Doug Loves Movies - Rory Scovel, Rachel Feinstein, and "Mark Wahlberg" Guest
Episode Date: September 6, 2014Live from the Plaza Hotel in Las Vegas, Doug welcomes comedians Rory Scovel and Rachel Feinstein and his friend "Mark Wahlberg" to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and... California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 azepam or kernels in his teeth
There's still not more that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies
Hey everybody!
My name is Doug and and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
Nicely done.
Usually in a showroom like this,
the audience isn't called upon to perform.
This looks really cool from where I'm sitting.
We are coming to you.
This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you
from the Plaza Hotel,
and this is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the Plaza Hotel and this is the Plaza
Theater on Saturday, September 6th
2014
Wolf of Wall Street Fight Terminator
2 Judgment Day of the Dead
Men Walking Tall, The President's
Men in Black, Fisher King,
Ralph at Dog Day, Afternoon
Delight, Sleep Perfect, Murder
by Death Wish 3, Ami, Ghost
World's End of Watch Men Don't Leaving Las Vegas! Light Sleep Perfect Murder by Death Wish 3, Ami, Ghost Worlds, and of
Watch Men Don't Leaving
Las Vegas!
So now that I said that, we can just
stop. There's no reason
to keep going.
Did you guys bring some name tags today?
Can I see your name tags? Some stuff's
lighting up. Lots of name tags today? Can I see your name tags? Some stuff's lighting up.
Lots of name tags.
You guys are putting Los Angeles to shame.
I think I'm going to move the weekly show to Vegas instead of Los Angeles.
You guys are down with that? You'd come?
And isn't it exciting to be in this beautiful theater that's air-conditioned?
I'm not going to name names, but some of you had to suffer through that last show.
And I'm glad that it is
finally behind us.
This Tuesday in LA,
I'm welcoming back
not only
Lorenza Izzo from
she won last week on the show,
but also, just to
goose the LA crowd,
I'm going to tell some hints.
I got a star of an NBC comedy series,
actor or actress from one of those,
a creator of one of the funniest cable shows ever on cable,
and my favorite Canadian's going to be on next week.
You guys can try to figure out who that is.
Schedule's permitting.
Thursday, September 11th,
I'm doing stand-up at Zadie's in Chicago,
and then on Monday,
I'm doing Comedy Works in Denver,
douglasmovies.com,
for all the dates and deets and links for tickets.
Oh, and from the corrections department,
Halle Berry was reading a book with her tits
in Swordfish.
Turns out that was a book.
And someone claims it was Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time.
I don't know if I buy that.
But I guess her character was really smart in that movie.
Let's look at the prize bag, you guys.
There's lots of fun goodness in here.
I'll tell you about that in a second,
but someone brought a Purge Anarchy T-shirt.
I don't know what that's about.
Did any of you guys see Purge Anarchy?
You did?
I didn't see it, but was it better than Purge Not Anarchy?
It was much better?
Much better, but still not great, right?
Okay.
But at least much better.
That's an improvement.
I mean, I think if they make a Purge movie every year,
eventually they'll hit upon one that works, you know?
Because it's such a great premise.
You could commit any crimes you want.
Like, they should do Purge Las Vegas.
Like, this town, just anybody doing whatever the fuck they wanted.
I mean, it kind of already does happen.
Minus the
thievery.
Like, yeah, card counters cannot
get caught, right? During the purge.
They can still get
beat up by...
So don't do that, you guys.
Don't do that when the purge comes around.
When I was in Portland at the film festival there,
somebody gave me, it looks like Portland,
it's a complete deck of playing cards,
but it's designed by a local,
each card has a different back to it
that's designed by a local Portland artist.
That sounds super fun to me.
I'm kind of regretting putting that in the prize bag.
Same with somebody there gave me octopus socks.
Yeah, so those are pretty sweet.
I give you guys good stuff.
Like my new album.
I'm tired of having it around the house,
so I'll give you a copy of that.
First mattering of applause.
So I got some lotion from somebody out on the road.
This is oatmeal milk and honey
lotion.
This is neat. The Trailer Park boys were on my
Getting Doug with High the other day.
Their new movie,
SwearNet, is out. This is a cool SwearNet
keychain bottle opener.
Then there's also a SwearNet
sticker in here.
I forget how much is on this. I think it's
a $5 gift card for Starbucks.
And it's Canadian?
What'd you say?
Why would it be Canadian dollars?
What a weird question.
Please hold all your weird questions
till after the show when I'm not here anymore.
Dougloves moviesies T-shirt,
and this is just delightful.
From here at the Plaza Hotel,
a shirt that says,
who needs a woman
when you've got a good hand?
Which is Luke Skywalker's slogan.
So that, plus a couple other things
are in the prize bag.
Please help me in welcoming.
Got another great lineup of folks that either wanted to visit Vegas or are already here.
And I think you guys are going to be pleased to welcome to the stage Rachel Feinstein, Rory Scovel, and Mark Wahlberg.
Thank you.
Oh, that's Rory Scoville, everybody.
Let's hear it for him.
He is the winner of the inaugural Pete Holmes Award,
which is an award I give to the guest who speaks first on each episode.
I'm going to sit quietly until somebody says something
and then give them the award.
There's no plaque or anything yet,
but I'll work something up eventually.
And is it just me or are you on a weird chair?
It's just you, Doug.
Oh, okay.
I'm so high that it seems like you're not on the stools provided
and that you're on a low-to-the-ground chair.
You even have your legs crossed,
which is hard to do on a tall stool.
Well, we all felt a little bit uncomfortable with the chairs,
but the two of us kind of manned up, and
he brought a special
chair for himself because he's worth it.
That's Rachel Feinstein,
everybody.
I was scared of the chairs, too.
You're in town
working over at Harrah's at the Improv over there.
Yes. Yeah, you're there all weekend,
so folks can go see you tonight or
tomorrow night.
I still don't understand the chair thing
yeah I brought out a lower chair
because it's uncomfortable to sit in high chairs
I offered it to Rachel based on her outfit
she refused to take it and I said
well I don't mind showing my crotch in a lower chair
but
I thought if you brought out a chair
for me I'd look like such a fucking dick the audience would hate me right away that I just made him bring some chair for me, I'd look like such a fucking dick.
The audience would hate me right away,
like that I just made him bring some chair for me,
and I'd be like, fuck that whore.
So I was like, no, I'll just deal with the uncomfortable stool.
That is sort of the Vegas attitude, isn't it?
About the ladies.
I just realized, I always thought FTW meant for the win,
but it means fuck that whore.
Sure does.
I didn't even know that.
Okay, but you really think these chairs are uncomfortable?
What I like is you were like,
so now, Rachel, you're going to be at Harrah's,
and you're going to be there all weekend.
Now, Roy, back to the chair.
Why are you in that chair?
Because it's still presenting an odd facade for the audience,
because you left your stool there and brought out a small chair.
Do you want me to sit in this chair for this podcast people listen to?
There's a viewing audience.
Ouch.
There's a viewing audience, and if we all sat on chairs that low, Rory,
the reason I use the stools is if we all sat that low,
then it would really be less like a show. It would be just like a bunch of people sitting around on a stage
just being watched.
This is more presentational in my mind.
Uh oh.
And Mark Wahlberg is here everybody.
Oh, is this what's going to happen?
You're going to stand the whole show?
How you guys doing? You doing good?
I'm going to fucking one-up that shit.
That's how I live my life.
What do you think about this whole chair controversy?
It's our new live show called Cell Phone Bars.
See, Rory, you're not playing to the listeners.
That joke was not for the listeners.
Well, sometimes I want to give the live audience a little something special.
We did a show at Largo,
a tournament of championships,
where we didn't tell them ahead of time
that we needed four matching chairs,
so we were all in different
size chairs and one person
was cross-legged on the floor.
And that was pretty fun.
So I'm getting into it now.
Yeah, there you go.
And everybody's excited that Rachel might uncross her legs
at some point. This seems like
a trap for you that we had these tall chairs.
I mean, that was really gentlemanly of Rory
to offer to get you a... Yeah, you told me
to wear this pool cover-up, and I still can't figure out
why.
You said, listen, sugar tits, just come in
a pool cover-up. Everything will work itself out,
all right? I think you look fucking great. I don't normally
say things like that, but I was drunk with
Mel Gibson at the time.
But let's get right to it,
Mark. All right, let's do this.
This is much more...
Did I already win?
This is a much bigger controversy
than Rory's chair selection.
Are you talking about
how I missed a workout yesterday?
Why'd you miss a workout?
I don't know.
I got busy.
I was looking at...
That's another way
to describe doing a workout.
Let's get busy.
I was looking at dailies for Entourage,
and I was like,
guys, we need more boobs in this.
You don't think those four lead characters
are dumb enough?
Boobs, get it? Boobs?
No, I don't care.
So, let me ask you this.
Okay.
You did Douglas Movies in Portland last weekend.
I fucking killed it.
Yeah, that was great.
I bet you people there are still talking about it.
They are still talking about it.
But you did that instead of going to your brother Donnie's wedding.
Donnie got married over the weekend
to Jenny McCarthy.
Did he though?
It wasn't that big of a story
but I believe it.
Some outlets announced it.
I've said this before. I'm going to say it again.
I'm going to tell Donnie.
This is what I told him. I'm going to say it again, okay? I'm going to tell Donnie. This is what I told him.
I'm going to say this is what I said.
What I said was when I told Donnie,
and this is what I said to him, okay?
And I'm going to say the same thing to you guys.
Later that same day.
No, what I said to him was,
and this is what I said to him.
Was this in real life?
Oh, this is IR.
Here we go. I said, him was, and this is what I said to him. Was this in real life, or was this like one of the... Oh, this is IR. Here we go.
Okay. I said,
Donnie, I'll come to the next one.
And he looked at me, and he's like,
thanks, Mark.
That was the most controversial scene
in their new hamburger show.
You mean that fucking Emmy-nominated
hamburger show? Oh, fuck.
Fuck yeah, guys. Check it out, out on DVD, September 22
You guys don't play by the rules on that show, do you?
Oh no, not at all
I don't even know where we get half the fucking meat
This is what I
I told them, I'm like
Just call the fucking thing Wahlburgers
People will come
It's like the fucking
field movie where they built shit.
People will fucking show up.
Field of Dreams?
No, it's with the ugly girl from Waterworld.
I don't know.
You ever seen Waterworld?
That's not true, right?
No, I don't think
Waterworld happened. I mean, they made? No, I don't think Waterworld happened.
No, I mean...
I mean, they made it.
But I don't think that what they depicted in the movie happened.
No, like, a dude can't have gills.
No, no.
I fucking knew it.
Why did you bring a Purge Anarchy shirt for the...
I'm trying to get it going.
What do you mean?
You want to star in a sequel eventually?
No, the real fucking Purge.
Oh, you want to... I get it now. You want to have a sequel eventually? No, the real fucking purge. Oh, you want to...
I get it now.
You want to have a whole night to be able to commit crimes?
Yeah, just like, let's fucking, let's see who really wins.
And I can tell you right now, it's going to be me.
It's like that song by the boy band.
Isn't that one?
Yeah, it's going to be me.
98 Degrees?
It's going to be me. Yeah, like, it's It's gonna be me 98 degrees It's gonna be me
Yeah, like
It's
It's gonna be me
You ever think about
Going back into singing?
I never got out, bro
You should be in a musical
Oh, I should be
In a fucking musical
Yeah, a musical about
I was in that movie
Rockstar
Oh, why don't you
Give us a taste
Of what you did in the movie
Oh, give us a taste Yeah, you did in the movie? Oh, give
us a taste. Yeah, I just beautiful stage
right here. No, I fucking it was show girls
was filmed here. Was it really in Vegas
the rape scene?
Oh, no, don't say that
about the beautiful golden nugget.
Oh, is that where that was at? He's
like, oh, it wasn't. I'm just
trying to throw people off. Oh,
no, where he just is like, oh, she's good here and closes the door.
I'd have been like, she ain't fucking good, dude.
We're leaving right now.
Change movie.
That's what I would have fucking done.
Rockstar knows me and the second prettiest girl from Friends.
Really?
Yeah.
Rachel is the second prettiest?
Oh, God, yes.
I have no idea which one you like the most.
Phoebe, obviously.
Okay.
The smattering of applause.
Those people are like, finally, we found our leader.
They fucking know.
They fucking know.
Yeah, so I'm trying to get the perch going.
We'll see what happens. I started a Kickstarter.
Rachel brought a copy
of her CD that's extra dinged up. I started a Kickstarter. Rachel brought a copy of her CD
that's extra
dinged up. I like that.
It's almost like used.
Do you listen to it a lot? I do, yeah.
It's my bedtime story.
Oh, you're right. I did bring one
that was kind of rancid. She's sitting in a lower chair
on the actual
disc. So your instincts were right, Rory.
What's it called?
It's called Thug Tears, and it's available
wherever you get comedy CDs.
And one of them is in this bag.
Sam Gooding.
I didn't mean to bring a filthy, rancid one.
I did.
Oh, you like rancid, too?
When you first handed it to me, I didn't even notice.
It doesn't even have cellophane on it.
I have a better one in my bag, but that one's real sweaty.
Let's swap it out.
All right.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
I'm falling for that.
We'll get you the good one, whoever wins the prize bag today.
Yeah, we're going to hook you up with the sweetest...
Against Rachel's wishes.
The most pristine copy of Thug Tears That anyone's ever owned
I'll sign it
Oh that makes it even
Go ahead and sign that one then
That would make that one worth the dings
I like that one it's weathered
It's killing me though
That's just sitting there
Thank you
I want it on display for the crowd the whole show
It's gonna fall
Is it?
Look at you You're like a property brother making shit look good I want it on display for the crowd the whole show. It's going to fall. Is it?
Look at you.
You're like a property brother making shit look good.
I used to run a booth.
I used to run a booth about this spice. That thing's going to totally fall.
Guys, for the listener,
Rachel just threw something at the audience.
Hey, dude, can you throw that back?
Did you get it?
Who got it? Oh, here we go threw something at the audience. Hey, dude, can you throw that back? Did you get it? Who got it?
Oh, here we go. This is a fun game. Oh, shit.
You were scared.
I lost it in the lights.
Dude, when you said, oh, shit, you meant it.
I did.
This little thing's going to hit me in the face.
I said that when I wrote a transformer.
I'm sorry. I'll try not to hit you.
Wait, you're doing it again?
Yeah, that was so close and so gentle.
What is that? For the listener,
we're trying to hit the CD with our dicks.
Rachel's turn.
Have you been to the
movies lately, Rachel? Yes,
I have, Doug. What have you
seen? Why, thank you for asking.
Haven't heard of it.
That could be a movie
title, thank you for asking.
But what, have you seen anything?
Yeah, I saw the ape
movie, Return of the Apes.
Oh, okay. It's fucking
good. Yeah, I saw
Boyhood. Fucking horrible.
That's a controversial stance. No, that is the way people should feel about that movie. That's a controversial stance.
No, that is the way people should feel
about that movie. There's a lady or weird man
over here that loves it.
Who likes
Boyhood? Does anybody like it?
Who doesn't like Boyhood?
It's just time of your life.
Just go buy a kid and a camera and videotape him for 12 years.
Oh my god.
Or just have your own kid, right?
You're right, guys.
This is way easier than going to the movies.
You've nailed it.
You're right.
That is a much simpler process.
Totally.
Thank you.
Have you seen it, Rory?
No, I refuse.
It's two hours and 40 minutes.
And that's why I won't go.
I saw it with my parents and it was really uncomfortable.
There was some line about somebody loving blowjobs and my mom laughed
real heartily and it was distressing.
She was like, you're telling me!
She knows.
It was so awkward.
That's not good.
I saw Magic Mike with my mom, but I've told
that story a few times already.
What have you seen lately, Rory?
I recently
saw The Zero Theorem.
Interesting.
On VOD?
I saw it.
Yeah, I rented it on iTunes.
I don't know why I'm talking like I'm a dad who just discovered.
Yeah, no, iTunes.
They do a rental thing.
We tried it.
It was fun.
$7, a little high, but okay.
Might I suggest the way you're talking right now
might have a little to do with the chair you're sitting in?
Yeah.
Now you're like the dad that came into the party.
Kids, you mind if I sit over here?
Kids, mind if I kind of just chaperone from the side
like a creepy man?
Thanks.
Anybody seen Zero Theorem?
I'm like saying it to like five year olds.
Any Gilliam fans?
Did you like it? It's Terry Gilliam.
I did not like it. Christoph Waltz.
I think I'm finally having to admit
that I don't like a lot of
Terry Gilliam's movies. I love
Terry Gilliam and I love
some of his movies, but
I did not like this movie
which made me hate some of his other movies.
That's how bad it was.
I'm glad people don't have that problem with me.
This guy is a realist, and he gets me.
I kind of liked it.
It was boring, but I kind of liked it.
See, I'm a different type of person.
When it's boring, I hate it.
Well, also, though,
doesn't it make it harder for you to watch a movie
when you're sitting on your own chair that you brought in the aisle of the theater
and not in the chair that was placed there specifically for you to sit and watch the film?
Honestly, because I'm so used to the chair, I don't think about it,
and I pay way more attention to the movie.
So you probably thought it was a good movie because the whole time you were like,
oh, it's a chair. What happened? Who is he?
Why is he bald?
And Doug and Roy never spoke to each other ever
again after the chair incident
on Doug Loves Movies.
What'd you bring for the prize bank? I brought
now this is fun.
I disagree, but let's check it out.
I went to a... I'd say this is the oddest gift that's ever been put in the bag.
It is the oddest gift, and I think it's kind of interesting.
I went to a coffee shop this morning with my wife and my...
My wife!
Mother and father-in-law.
And this picture was sitting on one of the seats at one of the tables
with a note that said, I'm doing a photo project.
