Doug Loves Movies - Samm Levine, Carmen Lynch and Geoff Tate guest
Episode Date: March 27, 2016Live from the San Jose Improv, Doug welcomes Samm Levine, Carmen Lynch and Geoff Tate to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://ar...t19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweetie babies, sticky seats
With 50 azotop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not more that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. We love you!
Yes, we do!
We love you, son!
If you love me,
shut the fuck up
and let me start the show
the proper way.
show the proper way. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. Yeah,
see, you were going to have a chance to yell anyway if you just waited. Coming to you for the first time ever from the improv in downtown San Jose, California.
It's Saturday, March 26, 2016 at 420-ish.
And before I ask you guys to show me your name tags,
I would like to show you some name tags that got confiscated at the front door of this club.
Because this is a fancy-ass theater
that serves food
and therefore does not allow boxes of donuts
through the front door and when i heard about it i said to him i go where are all the donuts they
go we were holding them and they showed me where they were holding them uh so everybody could have
picked them up again on their way out but uh what's the point of that you didn't buy these donuts to pick them up on your way out.
Let's see, we got here
Phillip.
Juan and Phillip?
You got a gay couple got together
and bought some donuts?
These are all... These are all...
Shake and bake.
These are all...
These are sealed up Entenmann's,
so they probably will still be good.
Do you want them back?
Juan and Phillip?
You'd rather I just eat them.
What kind of fat pig are you trying to turn me into?
So you really brought donuts thinking that I want you to bring me donuts for me to eat?
For like two fucking years.
Maybe not that long, but for a while now, I've been saying on the podcast,
stop bringing me things to eat.
I will not eat them. I will throw them on the podcast, stop bringing me things to eat. I will not eat them.
I will throw them into the crowd.
Where's Megan at?
Oh, score.
I've never done it this way before.
Uh-oh.
We got spillage.
Clean up.
Quick, clean up on aisle two.
No, don't just put them on a chair.
Somebody take them.
It's food, for Christ's sake.
Did you notice the homeless population in this town?
We're just putting food on the ground or on a chair.
But don't eat them now buy buy uh something from the club buy something delicious from the club let's do some doug plugs uh the next los angeles taping
of douglow's movies occurs this wednesday march 30th at the ucb theater on franklin avenue at
eight o'clock. And then next weekend
I'll be at Jash Fest in Palm
Springs, California.
And on Sunday, April 3rd, I'm interrupting
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Yeah. At CineFamily.
There's no earthly
way of knowing
which direction
we are going.
Is it raining? is it All right.
That's going to be at CineFamily at 420
as part of the Wayne Fetterman International Film Festival.
Did I say April 3rd? Yes, I did.
And I've got shows coming up in Greenville, South Carolina,
right here in the Bay Area in San Francisco,
and Portland, Oregon, and more,
douglasmovies.com
for dates, deets and links
let's look at what I brought in my prize
the winner today is going to get a lot of stuff
this is a
poster for the
comedy at
South by Southwest, it lists me and a bunch
of other comedians at the bottom, it's a pretty cool
poster
and, whoa, what's happening?
More donuts.
Thank you.
That was rude.
He's very nice to bring me those donuts.
Also included in the bag is a shirt from Smile Train, one of my favorite charities.
They fix cleft palates on children in third world countries.
We also got from my VHS collection, We have an episode of
Dawson's Creek.
This one's entitled Breaking Away.
So there's probably like
a, you know, break up in that one.
And then, or a
bike race. And then
an episode of the
I love this Eddie Murphy animated
show, The PJs.
Yeah.
So there's one of those in there.
And then,
but wait, there's more.
A wristband that says Houston Normal on it.
A CD by the Black Eyed Peas,
Pre-Fergie.
Yeah, I don't know how,
you guys,
that was a mixed reaction to that.
At midnight in Texas sticker,
and also somebody,
somebody that's here today,
I think someone who works for the iTunes,
a company I've never heard of or dealt with.
Where are you at?
Oh, okay.
Hey, what do you do at iTunes?
Engineer?
Okay.
So you make sure the train gets there on time.
And why is this so heavy?
Are there multiples of each?
Six Batman versus Superman.
That's like a negative prize.
I was disappointed when I saw it today
and I was the only person booing.
Like the crowd I saw seemed perfectly okay with it.
And then how many suicide squads?
Just one suicide squad?
And six Batman versus Supermans.
All right, so that's quite a thing to win today.
I don't think I've ever given away six copies of the same poster.
I hope the winner has friends.
You know, a lot of loners like this show.
Or I guess they
could sell them, maybe. What do you think they're worth on the...
I almost said
black market, but I'm not racist.
But thank you for that, iTunes
guy.
And from the club here,
the improv gave us
a bag full of Jack Daniels, Tennessee Honey shirts and a hat and a whole bunch of stuff in there.
Yeah.
So all of that is going to someone today.
In addition to the guests brought here by my prizes, three...
What? My guests, not my prizes.
My pretties.
Please welcome my pretties
Jeff Tate, Carmen Lynch, and Sam
the Ma'am Levine
aka
Lil Wolverine.
Come on, Balcony.
Woo! All right.
Let's meet them individually, starting with, all the way from New York City,
it's Carmen Lynch, everybody.
Hi.
Starting with, all the way from New York City, it's Carmen Lynch, everybody.
Well, it's sort of L.A. now.
What's that?
It's sort of L.A. Sort of?
Yeah.
Splitting your time?
Kind of.
I like it.
I noticed you were doing a lot of stuff in L.A.
You've got to come on the show there sometime.
Thanks for noticing.
And you're welcome uh but you are performing all weekend here in this area i
should say you're over in uh sunnyvale at the trailer park with the boys no you are
you're at rooster tea feathers yeah rtf for life This is also a beautiful club.
Yeah.
Roosters.
It's different.
It's different.
It's kind of different vibes.
I think I need to be more successful to work here, maybe.
No offense to Roosters, but this is huge.
Yeah, Roosters is an intimate space, like you're doing close-up magic,
and here is more of a bigger prestidigitation show.
That's what I do, close-up.
Prestidigination.
This is where you do real illusionist stuff.
Yeah.
Like the other night, you and I gave off the illusion that it was worth listening to us talk for 90 minutes.
Because this is a big stage.
If you don't prowl it like Chris Rock, it feels weird.
You got to prowl it, Jeff.
Jeff Tate is here, everybody.
Woo!
Hello.
Hi, everybody.
I like your outfit today,
especially the hat, because it looks like you're about to pull
off a second story job.
Or,
go right into the store
and just go right up
to the guy with the money
because you...
Just straight up.
It's amazing how well
I can see through this.
And it's amazing
how scary it is.
Is it scary?
Yeah, it is.
Oh, man.
Just whenever somebody's
talking to you
with their mask
pulled over their face,
it's not a good situation.
No, no, it's... a good situation. No, no.
I need you to not remember me is not something you want from an encounter.
It's never like, here's some money.
Forget you saw my face.
I didn't.
Also joining us today, flying up from Los Angeles Where he does live
It's Sam the Ma'am Levine everybody
Thank you
Thank you San Jose
Or
For today
Yeah
It's officially Sam Jose
Oh shit
I talked to the mayor and he was like
Who are you?
Doug just to clarify, I drove, did not fly.
Oh, nice move.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Was it an enjoyable drive?
It was a lovely drive.
It's really, it's about my car.
I want my car to feel like it's lived a full life.
So I try to take it to as many cities and states as I can.
Oh, my God.
Are you about to put your car down?
It's going up to Canada to live
in a big auto race park
with all the other cars.
That sounds like the way they'd
end a Fast and Furious movie.
She was such
a good car.
Now she's on a farm.
Maybe they'll do that in the next one.
This last one, they just had to deal with an actual guy being dead.
I'm just saying, you guys, let's be practical here.
Serious question.
Here we go.
Let's get serious.
I was very much expecting the Paul Walker character to die in the film.
Right, but I think that they wanted you to walk
out of it with a happy feeling,
even though we know what happened in
real life. It's nice to
think that the character got to just go to
an island somewhere. Sure.
He doesn't seem like the retirement type, though.
It seems like every
movie they did was about him being pulled
back into something. Yeah.
So I don't know if his retirement's permanent.
It just depends on how good they get CGI in the next couple of years.
He might be back and be a big part of the movie again.
Oh, boy.
I mean, I'm very curious to see the next one, which I believe is starring Kurt Russell and takes place in Manhattan.
Yeah.
Oh, that is breaking news.
All of that's true.
San Jose, that is accurate.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've got insider information.
So brace yourselves for that.
I've read it on IMDb.
I don't even have IMDb Pro.
It's just out there.
It's not insider information, guys.
You just have to want to know it.
What are you talking about?
Who's going to do what?
