Doug Loves Movies - Rosa Salazar, Dan Van Kirk, Amy Miller and Matt Fernandez guest
Episode Date: October 2, 2019Back at the UCB Franklin in LA, Doug welcomes Rosa Salazar, Dan Van Kirk, Amy Miller and Matt Fernandez to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. F...or a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, greenie babies, sticky seeds
With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey.
This mic's not hot enough.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is The Waltz Movies.
Coming to you once again from the UCB Theater on Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles, California!
That much I could do without looking at the script.
It's October!
The first to be specific.
the first to be specific and I am very excited
to be doing three editions of
Doug Love's Scary Movies
this year on
October 26th at 420
at Comedy Works in Denver
October 31st
aka Halloween
at the Punchline in Sacramento
and November 1st
because you know Halloween weekends
is going to rage on,
at 420 at Cobb's in San Francisco,
wear a movie-themed costume,
and we'll be selling I Love Scary Movie posters
made by the awesome Box Brown after the shows.
You know what else I'm excited about?
Seeing some name tags.
I see a can of Coke.
That doesn't really read as a name tag.
Hereditoni?
You win.
Not only does it say Hereditoni
and has me smoking a scary giant rolled-up pre-roll.
Also, some Sour Patch kids are hanging at the bottom,
their lives in the balance.
So great job, dude.
And I see that there's more than, yeah,
there's five, six, maybe eight name tags.
So we are good to go for
later in the show.
Let's bring the house lights back down, because I
don't want
to look people in the eyes.
Doug Plugs,
Doug Loves Movies is back.
Right here, it used to be Franklin in LA
next Tuesday, October 8th.
And this weekend, I'm
doing stand-up at the Santa Ana Star Casino,
Albuquerque adjacent.
So excited to be in Breaking Bad lands,
especially with the Breaking Bad movie,
El Camino, coming out.
That's this Saturday at 4.20.
If you live anywhere near there,
you've seen the billboard.
There's a huge billboard of me.
It says
Saturday at 420 and I'm wearing a shirt
that says, this is my stony
Sunday shirt
on the billboard.
So there's going to be confusion.
For more specific deets and tickets
and info,
go to DougLovesMovies.com.
That's DougLovesMovies.com!
Yeah!
Cool!
We'll call it!
Shh!
That dancing part's not really catching on.
Doug out. I'd like to do a dugout To Larry Hankin
Who played Mr. Heckles on Friends
He was going to be a guest on the show tonight
But he cancelled
It was, thank you
I'm allergic to
When people cancel on me
Good luck with Whatever it was you were going to promote, Larry.
I guess I'd give him a second chance.
I'd like to meet Mr. Heckles.
Let's look at the prize bag.
We've got some good stuff.
We've got Hot Off the Presses, a white, I've never seen a white one before,
but a white Doug Loves seen a white one before but a white doug loves movies t-shirt
you can get those at dougloveshirts.com uh i just got back from i was in charlotte north carolina
so i brought a copy of charlotte magazine the winner can learn all about charlotte what's going
on there on the plane they gave me uh sir kens condiments and I'm anti condiments I'm gonna pass pass those along to someone
else I got a few copies of this a card game called unruly bastards season one
so I'm giving those away to give them a plug and oh also also got a uh you know a doug benson pin from rockinpins.com and some
rolling papers from uh oregon's finest and this thing purple rose supply uh hooked us up with basically it's like make your own blunt
box.
Box of
blunts you can make.
And it's all
in a beautiful Ralph's
grocery store
bag that I paid 10
extra cents for.
And happily because
I'm messing up the
environment so I might as well also pay for it.
Four guest chairs as you can
see. So let's give it up
you guys. For Rosa Salazar,
Matt Fernandez, Amy
Miller and Dan Van Kirk.
Here they come Keep it going
So exciting
What a night
This is like the Olympics or something
Something big's going on here tonight.
I don't know.
Hello.
Hi.
Oh, who are you talking to?
Them or me?
Everyone.
Hello.
Hi.
Let's meet our guests individually,
starting with this forward young lady.
It's Rosa Salazar, everybody.
Hello.
I'm Rosa Salazar.
It's me.
Back for the third time on the show.
Are you ready to battle, Angel,
against these...
You haven't been on since you did that movie.
That's right.
Yeah, and congratulations on that.
Thank you. And what's going on now. And congratulations on that. Thank you.
And what's going on now?
What's your latest?
I quit.
You quit the biz?
I'm moving.
You're getting out of the game?
I'm getting out.
Oh, everybody misses you already.
I did a show on Amazon Prime called Undone.
Yes, I saw that.
Where I'm animated again.
And Bob Odenkirk's involved as well.
He's my dad.
Yeah, oh, okay.
And when does it start?
When can people start seeing it?
You can watch it right now.
As we speak.
You can pull out your phone
and go to your Amazon Prime app
and you can order stuff.
Yeah, everybody watch Undone
instead of this.
Thank you for being here.
Also joining us.
You're welcome.
Back for her 73rd appearance
is Amy Miller!
Oh my God,
I didn't know you were counting.
I'm so flattered what if you really were
wait I have one
how long have we been together
wait I have one more question
for Rosa
yes
and I bet you have
the same question
you were in Bird Box
oh yeah
yeah
I also have that question
I haven't watched
I haven't watched
Bird Box
because I looked at it
and went what
but
oh it's really fun
you should watch it
you liked it
yeah I liked it
see that's why
that's reminding me
to bring it up
because Amy
watches all this stuff
and
what did you think Amy
I watch a lot of female leads
you enjoyed Rosa
in this movie
well I don't remember
where we were
people don't remember.
People don't know me unless
I'm animated I
think at this
point.
I have to be in
some kind of
animated form.
What was your
role?
I was banging
Machine Gun Kelly
in the laundry
room.
Oh hell yeah.
This girl goes
oh.
Oh that's
awesome.
Now I remember.
I didn't see it.
Well now don't
you want to see it?
I do.
But so do you have to wear a blindfold to not see the birds in the boxes?
Gotta watch it.
Find out.
Okay.
All right.
That's good tease.
I like it.
Sorry I took all your time Amy talking to Rosa About Bird Box
Thanks for having me
I'm so sorry
For Bird Box and that
I don't care
Also here joining us from
He's visiting from Florida
I'm going to ask what brought you here
But he's going to say a plane
Because that's what brought him here
It's Matt Fernandez everybody one lonely cheer for florida thank you well you know the florida crowds they
love you because every time i do a douglas movies or stand-up show pretty much anywhere in florida i
recruit you to participate and i appreciate it and we always have a good time but what's uh what's going on out here
in la what are you visiting for today we got real high yeah we did getting done with like i have
getting done with high today high i hope you didn't come out here just for my two of my podcasts
on the drive back today i forgot i had gum and then i found it in my pocket and let out a whimper
and the uber driver was like are you okay and And I was like, no, I'm not okay.
I'm gum happy. Just fucking drive,
you son of a gun.
Do you still feel high right now?
No, I took a nap. I'm feeling okay now.
That's all you have to do?
I needed a nap because we did a lot of dabs
today. We did a supersized episode
90 minutes long with Todd Glass.
Yeah, it's exhausting.
Todd, the Todd part?
Yeah.
And yeah, it's...
So many words come out of him.
I think everyone involved had a nap today.
I definitely had a nap to get...
Do a lot of words come out of me?
What if this is the bit?
What if this is the whole thing?
You're going to say that it isn't a bit, but I'm going to tell you how it is.
And you're going to tell me that I'm wrong,
but I'm not.
