Doug Loves Movies - Scott Thompson, Mark Forward and Sean Cullen guest
Episode Date: August 5, 2016Live from the Royal Theatre in Toronto, Doug welcomes Scott Thompson, Mark Forward and Sean Cullen to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice ...at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
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Hey everybody, just want to give you a
heads up that I had booked Sean Cullen
for both the Buffalo and Toronto shows
because he has always been one of my
favorite guests and a dude that I think
is super talented and amazing and I
didn't want to unbook him from the
Toronto show because I thought that he could rebound from the Buffalo show.
But all I'm saying is listen at your own risk and please don't complain to me after.
And I want to do a plug I didn't get to do at the end of the show for reasons that will make sense to you if you listen to the whole thing.
I'm doing stand-up at the Syracuse Funny Bone this Saturday at 420, and ticket sales are
severely lagging.
But those of you who do come, be sure to bring a name tag, because games will be played.
Enjoy the show.
Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby
sticky seeds with 50
acid pop or kernels in his teeth
there's still not one
that he won't see
cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies!
I thought it would be a good one.
Coming to you from the Royal Theatre in Toronto, Ontario, Canada!
Canada!
Oh, this place is fancy.
I don't even, I'm not even sure if there's a dumpster out back.
It's Thursday, August 4th, 2016.
Let me see some name tags, T.O.
Oh, lordy.
We got some good ones.
The Dan with the golden nug.
Gun spelled backwards. I like it.
Can I get a little bit more heat in my microphone? I know it probably sounds okay in the house,
but for some reason it feels low to me.
You can't hear me back there?
Oh, then it got... Now it's...
Whoa!
Swiss Army mark.
You're, like, blocking all the other possible candidates.
Oh, he's so nice. He just put
it down immediately.
Instead of fuck them,
he's like, I'm a nice Canadian man.
Or did you come in
from Buffalo?
Boo.
Stupid place.
Nearby.
Oh, I gotta keep looking at name tags.
I saw that one on the internet today.
It's Meredith.
And you did a bunch of different titles
in the shape of a clock.
And you can spin a...
Does that thing spin?
You spin it once, if you can.
And what did it land on?
Tell me what it landed on.
Mara Deathwish.
Yeah, she's got like 12 different
Meredith titles on that thing.
Very creative.
I hope you get picked.
There's a guy with a sign that says,
Pick a born, any born.
And it's got all four born, all five.
But your name's Jason?
Your brother's name is Jason?
Is this dude next to you's brother's name Indiana Jones?
And the Temple of Doug, I like that.
Indy Allen Jones. There you go.
Well, anyway, there's lots of good ones.
This guy's standing up. He really wants me to see that.
But it's too dark. I can't read it.
What does it say?
No, this guy.
The guy that answered me. Oh, you're standing as well? Okay.
I guess they don't have house lights here.
Weren't anticipating that I would need to see the name tags.
The Roriers.
And your name's Rory?
Very nice.
All right, good luck to everybody.
There's a lightsaber on one of those posters.
There's something, like, huge taped to that.
Oh, it's a box of donuts?
All right.
Well, here's how I like to approach the whole donut thing these days.
Because some people love the donut throwing when they listen to the podcast,
and other people are like, I'm fucking listening to you throw donuts.
So it's very divided.
I know.
Once you see it live, you're like, oh, I love the donuts.
Because I know what it's like now to get hit in the face with one.
But my point is just that I just wait for one of my guests
to unsuspectingly pick donuts that are on somebody's name tag,
and then I will throw the shit out of those donuts.
But people lately have just been bringing donuts and putting them up on the stage and then we end up throwing
them anyway. I just don't
feel like it should be in every show.
Doug Plugs!
This Tuesday, August 9th,
Douglas Movies is taking over
the Opie and Jim Norton radio show
on satellite radio, Sirius
XM at 8am
Eastern Time.
And then Thursday, August 11th,
Doug Lowe's Movies is back at Meltdown Comics
in L.A. at 7
p.m. DougLowe'sMovies.com
for more dates, deets,
and what else?
Links.
I already said
deets. Dates, deets, and
what else?
Yeah, now you got it.
Very good learning curve here.
Now it's time for Watch This, Not That.
Opening throughout North America tomorrow are Nine Lives and Suicide Squad.
One movie has Kevin Spacey as a cat,
and the other has Margot Robbie with a bat.
So I think most of you can make up your own minds on that one.
So I say, if it's in a theater near you,
because it's in limited release,
try to check out Don't Think Twice,
featuring Past and Future,
Douglas Movies guests Gillian Jacobs,
Kate Micucci, and Mike Merbiglia.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
Is it playing anywhere in Toronto?
It'd probably be playing here, but I'm doing this stupid show instead.
I want to see a movie here and maybe do a movie interruption here sometime.
This has been Watch This, Not That,
Fuck Suicide Squad edition.
It might be good.
It's 35% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Let's check out the prize bag, you guys.
Waiting for me backstage when I arrived this evening was a VHS copy of The Bourne Identity.
Still in the plastic.
Was it you?
It was you? That's from you?
You guys are Bourne Identity freaks.
It's signed Jason Bourne.
Right on there.
So that's very valuable.
I'm supposed to put it in the prize bag though, right?
I'm not supposed to keep it.
You've heard the show.
I give away all my VHSs.
I don't even have a VHS machine, lady.
And then is this thing inside the envelope complicated?
It seems like there's a lot of business in here.
I feel like it's going to be a subpoena or something.
I'll put the detritus from the envelope in the prize bag.
Look at this.
Oh, it's a certificate of authenticity
saying that this is an original, unopened VHS copy of the Bourne Identity.
This shit is legit.
All right, well, there you go.
Somebody's going to win that.
Thank you for bringing that, people that aren't named Jason.
My brother.
My brother's named Jason.
My boss is named Born.
I don't know why I'm giving you stupid southern accents.
A hat from the Traverse City Film Festival that I was just at down in Michigan.
A Doug Loves Movies t-shirt.
Also from Traverse City. I don't know how well these travel. It seems sealed up pretty nice.
It's a cherry stop snack mix. So it's like cherries and almonds.
Because they're super into cherries in
that place, Traverse City.
A pipe from Peacemaker
that's only been used once.
Some Viceland rolling
papers. Because if you haven't seen
the Viceland network yet, they put
their name on rolling papers to give you
an idea of what kind of network it is.
They're very cool on weed and lots of other things.
And I also brought, I still have a couple of these left, a guitar pick from a band that I enjoy a great deal called the Dirty Heads.
All of that is in the bag in addition to what my guests brought. So please give a big warm welcome
to returning champions Sean Cullen,
Mark Forward, and Scott Thompson.
Scott Thompson!
Come on, guys!
Okay, for the listeners,
Sean... Oh.
Hello.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Hi.
Hi.
So Sean walked out and then left and got the other two guys,
so thank you for that.
I know.
You're being very quiet, Sean.
Well, I have to be quiet because I tend to Yell?
Yell
We heard you yelled a lot
And then I get a lot of angry tweets
From people who tell me I'm not funny at all and I suck
So
So
Why don't I take the heat off you and I'll do all the yelling
And I'll take all the hate tweets
Listen, you can't
You can't you can't.
You can't. People can't hate gay people now.
They can only hate fat white men.
How much of an asshole I am.
But just so you can go at Sean directly,
his Twitter is MrSeanCullen, M-R-S, and the rest of it.
It's like Mrs. Ene Cullen.
Yes. That's like Mrs. Ene Cullen. Yes.
That's what it looks like.
Let's meet my guests individually,
starting with first-time guests on the show.
So psyched to have them.
It's Scott Thompson, everybody.
Hi there.
Hello.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
It's not going to be that good for us.
The second kids in the hall to appear on this show.
Dave Foley's been on it.
Oh, if I'd known that, I would have come. The other three, not so much.
How was he?
Dave?
Yeah.
Was he drinking or was he before or after drinking. I mean, I think...
Was he drinking or was he before or after drinking?
I guess that's my answer.
He seemed sober.
Oh, okay.
He brought his daughter one time.
She was a delight.
Who's that?
Dave Foley brought his daughter one time.
Oh, yeah.
She's an actress too.
Yeah.
She's more successful than all the five
Kids in the hall put together
That can't be true
It is kind of true
What is she on?
She's in a movie or a TV show?
She was in a movie
See I don't even know the name of the movie but she's still
More successful because the biggest thing I've ever been in
Was The Pacifier
That was number 13 on the call sheet. That's Vin Diesel,
right? Vin Diesel, yeah. He taught me so much about comedy.
Is he gay?
He taught me about comedy, Sean.
I'm sorry.
You know, he's a huge Dungeons and Dragons
Player
Like he plays Dungeons and Dragons
What does that mean?
Are you implying that that means something?
Wait which part of that don't you understand?
Don't you know role playing
But not like creepy
Sexy role playing
But just like a friend of mine said,
he met him backstage
and said,
I really,
he said to him,
what character
do you always play?
And he said,
human cleric,
always.
No, he said,
do you play different races?
And he said,
no,
cleric,
human,
always. Do you play different races? And he said, no. Cleric. Human. Always.
So there you go.
Sean's so good, he just got two laughs off the same joke.
I know.
I did it wrong and I fixed it, but I didn't yell.
Son of a bitch.
I didn't yell.
He's going to coast on sympathy laughter all night.
yell. Son of a bitch. I didn't yell.
He's gonna coast on sympathy laughter all night.
That's what they used to
call me in high school. Sympathy laughter.
Sympathy. Alright, give me a second
here, SL, because I gotta ask Scott.
Oh.
Are you good at movie trivia,
you think? I think so. Okay.
Yeah. He's gay, isn't
he?
I think so. Okay. Yeah. He's gay, isn't he? I think so.
I know so.
We'll find out all the
answers tonight.
But also we gotta say hello
to, it's been a while since he's been on
the show and
I'm psyched to have him back. Mark Forward
is here, everybody.
Woo! Woo! the show and I'm psyched to have him back. Mark Forward is here, everybody.
MARK FORWARD Thank you.
Thanks for having me back, Doug.
I don't know what I've done.
It's been two years.
DOUG STEVENSON I think last year I was in Toronto on a
date where you were out doing your own thing
because you're a very popular touring comedian
and now here we are
I've been hounding you ever since
I send him tweets like
are you ever going to be in New York?
because that would be fun to have you on a show
in New York
okay
were you on the
infamous Lost show
with... No.
No? The one with...
It was you and J.P. Manu
and what's his name? The guy
that plays the teacher on television.
Mr. D. Jerry D. Mr. D.
Yeah. And
it was a pretty awful show
anyway.
And then the fact that there was trouble with the recording,
it became a lost episode.
So officially, Jerry D's never been on the show.
Good.
What was awful about the show?
Well, first of all, Jerry D was on it.
He was a bit of a handful.
And then Sean couldn't understand one of my games
To save his life
You were very confused by Build a Title
And that's why I rarely play it anymore
Because I'm sad when a guest
Can't figure out how it works
I figured it out now
Well we're not playing it tonight
I can tell you that
Because I don't like to take
unnecessary risks.
I'm just excited. This is the
second time I've been on your show where you've said
Jerry D's a piece of shit.
I was on Last Comic
Standing with the guy, which is not a great
place to make friends anyway,
but we just didn't really get along.
Look, Doug, I was on his show for three years.
You are not out of place.
Is it recording? I hope so.
That felt good.
He's, you know, he's hard to get along with,
but probably a great teacher.
Probably an excellent educator, and I wish him well.
And let's say hello to Sean Cullen, everybody.
Hi.
Thank you.
Who, as you may know, at the beginning of the Buffalo Show,
I referred to as my favorite Canadian.
And tonight I say let's have a competition
because my top three Canadians are on stage right now.
What a suck-ass.
What a suck-ass.
So Dave's not one of them.
No, Dave is a dick.
You know what, though?
I said when I tweeted about this show here, Dave fully retweeted it.
Yeah, he's a nice guy.
He is a nice guy.
I have to say, we were just talking backstage,
which is what comics do before they come out on stage,
because it's a long time and you're waiting.
I think most humans would talk backstage.
No, most humans wouldn't be backstage.
They wouldn't be there.
That's fair, but if you put them back there... I know, they'd start talking.
That's the weird thing.
I think the first thing they'd do is talk.
And that's why Shakespeare...
Why am I backstage?
Shakespeare always had those stage directions
that said, noises off,
because people would wander backstage
and start talking and dropping things.
You know, I didn't need a fucking science lesson.
That's a literature lesson.
Just did a funny joke.
Okay.
But that's why I love you, Mark Forward,
because you don't know the difference between science and literature.
Let me ask you something.
What is Shakespeare made of?
Stuff and
nonsense. What did he
write with?
Quill.
Quill.
It's all motherfucking science.
The blood of his enemies. Can you guys find
some way to work movies into this conversation?
Here, I
just wanted to say, mark fuck why why do you
hate me so much this guy's one of the funniest people in the absolute human universe and i've
always thought so and i i'm so glad he's here because he doesn't like the last part of a roast speech. He raped my mom.
Scott, she was okay.
She's okay with it.
Who's that?
She woke up and she said, what's that?
And then he ran out and she never knew it was him.
But Scott Thompson, we were talking backstage
and we have to say,
his role on Larry Sanders
broke so many boundaries
and was the first person to come out
and be openly gay on television,
and he's never gotten the credit for it.
He's never gotten all of the accolades for doing that.
Well, Sean, first incredible hero.
And I think everybody should know
it and everybody should love it for it.
Thank you.
But first of all, Sean,
I hate to quibble with that because
it was a lovely sentiment.
But it's not TV, it's
HBO.
I was going to say
are you being served with the first going to say, are you being served
was the first
openly gay character.
Are you being served?
But he never came out
and made out with a guy,
did he?
Who?
The guy on
Are You Being Served?
No.
No.
I think he made out
with Hyacinth Bouquet.
That was me.
I dreamed that last night.
And as she was coming, she said,
It's Spookay! And then I said,
Fuck it, fuck it!
Oh!
Alright, I take it all back.
Ladies and gentlemen, he's a
hack. Keeping up appearances.
Keeping up appearances joke. I know, it's good.
No one gets it.
Patricia Rutledge, people. No.
Nothing. Now that you mentioned it,
Sean, he was gay on HBO for
five years before Larry
Sanders came along.
This guy? Yeah, Kids in the Hall was
on HBO. But people
look at comedy and they say, oh,
he's just pretending to be gay.
He's not really gay.
Like when you do that kind of character and you say, this is my choice and now everybody knows.
It's empty!
It was empty.
It was empty.
Don't cry over an empty beer can, you guys.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to shut up now.
What is wrong with you people?
I thought I was making a tribute to Scott Thompson.
Now it's turned into a horrible shit show.
Sean, do you hear how often you're talking at the same time as someone else?
Stop doing that.
Just take turns.
I'm done.
Tell me when it's time.
Tell me when it's time.
Well, it's time for you to only, when you speak, use your microphone.
Because speaking off microphone is doubly bad.
Oh, but then I'll get tweets.
Because this is a podcast that people will listen to.
Why do I have to lean in to the tweet machine?
I think you're doing it again.
He was talking.
It's already a little hard to hear each other up here.
It is.
You hear it five times.
Yeah, it's weird.
The acoustics are interesting on stage.
That happened to me once in Austin, Texas.
I couldn't understand a word Hannibal Buress was saying.
He was sitting on the other end, but the audience was laughing,
and I'd smile, and when he stopped talking, I'd just move on.
Nice.
Can I just say one more point about Scott?
Oh, no, please.
No, no, no.
No, no.
But back to the kids in the hall thing,
I was telling him backstage that, like,
he doesn't get enough credit for breaking the fucking boundary.
Oh, no, no.
He doesn't get enough credit.
He was doing it
at a time when it was not cool
to do it, and he was also teaching
many Canadians,
especially in small suburbs that
had homophobia, that it's okay.
It was amazing what he was doing.
Not that having
homophobia was okay.
God.
And I am very happy. Why are they so quick to jump on failure,
Beth? God.
I'm very happy to have,
finally have a gay guest on
Douglas Roots.
You had Jerry D.
Allegedly Allegedly
I'm gonna masturbate when I listen to this later
So awesome
So Sean is our returning champion
From the Buffalo Show
A couple of nights ago
Congratulations
How are you feeling champ? Nothing's more annoying than success a couple of nights ago. Congratulations.
How are you feeling, champ?
Nothing's more annoying than success.
And you were the winner,
and I feel like it's fair and square if we don't catch it at the time,
but from the corrections department,
yeah, Helena Bonham Carter is not in Titus. Square if we don't catch it at the time, but from the corrections department. Yeah.
Helena Bonham Carter is not
in Titus, the movie
or the TV show.
Wasn't she the woman who got her hands cut
off and replaced with branches? That's some actress
named Laura Fraser. Oh, okay.
Well, I still won.
No. That's what I said before
I said that, is that you got it by us, so...
I know, but people...
I thrive on ignorance.
Well, I don't think this crowd tonight
is going to stand for it.
Those people in Buffalo didn't know what was happening.
They were Buffaloed.
But they were a great crowd, and we had a lot of fun.
But I have to ask each of you a question
that I asked before we move on to the game
portion. We'll start with Scott Thompson.
What was the last movie that you saw?
Can it be an old
movie? Yeah, anything. I watched
Fast Times at Ridgemount High for the first time
the other night.
No, I thought it was awful.
I did. I thought it was awful. I did.
I thought it was incredibly overrated.
Nothing happens.
Right, but isn't it kind of groundbreaking
that there's like kind of teen sex
and then there's...
Oh, it's really dirty.
Yeah.
And I found it fascinating
because the women show their bodies constantly
and yet their sexuality is taken seriously.
Like the Jennifer Jason Leigh character is kind of a slut
But you're supposed to be on not a slut
But she's exploring her sex like her friend is talking her into like go sleep with these older guys
I was fascinating and yet I thought it was weird that that she was always naked
But you never see anything with the boys like you never do anyways, but I thought it was weird
I thought was boring. I'm sorry, but nothing happens in that movie
Nothing. Well, she has to get an abortion
But that's not even like the main
It's just one of the little stories that happened the main story is this Spicoli's not gonna get to go to the prom because he
Doesn't pay attention in school. Yeah
Sean Penn was amazing. He's so good
Especially since he wasn't Sean Penn at that point.
He was a character actor from Jump.
His first performance, I'd say, is more different than any characters he's ever played.
Yeah, it's an incredible comic performance, but I thought that it carried the movie.
Absolutely.
I didn't even remember there was an abortion in that.
Yeah, there is.
Because I think I had it on VHS and I would just
You just watch Phoebe Cates
tits over and over again. Yeah, I would fast forward.
Because they are remarkable.
I was like, what's an abortion? That won't
affect me.
It was pretty groundbreaking too
to have a guy jerking off and a girl walks
in on him because you don't really see
that in teen sex movies. But those things are groundbreaking but that are ground and make it funny and he was dressed as a pirate
yeah he had the uh the fish and chips pirate hat on when he was doing it
but it's no clueless which is her second movie which i think's a masterpiece clueless is
it's it's almost as perfect as movies get agree. I think it is pretty much a perfect film.
It's my favorite teen comedy of all time.
It really delivers.
Everybody in it, it's probably the best thing they're in, practically.
Yeah, and everyone in that movie goes on to have real great careers.
I guess in Fast Times, a lot of people...
Yeah, I think Sean Penn did okay.
Yeah.
I mean, I think both of those reasons you're watching both of those movies now
is because they really have... the cast is really, you know, successful.
I guess.
And they're both Amy Heckerling who, you know, picked those people.
So she's, if nothing else, she's great at that.
She's the Judd Apatow of her time.
I love your approach of saying it and then putting the mic down
I just want to give you a chance to talk
Before I talk over you
Still keep it close to your mouth
And have some impulse control
Whatever
What was the last movie you saw? to your mouth and have some impulse control? Whatever.
What was the last movie you saw?
Well, it was... Have you seen something since Tuesday?
Yes, I saw Descendants.
The Disney movie.
It's a made-for-TV movie, but it is
a movie about all of the
evil kids of the
evil villains of Disney movies
finally get a chance to move to
good land and go to prep school with good kids this is a real thing yes and
it's actually not terrible it's actually kind of okay it's kind of good the only
problem I have with it is
they're very uninventive with the
names of the children of the evil
people. They have like
Jafar has a child.
What do they call him?
Jay.
Maleficent as a daughter.
What is her name?
M.
Mal.
So each character gets a couple more letters.
Evil Queen has a daughter.
Her name?
Evie.
And then the weird one,
Cruella de Vil has a child whose name is Carlos.
He is a boy.
They all get an opportunity.
They live on the Isle of the Lost.
They all get an opportunity to come to Eridon, which is the
home of all the good people,
which is ruled by the son of
Beauty and the Beast,
whose name is Ben.
And they all...
But the problem is,
Maleficent, who is brilliantly portrayed by...
She was in, on Broadway, Wicked,
Kristen Chenoweth, and she is amazing.
Let's not set up a dynamic where you ask the audience to give you the answers.
I know.
But she's brilliant in it.
She's absolutely amazing.
And she says, go and steal the fairy queen's wand,
and then we can escape from the evil Isle of the Lost
and come and destroy all the good people's places.
But the kids realize they want to be good.
And it's kind of beautiful.
But do they, I don't know a lot about these people.
Does anyone?
But do, like a lot of their parents died.
Oh, in Disney films, that's absolutely true. Yeah, but like
the bad guy always dies,
like the queen
dies in a fire or whatever, right?
Do they? Yeah, I think so.
Because that's not really what
happened.
Can I, before I get attacked,
go back to my comment of I don't
know a lot about these people.
Listen, I would have thought
that the queen who
destroyed
Sleeping Beauty
would have died.
But it seems
she's had a daughter.
No, there's only four, and I
think none of them have died.
Wait, all the wicked witches and Disney and all
the bad people, they live after?
No, no.
Those four do, though.
They're dead.
And it's weird.
Jafar fell into the hole.
Yeah, but he nailed someone big just.
There was a scene that no one saw where he's like, hey, pow.
So I had a-
Impregnation, I'm moving in.
And then there's a weird web...
So did I...
I had a legitimate question?
No.
Okay.
It's a great question.
Cool.
I just like to know if I have good questions or not good ones.
I dare to say, based on the original Disney movies all these characters are from, that
the movies don't even take place in the same country or time period.
But Disney is a country, ladies and gentlemen.
Exactly.
But Disney is a country, ladies and gentlemen.
Disney is a world of excitement, entertainment, fun,
interrelated experiences, family, dreams.
It's everything.
All right, well, real quickly,
let me just wrap up this part of the discussion. But if I have their toys at home,
can I still play with them together, Doug?
Because you've ruined them.
I think you can.
Don't listen to me.
Thank you.
But everyone's dying to know
how the theme song for The Descendants goes.
When you've killed so many people,
should you die yourself?
And should
your children have
the punishment
that you deserve?
Why
should your
children
live
and be happy?
I'd love every child of the evil people to die.
I just wanted to point out that while I was singing, both of them were making noises.
And that was quite loud, and I apologize.
Wow.
What was the last movie you saw, Mark?
I saw a little-known indie film called The Force Awakens.
So it's been a minute since you've seen a movie.
I watched My Dog's Spot on the weekend in a hotel.
That counts.
And dear God, did I cry.
Did something happen to Spot?
Have you not seen it?
He gets hit with a shovel.
What?
Who hits him?
Is it a famous actor? No, there's guys trying to rob this thing, and they hit him with a shovel. What? Who hits him? Is it a famous actor?
No, there's guys trying to rob this thing
and they hit him with a shovel.
I don't think I'd like to watch that.
And then they go to the vet and he lives,
but then they're like, no, sir.
We're still gonna make this dog die of old age
at the end of the film.
And then there's this like Harry Connick Jr.
fucking beautiful monologue about how the kid goes to college
and the dog waits on his fucking bed every night,
growing old and dies.
Hey, good Saturday afternoon, you fucking idiot.
Just crying my fucking eyes out.
Just, I don't know if
I loved my dog enough.
I fucking gave him
so much time. And you know what?
If you have a dog and you try to
give it fucking time, it wants nothing
to fucking do with you.
It's like, oh, too much love.
So fuck you. You should
sit on a bed alone, you shit.
Anyway, it made me cry a lot.
How much did it cost to rent that movie?
No, I had to sit through commercials.
Why didn't I turn it?
It was a baseball game on?
No.
I need to know how this ends.
I knew.
You know that most dog movies end,
the dog dies at some point, right?
I know.
Well, it's ultimately inescapable.
The dog will never live as long as a human being.
Oh, yeah.
It's impossible. It's never a. Oh, yeah. It's impossible.
It's never a big dog, too.
It's always a little fucking dog.
Well, big dogs only live five years or so.
What?
Yeah.
Like, if you have a Great Dane.
Is this true?
Yeah.
If you have a Great Dane, they have enormous hearts and they will die.
Irish wolfhounds, dogs like that, they die quickly.
Get yourself a tiny dog if you want to really have your heart broken.
That is a terrible purchase.
Russell Terrier.
Oh, man.
I just walking through a dog store.
Scott. Yeah. Cats live store. Oh, Scott.
Yeah, cats live longer.
A lot longer.
What's your favorite?
I have a 17-year-old cat, so I'm smug.
There you go.
I'm smug.
Yeah, but I had four cats for 18 years.
Two of them had fucking diabetes.
I had to give them shots twice a day.
Don't tell me cats are better. I wanted
that thing to fucking die on a bed. What's weird is cats get with diabetes. They don't even eat
sugar. They just eat meat. Look, one in four cats get diabetes. I had four cats. Two of the fuckers got it.
So you're welcome, whoever has a cat that doesn't have diabetes.
I've finished my Tito's and soda,
and if there's anyone here in the facility
that can get me another one, that would be awesome.
Are you good on drinks?
Yeah, no, I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
Can we get him some more whistle stop?
What's it called, whistle stop?
Steam whistle!
A wonderful pilsner.
Can we get some more, another round of steam whistles up here?
Is anybody listening
to this?
Is there anybody out there?
Do you want to build
a snowman? No!
No, man! Come on, let's go
and play.
Every
adult dude that listens to the podcast
just turns it off when you do that.
Just let it go.
Here it comes.
It was beautiful, though.
I love to hear you sing.
Another weird moment in Frozen
is when the trolls abduct
the boy and his little reindeer.
Like, they just take him, and they never give him back to the human world, right?
They raise him in the troll world.
Who got raped?
What?
Who got raped?
No.
Oh, reindeer.
In Frozen.
I can't hear a thing you're saying.
Yeah, yeah, walk us through it. Some reindeer got raped. Okay. That's what I heard. Oh, reindeer. I can't hear a thing you're saying. Yeah, yeah. Walk us
through it. Some reindeer got raped.
That's what I heard.
It's a rape, dear.
But
in Frozen, when
what's his name? Who's the girl?
Who's the boyfriend of
Hans? Not
Hans. The other one. Christoph.
Christoph's a little boy and he's like out cutting ice
And no one is supervising him
And he's got a baby reindeer as a friend
Yeah, baby reindeer as a friend
And they go out
I don't know how you'd get consent from a reindeer
Listen
You can't
That's the thing about raping animals
All sex with reindeers is rape
You don't have to actually ask
Because talking reindeer don't exist
You know, in the movie, Kristoff When he talks to the reindeer All sex with reindeers is rape. You don't have to actually ask because talking reindeer don't exist.
You know, in the movie, Kristoff, when he talks to the reindeer,
he supplies the voice for the reindeer.
So he's probably like, hey, reindeer, do you want to make love?
And the, yes, I do.
Exactly.
But there's a moment when they're little children and they're watching and then the troll woman comes up behind them and says,
I think I'll keep them.
And she just abducts these people and makes them live among the trolls who are not their people.
He seemed fairly well-raised, though.
Yeah.
And they try to hook him up with the girl when she shows up.
He eats food that reindeer lick.
That's not the best option.
But he seems like a nice guy. Yeah. Okay. I give up. Frozen's food that reindeer lick. That's not the best option, but he seems like a nice guy.
Yeah, okay, I give up.
Yeah, Frozen's not perfect, Sean.
Oh, listen.
There's some gaps in the plot.
Well, listen,
there's gaps in the plot
of every life,
but we still keep living.
I wish that in Frozen
she would actually kill somebody
with her freezing powers
because they're all so scared of it
and she doesn't hurt shit.
And people freeze, get frozen, and they keep blinking, right?
Yeah, they don't actually die.
No.
No.
They're fine.
And that goddamn giant snowman she makes
and literally throws her sister off a cliff.
Well, her sister runs off the cliff, jumps to get away from it.
And he says, go away.
And she says, okay.
So I think it worked out amicably.
There's permission there.
Yeah.
They knew that the snowman knew that they were going to land in snow and that they'd be fine.
I don't know if he did.
Even Olaf survived.
It was fine.
But a snowman landing in snow is like a person landing on a pile of bodies, isn't it?
It really is.
It's like saying, yeah, we killed that Jew, but he fell on a hundred other Jews.
It's a soft landing, but rather traumatic.
I looked over and the drink fairy brought me a cocktail.
You'll wish you were dead.
All right, guys.
Well, I'm glad that a bunch of grown men finally got to the bottom of Frozen.
I've never seen Frozen either.
Should I watch that?
It's a great movie.
Would that disappoint me?
It's really quite satisfying.
And may I just let it go?
Well, that's the song.
Let it go.
I thought I put a pretty good pin in this conversation.
We talked about Frozen. and then I was saying,
and now we're going to move on,
and yet we're still talking about it.
So I guess there's nothing I should do.
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight.
Not a...
Anyway.
No lessons learned.
You can turn the show off now, Burt Kreischer,
because I'm about to say,
let the games begin!
What's that?
You have to pick someone's poster to play for.
All right, don't start yelling yet, you guys.
Gentlemen, there's a lot of yelling.
I don't know why you're yelling.
Some of the crowds are very quiet.
They just hold up their signs.
Try doing that.
You've heard the show, right?
But you haven't told us about the prizes yet, have you?
I have not, but I'll do that next since we're doing this now.
I'm sorry.
Gentlemen, pick your name tags.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back after this brief message.
Hey, everybody.
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one more thing before we go back to the show
this Tuesday August
9th Doug Loves Movies is coming
to Satellite Radio that's
right we're taking over the
Opie and Jim Norton show on
Opie Radio on
Sirius XM from
8 a.m. to 10.30 a.m.
Eastern Time. That's this Tuesday
August 9th. One of your
favorite guests will be there along
with a few newbies and so you
want to be sure to check it out.
Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
Can I see who are you?
Let's start with Scott.
Who are you playing for?
Get your microphone before you tell us.
It's a podcast.
I'm playing for Miles.
Miles Miles.
His name is Miles. Miles Miles Miles. And he made a poster that said for Miles. Miles Miles. His name is Miles? Miles Miles Miles.
And he made a poster that said 8 miles, like the movie 8 Mile.
And it's a picture of Miles eight times.
Eight times. It's 8 Miles.
There we go.
You're creative, fun, and funny. You know exactly what to do, Scott.
Yeah.
Good job.
I like that. And I like Eminem and I like the movie and I like this.
Who do you have, Sean?
I have an amazing...
Use your microphone.
I have an amazing one.
It's Slumdog Jillianair.
Slumdog Jillianair.
So that means it's a woman named Nair.
What's the Jillian? What's the pun? Her name is Jillian. Jillian Eyre. So that means it's a woman named Nair. What's the Jillian?
What's the pun?
Her name is Jillian.
Jillian Eyre.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pretty good.
How do you know her name's Jillian?
Is that a real name?
Because I'm just guessing, but is it Jillian?
Yes, of course it is.
It would have been good if you had Jillian Anderson.
That would have really upped it a little bit.
What's fun about it is it's also kind of a funny way of saying a lot of things. I have a jillion of those. Oh yeah. Or Kajillion. A Kajillion. A bazillion.
Yeah. She had a lot of options with that name. Kajillion dollar baby. Oh. That's the last example I'm going to say. Mark, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for
Metal Field Earth.
Can I just
say
I don't like
that process.
You don't like when they're all screaming, pick me, pick me?
No, I just don't want to let anyone
down, and there was really nice people
and they were all... No, they're all very nice, but they also understand that only three people are going to get chosen.
I know, but they took time to make these things, and then they're just going to throw them in the garbage.
Well, I've seen it.
Sometimes I've walked out of a show and, like, in the garbage right outside the venue is somebody's really nice name tag that they made.
Fuck that.
is somebody's really nice name tag that they made.
Fuck that.
Can I just say,
if you have one that you'd really like me, Mark, to have, I will take it home with me.
So just give it to me.
He will take home all of your name tags
because he's a sweetheart.
Oh, could you imagine I was in a cab
with all their fucking name tags?
So you're kind of like the National Film Board of Canada.
I don't want to refuse anyone.
Exactly.
No, I think I'm just...
Is this a movie about hummingbirds?
Exactly.
Got it.
Yeah.
I think I'm just a good human and realize when people are talking.
I waited
until you stopped
and now I'm getting shat on by
I'm definitely making I'd like
a talk now face though.
Mark, did you
pick that
name tag because of how well the
name tag was created or that
other thing that you're holding in your hand?
I think I know what you're getting at, Doug.
You were bribed.
It came down between...
Somebody tweeted to me something about Timbits today, and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
What?
I'm sure Tim Horton's a nice man, but I don't want to eat his bits.
No, no, no.
Well, Tim Horton...
They're the middle of the donut. Tim Horton.orton... They're the middle of the donut.
When they pop out the middle of the
donut... That's how
they're made? Yep. They make
a full donut, and then they pop out
the middle, and the
bits are left.
Well, Tim Horton was a defenseman
for the Toronto Maple Leafs,
and he's from Hamilton originally,
and he died... In a terrible died in a terrible drunk driving accident,
killing only himself.
Oh, thanks, Sean.
Yeah.
When we were kids, we said that that's why they were Timbits,
because he was in so many pieces.
Yes, exactly.
That's what we used to say.
The original Timbits was his funeral.
That's what they said.
Come on.
Oh, you didn't know that.
They all knew that.
They're great.
You guys should just bat them down on the ground.
Then they can't eat them, and the poor theater staff has to clean it up.
This is the ultimate thing about the West.
People throw food at people and they bat it away and throw it on the floor.
If this was Bangladesh, people would be leaping and eating it out of the air like dolphins.
If this was Bangladesh and someone threw something at you, you duck.
There's a circle for us to throw them through.
Everybody get one.
What's that?
Oh.
Really? Really?
Oh! Rib shot! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, That's a... Oh, there's a net.
Throwing in the net.
Where's the net?
Right there.
Yay!
Oh, shit.
You think you're so hot?
Oh, this is the...
Yeah!
God damn you!
You're just throwing him at the aisle.
It's angry Timbit tossing.
Oh!
Huh.
You fucking threw the rest of the box at Swiss Army Mark.
That was great for radio.
I thought I picked those to take them to the orphanage after this.
I guess you might have to stop off and buy a $5 box of donuts on your way to the orphanage.
So yeah, Scott Thompson's probably like,
what is this show that I'm on?
Do people really listen to this?
Yeah, do they? And they do, and they love the donut tossing except for the people
who don't. It's not live,
is it? No.
People will hear it tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
In its entirety.
Where are you next?
Are you on a tour?
Do you tour this?
Yeah.
So where do you go next?
Next one is we got a sold out show in New York on Monday.
Oh, fuck.
Where?
Where?
Sunday, excuse me, at the Gramercy Theater in New York.
Oh.
Where?
It's a nice venue.
Is that a town?
The Gramercy Theater town? No. Oh. Where? It's a nice venue. Is that a town? The Gramercy Theater town?
No, I mean, is that a city?
New York? New York, yes.
Never heard of it. New York City. Never heard
of it. They put city right in there so that you
know it's a city.
Yeah, but
we travel around with it all the time,
but I'm thrilled to be back
here. It's been about a year since I was here,
and you guys are awesome.
And now we're going to play some complicated games.
Are we going to mention the prizes?
Yes.
I keep skipping that part because I think it's going to take
20 fucking minutes
because everything you guys pull out is going to turn into a story about somebody's groundbreaking TV work.
Nothing.
I will say nothing about what I have except what it is.
You want me to go first?
Yes, please.
Because that is not going to happen.
Mark, what do you got?
Oh, I got some great gifts, Doug.
I picked them up a couple weeks ago
Because I put a lot of thought into them
I got a pack of 20
A pack of 27 Twinkies
A 27 box Twinkies
Yeah
The woman said, do you want all of them?
And I'm like, yeah.
27.
27?
I got a pack of six ping pong balls. Those can get away from you. You need more than one, Doc.
You got to have backup, especially if you're playing beer pong.
Do you know what's weird? You can buy
them at the supermarket. See what's happening
already? It's already chatting
about the other guy's stuff for the bag.
I just wanted to say
that I thought it was weird that when you're going
in the supermarket in Canada,
there are ping pong balls hanging
in the aisle. Yeah, it's an option.
In case you need to grab some.
I just got some dumb gifts.
Can I get through it?
People like ping pongs.
What else you got, Mark?
Well, I got this card, and it's wherever I am, you're in my thoughts.
So that's good for anything.
Yeah, anything that happens, you could send this off.
Good thing, bad thing.
Right? Good, bad.
It's a happy Ted B.
Someone's sick.
Someone's happy.
That's a fucking stellar gold card right there.
What?
I don't hate you.
And you didn't write anything on any of it,
so it's like it's just good to go.
Just have it standing by.
Well, Doug, I'm not a fucking imbecile.
I'm not going to write on that card
because then their grandmother would be like,
what'd this fucking loser sign it for?
I would like you, though, to sign the Twinkies.
Okay.
God, that woman looked at me like I was failing at life.
Sean, what do you got?
I have a book I wrote and a T-shirt
that's from my hockey team.
What have you got, Scott?
Okay.
Okay.
I got a kids in the Hall hoodie.
With all the Kids in the Hall Dungeons and Warcraft characters.
And I also have... This is rare.
Can you move it along, Scott?
Huh?
Can you move it along?
Yeah, certainly. Absolutely, Sean. And I have
the last
one.
A brain candy posted
that I'll sign. Nice!
That's pretty cool.
There I'll sign.
Okay.
I can fake all their names, actually.
Yeah, just scribble something to scribble
and then sign it and then whoever wins.
Although, actually, you could write all three names
of the people that were chosen
because those are the only ones that could win.
Just write two miles and what's yours, Sean?
Two miles?
The name on your name tag?
Oh, yeah. Jillian. Two miles, Jillian, and what's yours, Sean? Two miles? The name on your name tag?
Oh, yeah.
Jillian. Jillian.
Two miles, Jillian, and or Matt.
Matt.
Yeah.
Matt Field.
Yeah, but they won't get those, will they?
I mean, they're not guaranteed to get them.
What?
They're not guaranteed to win them.
One of those three people is going to win.
Yeah, but if we all sign all of them. Oh, wait. I just said mine to Miles, so Miles has to win this. One of those three people is going to win. Yeah, but if we all sign all of them...
Oh, wait, I just said mine to Miles, so Miles has to win this.
Yeah. Doesn't he?
Well, okay.
I said to write all three names.
You don't want me
to sign my book or my t-shirt.
Oh, I screwed up. You can if you want to.
No, I mean, I'm a fucking loser.
I guess I don't know how games work.
Oh, shit. Like, I've already fixed it. I guess I don't know how games work. Oh, shit.
No one gives a shit.
Like the American election, it's already rigged.
I've already said, I said to Donald Trump, congratulations.
Shut this up your mind.
That works.
That works?
Yeah.
That's very special for whoever gets it.
And, yeah, I like it. We're all special. We's very special for whoever gets it. And, yeah.
I like it.
We're all special.
We are all special.
Which is just the same as saying none of us are.
And Sean's book, just to give it a plug, is called The Prince of Neither Here Nor There.
And it's one of them YA books.
It's just a book I wrote.
It's a book he wrote.
A book.
Come on. What's it called? wrote. A book. Come on.
What's it called?
The Prince of Neither Here Nor There.
It's just a book.
I mean, I spent a year writing it, but that's a poster, and there's some Twinkies.
It felt like Scott wanted to keep this hoodie.
There's some Twinkies right there.
Twinkies.
It's kind of a prize pile this time, because I brought a small bag.
It's kind of a prize pile this time because I brought a small bag.
I'd just like to point out my dad worked in the Twinkie factory for 27 years, and I thought...
So the Twinkies that he made the first year are still fresh.
Couldn't even let me.
I'm going to leave In a minute
I really am
Am I wrong?
Maybe I should
I'm sorry everyone
Sorry for what?
For just being here
I get it
I get it
Buffalo is hard on me
I quit
Yeah whatever
Whatever So does my mom But she still treats me like shit hard on me. I quit. Yeah, whatever.
Whatever. So does my mom, but she still treats me like shit.
These might be the most comfortable chairs
I've ever sat in for this show.
They are very nice.
But they also suddenly just pitch forward
and throw you off.
Very complicated. Let's play forward and throw you off. Very complicated.
Let's play some games, you guys.
Okay.
Yay!
This first one is called Jason and Deb's IMDb Game.
People love it. IMDB game
People love it You know how in the on anybody's IMDB page?
There's like best known for and they list four things
Uh-huh. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna name the first of somebody's four things that's on their IMDB page
Okay, and if you think you know which actor actress'm speaking of, just buzz in by saying your own name.
Just say, in your case, you'd say Scott.
Sean would say Sean.
Mark would say Mark.
Yeah.
And then go ahead and guess.
But if you...
You would say Mark.
