Doug Loves Movies - Russell Peters, Emma Arnold and Geoff Tate guest
Episode Date: November 14, 2017Live from Wiseguys Comedy Club in Salt Lake City, Doug welcomes comedians Russell Peters, Emma Arnold and Geoff Tate to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California... Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeamies, baby sticky seeds
With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is my love, movies.
That one was kind of insane sounding.
It almost felt like maybe there was some anger in there a little bit.
I hope everybody's having a nice day.
I'm just rearranging the stage a little bit.
I'd do this earlier, but you guys were all sitting there.
I thought, well, they can see me do it later.
While the show's actually going.
Hang on.
Coming to you once again.
We'll cut all that out. It'll be great.
It's going to be super smooth.
Coming to you once again from Wiseguys at the Gateway
in Salt Lake City, Utah!
Thank you for being here, you guys.
It's Saturday, November 11th, 2017.
Veterans Day.
Do we have any veterans here today?
Yeah. Thank you for your service. November 11th, 2017. Veterans Day. Do we have any veterans here today?
Thank you for your service.
And I hope this is better than sitting at home watching Saving Private Ryan.
Because that's on in the green room right now.
And I was like, oh, okay.
That is a movie about veterans.
It's not a fun one, okay. That is a movie about veterans. It's not a fun one, though.
I want a fun movie about veterans.
That's what I'm looking for.
I know that this town's pretty good with the name tags.
And, I mean, there's a guy that's posted up front here,
like, a homeless person.
What the hell is all
this shit you've got like a actual bike a child's bike can I pick it up can I
ride it like Matt Damon and Suburbicon to make a movie reference okay you wait
you got this from Walmart?
Yeah.
To use as your name tag, and then you're just going to return it?
Yeah, he's yelling at me. Don't take the tags off.
All right, all right.
It's $40.
I would have guessed more, to be honest with you.
It's a sweet little bike.
But what does the bike have to do with anything?
Read the name.
Read the name, okay.
Skippy Wee's Big Adventure.
And your name is Skippy.
Skip, Skippy Wee.
All right.
Cool.
I'm going to just ride back over to your table.
But then you brought everything you own?
Like, what is all this stuff?
Look at all this shit.
A bunch of rape whistles?
I think this jelly bean gun would accomplish
what a bunch of
rape whistles would
Oh my goodness
Alright
Well okay
Brought a lot of stuff
I think you're missing
the whole point of the
That's all for the prize bag?
I can put anything
I want in the prize bag
This fucking $40 I want in the prize bag.
This fucking $40 bike is in the bag.
Seriously, if I gave you $40 cash right now,
can I give the bike away today?
All right, here we go. I'm going to count it out Chuck Woolery style.
Give me your hand.
20, 40, okay.
So,
I don't think the winner is going to want all these name tags,
so you can hang on to that.
That.
And that.
All right.
I don't know about you guys, but this is exciting.
I don't know how you feel about it, but it's exciting to me that a small green Huffy bike
with a lovely reflector on the front, those are probably required by law now, even though
the whole bike is glow-in-the-dark green.
Thanks for bringing that,
Skippy.
Could have just brought a jar of peanut butter.
Everyone's favorite movie
snack. I'll just take a jar to the movies.
All right, so as I was saying,
let me see those name tags, you guys.
Yes, yes.
Salt Lake never disappoints with the name tags. I saw that it name tag on Twitter today.
I think I stole it and I'm going to
Instagram it.
And then turn off the comments.
Because I don't care what people think of it. I love it.
A
American
hustle. And your name
is?
Marin? M-A-R-E-N?
That fits right into the word American.
I saw that one on the internet too. It's a piece of art, that poster.
What we do in the shad coals.
Instead of shadows.
You and Skippy should get together
and try to figure out better uses for your names
and name tags, but that's cool.
Ooh, is that like a Wreck-It Ralph doll?
And you're Robert, okay?
Couldn't just call yourself Ralph for one day?
Just make it simpler for everybody.
I like how Seth becomes her just lit up.
So I was able to see that one.
That other one back there that you're trying to light up,
that's not getting the job done.
But I'll make sure that my guests wander the audience
and see all of the options,
because you guys made a lot of great name tags, I can tell.
And thank you for doing that.
And I will request to see them shortly.
Oh, goody.
Hee-hee.
Hee-hee.
Doug Benson for president.
Oh, my God.
I don't even want to be president of a fan club.
Doug plugs.
Tampa, Florida, next Saturday, the improv at 420.
Bring your name tags
Doug Loves Movies is at the American Comedy Company
In sweet home San Diego
On Wednesday, November 22nd
Got shows in New York City on November 26th and 27th
And December dates and even some 2018 dates
Are all at DougLovesMovies.com
That's DougLovesMvies.com. That's Douglovesmovies.com!
Yeah!
I go back and forth between being delighted by that
and embarrassed.
Here's what I brought for the prize bag.
I bet you the grand total of all this stuff isn't 40 bucks.
So I'm really glad that you were there for me with that bike.
And I'm going to check and make sure you didn't lie to me about the price.
Seems like a bargain.
Doesn't it seem like a good deal for that bike?
I think so.
All right.
So I got in the prize bag.
I brought a bunch of Andy's mints from a bowl in the lobby
of the hotel.
I had lunch at
P.F. Chang's. They gave me a fortune cookie.
I always go to all the finest
local restaurants when I'm traveling.
So I hit the P.F. Chang's
down the street.
I got several of these little
rubber pipes from
Peacemaker.
Some chapstick from the Impractical Jokers 2 cruise. I got several of these little rubber pipes from Peacemaker.
Some chapstick from the Impractical Jokers 2 cruise.
And I saved the best for last, I think.
A copy of Life in Utah magazine. Oh yeah, I'll sign it. Thank you for reminding me.
Put my name on that. Oops.
Alright, and my guests also brought gifts with them for the bag,
and so let's get them out here.
Please give a big warm welcome
to Emma Arnold Russell
Peters and Jeff Tate All right.
Let's meet them individually.
Starting with our first timer today,
so excited to finally have him on the show.
It's Russell Peters!
Ah, nice.
Headlining all weekend here at Wise Guys at the Gateway.
That's right.
Is this your Saturday night outfit?
Are you going to have time to go change after this?
I'm going to change again. Costume change.
I like it. It's like Janet Jackson.
No malfunctions, please.
One titty just falls out.
Are you having a nice time in Salt Lake City?
How can I not, Doug?
How can I not?
Right?
I mean, I wanted to go to Chick-fil-A tomorrow,
but that's out of the question, so...
Because they don't have them here at all?
No, they're not open on Sundays.
No, I knew that.
I thought that was the joke,
but I just wanted to make sure.
Feels like...
Is there a Chick-fil-A here?
Isn't it from here?
This is the place
that should be open on Sunday.
Because Chick-fil-A
isn't owned by Mormons, right?
No, it's not.
But the ones here probably are.
Got to figure.
Who's a Mormon here today?
You!
Now, Skippy,
you did not need to make a sound
I had already figured that out
I could talk about Mormons all day
but
we gotta talk about movies
and we gotta talk about my other two guests
joining us also on the panel today,
it's Emma Arnold!
Hello!
Hello!
We last saw and heard from you,
depending on which way you enjoyed the show,
in Boise, Idaho.
Yeah, my own sweet hometown.
At the 508 Festival.
Nope.
208.
208.