And here's why.
Here's why.
And I know what you're going to say.
Todd, stop.
Todd, don't say that.
But I have to say it.
Because if I don't say it, who's going to?
And if nobody else says it at all,
then I'm one person speaking in an echo chamber.
And I don't want to stop saying that
because if I do say that thing,
and you're already saying,
oh, you've gone on too long about this,
and I understand that's a problem.
But it's only a problem for the people
who aren't listening.
Am I listening?
I feel like I'm the only one
listening to me sometimes.
Yay.
Do I have to do that too?
I don't think I can do that.
That was perfect.
Now I'd like Dan to do the high version
of time.
I don't know it.
That's Dan Van Kirk, everybody!
Hey, buddy. So glad to have you back on the show. When I saw you were getting Doug, Hey buddy
So glad to have you back on the show
When I saw you were getting dug
I was hoping you were going to do a live remote
From the brand new Cannabis Cafe here in town
Yeah they have one now
There's already a super long line
To get in
I feel like you would get priority treatment
I don't know
I don't know if I could jump the line
Come on Lowell Farms You would get priority treatment. I don't know. I don't know if I could jump the line at the Caritas Cafe.
Come on.
They used to, you know, Lowell Farms, which opened it,
they've advertised on my shows.
Dude, you have to do a dining with Doug and Karen there.
Well, that would be neat.
You know that there's no weed in the food, right?
I thought there was weed in the food.
No, it's regular food.
You could just smoke while you're eating it on the patio.
Well, Karen's going to be relieved.
But yeah, it's just the whole idea is that you can smoke while you're there,
like a cafe in Amsterdam.
So I assume that means they also don't have alcohol.
So count me out.
So many needs.
You're both baby
that's what I'm looking for
it's a place that
sells alcohol
but you could
you know
step outside
and smoke weed
but
that's called
my life
my life
my life
most bars
or the patio
yeah
but let's meet
you guys
individually
starting with
no let's
find out what you brought for the prize bag
starting with Amy.
You always bring some wonderful stuff.
Oh.
Chelsea's excited.
She hasn't even seen anything you've brought yet.
Well, it's not my best work,
but I brought a Britney Spears.
Whoa, hold on, hold on.
It's the one with the snake She's wearing a snake
I didn't know that she was one
Oh I want this
She's a fucko pop with a snake
I mean you can have it
What I was gonna say is
I brought this for Dan
And in the prize bag
We have some other items
I love this In a sparkly prize bag we have some other items. I love this.
In a sparkly prize bag.
You should hang on to it, Dan.
I'm gonna. Okay. I brought a
vinyl copy of my album.
Oh, I love it! Can I have it?
I brought
like six Rice Krispie Treats.
Oh, I do want one of those.
That's gonna hit the spot.
I had a friend stay at my house and he
just accidentally left behind like 200
rice crispy treats. How many?
200? A lot. And I don't want to
eat them anymore and I'm concerned he's on
heroin, but it's fine.
And it's the ones where you...
Well, who travels with a whole
bag of rice crispy treats?
But it's the ones where you're supposed to write a message on the front.
Oh, I should have done that.
And you can write something like, I love you so much, I hope you get diabetes.
I hope you kick the junk.
Love, Amy.
And then I brought this t-shirt that says, scenes from a movie.
It's my boyfriend's band.
Nice.
That's it.
My boyfriend's band and there's gonna be trouble.
Music.
But it's also in a beautiful
sparkly bag. Oh yeah, I got that at Bumbershoot.
Yeah, you really, yeah, it's really
nice. I wore it when I was
on drugs and now I don't want to wear it so
much.
It's one of those bags where you go like this.
Ooh.
Neat.
Rosa Salazar, what did you bring?
I brought...
This is Rosa Salazar.
Eyewitness News.
I brought a fire TV stick made by Amazon.
What the hell?
On which to watch Undone.
Are you sure you don't want to keep that?
Oh, okay.
I like it.
There you go.
Nobody wants the fire stick?
They should.
No, they love it.
Let me tell you about fire stick.
Yeah.
I enjoy it.
Give me that fire stick.
More than Apple TV.
I want all of that fire stick.
Because I travel with it.
Me too.
Stick it in my hotel TV.
Hotel TV.
Yeah, baby!
You're welcome. So much excitement
about the Fire Stick.
Well, it's true. Dan, what did you bring?
A Britney Spears Funko Pop
figure?
I had two, so I brought
one because I really enjoy it and I want to spread it.
It is a copy of the book Sick in the Head
by Judd Apatow.
Conversations about life and comedy.
And whoever wins the prize bag today will get, this isn't even announced yet,
give me your name and you will get a free ticket to the live Dumb People Town
December 2nd at Largo here in Los Angeles.
Okay.
Yeah.
So you'll get this and a ticket to the show.
Is Judd a guest
on that episode?
Honest to God,
that is a distinct possibility,
but we'll find out.
Okay.
I like it.
I like distinct possibilities.
Thank you.
What's your favorite?
Yeah.
Because it makes it sound
like it could happen,
but it's still totally a lie.
I'm going to read you
the passage in this book
where Judd mentions me.
Do it. You know what page it's on?
No, I don't.
I remember it's in there. It's going to take me a second
to find it. Read it.
Let's do like a constant thing. It's really beautiful.
I just saw Rosie O'Donnell. Is that you?
No.
I mean, sometimes we read what he means.
My time with Doug.
Oh, wow.
This is weird.
You should sign it next to your name.
It's really good.
If you can find it.
Yeah, Doug, you should sign the page that your name is on.
Oh, okay.
I'll find it eventually.
Okay.
You want me to keep looking while you do the show?
No, let's talk to Matt about what he brought for the prize bag.
I just came from Austin and did the altercation fest.
And they gave me this bag of free stuff that I don't really want.
So there's like sunglasses and a deep Eddie koozie and a shot glass that looks like a skull and a key chain.
It's all kind of stuff in here.
Yeah. when I moved to Los Angeles in 1985 to study screenwriting at the University of Southern
California a whole new world opened up to me the comedy scene was booming back then
suddenly I was able to go to clubs and make friends with the fellow with fellow aspiring
comedians many of those people like Adam Sandler, Wayne Fetterman, Andy Kindler,
David Spade, Jim Carrey,
Doug Benson, and Todd Glass.
You guys stepped on Todd Glass.
He'd be so upset.
Did they step on me, though?
Don't step on the glass.
Did they step on me, or did they start applauding
because they knew my name was coming up?
They knew it was coming, Todd.
I kind of feel like they did.
Todd Glass are still my friends today.
I'm on the still friends list.
So yeah, thank you for bringing all that stuff, you guys.
Someone's going to win all of it,
but first I have to ask all of my guests,
what was the last movie you saw, Amy Miller?
So last night I went
to the Joe Bob Briggs
thing for Beyond Fest. Did anybody
go to that? Wasn't it awesome?
Okay.
Love Joe Bob Briggs.
There was a long chunk about Burr Reynolds,
so when I got home I watched
the last movie star because
i've been wanting to watch it adam rifkin's movie and it is so good i cried within three minutes
i cried again maybe 15 minutes later and at the end ugly cry like weeping have you seen it i have
not oh it's it's also on amazon prime which you can watch with your new Fire Stick. After you finish Undone.
Undone, starring Rosa Salazar and Bob Odenkirk.
Yeah, it's super, super good.
It was really sad.
I can't believe he agreed to do that movie.
It's nuts.
I'm glad he did.
There's no crying in Doug Loves Movies.
To quote Tom Hanks.
Rosa, what was the last movie you saw?
I watched
Trouble Every Day.
A Claire Denis film.
Oh.
You're going to have to get all fancy on this.
Because it's October.
With your French stuff.
Horror time.
Okay.
Wait, Claire Denis does horror? Yeah. Also. And stuff. Horror time. Okay. Wait, Claire Danita's horror?
Yeah. Also.
And other things. Right. Okay.
This one's pretty gory.
And many
people don't talk in the film.
It's a very silent film.
Oh, it's like Bird Box?
You can talk
in that movie. Oh, you can talk in that?
You just can't talk in a quiet place. You can't talk through your eyes. You can't in that movie. Oh, you can talk in that? Yeah. You just can't talk in a quiet place.
You can't talk through your eyes.
You can't look at shit.
You can't look at shit.
You can't smize at people.
Yeah, look away.
That's the tagline.
No smizing.
Bird box, no smizing.
I like it.
Hello, Netflix.
Change the marketing.
That movie was huge, though, right? Yeah. Yeah the marketing. That movie was huge though, right?
Yeah.
I gotta check it out still.
I think it's okay.
You're okay.
You get it.
Dan?
Yes, I walked out of It Chapter 2.
Oh!
You don't have three hours
with nothing better to do?
Literally, that was it.
I was like, this isn't...
I want to watch it.
I love Stephen King, but I was like,
I don't need to do this for my entire Friday night.
And the audience behind me was some of the dumbest people
I've ever been around.
They were like, oh, he's the bigger one of the fat kid.
Like, loud talking to each other.
Yes.
And then the two women in front of me
kept randomly filming the movie with their phones.
But not enough to be pirating it.
Just like they were like,
oh, I like the cinematography in this scene.
Oh, there's that red balloon.
Right, yeah.
I'm going to film it.
My favorite part.
There's a part where a person keeps screaming,
this isn't real. and then is breaking a chair
over the table of things that are filled with things
that they keep saying aren't real
and I'm like I'll get back to this
at some other time
so what did you do with your time on that
Friday when you left
as any good basic bitch does
I went to Cheesecake Factory and had brown bread
oh shit
I swear to god
so I would like to say I went to Cheesecake Factory and had brown bread. Oh, shit. Yeah, I swear to God.
So, I would like to say with that... You're one of those brown basic bitches?
Hell yeah, dude.
I'm a basic bitch, and I'm not ashamed of it.
You're a 4B bitch?
Hell yeah, dude.
He's a BBBW.
Yes.
So, the last full movie I saw,
sorry to give you a long answer,
was Ready or Not.
Here I come.
Yeah.
That's what they should have.
That's how,
when the credits roll,
that's what it should have been.
Here I come.
You can't hide.
There you go.
Better find me.
And take you.
We're getting sued.
We're getting sued, guys.
This is copyright.
Ready or not,
refugees taking over.
Oh, guys. You're not refugees taking over. There's some great low-key energy
on this episode.
For all of us.
Carrie no key.
You guys, we haven't asked Matt yet. carry no key you guys
we haven't asked Matt yet
it was it chapter 2 as well
but I finished it
you went through it all
you went through that shit
I love that one of the key plot points
was that he had to sneak him hallucinogens
it's weird cause they went together
and Dan just left.
I toughed it out.
But I wouldn't do it again.
You made the right call.
I would like,
oh, this would be great
on like a Saturday
around 4 p.m.
and I'll just watch
When you're hungover.
Yes, for sure.
You wouldn't?
I hope so.
I'm going to find out.
A good movie
to take a nap to.
There you go.
I watched it on a plane.
Did you walk out?
That's a great joke.
Circa 1983.
Yeah, I know.
But yeah.
All right, we did it.
We talked about the movies we saw.
Oh, I just came back from a film festival called Fantastic Fest,
which is the best fest.
Highlights.
Top three.
I'm going to give you my top three.
Can I guess one of them?
Okay.
Parasite?
Yeah, it's up there.
Joker?
Stop it.
Can I go three for three?
They didn't play Joker there.
Oh, damn it.
All right.
There was a rumor it was going to be a secret screening,
but then the secret screening was the lighthouse,
which I spend most of my waking hours trying to unsee.
Ooh.
Out of fear or dislike?
Out of just disgust, sadness.
Did you like the witch?
Depression.
No.
What?
You don't like to live deliciously?
It's a deep cut from The Witch.
That's on you for not knowing it.
You know more about The Witch, you stupids.
But yeah, it's...
It's a rough watch?
You know, it's interesting.
I wouldn't completely discount it.
Willem Dafoe and Pattinson,
Robert Pattinson, Robert Pattinson
really commit
to their roles
and,
but it's,
it's unpleasant.
It's like in a small square
in the middle of the screen
that's in black and white
and it's just two guys
in a fucking lighthouse
driving each other mad.
Okay,
that's all I need to know.
I'm in.
I can't wait.
You're excited about it.
I am, I am.
You're excited about
what I don't like at all.
Did you like Midsommar?
I kind of, yeah. Loved it. I am. You're excited about what I don't like at all.
Midsommar.
Loved it.
I've never heard anybody lay into the R like that.
I don't know why you're making it.
I'm just pronouncing it the way it was meant to be. Listen, Rosa.
It's not Midsommar.
Yeah, it is.
Actually, I like that. I think there should be a new version of it. Midsommar. Yeah, it is. Actually, I like that.
I think there should be a new version of it.
Midsommar!
It's Midsommar, everybody!
So wait, top three, Parasite?
No, stop it!
Why do you keep putting Parasite in my mouth?
Because I feel like that's in your top three.
Number one, Jojo Rabbit.
Ooh, nice!
Yeah, number two, Knives Out.
Ooh, that was going to...
Yeah, number three,
often heralded as a masterpiece,
but still not as good as Parasite
or Jojo Rabbit is...
Wait, Parasite.
Yeah, it is.
Not as good.
I like Knives Out a little bit,
but all of them are great.
Oh, hell yeah.
All right, I can't wait to see them.
All of them are totally worth your time and attention
and will probably win some awards.
And I'm trying to get people from those films
to show up here on this show.
So fingers crossed on that.
Turn it off, Bert.
Let the games begin!
We got name tags.
Nine or ten of them.
Go pick the one you like the best.
Bring it back.
And the games will start.
Will you do that?
We'll do this.
We'll be right back.
Today's show is brought to you in part by our pals at comedy central this just in comedy central has
renewed anthony jeselnik's podcast for another season anthony jeselnik is a famous comedian and
tv star greg rosenthal works as an analyst for the nfl network they have been best friends for
20 years and now they have a podcast where the only goal seems to be getting fired each and every week. Listen in as Anthony and Greg make fun of current events, their producer,
and each other. I'll never forget the time Anthony made fun of one of my guests on Doug
Loves Movies, the esteemed critic Leonard Maltin. Of course, you probably remember it as well when he told Leonard Maltin
that he was the lucky
Roger Ebert.
Subscribe to the Jeselnik and Rosenthal
Vanity Project to find out what
happens. That's the Jeselnik and
Rosenthal Vanity Project podcast.
Snoochie
Boochies! The stoner icons
who first hit the screen
25 years ago and clerks
are back. Jay and
his hetero life mate Silent Bob
return to theaters for a special
two-day event with Jay
and Silent Bob Reboot starring
Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.
Presented by Fathom Events
and Saban Films.
When Jay and Silent Bob discover that Hollywood is rebooting an old movie based on them,
the clueless New Jersey duo embark on another cross-country mission to stop it all over again.