If you come in early and you get it wrong because you're only basing your answer off of one title,
then you're going to get negative one points.
But if you get it right,
you can get a bonus point for each additional film
in that person's top four that you can name.
And is anyone keeping score?
Oh, I will.
Oh, damn it.
God is keeping score, Scott.
Oh, jeez.
I thought I saw an angle to win.
It's a low-tech game show.
I have to keep score, and that's why sometimes cheaters win.
Helena Bottom Carter, Titus.
No, you won fair and square with that one,
because none of us knew.
I think you thought she was in it.
I did. Yeah, you were convicted in your with that one because none of us knew. I think you thought she was in it.
I did.
Yeah, you were convicted in your answer, so we all bought it.
Which is part of the game, I guess.
So was Richard Speck.
Richard Speck?
He was convicted.
Richard Speck.
And then he went to prison and got tits You ever seen that footage of him?
Yeah, it's amazing
And then was murdered
Then he got murdered
Oh, it's a funny story
He got the government to pay for his tits
After murdering eight women
Oh, what a funny story
Every Christmas
We sit around the fire, tell the Richard Speck story.
And the one was hiding under the bed.
Oh, he laughed.
And that's when Santa always comes down the chimney.
Sorry.
Richard Speck.
But it's such a funny name.
It sounds like a fun person.
Like Speck.
Anyways.
Wasn't the Grinch's dog named Speck?
No.
Oh, Pee Wee Herman's dog is named Speck.
That's definitely a Richard Speck joke
Big adventure, yeah
Scott
Yeah
When you were on Larry Sanders
You weren't playing a guy
Who came from Canada
Were you?
What?
Were you from Canada?
Was your character from Canada?
Brian?
In Larry Sanders?
Yes, that was very radical
That was more radical
Than being openly gay
He was openly
Canadian
Yeah, he did
He did
I remember Gary saying Gary Shan Shanling, I said to Gary
go, I want him to be gay. And he's like
okay. And I said
can he be Canadian too? And Gary goes
oh, that'll never work.
No one's gonna like that.
And then I said, Kamloops! And he goes
okay, that sounds stupid. He didn't
think it was a real place. They never do.
They never do.
Here's my favorite Canadian town.
Salmon Arm.
Salmon Arm.
I know Salmon Arm.
Oh, I know.
Oh, anyways.
All right.
I just don't remember ever hearing you say I'm sorry on that show.
Because I said to Gary, I don't want to have to worry about talking
properly. I want to say progress, and I want
to say sorry. And he
said, okay, so we made him Canadian.
Because the word progress comes up so much in a script.
Alright, so here we go.
I will start
naming movies this person was in, and
buzz in with your own name when you think you know who it's going to be. The first naming movies this person was in and buzz in with your own name
when you think you know who it's going to be.
The first film that this person's top four on IMDb is
A Bug's Life.
D-uh, B-Sean.
Ding, B-Sean.
I was going to say Dave Foley.
That's correct.
I was going to say.
I knew it was, but I couldn't say that.
I didn't want to, if I said that,
somewhere Dave would feel good, and I couldn't do that.
What were the other movies?
Monkey Bone?
What's that?
Well, that's how this game works,
is now you get three guesses.
You get an additional point for each time you get one right
what else is in his top four and i should remind everybody that they don't just say movies
one of my top four is the portland international film festival
or no i apologize the bridgetown comedy festival but Good, good. And that's in my top four.
I do not know why.
I mean, I was there a couple times.
It's wonderful.
It's a good festival.
I love Portland.
Here we go.
So you got to name three Dave Foley credits that you think will be in his top four.
Okay.
I'm going to say News Radio.
Sean does.
Yeah, yeah.
News Radio.
What else you got?
Wrong guy. I have to mention
Blast from the past
Just Sean
What? Blast from the past?
Blast from the past, news radio
One more
Geez
I'm gonna say wrong guy
You said monkeybone earlier too.
That's an option.
Okay, I'll go with Monkeybone.
Why not?
Okay, Monkeybone is wrong.
Well played.
So is the wrong guy and what was the other one you said?
News radio?
News radio is correct.
Yeah.
Well, what about Blast from the Past?
No Blast from the Past.
He's great in that.
So you get two points for getting a news radio correct.
And then the other two things in his top four are The Kids in the Hall.
Oh, of course.
Of course it is.
Yeah.
And Monsters University.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah. That's pretty funny. There you go. He. And Monsters University. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.
That's pretty funny.
There you go.
He's very funny in that.
Actually, Spy High is really good.
Oh, my God.
Is that the one Spy High?
No, Sky High.
Sky High.
Him and Kevin are really good.
Sky High is great.
It's really funny.
Kurt Russell, it's a funny movie.
I think it's the best thing they've ever done.
Yeah.
And, oh, my God, Kevin MacDonald and him together.
Oh, they're amazing in that.
They're so funny.
I know.
It's hilarious.
I was too jealous to see it at the time,
but I've seen it since.
You're such a bitter queen.
I am.
It's my birthright.
All right, here we go.
Next round.
Sean's got two points.
Everyone else needs to get points.
The first title and the top four of this next person is
Kids in the Hall Brain Candy.
Scott Thompson.
Sean.
Stop Thompson.
Incorrect.
Minus one point.
Can I guess?
No. Well, you can now if you want, but I could name another film.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
Dog Park.
Scott.
Yes.
Bruce McCullough.
That's correct.
I knew that one.
That's why you don't want to jump in too early on some of these.
I know.
Now you get two more bonus points for naming two more things that Bruce did.
Does he have to be acting or anything?
Sometimes it's writing, directing.
Stealing Harvard?
Could be anything.
Stealing Harvard?
No.
Oh.
Superstar?
No.
Oh.
Those are both good guesses.
Those are both good.
Oh, these are acting.
The Nixon movie?
Well, you got your two guesses already.
Oh.
Yeah.
Is it called the Nixon movie?
No, it's not.
No, but the next thing on here is, of course, Dick.
That's what the Nixon movie's called.
Oh, yeah.
It's just called Dick.
And then he was a writer on something called Comeback Season.
Oh, he directed that.
He probably wrote and directed on it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
There you go.
All right.
So Scott's got one point.
Sean's at negative one.
Okay.
I'm at negative one?
Yeah.
I thought I got two.
Yes.
All right.
You're at one.
I'm in second place.
Just keep your mouth shut, Mark. Sean and Sean you're at one. I'm in second place. Just keep your mouth shut, Mark.
Shot shot or tie with one.
Yeah, you could almost win this game by never speaking.
This game is deep into negative numbers.
This game is giving Mark forward Asperger's.
It's gotten crazy.
All right, here's the next one.
Buzz in with your own name.
Lilo and Stitch.
Oh, I love it.
Scott.
Kevin McDonald.
That's correct.
Oh!
Who did he play?
He played Pleakley.
Pleakley.
Jesus.
Is this a bad guy?
No, Kevin plays the funny alien.
They're all aliens, right?
No, there's some Hawaiian people.
He plays the alien.
With one eye, I think.
Pleakley.
Yeah.
All right, so Scott, you get to guess three more things that Kevin McDonald has done.
Well, Kids in the Hall.
Yes.
And two more.
Not Sky High.
Sky High.
He's in Sky High, yes.
And one more.
And one more?
Jesus.
Jesus?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Kevin.
What's Kevin done?
That's Kids in the Hall.
That wouldn't be that one. You don't have to, you know.
You could pass.
You don't have to do three things.
Oh, oh, oh.
Here we go.
National Lampoon's...
Vagina monologues.
The National Lampoon vagina movie.
National Lampoon's stealing National Lampoon.
National Lampoon's stealing... National Lampoon? National Lampoon's summer?
Is that it?
An hour more of this! Go!
Something about National Lampoon, right?
No. Okay, so...
all three of your guesses were wrong.
Oh!
Yeah, his top...
It's a weird metric they use on this thing,
but his top four is the one I already said,
but then Kids in the the one I already said,
but then Kids in the Hall, Brain Candy.
Well, that doesn't make... That's under the umbrella of Kids in the Hall.
There's no umbrella.
Oh, Kevin doesn't get an umbrella.
And then he's also...
His third most known thing he's known for,
according to IMDb, is the Martin Short Show.
He was on that, yeah.
And then number four, and this is like,
everybody loves this movie,
so you'll kick yourself for not knowing this one,
Galaxy Quest.
Oh, I love Galaxy Quest.
He's unbelievable in that, and it's a great movie.
But he's only got one line at the end.
I'm embarrassed for a minute.
I am, because he deserves a lot better
and it makes me angry because I love that movie
and I think it's shitty what they do to Kevin
McDonald in that movie. I'm sorry. It bugs me.
You give Kevin McDonald one
line at the end of that movie? I thought it was
shitty. I'm sorry, but it
offended me. It did. It bugged me.
Alright, well you've offended
yourself into the lead. You've got
two points.
Sean has one, and Mark is holding steady.
Wait, how did Sean get a point there?
Well, he was up to two points,
and then he got a negative one for jumping in too early,
and now he's at one.
Okay, cool.
Integers will be next week.
I think it was more a question about how the game works rather than how
math works. Come on, we gotta keep this
moving for Mark because it's a school night.
Okay.
You guys don't get Fridays off yet,
do you?
Alright. The next round starts with...
Fucking right.
This is exciting.
I'm saying Mark no matter what.
Number one on this person's IMDb top four is
The Kids in the Hall.
Mark.
Who do you think it is?
Well, I'm going to say Mark McKinney.
That's correct.
think it is? Well,
I'm going to say Mark McKinney.
That's correct. That's correct.
Point five minus four
equals one.
So now if you can get
two more out of the remaining
three titles that he's best
known for according to IMDb,
then you will tie Scott and will force a tiebreaker.
If you don't get there, if you can't come up
with two of them, if you get three,
you win it outright.
Good luck. I don't know what's happening,
so I'm going to say words.
I think that show's called Superstore.
I'm going to say Superstore.
Okay, what else you got?
Fucking right.
I'm going to say...
Oh, shit, that's a good show and everybody likes it.
Yeah.
Oh, and I hate that I don't remember it.
Add it to the list.
Remember the Super Bowl where Janet Jackson whipped her tit out?
Yeah, fucking right I did.
I watched that one with Mark McKinney.
You watched that one with Mark McKinney?
I watched that Super Bowl with me and Mark McKinney
We're sitting near each other when Janet whipped her tit out
Did he say what is that?
Can I say as a quiz master
You seemed alright with it
As a quiz master I thought you were going to help me
Then you just throw tits in my brain
Just the one and it had an ornate nipple Then you just throw tits in my brain.
Just the one and it had an ornate nipple.
Oh shit, what is that fucking show called?
Everybody likes it.
Christmas Pantsuit?
No, it's not Christmas Pantsuit.
Although we all enjoy it. Is it electronic fish to come?
Stop helping him.
It's definitely got pantsuit in it.
No one was helping them.
Is it about actors in Stratford?
Your chin is in my brain.
Is it about actors in Stratford?
Oh, it's in your brain?
I'm going to say kids in the hall.
Yeah, we got that because I said it.
Now you need three other things
That Mark McKinney is in
He was on Saturday Night Live for a while
Yeah I'm gonna say not that
I'm gonna say that show he wrote
And everybody likes it
Does that count
What's it called
Shit oh it's right there
Shit show
What else you got?
You got anything else?
Because why waste time on this one if you got nothing else?
Yeah, you're right.
You know what?
I'm wasting everyone's time, and that's what I do.
I'm a failure.
No one knows that.
This lady's leaving.
Come on, man.
Dude, I'm going to get it.
Get out.
Get out.
If you can't take Mark Forward's failure,
get out.
So many people
are going to be upset I don't get this.
I feel like I'm letting my
family down.
This is like an anti-
Oscar speech. I've said one though,
right? There's no way you're going to say any of these.
Okay. So just give up.
Then I'm going to say Jim's Adventure,
Hogtown Universe,
and Old McCutcheon's Mountain.
Old McCutcheon's Mountain is one of the greatest movies I've ever seen.
All right.
The correct answers are,
is less than kind on that list? I'm going to say right Alright, the correct answers are... Is less than kind on that list?
I'm going to say right now what the correct answers are
and then you'll notice whether or not
that guess
is in here. I just wanted to show
that I might have known.
On Jeopardy, do people jump in and go
Alex, is it?
When it's already been
established that they're too late.
It's interesting when nothing happens.
Don't not talk into a microphone.
If you have something to say, say it into a microphone.
Pick your microphone up off the ground.
There you go. Lay on the ground.
It's interesting when no one talks about anything. up off the ground. There you go. Lay on the ground.
It's interesting when no one talks about anything. I'm sorry I interrupted.
The three answers that are the correct ones
are as follows.
Kids in the hall, brain candy.
Ah!
Yeah, it's come up a lot.
The poster's sitting right in front of you.
And then...
He was in a thing called The Saddest Music in the World.
It's beautiful.
Oh, okay. Guy Madden.
Yeah.
And finally, something I don't know at all,
but it seems legit.
Slings and Arrows?
That's the one!
That's the one!
That's the one!
That's the one! That's the one! That's the one! That's it, I knew it.
That's the one.
Oh, yeah. I was in that.
Anyway, can I say...
I was in that.
Did you play Sean Cullen?
How wonderful...
I can't tell each either way,
but Scott, so wonderful
that he knows everything
his friends or colleagues have done.
So it's either he's really a good friend
or he's an asshole
because he's checking up on everything they're doing.
You can be both.
I think it's both.
I think you can be both.
It's a combo.
I'd like to be part of a team like that.
Well, Scott is our winner on that game
with two points.
I better win this.
Do you guys want to do, I wrote a tiebreaker.
Do you want to do it for fun?
Yeah.
I guess.
I mean, I just like to be asked only questions about my career.
This is your seventh or eighth time on the show.
We've already done all of that.
Have we?
I don't think I've ever done anything worth talking about.
Oh, we talked about where the truth lies.
We talked about the love guru. We talked about the love guru.
We talked about the love guru.
I know what movies you've been in.
I know, see?
You're just reinforcing that I'm a failure right now.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, you're just saying.
You asked him to.
You did.
I didn't ask him to. You said, I didn't ask him to.
You said, why aren't we talking about my movies?
But those are all things that were
horrible.
I can't help it, Scott.
I can't help it, Scott and his friends have been in more movies
than you. There's nothing I can do about
that.
But you have...
All right, here we go.
Tiebreaker, even though we don't need a tiebreaker.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
What?
Sean, what do you got?
Use your microphone.
Recover your microphone. Is it Jim Carrey? Use your microphone. Recover your microphone.
Is it Jim Carrey?
That's correct.
Okay, name three more Jim Carrey things.
Dumb and Dumber.
Correct.
What's the one where he's got a green Doesn't matter at all
Just rattle off a couple of things
We'll move on to the next game
Bruce Almighty
Nope
Just think
What's the most famous comedy
That Jim Carrey's ever done
It's not The Majestic Just think, what's the most famous comedy that Jim Carrey's ever done? Oh, Pet Detective.
Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
That is correct.
And his other ones are Dumb and Dumber and The Truman Show.
Truman Show.
Truman Show.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, so like I said, Scott won that first game,
so now he gets to go first in this next game,
and it's called Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
Scott, I'm going to say a tagline from a motion picture.
Okay.
I like this one.
It's usually something on the poster or, you know,
in the advertisements, wherever.
And I have to name the name of the movie?
And then you have to, this is just for you, this one. Oh, okay. I don't have to say my name? You have to take a guess. Okay. And I have to name the name of the movie? And then you have to, this is just for you, this one.
Oh, okay.
I don't have to say my name?
You have to take a guess.
Okay.
You don't have to say your name.
I'm just going to say it right to you.
But if you don't get it, then we're going to go to Sean and Mark in that order for their chance to answer.
Okay.
What movie has the tagline, the story continues?
Could be a lot
of movies.
Well, I
guess it's a sequel.
I like the way your mind works.
It could be any.
I mean, it's not
a never-ending story didn't have
a second movie, did it?
I think it did.
Oh.
Because it's never ending.
Why wouldn't they just keep...
You're right.
Yeah, you're right.
The Story Continues?
Oh, man.
That'd be great if there was a movie called The Story Continues,
and that was the tagline.
That's the worst.
What a terrible tagline.
Yeah, it's an obscure one.
Somebody sent it to me on Twitter,
and I was like, well well I'll give it a try
So it is a sequel?
I'm not allowed to ask that question
No questions
No
Floor is closed to questions
Then I'm just going to say
I have no idea
Hair?
I love it
You establish that you think it's a sequel
Then you just go with hair.
Sean?
Well, the first one was Follicle, wasn't it?
Well, the sequel was More Hair.
Hairier.
I'm going to say Ron Burgundy.
What's the correct title of that one?
Anchorman.
Anchorman, the story continues.
Anchorman 2, the story continues.
Incorrect.
Mark?
The Never Ending Story 2.
Also incorrect.
The story continues.
That was the tagline for Rocky 2 Rocky 2
That wasn't a story
It was real life
Terrible
They call it a story
Alright we'll start back with you again
Scott you get this one first
Wow
Can we take a moment for Rocky 2? That's a terrible suggestion
and a terrible tagline.
Isn't it?
We've had too many moments.
Yeah, it's not great,
but it was one of,
you know,
it was back when sequels weren't,
they were just starting
to become more frequent,
so they just,
I guess it was,
someone sent me on Twitter
just a picture of the poster.
It's a big black poster
with Rocky and yellow lettering
at the top
and then yellow lettering in the middle
that just says, the story continues.
Sequels not that, really, they weren't that
popular then. They were a thing, but this one was
you know, of a sequel to a very
big movie, like a best picture. That was
back when black posters
didn't matter.
Black posters!
But black light posters did.
Alright. Starting with you, Scott. What movie, But black light posters did. All right.
Starting with you, Scott.
What movie, then Sean and then Mark,
what movie has the tagline,
introducing the worst team dot, dot, dot, ever?
Oh, no.
These guys are idiots.
Yeah.
It's the worst team ever.
Right?
Cool running.
Cool running?
It's about the Jamaican bobsled team?
What's the name of the movie?
Oh, no, that's not cool running.
It's the John Candy movie.
What is it?
Cool runnings.
Cool runnings.
Is that it?
No.
Sean?
Bad News Bears. No. Sean? Bad News Bears.
No.
Mark?
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
I hate this shit.
I'm going to say the A-Team.
Just because team kept popping into my head.
It turns out it's a movie that you're in,
and it's called Puck Hogs.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
It was the worst team ever.
Oh, man.
You're in a hockey movie?
I want to see it now.
I'm so excited that you're in a hockey movie
because hockey movies are like one of my favorite genres.
Really?
Yeah, Slapshot and Goon are two of my favorite movies ever.
Me too.
Oh, fuck, I love both those films.
Miracle with Kurt Russell.
Miracle, that's a good one.
Okay.
Paul Newman goes into
the owner's house and says
I just walked by your son.
That guy's going to have a cock in his mouth
before he's 14 years old.
Okay. Well, none of that
fun stuff happens in
Puck Hogs. Can I interest you in some salad dressing?
Oh my God. It's amazing.
I wouldn't say Puck Hogs is a classic, but let me...
I'd never played hockey.
And I got that part.
And I was a defenseman.
Tried to skate backwards.
Yeah.
You played Jake.
You could have started with that question.
Mark, who did you play in Puck Hogs?
I would have bowed out of this contest.
I lived in Jake for like, guys, I lived in Jake for like 10 days.
It was the toughest 10 days of my life.
You're really a method actor.
Yeah, my God, I borrowed skates from a friend
because they wouldn't give us skates
because skates were too expensive for a Canadian film.
And so my agent said, do you have skates?
And I said, no.
And he said, what size are you?
And I said, the exact same size as you.
And we make commission off his skates.
That's a fucking true story.
I love it.
Back to Scott.
What movie, Scott, had the tagline,
get ready for the summer of love?
Oh, that is hair.
It really does sound like hair, but that is not.
No, I know what it was.
It's the other one.
It's that, oh, the summer of love.
Woodstock.
The documentary.
I can't, I can't.
You already made one guess.
Oh, sorry.
But.
Oh, you can have my Woodstock guess.
But I'll still tell you that Woodstock is also wrong.
Oh, okay.
You can, Sean.
I have my wrong answer.
What do you got, Sean?
I'm going to say 1968.
The year?
There's a movie called 1968?
There's one of those.
69?
Years in there, 1969 maybe, something in there.
Okay.
But I know I'm wrong.
All right.
I quit.
Summer of 72, is that what you're thinking of?
No.
Summer of 42?
Summer of 42, yeah.
Summer of 42, then three years, 30 years later, they remade it.
Mark?
Get ready for the summer of love.
Can I ask you, are you still shitting on me right now?
Oh, you think you might be in another movie that had a summer of love in it?
Yeah.
That's not shitting on you.
That's just handing you the opportunity to have the right answer.
Yeah, I guess you could look at it that way.
It's just fun that so many people don't know the taglines of movies that they're in.
Yeah, I know.
It's hilarious.
Especially when it's your failed life.
Get ready for the summer of love.
Sounds really, like, exciting.
Wow, you really do like to get into character.
It keeps me alive.
Because I hate being me.
What?
Try being me.
That's the name of a movie?
I hate being me?
I'm going to go with...
You got any guesses?
Get ready for the Summer of Love.
I'm going to go with You got any guesses? Get ready for the summer love I'm gonna go with Touch my balls
I'm gonna take a guess
That you're fucking with me still
So I'm gonna say
No stranger than love
No stranger than love?
Yeah
That's a thing you're in?
Mm-hmm
Turns out it's something that Sean is in
It's called The Love Guru
Oh!
We never talk about the things he's in
I've never seen it
You're great as the referee
Somebody told me that they changed my voice
They had someone come in and
Voice my character for me
So I thought
How little respect
Can people have for me
I think I'm leaving
And I never watched it
I'm sorry I brought it up
I don't care, I should know
Shouldn't I?
It's my career If you've never even seen the movie You probably haven't seen the poster I don't care. I should know, shouldn't I? Yeah. I don't know.
It's my career.
You've never even seen the movie.
You probably haven't seen the poster.
Hey, you guys remember all the kids in the hall stuff?
That was awesome.
Yeah.
All right, let's start with Scott again.
The nightmare continues.
You ready, Scott?
I just realized I should quit.
I'm kind of thinking it's done.
Right now?
Yeah, I think it's time.
Tonight.
I have to take my kids home.
I have problems.
I'm just going to... I'm done.
I'm too loud.
Your kids have already Ubered home. Yeah, they've gone home. They're at
home right now, waiting. They have no keys.
I think he was an Uber.
It was a guy with a couch
and he said, can you help me with this?
Can you
help me lift this couch?
Is this a competition to find the saddest Canadian?
I guess.
It's no competition.
You started it.
I'm walking to any audition.
All right, Scott goes first this round, as always.
What movie had the tagline,
shove this up your mind?
Oh, well, that's Brain Candy.
Yes, it is.
I wrote that.
That's my tagline.
He wrote the tagline.
That's my tagline.
Oh, can't beat that.
Good one.
All right, we'll move over to Sean now,
since Scott got one.
And why is it Kids in the Hall and not the kids in the hall?
Because the show was the kids in the hall.
No, it was kids in the hall.
It was just kids, no the?
Because IMDB puts the in front of kids for the show.
I know.
And then for the movie, they don't.
I know.
Okay.
Sabotage.
That's why it bombed.
Can't stand it.
You know, I planned it.
Yeah, I'm a fan of the kids in the hall
What is this kids in the hall brain candy thing?
some sort of ripoff
Okay, Sean you get to go first
Some talents should stay hidden
Is it the Bible
Is it the Bible?
Not a bad guess, because someone pointed out recently on the Internet,
couldn't Jesus just turn the nails into something else when he was crucified?
No, because he accepted his punishment for all mankind.
Obviously, you don't understand Jesus' sacrifice.
Whoa.
I don't get it at all. I would have been fine if he'd have just
stayed home that day.
Do you know, Puck Hogs was my sacrifice to all the people.
That was the nails in my hand.
Give it a watch.
What do you think this is, Mark?
Some Tales Should Stay Hidden.
Some Tales Should Stay Hidden.
I'm going to say it's some character that has a tail and it should be staying hidden.
And it's a play on that word.
I'm going to say, I'm going to say the one with what's her name?
She was a blonde.
Daryl Hannah.
Splash.
I'm going to say Splash.
You know, they're remaking Splash with Tanning Tatum.
Channing Tatum.
Yeah.
I like to call him.
Tanning Tatum as the Merman.
Merman, yeah.
Good for them.
Yeah, no.
First Ghostbusters, now this.
Stop ruining my childhood.
It's about time.
I can't wait to see Steel Magnolias with a bunch of guys.
No. Talking about their balls and diabetes.
It would work if it was fags.
If we Steel Magnolias with five fags would totally work. Like Southern homosexuals, I don't think you'd have to change a word.
Oh, I can say fags if I want.
You can say fags if you want to.
You can leave your state behind.
Fags. All right to. You can leave your state behind. Fags.
All right.
Did I get it?
Scott, no.
Oh.
You were going to just move on without telling me I was wrong.
Is it Powder?
No.
Remember Powder?
Made by the pedophile?
Powder's a great guess, but no.
Is it Superstar?
Superstar?
Yeah.
What's her name? The Catholic school girl?
Bruce McAllen directed that.
What talents does she have that are hidden?
Pat? Is it Pat?
With her penis?
The It's Pat movie?
It's Pat? No.
No, this is a movie that Mark was
in
called The Rocker.
Oh, Jesus.
You know what?
You're so mean to me.
Hardcore logo?
You're in The Rocker.
That's a good movie.
I like that movie.
I've been on this twice and you brought up The Rocker.
It was the biggest flop.
Was that really the tagline of it?
Yeah.
Some tales should remain hidden.
That doesn't even make sense. I was in it.
Well, because the guy that plays
like, what's his name, from The Office,
he should, you know,
keep his talents hidden. Rainn Wilson.
Yeah.
He's been on this show, and
he's only been on once, and the first time he was on,
he understood all the games immediately,
and won all like he killed
It he was really great. Did you and now he doesn't return my calls. Oh
Did you use the rocker on him? No, no, no, no, I I respect that guy
So Scott is the winner of that game, everybody.
One!
I guessed my own tagline.
You really are amazing, Scott.
This game didn't exist yet.
I would have done that to him if this game existed,
but it doesn't exist.
It didn't exist.
Thanks for clearing that up.
It's been a few years.
But Scott gets to go first
in our final game that's going to determine
the winner of everything tonight
for all the old marbles.
And it's a game called
Last Man Stanton.
And Scott, what we're going to do
is we're going to get the name of an actor
or an actress from a person in the audience that I've preselected.
And I don't know what they're going to say.
And we all, I like to play along in this game.
We're all going to take turns just naming movies that person was in.
And if when it gets to you, you can't think of an answer, you're out.
Okay.
So you're out for good,
but instead of saying the wrong answer,
you can use a lifeline,
which is the person whose name tag you chose.
Oh, okay.
So you'll have to go to Miles.
Miles.
Hopefully Miles knows some shit,
and Sean will have to go to Jillian,
and Mark will have to go to Matt.
If you need it, just use it when you need it.
Okay.
How many do we get?
How many lifelines?
Only the one time.
Okay.
So keep it tight.
Oh, fuck.
And the person I picked from Twitter today, amongst many of you that suggested you have
the perfect name for this game, and thank you for reaching out to me, but only one can
be chosen.
So I went with someone whose Twitter name is It's Sean Piper.
Okay.
Where are you at?
Where are you at?
You're right there?
That's you?
Okay.
Well, Samuel Jackson, thanks for just blurting it right out.
So excited.
We will play it, but people come to me saying I've got the perfect name that's never been played before,
and we have most certainly played Samuel Jackson multiple times. We will play it, but people come to me saying I've got the perfect name that's never been played before,
and we have most certainly played Samuel L. Jackson multiple times.
But you can't just fucking change it now.
So we've got to start with, we've got to get into it, because he's made a lot of movies,
and I think we're all going to be pretty good at this. He's in every movie.
Right, so just name a movie.
What is wrong with that guy?
No, honestly, why did he sit at home and go,
I got the best one for you, Doug.
He's in every fucking movie.
But that is a good one for this game
because then there's lots of possibilities for it to go on.
We might have even broken the record on this show
of naming movies for Sam Jackson.
He might be the one we've named the most of in previous episodes.
I love hearing things
they've heard before. They love
it. So
Scott, you start us off and then
me, then Mark, then Sean.
Name any movie. It's got Samuel
L, the little known,
little seen Samuel
L Jackson.
What's in your wallet?
Pulp Fiction?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Nominated for an Oscar for that.
Lost to someone not as good.
I'll just go ahead,
and as long as we're doing those,
I'll go ahead and say The Hateful Eight.
Hateful Eight, yeah.
Imagine after I shot my mouth off. I didn't have one
He's in everything more. I'm gonna say should be pretty easy Avengers. Okay. Do I get to walk offstage?
If you'd rather not play the rest of the game you're free to leave
Shot Captain America the Winter Soldier.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, shit.
Django?
Is that it?
Yeah.
Good.
I haven't seen it.
I just, okay.
It's going too fast. Don't forget about your lifeline.
Scott, do you have another one?
He said Django.
Django. Oh, Oh sorry Django and Shane
I assume you know the other word in the title
No he didn't
Okay Scott what's the full title
Pardon me
What's the title of the movie
Oh it's not called Django
No
It's not
What other word do you think would be after Django
After Django
Yeah yeah like cause he's a slave
And at the end he's not
Django free
Django unlimited
Django Unlimited Django Free
Real quick
Sean
Real quick
Sean
Could you sing
the theme song
from Django Free
Django
Take a walk
in the park
tonight
You're free
Django You're free, Django.
Slaves.
You're a bald black man.
Slaves.
Django.
No one will be scared of you.
Used to be a slave,
but now he's free.
Django.
He's gonna be in a tree.
You're free, Django.
You're free.
Free.
Django, you're free.
Okay, so Scott, you could ask Miles to help you if you'd like.
Because that's not what it's called.
What's it called?
Django Unchained.
Django Unchained.
Yes, correct.
I didn't see that movie.
Wow, I didn't even realize that's what it was called.
I know, I love that you just, Django.
I just, I'm sorry.
I just, I don't know.
No, there's nothing to be sorry about. That's a better title, I think.
I hate titles that give away the ending.
That is a terrible title.
They could have called it Django on a Dancing Horse.
Yeah.
The dancing horse scene at the end is so stupid.
All right.
I'm going to go with The Incredibles.
Oh.
My favorite Pixar movie.
Mark?
He's amazing.
He's president in a lot of movies, isn't he?
Oh, Matt, get ready, buddy.
Has he never been president?
You yelled at this guy for naming an actor that's in too many things.
Has he never been a president?
We've all made mistakes, Doug.
He made one.
I made one.
Who's really in the wrong here? Oh, I know He made one. I made one. Who's really in the wrong here?
Oh, I know a good one.
I can just see him being the same guy in everything.
Blah, blah, blah.
He, I know he was in the other Star Wars.
No, he died in the first one.
So don't say that, Mark.
Okay.
Talk it out, Mark. Do. Talk it out, Mark.
Do you talk it out on this show, like on Millionaire?
Well, if you talk it out, well, on Millionaire, it's only one person playing,
so no one else is going to steal your answer if you talk it out.
Do you want to call a friend?
Matt, listen.
Go to your lifeline.
I love you, buddy.
I walked here.
It was two hours in that pouring heat.
You've seen my body.
You smelt it up close.
I need three more people to get to the next round, bud.
You got it?
Snakes on a motherfucking plane.
Oh, yeah.
Correct.
Take away the motherfucking...
Snakes on a plane!
Good job.
I'm winning something!
You're very far from winning this.
Sean?
Star Wars The Phantom Menace?
Mm-hmm.
Do you know which number that was?
Number one.
Oh, I see what I did wrong.
Star Wars one.
I'm sorry, everybody.
The Phantom Menace.
I said an answer and then did not choose it.
Oh, Matt!
Thanks for the Timbits!
Alright, Scott.
The pressure's on.
I'm just so afraid I'm going to say a Morgan Freeman movie.
I'm going to be called a racist.
Oh, no.
That's totally why I think...
Deep impact.
I am.
I can't remember that movie with Geena Davis, the pirate
one. Oh God, I hope
it's not a Morgan Freeman movie.
Okay, this is hilarious because
Sam Jackson is not in a pirate movie.
Cutthroat Island!
He's not in Cutthroat Island.
He's not? No.
So Scott's out and
the movie you're thinking of is The Long Kiss
Goodnight.
That's what I meant. There's no pirates in it
But it's Gina Davis
Same director
Gina Davis and the same director who she married
That's what it is
So that should count
Is that Michael Bay
Because they're connected
You can't deny they're not connected
Oh that's why I figured out where you went wrong.
Because they are very much connected.
But again, on Jeopardy, you can't
say the other movie that person was
in and have Alex go,
they're corrected. It's practically the right
answer. Roland Emmerich? Shut up, I'm
thinking!
Is it Roland Emmerich
she married?
Is it Roland?
I think she married Roland Emmerich, didn't she?
Rennie Harlan.
Rennie Harlan.
You're almost right.
You win.
Well, they're all foreign.
Hey, Mark, what do you think?
I think Sean, I think you're going to take it again.
I think you're going to win again.
That's just a feeling I have.
Because you already went to your lifeline, right, Mark?
Is it me?
Are we really at me?
I just said long kiss goodnight.
Oh, shit, my balls.
Um.
Sometimes you just don't know what you want to say. You don't know what you want to say.
You don't know what you want to do.
You just don't know what you're going to say.
And you're going to lose.
And you don't know why, but you don't know how.
Okay.
Yeah.
Anything?
Somebody just yelled out tits
I don't know how that helps
He's doing a Janet Jackson callback
Somebody wants someone else to win
Oh god
It's so painful
He was in
I love this movie
It was so great
I rented it at Blockbuster
It was so great. I rented it at Blockbuster.
It was... Guys, I'm sorry I wore shorts tonight.
Yeah.
It was so hot.
I'm going to say...
The only fucking movie I can come up with
was him and Eugene Levy,
and I can't remember the name of it,
but that's the only thing that's going in my frontal lobe.
Oh, I know which one it is. Thank you.
Yeah, and it was terrible, and he's in everything else!
I'm going to say Annie.
Annie!
Which one? The one with mostly white people or the one with the...
Well, I don't think it had a subtitle.
I don't think it said Annie, the black one.
The one with mostly white...
But I'm taking a shot in the dark.
He was in there.
No.
Ah, shit.
Good try, though.
Thank you.
Sean.
Star Wars 2, Attack of the Clones
Sean Cullen
is our winner
But all you said
was Star Wars
You said one movie
eight times
You just said Star Wars
And then
the one you were thinking of
is The Man
or He's the Man
The Man
Yeah
The Man
The Man
with Eugene Levy.
What else did we miss? Listen to this.
All I want
is to get these motherfucking
snakes off this
motherfucking plane.
Jurassic Park, you sons of bitches.
Hang on to your butts.
Have you ever sat in front of people on movie chairs
pretending you're somebody?
No!
He was amazing.
Were you making a joke by saying,
I'm Morgan Freeman?
He was yelling out, driving Miss Daisy.
Racism can be really fun if you put the right spin on it.
Was he in...
Coming to America.
Yeah, exactly.
Coming to America.
There you go.
That's a good one.
All right, so Sean is our winner.
And where is Jillian?
Come get your prizes.
You won again.
Thank you, Jillian.
You were wonderful.
And I think he was also into Sir With Love, wasn't he?
That's Sidney Poitier, maybe?
Oh, okay, whatever.
Unless he had a small part in there.
He had small parts in some things early on, like do the right thing.
Oh, do the right thing, yeah.
People are applauding Jillian as she goes back to her seat.
That's really nice.
Was he in Blackula?
I don't think so.
I think that was like in the 60s before he started.
This is a great Canadian actor moment, though.
Have you ever seen Blackula?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Gordon Pinson, who's one of the greatest Canadian actors of all time.
Is Gordon Pinson?
Is the detective in Blackula.
actors of all time, is the detective in Blackula.
And he said the greatest line he's ever had to say in front of people, in front of films,
in a film, was, who cares about a bunch of motherfucking black queens?
Like a bunch of... That's one of the greatest?
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
There are two black people.
All right, we don't...
I wasn't really hoping for a treatise on Blackula
when Sam Jackson isn't even in it.
Do they, like, cut out huge chunks of the match game
when you do that?
Do I move over? Or... Did I win something?
No, it's just
we're at the end of the show.
I'm wrapping it up.
And I don't know why
he didn't know that, but
I guess it'll be...
When you walk out when you're leaving properly,
it's not really a walkout, is it?
Like you're going...
Oh, no, he...
Like you're going, you can't fire me.
Yeah.
I quit.
Yeah.
No, he did his...
You can't fire me, I'm quit.
He...
Yay!
He waited as long as he could to walk off.
I'm just sorry I was here.
I'm sorry.
You're talking endlessly without a microphone,
so either pick up your microphone or leave.
It's super easy.
He's chosen to pick it up and leave.
No, I actually picked it up,
and now I feel like I was used.
I'm out of here.
Scott's walking, too!
I'm walking, I'm out of here.
Finally, the show I've always wanted to do.
Just me and Mark Ford, just getting closer to each other.
I haven't spent as much time with this man as I would like,
and he is a goddamn delight.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And both those guys walked out just in time to not get to plug anything.
Which is pretty much the reason you go on a podcast you don't get paid to appear on.
To promote your projects, move some units, maybe make some money to raise your children.
Oh, yeah.
Scott doesn't have children, but you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah. I can understand what you're throwing down.
What are your plugs, Mark?
What do you got coming up?
I got nothing, Doug.
I got nothing going on.
So... It's good being here, though.
I'm excited for the next round of tweets I'm going to get.
Hopefully there's people on both sides of the issue.
But I love that Scott walked out in solidarity.
That was very nice of him.
He's a groundbreaker, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm just like, oh, that's a long walk.
I'll just wait.
Your Twitter handle is MarkForward with two Ds at the end?
Yeah.
Why'd that happen? Well, because there's a MarkForward with two Ds at the end? Yeah. Why'd that happen?
Well, because there's a MarkForward that won't give it to me.
And he just sits down there in the southern United States and never tweets.
And then comments when he gets tweets sent to him about me.
And I'm going to murder that motherfucker.
sent to him about me. And I'm gonna murder that motherfucker.
I fucking hate that guy so much.
His hair is so great, though.
He's got quaffed hair.
That's all I know about him.
Isn't that funny about Twitter?
Hey, we're gonna do, like, another hour?
Um...
We're going to do another hour?
Wasn't that funny how you make snap judgments?
Based on their Twitter pic? On their profile pic?
Yeah.
You only get one profile pic.
Don't pick a shitty picture.
Yeah.
Or sounds like a nice picture if his hair is nice.
No, he looks good.
Like that.
Like in his lifestyle, he looks great.
Do you know what I mean?
Like his friends are probably like, Mark Ford, good for you.
That's the one Mark Ford.
Sounds like his friends are real forward thinkers.
Yeah, he sits around eating like, nice one.
And I got to let it go.
We don't have time for nice ones.
You really don't have anything to promote?
The Mark Forward podcast?
Yeah, there's the Mark Forward podcast, which ended.
It's 150 episodes long, and you can listen to it.
It's done?
Yeah, it's done.
It's still on iTunes.
When you're on the iTunes page, there's like in the banner,
there's a huge thing for it.
Yes.
Like it's ongoing, but it's finished.
It's finished.
I love that.
Honestly, if you haven't listened to it, give it a listen.
I'm really proud of it, but we stopped it.
And Sean Cullen has the SeanPod.
I think he still does that.
Yeah, the SeanPod.
And he's Mrs. Ian Cullen on Twitter.
Yeah.
Send your complaints to him.
And then Scott Thompson, I don't know what to plug.
He's doing a bunch of stand-up dates.
Yeah, he's got a bunch of stand-up dates.
He's probably got a Twitter also.
Yeah, he's on Twitter as well.
All right.
Well, thank you to all of my guests, Scott Thompson,
Sean Cullen, and Mark Forward.
Scott's back.
Grab a microphone.
Okay.
How can people find out where your stand-up dates are?
Oh, Scott Thompson underscore.
On Twitter. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, just say that to someone on the street
and they'll tell you. Just say,
Scott Thompson underscore, and they'll go,
yeah, he's at the comedy nest from 24th, 25th,
36th, 27th.
Scott Thompson, everybody.
There he is.
Scott's back.
Scott the Hat. Thank you! He's got the hat.
Thank you for having me on the show.
It's great to be here.
Thanks, everyone.
It's like people should take their cameras out. It's a good pose.
You just get a picture of, and you'd say,
who are the other two guys?
And then Scott Thompson.
Who's that guy with Scott Thompson?
And the other guy with Scott Thompson.
No, they'd say, oh, he's that guy from Puck Hogs.
With Scott Tompkins.
No, they'd say, oh, he's that guy from Puck Hogs.
And he's the other guy who had his voice dubbed in in Love Guru.
The guy who always clicks the mic. He's the one that looked Mike Myers in the eye and got cut from the movie.
That guy.
And people would just...
Did you walk off because you were mad that I wished you'd stop talking?
And then came back to keep talking?
I don't understand what's happening.
I'm trying to wrap up the show.
Not lucky.
Sean Cullen, everybody!
And as always,
George Lucas's, wait, George Lucas bashers are a shithead?
Yeah, nobody agrees with that.
There's plenty of room for George Lucas bashing.
And Scientology is a shithead.
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Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. today.