Doug Loves Movies - Scoot McNairy, Martha Kelly, Mike MacRae and Geoff Tate guest
Episode Date: February 1, 2016Live from the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, TX, Doug welcomes Scoot McNairy, Martha Kelly, Mike MacRae and Geoff Tate to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Calif...ornia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Three sisters, one murder, but which sister is hiding the deadly secret?
Find out for yourself in You Don't Know Me, the new suspense novel by New York Times bestselling author Nancy Bush.
If you can't get enough of thriller movies like Fatal Attraction, Gone Girl, Before I Go to Sleep, and Dark Places,
you'll love the drama and edge-of-your-seat suspense in You Don't Know Me.
This thriller will keep you questioning till the very last page. Pick up your copy of You Don't Know Me wherever books are sold or find out more online
at kensingtonbooks.com or nancybush.net. Enjoy the show! If he sees with 50 guys or five more turtles in his teeth There's still not one that he won't sleep
Because Doug loves police Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
Was there some weird music playing or something?
I don't know what's happening.
I was walking out of the green room like,
I should go see if we're about to start.
And that's when it started So I ran up here
Ran right past BB-8
Could you just walk out on stage
And just show everybody
This amazing
BB-8 costume
You ridiculous man.
Yeah, just roll right out on the stage
like you're that little son of a bitch.
Look at him go.
Nicely done.
Here, grab one of those microphones And tell us what your name is
My name is Brian
Brian and why did you do this?
I'm a crazy person
What can I say?
I love it it's a great name tag
BB8 Brian
Brian BB8
All right let's hear it for Brian
Good luck.
This might be a case of where all my guests fight to all get one particular name tag.
Because, I don't know, maybe one or two of them won't care much about Star Wars.
But that seems to be like a good little pro tip
for future Doug Loves Movies attendees.
Star Wars seems pretty popular with my guests.
With my immature comedian guests.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Wow, that was, I sprung it on you
and you still, you had waited all that time.
Nobody was yelling it while BB-8, Brian-8 was rolling around.
Coming to you once again from one of my favorite cities and comedy clubs, Cap City Comedy in Austin, Texas!
it's stony sunday january 31st 2016 let me see those awesome name tags everybody else who who here today is second best
to bri be bri bri bri by a that bri. That's a great one there.
I can't make out much of it from where I'm sitting,
but I can tell there's a lot going on.
And I think that might get chosen.
We got, who's web instead of Charlotte?
Jillian's web.
And he put my face on the pig?
Jillian's web?
And he put my face on the pig?
We got Mighty Misty
What? Misty?
Mikey. Settle down Mikey.
That says Mikey?
There's a T in Mikey?
Mike T. Joe Young
He messed up.
Hey, Mikey.
He don't like it.
What's the Guardians of the Galaxy?
Al?
Your name's Al?
So you slipped it right in there, you son of a bitch.
We got Allison's instead of aliens from,
she was in San Antonio yesterday,
and it's a beautiful,
it's one of the most beautiful name tags I've seen. And then, of course,
there's Army of Dark
Knicks.
Thank you to everybody for
Wow, those are glowing
quite nicely over there.
Good luck. This is going to be
a tough one for my guests.
As you see, there's going to be four of them.
But before I bring them out there and they all start yapping,
I'm going to do Doug's plugs.
Los Angeles, this Tuesday night at 11 p.m. at the UCB Theater,
the Franklin Avenue location.
It's the debut taping of Julian Loves Music
with Julian McCullough and special guests and then the next
day that'll be out you know just like doug lowe's movies and we'll see you guys think if you like
the same similar format but a different host and a different uh he's gonna have a sidekick i hear
i don't have a sidekick the closest thing you know i have i have to a sidekick Is here today though You may have seen him smoking outside
And
The next night, Wednesday night
This very coming Wednesday I'm doing Doug Loves Movies
At UCB
At the more reasonable hour of 8 o'clock
Yeah
Julian's at 11 o'clock, that was a crazy time slot
But maybe music fans
Can stay up late
But I'm at 8 o'clock And I think there's going to be 5 or 6 guests That was a crazy time slot. But maybe music fans can stay up late.
And I'm at 8 o'clock, and I think there's going to be five or six guests because a bunch of great people all just said...
I feel like I always feel, like immediately in my head I go,
you're acting like Donald Trump.
When I saw it, I'm talking about, I got a lot of great people.
It's going to change your life.
It's going to be the greatest podcast
you've ever heard or witnessed
so that's Wednesday night
at UCB and
UCBtheater.com
is a place you can go for more
details and tickets now it's time for
tweet relief tweets about movies
web monkey
Dave
that's his twitter name that he went with, so he's already seemed pretty fun.
Web Monkey Dave tweeted, Gods of Egypt is so white it's already been nominated for 12 Oscars.
This has been a relief.
Racist prognostication Edition.
Prognostication.
The prize bag, you guys,
I, you know,
I used to, when I traveled,
I wouldn't,
the prize bag wouldn't be that great,
at least initially,
from my stuff.
I'd just rely on my guests
to bring the gold,
but you're not going to believe
what I traveled with.
First of all,
you're going to have a bag that's covered in Tito's and soda.
So that's pretty sweet.
My friend Mike, who drove me here today,
he had a VHS copy of the Curse of the Blair Witch sitting around.
Yeah, Curse of the Blair Witch.
Not to be confused with the entertaining Blair Witch Project,
which is only so entertaining at this point.
While we're on a VHS tear, I brought all the way from Los Angeles
an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
from the Warner Brothers Television Network.
The episode called Who Are You?
No question mark.
That probably didn't get answered.
A Douglas Movies t-shirt.
And straight from the Adult Video Awards in Las Vegas,
straight from my friend Janice Griffith gave me
a shirt I'd never wear in public.
Hashtag Team DP.
You know, it's Austin.
You can walk around and stuff like that.
Nobody's going to be like, what's DP?
A cookie that they gave me on the plane
That I didn't want to eat
Is in the prize bag
Also a mini Snickers
That got into my possession somehow
This is one of my favorite things
That I've had in a prize bag
I went to see J-Lo in Vegas on her opening night,
and I'm sure she does this every night
because it's a spectacular way to end a Vegas show,
but this is what was shot at me.
I just left the theater without taking any of it off
and walked all the way back to my hotel in Vegas
covered in this stuff.
Yeah, so it's all in the bag.
The stuff they shoot out of cannons
at the end of J-Lo's Vegas Spectacular.
Tickets available.
I'm going to get them to be a sponsor of the show.
The show's called All I Have,
I think, but it should just be called
Here's My Ass.
She's not shy about it.
I think I've said that on the podcast before.
Maybe even in Vegas.
All right. Let's get my guests out here it's another stellar
lineup that you guys are going to love please give a big warm welcome to mike mccray martha kelly
scoot mcnary and jeff tate Yes.
Sit anywhere you'd like.
No pressure.
Well, this worked out great.
I like to have Jeff as far away from me as possible.
Can I just point out that I had to explain to Jeff Tate
what DP meant right a few minutes ago?
He asked, wouldn't that even mean?
Yeah, and what'd you tell him?
He said it was where they put a penis
into a vagina and a butthole.
Like two dicks.
One for each.
And I was shocked how
creeped out I was by that. I was like,
I had to explain that to someone. I felt
gross. It's hard for me to imagine
that you said it the same way
Jeff just did, though.
You have to explain sex things to
Jeff and Jeff voice for him to understand.
Yeah, it's Yes, we take...
Oh, you almost
did a Jeff Tate impression?
Hopefully I'll have one by the end of this. Oh, okay.
Yeah, let's all listen to Jeff Tate
everybody. Jeff Tate is here!
Jeff Tate
is here!
Hello!
Hey, Austin.
Keeping it weird.
Yeah.
You're the old bee on today's episode.
You're the frequent guest.
The guest that wouldn't leave, as it were.
Yep.
And we love having you.
That's why I sit way down here.
The listeners love you.
It's like you're becoming sidekick-y.
That's fine with me.
All right.
I'll be a sidekick.
becoming sidekick-y.
That's fine with me.
I'll be a sidekick.
We recorded an episode of Douglas Minis in the rental car
today, Jeff and I. That'll be available
tomorrow-ish.