Tuesday, October 15th will feature an exclusive pre-recorded video introduction from Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes,
and the first 50 people at each location will receive a limited edition poster
while supplies last.
Then, on Thursday, October 17th,
experience an epic double feature
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Both evenings will also feature
additional exclusive bonus content.
Tickets for Jay and Silent Bob Reboot,
written and directed by Silent Bob himself, Kevin Smith,
can be purchased online at fathomevents.com
or at participating theater box offices.
Back to the show!
All right, we're back!
Who are you playing on behalf of, Amy?
I think Ian.
It says Gremlins 2, the new hash.
Smoke it up, bro.
Man, that gremlin is smoking a big fat joint and Doug's in a desk drawer.
Yeah, I'm peeking out of a drawer.
About to grab that joint, probably. Yeah. I'm peeking out of a drawer.
About to grab that joint, probably.
Yeah.
Sneaky like that.
He's got a really old computer.
Good luck, Ian.
I'm not very good.
Okay, yeah.
Well, you have one before.
Sure.
Yeah.
On a technicality.
Rosa.
Sarastoski. Forgetting Sarastoski. sarastoski oh okay a full name she uh she's a hand-drawn one
it's a hand-drawn with stick figures what drew you to it um just the sheer lack of effort
put in it's a it's folded in four is it on the back of your Airbnb instructions?
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
It says, Santa Monica, Robertson Boulevard.
Looking for a lively, colorful crowd?
Best place to go drinking, dancing.
Be this little corner of the West Hollywood. My good friends, Doug Benson and Todd Glass.
That's weird.
It doesn't say that.
Have fun, Shana.
All right.
Thanks, Shana Stosky.
She was traveling, so she couldn't.
I took pity.
Yeah.
She came from Toronto.
I don't want to forget Sarah Stosky.
So there you go.
Excellent choice.
Dan? Ty loves Lucy. Oh there you go. Excellent choice. Dan?
Ty Loves Lucy.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Yeah.
That's very nice.
It's a little haphazard.
Yeah, if this was Doug Loves TV.
That's a good point.
Yeah, I really went rogue on that TV.
That TV shit, but they still got picked.
So good luck.
Matt?
Hereditone.
That's so good.
That was the standout in my mind.
It looks like you caught Doug jerking off, which I love the most.
That's not a dick. That's a joint.
A joint that you
hold like a dick, though.
That's what I do.
That's what I do. then uh some sour patches are oh
yeah and a joint which i'm definitely keeping yeah okay see now we get to the heart of why
you picked a reddit tony but uh good job dude one of those four people is gonna win all the stuff stuff we brought tonight. Good luck to everybody.
This first game
is a little something that
I call live
die repeat.
I'm going to say
the title of a motion
picture slowly.
First one of you
to repeat it back correctly
in its entirety.
It's so stupid.
It's the dumbest game,
but it's super fun.
First person to repeat it back
correctly wins.
What? Okay.
Right? Yeah.
I'm ready.
Dan, let me see your face. You got it. right yeah I'm ready it sounds crazy
Dan let me see your face
you got it
I'll scoot
there you go
yeah I gotta see
I can't
Dan
quit hiding
come out of the shadows
I was born in the shadows
I grew up in the shadows. I grew up in the shadows.
I went...
Back to one for Bane, guys.
Back to one.
We're going to redo it.
All right, resetting.
First team in.
Last looks.
I was born in the shadows.
I went to the...
I was in the shadows K through nine.
Okay, again, Bane, that is not the line.
Back to one for Bane, guys.
Okay, last looks for Bane.
I was born in the shadows.
And I liked it, so I stayed.
Nope, Bane, again, that is not the line.
The shadows, it turns out, were rent-controlled.
Okay, cut.
So I was able to just continue on in the shadows.
Cut. Okay, re-rack. Back to just continue on in the shadows. Cut.
Okay, re-rack.
Back to one.
First team coming in last looks.
Okay, Bane, you know the line.
Say it right, please, so we can get out of here tonight.
I'd say I'm going to be in my trailer,
but I'd rather be in the shadows.
You know what?
We're just going to have to fix it in post.
I could do that all night.
Oh, here.
So you're going to say it slowly
and then we just all yell at you.
Yeah.
That's what I like.
Yeah, just
guess as often as you like
until somebody
gets it.
City? Of angels. guess as often as you like until somebody gets it. City.
Of angels.
City.
Slickers.
City Slickers.
City Slickers.
The Hunt for Curly's Gold.
City.
Slickers.
City Slickers 2.
The Legend of Curly's Gold.
What'd you say?
City Slickers 2.
The Legend of Curly's Gold. That is the correct? City Slickers 2, The Legend of Curly's Gold.
That is the correct answer.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, he said whoever he hears.
I did.
I did say the whole thing right to you.
I said it all.
I guess we'll never know.
You can only go off the person you heard, right?
Because the game is you, whoever you hear, say it first
in its entirety, and that would be me.
I can't unhear Matt saying it,
and he did. Let's do it again.
Go back to one, guys. We're going to do this round again.
City. City Slickers 2,
The Legend of Curly Gold.
You can't start halfway through.
Crystal.
You guys owe each other
a Coke.
You jinxed each other.
You totally jinxed it.
All right, we're going to call Matt the winner of that
because it's his first time
out in California.
So with the time difference, with the three hour...
Yeah, and also I just won.
So that was it.
Yeah, that was the other thing is he did win.
He did legitimately win.
We'll never know.
It's not recorded, so we'll never know.
It's fake news for sure.
It's definitely hashtag fake news.
This next game, I'm so excited about this game
because today it's going to come
with an extra
audio visual component
that I will share
later.
That's what we call
a tease in the business, guys.
There's not even going to be a commercial break
between now and when it happens
and yet I'm still teasing something
just to get people to continue to listen.
Actually, if you're listening,
you're going to be disappointed
because, like I said, it's video.
That's why we have the screen down, Amy.
Ooh!
Did we get to find five differences?
Yeah, that would have been a great idea.
But now we're going to play How Long Is It?
I'll name something, and the four of you have to guess how long it is.
We just yell at you.
No, this is civilized gamesmanship and gameswomanship.
I'm going to start with Matt, then go to Dan,
then Rosa, then Amy.
How long in time?
How long in whatever
length it is.
Like when I played, the only time
I've gotten this right, and maybe even played,
was the question was, how long was Tom
Hanks on that island?
Yeah, in the movie Forrest Gump.
And the island island yeah yeah in the movie for us go
and the island I'm referring to is Manhattan which he never visits in that film so that's it listen here how long was he your room in Manhattan and
sleepless in Seattle all right are you ready mm-. What is the total, and Matt goes first,
what is the total running time of all the movies Tom Hanks was in
that were directed by Gary Marshall?
If we go over, are we out?
Can I say one minute?
You could. You could play that.
I doubt you'd be over, though.
No.
But it's closest without going over.
Price is Right rules.
I'll say.
Because Price is Right does rule.
Nine hours.
Spay and neuter your cats.
Dogs, I guess. Spay and neuter your cats. Dogs,
I guess.
Spay and neuter all the dogs.
Just cats or dogs? Your pets.
All the pets. Lizards, mice.
Turtles!
Hamsters. Turtles love the fuck.
Hamsters?
Everything.
And your children.
Neuterum.
The kids?
Yes.
That's what Drew Carey says now.
He changed it a little bit.
That's not true.
Do you ever want to go see
Praises Right?
I would love to.
I'll hook all you guys up.
What? Are you also on Drew Carey's
friends list still?
I know a guy, his name is Drew Carey.
And he was like, if you have any friends who want to come to the show,
just let me know.
That's a good Drew Carey talk.
Will you come?
I went
recently and probably got enough of it
but it was super fun. Amy, let's do it.
I'd love to. Let's go. I'm in.
Matt? Totally. Okay. You'll be on
camera with a little
name tag that says your name.
Oh, I've seen it.
But it's funny. You're sitting there going
after a while you're like, I hope they call
me. They're not going to call you
down because you're Drew Carey's guest,
but I still got excited.
Oh, so you can't get called down?
Let's go regular.
I don't want to go.
That's much less exciting.
We can just sign up.
Yeah, game shows, people that know the guy, like, you know.
Alex Trebek is going to be like, hey, you want to come be on Jeopardy?
To his buddies in a bar.
Standards and practices will not let you do it yeah so what'd
you guess Matt nine hours let's go nine hours for the films with Tom Hanks
directed by Gary Marshall what do you think Dan 222 minutes okay there's two
hours 22 222 Rosa, 222 minutes.
What do you think, Rosa?
Well, going with the Price is Right theme,
I'm going to go 223 minutes, Doug.
Okay.
It gets harsh on that show
when people add that extra dollar on a bid
because the other person's fucked
because what are their chances?
Remember when
Aaron Paul got on?
Yeah.
That's one of my faves.
Amy?
One minute, Doug.
Oh.
Well done.
Well done.
And it was great
because it's Tom Hanks.
Does anybody else
feel like the answer is zero?
People are very excited
for you.
No, they did work together.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's why
there's going to be video.
That's why there's
going to be video.
I just pulled my phone out of my
pocket to see what time it is.
There's a big clock right there.
Are we looking now?
No, no. I don't know.
You guys are way too excited about the video.
You keep teasing.
But Amy and Dan are still conferring. What's up?
Oh, I was just trying to think of one movie he directed.
I couldn't think of any.
We were just planning our Price is Right outfits.
That might be my favorite Doug chuckle of all time.
Welcome to Doug Loves Chuckles.
Hashtag Doug Chuckle.
Twitter, you hear this?
Don't forget.
Twitter, can you hear me?
Let's make that musical.
I'm going to write that down for a hashtag for the show.
Don't chuckle.
All right.
The fact of the matter is that he was in one Gary Marshall directed movie
called Nothing in Common that came in at one hour
and 58 minutes. It's easy
to think he might have been in more Gary
Marshalls because The League of Their Own and
Big were directed by Penny Marshall.
Yeah, so it's a
real good trick question.
And that means Amy wins that one.
Nothing in Common.
Nothing in Common, also a great movie.
Jackie Gleason.
Let's go ahead and look at a clip from Nothing in Common
that's
filmed in Chicago.
Well, this scene was filmed in Los Angeles
and behind that blonde lady
right there, that's me
with glasses
and Tom Hanks delivers an
unpleasant message and then you'll get to see my reaction
to it. Here we go.
He's an ad man.
That's really good, because advertising
is the applied distillation of everything
we know. Just ask Mr. Buzzword
here. I love what I do.
I'm not writing the great American novel. I don't
have a manuscript in my desk. I don't want to direct
movies. I don't want to paint. I like
advertising. If you think you like it too, well, give it a shot. Just remember, though, if you I don't have a manuscript in my desk I don't want to direct movies I don't want to paint I like advertising
If you think you like it too
Well give it a shot
Just remember though
If you choke
You could end up like Mr. Buzzword
Isn't that right Ted?
See look at me
I don't like that at all
What the fuck was that?
I'm just sitting here
Trying to learn about advertising
And chop a head off of a little dog
So cute. You can
stop the movie now. I don't know why it's still going.
It's a screening now.
Let's see the rest of it. So good.
It's so good. Jackie Gleason's last
movie and one of my first.
That's awesome. You look like Brandon Wardell.
Oh.
I'll take that as a compliment. He's adorable. Yeah, sure.
Hashtag Doug Clips.
He's not a good kid but he's
cute i mean nightmare to work with but he's funny what's happening i'm just fucking around
he's fine he's fine he's all right no he's good he's been on the show a few times. All right. So let's do a little game to determine our winner today called Last Man Stanton.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've predetermined, preselected people from the audience to suggest a name for this game.
people from the audience to suggest a name
for this game.
It's just sort of a weird
coincidence that the person
who made that terrible name tag
but schlepped it all the way from Toronto
had to get it through
TSA.
Had to get it through International
Customs, that amazing sign.
Or did you make it here?
I mean, I might have made it here. You might have made it here.
It's probably smart to wait
until you get into the country before you make a
sign like that, because you don't
want any red flags when you're going through
security.
So,
and it's Sarah? Yeah.
Sarah Stosky? That's right.
Yeah. She's
the person I picked off of Twitter.
So this seems unfair, but also she doesn't know what movie stars Dan Van Kirk likes or appreciates.
So it's not really that unfair.
Agreed.
So let's go ahead and see what you got.
What do you have for...
What do you do in Canada, by the way?
In Canada or in LA?
Do you live in Canada? I do.
So what do you do there?
What do you mean? You have a job here
as well?
While you're visiting, you have a job?
Delivering papers?
No, I work in events, so I'm doing an event
in LA. What kind of event are you
doing in LA? A super exciting
corporate event. A super exciting corporate
event? Sounds like exciting corporate event?
Sounds like you don't want to say.
No, it's just like a meeting.
It's a little holiday party
in Nagatomi Plaza.
Will you be making all the decorations
for this?
Because I don't know.
They should hire someone else.
We do the art in-house.
These decorations suck, Sarah.
Well, I was busy making something else.
I was busy doing a true masterpiece.
So, yeah, so it's almost kind of like you're moonlighting a little bit.
I mean, just living my best life.
Living your best life.
All right.
So what's your suggestion, Sarah?
Matt Damon.
Matt Damon.
How do you like those apples?
Thug.
What?
Don't do that.
Come on.
All right.
So that's...
Everyone on the panel seems nonplussed.
It's fine.
I'm into it.
You're into it?
Yeah.
You're excited.
Should we get a second name?
Yeah.
Should we do a double?
Matt Damon and another name?
Yeah.
Let's go to someone else in the audience who is very excited about his name that he has for us.
In fact, he says he has a list, but we only need one.
Where's Mighty Boogneesh sitting this evening?
Hey, dude.
Howdy.
There you are.
Jason, right?
Yes.
I've seen you in the post-show sessions.
And what do you think, Jason?
Do you have a name that's better than Matt Damon? Maybe a lady? Oh, I didn't have a lady. what do you think Jason?
Do you have a name that's better than Matt Damon?
Maybe a lady?
Oh, he didn't have a lady.
Typical Jason.
Way to go, man.
You're ready to book a comedy club.
I hope he comes back with Lauren Holly.
Danny DeVito. Danny DeVito.
Danny DeVito.
Oh, my God. We're going to be here all night.
So it's Matt Damon and Danny DeVito.
Films only, so you can't say
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
or Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Are we doing them at the same time?
Yeah, we are.
Oh, from either one.
We'll go in order. time? Yeah, we are. From either one.
We'll go in order.
Okay.
Yeah, but we... Don't listen to him.
Yeah, you can name a film.
When it's your turn, name a film that features Matt Damon or Danny DeVito.
And you've got one lifeline.
You can go to the person whose name tag you chose once.