Holy shit.
No wonder I was late.
Went to the wrong area code.
Difficult to do because we only have one.
We're that kind of state.
So close.
I got two of the numbers right, though, so I want some recognition for that.
And thank you.
Thank you very much.
The 208 Festival is an inaugural festival. It was the first one
this year in the
second weekend of September.
September 7th through 9th. And is it going to be
another one? There is. Yeah. The first one was a
big success and it was very fun. I felt like
everybody had a good time. We had a really good time. We had a great
time. And it's a short flight from here in Salt
Lake if you guys want to come to it. You should come. It's a great time. And it's a short flight from here in Salt Lake if you guys want to come to it.
You should come.
It's a great time.
Cheap flight.
Quick drive.
Oh, it's a quick drive too?
It's a quick drive.
I think it's like six hours, right?
Five and a half?
Is that right?
Four!
Somebody just yelled because someone's trying to golf in here.
And you're going to go through Pocatello.
Neat.
Bocatello?
Neat.
You can go to Five Guys and get some meth.
Yeah.
They have really top shelf meth there, so check it out.
It seems meth-y.
It does, yeah.
A lot of Idaho, and I say this with so much love, is a little meth-y.
Like it's just, that's the vibe of the state.
Well, while we're on the subject, I should introduce our third guest.
It's Meth Tate, everybody!
Hello! Hello!
I'm trying to corner the market on being the crystal meth comedian.
Right? Like, you know how you get to be like, you're like the weed guy
and I'm going to be like, oh, you guys want to
fucking smoke some ice.
You just end up robbing your audience.
Yeah, every night.
Come to the merch table and then I fucking pick your pocket.
Very excited about
not only Jeff being here with us today,
but also we're going to do a special thing in December called Tate Crazy Nights.
That's right.
No better way to celebrate Hanukkah than a movie trivia game show with Jeff Tate as one of the guests.
He's going to be on all, from December 13th through 20th, he's going to be on every show.
Taking on all comers, as they say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Eight straight nights of me.
Do I have enough fuel to burn for eight straight nights?
I could barely get through one episode.
It'll be a miracle. It's a rigorous travel schedule
from Florida to California
and a bunch of spots
in between over eight days.
We did the routing based on that Steve Miller band song.
From Phoenix, Arizona
all the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia,
Atlanta, LA.
That's our routing.
Also, I don't think they say LA
at the end of that line.
I think it's P.A.
Philadelphia, P.A., Pennsylvania.
Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A.
It might be G.A.
I'm pretty sure it's L.A.
It's for sure L.A.
And we all know Steve Miller has a Google alert for his name.
So I just want to say I'm a fan
of some of your stuff.
Not all of it.
Are you guys driving?
I think one leg of it
we're going to drive every day. It's
planes. So it's going to be interesting
if there's delays
or whatever.
It's going to be a real nail-biter.
And we're doing a contest.
I'm making all the cities that we're doing it
compete against each other.
The city that has the most people that attend the show,
I'm going to pledge to come back and do the show again
in the first quarter of next year.
So, like, right away, I'll come back.
The place that has the most people
and the city with the least will never see us again
fuck your city
you almost said titty
I'm going to write down the number today
and if you guys
if you're the top attending
audience number
then I'll come here
doesn't that have to be based on size of venue audience number, then I'll come here.
Doesn't that have to be based on size of venue?
Well, the venues are all pretty similar in size.
There's one that's a lot bigger,
but I also don't anticipate filling it.
So I think it's a pretty fair competition.
I also think it doesn't matter much.
I'll probably go back to all those cities eventually anyway.
It's not like we're doing one in Pocatello.
Okay.
All right, so let's find out what everybody brought for the prize bag,
starting with Emma.
We've already got a $40 bike from Walmart.
I have a fortune cookie.
Oh, wow. This person, you can make a friend.
Two fortune cookies.
I usually bring such a good prize bag, and I really apologize for this hot mess up here, because
I had to drive down from a show,
and we got caught in some snow, so I got
two of my albums.
Thanks, guys.
My debut album, Shut Up Calvin, also available
on iTunes. Two of them, because they gave me 700 CDs,
and I'm not really sure what to do with those.
So I'm just kind of giving them out.
And I got, they got bumped up to first class today,
so I got brownie bites.
I got you guys some brownie bites.
And then I brought you a National Geographic hat,
only lightly worn by yours truly.
Only very lightly.
Today I wore it. Yeah, you got some hairs on truly. Only very lightly. Today I wore it.
Yeah, you got some hairs on it.
That's good.
There's one hair.
There you go.
In case anybody wants to do some DNA testing.
You've got a strand of her hair.
I don't know, stage a murder scene.
Do something cool with it.
Oh, I'm also going to put the lime from my drink in there.
This thing's getting really great.
Russell, what do you got for us?
Well, I didn't know I was supposed to bring multiples,
so all I brought was one of my T-shirts.
I tell everybody to just bring a thing,
and then people like to show off and bring a bunch of things.
This is one of the merch T-shirts.
It's a beautiful shirt.
It's good. It's good.
It'll get you through the day.
Super soft, too.
It's soft.
You didn't go the cheap route on the fabric.
No, no. We wanted to really
spend some dollars on that.
I called my family
in India and they really
put
that one together for me.
Jeff, what do you got for us?
I have
hot off the presses
the most recent
Jack Reacher book
called
The Midnight Line.
It will
I mean I see a lot of you
aren't clapping
but the ones who
right you guys are just
I mean
it's just reading
stop being dumb.
And a copy of my album
Emma
just in case
nobody told you
you're supposed
to sell these
oh okay
like when you're like
I don't know what to do
with all these
you can sell them too
they're not just giveaways
they're not business cards
okay
if they're ten bucks
this guy will take
four of them
he's flush with cash
all of a sudden
he stole he stole a stolen bike now he's rich He's flush with cash all of a sudden.
He stole a stolen bike.
Now he's rich.
Does your shirt really say famous virgin on it?
Yeah. Yeah.
It really does.
Why?
Because he's Skippy, the famous virgin.
Of course. Well, now I feel stupid.
Yeah, you're a dummy.
You've got to learn who's famous around here.
Yeah, I mean, I forgot where I was.
Right? They parade this
guy around going, look, if he could do it.
Alright, so
I'm not going to put this in the prize bag
because it's a hardcover book that'll just, you know,
I brought a flimsy little bag.
So it's just going to be in addition to the bag.
It's the bag plus.
Which is, yeah.
It's a good prize.
I got to move it too, though,
because now this stuff's in the way.
People can't see our faces.
All right, now I have one question
before we get to the game part of the show and uh i think you know what it is emma i do uh you're
gonna ask me if what movie i've seen yeah what was the last movie you saw i saw the witches of
eastwick was the last movie i watched in the 80 80s. It was in, I was seven.
And I've refused to be.
It turned you off movies forever?
No, I loved it so much.
I was like, that's it for me.
That's it.
I'm done with movies.
That was the pinnacle of art for me.
They're never going to top this.
Are you guys making, like, you don't like that movie?
That is a great movie.
I really, that was the first time I had seen it.
I think everyone's just curious. Share, guys time I had seen it. I think everyone's just
curious. I think we're just curious
about... Skippy's nodding. He knows.
Shares in it. Little Susan Sarandon.
Yeah, and Michelle Pfeiffer, Jack Nicholson.
But we're curious as to why
now. It was right before Halloween
and I do a whole
bitches brew thing where
I have some gal friends over and we watch
a little Practical Magic.
Hocus Pocus.. Hocus Pocus.
Or Hocus Pocus, or The Craft, or Witches of Eastwick, which was this year because I hadn't
seen it.
And I don't know if you're aware of this, but it has what I feel is probably the strongest
cherry vomiting scene in any movie.
It is.
It's really.
Not for a metaphose.
It is.
Really?
That scene is disgusting.
That is. I thought is disgusting. That is...
I thought it was...
A lot of horrible,
disgusting things
happened to that lady
in that movie.
Yeah.
I feel bad for her.
Is that Veronica Cartwright?
Yeah, yeah.
It's bad enough she died
on the Nostromo
when the alien
was killing everybody,
but then she has to throw up
a bunch of fucking cherries.
Well, I really enjoyed it,
and I don't know
if it was just
the Halloween spirit,
but afterward I was like, you know what?
Maybe I'll be a witch.
I was really feeling it.
So you got a floaty and jumped in the pool
and that was your costume? Yeah.
You spent a lot of time in the pool.
I was like, I feel like
people are doubting whether or not I could be a
witch up here and I don't really appreciate that at all.
I didn't know I could do comedy until
I tried it. You know, who knows? Maybe I'll
throw some witchcraft around.
Do some spell
casting open mics.
They still fear witches here.
They do, yeah. They actually still burn you alive.
Shit.
They all got quiet because they're praying for you.
Somebody give her
protective underwear.
The reason why they were weird about...
Oh, I've collected a few pair.
Don't you worry about me.
Wow, okay.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I fucked a Mormon.
I'm so sorry.
You know what?
I lost my virginity to a Mormon boy.
And I don't regret a thing.
I don't regret a thing.
Did he ring your bell?
No, he didn't. Did you have to call him elder while you did it? I don't regret a thing Did he ring your bell? No
Did you have to call him Elder while you did it?
Hello
My name is Elder Price
I'm going to fuck you now
And it will be very nice
It was beautiful
It was beautiful
Alright
We're not here to shit talk Mormons.
We aren't?
Never mind then.
I wasn't shit talking.
I've given a lot back to the community.
No, you're right.
Russell?
Yes?
You see any movies lately?
I think the last thing I saw was The Kingsman 2.
The Golden Circle.
Yes, that's what it was. Yeah. Yes, that's what it was.
Yeah.
I think that's what it was.
But I watched some shit on my iPad.
Does that count?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, okay.
Glad we cleared that up, Jeff.
Listen, you aren't going to believe this,
but it's Witches of Eastwick.
Listen, you aren't going to believe this,
but it's Witches of Eastwick.
The last movie I saw was Thor Ragnarok.
I saw it this morning at Broovies.
I love Broovies.
Doug loves Broovies. It's a very little known podcast
that I do.
But it's a fun
bar and I guess
sort of a restaurant and they have
two screens
and you saw Thor there.
And I got some corn dogs.
That's why I called it
sort of a restaurant.
It's a movie theater with a deep fryer I see what you're doing
I see what you meant
Those corn dogs were good
It made up for that the fucking screen was dirty
Oh probably from people throwing corn dogs
Listen I don't care why it's dirty they should still squeegee it off every
night right squeegee off the corn dog debris isn't that closing side work or
oh it's got to be open it or closing side work yeah I don't know how often
these clean movie theater screens because I see you know I noticed smudges
and dirt on them all the time. You know?
Maybe you need to go to better theaters.
Maybe less porn.
So Jeff, you like Thor?
Very, very much. Yeah, it's a lot of fun, right?
It's very funny. Exciting.
It's got everything.
It's got funny. It's got funny.
It's got exciting.
I hear the Hulk's in it.
The Hulk is in it for a while.
That's one.
I peeked at the trailer for Thor Ragnarok,
and it does feature the Hulk quite heavily.
It would have been a nice surprise to not know that,
and now I'm ruining it for others maybe.
But there's other surprises in the movie that they didn't spoil.
Ooh, tell us more.
Thor dies.
He gets hammered.
Oh, man, I'm so dumb.
It took a couple of seconds.
I had to put it together. It took seconds. I had to put it together.
It took a...
I had to spin it around.
I love the part where they're like,
yeah, that hammer goes really fast.
He's like, yeah, it's because I do this first.
He's showing off how he throws the hammer.
It's pretty funny.
All right.
Thank you for answering those questions
honestly and
we'll have your results by Monday.
I hope I'm okay.
Turn the show off, Bert.
Let the games begin!
So,
Russell,
these folks made these signs in hopes of being chosen today by you or Emma or Jeff
to represent them in the game portion.
And then the winner today, Jeff, hang on a sec.
Oh, he's almost at me!
I could have reached right out and touched him!
Please don't touch Jeff when he comes back out there.
But yeah, the winner today,
the person whose name tag you chose,
will get all these prizes.
And there's no criteria for picking
other than just one that you like.
There's some that have your face on them, I believe,
because people figured out you might be here.
Bless you.
So, yeah, so go ahead now and just go grab the name tag you want to play for.
All right.
Let me have a look at these.
No, I shaved myself enough.
We're going to go to a brief commercial break.
We'll be right back.
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Back to the show.
All right, we're back from our commercial break.
And I'm just explaining to Russell Peters,
don't read that thing on the back out loud.
That's for at the end of the show.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Okay, so Emma, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Bobby Driver.
Nice.
And he suckered me in because he put a bunch of candy
and then tiny donuts on this.
But what did you call the donuts a moment ago?
They're Donettis. What? Donett a moment ago? They're Donettis.
Donettis?
No, it's just Donettes.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
She did that when we went on tour together.
We toured for like
six months together and she called
them Donettis every time and I never
corrected her. I thought it was so funny. How do you feel about these Reese's? Those
are yours. And the mmms. I like the mmms. Okay. All right. Donettes. Okay. Okay. You
guys are so classy. It's the lady name for a donut. It's the lady donut.
Lady donuts.
Feeling a bit Donetti today.
What do you got there, Russell?
I went with this SLC Duff.
I don't know what movie that is, but I just saw my picture.
Yeah, there's a movie called SLC Punk.
Oh, right, yeah, I know that movie.
Yeah, yeah.
And this dude's name is Duff, I guess. Okay, good.
Yeah, well, I'd never been on a
poster that somebody's made before, so I...
It looks good. I bypassed
all these friggin' donuts like a fuckin' jerk.
Did you like the movie It?
I didn't see It. Oh, really?
Because look at this one. That shit's creepy.
That's a... He put you on one of the balloons
on the poster, yeah.
Now, and I passed up donuts, so
it's double loss for me.
That's alright.
Duff is glad you picked it.
Good job, Duff.
Yeah.
You guys can put the posters down.
You don't have to hold them the whole time.
It's a little awkward.
Hang on to those Donettis.
Jeff, tell us about yours.
I am playing
for the Expendables.
I assume his name is Ben.
Or Bendable.
But it's got...
I'm right there. I'm one of the Expendables
and there's Walbert.
This is a cool poster. There's Sour Patch Kids on it.
And there was weed, so...
I just...
Listen, there's a pattern.
If you listen to the episodes I'm on,
there is a pattern.
Tried to put it right into his hands.
Can we do that?
Yeah, you want to throw one, Russell?
Anybody want a Donetti?
Donetti, guys?
Who wants a Donetti?
We got some full-size ones over here, too.
Those are the sweaty Donettis.
I'm going to try again that guy.
Yeah, there you go.
Hold that up.
Let me have a look at those.
We're good.
You don't like any of those flavors?
But yeah, let's bring them up here.
I love donuts. I'm an idiot for them.
Yeah, we should probably check those out.
Check them out.
Alright, so
that's who you guys are playing for.
Good luck to everybody.
Skippy also gave me this jelly bean gun to put in the prize bag.
So it's really going to be something for the winner.
I kind of feel bad that I didn't pick Skippy.
I feel less bad because he offered me a rape whistle.
So I felt like that was a...
Sweetie, when you pop your cherry,
you're going to realize that's a hard pass for most you pop your cherry you're gonna realize
that's a hard pass
for most ladies
that's not
what we're looking for
whistle wise
you know
I just like
I like a regular whistle
she prefers a cat call
if you need me
just whistle
maybe that's how
come he's still a virgin
every time he gets close
he just starts blowing
that goddamn whistle
bad touch
bad touch
that's a lot of rape whistles I'm gonna be really pepper sprays are garnish for him close, he just starts blowing that goddamn whistle. Bad touch, bad touch.
That's a lot of rape whistles. I'm going to be really...
Pepper sprays are garnish for him.
That many rape whistles looks
like they're trophies, man.
Yeah.
I've got so many
rape whistles.
So little time.
He runs up and shows them his tits.
What specifically makes those rape and whistles, I wonder?
I mean, and I've decided they're not rape whistles.
They're rape and whistles.
Okay.
They say what on them?
They don't want to make the whistle
noise.
I actually do want a whistle.
I'm putting this on my Christmas tree.
It's beautiful.
Wow,
this is intense.
It really does say, thanks to Skippy, I didn't
get raped. Jesus Christ.
Unfortunately, those came with a
tub of peanut butter, so...
Is this your brand?
Like, what are you doing?
What?
What is happening, Skippy?
Skippy!
That's, that's's a lot of people
nobody's getting
You were passing them out to the crowd?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. They're only supposed to be blown in an emergency.
What's going on back there?
Yeah, yeah.
Is everything okay?
If it is an emergency, they're not the only ones blowing.
How would they be able to blow the whistle, Russell?
No, Skippy, I'm just curious.
Are those also rape water guns you have there?
Or are they just regular water guns?
No, they're candy guns.
Oh, shit.
Nice catch.
Oh, these are pretty great, actually.
Does this shoot a jelly bean?
Yeah.
That's not safe.
I'm a mom, and I don't like that at all.
You're going to hurt someone.
I can have it?
Thank you, Skippy.
That's very sweet of you.
Yeah, if you're not going to take the rape whistle,
you need to defend yourself somehow.
Great shot, Skippy.
I appreciate that.
Thanks.
Oh, my daughter will like this.
Thank you, Skippy.
Oh, man.
I may give her a rape whistle, too.
Did you know that if they outlawed candy guns,
then only outlaws would have candy guns?
That's really cool.
All right, Skippy, enough.
Skippy, what the fuck, man?
Skippy's entire...
Everything he owns is here.
Skippy has these rubber bracelets that say, no sex for you.
Unfortunately, it's cock ring size, so it's...
That was, really?
So, what are you doing later?
It's a large one.
Want to get sweaty over Darnetti?
All right.
How's your movie trivia skills
there, Russell?
Not that good.
You know,
I see stupid things
that like,
I didn't see any of the posters
or shit I've seen in my life
and I'm like,
I'm in trouble.
Nobody had Beat Street or Wild Style.
Breaking one or two.
You never know what movies are going to come up.
I mean, I know because I wrote all this down.
You know, I only...
I realized actually the last movie I saw was The Godfather.
Oh, okay.
And it was the first time I had seen it.
I was on a flight to London.
Were you now intrigued to see Godfather 2?
I was trying to, but I fell asleep.
Because they're like three and a half hours long.
Yeah, yeah.
The whole Godfather saga takes a while.
3 is skippable.
Is it?
Okay.
So 2 I've got to get through.
Glad I brought it down, guys.
You got them right where I want them.
And that's to hear me say,
we're going to start with a game called Live, Die, Repeat.
It's really catching on.
People are really into it.
Now, Russell, here's what's going to happen.
I'm going to say the title of an actual movie.
Doesn't matter if you've seen it or not because all you have to do is be the first person to repeat back
the title of the movie completely and accurately have you played this one
before Emma no well I should have explained it to you as well.
Jeff's already over there ready to start yelling.
And only people on stage get to play.
Sorry.
Yeah, zip it, Skippy.
I wasn't even looking at him when I said it.
We've got all those whistles.
We're okay.
Okay.
Here's the title.
Those.
No guesses?
Oh, we can guess?
Yeah.
Do we only get one?
Yeah, guess as often as you like.
Oh, okay. Just as many times. Okay. Yeah. Darn cats. No, we can guess? Yeah. Do we only get one? Yeah, guess as often as you like. Oh, okay.
Just as many times.
Okay.
Yeah.
Darn cats.
No, that's not a movie.
Those darn cats.
I got it.
Okay, I'm going to give you more of it.
Those magnificent...
Seven.
Those magnificent seven.
Those magnificent beasts and where to find them.
Those magnificent men. Those magnificent men
Those magnificent men of
In
In
Their
Prime
Those magnificent men in their flying
Pajamas
Those magnificent men in their flying
Those magnificent men in their flying cars
Machines
Okay Those magnificent men in their flying those magnificent men in their flying cars machines okay
those magnificent men
in their flying machines
too
those
magnificent men
in their flying machines
or
oh god
god damn it
those magnificent men
in their flying machines
or
oh that was good
boats
boots
those magnificent men in their flying machines or boats Boats. Those magnificent men and their
flying machines or boats or whatever they are.
Look at them over there.
Bunch of dicks. It's a long,
long title.
Those magnificent men and their flying
machines or how I flew
from London to Paris
in 25
hours
11 minutes.
Those magnificent men
and their flying machines
or how I flew from London to Paris
in 25 hours
in 11 minutes.
Those magnificent men and their flying machines
or how I flew from London to Paris
in 25 hours in 11 minutes.
Nice.
Is that right?
Now that I know how to play the game,
we're all in trouble.
Which I don't know if you know is a sequel
to Those Darn Cats.
That's a real title from a real movie from 1965.
Oh, Lord.
Yeah.
Crazy, right?
All right, so Jeff won that game.
All right.
Unfair advantage, Jeff.
Do you want to throw a donut, Jeff?
No, thank you.
Okay, I'll do it.
Ooh.
Okay, this one's chocolatey, so you better catch it.
It's a good one.
Nice.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm going to get a couple of names of actors or actresses
from pre-selected audience members,
and then starting with Jeff,
and then going to Russell, then Emma, then than me I like to play along in this game we're gonna name movies that those people have been in if you can't think
of one you're out but you can go to your lifeline once for help if you want yeah
yeah yeah your person who's poster you picked. Where are you, Duff? Duff. Gotcha.
Get ready, Duff.
Where is underscore mildly amusing?
Yeah.
Hey, buddy.
You're mildly amusing?
Mildly.
Mildly.
But that underscore at the beginning,
there's already someone had mildly amusing?
That was me. That was me that was me Doug I've rebranded to partially boring
All right, where's Duke 1186
Where
Okay, hey, dude dude how you doing I'm mildly amused do you think you have a
better name than mildly amused has I didn't say what was the name so do you
think you have a better name?
And I can almost guarantee you Brad Pitt
is better.
What do you got, Mildly Amusing?
What's your actual name? Stephen.
What do you got?
Robert Duvall. Robert Duvall.
Interesting.
Hmm. Yeah.
Good answers. Yeah.
Alright, so
let's do this.
Let's try to move it pretty quickly because those guys have both been in a ton of movies.
Starting with you, Jeff.
Are we doing both?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, either one.
Okay.
Jack Reacher.
Yeah, I kind of figured that was going to happen.
Robert Duvall.
Yeah, he's in it.
Russell?
I'm going to go with Colors Robert Duvall.
Oh, okay.
Emma?
River Runs Through It, Brad Pitt.
We knew you'd pick him.
I'm not really sure who he is.
I can't tell you what movies he was in or I'll give away the game.
God damn it. Yes.
See, he knows what he's doing.
And you also already mentioned a Robert
Duvall movie, The Godfather.
Jeff?
The Conversation.
One guy.
One guy was really excited about that.
I had a conversation once.
If not excitedly.
Till she blew that damn whistle.
Russell?
I'm going to go with meet Joe Black.
Yeah.
Speaking of peanut butter. I was going to Joe Black. Yeah, speaking of peanut butter.
I was going to say that.
Fucking Joe Black loves peanut butter.
I'll do...
Is he in Benjamin Button?
Benjamin Button, Brad Pitt.
Is that right?
How do you feel about Benjamin Button's situation?
I got this.
Was he accused of something?
No, there's more words in the title.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Benjamin Button.
It's before Benjamin Button.
Benjamin Button and the green bike from Walmart.
The Curious Situation.
Oh, no.
That's not right. That's not. No, that's not right.
That's not my guess.
That's not my guess.
The...
Do you want to switch to a different movie?
Or your lifeline can help you?
No, gosh, no.
I want to tell you that it is the...
I mean, you're on the right path.
Am I?
Am I? Yeah. I think maybe I should just go with a... I think you can crack this one right path. Am I? Yeah. Am I?
Yeah.
I think maybe I should just go with it.
I think you can crack this one.
You think I can?
Okay.
You're saying there's a situation?
I think you could solve it.
You think there...
The curious puzzle?
No.
The curious puzzle that is Benjamin Button.
Just be brief.
Someone's making a... Be brief.
There's no need to make a big deal out of it.
The little situation.
It's a tiny situation.
It's a predicament. It's a real pickle it's a it's a predicament
it's a
real pickle
is what that is
that's it
that's it
Benjamin Button's pickle
it's the
it's the real pickle
of Benjamin Button
and I am like
drawing a blank
on any other Brad Pitt movie
so I have to get this right
I think as I get older
my penis gets younger
oh man the everybody any other Brad Pitt movie. I think as I get older, my penis gets younger.
Oh, man.
The,
everybody,
everyone is mouthing things at me
and sign languaging.
Everyone's so excited
for you to get this.
I know.
It's curious, though.
Oh, it sure is.
Okay.
It's curious
and alliterative.
Okay.
Okay.
The curious
cumulative
shit. Matter of fact, now it's become bicurious. Okay, okay. The Curious Cumulative Shit.
Matter of fact, now it's become Bicurious.
The Curious Cock.
The Curious Conundrum.
Nope, too much.
Well, that's a better title, I think.
I know, right?
Maybe we could, for me, just do titles I feel like are a little better than what they were named.
The Curious...
Fuck you guys, come on. I can't. were named. The Curious... Fuck you guys. Come on.
I can't.
It's not The Curious...
Case! The Curious Case!
The Curious Case!
Thank you guys for pulling for me.
I really appreciate that.
I didn't want to see you go down like that.
It was so embarrassing. I mean, it would have been just so easy for you to just say
the Mexican.
Right? Or Fight Club.
Yeah.
Oh, you just did that.
Yeah, I just did.
The best part is watching Emma panic
as it goes real fast.
I'm so sweaty now.
I mean, take your time.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to...
I believe...
Fuck, I might fuck this up.
Oh, don't fuck it up.
No, I don't want to...
I may not believe that.
Let's go with Mr. and Mrs. Jones.
Oh! Oh! I may not believe that. Let's go with Mr. and Mrs. Jones.
Oh!
Stop giving clues, Skippy!
That's not the name of the movie? Also, no Mormon clues.
Oh, right!
I meant, oh yeah.
How could you fuck up the word Smith
in front of a bunch of Mormons?
Smith and Jones, what do you want from me? It's true, yeah. So what is it called?
Mr. and Mrs. Smith?
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
Maybe it was obviously wrong.
Yeah, and then this year there was a similar movie about a couple that were spies and it was called Keeping Up with the Joneses.
So maybe that's what happened. Is Brad Pitt in that?
No.
His brother Arm is.
Arm Pitt?
I really like that joke.
Thank you. This is my brother Arm.
Listen. You got another one?
You want to go to your lifeline?
You want to shoot a jelly bean?
You want to eat a Donetti?
It's plastic Donetti.
They do taste like plastic.
That's my favorite part.
You know, Robert Duvall, if he was in the first Godfather,
you'd think maybe he was in the second one.
What's that called?
Fucking, is there,
is it Godfather 2?
And then is there more shit?
Yeah, Electric Boogaloo.
There's a little bit more shit.
Godfather 2.
You skipped one part.
Nope, the God,
the Godfather 2.
No, that's it.
Nope, you skipped a part.
Part, Godfather, the part two. No. You skipped a part. Godfather the Part 2.
No.
God damn it.
Okay.
So Godfather Part 2 is my answer.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, man.
Okay, so I'll go for Apocalypse Now.
Brad Pitt was in that?
Very young.
He was very young.
Yeah, he played a baby in it.
All right.
Seven.
Yeah.
S-E-7-E-N.
So seven then.
Seven, seven.
Russell?
It's getting tough now, guys.
Right?
It's time for crunch time.
I'm going to go with Oceans 11.
Nice.
Emma?
Which is a real lifeline, and I appreciate that.
Oceans 12.
Just that.
Just Oceans 12.
Yeah. And Oceans 13. Just that. Just Oceans 12. Yeah.
And Oceans 13.
Jeff?
Seven.
Oh, wait, there's more to the title.
Years in Tibet.
Oh!
Nice, nice.
Well played, well played.
Thank you.
Interesting.
Join us for Tate Crazy Nights.
And please, if you get picked,
say Brad Pitt so I can do this joke again.
Did a guy just yell out Brad Pitt?
He didn't mean
now.
Russell, got any more?
I think
Brad Pitt was in that movie
California.
How do you spell it? I think it was with a K, wasn't it?
That's correct.
Emma?
How do you spell it?
I think it was with a K, wasn't it? That's correct.
Yes.
Emma?
Listen.
Yes?
You know, he was so handsome.
And I remember in the 90s when he started really getting into things.
I'm talking about Brad Pitt here.
Uh-huh.
And there was a movie where he was very handsome. And there was a movie
where he was very handsome
and it was right when he had split with
Jen. That was a big deal for everybody.
We all went through a lot of emotions when he split
with Jen.
I think they might have got back together too.
I think Brad and Jen are back.
Let's use your lifeline.
Okay, Bobby.
Inglourious bastards. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Inglourious bastards.
Thank you, Bobby.
One of the best stoner performances ever given on film in true romance.
Ah, yes.
Good one.
Robert Duvall is in this cool movie from the early 70s called The Outfit
with Joe Don Baker
it's fucking sweet
no one's heard of it but it's rated R
so you guys probably aren't allowed to see it
here but listeners
should check it out
it's pretty cool
hey did that guy who lost his ID get in today?
woo!
that's a yes.
Congrats, man.
He's like, I lost my ID.
Will they let me in?
I'm like, I don't know.
I don't know how fucking strict they're going to be.
But I'm glad you made it.
It's awesome.
Russell?
Damn it.
I don't know that this is factual.
You still got, oh, did you already go to Duff?
Not yet, no.
Okay. So you still got Duff.
I've been Duff-less in Seattle.
Yeah, you don't want to make any I may be wrong.
I don't know that he...
No, fuck, I don't want to know that.
They don't have to be the lead in the movie, right?
No, just any part.
Brad loves war movies, of course.
Wasn't... No, that's not true. And then there was, you can't do TV shows, right?
No.
No, that's no good.
What were you gonna do?
You was in an episode of 30 something?
I was gonna, I was gonna say friends, yeah.
I want to say...
Fuck, I'm wrong, too.
Go to Duff and then save the one you want to save for next round.
Duff, give me one for Bobby Duvall.
Go on.
Second-hand lions.
Second-hand lions?
Damn you.
Jesus.
Yeah, but he's got Google.
Yeah, I guess he could have looked at his Google.
Emma?
This isn't my answer.
It's a serious question.
Okay.
Was Brad Pitt in We Bought a Zoo?
No, it's a good thing it's not your answer. It's not my answer.
It's not. It's not my answer. It's not.
It's not my answer.
No, I have an answer.
We were just watching something in the green room,
and it's the movie where they're at war,
and I don't know.
He wasn't.
I never saw him.
I never saw him on there,
but I bet Robert Duvall is in it,
and it's called Saving Private Ryan.
Robert Duvall is not in that.
He's not in that.
No, no. Saving Private Benjamin is Robert Duvall is not in that. Is not in that. No, no.
Saving Private Benjamin is another.
That's the sequel to that.
That was the other one where they saved Goldie Hawn.
Saving Private Benjamin.
So you're done?
I'm done.
I'm out.
All right.
It's a good effort, though.
Thank you.
It was a group effort, let's be fair.
It was me and Salt Lake just got it.
I mean, things got crazy for a second.
It became World War Z in here.
Jeff's shaking his head.
Because I can't make it fit into a sentence, that's all.
I got like 50 more.
He's in a movie called The Killer Elite
Bobby Duvall is with James Caan
They don't believe me
But it's true
No I believe you
Thank you
Russell did you think of the one you were trying to think of
Yeah you know I thought of it
And I'm not sure if it's a fact yet or not
I was gonna say Well it's a fact yet or not.
I was going to say... Well, it's like a pre-production or something, you think?
I was going to say that I think he might have been in
Easy Rider, Bobby Duvall,
but I don't know that's a fact.
No, he's not in that.
Yeah, that's why I'm not saying that.
Yeah.
Very clever way to play.
Emma's taught you well.
If I've learned one thing from Emma.
Here's my not answer, Alex.
Trebek.
So I will Donetti answer that.
I'm going to have to go with
Fuck.
Do you want to use my lifeline?
Nah, nah.
May I please have, dear wise guys at the gateway,
may I please have a
Tito's and Soda
signed Doug Benson.
I'll take another root beer.
You know, letter writing is a dying art form.
I like to try to write a letter whenever I get a chance.
I guess Fight Club was already used, huh?
I don't remember. Maybe it wasn't.
Jeff, you're the one that said it.
I say it a lot.
Because I do not observe rule number two.
Well, it looks like I'm an ignoramus.
I'm going to go with Taps.
It's hard.
It's difficult.
Maybe Bobby Duvall was in Taps.
No.
No, man.
I mean, maybe.
Seems like, yeah, maybe.
He could have been.
Seems like there were so many movies he could have been in.
No.
Was he in Copland?
Was he in Copland?
No.
Yeah.
This is a fun side game, though.
Why don't we play the movies they're not in?
I think that's a better game.
You and I will play a little side game.
Yeah, me and Emma got a little thing going on there.
I believe he won.
Oh, thank you so much.
I believe he won the Best Ask...
Best Oct...
Asker?
Asker.
Best Actor Oscar for a movie called Tender Mercies.
Yes.
Yeah.
Jeff?
It's between you and Emma.
Assassination Tango.
You said that with such fury.
Oh, god damn it.
I got four straws now.
I guess I won't give those to my daughter.
I'm sorry, you can't figure out how to scrounge up a dollar?
No.
I'll give you a dollar.
Oh, shit.
Oh, have I said a movie yet?
Because I will.
Get low.
What?
Get low.
Oh, get low. What? Get low. Oh, get low.
Okay.
Shit.
I wasn't thinking ahead.
It's much faster now.
I thought that was the name of a title.
That was really clever, Doug.
Thinking ahead. Nice.
It's much faster now. Full title!
Brad Pitt in I Wasn't Thinking
Ahead.
I'm going to go
with Thelma
and Louise.
Spy game!
Ooh, yeah. I like it.
I like that one a lot.
I saw it lot It's good
I'm done on Duvall I think
You got some more Duvall?
Yeah I got some more Duvall
I'm really blanking on that
Was Duvall in MASH?
Yes Duvall was in MASH
Robert Duvall in MASH? Yes, Duvall was in MASH. Okay, MASH.
Robert Duvall was in...
Oh, fuck. Now my brain just went dark.
Open Range.
Yes.
Alright, in the interest of time, I'm going to tap.
The judge.
He was the titular character.
And the apostle.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You do have a lot more Duval.
Yeah, yeah, network.
Yeah.
What other pit do you have?
The assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford.
That'll be a good one for live die repeat and you know what I'm going to keep the rest of them
to myself
I like that strategy you guys want to
yell at us for a second
burn after reading
that's great advice for the book that Jeff put in the bag
yeah
interview the vampire eating. That's great advice for the book that Jeff put in the bag.
Interview with a Vampire.
Johnny Suede.
Cool World.
Meet Joe Black, we said,
but that was a long time ago.
Twelve Monkeys. He was nominated for an Oscar for that. Moneyball. Great movie.
Mega Mind. Reallyball. Great movie. Megamind.
Really?
Oh, Troy.
He said
The Apostle. Falling Down. That's a good one.
To Kill a Mockingbird.
He's Boo Radley.
Yeah.
THX1138.
Was he in Bonnie and Clyde or something?
No.
He was in something like that in the and Clyde or something? No. The one that he said was kind...
He was in something like that in the late 60s that was real big.
Yeah, I'm sure he was.
I can't remember.
Troy.
That's a good one for Brad Pitt.
Snatch!
I can't believe we didn't say snatch!
I try to keep it clean when I perform here.
My snatch. I know. I try to keep it clean when I perform here. My snatch.
Gone in 60 seconds.
Duval's in that?
Yeah.
Interesting.
Yeah, that's right.
Four Christmases.
Four Christmases.
That's right.
Jesus.
Killing them softly.
The devil's own.
The devil's own.
The devil's own.
Thank you for smoking.
Who's in that?
Robert Duval. He is? Yes, yes, yes, yes. The Devil's Own The Devil's Own Thank you for smoking Who's in that?
Robert Duvall He is?
Yes, yes, yes
It's all coming back to me now guys
I can't do this
Emma, do you know who Robert Duvall is yet?
Yeah, no, I caught on a few names in
I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah
I still couldn't name anything
Duvall's the guy who's been playing cranky old men for 40 years.
Very well, too. Very well.
He was in that movie, The Ace, that also
was another title.
The Spade. It was called two different...
That's it.
Yeah.
Was it like The Great Waldo Pepper
or something?
Was that the...
No, that's a flying movie with Robert Redford.
The Great Santini.
That's it.
Great Santini.
That's the one, yeah.
Was also called The Ace.
Hey, Sidney, can you get me one of those scotches that I drank?
All right.
He's going to step up his game now.
Because we're about to play Ron Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation Bureau game.
I'm not sure.
I don't think it's funny. Here's how for inflation bureau game.
Here's how this works, Russell and Emma, if she needs a refresher.
I'm going to name an actor or actress, and then each of you is going to get a turn to name one movie of theirs
you think is in their top three box office movies of all time, according
to Box Office Mojo, and adjusted
for inflation.
Okay.
Basically, the idea is just think of the most popular
movie you can that that person was in.
Okay.
We'll switch around who gets to go first each round,
but the first round is going to be Jeff
and then Emma and then Russell.
And the name of the first round is going to be Jeff and then Emma and then Russell and the name of the first
actor
is the great comedian
Steve Martin
Jeff what do you think is in Steve Martin's
I know people got used to yelling out
Duvall and Pitt movies
but now it's back to no yelling out
I like to remind people out Duvall and Pip movies, but now it's back to no yelling out.
I like to remind people, because some of you might be really fucked up right now.
I got one.
I got one for him.
So Jeff gets to go first.
Fuck, man.
Name a Steve Martin movie that was popular.
Okay.
The Jerk.
Seems like a good one.
But box office success? office success I don't know
Emma?
Do I name what I think it is now?
Father of the Bride
Okay
I think I have the answer
He was certainly in that
I think I have the answer
Three Amigos
Top three box office though Hell yeah I think I have the answer. Okay, what? Three Amigos. Three Amigos.
Top three box office, though?
Top three?
Hell yeah.
Top three box office. This is a really interesting one to me.
I was really surprised by...
It better not be Dead Men Wear Plaid.
Head to my blue head.
Strangely, coming in all the way at number 13
of all Steve Martin movies,
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
I thought that would have been much higher on the list,
but I brought it up because I decided recently
it's my favorite Thanksgiving movie.
Because there aren't too many of them,
and they all suck.
Coming in at number three for Steve Martin,
the movie Parenthood.
Parenthood.
Number two,
he has a cameo in the Muppet
movie.
And then this is crazy, the
number one movie
after adjusting for inflation in Steve
Martin's career is in fact
The Jerk. Oh wow.
There you go. Wow.
That's very surprising.
So Jeff got three
points for that and Russell and
Emma need to start catching up.
Emma gets to go first this round
and the name of the actor
is Joaquin Phoenix.
Joaquin Phoenix.
What do you got for Joaquin Phoenix? What was this?
I can't.
I mean, he was great in.
Yeah.
And.
And don't forget. And and don't forget
and especially
I can think of him.
Do you want to go last this time?
I want to go last this time.
Okay.
Because maybe hearing a couple other titles
will jar your memory.
Russell?
I'm going to go with Walk the Line.
Okay.
Oh, that was so good.
Good one. Okay. He was that was so good. Good one.
Okay.
He was Oscar nominated for that.
Jeff?
Signs.
Oh.
All I can think of is the Tudors that show,
and that's all I can think of.
It's lodged, and it's not making room for anything else.
Well, why do you think you're reminded of the Tudors
by a movie that he really was in?
Is it the outfits?
Yeah, it is.
Do they fight at all in the Tudors?
They do.
What do you call them when they're fighting?
Swordsmen?
Three Musketeers?
That's a fair answer.
No?
Nice. It's funny.
Did you hear me say to the people at P.F. Chang's,
I was glad I ate here?
I did.
I was, too, yeah.
I don't know what that means.
I got it.
You were glad you ate there?
He just gave you the answer.
They're called gladiators.
Gladiators.
And he's in the movie Gladiator.
It's my guess.
Because he's...
Okay.
Okay.
It's a good one.
Because I forgot.
Okay, but to be fair,
the outfits are very...
Those are very different period pieces.
I just want to point that.
All right, coming in at number three, Joaquin of course is a young man was in a motion picture called
parenthood uh number two gladiator
and uh coming in at number one je Jeff's right again, Signs.
Come on.
All right, not much chance to catch up, but let's keep playing.
Okay.
Jeff is running away with this thing.
Did Walk the Line even make the fucking list?
You get to go, what's that?
Did Walk the Line even make the fucking list?
It wasn't top three.
And I didn't know where it did fall.
But it did okay at the box office.
But Signs was huge.
Signs is probably Bill Gibson's number one movie too.
All right.
So Russell gets to go first this time.
And it's Keanu Reeves.
And this is for his biggest box office movie? Top three for Keanu Reeves. I'm is for his biggest box office movie?
Top three for Keanu Reeves.
I'm going to go with The Matrix on that one.
Jeff?
Speed.
It was on HBO this morning.
What'd you say?
Speed.
Speed.
Yeah.
I'm going with Speed, right? I mean, I got a big lead. You got to go with Speed because you? Speed. Speed. Yeah. I'm going with speed, right?
I mean, I got a big lead. You gotta go with speed,
because you're the meth comic. Yeah.
You know what? Now that I hear it
out loud, I don't think I like it as much.
Now that I think about it?
What do you think, Emma?
Well, I'm torn between...
Two lovers.
Treated like a fool.
I think I'm going to go with John Wick.
I think I am.
Yeah, that's a good one.
I think I am, because it was real popular,
and it was real good,
and don't you make that face at me, sir.
He just knows.
I mean, it did all right, but it was like it grew after the movie was out of theaters,
and that's why they made a sequel.
Okay, well then maybe I should go with John Wick 2.
Electric Boogaloo.
Yeah, that's one of those tight ones
where they don't even have a colon and more words
So that's where you're going with John Wick 2
Yeah
John Wick 2, never reach back
Never reach back
Alright, coming in
at number four,
couldn't get anyone to fall for this, Parenthood.
Do it again.
Number three, Speed.
Aw.
Nice.
And number two, The Matrix.
Yeah, all right.
Finally, I got a point.
Lakehouse. Can I change my name to The Matrix to Yeah, alright. Finally I got a point. Lakehouse.
Can I change my name to The Matrix to Reloaded?
Can I have... I change it. I just change it to...
I'm changing it
to The Matrix to
colon Reloaded.
Colon?
As long as your colon's not Reloaded, we're good.
That is the number one movie.
Is it?
Yes.
Is it really?
All right.
Yeah.
Is that the title?
The Matrix Reloaded.
But did I get it right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's no two in it.
Okay.
Well.
But also, you know, you can't.
Jeff's way ahead.
Yeah, that's...
So it doesn't really matter.
I just wanted to put some points on the board.
In fact, you did put some points on the board,
and I would like to give you those three points.
That's five, and Russell got two just now.
So, Jeffs, I'm going to declare you the winner today.
All right.
declare you the winner today.
Alright.
And I'm gonna do the tiebreaker for Emma
and Russell only to
determine who's the worst.
I got this.
Who's gonna come in third
today? Doesn't really matter. who's gonna come in third today
doesn't really matter
but Emma goes first
okay
the films of
Bryce Dallas Howard
I have no idea who that is
I'm so sorry
you might as well have gone with Millie Bobby Brown
I don't know either
Bryce Miller Howard?
What was it?
Is that Ron Howard's brother?
Is it?
It's his daughter, Dallas Bryce Howard.
She's got red hair, usually.
And she's been in a few movies.
That's Ron Howard's daughter?
Mm-hmm.
I don't know if you guys... She always wears a hat.
I don't know if you guys caught that there's been hat because she's Super Bowl. I don't know if you guys caught
that there's been a thing
that's happened in every round
of this game.
There's one particular movie
that comes up every time.
Is it?
It was directed by Ron Howard
and she's his daughter.
In Parenthood?
That's your answer, Parenthood?
No, because that has been
number three on every...
But she hasn't probably been
in another...
She said she was in a lot of...
Did he direct fucking Parenthood?
Yeah.
Well, then I'm gonna go with Parenthood.
Well, no, it's my turn.
Oh, well.
Stamp the double locket, no races.
But I feel like you're tricking us.
I feel like you're being tricky by being like,
I feel like you should answer.
Okay, I'm going to say Parenthood.
I'm going to say Parenthood.
You're going Parenthood?
I'm going to say Parenthood, too.
Electric boogaloo.
She's not in parenthood.
God damn it.
God damn it.
I knew it.
She's in Arrival.
Nope, I won't hear anything else.
That's it.
She was wonderful in Arrival. You said red hair anything else. That's it. She was wonderful in Arrival.
You said red hair, and that's all I hear.
She was great.
Don't talk to me about Amy Adams.
I was in a movie with Clint.
What's that?
I was in a movie with Clint Howard.
And it wasn't directed by Ron?
No.
That's quite a break for Clint.
I think it was shot here in Utah, actually.
Really?
Yeah. What's it called? It was called
The Legend of Awesomest Maximus.
It was a National Lampoon movie. Anyone?
Of course, Skippy knows it.
Skippy's seen it.
Fantastic.
I play a guy who gets peed on.
Yes, you do.
Yes, you do. Wait.
Yes, you do.
Trump?
You play Donald Trump in this movie?
What are the circumstances?
You want to be peed on?
No, they bring up a baby and he pees on me.
I present the baby and then the baby just,
I happen to be in the front, the baby pisses on me.
So a drama.
Yeah, really compelling, compelling drama.
You were the voice of Ricky the Rhino?
Rocky.
Rocky the Rhino in Jungle Book?
And I was also the peacock
who fights with the porcupine over the stick.
What does that sound like?
Gary Shandling was the porcupine
and I was the peacock and there's a stick
and when we shot it,
Gary and I were standing beside each other, and we both had chopsticks in
our mouth, and we were trying, oh, look, and we had to, because we're method.
And what did the peacock sound like?
Just sound like, I had a toothpick in my mouth, I had a toothpick, the chopsticks.
Like you, if you had a thing in your mouth.
Yeah, I was just like, oh, good, it's my branch, yeah, yeah, that's it.
So if you see it, you hear my branch, that's me.
How did the...
What did the rhino sound like?
The rhino sounded very much like me, too,
because the rhino just said, watch it, kid.
That's all the rhino did.
And then apparently the rhino makes an appearance
in Jungle Book 2, so I'm excited about that.
I mean, we haven't started it yet.
You're not worried they're going to recast it, are you?
I am a little worried about it.
Seeing the casting for Lion King, I'm like,
well, wait a minute, fabs.
There's not a scene where
the lion baby gets held up
and pees on somebody.
I've done this before!
I've done this before!
Oh,
I'll make you date ya.
So I don't lie.
It was gross because they used
Mountain Dew
and I was all sticky after.
It's like having
a diabetic pee on you,
I guess.
I mean,
I guess.
I gotta go, guys.
Wait,
so what was your answer
for Dallas Bryce Howard?
I didn't know
who the fuck she is.
Parenthood 2.
He said Parenthood 2.
All right.
I'm going to go Parenthood 2.
Because her number one is Jurassic World.
Kind of popular.
Oh, okay.
Her number two is Spider-Man 3.
She was a love interest in that.
Oh, I know who she is now.
She's lovely.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then Twilight Eclipse, then The Help, and The Village.
She's been in some pretty big movies.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But anyway,
the person that Jeff was playing for,
what's his name again? Ben!
Ben! Come get your prizes, Ben!
There you go. There's that
and the book, and don't forget the bike.
I don't know how you're going to get the bike home.
I mean, it's really odd that...
Yeah, we'll sign it.
I'm so glad Jeff Ross
dressed up as Ben.
Alright, let's do some plugs
starting with Jeff.
What do you got to plug, buddy?
Just take crazy nights.
That's what I got coming up.
That's it?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't have a, I'm planning a tour for the spring,
or the early, late winter, or whatever,
but take crazy nights.
And, you know, Twitter.
Follow me on Twitter, at JeffTake96.
Boy, thanks.
You better come up with some better plugs
before Tate Crazy Night starts, because
that shit's not going to fly.
Okay.
Russell Peters, two more shows here tonight.
Sold out already. Skippy bought
most of the tickets.
He got a free rape whistle with his
tickets. I have a free rape whistle with his tickets.
Yeah.
I have a series coming up on Netflix
called The Indian Detective.
It starts next month on Netflix.
Very cool.
It's only four episodes, but whatever.
I'll give you a hint as to who plays the Indian Detective.
Yep, that's right.
That's correct. I sneezed, I's right. That's correct.
I sneezed, I'm sorry.
Yeah, you're sorry.
I mean, that was on brand.
It came from the mildly amusing part of the room.
Well, thanks for being here, Russell.
Did you have a good experience?
I did.
I would like to do this again, Doug.
Okay.
Yes.
We'll work it out.
We'll make it happen.
Now that I'm understanding of how it works.
You know what?
People come on the show repeatedly and still never figure out how it works.
It's complicated.
I feel I need a rematch.
It's complicated.
It's starring Steve Martin.
Emma, what do you got to plug?
December 7th through 9th, I'll be at the DC Improv.
Good plug.
Yeah, it'll be a lot of fun.
I'm with Ron Funches.
And then the weekend after that, I'm with Dana Gould at the San Francisco Punchline.
So come see me do some comedy and get a hug and some honey.
Very nice.
Let's hear it for all three of my guests.
Jeff Tate, Russell Peters, Emma Arnold.
Don't forget your
Donettis.
And your candy
gun.
And as always,
oh, I got one plug I want to throw in.
Twelve
guests of Christmas in LA. Is it Largo?
At the Coronet on December 12th and 13th
and thank you to Wise Guys
and to all you guys for coming out today
great job
Duff went for a double
as always Utah liquor laws
and Donald Trump are a shithead.
And we're sticking with the political.
Senator Orrin Hatch is a
shithead.
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You'll hear me next time.
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Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess
makes him cocky. There's no
room in his heart for you
cause Doug loves
movies!