Doug Loves Movies - Rob Huebel and Anthony Jeselnik Guest
Episode Date: April 1, 2010Doug welcomes comic actor Rob Huebel and comedian Anthony Jeselnik to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-no...t-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 azithop or kernels in his teeth.
They're still not warm, then he won't sleep, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey everybody!
My name is Doug Benson and I love movies and beverages.
I have beverages.
Folks are still just coming in.
It's an exciting time to be alive.
I'm going to get my notes out and read to you the entire show.
I already said my name is Doug Benson.
We're coming to you live on tape from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles,
right before the always fantastic Comedy Death Ray.
Applaud if you're sticking around for Comedy Death Ray tonight.
Yeah.
That costs, like, what, five bucks to get in?
Five bucks?
And so it's hard to get a reservation, though, right?
It's always very popular.
Sells out fast.
Don't answer.
I don't give a shit.
No, and then, so how many folks are not freeloaders,
but just here for the podcast, just for the free podcast?
Applause if you're here for that.
Yeah, nice.
I want the two factions to fight each other.
Or no, I want one to grow larger than the other.
That would be awesome.
I don't care which one.
Just as long as you're all here.
No, I do care.
Come for both this and Death Ray.
I try to have the guests are usually people that are not on that night's Death Ray.
I always try to come up with some sort of topical joke for the top of the show that
everyone that's here at the live tapings you know gets to hear what kind of i'm acting like that's
a privilege you get to you get to hear this about a week or four days before anyone else
wow what an amazing i'm such a giver um but anyway i I don't have a topical joke about
I was trying to think of a joke about
Maybe like
I saw a hot tub time machine today
And
Somebody
They must have sent the screenplay
Through the institute of grossness
Or something
Because it was just kind of like
As you go through the movie
It's like poop
check piss check vomit check semen check the end like they really got in all the four uh food
groups that's not the right it's not the right word for it so i'll work on that and get back to
you guys let's get some uh let's get some funny dudes out here who
uh will will help make this uh more entertaining than just listening to me babble uh that's that's
what i wrote down for the intro that's the theme that's the theme this time is two very funny dudes
uh my friends anthony jesselnig and rob hubel are here everybody let's hear it for anthony and robert rob hubel i wonder how you guys sound
like talking like the three of us everyone knows my voice but will you guys sound identical
the two of us do we have the same voice now you talk anthony please sound it'd be awesome if you
sounded just like me i'm trying to think of how I could do that.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, see, you guys do sound kind of similar.
Wow.
Yeah.
Let's fool everybody.
I'll re-record this part.
Let's say, ladies and gentlemen, my guests tonight are the Sklar brothers.
Hey, what's up, Sklar?
Hey.
Hey.
You guys just got Sklard.
So that's Anthony, the one that just said Sklard So that's Anthony
The one that just said Sklard
And
Is this for the podcast audience?
Is what for the podcast audience?
All of this?
Differentiating between our voices
It's for the listeners
It's not for the people sitting here
But my point is the listeners aren't retarded
They're not mentally retarded
Or are they?
I don't know.
Most of them would be.
I don't know.
No, I just want to establish the difference between you guys.
Okay.
When I talk, I'll say Rob before every sentence.
I'll say Rob.
Rob.
Why would you do that, Anthony?
You fucked everybody.
No, I'm sure a lot of the people know both of your voices because I was going to say,
Anthony plays characters.
You're a writer on the Jimmy Fallon program.
Not anymore.
Not anymore, but you were.
Don't make it sound like a bad thing.
I quit.
You rose up like a phoenix out of the ashes.
Was there drama?
No, it was all good terms.
Yeah, everyone's happy, especially them.
No one got shot in the face or called a cunt.
Not to the face.
It was like, I quit.
Oh, finally.
Thanks for all your hard work.
Oh, nice.
That's a nice way to go out.
But you play a lot of characters
on camera
on the show
actually just one character
like
a guy in audience
yeah
that's played by you
I actually
an ex like you
this is on the air tonight
does it
this podcast
no no
it'll be a few days
from now before
because tonight
well you guys
I'd get killed on the show tonight
the character I play
and it's the last thing I'll ever do
on that show
oh because he pre-taped it
because you're here in LA and they do it in New York
that's right
and Rob Hubel
you guys know from
Human Giant
this is Anthony
he was
one third of Human giant or one fourth or
fifth depending on how you look at it I don't think I'm half of human giant
because of the two guys Thank You Anthony yes you're saying he's the
fattest of the three of them is that what you said those two other guys are
like those are two the only two guys you could probably have found that are
thinner than smaller than you.
Yeah.
Well, I found those guys.
I started Human Giant, and then I wanted a little Indian guy and a guy with a gap between his teeth. And so I looked all over, and I had a ton of different people, and then those guys quit and kept getting killed.
And then so finally I settled on Aziz.
What is a dumb story? They kept getting killed. And then so finally I settled on his... What is a dumb story?