The next Fast and Furious movie will take place
on Manhattan and Kurt Russell
will be one of the leads.
That is absolutely not true. Did you see the last one?
Yeah.
I mean, I hope I'm not spoiling this for
anybody, but Kurt Russell dies in it.
No, he doesn't. He's just badly injured?
Yeah. He takes one in the chest,
but he lives because he's Kurt fucking Russell.
That's true.
You can't kill him.
Yeah, man, he punched that bullet right out of his own gut.
Yeah.
And now he's moved to Manhattan to race cars.
I haven't seen the next one yet.
Well, I heard he moved there because he's going to spend a little time in Little China.
I thought that was
San Francisco's Chinatown.
Oh my God,
it'd be super dope
if Kurt Russell's car
in Furious 8
was that fucking
the Porkchop Express.
That'd be the best.
I don't think
that's going to happen
because his character
in the Fast and Furious movie
was like a suit-wearing guy.
I didn't see it.
Totally different kind of guy.
Well, we'll try to move off of these dumb movies.
I'm glad we talked about it, because I saw Furious 7 this week.
Well, since I have these donuts in my hand, let's talk about Frost Nixon.
Where is Eric Armand?
Where are you at, dude?
There you are.
And you brought a whole bunch of donuts from Psycho Donuts.
Which the donut is crying and running away.
I don't know if that's...
I don't know if that's...
So the psychos are the people that work there, not the donuts.
All right.
And do you want your donuts back, sir?
Can we eat them?
Oh. And do you want your donuts back, sir? Can we eat them?
I'll have one.
Oh, okay.
This is next level shit.
I'm throwing whole boxes.
We're not even taking them out of the boxes.
This is like when Gallagher gave up.
And he's like, hey, fuck off.
Why do I still have them? He's tired of traveling with the sledge of Maddox,
so he just puts things on a stool and slaps it with his hand.
Knocks it off the stool just petulantly.
Fuck this watermelon.
Fuck this cantaloupe.
I'm just trying to make the stack of donuts lower
because there's a couple sitting over here that have shitty seats
because the donuts are blocking the view.
I apologize
for that.
Who won the...
They did a contest, a CISO
sponsored contest where somebody
won a better seat. Did that happen?
Did I hear that?
So you're sitting right there?
And where were you sitting before you won that contest?
Just right over there? And where were you sitting before you won that contest? Just right over there?
Sweet.
Yeah, don't worry about it, people in the balcony.
You never had a chance.
Did someone lose that seat to her?
No, no, no.
They kept that one open.
And now there's an empty great seat right over there, probably.
Yeah. But what are you going to do?
Are you sitting with strangers?
Oh, so all four of you won.
That seems...
Yeah.
That's a whole family.
Yeah, she got to bring a whole table over.
Are those your parents?
Oh, that's cute.
If you had a bigger party, it would have been a real Sophie's Choice.
If you had a bigger party, it would have been a real Sophie's choice.
You know, I try to bring it back to movies as quickly as I can.
Really uplifting ones.
She would have to pick three and then murder the rest of her family.
I don't think that's what happened in that movie, Jeff.
I don't think Sophie murdered the other kid.
I was just trying to make the steak similar.
I haven't seen it yet. Me either. I haven't seen it.
Oh, you're good. You're good.
It's really depressing.
Yeah, it's one of those.
But you know what? It's more fun than
Batman v Superman. Uh-oh.
Yeah.
Shots fired. I like the Green Hornet better than Superman. Uh-oh. Yeah, I'd say that's true. Shots fired.
I like the Green Hornet better than Superman.
Oh, now you're just being silly.
I mean, at least with Green Hornet,
you know, Deadpool rose up out of the ashes of that.
You know, like...
Oh, Green Lantern, sorry.
Which one did you say?
Green Hornet.
Oh, shit. I like Green Hornet, sorry. Which one did you say? Green Hornet. Oh, shit.
I like Green Hornet.
Yeah.
See, I've never seen Green Lantern.
Green Lantern's really not.
It's bad.
It's real bad.
And then Ryan Reynolds was like,
I'm going to stick with this superhero thing.
Until I get it right.
Finally got it right.
I'm going to keep doing them until I get it right.
So proud of him.
So happy for him.
He even played Deadpool wrong once.
Yep. He's like Deadpool wrong once. Yep.
He's like, all right, I'll play him
because I don't want anybody else to play him,
but I don't know if sewing up Deadpool's mouth
is the way to go.
That does seem like a weird choice
for a guy whose only superpower is being cool.
And chatty.
Like saying cool jokes.
Yeah.
He's like a real prick, Carmen,
just so you know. That Deadpool character
is a dick.
But just to give people some hope
here in the room today that haven't
seen BVS,
who here,
and we're not going to judge you for it,
it's not like the prequels or something,
who here
loved it?
Really? That sounds about right. Sounds about right. It's not like the prequels or something. Who here loved it? Woo, yeah!
Really?
That sounds about right.
It sounds about right.
Four people in this entire country.
But I'm genuinely happy for you because I went into it thinking I wasn't going to like it,
hoping I would,
and then it was worse than I thought it was going to be.
For me, for me, if you love it, hoping I would, and then it was worse than I thought it was gonna be.
For me, for me, if you love it,
if you love your superhero movies
as slowly moving as possible,
take Unbreakable, slow that down.
And while you're at it, take out the interesting characters
and situations.
You all right, Sam? You're just shaking your head.
I haven't seen the picture, but you're not you're really doing a good job
of making me not want to see this movie.
Well, you gotta see it so that
if you ever are up for a part in a
Zack Snyder movie, you can
just pick something to compliment
him on about it. Sure. It looked neat.
Yeah.
Good effects. It's probably easier to come up with a compliment for this movie if you don't ever about it. Sure. It looked neat. Yeah. I mean, it was... Good effects. It's probably easier
to come up with a compliment for this movie
if you don't ever see it. Yep.
Alright. The costumes.
Dope poster, dude.
Hey, congratulations.
That movie made a lot of money.
Yes, that's a good way
to do it.
Because it is already making a shit ton.
There's nothing we can do to stop it.
But that's the problem.
And I mean, when people ask me all the time
why Freaks and Geeks was canceled,
I'm like, it wasn't a quality issue.
It's because we didn't have any viewers.
And so people complain that Batman versus Superman,
they're going to make 10 sequels,
and they probably will
because it's going to make $500 million.
Yeah.
So if we stop seeing
the shitty movies
then they won't have any incentive to make
good ones? That's right. No!
We have to
it's like how when
girls
start dating
not assholes
and they're like oh fuck those guys.
They're terrible.
No? Does that always happen? This is wishful thinking folks. not assholes. And they're like, oh, fuck those guys. That's never going to happen. They're terrible. Yeah.
No?
Does that always happen?
This is wishful thinking, folks.
I had some bad luck, and I got to believe that there's going to be some time in life
where women are like, no, now that I'm in my 60s, I know.
Stay away from those guys.
Maybe in your 60s, yeah.
In my 60s? All right, here we go. See in your 60s, yeah. In my 60s?
All right, here we go.
See you in 26 years, ladies.
Why do you have to be in your 60s?
Why can't just some 60s lady come at you right now like,
You know what, Jeff Tate?
I'm going to break off a piece of that freak or geek.
Come on, where are you?
Jeff Tate, you have sold me.
The people with the parents there, how's that marriage? Is it shaky?
No? It's good? It's all good?
Alright. God bless you both.
See me after the show. If you were sitting over there,
would it be alright?
Or did that sort of patch things
up? You caught a lucky break.
She's married to a guy that was on
Undeclared, so you already missed your window.
You were her type
But you missed it
How did that lose everybody?
Yeah, I don't know
But I'm happy to move on
Because I still want to talk about Batman and Superman
Please
First of all, I just hate it when they fight
Wouldn't that be funny if that was why I didn't like it, I just hate it when they fight. I just...
Wouldn't that be funny
if that was why I didn't like it?
I just want them to get along.
It's just...
It's upsetting to me
that they're arguing.
But yeah,
I don't want to get into
any spoilers or anything,
and I just want to say that,
you know,
since everybody's going to see it,
you know, go ahead.
And you might like it.
You might like it because there's plenty of people
that like it just fine.
Maybe sneak in though. Buy a ticket to something else.
There you go. Do the old
swapper-oony. Switch in
to something else, which feels like it's what they do
here at the theater in downtown San Jose
all constantly.
Because we have not seen a movie there, Jeff and I,
where someone didn't walk in 20 minutes late,
sit down, and enjoy the rest of it.
Yeah.
Like, nothing ever went wrong.
Like, they weren't looking around like,
oh, shit, it started already?
Nope, this is how we do it.
Last night, it was like 35 minutes
after the movie started,
five people walked in.