I would hope, Rosa, that
I would hope that
Sarah would know at least one
Matt Damon movie since it was her
idea. And then
if your lifeline is no help, you
can phone a celebrity, but we all have to agree
it's a celebrity, and then they have to
pick up their phone, which
celebrities don't do.
Unless you got a really good one unless you got a really nice person ready to go who would you call amy uh for a celebrity what level of celebrity do they have to have this audience has to be like, yep, that's a celebrity. Oh, shit.
I don't know.
Who do you got? Maybe one of the Sklars.
Yeah, Sklar brother.
You got people
who are fired up about that.
Or Tom Zagora.
Yeah, that's a really good one.
All right.
So that's the idea.
You'll just have to call somebody.
But your lifeline's
going to help you out.
It'll be fine.
Something will happen.
Something will happen.
Doug loves movies.
Something will happen.
Hashtag Doug chuckle.
All right, I'm going to make something will happen
the other hashtag for this show.
Something will...
I write these down
and I forget about them. Alright.
So we start with
who won that last game?
I did.
I won the first round.
Lived IRP. Liars.
No, but who won the
I really won. Who won how long is it?
Amy did. Yes, Amy. Okay.
So we'll switch the order around. We'll go Amy, then Rosa,
then Dan, and
Matt, and then me
because I like to play along
and I know plenty of Matt Damon
and Danny DeVito movies, so good luck.
Good luck surpassing.
I don't want to say
beating because I don't want to encourage anyone
to beat me.
Am I going?
Yes, please.
Good Will Hunting.
That's smart.
Get that one out of the way.
Thank you.
Good Will Hunting.
My pen's not working,
so I was going to pretend to jot these down.
Rosa.
Talented Mr. Ripley.
Batman. Batman.
Dan.
Batman Returns.
Dan.
Oswald Cobblepot.
Dan.
Batman Returns.
Who's in that?
Matt Damon.
He's a little boy.
Matt. Ocean's Eleven
oh you're gonna do that are you
I can't just let that happen
Ocean's Twelve
okay
uh
The Martian
why is that funny
is there a reason
maybe I didn't know if it had more of a title why is that funny is there no reason 13 maybe
i didn't know if it had more of a title so i shouldn't risk it you should say
matilda
that was my other one coming at everybody hard
oceans 13 dan says it he doesn't care
i'm the doug loves movies bad boy Ocean's 13 Dan says it he doesn't care I don't care
he'll fucking say it
I'm the
Doug Loves Movies
bad boy
Dan Van Kirk
he'll say anything
Matt
The Bourne Identity
oh
oh here we go
yeah
he's a franchise man
he likes to open the sequels
yep
here we go
I'm gonna say it just because it's exciting when any movie Yeah. He's a franchise man. I like to open the sequels. Here we go.
I'm going to say it just because it's exciting when any movie has an exclamation point in it, in the title.
Oh, what's happening?
Got a pen.
Audience pen.
Oh.
It says.
My old pen that doesn't work is now in the prize bag.
Petalaya's Restaurant.
This is a nice one. You can click it.
You're telling me that has a retractable ballpoint? Yeah, you know it's good when you can go like,
not now, pen.
You go ahead and hide right now, pen.
In the shadows.
That's not the line.
Back to one, please.
We're having a day with Bane here.
Having a day with Bane.
Bane is the spokesman for a Penn...
Oh, no, it's a restaurant.
What's the name of the restaurant on here?
Pitt Elias.
She doesn't even know.
Yeah, it's like Pitt Elias. Pitt Elias. What's the name of the restaurant on here? Pitt Elias. She doesn't even know. Yeah, it's like Pitt Elias.
Pitt Elias Restaurant.
Yeah, where is this even?
She doesn't even know.
She'll take a pen from anywhere.
It's on a foreign phone number.
Yeah, this is a trip.
All right.
So that's the end of that bit.
No more pen stuff. I don't even know how to continue end of that bit. No more pen stuff.
I don't even know how to continue
with the pen bit.
Whose turn is it? Me?
It's on me and I gotta do
Oh, I had such a good idea
that I was gonna say.
Then you went on that pen rant.
Oh, exclamation point
in a title when it's not necessary.
The informant!
Nice.
I'm going to say Jay and Silent Bob strike back.
Oh, nice.
Slash Goodwill Hunting 2 hunting season.
Applesauce bitch Jay and Silent Bob
the reboot opens soon
I'm so excited
dug out to them
Rosa
the departed
ah yes
you rat
alright
literal rat at the end of that movie.
Oh, I get it.
It's about rats.
Dan?
The Bourne Ultimatum.
Oh, okay.
You picked up what Matt was throwing down.
Yeah.
I can't remember the names of those movies, you know.
They all sound like a... You're about to hear another movies. They all sound like a...
You're about to hear another one.
That's right.
They all sound like a pasta special I don't want to order.
Go ahead, Matt.
The Bourne Supremacy.
Yeah.
You can get that and all the breadsticks you want at Olive Garden.
Don't say what's in my head
because it might
be my last thing.
I'm not going to say
the one in your head.
Check this out.
You're going to be so happy.
Don't do it.
There's no way
this is in your head.
No way in a million years.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Thor Ragnarok.
Oh, good.
Yeah, Matt Damon
has a cameo in that.
Twins.
What?
Noise. Nice.
Nice.
Ford versus Ferrari.
There you go. Go, George.
It has premiered.
Okay, if you say so, Dan.
It was at TIFF, I think.
We bought a zoo.
Yeah, we did.
I don't need to know about what's going on in your life.
I need you to answer the question.
We bought a zoo.
That should have an exclamation point.
That's what I thought it was going to be.
We bought a zoo!
How can we afford it?
We don't know anything about animals.
We got to spade all these?
Get over here, kids.
I forgot to mention that the Martian
was, of course, the winner of the Golden Globe
for Best Comedy.
That's hilarious, baby.
We need to not forget that.
So funny.
So goddamn funny.
Is that for real?
Yes.
Hilarious.
Wow.
Matt Damon won for Best Comedic Performance.
That Hollywood foreign press.
All those potato growing scenes.
Yeah.
And, you know, fertilizing with his own shit.
When he got stabbed.
That's so funny.
LOL.
Commitment.
Interstellar.
Oh.
Ugh.
Yes.
Sorry.
I'm going to go with,
let's go back to DeVito.
Yeah, do it.
Let's bang out some DeVitos.
Yes. Let's throw out some DeVitos.
Let's throw Mama from the train.
Damn it.
Jay and Silent Bob, the reboot.
Oh, listen to you, you cheater.
I was not cheating.
It's not out yet.
It's done.
You're done.
I'm not yet. Okay, you can stay Rosa yeah right you go to your
lifeline early lifeline isn't a bad idea don't forget Sarah Stosky you did the
Matt Damon Batman right I'm gonna do Oswald Cobblepot's Batman is that what
Matt Damon was never Batman I'm not talking about Matt. I'm going to do Oswald Cobblepot's Batman. Is that? What? Matt Damon was
never Batman. I'm not talking about Matt Damon.
I'm talking about the penguin.
Oswald Cobblepot's played by Danny DeVito.
Let her have it. She's on a roll.
You're right. You're doing great.
Wait.
Yeah, it was a joke. I was saying Danny DeVito's.
I thought he was in the
Robin. Oh, like in the later ones?
No. That's Chris O'Donnell.
Oh, right, right.
So I'm going to stop there.
Lifeline, Sarah Stosky.
Let's do it.
What's that?
Elysium.
Elysium.
Elysium.
Yes, that's a good one.
Oh, thank God.
I mean, not the movie, but your answer.
Absolutely.
Dan?
Rounders.
Whoa.
That's a classic, classic Damon.
Damn it.
I hate you.
Matt?
Deadpool 2.
Whoa.
Oh, boy, Sarastofsky.
Who's in that?
Matt Damon.
What does he do?
He's one of the country bumpkins that are in that truck.
That's right.
That's right. Good my wife in his ass.
That's right.
Good pull, man.
Thanks, man.
Very good.
Very good, because Brad Pitt's got a funny cameo in there, too.
It can easily be confused like I did in my head.
Let's go for Damon.
Let's go with Courage Under Fire.
Nice.
You almost killed him in that.
Don't laugh.
Let that sit.
Yeah.
Just think about how we could have not
there never would have been
The Informant!
I might have this confused
with another movie
but I'm gonna say
School Ties.
That is right.
Yes.
With Brendan Fraser.
Yep.
Yeah.
Are you so impressed I'm still in the game, you asshole?
No, that's a good answer.
Oh, thank you so much.
Technically, you were out in that last round, but that's fine.
I absolutely was not.
It's finished.
It hasn't premiered. Let's call
Kevin.
I don't know him.
Pollock.
Hey, Kevin Pollock. I have a question.
My phone was upside down. It's not a
living, breathing movie until
it's premiered.
It's not a movie at the point
of conception. It's premiered in some
places at advanced screenings
because I got invited.
Couldn't make it.
Too busy.
Oh, okay.
Oh, too busy for Ford versus Ferrari.
All right.
Where are we at, Rosa?
We're at me.
Yeah.
You got this.
Any movies?
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm going to I'm gonna say
a big fish
I was saying
big fish
I wasn't saying
a big fish
I was just putting
a flare on it
you were just saying
big fish
cause Danny DeVito
Danny DeVito's
in big fish
yes he is
Sarah Stosky
Danny
yes
Danny Van Kirk
yes
what do you think
oh god Ty hit me oh he's going to Ty with one flew over the cuckoo Danny Van Kirk. Yes. What do you think? Oh, God.
Ty, hit me.
Oh, he's going to tie with one.
One flew over the cuckoo's nest.
Wow.
Cuckoo.
Cuckoo.
That was beautiful.
The Adjustment Bureau. Oh, man. the adjustment bureau oh man that is the best movie with fedoras ever
they're just adjusting their hats the whole time
here let me get you i'll get your hat. Can you get my hat?
Thank you.
I'll get your hat, too.
There you go.
So much.
All the hats have been adjusted in the bureau.
We're in a bureau.
You guys are ruthless people.
I just remember that trailer.
It was.
It was a lot of fedoras and people walking out of doors.
It was just a lot of door closing and fedoras.
Yeah, well, you got to go through a door to get in and out of doors. It's just a lot of like door closing and fedoras. Yeah, well you gotta go
through a door to get in and out of the bureau.
Yeah.
Ian?
Eurotrip?
Yep, Eurotrip. I was hanging on to that, Ian.
Way to look it up on your fucking phone, man.
I do. I shouldn't have sat
in this seat.
I knew I shouldn't have sat in this seat.
Is this where it ends?
He is in that.
He is in that.
No, you got this.
Danny DeVito, he's that little guy that was in those movies.
Yeah.
And Matt Damon is slightly taller and was born to be a movie star.
Born.
He was born.
Yeah.
That was his identity.
I mean, anytime you see him in anything,
anytime you see Matt Damon in anything,
I personally feel like his performance sticks with you.
I don't know if it's on you or...
I'm going to say stuck on you!
Stuck on you is correct.
Yes!
Yum!
Sarah Stosky. Sarah Stosky Sarah Stosky
hashtag Doug Chuckle
to me?
yeah
Invictus
oh
I don't know about that
we're like
Indictus
yeah
is that one is that one of them?
I'll check when it's my turn.
The Lorax.
The Lorax? What the fuck is happening?
This isn't right.
It's cute. It's super cute.
This whole game is going south.
Going south.
Oh, whoa. Full title.
Full title! Full title.
Which movie did you say, Matt?
Dr. Seuss.
The Lorax.
The Lorax.
Oh, okay.
Dr. Seuss.
Shut up.
Some people really like the letter S, and when you say too many of them, Dr. Seuss.
Seuss.
Dr. Seuss.
Lorax.
But anyway, I said going south
Amy
I think I'm done
I don't
It's just not happening
There's no reason
To retire from comedy
You should
Stay in the game
And
Yeah
But
Thanks for playing
Thanks for having me
Sorry Ian
What are you gonna do I mean Ian really Yeah, but thanks for playing. Thanks for having me. Sorry, Ian.
What are you going to do?
Oh.
I mean, Ian really put a lot of work into that name tag.
He did.
With crayons.
You really let him down.
I tried my best, though.
I really did.
I guess your best wasn't good enough.
I know.
Jesus Christ. It happens all the time.
I'm in Hollywood.
Yeah.
Rosa. Rosa. I'm in Hollywood. Yeah.
Rosa?
Person who has a sound.
Shh.
Shh.
I was just buying time with the shh. I mean, DeVito, all you got to do is think about, you know.
DeVito.
DeVito.
DeVito. Can you got to do is think about, you know. DeVito, DeVito, DeVito, DeVito.
Can I just do that?
One of Matt Damon's, or I mean, DeVito's iconic, right?
We're all thinking it.
I'm not thinking it yet.
Just keep going.
Let me see if I can give you another clue.
Why did I get clues?
Because you weren't patient.
You just checked out.
You checked out.
You said, I'm done.
Right?
You should have stayed in the room until the room service comes around
or housekeeping says you've got to get out.
You checked out too soon.
That's what I do.
Nothing?
No, wait.
It's coming.
Danny DeVito, he's like,
and Matt Damon's like,
bleh.
Okay.
What if I buy time like this?
Don't take it away.
I'm going to say, fuck Sarah Stosky.
That's what I do when I get nervous.
Daddy.
It's a tough one. It's a tough one.
It's a tough one.
Is he in Burn After Reading?
Which one?
Matt Damon.
Oh, that's a great guess, but no.
No, fuck!
That was a good guess.
Thanks.
I tried.
He should be in there.
He really should.
Yeah, he should.
All right.
Dan?
You've got one.
I've got like four.
Oh.
Sorry, Sarah.
Wait, can I still call someone famous just for fun?
Yes.
Yeah, who are you going to call?
Wait, I'll wait.
If I can get a redo.
The Bour Born Legacy?
I think, maybe.
That's the one with Jeremy Renner.
There's got to be a picture of him at some point.
Then I will go with Team America World Police.
But he's not in that!
Matt Damon!
Matt Damon!
Matt Damon!
He's not voiced by Matt Damon, though.
I will accept it.
What?
You fucker!
Sarah Soski, we were robbed.
I'm definitely going to lose.
Because Matt Damon is in that movie.
He's referred to as Matt Damon.
Just to show you up.
Matt's going to win this.
Matt Fernandez is going to win this anyway.
Go ahead, Matt. Hercules.
Yes.
That's DeVito.
I'll give you another
DeVito.
What's the worst that could happen?
That's what I had.
Oh, shit. Dan?
The Bourne Conspiracy.
Oh.
I think he's just making titles.
Matt,
the born conservancy.
What else you got,
man?
The born indulgence.
Renaissance man.
Yeah.
Other people's money.
Other people's money other people's money
back to you Dan
oh I just thought of
romancing the stone
yeah
what
oh
what
romancing the stone
has got Danny DeVito
but wasn't Dan's turn
yeah it was
yeah it was
you weren't
we're waiting for you
to call somebody
now it's Matt's turn
the wall
what's that
the great wall
the great wall oh my god yeah yeah I was like literally I'm like It's Matt's turn. The Wall? What's that? The Great Wall? The Great Wall.
Oh my God,
right.
That's shit.
Yeah,
I was like,
literally,
I'm like,
that's too dumb of a title.
That can't be what it was.
It was not a smart movie.
Even the audience was like,
oh,
hey.
He did do that.
Usually they're like,
yeah.
Call that a Tom Sawyer movie.
I bummed out everyone
with that answer.
I'm going to say my next answer.
I'm going to do a Sean Connery impression for my next answer.
Dogma.
That's the one I was trying to fucking pick up.
That's what I was trying to pick up.
I should kill myself.
War of the Roses.
Yes.
Tony, I think I'm going to need your help.
Oh, Tony.
Tell him no.
Don't tell...
What?
The van.
The van?
What?
Is it a movie called The Van?
Yeah.
That sounds feasible.
That sounds right.
Do you mean Theo Vaughn?
The Vaughn.
Do you mean RV?
I thought of another good...
Do you mean Bannon?
The 2015 documentary?
For DeVito, I'm going to go with
Wiener Dog.
Wow.
I tried.
More movies.
Yeah.
Dunstan checks in.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
Who's in that?
DeVito.
As what?
He's Dunstan.
No.
Don't you remember?
He checks in.
He does not play Dunstan.
He's like, what?
You know what?
You're going to tell me that he's not in it?
I'm going to tell you why he is.
Because I know for a matter of fact that he actually is in the movie.
And they fucking know he is.
And they don't say it.
All right.
You're out, Todd.
Am I out?
Because I've been out for many years.
And a hard thing.
And I'm sitting there.
They're closing the ambulance.
I'm like, oh, I'm not dating that guy.
Everybody knows I am.
My favorite Todd Glass bit.
Matt, I think I'm out. My favorite Todd Glass bit. Matt?
I think I'm out.
I think I'm done.
What about Dumbo?
The new one.
Oh.
Yeah.
He's a new Dumbo.
I knew that.
Why didn't I see him?
Sarah?
Who are we going to call somebody?
Why didn't you do it?
I could just call someone if you want.
Yeah.
Rosa, call somebody.
Who should we call, guys?
What was your idea?
Stephen Baldwin.
I'm going to call Bob Odenkirk.
Call somebody that's going to pick up.
Let's call Bob Odenkirk.
Call your dad.
Call your dad.
And when he answers you, I go, dad?
Wait, let's see if he's in this phone.
He might not be.
Oh, that's Bib.
That's Bib Odenkirk.
His evil brother.
This is my new old phone,
so we got to call
Robert Rodriguez instead.
Oh, that's exciting.
It's 1115 Austin time.
Let's see what he's probably
making pizza with
Jon Favreau right now.
You've seen it.
You love to see it.
Siri, call Robert Rodriguez on speaker.
Oh. You make that bitch do
everything for you? Yeah.
Really talk her through it.
Is this going to work? I don't know.
Siri.
I'm getting nervous. I just saw From Dusk Till Dawn
the other day what does she
what does she call me
it's worth it just to
hear his voicemail
outgoing
okay cool
he's gonna think
something's wrong
with me
we're gonna hear
the voicemail
of course he is
it's 1115
we
you know how to
change time zones
we get it
dude I'll never stop
what
this is crazy
wow he's really he's really good with voices shit I'll never stop. What? This is crazy.
Wow, he's really good with voices.
We're going to edit that out.
Oh, hi, Robert.
I'm on a podcast.
Sorry I just gave away your number to everybody. She just started apologetic.
Love you.
What was Danny DeVito in?
More Spy Kids.
I literally can't turn it off.
No, no, no.
I got to do this.
Siri, open Waze.
What?
What is happening?
All right, so Ryan, make sure you leave the phone number of Mr. Robert Rodriguez.
No, but I'm saying every time you call Robert Rodriguez,
he talks like an automated voice.
No, he changed his outgoing.
It was so funny.
I believe you.
All right, I'm going to call another famous person.
No, you're not.
Yeah.
Matt Fernandez is our winner.
You're welcome.
Alright, where is the person
you're playing for? Where they at?
It's right there. Hey, come get your stuff.
All those bags.
Congratulations.
Tony!
Hey!
Hey, I'm real proud of you, Tony.
Real good.
You did it.
Tony, thank you, buddy. You made up the movie van. You did it. You got it, Tony. You made up the movie Van.
People really do win.
Van?
You just said a word you know.
That's not fair.
Sure.
We're going to hashtag this episode
Doug Chuckle and something
will happen.
What do you got hiccups
what do you got
to plug Matt Fernandez
you can watch
my one hour special
on Amazon Prime
right now
and I'll be in
Winter Haven Florida
next weekend
at the Ritz Theater
you can come see me
awesome
fat Fernandez on Twitter oh yeah fat Fernandez on Twitter fat merndez on twitter
oh yeah fat merndez
on twitter
Daniel Van Kirk
I would like to tell you
that you can follow me
at Daniel Van Kirk
listen to my podcast
Pen Pals
which is me and Rory Scovel
Dumb People Town
which is me and the Sklar Brothers
and you can catch me
finishing up the Together Tour
go to DanielVanKirk.com
where I am coming to
New York
Philly
Boston Albany,
Rochester, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Louisville,
Nashville, Milwaukee,
and Detroit. I'm probably forgetting
a couple cities. So come out and see all that. I am ending
my tour on November 15th
in Rochelle, Illinois, my hometown.
So go to DanielVanKirk.com for
all those dates and come say hi.
Oh no. The call! all those dates and come say hi. Rosa Salazar with Bob Odenkirk
on where?
Where do you see it?
We see Undone
on Amazon Prime.
Amazon Prime.
And Bird Box on Netflix. Bird Box is on Netflix. I'm Prime. Amazon Prime. Nice. And Bird Box on Netflix.
Very good.
Bird Box is on Netflix.
I'm going to watch it.
You should.
I want to see it.
I think you'd like it.
Thank you.
And Alita Battle Angel.
Am I still plugging that one?
Sure.
And Alita Battle Angel.
Can you bleep out Robert's number
when this goes to air?
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't know I was going to do that.
Yeah, no, it's cool.
Some people here in the room
clearly jotted it down, but...
Did someone
jot it down? I don't think it'll be a problem.
This guy is shaking his head so
guilty.
I memorized it.
Undone on Amazon Prime.
Okay.
Amy Miller.
Okay, tonight, Wednesday, October 2nd,
I'll be in Kansas City at the Comedy Club of Kansas City.
October 16th, I'm headlining Helium Comedy Club in Portland.
The end of...
What?
Shut the fuck up.
Remember from that other
episode? You want to get accosted by Amy.
Hey, I need a plug, okay?
I'm on door deals out here, everybody.
The end of October
I'll be at the Reno Laugh Factory
with Jackie Fabulous and at some time
in November I'll be at Cap City
with the Sklars and listen to my podcast
Who's Your God?
Who's Your God? Who's Your God?
Listen to Who's Your God?
Damn it.
Maybe someday Doug will do it.
I like to blaspheme.
You guys know where all
my stuff is at.
Austin, Texas for
New Year's goes on sale
on October
7th, CapCityComedy.com
This has been a delight. Thank you guys for
coming out.
Thank you to Matt Fernandez,
Daniel Van Kirk, Rosa Salazar
and Amy Miller.
As always, positive
energy! Thank you!