They kept getting killed.
He just slipped that in there like
that's just something that happens.
People just keep getting killed.
People get killed.
We should get the lights brighter here.
Right, podcast audience? You pieces of shit.
Don't drag them into it.
I'd like to insult the podcast.
You think it's too bright right now?
Is that what you're saying?
No, no, it's good.
Okay.
Anthony.
Yes.
Have you been in any movies?
I was in one movie.
I actually just saw it for the first time this week called Miss March.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
That was a...
Did that play in theaters briefly?
Very briefly.
Like, oh, okay.
It's on TV a lot now.
It's on Cinemax like all the time.
Yeah.
That's why I got to see it.
And what did you do in Miss March?
I'm like a video...
Where's that guy going?
Podcast audience.
Some rude person just left he's probably going
to go watch miss march he's just fucking he's like oh it's on right now i gotta go oh i forgot
that was a thing yeah in the uh in the movie craig robinson is a rapper named horse dick.mpeg and and he's
he's so funny
he's like the only funny thing about the movie
and at one point he's doing a rap video
for a song called Suck My Dick While I Fuck That Ass
and at the end I come in as the video director
and I say great job
horse dick dot mpeg hip hop is back
which was
I thought of that line
and then we like we fist bump
so hard that I fall out of
the frame and you hear a crashing
sound like plates falling
and you never see me again you have no
idea who I am they don't
say that I'm the director I just show up to say hip hop
is back and then fall down
I hope that's. I just show up to say hip-hop is back and then fall down.
I hope that's hilarious.
I mean, it sounds hilarious. I feel like leaving right now like that guy to go watch this.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you haven't already seen it.
I have.
I have seen it.
Yeah, I've seen it.
How many times?
Yeah, yeah, I've seen it.
Did that scene strike you as weird?
No, I didn't see all of it.
I didn't see all of it. If I had known of it if i if i had if i had known you were in it i would watch that part i was totally now
i got an excuse to watch it um you know i gotta watch you fall out yeah i do want to see the
plates crashing i love that everyone should see i love when things get broken off camera that's
never like they thought of that after they shot that's a great name for that's also a great name
for a hip-hop song what was that song? Suck My Dick While I Fuck That Ass.
Yeah, that's great.
That really, that should be a song.
I'm trying to figure out the initials to that song,
but I couldn't do it.
SMDW.
Well, that sounds bad.
And Rob, you've been in a lot of movies no i've been a couple movies two
and a half i've been in some really bad movies um i'd like to talk about those i was in a um
really bad movie called the love guru that was really yeah did anyone did anyone here actually
see that or is everybody just know that it's terrible don't clap no that's the wrong noise
to make don't make that noise with your body.
What was the other movie that opened that same day?
It opened up against another comedy.
Oh, I don't know.
Oh, Get Smart.
Get Smart.
Oh, that movie didn't do well either.
But Love Guru is just really bad.
They made a Get Smart 2 or they're making a Get Smart 2?
Me and Daniel Tosh had a scene in Love Guru.
We only have one scene.
And actually, our scene is kind of funny, but just the movie is bad.
Josh had a scene in Love Guru.
We only have one scene.
And actually, our scene is kind of funny, but just the movie is bad.
Where we get into a huge bar fight with Mike Myers and the other guy.
And it's like a hundred stuntmen in this bar.
And we pick a fight with them.
And then this huge choreographed fight breaks out. And just people smashing people and smashing tables and stuff.
And it was really fun. I actually got to get smashed over the head and go flying over smashing people and like smashing tables and stuff and it was really fun
like i actually got to get like smashed over the head and go flying over like a table and stuff but
um yeah but that movie oh it's really it's the sort of movie where like you get i don't even
remember that scene that's the kind of movie that is oh you don't like even kids are like
i've seen this scene before this is bullshit like even little kids don't like it um i also did i did another terrible movie
oh man i wouldn't feel bad if this person's here there's no way i bet they killed themselves by now
but i don't think they're here i did this really bad bowling movie that was um
what was it called i don't want to talk about it it was uh it was gutter balls no that would have been a great name um oh god it was directed by um
this guy's near because the guy's really nice but um but the movie he comes to shows here all the
time no i've never seen him here but it was directed directed by tara reed's brother no
tara remember tara reed so um so she's in this movie and he directed it and oh it's just really
really really not funny do you think it would have been a better movie if they had actually gotten tara reed to direct it to direct it yeah they couldn't they
couldn't fit them in the budget so they maybe they got a brother maybe yeah it's just really bad but
you can't tell us what it's called oh yeah it's called 7 10 split you would never see that oh
wait they also changed it to like strike fuck that doesn't matter like you can watch it on Netflix
please don't watch it
please
like
cause I can't
give you back
that two hours
of your life
or whatever it is
I wish that I could
there's no way
it's two hours
you're right
it's like four hours
there's so many movies now
where you look over
at the clock
or whatever
you're watching it on
Cinemax or HBO
and it's like 20 after the hour and and the credits start to roll, and then the credits go for like 10 minutes to pad it out to that solid 90-minute movie they need.