Tomorrow? Yeah, but people
are going to hear this tomorrow, so it'll
already be available.
That's wild. That's like Looper.
It's so...
I'm in a constant looper movie.
Thanks for being here, Jeff.
As always, you can go ahead and go off on your own.
You don't have to follow me everywhere.
Every weird guy hires an opener and says,
Hey, quit following me.
Get the fuck out of here. You hired me.
Yeah, well, you know, you know what I mean.
Sometimes I like to do shows people come to.
You just gotta, yeah,
you gotta leave the nest, though, and
I hear
some very nice people come out to your shows.
Very nice people, yes.
That was a show you did in,
where was it? Providence?
Providence. I met both of those
people that came out to that show.
Man, there was like 12.
But it was at 4.30 in the
afternoon on a Tuesday.
So that's 12 people that
left work early or don't have jobs.
First time guest, Martha Kelly is here, everybody.
You're on a program on FX called
Baskets with our friend Zach
Galifianakis and it's already
people already love it
and it's very exciting, love it and it's very
exciting, right? It is really
exciting, yeah.
I just wanted you to say, talk about how excited
you were while not sounding excited at all.
Which is
that's part of why you're
so hilarious is that demeanor
and they captured
Zach just said I want Martha
and you got the part right?
Yeah. That's awesome. He just called me
out of the blue. That's perfect.
I'm really lucky. Yeah.
It pays off to be nice to a little weirdo like that.
Definitely.
But yeah and
I can't wait to see every
episode. I think only one is aired so far
or two? Two so far. Or two?
Two so far. Two so far.
And how many did you do?
Ten.
Ten.
And they're saying more already, or they're waiting?
I think that, um, I don't know.
It's on regular FX, which is already great,
because when they put you on FFX,
or whatever they call it.
Is it FXX or FFX?
FXX.
FFXX!
FXX is where you take a penis
and a vagina.
Ah!
Fair enough.
I had a real serious line of questioning for Martha, but I don't remember now.
That's okay.
But congratulations on that, and thanks for being here.
Thank you for having me.
Have you heard this program at all?
Yes.
Okay, so you know what you're in for.
Yes.
It's going to get very confusing.
Yes.
And intense.
Yeah, I forgot one thing,
but I might have fixed it,
but probably not.
But anyway, you'll find out.
Let me just leap ahead.
Did you forget to bring something
for the prize bag?
Yeah, but I found something.
I found something in my purse.
That's perfect.
It's not really great, but it is a gift.
Okay.
No, that's part of the fun, is it's just random items.
It's the only thing in the prize bag that I really want.
Well, you can have it if you really want it.
That's Scoot McNary, everybody.
Yay!
Scoot McNary, everybody!
Very excited to have him here.
He's an actor that you've seen so many times,
you don't even know it.
Like, he's been in movies where you didn't know he was in there.
Total chameleon, which could be good or bad for a career, right?
He's just sitting there laughing. Like, you know how chameleon, which could be good or bad for a career, right? He's just sitting there laughing.
Like, you know how chameleons are.
They just sit on a rock and laugh.
Is that why he was
trying to sell me car insurance outside?
Or is that a different lizard?
It's like I'm not even here.
But there's also, you're on the program
on AMC, Halt and
Catch Fire.
Halt and Catch Fire.
Halt and Catch Fire, yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah, so now that you're living here, I was able to snare you for this.
You're good friends with Steve Agee.
So I kind of tricked the two of you.
Not tricked, but I just said to each of you, I got the other guy to be on Douglas movies in Austin.
Are you into it?
And you both said,
yeah, let's do it. And then it's been a rocky road ever since. Cause you've always been on the fence. You've always been on the fence. And Steve, who is all in, uh, just found out
because he's in the guardians of the galaxy volume two, he has to shoot that bullshit
instead of being here with us today.
So yeah, so it was a great break for Steve,
but it didn't work out good for us.
But I'm so glad you're here
because we met at Fun Fun Fun Fest
and I just, you know,
maybe a year or two before that,
I'd finally figured out,
oh, that's Scoot McNary.
You know what I mean?
Like, you see names and credits all the time.
Like, in Promised Land, you're like,
oh, hey, what's up?
You're like a total...
Like, you live in Iowa or some shit,
and, you know, you really are different all the time.
So what did you think when you finally saw me?
That I was excited.
To me, it was like, that's Scoot.
I didn't have to be like, who the fuck is that?
Why does he look so familiar?
You were at first, because I introduced myself
and I was like, Scoot.
And you were like, oh, hey.
And then you were like, oh, hey, wait a second.
Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It all came together rather quickly.
Yeah, I realized right away what I was dealing with and and I liked it and I probably
asked you to do this podcast like two minutes after meeting you yeah yeah yeah
you live in Austin come on the next time I'm in town because that's great because
you were because you were nice to me like You clearly knew who I was. I did, because Edmund Young,
who produced, I think, a comedy tour
that you did about five years ago
for Comedy Central, I think?
Maybe.
Maybe.
Anyways.
You asking me?
We were coming down to your shows at,
I don't know the name of anything.
UCB?
UCB.
UCB.
UCB Theater out in LA.
So I knew who you were before.
Yeah, yeah.
That's great.
I love it.
Let's move on from there.
The old mutual at-mo society.
That's fantastic and also new to the program.
And so patient.
Probably working up impressions of all of us.
It's Mike McRae, everybody.
Hello.
Hello.
Local vocal phenom.
What's your... What's your favorite
Can I use that?
What's your favorite impression that you're doing these days?
Uh, probably
Michael Douglas
What?
Go, do it
Well, let's start talking about movies
And then we'll see where it goes from there
I thought this was a podcast let's start talking about movies and then we'll see where it goes from there.
I thought this was a podcast about movies.
I like movies about fucking.
Remember that movie?
More money.
More money.
More money and fucking.
It's sort of my favorite.
What was that movie where you had to lower your junk?
I'm talking to Michael Douglas.
What was that?
It's easy to fool the listeners.
When you had to like, you like sprayed your junk in a bidet because you got something happened to you.
Do you remember which one that was?
Unfortunately, I myself
am not a Michael Douglas movie
expert.
But I'm going to guess...
Michael Douglas doesn't know?
I know it's rather odd.
Michael Douglas has probably
sprayed his bag with all kinds of stuff.
Cameras.
If I had to guess, it'd be romancing the stone.
Because I was in a jungle.
Am I right?
I literally don't know the fucking answer.
Did you ever say the words money never sleeps in Wall Street 2?
Because that is the worst title ever.
I did, but they cut it out.
So then I tried to work it back in.
Look, don't make the same mistake, side.
Money never sleeps.
And then they'd say, cut.
We're not doing that.
I'm like, yes, we fucking are.
I'm Michael Douglas.
Money never sleeps.
I don't know what it means,
and I don't know what it means And I don't fucking care
This is a thousand dollar glass of wine
Thanks Michael
For stopping by
I'd love to have you for the whole show sometime
We could do that now For stopping by. I'd love to have you for the whole show sometime.
We could do that now.
It's your show, Kimo Sabe.
Make a fucking choice.
Yeah, you gotta go for sure. All right. You gotta leave.
He's gone a time.
Scoot is in Superman vs. Batman.
Yeah, more words.
What's the whole title? Do you know the whole title?
I didn't ask you
What are the odds there's more than one scoot in the room?
This is Texas, it's not that bad
What are the odds there's only one Scoot?
I'm also Michael Douglas.
So what are you doing,
heroes in the morning?
Oh, man, I...
Are you allowed to tell?
Yeah, I can't.
I would love to say everything about it.
Well, I'll tell you what. We'll get you another drink.
Okay.
Now, this Batman vs. Superman movie,
is it true that it's just a custody battle?
They're a kid.
Like, they have a kid.
There's a kid involved here.
Kramer vs. Kramer versus Kramer.
Kramer.
I love that you felt
you had to tell us how you knew about custody
battles.
Yep.
But that's all
We're gonna get out of you on that
Yeah
Are you in it because
Of your bond that you formed with Mr. Ben Affleck
While making Argo
Fuck yourself
And Gone Girl
I don't know
I mean I definitely think maybe that had something to do with it
Yeah that's cool.