You can take this photo or not take this photo,
but if you take it, will you just
email me and tell me what happened
to this photo? It's the only one of its kind that
I'll ever print.
Liar.
It's, I think, the 13th picture of this overall
project that this guy's doing.
And the only reason
I think it's interesting is because I went to college.
I'm kind of an intellectual person and I enjoy
the arts. There's really no other reason person and I enjoy, I enjoy the arts.
There's really no other reason
why I really enjoy this
other than the fact that
I'm just super creative.
I'm a good looking man.
Great personality.
Show them the goddamn
shit, dude.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sounds like you're describing
a Nicholas Sparks book.
Yeah, where did this,
where is this picture
going to end up?
So here's the note that the guy left.
There's the whole note.
It's a fucking letter.
And then look at that picture, you guys.
It's called Two Guys in a Coffee Shop.
Two Guys in a Coffee Shop.
Check that out.
One of them's back is completely to the camera.
And then another guy is sitting there.
And they're in a coffee shop.
I don't think they were posing.
No, no, yeah.
It was one of those sneaky...
Guys, guys, turn around.
Guys, turn around. All right, I'll yeah, it was one of those sneaky... Guys, guys, turn around! Guys, turn around!
All right, I'll just take it.
And then I'll just leave it in a coffee shop
since no one respects me.
Let me just quickly remind you
this is a podcast and you need to speak
into your microphone.
He really is the bad boy of this podcast.
He really is.
I don't know why he's such a troublemaker.
It's hard to be defiant on a podcast.
This is the most and the least that I can do.
You're right.
Gently placing the microphone on the floor.
It's somehow so brave.
Whoever does win this picture,
email this guy and tell him that you have it, please.
I don't want this guy doing a photo project
and then some fucking punk kid here can't follow through.
I'm not going to email
him. You're not better than this guy.
Do we want this guy to know
our email address? I'm going to email him and say
hey, I gave it to someone. Listen to this podcast.
Do you want me to help you with that?
No, Doug said I had to talk into the microphone
while...
We could talk to Mark while you
try putting a rubber band back on let's do it no that's
okay i got it all right so that's i'm not gonna put it in the prize bag because i don't want to
i don't want to ding it up thank you for being respectful but you've dinged it up is joe here
by any chance okay that would have been weird right i almost emailed him and said hey come to
this i'm going to give your way your your way a thing and then i would have left weird, right? I almost emailed him and said, hey, come to this.
I'm going to give your way a thing.
And then I would have left it at that.
I don't know how he could have missed that
watching you give that away.
It's such a spectacular ceremony.
Joe, just so you know,
because I am going to email you
and you are going to go and listen to this,
I know that you will.
I think it's a great photograph.
And I hope that you'll email me back
and I hope we can maybe start a relationship.
Who now doesn't
want to win the prize bag because of this
burden that's been placed on you?
It's a chain letter!
Only you have to take pictures
of different things. It's a scavenger
hunt chain letter. What's hard about that?
There's nothing
hard about it.
I'm not feeling a good vibe with this group.
I'm feeling like something's up with Mark Wahlberg.
Like, you've been strangely quiet.
He's been glaring at him a lot while he's speaking.
Yeah, is there like something...
He just glares at Rory the entire time, yeah.
I just feel bad for that dude.
I just feel bad for that fucking dude.
Why?
I don't know, man. fucking dude I don't know man
I don't know his ex-girlfriend needs to call him back
or something
taking pictures of strange people
I'd get you fucking arrested bro
what's up buddy
I heard that you would have stopped 9-11
okay
I was going to ask you about that too
if you'd been on that plane
you would have taken control.
All I'm saying is,
if I would have been there when the towers fell down,
I would have held them up.
I've said that before, I'll say it again.
If I had been on that plane,
like I was supposed to be on the plane,
I definitely would have been one of the people
saying, let's fucking take these people down.
Would you have been able to save the plane
and fuck all the stewardesses at the exact
same time?
How many stewardesses?
I'm going to say seven.
Yes.
Wow, that's a lot of holes.
What's that? Nothing.
Okay.
Alright, so did you tell us what you've seen lately?
You know what I just saw?
It was the fucking worst sequel
to the Burbs ever. It's called Captain Phillips.
Now, by worst sequel ever,
do you believe that
there has been more
than one? I thought it was the sequel
to The Burbs. Was Larry Crown a sequel
to The Burbs? No, but...
Oh.
I felt like that was like different catalog,
like how they do
with the Marvel movies.
Oh, okay.
Like one has that
way too skinny girl
from Superbad in it,
and the other one
has that ugly little
vampire kid in it.
Michael Cera and...
Yeah, he's a weird
looking girl.
But anyway, Captain Phillips,
I was just like, I don't believe this.
Hoses?
Hoses don't even
scare dogs. How are you going to fucking scare pirates?
Was it real? Did it really happen?
I don't think they were trying to scare the pirates
with the hoses. I think they were trying to force them
away with it.
Did it work?
Spoiler alert, no, it. Did it work? No, they're pirates. Spoiler alert.
No, it didn't fucking work. They're pirates.
I don't know. I wasn't that thrilled.
I'll just go back to the burps.
Do you guys want to talk about my photograph some more?
No Hanks you.
Get it?
That's what I said after the movie.
I did get it. No Hanks you.
No Hanks you. No Hanks you.
You can't wait to see more Tom Hanks
movies you don't like.
I can't stand any of them. I'm like, dude, just keep
remaking the burbs.
Put Sterns in it.
Make it black and white. I don't give a shit.
Alright.
Now's the part of the show where I say
let the games begin. Yes! I say... Let the games begin!
Yes!
I'm gonna fucking destroy this shit.
Do you want to play a for funsies game first
where it's not even really part of the competition
and it's not even a game?
Huh.
Let me think.
Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn Frankly my dear
I don't give a damn
Gone with the wind
You win
We were just doing lines with Mark
Sometimes he just slips it in
That's right I do just fucking slip it in
Nobody knows that a game is happening
But I did that time.
You knew it.
Yeah, yeah.
I figured it out.
I like to play a little love-like, hate-like.
And we're going to do it with, in honor of Benjamin Button marrying Maleficent,
let's do it with the films of Brad Pitt.
Each of you has to name.
We'll take turns in order.
I'll play two. A movie by
Brad Pitt that he's in
that you love, then a Brad Pitt
movie that you like, then a Brad Pitt movie
that you hate, and a Brad Pitt movie
that you hate yourself for liking.
Are you serious? Jesus.
Yeah. It's very confusing.
That you hate that you like.
You'll be fine. That you hate that you
like. You hate that you like it. You be fine. That you hate that you like. You hate that you like it.
And you can pass once.
So like if you're
the type of person
that doesn't want to say
you hate a certain movie,
you can just pass on that one.
Or if you can't think of one
that you hate.
Okay, so it can be any
or I have to do all four?
We're going to go through
one at a time
through all four.
Okay, cool.
You can pass if you want.
Okay.
What's a Brad Pitt movie
that you love, Mark Wahlberg?
Legends of the Fall.
Why?
Dude, he fucking cut those people's goddamn heads off
and then rode around on a horse?
It's fucking awesome, dude.
And I think that's what most older women
also loved about that movie.
That happens in that movie?
Oh yeah, dude. He fucking loses it.
And he just comes up on a fucking horse.
Boom, boom, boom. Look at the people's heads
I cut off.
It's scalps. It's not full fucking heads, but he proves
he did some shit.
I thought there was people in a cabin that were afraid
of a bear.
No, you're thinking a jungle book.
Oh.
Rachel, what's a Brad Pitt movie
that you love?
I love...
I guess I liked Seven.
Yeah, probably for the same reason
that you weren't supposed to like the other one.
What's in the box?
What's in the box?
Now we're playing with a title
that's already been mentioned, Seven.
Seven, you guys nailed it
I'm fucking good what can I say
I just like I like romantic comedies
So I enjoyed that one a lot
Such a fun loving film
Here's my picky thing
About Seven that drives me nuts
It is an interesting film
But I've never totally gotten into it
because for one, it's gross, but for another
thing,
Morgan Freeman
is at their house with Gwyneth
and Brad, right? And they
live in the city and there's like
they're finishing up
their meal.
He's like, that was good.
And then rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle. Thunderclap, like, that was good. And then
rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle.
Thunderclap, boom, boom, boom.
I don't know what that was.
I'm always impressed. They understand
everything he says. I understand nothing he says.
The entire house
shakes.
Or apartment or whatever the fuck it is.
And then they go,
and Morgan Freeman's character's like,
what the, and they go, yeah,
the trains go by, and they rattle the place.
So he's been there
for at least an hour,
maybe more,
and these trains just kind of come by,
just very rarely, I guess,
and so that's, it's just weird timing
that at the end of the meal is when he finds out
that they live near train tracks
and that rattled the whole house.
Maybe it was the Polar Express.
Oh, but then the next line should have been,
don't worry, that train just comes through one time a year.
Yeah, and maybe they caught it for a time.
And it takes all of our children, which is very helpful.
And again.
Because that's my bone with Polar Express. Just because a vehicle pulls up in front of our children, which is very helpful. And again. Because that's my bone with Polar Express.
Just because a vehicle pulls up in front of your house,
a child should not just jump on it.
No matter where the fuck it's going.
It's a very weird sequel to The Burbs.
I smell a running joke.
Rory, Brad Pitt, do it. Fight Club Rory Brad Pitt Fight Club
Fight Club
Fight Club
Fight Club
Fuck yeah
I'll go with
It's tough for me
Because I really
I like a lot of
Brad Pitt movies
But for my love
I'm going to say
Snatch
That's a good one
Yeah
A lot of good fighting
Very fun movie And he gives a good performance in it,
even if it is kind of like Fight Club.
Mark, what Brad Pitt movie are you just like,
it's good, I like it.
You're not fired up about it, but you...
12 Monkeys.
Sure.
He got nominated for an Oscar for that one.
Yeah, no, he's good in it.
It's just the movie's all right.
Yeah.
All right.
That's a fair one.
Rachel?
I can't think of the name, but...
Perfect.
Describe it.
This is a fun game.
It was like the long one where they did a lot of resting in the West.
Maybe this...
Thank you.
That is not the full title.
It was a long title too
yeah
the assassination
of Jesse James
by the power of Robert Ford
vaguely pleasing
but it seemed like
there were a lot of scenes
where they just kind of
stared at each other
like what you're doing
to Rory
spoiler alert
oh yeah
you think there's a lot of people
that are gonna check
that movie out
and are worried about it
being ruined
yeah man
I don't think so
okay
applaud if you think you're ever going to see that movie in your lifetime.
These are my fucking people right here.
You can tell by that clap they have it like queued up, ready to go.
Yeah, tonight I'm watching it.
Rory?
Interview with a Vampire.
You like that?
I kind of like it.
Okay.
That was the category, right?
Something you kind of like.
Yeah.
You like it?
Yeah.
I kind of like it.
All right.
Mine is yours.
Your love.
Fight club.
Oh, we can repeat?
I like it.
I like it.
We can repeat?
Well, I mean, it's another category.
I'm saying I like it.
He said he loved it, and now we're going to fight.
Okay.
Club. It's just too gross. There's parts of it that are so gross. I'm saying I like it. He said he loved it, and now we're going to fight. Okay. Club.
It's just too gross. There's parts of it that are so gross.
I don't like the gross parts.
When he hits that dude in the tits?
Oh, Jesus.
It's terrible.
But it's a cool movie.
When we die, we have a name.
And that name is Robert Paulson.
Fight Club. Yep.
Mark, you've completely
lost track of how this game should work.
It can't be movies
as we're discussing them.
Okay.
Or can it be?
What's a movie that you hate, Mark?
Brad Pitt movie, rather.
Oh, okay. And you could pass
for professional reasons.
I bet you would like to work with him someday.
You know, I hate this movie because it should have been me in it, and it was him.
And I just don't believe,
I don't like how it ended.
Thelma and Louise.
Wow.
I just don't believe it.
Okay.
I don't think it's a true story.
Oh. If that helps. If that helps you at all. Well, then it's not i don't think it's a true story oh if that helps that helps you at all well then it's all right but he made a really good he made a great appearance in there like
that i know i should have made it you didn't care for the women acting up in that movie did you
no i thought they were fucking badass oh okay i thought they might have had one too many opinions
for you no they were cool i just didn't like their shawls. They did wear some
menopausal shawls in there.
It seemed like the wrong outfit.
They look like the girls that get drawn on them.
They look like the girls that get drawn on
sweatshirts you buy in Florida.
Just loving life.
That's what they look like.
Do you hate any Brad Pitt movies, Rachel?
I don't say hate. I guess Ocean's Eleven, eh, I never...
Sure.
Yeah.
I just didn't, I can't focus that much in that movie.
I don't know.
I just never really, like, yeah.
I don't think, I think that one kind of doesn't appeal to the ladies, I think.
I saw it with a woman who was bored out of her mind through the whole thing, and I was
delighted by it.
The first one, Ocean's Eleven.
What do you hate, Rory?
Ocean's Twelve.
Yeah.
I don't love Ocean's Twelve
but I think there's something
more to hate in Brad Pitt's
career.
That's a film he did with Julia Roberts called
The Mexican.
Oh yes, I should have said that.
That movie is hella rough. Without a Soul, yeah. It's a said that. That movie's hella rough.
It's a beautiful film.
It is? It's a beautiful movie.
You loved it? Yeah. As soon as I
said Fight Club, I regretted that answer earlier.
You wish you'd said The Mexican?
Who plays the
Mexican in that movie? Is it Julia Roberts or
Brad Pitt?
I thought it was a metaphor.
It was.
What do you hate yourself for liking about Brad Pitt, Mark?
About him as a person?
His hair.
His films.
Pick a film.
Pick a film.
I can't think of anything.
I'll be honest.
I can't think of anything.
You can pass.
Yeah, you know what?
Pass.
Rachel?
Wait, I'm going to think about it while he answers.
Rory's always got a good answer.
The Mexican.
My wife and I watch it once a week.
Is that true?
No.
I wish it were.
I don't think that was your wife that answered.
Some other lady.
I have seven different women here.
We've never watched it.
Shut the fuck up.
The actual wife is here.
I hate myself for liking Oceans 12 and 13
because I will watch them when they're on
and the whole time I'm just mad.
I'm just like, what are you guys fucking doing?
What is happening?
But I still watch it
because it's gambling and exotic locales
and lots of great actors.
Honorable mention, I love Moneyball.
Moneyball's great.
I never thought personally that I could like a movie so much where people just talk to each other.
But I do.
Yep.
It can happen.
That's a prequel to Guardians of the Galaxy.
That kid used to be a baseball player, and now he...
How do you think the lovely bones turned out?
Does that movie make any sense?
Oh, you mean with Stanley Tucci just creeping everybody out?
Yeah, you were in that, right?
My thing with this is that you don't have to like everything you do.
You just have to get paid for it.
So that's all you were doing there was a paycheck? Sometimes, yeah. Because it's a heavy-ass movie. You had a lot of like everything you do. You just have to get paid for it. So that's all you were doing there was a paycheck?
Sometimes, yeah.
Because it's a heavy-ass movie.
You had a lot of heavy acting to do.
I know, and I still killed it.
I'm just saying the movie as a whole.
You're like, eh, missed it.
I had another thought about Moneyball.
I don't know if the show works that way,
but if you can have a thought later.
But I love that movie a lot,
but one thing kind of annoyed me was how he would
always, he visited his wife that he divorced, his ex-wife, and she was all happy. And then
he would go away. And then they just kind of alluded to the idea that Brad was just
like, Brad Pitt's character was just kind of like lonely and sad. And it was a little
unbelievable. You know, like, yeah, he was like the guy that's been like, you know, he
had a chance at love.
He'll never have a second one.
God damn it.
Like, all he can do is see his daughter.
There's nothing for him to fuck around.
It just seemed a little ridiculous.
But I loved the movie.
That was just like the one thing that bothered me just vaguely, you know?
I'm just going to say it from personal experience.
Oh, please.
I was waiting for your opinion.
I don't form mine fully until you've spoken
sometimes it's lonely on top
you get up there and you're just looking down on everybody
and you're like I wish I had a peer
do you see what I mean?
I see what you're saying
but in that story
I was able to
put in my head
that the real guy
that he was playing
probably not as handsome
and probably not,
probably not,
you know,
getting laid all the time.
So they did that.
Sometimes he has to,
you know,
like, for instance,
did you know,
like, Brad Pitt
is in Benjamin Button
and did you know
that he didn't grow
into an old baby and die?
Brad Pitt has made films since then.
It's true.
No, it's not true. It can't be.
Yeah, I think they had all this other stuff in the can
before that happened.
Because I watched, and he got little and weird.
He was an old baby.
He was a fucking old baby.
He turned into an old baby.
All right, let's get to the real games portion of the show.
And if you guys could bring out your name tags,
we'll have everybody on stage.
Just go pick the name tag that you'd like to play for.
And don't forget to not read the shithead on the back out loud.
And while they do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
And we're back.
Who are you playing?
Whoa!
I always want people to think crazy shit happened during the break.
Whoa!
Dude, I fucking killed that dude, bro.
I told him, I'm like, I will punch you in the fucking throat.
He was like, bring it, homie.
And I was like, don't you fucking call me homie.
Fuck yeah, there's blow all over my nose right now.
I think it's crazy.
I really shouldn't go to commercial during that part.
Holy shit.
Rachel is holding a latchkey kid's dream.
You're right.
I love this.
That's a box of Count Chocula.
What's the guy's name?
Chocula.
It's a lady.
Don't read the back.
No, don't read the back.
Oh, okay. I won't. But her name? Chocula. It's a lady. Don't read the back. No, don't read the back. Oh, okay.
I won't.
But her name is Jaronette.
And she's taking a picture of me with the box right now.
Oh, you're recording the entire thing?
Okay.
Hey, don't put this in the fucking cloud.
Do not put this in the cloud.
Yeah, we don't want this to end up.
I've been uploading pictures to the cloud every day this week.
Trying to get on that list.
Jaronette.
What's her name?
Chocula.
She didn't change Count Chocula at all?
Your name doesn't fit.
What's your name?
I just get a box of Count Chocula.
Jaronette.
Claronette.
Right away.
That took one half of a second.
There's no way you've never heard Claronette, Jaronette.
Jaronette, Claronette. Jaronet, clarinet.
If I went to high school, I would have bullied
you. Oh, I would have
bullied you.
There's a movie called
clarinet. What?
Because they're supposed to be movie themed, these name tags.
I think this one doesn't
have to be. Well, what's yours?
Who are you playing for, Rory? I'm playing
for Josh of Josh Work Orange.
Yeah, see, that's how it's done.
But I also do like the box of Couch Ocula
just because it's one of my favorites.
It's supposed to have her name on it.
Should be in there somewhere, yeah.
Throw her out.
Oh, wait, wait, here it is.
I found it.
Throw her out of the theater.
Throw her out, man.
It's spelled with a Y.
I found it, but it's spelled with a Y.
You can't see it very well, but yeah, it's here.
Oh, you wrote it on there? That's good.
She did. You're not scolded anymore.
She just taped a bunch of different various candies to it.
All of these are references to different movies, Doug.
If you can't see that, wow.
Bill Murray's going to eat that Butterfinger
and say, no big deal.
It says Jera Netflix,
so it is kind of movie themed.
Way to go. Jera Netflix, I like that
Mark, what do you got?
Look at this
And the great words
It's like they guessed that you were going to be here
The great words of that fucking Kirsten Dunst movie
It's already been broughten
The Britallian job
The Britallian job
Fucking photoshop, names on Photoshop. Name's on there.
Yeah.
And then she's on there.
And Statham and you and Most Def.
Yasin Bey now.
And Ed Norton.
Yeah.
He was forced to do that movie, by the way.
No, he wasn't forced to do that.
He was forced.
He didn't want to be there.
No, he was forced to do Death to the Spirits.
And Seth Green is so small.
Was he playing mini-me in this? No, he's to to do death. Seth Green is so small. Was he playing mini-me in this?
No, he's to scale in that.
Oh, okay.
My face is on Seth Green's face.
Who's this guy way in the background? Who was that guy?
The bass player.
Who played that guy?
Anyway, the battalion job.
Good job. That's a really good name take.
Where'd you get that from? Right here. When she handed it to me.
The one I almost hit with the lotion? Yeah. When she handed it to me. The one I almost hit with the lotion?
Yeah.
When she handed it to me, she whispered, anything you want.
Oh, dear.
I don't know.
I don't know what that means.
I don't know either.
But I was like, in.
No, that was one of the waitresses.
She was just trying to get a drink order.
And I'll tell you right now.
Which reminds me, I'd like another.
If someone here at the Lovely Plaza Theater can bring me another. You're going to have an issue with this. Okay, don't you right now. Which reminds me, I'd like another. If the, someone here at the lovely plaza,
theater can bring me another. You're going to have an issue with this.
Okay, don't worry about it. Alright, I worry about you, bro.
I'm trying to order a drink here.
Are we getting drinks? Yeah.
Can I get a vodka and soda, please?
Can I get the same thing, but with Jack and Coke?
You guys good on the beverages?
Yeah, could I get the same thing, hold the Jack and Coke?
Then what would it be?
What would it be?
They bring you a cup?
The vodka soda.
No, you ordered an empty glass, bro.
Maybe that's what I drink, Mark.
I'm on a diet.
Dude, there's no calories, I checked.
Exactly.
Vodka soda in case no one got my bad joke.
And Rachel, you good with your...
I'll have a vodka lemonade.
Cereal and water.
There's a sadness in this whole situation.
You know, I do this in my house.
I yell out what I want.
Do you think they have vodka lemonade here?
Was that a serious order?
If you don't, I'll have it with orange juice.
It is, it's a serious order.
If you don't have vodka lemonade,
yeah, let's go with a screwdriver.
It's solid, it's my grandma's favorite drink.
Does vodka lemonade
have a name?
I forget. I wasn't sure, so I didn't want to say
the wrong one.
Summer Hummer?
Somebody just yelled that like a carnival barker.
Summer Hummer!
Come on now!
We got them right here, guys.
If you win two small prizes,
you get a medium size.
A medium and a small
will get you a large size.
Summer's almost over.
Get in those Hummers.
He did yell that.
Literally, the grandson
of Bartles and James yelled out.
She's been waiting
for that moment for 30 years.
And I'm going to say something.
So, Mark, is that the drink
your grandmother would often order?
I'll just have a summer hummer, I guess.
Screwdriver.
Godless whore your grandma was, huh?
Grandma's juice.
Bit of a screwdriver.
First drink I ever had.
With heart.
That was four and a half.
Alright, we're doing pretty good
on time here.
Let's start off with a little round of how much did this shit make,
in which we all guess how much money a movie made at the domestic box office
during its entire run, according to boxofficemojo.com,
in millions, without going over.
We'll start with, I wrote it down over we'll start with i wrote it down we'll start with you mark you got it how much how much arguably the third best
vacation movie vegas vacation oh my god do we talk in domestic or just what it made it's not
as bad as european vacation i will give it that for sure.
Anything that's in Vegas, I'm entertained by.
Wait, so you're saying Christmas and the first one aren't one, two for you?
They are.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
Yeah, this is arguably the third worst.
Got you.
Okay, we go on full gross?
Yes.
Domestic or international?
Huh? Yep. It's domestic.
You ask me that every time.
Here we go. Dude, we haven't
played this game for an hour. Alright, here we go.
I said in the introduction of it,
I think.
How much?
37 million.
Okay, interesting bid
by an interesting bidder.
Rory, what do you think?
I have...
Are you wearing the sign now?
Yeah!
It's like a sandwich board.
You look like Bruce Willis in Die Hard 3.
I have nothing to add to that.
It means gorgeous.
That was a sweet reference.
I'm going to go $45 million.
Okay.
What do you think, Rachel?
We're going half gross, bro.
Are we doing half gross?
Half gross.
What happened?
Huh?
Yeah, what were you doing?
You just started another activity.
No, I'm writing down what people are saying.
Oh, okay, sorry.
All right.
But I do like having a lot of activities while I'm posting.
I would love if you were doing a Sudoku while we were working.
I thought he was doing like a crossword puzzle or something.
I would love if you knew how to say it.
Yeah, there's no S, right?
Yes.
It's a oil bowl.
23 million.
Okay, 23 million. Okay.
23 million says Rachel.
Okay. This is very exciting to me.
I love this theater.
These results are very exciting.
For the listener, this theater has the chandeliers from
the Pollyanna set.
Oh yeah.
Mark's guess of 37 million Is a losing guess
Because the film made
36.4 million
Wow
And so without going over
Rachel said 23
So she's the winner
But everybody knows How close winner. But everybody knows
I was closest.
But everybody knows Mark was closest.
So thank you for that. Rachel gets to go
first in a round of Last Man
Stanton. Yes. Yes.
Last Man Stanton.
That's where we pick an actor or a director
or an actress, even though
actor and actress should just
be actor covers both.
That's how you feel about it, right?
Yeah, for sure.
Wait, I pick an actor, director, or an actress?
No, you don't have to pick it. I'm sorry.
We're going to have somebody else pick it.
The game is that we take turns. I'll play along.
We take turns naming
movies that that person made. If you can't think of one,
you're out.
We'll find out who in a second here.
You'll go first and then we'll go to
Rory and then to me and then to Mark.
My brain always freezes.
What's that? Okay, go ahead.
Is there any part of it you didn't understand?
I understand all of it. If I can't think of something
if my brain freezes, I'll just try to do the best I can.
Okay?
If your brain freezes
and you can't think of anything, you're out.
I didn't mean to say that out loud. That was actually something I was saying to myself
in my own head.
Someone's winning sympathy points.
Not for me.
It always happens.
No, it'll be alright. That's part of the fun of this
game. It is hard to think of them.
I'll just think of a movie that ends in
summer, because a lot of stuff ends in summer.
Is there anybody sitting up close
that has one that you think would be good for this game?
Listen to the show. Don't yell them out.
People just start yelling them out.
That is a good one, though.
This gentleman was polite and raised his hand.
Kyle Cunningham.
Sam Jackson, I think we've done before.
Can somebody confirm that?
That is not confirming or denying
the Sam Jackson allegations, man.
No, in my house...
Poor sir. In my house, that's what we
say instead of yes. Are you hungry? William H. Macy.
William H.
Macy!
Why are you so fired up about
William H. Macy, if I may ask?
Because he's fucking awesome!
Okay, that's a good reason.
But we're going to go with this other gentleman's suggestion.
Macy has done a lot of movies,
but I think a lot of the ones he's been in
we've forgotten because he's such a good character actor.
Yeah, you lose him.
You lose him.
What?
You lose him.
He gets lost in it.
Jesus, Doug, do William H. Macy.
She's fucking flipping out over here.
I'm closest to her.
Can we just do Bill Macy?
No.
You guys are talking about different things.
He was talking about how great Bill Macy is.
Yeah, Bill Macy.
I love how you're wearing that like a blanket.
It's so cute.
You're just all tucked into your little poster.
When I was a boy,
my parents would tuck me in with movie posters.
Cheery movies like that one.
Have a good sleep.
Would you like a glass of Malecki before you go to bed?
Do you mind if we give you the old in-out before you...
Oh, wait a second.
It's rhetorical. It's rhetorical.
It's rhetorical.
Let's go with Adam Sandler,
which was shouted out from somebody in the audience
and I think is an excellent candidate for this game.
So Rachel, name any movie that Adam Sandler's in.
Okay, this is what happens, you guys,
and my brain just shuts down.
Punch Drunk Love.
Yeah, see? It's easy.
Happy Gilmore. Yeah, I was It's easy. Happy Gilmore.
Yeah, I was just watching that on cable the other day.
Very enjoyable.
Good story for the moth.
I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with The Waterboy.
Nice.
I'm gonna go with his best fucking movie he ever did.
Oh, well, there's no reason to qualify it
But go ahead
Click
Because you've never worked with him right
No we have
We have what I like to call an arrangement
Okay
Wait why
Because I just refuse to work with him
He's too funny he outshines me
Oh okay
Rachel do you got another one Oh, doesn't seem right. He's too funny. He outshines me. Oh, okay.
Rachel, do you got another one?
Wait, now my brain shut down.
You go and then I'll go.
Doesn't work that way.
I like it, though.
Happy Gilmore? As a tactic.
I believe we said that one movie ago.
No, two movies ago.
We said that one movie ago.
Two movies ago.
What's the one where all the guys are together?
No one help her.
No one help her.
The bachelorette.
The thing is, I think of 20 as soon as it's the next person.
This is what happens.
Fuck.
Wait, you thought of 20 when it moved on during the first round now it's back to you and you forgot i thought it was done after that i thought you
were finished uh just come up with one more just adam sandler in um hold on sorry guys
um i know it's ridiculous but i i know them It's just that my brain shuts down. No, it happens to people in this situation.
And the listeners to the podcast are familiar with this.
Okay, I'm just going to come up with a movie that ends in summer.
Because that's what I do when I can't think of something.
So just like, abortion summer.
I'm going to say abortion summer.
If he's not in the movie called that, there should be one in development.
Okay.
Abortion, Summer!
It's more of a description of the movies of late, I guess.
That's right, I'm taking it to Sandler.
Roy?
Billy Madison!
Yes.
Yes.
I will go with shakes the clown
yeah he was in that
possibly his first
first film performance
oh I thought of another one
okay perfect
the wedding singer
no I meant perfect
like as in
because it's too late
got it sorry As in, because it's too late.
Got it.
Sorry.
You'll be back in the next game, though.
AIDS summer.
That's all I can think of.
So we can't say that one now, right? Did you ever have a decent summer?
They've all been riddled with AIDS.
Oh my god.
We can't say that one then, right?
Which one?
Yeah you can say it
Wedding singer
The wedding singer
Blended
Oh you're going fast now
That's my boy
50 first dates
Let's slow it down You can do it
No I can
Yeah you can
I've got four
Yeah I know you do
You run the show
Five
Five
I've got six of them
I thought of seven
Eight Sandler movies
I just thought of a movie
That Sandler did
That has the word eight in it
Big Daddy
Yes, that's the one
I'm going to go with Eight Crazy Nights
Then I'm going to go with Airheads
Oh, nice one
We're back to you again, Rory
Yeah, no, that's great
One second later, back to me
You're seeing how this is gonna go now.
Oh,
this is great.
Nothing?
To the guy just you love, fuck.
Fuck! Come on, bro!
Sandler!
Come on, dude. Come on, you fuck.
You can do it.
No, uh... You're out. Come on, dude. Come on, you fuck. You can do it. No.
You're out.
The Firm.
Okay, you're out.
Great movie.
Funny people.
Yep.
Go, Mark.
Grownups.
Spanglish.
Grownups 2.
Fuck you Rain Over Me
Fuck that was my next one
Little Nicky
All day motherfuckers
All day
I think we'll run out at some point.
Holy fuck.
Are you looking?
I'm looking at the ones that we've said so far.
Just joshing you.
But now I got
this is getting fucking tough.
Oh, fucking fuck.
Mixed Nuts.
Wait, is that real?
Yeah, Mixed Nuts is real.
Steve Martin movies are real, aren't they?
They're dreams.
Oh, vodka soda for me too, please.
Jack and Coke for Mark.
But without a cup.
He likes to pour it into his hands.
Or just right into my mouth.
It was certainly easier to get to the floor
from that chair that you're in.
Yeah, you're right. That would have been dangerous if you'd done it from the chair that you're in. Yeah, you're right.
That would have been dangerous if you'd done it from the side.
That's right.
Oh, shit, Dad.
I'm so excited.
Have I ever beat you in this game, Mark?
Yeah, I think you beat me last time we did it.
Oh, okay.
Motherfucker.
That counts as a guess.
Adam Sando.
If it helps, I just thought of three that I can't tell you.
You did?
Yeah.
Son of a bitch.
Send him over with your brainwaves to Mark while he struggles.
It's fucking tough, man.
Oh, fuck.
What is the name of that fucking horrible movie?
Well, that's just, that's not nice.
That's not nice or right.
I don't think I...
Oh, fuck, Dirty Work.
Huh?
He's got a cameo in that or something?
The gentleman over here?
I believe this guy.
The guy who said...
Thank you, Kyle Kinane's brother.
I can't help but trust him.
Thank you, Kyle Kinane's brother.
What is he playing at? He's the devil in a hallucination. What does he play in it?
Oh, he's the devil in a hallucination.
He does that a lot.
Now I am doubting it.
What movie where he had a cameo
was like a Rastafarian drummer guy?
Which one was that?
No, come on.
Are you serious, bro?
The Hot Chick.
That's too late for that, then.
I feel like this guy... I was just asking. I wasn't going to cheat
and then say, The Hot Chick! I win!
I would have honored that, because that would have been awesome.
Do you have another one?
I do, but I can't think of the name, so technically, no, I do not.
Okay. I can't think of another one, but I'm sure
everybody in the audience has one.
Can I ask what the title of it is
for people to tell us before they yell out 90
at the same time? Ask them what? Oh, what the title is of yours? people to tell us before they yell out 90 at the same time?
Ask him what? Oh, what the title is
of yours? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's find out. You win.
What's the one where he's fucking his...
Nah, he's not fucking. He is his own sister.
Oh, yeah. Jack... What is it?
Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill, that's right. Jack and Jill.
Somebody's yelling something else over there. I know, I was like,
what is that? Very emphatically.
I think that's the only movie he played his own sister there. I know. I was like, what is that? Very emphatically. I think that's the only movie
he played his own sister in.
Pretty sure.
All right.
Yeah, that's the one I had.
But what did we leave out?
Y'all are the ones we left out.
Mr. Deeds.
Don't mess with the Zohan.
Fucking Zohan.
Classic.
Anger management.
Huge hits.
All of those made like
over $100 million.
Deer Hunter? No.
No, he did die real early in that.
He was an extra in the wedding. What?
Oh, yeah. Now he's Chuck and Larry.
This game is tough.
Longest yard.
Good job, everybody. You all knew one.
They kicked our asses with one title each.
So Mark Wahlberg is our winner of Last Man Standing I told you Brett
Anything I want
Your mind does this fucking thing
Where all you can think about is all the ones you're saying already
And the ones you've already thought about
You just keep churning those around
And then you win
You take it down.
All right, we've got enough time left here
to play a nice round of...
A couple rounds.
We'll see.
First person to two points,
the Leonard Maltin game.
Let's do it.
Leonard himself is going to pop back on the show
sometime soon to promote his book.
It's on its final year, its final publishing
because nobody wants
books anymore.
I love that dude. He's great. He's so great.
Him and I had a conversation about The Perfect Storm
and we're good now.
Oh, why? What happened?
Did you have to set him straight?
Yeah, he called my beard unsettling.
I was like, dude, come on.
I grew it myself.
No, Clooney's had his fucking glued on.
If I look up the review of that movie right now,
it's going to say you have unsettling facial hair.
No, he took it out.
Such a liar.
Look and see.
I guarantee it's not there.
You get to go first in the Leonard Maltin game.
Maltin can be bought out.
You get to go first,
and then we're going to go to Rory
and then to Rachel,
and you get to pick a category, Mark.
Would you like a spoiler?
We all die on Twitter suggested IMDB,
and of course IMDB,
but these are movies that the
title is two words
and the initials of those two words
would be DB. So movies
that start with D and B.
And then Eric R. Stevens suggested
Meals on Wheels. This one's been
floating around for a while. That of course
is movies where there's oral
sex in a car.
And then here's a fun new one.
It's a real brain twister.
Benjamin, I want to say Salas suggested this, S-A-L-L-E-S,
and the category's called Pie.
What do you think that means, Mark?
What do you think a category called Pie would be?
Movies that came out on March 14th?
Yes.
That's not a bad idea.
This is
movies that Leonard gave
three stars
and then he listed 14 names.
Oh, nice. Alright.
So I found a movie in the guide
that he gave three stars to
and listed 14 cast members.
Which one of those categories would you like to play?
And you said the title will only be two words?
Like DB?
Of the DB, yes.
Okay, let's do that.
It's not like search for DB Cooper.
Yeah.
Okay, DB.
Would you like a movie with the initials DB
from 1981,
1997, 1998,
or 2003?
Yeah, right?
It doesn't really matter which one you say.
Come on, Mark. Feel it. Feel it.
Been waiting all day to say that.
Can you come by and do some lines on Tuesday in LA?
What's that?
Can you come by and do some lines?
Yeah, possibly. You want to fucking do some lines?
We'll leave it suspenseful. Tuesday.
No more tonight. Yeah, no, I'm with you.
I'm all lined out, man.
Alright, let's go
2003.
Okay. It's the most recent.
Two stars.
What the fuck?
That's what he said in the fucking reveal?
I don't know
I'm going to need all the names
I got mixed up for a second
I thought we were in pie
And it was supposed to be three stars
And I thought I loaded in the wrong thing
This movie has the initials DB
Two stars from Leonard
He says that the lead performer in this movie,
the top-billed person, gives
a dynamic performance.
And I'll give you another clue. He's not
talking about you, Mark.
He says this movie has
awkward coincidences and a preposterous
finale,
which are just two major flaws
in this narrative.
And he also says it's based on an original story.
Aren't they all?
No, some are based on things that actually happened.
Originally.
All right.
And he lists nine names.
How many names can you get it in?
Let's call all nine.
Let's see where we go on the line.
Bold opener.
Rory says eight names.
So Rachel, you can bid less names
or you can ask Rory to name it.
So she could go seven?
Sure can. She could go six, five, four, three,
two, one, zero. I'll ask Rory to name it. Negative can. She could go six, five, four, three, two, one. Zero.
I'll ask Rory to name it.
Negative one.
There you go.
Thank you, Rachel.
Would you like the clues again, Rory?
No, I would not.
Probably won't help.
It won't.
Your nine names.
Don't yell it out in the audience if you know it.
Are Master P.
Maybe I do know this one.
Corrupt.
Is in this movie.
Dash Minock.
He dated Alanis Morissette for a while.
You don't have to tell me that.
Ving Rhames,
star of the Piranha films.
Lolita Davidovich.
Michael Michelle,
Scott Speedman,
and Brendan Gleeson.
The last name is probably the one
that would help you the most.
I'm guessing. But even that name, I dare say that would help you the most. I'm guessing.
But even that name, I dare say you still wouldn't know it.
So when you give up, I'll give you that top name,
and then you can give up again.
Your support.
Means so much to you.
Is what carries me through these moments.
And then I looked, and there was one set of footprints
because Doug was no longer
at the beach with me.
When did you guys
go to the beach?
Fucking leave me out.
Um, DB.
That's another one of his metaphors.
What? Anything?
Just say two words, DB.
I mean, I was going to guess dodgeball.
The title's
a little longer than that. Yeah, I know.
An underdogs thing.
Plus, none of those people were in dodgeball.
No shit.
I'm going to go with
Day
of the Bread.
What?
You can't even string two words together?
D, B?
Day of the Bread.
That was...
That's D-O-B.
T.
D-O-T-B.
Now, okay, so now that you blew it,
I really still don't have confidence
that you can get it after I tell you
the lead actor in this movie was Kurt Russell.
What the fuck?
I know, it's a tough one.
The little kid from Follow Me Boys?
Uh-huh.
Can you think of any movie
that he might have been in with the initials DB?
Rory?
That to me.
Did you say eventually?
Hey, do you guys remember?
Why is he whispering?
Is he whispering to a guy in the audience?
He's trying to give him signals.
This is unprecedented.
The movie's called Dark Blue.
Dark Blue. Dark Blue.
Timothy
Kinane helped me. I am disappointed in you,
Timothy Kinane.
I'd like to tell you what Timothy I was going to go Canane I thought it was called One Fucked Up Monday
I just kept thinking of bad
That's OFUM
Wait what did you say Mark Wahlberg
Rachel's on the board
With a point everybody
Oh my god you guys
You could win this thing
Sorry Brett Mark gets to pick the next category buddy. Oh my god, you guys. Yeah, you could win this thing.
Sorry, Brett.
Mark gets to pick the next category,
but this time we're coming right to you,
Rachel, so be ready.
Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah.
Mark, would you like Max P. Wilson suggested Superbad,
and that's superhero movies that
Leonard gave two stars or less.
Okay.
Just having some candy for the box?
Nope, just over here telling dad
stories.
Port Blandia, that's movies
we played this category when you were in Portland
I think. Yeah, that's movies
that take place in Portland
that Leonard gave two stars or less.
And then, this is a fun
new category. Tom C. Judd
on Twitter suggested
that's like in the actual
movies when people are slowly opening a candy.
Just tear that thing open.
You're holding it by the mic like you're
a Foley artist.
You're recording a fire
scene.
Foley artist.
You're recording a fire scene.
It's shame, because I'm ashamed that I can't wait
to eat all the candy. It's a little disgusting.
So, thanks a lot.
But you get to keep that whole box. Can she keep the whole box
of cereal? Yeah, there you go.
Clarinet? Oh my god, thanks.
Choc-a-bong-a!
Wait, Clarinet's got a backup box of candy?
Oh my god
It just says Dan on it
It's Twinkies this time
Awesome
Someone told me there's no sugar in Twinkies
Is that true?
Bullshit
That's gotta be a lie
Or your third option
There's so much sugar in that, Rory
Put that down
Yeah, I think that's why they're great.
Can I get the sugar-free Twinkie, please?
What would be your guess about why they took drink orders from us?
Are they teasing us?
Did they hire someone with amnesia to serve in the showroom?
They also took a drink order from me backstage.
That drink never came.
I took it personally and then I came out here
and then it happened again.
I think the people running the showroom
also have to deal craps and blackjack out there.
They just run in here during their breaks.
So Portlandia or?
Or this one, Rush.
What do you think Rush would be for a category name, Rush?
Movies with, where somebody's late for something?
I brought my own category.
These are, oh, I'm not at all interested in it.
Perfect.
This is best picture winners.
Movies that won best picture,
but they're under 100 minutes long.
Wow.
Which rarely happens,
because serious best picture winning movies
are long ass movies usually.
Which one of those would you like to play, Mark?
The superhero one. Okay.
This is a
superhero movie that
Leonard gave one star.
He says the main character in this
movie is a dim bulb.
And then he
says, also about this movie,
that it's nearly incoherent,
and it's an attention deficit mashup.
Yeah, Leonard went after it.
And the year is 2011,
and he lists
ten names. 10 names.
10 names.
How many can you get it in, Mark Wahlberg?
Let's see.
I heard the person who made a guess, first off.
Oh, that's not right.
Don't make guesses, you guys.
Let's see here, kids.
How many names am I getting?
What was that noise?
That sounded like someone was getting hit with arrows.
I don't know.
I've been watching a lot of Police Academy,
so I'm really into mic sound effects.
Oh, shit.
Look who's here.
She's back.
Yay.
Oh, that's why.
You've got you serving a million people.
She's working hard.
She's got a lot of folks to serve.
I'm going to walk over and get mine.
Talk while I'm off mic, Mark.
Let's see.
A superhero movie is dim as a bulb,
so I'm definitely not in it.
My category, by the way, is called Peak Too Soon.
It's the movies from the kids in Stand By Me.
All right.
I don't know how you could discount
Jerry O'Connell's amazing work in Tomcats.
Or that kangaroo movie that could talk.
All right, here we go.
How many names, Mark?
How many do I have?
You get ten.
Did you bid?
I'm going to go seven.
You just heard somebody's guess in the crowd.
He says seven, Rachel.
Wait, what was the question?
See, you eat that fucking sugar,
and you don't know what's happening.
I just thought I was over here snacking.
I thought that you were the one in the hot seat.
I'm trying, Brad.
I was really enjoying myself.
It moves on to you now.
Okay.
He said seven out of ten,
so you can bid six, five, four. You could just ask him to name it. Oh, okay, I now. Okay. He said 7 out of 10, so you can bid 6, 5,
4. You could just ask him to name it. Oh, okay. I'll bid
4. Alright.
That ask people to name it thing was a winning formula,
I thought. But 4
is a strong bid. What do you think, Rory? Rory knows what to do.
I am almost 100%
sure Rachel does not
even know the category.
Yep.
You're right, dude.
So what kind of a player are you?
I'll tell you the exact kind I am.
Name that motherfucking movie!
It's a superhero movie,
Rachel, from 2011
that Leonard Maltin did not
care for. He gave it one star
and the four names at the bottom of the cast list
out of the ten he lists
are Edward Furlong,
Chad Coleman,
Jamie Harris,
and Edward James Olmos.
Let's save some time and trouble here
and say that you have no idea.
And it's not La Familia.
It's not The Postman.
I'm going to say it's not The Postman.
Okay, we're going to narrow it down.
Name every movie it's not.
It's not The Accused.
I'm going to say
no one gets raped in this movie.
Just the ticket buyers.
According to Leonard,
I kind of liked it.
You guys, you don't even know what it is yet
That was weird
They were pre-moaning
I was kidding around about
Just sitting there naming a bunch of movies
Okay, Catwoman?
That's not a terrible guess
This is actually
A motion picture that the person who made it
Came on this podcast
And said that it didn't go too well.
And it's called The Green Hornet.
Oh.
Green Hornet, yeah.
What?
You know, didn't you?
You know.
What?
All right, so that means that Rory's got a point now.
Rory's got a point.
Josh, where you at, Josh?
Josh, go deep, bro.
Go deep.
That means we start with Mark again. This time we go to
Rory. So you do have a little time this time, Rachel,
but you do also need to pay attention to
what's happening.
Does she?
It's Rory's fault. Rory was giving me snacks.
And here I am with a point.
Your plan is working.
They're always glad you came, Rory.
That's movies with actors from Cheers.
People have been writing to me saying
it should be actors from Cheers who have had sex,
but just actors from Cheers.
Batman vs.
Bateman, that's the films
that feature both Jason
Bateman and Ben Affleck.
And the El
Duderino category, and that's
movies where the title
is seven words or more
if you're not into the whole
brevity thing. Do I get to pick it?
You get to pick it, yeah. Didn't I say that?
I don't remember. I think I did.
Okay, sorry. Wait, do I pick it?
I'm not picking it, you're picking it?
Mark is picking it and then it's going to Rory
and then Rachel should be paying attention.
I think I said all of that
about 45 seconds ago. Oh, okay. then it's going to Rory, and then Rachel should be paying attention. I think I said all of that.
Yeah, you said Rachel had to pay attention.
Oh, okay. Rory and Rachel
and Mark need to pay attention.
I almost forgot who
was up here. Jason Bateman and
Ben Affleck are in it together?
I'd have to say
that's pretty much what the category is.
I think it narrows it down
to two films.
Maybe three. that's pretty much what the category is. Okay. I think it narrows it down to two films. You're right.
Maybe three.
You take longer than anyone to pick a category,
Mike Wahlberg.
Sorry, it's the Deuterino, Seven Names,
and then it's the Bateman People.
Yeah.
It's three movies that you have absolutely no idea
what they are.
Okay, fair enough.
The answers.
So just pick any of those categories.
The Cheers ones.
Yeah. All right, let's do Cheers. So just pick any of those categories. The cheers ones. Yeah.
Fun.
All right, let's do cheers.
Okay.
In honor of Jeffrey Tate.
Did he die?
What?
Two stars from Leonard for this movie from 2006.
Okay.
Yeah, he calls it...
He calls this the weakest in a series of films.
And he also says that they shortchange character development in favor of explosions and special effects.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
And he lists a whopping fucking 19 names. Whoa. Holy shit is right, you guys. 19 names.
Holy shit is right, you guys.
19 names.
There's more murmuring in the crowd here than most shows. It's interesting.
Everyone's just kind of like...
That's Vegas.
They're all talking
strategy.
What do you think, Mark?
Like today.
Okay.
This program has three minutes left to go.
You're right.
We might have to play two or three more rounds of this.
Okay, I can do it in half the names.
So that would be...
No, I'm holding you to that bid.
Your bid.
I was going to say no names
A what?
I was going to say your bid is 8.5 names
Which means I will only give you one of the
No names?
Yeah, fuck it
The first bid was a joke
Which I appreciate Mark Wahlberg
Even attempting to make jokes
It's a beautiful thing when he does it
Go watch the other guys.
I fucking kill it.
Or Ted.
So he says
zero names, Rory.
You can do it in zero names.
You piece of shit.
Go negative one, bro.
I don't think he knows it, my opinion.
Oh, is that coming off pretty strong?
I know it.
I fucking know it.
I want you to ask him to name it, Rory,
because I think that'll end this game.
All right, name it.
What is it, Mark?
No, just kidding.
See, I told you.
No Country for Old Men?
No.
Wait, what?
Woody Harrelson's in that.
Woody Harrelson's in it.
Wait a second, was this was a series
of films the no country for old man series books you know how many fucking books there are but but
this we're talking about film series i can't believe you went zero names that was that was
pretty intense i know it's almost yeah but it also got us so you brought us in right on time
i appreciate that because rory's our winner. Damn it. And the movie's called
X-Men The Last Stand,
featuring Kelsey Grammer
as the Beast.
Oh, fair enough.
Star of cheers, yes.
Fair enough indeed.
Now Rory's throwing out
the remaining candies
in sort of a victory celebration.
It's kind of,
but it's not a very energetic.
But there's a sadness
to it too.
There's no energy to it.
He only throws overhand.
He seems like he's fallen
into a low-grade depression.
He already knows
that it's...
Now he's weeping.
Now he's weeping.
He knows that it's not
going to get any better
than winning right here
at the Plaza Hotel
in downtown Vegas.
I've won two in a row now.
I'd just like to point that out that I've won two in a row now. I'd just like to point that out
that I've won two in a row
and I don't even know
how any of the games even work.
Congratulations.
I'll throw treats too.
No matter what,
a lot of people
throw treats on me.
Rory, what do you got to plug, buddy?
I'll tell you what I got to plug.
You got your show
Lower Level coming back?
Lower Level is back.
Ground Floor premieres December 9th on TBS.
If you do not like the show,
turn your TV on and leave the room for half an hour.
It's not even that hard to do, is it?
Just do that for someone.
I need a house.
I need a five-bedroom house.
They're great dude.
It's my understanding Rory that they can
just watch two or three minutes of it and you're good.
Like a trailer?
That makes it even easier. Yeah.
That's what I'm saying. Just watch it, turn it on,
go take a shit, come back, change the channel.
But seriously
watch the program. It's got the guy from
Scrubs on it. Not that one everybody hates
I don't know, people seem to not like
Zach Graff, I like him
Oh, I thought you meant Donald Faison
He's so funny and
Pitch perfect
Alright, so
Anything else? You got any live dates, Rory?
Go to my website, RoryScoville.com
For all information About anything that's ever happened to my website, roryscoville.com, for all information about anything
that's ever happened to me, past, present, or future.
Seems like a lot of work.
Rachel, what do you got coming up
besides you're here at Hera's Improv
all weekend long in Vegas?
Yes, I'm here.
I'll be at the Comedy Club in Rochester.
Could you be more specific, please?
That's what it's called.
The Comedy Club.
It's literally called The Comedy Club.
That's what they should all be called.
That's a better name than most.
It really is, but you never hear that,
so that's why I made that joke.
I know, it's a foolish name.
That's what my mom thinks it's called,
and it actually is this time.
I have a half hour special on Comedy Central now.
You can download it.
You can find it on demand, Rachel Feinstein.
Or go to my website, rachel-feinstein.com.
Super easy to spell.
That could happen.
And Mark Wahlberg?
Check in. We're prepping
the next fucking Transformers that everybody's
going to love. And other than that,
just because I promised them I would do it, follow Donnie on Twitter
at Mark's brother.
If you're going to be in the Austin area
during Fantastic Fest,
or you're going to Fantastic Fest,
be sure to come by and say hi.
I'm going to do a Doug Loves Movies from there
and a movie interruption
and who knows what other good stuff.
Yeah, I've got a couple of fun things
coming up in Austin.
But anyway, enough of that for now.
Thank you, Las Vegas, for coming out.
Mostly locals, I assume.
Appreciate that you guys support the show
every time we come to town.
Rachel, can you pass me the box of cereal?
Does it have a shithead on the back?
Yes.
Okay, good.
Here we go.
But I'll give it back to you
because you deserve to have that.
That was really sad. I just threw some pop rocks
and they landed on the stage. Guys, if you're going to eat
this shit that Rory's thrown out there, do it
on the elliptical.
And it's bad for you.
Alright, well,
thanks again to everyone. Thank you.
Let's have a big round of applause for Rory Scovel,
Rachel Feinstein, and
Mark Wahlberg.
And Let's have a big round of applause for Rory Scovel, Rachel Feinstein, and Mark Wahlberg. And as always, bringing babies to a Douglas Movies taping is a shithead.
Here's your cereal back, Rachel.
Thank you.
And hey, Rory, can you pick up your microphone real quick and come over here?
Just want you to read this last shithead
it's kind of a fun honor for you to say this
say it
I shouldn't say this
no say it please say it
is a shithead
wait why did I have to say it
now it's time for Doug to watch another
talkie
eyes of both his viewing prowess
makes him cocky there's no room in his heart for you It's time for Doug to watch another talkie Heisenbold is feeling proud With pigs in cockies
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies