Doug Loves Movies - Samm Levine, Trey Galyon and Keith Stubbs guest
Episode Date: June 29, 2016Live from Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, Doug welcomes Samm Levine, Trey Galyon and Keith Stubbs to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at h...ttps://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
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Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seats
With 50-as-a-pop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not more that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love Mormons.
Yes, Mormons!
I just thought of that.
We're coming to you for the first time ever
From Wise Guys Comedy Club
In Salt Lake City, Utah
It's Tuesday, June 28th, right?
Yeah!
Let's call it 2016.
And I bet the name tags are strong in this one.
Oh, no!
You guys have been bringing awesome name tags
to my stand-up shows for the last few years here,
so I had a feeling that this would be bonkers.
These people with the big ones right up front, it's so unfair.
Because you block everybody else.
Mad Max Toe Fury Road?
Your name is Topher?
Short for Christopher?
Okay.
Okay.
Super Brimey
because your name's Brian.
Inglourious ashtards?
I hate it.
When I smoke too much, I shit ashtards.
What is that?
Ashley's your name?
Good job.
Mock stock and two smoking Sheryls,
and it's on a shirt.
How is it on a...
You made a shirt with all of that on it?
Wow.
Are you a shirt maker by trade?
My husband is.
Your husband is.
There's already a...
The Neon Demon is a new movie
that nobody has seen yet.
It's like a fucking indie movie. The who directed drive right and uh you change it to the neon daemon all right good job
that's probably the most up-to-date and this fucking groot over here who's am i the only one
scared by this guy it's got the the Groot hands and the Groot face
and a big board with I am Groot.
What do you call that?
I am Groot.
No, I know you're Groot.
He's so into the character
that I already know what he's going to answer
if I ask him anything.
Groots like to masturbate, don't they?
I am Groot.
Well, good luck, Groot.
And everybody else.
Schindler's Chris, not so much.
Groundhog Dana, that's a good one.
I saw that one on Twitter today.
Wow, you guys are just not,
you don't even want to put them down.
You're just going to display them the entire time.
Yeah, keep them a secret from my guests.
And just whip them out.
Because that's always a fun part of the show
is when my guests are like,
what is happening?
Doug plugs.
Doug Loves Movies is back in Los Angeles
at the Nerd Melt showroom at Meltdown Comics
this Thursday, June 30th.
I'm doing stand-up Saturday at the Improv in Tampa, Florida
at 420, of course.
And also, I'm doing a 420 Doug Loves Movies at the Funny Bone in Columbus, Florida at 420 of course and also I'm doing a 420
Doug Loves Movies at the Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio
Saturday, July 9th
DougLovesMovies.com
for all my dates
deeds
and other shiz
DougLovesMovies.com
from the corrections department
oh we got a doozy.
A few things to correct from the last shows.
The movie I was trying to think of was The Great Northfield, Minnesota Raid,
which would have only been five words
because Northfield is one word.
Joe Dante directed Piranha.
I said Louis Teague
directed it. He directed Alligator.
And there's no
song called 1776
in the movie 1776.
But it was the only way I could
get them to give me the right answer.
You always assume.
Let's look in the prize bag, you guys.
All this stuff flown in from Los Angeles or somewhere prior to Los Angeles because from
Hershey, Pennsylvania, it's a souvenir cup from Hershey Park.
That's why it's brown.
Because it's supposed to represent Hershey chocolate,
but seems like a weird thing to drink out of.
I mean, I did drink out of it,
but I rinsed it out for you guys.
I got a couple of CDs that I don't want. There's one from Moby.
Not his most recent one.
Not current Moby.
And then does anybody know, do you know a band called Buck?
Couple people.
That's good.
I've got a pipe in here from Peacemaker.
Yeah.
It's only been used once, and...
I mean, it's perfect.
I travel with them, I use them,
and then I put them in the bag.
And from my personal VHS collection...
We've got an episode of the PJs...
entitled Smoke Gets In Your High Rise.
And an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
And the episode's called Real Me.
No idea what happened in that one.
I never kept track of the titles i just watched them went that was a good one wonder what it was called if only i had my own collection of vhs tapes to
to verify the names let's get my guests out here you guys uh yeah
i hear you i'm sick of me as well Let's get my guests out here, you guys. Yeah.
I hear ya, I'm sick of me as well.
Please give a big, warm Salt Lake City welcome to Trey Gallion, Keith Stubbs, and Sam the Ma'am Levine,
aka Lil' Wolverine!
So I'm just going to put you in that.
I know, right?
Am I on?
Before we meet them, really quick,
I just want to say, Groot,
are you excited about this panel?
I am, Groot!
All right.
Take that as a yes.
We got a newbie up here, you guys.
It's his first time, but he owns this place.
It's Keith Stubbs, everybody!
Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming.
Thanks for having me, Doug.
Thanks for picking up the bottle of water.
Thank you so much.
Saved us a little labor
at the end of the night.
I like a club owner
that drinks bottles of water.
You know what?
I don't,
this is what I drink.
I drink this and Diet Coke.
Yeah, there you go.
That's my whole game.
Yeah, that's good.
No.
What did she say?
Oh, Mormons.
Doug loves Mormons.
I do.
I mean, because I don't, they don't do anything to me.
I'm not one of their wives.
So I'm all right with it.
You're as hot as some of the wives, though.
Oh, well, there you go.
I didn't know it was a standard dropper situation.
You watch that show Big Love,
you're like, oh, I'd marry three ladies
if it were those three.
That's pretty sweet.
Keith, tell us about the new location.
How long is this particular Wise Guys
downtown Utah,
downtown Utah,
state of Utah, city, state of Utah,
city,
state of Salt Lake City.
How long has it been open?
We've been open, Doug,
thanks for asking,
about eight months.
Okay, so the baby's due in a month?
Yeah, baby's due in a month.
We were in West Valley for a long time.
That's where you most recently performed
for Wise Guys.
Yeah, and I did the
Trolley Square location.
Yes, you did.
And loved them both,
but this is the ultimate upgrade.
This is really nice.
Well, thank you so much.
I'm glad.
And thanks for coming out, everybody.
Trey Gallion is here, everybody.
What's up, white people?
Flew in.
Takes one to know one.
You flew in from New York City today.
I did.
I left this morning really early.
Yeah, so your hair says it all.
Yeah, man.
It's been that kind of day.
It's been that kind of day.
You had headphones on a lot or something?
And a hat.
Yeah.
And a hoodie.
Yeah.
I had the trifecta going of the hair fuck-up-ness.
Well, you got there.
And so this is what it turned into.
Sorry, you guys.
I'll get a haircut when I get home.
I think it's a good way when you're walking around the streets of Salt Lake City,
letting everyone know that you were definitely into getting some weed.
Totally.
Because I don't have any currently.
So, yeah, that'll help.
Wink, wink, white people.
Stop calling them that.
I can't stop.
It's weird.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I can't stop calling them white people.
They're just so white.
Well, speaking of white people, Sam Levine is here.
Thank you, Salt Lake City.
Trey is right.
You guys are pretty white.
I knew it.
Yeah.
Good old eagle-eyed Trey.
He really knows how to size up a room
Hell yeah
But to be fair
There are black people in this town, right?
Are there any here, though?
Somebody over there yells, no!
Hispanic, I'll take Hispanic
Yeah, Hispanic's cool
Two
There's two
And if you count me, that's three and that's a you know that's sketchy counting me
but there's a lot of i've seen a lot of signs that are in spain like have spanish words in them
what in the hotel you mean no all throughout the town there's no other word for street names too
that's just what that's called everywhere.
I thought all the street names were numbers.
I've never heard of Qdoba before.
It seems like it's here because of the heavily Hispanic influence. No, that seems like a mom and pop.
That's a mom and pop.
Yeah, right?
You're Hispanic?
At the airport, yeah.
Yes, I'm not Jewish, Keith.
I'm Hispanic. When I saw the Jewish, Keith. I'm Hispanic.
When I saw the hair, I didn't know what to think.
Yeah.
But I like it, though.
I wish I had that.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
Oh, yeah, you do.
Yes, I do.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you totally do.
All right, so let's start with Keith.
What do you got for the prize bag, sir?
All right.
Oh, there's my notes flew right on the floor.
There you go.
Because of this fan that's pointed right at me.
I love it and hate it at the same time.
All right, first of all, I've got the, you'll notice the gift bag.
Yeah, it's for the party warehouse or something.
You've got a whole bag of shit.
Maybe we should start on the other end, because these guys had to fly here.
They don't bring so much stuff.
Let's start down there.
Yeah, it seems we should build up to this.
Sam, what did you bring?
You got it.
Well, you know me.
The great clean out of my DVD cabinet.
All right, let's start with Trey.
All right.
He seems to have brought the least amount of stuff.
Well, I only have three things.
It's not a big deal.
Yeah, me too.
It's just three.
What do you got, Trey?
Okay, I got a copy of The Town.
Oh, right on.
You guys have heard of that one.
One of my favorite Salt Lake City-based movies.
Yes, totally.
Yeah, you guys are big Red Sox fans, right?