Yeah.
Love it.
But, yeah.
I'm hearing good things.
You hear it's good?
I hear it's good.
Yeah.
The script was really good.
God, I just can't say too much about it.
Yeah.
No, I understand.
Yeah.
It's just, you know, you throw it out there in case he's, you know, hoping that you slip up and say something.
Yeah.
And if you keep hammering me, I'm know hoping that you slip up and say something yeah and if you keep hammering me i'm sure eventually i will slip up and say oh don't
say that to me because i i got other things i got other things i want to do i just i just have to do
them i have one question about it i'm not that guy is just going to hammer you about that guy is jeff wins.
And if it's Batman, how?
Yeah.
How does he win? Who gets custody?
Who gets custody
of grieving life?
Gotham City?
Let's ask Martha what she thinks.
Between Superman or Batman, who do you think's going to win?
Well, doesn't Superman have superpowers?
He sure does.
It seems like he probably would win then.
Yeah, but you know, it might be more of a psychological battle.
I don't imagine that. a psychological battle.
I don't imagine that.
Who has more street smarts? I mean, Batman is rich.
He can buy anything, you know?
Superman has to be like,
hey, I need a quarter for coffee.
He could just take everybody's money
whenever he wants to, though.
He's stronger than everyone.
They both can.
It's too bad they're fighting each other
because they could just fight everybody.
They could just be in
charge. Like, Trump
is sort of like them.
Is that what happens, Scoot? Do they team up?
Yeah. It's a lot
like Trump. Of course they team. They gotta get
back together in the end.
Why? They didn't in
Kramer vs. Kramer Alright, one more question
For Scoot
You haven't seen this film yet
So it won't qualify for your answer
Of all the films you've been in What's your favorite? You haven't seen this film yet, so it won't qualify for your answer.
Of all the films you've been in, what's your favorite?
The Rover.
Tell the truth! Tell the truth!
Now, The Rover sounds familiar.
Why haven't I seen it?
Is it a small indie film?
I don't think so.
I mean, what's
that classified these days? Who's in
The Rover? Rob Pattinson
and Guy Pearce.
And it's a film that
David Michaud directed.
Has anybody seen this movie?
Yeah. You like it?
Yeah, there you go.
Thanks. Good.
And that's why it's my favorite.
I like it.
That's good.
We all learned something.
We can all check it out.
Yeah, that sounds great.
How many times have you been killed in a movie?
And is one of them Batman versus Superman?
A lot, and I don't know.
Oh, reshoots.
No, Jeff, you were just telling me today
that everyone in Usual Suspects
thought they were Kaiser Soze.
And so you know that that's probably
what's going on with Scoot
is he probably doesn't even really know.
Holy shit, do you think you're Batman in this movie?
Is that how Zack Snyder
did it? He made everyone think they were
Batman?
And the man from Uncle was Superman?
Is that the right
guy? Am I done?
I wouldn't be a very good Batman.
Why?
It's a suit.
You just put that uniform on. You could beat up Michael Keaton. I wouldn't be a very good Batman. Why? I mean, I'm, you know, a buck fifty.
You just put that uniform on. You could beat up Michael Keaton.
I was going to say, have we forgotten Michael Keaton?
Yeah, it's doable.
Yeah, but Ben was huge on the movie.
I mean, he like really looked the way.
Right, he's a real towering figure.
Like huge, yeah.
Probably had high heels.
Like Batman.
You know, even without the suit on.
Did people think that Mark Zuckerberg, dude,
Lex Luthor, was kind of chewing the scenery a little bit?
Because it kind of looks like that in the
trailers.
I think that's probably what they asked him to do.
He's chewing the scenery a little bit.
Chewing the scenery? What do you mean?
Well, like at lunchtime, would he say,
no thanks, I'm full?
Would he eat things on
set? Like staplers
and shit? Like a goat?
Was his character like Jerry Seinfeld and he could
only act if he was holding an apple?
How do y'all know about all these stories that happen?
Oh, I'm making
everything up. I don't know how anybody else knows stuff.
Everything I've said, I've made up.
I've never seen Kramer vs. Kramer.
What about X vs. Sever?
Nope, I've never seen that.
The only versus movies I've seen is...
Alien vs. Predator?
No.
There's no way you have not watched that movie.
I haven't. It looks scary.
And it wasn't produced by Team
DP.
True.
They just fuck one at a time in that movie.
That's not what I meant. What is it, the 1700s?
It's a very puritanical movie.
I need to just take a second
to tell Martha to settle down.
And tell us,
what was the last movie you saw
in any format?
Well, last night,
I saw part of Titanic
in a movie theater in Austin at the Master Pancake Show.
Oh, why?
Moto Panakeku!
Why did you, why did you just see part of it?
Uh, cause they have to edit it cause their show is two hours and the movie's-
You saw a shorter version of Titanic, but you got the gist of it.
Yeah, I've seen it.
They probably showed it leaving the
harbor and then going
into the water, yeah.
But did they cut a lot of the stuff
with the old lady and throwing the thing
off the edge of the boat and all that?
Because that'd be a good thing to cut. They cut
the first half hour in the movie.
Oh, that's perfect.
Let's just get on the boat. We don't need to meet these
people that are... We don't need to know who Rose is going to make perfect. Yeah. Let's just get on the boat. We don't need to meet these people that are...
We don't need to know who Rose is going to make it.
Yeah.
Right?
Wouldn't it have been even more thrilling
if you thought that Kate Winslet could die?
Yeah.
Oh!
I'm so passionate about this.
Two more words about that movie.
Billy Zane.
Yeah.
Who knew the Titanic?
Of all their problems, there was also a guy
running around with a gun.
Did you like it?
It was fun to watch Pancake make fun of it, I assume.
Yes, I've seen it before,
and there's one part that still made me cry, unfortunately.
Even while those guys are making relentless jokes?
Yeah, because of the song. I actually forgot I had bought
The Heart Will Go On on iTunes and I still
have it and I
couldn't listen to it today because I was afraid
it would make me cry.
Was it made more poignant because knowing
the person who sang it, their husband and brother just
died within two days of each other?
I was just, my cat died last
week. That's what I was crying about.
Well,
it's true.
I hope most of us weren't even
thinking about Celine Dion's
recent losses.
I didn't know that. That hadn't sprung into
my head. I was sitting
here trying to make jokes about
next season on
baskets. If you have a crying scene,
you know, you know, you go to just
say, ask him to play that song for you.
I don't think they'll ever write anything
where I have to actually act.
Have emotion?
Yeah.
There's nothing like that happening.
Mike, what was the last movie you saw, sir?
I'm not sure the time.
The last movie I saw the past two times
in the theater was Star Wars.
You just keep seeing it?
I saw it once with me, once with my son.
You saw it once with me, did you just say?
Just me, alone.
And the second time I saw it with my kid.
Yeah, that's pretty smart.
Yeah, I'm not going to...
Because, you know, if you wanted to leave...
You want to masturbate the first time.
And then other than that, I saw Inglourious to masturbate the first time. And then other than that,
I saw Inglourious Bastards for the first time.
You finally got around to it?
Yep.
And like, so, you know,
that movie made Christoph Waltz
what he is today, like it or don't.
Now looking at it with the perspective
of seeing a bunch of his performances,
is it as amazing as we thought it was?
I've seen him, I guess
I've seen him in three things.
The Leigh Spahn movie.
Django. Django, and then that one.
And then, yeah, that was
pretty great.
Oh, you got it?
I'm working on it.
Why wouldn't I?
I don't know.
He's in a commercial, too.
What?
Christoph Waltz is in a commercial for something.
Burger King, maybe?
I don't know.
You see, the problem is, if you want to bring these things up,
you might want to have an idea of what you're talking about
before you bring it up in the first place.
I've been doing this show for years, and I've never done that.
I've never known what I was
talking about before
I started talking.
But yeah, he was definitely the highlight
of that entire movie. This is my impression of
Christoph Waltz walking through
a room where there's a mouse.
Yee!
Yee!
Oh, that was fun.
There's this guy, Ross Marquand,
who on, I saw it on Twitter, but you know,
it's out there on the internet,
does short impressions of different people,
so now I'm always trying to think of short impressions.
This is Christopher Walken
finding out that his flight had been cancelled.
Why?
Why?
Yee! What was the last movie you saw, Scoot?
I'm watching True Detective right now.
Oh, great movie.
But that same dude,
you're talking season one?
Uh,
the Woody Harrelson,
the,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
season one.
Yeah,
there's,
cause there's a whole
another season.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
People didn't like it
as much.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well,
the one I'm watching
is really good.
Right?
How far,
how deep into it are you?
What can we spoil for you?
Oh, I don't want to tell you.
I'm on episode six.
Oh, okay.
Out of ten?
Out of nine, right?
Okay.
I think there's three DVDs.
Oh, all right.
It's really good.
You want me to take it right now or do that fucking killing?
I don't believe it.
I mean, if you want to...
I will ruin this show for you.
If you want to spoil something,
you can spoil something in episode seven.
But don't take it to the end.
I wouldn't do that to anybody.
I don't believe in cruelty.
I don't believe in cruelty.
I believe in cruelty and cruelly psych.
But you have seen the dude already. What are you doing?
Whoa.
Slow down.
Slow down your Chrysler.
Booger fingers.
I never watched season one, but i watched season two in its entirety because i get in late and stick around when it's not necessary
and um i don't know there were some rewards in the second season i i found strangely enough but
i gotta go back and watch season one. So you're saying that's
the movie you're watching. It feels like a movie
to you. Yeah, yeah. I think it absolutely
feels like the nine-hour movie.
Same director guy did Beasts of No Nation,
which is also very good. Which I hear is
really good. I haven't seen that yet. There you go.
Well, you're one of the people. What's out in the theater
right now? I'm trying to think of what I have seen.
Well, it's January, so it's garbage.
Tomorrow's February, and in about a week
or so, two weeks maybe,
Deadpool opens.
And that's our first
shot at a good movie this year.
I think. I could be wrong.
Are you guys into the Benghazi movie?
Kung Fu Panda 3.
Kung Fu Panda 3? You're into that?
You should be watched.
If you're excited about it.
Do you have children?
If you're excited about Kung Fu Panda 3,
that's somebody that's going to take a gun into a public space.
What was the other one you said?
Oh, Zoolander?
When's that open?
9th or something?
Or 8th?
That might be good.
Hail Caesar.
Hail Caesar is going to suck.
Whoa, why?
Why do you think that?
Why do you think that?
Because I just don't think period, wacky Coen brothers
ever works.
I like period.
Period serious, Miller's Crossing
is amazing.
And then modern comedy
like Raising Arizona is
incredible.
But Hudsucker Proxy blows, man.
So does The Lady Killers.
Oh, brother, we're out there's all right.
Oh, it was great.
Because it's just so, has so much weirdness in it.
True Grit.
Funny as KKK.
True Grit, World Country.
True Grit.
Now they're just naming their movies?
Well, how good?
This isn't Last Man's Tent.
X, Y, how good! This isn't Last Man's Tent. X, Y, Z murders!
It's got George Clooney in it.
Come on.
Anyway, they're amazing filmmakers,
but they're putting it out in February
and it's got this amazing cast.
If it worked at all,
they would have saved it for an awards season.
Unfortunately, that's how cynical
the business is at this point.
Maybe it'll be a laugh riot,
but are the ads making you laugh?
Or are they just making you go,
well, at least ScarJo's in a bathing suit.
George Clooney's all like,
I'm one of the smartest actors that ever lived
Come on
You ever work with Clooney, Scoot?
Yeah, a couple times
Are you in Hell, Caesar?
Do you want to work with him again?
Yeah
I'll tell you this
I love how he throws himself into dumb guy roles,
but in Burn After Reading,
I didn't buy it for a second that he was a dumb guy.
That's another one we didn't mention.
What about...
Yeah, I thought he was great in The Descendants.
You bought that.
Yeah, he kind of got...
When he's running in the flip-flops,
that was pretty awesome.
I like The Descendants more...
You just like his action sequences.
I like Descendants more every time I watch it.
It just gets better and better and richer and richer
the more I see it.
But I find that of all that guy's movies.
Sideways is one of my movies
I can watch over and over again.
Remember when he drove that car
into another car in The Peacemaker?
He like flipped it.
Or no, he jumped it backwards
after they killed Armin Mueller
Stahl. Fuck, that was dope.
Yeah.
I have a question.
Was George Clooney
Batman one time?
Mm-hmm.
Thanks, Martha.
Now that's the kind of guest I like.
Jumps in with something pertinent.
He's happy to move on from there.
And I guess I still have to ask Jeff what the last movie he saw was,
even though I think I know the answer.
Have we been together for the last couple days?
I saw Laser Team was the last one I saw in the theater.
But then what'd you watch last night?
Usual Suspects.
Yeah.
On HDNet Movies.
That's a solid channel.
Spy Game was on after Usual Suspects.
It was like I picked the movies. Usual Suspects. Why is there the guy in Usual Suspects, it was like, I picked the movies.
Usual Suspects,
why is there the guy in Usual Suspects is named Dean Keaton, and there's a
Dean Keaton street in Austin,
which just feels cool.
Like, was it always called
that, or did they change it when that movie came out?
It's the same guy.
Same guy.
How could that be?
Yeah, wait a second Yeah
I think you're
Fucking with me dude
Have you been up to
Kobayashi Boulevard
What the fuck
There's a lot of good
Stuff up there
I have not
I'm going there
He lost the weight
With an Asian name
I didn't believe that movie
From the beginning
I knew they were lying
I spent a lot of time
At a Hockney's record shop.
That's another one. Never mind.
I fucked up. I went too far
with it. Sorry. Sorry, everybody. Hey, can you bring up a
coffee mug up here so we can drop and break for effect?
And then the bottom of that
coffee mug just has Batman versus
Superman questions.
Thanks for saving that.
I saw Dirty Grandpa.
Now's the part of the show where I say...
What, Jeff?
Prize bag.
I'm trying to move on.
I got laser team stuff for the prize bag.
Everybody's got stuff for the prize bag.
I almost forgot.
This is a good thing that you have a sidekick.
We could have done it after the name tag selection.
I'm smooth like that sometimes.
Probably not today.
I'm not.
Because Austin weed is pretty good.
But what do you got there, Jeff?
I got a laser team
beer koozie
and a bag of buttons.
And that's my laser team stuff.
Laser team was made by Rooster Teeth,
which I guess is local.
It's pretty good.
It's a pretty good movie.
And I got a stitch kit
from speakersilence.org,
which you can buy from me after.
It also helps out that.
It's an organization that provides pro bono counseling
to the adult survivors of child sex abuse.
So, good for that.
Wow.
I know.
It's interesting that you've added this with your hand
while saying child sex abuse.
Like, are you raising the roof
or raising money for an important cause?
And also he's including a Make the Rounds poster
from his current tour with other frequent
Douglas movies guests, Emma Arnold.
Emma Arnold, who picked the,
did anybody bring a drone for a name tag?
I hope not, because that was scary.
Oh man, when she flew it into the ceiling,
that was the funniest goddamn thing I ever saw.
She just, like, hit the gas,
and it just, like, shot way up into the ceiling,
and it was this guy's precious drone.
Scoot, what do you got for the prize money, sir?
You know, I looked for all kinds of, like, movie paraphernalia.
I know, you don't have all your stuff with you here in Austin.
Yeah, so I had this, you know,
I go to Bass Pro Shops like twice a week
because I love that store.
Sometimes I just go there just to walk around.
And I brought this Carhartt wallet,
which is going to be sweet for him.
It's a Carhartt
wallet?
Oh man, that thing is...
I'm taking it out right now.
Yeah, we believe you that it's in there.
What are some of the special features on the wallet,
or is it all about the tin can that it comes in?
I was going to say, the tin can is kind of the sweetest
part about it, because it's got this old train on there,
and it's stuff you can... you guys can store stuff in there for the tin can
i don't know like change or something that'd be cool change you can believe in
hey i just remember remembered Jeff and I saw
Our Brand is Crisis together
Oh, yeah
Yeah, we went to the
Three Dollar Theater
In, uh
Where were we?
Wow, that wasn't me
That wasn't Three Dollar Theater
It just came out
That wasn't me
I never saw that movie
Oh, yeah, it wasn't you
It's good though, right?
There's two guys
That are auditioning
To be my sidekick
And it was him
Holy shit, this is an audition?
I mean, it's ongoing, you know
I don't want a sidekick, but
If I ever decide to have one
Oh, it's a canvas
Past case wallet
Yeah, they're really rare
Canvas
Past case wallet Great kind What do you got, Mike? Yeah, they're really rare. Canvas, pass, case, wallet.
Great kind.
What do you got, Mike?
I have a DVD of a comedy movie called Punching the Clown,
made by a very funny Henry Phillips,
which I have a small role in it.
That's why I have a bunch of these.
But it really is one of the best independent comedies made in a while.
I got a Millennium Falcon bottle opener.
And a koozie for the Moon Tower Comedy.
The very first Moon Tower Comedy Festival has become an institution in this town now.
This is from the very first one they ever did.
So now this is a collector's item.
I'm putting these all together in one package there for the gift bag.
Oh, this is going in the bag, you guys.
Except two of these items I think I'm going to keep.
Martha?
I know it's been a lot of buildup.
I apologize.
Well, at first first I want to
Second the thing about
How great punching the clown is
Yes punching the clown watch it
And then also
Add an apology
Because I just realized while Jeff was
Talking that I have some golden girls
Refrigerator magnets at home
And I should have brought them
But
That's always great to tell them what I should have brought them. That story's great to tell him
what you should have brought.
Motherfucker.
Hey, was that Bea Arthur?
It's the same voice.
You can do the same voice for two people sometimes.
Shut the fuck up, Rose.
Shut the fuck up, Rose.
And you're a fucking whore.
You have to go deeper than your natural voice to nail her.
What do you got, Martha?
Well, so I have a really weird bracelet
that a friend's child made for someone else and he gave it to me for some reason.
If that does anything for you.
I also would be happy to add $5 cash.
Just to sweeten it.
And I live in Austin, so if whoever wins
the prize bag lives in Austin
and you want,
I'll mail you the Golden Girls magnets.
But you can't tell any...
We have to pretend I didn't.
You can literally get an IOU from television star
Martha Kelly.
That's a very rare thing.
That's actually worth it in and of itself.
That's all. Sorry, guys, but thank you.
All right, all of that is in the bag.
Like, a life experience is now in the bag.
Because you can continually interact with Martha Kelly
if you choose to, if you want to drag it out.
I love how the name tags are creeping up.
I have to ask, what are the...
Well, that's what I'm about to do, dude.
I'm about to say...
Let the games begin!
Bring your name tags out of the shadows!
Can we get that house lights up a little bit?
So here's what you have to do.
Hang on.
Be quiet for a second, you guys.
I have to explain to Scoot what's happening.
You have to pick one of these people, Scoot, to play for.
Pick the name tag you like the best and grab it and bring it back to your seat.
And while everybody
does that we're going to take a quick commercial break we'll be right back hey everybody today's
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Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
Very disappointed crowd.
Had a lot of great name tags
and wait till you see
the ones that got chosen
or hear about them
so just be careful
not to read the shithead on the back
of your name tag
because that's for the end of the show
if you don't win today
somebody just put a bunch of
junk on my table.
There are lots of juicy Rolos
in a roll for you.
If you're choosy
about what you chew.
Real milk, chocolate,
and caramel too.
To chew, chew, chew,
chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew.
That's like when they write a song like that,
it's like they all go home at four o'clock
when they decide to just say
chew, chew, chew over and over again.
At the end.
Who are you playing for, Jeff?
I'm playing for Rachel of the Lost Ark.
And she drew the font correctly.'s lights watch this dudes yeah Oh
dimmer Oh flashy slower flashy off and there were donuts and there's a picture
of you with an Indiana Jones hat on oh I like that I am fine with my choice That's a good one
I'm very happy with my choice
Alright Scoot, what do you got?
Carrie and the Hendersons
I didn't get your name
Who made this poster?
I think Carrie made it
Clearly I'm an idiot
Carrie and the Hendersons
Carrie, that must be you
Alright
And then we also have the Brady Bunch mom
Florence Henderson
Yes her at the bottom
Holding a Harry or Carrie
The Henderson is holding the picture of them
It's a great poster
That's nice
I think I'm going to take this one home
It's fully realized you can keep it nice. It's well done. I think I'm going to take this one home. It's fully realized.
You can keep it.
I'd do it.
Is that okay, Carrie?
Yeah.
Okay.
Just take it home on my motorcycle.
Did she ride a shithead on the back?
Not yet.
Oh, okay.
Smart.
Wait.
Scoot can't read it out out loud on accident.
What do you got there, Mike?
I have
Behind the Camera and Labra.
Gloriously entertaining.
That's not TV.
That's HBO.
That's true. So you got Doug there.
Wait, is that you? Is that Tate?
Yep.
That's me.
You and Tate have replaced Michael Douglas and Matt Damon
In this
What would that sound like?
Which I'm not very happy about
Get away from me, you fucking lumberjack
Hey
I'm just, no
The character's a dick
Yeah, Michael Douglas is a bit of an asshole Yeah Anyway, so yeah, that's who I'm just, no. The character's a dick. Yeah, Michael Douglas is a bit of an asshole.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, so yeah, that's who I'm going for.
Very nice.
Martha, who you got?
It's one of my favorites.
Mike T. Joe Young.
Yeah.
Mike T.
There's a...
He fucked up big time.
It looks... He fucked up big time. There's a, I believe, Mike.
Yeah.
And Doug.
And me.
And then a gorilla smoking a joint.
Giant, big, fat.
It's huge, that joint.
That monkey joint.
He is big, but it's, but even by his standards,
he must have been like...
What's the thing about
don't say the thing on the back?
Because if you lose today, and that's probably not going to happen,
I think you're going to dominate.
If you lose today, and that's probably not going to happen, I think you're going to dominate. If you lose today, then we have to say,
I have to call that, I have to say that out loud,
is a shithead at the end of the show.
It's a little consolation prize.
Okay, got it.
Better than the bag of prizes, but in some people's estimation.
Depending on who they're getting even with.
Sometimes it's personal grudges.
It'll be like, Joe Smith is a shithead,
and the whole audience just be silent.
They'll just be like, why can't he write something funnier?
But it is what it is.
Let's start off with a game I like to call cable billing.
Yeah, some people love it.
Some are indifferent.
Nobody hates it. Some are indifferent. Nobody hates it.
I'm assuming.
Here's what we're going to do,
Martha and Scoot.
And Mike. A lot of new players here.
Just move around the room
as much as you want, Mike.
You can't switch posters.
Oh, look at you.
Holy shit, I got a drink
too well I almost forgot to drink you guys that's how high I am I get so high
I forget to get drunk all right I'm gonna say you know how when you flip
around on your cable whatever your cable company is they're like a movie a movie will come up and there'll be the listing and the description,
and they always will just list two random actors from the movie that are absolutely not the leads,
and it never makes any sense.
I don't know why it happens.
I'm just going to name some actors that Dish Network recently claimed
were the stars of a motion picture they were showing.
And the first one of you to just shout out
into your microphone the correct
title of the movie is the winner
of this game.
What movie did the Dish Network say
stars David Ogden
Steers
Stiers, if you
must.
James Whitmore
and Martin Landau.
Hint,
they are not the stars of this movie.
I know it,
I just don't want to say.
Really?
I'm kidding.
No, I have no idea.
Rounders. Interesting approach to not want to say. Really? I'm kidding. No, I have no idea. Rounders. Interesting approach
to not want to say. The in-laws?
Those are not bad guesses. They're both
incorrect. Was it
Annie Hall?
No.
MASH. That's a fun
guess because there's a lot of people in it.
Now listen, Jeff.
He was in the TV version of MASH,
which was much later than the film MASH, as you know.
I didn't know if maybe it was the same people.
Like maybe David Ogden Steers got to be in both
before Hello Larry.
Didn't you just watch MASH at that one film festival we were at?
No, it started at 8.
Oh.
I am.
All right, this game is going to now turn into
Live, Die, Repeat,
a.k.a. Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang,
because I'm going to tell you
the actual star of this movie,
and then the first person who can say the movie's title
is the winner.
You ready?
Say his first name. say his first name just his first name I like this fight name that tune you know just feed us a little bit I'll feed you a
little bit
DP I already regret telling you what that meant
I actually went to imdp.com
Oh god what would that sight mean?
Oh, internet movie.
Double penetration.
Okay, Jim?
Does that help you, Scoot?
Yep.
What is it?
Caviezel?
You're changing the game.
I know.
All right, give me the last name.
You told me you just needed the last name. All right, let me the last name. You just made it the last name.
All right, let me give you all the other names first.
Do you have a guess?
Is it the one with Jim Carrey where he's, fuck,
he's a guy on an island?
Fuck, forget it.
What's that one where he's being taped?
Truman Show.
Truman Show?
It's not the Truman Show.
Was it Ace Ventura?
No.
But the name is Jim Carrey.
Liar, liar.
And the movie is called...
Liar, liar.
Jeff and I just played Jim Carrey
Last Man Standing in the car driving over here.
Such a weird coincidence.
The number 23.
Mr. Penguin's Poppers.
DP.
Oh, Ace Ventura 2?
No.
Congratulations to the audience
for being so quiet
during this
because this is probably
driving some of you crazy.
David August Dyers,
James Whitmore,
Martin Landau,
and Jim Carrey
in...
K-Mole Guy?
Yes. No.
Fun with Dick and Jay.
Jeff, I said it today in the car.
We said like 40 Jim Carrey movies in the car.
Batman Forever.
Earth Girls are easy
I love it
I love that there's going to be no winner of this game
Oh wait I have a final guess
Because I have to move on
Okay final guess
Once bitten
Mike do you have a final guess?
Just name a Jim Carrey movie.
You might hit it.
Doing Time on Maple Street.
TV movie?
Get the hell out of here.
Oh, you know what I'm talking about.
I do.
In Living Color?
Jim was in it.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
That was my Fire Marshal Joe impression.
That wasn't his name.
Jeff.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Oh, terrific guess.
The answer's The Majestic.
The Majestic.
Great movie.
No Rolos for you.
No one's...
All of you are acting like you don't want Rolos.
Share those Rolos.
I was trying to throw them to him and you just fucking...
You giant handed it.
Alright, so nobody won that game.
That's right. B nobody won that game. That's right.
Bunch of amateurs.
So let's play Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
Yeah.
We'll start with Jeff, because he's been around the block.
He knows what's going on with this game.
I'm going to say a tagline from the poster
or an advertisement for a motion picture.
And I'm going to say it to Jeff.
And Jeff alone.
Jeff's the only person in this room that can answer.
If he doesn't get it, it moves to Scoot for the steal.
Jeff, what movie had the tagline,
when you think you've gone far enough go further when you
think you've gone
I'll give you a quick hint.
It's none of the human centipede films.
Is it Everest?
Really?
There's a top of a mountain.
You wouldn't want to go further.
Gattaca?
All right, Scoot, it's yours to steal.
Do you know what that movie is from? The Martian?
No, that's a terrific guess, and bless you in the audience.
Bless you for sneezing.
Mike, what do you think?
Chariots of Fire.
Terrific guess.
No.
Martha, you have the last shot at this.
When you think you've gone far enough,
go farther.
Farther?
I can hear the old-timey movie voice saying it.
When you think you've gone far enough,
go farther.
Can you give me a hint?
Check it out. Check out this hint.
When you think you've gone far enough,
go farther.
Just think of a movie where, like,
they could have gone farther,
but they didn't.
No yelling out, even if joke answers.
Because it makes me tense.
I don't...
Maybe either...
Oh yeah, name a couple.
Is it either vacationation or Lost in America
or another traveling, is it a traveling movie?
It's none of those.
It's a film that features Scoot McNary.
One of my favorites One of my favorites
In recent years is a movie called Frank
Oh
Yeah
Dude
Frank is so good I don't know what that tagline
Means but that movie is so
Good
Thank you yeah no it was
Like you saw Room, right?
We thought about going
further, and then we
went even further with the movie.
And then you
rolled the credits.
And then we, yeah.
Did you see Room? I did, yeah.
Isn't that director, the tone of those two movies
could not be more different, and they're both
terrific. Totally.
And if you met Lenny, he's totally not not he's just like the nicest sweetest you got two kids and he makes these just
god awful like you know what richard did was this this awful story i haven't seen that one yet it's
another good one too he's incredible filmmaker though yeah he's uh he's one to keep an eye on
he's one that's gone further.
Yeah, he slipped it.
He's nominated for Best Director for the Oscar.
They were surprised by that. They thought that Ridley Scott would get a
career. Ridley
didn't go far enough.
No.
Mars was not far enough.
I think it went far enough.
I'm the guy in the first half of that tagline.
This is enough, guys.
Are you sure?
Let's do another one.
Jeff gets to go first again.
Are you ready, Jeff?
Yes.
What movie had the slogan, tagline,
May the best campaign win?
Our brand is Crisis.
That's right.
Scoot was so excited on that one.
Would have been able to figure that one out.
All right, we'll start with you now, Scoot.
What movie had the tagline,
you don't know what you got till it's dot, dot, dot?
You don't know what you got till it's...
Oh, Gone Girl., I love Gone Girl.
Of course, Gone Girl.
Mike, which movie has the tagline
The Hijacking was just the beginning?
Wall Street 2, Money Never Sleeps.
Martha, what do you think it is?
It's about something that gets hijacked.
Uh-huh.
So what way did you...
The hijacking was just the beginning.
It might have even been pre-credits.
And probably Scoot was in it.
Is that safe to guess?
I was going to guess Air Force One, but...
Uh, wait.
The hijacking was the whole thing. Air Force One, but... Uh, wait, um... The hijacking was the whole thing
in Air Force One.
There wasn't much after it.
No, they hijacked his plane,
then they called him names.
Oh, wait, I know what it is.
It's, um, is it Captain Phillips?
You're close.
And the future of tomorrow?
Oh, no.
Wait, Captain...
What was that one called? Sky Captain.
Sky Captain.
Captain Phillips
is a totally different kind of thing.
Captain Phillips
in the world of tomorrow.
Jeff,
do I ask you? Can you say it
again, please? The hijacking
was just the beginning.
Is it killing them softly?
No.
Damn it.
Scoot, what is it?
It's non-stop.
Non-stop is right.
And finally,
based on a true
exaggerated story,
Non-stop.
Argo, fuck yourself.
Let's play another game.
That didn't work out so good.
I saw non-Stop, too.
They already made a sequel?
No, I just, I saw it.
I like to pretend Non-Stop is the flight
Liam Neeson takes to save his daughter
and take it.
He's like in the middle of that story.
For God's sake, can't you fly faster?
This is an aeroplane, as far as I understand.
It never ends!
That's what I would say, if I was him.
God, a transatlantic flight
is shitty, and if you know your daughter's being held
by Armenian terrorists...
Here, say this.
Say, I've got a certain set of pills.
Just say it.
I have a certain set of pills.
Ladies and gentlemen, Liam Neeson as Bill Cosby.
If you just wanted me to read your tweets,
I would have done it.
You didn't need to set me up like that.
Can you do Bill Cosby as Liam Neeson now?
I'll take it.
I've got a particular set of skills that you're not going to remember
in the morning.
I don't know who you are,
but you're not going to know
who you are
in about five zips.
It was gross, actually.
I don't know why we're making fun of these horrible...
Have you ever put your foot
in your own mouth or
mine?
Get under the bed.
That's something they probably both have said.
Milky Way?
Oh.
Did you just come in here starving?
Oh, I don't eat
anything fried.
What kind of person would refuse
to eat fried food but wants Milky
Way bites?
Where's the guy that moaned in
disappointment? Raise your hand.
Over there? Alright, we'll see if
you like M&M's okay? Alright, here we go.
Wow,
that wasn't too bad.
I mean, on my part, you were a total klutz.
Somebody's got donuts?
Is that what I heard?
Oh my god.
You guys are crazy.
Bring them up here.
They want us
to throw donuts at them.
What? There's more?
There's so many donuts
Here, I'll take these
It's truly a beloved man
Oh, look at how tiny these are
These are adorable
They're very powdery, though
Oh, shit
Martha, would you like to No, I'm keeping all these, dude.
Would you like to throw a donut at an audience member?
They all get excited and act like they want it.
Okay, I'm not...
Gary the Furrow, Jesus!
I'm sorry, sorry.
This violent exchange of pastries
disgusts me.
No, don't drop them!
Hold on.
Whatever you do, don't drop the donuts we're about to throw.
Whatever you do, don't drop an entire thing of donuts.
Take the donuts.
Get under the bed.
They're super powdery, so be careful.
Scoot.
Just keep throwing them.
I love when they bounce off
because there's also like a puff off of there.
Like a fucking squib.
Like they got donut shot.
I wish you knew how pissed off Margie Coyle was right now.
She's the manager of the club.
It's alright, they vacuum on the first day of every month.
Rarely a pastry fight broke out in here.
She sounds exactly like Liam Neeson.
That's weird.
You and your big hands.
There you go.
Everybody that wants one gets one
until I run out.
Then you're out of luck.
Nice.
I feel like you should spike that in the end zone.
Here, let's let you guys have a chance.
All right.
I had to swear off sugar.
What did you think of Glenn Close when you were working with her on Fatal Attraction?
Well, it was a strange thing for me
because she's not very attractive.
How long before you knew Glenn was a girl's name about two weeks
into filming may I please have a dear gods of beverages at Cap City comedy may
I have a Tito's and soda please that's possible we need a Bud Light to thank
you thank you there's so many dough, I kind of want some chocolate milk.
You were supposed to throw the donuts.
There's like 40 more.
We haven't thrown all the donuts.
No, there's so many donuts.
I want to coin the...
I want to get the rights to the expression
Throw nuts
Come and get your throw nuts
At every Doug Benson show
You bring the donuts and I'll throw them back at you
Um
Let's play Last Man Stanton
This is going to be for all the marbles Or you know man Stanton.
This is going to be for all the marbles.
Or, you know, there's no marbles in the bag. You know what I meant.
And
we'll start with
Scoot, because he feels
like he's winning today, right?
Yeah.
And
Scoot, Martha, and Mike, this is a game where we're going to get the name
of a popular actor or actress,
and we're going to take turns.
I'll play as well.
We'll take turns saying movies that that person's been in.
Here comes some beverages
from the awesome Cap City Comedy staff.
That's for me. Thank you very much.
Let's hear it for them.
Chip, I'm good.
They had to come in early today. There's still two more shows tonight that they have to work as well,
so we appreciate that.
I lost my place.
Let me start over. Hey, everybody!
My name is Doug,
and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies!
It's a cult, Scoot!
He's looking at me like,
what have you done?
Donuts is all they eat.
The only reason people come to the show
is because they're hungry.
And they're just hoping for some donuts.
It's the best of all the
cults I've been a part of.
Yeah, we don't have to kill ourselves.
We don't all have to wear the same thing.
No, you just watch movies and eat donuts.
It's pretty fucking cool, actually.
You guys, we'll be taking
sign-ups later if you
take a personality test, see if movies and donuts
are for you.
Are you done?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
All right, so what was I saying?
So we're going to take turns saying names,
but if it's your turn and you can't think of a movie,
you get one lifeline,
and that's the person whose name tag you picked.
So that person, you can go to them
and say, hey, I need an answer
once. You can do
that once, and hopefully they'll be there for
you.
Carrie?
That's what I'm saying. Carrie better be
ready to step up.
Or get
your phone out. One of the two.
So since I or no one else
would know what the choice
of the name would be today
in advance,
I look for people on Twitter
who say, I've got a good name
and I'm going to be there today.
And the first one that I saw
was someone who goes by
the Twitter name Quimbo Slice.
Where's Quimbo Slice at?
Hi.
Sigourney Weaver.
What? Sigourney Weaver.
No, I heard you the first time.
I was just like, what?
Alright,
Sigourney Weaver is
that's going to be a tricky one.
I could be wrong.
We might come up with a lot of them.
So we just need the exact title of a Sigourney Weaver film,
starting with you, Scoot.
True Life.
Wait, what's happening?
Do you want to use your lifeline?
Is that what you said?
Did you just say lifeline?
I said a film name.
You think Sigourney Weaver is it?
Well, I'll go back to the one I was going to use.
Oh, yes, I'm definitely going to go back
to the one I was going to use.
I realized what I was saying.
Put your name tags down.
Alien.
Yes, correct.
Nailed it.
Yeah.
Thank God.
Be careful, you guys,
because of course we need to have
the full correct title on movies,
so when you get into sequels,
it gets dangerous. Mike, which one would we need to have the full correct title on movies, so when you get into sequels, it gets dangerous.
Mike, which one would you like to do?
Ghostbusters 2.
That is
a very interesting strategy.
Martha,
Martha, any Sigourney Weaver movie
that isn't Alien or
Ghostbusters 2?
Working Girl.
Here's what I always like to do
in these situations.
Ghostbusters.
JF.
Aliens.
Yeah.
You took mine.
Pretty bad strategy, hoping it went all the way back around.
I bet you could think of another one, though.
Alien 3?
What was that called?
They made different box covers for each of different places
in the world.
And it's Alien 3.
Isn't it just a little 3?
In Germany.
It's cubed, yeah.
But do you have to say cubed
or are we going to accept 3?
We're going to accept it?
All right, you did it.
Don't forget you have a lifeline too. Yeah, I don't want to use it yet, Gary
Okay, yeah, you're too confident to use your lifeline
Because I knew it was Alien 3
Alright
Mike?
The Year of Living Dangerously
Martha?
The Ice storm?
Oh, wait.
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's your turn.
What'd you say?
The ice storm?
Yeah, that's a good one.
Ang Lee.
Elijah Wood.
Kevin Kline.
Am I stalling?
Maybe.
No, you don't have to stall
when all you have to say is
what's going to ultimately probably be
the second highest grossing movie of all time
called Avatar.
I'm going to go ahead and take that one.
Oh, I was worried you were about to say
baby mama.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
Scoot, what do you think?
You want to use your lifeline?
Yeah, I got to.
All right, who are you playing for?
Carrie.
Carrie, what do you got?
Gorillas in the Mist. Yes, Gorillas in the Mist. She nailed it. Well done you playing for? Carrie. Carrie, what do you got? Gorillas in the Mist.
Yes, Gorillas in the Mist.
She nailed it.
Well done.
Thank you, Carrie.
Now, did I get to use Carrie every round, or?
No, that was it, man.
That was it.
I just used it.
That was it one time.
But now, just listening to the other titles,
something might pop into your head, you know?
Nope.
No, it helps to hear Other ones you know
Yeah
Like especially if there's
Gorillas in the mist 2
Sequels yeah
Yeah
What do you got Mike
Deal of the century
With Chevy Chase
Yep
Yeah
Enjoy the no applause
For that one
It's funny
They don't They react based on How they feel about The movie that you say Like if more than no applause for that one. It's funny, they react
based on how they feel about the movie that you say.
Like if,
for instance, if...
That 1983 comedy that no one saw really pissed
a lot of people off.
I'm just saying that if
Sigourney Weaver was in Hook, this is what would happen.
See, that's what happens.
That's like the one downside of this cult.
Yeah.
The Rufio shit, yeah.
Like, I won't let anyone in here with a fake hand because I don't want the word hook
being brought up for any reason.
Oh!
All right.
It's Martha's turn.
I just have a quick question.
Okay.
If I say a name of a movie and I get it wrong, am I out of the whole game?
Yeah, that'll be it.
You'll be out.
So you might want to use your lifeline,
but you don't know if your lifeline has an answer.
We've said a lot of Sigourney Weaver classics.
What could be left?
I know two, and I'm going to go out on a limb
and hope I get the first name right.
Okay.
Alien Resurrection.
Whoa! I get the first name right. Okay. Alien Resurrection. Whoa.
All right.
Good job.
I'm going to go with
Heartbreakers.
Oh, thank you.
Starring our friend Zach Galifianakis.
Jennifer Love Hewitt, is that the one?
Mm-hmm.
Ah, that's the one.
Jennifer Lewis, top of her game.
Whatever game that was, that was when she was the best at it.
That was the one I was hoping would go around.
Lifeline?
Okay, who's your lifeline?
Rachel.
Rachel, what do you got?
Where is she?
Where'd you get it from, Jeff?
She was over there somewhere.
Did she run out of the building?
I got nothing.
You got nothing?
Oh.
Oh.
Someone over here is going,
there's more than one Rachel in the room.
It's got to be the one whose name tag he was using.
And this is going to get very intense now,
so don't yell out any Sigourney Weaver movies yet.
Do you have one, Jeff?
I was going to say Heartbreakers.
Yeah, I pulled that one out from under you.
Do we move to the next
name now, or do I have to name one too?
No, it'll be on you as soon as Jeff
gives up officially.
He doesn't move to another name. Oh, I officially gave up
years ago.
Look at me.
I haven't changed my shirt in three weeks.
What do you got, Jeff? Nothing?
Nothing.
All right, Jeff's out.
Scoot?
All right.
I love you, Jeff.
You got one more you can add, Scoot?
Was she in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels?
Yes. Thank you, Kenny. scoot was she in dirty rotten scoundrels
Carrie thank you Gary just keep saying yes and we will take this thing home
that was that was Glenn Headley in that one I think is you might be thinking of
she was a lot like
and he's got the poster right here up front does it say Sigourney Weaver anywhere no that's
what threw me off was the poster I saw a thing and I thought that might be the answer. Was she in Minutes to Society? No? Okay.
Was that your Brian Regan?
Yeah, that's exactly what that was.
I thought it might be the answer sometime.
I looked at a thing
and I figured
that was the right thing to say.
I'm doing an impression of a specific comic about you.
Alright, Mike, do you have one more?
Galaxy Quest.
Of course!
Of course!
Of course!
That was a huge one.
You guys are great.
There's a lot of bubbling up going on, I can tell.
Yeah, no, it's hard to hold back when you know the answer.
Amy Adams, I mean, Martha Kelly.
It's called You Again with...
Fuck.
Sigourney Weaver?
Sigourney Weaver.
And Kristen
From
She's a teenage detective
Kristen Bell
Nancy Drew
Veronica Mars
She plays a mean mom
That sounds right
You had to have gotten distribution right
Yeah that helps
You're not in anymore anyway I know It's down to Martha You had to have gotten distribution, right? Yeah, that helps.
You're not in anymore anyway, Scoot.
I know, I know.
It's down to Martha and Mike.
Because I give up.
I can't think of another one.
What?
I know there's more, but shit.
We've said a lot of them.
So, Mike, what do you want to do?
Do you want to do your lifeline?
Or do you want to... It's back to you. Those guys are out.
Oh, shit. Okay.
Did anyone say the first Ghostbusters?
Yeah.
I jumped right on that.
Like a pro.
And Avatar 2 isn't coming out until 2030.
You can't say that.
You can't say that.
Yeah, man, I'm running...
You could use your lifeline.
Yeah.
I got you.
You got me, buddy?
He's got it.
Cabin in the woods.
Cabin in the woods, of course.
Cabin in the fucking woods.
Say that as a spoiler.
Yeah.
Martha, what do you got?
I'm going to hope that Mike T, my lifeline, has an answer.
Holes.
Holes!
Holes!
Rachel! Rachel! holes holes Rachel now
don't get mad at Rachel
we gotta settle this
and the tensions are running hot
because people in the audience know more answers
and I don't want anybody to say anything
but I do want to say this
since Mike and Martha are
both tapped out, clearly.
Right?
You're both out. I'm going to let
you continue with your lifelines
until we have a winner.
Because we've got to have a winner.
So
until there's a sudden
death, Mike's lifeline
What do you got?
Copycat
Copycat
With Holly Hunter
Of course
Martha's lifeline
Wally?
Wally
What?
Yeah!
She's a voice in Wally?
Yeah
Alright shut up!
We gotta wrap this up.
But thank you.
Back to mics.
Tapped out.
You tapped?
Wow. Do you have one more Martha Kelly's one more come on you could do it tail of death's barrow yeah for reals with like Matthew
Broderick is a mouse and hers she's a voice in it too you know what even if
you're lying I want you to be the winner
Hey Doug, isn't Sigourney Weaver in the Veronica Mars movie?
I think so.
Yeah.
I yelled it.
I yelled Veronica Mars like an idiot.
Because I was trying to guess the TV show she was talking about.
And then it was also the name of a movie. You can just edit this part out, right?
Oh, I have another one.
As I'm driving
home from the thing.
The TV show. Well, you can't do a
TV show. No, it's called The TV Show.
Oh, the TV set?
The TV set? I fucked it up, yeah.
What other ones
did we miss?
We said you were a litigant,
Jason. I said that.
Paul.
Paul.
Paul.
Chappie.
What movie? Chappie?
Oh, yeah.
Very first probably appearance by her.
Dave.
Oh, Dave. very first probably appearance by her. Dave. Dave? Oh, Dave.
That's right.
That's like running into an old friend
and you can't think of his name.
Yeah.
Oh, Dave.
All right, so Martha, this guy, you're the winner.
Yeah.
Mike D. Joe Young.
Come get your prizes, Mike T.
That's a long walk.
You want to make a speech? No? Good.
Congratulations.
Everybody else, pass me down
your things with shitheads on them.
There's one that doesn't have a shithead on it, I don't think.
Right? Didn't she say she didn't do it?
This one doesn't have one.
Yeah.
None of them have one.
Oh, wait, this one has one.
Okay, we got one more.
And what's the third one?
We gotta seek it out.
Ted Cruz.
Where you are?
Who?
Ted Cruz.
Ted Cruz is a shithead?
I believe in America.
I believe in America.
And I'm also Spongebob Squarepants.
And he's also from Canada.
Look for Martha Kelly on Baskets on FX, you guys.
Anyplace else we should check you out? You got any shows
coming up? No pressure,
but I will be headlining
here this Wednesday.
And again, no obligation.
You don't have to come, you guys.
That's, for now,
that's it. Okay, Wednesday night here at Cap City.
Martha Kelly.
Mike McRae, what's going on?
Let's see.
For local people, I'll be
doing Chris Cubis' show
here at the club on
February 2nd, and then every week
I'm on the Jimmy Dore show on iTunes,
so it's always fun. Check that out.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Scoot, Batman or Superman?
Which one is your favorite?
Which one do you have the more scenes with?
Gordon Gekko would be both of them.
What else can we watch you on, Scoot?
Halt and Catch Fire is the second season?
Yeah, and a film called 467 is coming out.
Another film called Sleepless Nights.
And another, this film called Legacy of the Whitetail Deal Hunter with Josh Brolin and Danny McBride.
You know what?
This is a really funny one.
Yeah.
You know what?
Just look for Scoot in everything.
Find him.
He will be there.
Thank you for being here.
Jeff, what do you got?
February 9th, I'm in Tucson
at a place called Borderlands Brewery.
And why is that
Cool
Cut up Mike
Fucking Michael Douglas
Motherfucker
Then I'm in Ann Arbor
Myrtle Beach
St. Petersburg
Florida
Gainesville, Florida
I got a bunch of shit
Justanotherclown.com
Is my website
JeffTay96
Is my Twitter.
And I will be out front selling my tour
shirts and posters in just a
minute.
And I'm also on that Cuba
show.
I knew you'd throw in one more.
Can't help yourself.
I got Fort Lauderdale, San Jose,
San Diego, New York City coming up
Let's do this, DouglasMovies.com
That's DouglasMovies.com
And thanks again one more time
To Cap City Comedy Club
To Austin, Texas
In general
And my guests, Jeff Tate, Scoop McNary
Mike McCray
And Martha Kelly
As always Mike McCrae and Martha Kelly.
As always,
SB11,
aka Campus Carrie,
is a shithead.
Ted Cruz is a shithead. And Kanye West
for trying to skip the line
at Franklin's Barbecue
is a shithead.
Thank you. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies