Doug Loves Movies - Scott Aukerman, Graham Elwood, and Andy Wood Guest
Episode Date: February 1, 2012The Tournament of Championships continues as Doug welcomes comedians Scott Aukerman, Graham Elwood, and Andy Wood to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Pr...ivacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and baby sticky seeds
With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies
Hey everybody You don't have to respond Hey, everybody.
You don't have to respond.
My name...
You threw me off.
Hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies,
coming to you from the UCB Theater
on Tuesday, January 31st,
to Ocean's Eleven.
Wow, I can't believe...
See? I just did it.
I was just going to make a joke about doing that, and just did it. I was just gonna make a joke
about doing that, and I did it because
it's written right next to each other.
Because the next sentence is,
it's almost February and I'm still writing 2Oceans11
on my checks.
I totally fucked up my own joke.
We'll fix that in the edit.
Since last I
spoke, you listened.
I got a tweet from atbrett__ Brett underscore Savage regarding the SF sketch show episode.
He wrote, hey, Doug Benson, I was the black guy at the show yesterday.
Depending on the content, uppity can be racist.
Well, I'm glad that's settled.
Maybe he meant context.
Depending on the context?
Content.
Anyway, I'm happy to say that Doug Loves Movies will be returning to Cobbs in San Francisco on April 19th,
and I've already booked three of your favorites to appear, schedules permitting.
Doug Loves Movies at the Vancouver Comedy Festival sold out, so we added another one.
Deets and links for all of my shows are at DouglasMovies.com.
Now it's time for Watch This, Not That.
The number one movie in the U.S. of A is The Grey,
starring Liam Neeson.
I haven't seen it yet, but I'm pretty sure at one point,
Liam says,
this is what I'm going to need you to do.
Get under the wolf.
Then you will be taken by the wolf.
The number two movie in the country is
Underworld, Awake and Loving It.
And all I can say from this combination is that
America loves wolves. Jesus.
Wolf movies are hot.
But I don't love
underworld movies, so watch
The Grey, not Underboob.
This has been Watch This, Not That.
Tonight is round two
of the semifinals of the third
tournament of championships.
Yeah, it's turning out to be a little bit
of a bitch to book.
Jerry O'Connell is off in New York City
appearing in the Broadway show Seminar
with Hans Gruber.
Yeah, Hans Gruber is in it.
I just want to be there
when they're having conversations backstage.
Mr. O'Connell.
McClane.
And Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg
Are writing a movie
So that takes up all their time
But I'm excited that they're doing it
I don't know what's up with Wee Man
Sean Cullen is in Canada
Whatever that is
You can turn it off
Just go ahead and pull it out of your pocket
Find that button, nicely done
It's weird that the guy with the can of beer Has a phone going off in his pocket You can turn it off. Just go ahead and pull it out of your pocket. Find that button. Nicely done.
It's weird that the guy with a can of beer has a phone going off in his pocket.
What a stereotype.
He's also got a joint hanging out of his mouth.
What did I say about Jeff Garlin?
Oh, he was in for tonight as of yesterday.
And then yesterday he texted me saying
he couldn't come because tonight he's meeting the
first lady.
Which might be a euphemism.
And then,
no, I guess he's meeting Michelle Obama tonight.
So that's, as reasons to go to cancel,
that's a pretty good one.
And the first alternate, Paul Scheer,
and second alternate, Kate McEuchie,
were busy tonight.
So I had to go super deep into the alternates.
But we have two of the people that originally qualified, and then someone who deserved to qualify,
and was the third alternate.
So it's happening for him tonight.
Couldn't be more excited for him.
It's going to be a very intense competition, you guys. please welcome to the stage Graham Elwood Andy Wood and Scott
Aukerman Wood man
Scott Aukerman Wood
I think Scott always sits as close right next to me and Graham always sits as far
away as possible Andy I don. Andy, I don't have
an idea yet of where
I don't have your seating pattern set
in my mind yet, but I think
you were in the middle last time. I think I was.
Yeah, yeah. Alright, fair enough.
Let's start with you then, Andy.
Curator, is that the right word for what you do
at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival? A little more
pretentious than I would go, but that works. Alright,
what do you call it? Coordinator?
Producer, maybe?
In charge of her?
Sure.
Producer is more...
Yeah, producer.
Less douchey.
Yeah, but producer
is more pretentious.
Oh, it is?
Curator, I'm going to
call you the curator.
Okay, I don't pick
paintings for it,
if that's what...
No, but you do pick comedians.
I do, that's true.
And those are in their own way
works of art.
That's actually not...
I'm not the only one doing that.
And you blow the dust off of them.
That's true.
Cover them at night.
And you wipe them down.
So yeah, so you, the Bridgetown Comedy Festival is when?
It's April 12th to the 15th.
And in what city?
In Portland, Oregon.
Like I didn't know where the Bridgetown Comedy Festival was.
You were there last year.
Oh no, sorry, I thought that was Kyle Kinane for a second.
You just pointed to a guy
with a beard that looks
nothing like Kyle Kinane.
I like it.
I don't know.
Yeah, he's owning it.
And it's, I'm sorry,
12th through the 15th?
12th through the 14th.
I had a great,
Graham was there last year.
I was there last year.
It's a fucking good time.
So come and check it out.
But speaking of Portland,
Graham Elwood and I
will be, this plops on Friday.
So tonight we will be appearing at the Helium Comedy Club, two shows in Portland.
Boom.
And two shows tomorrow night, Saturday.
And then we split town to go to Vegas.
And Monday night, Palace Station, Louis Anderson Theater.
Boom.
Third time in as many months.
They love us there. Yes, it's awesome. We're forcing them to love Anderson Theater. Boom. Third time in as many months. They love us there.
Yes, it's awesome.
We're forcing them to love us there.
Yes.
We just keep coming back.
Louis Anderson.
That's probably not the most important piece of information
from all of what I just said,
but it was definitely in there.
I definitely said Louis Anderson at one point.
Big chair on stage.
Yeah, yeah. He's got a big comfy Anderson at one point. Big chair on stage.
Yeah, yeah.
He's got a big comfy chair on stage
that we could sit on
if we choose to.
Yeah.
Come for the big chair.
Stay for the comedy.
Yeah.
And Graham contributed
to the prize bag
a $10.
He's got the coupon code
written on here.
I can't let anybody see it,
but it's a $10 coupon
to get anything you want
that's $10 or less
on comedyfilmnerds.com. Or you could buy something more and spend, you get 10 of it for free. see it, but it's a $10 coupon to get anything you want that's $10 or less on
ComedyFilmNerds.com. Or you could buy something
more and you get $10 of it for free.
Like any sort of a gift card. Oh yeah, that's a great idea.
Spend hundreds of dollars.
Spend $100 and it's
10% off. Good for you.
Wonderful prize. It's 1% off $1,000.
So you know what I mean? However, whatever you want to do.
Andy brought an amazing movie on
DVD called Birdemic
so that's
that's in there
that's exciting
and he also brought
a hilarious book
I assume
just from the cover
stoner coffee
table book
or stoner
coffee table book
if you like to
pronounce it
the correct way
you don't want to go
the Jennifer Hudson
route
seriously when Jennifer Hudson route.
Seriously, when Jennifer Hudson is acting in something,
watch how she takes pauses in the dumbest places in her sentences.
It's terrible.
She's the new Christopher Walken.
In her Weight Watchers course, she goes,
because it works.
It's terrible.
It drives me crazy.
It's because it works.
Own it.
I brought a professional humor Indian.
Did you bring something, Scott?
Well, whoever wins.
Oh, you brought this.
It's from the Weezer Cruise.
It's a bracelet.
Yes.
That you brought.
I loved the Weezer Cruise.