That's what I thought. I was born in Boston, actually. Yeah, you guys are big Red Sox fans, right? That's what I thought.
I was born in Boston, actually.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Hey, you know, we got out quick.
I didn't learn how to talk like that or anything.
And then a copy of my CD, The Moronic.
There you go.
Yeah.
Oh, thank you, guys.
And you've got like eight more of these that are on sale to lucky audience members.
Uh-huh, after the show.
Ten bucks.
Yeah, yeah, or, you know, whatever you palm me, but it's got to be something good.
Don't try to palm me some bullshit.
A couple of nugs are ten bucks.
Right, that seems fair, right?
Seems totally fair.
He'll be over there by the door on your way out.
Yeah.
And what else you got?
be over there by the door on your way out yeah and what else you got i've got this shirt i got from maggie's farm dispensary in manitou springs colorado oh yeah yeah you guys love walking around
in shirts with huge pot leaves on them right to be completely honest i bought this because they
didn't have the original design that i wanted there It was like a Maggie's Farm cool logo.
And so I grabbed this one and got in the car, and I was like,
what the fuck did I just do?
Like, I never wear pot leaves on my...
So hopefully whoever wins it likes wearing pot leaves.
Just wear it inside out or something.
That's cool here in Utah, right?
Pot's cool here?
Don't lie to me.
I mean, I don't think a cop would harass you for wearing it,
but it certainly would let a cop know what you might be up to.
Do you guys want the barf bag
that it came in?
Oh, yes. That's nice.
I collect barf bags. I mentioned that on a previous show.
And that one's from American Airlines.
I like theirs because it says,
for motion discomfort or for baby diapers.
Like, what kind of diapers?
And then they're like, hey, don't put this in the seat back.
Like they give you little suggestions on there.
Yeah.
Don't just shove a shitty diaper in here.
Then put it in the seat back.
Or puke it.
The next person is about to puke to pull it out.
It'd be disgusting.
Don't call the stewardess.
Has anybody ever puked in one of those before?
I have, too.
Does anyone want to right now?
Are you guys even close?
She does?
Pass it back.
Let's see that.
Puke.
I've never puked in a way
where I would just be like,
bloop, and be done with it.
No, I used...
It would fill and blow out this fucking bag.
I had to get creative.
There were two bags involved, and I was surprised that I even pulled it off.
Because I thought that was going to get messy.
And I was sitting between my brother and sister at the time, but still pulled it off.
That's what you call your balls?
Yeah.
How did you know?
I was sitting on top of my brother and my sister.
Look, it's tough being an only child, you guys.
Growing up, you need friends.
Sam, what do you got?
I got...
From your personal stuff you don't want anymore.
I got some good stuff.
I have a... This is an album.
It's a CD.
The greatest album from the band The Who.
It's The Who's Next.
Ladies and gentlemen.
There's some great stuff on there.
This is a personal friend of mine.
I'm sure yours as well.
Jeffrey Ross, comedian Jeffrey Ross,
put out a documentary about his USO tour stuff overseas
called Patriot Act.
Very funny.
And the thing I knew you've all been waiting for here
in Salt Lake City,
this is a promotional screener.
I'm really not supposed to give these away.
What?
For Fox's Grease Live!
Yeah! Yeah!
Oh.
Is that starring Utah's own Julianne Hough?
It sure does.
It sure does.
Which part of Utah is she from, though?
I believe Salt Lake City.
Really?
All right.
Is there another city in Utah?
Provo? West Valley City. What? Is there another city in Utah? Provo? West Valley
City. What? That doesn't
sound right.
She seems Provo-y to me.
Nice. That's it, Sam?
Entertainment Weekly says of Grease Live
that it reconfirms
all the possibilities
of the live musical event
as a genuine transcendent pop experience.
Are you calling Entertainment Weekly a fucking liar?
I don't think you're going to.
Can I just keep that one?
Nope.
It goes to the prize bag.
Some lucky so-and-so is walking away with it
and giving it to the help.
The help.
Okay, Keith,
unleash your giant bag.
Okay, first of all,
this bag,
got this from my wife.
My wife!
All right,
I used to be a radio guy
on the morning show
on Country Station and sometimes'd get CDs from artists.
And this is one I got, never been opened or listened to.
Craig Morgan, This Old Boy.
Man, you really sold the shit out of that, Keith.
Holy cow.
I'm not done. It gets better.
Here's a CD that gave me.
Someone's going home
with this old boy.
I also have the DVD
Funny People.
There you go.
Oh, I thought it was going to be
the DVD of the country album.
And then,
this is where we get serious.
Not one, not two, but three copies of Jersey Shore uncensored season one.
Now, Keith, I want to be clear.
Those are not three different DVDs.
Those are three of the exact same DVD.
That way you can give them to your wives.
So if there are three people
that you don't like,
and you have to give them to the gift...
You don't say it when somebody says,
your wives.
It gets said enough
just for that one trigger.
Is anybody here with
multiple wives?
Oh, damn.
That's who we're partying with later.
And the last item I have,
and I looked around the room,
so I think this might get it done.
It's a Wise Guys t-shirt.
Wise Guys t-shirt right there.
Double X.
We should be clear.
Wise Guys Comedy Club, not Wise Guys,
the Danny DeVito, Joe Piscopo movie directed by Danny DePalma.
Danny DePalma, Brian DePalma.
All right, so, and it's in a fancy bag.
That's a Phineas and Ferb.
Phineas and Ferb bag.
So somebody's going to win all this stuff tonight.
Are you excited, Groot?
I am Groot.
He's leaving that mask on.
Is it comfortable?
I am Groot.
You can't ask him anything.
He's trying for that Chewbacca lady status.
But at the very end of the night,
before I say the shitheads,
can I ask you something,
and then you will respond,
we are Groot?
I am Groot. I am Groot.
I am Groot.
He knows how to stay in character.
Yeah, he does.
But I just feel bad for him keeping that mask on
the whole time.
I don't think he minds it.
I guess not.
He just shrugs his shoulders.
He doesn't want anyone to know it's really
Vin Diesel under there.
He just likes to come out, gauge the excitement for the character,
make sure people are into it.
Well, that's the thing.
Did you fully think about it before you came out dressed like that?
Like, oh shit, I'm going to have to sit here for like an hour and a half two hours I'm good yeah I don't think we realize he'd be right up
against the stage yeah I also have a new theory yeah he's the only black person
here
because I thought I heard him say when you said, are there any black people here? I'm Groot.
I thought I heard him mutter it.
All right.
So let's start with Sam down there on the other end with the question I ask every time.
What was the last movie you saw, Sam? Captain America Civil War.
Yeah.
I literally saw it the last day it was in mainstream theaters.
Oh, because it's a bargain theaters now? Yeah. Okay. I caught it at the last day it was in mainstream theaters. Oh, because it's bargain theaters now?
Yeah.
Okay.
I caught up the ArcLight this past Thursday.
And had it been crazy spoiled for you, or were you still going in pretty fresh?
No, I went in very fresh.
And it was an enjoyable movie-going experience.
They're very lucky that airport was so empty.
Otherwise, a lot of people would have died.
And, yeah, I don't know.
Spoiler alert, dude. I don't think so.
I was pretty vague. That was pretty vague.
If you haven't seen the movie, that's not going to mean anything to you.
Yeah, I don't even remember
there's an airport in that movie.
Oh yeah, now I do.
It was pretty empty.
Now that you mention it.
But it certainly poses some interesting questions
about how we need to handle our real-life superheroes.
Who are they governed by, Doug?
I know, it's really a tricky question.
It's a tough one.
Like, I mean, who controls Kanye?
You know?
Kim's ass. Yeah. But who controls Kim? You know? Kim's ass.
Yeah.
But who controls Kim's ass?
Aliens.
I mean, that ass, you know,
that determines what time Kanye wakes up
and what time the tide goes out.
Trey, what was the last movie you saw?
I was coming down off some acid the other night
and got home and Face Off was coming on.
It might be the greatest movie ever.
And that's not the acid talking, I don't think.
My favorite part is when Miyagi is like,
Face on, Face off.
Dude, the end Is really the best
Like when he does that slow-mo walk into the door
That's all cheese dick
And then they creep out the little kid
By doing the face off thing right away to him
And that's how they end the movie
I think that's a pretty great end to a movie
I couldn't tell you
What the end of that movie was.
I remember liking it.
Yeah, dude.
I thought one of them was better,
pretending to be the other one.
Well, Nicolas Cage is so over the top
with his John Travolta that it's great.
Like, the faces he makes are fucking retarded, dude.
Yeah, it's pretty great.
All right. Language.
Oh, sorry.
If Captain America were here, he'd be pissed.
Are there any white retards here?
I'm sorry. That's horrible.
Yeah.
Oh, did I get some booze?
A lot of people upset.
We don't use that word anymore.
I'm sorry.
Caucasian.
Caucasian.
Are there any Caucasian retarded people here?
Thank you.
Keith, what about you?
Thanks for asking, Doug.
You're welcome.
I went and saw a movie yesterday, actually.
I saw The Shallows.
Boo!
Did you go see it?
It sucks.
Yeah, we noticed by the strong boo.
You did not say
in the affirmative. Boo! I loved it.
It sucks.
Yeah.
Boo! Best movie ever!
I'll say this about it.
I don't want to spoil it. It's doing well, by the way.
Yeah, it's making some money.
It's a lot of Blake Lively at the beginning,
a lot of setting up,
a lot of bikini,
a lot of that.
I'm in.
Yeah, a lot of that.
Jaws,
Castaway,
Blake Lively.
That's kind of...
That's the formula.
Am I right?
That's the pitch.
The guy that hates it?
I liked it
You didn't
Just watch it with the sound off
That's
For the listeners
The gentleman recommended
That we watch it with the sound off
And I imagine
And I imagine he also means
With our dicks out
I think that's what he means, Doug
Yeah, that was more offensive
Than the retard thing.
Dude, you just said it again.
I said what?
Oh, I saw lobster the other day.
Can I mention that?
Well, since I just did, sorry.
It's not your turn anymore.
Oh, right, sorry.
But people love the lobster.
Yeah, it's really good.
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, the end. Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
The end was bad.
Okay, yeah.
That's what I say.
But the rest of it, I thought was fucking hilarious.
And it was another one of those where it was like, well, it was because I saw it in Brooklyn
at an art house.
But it was like me and my friend that went, we were the only ones laughing at a lot of
parts.
It was another one like that.
It was like, why isn't everybody laughing at this it's fucking hilarious it's right
you're not supposed to laugh at it it's like no it's a comedy there's a lady agreeing with you
yo yeah yeah and she might be single are you single, no. No. That was a stronger note
than history.
It's because
she's seen the lobster and knows what happens
to single people. Is it the hair?
It's a very specific
joke for only people who've seen that movie.
She's saying a lot of stuff right now.
Hang on. Let us bring you a microphone.
The cord isn't that long, sorry.
So the, I saw The Lobster at Sundance.
Nothing humble about that brag.
Last January.
Yeah, in January.
And there was no laughter in that screening room either.
Not even at that opening scene?
I mean, there was gasps.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
I was laughing my ass off at that opening scene.
I don't think that's... I'm not going to spoil it
It's really a disturbing movie
But it's so funny
It's a really dark comedy
No, no, no
No, it's not the same at all
Oh, they're not both dystopian futures
where shit's really fucked up?
I didn't say that
but The Lobster was more
of a dark comedy to me. Like, there were some really
genuinely fucking hilarious parts
in that. The opening scene
being one of them. Huh?
What'd you say?
The red intercourse?
I don't know
if she saw the same movie.
What are you thinking?
Are you thinking of The Beaver?
Or Deadliest Catch, the TV show?
That's crabs, not lobster.
All right, I got to look it up now,
now that you brought up that you think it's just a flat-out comedy.
Yeah, I want to see what it's listed as.
Yeah, I don't think they list it as a comedy.
I think it was as much a comedy as The Martian was.
Yeah.
Equally as much.
Equally as funny.
Yeah.
I saw some of The Martian today,
and I almost couldn't leave my hotel room
because I was laughing so hard.
They do.
IMDB calls it comedy, drama, romance.
I guess fucked up isn't a category yet.
Wait, so should I go talk to somebody since I thought that opening scene was hilarious?
Like, you guys got me a little weirded out now.
Yes.
Dude, the third character listed in this movie cast, the third character is Nosebleed Woman.
Yeah.
It's a fucking weird movie.
Yes.
Yeah, it's weird
and funny
and charming
and...
Charming?
Colin Farrell
plays the most fucking
non-reactive
piece of shit person.
Anyway.
Yeah, but...
Oh, I don't want
to give anything away.
The world needs to catch up
to Lobster.
It's too early
to talk about the Lobster.
Yeah, and it's also time for me to tell Bert Kreischer to turn the show off.
Because this is the part where I say, let the games begin!
Gentlemen, you have a lot of work cut out for you.
A lot of name tags to choose from.
I see it.
A lot of loud people.
Very excited to be chosen.
And while you deliberate, we're going to do a quick commercial break.
We'll be right back.
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Back to the show.
We're back.
Good job with all the name tags, you guys.
Who are you playing for, Sam?
I am playing for Inglourious Ashtroy?
Ashturts.
Yeah, I knew you'd pick that. Pull it in
tighter so I get a good shot of you
on my vine. I don't want to advertise for
the Corona people. Oh, okay, good.
Yeah, they ain't paying you.
Yeah, good choice
for you, star of
Inglorious Bastards. But why didn't you guys put
his name on? Oh, well, because
I guess you wouldn't know that he was going to be
here, though. I answered that question.
No, it was great timing on your part.
When I was talking to you earlier, I knew
Sam was here, so I was like, he's got to pick
that. Yep. Yeah, and look
at what Trey picked.
I have the Trey. Bring it in tight.
Yeah, there you go.
That's perfect.
Well, not a little higher.
There you go.
Does your name Trey also?
Right on.
Wait, so are you the third?
No, your actual name is Trey?
No shit.
I don't think I've ever met one of you.
That's only in Utah with all the white people.
Would there be a kid just named Trey?
Keith, I'm a little disappointed it's your first time on the show.
I'm going with...
I don't like parodies of Schindler's List.
Anything to do with Judy Gold?
As a general rule, yeah.
But also, now I'm seeing it better.
The hand in the Schindler's List poster is holding a bowl of weed.
That seems extra inappropriate to me.
Some of them probably could have used a bowl of weed.
I didn't notice that earlier.
But I'll tell you what persuaded me to go with it were these
donuts right she brought donuts as well these aren't just regular donuts these are banbury
cross donuts these are notorious they're about to be across the room donuts duncan donuts not some
smith's donuts these are exceptional donuts chris nice nice work. So you picked these because you want to take these home with you?
No, no, no.
I want you to experience them.
I'd like Trey to have some, and also Sam.
I think that these are quite donut.
Can we throw some?
You can throw some.
I would say...
You have a beautiful new club, and you picked the donuts.
I would say throw some.
It's his idea.
Wait, who actually wants a donut thrown at them?
The glazed or a straight at them?
Okay, all right.
I just want to know the general area.
Groundhog Day, now put your sign up again.
Here's a good sign to hit.
Hit Bill Murray's face, you guys.
I hope that landed on someone.
Can I get the throw line?
That's nice.
Don't put it back down.
Wow.
Swing it over the fence this track.
I think my strike zone's off track.
Wow.
Who wants a bear claw?
I got one. See? It's the messy ones.
This one's got nuts all over it.
Nice.
I want this one so bad, but I'm going to...
Spiral.
Spiral.
Oh, don't duck out of there.
There it is. He caught it. That's too close. Are you don't tuck it! There it is!
He caught it!
That's too close.
Are you going to eat it?
I'll weigh the fuck back there.
All right.
Oh, boy.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
He mashed it up into a baseball shape.
There's a couple more in the box
it made it
I'll throw one
a couple more
if you want to throw
another one
oh boy
I'm over it
but the guests
love to throw
ladies and gentlemen
wise guys will reopen
in 2019
after extensive cleaning
okay
I'll clean that shit up
it's donuts
someone eat it please
they're good
they're worth it
it's with a heavy heart
that I throw these donuts away
they're that good
they truly are
it's like
I wish they were
not the
I thought
for some reason
I thought we had a chance
to maybe eat them
there you go
Trey will do so
I think
ew
he took a bite out of it
and threw it like it was a grenade
all inglorious bastard style.
I hope that it didn't mess anybody up, did it?
I feel bad about the chocolate donuts,
because, you know, if someone's wearing white,
that shirt's ruined.
That underwear is ruined.
Yeah, but it's a good story, right?
It's a great story, yeah.
Why does it look like you have shit smeared on your
clothing? Oh, I went to a show
where they threw donuts at me.
That's a show? Yeah, it is.
Alright,
it's a so-so story, but still.
It's one of them hard
to explain ones.
But I've lined up a bunch of fun
games for us to play, so let's do it.
I love games!
Can I get another one of these?
Can I get another Tito's and Soda
before we start the games?
I'm not going to wait for them to bring it to you.
I just wanted to order it.
The thing I was drinking,
Corona with a lime,
half of a Corona,
will be 3.2%. Thank you. Half of a Corona. 3.2%.
Thank you.
Oh, really? Is it 3.2% here?
Oh, like Colorado.
We're all saying no.
At some places, if you buy it in Colorado.
If you go to a bar, you get regular ones.
Oh, but here, it's still 3.2% at a bar?
No.
Man, you guys are fucking weird, man.
That's cool.
Why don't you just drink more?
I kind of like the idea of drinking more while I'm here
and getting a little less drunk than I normally do.
But we're drinking Tito's anyway, so...
Doesn't matter, right?
No, man, we're good.
That's the same amount of alcohol everywhere.
The first game we're going to play And Keith do you think
Do you think those drinks are coming
I do believe I think I saw Danielle
She's on the move
Thanks Danielle
Or maybe Sydney
One of them
Sydney
Now Doug you kind of warned me
I did my research before this,
and I knew that Sam was on the dais.
And I did some research.
We're roasting people today.
No, but I did some research,
and you're noteworthy.
You know this.
You get this.
You understand this.
You're acclaimed.
You're respected.
And even Doug, you mentioned to me in the green room, you said,
you know Sam's pretty good at this.
So that was, was that your way of just letting me down there
so that the expectations are lowered here?
I'm just saying that like if I were you,
I would have laid some bets on Sam instead of yourself. Yes, and I'm just saying that, like, if I were you, I would have laid some bets on Sam instead of yourself.
Yes.
And I'm doing so.
Like, he's not a ringer, but it's fucking close.
There we go.
Look at these beverages.
Thank you.
I get one, too.
Which one is that?
I didn't even ask for one.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And nothing for the proprietor.
And by the way, Gru took his head off, so I feel much better now.
What's your actual name?
Kyle. Kyle. Good job, Kyle. took his head off, so I feel much better now. What's your actual name?
Kyle.
Good job, Kyle.
He waited until the name tag selection part, and then he was like, fuck this.
Well, I mean,
you heard the I am Groot that he gave me
on my question on whether he really thought about it.
Yeah. That was pretty clear.
Yeah, it didn't really, didn't work it completely out.
But we're good now.
This first game we're going to play
is called Doug Loves Musicals.
Everyone on the dais
gets to play,
and everyone in the audience doesn't.
Guess as many times as you want,
as often as you want As often as you want
Until we get somebody that says
The name of the musical that has these songs in it
One of the songs in this musical is
Now or Never
High school musical
Mamma Mia
Keith, I need you to be more specific
Wow High school musical Keith, I need you to be more specific Wow
High School Musical
3
That's correct
Is that right?
Is it right?
Is it right?
What the fuck just happened?
I don't know.
Shot entirely in Salt Lake City.
Not bad.
Okay, from here, I can just kind of let things be how they really are.
No, you really, I gave you one and you took it.
Knocked it out of the park. Because if I had gotten through all the songs,
you would have been embarrassed that it's from here.
That would be a walk-off.
But holy shit, right here, right now,
I want it all, walk away, scream, the boys are back.
It goes on and on until finally,
I thought somebody, if you hadn't gotten it yet,
would get it when the final two songs I would have listed were
Senior Year Spring Musical.
Good stuff.
And another song called High School Musical.
That might have been a giveaway.
Yeah, but the other two parts were probably only filmed here partially, maybe.
I think they did some here, some in St. George,
some on some sound stages.
The G parts were filmed here.
The PG parts
had to be filmed elsewhere.
Yeah.
All the high school
musical nudity
was filmed elsewhere.
I like those movies,
by the way.
They went down
to Colorado for that.
Really?
I enjoy them.
Is it wrong to enjoy them?
I also like The Shallows
where this gentleman objects,
but I like...
Are those rated G or PG?
They should be G.
They should be G.
They're G-ish, yeah.
Yes.
The family should have a chance to enjoy something.
That's okay.
Okay.
I've seen every one of them, and I don't have the family excuse.
I'm just a creep.
It didn't seem like Keith was leaning on the family excuse much either
I was just watching it going
When's this Vanessa Hutchins gonna send some naked pictures
That I can see also
Geez
Ouch
Now was she in all three or was she just in the first two?
I think all of them were in all three
Yeah
I am so out of this conversation
I think they probably got
you know when they did the first one
there's language for sequels in every
contract now and they probably got stuck
for three and once they got
through that third one man did they all
get as dirty as they could as quick as they could
yep yeah that's the way
it goes when you're a Disney kid you gotta fuck
yeah they all Britney Spears down
turn that corner and rip out your shit.
Now Zach won't keep his shirt on.
That's sort of the point I was making, Keith.
Just wanted to make sure, bring it home.
I think he took his shirt off in those movies, too.
Him and Ben Affleck have to be the two most shirtless dudes in movies.
What, McConaughey, please.
Ah, yeah, I forgot about McConaughey.
Shit.
What about Channing Tatum?
You guys!
My beefcake trio dream.
Tom Hardy!
Nothing.
The same girl that's been wooing for me all night.
That was it.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
He's always weird shirtless, though. He's always like a bad guy that's been wooing for me all night. That was it. Thank you, I appreciate it. He's always weird shirtless though.
He's always like a bad guy that's shirtless,
but also wearing a coat from the Burlington Coat Factory.
All right, this next game is called,
How High Can You Get?
It's brand new.
Oh boy.
It's super exciting because here's the premise of this game,
if you haven't heard it on the show yet.
We're going to get a genre of movie, type of movie,
maybe even like if it's a certain director or something.
I don't want to over-explain that because I want you guys to decide what it's going to be. But it's got to
be something where there's a bunch of movies to choose from.
And then we're going to take turns.
I'm going to play along on this one
but Keith gets to go first.
And then Trey, Sam, and
then me.
First time through we got to each name a movie
from that category
that's only one word title. Then we got to each name a movie from that category that's only one word title.
Then we got to go through, and the word the counts, motherfuckers.
And then we got to all go through and name a movie with two words in the title, three words, et cetera.
Get as high as we can.
The last episode we played this on, we got up to seven.
And that was quite a miracle.
I was shocked that that happened.
Does ah, is that?
Ah counts. That's a word.
Yeah, whether it's spelled A
or U-H.
I don't think there's any movies with uh in the title.
I'm trying to think.
I'm trying to think of That was the official title of...
I mean, except for League of their Own.
But that's just me being sexist.
So yeah, so to get the subject that we're going to use,
I don't want to know in advance what it's going to be,
so I can't decide.
And people always write to me and say, I've got a great idea for Last Man Stanton.
So today, I just picked one of the people who wrote me that said they have a great Last Man Stanton name.
And that person is Stapley West.
Stapley West.
And my first question to you is,
what was your last man, Stanton, name going to be
that you were so proud of?
Elizabeth Banks.
That would have been a terrible one, dude.
Not for me, I love Lizzie Banks.
Sam, name four Elizabeth Banks movies.
Go.
Wet Hot American Summer.
The, oh, Jesus Christ.
40-Year-Old Virgin.
Walk of Shame. You couldn't just go Hunger Games,
Hunger Games, Hunger Games, Hunger Games? No, I'm an adult.
I'm a big fan of her career.
No, she's great. She's a delight.
I don't dislike her, but I'm just saying
it's not the greatest name because
you know.
What was that one where the guy was out on a ledge and she was in it with him? Man on a ledge.
Yeah.
What were those ones with all the perfect
singers? Great singers?
I fucked that one up.
Yeah, you did.
Okay, so, and then he yelled out very quickly, like he'd already I fucked that one up yeah you did alright okay so
and then he yelled out
very quickly
like he'd already
made up his mind
he already had one of those
ready to go
he wants us to do
kids movies
which is like
that's a weird thing
to define
cause
I think every child
should see Schindler's List
but I also
don't think it's a kids movie
so
how do we do it
like make it just animated or just G-rated?
Well, PG at least.
Yeah?
Yeah.
All right.
Well, we'll argue about it if something's not a kids movie.
Okay.
But let's see how we do.
So we start off with a title.
We need a one-word title kids movie.
Starting with you, Keith.
Let's go Zootopia.
Don't help us, you guys. Zootopia. Zootopia. Don't help us, you guys.
Zootopia.
Zootopia is one word.
It is one word.
It's one made-up word.
Me? You're looking at me like I'm going next?
Yep.
The Sandlot.
Filmed in Utah.
What did I just say about the word the?
That it counts as a word.
Yeah.
Sandlot's a compound word, right?
I see what Trey's doing.
You think you're supposed to say a movie with two words.
Yeah.
We all have to do one with one.
Oh.
Then we all do one with two.
All right, can we save that one for my two?
I can't wait to beat you to it.
Why do you gotta say it like that, dick?
That also, I don't know, that doesn't jump into my head
as a kids movie as much as it's a movie
that has a bunch of kids in it.
How is that not a kids movie?
Back me up on this, Salt Lake City.
Thank you. You don't need to go to
them. Sam already decreed
it. That it's a movie for
children. It was written and directed by the great Dave
Mick Evans, who has a history of kids
movies. Yeah, that's
the only way you could decide. Damn right.
You can't possibly decide by the fact
that it stars an adult man.
So is Bad News Bears a kids movie? Sure. It isn't. You can't possibly decide by the fact that it stars an adult man. He is totally going to win.
So is Bad News Bear a kids movie?
Sure.
It isn't.
It is.
It is.
I will not accept it when we get to four words.
It's rated PG.
Don't even try it when we get to four words.
Oh, man.
Sam, what's your one word one?
Babe.
Okay.
Babe, you're leaving. This category could lead to a lot of arguing. Oh, it will. Name your neighbors
This category could lead to a lot of arguing
Oh it will
I'll go with
Brave
We got some gingers in the crowd
Or bears
So now it's the next round
Keith you gotta go two words You've got to go two words.
You always get to go first.
Let's go with jungle book.
Cat bird seat.
Jungle book.
What if someone told you
that that's called the jungle book?
Then what would you do?
I would refer to my friend Trey.
Say jungle book's a compound word, motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
So you're going to stick with that answer?
Are you telling me that...
I'm telling you, you need another answer. Did you just say I could stick with that answer? Are you telling me that... I'm telling you you need another answer.
Did you just say I could go with Toy Story?
Yes!
Very good.
Trey?
I thought I was out.
Why are you out?
The Sandlot.
Keith, why did you take the sandlot?
Sam.
Let's see.
Oh, we would debate on that, so I don't want to.
Yeah, stay away from those debate ones.
No, let's go for the debate.
Ever after. Little girls, I guess. No, let's go for the debate. Ever after.
Little girls, I guess.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Whoa, they're yelling full title,
but he's also on the two words,
so he clearly is going with that as his two-word title.
There really is more words in that title?
Well, really?
All right.
Just this one guy.
What is it?
Just this one guy. A Cinderella? Just this one guy A Cinderella story
Alright
That's some bullshit
I never saw the movie
This is the worst category in the world for me
I despise children's movies
There's some backpedaling going on over here
Just saying
Alright if you need me to come with it
I mean I was in your corner, but...
Yeah, right?
Thank you.
This is...
The next round, the three words,
I'm not giving anybody any second chances.
Okay, so do you want me to come up with a different title,
or am I okay?
You can do another one.
All right, Radio Flyer.
Okay.
You guys are picking, you're saying
movies that were not made specifically
for children, but
still, I get it.
It's tough to define.
I go with The Incredibles.
Nice.
Okay.
Three word one from you, Keith.
Okay, I've got one, but I'm
it may not be
You know what
I'm going to skip it
I'm going to go
Because I don't want to blow it
I think I did it once
Pick one that's going to work
I'm going to go with
The Jungle Book
There you go
There it is
Why wouldn't I
Nice
Thank you
Yeah man
I appreciate it
Stray
Ah
Bugs life
Sam Toy Ah, Bugs Life.
Sam, Toy Story 2.
Toy Story 3.
Oh, nice.
Well done.
Back to you, Keith.
Four words.
Ha ha ha.
Four words For the next round
Like if you think of one with four words
Start trying to think of one with five words
Before it gets to you
That's a good idea
I think I'd make it this far
Four
Children
Kids
High school musical Three four, children, kids, G,
high school musical,
three.
Yeah, okay.
I'm this close to being out.
I can feel it.
I feel like I'm going out on this one.
But no, it's the never-ending story.
Never-ending's one word.
Yeah, I disagree.
That is not a compound word.
Your Honor, I haven't seen such a clear-cut case of false advertising since my suit against the never-ending story.
Lionel Hutz, The Simpsons.
All right, Trey's out.
Man.
Oh, all right.
Now, I want to be clear,
because I have a very silly answer.
Is a G-rated movie definitely a kid's movie?
Not necessarily.
There's some G-rated movies,
like Koyaanis Gotsi is rated G,
and it's not for children.
All right, well, I was going to be silly and say Planet of the Apes, because that is actually rated G.
But it's not for children.
No, it's not.
So I'm going to say Flight of the Navigator.
Good one.
I'm going to go with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Damn it.
Cinco? Five, yeah. Five. It's tough, right? You can do it. I just keep thinking of fours.
I've got seven. I've got a seven.
You've got a seven loaded up?
Yeah, I've got a seven.
I'm ready if I ever make it that far.
Yeah.
I'll sell it to someone that makes it.
I've got a six.
I've got a six ready to go.
G-rated?
It doesn't have to. G-rated?
Doesn't have to be G-rated.
Oh, just kids.
Just something for kids.
Because a lot of them now that are aimed at kids are PG.
Herbie and the Love Bug?
Ooh.
You know that Herbie is the Love Bug, right?
Right.
But I decided to gussy up the title
just a little bit.
Just had a little.
You're out,
but thank you.
Okay.
Jeez.
Remember the good old days
when I won?
Yeah, do a five, Sam.
Babe,
pig in the city.
Yeah.
Wow.
With such confidence.
Yeah.
You ready for mine?
No, because I don't have a six yet
Alright, I'll stall for a little bit
Thank you
Herbie goes to Monte Carlo
Is that any relation to my Herbie?
That's how I thought of it, yes
You're welcome
That's part of the fun of, yes. You're welcome.
That's part of the fun of this game,
is that other answers will help you.
Come on, Sam, give us a sixer.
Such a terrible category for me.
Oh, boy.
What are some of those ridiculous things?
There are so many. There are so many.
There are so many.
There are literally hundreds and hundreds of movies that I should be able to come up with.
Yeah, it's interesting how tough it can get.
Yeah.
It's just a bad genre for me, so you go ahead, Doug.
You win the game, though.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
You lasted longest
But I'll just cap it
With Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
A terrifying children's movie
If ever there was one
Yeah
You could argue that it's too scary for kids
But
Is Snow White and the Seven Dwarves more than four?
What's that? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs more than four? What's that?
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?
Yeah, that would have been six.
That would have worked.
I'm out.
Six.
Did you guys think of a seven
while you were thinking ahead?
There probably is one.
The Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
That's it.
Buckaroo Banzai and his adventures across the dimension.
That is not a kid's movie.
And you don't know the right title.
I'm trying, man.
All right, so Sam won that game, so he goes first in the next game.
No, boy.
And that game is, whose tagline is it anyway?
I'll say a tagline to Sam.
If he can't guess the right answer, then it goes to Trey.
You're not necessarily out if you miss, so just go ahead and guess.
And see if one of you three knows each one of these.
Starting with, for Sam.
Yes.
What movie says on the poster or in the ads or somewhere,
every second counts.
Every second counts.
No, it's just every second counts.
There's no... I'm going to say the Luke Perry classic,
eight seconds.
Not a terrible guess.
Not a correct guess.
All right.
But not a terrible guess.
Trey?
24, the movie.
That would have been every hour counts.
Because the movie's in hour increments, not minutes.
Good point.
Keith?
Every second counts?
Huh?
Every second counts?? Every second counts Yeah
Of course it's
Fast and the Furious
Why wouldn't it be?
When you're in a race
Every second counts
Of course it's the last one
You know another time
When every second counts?
What's that?
When your arm is stuck
In a rock
Oh
You better fucking
You better saw that shit
Off fast
For hours
I know
That's not seconds.
127 hours to be exact.
Yeah.
So that's kind of a weird tagline for that movie.
Yeah.
All right, let's try another one starting with Sam.
A shit ton of seconds.
Okay.
All right.
Sam.
Yes.
What movie had the tagline,
Something hit us.
I think there's more There's more
Huh?
I said I think there's more
Yeah
The crew is dead
Help us
Please
Please help us
That's the tagline
Something hit us
That's the tagline
The crew is dead.
According to IMDB,
that is the tagline for this movie.
Help us, please help us.
The tagline is begging for mercy.
Begging for help.
Something hit us.
The crew is dead.
Help us, please, please help us.
Deep rising.
Ooh. I don't think that's any... I don't think there's a thing called that
It's a Stephen Sommers movie starring
It's called Deep Rising?
Yeah, Deep Rising
Trey Williams and
No
It doesn't matter who's in it
It's wrong
Tony Hale
No
I could do this all day
No
Alright
It's nighttime.
Train.
I have no fucking idea, man.
Just think of a movie that that describes.
I'm trying, something in the, oh.
What was that shit?
Gravity.
No, but I love that you started off with,
what was that shitty... You thought gravity was shitty?
Dude, I fell asleep and then woke up
and was like, what's going on?
Seems like a lady who's still stranded in space.
Yeah.
You don't miss a lot of plot
when you go to sleep during that movie.
No.
She's still up there
Yeah
It's only 90 minutes long also
Yeah, it lost me
Okay
Hard
Did you get through Interstellar or The Martian?
The Martian I got through
Because it's so funny
Yeah, exactly
I mean, very much like The Lobster
All right, Keith
Any idea?
Can you read it one more time?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Something hit us.
The crew is dead.
Help us.
Please, please help us.
The Tom Arnold classic, McHale's Navy.
Yep, there was a really high body count on that one.
People don't remember that the whole crew
died in McHale's Navy.
No, it's a
motion picture. The answer
is a movie called Airport
1975.
In which the entire crew is
killed and then Charlton Heston
flies over the plane in a helicopter and gets
lowered into a hole in the front of the plane and then spoiler successfully lands the plane yeah
and it either takes off at or lands at salt lake city airport i forget i think it ends at salt lake
city my second guess would have been one of the airport movies but how can you keep them all
straight they're tough to keep apart.
Well, Airport 77, it crashes in the water.
Right, they're deep sea.
Yeah, and 79 is the Concord.
So they're easy to keep straight.
I guess so, I guess so.
Now, they're not to be confused
with the basis for the movie Airplane,
which is in fact based on a 50s B-movie
called Zero Hour,
which Airplane
riffed on so heavily
that they had to purchase
the rights to Zero Hour
because they lifted so much
direct dialogue from that
ridiculous movie.
And you'll be the only kids at your
Thanksgiving table this year who know that story.
You're welcome.
Thanks, Sam. Thank you, Sam. I don't know Thanksgiving table this year who know that story. You're welcome.
Thanks, Sam.
Thank you, Sam.
I don't know what's going to put everyone else to sleep faster, the turkey or that
story.
I like learning.
Thank you very much, Keith. Thank you, Sam.
Learning is fun. But was the original movie
a comedy also? Oh, no.
Yeah, all right. Very serious.
I want to see it now.
Very serious.
Might have been 62.
All right, save your follow-up questions for later.
All right.
Can I get some more reviews?
Because we've got to play this game.
Sam?
Yeah, yeah, let's do it.
What movie has the tagline,
Get Ready to Fly?
Get Ready to Fly.
The boy who could fly
The tagline is
Warning the title character
About his
What's about to happen
No it's an exclamation point
Get ready to fly
It's very exciting Trey not to happen? No, it's an exclamation point. Get ready to fly!
It's very exciting.
Trey?
Well, I'm sorry, I didn't hear a no.
I think I decided
it might be kind of fun to let you wonder
if you were right or not.
Trey can either agree with
you, or
come up with his own answer.
Pan.
That got some awws.
I saw Pan on cable recently,
and I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either.
It's all right. It's all right.
It's all right.
Nah.
Okay, Keith?
So his was incorrect?
I'm going to let you go with Sam's or with Trey's or one of your own. Get ready to fly.
E.T., the extraterrestrial.
Can I make a no pointpoint second guess real quick?
No, because...
Okay.
Was it a movie filled entirely here in Utah called Angry Birds?
No.
Top Gun.
Clearly.
This isn't a just-keep-guessing game.
This one is more strictly regimented.
Yeah, sorry.
And the answer to that one is Con Air.
Oh!
That's a dumb tagline for that movie.
Filmed where?
Las Vegas.
Was it really?
Well, it depends on which part of the movie you're watching.
Evanston.
In Utah.
Evanston, another town in Utah.
Right on, I'm learning shit tonight.
We got Salt Lake, Provo, oh, it's not?
You guys are nodding that it's not a town.
Sam is first again.
Okay.
I've lost interest in all this town talk.
Ready, Sam?
Yes, sir.
What the one doesn't have, the other is missing.
Dumb and Dumber?
That's correct.
Wow.
I was going to go stuck together.
But yeah, that would have been totally wrong.
It was a Farrelly Brothers movie.
I would have been wrong either way.
It's funny that you thought of a Farrelly Brothers movie for that answer.
And yeah, I went with that tagline because the ones listed on IMDb, every other one says
something about Harry and Lloyd.
So that would have made it a little too easy.
But also shot
in Salt Lake City.
I thought they shot it in Providence.
I mean, it's a road movie
so I don't know how much of it was shot here.
John Denver's full of shit, man.
Some of it was.
Alright, so now... At the airport? At the airport? Okay. John Denver's full of shit, man. Some of it was. Airport. All right.
Sounds like the airport.
At the airport?
At the airport.
Okay.
That's enough.
Keith gets to go first on this next one.
Oh, boy.
Keith or Trey need to get this one to steal from Sam.
Otherwise, he's going to be our winner of this game.
There's more to come.
Thanks, man.
That's so sweet.
Such
nice people here.
Wait, oh wait, Trey's going first?
Yeah, Trey's going first. Alright.
What movie
had the tagline, God bless America?
They're going to need it?
Stripes?
Nope.
Keith?
God bless America.
Is that your answer?
No no no I'm just
Cause there is a movie
Called God bless America
That'd be a real weird tagline
What movie is this
The tagline for?
The Godfather
Look out
Cause he might be mad at you
He'll make you an offer.
No, it's God bless America.
They're going to need it.
They're going to need it.
They're going to need it.
The classic, Platoon.
It's a military movie.
Platoon?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
Of course that's the answer.
It's absolutely not the answer.
I mean, there's a lot of things you can make Salt Lake City look like,
but Platoon doesn't seem like they could shoot that here.
Sam?
Idiocracy?
No.
That was shot in Austin, man.
Yeah.
That was a Texas movie.
That's where all the dumb people are.
Whoa.
Shit just got... Oh, no, I'm sorry. No offense, Texans.
You know which ones are smart.
This one.
What?
Yeah, I did kind of a running theme here
where all the movies were shot
or set in Salt Lake City.
And so the answer to this one,
of course,
has to be SLC Punk.
Wow.
Jeez.
Starring Jason Segel.
And Matthew Lillard.
Matthew Lillard's the star of it.
I don't know how big Jason Segel's part is.
Big enough role.
But, you know, Matthew Lillard's the big face on the poster.
It's true.
And recently we gave away on the show in Atlanta, we gave away an Xbox that used to be owned by Matthew Lillard's the big face on the poster. It's true. And recently we gave away on the show in Atlanta,
we gave away an Xbox that used to be owned by Matthew Lillard.
Oh, my God.
And the person who won it gets to say,
I got this Xbox from Shaggy.
Wow.
It's like the car I have that used to be owned by John Voight.
What?
From the thing with the, yeah.
To Seinfeld.
All right, you guys. Let's play another
newish game that I love to play.
It's called Mojo Rising
or Adjusted for Inflation Bureau.
We're going to play four rounds of this
and Sam won that last game
so he gets to go first. What is this game?
The fun part about this game, Sam, is I'm going to
just let you try to figure out how it
works as we go. Awesome. And you have to go first. Terrific. 19. You'll get it right. You'll get it
right away. And then we'll go to Keith and then to Trey. We'll switch the order around. And then
in this game, the person who gets to go first moves each time. So each one of you will get a chance to go first,
because first is a really good vantage point.
Because, Sam, the good people at Box Office Mojo,
they are good people,
have taken a bunch of random-ass actors,
sometimes you don't even know which ones,
like when you think of an actor, or maybe they'll be on there.
Oh, they're not? That's weird.
They take a bunch of actors, and they list their top movies uh-huh
adjusted for inflation i said box office gross in the u.s adjusted for inflation i see and what i want you to do is i'm going to name an actor and you guess what movie you think is hopefully
their number one right or two or three,
because all three of those are worth points.
One is worth three points, two is worth two,
three is worth one.
Wait.
So getting the third is the most valuable.
Right. Third is least valuable, yes.
No, no.
Third is least.
Is that the lowest amount of points?
I just said third gets one point.
Oh, no.
If you name the second movie, it gets two points, and if you name the first movie, it gets three points. Got it. Those are all the things I just said third gets one point. Oh, no. If you name the second movie, it gets two points.
And if you name the first movie, it gets three points.
Got it. Those are all the things I just said.
Well, I think the crowd would make a differ with you.
And then I said them again.
Right?
Yeah, I said it right.
Yeah, and the last time you told me I said something
wrong, listen to it, you were wrong.
All right. Damn!
Jesus.
And that might have been somebody else. right here we go we had more donuts to throw but you get it
right I get it yeah okay and then what I say the orders gonna be then then Keith
and me okay so Sam yeah what do you what's a movie you think might be in the top three of Jeff Goldblum?
Jeff Goldblum.
There's a guy in the audience.
Jeff Goldblum.
Adjusted for inflation.
He's only in the biggest movie out right now that has people in it.
And aliens.
Sam?
I am going to say Jurassic Park. People seem excited about that answer. Keith? Thank you Say High School Musical
High School Musical 3
I can't think of another
Are you having trouble thinking
Oh you're having trouble choosing
Or you can't think of
Any Jeff Goldblum movies
All I had was Jurassic Park. I thought, okay.
Sam would go esoteric,
go a different direction.
Didn't do that.
No, we're looking for, you know,
big box office. Big box office.
What's the one where you
play Z?
I wish that's how it worked.
No.
You can't describe it.
No, I can't.
You just have to name it.
I'm going to go with Avatar,
even though I know I wasn't in it.
Well, why would you go with it then?
Because I like that he just said an answer
instead of saying pass.
Right.
Because what if I was like,
but he was the voice of the tree or whatever.
Yeah.
Was he really?
So, yeah.
So it's worth a shot.
But if you're going to just guess like that ever, I always recommend JFK.
JFK.
Because most people are in JFK.
Trey.
I mean, I think it's.
I think it's.
Well, that's why one person gets to go first.
Yeah.
Oh, man. Number three. Well, that's why one person gets to go first.
Number three is The Lost World, Jurassic Park.
Coming in at number two in Jeff Goldblum's top three, Independence Day.
Two points for Trey.
Thank you.
And coming in at number one,
Jurassic Park.
Yeah, nice, Sam.
So Sam gets one point.
I'm fine with that.
Sam's got three, Trey's got two.
Here's the next round.
And we start with... We start with...
I don't know what she yelled out, but I
shushed her anyway.
I think it was boobies.
Oh, okay.
That's probably a good time to yell that out.
Broovies? You saying broovies?
I like that place.
Roofies?
Is she yelling for somebody to bring me some
roofies?
Alright, hang on.
I'm tired of being awake.
You guys want to pass these back?
I was going to save them for myself.
I don't normally use them on other people.
Shit's expensive.
You got to go first this time, Keith.
Okay.
We're going with the films of...
And we talked about her earlier.
Okay.
How good she looks in a bikini.
Looks amazing.
Blake Lively.
Blake Lively.
Mm-hmm.
Actress.
Yep.
Easy on the eyes.
That's what she does, yes.
From Tarzana, California.
You knew that?
Yeah.
I know that, but I can't name another movie other than The Shallows,
but according to this gentleman, he did not like it.
The Shallows is also way too recent to be her top movie.
But it's going to do well.
It'll be her big dog.
Yeah, I think so.
Blake Lively, you said.
Yeah.
Not Avatar, I've been told
Not Avatar
No
Let's go with
The
The secret
The traveling...
I don't even know.
Did you see that movie?
What is it?
Come on!
Say the whole thing!
Plants!
Secret lives of plants!
Traveling!
Oh, am I going to win this just because I know the name of this stuff? No, you're not necessarily.
No, I'm not done yet.
Look, there's no clock.
Just say it.
Secret Lives of Traveling Plants.
It sounds like you're saying it.
Just say it.
I think it's too out of time.
Pass.
No, say it.
Secret Lives of Plants.
Say it legit.
Don't ask them.
He can't help you.
Yes, he can.
Just say it. He's being very positive. Just say it. You're m help you. Yes, he can. Just say it.
He's being very positive.
Just say it.
You're mumbling it exactly right,
but you're mumbling it.
Secret lives of traveling pants.
The what?
Secret.
The secret lives of the traveling pants?
That makes sense.
That makes total sense.
Yeah.
I'd go see that movie.
Yeah.
I would go see that movie.
Yeah, it's a great movie.
All right.
Yeah, you want to go see that together?
I'd love to see that movie. That's your answer, you want to go see that together?
That's your answer.
Gosh, it's something like that. Trey.
No?
I had another one cocked and loaded, but I think
that one might, was she really in that movie?
I think she was in that movie. She's from
Tarzana. The Town.
Alright, so you're going
with The Town? Yeah, I'm going with the town.
All right, Sam?
That's a shame, because obviously I was going to say the town.
Blake Lively, I do not believe, is at all in the sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Oh, jeez.
Is that how it goes?
Oh, thank God.
Because I was that close to saying it.
But I thought you said sisterhood at one point.
Something like that, yeah.
But then you changed it to secret.
Which one was it?
Why would the traveling pants be a secret?
I didn't see the movie.
They're a sisterhood.
They all wear the same pair of pants.
Yes.
They could not be wilder.
They could not vary more in sizes.
And yet they all can fit into the same pair of pants.
Because they're traveling pants.
And they are a sisterhood.
Coming in at number three.
You know it ain't Green Lantern.
Did I say that out loud?
Sam said Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
No, I didn't.
No, he said she's not in that.
He hasn't said anything yet.
I haven't said anything yet.
All right, fucking say something
because you said out loud
a movie that she is in fact in.
Oh, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. That's what you said,
right? Yes, sure. And you're sticking with it?
Sure. Okay, you're wrong.
This is not...
Guys, I'm sorry. The other movie, the only other
Blake Lively movie I can think of is called The Age of
Adeline and I guarantee you
that ain't in the top three.
Also, I'm actually quite a successful
movie.
Yeah, made more money than almost any movie you've ever been in.
Oh, damn.
Wow.
Shit just got real.
I got to leave.
I'll be in the green room.
But that's because his success is in television.
Settle down.
Right.
Also, the $120 million domestic box office grossing glorious pastures.
I have the poster right here.
Did I say every? I have the poster right here. Did I say every? I have the poster right here. Did I say every?
Did I say every?
Did I say every?
I said almost every.
And that's the only one that made more than Age of Adaline.
I guarantee it.
Oh, I don't know.
Age of Adaline made like 70, 80 million dollars.
Really?
Yeah.
All right.
Never even heard of it.
Harrison Ford is in it.
It's true.
Oh, that one.
He's only in blockbusters.
Did you get points on that Inglourious
Bastards thing or whatever they call it?
What do you mean? 1% of Brad's
points? 10%. I heard it on a
show somewhere.
Coming in at number three.
The town. As I was trying to
say, after Sam had
said a title of a movie she's in
out loud. There was context around
those words. No, there was
you answering. It's all
I heard. Because you can't say the
title of a movie when it's your turn
and it not be your answer.
That's fine. No, of course it's fine.
It's absolutely fine.
I'm mostly saying it because the audience
was telling me that you hadn't answered yet,
and I had heard an answer.
Okay.
That was wrong, so I was excited.
I know.
Coming in at number three.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.
Yeah.
The Second Summer of the Pants.
Is that the tagline?
That is the whole fucking title.
Do you guys want to know the third title?
It's a book, but they didn't make it into a movie.
You want to know the laziest title in the history of literature?
The third fucking book is just called Girls in Pants.
That's a porn, dude.
That is a porn.
That is true.
They start off in pants, but that ain't how it ends.
That was out loud, too, yeah.
Yeah, Sam, and it's just called Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, too.
There's no colon.
I know, you're a book reader.
You know me.
Coming in at number two,
The Town.
That's two more points for Trey,
taking a lead with four points.
What?
Yeah.
And number one,
the number one Blake Lively movie
Dying to know
Adjusted for inflation
Green Lantern
Shut up
Are you fucking kidding me
That movie was so bad
I didn't think there was any way
That was the top grossing Blake Lively movie
Fucking what's his name
Saved that movie
Peter Sarsgaard
He was the only good part of that movie.
Oh, he saved it?
He was the only, no, he didn't save it.
That movie was dead.
But he was the only good part.
How the fuck did that outgrow?
All right.
She's, you know, she's from, she came from TV and had the Sisterhood movies.
No, she came from Tarzana, dude.
Remember?
Thank you.
The Shallows will, I would imagine. Eclipse. Maybe get upana, dude. Remember? Thank you. And the shallows will, I would imagine,
Eclipse.
Maybe get up there, yeah.
Yeah.
We'll see.
Fuck.
All right.
Like I said, Trance 4, Sam S3.
We got to finish this thing up
because we still have one more game to play.
Oh my God.
I know, right?
I'm having fun here in Salt Lake City.
Yeah.
Yeah.
here in Salt Lake City.
Yeah.
For a second,
I thought you said,
suck up, city,
because that's what you are. Yeah, I spoke way too soon on that.
We still haven't seen
who's got weed in this crowd.
So Trey gets to go first this time.
Okay.
Then Sam, then Keith.
Ready, Trey?
I'm ready.
You ready to be potentially confused
by who this person is?
Oh, man, yeah, I guess.
Rebecca Hall.
Oh, fuck. Can I at least
look up a picture of her?
No, that's not a terrible idea
for me to hold up a picture of the people.
I have no idea.
All right, you're out.
Yeah, I'm not even wasting time on that.
Iron Man 3.
Keith.
The Loose.
That's not a terrible guess
because he's got,
there's two Footlooses out there
Oh that's right
They made that shitty one
Feetloose
Wait what?
Well
One of them was good
And one of them was shitty
Yeah the first one
Because they're exactly the same
Kevin Bacon one is great
The Kevin Bacon charisma
Is missing in the second one
That's for sure
Sean Penn saved that movie
Chris Penn Chris Penn saved that movie. Chris Penn.
Chris Penn saved that movie.
Keith would be killing it
in the correcting tray game.
Wait, is Chris Penn still alive?
Never mind.
Number three for Rebecca Hall
is
The Prestige.
Number two?
The Town.
The Town.
Was she in The Town?
She's the other woman
in The Town.
Oh.
Alright.
Yeah, and she's also
the woman in her number
one movie, Iron Man 3. Yeah, and she's also the woman in her number one movie, Iron Man 3.
Yeah.
Nice.
Nice.
It helped knowing who Rebecca Hall was.
Well, I know now.
I won't make that one.
Was she in Footloose?
No.
I felt like she was.
She had sex to the cover of the Pink Floyd song.
Who did that cover?
What are we talking about?
I need to get us through the rest of these two games.
No more side shit.
Oh, no, that was the...
I was thinking the departed.
I was thinking the wrong movie.
Whatever you were thinking, I don't care.
All right.
Sam, get ready to win.
Okay.
Because the person, this fourth person,
because I chose all the people that are in, you know,
big movies that are out now or about to be out,
The Shallows, Independence Day,
whatever it's called, Resurgence.
Rebecca Hall is in, what's she in that's out right now?
I have no idea.
Oh, she might be in the same movie that stars Mark Rylance.
Ooh.
Ooh, indeed.
I mean, what else could it be?
Mark Rylance's Hyloskosa movie.
Oh, God.
I'll say Spotlight.
Never heard of it.
Who's next?
Keith?
Our friend Mark Rylance?
Yeah.
The great Mark Rylance.
Enjoy his work.
Mark Rylance, of course.
Trey?
Valentine's Day.
Oh, Valentine's Day is another one with lots of people in it.
But no, Trey?
JFK.
Did you get it?
Final answer.
The man's number one movie he just, mere months ago,
won an Oscar for it,
Prince of Spies.
Yeah, I thought it might be the other one.
And his number two was The Other Boleyn Girl,
and number three was The Gunman.
Never heard of him.
Yeah, and he's the big fucking giant.
What's BFG, what does it stand for?
Big Friendly Giant?
Big Friendly Giant.
Yeah, you're the reader, so you know. Yeah. Yeah, he's the BFG? What does it stand for? Big Friendly Giant. Big Friendly Giant. Yeah, you're the reader, so you know.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's the BFG.
I see.
Yeah.
And Sam wins that game!
Sam wins.
As predicted.
But that's...
The fun thing about you being on stage with Sam
is that people that are gambling money,
if Trey or you, Keith, manage to pull this off, they're going to win a lot more.
Because the odds are better on you guys.
They are.
Sam's like worse than even money.
Everyone just knows he's going to win.
That's not true.
I've been known to pull some shit out my ass.
I don't care.
Well, that I'd prefer you not do tonight.
Especially weed.
At the Salt Lake City Airport bathroom. prefer you not do tonight. Especially weed. At the Salt Lake City airport.
When you arrive, yeah.
What's that?
She's still mumbling back there.
Why are you asking?
What are you saying?
We can't gamble in Utah?
You guys can't do a lot of fucking things in Utah.
I'm getting really sick of it.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
I had a great joke.
Great response to her.
Anyway, let's play Last Man Stanton.
There's a gentleman in the audience
who goes by the Twitter handle
Chad Van Halen.
Hey, Chad.
Is that your real name?
Chad Van.
Your last name is just Van?
Oh, okay.
Forget it.
Sorry I asked.
And he's one of the many people,
thank you to everybody who tweeted at me today
saying I've got the perfect name for Last Man Standing,
but the way that he phrased it,
this name is going to blow us away.
This is not going to be,
what was that one from earlier?
This is going to be no Elizabeth Banks.
This one's going to be,
I like her a lot.
She's been in 10 movies, maybe.
Maybe 14.
What are you saying?
Are you the same person that keeps yelling out?
I'm not going to respond to that.
Well played.
I'm not gonna respond to that.
Well played. Well played.
So Sam, since you won the last game,
you're gonna go first, and then we'll go to Trey,
and then Keith, and then me,
because I love to play.
What's the name, Chad?
James Earl Jones.
James Earl Jones.
Oh, yes.
Interesting.
Oh, God, yes.
Oh. All right.
I'm out already.
Star Wars, Episode 4, A New Hope.
All right.
So you guys are going to make us really say the gay title of the Star Wars movies
instead of the real title of them?
I'm glad you got retarded and gay
into this show. Oh, damn it.
Two things we're not saying anymore
to talk about something being
negative or being bad.
Alright, sorry.
Star Wars Episode 5, The Empire Strikes
Back.
You got a gay title
ready, Keith?
Roots.
What?
You are so out, dude.
Technically, he is in that,
but it's a miniseries.
Doug loves TV miniseries
from the 70s.
Doug loves groundbreaking television. Was groundbreaking. TV miniseries from the 70s.
Doug loves groundbreaking television.
Was groundbreaking.
Doug loves movies that were currently remade
into another miniseries, but I haven't
watched it yet.
But it was great
having you here, Keith.
I'm going to have to ask you to
leave your own club.
I thought I had, I really thought, that was... All right, I'll go Star Wars Episode VI.
Oh, gee.
Return of the Jedi.
I will go the aforementioned on this very stage,
The Sandlot.
You took mine.
I know I did.
Shit.
This is a tough one.
Yeah, it really is.
Because I will not accept
voice of CNN
as an answer.
Trey?
Oh, man.
Yeah, I really don't think I got anything else.
Oh, come on.
Stop.
I don't even know that movie.
What?
Oh, I know what it is.
But that's, I feel like I'm cheating then if I do that.
You know what he just said?
Yeah, coming to America.
Oh, why would you?
He said Zamonda.
Yeah, that's a clue, dude.
I agree with you guys that booed.
Yeah, yeah.
It's all right, I got a few more. I agree with you guys that booed. Yeah, yeah.
It's alright, I got a few more.
I'm sure you do.
Yeah.
Sam's good.
You wouldn't have come up with coming to America on your own.
I mean, I would have, but it would have taken a while. I don't think I would have.
I mean, obviously I know he's in it now that it's been said.
Even that clue didn't help me, but it
helped you. I would have if I did the picture him
wearing costumes from the movies
thing, but like I said, it would have taken me
longer than you would have liked. Alright, so you're out? Yeah, I'm out.
The Lion King. The Hunt for Red
October.
Now I might be
out.
Ah, shit.
You know, he's been in a million things.
I'm trying to think of like a Spike Lee movie he was in,
because it seems like that's something he would have done.
It does seem like it.
But maybe not, because I might be confusing him with Ossie Davis,
because I'm a very racist person.
What else you got, Sam?
Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger, The Great White Hope.
He was in the first three Jack Ryan movies before he got replaced by... The third Jack Ryan movie was The Great White Hope?
Yeah.
Bet you didn't know that.
But yeah, he's been in like...
He's probably in a hundred movies.
Absolutely.
So we should all be ashamed of ourselves.
Doug loves movies so white is the hashtag.
I'm sorry.
Conan the Barbarian.
He's in fact in Conan the Barbarian.
Damn it.
What other ones do you guys know?
Field of Dreams!
Field of Dreams is a huge one.
Beneath the Planet of the Apes.
For me.
Wait, so he said Soul Man?
He's in Soul Man?
He's in Beneath the Planet of the Apes?
Soul Man?
That seems like something he'd be in.
What?
I never thought I'd come to Salt Lake City
and have a bunch of white people yell
the titles of a movie a black guy is in.
It's really quite a twist.
He's not in Driving Miss Daisy.
That's my go-to.
I gotta cut it off when people just start yelling out
things that are absolutely wrong.
Oh, no, he is at the end of Star Wars Episode III.
No, Driving Miss Daisy is when I cut it off.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
They should just turn off my mic right now.
Sam Levine is our winner tonight!
Sammy!
Sammy!
Kind of gave you a run for your money
on a couple of games there
yeah you sure did
at what point did you put the Groot mask back on
he's Groot he won't tell me
I started so strong
he's back into it
where's the
if this show was all about High School Musical 3
you would have kicked ass
stop it right there but you were still a great guest Yeah, if this show was all about High School Musical 3, you would have kicked ass.
Stop it right there.
But you were still a great guest, but where's Ashley?
Come get your prizes. Ashley!
Get your poster back from Sam.
Pass me down the tray and the Schindlers.
And Sam, what do you got to plug?
What's coming up, buddy?
Two things.
The first is,
if you're a fan of roosterteeth.com
or even if you've never heard of it,
in September,
a terrific streaming series I'm in
called Crunch Time
is going to start streaming on that network.
It's so fucking great.
And the second thing is,
I promised my Uber driver, Brad,
I would give him a shout out.
There you go, Brad.
Nice.
Right on.
What Uber driver?
From the airport to the place.
Gotcha. Yeah. Nice.
Because our Uber driver over here, I didn't hear that conversation at all. Was he white?
You know what? I don't see color, Trey.
Well, look at this crowd.
You definitely won't.
This crowd is white or Groot.
Trey, what do you got coming up?
Oh, I got Philly on July 6th
at the Bardot. yeah it's gonna be a lot of fun
and then i may be in tampa oh with me on saturday yeah possibly all right let's not let's keep that
a secret i don't know what you're talking about but people will be able to kick your ass in last
man stanton oh that's right damn it you Damn it. You're going to have to play.
Yeah.
And then my CD on Rhapsody, Spotify.
If you guys have that, check it out on that.
And like I said, I got like eight copies of it.
Yeah, I'll sell it to you for $10 or something else.
As aforementioned.
It's a barter system.
Yeah, I'm cool with the barter system.
Yeah.
Bitcoins, no.
I don't buy into that bullshit.
So if any of you guys got Bitcoins,
shove them up your bid-ass.
I thought you said Big Coins.
He's like, what the fuck is he talking about?
I mean, not that I know what Bitcoins are either, but...
Keith Stubbs, owner of this establishment,
Keith Stubbs owner of this establishment
Wise Guys
bringing comedy
to the valley
for how long?
Since 2001
2001, that's a long time
Thanks for coming out
A lot of great shows coming
Follow me on Twitter
at TheKeithStubbs
The because someone else took the real one Follow me on Twitter at TheKeithStubbs. The, because someone else
took the real one.
Follow me on Twitter,
Wise Guys Utah.
Great shows.
I perform all over the place.
KeithStubbs.com
slash LDS.org.
Let's hear it for all these guys.
Sam Levine,
Trey Gallion,
and Keith Stubbs.
And as always, Cavalia is a shithead.
Is that that horse show?
And they're mean to the horses?
No, they have bullboards. Oh, they have bullboards everywhere, so you're just tired of seeing it? Is that that horse show? And they're mean to the horses?
Oh, they have bullboards everywhere?
So you're just tired of seeing it?
You don't care how the horses are treated?
We just are sick of seeing that word!
Get that word the fuck out of our town! And I have a feeling this one's going to get out of our town.
And I have a feeling this one's going to get a good reaction too.
Just a feeling.
Governor Gary Herbert is a shithead.
It's hard for you.
Because Doug loves movies.