Just loudly.
Just all with backpacks.
Like, they just got out of school
and wanted to catch
the last half of London has fallen, which is probably the better half to catch if you're going to.
So how much of London falls?
I mean, it's right there in the title, so it happens for sure.
And it happens at the beginning, and it's damn near most of London.
Most of London explodes right at the beginning and it's damn near most of London. Most of London explodes
right at the beginning.
So then...
It's right at the beginning, though.
It's in the title.
And it's probably in the trailer
probably shows a lot of it.
It's on the poster.
Also, I'll be doing you a favor
by spoiling all of it.
Yeah.
How could they not do
London Has Fallen and not blow up Big Ben? It's spoiling all of it. Yeah. How could they not do London Has Fallen
and not blow up Big Ben?
It's got to happen, right?
Yeah.
So there you go.
But I also love that you're concerned about a movie
that is like, you know, it's like dying.
It's like crawling out of theaters right now.
You know a movie's done when it has like
two random ass showt times at a multiplex.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to either see it at 12.50 or 11.55 p.m.
Interesting options.
It's like they have to, they put it in that time slot because that gives them a tax break or something.
Like if they're open before noon and after midnight.
I think it's that they know the can sell booze and something like that. The only people who see it are unemployed.
They can either see a movie at noon or
see one that starts at midnight because they're not getting up
in the morning.
Yeah, I saw it. It's probably still better.
It's really, like, I like super
dumb, loud movies like that and I didn't even like
this one. This one was the, it was
racist. It was super
crazy racist. It felt like it was written
by someone whose understanding of
foreign policy came from Rush Limbaugh's radio
show.
But still better than
BVS? Uh, yeah.
Well, it was,
here's why I'll say it's better than BVS.
It was like an hour shorter than BVS.
So it's like they're both garbage,
but at least I got to leave London Has Fallen at some point.
I didn't feel like a whole day.
You can't have as much slow motion as they have
in Batman v Superman and be two and a half hours long.
Like, speed those shots the fuck up.
You don't need them to tell the story. and be two and a half hours long. Like, speed those shots the fuck up. I went outside to smoke.
You don't need them to tell the story.
I went outside to smoke,
and when I got back in,
before the shell, it hit the ground.
It, like, clicked out of a gun,
and I went all the way downstairs,
smoked a cigarette, came up,
then it hit the ground,
and the movie kept going.
I didn't miss anything.
Sorry, dude, that was a different bullet.
They shot two bullets? Yeah. Oh. In succession, though, dude. That was a different bullet. They shot two bullets?
Yeah.
In succession, though.
Did that second one look a lot like the first one
coming out of the barrel?
I didn't miss much.
What'd you bring for the prize bag, Jeff?
What'd you bring for the bag?
I brought a Big Trouble in Little China comic book.
I brought a Big Trouble in Little China comic book.
That lady stood up like we're going to throw these. Yeah, pass it down, pass it down.
There you go.
Her enthusiasm got her the prize.
Oh!
She was way too into it.
Yeah.
And I brought a denim on denim shirt.
Yeah, see, nobody jumped up out of their seat for that no no uh you can get you can buy those at zipzooapparel.com if you want I got some dope new shirts on there too and uh the money goes to
speakersilence.org
Carmen mine aren't as exciting but I those were exciting Carmen?
Mine aren't as exciting.
Those were exciting?
First of all, your bag is exciting.
Show them the bag. The bag.
Star Wars bag.
And it's got the good and evil sides on the bag.
Yes, and you get to keep the bag.
You know what?
You're getting, don't look at the price on this.
Some St. Patrick's Day shot glasses.
Best time to buy them is after
St. Patrick's Day.
I got you some movie candy.
Like Sour Patch Kids.
Sure.
And gummy bears and shit like that.
Oh, and then I got a lighter for your weed pleasure.
And a little costume for your wine bottle.
Did you almost say bong?
Costume for your bong?
It just says wine, but it's for your bong.
No, it's whatever you want to do with it.
I just thought of something else. But what is it? A costume of what? It's a wine.
It's an apron for your wine bottle. Oh, it's like a little
It's like a little chef outfit.
And if you're religious,
I got you some peeps for tomorrow.
No wonder Roche put that hat.
And a coupon
for some nuts.
And I think that's it.
Right?
You mean the nuts will be straight up free
if you use a coupon or it's a little bit off?
It's a discount for nuts.
I just wanted to say nuts.
All right, that's some great stuff.
Thank you, Carmen.
Nuts. It's fun. All right. That's some great stuff. Thank you, Carmen. Nuts.
It's fun.
Nuts. It's fun to say.
Yeah.
Sam? Doug, you know I don't disappoint.
Maybe
one of the greatest underrated sequels
of all time, Anchorman 2.
The legend continues
in DVD format.. In DVD format.
Also in DVD format.
It's not a sequel,
but the sequel was identical.
The Hangover?
So if you want to watch The Hangover 2,
just re-watch The Hangover twice.
And then this is
maybe my favorite thing I've ever brought to the show.
Because someone
is going to win this,
and I expect fully to tweet to me about how they wound up using it.
This is a banana massager.
That's right.
Finally, we can massage our bananas.
Yeah.
After a long day at the office, your banana needs a good rub down.
There you go.
What, do you, like, put a banana inside that thing?
It's a banana-shaped massager.
What the fuck?
That is not what the box says.
It just says banana massager.
That is very misleading.
How does that work?
Sorry, San Jose.
I was the victim of false advertising.
Oh, it's a fat banana.
Well.
It looks like a Sports Illustrated phone.
Batteries.
Yeah, it's supposed to have batteries,
but I don't even know once the battery's in,
there's no on-off switch.
It's a complex thing, you guys.
So do with it what you will.
And all of that is going to be someone's today at the end of the program.
I never did ask you guys to show me your name tags,
so don't do it yet.
Yeah.
I apologize.
I was just confused by too many things.
But I was curious, though,
if anybody in the balcony has one.
Do you?
No? Good.
That's a good way to seat the place.
Name tags downstairs, balcony, no name tags.
But before we get into the game portion, you know I have
at least one question I like to
ask, but I'm going to
start with a question that's
special just for today.
What's your favorite Easter movie?
Right?
Isn't it weird that there are
Easter movies, but none that are
anybody's favorite
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
That was an Easter movie?
Well, it has an Easter sequence
Oh, okay
Great
I have one
Every Easter we would watch Ben-Hur
That man has abs
He's hot
I like my favorite sequence
In that movie is the egg hunt
Do you have one Jeff?
I guess it's more of a Good Friday movie
But Passion of the christ yeah
that's the one i wrote down i've never even seen that's the one i was gonna say uh i i haven't sat through the whole thing because it's apparently it's just torture
like batman versus superman yeah
Like Batman versus Superman?
Yeah.
Boy, there was no shortage of Christ imagery in that movie.
Yeah, it's like every time one of those two guys would walk into a scene, they'd be like,
What's up?
As often as possible, there was them in the middle with two guys flanking them.
Like whenever they could, like that big crucifixion thing. I don't know. Sam,
I think you didn't get to that part of the Bible.
No, I'm still on the first one.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, there was an
addendum.
Where's hello, my name is Adam.
Where are you at?
Hey, how's it going, man?
Do you want your donuts back?
Why is it?
It's like you know something.
I open it up, boom!
Oh, there's a lot of them.
Oh, can we share some?
Yeah, you guys can have a donut if you want.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah, get in there.
Yeah.
Do you want one?
Yeah.
I have no hands.
Ooh, thanks, Adam.
This is like the scene in Fast Times
where Spicoli gets a pizza
and the teacher gives it to everybody but Spicoli.
All right, so you guys
all got a donut.
Yay.
Oh, here they go.
And then an even bigger box from Psycho Donuts.
And that's from
Where's Robert Coleman at?
Alright, thank you, Robert,
for bringing those. I'm sorry we're not
throwing them all around, because I assume
the improv doesn't want us to do that.
I'm so curious.
Who was it?
Who was it? Do you guys remember? Were any of you on the show
where somebody stomped on all the donuts?
I really upset somebody in the balcony
I forget who it was though
Somebody just dumped the shit out of the donuts
So that's an option for you guys
Just throwing it out there
We know Jeff's last movie that he saw
Was London Has Fallen.
And, of course, he and I both watched BVS today.
What was the last movie you saw that's not been her, Carmen?
I haven't seen a movie in a couple months.
I think it was Carol.
Yeah?
Did you like that?
It was good.
You might like BVS then.
They're similarly paced.
It was very slow, yes.
Yeah.
Sam, what about you?
I had never seen the Behind Enemy Lines movie with Owen Wilson.
And Gene Hackman?
And Gene Hackman, yeah.
So I finally got a chance to see that.
