Doug Loves Movies - Ron Funches, Jonah Ray, and Jared Thompson Guest
Episode Date: June 8, 2014Live from The Comedy Attic in Bloomington, IN, Doug welcomes Ron Funches, Jonah Ray, and Jared Thompson to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Noti...ce at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and baby sticky seeds
With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
They're still not warm, that he won't see
Oh God, oh Louise
Hey everybody!
Let me just get this set up here I got my shit together
there's a piece of paper in here somewhere
I thought it was in the bag
I had put it on the chair
thanks for your help
oh shit here we go in the bag. I had put it on the chair. Thanks for your help.
Oh, shit.
Here we go.
Hey, everybody.
I think I said that already. My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies!
It was almost like someone
turned on a really strong fan
and pointed
at me
from two different sides.
Coming to you once again
from the comedy attic
in Bloomington, Indiana
on Sunday, June 8th, 2014.
Wolf of Wall Street fight.
Terminator 2.
Judgment Day of the Dead Men.
Walking Tall.
The President's Men in Black Fissure.
King Ralph.
Dog Day Afternoon. Delight. Sleep Perfect. Murder by Death Wish. Men in black, Fisher, King, Ralph, a dog day afternoon.
Delight, sleep perfect, murder by death wish.
Three of me, ghost, world.
At 420-ish.
Let me see your name tags, Bloomington.
My mom calls it Bloomies.
Oh, you stepped up.
They're all big and they light up.
Can't even see ones in the back because you guys up front have huge name tags.
Chasing Mavericks name tag.
Is your name Maverick?
Wow.
Your first name is Maverick?
That is fucking crazy.
Did your parents, like, fuck while they were watching Top Gun?
Colin's back from yesterday.
Good to see you, Colin.
Excalibethany in two swords.
Excalibeth.
Yeah, instead of Excalibur.
I get it, kind of.
Noah holds bard.
That's a good one.
Right up front. what does that say for forgetting sarah marshall but you put took out the h because you're in s-a-r-a sarah all right
empire strikes back what's what oh zach nern is here everybody yeah yes uh emma da. I like that. That's cute. And Blinken, which is Lincoln with a Bane mask on.
That's a fucking scary image.
Show the rest of the audience that.
Freak everybody out.
Four score and seven shadows of darkness.
All right. Well, thank you guys.
Rachel loves Bloomies.
Thank you guys for bringing all those name tags
and for filling up this club
on a nice, warm
Saturday, Sunday.
Let's call it Sunday, you guys.
Sunday afternoon.
I got into Bloomington on Friday
and have been having a great time.
Thanks to the blue beard down the street here for letting me in to see Shooter Jennings on Friday night.
Let's do a quick watch this, not that.
Let me ask the guy with the Blinken poster, what's a movie that you enjoy?
Nightmare Before Christmas.
Nightmare Before Christmas.
All right.
It begins with nightmare?
Is it a nightmare?
It's just nightmare, right?
Okay, you know how I like exact titles.
It's my thing.
Nirn, what do you got, buddy?
Greatest movie ever rolled.
Greatest movie ever rolled.
Watched the greatest movie ever rolled,
currently streaming on Netflix.
Not that other thing I'm not even going to mention again,
because why even confuse people?
This has been watched.
Greatest movie ever rolled.
Not anything else.
Thank you, Nern.
Really, what was your movie? I forgot already.
Oh, I do like
Nightmare Before Christmas. It is good.
Possibly my favorite
Tim Burton movie, and don't call the corrections department
about it's not a Tim Burton movie,
because it is.
Los Angeles, I'm interrupting
Noah on Thursday.
Noah holds Bard on
Thursday night, June 12th
at Cinefamily. Kansas City, Missouri,
I'm interrupting Whip It, Whip It Good
on Saturday, June 14th at the Alamo
Draft House. Everybody let me know what movie you'd like to see me interrupt by reaching out on Twitter
and telling me what city you live in, where the cool theater is in town.
Hashtag movie interruption.
Oh, and I'll be interrupting Revenge of the Nerds with cast members from two guys from the movie
at the Trocadero in Philadelphia on June 19th.
Let's get into the prize bag, you guys.
Our friends here at the Comedy Attic gave us a koozie,
a t-shirt, and a hoodie that'll say Comedy Attic on them.
I've got a, yeah, I've got a XXL Douglas Movie shirt,
a Getting Doug with High mug.
Yeah, that's a very... People are very excited
about that prize. A little less exciting,
a sippy cup that I got when I saw
Bullets Over Broadway
on Broadway.
I recommend it, by the way. I enjoyed it
very much. There's that koozie that I mentioned.
And
also from our friends at
Baked here in town. Do you guys go to Baked and fuck up some cookies?
Yeah, they gave us a T-shirt.
And then also, maybe I'll show it to you when the other guests get out here,
but my arms are so full right now with all this goodness.
There's a gift card from iTunes and a copy of Gateway, Doug.
And then also one of my friends from Star Wars Minute, Alex.
Alex Robinson
wrote a comic, a book here
called Too Cool to be Forgotten.
That's in the bag. All this stuff is in the
bag, but also I think
we've got one more prize coming to the stage.
Please give a big warm welcome
to three fellas that are in town
right now.
Because I wanted them to be.
Let's hear it for Ron Funches, Jonah Ray,
and the owner of this establishment,
Jared Thompson, everybody.
Thank you.
Hello.
This is going to be fun.
Yeah, these chairs are high.
So are you.
Yeah, just like two of us.
Here, Ron. Ron Funch is first time ever on Douglas Movies everybody
So he gets
He gets a tiny card
That tries to explain how to play the Leonard
Maltin game
And also Ron I want you to have
Some of this Humboldt hemp wick
So you can light your bowls without
Using butane or lacing up your
Hippie shoes
These would be so
bad as shoelaces.
But I'm also putting one of those in the prize bag.
And Jonah Ray is here, everybody.
Oh!
Hello, Cutters!
Now, he's not yelling that out to offend
people that are worried about their teenage
daughters.
Not everyone here is sad?
It's a local reference.
It's a reference to the motion picture Breaking Away.
And Jonah loves it, so I'm excited that I was able to bring him here to Bloomington.
Yeah, it's a dream come true.
I really expected a bigger response when I called you cutters.
But no, just continue to clap.
It's a word that this whole weekend I've only heard it being said by you or me.
Like, it's not something they walk around saying here anymore.
Come on.
When my friends visit Los Angeles, they go, assholes.
It's the same thing.
It is the same thing.
And let's have a round of applause for the owner of this great comedy club, The Comedy Addict.
Jared Thompson's here, everybody.
Do you have a Twitter account?
Yes
Your own personal one?
I do
What's your personal one?
It's at
JaredDBThompson
No it isn't
It is
Why?
Wait
I think that's right
Melinda is that right?
Wait you have to double check your own
I think it is
Does the DB stand for double check?
That was great.
What my Twitter is?
I like how you have to check with somebody
for your personal account.
Yeah, I have a personal account.
Are you a guy with two middle names?
Is that what the DB...
No, oh boy.
You like the band, the DBs?
It's actually...
It was in reference to my friend Aaron Boer, who you know, Doug, who has two last names.
So I put her two last names in the middle of mine.
She made me get a Twitter account.
This was years ago.
This is very exciting.
So interesting.
I want everybody here today and everyone listening to just bomb the shit out of that account.
And only question the name.
Yeah, yeah.
Just write Joe and say,
what is with your fucking name?
You know you can change it, right?
What does the DB stand for?
I do now, Jonah.
I do now.
But yeah, thank you for having us here to this club.
It's rare.
I'd say maybe once before it's happened
that somebody that owns a place gets to be a guest on the show.
And you've done this once before, right?
Three, this is my third time.
Third time, third appearance.
Well, like one memorable time.
Right, well, that's true.
It was the Girls' Man episode.
Oh, okay, with Jeff Tate.
Did you ever win the Leonard Maltin game?
I did, and then you cheated me out of the second one.
Okay. All right, well, we Jeff Tate. Did you ever win the Leonard Maltin game? I did, and then you cheated me out of the second one. Okay, all right.
We can settle some scores today, Jerry.
Okay, all right.
It's cool.
It's all good.
And you had the Limestone Festival last week.
Yes, it was fantastic.
Huge success, as always.
Two great years.
And the plan is to do it again next year, and you already know when, right?
Yes, it's June 4th through 6th.
All right, and so,
schedule's permitting,
because he may move the date on me or something.
I've got it in my calendar.
I'm going to come back
and possibly do a couple different podcasts
or stand-up or whatever,
but also,
what I promised last year
and did not come through with this year,
next year,
we will interrupt Hoosiers at the beautiful Buskirk Chumlee Theater
here in the great state of Indiana.
Hoosiers is such a great movie.
I don't want to sound like we're going to fuck up Hoosiers.
We're going to show Hoosiers a thing or two.
Finally take that down, that golden goose.
But it just seems like a fun thing to watch while we're here.
Because watching Breaking Away here last year was so much fun.
And tell everybody what you did today, Jonah.
I went to the quarry.
I went to the one from the movie.
Chip Smith, you said it wasn't?
Chip Hall took me, and it was very nice.
We tried...
Hang on, hang on.
His Twitter handle, if you need it, is ChipDBHall.
But we parked at a church,
and then kind of veered like we were going to the church,
and then walked away,
which is something I did in my life anyway.
And then, yeah we like
we found it there was like three old good old boys on atvs it was perfect and then like i was
scared of them i was really scared of them because i'm like i i'm i'm not used to like all white
people so like when i saw like three guys just drinking beers on atvs i was like should we avoid
them and he's like no no i got this he's like how y'all doing they're like good and he's like you
have a good and they're like you too be safe i was like that's all you have to do be polite to
midwesterners and then they you can pass and then we went and you know what i fucking found i was
like what did you find so so the part you know the part that they lay out on, and yes, I took a picture of me,
splayed out just like Dennis Quaid in his short shorts.
I went down and I saw a rusted out door to a refrigerator.
No, you didn't.
I did. I took a picture of it.
Was Indiana Jones in that refrigerator?
And then I wanted to get a picture
of a different angle of me on the rock
that they lean on and so I had to go back
down and when I went back down
I slipped really hard and fell
and landed on the corner of a
rock with my hand which is starting to
get a little discolored
but like
it hurts real bad
no but here's the craziest part I slipped real hard and then I was like Whoa. Yeah. It hurts real bad.
No, but here's the craziest part.
I slipped real hard.
Are you okay?
I was leaning back.
I was leaning back on the rock.
I almost fell down, but my foot was between two rocks.
If I fell anymore, I would have probably twisted my foot. All in all, it was a great day.
It was a great day.
Now I'm going to go home.
For the record, his hand looks
completely normal. Yeah, it does.
In this light, you can't really see it.
Nope.
You know what?
I'm gonna... In two days, when this thing
gets all fucked up, I'm gonna
take a picture and I'm gonna make all of you retweet it.
Speaking of
things that are fucked up,
Jared has the house and balloons from Up on his arm.
What did you bring for the prize bag, Jonah?
What did I... I'm sorry. What'd you say?
I didn't hear you. What'd you say?
I just... It was weird that I heard the word Up
and I was looking at your arm at the same time.
I had to draw the connection,
but I shouldn't have used the F word in there
because it's a film for families families it's a film for families that
need to learn about death and how it's gonna happen to everyone yeah no matter
how in love you are Jonah what do you what'd you bring for the prize bag for
the prize bag I brought this is a like a probably a three-year-old poster from
the meltdown which is a show that Kumail Nanjiani and I do in Los Angeles.
That's actually going to be a television show on Comedy Central
starting July 23rd, Wednesday nights.
Every week we have this amazing artist, Dave Klock,
do a new poster and he screen prints it.
And this is one from a long time ago.
It's a multi-headed beast dragon of some sort.
And the heads of the dragon are me, Kumail, Matt Besser, Sean Patton, and Patton Oswalt.
And then me, Doug, and Ron autographed it.
So this is like a one-of-a-kind.
He just does like 20 of these, and then he destroys the screen, which I think is odd to do.
But yeah, so this is from the prize package that I'm giving.
All right, that's going in the prize bag, you guys.
The K-Man.
For folks that live in Bloomington
that may not know what Meltdown is,
I just want to let everyone know
that people ask me all the time
how we come up with who we book,
and I go to the Meltdown website, basically.
You just steal all the acts that play there?
Well, I'm just saying,
it's the single best comedy show in the world,
just so you know, John. Thank you. That's the single best comedy show in the world, just so you know.
Thank you. That's all due thanks to Emily V. Gordon, the co-host of the Indoor Kids and the producer of the Meltdown show.
And Kumail Nanjiani's wife.
Nanjiani.
He likes to party.
All right.
Welcome back to Doug Loves Names.
Let's just say as many as we can.
DP!
Ron and I are going to finally,
because people have been begging for it on Twitter for some reason.
I don't know why.
I think it's because we're both stoners and have a good time.
They've been begging for us to appear together on At Midnight.
It's finally going to happen on June 22nd.
By appearing together at midnight,
I mean we're just going to be in a bar later at midnight.
At midnight at Comedy Central.
And the third competitor along with us is our good friend Nikki Glaser.
Yeah.
So that's for the 100th episode of that show.
So we're quite honored to be doing that.
Right, Ron?
It's going to be quite a trial for me.
Points!
Do you ever say anything
that doesn't get a laugh?
Sometimes he doesn't even
have to say anything. Yeah, he just giggles.
Check this out, Ron.
The good folks at Baked
gave me this fucking cookie.
Yeah, and then
put a nice drawing of me
hitting a J up in the top.
Like, almost to remind me, this is what you're gonna
need after this.
And they had to assure you a few times
about that cookie. They had to assure
me a few times there was no weed in the cookie, but
there's weed all on top of the cookie.
I mean, you know, pretend
weed, because it's icing.
That's weed for me. It's cookie icing. But I, as you guys you know, pretend weed because it's icing. That's weed for me.
It's cookie icing.
But as you guys may know, I decided
to quit sugar and I'm doing pretty good with it.
So
I'm going to give this away today
to whoever wins the prize bag.
We'll get this delicious cookie from Baked.
What's their Twitter handle, Jared?
Jared, give them that Twitter handle.
Give it to them, Jared.
And go.
I think actually maybe it's Baked of B-Town.
I hope that's right.
I think you might be right.
Does anybody know?
I know theirs and not mine.
I think it's Baked of Bloomington.
Baked of Bloomington?
I thought they said B-Town.
Crystal Sullivan knows everything, so there you go.
They have a different name on Twitter and Facebook,
so figure it out, you guys.
Baked DB of Bloomington.
Whoa. I could feel that from here. Speaking of sugar, can I get another vodka? Facebook, so figure it out, you guys. Baked DB of Bloomington. Whoa!
I can feel that from here.
Speaking of sugar, can I get another vodka soda?
Yeah, me too, please.
Kettle soda for me, and
if you can find a smaller glass.
I keep rubbing this one,
hoping it'll get bigger.
Doug, like, the most thing
Doug's talked about this weekend is how much
he loves these little glasses.
Even, like, today in the back, he's like,
he got the glasses, he's like, I love these!
He's so into them. Yeah, because it's just like,
you know, it slows you down.
You know, you can't drink as much.
Because now it's tiny and it's empty and I gotta
wait for another one.
Not gotta wait, the service here's great.
That wasn't my point.
And also,
I wanted to mention
on the podcast
and to everybody here
that as you're leaving today,
you will get two free tickets
to come back to this club
to see Douglas Movie's
regular Graham Elwood.
He promises to do
a lot of whistling.
All the things you love from his
podcast appearances. Everybody
will get two free tickets to come back.
That's right. Right, Jared? That's right.
And also Dan St. Germain the week after.
They can come to both weekends.
Oh, wow. Dan D.B. Germain!
That is quite a
deal.
I gotta
ask everybody if you've seen any movies lately.
Have you been to the movies lately, Ron?
I have.
It's like you prepared for this show.
I saw X-Men.
Yeah.
Days of Future Past?
Yeah, that one.
I love that.
It was pretty good.
I liked it.
But I didn't know Kitty Pryde had those powers ever,
so it was weird to me. know Kitty Pryde had those powers ever, so it was weird to me.
I don't think she had those powers
from what I was aware of previously.
They just gave them to her
for this movie? They gave her powers for the movie.
I didn't like that because she was already one of my
favorite characters. I named my cat after her
as a teenager.
What did you call the cat when it grew up?
I let it choose its own name.
They found smaller glasses!
They fucking did it!
This is like, now we're having shot cocktails.
Come on down to the comedy attic for their famous shot tales.
Mmm, I'm barely drunk. Come on down to the comedy attic for their famous shot tales. Get drunk, we dare you.
I'm barely drunk.
Jonah, what have you seen lately?
Well, I saw that X-Men.
I fucking loved it.
Yeah, but doesn't it, is it just me?
Or does it, like the rest of the movie, you're like,
oh, I'd like more of that Quicksilver scene
where he ran around.
Yeah, that was good.
Yeah, that was amazing.
Shouldn't the cassette tape been playing slow, too?
If he's the only one going fast,
then why does the cassette tape play at the same speed as him,
though everything else is, yeah, I don't know why. I think that's
just for us. I think that's just for us
because we wouldn't be able to handle it.
Because
it's a movie that we're watching.
So sometimes movies have music
over scenes. Yeah.
When they're going in slow in The Matrix, the music's still
going pretty fast too.
But they didn't set it up to
where it was like actual music that I was playing.
He puts on his headphones
and then he starts to play the music.
I don't know why that upset me.
But I love the movie a lot.
I also finally watched
Nights of Bad Astem.
Oh, that's interesting.
It's a Joe Lynch movie.
With Peter Dinklage?
Peter Dinklage, Steve Zahn.
I'll watch anything
with Steve Zahn in it.
I fucking love that Zahn.
Yeah, you just come home every night and go, honey, what's Zahn in it. I fucking love that Zahn. Yeah, you just come home every night
and go, honey, what's Zahn?
Hell yeah.
But yeah, it's a
weird story with that movie where it was kind of taken
away from the director and it turns out a lot
of the funding was a
Ponzi scheme of some sort.
It's like he was told he had the budget of a much larger movie, and then a week before
shooting, they said, you have half that.
And then afterwards, he was looking at the numbers, and he made a movie for under a million
dollars when he thought he was making one for five million dollars.
So it's a real interesting story, and they did a lot of good stuff.
There's a lot of great jokes and a lot of good performances.
Joe's been on the show.
I should have him on to talk about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should.
And I put a lot of money into leather jackets
and I'll never
invest in a Fonzie scheme again
as long as I
leave. Ponzie.
Ponzie scheme. No, that reminded me of the
Fonzie scheme that I was a part of.
I just listen for
certain keywords and then
say jokes I have that fit them.
What have you seen, Jared?
Oh, I saw that X-Men Days of Future Past as well.
Did any character disappoint you?
No, not at all.
In fact, I hope that they do with Evan Peters' character
what they did this time.
I'm not making sense.
But what I'm saying is the first movie, Jennifer Lawrence's character, there wasn't much of her.
And then they gave her a big role now.
And I think that you're right, that there's room for Quicksilver to be a big part of the next one.
I think it would be great.
They should just make a Quicksilver movie.
That's right.
And it could star Kevin Bacon as a bike messenger.
Because they already did that.
I think at this point there's more good X-Men movies than bad X-Men movies.
Does anyone else agree with that?
I think Brett Ratner wouldn't agree.
X-Men 3, fucking blue.
And then the first Wolverine, blue.
But everything else than that has been pretty good.
Yeah, I like second Wolverine. What was that one called?
The Wolverine.
The Wolverine. Wolverine goes Tokyo,
I think.
Racist.
Goes to Tokyo, not
goes Tokyo.
Wolverine goes bananas.
If we are mentioning something old like he did, like Jonah did, I will say... Yeah, and we also need something borrowed and something Avatar.
Thank you.
Well, I, for the first time ever, saw William Friedkin's Sorcerer, which was fantastic.
On the big screen?
Well, no, it no. On your phone?
That's how he intended it.
It was the first time on Blu-ray, I believe.
First time on DVD or Blu-ray, I'm pretty sure.
And it was absolutely fantastic.
Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
And really crazy, funny coincidence that you mentioned that.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, because we're about to play a new thing.
There's a person on Twitter named
Le Grinchikins. Le DB
Grinchikins. Yeah,
L-E-D-B Grinchikins.
Who
suggested that
we play a round of
Fuck, Marry, Kill. You know that game? Fuck, Marry, Kill?
But with movies.
Yeah, which one would
you fuck? Which one would you marry? And which one would you fuck?
Which one would you marry?
And which one would you kill?
And I'm letting Le Grinchikins suggest the first three movies
because it was his idea.
And he suggested Sorcerer.
Yeah.
And Duel, which of course is a TV movie
but I'll let it slide.
And then Maximum Overdrive.
Ah, trucks. Yeah, so we'll let it slide. And then Maximum Overdrive. Ah, trucks.
Yeah, so we'll
let you go first, Jared, since I think
I have a good feeling you're not going to kill
Sorcerer. No way. I would go
I would say fuck Sorcerer
because it was fantastic.
I would say marry Duel
because it is nearly
absolutely perfect in every way.
Fantastic movie.
Why don't you marry it?
I would kill.
That duel is like a love letter to your wife, right?
That's right.
She's a truck on the loose after me for some reason.
And then Maximum Overdrive, I would say kill because I've never seen it.
That's an Estevez classic.
Yeah, I don't know.
I didn't know this would be controversial. Jonah,
what are your picks?
Well, I want to...
I'll marry Sorcerer because
I want to get to know it better. I haven't seen it.
Heard good things. So right now, it's like
a girl that I want to get and have forever.
I want to fuck
Maximum Overdrive
mostly because I want to fuck Emilio Estevez.
And I'll kill the other one.
I don't give a shit.
I don't fucking care.
I really don't care.
You killed Duel?
Yeah, I don't care.
I'd rather watch...
Have you seen it?
Yeah, I've seen it.
It's boring.
It's boring. A boring A flustered sweaty man
in a truck
That looks like my dad
The driver
Dennis Weaver
looks like my dad
So see there's other things
making you like that movie
Your dad issues
Ron where are you at with this?
I'm gonna fuck Sorcerer
cause I always wanted
to fuck a Sorcerer
You know that's not how you get their powers I'm gonna fuck sorcerer because I always wanted to fuck a sorcerer.
You know that's not how you get their powers.
Yeah, like magic isn't an STD.
You don't know that, Jonah.
I want to marry Maximum Overdrive
because that's just fun to say.
And I want to kill Duel because I haven't seen any of these movies.
Well, Grinchikins won't get to decide in the future if I do this again.
I'll get to pick. But I'd fuck Duel because I have known it
for a long time.
You know how that is.
You're around somebody
long enough
they go pretty attractive
to you.
Might as well.
You want to get in there.
And then
I'd marry Sorcerer
because it's just
an amazing movie.
And unfortunately,
you guys,
I'd kill Maximum Overdrive.
What do you want of the trucks?
You know what I'd do?
I would fuck kill it.
I would fuck it until it's dead.
The only movie directed by Stephen King, correct?
Yeah.
Yeah.
See why?
Learned his lesson.
Yeah.
And do you remember
his coked up promos for that?
It's like, finally, me, Stephen King,
directing what I think my vision for a movie
should be, and then he just eats it.
It's like, everyone's like, well,
this is going to be neat. The guy who wrote the original
source material is going to be the one to show us it
in moving pictures, and then he just fucked it up.
And he's never done it again.
But he likes the Red Sox so
he can go fuck himself.
Alright Jonah, thank you for
all of that.
Yeah.
They're on YouTube.
It needed to be said.
And this also needs to be said.
Let the games begin!
Gentlemen, pick your name tags.
There's lots of good ones.
Does anyone have a name tag attached to a tiny glass of vodka soda?
Yeah, we could use a couple more up here.
Those little tiny ones were hilarious, but we're thirsty men.
It's hard to see these.
Oh, there's another Noah over there.
Oh, what are you doing, Jonah?
I can't see past the... Can we take the...
Come?
Why is there a young lady yelling come at us?
Well, have someone that...
You don't have someone working that knows how to turn the lights on?
Jared has to go turn the lights on.
That's great.
There we go.
Who is that doll that you're holding up?
He has no idea.
It's just a doll he found.
Yeah.
Found it in the gutter.
I bet your daughter's really pissed off right now.
Let's see here.
Oh, we can't see any of them back there.
It's so dark back there.
Sorry about that.
Oh, I like this Terminator 2 judgment, Dave,
because he's got my face instead of Arnold's,
and I'm pretending to smoke a joint.
Look at these assholes with candy on their things,
thinking that,
don't you know he's off sugar?
I don't get a pick, Jonah.
It's up to you.
I know.
I don't want to bring it up here.
Go grab the name tag you guys want to play for.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
Okay.
Hey, everybody.
There's no ad or sponsor in this particular episode.
I just wanted to take a second to say thank you for listening.
And be sure to check out my new stand-up comedy CD recording that was made in Portland, Oregon on April 20th of this year. It's called
Gateway Doug 2 colon forced fun, and it's available on July 8th. Thank you. Enjoy the rest of the
show. And we're back back And so is the alcohol
Here you go Jonah
Oh they got the bigger cup
Thank you Douglas
Who are you playing for Jared?
Well Alec too
I've seen this one on Twitter I think
Or yesterday
Did I sign it?
Yes you did
Well then I saw it yesterday in person
Yeah
And well who is it?
I guess
He's either Alec.
I'm assuming he's Alec Toombs.
Is that right?
Yep.
It's Tombstone, T-O-O-M-B Stone.
Because his last name is Toombs.
But he has on a Jaws shirt, so I picked him.
Because you also have a Jaws shirt on.
I do.
Mine's better, but I picked him anyway.
You guys are shirt married.
That's right.
Jonah, who are you playing for?
And don't read the shithead on the back of your...
I can see it, Jonah, that you have a shithead on the back.
Don't read that out loud.
I won't.
I'll just say what's on the front.
I've been here before.
Oh, you'd be surprised.
Yeah.
How often people come and still read it right out loud.
I was going to, so I'm glad you said it.
It was more like I was just telling you to let Ron know.
But I have no reason to yell at Ron.
Noah Holds Barred.
Noah Holds Barred is now on Netflix, and I've watched it two times since it's come on.
Love that rip.
Hulkster in Heaven.
You really watched it twice?
Should we interrupt it sometime?
Yes, you should.
That'd be fun, right?
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Okay.
We'll do that.
That'll be great.
It's been decided.
It'll be in Los Angeles.
See you there.
No, we'll do Hoosiers next year,
and then the year after that,
we'll do No Holds Barred.
That famous movie from the...
You know, Jonah,
I don't like the way
you just talked to my customer.
I think you should have to
fly him out for that.
I can.
I got money.
Yay.
Bing money, motherfucker.
Not to get too far ahead
of ourselves, Jared,
but I did just decide
that the next movie
we should do after Hoosiers
is an Indiana Jones movie
because we're in Indiana.
I get it.
Alright, Ron, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Trev Formers,
Age of Extinction. I feel like I should say
the whole name.
And I like it because it's got a picture of TJ on it.
Yeah, TJ Biller's face is huge
in the middle of it.
That's what TJ sees when he looks at any ad for the movie.
The trailer for the new Transformers,
you see TJ a couple of times,
and Mark Wahlberg speaks to him,
but he doesn't say anything.
But you know that when you're watching the actual movie,
he's going to say some nutty shit.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, there's Transformers!
Yeah!
I hope they don't attack Denver!
Hey, I...
All right, let's...
Let's move this along.
We're going to start
with a game
that I like to call How Much Did This Shit Make?
And the idea – thank you, one person.
They're just laughing at the word shit.
The idea of it is that, you know, I'm going to name a movie,
and then you guys all guess how much it made at the domestic box office over its entire run.
And in honor of the Tony Awards tonight,
which I'm very excited about,
how much money did that shitty shit musical,
Rock of Ages,
also in honor of Tom Cruise being in an awesome movie
that opened this weekend that's not doing that great,
but it's actually an awesome movie.
I saw Edge of Tomorrow Today.
Who are the guys?
Wait, what?
You heard me. Edge of Tomorrow Today.
Where are you? I saw these guys in the parking lot.
Yeah.
Did you guys have any weed?
Okay, that's why you didn't offer any.
That's cool.
They're like walking over to a truck.'m like waiting for you hey do you want to
smoke a quick one didn't happen but you guys are nice did you see that movie too and you liked it yeah yeah it's good doug lyman's a great director i think yeah okay so uh according
to box office mojo.com uh in millions, without going over, Price is Right style.
Jared, how much do you think it made?
I'm going to go $54 million.
Good.
Good job.
Jonah?
I think it has, it's domestic box office
it has old school appeal
I'm going to say
it made 80 million dollars
wait were you concerned
about whether it was
international
and like
that they fucking would
go aim shit for that movie
in other countries
yeah because it's music
and that's the universal language
and it's Tom Cruise
unfortunately action
and you know
and also things from you also things from pop culture,
those do great overseas.
I don't think Rock of Ages did well overseas,
but that's not what we're talking about.
I was just trying to...
So you're saying $80?
Yeah, $80 million for close personal friend Tom Cruise's movie,
Rock of Ages.
That's right.
Check out...
Well, it's already...
Nerdist is number one right now on the charts
because Tom Cruise is on the most recent episode.
What's the most interesting thing, you know, not that I want people to not listen to it, but like what's one thing that you thought was really interesting about Tom Cruise?
That he saw, he saw Shaun of the Dead and he wanted Simon Pegg to be in Mission Impossible.
I thought that was incredible.
The fact that you just imagine Tom Cruise watching Shaun of the Dead,
laughing, clapping, tossing his head back.
Which he did many times during the podcast.
Just me and Matt Meyer going,
He's like, to me, I've met him a couple times and he's like to me he's like a politician
like a life politician like he wants everybody to like him and there's no reason not to yeah
uh ron what do you think i'm gonna say uh 45 million dollars all right i don't this doesn't
happen very often but uh swing and a miss, fellas.
All three of you were over.
It only got to $38.5 million.
Oh.
Yeah, it was a pretty big bomb, and rightfully so.
They should have cast Chris Hardwick as Stacey Jacks.
Yeah, that is the weirdest thing to me,
that Chris Hardwick originated the role that eventually played by Tom Cruise.
And when Tom Cruise played it, though, he was smart and added a monkey that sits around and hangs out next to him.
That's true.
Yeah, Chris didn't have a monkey.
No, he didn't have one.
Chris had decided to get by on his singing ability, which is quite powerful. Of course, Chris Hardwick, for those I get asked every once in a while, Chris Hardwick and his partner Mike Furman, Hard and Firm,
they wrote and performed the theme song to this very podcast.
Yeah, good for them.
Tom Cruise is doing a new version of it.
That would be so weird.
so weird.
All right, Jonah.
We'll start with Jared again because I think Jared knows how to play this game.
This is one of the trickier games that we play on this show
and the last time I played it,
it laid a fucking fart
that ruined the town of Boston
for the rest of the weekend.
Is that about Matt Myra's part?
Matt Myra, Rory Scoville, and Kenneth Reed
could not fucking add anything
to the first title I gave them.
It was just a mess.
But, you know, that's going to happen sometimes.
We'll see what happens this time.
Ron doesn't have any idea what's happening.
I'm very scared right now.
Yeah, you look so frightened.
I'm just worried you're going to beat me
at midnight, so I'm trying to humiliate you in my
own game.
All right, Jared. The first title
in this build-a-title is
a motion picture we've already
discussed called Breaking Away.
So you need to come up with something
that ends in breaking or begins with away.
Or parts of those words.
If you know what I'm saying.
Ends in break
or begins with way.
Point breaking away.
Yes, you did it.
You did it.
You stepped right into my trap.
Because I always try to,
I always make sure there's something
that you can add to it.
So now, Jonah, you have to,
something that ends in point
or begins with away or way.
Point breaking away's world.
That's pretty fancy.
I'm pretty proud of myself.
Ron, we drop out the A's and the the's at the beginning of the sentences
because they just get in the way in this game.
So we've got point breaking a Wayne's world.
So you just need something that begins with world or ends with point.
Oh, I got it.
What do you got?
Point breaking away-ns world.
World War Z.
Yeah.
That might be a stopper on that end.
Jared, can you think of anything that begins with Z?
There's a movie called
Z and that does not count.
Oh, why? Because you just said it?
No, because it's not adding. It's not building.
That's how building works. You have to
add something. You can't just sit there
and polish the same shirt. I feel like you guys are going to have a fist fight here
in a second. No, we're just friends. Everything okay?
We're friends. Yeah, that's what happens when you're friends.
Yeah, absolute disrespect.
What do you think, Jared?
Do you have anything that ends in point?
Well, sure.
I'd like to do the other side, but it can't be something that simply starts with Z.
That's what you're going to tell me if I do that.
Yeah, you can't just go Zardoz.
Sure, I'll just say Match Point Breaking Away Worlds of World Z.
Yes.
I didn't smoke pot.
There's no penalty for not being able to say the full title.
I'm just happy.
This is like the longest it's gone in a while.
It feels triumphant.
Jonah, can you do anything with that?
Can you do something that ends in match
and you can't say smash
or begins with Z?
Even if it...
Even if it sounds exactly like it should with the Z?
You can try it.
The judges are very strict.
Match point
breaking a
Wayne's World War
Zero effect.
Okay.
Okay. I told you the judges
were strict, but when they give it to you, they just go
okay.
Okay.
I told you the judges restrict, but when they give it to you, they just go, okay.
That's what I want Hardwick to say on At Midnight Now.
Instead of points, just go, okay.
All right, sugar. I just imagined that.
What a world.
Run, look.
Oh.
He gives you a slice of pie every time you run around.
Don't eat too much now.
We got a hashtag war on commerce.
Pace yourself.
Okay.
So, you need something, Ron, that begins with 30 or ends with match.
It begins with what?
30.
What?
What is your title?
Zero Effect.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, you thinking Zero Dark Thirty?
Yeah.
You said it. I just thought of the other Zero Effect. Oh, sorry. Oh, you thinking Zero Dark Thirty? Yeah. You said it.
I just thought of the other Zero movie.
Yeah, yeah.
Zero Effect with Jack Daniels and...
Yeah, that's tougher maybe.
Ben Stiller.
Yeah.
Effect.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's tough.
Or ends in match.
So we might have come to the end of the road here.
I was stalling with that other stuff I was saying about Hollywood.
I got nothing.
It's a good technique.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Do either of you guys have anything?
Let's go to Jared, see if he has anything to add.
Sorry, there has to be a movie that starts with effect,
but God damn it if I can't think of it.
And then, yeah, I don't know.
Why does there have to be a movie that starts with effect?
That'd be a weird movie to start with,
unless it was like affecting Henry or something like that.
Yeah.
You got anything?
I don't.
Effect.
I got something.
You do?
Yeah.
All right, so.
I mean, you already win this round.
Well, I might as well put Jerry on top.
Yeah, go ahead, Sam Levine. You're not this round. Well, I might as well put Jerry on top. Yeah. Go ahead, Sam Levine.
I've never been so...
Team Sam.
Hashtag Team Sam.
I've never been so insulted in my life.
Well, when Ron was stalling, I could have called him Graham.
They both have their techniques.
All right.
But go ahead.
So Match Point Breaking Wayne's World War Zero FX2.
FX2.
Brian Dennehy.
Yeah.
There was a movie called FX2, but I would not have accepted that.
But you're already the winner anyway.
But FX is special FX.
No, I get it.
You don't have to fight for this.
You won.
Yeah, but it made sense,
and that's more important for you to understand that.
It's not that I don't like cherries.
Let's play another game.
I like that, because even though he won,
it felt like he lost. Ron, always leave them wanting less.
Fuck.
You're right.
You're right.
So, Jonah, where was the person you pointed out that said they were up on stage yesterday?
Oh, Colin.
Colin.
And Colin, you did not win yesterday.
That's true.
So, I mean, this isn't that much of a consolation prize.
But right now we're going to play,
and Jonah's going to go first
and then,
who fell out first
on that last one?
You guys probably
at the same time, right?
All right,
and we'll go to Jared
and then to Ron.
But this is an easy one, Ron.
Not easy.
It's hard to play,
but easy to understand.
Cool.
We're going to play
Last Man Stanton
and that's a game
that's not only
way more popular
than How Much Did This Shit Make? It's also a game where we not only way more popular than how much did this shit make,
it's also a game where we take one name from our friend Colin over there,
and it's got to be an actor or actress.
Uh-oh.
Jared told me before the show that I had the best microphone.
We need an actor, actress, or filmmaker,
like a director that has a large body of work,
and then we're going to take turns,
and I'll play too,
and we're going to name movies that that person did
until we run out.
And it's always embarrassing
how much we can't think of under pressure.
Who would you like us to play with today, Colin?
Gary Oldman.
Gary Oldman!
Alright, I'll just say right now
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is off the table
It hasn't come out yet
Let's just get it out of the way
But that movie, he looks like
I think he's going to have a great part in that movie
Gary Oldman
So I start?
Yes
In reference to the winner from yesterday's game
I will say True Romance.
Okay.
Points, sugar.
All right.
That's a good response.
I haven't released that on the Douglas Minis yet,
so good spoiler there, Jonah.
Oh.
We'll see.
They might come out around the same time.
I don't know what's going to happen.
All right.
So True Romance is your answer. He don't know what's going to happen. All right, so true romance is your answer.
He was crazy in that.
He was great.
Yeah, with the fucking dreads and the weird eye.
All right, Jared?
I'll go Sid and Nancy.
Whoa!
Thank you.
That's like, that would be so weird if there was like a roller coaster called Sid and Nancy.
It doesn't end well.
Yeah, their lives are...
Okay, Ron?
Oh, wait, I'm sorry. It's my turn.
Yeah.
I'll go with The Dark Knight Rises.
Okay, now it's your turn.
Now I know who he is.
I gotta say, I don't know movies.
Most general entertainment.
They're like video games you can't play.
Well, then that's fucked up.
And I'm not into that.
Movies keep you at arm's length.
Was he in Fargo?
I'm just guessing.
Yes, that is correct.
What?
Jonah, it's your turn.
I want to see how long I can keep that gag going for.
I'll go with it.
Batman Begins.
Clever
Thank you
Jared
The Dark Knight
Yes
I'm gonna go with Fifth Element
Fuck
Sister Act 2
Correct Jonah
Oh come on
That doesn't even give me time to think
Okay He's He's British
He plays a lot of Americans
I just thought of a movie where he plays four parts
Fuck
Is he
Is he
Is he in Cloud Atlas?
No, you're out.
No, no, no, no.
So we just have Ron and Jared and I are still in.
A Samsung commercial.
It was just an aside.
Jared, what do you got?
Oh, man.
It's a Kevin Bacon movie with murder in the title.
Okay.
And I'm not sure that he's in it, and that's my guess.
I think he just looks like Gary Oldman.
All right, you're out.
You're thinking murder in the first.
Is he in it?
Maybe.
Christian Slater?
What do you think?
No.
Yeah, I don't know if he's in it or not But I also don't care
Cause he's not in
Something called murder
That's Christian Slater
I'm gonna go with
That movie I just suggested
Where he plays four parts
Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy
Ah I never saw that
You haven't?
Ah that's really good
Very good yeah
It's confusing but good
What with the same guy playing four parts.
It's going to be pretty confusing.
Unless they make him look different, I guess.
All right, Ron.
Space Jam.
Yes, yes, yes, correct.
Okay.
I'm going to go with tippy toes.
Oh, shit.
That was the start of the reconnaissance.
Got any more Ron?
Yeah Jumanji I can't think of another one
Ron wins
And I just want to say to the listeners that the corrections department is closed for the summer.
He's got a real diverse body of work.
All right, yell out the ones we missed.
One at a time.
Book of Eli.
Book of Eli.
Oh, the professional.
I can't believe it.
He's so great in the professional.
Someone said Mortal Kombat?
Harry Potter.
We heard Harry Potter.
Lots of Harry Potter.
Harry Potter!
Harry fucking Potter!
It's like every nerd.
I'm surprised that's not all we heard.
Everyone in unison.
That's like a few years ago, somebody's walking down the street,
hey, what's this line waiting for outside this theater so early?
Harry Potter!
How dare you?
Also, when I say I want another drink, I'm not joking.
Jesus, Alex, I told you to watch his I'm not joking I know Jesus Alex
I told you to watch his fucking drinks
Where are you?
Alex
Whatever his name
Jared is having such a hard time
Running this club from the stage
Jesus Christ
See what happens when you don't parse out
You know jobs
Well we just now proved it
Now didn't we?
Yeah we sure did
He's probably still a little tired
From striking that table
Yes because now you're the only one Yeah, we sure did. He's probably still a little tired from striking that table.
Yes, because now you're the only one that gets to put his drinks on something.
Yeah, my drink seems so far away. That's true.
All right, so note for next time, Jared, we need something for them to put their I mean not a big table
just like a
my table's tiny
I'm working it out
he's dealing with it
my favorite thing is when
this episode will come out on Twitter.
On Twitter.
On iTunes.
This episode will come out
and then someone will write to me on Twitter
a name of a Gary Oldman movie.
Yeah, I get it.
When you're sitting at home,
you can think of one Gary Oldman movie.
That's good for you.
It's almost as if they have a supercomputer in their hand.
Sorry to have bothered you, Alex.
Yeah, sure.
Also, I like how Alex just makes Doug serve me.
Pass it down, dude.
Used to sell hot dogs in a stadium.
He used to sell hot dogs in a stadium.
Black soda, gin and tonic.
Peanuts for some reason.
Ron, do you want me to hand you your water?
Have Doug do it.
I totally would.
Thank you.
Do you want me to open it for you, Rod?
Can you hold this, Doug?
Sorry.
Yeah, see, I end up doing it anyway.
See?
And I end up doing it, and it's wrong.
That's like the table of waters.
I don't want it anymore. I'm sorry.
How'd you get so drunk last night, Doug?
Oh, I had 50 drinks.
Cheers.
They go down so easy.
Alright, so Ron gets to go first in the Leonard Moulton game.
Yay.
Followed by...
Who came second?
Who named a movie the latest in that last thing?
Jonah did.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm sorry.
No, she's trying to help you, dude.
Yeah, I know.
You lash out at people who love you.
I mean, I'd tell your wife.
Yeah, no, just ask my wife.
Just ask my wife.
Oh, boy.
What is this for?
I can't do anything right.
Uh-oh.
Okay, so Joan will be second and then Jared, but you get to pick the first category, Ron.
Yay.
And you get to choose between three options,
and I'm going to find them now.
Here we go.
At JakeSkywalker33 suggested Fargo Fuck Yourself,
and that's movies that are based on TV shows,
movies that were TV shows first. Or Yolo Virus, and that's movies that are based on TV shows. Movies that were TV shows first.
Or Yolo Virus.
And that's movies where an actor who played James Bond dies.
Because it's the you only live once virus.
And at 253 Coleman suggested Penny Dreadful.
Which is not only a TV series, but it is also movies directed by Penny Marshall
that Leonard Maltin gave less than two stars.
That's clever.
Yeah, there's some clever people out there.
Which one of those do you like, Ron?
I want to go with Fargo, fuck yourself.
Okay.
That's a great show, by the way.
Probably just so you could say it.
The Fargo show?
That's a great show.
It is great.
Do you guys like it?
You should watch it.
It's really good.
Yeah.
Those who watch it like it.
Those who didn't, do not have an opinion.
One and a half stars for this movie, Ron, from 1993.
He says it's a big screen rehash of a TV series, but he calls that TV series corny.
Yeah, he also says about this movie that the director doesn't know how to stage a gag.
Yeah, that director can't like that criticism.
And seven, 12 names are listed in the cast of this movie.
How many would it take you to name it reading from the bottom up
so I'm guessing that you'll say
might as well take them all
12 names
that seems like that's a good idea
I'm going to say 10
oh shit
okay
Ron says 10 names Jonah
I think I can name this movie,
but I don't believe in myself.
This gentleman does not believe in you either.
No, that's just...
It's a part of me walking away.
From the description and the year, I think I can get this.
Okay?
So I'm going to say zero names.
All right.
I'm tired of talking and thinking.
What's Jared going to do with this information?
I'm not going to go negative one, so go ahead and name it.
All right, Jonah, tell us the name of this movie.
The Brady B this movie.
The Brady Bunch movie.
Okay, first of all.
And secondly, no.
It was called The Beverly Hillbillies.
The Brady Bunch movie was... Did I not say The Beverly Hillbillies?
That's so weird.
The Brady Bunch movie actually got good I not say the Beverly Hills? That's so weird. The Brady Bunch movie actually got good reviews.
Yeah.
It was delightful.
I didn't say...
That's real weird, because in my head I knew it was...
That's weird.
Jared's on the board with one point.
Who was that you were playing for?
The man in the Jaws shirt.
But what was his name?
I don't know.
Alec Toombs.
Oh, okay.
Toombs.
All right, Toomy.
Toombs.
You're one point away, Toomy, from getting all the prizes.
It's a wonderful prize bag today.
Ron, you get to start us off again.
Okay.
And then we'll go to Jared.
You get to bid between at Sherlock underscore Holmes.
Oh.
Yeah.
I guess Sherlock Holmes was taken.
They just threw that underscore in there, and they're home free.
Holmes free.
Holmes free.
Yeah. I like to eat Holmes free. Holmes free. Yeah.
I like to eat Holmes free chicken.
He suggested Harvey Cartel,
and that's movies where Harvey Keitel does drugs.
Only a very small group of people in the audience appreciated that one.
At IUMOG, are you here today?
There he is.
Right here.
Right here.
Oh boy, here we go.
Flip the lotion in the basket.
Did I say your Twitter name right?
Yes.
I-U-M-O-G-G
suggested Who's Your Daddy? So I had to playG-G suggested Who's Your Daddy?
So I had to play that one today,
Who's Your Daddy?
And that's movies that have incest in them.
Jesus Christ.
And celebrating your birthday today,
recent guest on Douglas' movies,
Griffin Dunn, the actor Griffin Dunn.
Do you know who that is, Ron?
Nope.
It's not bad if you don't.
Did you ever see American Werewolf in London?
Yes.
Yeah.
He's the best friend who gets turned into a zombie and he picks up the little Mickey Mouse doll and goes,
Hi, David.
That's him.
Anyway, so you're probably not going to pick that.
No, probably not.
But which do you prefer, incest or...
Go on.
Which would you rather do, incest or drugs with Harvey Keitel?
Can it be both?
You had to choose.
It might be both.
One makes the other more fun, I can tell you that much.
Sure, right.
Once you've had incest, then you're ready for drugs.
It's the gateway.
Which one of those?
Quit laugh stalling.
Which one of those?
This was just for real laughter.
Okay.
I'm going to pick the incest one.
Okay.
Okay. Okay. Another slice of pie. okay I'm gonna pick the incest one okay okay this movie that is incest in it is from 1994 Leonard gives it two and a half stars he says about this movie that
it's I'll just say it he says it's just your average Black comedy
That'd be a weird
That'd be like a horrible review of a
Charlie Perry movie.
Your average black comedy.
It's a black comedy.
Wait, wait. Is it dark or is it black?
Soul flame.
He says this is just your average black comedy
about incest.
And then he also says that
it was a film festival
sleeper and audience favorite.
And he lists six names.
How many out of six do you think it would take you to figure out the name of this movie? He's a film festival sleeper and audience favorite. And he lists six names. Okay.
How many out of six do you think it would take you to figure out the name of this movie?
Five.
All right.
Joe.
Ron Funches of Oats says five names.
And you're next, Jared.
I'm going to have you name that movie, Ron Funches.
Give me some names.
Kitty Pryde.
We've got to figure out some way to drag this show out.
Oh, because you're pretty sure I'm going to lose this thing?
I'm pretty sure Jared's going to get the point.
Yeah, that's probably true.
And then be the winner.
I think I know the movie.
And then we still have...
What if Jonah tells me the movie?
Do you guys want to switch seats?
Is that allowed?
No, it's not allowed.
But I think it would be funny.
Your five names are
Judette Jones.
Okay.
She gets a slice of pie.
Matthew Puckett.
Mm-hmm.
Carla Gallo.
Oh, can't go wrong.
Benjamin Hendrickson.
Oh, Big Ben did it.
And Alberta Watson.
Oh, okay, Bernie.
All right, I'm going to give you 15 minutes.
Okay.
To think of your answer.
Can I use my phone?
Yeah, go ahead and jump on your internet device.
And Jonah, you got any plugs?
Yeah, July 23 any plugs? Yeah.
July 23rd, Wednesday night, 1230,
the premiere of The Meltdown with Jonah Kumail,
which is a TV show I was talking about earlier.
It's on Wednesday nights,
just like the live show that it's based on.
Yeah.
Every Wednesday in Los Angeles.
You could see it if you go to Meltdown Comics
at around, what does it start, like 8.30?
Yeah, 8.30 is when we start.
Yeah, yeah. And then you could race home and watch
Meltdown on Comedy Central
later that night. Yeah, we got a lot of awesome
people on. We got like Weird Al doing a
performance of Dare to be Stupid,
which was a fucking crazy thing
to happen to me. We got Jim Gaffigan.
We got a lot of awesome people.
Oh, really?
Jim Gaffigan was on there?
Uh-oh.
What did he do on there?
Did he interrupt my set and fuck with it the entire time?
He kind of just fucked with you the whole time.
Yeah, the whole time.
And that's all that's really in there.
Yeah.
Fucking Jim Gaffigan.
See?
You can see the behind-the-scenes drama,
how it went down,
where Jim Gaffigan had no idea
he was fucking over Doug.
And then he was like, why?
What'd I do?
Bacon donuts.
He didn't say, he doesn't just yell bacon donuts.
Have you listened to the last album?
Oh, well, he does.
But I'm saying, he talks about other things other than food.
Yeah, but we got Jenny Slate on the show.
Do you need more time?
Yeah.
Okay, we got Michael Ian Black doing a bit with Jen Kirkman and Ron Funches.
We got James Adomian as the Sheriff of Nottingham faking fellatio on somebody.
Yeah, we got Nick Offerman doing a song.
We got Garfunkel Notes doing a song.
We got Justin Willman doing some magic.
We got David Wayne in the backstage doing the sloppiest magic.
It's like if Woody Allen was trying to do magic.
He's just like messing up and like going.
There's a lot of fun stuff.
Adam Scott, Durs from Workaholics.
There's a lot of awesome stuff in the show.
So please watch it and tell everyone you know.
All right.
That was a lengthy plug.
Well, he needed time.
No, I know. I said 15 minutes
of plugging. Ed Salazar's
in it.
That was for us.
Yeah, Ed's always around
at the Beltown. He's a great guy.
Jared, what do you want to plug? Well, we've
got your good friend Graham Elwood coming up
this next weekend,
June 10th through 12th.
All right.
He's doing an all-whistling.
Okay.
He's doing an all-whistling.
12 through 14.
He's doing an all-whistling set, right?
Right.
All-whistling and Bane impressions.
And any better impressions?
Well, I'm sure they'll make
an appearance, yes.
And then...
Even flow!
And then at the end of June,
we have Marc Maron back,
June 27th through 29th,
and then three days after that,
Maria Bamford is back
for Wednesday and Thursday night.
And then our sixth anniversary weekend
in September is Chris Hardwick.
So that's September 18th through 20th
All previous guests
On Doug Lowe's movies
Maria Bamford
Is kind of like you Ron
She doesn't pay attention
To anything
She's on the meltdown
That's not her thing
Yeah paying attention
Is for suckers
What?
But I am going to go back and watch Jumanji again
because Gary Oldman was awesome in it.
Hell yeah.
He played the dice.
He's very versatile.
He just disappears into a character.
The sister act.
Douglow's movies tapings are coming up in Kansas City and New York City.
And, you know, I got one in L.A. coming up.
And go to DouglasMovies.com for all my dates.
And, Ron, what's your guess?
I don't get to do plugs.
Plug the answer.
Okay, you can do your plugs.
That gives you even more time to think of this answer you're never going to come up with.
Oh, I gave up a long time ago.
Well, I'll plug some things.
You can watch my TV show.
It's called Undateable.
Undateable, you guys.
It's on NBC on Thursdays at 9.
My half hour special on Comedy Central is June 20th on Friday night.
June 20th, Friday night.
And then probably they'll show it a few more times.
And you can also probably access it on the internet.
But watch on June 20th.
Let's get a big rating for Ron.
Big push.
Ron's big night.
Yeah.
Watch it, then they'll give me more money.
They'll also give you more problems.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Here's your money and here's your problems.
That's how they do it.
They see you down.
Lay it all out.
And we're going to be on At Midnight together on June 22nd.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wait.
When did you say your stand-up was?
June 20th.
That's a Friday.
So then how could June 22nd be the following Tuesday?
Maybe it's technically Saturday
Because it's like at midnight, 1230
Well, our numbers are still off
Turn on Comedy Central in June and leave it the fuck on
You guys want to see Corky Romano again?
It's a great channel.
It's a great channel.
All right, do you have an answer, Ron?
The only movie I know with incest is,
I mean, there's a few.
But I'm excited about what your answer might be
because when I looked up movies with incest,
I found a list of 50 of them,
and this is the only one that I recognized, really.
I mean, a lot of them are foreign.
A lot of French incest going on.
Typical.
But this is the only one movie that jumped out at me as something I recognized.
And it's a movie I've never seen, but it's by a filmmaker that I admire.
So I should probably check it out.
But what's your answer?
Well, I think there's incest and Precious, right?
So that would be my pick.
Precious based on the novel Push by Sapphire?
Yeah.
I know it's like a decade later.
That wasn't even on the list on IMDb of incest movies.
Maybe because there's just so many other themes going on in that film
that it's hard to pick one.
Just general shittiness.
I mean, I went on IMDb and I looked up movies where a girl runs with chicken
and Precious came up.
But it didn't come up under incest.
Are you going to name the movie?
Yeah, do you think you know what it is?
Just for fun?
Well, we kind of discussed it.
You're discussing it over there?
No, we have another podcast going on right now.
It's called Hush Tones.
Dude, tell everybody about,
you didn't even plug Jonah Radio.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I do a podcast called Jonah Radio,
and it's...
Thank you.
If you are in a band
or a musician of any sort,
feel free to email jonaradio
r-a-y-d-i-o at gmail.com
your music. We play
bands that aren't signed
or they're struggling to get out there.
A really cool thing that's happened is the bands we play
have actually been getting their sales, seeing uptick,
and people come to see them live.
So please, if you are in a band, send it my way.
And if it doesn't suck dick, I'll fucking play it.
There's guys that said, like, here's my cover band.
I was like, are you fucking kidding me?
Did we talk already about seeing Shooter Jennings on Friday night?
Oh, we didn't talk about seeing Shooter Jennings.
That was great.
We had a blast over at the Bluebird watching.
You know, I kind of knew that Waylon Jennings had a son
that was in the business or whatever,
but I'd never seen him, and it was amazing.
Yeah, outlaw country.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was really good.
Yeah, it's borderline and even sometimes completely rock music.
And he did a solo cover of Nirvana.
He did an acoustic cover of a Nirvana song.
Something in the Way.
It was so good.
Yeah, it was really good.
Yeah, I had a good time.
And then he has reached out to me via Twitter,
and he promises to come on Getting Doug With High.
I don't recommend it.
So Shooter doesn't, you know, his name probably should be Toker, not Shooter, because he's not
shooting drugs. He's toking.
You don't know how he's going to get high.
Oh, okay.
That'd be weird if somebody comes out
getting done with high and just starts, you know,
take a rubber tube and run it
around their arm.
Hang on a second. I just got to tie off
to get ready for getting high.
And then you just have to vamp while he passes out.
You just have to keep it going for an hour.
All right, Ron.
I tried to drag it out for as long as possible.
But your answer of precious is incorrect.
I had a feeling.
Yeah.
Is it the House of Yes?
Oh, that had incest
in it too? Yeah, it was all about it.
IMDB didn't mention that either. Really?
Yeah, it's a weird list. Maybe this movie
doesn't have incest in it, but Leonard does say
it's just your average black comedy
about masturbation and
incest, and it's called
Spanking the Monkey. Oh!
Did you see that?
No, but I always saw the VHS tape at the video store.
I remember it.
I felt too embarrassed to have my mom rent it for me.
That means Jared is our winner, everybody.
Yay!
Don't need this.
Jared needed this for his poor self-esteem.
What were you going to say, Jared?
I was just going to say, because didn't Ron, he went down one.
Who was the top star?
Wasn't it six and he said he could do it in five?
Huh?
Is it Adam Goldberg?
Is that who it was?
Oh, who was the lead actor?
Yeah.
Jeremy Davies.
Oh, that guy.
Well, he still wouldn't have gotten it.
The guy from Lost.
Yeah, he's a good actor.
He was really good, and he had a little arc on Justified.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I like that guy.
It's not Doug Loves TV.
Come on, let's go.
But Justified is like a movie on TV.
I love that show.
It's really good.
You guys, this breezed by because Jared is so good,
and my other guests are nice.
So mean.
Why does that mean?
Treat me like Sam Levine.
I just called you nice.
I would not call Sam Levine nice.
I'd call him pretty.
Pretty nice.
Nice-ish.
You know, for the record, I was hard on my employee earlier, Alex,
but he, look at this.
Let's point that out.
You got this right over to him.
I didn't ask for it. That's right.
Didn't even have to ask for it. No, that's the problem.
There's a reason
I stopped asking.
Well, he fucked up
after all. Well, sorry.
Nobody doesn't want
to get a comedian fucked up.
If you're a comedian, you go out
to a bar or something, you constantly get offered.
So you don't drink at all, Ron?
No, I'm allergic to alcohol.
What?
Yeah.
I'm going to start saying that to people.
You should.
Do a shot, bro.
Oh, I'm allergic, man.
Yeah.
People don't like it, though.
Yeah, they don't.
No, they get mad at you.
They get so mad.
Like, why are you in a bar then?
Well, because there's food, and I'm a comic,
and there's a stage.
And a paycheck.
A lot of reasons.
Yeah, it's tough.
Then you go, why are you here?
And they go, because I'm sad.
And I forgot how to have real fun.
Did I get too real?
That's like the worst thing a comic says. Oh, I'm sorry, did I get too real? That's like the worst thing a comic says.
Oh, I'm sorry, did I get too real?
Obama.
Here's another one I like.
When I go to a comic, it tells you, you guys are sick.
You guys are fucked up.
I'm just telling you the truth.
You're spinning your mind into some crazy shit.
You seen this?
You hear about this?
I went to the mall.
You been to these?
You seen these?
Have you been down to this quarry?
They got a Victoria's Secret and a cell phone store down there now.
Yeah.
Times are changing.
Obama.
How's your hand, Jonah?
Times are changing.
Obama.
How's your hand, Jonah?
Midway through this fucking show,
he's like,
I was looking at my hand,
he's like,
it's not changing.
Son of a bitch.
It hurts.
It hurts. But I'm sure that cold,
tiny cocktail
is like a cold compress.
Yes, I was told to ice it.
Yeah.
Who told you to ice it?
Chip.
My buddy Chip told me to.
And the thing is, it was one of those falls where I fell,
and the only thing that came out of his mouth was like,
oh, man.
He's using a cane to walk around.
He would be no help to me.
Who are we talking about, Skip?
Chip.
Chip.
I called him Skip yesterday and thought it would be fun to do it again
Chip Skip
This is so
I've never
You know
I try to time it
So the show ends
You know
At a full
90 minutes
For the paying crowd
And we came up short
And so now I'm just fucking around.
How short are we?
Yeah.
Just dragging it out.
Who all came to see Ron Funches this weekend?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, my.
It was quite an experience for us, Ron.
Cool.
It was pretty great, man.
Seriously.
I don't know.
That felt like that was a hidden...
No, I mean it really.
You know, like...
Yeah, right when you walk off stage,
you don't want to hear,
that was quite an experience.
Did you like it?
No, I experienced it.
Was it funny?
I've never seen anything like it.
Well, I was trying to pay you a compliment.
Well, why don't you pay him some money?
You're the fucking club owner. Yeah.
Why don't you pay him some money, the fucking club owner?
How much time did that waste?
That was great.
I got more plugs.
We need the... Do you really?
Yeah, yeah.
What else do you got to plug?
I'm going to be a record store clerk in an episode of Marin.
Nice.
I'm going to be a creep at a bar in an episode of Garfunkel and Oates.
Nice.
And I'm going to be a guy that says, hey, the Oscars are on on Key and Peele.
Nice.
That's all you say?
I want to do more now.
What record did Marin buy in the scene? He was buying Depeche Mode, and then I make fun of him for it.
Well, that's, yeah.
And then he tries to say that,
it's like, no, I'm cool, I got it, man.
And then he invites me over to his place,
and I'm just not having a good time.
It was written by Jerry Stahl from Permanent Midnight fame,
and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait.
Oh, that's the thing.
Everyone should go home and download
Willow Creek by Bobcat Goldthwait.
Like, pay for it, download. Bobcat Goldthwait. Like, pay for it.
Download.
Bobcat Goldthwait did a found footage horror comedy called Willow Creek about Bigfoot,
and it's really, really fucking good.
It's available on all digital platforms.
Yeah, check it out.
Past and future guest Bobcat Goldthwait.
We were talking about that yesterday.
We actually screened it at IU Cinema on Halloween,
and it was fantastic.
Yeah, it's a funny movie, then it gets legitimate scary.
So it's a really good combination.
All right, spoiler.
Alex Toombs?
Alec Toombs?
Whatever, something Toombs?
Mr. Toombs, come collect your prizes.
Why do you have a pen in your mouth?
Thanks dude Yo
I like that
He pointed at Jared who won for a moment
Yo
You're welcome for that one of a kind poster
Dipshit
Good job yo
Oh yeah the cookie.
Oh, I wish I hadn't brought that up.
Is it all right with you if Ron keeps the cookie?
That was just Ron's interior dialogue.
He was like, cookie.
Oh, cookie, I can't wait.
You're sure you don't want the cookie?
You bought this friend, Cookie.
He doesn't want the cookie.
You can have the cookie, Ron.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll allow it.
All right.
Thank you once again to everybody for coming out
on a beautiful Sunday afternoon here at the Comedy Attic.
And let's, Jared, you know what?
Maybe the next time we do a Douglass Movies here,
we'll do it in the theater over there.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, because I always feel bad for the folks
that are sitting off to the side over here
for not being able to see all of our faces,
but they could hear everything.
Let's give them all some faces now.
Yeah, give them some faces.
Oh, fuck.
I fucking have some yes, I don't know.
Pretty much movie.
That was what you missed.
And let's hear it once again for Ron Funches,
Jonah Ray,
Jared. for Rod Funches, Jonah Ray,
Jared,
owner of this fine establishment.
And as always,
the law is a shithead.
And pronouncing Maleficent as a shithead.