Doug Loves Movies - Scott Aukerman, Dan Telfer, and Clare Kramer Guest
Episode Date: November 26, 2013Doug welcomes comedians Scott Aukerman and Dan Telfer to the show, along with returning Leonard Maltin Game winner Clare Kramer.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California ...Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats with 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
I love you, Doug!
Hey, everybody!
My name is Doug, and I love movies!
This is I Love Movies!
Coming to you like we do most Tuesdays at 7 o'clock
at the Upright, from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
on Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles.
It's November 26th, 2 Oceans 13.
Yesterday on a flight from Houston to LAX was none other than, I mean besides me, none other than Eric Estrada.
Yeah, who is not shy about loud cell phone conversations that are just bullshit.
Text, think, or tank.
Just spell it out
for me. He didn't know which word
they were trying to say.
You know, if that bird
had gone down, Paunch definitely would have
gotten top billing
in that news story.
This has been another edition of Plane Droppers.
Thank you.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow at noon Pacific time.
Because I don't know why people in other time zones would need to have this information.
But maybe they'll be visiting.
Tickets go on sale for the third annual 12 Guests of Christmas show.
Right here at UCB on Tuesday, december 17th at eight o'clock
we have a two-hour block for that show and i asked every guest who was on last year to come
back this year and about 75 of them have already said yes so it's going to be amazing now it's
time for tweet relief tweets about movies at the Mark 318
tweeted
fun prank this weekend.
Run out of the theater and yell, it's catching
fire!
This has been Tweet Relief. Tweets about
being on fire.
Tweets about men on fire.
Tweets about Denzel Washington.
Tempe, Arizona. I'm doing Douglas
movies at the Improv on Sunday
and possibly due to holiday weekend
or I don't know any other
excuses, ticket sales are
slow. So come on, Tempe.
I think every time I play Tempe, I do
this. I have to like
rouse them to buy tickets.
Wake up, Tempe.
Get your shit together, Tempe.
You surprised me last time. Let's do it again.
And Jacksonville, Florida never lets me down.
And I'll be doing stand-up at the
Comedy Zone there on
February 12th.
The prize bag,
this isn't part of the prize bag.
I mean, I guess it could be, but I just want to put this
on here.
This is
from my friends in AM Northwest
in Portland.
A Douglas Movies
Thanksgiving face.
They made a Santa
one too, but I only walked out with the Thanksgiving
one. Not here tonight,
but somehow in the prize bag is
a Jonah Ray
what do you call this?
A something inch?
Seven inch?
Okay.
Congratulations, Jonah Ray, on your seven inch.
It's called This is Crazy Mixed Up Plumbing.
And we got a Doug Loves Movies T-shirt,
and we got a copy of Gateway, Doug,
and as promised recently on on getting doug with high
my broken volcano it's broken i don't know how much it would cost to fix it
uh but i signed it and uh put it in the bag for somebody somebody tonight to have to carry home
or even better i hope you're going to a club or something and you have to carry around a bag with a volcano in it and then also
again no one involved in alias is here tonight but but you're someone's gonna
win the complete first season six disc set please give a big warm welcome to
returning game winner Claire Kramer along with Dan Telfer and Scott Aukerman
I thought maybe Claire was having her baby
that's why it was taking so long
that would have been exciting
Claire Kramer is back once again, you guys.
Is this like week five?
Yeah.
Week five?
Now it really is.
Nobody can beat
a pregnant woman.
That's right.
I mean,
I mean,
I'm sure some people can.
I think her baby
is whispering answers
in her ear. Or in her vagina, I'm sorry. Her bottom ear. And I'm sure some people can. I think her baby is whispering answers in her ear.
Or in her vagina, I'm sorry.
Her bottom ear.
She's winning for two, is what you're trying to say.
Scott Aukerman, ladies and gentlemen.
Wasn't really trying to say that.
Hi, America!
Claire
was nice enough to bring
as a gift this alias
collection, and Scott was nice enough to sign it.
Yep.
So thank you for that.
Thanks for watching is what I wrote.
It makes sense.
Yeah.
You were a fan of Alias, right?
Yeah, I tried to write a spec one
or I tried to give one to JJ at one point.
Did it have the Rimbaldi mishmangy?
No, I was trying to write a comedy one
like the Comedy X-Files episodes.
I was like, JJ, you've never done a...
Like a musical episode.
Yeah, I knew who JJ was. I had one conversation with him. the Comedy X-Files episodes. I was like, JJ, you've never done a... Like a musical episode. Yeah, I knew who JJ was.
I had one conversation with him.
Hey, JJ.
Hey, JJ.
Here's what you need to do on that show
that hasn't really caught on for the whole run.
Probably isn't a good time to take chances.
Comedy episode.
Comedy episode.
So I started writing it, and then I got bored.
Aww.
Aww.
Got bored of trying to make Jennifer Garner funny.
I don't agree with that.
She's a serious actress.
She's a very funny woman.
She's a delight in 13 going on 30.
I was just going to say that.
Because a woman acting like a 13-year-old, it's very sexy.
We did an interruption of Waterworld yesterday
at CineFamily.
Oh, yeah?
And do you remember how Kevin Costner
just was constantly hitting the women in that movie?
No.
Jean Triplehorn and Tina Majorino,
our mother and a little girl
who she pretends is her daughter,
and he beats the crap out of them.
At one point, he takes the little girl
and just throws her overboard
in a world filled with water.
There's nowhere for her to go.
A water world?
She's going...
That girl is going to drown to death,
and he just does it very casually.
So it's pretty awesome.
That they were...
That was that crazy back then.
Dan Telfer is here, everybody.
Hi!
Didn't mean to introduce you with a Waterworld rant.
No, I love drowning women.
You do not.
You have a wife.
I have two daughters.
Girls, yes.
That's a horrible thing to say.
Settle down.
I know you like to get out of the house, but you don't want to drown or kill women.
No.
Well, if everyone here believed me me then we should call the police
let's stop the comedy show
let's do that
let's call the police
if you're listening
to this podcast right now
press stop
call the police
somebody's gonna do it
cause they know that
that call's gonna get on
somewhere
if you're listening
to this podcast
press stop call the police,
tape it, send it to
Doug, and the best one...
The police tape
them all, so they'll have it.
What are you doing
with your water there, bro? Don't release it right away. I'm removing
the label because I am not
a shill for this water brand.
I'm not into Kirkill for this water brand. I'm not
into Kirkland. Oh, shit.
Should not have mentioned it.
Scott, is there any, is there new
Comedy Bang Bang news?
Is there something, anything breaking?
We still have episodes
till the end of the year. I think we have three or four more left.
They're really good.
Our big holiday finale with Zach Galifianakis is coming up.
And we're working on season three right now.
And start shooting in January.
Thank you.
Let's suppose there's people out there that don't have IFC.
Imagine that those people exist.
There's no reason to think about them,FC. Imagine that those people exist. Okay.
There's no reason to think about them, really.
But if they do exist, how do they watch the program?
Oh, well, you're asking about the DVD release?
Or just whatever, yeah. How can they see it?
It's on iTunes and Netflix and Amazon.
But yeah, our first season DVD comes out January 21st, I think,
which we did a ton of extras where we have deleted scenes
and totally separate interviews.
Like we did five minutes for every single celebrity
that was not put in the show.
I recorded all new commentaries with the characters
who were in the episodes.
So we have Andrew Lloyd Webber doing commentary for his episode and Don DeMello doing commentary for his episode. There's not enough talk in the episodes. So we have Andrew Lloyd Webber doing commentary for his episode
and Don DeMello doing commentary for his episode.
There's not enough talk in talk shows,
so you've got to layer it in there.
We wanted to put the talk back in talk shows, finally.
That sounds really fun.
Yeah, there's a ton of stuff on it.
I'm really proud of it.
And if you still have a DVD player,
you're getting in just under the wire.
Dan Telfer, you're hosting Put Your Hands Together tonight.
That's right, I am.
Yeah.
So that's normally hosted by Cameron Esposito.
That's her name.
What's her deal?
She went for Thanksgiving in Chicago.
She's dead.
Drowned her.
Her and her sisters are dead.
Yeah, she is in Chicago for the Thanksgivings,
and she's there with her lovely fiance, Rhea Butcher,
and I'm here hosting in her stead.
Did you know her in Chicago?
I did, yeah, yeah.
We did the old open mics and shite together back in the day.
Fun.
Back in the day.
You really make them come alive from your description.
Sounds fun, is what I'm saying.
Well, I hope your memory went into sepia tone.
It did.
Anything from yesterday
is in sepia.
That shit used to be so brown.
This is a real question.
Why does the Wild West have
a lock on sepia?
You know what I mean?
If you see anything in sepia these days,
it has to be the Old West.
Too much dust in the Wild West.
They got dust on all their movie cameras
back in the 1800s.
And there's all this sun that just fell on everything.
And why did sepia
come about?
Black and white not good enough for you?
No.
I think it was just sort of burnt black and white or something.
Wasn't that how things used to look on accident?
So people are recreating it now.
When film was being accidentally set on fire all the time?
Well, it was just getting old and turning brown, I think.
That's my theory.
It doesn't burn if you leave it alone.
If you put film in a canister and put it in an old stock room,
it doesn't slowly catch on fire.
Well, it won't necessarily catch on fire,
but it will deteriorate.
Right?
No.
Film lives forever.
It's like the old saying goes.
No, no, no.
When I said I'd come on Doug Loves Movies,
I didn't know you guys would be talking about
how the movies actually were made.
Doug Loves Film Stock.
And so good luck with your...
Good luck.
There's no reason to say that.
Good luck hosting your show in an hour.
I hope that goes well.
And you'll do the backstage interviews like she does.
It'll be podcasted.
We'll see.
We're going to get a podcast the fuck out of it.
All right.
Well, maybe if I'm still around, you'll talk to me.
Okay.
Are you going to die?
Am I going to drown you or are you a lady?
I don't want to twist your arm or anything have you been to the movies lately dan no because i'm a father but i just watched the
fuck out of the world's end on on demand two nights ago nice i watched it twice because it's
really fucking good it's so good i could watch that movie on a loop uh well two times it's kind
of like a loop yeah some hours i'm like start it it up again. Let's go. Let's do it.
Yeah.
I love it.
I get frustrated at the end of those Edgar Wright movies, though, because they're so perfect.
Oh, okay.
But then you're going to give away the end. Well, they set up sequels.
There's like a fucking magical world at the end of every one of them where I'm like, let's do it.
But then don't ruin it.
That's how you keep the fucking magic is just walk away.
Like, have it just be one movie.
And then that's it.
You set up
the perfect sequel.
Has there ever been
a sequel you like?
Well.
Yeah, of course.
We can talk about that.
Yeah.
Do you like sequels?
Well, I like Catching Fire.
You did?
Yeah, I loved it.
Really?
I thought it was better
than the first one.
I heard one clap
in the back.
I've never heard that before.
One person.
That's it.
Shut it down.
And that person
was just trying to
change into an animal.
Help me.
No, I thought it was amazing.
Why did the bird
just fly out of the theater?
I'm a big fan of the franchise.
I thought it was a great...
Franchise?
I love franchises.
Just Subway Sandwiches.
It was such a like...
Yeah.
Franchising.
Yeah, I don't know if I necessarily thought it was better than the
first Hunger Games because I didn't care for either
of them, but
I also
am strangely excited for the third one
because it seems like the first two are setting
up something truly interesting
in the third one...
The third one is going to be truly interesting.
The third one smells like it'll have less Stanley Tucci,
which I don't really care for.
I don't know what he's going for in that portrayal
other than just being relentlessly smarmy
for no particular reason.
I would like to see that character off the set
talking about how he feels about what he's doing.
Yeah.
But he doesn't.
Because nobody gives a shit.
In that movie, they barely even show you.
How does the TV show even work?
There's just cameras in everything.
Here we go again.
Back to cameras.
Jesus Christ.
Well, if you take the logo literally, Doug loves cameras.
Yeah, Doug loves cameras.
Especially movie cameras. And especially movie cameras.
There's hyper cameras.
There's cameras everywhere.
Oh, that makes sense.
I mean.
You know, hyper cameras.
Like, what movie in the history of movies, and there is none, so don't answer,
depicts a television program that never shows a person in their living room watching that program and reacting to it?
You know what I mean? It's weird. But I really feel like we should their living room watching that program and reacting to it.
You know what I mean?
It's weird.
But I really feel like we should. I know.
I kind of want to answer that.
Do you have an example?
No.
Dan?
No.
Yeah, I knew you wouldn't.
Because there isn't one.
I just want to bait you.
Have you been in the movie, Scott?
Yeah, I saw her last night.
What?
I saw her last night.
The movies? Yeah, I saw her last night The movies?
Yeah I saw her last night Her
The Spike
The Spike Jonze movie
The Jones movie
Which is amazing
You saw the movie Her
Yes
Last night
I thought you
Wasn't that clear?
I thought you
I thought you treated movies like boats
And
I saw her last night
I do do that
We don't know which one
And I thought it was great Scoop You saw it as well? Yeah it's fantastic Yeah I saw her last night. I do do that. We don't know which one.
And?
I thought it was great.
Scoop. You saw it as well?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
Yeah.
Lots of great buzz, award buzz.
I saw, what's that one?
Would you nominate Scarlett Johansson for Best Supporting Actress even though you don't see her?
I was skeptical about that going in, but I thought she was fantastic.
Right.
The one that I, and it's Jason Reitman's movie. I saw that
Almond Joy. Can that be right?
No. What's it called? No. It's called
Baby Ruth. Oh, right, right.
Baby Ruth. Idiot. Baby Ruth.
Now, what's he talking about?
What are you talking about? Jason Reitman's movie?
Labor Day. Labor Day.
Almond Joy, Labor Day.
Synonymous.
For some reason, Almond Joy was all I could think of. It's what you do every Labor Day. Ionymous. For some reason, often joy was all I could think of.
It's what you do every Labor Day.
I saw that.
I kind of wonder what the point is.
Yeah, you were busy thinking about candy bars.
Yeah.
But Nebraska, that's really good, too.
Nebraska's good.
Yeah, yeah.
That's fantastic.
It's in black and white.
Oh.
Sorry to break it to you.
Sorry this is how you had to find out.
Because Scott is colorblind.
And he wouldn't know.
But I love movies like Citizen Kane or The Godfather.
Those are my favorite movies.
You're really sticking your neck out on that one.
I just Casablanca.
Give me a film like that.
Maybe it's just me.
I don't know about that one.
I just enjoy a good movie like that.
Gone with the Wind. What about The Discreet Charm of the
Bourgeoisie? How do you feel about that one?
Since you like the movies.
I don't.
What is that?
The DC of the B. You don't know what he's talking movies? I don't. What is that? The DC of the B.
You don't know what he's talking about?
You don't ever get down with some fucking...
No, what is that?
It's a surrealist movie about people who go to a dinner party
and then can't leave and they go crazy.
That's how I feel right now listening to that story.
Does Godot ever show up to that party?
Yeah, I was going to say.
No, but I think the walls melt and some birds show up.
Oh, the Walls Melt.
You know that kind of movie.
Mm-hmm.
It's a Walls Melty.
Yeah, I just thought
you were saying one word
and I didn't know
what Walls Melt was.
It's a Walls Melt.
The Walls Melt.
Isn't that a little girl's name?
Queen of Walls or whatever?
Oh, yeah.
Kuvanje Shajavanu?
Who was gonna play Annie. Yeah, she is. Oh, I'm looking forward to that. Before she was yeah. Who was going to play Annie.
Yeah, she is.
Oh, I'm looking forward to that.
Before she was replaced.
It's a hard knock life.
Oh, no.
No, she replaced Jada Smith.
What?
Willow Smith.
Willow Smith.
Oh, man.
Jaden Smith.
Okay.
Jaden Smith was going to play Annie.
That would have been exciting.
That's a tough day replacing Will Smith's daughter, if you're a producer.
She can whip her hair back and forth.
Oof, my goof.
So, this is a part of the show where I say,
does anyone hunger for games and catching fire?
I will set you on fire if you hunger for games.
Gentlemen and lady, please pick your name tags
from this delightful array your name tags from these
delightful array of name tags that people have brought
Jordan retired
his baseball long ago but
Jordan baseball show up at shows all over
the country Jordan
of course
I know you're about to give birth
but she wants you to bring it to her
I'm demanding and while those guys look for their name tags
we'll do this we'll be right back and we're back yay She wants you to bring it to me. She wants you to bring it to her. I'm demanding. And while those guys look for their name tags,
we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
And we're back!
Yay!
Yeah!
Clap, motherfuckers!
Nice name tag selection, you guys.
You did a great job. I could see.
Dan, tell us who you're playing for.
Hold it up.
I'm playing for Sherry of the Dead.
It's on...
The name Sherry looks like it's printed out of an employee.
What do they call those?
Label maker dealios?
Onto the Shaun of the Dead DVD.
And on the back, she's hidden her shithead from me
because she does not trust comedians who have mush mouths
and just go,
What the fuck is this?
Willem Dafoe, der.
So I don't even know who that shithead is.
I have to dig through this post-it maze that she made for me if I want to read who that shithead is. I have to dig through this post-it maze
that she made for me
if I want to read who the shithead is.
Should I do it?
Should I just cheat?
I'm going to find out who it is.
Because you can trust me, Sherry.
I won't just blurt it out.
Ha ha!
I know what it is, you guys.
Claire, just in case listeners are thinking I left the room.
Yeah.
Who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Brittany.
Scott Aukerman.
I'm playing for Amy.
Dude.
We got all-lady contestants up here.
I like that.
I have a multicolored rabbit.
I don't know what this means.
Amy?
You painted it multicolored?
It looks like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Rabbit.
It was red and yellow and green and orange and blue and black and ochre and violet.
No, it's like a Jerry Garcia rabbit.
Ooh, hey, I like your style.
You get high, huh?
That's what...
All right.
Not right now.
She comes and stands around backstage while we're smoking,
and we're like, should pregnant women be back here?
And she's like, it's all right.
This is number four.
There is not one study that shows that pot is hazardous to a baby.
Oh, well, then we
should start one. Let's keep track
of Claire's baby.
But that's the kind of thing that a stoner
says without any actual research
to back it up. There is no proof, man.
Not cool.
Yeah, we don't... We're not totally
sure. My mom did everything.
Not weed, but she drank and shot heroin and...
Fucked a lot of dudes.
Yeah, and look at how good I blood a little fly on my roof.
All right, let's do this.
I don't know, what am I looking in my pockets for?
I don't know, you were digging like a motherfucker in this one.
Yeah, I know, I was excited for whatever you were going to pull out.
I got what I need right here.
I didn't realize you were
vining our things or I wouldn't have talked for 10
years about my DVD. No, it was fine.
I just vined the first part. I didn't vine the whole
thing. Don't worry, he cut you off. You didn't get the whole
eight seconds. Well, I know he cut me off, but I think the first part was me going
da, da, da, da. I'm looking
forward to seeing that later. It'll be fine, yeah. Check
it out. And you
guys, watch At Midnight on Comedy Central.
Yeah, watch the shit out of that, you guys.
Dan is the behind the scenes
over at that show.
I'm the social media producer for that show.
Is that the
title you have? It is.
Social media producer.
How hard is it to find the Leonard Maltin app on your phone?
When does this thing start?
We're going to get this going any second now.
No wonder you're constantly running over.
He's building a new app.
You think that's why I run over?
Oh, he's trying to vine.
I'm finishing my fucking vine.
You're doing the vines in the middle of the show?
Let's get to it.
This show is people actually listening to you vine?
How many people have liked it so far?
Just put it up.
Right.
I just finished it.
I'll ask you again in like three seconds.
It's just you lose vines when you don't finish it all.
Update during your live performance?
Oh my God.
I was counting on the comedy repartee of the panel
to fill that time, as it usually does.
We're too interested in you, Doug.
We want to look at you.
It usually happens.
Yeah, you guys are just obsessed with me and my phone.
My favorite is when somebody's on the show for the first time
and I start to play Leonard Mullen game,
and they go, who are you texting?
I'm just like, oh, you son of a bitch.
You never listen to this show.
I do love when you see those shows where people, like the comedian,
instead of bringing a notebook on stage, they bring their phone on stage.
It doesn't look like they're playing Candy Crush while they're doing their jokes.
People read their jokes from their phone?
It's horrible.
Instead of just bringing up a notepad or whatever?
Yeah, like it's the new notepad, Doug.
Your fucking phone.
I don't approve.
I don't approve. And then they'll be like,
ugh, I don't have a good enough reception
to read my notes. Like, you give a shit.
Claire gets to go first.
And
then we'll go to...
Since Scott's giving me the signal,
we'll go to Scott.
I was scratching my forehead, but okay.
The universal sign. What game are we playing,
by the way? I don't know if you've said what game we're playing.
Letter Mold Game.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Right away.
Yeah.
What do you mean right away?
Sometimes there's other shit.
No, we gotta be done.
We're in the middle of the other shit right now.
Tonight we're getting done at 745 no matter what.
Because this show doesn't go long because I vine.
No, I'm hosting the next show.
You can just fucking go.
We'll see.
You get to pick
a category, Claire.
Okay.
At Miguel Dalmau,
D-A-L-M-A-U,
hope I pronounced that right.
It's an unfortunate name.
Yeah.
He suggested
Forest Chump,
and that's a movie
where someone is killed
in the woods.
Okay.
Yeah, it's a rather harsh attitude about murder victims in the woods.
I did this for Doug LM, so this person created an account just to suggest this category,
and I applaud them for doing so.
That's good work.
Yeah.
Suggests Bay of Pigs, and that's movies that take place in San Francisco that have cops in them.
Okay.
I'm intrigued.
And your third...
I'm glad you're interested.
And your third option is We Shot a Zoo, and that, of course, is movies that have hunting in them.
So, oh, wow, kind of similar categories. Killed in the woods, or hunting,
or cops in San Francisco.
Guns and animals.
Okay, what was the parameters of the first category?
The killed in the woods?
Yeah, someone is killed in the woods,
so your precious Hunger Games movies would qualify.
Okay, let's do that one. But, of course, those will not in the woods. So your precious Hunger Games movies would qualify.
Okay, let's do that one.
But of course, those will not be the answer.
You hope.
No, I know.
I'm looking right at it, Claire.
All right.
Yeah, I put it in there. Are you trying to throw me off?
I made it happen.
Would you like a movie where someone is killed in the woods
from 2003 or 2011?
2011.
Okay.
Three and a half stars from Leonard.
He really liked this.
He says this movie is Canadian.
Great review, Ed.
So detailed.
He also says
that this movie is ingenious
and he also says
that the two lead
characters, actors
are wonderful in
the title roles.
Yeah, from
2011. And he lists
10 names.
How many names
do you think you get
in Claire?
2011.
Do you have like a
due date?
Like now.
It's supposed to
happen right now?
No, I mean it could
happen any moment.
All right.
Hey, that thing about water breaking,
like that's just a euphemism, right?
How will we know when you're wearing pants?
We want to have like a dramatic puddle on the floor.
Trust me, you would know.
But that's not going to happen.
I'm going to say 10.
I'm not really sure.
OK.
She says 10, Scott.
I'm giving you the sign. Yeah, you gave me the signal.
I'm going to say I can do it in seven.
That multicolored rabbit looks like it's just watching out for you.
I mean, I'm...
It's your guard rabbit.
He says seven, Dan.
Scott, name that movie.
Will do.
Three and a half stars, 2011, Canadian.
Ingenious.
Ingenious.
Titular characters.
Titular characters are wonderful in their titular roles and your
seven names are alexandra arsino arsino uh travis need a correct spelling travis r a r s e n a u l Nelson, N-E-L-S-O-N, Shailen Simmons,
Christy Lang,
Brandon McLaren,
Philip Granger,
how many names is that?
Six.
And Jesse Moss.
All Canadians.
No wonder I've never heard of them.
Do you have an idea what it is?
Someone's killed in the woods Canadian
Two main characters
2011
2011
I'm gonna say
Romy and Michelle
High school reunion
It does have the word and in it.
Tucker and Dale versus evil.
I actually was thinking,
I was trying to remember the name of that
because that's what I thought it was.
Tim and Eric
tried to send me their
movie, the billion dollar movie,
before an interview I was doing with them.
And they sent me that movie instead.
And I watched literally
25 minutes of it thinking
it was just their...
That it was Tim and Eric's movie, that it was just like
a funny prologue
to their thing.
And I was like... You're like, this doesn't make any
sense though. Yeah, and then finally at minute
25 I'm like, I gotta
look up the actors in this. I looked it up and figured
out what the title was.
Unfortunately, I couldn't remember the title.
Did you like those 25
minutes? I thought it was okay, but it's like
when you think you're seeing... Was it three and a half star
worthy? Well, when you think you're seeing something
I just kept going, well, that's not that funny.
Does it have no opening credits?
It had no opening credits, yeah. But I just kept going, that's not
that funny, but I don't know, Tim and Eric, I don't know.
Like maybe it's anti-comedy or something.
So that's not the right state to watch a movie.
It's very dark and dark.
And now you know why the show runs long.
Because people have interesting things to say.
That's right.
And I can't control.
I can't stop you.
Claire is on the board.
Speaking of unstoppable.
I believe Dan is on the board.
What?
She can have my point.
Whatever.
Is this how she won?
Five weeks in a row?
I just accidentally
just give it to the pregnant woman.
I was going to keep my mouth shut.
I was like, okay.
Yeah, she took that point happily.
She was ready to jump in there
on six names.
When someone accidentally gives her a point, she's a bum.
Literally.
Dan's on the board.
Dan's got points!
Yay!
Good job, Dan.
That means, since Dan challenged Scott, that means that Claire gets to go first.
And then we'll go to Dan, and Claire
gets to pick between these following
categories. Would you like
at
I eat your dog suggested
Whoa.
That person suggested
we are farmers.
And that's movies that have sheep in them.
I love it.
Tricked you guys with that before.
The Thin Red Line
is movies where the title is misspelled.
And at bottom of Q
suggested France says ha.
And that's the films of Jerry Lewis.
Which one of those tantalizing, never-been-picked categories?
The Thin Red Lime.
Oh, that's a good one, because you get three options.
Would you like a movie that was misspelled from 89, 91, or 93?
89, 91, 93.
All right.
Three stars from Leonard.
He calls this movie offbeat.
He's generous with his stars in all the categories tonight.
1993.
And he says that it is effectively ironic and well acted by its talented cast.
Six names.
Wow, that's it?
Yeah.
What do you think of that, Claire?
I say six.
I say that's why you're still here week after week.
Because you're a smart player.
Dan? Five names. week after week because you're a smart player.
Dan?
Five names.
Also, I brought in Scott and Dan to take you down, Claire.
Name it.
It's not your turn.
I also brought them in because I forget
how the rules work
when there's a pregnant woman.
Scott, Dan says five.
93. It's got a
misspelled title. It's ironic. It's offbeat.
It's three stars.
Three stars.
Effectively ironic.
Effectively. Only six names, too.
Gosh.
I'm going to say name it.
Oh.
How many did you get?
Five?
Yeah, yeah.
Five names?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'm semi-confident.
In you?
I'm semi-hard.
In who?
Gregory Mars Martin.
That's three names. Uh-huh.
That's three of your five names.
Yes.
Sierra Pechur.
P-E-C-H-E-U-R.
Here's where it gets good.
Michelle Forbes.
David Duchovny.
And Juliette Lewis.
Oh, shit.
Yes, right?
It's misspelled, whatever it is.
And you have
83 seconds.
Really? That's a lot of seconds.
I meant 3 to 8 seconds.
Um,
yeah, I don't think this is right, but is it
existence?
No, that isn't right.
It's misspelled-ish. Yeah, no, at least't right. It's misspelled-ish.
Yeah.
No, at least you named something that's misspelled.
But who challenged you to name it?
Scott did?
Scott is on the board.
Californication.
No.
California.
With a K.
California.
It's California with a K.
Isn't that weird, though, that he was in two separate things?
That's a great movie, by the way.
I like that movie a lot.
It was a great movie.
It's effectively ironic. You started three stars. It's totally offbeat, that he was in two separate things. That's a great movie, by the way. I like that movie a lot. It was a great movie. It's effectively ironic.
You started three stars.
It's totally offbeat.
It was offbeat, for sure.
Wouldn't it be interesting if Californication was spelled with a K,
and it was like a sequel to that movie?
It would be so much more interesting than just with a C.
I would like him to murder people instead of just making quips all the time.
I agree.
Yeah.
So we have a two-way tie between Scott and Dan,
and Claire is for once in our damn lives.
That's okay.
Is bringing up the rear.
You're going to have the baby the next week, right?
I mean, theoretically.
And then what do you do when you,
what's your maternity leave situation like?
How long before you start going out and about again
well this time
I'm kind of lucky
because I'll have the baby
before the holidays
so I'll have that month
sure you'll have
you can sit out
holiday month
yeah I mean
I've had set calls
like three
four weeks after
a kid
and that kind of
is difficult
yeah
but that's not
going to happen this time
because it's
the holidays
so
I'll be
rocking and rolling in January.
Do you need a babysitter?
Oh, that was a little deeper than I thought it would come out.
I know some really good ones.
Yeah.
Do you need someone to stare at your children?
Or throw them in water?
I could drown your children.
Yeah.
No.
This is exciting.
This is truly a nail-biter.
So what happened that last time?
Scott...
I challenged and won.
Yeah, yeah.
So they challenged...
You challenged Dan, so we start with Claire again.
She's picking all the categories.
And then we go with Scott.
I know.
There's some weird...
It's going her way.
...vogue con going here.
No, it's all right.
She's going to pull this out.
It's going to...
This will be tricky for her to pull it out,
and I will have to apologize to put your hands together
if she does, because it'll take a while.
It'll take a while.
Claire, would you, like, beat me up Scotty?
That's movies where Simon Pegg hits someone.
Okay.
The Man with One Red Shoe.
That's movies where someone is shot in the foot.
Oh.
Or Life Takes Visa, which of course is movies where someone gets deported.
Let's go with the shot in the foot.
All right.
Get rid of that category. It's been lingering for a while. shot in the foot. All right. Get rid of that category.
It's been lingering for a while.
1991 is the year.
Two and a half stars from Leonard.
He says this movie is assured and fast moving.
And he also says that someone in the movie is in desperate need of a hairstylist.
Oh.
So many details. Yeah. Desperate need of a hairstylist. Oh. So many details.
Desperate need of a hairstylist.
That is one of the worst clues
I've said out loud.
There's no way you'll think of this movie based
on that clue. But now, maybe you will
because now you know what a crazy clue it is.
That I should disregard that clue.
Yeah, and Leonard names
a whopping
11 names in the cast of this film from 1991.
Okay.
Where someone gets shot in the foot.
Desperate need of a hairstyle.
Yeah, yeah, like I said,
you shouldn't concern yourself with that.
Leonard Maltin, heal thyself.
Has he ever looked in a mirror?
His hair is fine.
It's just man hair.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Okay.
Nine. Claire says nine. Name. Nine.
Claire says nine.
Name's Dan.
Have you gone over the prize bag yet?
What do you mean gone over it?
Have you said what's in there?
Yeah.
You talked about the alias thing.
Why, do you have something in there?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No.
Yes, but...
What did you put in there?
Jonah Ray 7-inch.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mentioned it.
I forgot to attribute you to having brought that.
How many did you say?
I said nine.
I'll do five.
Handed the win over to Scott, I think.
Dan, I gotta say
name that movie.
Alright, I mean, that sounds like
maybe you have kind of an idea already.
Alright, here's your five
names. Tom Sizemore,
Julian Reyes,
Vincent Kinn, spelled names. Tom Sizemore, Julian Reyes, Vincent
Kyn, spelled
Klyn, K-L-Y-N.
The great Vincent
Klyn. Sidney
Walsh, and
John Philbin
are your five out of eleven
names for this movie.
Two and a half stars,
1991.
And it's
assured and fast
moving.
Not unlike Scott Aukerman
himself.
What was that now?
He said you're very attractive.
You're assured and fast moving.
Claire and I were whispering back and forth.
We knew the last one. I got the digits.
We think we know this one.
I have a weird fetish where I want to have
sex with a pregnant woman on the day they have
their baby.
Right before they have it or right after?
During. I want to be the thing going in
that something's coming out.
Well, you know, that does help
get the process going.
Lubrication.
It's not just an old wives' tale.
Hitting the old mucus plug.
What?
Too far.
Name the movie.
What's happening?
What I said was classy.
What you said is disgusting.
The mucus plug is a beautiful part of the body
that people try to wash away as quickly as possible.
I thought I knew it and I don't.
So let's say it is Willow.
What did you think it was?
I thought it was that,
and I already forgot what the name of it is
because my memory is great,
but the fucking ambulance movie,
when it was time to die for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bring in, bring in.
That was way after that.
Before that, I thought it was that movie
where everybody shoots at each other
and the one guy has bleached hair.
I thought it was True Romance,
but I feel like I'm off on the date on that.
Yeah, I thought that's what I meant.
Yeah, it was later.
I was going to say,
but I don't think this is right either.
Wait, what was my other guess?
We're all really good at movies, you guys.
It was either, I think I'm wrong on the date too,
Reservoir Dogs, but that's not right.
And Sizemore wasn't in it.
But then the other, my backup answer was something.
What was your backup, backup answer?
That was True Romance.
That was my third choice.
My second choice now, I can't remember.
The rest of the names were James LeGrow, John McGinley, Laurie Petty, Gary Busey, Keanu Reeves.
Oh.
And in need of a new hairstylist.
Point break.
Patrick Swayze.
Point break. Yeah.wayze. Point break.
Yeah.
He's a surfer.
Yeah, right.
You know what I mean?
Come on.
Why give him a hard time about that hair?
That's like saying Annie is in need of a new hairstylist.
It's like, come on.
It's iconic.
She is.
She is.
Yeah, she's running from giant magical bowlers all day.
She's got stupid hair.
Scott Aukerman is our winner.
Yes.
In your face!
In your pregnant face!
Finally, someone...
I'm happy for you, Had.
Thank you.
Like everyone was going easy on you, I think.
Not true, not true.
You were a great player the entire time.
She barely got to play tonight,
but that's the luck of the draw huh
well anyway
Scott what are you doing next week
I
I could be here
how about two weeks from now
I don't know
three weeks from now you'll definitely be here
I definitely will be here
on sale tomorrow at noon oh next Tuesday I'm seeing Walter Mitty I don't know. Three weeks from now, you'll definitely be here for the 12 guests of Christmas. I definitely will be here three weeks from now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
On sale tomorrow at noon.
Oh, next Tuesday,
I'm seeing Walter Mitty,
supposedly.
Okay, so we'll see you in two weeks.
Two weeks?
I could do two weeks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Let's get Brittany up here
to select a shithead.
And Scott,
I know we talked about
Comedy Bang Bang
and when it's coming out
on DVD and all that stuff but is there anything
else pertinent you want to plug?
Yeah I'm on
Podcastathon. Will this be out before then?
Yes. Okay yeah watch Podcastathon
this Friday the day after Thanksgiving
noon to
midnight I think all a benefit
for Smile Train and people
can see that
I forget where they can see it,
but pardcast.com.
pardcast.com or lafster.com.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'll be there.
Phil Hendry's coming by.
Zach Galifianakis.
Andy Richter.
Yeah.
A lot of good people this year.
It's going to be great.
Yeah.
Let's raise some money.
Let's do that.
That sounded really weird coming out of my mouth. Let's not to be great. Yeah. Let's raise some money. Let's do that. That sounded really weird coming out of my mouth.
Let's not raise roofs anymore.
There's no reason to raise the roof.
We need the roof to stay where it is.
Yeah.
Let's raise some money for Smile Train.
Let's raise the roofs of their mouths.
Claire, what do you got going on besides this baby thing? The baby thing, you can watch Big Ass Spider.
Is there a chance the baby just might be good where it's at and just not want to leave?
I mean, it's starting to feel that way, dog.
Will you text me when you go into labor?
I sure will.
Because I want to tell all the listeners when it's happening.
Absolutely, I will.
And I hope it's today or tomorrow.
I would really like it to be.
Claire, is your character in the Buffy comics?
No.
No?
Oh, wow.
No.
Were you killed in Buffy?
No, I wasn't killed.
So you might be coming back then.
In that show that doesn't exist anymore.
In that show that is...
But the comics are like canon and they're still going.
They talked about, yeah, they talked about whether Glory body jumped into Giles.
Ooh.
Interesting.
I'd like to body jump into Giles, if you know what I mean.
That's right.
I don't know what you mean.
At least three inches of my body.
You want to break his mucus plug.
Hey, Brittany, did you want this thing back?
Yeah, sure, why not?
Amy, come get your thing.
And come get the prizes, Amy.
Congratulations.
Yay!
There you go, Amy.
I know you're Brittany, but I thought it was funny to just give it to you.
A thank you is usually in order for someone who wins a person a thing.
She didn't give me a look.
At the very least,
like a kiss on the mouth.
Yeah, if not a thank you,
I'll take one of those.
Yeah.
Jeez.
At the very, very least.
You here with your husband?
She's looking at that guy like,
who?
Kiss him.
It's the Doug Loves Movies kiss cam.
When you hear Doug say, kiss him,
you know it's on you.
All right.
Dan, what do you got going on?
I have a show I'm headlining in Chicago on December 28th at the Main Stage Theater.
If you're in Chicago, you should go see that thing.
And fucking at midnight, still playing hashtag games and stuff on the social media
until it comes back on January 6th.
Yeah, so follow at midnight.
Follow at Dan Telfer, at Claire Kramer, at Scott Aukerman.
And just the mildest of apologies
to Put Your Hands Together because you're hosting it tonight
and you're sitting right here. We're gonna make it.
And we're only three minutes late.
And as always,
Rick Perry is a shithead, y'all.
I read the whole thing.
It's very important. I'm glad you got it.
And you probably want your Shaun of the Dead DVD back, right?
Is it in there?
Yeah
There you go
Oh, it's not yours? You had to borrow it?
Oh, nice catch
Nicely done
And that kid from Waterworld is a shithead Now it's time for Doug to watch his other dog eat. Guys, the world is viewing prowess.
Make it a heat.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.