It's not bad, right? No, it's pretty
entertaining. I like that movie.
Yeah, there you go. That's good.
Yeah.
I just like to participate. Carmen doesn't
I never saw it. I haven't seen
any movies in a while. You pretty much just
see the movies about lesbians.
Yes, I know all the lesbian movies.
Personal best? Blue is the warmest color.
I can't think of any more.
That'd be a fun last man stand.
Lesbian movies.
Oh, Bound. Bound. Bound is probably the best one.
Wild Things.
Is it lesbian if there's a three-way?
I don't know, man. Does that automatically make it
lesbian or just girls having fun?
Well, I mean, it depends on how...
Wishful thinking over there.
Do you want to use the book definition of lesbian?
Yes.
Okay.
The Danish girl?
I don't know.
Never mind.
Oh, you're the worst.
There's a lot of lesbians in the Danish girl.
There's a transgender
fella, lady.
Oh, I can't
stop with the spoilers today.
Spoiling everything
for you guys. Alright,
that's the part of the show where I say
let the games begin!
Let the games begin!
the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin!
Now, let's take a look at these name tags.
While they pick their name tags,
we'll do these brief
messages. We'll be right back.
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Now back to the show.
All right, we did it. We're back.
Thank you to everybody.
There was a lot of good ones out there, a lot of big ones.
You make them big here in San Jose.
Jeff's is pretty big.
What's going on there?
I'm playing for Ashley.
Love Ashley.
She made a Love Actually poster,
but she changed it to people who have done the show.
Jacob's on here.
Sarah Silverman, Andre Vermillion, me.
I'm there. Hold it up in a more straight up way, thank you
I'm not going to put you in it
I'm just going to get the
There's too much light coming off of it
Oh there you go, nice
Alright
That is pretty cool looking
That's well done
It's pretty great, I think I'm going to keep it
I think the picture of me Is like when I was on At Midnight
But I don't recall ever being angry on there
I look angry in that picture
I think that's you from Friends
Oh, okay
My mom calls it Bloomy's
Yeah
Alright, Carmen
I'm playing for Nancy in Chasing Nancy
One of Ben Affleck's better movies I like it Carmen? I'm playing for Nancy in Chasing Nancy.
One of Ben Affleck's better movies.
I like it.
Quick, it's out a little bit.
I want to get you another shot.
There you go.
Get a nice blurry shot of Carmen.
And get one of Sam's.
This one's pretty impressive. Yeah, this one, there's some nice Photoshop work here.
I'm playing for Justin Glorious Bastards
And he has replaced Brad Pitt's head
With your head
And I don't remember what Brad
Is carrying in the
Real poster of this, but in this one
He's changed it to the decapitated head of
Donald Trump.
He's carrying a lunchbox in the real poster.
Oh, a lunchbox?
A Dukes of Hazzard lunchbox. Hello, kiddies.
Oh, Dukes of Hazzard.
Aldo Reigns a fan.
Yeah, what was he holding?
I feel like...
A suitcase?
Yeah, I don't know.
It's probably just another gun.
He's standing on a pile of dead Nazis.
He's not holding a scalp, I know that much.
He might be holding like a Nazi helmet.
All right.
I don't remember.
What movie is the tagline,
A Bastard's Work Is Never Done?
A Bastard Out of Carolina.
Yes.
Pretty sure.
There were a few people tickled by that.
It came up this time.
All right, you guys.
Let's see how we're doing here on time and whatnot.
Yeah, I think we've got the time that we need
because we are about to play a new game.
Ooh!
Yeah!
We love new games.
Why is there a name tag made it to the stage
that nobody picked?
Pedal juice.
It's just sitting there.
And I'm not going to say it three times
because I know what happens.
Not going to make that mistake.
May I please have another kettle wanted soda,
San Jose Improv?
Thank you.
And maybe another Modelo Especial.
A Modelo Especial for Sam.
Do you need anything, Carmen?
I'm good, thank you. I would like some water.
Jeff would like a water.
Waters for Carmen and Jeff.
So it's going to be interesting.
Because Sam and I
are getting drunk.
We'll see what happens.
This first game is a brand new game.
We've only played it once before.
It's called Jason and Deb's IMDb Game.
Created by my friends Jason and Deb
on 101X in Austin, Texas.
Basically, here's how the game works.
I think Jeff and I have played it together
in a car once, so he knows how it works, but Carmen and Sam,
on the IMDb page, when you look up an actor or an actress,
it'll say most known for, and they'll list four things.
Mostly movies, but they throw in some TV shows,
and I'll tell you if that happens, or you can guess accordingly.
But the idea is, so for example, Sam.
Yes?
What four things does it say on your IMDB page?
Have you looked at it?
I have not.
I have to assume.
Go ahead and guess then.
Bastards and, I don't know, Pulse.
And probably That's So Raven.
That's mostly what I get stopped on the street for.
No, it's really interesting what they did. They went in Glorious Bastards,
Pulse, and
Not Another Teen Movie. Okay. Sure.
Fair enough. And then, as your
fourth credit on IMDb, the
Internet Movie Database,
Kevin Pollak Chat Show. Yep.
Yeah.
Which is nice. Nice that they're plugging it that way.
You know what? Thank you, IMDB.
Yeah.
Doesn't list Doug Lowe's movies as one of my things.
Well...
Although I didn't look, so maybe it did.
Oh, drinks are coming.
Thank you.
You drink it.
No, no, no.
It's a drink.
Thank you.
Here's to you, San Jose.
Cheers.
Sam and I are going to tear up this town tonight.
It's Sam's town tonight.
Sam Jose.
It's his for the taking.
I'm going to go out and meet some 60-year-old ladies.
Why don't we just find one for you here?
Seriously.
Hello?
Don't be shy. You'll find me after the show. Why don't we just find one for you here? Seriously. Hello? Yeah.
Don't be shy.
Hello.
You'll find me after the show.
So here's how the game works.
I name...
Starting a real problem here.
Like, in the case of you, Sam,
if I named...
I'll start naming movies,
and if I say Inglourious Bastards,
you can yell Sam to stop me
and take a guess right there
what actor we're talking about.
Got it. But without having heard two
titles, it's a pretty risky
move. We also need, I think our mics
are too close together because I'm starting to make some
weird noises.
Or it's
something else. I don't know.
So you can
buzz in there if you want, but it's probably
best to wait for two titles because if you guess incorrectly, that's a negative point.
You lose a point.
Oh.
Yeah, so you don't want to jump in too early and guess wrong.
Okay.
But then once I name a second movie, a third movie, and a fourth movie, whenever the person does jump in and gets it right,
they get, for bonus points, a chance to name the additional titles that are in the four
for that actor or actress. And those are worth
how many points each? One point. Okay. So you get a
point for getting it right, then an additional point
for each one. We're playing to five points.
Alright. Yeah, so it's going to take
at least two rounds for somebody to win.
Probably more. And if I run out of names,
whoever has the most points wins. Now can we jump in
or is this just between you guys? The first one.
Huh?
It's always up for everybody.
Yeah, you're always in the game,
at least the first time you yell out.
Then you gotta wait until that round ends.
Let's do it.
And the first time we played this,
I just looked down at the paper and just announced,
Billy Bob Thornton! and the first time we played this, I just looked down at the paper and just announced,
Billy Bob Thornton!
Unlike the third round or fourth round of it,
so it was pretty hilarious.
He's going to be the new Amy Adams,
which, by the way,
Billy Bob is terrible
in Batman v Superman.
Quick question, Doug.
Yes, sir.
If I gamble and guess
after you've only said one movie,
am I then locked out
or can I then guess
after you say the second movie?
No, you get the negative point
and you're locked out.
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't take that chance, Sam.
I'm just curious how it worked.
I know.
And, you know,
that's the thing is IMDb
is very,
it's curious,
their choices sometimes. Indeed. So, like, that's part of is IMDB is very it's curious their choices sometimes indeed so like
that's that's part of the fun because it's not obvious which the top four are it's not like
their top four grossing movies right obviously in your case that's true because Kevin Pollak
chat show made more it's not a top grossing movie almost as much as BBS that That's Bob Vila Syndrome.
It was a documentary played just a couple of theaters.
I was waiting for the S.
Turns out it's Syndrome.
I thought it was going to be show.
Why wouldn't it just be show?
No, that was on
PBS.
That was not in theaters.
All right, here we go.
Say your own name when you think you know the actor or actress that's in all of these things.
All right.
Birdman or the unexpected virtue of ignorance?
Batman.
Sam.
I think Sam got in first.
Who is it?
I think that's Michael Keaton.
That's correct.
That's correct.
And now for bonus points.
Batman Returns?
And Beetlejuice?
I've got...
You got one right.
Batman Returns and Spotlight.
