solace.
Nope.
Wow.
The World Never Dies.
Nope.
It's clearly a Bond film, which I'm horrible at.
That's all of them, right?
With pleasure, M?
Oh, no, that's Her Majesty's Secret Service.
With pleasure.
Nope.
Octopussy.
Nope.
North by Northwest.
The Eiger Sanctuary.
Tomorrow Never Dies.
Nope.
GoldenEye.
Nope.
Thunderball.
Dr. No.
Nope.
No, no.
Fucktown.
Nope.
The earlier Casino Royale.
No.
The Living Daylights. I knew what you meant
the first time
so I didn't give it to you
the living daylights
no
Dr. No
no
Moonraker
no
this I am so excited
that you're gonna name
every one
but the correct one
no on 8 mile
uh
shit
uh
Archer
I got nothing
wait that's not
never mind
we got 50 minutes you guys work it out damn Uh, shit. Archer? I got nothing. Wait, that's not, never mind.
We got 50 minutes, you guys.
Work it out.
With pleasure.
Don't yell one out, please.
With pleasure, Em.
With pleasure.
Wow.
Just muttering it. The world is not enough.
No.
I feel like we've covered notes. License to kill. Wow. The world is not enough. No.
License to kill.
Is that one of them?
No. It is one of them. No.
The spy who shagged me.
No.
Baby, it's cold outside.
It's not Thunderball.
It's not... Too late.
Is it too late?
I would know that.
No, it's not too late.
It's not Never Say Never Again.
It's...
Oh, that's the name of one, too, right?
Yeah.
Some people don't...
I mean, why did we get hooked on Bond to begin with?
Is there...
I don't know.
We're just hooked on Bond.
Oh, okay.
There's not like a Bond character named M?
There could be some other weird movie
where the last line of the movie is calling somebody M.
Like maybe the Mary Tyler Moore movie.
She always had an M on her wall.
The Mary Tyler Moore feature film.
That was great.
Some guy's about to go down on her at the end
of the movie.
Pleasure, Em.
With pleasure.
Wait, is that how the J.K. Barr movie ends?
No, the
Mary Tyler Moore movie.
And then the song comes up.
Who can turn the world on with a
smile? Skyfall. Correct!
Oh!
That took way too long.
Nice.
Wow.
I'm fucking real good at this game.
You guys just, it was masterful the way you danced around that one.
Naming every other Daniel Craig movie immediately.
But it is, it just goes to show you,
Skyfall, dumb title.
What does that have to do with anything?
Nothing.
Yeah.
Wise.
And then Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern show up at the end.
Yeah.
Just sitting there screaming,
Dench!
Yeah. Just sitting there screaming,
Dench!
It's a fun name to be angry about.
All right, so Jeff won that game,
so he gets to go first in a round of
Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
Jeff, I'm going to tell you the tagline
from a motion picture,
and you have to try to guess which one it is.
You only get one guess,
and when you fail,
I should say if you fail,
Ryder will get to have a shot at it
and then Graham, et cetera.
What movie had the tagline
Blood Lost, Life Found?
Jeff Tate.
Blood lost,
life found.
Are you playing dead now?
Cabin fever.
Terrific guess. No.
Ryder, what do you think it is?
Blood lost, life found?
Mm-hmm.
But with periods and not question marks.
Right.
It's like a Billboard average.
Blood lost, family found?
Blood lost, life found.
Life found.
Two simple statements.
I have no clue.
The only thing I can think of is that it's like a vampire movie,
so I'll say Interview with a Vampire.
That's not a bad guess.
It's incorrect.
Yeah.
Graham?
There's no reason to crack your own neck.
There's no reason to break your own bones. There's no reason to break your own bones.
I'm doing a lot of self-chiropractic lately,
and it's very effective.
I think it's pretty obvious what it is.
No guess?
I got one.
Okay. No guess? I got one.
Vampire Chronicles.
That's a terrific guess.
I don't even know if that's a thing.
I don't know what that is.
It's a real movie, and that was the tagline. There's a movie called The Vampire Chronicles?
Yeah, Leif Garrett was a known guest.
Yeah, Leif Garrett, of course.
Actually, Leif Garrett's dad,
Reginald Garrett, was in it.
It came out in 1972,
and he's a reporter
tracking down vampires in Cleveland.
Look it up.
Blood Lost, life found
is the tagline for,
interestingly enough,
the revenant.
That's the tagline
for the revenant.
I thought the tagline
was just bear fight.
Grizzly cock.
Horse jumper
Cold as fuck
Yeah that's all
Yeah
Cold
Hashtag CAF
Yeah
Leo should win the award
For most tortured actor
For sure
Yeah
Alright so
Nobody got that one right
So let's try another one
We'll start with you again
Jeff
What movie has the tagline
Terror in the Flesh?
Somebody just rubbed one out
in the back.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, the donut.
Why did you do that? Didn't you say
Terror with my Flesh?
The witch.
No.
That is a good guess, though.
That's a good guess.
What do you think, Ryder?
Cabin fever.
That's, of course, correct.
Yeah, you got a cabin fever a little early there, Jeff.
You got it ahead of season i double bluffed
myself out of the right answer there all right this next one we'll start with graham and it's
the tagline is bullies beware bullies beware uh leftfganistan
that of course
is a documentary
that Graham made
uh
good plug
for your movie
sounds like a lot
of you have been there
is it on uh
it's
wow
Jesus
my chair is broken it's on netflix is it on netflix or do they have to go to a site
somewhere i was just making a joke as you did a movie he was in yeah you can get into comedy film
nerds okay um all right moving on damn it yeah uh jeff what do you think it is? Drill bit Taylor. Oh.
That would make a lot of sense, but no.
You don't get another guess, right?
Are you just going to keep going?
I would say, how about Diary of a Wimpy Kid?
Oh, that's another good one.
Yeah, that's terrific.
No.
So condescending.
No, it's really good that you tried.
It was a really good guess.
So good, Ryder.
Guys, it's flattering that you all have impressions of me,
but it's probably confusing for the listener. If everyone's doing an impression of me,
people at home are going to be like,
that's a lot of Jeff.
Big Jeff episode.
Bullies Beware is the tagline from a movie
in which Graham Elwood
appears as a security guard
called the Martial Arts Kid.
Yeah, Graham.
Want to tell us a little bit about that one?
It's on your
IMDB page.
Playing a security guard, I just had to
get into the role.
What'd you do
watch Paul Blart a few times
oh yeah
martial arts kid
oh that movie's awesome
it stars Don the Dragon Wilson
and Cynthia Rothrock
who are
yeah
does somebody get in trouble
do you yell at somebody
or what happens
yeah well
Don the Dragon Wilson
and this other amazing martial artist
TJ Storm
are having a fight.
Because one kid is, you know, there's like a Cobra Kai dojo.
And they get into a fight.
And they're smashing up this batting cage.
And I come out and go, hey, you guys got to settle it down.
And they look at me and I go, oh, that's cool.
You got another minute or whatever.
It's great.
It's good stuff.
Honestly, it's because I have dark hair that the academy didn't have me in it because I. It's great. It's good stuff. It's, I mean,
honestly,
it's because I have dark hair
that the Academy
didn't have me in it
because I'm too ethnic.
Like,
I should have won an Oscar.
They're so,
Oscar's so white.
So white.
They only wanted
their movie shown
on 17.5 millimeter
and it really
hamstrung
their distribution.
It's bullshit. It's total bullshit
All right, so
Who did we start with that let's say we started with Ryder. No, I start with me. Okay, so Graham
You get to go again
Keep in mind everything that's happened so far, Graham.
Okay, all right, I get it.
A movie about a missing woman and a lost man.
Missing woman and a lost man.
And a lost man.
And a lost man. You know, she might have left.
She might be elsewhere.
What?
Vanished, perhaps.
But she's definitely not around.
She's like,
she's like over someplace else.
Well, there is a movie named vanished that was remade but that with a Dutch movie yeah I'll take either of those was called vanished but
the vanishing I think they're called sandy Bullock was in the american version keifer sutherland yeah
the danish version is better um did you just say the danish version is rutger you just took a wild
stab and no there's a rusker in it the danish version is better oh but there is a rut they
always are there is a rutger um what's. What's a remake that's better than the original?
Has that ever happened?
Ocean's Eleven.
Yeah, it's different in tone, but it's not necessarily better, I don't think.
I think it's better.
There's been some remakes that were better.
I can't think of any off the top of my head.
Right?
It's hard to think of one.
It is hard to think of one.
Yeah.
But this movie, she vanishes and he's lost.
Yeah, that's the tagline.
She vanishes and he's lost.
And the movie's called Where's the Remote?
Um, shit.
Have you seen my pants?
Can't find anything when she's...
Um...
She's gone.
This has gone on for way too long.
I don't know.
All right.
Yeah.
Super Jaime.
I don't know.
Mary Jane is gone
and Doug's lost.
That works.
I saw that movie.
I don't think it was about
finding weed.
Pretty sure Doug
doesn't have a problem
finding it.
All right. so let's...
Nice try, Graham.
Let's move on to Ryder.
Oh, it's me next?
Yeah.
I think, wasn't it?
I don't know how it goes.
It started with me, Doug.
All right.
Yeah, what is it?
It's Too Late.
Yeah, it's your movie, Too Late.
But it also, to to me feels like Gone Girl
could have had the same tagline.
So I was trying to trick Graham into saying Gone Girl.
And then I was going to say
incorrect.
That's great.
It's fun.
It's fun.
I wonder if Alex Trebek did that.
I don't know. Maybe it's a college.
Uh, you know a college. Harvard.
Wrong.
Wrong.
More specific.
Let's play some Last Man Stanton.
Yeah.
Now with Lifelines.
Have you played it with a Lifeline, Graham?
No, sir, I have not.
Here's how it works.
If at any point you could do it first round, second round,
when you think you're about to get knocked out because you can't think of any,
you can go to the person who you're playing for, Genoa.
Oh, we got a phone situation.
All right, maybe we call Siri
like that person's doing in the back.
Siri wouldn't know the answers to this shit.
No, Siri's fucking stupid.
She'd recommend a website.
Like, can you imagine going to somebody on the corner,
hey, how do I get to wherever?
There's a website. Thanks, right so you each get to use your life
lifeline is your person with your whose name tag you chose okay that's been
established I guess and you could do it at any point in the game I do not get a
lifeline but I still will play along. And as always, somebody on Twitter suggested an actor
or actress for us to use in this game,
or is about to suggest one.
Where is Gabriel J. Bell?
Right back here.
Yes, you are.
Right back here.
Graham, your impressions are...
They're too, like, it's insulting
because you get they're so accurate. You know, like, they say imitations are, they're too, like, it's insulting because you get, they're so accurate.
You know, like, they say imitation's the sincerest form of flattery, but in your case, it's really mean.
Right back here.
Sorry.
Not like that at all.
All right, Gabriel, where'd you come in from?
Let's give you a few more words that he can make fun of.
New York.
New York. New York.
It's almost like having a translator.
What do you do in New York?
I'm an editor.
Oh, I'm an editor.
It's a nullboard profession is what it is.
You know what editors do?
Yes.
Have you edited something
that we would be familiar with?
No.
No.
No.
No.
Bang.
Bunk.
What?
Is there a pinball machine back there?
All right, so you're visiting
all the way from New York.
Have you seen the show in New York?
At the Gramercy Theater?
No, I've actually never made it.
Oh, okay.
Well, the next one's March 3rd.
It's sold out.
So I'm glad you found your way into this place.
And clearly I have one of the best seats in the house.
In the back of this hot box.
Fucking taunting this guy.
You drove 3,000 miles for that bullshit.
Thanks for coming.
He's like fifth row center, man.
That's good seats.
And he gets to pick who we're going to play.
No matter who he says, we have to do it
unless it's Danny Trejo.
Mel Gibson.
Ooh.
Damn you.
That's an interesting one.
All right, so
Ryder got the most right in the last game,
so he gets to go first in this one.
And then we'll switch the order.
We'll go to Graham, and then me, and then Jeff. then Jeff all right well get the obvious out of the way brave heart
let's obviously brave heart very good Graham let's do some Mad Max I'm gonna take Maverick.
Wow.
Jeff?
Lethal Weapon.
Okay.
Writer.
Payback. Oh. Oh. Okay. Brighter.
Payback.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
If I didn't know any better,
I would think somebody's getting auto-blown right now.
There's some glaring going on.
So is it me now?
Oh.
Wait, wait, wait, Wait, wait, wait.
I'm coming.
Right?
That's how I talk, right?
I thought you were doing the New York guy.
My name's Graham.
I palm strike things.
I'm Jeff.
Wait.
You're doing a shitty impression mashup?
No, I fucked it up.
It sounds so much like me that I get confused who I'm making fun of.
It's so fun.
Thanks for making the drive out from New York, by the way.
Editors are the backbone of show business.
Graham L. would you
answer the question please
wait is it me or is it Doug
it's you
it's you
suck on that
put that in your mouth
do you know why I'm giving back my auto blow?
No, Doug, why?
Because I don't need it.
Because I know what women want.
Jeff. Lead the weapon, too. Yeah, of course. Jeff Lethal Weapon 2
yeah of course
The Man Without a Face
or is it Two Faces
The Man With Two Faces
it's The Man Without a Face
no it's The Man Without a Face
I know but
wouldn't that Two Faces one
be pretty cool too
yeah that'd be good.
Stay out of it, Jeff.
Graham?
Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome.
Why do you do this to me, Graham?
The Road Warrior Beyond the Thunderdome.
Mad Thunderdome Warrior.
Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome.
All right, I'm going to give you the opportunity to use your lifeline
to tell you the correct name of that movie.
Or you're just out.
Which would you like to do?
I'm going to be...
Oh, no, I'm going to ask my...
Let me ask my lifeline.
Hold on.
Do I go down there or do I...
No, we can just ask from here.
What is it?
What's it called?
The movie that he's trying to say?
Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome.
What's the full...
What's the actual title?
Inside the Thunderdome?
What is it?
Stop it, Graham.
What's the actual title of that movie?
Thunderdome Adjacent.
What is it?
Thunderdome and Friends.
Mad Max Greater Thunderdome Metropolitan Area.
Thank you!
Thunderdome Mestic Disturbance.
What?
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome?
No, though.
Yeah.
Book it.
That's it.
What are you saying then, Graham?
How's that what's the title what do you guys have agreed upon mad max beyond thunderdome
no that's not what i'm saying though but my point is
i'm saying mad max inside the thunderdome and beyond
just say a different movie um yeah lethal weapon three late for that
what is it huh you've said so much I can't even remember what the right title is.
I just know it doesn't have the in there.
You throw that extra the in there.
Well, that's what she...
That was what she fixed?
Yeah.
So she just said Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
That's exactly...
All right, good.
You're still in.
Yeah!
Jen, oh, ugh!
Classic pronunciation.
All right.
I'll go with The Singing Detective.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
It's a movie.
Never even heard of it.
It started off as a musical miniseries on PBS,
but then they made a movie version of it with Mel Gibson.
And he's older and bald in it.
Lethal Weapon 3.
Yeah, I wasn't going to be the dick to do that.
But I admire it nonetheless.
Ryder?
Ransom.
Ransom.
You better pay back
that ransom.
That's a horrible impression.
That was an impression?
That was by Mel Gibson
and he said that
in both of those movies.
Payback was a sequel
to Ransom.
That changes everything Apocalypto
Oh okay
So he wasn't in that one
He directed it
We accept when somebody's directed something
He's in the background with that war paint on
Or something at some point
He's got some weird teeth
exactly the man with half a faith tooth but as long as we're uh you know getting into his directing stuff now i might as well say the passion of the christ
up until deadpool the most successful r-rated movie of all time. So keep seeing Deadpool, everybody.
Lethal Weapon 4.
I got to say all four Lethal Weapon movies.
That's pretty ridiculous.
It's going to be your proudest win ever.
I'm going to say Conspiracy Theory.
Oh. Nice. people said nice It's a conspiracy theory
Nice
What's the last line of that movie
Why is she on that fucking horse
Alright Graham so your
Lifeline bailed you out last time
So you're still in it, but unfortunately,
all the lethal weapons have been taken.
And all the Mad Maxes, right?
I think so.
Or his Mad Max.
Max, Warrior, Dome, those are your three Mellie Gibbs.
Mellie Gibbs. Mellie Gibbs.
Oh, What Women Want.
Already been done.
Really?
I said that and I even used it in a sentence.
What Women Want 2.
What Women Are Still Wanting. What women want too. What women are still wanting.
Okay.
Then we're going to go with...
I mean, it's all on our tongues.
Why do we even need to waste time saying it?
We're all thinking it.
We're all thinking it. We're all thinking it.
I thought of a fun stall tactic.
What if you just sat there and just kept saying ones we've already said?
Nope, said it.
Nope, said it.
Nope, said it. Okay, got it.
There's some good ones out there, though, that you haven't.
But his recent slowdown of being in movies makes it hard,
because you've got to think back a little bit.
I wonder what happened.
Right?
I mean, he used to be in a lot of movies.
Maybe he just got tired of making them.
I don't know.
Edmund Jane headman,
Jane Hackman,
retired.