Yeah.
Even like Alice in Wonderland.
How long was that weird movie?
I didn't see that.
Did you guys see that?
Oh, man.
You really should see it.
A lot of people have not seen it.
Wow. You should see it because it's called Alice in Wonderland, but then in the movie they go to Underland,
which is not a Wonderland.
It's fucking gray and bleak and weird.
Ooh.
But they still have some sweet dance moves.
I will never see that movie.
I'll never see it.
The only 3D movie I ever saw was Avatar,
and now I feel like I've seen all 3D movies.
So I'll never see another 3D movie again.
Does that make sense to you?
Well, I'm here to tell you that I really enjoyed...
Because it was good or you hated it?
Because it was good, but I felt like I just did that.
You did it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's like you don't have to bungee jump again necessarily.
Yeah, I'll just regular jump.
Fuck that hooker again.
You know who hates all these 3d movies is um
uh roger ebert do you follow him on twitter um you should you should follow him he's like the
best i know he's like whenever somebody retweets his stuff i find it interesting you know he can't
talk like yeah he can't talk well it seems like so that's what he does is he yeah he just twitters
i don't need to raise every thought he's really that's really that's
terrible but dude no seriously though i do recommend it because whenever i read something
he's written or like he always has links to things he's written that's what it is he just he just
links to he's just like a film critic that's possessed now he like he'll write you know
things like are practically like op-eds about uh political candidates well things that are
he did this whole thing about 3d movies and how little kids are now asking their parents,
like, oh, do we have to see it in 3D?
Like, little kids are, like, anti-3D now because it's just, like, too much.
And he hates 3D movies, I think, too.
Wow, it's really quiet in here.
It's trying to be interesting.
But I want to say that How to drain your dragon is very...
Think of the listeners, Rob.
It's very...
Oh, the listeners.
I just mimed sucking off a dragon.
Very engaging.
See, they probably had a nice chuckle there.
Maybe.
Maybe passed a little something through their nose.
Maybe.
But I like the movie is my point.
It's good?
Is that a good movie?
Yeah, it's charming.
It started off for the first half hour,
I was like, I got these glasses on,
these Vikings are yelling at each other.
And then for some reason,
the story sort of kicks in
and I found it really engaging all the way to the end.
And I dare to say, I liked it better than Avatar.
I think it's got better storytelling you're never gonna get you're never gonna get cast by james cameron now you just
fucked up i'm never gonna have to fucking stand in a blue suit on a on a green soundstage for days
on end being screamed at by this fucking dictator of a film director yeah too bad i'm missing out
on that.
Have you seen that clip
on the internet? I'm sure everybody's seen it where he's at LAX
and he's coming back and he gets kind of like
attacked by this fan and it's really just like
two paparazzi. You know that scam where like
it's two paparazzi and like they get together
and they're like, okay, so you act like you're
a fan and try to get him to sign this thing.
And then so this guy goes up and he goes,
hey man, I'm a big fan, I'm a big fan. Will you sign this thing?
And James Cameron's like, well, you know,
I'm with my family or whatever.
I don't really want to sign it.
And the guy's like, come on, man.
I paid money to see your movie.
And he's like, you know, I'm with my family and blah, blah, blah.
And he's like, hey, man, I'm a fucking huge fan.
And so meanwhile, his buddy is filming this whole confrontation.
It's completely fake.
And then like that gets sold to TMZ as like this big thing.
And so that guy, and then they split the money. It'sz is like this big thing and so that guy and
then they split the money it's like this you guys should be paparazzi it's really easy to make money
but what do you not know what i'm talking about you didn't see that uh not that one no i never
saw that it's like a thing that they do it's like a little racket that oh yeah i've seen that sort
of thing i mean even the people that are straight up tmz people just go up and just ask annoying
questions yeah yeah yeah it's always like, yo, Katherine Heigl,
what do you think about what's going on
with, you know,
Pete Rose?
It's always just like, what?
That's on everybody's mind.
I mean, what is going on with
Pete Rose, Katherine Heigl?
I couldn't think of any
current scandal or anything,
but Pete Rose
Every few years it's a new scandal with him
Because they always have to re-debate
About whether or not he should be in the Hall of Fame
Or whatever
But then they'll ask people
They'll ask people about stuff in the news
Or about like if somebody dies
It's always like what do you think about so and so being dead
It's just like never met the guy
He heard nice things things then they try
to get in their car and then they get and then they get burned for like uh not tipping the valet
yeah i just did this movie in hawaii i did this movie i did like a week on this movie in hawaii
but it's this uh um george clooney movie which was really fun and like he's actually like the
nicest person in the world but um it was really funny because we're shooting mostly in this house
and across the street
these paparazzi rented this house
and they cut down all the trees in the yard
so they can just be in their front yard
just like...
Like all day and all night.
But he had a really good idea that... maybe i'll get in trouble if i say
this no i don't think so i think this is a good idea but i don't know if he'll ever do it but he
he wants to do this thing to fuck up the whole paparazzi system i didn't mean to take over the
topic either tell me if i should not well now we can't we can't walk away from this one now
well i don't know if i should say this but it'll be short one now. Well, it'll be short. I don't know if I should say this, but...
It'll be short.
Do we have time?
Yeah, it'll be short.
So his idea to sort of implode the whole paparazzi system was like,
one day of the week, go out with some random celebrity on the street to the Ivy
and just make out with her.
Everyone's just like...
And he's like, oh, we're totally in love.
This is Jennifer Aniston, whatever.
The next day, Katherine Heigl, just... Oh, we're totally in love. This is Jennifer Aniston, whatever. The next day, Katherine Heigl, just, oh, we're totally in love.
The next day, just a different person all week.
And then have those people do that also.
So you get all your famous friends to just one week,
just everyone make out with everybody on the street.
So it's just like, what?
It's just too much for the paparazzi.
So then it just discredits their whole industry. So it's like nothing, what? It's like, it's just too much for the paparazzi. So then it just discredits their whole industry.
So it's like nothing can be counted on.
It doesn't discredit them, though,
because then their next story will be like,
you know, once it's all over on the following Monday,
they'll come out with,
no one was making out in Hollywood today.
You know what I mean?
And then, you know,
they just have to find a new angle on that story.
That'll be the biggest story in the history of celebrity news if, you know, there was a fucking crazy orgy amongst all of the...
Yeah.
Even if it's just a mouth orgy, that's still not going to work out so great for everybody in the end, I don't think.
Well, that's a lot different than my plan to get rid of paparazzi.
Oh, Anthony's got a plan, everybody. Well, I've had this for a long time. Is this having to do with AIDS? You guys can search for the line. This is't think. Well, that's a lot different than my plan to get rid of Pup Roxy. Oh, Nancy's got a plan, everybody.
Well, I've had this for a long time.
Does this have to do with AIDS?
You guys can search for the line.
This is not an AIDS thing, is it?
No, it's every celebrity goes out in blackface.
That's a great idea.
Because who would want to see that?
No one's going to buy papers.
Right.
You know what I mean?
That's a great idea.
Val Kilmer in blackface again?
Right.
We should do that tomorrow, you and I.
We'll start it.
I think we're big enough celebrities to be able to...
We're so huge.
We literally get murdered.
No one would notice or care.
Have you guys seen any movies lately?
Either of you, jump in.
Last night I saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
It's like a foreign, it's from Sweden.
It's based on a book.
But I saw the 10.45 showing.
I was stoned as shit.
I had a drink before I went in.
And I had read the book.
So the movie was like
No surprise after another no surprise
And it was two hours and 45 minutes long
So you're saying you didn't make it to the end?
I'm saying if you read the book
Don't see the movie
And if you didn't read the book
Probably still don't see that movie
I thought it was going to be more of a thing
About the weed and the alcohol and the...
I wanted to go to sleep.
Reading the subtitles must have been rough.
I would try to stay awake, and then right when I would be like, fuck it, I'm going to just close my eyes for a second,
the loudest thing in the movie would happen.
There was one gunshot in the whole movie, and it was right as I went like...
I thought you were going to say it's when she got the tattoo.
It's the loudest scene in the movie.
They don't even show that part.
She already has it when it starts.
Of course she does.
I can't wait for the prequel.
She just wants to see her pre-tattoo.
It's called The Girl.
She's thinking about the tattoo.
Talks to some friends about it
And at the end
She actually gets it
Fucking Terry Reed's brother
Is going to direct it
He will
He will
That's a callback
Oh
Are we supposed to announce
When we do callbacks?
Yes
Yeah
He's a nice guy
I don't want to
You know He's a nice guy. I don't want to,
you know,
he's a nice guy.
Who are we talking about now?
Never mind.
Keep going.
Oh, what movies have I seen?
What did you see?
I just knocked out a bunch on a plane.
I watched Fantastic Mr. Fox,
which was really awesome.
Have you guys seen that?
I only heard good things about it
for the most part.
Yes.
Occasionally somebody will be like,
I can't stand the animation
because it's so twitchy or whatever.
Well, this is, I think, like, is it animation
or is it like claymation?
Be quiet.
Stop motion.
But is it done with little clay?
That was adorable. I'm glad there was a lady who said that.
If I was a dude, I would be all over it right now.
She probably directed the movie.
If it was a dude, it would be like, stop motion.
It was really good.
I thought it was just good writing.
But it also looks like a Wes Anderson movie.
It's like those wide shots.
It's really cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to see that still.
Then I watched the fucking,
the best movie ever
is that Michael Jackson movie.
Did you guys watch that?
Yeah, that movie was awesome.
Wait, no one saw that movie
or you guys saw it like a year ago i saw that movie was amazing well when you're on a plane
though especially that movie made me you didn't buy a ticket to see in the movie theater like the
rest of the whiteys i don't even understand what that means um i saw it in a movie theater and i i thought it was great
but i was a little bit more because i was on a plane oh maybe in a movie theater well i just
thought it was really good because i thought he was like um i thought he was going to be like
uh like a meth head like idiot you know like they couldn't dance and then he was like that's what you thought
the movie was gonna be yeah i thought he was gonna be like about a film being out showing
it being a crazy non-dancing meth head well i just didn't know he was gonna let's show that
on the airlines with the children i didn't know he was gonna be good still like i thought he was
gonna be like kind of old and not good but he was still really good but is it really it sounds like to me like it sounds like tuesdays with maurice the musical well it's not depressing
or anything you know he's like right about to die well i don't believe that he's dead that's a whole
other story you think he's still alive right i'm positive he's still alive and i could tell you
where he is he's at my house right now really i would have thought in the hearts of children
everywhere but at your house he can't he's he's what's he doing right now really i would have thought in the hearts of children everywhere but at your house
he can't he's he's what's he doing right now he's just watching miss march
callback number two wait he's beating me in callbacks fucking crushing is this part of it
do we compete in the callbacks that's important um no but i thought that movie was really good um
uh what else have i seen a while i saw hot tub time machine i thought that was good you didn't
like that no i did it was just very poopy i thought cordry i thought it was i thought cordry
and um and craig robinson were uh outstanding and So funny, so funny.
But when you see the trailer, there's no hint of bodily functions.
Wait, are you offended by... Not offended, because in some contexts I enjoy it.
Sometimes I enjoy it, but for some reason...
And there wasn't semen.
I heard you say there was semen.
Where was there semen?
All over Cordy's face in that one scene after he blows the dude.
Spoiler alert. Good spoiler alert good point good point oh i guess it'd be so funny to write a really mad email or tweet to me
about how i just ruined hot tub time hey man i did not know that cordy blew another dude
but it's actually soap on his face until you said it and that
other guy yelled it.
Damn you.
I don't think you'll get those tweets.
No, I'm not going to even watch it on DVD
or Blu-ray.
What else have you seen?
I saw The Crazies.
Why are you taking over like that?
Do you like The Crazies? I've heard mixed things about The Crazies.
I like The Crazies. the crazies wait i gotta see that
is that a good movie yeah i heard that wasn't very good i liked it i'm a big ollie font i think
that's how you say his name the actor the guy in just wood yeah deadwood i used to work on deadwood
did you really we don't have time to talk about that uh i love that's my favorite that's great
that was a great show uh but yeah the crazies is good deadwood's amazing that's as far as you're
gonna go that's as much that's as much as i can
get there was a lot of bottles called i love movies yeah crazies is good deadwood's amazing
next topic no that's the unfortunate thing is there is some great tv right now like this isn't
the time of year for great movies is the time of year for great tv breaking bad is back and uh no thank you fucking love what no thanks
you've never tried crystal meth i have not something about i just can't get into it i
don't know you tried watching it though i think it's like that i still see the guy from that
fucking show in the middle yeah and i'm like call back you've got no that's not what a callback is
wow that is that is a long distance callbackback to some other time when anyone in this room was discussing Malcolm in the Middle.
I don't know.
I can't.
I don't buy it.
I don't buy the whole thing.
What about Mad Men?
Love it.
Okay, see, that's the one I can't buy into for the dumbest of reasons.
What is your reason?
I played poker with Don Draper, and...
That's not his real name.
What?
You don't call him Don Draper.
This is how I find out.
That's not a reason not to watch a show.
That's called name-dropping.
No, yeah.
Well, maybe that's why I didn't say Jon Hamm, who has been on this podcast, but, like, callback.
I think it's...
It's two to two, just so you know. The first one, but like callback. I think it's... It's two to two,
just so you know.
The first one was not a callback.
The referees decided... Yeah, yeah.
I didn't really think...
Oh, neither of them are.
Okay, good.
Whew.
Wait, hold on.
My phone's ringing.
Hold on one second.
What is it?
Take it.
Put it on speakerphone.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to call you back.
Callback.
Three to two.
Three. Three to two. Three to two three to one i said it twice i feel like
you should get points um but we don't want to talk about tv right we should talk about movies
what's the last movie you saw oh time machine what about right before that oh wow that's a good
memory test um right before that, I saw something yesterday.
Oh, I saw Greenberg yesterday.
How was that?
Hold on.
Just think about it more.
It'll be more fun to watch because it's not as much of a comedy as the previews are letting on.
See, that's what I'm saying is that Hot Tub Time Machine didn't seem like it was going to be like it was gonna be a gross out comedy per se all right i thought it'd just be more like four hilarious
guys being hilarious and then and there's a lot of that in there so i recommend it but i don't
recommend the the gross parts but then what do people do when the gross parts come on i was
fucking squirming in my seat although there's one there was one runner with crispin glover
yeah that's like uh that i enjoyed oh for with Crispin Glover. Yeah, that's like that I enjoyed.
Oh, for the Crispin Glover role?
Yeah, and it's like
really?
If it's me against
Crispin Glover
don't send me in on that
you fucking dicks.
Like he's in
later that day
which one was in
Back to the Future?
That this basically
just sort of rips off?
No, it was Crispin Glover.
Oh yeah, we want him.
Send me in on that, you jerks.
But they probably loved you in the part,
and they'll bring you in for something else.
That's how show business works, Rob.
Well, that director doesn't...
I don't even know who directed it.
I have not seen Greenberg yet,
but I'll tell you what I have seen, everybody.
If you go to the ArcLed right now in the lobby,
you don't have to pay to see this. Just walk
into the lobby. They've got a
glass encased.
The vest and pants
and shoes that at one point in the movie
Ben Stiller wears in Greenberg.
No. They've got Greenberg's
fucking clothes.
I laughed for 20 minutes.
Do they really? Standing in front of it.
They have the whole big Greenberg poster
and then this,
as if it's an iconic,
as if it's Princess Leia's fucking gown
from the movie...
Blackface.
Star Trek.
And they have it
as if anyone would ever care.
People are going to flock to see this thing.
Well, they also have a big map up there
of all the locations in Los Angeles
where the movie was shot.
I didn't even get to that
because I was so blown away.
But I mean, it's really a full experience
and you get it for free.
You get a map of scenes.
I put money in the case.
I was like, this is too much.
Of Ben Stiller as Greenberg.
Here's my thing about Greenberg.
That movie is not a comedy, right?
It's not really a comedy. It's not as much of a comedy as I'd hope to be
I'm a fan of Noah Baumbach
I really like Squid and the Whale
And I also like some of his other stuff
But with this one
I just think that
You might enjoy it more
If you
At several points during the movie just yell out
Oh Greenberg
Because he's kind of hard to take Several points during the movie just yell out, oh, Greenberg.
Because he's kind of hard to take, the character of Greenberg,
which is why Ben Stiller's getting great reviews,
because he does a good job of being someone that's pretty hard to take.
What if you saw it in... He's not going in likable Ben Stiller mode.
I haven't seen it yet, but what if you saw it in D-Box?
Do you know what that is?
You know, those seats that vibrate? If my seat would shake every time uh greenberg was uh angry for no reason
that would be if you're just that would really help that would really make it make it a lot more
fun that might be a good idea that's a fantastic idea how come that hasn't d box movies with any
movie where there's a lot of yelling how come that hasn't taken off more or is it just too expensive
do you guys know what i'm talking about it's the it's just that the chinese here in hollywood is the only place i've ever heard it's like talking
to babies that don't even know what d box is d box is um these seats that they have it's actually
only a lot that you don't know it's at two theaters in the whole country but it is awesome
and they're just those um they're like computer calibrated seats that like vibrate and shake
around and like like i saw um fast and fast and furious whatever the most recent one was They're just those computer-calibrated seats that vibrate and shake around.
I saw Fast and Furious, whatever the most recent one was, and it's at Man's Chinese Six.
It's the only place they have it out here.
It is amazing.
It makes it... Because the Fast and Furious was garbage, but you see it in D-Box, and
you go over jumps, and you're like, what?
What?
What?
What?
It was really great. Are you texting? No, I'm getting like, what? What? What? What? You know, it was really great.
Are you texting?
No, I'm getting ready to play the Leonard Maltin game.
There's a new app on, not that new, but there's an app on the iPhone, and so that's how we play it.
Oh.
Because I just pull it up on the app.
Remember I used to have that bulky book that I had to look through?
Yeah, yeah.
You don't do that anymore?
It was a nightmare.
All right.
So let's play the Leonard Walton game, everybody.
And I'm sorry I didn't have anything to add to your story,
but you described D-Box so perfectly that I'm very happy for you
that the D-Box Corporation is going to bring one to your house.
I want to start calling people D-Box.
What would it...
Shut up, D-Box.
Shut up, you fucking D-Box. I'd like to see Drain Your Dragon in D-Box. What would it... Shut up, D-Box. What would... You fucking D-Box.
I'd like to see
Drain Your Dragon in D-Box.
Sounds like a female douchebag.
Drain Your Dragon in D-Box.
In D-Box. I love it.
Alright, let's get some contestants.
What's your name? Mark.
Mark, and who would you like to have play for you?
Rob or Anthony?
You know I'm way smarter, right?
Rob, see?
Bad choice, my friend.
Wait, you just said one thing and then went the other way.
What's your name?
Dave.
Dave, and who do you want to play for you?
Jesselnik.
Jesselnik, all right.
Can't even pronounce your name correctly.
You got it close enough.
No one knows what your name is at all.
It is fucking on, man.
Dad, I didn't realize that.
My theme should have been fucked up names.
Really hard names.
That's true.
Hard names to get right the first try.
Yep.
Okay.
Rob Ubell, you're playing for...
That's not how you say my name.
You're playing for Mark.
Mark, I was just in a car accident.
Anthony, you're playing for David. Now it's your job to a car accident. Anthony, you're playing for David.
Now it's your job to remember their names.
Okay, here we go. David,
Mark, I'm going to open a beer for you.
Please don't give him a beer.
He looks like he's 16.
I'm going to have to cease my D.
I can see it now.
Stoner gets underage kid drunk.
Like, hey, wait, what did pot have to do with that?
All right, here we go.
Since we're taping this on March 30th, 2010,
so that's the last day of Earth Month.
No, it's not.
Next month is Earth Month.
Oh, since it's the day right before Earth Month starts.
Earth Month Eve. This since it's the day right before Earth Month starts. Earth Month Eve.
This is...
Oh, shit.
This is like birth control for birds.
Podcast audience, you don't get it.
They should just come here.
Just setting it up.
So the subject is...
Man, he's doing it already.
Everything he's doing is...
He's like two steps ahead of me.
The subject of all the movies in the game tonight is disaster films.
Love it.
Disasters that spring from the earth.
And hurt buildings and things.
And let's let Anthony start the thing off by...
Anthony, would you like to play with a movie from,
let's see,
19...
No.
1996, 2006, or 2000?
Let's go 96.
What?
For reals?
Fuck you.
Yeah, 96, man.
That's my prime.
All right. Okay, 96, man. That's my prime. All right.
Okay, this is from 1998.
I'm just happy I had the option.
I can't tell the difference between the 8s and the 6s.
All right.
This is from 1998.
Anthony, how many names can you get it in
if it's in a disaster movie
that Leonard Maltin said this about it?
I'll give you a little
clue is leonard martin still alive sorry uh yes he is he was a guest on the show recently oh thank
god thank god and uh is that what killed he was the first the first uh tweet he ever wrote on
twitter had my name in it and then he quit okay um it's hard to pick out a line from this one.
Let's say this.
An actress in it seems a bit of a flyweight as ambitious TV newswoman.
And there are a lot of names.
I can name that movie right now.
18 names.
Well, Anthony, you can bid zero names if you'd like. I can bid zero names. All right. Name that movie right now 18 names Anthony you can bid zero names
I can bid zero names
Alright name that movie
Deep Impact
What the fuck is up
What
What is happening
What
Stop clapping
Stop clapping
Clearly
That is not a call back
clearly there's something wrong
he's the antichrist
or something
that's impossible
I'm so sorry
you still have
you still have other chances
wait what would he win
other chances to fail
if I get everything
in zero
there's amazing prizes for this
Oh yeah, high five
And fuck you
Anthony, high five David
Yeah, but look at your guys like weirdo
Dumb t-shirt
No one gets that, buddy
You know who gets it? Winners get it
Way to stay classic, my man
Fucking button down
Dumbass.
Look at his shoes.
Fucking athletic socks.
My guy's wearing no socks.
Yeah.
Podcast audience, just figure it out.
I don't know.
I wanted to make Dante's Inferno one of the movies,
but I accidentally picked the one from 1935.
Wait, how many times have you seen Deep Impact?
Not once.
Really? I remember Tia Leone
is a newscaster in it.
Talk about fucking lightweights, right?
Leonard
Baldwin says about Dante's Inferno,
he says,
no Dante in this yarn of carnival owner who gets
too big for his own good oh carnival owners are always getting out of control with their power
that they have with their carnival charge of all the freaks all right i'm sorry i didn't mean to
interrupt what you were doing there rob um but i'm not doing anything. I'm bleeding. My brain is bleeding.
Well, here's your chance
to jump back in this.
All right, I feel like I have diarrhea.
Get in it, man.
Do it right.
You can pick the year.
2006, 2000, or 74?
1974.
2006.
Jackass.
Okay, now that was directed
at Anthony, correct?
Okay, this is from 2006 and um let me
give you a clue from it it's a disaster movie and uh oh okay no i can't say that it gives away too
much oh its characters are flat and uninteresting That's every disaster movie.
All right, I'll give you one more thing.
A random group of... Okay, there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...
You know, I bet I could name it right now.
Twelve names.
I swear to God.
Rob gets to bid first.
Rob gets to bid first.
Twelve names.
Twelve names.
You bid first.
Okay, wait.
Hold on.
If he says he can do it in zero, can I make him do it in zero?
Do you think right now you can do it in zero?
You have to bid first.
So you can say however many you can do it in.
And if he goes to zero, then he has to name the movie.
I bid I can name it in the first not only 20 actors in the movie,
but the first 20 minutes of seeing the movie,
I bet I could name that movie.
Okay.
Anthony, that gives you a lot of wiggle room.
I don't even know what he just did.
But I bet I can name it right now.
In how many names?
Say it.
Zero names.
Say it.
Okay.
Rob Hubel says name that movie.
Name that movie.
Oh, shit.
Don't.
Oh, God damn it.
You are so cocky.
It's really...
Poseidon.
It's Poseidon.
That's correct.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Stop it!
Stop clapping!
Stop clapping!
This is terrifying.
I am afraid of the devil.
He's the devil, man.
How have I never done this podcast before?
How is this my first time?
How can he get that?
Well, you've lived in New York for a while.
Are you going to move back here or are you going to stay there?
We'll see.
I'd like to stay there because this place sucks.
What is wrong with you?
Ask me how many times I've seen Poseidon.
How many times have you seen Poseidon?
None.
What did you get it off of?
A lot of flat characters.
It seemed kind of like a Poseidon-y.
David wins.
I knew 2008.
I knew it came out then.
What?
David gets a...
Wait, we're not done.
I'm coming back, man
Give David the whole fucking bag
I have to get it in
No, I need the bag to carry something in
I have to get it in zero
Hold on
Hold on
Alright, sit down
Let me give away the prizes
You lost
You lost
You think of something
And I'll think of it
Just think of a disaster movie
I'll think of it
And if I get this, do I win?
Okay, I've got one
You can win anything right now
I've got a disaster movie in my head
I can't think of any, hold on
Alright, he wins a
Monday, April 12th
I'm going to beat the shit out of you
Monday, April 12th
Would you like to come to a live performance
of the Benson Interruption
at Largo?
He's going to be there.
That's a $40 value there.
Two tickets to see
the Benson Interruption
Monday, April 12th.
My guy,
I just want to tell you
to honor you,
I'm going to cut my dick off.
No, there is a second place
and it might be considered
to be better than
first place. The prize is
he gets to name who
I call a shithead at the end of the show.
So let me just get that from him now. You guys
talk amongst yourselves. Obviously it's going to be that lady
that yelled something.
Okay, that's a good one.
That's a good one.
That's a good shithead.
And do you guys have anything you want to plug here at the end of the show?
Dates coming up?
Why don't you plug hell, Satan?
Anthony's going out on the road.
You're going to be playing some clubs and stuff.
When's this going to air?
Is this going to air next week?
It's going to be out soon and for the rest of our lives.
So if you've got anything coming up.
I'm going to be on Carson Daily next week.
Oh, nice.
Thursday or Friday of next week. Oh, right on. So set. I'm going to be on Carson Daily next week. Oh, nice. Thursday or Friday of
next week.
Oh, right on.
So set your whatever
you're doing.
With Dan Minson,
Chelsea Peretti, and
Demons.
I'm recording my album
in May at the UCB
Theater in New York.
Oh, nice.
If anyone's.
Yeah, yeah.
Sign up for the
probably cost five bucks,
eight bucks to get in,
something like that. I'll probably make it like just because it's an album taping, probably five bucks, eight bucks to get in Something like that
I'll probably make it like, just because it's an album taping
Probably twenty bucks
Twenty bucks to get in
Twenty bucks ahead
Twenty bucks per person
I don't know what just happened there
I was sitting there thinking
This might be going someplace
Maybe there's a callback up ahead
And more pushups
More pushups
He did pushups when he won the game.
That wasn't push-ups.
The audience missed it.
That was like warm-ups.
He was pumping the mic.
You were totally worming.
The audience missed it.
I mean, the podcast audience.
Let me do my plugs.
You're going to be at Bonnaroo this year, aren't you, Rob Hubel?
Yeah, Bonnaroo.
And I was going to plug Children's Hospital, but that's in July.
Watch Children's Hospital.
Oh, watch it.
Not that you're going to be at a Children's Hospital.
No. Pat Hubel, everybody. Pat Hubel. Children's Hospital is,, watch it. Not that you're going to be at a Children's Hospital. No.
Pat Shubel, everybody.
Children in hospitals, you know.
I'm going to be at Wow Hall in Eugene.
There's no truth to the fact that Wow Hall gives you the runs.
Remember Wow Chips?
Anyway, Wow Hall in Eugene, April 8th.
Aladdin Theater in Portland, April 9th. Aladdin Theater, Portland, April 9th.
Tower Theater and Bend, April 10th.
Those are all Oregon.
Beds Interruption on Monday, April 12th.
And I'll be making stops in Madison, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis soon.
Thanks again to Rob Hubel.
Thank you, Doug.
And the greatest player of the Leonard Baldwin game in the history.
I think you're the only person that's ever just
won two right in zero.
He's got hellfire.
Patton Oswalt and
Dana Gould have both
gotten some right in
zero.
I think Jerry O'Connell
got one right in zero.
We're going to have a
world of championships
someday.
No one's ever read the
mind and killed the semen
of the host with their
brains.
And as always, Jay Leno
is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.