Ah, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So now Sam is up two points.
Sam's got two points.
Guys ready for the next one?
No.
Billy Bob Thornton.
Jeff.
Jeff.
The first movie is Man of Steel.
The second movie is
The Man from Uncle.
Jeff.
Go for it.
Henry Cavill.
Henry Cavill.
Superman. Superman. Henry Cavill. uh henry cavill cavill henry cavill superman henry cavill
that is correct that is correct you got it
so jeff gets one point and do you want to even try to guess two more henry cavill films because
i think we just named the two that you've seen.
You might not have even seen Man from U.N.C.L.E.
I saw Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Oh, okay.
I did not see Man of Steel.
Oh, that's right. I did see Batman vs. Superman, Dawn of Justice.
Uh-huh.
And, uh...
Fuck.
I don't know.
That guy looks like a guy that would be on that show,
Suits.
I like how you think.
But it's just immortals?
Just the word immortals?
You remember that?
Nope.
Me neither.
And then another one
that I didn't think Jeff would know
called Stardust.
Yeah, exactly.
Henry Cavill needs to work more.
No, no he doesn't.
Please.
Alright, so Jeff has one point
Sam has two.
Here's the next one.
Make it easy.
Okay.
I'll look right at you,
Carmen,
for this one.
Okay.
Gravity.
Right.
I got it.
Okay.
But that's not.
Ocean's 11.
Jeff.
That was me. That was't know! That was me.
That was not you.
That was me.
I'm pretty sure that was Sam.
I'm giving it to Carmen.
But I think Sam was first.
Damn it, you're right.
That's why you...
Don't move around.
Stay where I can see all you guys.
Okay, Sam.
George Clunes.
Clunes.
George Clunes is who we're talking about. Proper name, please. Yeah,unes. Clunies. George Clunies is who we're talking about.
Proper name, please.
Yeah, that's wrong.
Sorry.
George Clunie III.
George Clunie.
All right, so you got one for that.
Oh, boy.
What's on Clunes?
I'm going to say known for.
I'm going to take a long shot here.
Okay.
Good night and good luck.
We need one more.
And
Oceans 11?
I said Oceans 11.
No, I thought you said Oceans 13.
So Oceans 13. Okay. We can't guess. They should you said Ocean's 13. So Ocean's 13.
Okay.
We can't guess.
They should have just gone
straight across
Ocean's Ocean's Ocean's.
I wish.
But they didn't.
They like to mix it up, I guess.
Did they put
Golden Girls on it?
No.
Golden Girls didn't make it.
Facts of Life.
Roseanne didn't make it.
Facts of Life didn't make it.
He was in
Up in the Air
and The Descendants.
Ah!
Yeah, yeah.
Points don't give me.
I thought you'd give him
a director nod, you know?
Ah!
So Sam just got one point for that round.
So Sam has three and Jeff has one.
And here's the next one.
Heat.
Jeff.
Really?
Yeah.
All right.
Val Kilmer.
That is correct.
Ah!
What?
It's superheroes, Sam.
Tombstone.
It's not Batman.
It's because Henry Cavill was one of them.
He's my favorite Batman.
So I'm going to say Tombstone.
Two more.
Top Gun.
One more. And let's go with
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
for fun
because I can't think of what it would be
can I challenge?
no you can't do anything
just have to sit there
okay so you get
Top Gun was correct
but the other two
were wrong.
But, you know, one was just handed to you.
Batman Forever.
Oh, but I didn't think
they would put Batman Forever for Val Kilmer.
They didn't put the Batman movie for George Clooney.
That's a good point.
You have seen
that one? Yeah.
Yeah, they don't usually put people's biggest pieces of shit.
Except for Sam and Pulse.
Damn right.
God damn right.
So they went with Batman Forever and The Prince of Egypt.
Oh, of course.
Yeah, right.
The great Val Kilmer movie, The Prince of Egypt. Oh, of course. The great Val Kilmer movie, The Prince of Egypt.
So, that means that
Jeff got two points
on that round. So we have Jeff with
three, Sam with three,
and Carmen is going to catch up.
Is going to catch up.
But if you don't, this isn't the game
that decides it all, so it's really
just a warm-up to don't worry too much about it.
But here's the next one.
Superman?
The original one?
I'm sorry.
Okay.
What did I say?
Superman?
Okay, I'm ready.
Go.
The Remains of the Day.
Oh, Carmen!
I don't know.
I don't know, but I...
I'm gonna try.
Oh, shit.
It could be the star,
but the Remains of the Day,
was he in that?
Go ahead and guess.
Okay, my first,
I'm not going to give you my final answer.
I'm going to tell you my first gut.
My first gut.
It's got to be your only guess.
Superman and the Remains of the Day.
It sounds like a really smart movie
that I've never seen.
Oh, then it's got to be him.
It's Christopher Reeve or Gene Hackman.
Yeah, that's correct.
Christopher Reeve or Gene Hackman. Yeah, that's correct. Christopher Reeve.
Sweet.
All right.
So Superman
and Remains of the Day
are taken for Christopher Reeve.
You get to make
two more Christopher Reeve movies.
Okay.
The one where he plays
a priest, Monsignor.
No.
And?
Oh.
Did he make any other movies?
Oh, Superman 2!
Yeah, Superman 2 is correct.
I get five points!
So you get one point.
That's double Jeopardy points.
You get one point for guessing Christopher Reeve or Gene Hackman.
It's an interesting approach.
I'd like to see people try that on Jeopardy.
I've got a multi-part answer, Alex.
But you were right about Superman 2,
and it was right there for the taking.
Superman 3.
Which sucks.
Finally, somebody's put their foot down on Superman 3.
No love for Quest for Peace, huh?
Nope, no Superman 4.
At least not in his top four.
John Cryer's finest.
So Carmen's on the board with two points.
Yeah!
All right, somebody's gotta do something.
All right, here we go.
To make this finish.
I just want to be able to see who speaks first.
And the audience will also have my back
or not.
We're all going to be trustworthy here
because this is going to happen fast.
Oh shit.
I can't see your mouth.
Take your burglar face off.
Here we go.
Argo?
Jeff.
That's Jeff.
Okay.
Who do you think it is, Jeff?
I think it's...
Fuck.
I think I might have fucked myself.
Ben Affleck.
You might have.
Ben Affleck.
That's who you're going with?
Ben Affleck?
You sure?
Yeah.
That's it.
That's it.
Yeah, we all know he's in Argo, but there's other actors in Argo.
That is correct.
Okay.
Oh! other actors in Argo. That is correct. Now,
that puts Jeff at four points.
All he has to do is get one out of three
right of
Ben Affleck movies
listed by IMDb, and
you will be our winner of this game.
Okay, here's my three
guesses for Ben Affleck. Good Will Hunting,
The Town, and Pearl Harbor.
So close.
It's Good Will Hunting, The Town, and Gone Girl,
but you are a winner.
Jeff is the winner.
Jeff is the winner.
It was the first time we played it
It was too hard for the panelists
And so people were already telling me
It was not going to work
But I was like, you just wait
You just wait until Sam and Carmen and Jeff play
That's right
I think we should add the challenge though
The challenge amendment to the game.
It just gets a little too loosey-goosey
if everybody's always challenging each other.
What were you going to challenge him on?
Like, if he got the names wrong,
I could guess what the...
Oh, you could jump in and guess what he missed?
And I would say Gone Girl and then win his points.
Sorry.
Just kidding.
Do you think that's what would have happened?
Do you think he would have said Gone Girl?
No, that wouldn't have happened at all.
If you ever want to do a non-leading
actors version of that game,
I'd be down, bro.
Wait, the leading
actor part was what made it
hard for you?
No, I'm saying if you want to go next level.
What Sam's mad about is
that this version of the game... I would love to play that.
Off, Mike! That would be boring.
Sam's upset that this
version of the game other people can win, too.
Bro!
Chef, if you
don't know by now that I have mad respect
for your movie knowledge,
suck a dick. I almost said...
I almost said Scoot McNary
because he was in both of those movies.
Good old Scoot.
And that's totally what Tug would have done there.
Yeah.
Our buddy Scoot.
You won both of your rounds just on one movie.
It's pretty impressive.
But for everybody that's here today
and for those in the future audiences,
please don't reveal the
theme that is emerging with the names
in the answers because that sort of
blew that out a little bit.
Oh, fuck. I did that. I'm
sorry. Well, you did it,
but that's you're fucking yourself over by telling
them that it's all Batmans. But somebody
in the audience said it before you did.
You just agreed with them. I didn't hear the audience member say it yeah yeah i don't want any more of that
i promise you i didn't i already saw enough amy adams today
i could stand to see some more amy ad Yeah, why didn't she wear those same pants
that she wore in Night at the Museum?
She's a fan of those pants.
I wish she...
No, I said, why didn't she?
Oh.
It was a different movie.
They don't have that store in Gotham.
Right.
They don't...
There's not a lot of people running around in jodhpurs.
Sam, you were going to say something?
I was just going to say I was thinking
supportings because that other game you used to play
where you'd name several movies
and it was always a supporting actor who was in all three.
Oh, what was that game?
I don't remember, but I remember one time I said J.K. Simmons.
Cluster Flicks?
Yeah, that's it. Cluster Flicks.
You're a fan of this show, Jeff.
Yeah, you said J.K. Simmons and when I said you were wrong, you were like, oh, J. Clusterflix. You're a fan of this show, Jeff. Yeah. You said J.K. Simmons
and when I said you were wrong, you were like, oh, J.K.
Yep.
Just kidding.
All right. Let's play Last Man Stanton.
Ah!
And
this game has gone to another level,
Sam. Oh, boy.
You might not know about.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
It's basically like a mini tournament of Last Man Stanton
because it's the first person to two points wins this game.
You've got to get two right.
And you've got to last longest on two.
We'll get a name from the audience.
Take turns. I play along on this one. Take turns naming movies the person was in. If you can't think of one, you've got to last longest on two. We'll get a name from the audience. Take turns.
I play along on this one.
Take turns naming movies the person was in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
You're only out for that round.
The person that lasts the longest wins a point.
Yeah.
And then the person that wins the first round gets to pick any actor they want for the next round.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
So that's where you could throw your weight around with some supporting actor nobody knows.
Very well.
Vincent Chiavelli.
You could say it yourself.
I sure could.
You could say, let's do Sam Levine movies.
That would be an awfully fast game.
All right.
I take it back.
You can't do that.
All right.
I think you'd do pretty good.
There's some actors, though, that, like, you know,
if, like, Tom Arnold was on here,
I bet you he'd forget some of the movies that he was in.
Yeah, like the one he was in with me.
What?
Damn right, guys.
What was that?
I've been in a lot of shitty movies, okay?
What one were you guys in together?
We shot it under the title
After School Special,
but then it was ultimately released under the title
National Lampoon's Barely
Legal. Gross.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
So if I pick myself later, you guys can just use that one.
I'd rather lose
than say that out loud.
Yep.
That's fair.
One of my favorite
moments during the games
on this show was when Tom Arnold was on
and he didn't recognize the children
that played his kids in Carpool.
Were they the other two guests?
Huh? Yeah, and he walked
down the stage and said, who are these fucks?
No, we were playing Leonard Maltin,
and I was naming names,
and they were his kids.
He had no idea what movie it was.
All right, so we've got to get the first one from the crowd,
and there's a gentleman who tweeted me
whose Twitter name rhymes with tweeted. His name
is Peted.
Pete with a D at the end. Pete D.
Is that your Beetlejuice?
That's you. Holy shit.
Hey!
Petaljuice. It's amazing how
often the person that I use for this
that I pick randomly off of Twitter also is
in the front row.
And Pete, do you have a good name for us, you think?
Keep it simple.
Huh?
We're going to do, we just need a name for Last Man Stanton.
Like, it's weird that you seem to not understand
when you're the one that wrote to me on Twitter,
I've got a perfect name for Last Man Stanton.
And you also, when did you write that to me?
Today?
Today?
Alright.
I don't approve of this at all.
But he said
Gary Shanley.
I know, right?
Do you have any idea
how much of a bummer that is
before you said it? Do you have any idea how much of a bummer that is before you said it?
Do you have any idea that I don't want to hear from you at all?
It's not a just yell out names thing.
That's why I got a guy on Twitter and asked him.
Gary Shandling's only in
a couple movies
you don't need to say more about it because we're doing it
oh shit we're for real
yeah it's gonna be rough
he's a great great comedian and had two
great TV shows but his movie career
was somewhat spotty
and Jeff since
you won that last game you get to go first
so name any movie
that featured the late great Gary Shandling Iron Man 2 yes Carmen describe
the movie nope I only know his TV stuff. Right.
That's what happens.
That's another reason why it's not a great name for this game.
The sadness plus the difficulty.
Yeah.
Extra sad.
Oh, thank you for reminding me.
Every round you can use your name tag as a lifeline.
Oh! The person who supplied your name tag.
Where's Nancy?
Where you at?
Carmen needs you already.
Nancy!
Nancy sounds like she's at a loss as well.
You better be there for me.
And Captain America the Winter Soldier?
Captain America the Winter Soldier.
I think that's good.
Yeah.
Chasing Nancy.
Thank you, Nancy.
And Hail Hydra, Sam.
What planet are you from?
Yes.
All right.
I know that he was friendly with Warren Beatty,
and therefore I think he has a small part in the movie Love Affair.
Could be wrong, though.
Yeah.
With Warren Beatty and Annette Bening, but I could be wrong.
Challenge.
What's the protocol there?
Just worry about it later,
because what I say doesn't really even count.
That's fair.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's between you guys.
All right.
Jeff?
Zoolander.
Oh.
What is he doing Zoolander?
He plays himself at the beginning.
I don't remember that.
He plays with himself?
No, he's Gary Shandling at the beginning of that movie,
like when they're doing the Red Corbett stuff.
Oh, okay.
Good pull.
Well, he was really good friends with Warren Beatty,
so he had a small part in Reds.
No, we didn't.
You're out, but just for this round, you'll be back.
Sam?
Hurley Burley.
Oh, that's right.
With Sean Penn.
Very good.
Good poll.
Thank you.
Okay, I'll go ahead and say it.
Maybe I won't.
Yeah, I'm out.
Jeff?
Maybe this will help.
Hang on.
This is the theme to Gary's show.
That's not going to help.
My stepmother is an alien.
Really?
Yeah.
Listen to the applause.
What is he doing that?
He's the real dad. He's Listen to the applause. What is he doing that? He's the real dad.
He's married to the alien.
Some people clap, so nobody's arguing with you.
No, he's not in it.
Hey, what about Love Affair?
He is in Love Affair.
I fucking hate this dude.
This dude's on his fucking phone.
Oh, way to take the side of the host.
Real strong stance.
Real solid backbone.
I don't want your fucking donuts.
You realize that this means Sam wins this round and that he's going to say an actor that no one's ever heard of.
I will keep it fun and fair.
How about that?
A celebrity.
Those are Sam's trademarks, keeping it fun and fair.
That's what it says.
That's the Kevin Pollak chat show tagline.
Fun and fair.
Like fair and balanced, but it's just fun and fair.
It's reasonable. Yeah.
A reasonable chat show.
Let's go ahead and let Sam win this one with another
Gary Marshall.
Gary Shanling. I don't know that I have to name
another one, do I? Might as well.
No, I don't think I can unless I
try my... Yeah, use your life on him.
I have one. Justin?
The Dictator. There you go. He's in The Dict Oh, sorry. Justin? The Dictator. There you go.
He's in The Dictator?
God damn it.
All right.
The Dictator.
There you go.
Was he in that movie where they repeat the joke over and over and over again?
Was he in that?
The Aristocrats?
The Aristocrats?
Yes.
Undercover Brother?
That's the one I was trying to think.
All right, so... So, yeah, Jeff, don't forget you have a lifeline,
because you never used yours, right?
Did my...
You just blurted out a wrong answer.
No, I blurted out what I thought was a correct answer.
Right, because were you listening earlier,
what planet are you from?
Is that what made you think he's also in
that whatever one you said?
I might not have heard.
I'm assuming Sam said it.
I think so, yeah.
I might have been thinking of that movie.
Yeah, I think that's what happened.
Yeah, so I didn't,
I would have used my lifeline
if I had known I didn't know the answer.
I just thought I did.
Okay.
You said it in a very unsure way,
so I'm just reminding you for the next round.
Because Sam gets to start us off.
Fun and fair.
Steve Martin.
That's super fun and fair, but we just did him.
Oh.
So it would be unfair to you, because I'm really good at Steve Martin. Ah, okay. but we just did him. Oh. So it would be unfair to you because I'm really good at Steve Martin.
Ah, okay.
Because we just did it.
See?
Oh, man.
Sorry.
I like Steve Martin.
It's got to come from me.
I'm just trying to be fun and fair.
I appreciate that.
Yeah, so pick somebody else.
Okay.
How about Quentin Tarantino?
Okay, that's weird.
Because he's a director, we can name the movies he's directed and the movies he's acted in,
which I think would be very fun.
Thank you very much.
All right, Sam.
How has someone in the crowd, by the way, not said that up until now?
I think that's a great suggestion.
What's that?
Tarantino.
No, we've played Tarantino before.
Oh, you have?
Even with acting, he's got 15 credits max.
All right.
Well, how long do you want the shit to go?