Oh, shit.
Oh, Graham.
We've had such fun
with you today.
We really have.
It's really been great.
It's been great.
But I think
this might be
the time where
we're going to say a couple of his other ones
do your plugs yeah Hollywood California I will be at the lab at the Hollywood
Improv doing this new show grandma would variety hour of where February 27th at 10 30 it's gonna be me
emceeing and a bunch of funny comics doing kind of spoof characters and then uh I'm headlining
uh skyline comedy cafe in beautiful Appleton Wisconsin oh yeah that sounds like that sounds
like some of you have been there March 17th through 19th um check that out. And then the Comedy Film Nerds podcast
that Doug will be on,
that we listen to every week.
And then we're doing,
Comedy Film Nerds is doing
live Oscars commentary on Rabble.
What?
Yeah, on Rabble.tv.
So if you go to Rabble.tv,
you can sign in.
It's for free.
And so we'll be doing live commentary
and you can log in and ask us questions. We're going to do giveaways
and shit. It's going to be fucking a
blast. And we're working
on getting a special guest. It'll be myself and Chris
Mancini. Comedy Film Nerds on Rabble.TV.
Apocalypto 2. Seriously though, do you...
I just wish you had something
to plug because that would have given you time
to think of something
other than Apocalypto 2.
And which we all know,
I like accurate titles
and that movie's called Apocalypto.
And there's like one of those Mayans
like, that's the face.
The rise of Mayan. The rise of Mayan. She like that's the face. Like, yeah. Um, the rise of Mayan,
the rise of Mayan.
Um,
she got nothing.
Uh,
earbuds,
podcasting documentary.
Uh,
that'll be coming out soon.
So we're submitting it to festivals.
And of course,
uh,
we're never going to tell you when I'm grandma.
Would I have things to plug,
but you figure it out.
That was a very good impression. The voice keeps getting closer and closer, yeah.
You're really almost there.
That was great.
All right.
All right, who's next?
So you're out.
I'm still going?
It's my turn now, right?
Yep.
Yeah, fuck it. God damn it. I'm sorry going? It's my turn now, right? Yep. Yeah, fuck it.
God damn it.
I'm sorry, Genoa.
I still got it wrong?
How do you say your name again?
Genoa.
Genoa?
Oh, what the fuck?
Like, come on.
Genoa.
I don't bust people's balls over Graham.
Like, people say, hey, Graham,
and I go, I'm sorry, it's Graham.
Yeah, but what you're saying is a Solami.
Yeah, wait. There's a distinction between the two Grahams you just said?
Well, yeah. G-R-A-H-A-M has got
two syllables. It's Graham.
Graham. Graham.
Graham.
If you go to the UK
or Australia, they say Graham.
They go Graham. Like when I introduced myself,
like Will Anderson has come on my podcast.
He's an Australian comic
and has made fun of me
because Graham is G-R-A-M,
the metric unit.
But in America,
everybody just goes Graham.
They don't go Graham
because they're not a bunch of fucking,
hey, do you know where?
It feels like you're still,
it feels like you're still stalling
and you're not in the game anymore.
I'm fine with it because I thought I'd like 12 more.
But don't be too hard on yourself, Graham,
and don't be too hard on the beaver.
Oh, Christ, really?
He was in a movie called The Be that's right didn't he direct that too
no jody foster is the only friend in show business
and the only reason they're still together is she doesn't have sugar tits
she's got regular ones
when he got pulled over in mal youu, you know when that happened?
He goes,
I own Malibu sugar tits
on the PCH
driving north
right when that happened
where it says
welcome to Malibu.
Somebody put an E
and it said Malibu.
Fucking gorgeous.
That's my movie,
Malibu.
Graham just plugged
graffiti.
Folks,
having a big graffiti contest coming up Dates to be released soon
Edge of Darkness
Oh, you said it angrily
No, I just wanted to get it out
Yeah, Edge of Darkness, I like it
Chicken Run
Yeah
Wow
Wow Graham I like it. Chicken Run. Yeah.
Wow.
Grilled.
Grilled.
Chicken.
Grilled.
Chicken Run.
Well done.
I'll go with The Year of Living Dangerously.
Oh.
Some lady in the back just went,
oh.
I loved Cambodian genocide.
Tequila sunrise.
Oh, yes. God damn it.
Kurt Russell.
There's going to be a lot that you've heard of.
He used to be famous.
I think chicken run
was the bottom of the barrel
for me.
Well, you can go
to your lifeline.
You might not be much help
because it's getting tough
at this point,
but it's worth a shot.
It might be the first words
he's ever spoken.
Yeah.
We still don't know his name.
He's just the owner
of Hobbs.
Hobbs owner.
Expendables 3.
Expendables 3, dude.
Do you want to do it? Expendables 3. Expendables 3, dude. Do you want to do it?
Expendables 3.
Nice. Thank you.
Well done.
Nice work, Hobbs the cat.
The full title is Expendables 3, the most expendable
of them all.
The Expendables 3,
we're sorry.
We got Harrison Ford and Mel Gibson, but no script.
We're very sorry.
We wanted them for two.
When you spilled, when you had that sticky stuff on your fingers,
I wanted to, you know, get something to wipe it off, you know,
but I won't accept any, just any kind of paper towel.
It has to be the bounty.
That was a convoluted, twisting story.
I thought he was out and was stalling.
That's what I thought.
I was like, this is some paper towel bullshit.
Yeah, you walked out there,
you were way out there on your own
like a bird on a wire.
Oh!
Jeff Tate!
Jeff Tate!
Jeff Tate!
Doug, I know this is unorthodox,
but I would like to...
What's happening?
You gonna do another one?
No, I would like to offer Ryder
my lifeline.
What?
Yeah, I think it'd be fun to keep this guy in the game
and it would piss off Graham a little bit.
It's like a twofer for me, a win-win.
I'm just happy we're all on stage having fun, Jeffrey.
All right, well, you know, you might be offering him nothing
because it's going to be tough for the person you're playing for
to come up with something, maybe.
But do you want to do it, Ryan?
Yeah, because I got nothing, so I'm out otherwise.
Thank you, Jeff.
He wants to stay in the game.
He wants to stay alive.
Who's your thing?
Lifeline?
Pocahontas.
Pocahontas.
Pocahontas.
Oh!
Yes!
Lifeline.
I'm staying alive.
What's your name, young lady?
Hitomi.
Pardon?
Hitomi.
Hitomi.
Hitomi alone.
Jesus, her and Genoa, the fucking weird name sisters.
Is it, how do you, say Genoa again.
Genoa.
Genoa.
Genoa.
Stop saying Genoa.
Genoa.
Genoa is a fucking salami.
Say it the way she wants it said.
Genoa.
Oh, Graham.
Oh, those golden Grahams.
Pocahontas 2, of course, is called
Smells of the Wind.
Pocahontas.
Smells of the Wind. all right so i don't know how to work it into a sentence so i'll just is it
my turn yep yeah okay uh i don't know how to work in a sense so i'll just say gallipoli
oh that's an excellent movie well remember when uh when uh we were in gallipoli and we were soldiers?
Nice.
We were soldiers.
Nice.
Well, I got nothing.
No, I'm not going to take another one.
You're just going to keep me in this game?
Yeah, it pisses Graham off like crazy.
Wait, you can afford to just give him another one? I know.
How many Mel Gibson movies do you have
in your back pocket? I've got some more Mel Gibson movies
in my head. Jeez. Oh my god.
Jeff.
Do something besides Mel Gibson movies
with your life.
I'm usually celebrated for having this
many answers, but Mel Gibson has apparently
brought us all down with him.
Listen, I was like only half on board,
but finally, when he finally started talking about
how there wasn't a Holocaust, I was like,
this is a guy I can get behind.
I'm tired of
Denzel and Harrison Ford talking about
how there was a Holocaust.
It is a drag, dudes.
Let it go!
I like Mel Gibson's sunnier view of the world.
No Holocaust.
All right, you can give one to Ryder.
He gave me The River.
The River.
Wow.
I don't remember that movie at all.
It came out at the time.
There was like three farm movies all at the same time.
There was Places in the Heart with Sally Field.
Oh, right. River Runs Through It? Is that awesome? there was like three farm movies all at the same time there was places in the heart with sally field and uh river runs through it is that no the third one was sissy spacek and it was called
rivertown being on a farm sucks my dick i remember that that was good
that was the ending of the whole movie being on on a farm sucks my dick. The end.
Yeah, I was going to use that for the final line from a movie,
but I thought Skyfall would be trickier.
Dick, Em.
Skyfall.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
What a shitty Skyfall.
That'd be a cool last line for that movie.
Oh, man.
They fucked up my Skyfall.
I don't even know what a Skyfall was.
Or what if somebody just walks out onto a veranda
and takes a deep breath and goes, Sky
Fall.
Like it's
the time of, okay. So
that means, okay, I gotta come up with
another one. I gotta go so
deep that it might be his first
feature length motion picture
pre the first mad max in which he played a either emotionally or mentally stunted young man
and it was called tim oh yeah i've heard of that yeah i had to do it jeff hey you know what he
sounds like he sounds like this i Tim. I'm just an idiot.
Yeah, it's interesting because he doesn't even have an Australian accent.
That's how mentally disabled he was
that he didn't even sound Australian.
That'd be weird, right?
Get the gringo.
Whoa.
I don't even know.
I got nothing, so.
For the third round in a row.
Give him another one.
Do you want to give him another one, Jeff?
Give him another one.
I think I only have one left.
Oh.
Well, guess what, Jeff?
What's that?
I'm gonna try to say the one
that you've got left.
Okay.
Here we go.
All right.
Machete kills. Okay. Here we go. All right. Machete kills.
Nope.
We might have a tie then
because you got one more.
Yeah.
What is it?
It's called
Father's Day.
He plays a,
he does a cameo
in Father's Day. He's a tattoo artist. cameo In Father's Day
He's a tattoo artist
With Billy Crystal
And Robin Williams
Yeah yeah
He's like a tattoo artist
He's got piercings and stuff
He was gonna be
In the hangover you know
Yeah yeah
But they decided
They decided to get
Somebody more wholesome
Like Mike Tyson
Yeah yeah
We prefer someone
Who's been convicted
No it's a different
It was a different part actually
But
Anyway
Okay So What did you say? convicted. No, it was a different part actually. But anyway, okay, so
what did you say?
I forget.
Father's Day.
Wow, that's impressive.
Is there any more? I've just been sitting
here. I'm sure there is.
There always is.
There's always more.
But you think you're done Jeff?
Let me try to come up with one
Let me see if I can come up with one
Let me see if I can come up with one
Let me see if I can come up with one
Graham do that thing
That takes up six minutes
Oh no
No
No sit No, no, no. No, sit.
That was nothing, Ryder.
I held back because we have low ceilings.
What's happening? Why are you talking?
He's just suddenly chatting away over there. You had it right earlier.
He's giving me a clue or something, but I don't want it.
I'm not going to take it.
But I'm satisfied with the tie on this one with Jeff.
But I just want to throw one more out there.
Just make everybody go, damn.
But I don't think it's going to happen.
I'm going to feel terribly sad when I hear the ones you guys have to say.
Anything more, Jeff?
No.
Any ideas?
Like, I wish he had a cameo in a Muppet film.
I would not be surprised at all if he was in National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1.
I would be.
It's a spoof of that movie.
I'd be very surprised.
All right, so we'll call Jeff our winner
and we'll call it a tie between me and Jeff.
Hit us with the bad news.
What did we miss?
Air America!
The Patriots!
The Patriots!
Forever Young!
Signs!
Signs! Signs Signs Oh my god
We were horrible
Fucking Signs man
That one the listeners went apeshit
Until they finally heard it
To miss Signs
The greatest movie about
How you got a
Special message to swing away, which is advice
that's pretty logical when you're
holding a bat and an alien
is in front of you.
Should I just stand here with it or should I swing away?
But Doug...
I didn't get that vision earlier.
Doug, when the top half of your wife
gives you advice,
you follow it, even if
it's dumb.
Any other ones?
We still did pretty good,
but Signs was embarrassing.
Signs is embarrassing.
Hamlet.
Hamlet.
That had everybody in it.
He was in The Passion.
The Passion?
Of the Christ?
I said it.
Yeah, he said it. I said it because he directed it.
Was Mel Gibson ever a bad guy? Like guy like i mean except in real life yeah machete kills he's the he's the villain
i just did that was a joke yeah okay thanks
because he was a bad guy in expandables 3 too i just remembered okay um anyway just like we
thought we named every single one of them
the audience did not have any we did not name oh you're suggesting i cut the part out where
they said all those yep and or let's just use us saying them yeah i'll dub. Let's keep going. The Patriot. Signs. Air America.
It's a memory game.
That's what we should do on these shows.
We all look at a list of movies by a certain actor or actress, and then we put it away, and then we start.
Who can remember the most that you just looked at?
If you do edit that out, the listeners, going to, their reaction is going to be like,
I think that went in the wrong order
right at the end.
Signs is like if we were naming states
and didn't say Texas.
That's just a ridiculous one.
All right.
Because it seems cool,
but it's actually dumb?
Really?
Is it Texas because it seems cool,
but it was actually kind of dumb?
No, because
Texas is an obvious one
when you're naming states.
It's really big. You know me. I'm Jeff.
I'm an idiot.
Get southern on that one. I'm an idiot.
A little more Hartman in it.
I wanted to twang it up so Texas
knows I'm an idiot.
What's the name of the person you were playing for, Jeff?
Hitomi.
Yeah, okay.
Come on up and get all your prizes.
I apologize that they don't all fit in the bag.
Don't take Jeff's bag.
There you go.
But then there's also the album and the book I couldn't fit in there.
The bag's going to be really heavy, so be careful.
You might need to use one of Meltdown's bag valets.
Oh, yeah, the poster.
Put your thing back.
That's awesome.
Here you go, the poster.
Oh, is that a didgeridoo?
No, no.
No, Graham.
Didgeridoo, Graham. Did you read Don't, Graham?
Did you hear the ocean?
Did you redo?
Jeff.
Why are you still here, Graham?
You did your plugs already.
Yeah, dude.
Jeff, what do you got to plug?
Justanotherclown.com is my website Speakersilence.org is the organization
I like to support
It's a non-profit that provides pro bono
Counseling to the adult survivors of child sex abuse
So if you need pro bono
Counseling or you just want to give money to someone good
Speakersilence.org
I'm gonna be
In Ann Arbor Michigan
I forgot Gainesville Florida I forgot my fucking dates speakersislands.org. I'm going to be in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
I forgot, Gainesville, Florida.
I forgot my fucking dates.
They're on the website.
But I want to tell you guys right now,
this is the first time,
but I'm very close to securing a place to do stand-up and bring Emma to LA.
We're going to do stand-up in LA somewhere in April.
Cool.
Yeah.
Finally. All that hard time you're giving graham for not giving up the information and no i don't actually you got a mystery date
as well i don't know the date yet well maybe he doesn't know the date yet no he said he knows the
date he just isn't going to tell these people i'm not not releasing the date I'm just telling you I'm coming back to LA and me and Em are gonna do stand up
I don't remember
the podfest date
so
how about I just stall
Brooklyn June 16th
check out the website
JeffTate96 on Twitter
have a good day
have a good day
these plugs are the most pleasant.
And Too Late, starring Ryder Strong,
a very cool movie.
You can see it starting on March 18th
here in Los Angeles.
There's a special CineFamily showing of it
coming up on March 5th.
But yeah, if you go to toolatemovie.com,
you can find out when it's rolling out
at a city near you.
Robert Forster's great in it.
Robert Forster's in it?
You're going to love this movie.
Robert Forster and John Hawks?
Dude, and strippers.
It takes place in...
Don't tell me too much.
It's really good.
What do I have to plug?
Graham, could you pass down Genoa's name tag?
She's got a good shit head on the back, I bet.
Oh, it's on a post-it that's upside,
or not upside down, but post-it on there.
Look at that.
Whoa.
Okay.
I like yours. My plug is this.
I am doing a lot of stuff at South by Southwest.
Can't give you the details yet.
But yeah, it's going to be stuff where you have to have a South by Southwest badge
or stand in a weird line that's unlikely to get in.
So if you're going to South by, look for my stuff.
Look for me doing stuff there.
I always love going back to Austin when South by isn't happening
because then people that live there can get into my shows and stuff.
I love it there.
One more round of applause for all of my guests,
Graham Elwood, Ryder strong and jeff tate
and as always willem defoe is a And UTIs are a shithead.
Thanks again to CISO for sponsoring today's show.
Only CISO lets comedy aficionados stream hand-picked, ad-free, on-demand comedy
from the comfort of their favorite device and location.
CISO's got all of NBC's late night shows, The Next Day, fresh new stand-up every day
of the year, original series from the funniest people on earth like Wyatt Senak, The Upright
Citizens Brigade, and coming soon, Dan Harmon's Harmon Quest.
That's going to be awesome.
All for just $3.99 a month.
All the best comedy in one place.
Don't believe it?
See so for yourself now for free. No credit card needed
to try it.
Now it's
time for Doug to watch another
talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing
prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart
for you, cause Doug
loves movies.