Oh, my God.
You had so much fun on the Weezer crews. No, I brought, whoever wins,
I'll give them a t-shirt.
We'll get their size.
You'll work it out.
Yeah, yeah,
we'll work it out.
Our least popular t-shirt
on Earwolf.com.
Probably a ridiculous cage.
And you'll still be here
for the rest of the night
for Comedy Bang Bang,
which follows us every week.
I will indeed, yes.
Yeah, it's a treat
to precede you guys
and to congratulate you because Comedy Bang Bang is which follows us every week. I will indeed, yes. Yeah, it's a treat to precede you guys and to congratulate
you because Comedy Bang Bang is now going to
be a TV show on the
IFC network. Thank you, Doug,
and thank you, audience!
We
start filming Monday.
Well, let me ask you this. How will it be different
from the podcast, and how will it be similar
to the podcast?
I can't really talk about
the format necessarily,
but it will be...
What if I had a gun?
Ooh.
It'll be similar
in the sense of
I'll be there
and some of the characters
from the show
will be there and...
You have an open door policy
over there.
Yeah, yeah.
We leave all the doors open
in this one.
There's not just one door
like there is at Earwolf, but yeah, and it's a talk show sort of, yeah, we leave all the doors open in this one. There's not just one door like there is at Earwolf, but
yeah, and it's a talk show, sort of.
Yeah. Okay.
And it debuts when? June
8th, I believe. Perfect.
But we may sneak preview before then.
It's right after June 7th?
Probably 24 hours later.
Yeah, my calendar. That's how it works.
June 7th and June 8th. Boom. So that's
how I'll remember it
Graham Elwood
You're a comedy film nerd
What can you recommend to this kind
Nice audience that you've
Eyeballed lately, I know we were on the cruise together
So we didn't see a lot of movies on the cruise
Well, go see the first two-thirds of The Grey
and then gouge out your eyeballs for the last
30 minutes of that fucking movie.
The first part, I loved it.
And then he's fighting wolves and then it gets
the ending. I don't want to ruin it.
It's really up there with
loaves of shit that have
come out prior to it.
I thought you were going to pull a great example.
But you went
a little more vague on it there.
Yeah, it's...
It came out in January. What do you want?
Yeah, but Taken... Two-thirds. I'll take
two-thirds of a good movie. Sure.
This time of year. Sure. You kidding me? I guess I got
so drunk with Taken that I only had eight
minutes of that dumb exposition
poker game that was like, hey,
what'd you get? get two queens kind of like
that job we did to let you everybody know how experienced i am at killing people yeah pass me
another beer they got once they got like that painting the wolves play poker yeah the wolves
play poker so what have you seen lately uh andy wood i just saw hugo and tinker tailor soldier
spy like in the same day did you were you Did you have a lot of napping to do?
You're going to catch up on my napping.
What two movies.
Did you see Hugo in the 3D?
I saw it in 3D. I thought it was good.
I'm one of the few people that likes 3D, I guess.
Really? You like it all the time?
Always, yeah. Wow.
You're so on board with it.
They got sleek new glasses for the Avengers
that people keep tweeting me about,
so I'll see how those work out for me.
These were heavy and battery operated?
I don't know if those are different from the normal ones.
That's what I'm saying.
The heavy ones really make me unhappy.
I watched 30 Minutes of Hugo and said,
really, do I need these to watch Sacha Baron Cohen chase a kid through a train station?
The answer is no.
No, I don't.
But I do want to see the whole thing
Because I do respect
Martin Scorsese
Well you walked out
Halfway through
Because of the glasses
30 minutes in
Because I knew
I also knew
It was two hours long
It's fucking hella long
For a thing
With kids
And a guy
In a train station
I say Hugo
I'll go
Again and again
It's
Ah
That's what you can expect
On Comedy Bang Bang
And IFC folks That's the format Everybody calls on Comedy Bang Bang and IFC, folks.
That's the format, right?
Everybody calls it
a love story to the movies.
Maybe I walked out
20 minutes in,
but when I walked out,
nobody mentioned a movie.
There was nothing about movies.
It was a train station.
It was a love letter
to train stations.
It was a robot
and a train station.
It's a love letter
to Bicentennial Man
looking robots.
Now that it's been out a while,
everyone knows
it's a love letter
to the movies,
but I got totally shanghaied by that.
I had no idea it was going to be all about Martin Scorsese's pan to the art of cinema.
It just came out of left field for me.
And in a bad way. You didn't like it. Oh, yeah, yeah. I expect when you go see a movie called Hugo, it's about Hugo.
Not about the invention
of the movie
and some old dude
who did it really well.
And twice they show
the scene where
the first moviegoer
saw that moving train
and then like cowered
thinking the train
was going to hit him
in the face.
Like the second time
nobody laughed
or it wasn't interesting
at all.
Nobody laughed?
The first time
they were laughing.
They were laughing.
Yeah, yeah.
Rollicking in the eyes.
Look at those dumb people
that didn't know
what movies were and they thought they were going to get hit by the thing. Look at those dumb people that didn't know what movies were.
And they thought they were going to get hit by the thing on the screen.
When I was a tour guide at Universal Studios,
when we would go by King Kong and he'd grab the tram and he'd shake it,
all the Asian ladies acted like their lives were really in danger.
It was insane.
But that's a real threat in Tokyo.
Yeah, it's the first time they've seen something like that since Godzilla.
They have real problems with it.
Come over here on vacation.
What's that banana smell?
Yeah.
And then your tram's
being shaked by a monkey.
Just like taking their
apartment on the plane
with them.
I saw War Horse, Doug.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We've discussed it
privately.
Yeah, it's a movie
about war and the
effects of war.
Done as sensitively by the director of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
It's exactly as good as that.
I heard it's pretty violent for a PG-13.
Yeah, probably.
I don't know.
So I'm in.
They never showed the scene where the horse slips everyone the love potion that makes everyone love it so much.
I thought that was an oversight.
It's a beautiful horse.
But from the minute you see the horse,
everyone's like, I'll do anything for that horse.
I will lay down my life
for that horse.
Does it turn a Nazi? Does a Nazi decide to be good?
Yeah, everyone.
Oh my god, I love it.
I love that magical horse.
I want to see the Broadway show.
I want to see the dudes pretending to be a horse.
That sounds a lot more entertaining to me.
If it was dudes pretending to be a horse in the movie,
I'd be on board.
Best picture.
Fuck you, the artist.
Best co-actors for the front and back halves.
But you know, if you want to see a love letter to the movies,
the artist, from the second it starts,
it's about the movies.
And it is for the entire time it's playing.
A little too much like Singing in the Rain for my taste.
The plot's a little similar, yeah.
It's the same plot, yeah.
Speaking of when you were a Universal tour guide,
have we ever told the story about when we went
to Universal Studios together and we went into the
Back to the Future thing?
I don't know where this is going.
Well, Doug was a tour guide.
I'm rifling through all the past handjob situations
that you and I were in.
Doug was a tour guide and we went
through the part where you go see all the special
effects in the movies where the tram
stops and he
knows what's going to happen so
the minute
the person who's now the tour guide
says okay we need
he shoots his hand up and says
right here!
And she says oh you sir
yes volunteer sure you sir
and they take him off into another
room and I'm going what is happening?
And what Doug knows is they dress you up like Doc Brown
from Back to the Future.
And normally, normally it's some dumb hick from Oklahoma
who's like, and it's charming that he's dressed up like Doc Brown.
He's not an actor.
He doesn't want to act like,
and he's like, you know, being dragged into this situation.
They say, okay, where's our volunteer?
Doug throws the door open.
Looks like Doc Brown and says,
I hope I didn't say something from the taxi.
And why would I say gigawatts?
Probably because we want't offend anybody.
And you acted, to the chagrin of the tour guide,
you acted like Christopher Lloyd the entire time.
But that was a stage show that they were doing there,
and I hadn't been a tour guide yet.
I had just seen that show before.
And you'd always wanted to do it.
Yeah.
Oh, the flux capacitor.
Oh.
Who are you doing?
That's enough, Mr. Alouette.
The flux capacitor.
Mr. Alouette.
This room smells like pussy from what I've been told.
I'm doing one of the guys
from Green Acres
as Christopher Lloyd in...
Mr. Haney.
Mr. Haney.
I can't even do any voice at all.
Let alone your own.
So...
Ha!
Come on.
Oscar snubs.
50-50.
Win-win.
J. Edgar.
J. Edgar.
What happened?
Snubs.
Flubs.
Oh. All right. Snobs. Flubs.
Alright, moving on.
You didn't like J. Edgar, did you?
No, no. I didn't see J. Edgar.
And I'm so excited that I don't have to now because I would have felt obligated if he got nominated.
Now I have to see that movie about that
other dude.
A Better Life.
Damien Bashir.
Yeah, I didn't see it when it was out theatrically.
Now I've got to seek it out.
Because I try to see all the major nominees.
And movies that have the best song in them.
So I have to see Rio.
And I already saw The Muppets.
There was only two songs they thought were worthy of nominating.
The Muppets has six or seven songs in it, right?
So nominate them all.
And that Mary J. Blige song from The Help.
That was a slow jam.
That's in the end credits?
Yeah.
Maybe it existed for some other reason, though.
Because it has to be written expressly for the movie.
She wrote it to get an Oscar nomination.
Mary J. Blige. I can't believe that didn't work.
Yeah. That whole movie
is an Oscar nomination.
Although Hugo got more nominations
than anything. And none
of them are for acting, so I don't get it.
One for
robots?
To get an Oscar nomination
for robots?
The robot category?
That's a new category.
Best robot.
Oh, and people could
shut up about
how Andy Serkis
should get nominated
for being the monkey
that got,
that got,
you know,
put in the monkey movie.
Oh, he should have got
a supporting actor nomination.
He was so,
he was so soulful.
And Patton Oswalt
can shut up about
being the monkey in Young Adult who didn't get a nomination. He was so soulful. And Patton Oswalt can shut up about being the monkey
in Young Adult who didn't get a nomination.
He says that?
No, no, no.
I don't mean that, Patton.
But it is true.
A lot of people don't know this. Andy Serkis,
he shot all of Patton's scenes
and then they put Patton's face on later.
Now they're saying that, what's her name,
Gina Carano in Haywire,
that her whole part was dubbed by somebody else.
No, they lowered her voice electronically
to make her sound more authoritative.
To make her acting more authoritative.
Yeah, yeah.
Because she's a badass character,
but she's kind of like,
okay, I'm going to go do that.
You know?
Yeah, I just think she has a high voice.
There's a disconnect.
I think she could be really good in action.
Like her action, she's got that part.
The fights are all really good.
But now they need to, you know, she needs seven or eight movies before she's like a capable actress.
Right.
Starting out with an art film is a little rough.
I thought it was enjoyable.
It was okay.
It was Soderberghi.
I've already said this on the show,
but it was just like, you know,
it's just something about what he does.
I will see everything he makes,
but chances are I'll complain about it afterwards.
Do you like Out of Sight?
Love Out of Sight.
That's a great movie.
That's my favorite,
but then this one is just kind of like,
it's just kind of copying a lot of the same rhythms of that,
but with a girl who fights and doesn't act deadly
combo well yeah I guess he always wants to hire some but like it wasn't Sasha
gray and won a few years back and then that's what I'm saying I think he has a
thing for like not so much so what if she can act or not you know I stuck I
get to work with her for okay forget about his movies how
that dude get to fuck some other chick and have a baby with her and still stay
with his wife that's what I know yeah he did that too didn't yeah sneaky dude
that's a hero right yeah that was weird that was weird that did happen Graham
Jesus yeah yeah it happened while we were on the Weezer cruise fuck so you we totally missed it damn we missed it
in the news I just kept worrying about our boat capsizing you guys didn't
capsize right I think we made it yeah if we did I would have been up and out I
know I do every I knew where to go.
Where to trip and fall into a lifeboat?
I was constantly making tripping and falling into lifeboat jokes
and people would just cry.
It's a little too soon.
They just start sobbing.
Too late.
It was too soon, too late.
Shall we play a game of champions?
Oh!
It was too soon, too late.
Shall we play a game of champions?
Whoa!
This crowd doesn't seem that excited about it.
They're just like, I don't care.
No problem with it. Hang on, no name tags yet.
Kind of done.
We're going to have a quick round of build a title,
a speed round to determine who will go first today
in the Leonard Baldwin game,
and then we'll pick name tags.
The real Dave Padilla
Suggested yeah, he suggested
You know I know there's a lot of false Dave Padilla's out there So I'm glad this guy made it clear that he's the real Dave Padilla
He suggested the other sister as a starter title
So we'll remove the and and just call it Other Sister.
And we'll start with, Graham's played this the most,
we'll start down there with him, give the other guys
a chance to think.
Stepmother.
Stepmother Sister.
I like the sound of that.
That might get made, actually.
Then we go to Andy.
So you need something that ends in step or begins
with sister.
Stepmother
systems of endearment.
Whoa.
Whoa.
I did not see that one coming.
Wow.
Holy shit.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
That was part of the way to work terms of endearment into my daily life.
So you're going to just tack that onto anything the way to work terms of endearment into my daily life. All right, so. So you're going to just tack that onto anything.
Armageddon terms of endearment.
Thanks, Shirley MacLaine.
You got really lucky that worked out.
Scott ends in step or begins with endearment.
Or meant.
Can it end in steps?
Or just steps?
No, you can't get that S in there.
Don't try to get that S in there.
Step by step, mother?
Is that a movie?
Graham Elwood style.
Is that a movie?
Is that a movie?
You gotta be able to describe the movie.
Like who's in it so
great no it's like not review it not review it it's like two and a half stars at least
all right you're out let's go back to graham step by step as a movie oh yeah who's in it
we all know who's in it it was that dancing movie right no, that's Step Up, Idiot.
Alright, well then I will go with
in terms of
Endearmentalist.
That's a TV show.
That they really should make into a movie.
It's too bad there isn't Mentos, the movie.
Because that would fit in perfectly.
But you got anything else?
Yeah.
Of course I do.
There's the...
All right.
Andy's our winner.
And congratulations, Andy.
That was one of the shortest build titles I've ever experienced.
Stepmother, Sisters of Endearment.
And so now we're going to play Letter Maltin.
Could you guys please bring out your name tags?
Name tags!
There's always some
pretty creative ones.
Oh, nice. Is that a Playboy?
Oh, Whoopie Pies.
Is that really a thing? Whoopie Pies?
And your name is Whoopie?
Is that raw meat in the back there?
Yes.
I think everybody calls her Whoopie.
I just had a fucking raw smoothie
because I'm a vegetarian, so get that goddamn murder
out of my face.
Fucking cannibal.
Poppets? Too good for a name tag?
Yeah, you.
Aw, that was mean.
Alright, pick somebody, Graham.
Scott Aukerman's
walking around
very strangely.
He's really surveying
the scene
comedy bang bang
starts in about
35 minutes
there you go
alright so mine
I chose Andrew
who has a cut
of top sirloin steak
that was marked down
from $10 to $2.93
which seems like
an unhealthy price
to pay for a steak
that's a pound in weight
guess I'm sleeping
over at your place tonight, bro.
Where is Andrew?
Where's he at?
I'm going to punch someone in the eye.
How long has it been?
Is it sitting in your car all day or something?
Do you think it's safe to cook?
You're going to eat it?
I'm just saying, if somebody ends up eating it...
Meat doesn't go bad when you leave it out.
You're fine, yeah.
Shouldn't it be really cold right fine, yeah. Totally good.
Yeah, I mean, shouldn't it be really cold right now?
It's warm to the touch.
It's like warm already.
No, just put it on some yogurt and leave them both out.
You'll be good.
You just want to let that marinate in some mayo overnight.
Yeah, it's good.
All right, so Andy's playing for Andrew.
That couldn't make it simpler for me.
Well, you could make it simpler.
We're going to call you Andy.
Or we're going to call you Andrew.
Either way. And Graham is playing for MI4. I're going to call you Andy. Or we're going to call you Andrew. Either way.
And Graham is playing for MI4.
I don't know what that means.
Oh, Ghost Protocol.
It's the scream mask.
Is your name Mia?
Oh, it's Mia.
MI4.
MI4. Ghost Protocol.
All right. And Scott?
I'm playing for Nick.
His name tag is the poster from Rutger Hauer is four. Ghost Protocol. Alright, and Scott? I'm playing for Nick. He has
his name tag is the poster from Rutger
Hauer is Nick with a shotgun.
Which looks
incredible. Hashtag no hobo.
Delivering justice one shell at a time.
Awesome.
That's a great one.
Well done name tag makers.
Mia and Nick and Andy.
I think he violated the amateur rule for this.
This looks professionally done.
Do you work somewhere where you guys do these?
My wife's the designer.
My wife.
All right.
Yeah, I don't know what rule you're talking about.
I have no rules.
I mean, there's a lot of rules, but that's not one of them.
Is it time for new rules?
It could be as professional as you want it to be.
What drives me crazy is when the guests just pick somebody,
just scribble their name on a napkin, and they pick that,
because they're like,
isn't it funny that this guy didn't try at all, and I picked him?
It's like, no, that's the worst part of life.
For the people who don't try at all to fucking succeed.
It's the worst part of life.
Fuck them.
You're worse than blood diamonds.
Is this the worst part of life, blood diamonds?
I would say it's worse than someone who's lazy.
I would put slave labor
for money over laziness.
I will give you that.
If the guy's on his couch and he's not making
somebody else do the work, then okay.
But if he's got somebody that he owns
and he's making them do the work and he's lazy,
then that's the worst
person alive.
Alright, here we go.
Andy gets to pick the first
category and
you get to choose from the
following. Would you like
a gentleman or a lady called
I Have a Boomstick
on Twitter suggested Darshi Blows, which is films that feature a blowjob.
A lady giving a man mouth fun.
Lower extremity mouth fun.
Or, speaking of that, Justin Timberlake is celebrating a birthday today.
Speaking of mouth fun
Yeah
More like fun for my ears
I don't like to watch his movies
I like to listen to them
Well
Then you probably
Might not know
Which actors are in them
So you might hope
That Andy doesn't
Pick that category
Or
What category is it?
Justin Timberlake. That's it?
It's movies that he's seen.
Okay.
Great.
Coincidentally, also only the movies he's been in.
That's the exact same list.
It's Justin Timberlake films.
And
at PlayMeOffBcat
suggested
based on a two story
and that's movies
with the word house in the title.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was a long way to go
and a long time to get there.
All right, which one of those would you like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
I'm still playing at home.
All right, which one of those would you like, Andy?
JT's Birthday.
All right.
JT.
You guys are tight.
Two and a half stars.
Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin.
2007's the year.
He says this movie is...
Probably great.
He says that the
third act drags
and that the finale
is ludicrous. Let me double
check. But ludicrous is not in it.
It's just the finale...
The finale is somewhat
ludicrous. Third act drags.
JT is in it from 2007.
Two and a half stars and he lists
Seven names
How many names do you think you can get in
Andy Wood, then we'll be going to
Scott Ackerman Wood
And then over to Graham
The third act drags, Ludacris
Still two and a half stars
How many out of seven
Let's do
Two out of seven Three out of seven? Let's do Two out of seven
Three out of seven
Wow three
Somebody came to play
What do you say to that Scott?
Trying to think of all the movies
Where the third act drags
Narrowing it down
I got a couple.
JT 2007, Third Act Drags.
Nate and that movie.
Alright.
Their three names are
not going to be any help.
It's my prediction.
The sweet spot is really the top
four. But,
who knows, you may recognize something.
Kim Richards, David Banner, and John Cothran.
David Banner of Hulk fame?
Yep.
Yeah, it's David Banner.
Yes, this is JT in a movie where the Hulk is sixth build.
Okay.
That's kind of a small part.
He's just their mailman.
He doesn't even ever really um black snake moan damn you that is correct
wow
How could the third act drag in Black Sex Snake Moans?
She must get unchained in the third act.
It takes too long to get to the third act,
in my opinion, but it's kind of sexy
because she's all bruised and shit.
Oh, Jesus.
Wait, I meant it's not sexy
because she's all bruised and shit.
Lady, show us your bruises
tonight. Come on.
Meow.
Alright.
No, it's horrifying
how dented up she is.
Dented up?
God damn it.
Making it worse.
I have no opinion on this issue.
She's chained to a radiator
for a lot of the movie. I thought she was chained outside
to a tree. Spoiler.
He probably ties her up to a tree when
she has to go. Oh, okay.
He's not a total...
Sometimes a radiator, sometimes a tree.
Yeah. Alright. So,
since Graham wasn't involved in that
particular fracas, we'll
start with him.
And we'll move in the opposite direction to Andy.
And you get to pick a category, Graham.
Would you like, at Kubrick97 suggested,
Bruce Willis number movies.
Bruce Willis has been in a number of movies where there's a number in the title.
Die Hard 2, 3, and 4 would be examples.
I thought you said lumber.
He has been, he works with lumber a lot No, number
Bruce Willis numbers
In the movie
Then we have this exciting category
That only play with the finest of players
Suggested by Asparagus P
We have
Zero names
That's where if you pick the category
I will read the entire review
And then the bidding starts with you at zero
or however many negative names you want to go.
Or the King of Pancakes category,
number one movie 10 years ago to this very day.
Number one 10 years ago.
Which one would you like, Graham?
Let's go with Bruce Willis number movies
Okay
This one is
I can't say one way or the other on that
This is from 1995
Leonard calls it a bomb
He says this movie
About this movie
What a cast
And
And that Bruce Willis
appears unbilled
is what he says.
So Bruce Willis isn't even one
of the
20 names.
How many names do you think
you can get in Graham Elwood?
And he says it's a bomb?
Mm-hmm
20 names?
All right, well, I'll start with 15
Good, good
Andy?
Andy!
10, 10 out of 20
Okay
Skockerman?
Nine
Graham? I'm speaking German With'll say nine names he says my
name's Graham name that movie okay what year again? I think you're gonna get it Fuck 95
But I've been wrong
I was wrong about
Black Snake Moan over here
You get nine names?
Yeah, it turns out
Bruises are sexy
Bruce Willis is on build
What a cast!
Bomb
Nine names
Salma Hayek
Danny Verduzco
Lana McKissick Alicia Witt Tamlyn Tomita Nine names. Salma Hayek, Danny Verduzco,
Lana McKissick, Alicia Witt,
Tamlin Tomita, Marissa Tomei,
Lily Taylor, Quentin Tarantino,
and Ione Skye.
Nobody said anything.
It's a Bruce Willis movie that has a number in it What do you think, Scott?
Let me go through all the numbers
Let's see, there's one
There's two
There's three
Five
Am I forgetting one?
I'll say four rooms
That's correct
That's damn it