No, it's just the idea is to pick somebody that's got a shit ton of
credit so that it can be, you know,
so it can go for a while, but that's fine.
Okay. I mean, you picked it. Okay.
I mean, I can't sit here all day
with all your bad picks.
Do you want to pick another one?
Maybe someone else will win this round.
Yeah, maybe. That would be...
So let's just fucking do it.
What's happening?
Inglourious bastards.
Can I go next?
No.
Fuck!
I'm next. Reservoir Dogs.
Jeff.
Uh...
Kill Bill Volume 1.
I don't understand
what people decide
they clap for in this game.
I think they clap if they like the movie.
Pulp Fiction.
People hear one that they like.
What did you say?
Big Pulp Fiction fans.
Kill Bill Volume 2.
Big Pulp Fiction fans.
Kill Bill Volume 2.
Alright, I'm out.
Please stop yelling words from the audience. There's no reason for any
words.
Nancy!
Nancy!
When you say it in that voice, Sam gets real
excited. Is there...
Is that a 60-year-old?
You throw that old lady quiver to your voice,
and Sam's like, oh, I found her.
I'm a reverse cougar.
Sam.
Sam.
It's me, Ethel.
Oh, Ethel.
I said 60, not 80.
Come on.
Margaret.
Wait, but somebody named Ethel still has to be a baby
and grow up to an old person.
But it is a total old person name.
It's a total old person name.
I don't think that name was popular 60 years ago.
She's so old, you have to check her pulse.
Ethel has a daughter named Margaret.
That's fair.
I'm into Margaret.
Come on, Sammy.
So you went volume two? Yeah, I went volume two. All right, Sammy. So you went volume two?
Yeah, I went volume two.
All right, I'll go Jackie Brown.
GF?
I'm going to go with From Dusk Till Dawn.
Those are all the ones I know.
I know one, but I can't remember the name.
But I remember one word in the title.
Use your lifeline.
And what's happening?
What are you saying?
Why are you...
Oh, there's a...
You even have a dog?
Nancy.
There's a dog in here, but they don't allow donuts?
Hey, you want to throw that dog?
Is that what you're saying?
But that's who you were talking to was the dog?
You weren't talking to yourself, right?
Who were you talking to?
Maybe the dog was talking.
Anyway.
Maybe the dog was trying to guess.
Somebody over there was saying something.
But Carmen could use her...
I'm going to use Nancy again.
Where's Nancy at again?
Yeah, Desperado.
I mean, come on. Oh, Yeah, Desperado. I mean, come on.
Desperado. Thanks.
Django Unchained.
Yeah.
Alright.
Alright, so
that leaves me with
how about a little film
called The Hateful Eight?
That's the one I was thinking of.
Jeff.
Four Rooms.
How many times can I use Nancy?
That was it.
Just the one time, I'm afraid.
Wait, there was a Kill Bill Unshown
Version 3 that never came out
It went straight to DVD
No
Alright, well
You can't win everything, you know
No, I
Very frankly, I'm beginning to think I'm going to lose this, but I'm just here for the fun Well, you can't win everything. You know?
Very frankly, I'm beginning to think I'm going to lose this,
but I'm just here for the fun.
It's just important to be fun and fair.
I'm here for you, Sammy.
That's what we're here for.
Planet Terror.
That's an interesting approach.
I don't know what to do with that.
I don't think it counts.
Because you're picking the half of a movie that Tarantino had nothing to do with,
or he had something to do with it.
He shows up in it, in Planet Terror?
Okay.
All right, in that case...
That's right.
His dick falls off?
Yeah!
I thought that one was obvious. I should have saved it for later
I gotta see that one again
Yeah
Holy shit
That's crazy
Okay so I'm gonna say
Destiny turns on the radio.
Well done, sir.
That was my deep pull.
Yeah.
There that goes.
There it goes.
Jeff?
True Romance.
Now, wait, what do you think?
Why do you think that would count?
Because he wrote it?
Did we say writers?
Is this a game where we say who the writer is?
No.
So I'll give you another chance.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Would you rather not have another chance?
No, I do want that chance.
Okay, so take your other chance.
Then I'm going to say Death Proof.
Yeah, that was there for the taking.
Okay.
Sam?
Grindhouse.
Well, now, we've already said Planet Terror and Death Proof,
so you're going to have to do better than that.
How is that not official?
Because you blew it by saying Planet Terror.
You already took half of a movie.
So Wyatt said Grindhouse that would have covered both movies?
That would have been that.
Even though technically Grindhouse
is two movies and a lot of trailers.
Yes, but it's two different versions of those movies.
Right, you're right.
But Grindhouse, those movies were released
in the theater as Grindhouse.
They've been released separately like in Europe. No, they're released. But Grindhouse, those movies were released in the theater as Grindhouse. They've been released separately, like in Europe.
No, they were released separately here.
Here?
No, they didn't play individually here.
Sam, I didn't get true romance.
I'm pretty sure that this DVD box for Grindhouse...
Yeah, I mean, you opened the door when you said Planet Terror,
but you just said half of it.
All right.
Because I would just say Grindhouse for the whole thing, but I didn't stop it. All right. Because I would just say
Grindhouse for the whole thing,
but I didn't stop it
because I thought
somebody else could use
death proof.
Do you have anything else?
Because this will be great
because Carmen will be back in.
We'll play another round.
But if you got one...
Nancy and I will be back in.
If you got one,
take it home.
Yeah.
The birthday party.
I'm going to my phone.
Is that right?
What did he do in that?
Acted and
And who else is in it?
Oh, I couldn't tell you.
You're just really hoping that he has a part in a movie called The Birthday Party?
Uh-huh.
I'm excited to see what the results say.
No.
From 1968?
No. Okay 1968? No.
Okay, so not that birthday party.
They were recent.
Not the short from 1931?
No.
Not some movie from 2003
that's called The Birthday Party?
It's Tiffany's 21st birthday
and she's having a party
with her closest friends.
There's lots of drinking
and kissing
and as the party progresses,
dot, dot, dot,
I'm not even going
to click on it.
Written and directed by...
Does everyone get murdered?
Written and directed
by Lincoln Kupchak
and no mention
of Quentin Tarantino whatsoever.
It's a different title?
It's a different title?
Oh, you got the title wrong.
Oh, you got the title wrong.
I think I know what it is. Put your phone
away, Sam. Very well.
Am I still in this?
Was he in the
anniversary party? Is that what
you're thinking of? No? Okay, I'm out again.
Jeff? Lifeline.
Oh.
You really think your lifeline's gonna be of help?
Now, wait a minute. Don't I get to use my lifeline?
You could have if you'd done it when it was your turn. But hang on. Everyone else is out, wait a minute. Don't I get to use my lifeline? You could have if you'd done it when it was your turn.
But hang on.
No, but everyone else is out.
Wait a second.
Don't I get a second guess like Jeff did?
A second guess for why?
Well, because I said Grindhouse, and you said no.
But the...
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
Shut up!
That's my lifeline.
That's my lifeline.
But we're not...
I'm not...
We're talking about this other thing, and she's just yelling out a title.
Is that the title you want to go with?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Stop saying words from the audience.
I beg of you.
I know it's a participatory show, but just don't chime in all the time with everything.
Let us do this.
Let me finish my fucking stupid argument with Sam.
No, it's fine.
Doug, I'll concede.
Jeff can win the point.
We'll play another round.
I let him do another one because you could argue that,
you know, we didn't say you can't say movies that he just wrote
because how few of those are there?
They're not many of them.
And we didn't bring it up, but that's what I'm saying.
So that's out, and the other one's out.
What's the other one? Natural Born Killers.
Oh yeah, of course.
So where are we at now?
Jeff, got the answer from the audience?
Yes. You want to use it?
Sure. What is it?
I'm still the last one to name
one if I don't get this right
That's a good point
Yeah
But what
he's in Sin City?
No he's a
I don't think he is
Guest director
Oh he directed
a part of it
Yeah
Okay
Yeah
I mean it's a stretch
But Jeff was still
Jeff still prevailed
either way right?
Sure sure sure, sure.
All right.
My best friend's birthday party.
Yep, there it is.
Thank you.
Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts.
You were so close.
That's not it, Jeff.
My best friend's wedding singer.
Mash-ups?
What?
Oh, that's when I'm going to hate myself.
Was this the part where I said, give us more names?
Did I say that already?
I don't remember saying that.
You guys are so fucking chatty.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what I could possibly do to stop it.
My best friend's birthday is what it's called,
so you were also wrong,
so shut up for the rest of the show.
I love people jumping in with incorrectness.
We never asked you to speak,
and then you say something wrong.
I don't know what to do with that.
I'm at a real crossroads with this show might just perform it for myself
in my basement
who's your favorite
actor Carmen
like who do you think you can name the most people
the most
I like where this is going
no because then I'll still lose
so pick somebody who you don't know any of their movies so we can move this along.
Let's do the first person that came to mind
was...
I'm just taking a suggestion from you. I might still...
You're going to do whatever you're going to do
very quickly. We don't have a lot of time.
Do it. Go. God damn it.
Who do you want to do?
Bruce Willis.
Have we done Bruce Willis before?
I don't know, but each time it's somebody's turn,
they get two fucking seconds,
because we don't have time to do 50 movies,
and he's in over 50 movies.
Okay.
All right, go.
Jeff.
Die Hard.
Sin City.
Right?
Yes! Carbon's our winner.
No.
Die Hard 2.
What'd you say?
Die Hard 2.
No!
Sorry.
Die Harder.
I'll go with...
Disney's The Kid.
Die Hard with a Vengeance.
Oh, come on.
Die Hard with a Challenge.
Oh, I named another one.
Say your final guess.
What?
I named one that I realize he's in.
All right.
Pulp Fiction.
Yeah.
Live Free or Die Hard.
Guys, I'm a fan of the series.
That's a good one.
Big fan.
Me too.
I like the fourth one a lot.
The fourth one is the best after the first one, and then the third one, and then the fourth one a lot. The fourth one is the best after the first one,
and then the third one, and then the fourth one.
Hmm, okay.
Oh!
I'm going to say Blind Date.
I'm going to say A Good Day to Die Hard.
Damn right.
Enough!
Can I say The Second Sin City?
You can if you know what it's called,
and I'm not even sure if he's in it.
So take your chances.
Sin City with a vengeance.
Sin City with a vengeance.
So that's it? That's all you got?
No, they're in there, but I just can't find them.
Four rooms.
Four rooms.
That's correct.
I'll keep the numbers.
The sixth sense.
Of course.
I mean, it's amazing how many Bruce Willis movies have already come up today.
Unbreakable.
Last Man Standing.
Am I still in the game?
One time we played this and nobody said Last Man Standing and people gave me such shit about it.
You guys are so dumb.
You didn't even say Last Man Standing
when you were playing Last Man Standing.
Do you want to use your lifeline?
Oh, I can use her again for this new round?
Yeah, every round.
Nancy!
Twelve monkeys. Good job, round. Nancy! 12 monkeys.
Good job, Nancy.
They're so obvious.
12 monkeys.
Sam, Hudson Hawk.
Mm-hmm.
I'll get this one out of the way.
Armageddon.
Armageddon tired of this game.
How is this possible?
Hostage.
What?
Now Carmen's out.
Oh, I don't get one more Nancy?
What? No more Nancy.
No more Nancy.
Alright.
No.
I'm sure there's an adventure movie I can't think of.
Yeah, he's had some adventures.
Was he in a
movie with fire? I bet he was.
Or a movie where he got fired.
House?
Six, eight, one.
Did that really just happen?
No.
Okay, good.
Thought I heard something.
Carmen's out.
Sam.
Sorry, Nancy.
Such a cop out
But cop out
You know I don't really mind
That Carmen got eliminated
Because death becomes her
Oh
Keep it going
16 blocks
Yeah And what do you get Keep it going. 16 blocks. Yeah.
And what do you get?
Most deaf.
Moonlighting the movie.
Yeah.
Sam?
Mercury Rising.
Probably should have saved that one.
With Sarah Jessica Parker, right?
No.
No?
Oh, that's the other one?
Okay.
I'm going to go with...
Ocean's Twelve.
Oh.
As himself.
Bruce Willis as himself.
Moonrise Kingdom.
Ooh, that's a good one.
Striking Distance.
That's the other one I was thinking of.
Striking D.
Also as himself,
the player.
The player.
Oh, the last Boy Scout.
Yeah.
That's one of my favorites, Willis's.
Justin, what do you got for me?
Oh, he's using his lifeline.
The fifth element, of course. Oh, man.
I think he was in a western-y thing
Called Sundown
Might not be the right title
Something like that though
Okay settle down
I'm out
Jeff
Heart to war
Yeah
Sam We gotta go out, Jeff. Heart to war. Yeah.
Sam.
We gotta go. The show's over.
We really do.
We need a winner.
Oh, man.
I really should never drink and do this show. It's a terrible idea for me.
As soon as he got here, he was like, you need something to drink?
Yeah, I don't know why. It always seems like a great idea when I'm like, yeah, I'll have a beer.
I'll be fine.
And then I'm not fine several beers later.
This was a good run, though, Sam.
This was a good run.
And I'm happy to let Jeff Tate have it.
He's a fucking monster.
Oh, that's very gracious of you.
Yeah, buddy.
You are a monster.
Mostly when you pull the wool down over your face.
Yeah, you're very scary.
You're scary looking when you do that.
Let's see.
How about...
Oh, God, it's terrible.
I know there's literally 30 movies.
There's more for sure.
Oh, yeah.
But we got to go.
We got to get out of here.
There's a few more.
There's a few more.
You got like at least five more, right?
I got two more that Kevin Pollak's in.
I know, right?
Oh, shit.
I'm literally thinking of trying to think of those
because I know Kevin's worked with him a shit ton.
He's been, according to this, he's been in 111 movies.
That's too many movies.
But some of these must be like,
some of them are like Late Show with David Letterman.
Right, and some of them, he was on Friends.
And that 70s show.
Oh, yeah, the whole nine yards.
Jeff, go. Wow, the whole nine yards. Jeff, go.
Wow.
The whole 10 yards.
Sam.
Oh, I hate when that happens.
Oh, fuck.
I found out the movie,
the title that I was trying to think of.
Oh my God.
It's just ridiculous,
the movies we haven't seen.
I know, right? I can't wait to hear it.
Three seconds, Sam.
Jeff wins. I'm not going to do this.
One more, Jeff.
Color of Night.
Yes, I'm looking right at it.
Perfect Stranger.
Yeah, we don't have time for you to just stand there.
Oh, Bonfire of the Vanities! Fuck, that's the one I was thinking of. Yeah, we don't have time for you to just stand there. Oh, Bonfire of the Vanities.
Fuck, that's the one I was thinking of.
Nobody's Fool.
He was in The Verdict way back in the day.
Loaded Weapon 1.
Billy Bathgate.
Mortal Thoughts.
Look Who's Talking.
Look Who's Talking 2.
In Country.
And the one I was thinking of, not Sundown.
Sunset.
Jeff Tate is our winner, you guys.
Oh, yeah, Rick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We don't need any more things.
He's in a lot of movies.
Did I mention he's in 111 things?
Where's the person you're playing for, Jeff?
Where's she at?
Ashley, come get all your stuff.
Ashley!
Hey, can I keep that name tag?
If you want to.
Oh, thank you.
But pass it down here.
Oh, I don't need the shithead.
Will you sign it for me?
Carmen and Sam, pass yours down.
Yeah, the shithead on Sam's is terrible.
But I got to say it.
That's how it works.
Plugs, Jeff?
Yes.
April 13th, Chicago.
The 15th and 16th, I'm at the Burning Bridges Comedy Festival
In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
The 21st, Los Angeles
At the Belly Room
At the Comedy Store
Then I'm in Toronto and Montreal
May 2nd and 3rd
June 16th, I'm in Brooklyn
That guy wants you to come to Canada
Even though he's sitting in San Jose right now
And also I am going to Canada
May 2nd and 3rd.
All right.
Justanotherclown.com is my website.
Zipzoo Apparel, where you can buy shirts
and money goes to speakersilence.org.
All right, Carmen, what do you got coming up?
Are you done?
Yeah, he's done.
We're done.
The show, we're over.
We've got to end the show.
I am Rooster Teeth Feathers tonight,
8 and 10.30,
and then everything else is on my website.
And watch my Conan.
I was just on it.
Okay, bye.
Thanks.
Searcher on YouTube,
Carmen Lynch,
with a Y in Lynch,
not in Carmen.
Sam.
You can see me on Kevin Pollack's chat show. Download us
on iTunes. Check us out on YouTube.
We have
Jamie Lee Curtis coming up tomorrow.
Oh, boy. You can watch that
live and be part of the conversation.
Yeah, that's right. I'll be there because I'm driving.
Not drunk, though.
And
I don't know. It's just on Children's Hospital.
You can maybe get that on VOD if you have that sort of thing.
One more time for all of my guests, Jeff Tate, Carmen Lynch, and Sam, the man, Levine,
Lil' Wolverine.
Thank you to San Jose Improv and to everybody who came out today.
The first time was a good time, I think.
And also, come get some more donuts if you guys want them.
And as always, Gary Shandling's murderer is a shithead.
So yeah, I don't know what that's about.
And the people in Walmart are shitheads.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies